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yorackerman · 1 year

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i love you too, my dear.

synopsis: reiner wakes up after the attack of eren yeager and paradis island on liberio and learns from his fellow warriors that you were badly injured. upon hearing this, reiner doesn’t know what to do with himself.

cw: small mention of blood, stitches and suicidal thoughts

words: 2.2k

Reiner didn’t remember much of what happened before the raid of Liberio. He only had small glimpses of a dark cave with only him and two other people… but who were they? He recalled their presence as well as the sounds of a man speaking above them, speaking of some devils and some sins, it reminded him of what he’d heard in his childhood.

As more of his memories came back, he remembered that one of the people he was with was an old friend. Or so did the young boy next to him said… but this old friend was the same one who raided his home and killed the Marleyan army. Surely the little boy was mistaken.

He was in a deep sleep, ready to finally die when the screams of his cousin forced him back awake and he found himself controlling the armored titan again, surrounded by nothing but the ruins of his home and the bodies of his people but as he was fighting the attack titan, only one question occupied his mind: Where were you?

Then he finally woke up, his head feeling heavy and his body hurting like he had just woken up from a 2 years long coma or the worst hungover of his life. He felt that the closer he was getting to the end of his term, the more he found himself in this position, it was as if the powers of the armored titan were getting too strong for him and could no longer be sealed in his body.

His friends, or rather fellow warriors, were all in the room, except for one of them. Seeing them made him regain some consciousness and finally he was able to recall everything that had happened and he started panicking, even more so when one pointed that this was not a dream.

He asked a thousands of question, panicked and worried. When he learned that his cousin had somehow ended up with the people of the island he almost dropped dead.

But what he definitely wasn’t ready to hear was that you had been badly injured during the attack and barely made it out alive thanks to a Marleyan soldier who saved you and helped you escape before you started losing blood but were thankfully taken to the hospital on time. However, your current state was unknown.

When he heard those words coming from Porco’s mouth, he felt as if the world had stopped spinning for a few seconds and everything around him ceased to exist, throwing him into an endless pit of loneliness and darkness. His first instinct was to think that finally his punishment for his sins had arrived and to punish him for the countless of people he had killed, his most precious person would be taken away from him.

But he didn’t want that to happen. So he got up and simply asked where you were, trying his damn best to sound as composed as possible even though he felt like he was about to collapse. Obviously being a simple civilian, you weren’t in the same department as the warriors. Reiner had to walk a few minutes before finally finding your room and he felt as if those minutes were never ending. Thoughts of losing you plagued his mind and tears wouldn’t stop threatening to fall from his eyes.

When he finally got into your room, you were sitting in your bed, eating hospital rations from one hand and holding a book in your other hand. Upon hearing the door, you shot a side eye to the other corner of the room, expecting a doctor for yet another check up, but you were instead met with your dear friend’s panicked and watery eyes.

“Oh, Reiner?” Was all you said.

Upon hearing your sweet voice, the tears that had threatened to fall from Reiner’s eyes for the last 10 minutes finally fell and rolled down his cheeks. He closed the door and ran to your bed where he got on his knees and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly inside of his own.

You looked at him quite dumbfounded, not being used to such a sight from him in particular but you let him cry nonetheless, thinking that maybe he was finally ready to open up to you. You gave him a little smile and closed the book you were holding with your other hand to come and wipe his tears.

“C’mon pretty boy, I didn’t think you liked me this much.”

“I was so worried...” He sighed as more tears fell from his eyes. “Porco made it sound like you were on the verge of dying.”

“Yesterday? I was. But they took care of me all night and well… I still feel tired but it’s better.” You grabbed his cheek to make him look up to you. “I’m more worried about you, Reiner.”

He looked at you like you were the brightest star in the lonely constellation of his life, and in a sense, you were. You were but a mere civilian with no particular asset to protect you from Paradis' attack which you almost died from. Reiner was the armored titan, Marley's shield. He was far stronger, far more prepared for anything and despite all that, you were still worried about him.

Such an angel that he didn't deserve but somehow still had in his life. He forced a smile as he rubbed circles on the back of your hand. Thruthfully, he was feeling like actual trash both physicially and mentally, but he couldn't afford to tell you the truth. He needed to be strong for you, because you trusted him and he acted as your shield. If he couldn't hold on for you then who would?

"I'm fine." He spoke in a rather low voice.

He got up from his knees before pulling a chair to sit next to your bed. You observed him as he did this. You observed his tired face and weakened body. You weren't here to see it, but you guessed that he had probably taken some hard blows from Yeager. But for some reasons, he hid it from you.

"How are you recovering?" He finally asked as he sat down, the sadness he previously bore on his face now replaced with the same blank expression.

"Well..." With your free hand, you lifted your shirt to expose your main wound.

Reiner's eyes looked at the big bandage covering your waist, a bloody spot could be seen through the fabric. You then shot a quick glance at Reiner who looked once again completely devastated. You chuckled at his expression and squeezed the hand he was holding yours with.

"It hurts like a bitch." You said. "I need to limit movements so the stitches don't break".

"How did it happen?"

"One of them did this to me with their blades. Judging from their expression I don't think it was on purpose..." You shrugged.

Reiner's shoulders dropped at this and he looked at the ground, feeling in despair again. His stomach twisted in pain and a knot formed in his throat, not daring to believe or trying to grasp the fact that someone from the island, with the possibility of them being one of his former friends, had hurt you and almost killed you.

Once again he felt like the weight of the whole world rested on his shoulders. He felt that this could've been avoided if he didn't insist on carrying with the mission after Marcel died, or if he actually managed to get the founding titan. If he didn't fuck up the mission and made the existence of a world beyond the walls known by the peope of said walls, could everything have been avoided?

Could your pain have been avoided? Or was it simply karma getting back to him? Because his constant emotional despair and the suicidal thoughts that ate his brain weren't enough, he needed to suffer more? He needed to see his loved ones suffer, just like the people of the walls saw their loved ones suffer when they breached wall Maria, 9 years ago?

Before he knew it, tears started falling from his eyes again as his heart beat faster and faster. His breathing became messier as well and he soon found it hard to keep breathing steadily. You noticed his change of attitude and clear panic, so you squeezed his hand again, hoping to bring him back to reality.

Feeling your presence, he looked up at you, eyes as watery as ever and tears falling all over his cheeks again. There was truly a lot of guilt and pain that he wasn't talking about, that he refused to mention with you. You wanted to be a good friend and help him through this but how could you if he kept everything to himself ?

"Reiner... are you o-"

"I'm so sorry... It's all my fault, I..."

"Wow slow down Rei. Last time I checked you're not the one who told Yeager to raid Liberio."

Reiner expected this kind of response from you. Obviously you wouldn't understand where he came from and what he meant, how could you understand when he didn't say anything and you didn't even know a quarter of what he had seen and done back there?

He never wanted you to know these things. Perhaps because some of his actions stemed from his own weaknesses that he always wanted to keep away from you because someone's shield shouldn't have any weakness.

It was weird to him how he managed to smile fondly at you while his eyes were still crying but even in his darkest moments, your sole presence managed to ease his pain. You were his light, a small glimpse of light in the infinite darkness that surrounded him, a small glimpse of light that he held onto, that kept him alive.

You were his everything, and he always knew that. But almost losing you only made him even more aware. He realized it now that the feeling he kept hidden were far stronger than what he'd imagned.

You were beautiful, so beautifil. And he loved you, so badly. Such love couldn't be contained, not anymore. Not now that he was aware of how badly he actually loved you.

"Fuck I love you so much, if I were to lose you I would go insane."

The words came out of his mouth naturally. You raised your eyebrows at the sudden confession before smiling at the man. Saying you were happy was an understatement, for sure. But you were kind of disappointed that you needed to almost die, to hear this man finally confess to you.

"Aren't you a little bit fucked up already, though?" You asked in your usual sarcastic tone, which surprisingly made the man chuckle.

"That's not the point..." He pinched the bridge of his nose, making you laugh.

You brought his hand to your lips before pressing a gentle kiss on his skin. He looked at you with a light in his eyes you hadn't seen in a while. A light that reminded you of the optimistic and enthusiatic young boy he was before the mission on Paradis island.

You pressed another few kisses on his hand, enough to make him feel better and more relaxed before looking straight into his beautiful amber eyes with a gentle smile.

"I love you too, my dear." You said, calmly.

You marked a pause as Reiner opened his mouth to speak, but he wasn't able to emit a single sound. A light blush spread across his cheeks which brought a smile to your lips.

"And I want you to stop worrying about me and start taking care of yourself."

"I..."

"Shush."

You leaned over him and gently pressed your lips against his cheek still humid from the tears he hadn't wiped yet. You kept your face close to his as you looked at his expression go from relaxed to slightly panicked as he realized just how close you were to him.

Then your lips curled into a wide smile as you closed the distance again to press a quick chaste kiss on his lips. A short yet affectionate kiss that he didn't really get time to return because you were already back into your former position before he could even realize what had just happened.

Reiner tried to gather his thoughts but he was unable to think normally. He just looked at you, with your clueless expression, acting like nothing happened, a small and subtle smirk on your face. It's like you enjoyed messing with him and Reiner wasnt sure if he enjoyed it right now.

"You're so cute, Rei, I could eat you." You said, giggling.

Reiner chuckled. He probably enjoyed it.

God was he lucky to have you. Despite everything he had done and everyone he had lost, he still had you. You, the best thing that has ever happened to him and the only one he had not lost yet.

He didn't deserve to feel this lighthearted, but he wanted to be selfish for just 5 minutes and relish in the warm and fuzzy feeling he felt in his stomach and the ounce of normalcy he currently had because he knew that it would not last and he would soon have to act as Marley's shield again.

But for now, he didn't want to be a shield. He just wanted to be Reiner Braun and relish in the little appiness he had been granted by whoever above had pitied him enough.

#i need to give reiner a break #not my fault being miserable suits him so well tho #i still love him #i listened to classical music while writing this <3 #reiner braun x reader #reiner x you #reiner x reader #reiner braun x y/n #reiner braun x you #reiner imagine #attack on titan x reader

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