#this is unfortunately what im like
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility#but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone#i am an environmental educator#so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering#that people are going through#without doing my research and providing real ways to help#this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning#to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering#unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this#and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this#and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity#(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself#for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion#i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out#rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free#is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i#which is more than their CEOs can say
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DO NOT BE AFRAID
this is combining Ovid's Heroides and the Excidium Troie because I can't stop thinking of Hermes telling him not to be afraid. what the fuck!! Ares is wearing the crown that Paris gave him.
I have. thoughts. about Paris. he's almost got this Troilos parallel in my mind, that the event that defines him in detail exists in a lost narrative that we don't have (the Cypria), but everyone else knew. the event that defines Troilos is his death (murdered, butchered by Achilles, the violence of which haunts everything after. Achilles, child killer, you can't escape that!), and the event that defines Paris is the Judgement. what's a lost text but a kind of grave!!
idk I don't think that Paris before the Judgement would recognize himself after bc when you become god touched, it rearranges your guts. you become transformed in the worst way possible! how could you recognize yourself! but I also think that all the Parises after the Judgement would recognize each other because that event is so locked into the trauma of war and the scar it leaves on the land, it's like a scar on the narrative too. it exists like this forever, over and over again, so you exist like that forever too. Troy collects grief and despairs.
Troy as trauma: Reflections on intergenerational transmission and the locus of trauma, Andromache Karanika
and Paris is like. a miserable little god/corpse-puppet or something, like a match for the gods to throw onto gasoline.
The Excidium Troie + Ovid's Heroides:
Excidium Troie, trans. Muhammad Syarif Fadhlurrahman
Ovid, Heroides 16 (trans. Harold Isbell)
a collection of things regarding Paris that made me go 😬 but under a cut bc this is getting. very long.
The Divine Twins in Early Greek Poetry, Corolla Torontonensis
Iliad 24 and the Judgement of Paris, C.J. Mackie
Elegy and Epic and the Recognition of Paris: Ovid "Heroides" 16, Elizabeth Forbis Mazurek
Ennian Influence in "Heroides" 16 and 17, Howard Jacobson
Paris/Alexandros in the "Iliad", I. J. F. de Jong
#long post#paris of troy#komiks tag#it's all greek to me#like. DISTANTLY. its#the iliad#drawing tag#listen i know it's fun to dunk on paris. but im a chronic killjoy. i know its cringe. mea culpa etc#i would love. I WOULD LOVE. to draw a comic and not have the commentary notes be longer than the comic itself#unfortunately i like to read and i cannot stop talking about things that i read. so this will not be changing.#ngl i keep hearing the last line 'my brother says you are a just judge' as 'and brutus says he is an honorable man' and that's smth for sur#god i wish this was shorter but then i remember it could've been longer bc i started drawing this while watching#some excellent korean horror but then i looked at myself in the mirror and said 'no. get your shit together.'#but that show is what sparked this. the themes. god i love shows. a round of applause for tv shows.#in a different world theres a version of me that didn't exercise self restraint and there's 30 screen caps from a horror show here too
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every wednesday i fantasize about running away to clown school
#its so unfortunate that im serious. so serious hehe :)#what about wednesday makes me feel like being a clown is the best possible way forward#i would give myself the name bubbles and i would do many bubble tricks#i also know how to make balloon dinosaurs!! and im good at face paint#ill get such good grades at clown school i know it#ztext
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PAIN AND TORTURE AND MISERY AND AGONY AND SUFFERING AND TORMENT AND HORROR AND DESPAIR AND
they thought they were soooooo funny for this didn't they. what the fuck. they really just showed me this scene and expected me to stay normal for the rest of my life. wa haht thef uck
#min watches one piece#I HONESTLY LIKE. NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHETHER ODA WROTE THIS S CENE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE OR NOT#OR MAYBE HE WAS LIKE LAUGHING .HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING#WTF#NOT FUNNY DIDN'T LAUGH CRIED KEPT CRYING S TILL CRYING#unfortunately not live r eaction it's been a weeksince i saw this ep i just needed to post about it because. im thinking about it again#one piece#op#brook#episode 380#thriller bark
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"ooooh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!"
They'd be good friends I like to thinmk
#hoppy being very super touchy when happy or excited#catnap being touch averse with some exceptions (and preferring prior warning)#hoppy forgetting this fact and grabbing n' tugging him around when she gets excited anwyas (she'll apologize later)#they're so sillyyy#all the ways the critters get along on a one by one basis is so interesting to me I like to think about what makes them all click#im rambling again oops oops hoppy catnap friendship is also peak i take no criticism /silly#poppy playtime#poppy playtime chapter 3#smiling critters#smiling critters fanart#catnap#hoppy hopscotch#poppy playtime fanart#sorry for disappearing for half a week I got sick and then just. didn't really draw sorry about that one chat#thats pretty normal behavior for me actually dw if I ever go silent for a while that's my norm unfortunately
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screenshot redraw! though i took creative liberty in making it rain here even though it isnt (yet) in the screenshot bc i thought it'd be cool (i also enjoy drawing water droplets)
there are two versions of the drawing here, the first one is edited for mobile to get it to look closer to my intended colors, while the second one is the original from my computer. the third image here being the original screenshot, lol
#my art#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#juri arisugawa#hate how different the computer vs mobile colors are... the original looks so dark on my phone </3#my computer always displays colors lighter than they appear so unfortunately a lot of my drawings look darker than intended on mobile#sometimes the difference isnt too bad but this time it was. pretty obvious#hence two versions of the drawing#anyway im very happy with how this turned out#the original screenshot just stuck with me and. im not sure what it is about it that i like so much#but i just really wanted to draw it#still got two other rgu related drawings to finish but at least i got one done#anyways its 3 am... time for me to depart to eepytown#2023
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music is entirely subjective and it's literally impossible for anyone to have 'incorrect' opinions on what is and what isnt a good song. except for people who disagree with me personally, who are in a unique position to be Wrong. btw
#im listening to conan grays new album bc i swore loyalty to him on youtube back in 2016#and bc ive seen a lot of people say they didnt like it much when the singles have been some of his most interesting work so far#not all of his music has been my cup of tea over the years but whats not to like about this album!!#you dont like it when the curly haired boy sings low notes to 80s sounding backing tracks? you dont like synths? beepbeepboopboop?#unfortunately you are wrong. and i am right#personal
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the only person in fontaine who i think should have visibly shredded abs is clorinde. look. listen. i have an essay
furina has maintained a performer’s figure for a long time but she’s more of an actress and singer than a dancer. she has the muscle tone of a macaroni noodle, and also her body composition is 80% pastry. but you know what we love her for that
navia is definitely deceptively strong for her hyper femme presentation. girlie puts in the work! shes not a gym rat tho. she has better things to do, and macarons to bake
wriothesley you could definitely make a case for more than the others, but also, consider this. he’s not a mangy half starved wolf anymore. he’s comfortable, he can get whatever he wants from the kitchen staff, he puts sugar in his tea. it’s not like he’s lost any of his combat edge but he doesn’t HAVE to be a lean mean fighting machine anymore, he has other strengths, and he likes it that way!
neuvillette is the world’s most pampered dragon. furina summoned him 400 years ago and proceeded to spend those 400 years ordering him premium water and making him do paperwork and try fancy foods with her. he does not want to go outside, except if it is to swim. you may not like it but this is the ideal sea-animal-guy body type (strong swimmer muscles smoothed over by a layer of squish, like a seal)
sigewinne is literally a marshmallow have you ever seen a ripped melusine I don’t think so. but that wasn’t in question, right?
clorinde though!! clorinde. duelist and bodyguard supreme, a well known figure whose athleticism is highly publicized. she doesn’t HAVE to have abs, but she’s definitely the fontaine character I would most readily believe does
#i can’t sleep and unfortunately this is what happens 👍#apologies to Charlotte and the sibling trio who I do not have clear thoughts on#blazie speaks#genshin impact#I feel very strongly abt neuvillette ppl love to draw him with washboard abs and fhays fine but when I see him im like#who is that#abs discourse
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kny au where hashira zoro loses the love of his life in a demon ambush... and finds him again, also in a demon ambush.
#zosan#roronoa zoro#sanji#one piece#au#zs#zoro/sanji#zosan kny au#this was a funny outcome of me tripping over my cosplay swords. there happened to be three and one of the sheathes were white#and my dumb ass goes “haha au where zoro is a swordsman” and i was like. what the fuck#anyways this is self infulgent#im so sorry to my audience who did not come for zosan but unfortunately im in love and less ashamed than u think#zorosanji#zoroxsanji
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Being in the twewy fandom while knowing nothing about Kingdom Hearts is such a bizarre experience because no one you follow is ever just a casual kh fan. They're all in the fuckin trenches crawling out every two weeks to string together some of the most incomprehensible posts to ever grace mankind's dashboard like wtf is a Baldr. Stairs? There's some bald old man named Xanax or whatever the fuck and maybe he's kissable? Every now and again someone will make a post with a really heavy emotional tone like "Omg when Glup Shitto went darkheart and Scrimbly Jim had to nort him 😭😭" and then the image below it looks like it came from a gatchalife youtube sketch. I'm glad you're all having fun I just desperately wish I understood what you're talking about like even a little bit.
#!!DISCLAIMER!! THIS IS ALL MEANT LIGHTHEARTEDLY#Im sure kh is a fantastic franchise#unfortunately every time I look at it its like staring straight down into a bottomless ocean trench#the more I see the less I understand#I WOULD like to get into it I Im just intimidated by the sheer amount of games and the debate on what order to play them in#I like that little freak Baldr though#can I see more of him
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i think if you put these two in a room together and came back ten minutes later you would find it fully burnt to the ground
#i just want to know what would happen. like a lab experiment#they would be each other’s worst enemies. and each other’s greatest allies#on another note i just finished the church and state ep of succ . and hey? im a wreck#so reallt great news there unfortunately i watched it while i am in an emotional whirlpool as is i don’t know why i did that to myself#fleabag#roman roy#succession
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it is so embarrassing to be a danganronpa fan who is tragically fascinated by all the most cringe characters. when your top ten characters of all time list contains nagito komaeda.... how do you live with that. how do you live with yourself. I'm not ashamed of it exactly but when a normal person like say, my roommate, watches me put up my large poster of him up over my bed in deafening silence.... how do you recover from that. please tell me because I really need to know
#I think the answer is to just live cringe and free#but I am unfortunately burdened by the greatest despair of all#and that is Caring What Other People Think Of Me#danganronpa#danganronpa 2#nagito komaeda#I tried so desperately to not like kokichi ouma too. but Im a weak willed cretin#and my love of deranged lunatics cannot be understated#I am cringe I am legion
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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Sorry I forgot Hanneman suggested Byleth undress after they show up with a different hair color. And I miss Hanneman. And also while swapping between Houses and Hopes and seeing Hanneman pop up to help in a Hopes paralogue is just devastating since he doesn't ever actually join you at all and I am denied my old man rights.
So I had to draw this. Thank you for understanding.
#fe three houses#byleth#hanneman von essar#i like that Byleth just kinda stares at him and he realizes WHAT HE SAID and the implications and is like#step back uh forget that I said that#like man so zoned in on research he blurts that out and has to backtrack mentally to AH socially bad to say that my bad#if i need to tag this as anything lemme know even though it is a conversation in game basically (minus the marriage)#also if you have never married hanneman i genuinely enjoyed his s support and was VERY surprised and hes just#honestly one of my favorites overall in 3h ?? and im still bummed i cant play as him in thropes like thats just mean#also i think if byleth was like oh well if its awkward to see someone undress randomly#then marriage would solve the awkwardness this is truly the best deduction#which is really funny that i can see it happening with both leths despite my hc of them#with fyleth as bi and myleth as ace i think both would just be like AH cool we can avoid awkwardness by marriage#and hanneman just wants to go lie down in a ditch because he said something like that#and and byleth doesnt even know about religion while working at church school they dont know about school regulations#that wasnt really on their mind to check ok just saying you could tell byleth no to something#and then they just go oh school policies i understand unfortunately#and the person is like no we just meant its frowned upon to do archery practice in the tea garden its not technically illegal just dont??
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Coukd i get Milky way cookie art? [^_^]/
Sure thing!! (っ^ w ^)っ i'm actually working on my milkyway cosplay rn, so this doodle felt nice to draw!!
#going to a con this friday for the entire weekend im so EXCITE#cand posts#cand arts#cand answers#milky way cookie#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#unfortunately- i feel like the combined price of what i paid for the ticket and my share of the hotel mony#is probably much more than im gonna spend on the actual con.. ( ･ั﹏･ั)
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