Since I just saw this reblogged, here is the scan of the article about the lapdance Patrick got on his birthday:
Yesterday, for example, was the lead singer’s birthday–he turned 22. There was no party, as such, but the band did arrange for a local stripper to give him a lapdance in the dressing room. Stump, however, spent the entire dance sending his band members a lengthy text: “I know it’s a present and everything, but I feel really uncomfortable and it’d be great if you could make her stop…” Once she left, Stump cheered up considerably and took the band out for ice cream.