ORV Characters Ranked by Least to Most Likely to Commit White Collar Crime

You guys said you wanted my ORV takes, and I try not to say things unsolicited, so I'll drop the good meta-analysis and literary criticism that I'm known for. For comedy purposes please pretend that ORV is American.

Omniscent Reader's Viewpoint characters broken down by likelihood to commit white collar crime, least to most:

Lee Hyeonseong: he's convinced that he's never committed a crime in his life. Intentionally, of course not. Unintentionally, he takes shopping for groceries extremely seriously, and is sometimes so wrapped up in the fruit inspection experience that he'll leave without paying. Due to his innocent face, bulk, and sheer confidence, he's never caught. In an economically thrifty maneuver, KDJ always sends him on snack runs for parties and texts him math problems while he's there. He insists it's like couponing. It's not couponing.

Jeong Huiwon: similarly, of course she would never choose to commit a crime. Also similarly, when KDJ says, 'Hey, wanna commit a crime?' she always participates. Since the crime is normally targeted at rich people, KDJ can usually morally justify it to her. She calls this harm reduction. It's not harm reduction.

Lee Jihye: would love to commit a crime in theory, almost never in practice. She has an idealized image in her mind of the ideal high school experience and it involves grand theft auto. However, the worst she ever gets is breaking & entering and trespassing, mostly because she didn't stop to wonder if the building was abandoned or not. She can't even shoplift from Claire's.

Shin Yuseung: the kind of kid who sets the dissection frogs in the school laboratory free. Looks up illegal exotic animal trading on the deepweb and sighs in longing. But exotic pet trading isn't very Animal Rights of her, so she just leaks information to the CIA and busts the rings. Lee Gilyeong convinces her to track down shady sellers on Craigslist and bust their kneecaps. Neither of them view this as significantly different from the dissection frog liberation. KDJ gets her a rescued exotic cat for her birthday as a reward.

Lee Gilyeong: self-explanatory.

Han Suyeong: she's been pirating media since she was eleven and has never stopped. World-class expert in pirating everything. She's the unsung hero who rips the CDs and games and puts them online. Runs the pirating websites. Has never paid for a webnovel or manwha or manga in her life. Despite this, she insists that pirating books is immoral and that people should support small authors. The FBI knows she exists and has been trying to catch her for years. She brags about this constantly.

Yoo Sangah: has committed tax fraud before, will commit tax fraud tomorrow, is currently committing tax fraud. Embezzles her company's embezzlement. Insists that she's only committing victimless crimes, mainly because she doesn't view business executives as people. Her ability to evade the IRS is mythological and it's how KDJ got a crush on her.

Yoo Junghyeok: does not understand adult life well enough to knowingly commit any sort of white collar crime. He is this high on the list because he enables and helps KDJ in literally everything he does, especially using his clout as an influencer. This is because KDJ has convinced him that these things aren't crimes, and he doesn't understand adult life well enough to figure it out.

Kim Dokja: has done every white collar crime under the sun. I can't emphasize enough how much crime he does. He's currently blackmailing SYS's college tuition out of a US Senator. HSY makes the shell companies and launders so much money with him. Alternates between running a pyramid scheme and a ponzi scheme depending on the month. Started a cult that one time but we don't like to talk about that. Runs the betting ring for YJH's esports games. Fixes the games. YJH does not know he does this, but KDJ splits the profits and Yoo Mia also needs a college tuition so he decides not to think about it too hard. Big into crypto and runs every crypto scam you can possibly think of, which is normally where the the ponzi schemes come in. Steals YJH's identity often. Somehow everything he does is technically legal. The only crime he does not commit is pirating. Exclusively targets the wealthy and ultra-wealthy and has never stolen money from a poor person. Sugar daddies all of his friends and pays all college tuitions. Anonymously yet obviously sponsors huge amounts of money to YJH's Twitch streams, mostly in apology for the ID theft. Would really rather be living a quiet life in a big house with all of his friends, but that big house ain't gonna pay for itself.

one last thing I will say on that topic. Americans getting upset about you calling out Zionism. When you're not talking about Judaism or in fact, about religion at all. When you're talking about a national military funded by a country that has been dropping bombs on the middle east since the 1980s. But then I suppose when people who are so so so comfortable with equating a whole religion, or further a whole entire group of multiple ethnicities, with simply 'terrorism', are criticised on any aspect of their wrongdoings of course they must think we're talking about their whole religion. Literally every word is a projection.

one time when i was around six years old, i got bored and decided it was my favourite teddy's birthday. so, i decided to make a card. i spent about an hour colouring everything in, making huge bubble writing, drawing pictures. i showed it to my parents, they read it aloud, and that was when i realised the front said "happy birday".

im being fully a hater right now but i fucking hate when people ignore the context and implications of a setting in order to shoehorn in whatever theyre after

American vs European discourses always make me laugh. They’re having an Evil-Off

am i the only one who gets slightly irritated (read: irrationally irritated) when americans are discussing american issues amongst themselves and some european has to come in like “WELL ACKULLY all you dumb americans are wrong and stupid and also fat cant forget to mention that and LET ME TELL YOU why your experience is Wrong” like please...shut up....please god...

When your mutual reblogs a post about 'agents' on tumblr trying to convince people not to vote so now you have to unfollow them😔

also i’m desi if you didn’t know and i’m still so mad at that ask like wtf is wrong with people

Me when I see people espouse comedically inaccurate or shallow readings of a text that in all actuality just belie an even more profound trend regarding a refusal to seriously engage with a text's themes

A) you ain’t wrong that is the true football (and where American football actually draws it roots lol that and rugby)

B) soccer is the old Brit slag term for it and every single one of them that calls it “football” n complains abt those who call it soccer are little bitches who need to Shut

C) luv u <3

pls is the name soccer actually british. the irony. they really can’t help themselves huh

Today I learned that Pikas were called "Little Chief Hares" and that even their scientific name can be translated as "Prince Pika".

im at work and my office has girl guide cookies and im so excited to have them ive missed them so much! truly the best

Actually no himenoeatmyass Im not laughing about the destruction of my country's welfare state

If i was a breakfast food, I would be fruit loops cereal because they’re colourful and bright and I absolutely hate them with my whole entire being.

Context: When i was in America for one day (i was then going to fly somewhere else) I had fruit loops for breakfast and WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING CHRIST WHY ARE THEY LIKE THAT there’s sugary foods and then theres that monstrosity. I love sugary stuff - BUT NOT LIKE THAT , WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU AMERICAS REGULARLY PUTTING IN YOUR BODY how are you all not dead yet ?

Me at Harald’s statement about Märtha Louise and her fiancé.

Can anyone explain to me why I, as an American, should give a single flying fuck about the Norwegian royal family?