#this is the new funniest shit I’ve ever seen
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diagnosing la’an with lesbian
#this post is brought to you by me watching snw and thinking she’s neat :)#but also. everyone on that ship is a lesbian.#the next pike family dinner he says during his speech we’re all lesbians here#and hemmer and Spock nod along#anyway Star Trek snw is so fun!!!! it’s so funny I spend every episode laughing my ASS off#they think they are being serious but it’s the funniest fucking idea I’ve ever seen!!!!#love that I love dramatic shit that is objectively hilarious#lydia rambles#strange new worlds
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go-go dancer!
i’m your go-go dancer, credit card romancer!
megumi fushiguro x next door neighbor! reader
author’s note: this the longest fic i’ve written in years LMAO.. been deliberating this concept since september
word count: 10.7k
MDNI! all characters are 18+
major inspo: midnight answer by @/hellokittyheat on AO3, go-go dancer and lolita (demo 4) by LDR.
warnings: megumi is sooo sexually frustrated, masturbation, oral (m + f receiving), unprotected sex, double creampie. reader has nipple piercings
listen along:
when megumi fushiguro moved out of gojo’s house at age twenty-one, he did not expect that he’d wind up in this kind of situation.
he felt like a pervert, wishing that his new neighbor had something darker than sheer curtains. he hadn’t even met you yet, and he’d already seen far more of your body than he should. still, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight from the first floor next door. it was like you were teasing him, constantly running around the house in nothing but a lace bra and panties.
he watched curiously as you threw clothes across the room, obviously irritated as you picked out your outfit. you tutted in annoyance at the lack of options, before finally settling on yet another tiny black skirt.
you considered it to be drab, uninspired even. megumi however, was raising a brow at the tiny scrap of fabric you were shimmying over your hips. he stood in front of his window, clearly entertained as he watched you bend over in front of the mirror.
you shrugged your shoulders, content with the way it flattered your ass, at least.
unaware that you had an audience, you rushed to throw on a low-cut top and find your shoes before you ended up being late.
if you had known, you probably would’ve risked missing your shift just to see the priceless look on your hot neighbor’s face.
the front door of your apartment slammed shut as you made your way to the car. he could hear every shuffle of your slippers against the pavement, and he couldn’t help but wonder where you disappeared to every friday and saturday night in such a hurry.
perhaps he’d ask you, someday.
if he ever got the guts to talk to you in the first place.
the first time you introduced yourself to him, he had started to question his own judgment when it came to what he knew about you. you were so kind, and more reserved than he expected. your crimson lips lifted into a gentle smile as you spoke your name, asking for his shortly after. the soft, melancholic melody of your voice met his ears, and it sent a jolt of electricity through his spine.
it was a far cry from anything he could've expected from peeping through your window. he felt guilty for assuming anything of you, especially when you greeted him with a smile and a plate of warm cookies.
nobara and yuji thought it was the funniest shit they’d ever seen, watching his cheeks burn with shame as he closed the front door with baked goods in hand.
it hadn’t helped that you were wearing a low-cut tank top and the tiniest shorts he’d ever seen. he’d spent most of his adolescence relatively sheltered, and he’d never paid the women in his life much mind.
that all changed a few days later when you practically pulled his face into your cleavage, spinning him around in a crushing hug after he pulled your cat out of a tree.
you had become a consistent presence in his life since you first introduced himself to him, and he now found himself regretting taking those cookies out of your hands on that fateful day. a gentle breeze of vanilla wafted through his nostrils in the gentle spring wind as you spun him around in circles enthusiastically.
something had changed, he just didn’t know what. you were less withdrawn than before, almost like you had grown comfortable in his presence within a few days. his assumption was mostly true, save for one piece of information.
you had started to like seeing the blush dusting over his cheeks whenever you spoke to him. you liked it a little too much, it seemed. any intention you had to keep to yourself went quickly out the window when you realized you wanted to know as much as you could about him.
you couldn’t help but try to get him to open up to you, or look at you for just a moment.
so as of late, you had been playing it up just a little. you could’ve sworn he saw the hearts dancing around in your irises every time his dark eyes met yours.
him coming to your rescue in a time of need was just the icing on the cake of the situation.
you were so grateful for his help, so thankful that he’d been there to save the day. your tone was syrupy sweet as you showered him with gratitude, pressing his arm between your breasts as you led him towards his front door.
he’d fallen into your trap, he just didn’t know it yet.
“god. she’s really laying it on thick, isn’t she?” nobara and yuji chuckled amongst themselves. yuji shrugged his shoulders, before picking up your purring calico.
“can’t help that megumi’s oblivious.” was his reply, followed by another less-than-subtle jab to his friend. “that boy couldn’t take a hint if it saved his life.”
“that’s a fucking understatement.” nobara mumbled under her breath, waving to the pair as they approached the doorstep. “do you think she’s in over her head?”
“dunno.” he whispered back, scratching gently into your cat’s soft fur.
they watched you thank him profusely with stars shining in your eyes. meanwhile, megumi was trying really hard to keep his eyes from falling to your tits.
the entire situation resulted in an onslaught of teasing and laughing as soon as they crossed the threshold of his apartment.
“your face is red.” his peach-haired friend mocked, plopping himself down on megumi’s sofa.
“thanks for pointing that out, dickhead.” he frowned, causing nobara to burst into another fit of laughter.
for a man who was known for being oblivious, even he knew what he was falling into. he didn’t really want it to end, either. however, he was worried about the potential escalation if he didn’t keep himself in check.
perhaps you were just fucking with him, and it would come to an end when you got bored. there wasn’t any way in hell that you were being serious, right?
he hoped that this moment would be the worst of it, but he’d soon be proven wrong.
as spring turned to summer, he started to regret moving out in the first place. it was excruciating to watch you sunbathing in the grass, wearing nothing but a tiny red bikini. you had to be doing this on purpose, he realized. he just didn’t have any proof, and it was driving him insane.
“megumi!” you called out innocently, beckoning him towards you with sunscreen in hand. fuck. he was so screwed. “i need your help!”
he let out an audible groan as he crossed into your yard, already knowing what you were going to ask him to do.
“can you get my back?” your question caused megumi to flush all over, and he nodded after a moment of hesitation. of course he’d be willing to help his friend, even if he thought you were doing this purely to drive him to the brink of insanity.
you rolled over onto your stomach, your ass on display for him as he tried to keep himself focused. the dark haired man squeezed the tube of sunscreen, warming it up with his hands before his fingers began to move over your back with unnecessary caution.
you let out a small gasp when his hands pressed into your lower back, rubbing the lotion into your soft skin. he could feel your breathing pick up as his hands traveled up your spine. calloused fingers pressed into the knots woven into your shoulders, then gently passed over your shoulder blades.
he was trying to be respectful, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from darting downward. he had to keep tearing his eyes away, and he sighed in relief when he finally accomplished your request.
he rose to his feet, trying his best to keep his thoughts innocent as you offered a sweet and honest “thank you!”
he watched you relax into the plush towel laid out across the grass, and nearly stumbled over the ledge of the concrete on his way back to his front door. he turned himself back around, focusing too closely on the ground to keep himself from tripping.
he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.
he had been avoiding treading outside after that moment, petrified that you’d appear next to him to taunt him with more of your innocent teasing.
he couldn’t bear to look at you, overwhelmed with guilt from every time had imagined your cute little smile while he had his dick in his hand. things had gotten too out of hand too quickly, and he didn’t know how to deal with the feeling of attraction to you blooming deep within his gut.
the next time he caught sight of you, it was approaching three a.m. on a saturday morning. he looked over the railing of the porch, watching your car pull into the parking space across the street. he raised an eyebrow when you got out of the car, not missing the clicking of your platform heels against the pavement. he’d seen you in a lot of revealing outfits, but this time was.. different. he spotted the subtle shine of glitter all over your skin and nearly started drooling when you stopped in front of the door to take off your shoes.
you leaned down to remove the buckles and he watched in horror as your skirt crawled up the back of your thighs. the seam of the fabric barely covered the swell of your ass, leaving him at a loss for words.
once again, it felt like you were teasing him to death without even trying.
he wondered where you had been for the last few hours, as he hadn’t seen you leave. you looked tired, but not intoxicated in any way.
peculiar.
still, he didn’t pay it much mind as he walked back inside his apartment. megumi looked up at the clock, and let out a groan as he read the time.
so much for getting up early tomorrow. he frowned, kicking off his slippers as he crawled into bed.
he went to bed that night dreaming about you bent over in front of him, skirt pulled up over your hips with his hands fisted into your hair.
his beauty sleep was interrupted by the sound of a lawn mower revving next door, and he let out a groan as he pulled his pillow around his ears.
of course. he sighed, scrunching his nose in annoyance as he stared up at the clock.
after a few moments of grumbling, he finally pulled himself out of the comfort of his plush bedding. a loud yawn reverberated off the walls of the hallway as he shuffled his way to the kitchen.
he glared out the window as he filled up the coffee pot with water, only at that moment realizing that the loud noises from the mower had ceased.
megumi grimaced when he saw you chatting with his sister on your front lawn. she must have dropped by to see him, and couldn’t keep herself from saying hi to his cute neighbor. she’d undoubtedly tease him for it later, and he closed the curtains with a frown.
around ten minutes later, he heard a knock on his front door. when he opened it, tsumiki’s face was stretched into a large shit-eating grin.
“i met your neighbor.” were the first words out of his sister’s mouth, not a ‘hi’ or ‘how are you?’ he let out a big sigh as she continued. “she’s cute. really cute.”
“i know what you’re trying to do, and the answer is no.”
“seriously? you haven’t had a girlfriend in what, ever? and you're telling me you’re not even going to try?” her questioning earned her a frown, followed by a scoff.
“that’s none of your business, tsumiki.”
his eyes widened when his sister looked out the window, and a smirk appeared on her face. it was obvious she’d taken notice of the way that his window lined right up with yours.
“hmm.” was all she replied with, and she took a seat on the couch. “how’s gojo?” she asked, changing the subject that she knew megumi wouldn’t budge on.
“he’s fine. reeling with separation anxiety, but he’s fine.” satoru had a horrible case of empty nest syndrome, wondering what he did wrong for his adult, adopted children to leave him alone in his gigantic apartment. “you should go see him, he misses you.”
“absolutely not. he’ll try to convince me to move back in with him. he needs a distraction or something.” tsumiki groaned at the idea, even though she had the utmost respect for the man who had taken them both in.
instead, she traveled to the kitchen to heat the meal she’d brought for her brother.
the duo sat in silence, snacking on leftovers as the tv drawled on in front of them. it was nice to have his sister there, even if she spent most of their time together probing him with uncomfortable questions.
a few hours later, the eldest had left him alone in his apartment once again.
he rose to his feet and made his way to the kitchen, looking over at the mountain of dishes piled into the sink. he turned on the faucet and took a moment to mull over his sister’s questions from earlier. dishware clinked against the metal of the sink as he contemplated her words.
he supposed she had a point. what was he waiting for? he’d never given anyone the time of day, let alone had them consuming his thoughts when they weren’t around. you had a particular knack for making him nervous, and he didn’t know how to kick his habit of becoming a stuttering mess around you.
the thought of you alone sent a blush over his cheeks. his large hands reached to turn off the running water. he took a few steps closer to the dining room table, and his eyes darted towards the open window.
he couldn’t keep his curiosity at bay and slowly pulled open his curtains to see what was happening across the way.
you were sitting on the countertop, phone pressed to your ear as you swung your bare legs back and forth. you were having quite an animated conversation, he could tell. he watched you roll your eyes, contemplating words that he couldn’t hear.
you paused for a moment and hopped off the counter to open the fridge. he sucked in a breath when you leaned forward, giving him a perfect view of your ass.
“holy shit,” he muttered, putting his hands over his eyes before pulling his blinds closed.
he was in over his head, and he didn’t know how to deal with your growing presence in his mind. it was almost like his brain was his own personal prison, trapped in a cell and forced to watch an endless reel of the precarious situations you’d put him in.
the next few days were absolute torture, and the summer heat had made his already building frustration so much worse. you spent hours of the day in the bright sunshine, working up a sweat as you tended to the lawn. your choice of attire made him drool from his seat at the kitchen table. against his better judgment, he got more comfortable in his chair as you leaned down to pull weeds from the garden.
he wasn’t the only person who was stopped in their tracks when you bent over. across the street, an older gentleman was being pulled by his dog as he stood mesmerized by the sight.
you looked over your shoulder, catching sight of his dark hair through the window. you snickered to yourself, arching your back as you dug further into the dirt with your hands.
he was playing right into your hands.
you wiped a bead of sweat off your brow, rising to your feet a few moments later. you made sure to lean in megumi’s direction as you reached for the bag of lawn debris, making him regret sitting down in the first place.
the next day, he had the misfortune of going out to grab the mail. he hadn’t made it very far before he caught sight of you, causing him to flush.
large sunglasses framed your face as you pruned the shrubs in front of your door, and you gave megumi a small wave when you spotted him on his porch.
“good morning!” you chirped, a large pair of trimmers in hand as you pulled your glasses up to look at him. it wasn’t anywhere near morning, but you could tell that he had just woken up. his hair was still messy from hours of rubbing against the pillow, and you gave him a little smile as you admired his sleepy features.
“morning.” he choked out in reply. he tried to keep his eyes off you as he wandered to the mailbox, but he was failing in every sense of the word.
“any plans tonight?” you called out to him with a grin as you watched him attempt to sneak back into the house.
“going out with some friends. do you have plans?” he didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer to his question, but he proceeded to ask it anyway. he shamefully had your weekend routine damn near memorized, but had yet to figure out where you went after her car door slammed shut.
“nope, just working. i’ll see you later?” that caused him to raise an eyebrow, followed by a couple lazy nods of the head.
he was too busy contemplating your words to think of a reply. he didn’t really have the chance to, either. he looked at the time, groaning to himself as he walked back inside.
it was already pushing three in the afternoon by the time he managed to pull himself out of bed to grab the mail in the first place.
he was going out in an hour, and the apartment was trashed. his stomach grumbled angrily, and he let out a sigh as he walked towards the fridge. a frown fell over his features as he stared at the bottle of chili sauce accompanied by nobara’s forgotten wine. he found himself fortunate enough to find some chicken in the freezer, but the lack of vegetables was proving to be rather disappointing.
great. he grumbled to himself as he closed the fridge with a slam. the cabinet didn’t have much either, save for a couple packets of noodles. he really needed to go grocery shopping, but hated the grocery store more than anything in the entire world.
so instead, he reached for a pan and went to work browning the chicken. he was thankful that tsumiki had brought a collection of seasonings for him after his first week living alone. at least he had something to offset the taste of freezer-burnt poultry.
after a while of glaring at the pan, he was finally getting somewhere. he reached for a pot, and filled it with water. unfortunately, he’d filled it up just a tad too much. he groaned at the puddle on the floor, and dropped the pot on the burner with a defeated look on his face.
a towel was thrown onto the ground with a huff, and he grimaced at the feeling of cold water hitting the plush fabric of his socks. he was soaking wet from the collar of his shirt down, and he still had the puddle to attend to.
the chicken wasn’t anywhere near done, and now he had to change to top it all off. he turned down the stove a bit, and shuffled to his room in an attempt to find something to wear to the club later that night.
when he returned to the pan about twenty minutes later in a new set of clothes, the chicken was still nowhere close to being golden brown. with a roll of the eyes, he abandoned his post for a moment to turn on the television.
even then, it wasn’t very entertaining for him. a few minutes passed, before his curiosity got the better of him. he could hear the slow rhythm of the song that he knew was your favorite from across the way, and couldn’t keep himself from walking towards the window. the curtains were pulled aside to reveal you dancing along to the music booming through your apartment.
your hips swayed in tandem with the music, and he watched curiously as you stretched your arms up. he watched you bend down to touch your toes, and he watched your body relax as you stretched out your sore muscles.
it had appeared he had gotten too distracted by your preparations before your shift, as he had completely forgotten about his dinner still cooking on the other side of the room.
his eyes darted toward the stove when the smell of something burning wafted through his nostrils, and he ran towards the pan in an attempt to save his dinner.
thankfully the chicken was only partially charred, and he pulled it away from the heat just in the nick of time. he let out a sigh of relief, which was interrupted by yet another distraction from outside.
“fushiguro! you better have your fucking pants on!” his head snapped towards the door at the loud booming of his friend’s voice, and the door swung open dramatically to reveal a grinning yuji.
“you’re early.” megumi commented, voice flat as he switched the burner the pot was on. the shorter man took a step closer to the counter, and his grin widened when he spotted the food cooking on the stove.
“looks like i made it just in time.” he chuckled, before moving towards the small table across from the kitchen. “is something burning?”
“not anymore,” was the only reply yuji got.
the noodles didn’t take very long, and soon the pair were sitting across from each other with a hot meal in front of them.
they fell into a comfortable silence that didn’t end up lasting very long.
not when yuji was always too observant for his own good. the tv drawled on behind them, though it was almost impossible to watch it even if they wanted to. the glare from the window had blocked out almost the entire picture.
it was one of megumi’s pet peeves, and that was what caused yuji to finally break the silence megumi had been previously enjoying.
“huh.” the tone in yuji’s voice was curious, and his friend’s head snapped up to find him staring out the window. “your blinds are open.”
“what?” megumi looked confused, even though he shouldn’t be. his blinds were usually closed, especially on sunny days like this one. it was a small detail to pick up on, but he didn’t want his friend to put the rest of the pieces of the puzzle together. he took a sip of his broth, eyeing yuji down as he awaited his response.
“nothing.” the reply megumi got was halfhearted, barely hiding a snicker as yuji finished off his bowl of noodles.
his closest companion had taken a good thing and thoroughly ruined it. the silence was now incredibly discomforting to be in, even for just a minute. megumi hurried to scarf down the rest of his meal, before rising from his seat.
“nobara’s gonna kick our asses if we’re late.” was his excuse for suddenly rising to his feet, not that his friend was dangerously close to figuring out that he’d been watching you through his window for months. there’s no way it could be that reason.
“chill, i gotta fix my hair first.” yuji grinned, noticing how desperate megumi was to change the subject. “nobara’s not even gonna be ready by the time we get there.”
“i don’t understand why you couldn’t do that at home.” the taller man huffed, taking a peek out the window the moment he heard footsteps heading toward the bathroom.
yuji had promised tonight would be fun. megumi hated clubs, but he had been convinced to go out just once. it seemed that his next-door neighbor was heading out for the night as well, if the tiny dress you were wearing was anything to go by.
an odd choice of attire to be wearing to work, if he’d say so himself. still, he didn’t think about it too hard as he threw on a black sweater and got ready to leave.
“i don’t understand why we have to go to nobara’s so early. the club doesn’t even open until like eight.” yuji grumbled, reaching for megumi’s phone charger as he settled into the passenger seat.
“she said we have to go to the mall first. something about needing an outfit.”
“fuck, and you said yes? we’re gonna get stuck there for the next four hours.” another loud groan met his ears as he pulled out of his apartment complex.
and they were, indeed, stuck at the mall for nearly four hours. megumi’s car was stuffed to the brim with shopping bags by the time they were done, and they still weren’t even ready to head out for the night.
a quick pit stop to kugisaki’s was entirely necessary, as protested by the woman herself. the trio shuffled boxes and bags to her apartment, grumbling the entire time as they braved the treacherous walk up the stairs.
yuji supposed it was only fair to start the party there. he was already raiding her liquor cabinet before he proposed the idea to the rest of his team.
the words left his lips with a smirk, and he waved around the bottle of cheap booze in his hand to emphasize his point. the same smirk fell over nobara’s features, and she nodded enthusiastically as she reached for two shot glasses.
megumi found himself wishing he could participate, cursing himself for saying he’d be the designated driver. his mind was plagued with thoughts of you, and a drink would’ve probably been able to help him forget that.
still, he let the pair have their fun. a small chuckle left his lips as he watched them grimace at the burn of the liquor. nobara gave him a goofy smile, followed by a thumbs up as she ran to her bedroom to change her clothes.
finally, at about eight forty-five, the trio made their way to megumi’s black buick. the sun had already set far into the sky, and megumi let out another sigh as he turned on the engine.
the car ride down to the bar was filled with loud singing from yuji and irritated grumbles from nobara as she hurried to change the radio station. they struggled to find parking, resulting in them walking through residential streets to get to their destination. he hadn’t expected it to be so busy, but they found themselves weaving through crowds of people to even find a table.
the music was far too loud for his liking, and pinks and purples shined through his vision as he finally looked up toward the bar. something had caught the attention of countless patrons, who were tripping over each other with credit cards in hand.
upon closer inspection, he began to understand what everyone was fussing over. the first thing he saw was your tattoo, which he recognized immediately. as his gaze traveled up your long legs, he couldn’t hide the shock written over his features.
he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
in a moment, it felt like you were the only dancer scattered across the stage.
he sat, frozen in his seat as he watched the men around him foam at the mouth as they scrambled to order shot after shot. hundreds of people filled the room, but his eyes kept falling back on you. dozens of strangers were ogling your figure, watching your tits bounce with every sway of your hips.
you seemed to be enjoying the attention, basking in the fluorescent lights as you continued to move in rhythmatic circles. you kept moving along to the beat of the music, a sultry smile on your lips as suits and ties bowed at your feet. you had a bottle in hand, heels clicking against the wood of the bar as you danced around glasses with ease.
the expensive tequila in your hand was merely a prop, but it didn’t keep the patrons around him from ordering round after round in an attempt to impress you. a manicured hand came up to fondle one of your breasts teasingly in rhythm with the words of the song playing.
his jaw dropped when the light reflected against the metal of your nipple piercings, clearly visible through the thin fabric of your dress. he fought the urge to put his head in his hands, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him.
you were obviously a lot more interesting than he originally thought you were.
“oh, that’s your neighbor.” nobara confirmed his suspicions, a smirk on her face as she watched you drop your ass down to the floor. “you should go see if she’ll give you a private dance or something.”
“nobara!” that caught his attention, and his head whipped around to grimace at her.
“what? i’m just saying. it’s obvious you have a thing for her.” ever the instigator, the red-haired woman was not going to back down. yuji nodded along with his friend’s words, and he looked at the pair disappointed.
megumi didn't move an inch for your entire set, utterly mystified as he watched you dance around the bar. it felt almost as though the stage was meant just for you, pedestaled above the wide varieties of expensive liquor.
he only snapped to reality when he watched you leave the stage, and he caught your head of hair turning out the back door. yuji hit his shoulder rather abruptly, encouraging him to do the one thing he didn’t want to do.
he took a deep breath and followed you outside. he turned the corner into the nearby alleyway and found you hiding between couples pressed against the side of the building. he took a few steps closer, recognizing the outfit he’d watched you leave the house in.
he realized how little he knew about you when he watched you light up a cigarette, leaning against the wall with a long exhale. you looked over at him then, dark eyeshadow framing your eyes as they flashed with recognition. your cheeks turned pink, and you bit your lip with a roll of your eyes.
your cover was blown. there was no point in keeping up the innocent act now.
it wasn’t often that you told people about your weekend plans, and that was for good reason. you just hoped he wouldn’t act like many other people have before.
“hey, megumi.” you started casually, flicking ash onto the concrete.
“hey. wasn’t expecting to see you here,” was his reply. megumi wasn’t a man of many words anyway, but you had shocked him into almost complete silence. he was struggling to get every other syllable out of his mouth, but he couldn’t deny how curious he was about you.
“ha, i get that a lot. are you having fun?” you looked almost completely unphased, besides the light dusting of rose dusting your cheeks.
“you could say that. you look good.” his words caused your dark lips to curl into a small smirk.
“thank you, you’re not so bad yourself.” you replied to him in a breathy tone. now, you were definitely doing it on purpose. you just couldn’t help yourself when he looked so handsome with blushing cheeks.
“you think so?” he was looking a little sheepish, barely able to keep his thoughts innocent with you flirting so blatantly.
“i know so.” your reply sent a flush to his poor, overwhelmed face. he watched you lean down, effortlessly putting out the cigarette on the bottom of your heel as you turned to walk back into the club.
“enjoy the show.” you mused, brushing his shoulder lightly as you passed him.
and he did enjoy every moment, relishing every sway of your hips until yuji was begging him to take them home. he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol the entire night, but he felt more dizzy walking out of the doors of the club than he did after drinking half a bottle of cheap liquor.
nobara was too buzzed to notice the longing in megumi’s eyes as they walked back to the car, but yuji wasn’t. he held back a laugh as he wobbled his way down the sidewalk next to his usually stoic friend.
traffic wasn’t terrible, thank god. nobara didn’t have enough energy left to fight about music choices, allowing yuji to blast whatever garbage he wanted as they drove down the highway.
after a quick detour to nobara’s apartment complex, he finally managed to trudge his way towards the warmth of his bed. unfortunately for him, every parking spot around the block was taken. he groaned, pulling into the only available space and turning off his car with a huff.
he was almost in the clear.
the only thing that stood in his way was a treacherous walk to his front door.
with yuji only two doors down, it made getting home in one piece a whole lot easier. that however, would not keep yuji from prodding him for information, just like his sister would. they were so similar sometimes that it scared him. he knew the look in his friend’s eyes before the words even left his mouth.
“you’re into her.” megumi was hit with boundless accusations as they walked through the damp grass, starting with that one.
“no, i’m not.” he countered, choosing denial as his tactic for the situation.
“yes, you are. you’ve got a major resting bitch face, and i didn’t see it once. you were staring at her like a doofus the entire night.” now that he was pointing it out, megumi supposed it was true. he’d been less angry recently, more sexually frustrated than anything else.
“that doesn’t mean shit, yuji.” he bit back, not trying to have this conversation ever. he wasn’t looking to admit anything close to liking you, choosing to ignore the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about you even now.
“really? so you’re telling me you don’t enjoy the fact that she’s always around, shoving her cleavage in your face?” yuji had yet another point. this one earned a rather large scowl.
“that was one time.”
“i bet if you asked nicely, she’d do it again.” his friend smirked as he reached his doorstep, and the angry expression made its way back to megumi’s features.
“shut up.” he mumbled, throwing yuji the middle finger as he turned away to head home.
it was already far too late for his liking, and he retreated to the warmth of his bedroom within moments of opening the front door. he needed to clear his mind of any and all obstacles that would prevent a good night’s sleep, including the movement of your tits that was now burnt into his memory.
his head hit the pillow, hoping he’d get a shred of sleep before someone managed to ruin it.
the clock read just after three a.m. by the time he reached for his phone, as he had been tossing and turning in bed for the last three hours. he rose to his feet, scanning the mess he had left in his room before heading to the club.
he wondered if his friend was still awake. maybe he’d be willing to help him clean up the gigantic mess he left earlier.
much to his surprise, yuji responded to his text rather quickly. but that still left one glaringly large problem.
megumi frowned, piling his clothes into a basket as he made his way to the complex’s shared laundry room. he was so frustrated that nothing was helping, and he couldn’t forget about the metal pierced through his neighbor’s tits. he groaned, turning the corner when he heard the loud rumbling of the washing machine.
he wondered who was up so late on a saturday doing laundry, but he supposed that he couldn’t judge. he nearly fell over when he saw who was sitting on top of the spinning machine.
he had to be dreaming.
your eyes were pressed closed, soft gasps leaving your mouth as the laundry rumbled underneath you. a dirty novel was long disregarded next to you, and he wondered what you were thinking about. you let out a low whine as you shifted your hips, lips swollen from biting them in an attempt to keep quiet.
you were having a hard time keeping your balance over the rumbling machine, struggling to keep your moans hushed as you barrelled closer and closer to release. he watched your hands travel underneath your shorts, reaching for your neglected clit.
he nearly jumped out of his skin when his basket made contact with the wall, and your eyes shot open at the sound. you stared at him, equally horrified and aroused as he stood cemented in the doorway.
the pair shared a moment of excruciating silence. your lips parted to speak, but the words died in your throat as you took in his shocked expression.
before you could address the situation, megumi started to feel his pants getting a little tight. he turned on his heel abruptly, cheeks burning as he shuffled his way back to the apartment.
the phone in his pocket chimed, and he typed out a rushed response to yuji as he swung his front door open. he couldn’t have his best friend seeing him in such an embarrassing state.
he had tried to forget your lewd expression, but he couldn’t get the tent in his pants to go down no matter how much he tried.
guilt burned at his insides as he freed himself from the confines of his pants. his length slapped against his torso, practically begging for some attention.
he didn’t know how to handle what he had just witnessed. carnal need had started to crawl it’s way up into his chest, and his eyes fluttered closed as he tried to get comfortable on his bed.
megumi hissed as his hand pressed against the head of his dick, which was already hot to the touch and oozing from the tip. he imagined your tongue running across his shaft, plush lips wrapping around him. he began to rock his hips with the movement of his hand, daydreaming about fucking into your warm mouth. he’d fallen victim to his desire, letting small gasps leave his lips with every stroke of his hips.
he let out a low growl as he heard a knock on the door, interrupting the movement of his hand. he pulled his sweats back up over his hips, still sporting a gigantic erection as he swung the door open.
“yuji i told you that you need to fuck off for like twenty minutes, i swear to god-“ his words came to an abrupt halt as he realized who was at the door, and you smirked as your eyes scanned him up and down.
“hey, neighbor. are you going to invite me inside?” you asked, taking notice of the rather blatant tent in his pants.
“uh… i guess. i’m kind of in the middle of something-” he flushed, trying to save some semblance of decency. his dick throbbed as you leaned towards him, giving him a full view of your cleavage.
“i can tell.” he cursed inwardly at your words, trying to ignore the gigantic smirk across your face. “do you need some help?”
“w-what?” he choked out, the tips of his ears burning. he wasn’t expecting you to be so forward.
“there’s no need to be coy, megumi. i’ve seen you watching me through your window.” you snickered and leaned against the doorframe.
you’ve got to be fucking kidding. he let out a groan. of course you’d seen him, now you were never going to let him live it down.
“what were you thinking about?” you continued, watching him deflate in front of you. your curiosity had gotten the better of you, and you took a step closer to him as he struggled to get out his reply.
“nothing.”
“doesn’t look like nothing.” you countered, raising a brow as you looked him up and down once again. “were you thinking about me?”
“no.” he grumbled, closing his eyes in frustration. he was trying to keep his eyes off of you, but you were making it damn near impossible. the entire situation was your fault, and now you were at his door making it even worse.
“are you sure about that?”
he was convinced you were just teasing him. you couldn’t possibly be serious, could you?
“you’re doing this on purpose.” he choked out, still not looking at you. he was trying to ignore the loud thumping of his heart in his chest with every word that came from your mouth.
“doing what on purpose?” your question was sweet and sugary, laced in feigned innocence as you continued. his eyes opened, offering you a glare that didn’t appear too genuine.
“i’m just trying to help.” you took a step closer to him, and he faltered for a moment.
“you’re serious?” he asked, and his cheeks burned as he looked down at you.
“why wouldn’t i be?” was your retort, and he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding in.
“what are you waiting for, then?”
you raised a brow at his response, curious as to where the sudden determination had come from. the nervous look on his features gave you pause for a moment, and you supposed you should probably take it easy on him.
“you’re quite confident all of a sudden, aren’t you?” you mused, lips inching towards his. “i wonder if you’ll be able to keep up.”
he didn’t bother to give you a response, only a huff of annoyance as he brought you in for a harsh kiss. one arm wrapped around his neck and the other trailed down to palm him through the thin fabric of his sweatpants. you felt him let out a hiss against your lips at the feeling of your fingers wrapping around his length.
his tongue explored your mouth as you pulled him towards the couch, and you pushed him down lightly as you leaned over him with a smirk. he let out a groan when you sat down on his lap, and you let out a laugh as you brought his lips back to yours.
the thin fabric of your shorts rubbed against his hard length as you pulled him closer, and you could feel his breathing pick up pace underneath you. your hips slowly began to grind against his, and your efforts earned you a sharp exhale between his kisses.
his lips didn’t leave yours until he was out of breath. he huffed against your lips as your hands began to wander underneath the soft fabric of his sweater.
you pulled away to look at the mess you made of him, content with the dazed look painted across his face. his eyes were too focused on your tits spilling out of your shirt to notice that you were pulling his up and over his head. the black sweater was thrown to the floor in haste, and you brought a kiss to each of his flushed cheeks.
“you’re so cute.” you mumbled dreamily, almost too quiet for him to hear. he offered you a crinkle of his nose in return for your teasing.
“am not.” the protest was emphasized by a raise of the brow, and he pulled the neckline of your tank-top down to free your breasts. he let out a groan at the sight, bringing one hand up to squeeze the soft flesh in front of him.
“sure. whatever you say..” you rolled your eyes at his behavior, letting him fondle your chest curiously. long and delicate fingers began to squeeze and grope at your skin.
an idea crossed your mind as his hands rubbed against the barbells adorning your nipples. your lips met the skin of his neck, and he shivered at the feeling of your tongue swiping over the soft flesh. soft kisses began to travel lower and lower, causing his eyes to widen.
his hands left your skin when he felt you pulling away, not expecting for you to drop to your knees in front of him. another soft kiss was pressed to his happy trail as you looked up at him with a teasing smile. a shock of electricity shot through his spine when he felt you pulling down the elastic of his sweatpants.
his dick sprang free in front of your face, and you took a moment to marvel at the sight in front of you. while average in size, his girth was rather impressive. you could feel yourself salivating as one of your fingers ran along the tip. you brought that same finger to your lips, humming appreciatively at the sight before wrapping your hand around the base.
if you weren’t so absorbed in your own little world, you would’ve seen the shocked expression spreading over megumi’s flushed features. he felt your hand pass from base to tip a couple times, and he let out a groan. that caught your attention, and you met his stormy blue irises with a pout on your lips.
“you okay up there, ‘gumi?” you teased, running your hand up and down his shaft gently as your warm breath fanned against his skin.
“sorry i’ve just.. never done this before.” he replied quietly, trying to level his breathing as he averted his eyes from you.
“that’s okay, just let me know if it’s too much.” your tone was gentle and kind, much like the first time you two met. his eyes met yours again, confusion written all over his features.
“what do you- oh…” he gasped out, and a shiver ran down his spine as he felt your lips wrapping around the tip of his dick. he was trying not to keel over, knuckles turning white from his harsh grip on the side of the couch. obscene slurping noises filled his ears, and he looked down to find your eyes staring right back at him.
he had to avert his eyes to keep himself from cumming right then and there, but his eyes kept falling back to you no matter how much he tried.
you wanted him to see it all, feel it all.
he didn’t know if he’d be able to last if you kept it up. a hand fell over his eyes in an attempt to keep himself from looking, but one lick of your tongue along the underside of his dick was enough to have him peeking through his fingers.
you look so cute with your mouth full, he mused. it was embarrassing how quickly he was coming undone in the wetness of your mouth, and he was trying not to let out a whine as you swallowed down more of his shaft.
something deep inside of him told him not to let it end here, and he gently tapped your cheeks with a loud and whiny huff. you released your lips with a pop, saliva dripping from your lips as you pulled away.
“everything okay?” you asked, concern lacing your features as you held onto his thighs.
“yeah.. just need..” a loud groan reverberated off the walls of his living room as you bit down on the skin of his thigh.
“just need.. what?” you teased, batting your big doe eyes up at him from your position on the floor. “tell me what you want, ‘gumi.”
“i want you. i need you.” he replied breathlessly, pulling you in for a sloppy, desperate kiss. he grabbed your hips harshly so he could pull you back onto the couch.
you could feel his toned chest against yours as he leaned over you. he swallowed hard, contemplating his next words.
“show me how to make you cum.” the words were more akin to a demand than a plea, but you couldn’t deny his curiosity. his hands reached for your shorts, pulling them to your ankles with ease. “wanna hear you scream.”
your eyes widened, and you gave him a nod as you reached for one of his hands. you led his fingers down to your panties at an excruciatingly slow pace, and his hand left yours to take matters into his own hands. he pulled them off with a huff, staring into your eyes as he tested the waters.
he raised a brow at you, reaching to pull your thighs apart as he sat between them. “you’re just teasing me now.” he grumbled at your antics, taking note of your actions from earlier as he leaned down to run his tongue along your slick folds. he lapped up your juices eagerly, passing over your clit repeatedly as he explored between your legs.
he got more comfortable between your thighs, palming the flesh of your ass tightly and spreading your legs further apart. a soft moan left your lips when his tongue settled on your clit. he urged forward, desperate to have you whining and begging in his hold.
a tempo was found with relative ease, and he grinned into the flesh of your thighs as you bucked your hips against him.
a soft hum left his lips in approval when he heard you gasping underneath him. he supposed he had to be doing something right, considering how you were reacting to every swipe of his wet tongue.
he continued his ministrations, now more confident in his ability to please you. a long finger prodded at your entrance curiously, feeling you dripping with desire from just a few minutes underneath him.
gasps quickly turned into moans as one of his long digits sank into your plush walls. the sound made him look up to find you flushed from the neck up.
he wanted to see just how far he could take it.
his middle finger joined his index, and he developed a slow rhythm that had you shaking within minutes. every positive response was only inticicing him further, and his eyes glazed over in determination as the pads of his fingers passed over your g-spot.
you had to admit, he was a quick learner.
the moment that he heard the first pitched “fuck.” leave your mouth, he became determined to hear it again and again.
he grinned against your clit as he felt your muscles clenching around his fingers. loud moans met his ears as he picked up the pace. he had you seeing stars far too quickly, and he had no intention of letting up until you were begging him to stop.
the kitten licks to your cunt had become harsh sucking motions, and his tongue swirled around your clit with a certain precision that had your toes curling and your legs shaking.
you let out a broken cry as you came on his fingers, but he still hadn’t stopped the motion of his tongue. he drank up every whine that left your mouth as you shook with overstimulation.
he was just teasing you now, relishing in the way your thighs clenched around his head as you gasped and writhed under him. you supposed it was his revenge for the months of teasing, and you found yourself relenting as you pulled his lips away from your abused clit.
“what? too much for you?” he smirked, and you lowered your eyes at him as you pushed him back against the couch.
“not even close.” as soon as he heard the tone of your reply, he knew he was in for trouble. his eyes widened as you pulled yourself into his lap, straddling his hips as you leaned in to bring your lips to his. he groaned into the kiss as he felt his length rubbing against the soft skin of your stomach.
your lips left his for only a moment to test his resolve even further.
“have you had enough yet?” you teased, causing him to wrap his hands around your hips. your lips pulled into a smirk as you pulled yourself up and wrapped one hand around his dick.
he let out a groan when he felt the tip rubbing against your wet folds, which turned into a whine when his dick made contract with your entrance. shaky fingers dug into the flesh of your ass as you eased down on his length.
“holy fuck.” he gasped out, earning a smirk from you. he felt you wiggle your hips against him, and he could feel every muscle in his body crying out for release as he finally bottomed out inside of you.
“what? too much for you?” you found yourself parroting his response from earlier. something darkened in his eyes the moment that the words left your mouth.
his grip on your ass tightened, and you watched the muscles in his arms strain as he pulled your hips up. you wrapped your hands around his neck as he pushed you back down. a shaky gasp left your mouth as you started to rock your hips in tandem with the movement of his hands.
manicured nails scraped against the skin of his shoulders with every stroke of his hips. your hands fell to his chest, pushing back against him in an effort to rut yourself in time with his movements. he pressed forward, capturing your lips with his in the midst of your passionate embrace. his kisses began to travel down to your neck, turning into bites over the course of a few minutes. his breath caught in his throat when he felt your walls squeezing him, and he couldn’t help but try to elicit more reactions from you.
you let out a sharp gasp when he started sucking on your skin, leaving bruises growing in his wake. he pulled away a few moments later, taking in every small detail of your blushing face.
your lips were swollen once again, matching the same shade from earlier. this time, he was the reason you were struggling to keep yourself quiet. he couldn’t get enough of it.
it was growing impossible for him to keep himself composed with your tits bouncing in his face every time you moved your hips. in an effort to keep the moans from spilling from his mouth, his lips wrapped around one of your perky nipples as he rocked against you. his tongue lapped against the metal piercing, shortly followed by a gentle bite.
his efforts earned him a pitched moan, and he felt the muscles in your thighs twitching as he held onto them tightly. the couch creaked with every harsh thrust, mixing with the moans that were reverberating off the walls of the apartment. he was sure he’d get a noise complaint in the mail the next day, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
he paused when he felt your hips falter, raising a brow as he watched you struggle to keep up with the movement of his hips.
“and you were worried that i wouldn’t be able to keep up.” it was almost like megumi was gloating, but you couldn’t be too mad at him. after all, you loved the way his dick was hitting deep inside of you. the movement of his hips came to a halt, causing you to let out a whine as the head of his dick brushed against your g-spot.
“shut up and fuck me, megumi.” you croaked out, lowering your eyes at him in an effort to get him to do something, anything.
in an instant, his strong arms were pulling you from his lap. your mouth opened to protest, but the words never got the chance to leave your mouth. all it took was your back hitting the cushion of the couch to hush any complaints from you.
he smirked at your silence, hiking one of your legs over the side of the couch and holding onto the other by the crook of the knee. he spread you apart once again, and slid himself back inside of you with a long sigh. the new position made your eyes resemble saucers, and you let out a cry as he started moving his hips again. every thrust pressed hard against your g-spot, and you were seeing stars behind your eyelids every time your eyes fell shut.
“look at me.” he demanded, grabbing onto your chin and pulling it up towards him. your eyes snapped open, meeting his azure ones. he felt you clench again, causing his smirk to turn into a cheshire grin as he picked up the pace of his hips.
every thrust was hitting so deep inside of you, and you could hear the harsh sound of skin slapping reverberating off the walls. you were so close to the edge – barely holding on as he continued to push himself into the dripping wetness between your legs.
the muscles in his arm strained once again, and he pushed your knee up further towards your head. his grip on the inside of your knee tightened, signaling that he was just as close to release as you were. his free hand found its way to your clit, and you let out another loud whine.
that was ultimately your undoing, and all sense of decency went out the window as you scratched into the skin of his back. you brought him in for a harsh kiss, and he let out a loud groan against your lips as you tightened around him.
you came so hard that you felt dizzy, still holding onto the kiss for a moment longer. the feeling of your insides constricting on him made it almost impossible for him to pull out, and he was so distracted that the thought didn’t even cross his mind.
well, not until after you felt thick ropes of his cum filling you with warmth.
“fuck.” you both said at the same time, eyes wide as you shared a moment of realization. you both silently came to the conclusion that it would be a problem for tomorrow, and he pressed a kiss to your cheek as he finally slowed the movement of his hips.
his grip on your thighs loosened for a moment, and he looked down on you softly. he took a minute to catch his breath, eyes darting over the growing bruises all over your skin.
“c’mon, the couch is uncomfortable.” he grumbled, lifting you up by the thighs and taking you to his bedroom. you let out a giggle as he carried you towards the bed, and your head hit the pillow with a soft plop. a smile came over your features as you pulled him down with you. his body pressed against yours for a moment, before he moved to settle behind you.
large, veiny hands made their way around your midsection. he held you close, pressing his back to yours and running soft kisses along your shoulder. you melted into his touch, offering him a pleased hum as you settled into the mattress.
you looked back at him adoringly, gaze softening even further as his hair tickled your forehead. kisses turned to bites once again, and you let out a small laugh when you felt his hard length pressing against you.
“sorry.” he grumbled, and you looked at him curiously. you turned around to face him with a soft grin plastered over your cheeks.
“don’t be sorry. i just think it’s cute.” you replied, pressing a kiss to his temple as you pulled him closer.
“not cute.” he corrected, and you rolled your eyes. you pulled one of your legs over his hips, giving him a knowing look. he felt his dick rubbing up against your entrance, still dripping with his cum.
you offered him a gentle kiss as you slid your folds against the tip, before slowly pressing him inside.
“fuck. i don’t think i’ll ever get tired of that.” he gasped out, holding onto your hips as you slowly began to rock against him. you offered him a shaky laugh in reply to his hushed words.
the bed began to creak underneath you, and his hips started moving along with yours. it wasn’t long before the bed frame was smacking against the wall, guaranteeing a complaint from the neighbors the next day.
he didn’t have much concern for it in the moment, too occupied with the way that you were pulsing around him. his large, veiny hands found purchase fondling your tits, squeezing and rubbing the supple flesh with his calloused fingers.
you weren’t going to last very long if he kept it up like this. especially with one of his hands leaving your tits to run across your clit.
“fuck, you feel so good.” his deep, gravely admission met your ears as his head fell against your shoulder.
you squeezed around him again, basking in the meticulous rhythm of his hips. that caused him to bite down on your shoulder as a warning.
“can’t be doing that.” he huffed against your skin. an unexpected groan left his lips when he felt you clenching him again. “fuck, i’m gonna—”
one particularly harsh thrust had you coming undone right along with him, and you let out another pitched whine as his fingers continued to circle around your clit.
you rode out your high together, before his movements finally came to a halt.
you felt him relaxing into your chest with his face pressed between your breasts. finally worn out and more than content, megumi felt his heartbeat slowing as the smell of your perfume wafted through his nostrils. his eyes began to flutter closed, comforted by the warmth of your skin.
you were exhausted, but you couldn’t keep the smile off your features as you wrapped your arms around him. your eyes fell shut, listening to the slow drum of his heart as if it was a lullaby meant just for you.
megumi let out a loud yawn, and opened his eyes. to his disappointment, the space on the bed next to him was empty. he could still smell your perfume wafting through the air.
a small frown settled over his features as his feet met the cold floor of the hallway, but he froze in his tracks when he saw you making coffee in the kitchen.
“what’s with the frown? did you think i left without saying goodbye?” you smirked, looking him up and down as you leaned against the kitchen counter.
you made a fucking mess of him, you could tell. his head of normally messy hair was sticking up in all kinds of places, and it was the worst case of bed-head you’d ever seen. your lips pulled into a smile as your gaze fell down to his neck, admiring the love bites scattered across his clavicle.
he took a step closer to you, rolling his eyes as he offered his reply. “i was hoping you didn’t. i wasn’t done with you yet.”
“oh, yeah? can’t get enough?” you snickered and pulled him closer to you. he puffed out his cheeks at your playful words. his cheeks were still flushed, and you loved how responsive he was to your teasing.
you were enjoying the sight in front of you when the front door opened, revealing a very smug yuji.
“i fucking knew it!” he yelled, pointing a finger at his friend in an accusatory manner. the taller man frowned, shutting the door in his face before turning back to you with a sheepish smile.
#megumi fushiguro girlies rise up!#major lana inspo w this one#megumi fushiguro#megumi fushiguro x reader#megumi x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen#favorite line is definitely fushiguro you better have your fucking pants on#jujutsu kaisen smut#megumi fushiguro x you#fushiguro megumi#jjk x reader#megumi smut#megumi fushiguro smut#Spotify
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~ never did this before | virgin!Eddie Munson x virgin! Thick!Fem Reader \\ modern au
This story is based off the song Wet Dreamz by Jcole **recommend listening to it first to understand the story// can be perceived/read regardless if you are a poc; as I am mixed ♡ [descriptions of reader having tan skin and brown eyes; so it meets in the middle if you are a poc or not]
• Summary: after weeks of flirting and crushing on each other, you finally pop a serious question into your bestfriend Eddie’s head, and he has a hard time providing you with an honest answer // this is more like a rom com
• Warnings: MDNI; smut (not too explicitly) fluff, both kinda experienced? soft Eddie, cocky Eddie, sassy reader, brief mentions of smoking and drinking, he’s a little bit of a perv, masturbation, 69, protected piv, premature ejaculation, heavy petting, grinding, confessions, slight insecure thoughts? (both are 18+) word count :3.4k //sry 4 errors
Eddie’s Pov
Calculus. The last class of the day. My favorite class overall.
There she sat, giggling on her phone, showing me silly photos she took of her dog Skittle, the sun shining just right on her honey toned tanned skin, hair laying just as perfect as ever in that simple, claw clip. Curls and wavy bangs sectioned to shape her face, brown eyes that matched mine and oh those glossy lips..
I wanna kiss you so fucking bad baby.
Her outfit of the day, that new pink and black checkered shirt she got at the mall that I drove her to.
It’s so tight on you sweetheart, your tits look beautiful today.
White Reeboks as I have, but very much cleaner…
Those 100% perfectly stretchy, acid wash jeans you wear every week that fit your ass so fucking bad.. fuck don’t bend over.. don’t—
“Eddie? what’s wrong with you?”
Fuck— didn’t realize the moan that I slipped out when she dropped her phone, she cracked it..but all I could focus on were the back of her thighs when she bent over
“Sorry uh- I think I’m just sore from carrying those amps last night”, he says now rubbing his not sore bicep with a pout
Lie.
“Oh babe I’m sorry, come by later and I can rub it out for you” she replies
Why the fuck would you say that to me right now—
“Oh yeah? You’d just love to get your hands on me always huh sweetheart? ” leaning back in my seat, with a cocky smile
You blush and shove my arm playfully “you’re so stupid, you know what I meant”
——
She’s been like this for the past month, after Harringtons party. Smoking and drinking under that patio umbrella, away from everyone else. Laughing, holding on to each other for dear life. I tell her jokes, she ugly laughs. I love her laugh, it’s not fake it’s genuine like her.
We met at the drink table, both preferring whiskey over the red shit they put out.
We talked about our intrests, I was very suprised and impressed with how she carried herself. How she talked about herself. How she sat comfortably on my lap; as if we knew each other for forever.
Obviously her thick hips in that royal blue, tacky dress she wore caught my attention first
It takes a certain kinda person to make me laugh but she.. she was probably the most funniest and beautiful fucking girl I’ve never seen. A few beauty marks as she would call it, scattered down her neck and arms. Eyelashes so dark she could always pass on the mascara, the sweet charm and sass she had to her.. she was something different.
She was fresh to town and it was relief to meet someone new. Similar childhood experiences, divorced parents but her dad stopped reaching out to them. Her mom was just a bitch to her. Very narcissistic person but, she had her kind moments. She definitely wasn’t the worse mother I’ve ever heard of.
All of that lead to a heavy make out session in the bathroom.
Sitting at the edge of the toilet, her scratching the back of my head with those sharp coffin shaped nails, me squeezing the fat of her ass on my lap. Hell, I was surprised how into this she was.. considering I’ve only kissed two girls in my life.
Sure I’ve watched my fair share of porn, visited sex stores, took a few notes; even got a handy under the bleachers last year from Carol. She forgot to pay for the weed I gave her, she offered, why not.
“Oh yeah, what’s your name again?” I ask kissing down her neck
“Y/N, but you can call me anything you want right now” she whimpers at the feeling of me nipping her throat
-“fuck you’re a r-really good kisser”
“-could say the same about you sweetheart” feeling the roll of her heat over my already strained dick.
I wonder how many guys she’s done this with
“Sorry, I don’t usually do this but, there’s just something so sexy about you”—
Biggest fucking ego boot ever.
“Fuck baby, if you keep talkin to me like that I’m gonna bust”
“Awe, am I making you feel some typa way Eddie?” She smirks looking down at me
“You know you are”
—
Unfortunately that ended quicker than it started, Robin got too hungover and needed our space.
She told me her classes and we exchanged numbers.
After that we talked everyday on FaceTime after getting home from school. I show her a new guitar riff and she shows me the new necklaces or shirts she ordered.
Sometimes she’d forget she was on camera and changed out of her bra a few times.
Hey, couldn’t help but to look come on, I am just a man
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve fucked myself to that imagine every morning.. and evening and night..
Slept on the phone together, hung out at lunch together.
I only ever seen her at lunch other than at the end of the day in Mrs. Wilson’s calculus class. Bringing us back to now
——
“Mr. Munson are you done chatting now?” Wilson knocks me out of my trance
“Sorry bout that, yes ma’am” giving her a thumbs up sitting back up straight as she rolls her eyes subtly.
You slide me note. Folded up, in blue highlighted letters
You ever have sex before? Circle Yes or No ♡
fuck—we never even discuss stuff like that! how haven’t we? Don’t embarrass yourself man
Course I have, why? what’s got you so curious? ;)
I watch her look away quickly, gulping when she covers the paper to respond back
Well.. you’re cute and shit & was wondering if you wanna come over friday..? My parents have been gone all week and..we can hang or do whatever.. ♡
Did she wanna fuck? I hope so —wait you’re a virgin idiot, wait is she? probably not
I’m already there babe ;)
I reply with an easy smile, hiding the fact I’m in a state of panic
Good.. and uh bring those handcuffs on your wall too.. ♡
No way she’s a virgin talking like that
She rushes outta the classroom at the bell, turning back with a wink
Holy shit I gotta talk to Harrington.
“-and that’s what I’m saying dude, just sweet talk her, treat her like a princess, rub her in all the right places”—
“Okay but what ARE those places? I know her like tits and shit.. and well under her panties but what does it feel like? Ya know putting in it? What if I cum too fast and she laughs or runs away and never talks to me again..”—
I’ve been pacing back in forth in Family Video, loud where all the customers could hear. Definitely loud enough for Robin to upchuck her lunch
“No Eddie- just, come back here— Rob? watch the front please?” Steve grabs me by the shoulder making a bee line to the stock room
Sitting on the empty table still trying to gather my thoughts of Steve’s advice. “Well?” I rush out
“Damn man let me sit down first” he scoffs pulling a chair over to me
“Alright, you wanna know what inside a vagina feels like right?”
“Jesus, can you just say pussy or some shit”
“Same thing” he glared
“Okay well it’s not really sexy to just say vagina-
-“god Eddie, do you wanna know or not?” I can tell I’m testing his patience, I shut my lips, nodding eagerly
“Okay, so It’s like this- well like wet and really, really warm, almost like hot bath around your dick or a tight hug”—
“Wow, a hot bath thanks for the analogy Steve, I’ll make sure to take one when I get home”
He deadpans at me. “You asked me and I’m telling you, it’s hard to really explain other than a tight, wet warm hug. Oh!” he snaps his finger”-and sometimes it’ll tighten around your cock when she’s about to cum and holy shit dude— you better hold your load because the first time I had sex, it lasted about 10 seconds” My eyes widen
“WHAT!?” I shout before him shushing me “King Steve was a minute man?”— I joke
“Hey I said at first, when you get used to having sex your stamina gets better and for me personally”— he leans in “I can last approximately 45 minutes and 27 seconds” he sits back proudly
Cocky bastard.
Shit.
How long will I last? Will jerking off more boost my stamina?
——
Since that afternoon I did as much research as a I could, making a DIY sponge fleshlight.
That was a fail, got carpet burn.
Even bought condoms from the corner store, didnt know what size i was so, i grabbed all 4 boxes
Practicing my stroke game, using my pillow as a hole.
Down. Glide. Up. Down. Guide up.
Ow, fuck, cramp, cramp
This shits hard. My back hurts.
Throwing away the 8th used condom of the day, tossing myself in my desk chair, forehead sweaty, wrists throbbing; hearing my phone go off
FaceTime from Crush🖤
“Ah, fuck”— grabbing a shirt, wiping off the excess sweat off my skin, putting my pants back on, setting the phone up on my night stand, grabbing the guitar quickly setting it on my lap— “Hey! Sweetheart, what’s up, what are you up to?”
“I could ask you the same thing why is your face so red?” She asks giggling, laying on her tummy, tits spilling out , kicking her socked feet from behind
“Just took a hot shower is all”
“But your hairs not wet?” you give me a suspicious look, “Oh yeah, I just tied it up..sooo still want me over tomorrow?”
“Hell yeah! I picked up cookie dough the edible kind because I know you like that anddddd”- she reaches over her phone to grab something—“I rented whole stab franchise for a throwback”- showing me her laptop screen
“Well, that sounds like a party to me”
“You got that right..” She replies, biting her lip as if I didn’t notice,- “Anywaysss, just calling to remind you, see you tomorrow im tired, goodnight dummy *mwah*
She always ends our calls with a kiss on screen
Fuck I’m hard again
“Can’t wait sweetheart, sweet dreams” ending the call, looking down at my bulge
Welp, gotta jerk off again
Friday. THE day I might lose my virginity to the sexiest girl in school. My best friend.
I wake up earlier than usual, do my morning ritual, a joint. My nerves making me shower twice.
Should I shave?
Would she care?
A little trim wouldn’t hurt
May or may have not nicked my balls. Not too bad, maybe she won’t notice. Finding my nicest pair of jet black jeans I own, I only wear ‘em for special occasions and a wife beater? Nah that’s too much right? A flannel would help. Yeah. Definitely.
Hey I look kinda good, checking myself out in the mirror
Alright, wallet, keys, condoms, I glance over at the cuffs on the wall. Can’t forget those, stuffing them in my back pocket
—
My palms are sweaty, fuck even my ass is sweating.. 3 cigarettes already in, on my way to her house; of course I have a bad fucking hair day today, so I just opted for a low bun.
Before I could even knock, you open the door my jaw already on the floor
“Hi dummy!” You jump giving me a hug, pulling me inside.
What the hell is she wearing
A transparent green knitted, cropped sweater
is that her nipple I see? Those goddamn Nike shorts are doing her a favor—“Someone’s excited to see me?” Kicking off my shoes
“I’m always excited to see you.. also nice hair”
and neck goddamn, what is hell is he wearing you think, already feeling horny from the sight of my neck being so exposed
those jeans are doing his fine ass a favor
fuck I’m wet already
“Come on, already got it all set up for us”
“Lead the way princess” following behind you
I need to bite those fuckin legs.
——
We always sit like this on movie nights. Me against your headboard, back against my chest. I don’t remember how it started but I love it.
“Didn’t David Arquette also play in Spree?”
I squint back at the tv, “Uh yeah yeah he did, he was Kurt’s dad I think”
She replies with a mouthful “omyeah”
My hands have been holding both sides of her hips the whole time, occasionally rubbing them with my thumbs; every time I do it your breath picks up
Something else is about to be up—
“Huh?”
“Did you even hear me? You’ve been zoning out a lot recently”, you say sitting crisscross
“Something on your mind Ed’s?”
Gulp
“No no just— “ sigh
“Yeah, you. You’ve been on my mind.”
She smiles looking down, cocking her head to the side
“Oh yeah? Been thinking about me have you?” She grins
“You have no idea. ”
My breath hitches when you straddle me
Fuck me
“Wanna tell me these thoughts you’ve been having?” she asks twirling a piece of my bang
Remember what Steve said, sweet talk her
“Why don’t I just show you pretty girl”
Her smirk instantly falls, cheeks crimson “shit.. okay”
Running my hand up your thighs firmly, wrapping my arm around your lower back, my free hand pulling your face closer into my lips. “Like that baby?”
Who the fuck are you she thinks
“Fuck, yeah kiss me again”, I stare blankly until my eyes turn to pure lust, pushing her down to her back climbing on top to ease my tongue back into her mouth, my hips grinding into yours, hearing you whimper…
You’d think that’d make me harder but it’s when you grind back into me that did it
“You’re so beautiful you know that baby?.. fuck been missing these lips for weeks..”
“Shit, me too, been needing you so close to my body recently it’s been killin me,” she whines, rubbing her hands down my chest
—“that’s why I asked you to come over, could tell you were feeling me too”
You’re right about that, I mumble sucking your neck,
I’ve practiced giving myself hickies on my arms freshmen year.
Eddie, score
“That tank top Eddie.. t-take off the flannel let me see you? Please?” You ask giving me doe eyes. I sit up eagerly throwing it about, she sits up on her elbows, throwing off her sweater
The goddamn groan I let out
Jesus Christ
You lie back down bashfully covering yourself
A whore being shy huh?
“Whattt? She asks feeling self conscious,
“You’re..fuck.. just let me get a closer look please?” I plead, you nod shyly
Squeezing your breasts hard in my palm, licking my lips, nipping them, kissing them, hearing you gasp “holy shit -
“What??”
I do it again, in combination with my tongue, She doesn’t stop me she moans, making me feel bolder, “ Lemme take these off?” My thumbs already ready to yank your shorts down
You don’t answer
“Hey, it’s just me you know you’re beautiful to me, right?”
“Yes..you can take em off” she whispers
Thinking it’d be hot to yank them down quick like those sex movies
I try it..
“Ow! Fuck what the hell?” She jerks
I didn’t know she had the goddamn drawstring tied. , “Ow..you pout rubbing your hip, “Shit I’m sorry! I’m sorry”
I’m already fucking up, “It’s okay.. it’s just tied” she says undoing them pulling them off herself, holding her hands in her lap
I lean down to kiss both hips as an apology, looking up at you slowly undoing your hands
Cute little hair she has
“Can I um..”
She looks down at me gaining back her confidence, “You wanna eat me don’t you?” My eyes widen, gripping her side, “Yesss.. really bad” but I don’t know how to —
“Can I see you too?” again with that lip bite
“Of course” okay.. here goes nothing whispering to myself , yanking my jeans and all down in one swift motion, staring at the spot on the ceiling
You scoff with the sour look, “Oh my god”
WHAT WHAT WHAT
“You’re packing Eddie”
“Oh..thank fuck, really? I wouldn’t say that but..” I sit back in front of her
“Can I touch it?” You ask still staring at my cock
-..But I wanna taste you.. what if we..you lay on me but backwards..? Like 69?” I recommend
She nods eagerly, nervously but very excited, “Okay.. just don’t look at my asshole.. there’s a spot on it that looks like I didn’t wipe but it’s not what you think! It’s a freckle..”, I chuckle, rubbing your cheek nodding
Laying down flat, you swing your legs over my face
Oh god fuck, “Such a pretty pussy” i mumble
Suck a pretty cock you think
You’re both horny as fuck, both licking on each other immediately —“Jesus fuck!” I shout, hearing and feeling you choke on my dick
“Y/n, y-you done this before?”
“Yeah—“
Damnit.
-“But it was with a guy at my old school, said I was the best head he ever had” , you say rubbing my balls
Hot.
Okay Eddie do what feels right
so that’s the clit? how cute
Bringing my lips around your nub, licking you, tasting you, “Oh god why do you taste so good, you smell so..sweet?”
“Was that a question?” You ask popping my dick outta your mouth
“No, no just the sweetest pussy I’ve never tasted”-
the only pussy I’ve ever tasted
I’ve never smelt anything like this, I think I’m addicted
Flicking my tongue a few time feeling you react in a high pitched moan, sucking and massaging it lightly, my eyes flutter spotting your ass hole winking at me
“Holy shit” she’s pretty everywhere
“What?”
“You have such a pretty ass” blurting out
“Eddie! I told you not to look!” She whines trying to climb off, “Shut up I do what I want”saying firmly, pulling you back down by your thighs; sticking my pointer finger in your cunt,
so that’s the squeeze Steve was talking about
“Ohmyg— fuckk yes please” she vibrates around me, a guttural moan purging from my throat, curling my finger like they said —
“Oh! Fuck yes keep doing that Eddie baby please”—
“I am, I am baby you just suck my dick”—
Holy shit who am I—
“-Eddie I think I’m gonna cum yep, I’m gonna cum..”—
“Wait really?”
“Yes!”
“Really?” Asking again “YES EDDIE SHUT UP AND KEEP GOING, FUCK”—
Thrusting faster, licking faster I feel your wetness roll down and down into my mouth instantly making me cum in yours
“Fuck baby like that, fuck did you..just swallow?—“ I ask but you proceed to keep sucking-“OKAY OKAY, stop, s-shit!”
Pleading trying to stop you from overstimulating me further, “Shit.. sweetheart, that dude was right, that was the best head I’ve ever got”
The only head I’ve ever got
She lays back down beside me with a large grin,” Was that your first time getting head? You came so fast for me”
Lie.
Not replying I get up, finding the condom in my Jean pocket, “What’re ya doing?” You ask with a questioned expression, “Condom?” I hold up “Oh, oh yeah yeah right duh”—
Fuck I forgot with which way it goes on— got it
Turning back to you, cock still hard, nudging your core
You give me a small smile, watching me hesitantly about to slip my tip in
“Wait! Wait!”-
“What? Sorry, I didn’t ask”—
“Eddie I need to tell you something..”
“Yeah?”
“I can tell you definitely know what you’re doing but I just.. be gentle because I’ve never done this before..”
never done this before, never done this before
I stare like a deer in headlights, the weight off my shoulders lifted. I laugh sarcastically to myself , “That’s, well.. I should probably tell you I’ve never done it either.. like ima”—
“Virgin too?”
“Yeah, surprise?” feeling embarrassed, “How did I not know that? We tell each other everything” shrugging, “Not sure, but I’m glad you told me before I stuck ya”
“Ew don’t say stuck me weirdo”
“Look, I don’t know what I’m doing at all, I had to ask Steve for advice.. I figured you would know more I mean since you wanted my handcuffs”-, you bite your lip, head shaking
“I said that because, I figured you’d know how to use em”
“There actually just for decoration sweetheart, looked kinda metal”, we laugh in awe with each other , “But here we are..” I say biting the skin on my lip—
“Yeah here we are” you look back up at me, hopeful, “Do you wanna stop?”
“No..do you wanna stop?”
“Nah, been hoping you’d be my first actually”, you blush at my statement pulling me down for a deep kiss , “Let’s do it..”
“..but what if I cum too fast? that would be humiliating”—
- “I understand how it works.. don’t feel bad if you do, I promise I won’t laugh Ed’s” she squeezes my hand lovingly
My heart is erect
I nod, looking over all of you again, spreading your thighs a little wider, “I’ll go slow”
Furrowing my brows in consentration, slipping my tip in, surprisingly not easy mother fuck—
“Holy fuck you’re so-
“Tight? I know I have a hard time fingering my self as is”
“Why would you tell me that at this very second,” I try not to laugh, holding my shit together, “that’s so hot by the way,” bottoming you out, we gasp in sync
“Oh god”-
“What?”
“Holy god”—
“What!?? You alright?” She asks , “I’m about to cum already”—
“I told you, it’s okay”
“I know but that’s so embarrassing”
You clench around me on purpose, suddenly your eyes widen, feeling a warmth from inside, while also hearing me grunt almost in pain above you
Silence.
“Im so sorry fuck,” pulling out, shocked at how full my condom is, “Did you cum?”, she scrunches her nose, “No silly”
“But you squeezed me?”
“Yeah but, I didn’t have an orgasm”
Fucking Steve
-“But Steve said when a girl cums she clenchs around us” explaining further—
“First off, I’m gonna need you to not take advice from Steve and second, I mean according to my girlfriends we do.. it’s like a few squeezes but apparently we really squeeze for a long time when we do cum? Maybe even shake? I’m not sure but I think I’d know when I felt it”
Well shit
He looks like a sad puppy this won’t do you think
“But hey, we can try again right? Don’t be embarrassed if anything it’s kinda hot”
“Really?”
“I mean yeah, I made you cum in under like 1 second, biggest ego boot ever” you lighten the mood, nudging my shoulder smiling at me, pulling me for another kiss, “Don’t ever tell anyone that” holding my forehead to yours
You smirk, holding your pinky up “I promise”, Interlocking mine, noticing your body shifted closer, staring at your lips, “Let me try again Sweetheart” your eyes also on mine, nodding, crawling back to you, chasing your touch, taking each others breath—
Was that a car door??
“Is someone here?”
“Honey we’re home!”
FUCK, not now!!
(again recommend you listen to Wet dreamz by Jcole; it’s a bop)
reblogs appreciated // this was fun. let me know your thoughts? I do realize the smut was kinda rushed? Should there be a part 2? Suggestions? Comments? Feel like I should have kept going for them to restart again but I dunno🤷🏽♀️
#virgin!eddie munson x virgin!reader#best friend!eddie#perv!eddie munson#eddie munson x plus size reader#eddie munson x black!reader#eddie munson x chubby reader#eddie munson x female reader smut#eddie munson x poc! reader#eddie munson#virgin!eddie munson#stranger things#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson smut#soft!eddie munson#wet dreamz#j cole#cocky!eddie#steve harrington#modern!eddie x reader#robin buckley
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IWTV 2x01 Initial Thoughts (Stream Of Consciousness)
- That title card for Delainey felt very stage play to me (ahhh I adore the theatrical elements for this season)
- Ooh I love the idea that vamps can take on the emotions of whosever blood they’re drinking - it’s like the vampire equivalent of when werewolves can smell ppl’s emotions and fears through chemosignals (a la Teen Wolf iykyk)
- “Disregard” is the funniest shit ever 😂 Oldmaniel they could never make me hate you
- There’s a Real Rashid OMFG ??? Lol imagine he’s not actually Rashid and they pull one over on us again I’d fucking shit myself
- “Your love was in a box” OH MY GOD EAT HIM UP DANNY BOY
- OMG OMG LOUSTAT ITS HAPPENIGN ITS HAPPENING EVERYONE SHUT UP
- I MISS YOU TOO LESTAT
- “Quite fucked” 😏😏😏
- “mon amour” “mon cher” “love” IM GOING TO EXSANGUINATE MYSELF ISTG
- The singular finger on Louis’ chin 🥲 so delicate so soft so bad for my mental health
- I like Emilia
- “They are not used to seeing man with good looks” OKAY I know they’re just racists BUT she also wasn’t lying bc beautiful Louis is canon god bless you Jacob Anderson
- Lol Morgan a little fruity
- OOH memory is a monster! They be redoing scenes as Louis “fixes” his memories !!!! That’s gonna show up again for sure :))))
- “Stupid Halloween costume” Daniel Molloy the brat that you are (is okay, Armand likes brats) *cough cough*
- I’ve never seen someone *elegantly* close an iPad before. Armand, you have bewitched me.
- The fucking sexual tension between DM is stifling 🥵😶🌫️ Um if this is us “not getting Devil’s Minion” then I think imma be okay
- Claudia pushing the little racist boy 🤪🥹 we can’t help but to stan
- WTF AMC you can’t just jumpscare me with a Grace photograph :’)))
- “UP YOUR BUM” EXCUSE ME MORGAN I KNEW YOU WERE FRUITY BUT SIRRRR?
- so the makeup department really put their whole sfxussies into that decrepit ass abomination
- Louis: Alexa, play Mr. Steal Your Girl by Trey Songz
- Claudia calling Louis Daddy in S1: ☺️🍭👼 Claudia calling Louis Daddy in S2: 😖🤢😟
- I’m dubbing Louis “The Rat Prince”
- “If he can’t take you ballroom dancing and call you pretty” ICONIC.
- “the motherfucker” it’s on sight Bruce or Killer or whatever the fuck your name was 🤕🥊
- “her hand twitched like yours would” why was that line lowkey out of pocket. My mans has Parkinson’s Louis !!!!
- SHE DREAMS 😭 MY FUCKING GOD STOP MY EYES ARE GONNA BE PUFFY WHEN I WAKE UP TOMORROW
- that wasn’t even acting that was some REAL shit. Get Jacob Anderson his Emmy or Oscar or Tony or whatever the fuck I just need him to be awarded for his talent
- Daniel’s soft compassionate side: rare but that much more meaningful when it makes an appearance
- LOUIS you did not just do Emilia dirty like that TF!?! She helped you dude.
- “Human affairs. Their problem.” Not you listening to Lestat now of all times
- “Catfish with teeth” Louis can really read a bitch to filth can’t he?
- AHHH THERE ARE TWO OF THE FUCKERS 👹👹
- Oh shit he’s a kid okay I’m sorry for calling you an abomination earlier. That was mean.
- Woman vampire, you standing precariously close to that fire 👀
- Delainey’s facial expressions are the perfect blend of innocent and slightly unsettling
- OPP INTO THE FIRE SHE GOES rip 🔥
- What the hell is a bacon triptych am I just stupid don’t answer that
- Armand you ain’t beating the iPad kid allegations
- “It’s his drug” He said that with such malice. Is this a “he needed me but he needed drugs more” plot line???
- So Dubai Loumand is chilly frigid tepid frosty glacial
- Free feet? Okay im sorry
- “We can have him saying what happened next in no time” okay wait hold up why you making it sound like YOU don’t know what happened next and you need him to tell you???
- oh danny boy whistling while the couple he’s counseling walks in… is this a comedy or ?
- Daniel: yeah? 🤓 Armand: yeah 🫦
- “the mother of New Orleans” oh he misses home
- LMFAO Daniel interrupting Armand before he can start soliloquizing
- Louis and Claudia in a truck full of art which they belong in bc they too are pieces of art to me
- hard words. soft words. 🥺
- “a shit life beats no life” god damn this monologue feels like Louis is speaking directly to my soul
- “as long as you walk the earth I’ll never taste the fire” If this is foreshadowing I- I- I don’t know what I’ll do but it’s going to involve a baseball bat and a waffle iron and my head
- “it would be enough” pan to Lestat 💀 you can’t be fucking serious right now you just cannot
- okay it’s over and the teaser for the season just started playing and I just have to shout out the score bc damn if those violins don’t get me every god damn time
(Stutter) That’s all, folks! 🐷👋
#amc iwtv#interview with the vampire#lestat de lioncourt#loustat#iwtv season 2#louis de pointe du lac#iwtv armand#iwtv claudia#iwtv s2 spoilers#iwtv spoilers#iwtv 2x01#loumand#iwtv premiere
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DUN DUN!
You have been bitten by the mutual virus. To cure yourself, you must provide one reason why you follow each of your mutuals before sending this to others (whether mutuals or not) while in anon.
Good luck!
This… is gonna be so long…..
@star-sheeps : absolutely fucking hilarious. i always catch myself giggling whenever i see one of ur posts!! i also loved the ‘styling the listeners’ lil series u were doing i love fashion content sm. you were also one of the first people i followed when i first joined the redacted fandom🫡🫡
@caramel-metal : you somehow find the funniest shit to ever exist. your blog is a genuine gold mine for content i would’ve have seen otherwise it’s so‼️‼️‼️‼️
@taelonsamada : i thought it was a mistake when u followed me back 😭😭 but ī absolutely ADORE your writing. i constantly find myself rereading between me you and the fence post ehehehe. i’m gonna be ordering your new book soon and i’ve been vibrating at a frequency that’s impossible to witness with the naked eye (translation: im very excited)
@davidsfanclub : ANOTHER PERSON THAT MAKES ME GIGGLE. i loved ur angel design the first time i saw them and it’s genuinely infected and rotted my brain like THATS how i see angel too now omg. a very creative mind that makes me want to nibble on it
@artbykays : another person who i thought followed me back by mistake. *THE* best listener designs omg. THE ANGEL DESIGN EVER. AAAAAAAAAAAA. i genuinely love ur redacted art sm i had heart palpitations the day u followed me back
@basiliskbrews : another one of my first moots!!! i love citrus with a burning passion. i witnessed u rebrand ur blog and i still absolutely adore all and any content you put out. your vega and warden design has me frothing and convulsing on the ground like a fish abandoned on a deck.
@mothmayhem : I MISS YOU💕💕💕 another moot that has me giggling and kicking my feet. constantly has me twirling my hair and laughing ehehehe. i still can’t get over how you CALLED the david and asher proposals like dawg. how
@beedoes-stuff : GIGGLE ALERT. aka another moot that makes me laugh my ass off. not only do u post absolute bangers you have a tendency to reblog them too and i always have to put my phone down for a few mins
@themonotonysyndrome : it took me three tries to spell ur user right. we got another castin lover in this house 🤝🤝 i want to bite you on the head and then maul you. (all said with love and extreme amounts of affection) I LOVE HOW U TALK ABOUT BRIGHT AAAAA. i want to take a gigantic chunk out of ur writing i love it sm it has me rolling around and flailing
@falkea : MISS YOU💕💕. THE ANGEL DESIGN THAT EXECUTED ME ON THE SPOT. i hit the floor when u followed me back like my mouth was AGAPE. your quinn and darlin art genuinely changed my brain chemistry i will never be the same. a very big art inspiration for me. i shake with anticipation whenever i wait for ur next posts.
@vaselinepot : sometimes all you need is a silly lil moot who says the funniest shit unprompted. sometimes i have to put my phone down and breathe. i miss u vaseline come home
@darlin-collins : ANOTHER MOOT THAT MAKES ME LAUGH. YALL ARE FUNNY AS FUCK. however whenever you talk about the imperium i have to mentally prepare myself to be mentally and physically crushed.
@jollyfang : I LOVE THE REDACTED ART SM AAAAAA. another person who’s follow sent me into cardiac arrest. THE GAVIN DESIGN THAT HAD ME SWEATING. i love how you draw portraits it has me falling in love with ur art all over again when i see that u post.
@thevqid : i think we need to sit down and have a talk. idk about what. i just know that one of us isn’t leaving that room alive. said with all the love i can possibly muster. i love u tho💕💕
@beemybella : genuinely one of the sweetest people i’ve ever interacted with. i love being on ur tag list smth whenever you post it tosses me out of artblock and FILLS me with inspiration 💕💕
@konnorhasapen : PIRATE AU PIRATE AU AAAAAAAAA. i love your writing sm i need to be beaten back with a stick. i’m going to fist fight with you in a parking lot one of these days. i’m so glad you made it back into ur account. i love u sm from afar i feel like a maiden waiting for her husband to return home from the war.
@bratty-telepath : so shape. so shape. i love how stylized your work is. make an art book. please. graphic design IS your passion like pls spare some good character designs and interesting layouts for the rest of us. another moot who id be down the fist fight. this is a fight that i know id get my ass kicked during tho. like my body bent at angles no one is capable of. said with love ofc
@lovesstateofmatter : i always forget we’re moots until you interact with my shit and i bounce around for 5 minutes straight. YOUR BLAKE AND ELLIOT ART. I STILL THINK ABOUT IT. that’s fr how i imagine them now 😭😭
@friendly-waffles : TANKTANKTANKTANKTANK I LOBE UR TANK DESIGJ SM AAAAAAA. AND ANGEL AAAAA. i want to bite your art and SHAKE like a rabid animal. i think about ur sam and darlin art daily. i hit the floor when we became moots
@peraltuki : THE WWDITS X REDACTED VIDS 😭😭 we joined the redacted tumblr at like the same time so i feel a bonded connection to u. ily. you have the best fucking posts they have me sobbing on the floor (cause i giggle too hard)
@doodleanddie : your redacted doodles killed me, sent me to heaven, then dragged me back down to hell and then reincarnated me as a fly. i love ur art and all ur doodles have so much character it’s WILD. (i miss u💕)
@epsi-l0n - your thoughts are so incredibly big brained i want to pick apart ur brain and take a few bites while i’m at it. i think if we fought it’d be the battle of the ages. simply because i think we both *CANT* fight so it’d just be entertaining to every witness
@dollvre : VINCENT STAN HIIIIII. finding another vincent lover and taylor swift enjoyer in this fandom had my brain exploding. tell me what zsakuva videos i should watch. i’m too indecisive to choose what series i want to get into. i think we need to hold hands and exchange rings 👍
@mrsmiagreer : Niyah i would genuinely kill for you. tell me a name. or names. plural. i would quite literally do anything for you. say the word. BUT I LOVE UR WRITING SM PLS MAKE A TAGLIST PLS
@oceanicwhitetipshark : whenever i feel myself drifting from redacted. i get a notif that you’ve posted and i’m immediately pulled back in by all ur writings and your thoughts. ur genuinely so talented and so incredibly sweet di i’m very glad we’re moots
@kelseadelle : i’ve never loved women more in my entire life. the way u draw has me wanting to sacrifice myself to the nearest woman for no reason other than that they’re a woman. your evie and ranger art. id give anything to be a werewolf.
@romeo-the-homeo : there can only be one trans jackass in the redacted fandom there isn’t enough room for the both of us. we should totally combine our physical forms and ascend to a higher form of being. and then get a wendy’s frosty or smth.
@plutobutartsy : stella. LIGHT OF MY LIFE💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 I LOVE UR DESIGNS SM YOUR ART IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE HOW YOU SEE THE LISTENERS AAAAA. YOUR FAITHFUL DESIGN HAS SHOT ME THROUGH THE HEART ILY AAAAAAA
@clover-46 : whenever smth messy happens i always appear in ur dms 😭😭 i love obsessing over hush with you and giggling in our dms💕💕. YOUR DESIGNS SLAP SO HARD. i hope you know that i think of your milo design on the daily. he’s my little girlfriend and i’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life
@celestecreateschaos : trying to type out ur user gave me an aneurysm. I ALSO MISS GEORDI SM WHERE IS HE. you’re genuinely so funny you constantly have me giggling. i wanna tape an x-ray of ur brain to my wall.
@venuslove-28-replies : HIIIIOIOIIIIOOOOEDIIWIWISIDOW. one of these days i’m going to shake you so hard you come apart like a mr potato head. your art has me wanting to bite you and not let go. all your designs have me AAAAKAOSAIKALA
@peacefullibrarian : i will never get over that one piece of writing u did about lasko and his listener. the “like the fan” has me slamming myself into the ground imagining them interacting. make a tag list. make a tagLIST RN AND ADD ME
@morgansplace : hi king i’m going to evict you from this plane of existence. (translation: i love you and i love how incredibly creative you are. i want to eat ur nails. i think we could solve all the worlds problems if we held hands and spun in a circle until we fell over from dizziness. i think it’d be nice)
@heshheshfish : omw to send u a cease a desist. your walls are very comfortable. i have officially devoured all tress-passers who have crossed my unwelcome path. i only accept offerings in the form of whole blocks of cheddar cheese. (translation: hi hehe)
@teaseat : i don’t think i can genuinely put into words how much i love u tea. you have me CACKLING. and other days you have me needing to put down my phone to take a minute. anyways. IN SO GLAD IM IN UR TAGLIST HEHEHE I LOVE UR WRITING SM AAAAAAA
@deviantaj : you make me want to listen to marina and the diamonds and then kill someone. aj ily. you make me giggle. i think if we were ever put into the same room we’d probably cause a cataclysmic event that no one could ever recover from.
@swanconcerto : HOLLYYYYYYYYYYUEJFJE. ily holly my favorite person to ever exist you have me twirling my hair and giggling i’d give anything to exist in ur presence. holly i am in ur basement.
@messenger-of-stupidity : i love your writing so much it has completely rewired my brain i think we should tussle outside and then hold pinky’s or smth. THE VEGA LOVE>>>>> i wait with baited breath for your vega fic
@shawslut : i love ur blog layout sm how do you do it. we both go by ray/rae so i think maybe we should do a lil dance to decide which ones superior. your geordi fic had me wanting to test the sharpness of my new kitchen knives. i will eat you one of these days.
@4letteraroace : i want to bite your hands so bad bro. i still think about ur darlin dance fic. now i know nothing about dance but i could fucking picture what was going on and it HURT. i think your keyboard deserves to be taken away. it should also be taken away because of how u interact with lemon on a daily basis 😭😭
@milosirlgf : hi jaydyn i think one of these days you’ll genuinely rule the world so pls remember that i am nothing but ur undying servant hi. i’m going to empty my life savings in ur name.
@terrazaurio : YOUR DAVID AND ANGEL DESIGN AAAAAAAAA RAHHHHHHHH. i want to bite someone’s head off. i get horrific cute aggression whenever i see your work. i think if we ever existed in the same section of the universe the space time continuum would collapse
@goodboyaudios : i think we should fist fight.
@tunasfishbowl : i think we should paint each others nails and then watch horror movies. tuna ur designs have me gasping for air on a daily basis i lost my mind when we became moots.
@yoteako : THE LASKO DESIGN EVER. INCREDIBLE WOLF BOY DESIGNS. i lobe how u draw them as grown men. idk if that makes any sense but it does to me. also enlightened me to the idea that is vega and brachium omg the most brain idea ever. when we became moots i breakdanced on the hardwood floor
@echovale052 : HI ECHOOO i’m taking a few chomps out of all of ur works like your art style is so pleasant i wanna EAT IT. i think that if we fought we’d probably end up destroying a few small towns.
@kittyshaw : HI REIIIIIII 💕💕💕💕 genuinely one of my fav people. you have the best takes and omg i love ur headcanons sm. i am going to eat ur brain one of these days. any second you aren’t moving i’m only getting closer
@lovelylonerliterature : i’ve read your cutie/geordi fix it fic an ungodly amount of times. (also a shadows appeal……) i love ur writing and interpretations of the redacted characters so much. your ability to capture angst has me wanting to throw myself into the abyss.
@elisacaleisa : another user i struggled to spell 💔💔. THE BEST MORGAN DESIYJ IVE EVER SEEN THATS MY MAN THATS MY WIFE I LOST MY SHIT M.LWFIIWKSJWIWO. i’m going to bite and shake your gavin design. i think our brains should combine at some point for fun
@sweetlemongrove : Lemon u are the light of my life. please make a taglist and add me to it. i love you. THE LOMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. also ur blog layout is so pretty what.
I LOVE YOU ALL MOOTS‼️‼️‼️
(Ok but in all seriousness. This is my first time ever really fully interacting with a fandom and not just lurk. To be able to interact with an incredibly creative and kind fandom has been a pleasure :)))) thank you all for all the work you do!!!!)
#rayrayspeaks#oh my god this took so long#this felt like it was the night before Valentine’s Day and I haven’t finished making the cards yet#I was in panic mode#this took me a DAY#for the moots I haven’t really interacted with yet…. I still have love for u guys 👍👍👍#I’m just horrifically awkward 👍
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Random College!Rhett headcannons: Part 1 (Rhett Abbott x Reader)
Notes: I haven’t seen The Line yet, but I have seen comedies like “Animal House” and “Old School” so I’ve gotten alot of headcannons from that and as a result Frat!Rhett has been living in my head rent free. I was a little bit nervous to do this, but all the same, I’m glad I did (lol). Sorry if it’s a little long, I had to pack alot in (if you catch my drift, lol).
Tagging: @sebsxphia @bradleybeachbabe @bobfloyds
Rhett is the president of the Delta Tau Epsilon fraternity at one of the colleges in Montana and oh does that house have a rep (but in the funniest possible way of course)
Kayce Dutton is his right hand man, new pledges always go through Kayce before going to Rhett and when Rhett’s away, whatever Kayce says, goes
The guys in the frat were kinda nerdy in high school so Rhett and Kayce have a particularly soft spot for the nerds. They’re also really close with the nerd frat on campus and any time anybody needs extra tutoring, they go to them
When Rhett met you, you were kind of a shy little freshman who was two years behind him. He really, really liked you because you loved to hide out in the library but you also loved to go out and have a good time
Your first party at the house though?? Holy shit, did shenanigans ensue
It all started with the new pledges engaging in a challenge to see who could shotgun the most beers in under ten minutes. One poor freshman got beer up his nose and it ended with one of Rhett’s frat brothers having to take the kid into the bathroom to help him blow it all out his nose. The kid was ok but the brothers kept an eye on him the rest of the night and well into the next morning
Three other pledges were on their knees, hands behind their backs while Rhett, Kayce and another guy were up on the staircase balcony dropping flaming hot Cheetos from above and the guys having to catch them in their mouths
Sooooo many drinking games in the basement.....quarters, bloody knuckles, boom cup, kegstands (lol)
Some of the new pledges got a chance to show off their stand-up skills and some of them had the whole crowd in stitches by the end
When you and Rhett officially started dating, you became known as “The First Lady Of The Frat”
And ever since then the guys call you Mom and Dad
If you stayed over and the newbies were getting too loud, the older ones would shush them and be like “Mom and Dad are asleep”
One time one of the brothers who was on the football team threw his back out during practice and was laid up on the couch with a little bell to ring any time he needed something and it was literally every two seconds that he was ringing that bell. Kayce ended up having to take care of him most of the day while Rhett had to meet with the Dean of the History Department, which was annoying as hell
Rhett: “RING THAT BELL ONE MORE TIME AND I’M STICKIN IT WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE!!!......Kayce: “DAD’S HOME!!!!”
The morning after a rager, you often had to be on standby with the puke buckets which were a little less than pleasant
But oh did you make the best hangover breakfasts ever.....eggs, bacon, toast, sausage, coffee, a little bit of rosemary and olive oil bannock on the side. You’re everybody’s favorite cook which makes Rhett’s raging housewife kink flare up
When you’re cooking the hangover specials, he’ll come up behind you and pin you against the stove only to rub the raging hard-on packed into his Wranglers against the back of your thigh and against your ass
Had a long day and are kinda burned out from studying? Rhett will clean up his room and get it in a sexy mood before he lays you down on the bed and starts giving you a full body massage. If you need a hot bath, he’s running you one in the joint bathroom to help you relax. He’s tried out the mating press with you in the bathroom and it felt soooooo fucking good (lol)
On nights when the toga parties get a little too wild and you and Rhett need a moment, he’ll bring you up to his room which sometimes ends up with the two of you falling right into the bed
There’s a heatwave hanging over the town and the campus? Rhett and his frat brothers will dig a big pit in the backyard, fill it with ice and let everybody relax in it. When it melts? MUD WRESTLING!!!!!!
If the heatwave lasts more than a week, Rhett and the guys gather everybody up and go down to the reservoir to make a giant slip n’ slide down into the water
You had first dibs since you were the First Lady but as soon as you hit the water, you lost your bikini top. Rhett ended up diving in and searching for it only to come back up with your bikini top in his teeth and a big shit-eating grin on his face
When it’s tick season, Rhett will literally ram it into the guys heads that they’d better check themselves and each other before and after they go traipsing through the woods or high grass. If you’re trying to check an area that’s a little hard to reach, he’ll bring you upstairs to his room for a full on pussy inspection to make sure. He’s even got a kit that has a homemade oil mix in it that’ll kill the ticks. Sometimes he’ll just use it as an excuse to rub it all in there anyways just so he can hear you moan and get you off (lol)
When Rhett walks you home at night, the rest of the frat are stationed in the trees, in the bushes or in their vehicles parked on the side of the road to keep a watch out for the frat boys who are actual assholes
And if Rhett can’t walk you home for one reason or another? Kayce and the rest of the boys basically become your secret service escort
But there was one night you knew you wouldn’t forget
The guys were throwing a rager to blow off some steam after midterms
And they set up a dance floor in the middle of the living room
Everybody cleared the way for you and Rhett, the President and First Lady of Delta Tau Epsilon
You were almost in tears when the song started playing, looking into Rhett’s eyes as he whispered a very quiet “I love you”
When “Where The Streets Have No Name” by U2 started playing, you, Rhett and the whole house started jumping which shook the house (that was also the song that would play when the football team charged out into the stadium during a game)
And when you all started singing at the same time, it reminded you of a big stadium concert
But you and Rhett didn’t let go of each other the entire time, the both of you belting out the lyrics with the others
And ever since then, you, Rhett and his frat brothers remained close for the rest of your days
#outer range#rhett abbott#rhett abbott x reader#kayce dutton#rhett abbott headcannons#rhett abbott x reader headcannons
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I enjoyed that latest Taskmaster episode a lot. I don’t know why I’ve hardly written any posts about this season since it started, as it’s been really good. Here’s a brief summary of my updates opinions four episodes in:
- The main thing I wanted for Nick was a chance to show off his magician-related skills. He got that chance in the tension task… it did not go as I’d predicted. However, he has made up for breaking my predictions by turning out to be the sweetest person in the world. It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper cinnamon roll on Taskmaster. I think his gentle banter with Greg continues to be the funniest thing he brings, it’s delightful every time.
- Steve Pemberton won me over in the first couple of episodes, but then lost me pretty hard by admitting he broke that egg on purpose, I must admit I am now pretty focused on hoping he loses specifically as punishment for that. I got mad at him then for sacrificing the task in order to play to the TV edit/try too hard to be funny – he’s done similar things several times since, like imposing extra rules in the Mr. Blobby task and writing puns in the hand task. It is not in the spirit of Taskmaster! He’s probably basically fine but I want him to lose so that future Taskmaster contestants understand you do not come here to perform, you come here to play. I don’t even just hold that belief because of how competitive I am, I also think it’s much funnier if you let you and throw yourself right into the game, which he’s not quite doing, and it disproportionately annoys me.
- I find Sophie Willan’s unpredictability entertaining. Usually she’s shit at the tasks, and every once in a while she’ll be great. She has no idea what’s going on almost ever but apparently has a good eye for art. She talks to horses. She nearly drowns in a river that only goes up to her waist. She demonstrates sexy dances that literally no one asked her to do? She has never seen this show before. You never know what she’s going to bring to the table next.
- All right, Joanne McNally’s won me around. She went in with a significant deficit in my opinion of her because I say some quite shitty things on a different TV show once, but four episodes in, she’s been entertaining enough for me to forgive it (I mean… I don’t actually forgive the sentiment expressed, but I can decide I like her enough to choose to assume it was just a misguided attempt to be funny). She’s breathing life into tense situations and tension into situations where the task explicitly requests it. She’s also never seen the show before but she’s throwing herself all the way into it. She’s consistently funny. She’s sharp and knows what’s going on, task-wise, almost all the time, while making it look fairly effortless. She didn’t do the prep work but I respect that she still showed up to play.
- Well, we haven’t had the full-on meltdowns from Robins, but I kind of knew that would happen, as they caught him just as he was moving into his “sober and more enlightened” era. It will always be a loss that Taskmaster never cast Farthinggate-era Robins when they had the chance, but I’m actually surprised at how much I’m enjoying “on his best behaviour Robins”. Mainly because it is visibly incredibly difficult for him to not have competitive meltdowns and to play it as chill as he is (which still isn’t very chill, it’s just chill compared to what he used to be), and the tension of that difficulty can be very funny. Maybe it’s like how people trying to avoid swearing on the radio is funnier than just hearing them swear. I’ve heard John Robins have plenty of proper competitive meltdowns – it is a new and uniquely entertaining thing to watch him sit there and try to physically force every nerve in his body to not do that. A whole new level of the pointless intensity. Those team tasks especially have potential for it. Also, they’ve used the same joke several times now, but I don’t mind at all. They could keep implying that John’s fucked up a task and giving him time to panic before saying it’s fine – that might get old after 100 or so episodes, but 10 episodes wouldn’t be nearly enough for that to stop being funny. I’d be fine if they keep it up all season. I desperately hope he wins but I also hope they torture him.
I have to admit I may have got too into the competition too early in this season, because normally it isn’t until the last few episodes, if the scores are tight, when I start to get really concerned about whether it’ll end up going my way. But yesterday, while watching episode four, I found myself genuinely stressed during every task because of how much I want John Robins to beat Steve Pemberton. I mean, I want him to win, but I specifically want him to beat Steve Pemberton, because I do not want someone to get away with being smugly too good to throw himself entirely into Taskmaster. I’m too invested. I knew John had gone in one point ahead of both Steve and Joanne, and I was keeping score in my head throughout the episode, of how far each score led him to extend his lead over both of them. I don’t usually count points as the episode goes along until episodes 9 or 10.
Most tasks I’m less interested in John’s total score and more interested in his score relative to Steve. I realize Joanne is also competitive and a threat to win and I want him to beat her too, but I don’t think she’s as likely to win overall, she’s not as competitive in general and the only reason she’s so close to the top right now is she got a lucky 5-0 that’s not likely to repeat itself. Also, if she wins I’ll be disappointed, but not nearly as disappointed as I’ll be if Steve does.
Anyway, I thought episode 4 was great fun. It does feel a bit more “simmering” than some other Taskmaster seasons – I almost wrote “gentle” but I don’t think that’s quite true, because there seems to be a lot going on. It’s just not all being shouted the way it is in some seasons. I like it, I enjoy the unpredictable mystery of Sophie Willan and the incomprehensible charm of Nick Mohammed and the understated arrogance of Steve Pemberton (in a “fuck this guy but he makes a good villain” way) and the simmering anger of John Robins. Also Joanne McNally is there, cheerfully shouting whatever thoughts occur to her, and they’re almost always funny.
One note I do have to mention in writing a post about Taskmaster s17e04 – if you have a good friend who’s recently quit drinking due to quite a severe and life-ruining alcohol addiction, with rum as his drink of choice for a number of years, you should maybe not trick him into drinking rum on national television even if it’s non-alcoholic? Ed Gamble said on the podcast that he thinks the rest of them got regular rum and only John got special non-alcoholic rum, and I think/hope Ed was wrong about that, because you really shouldn’t trick people into drinking hard liquor at work even if they’re not alcoholics in recovery. Especially since any of those people could have gone all in and drank the whole glove for a laugh. Going out of their way to procure special non-alcoholic rum is a pretty weird thing to do when Ribena has been used on the show before and has to be cheaper/easier to find/avoids the thorny issue of alcohol altogether. I found it funny that they threw pickled onions in there, because anyone who’s listened to John Robins on the radio will know he’s obsessed with pickled onions; I figured Alex added that as a sort of in-joke with his friend, to the point where it’s almost unfair that by being friends with Alex, John gets an item on the task tailored to things he’s most likely to recognize. But Alex will also know that rum was John Robins’ drink of choice for a long time (I mean, I know it, so I'm pretty sure his real-life drinking buddy Alex Horne does), which sort of makes putting rum in the task look like an incredibly twisted and fucked up version of that joke. I'm sure it was just an oversight, but still, pretty big oversight. Even if they didn’t have an alcoholic in the cast, why bring alcohol into it at all when you could just use some other drink that starts with R?
Having said that, does anyone know if non-alcoholic whiskey can replicate the burning sensation of the real thing, or does it just try for the taste? Asking for a friend who's trying to give up whiskey but really misses it and specifically misses its burning qualities and that friend is me. I actually hadn't thought about non-alcoholic hard liquor until Alex mentioned it on the show, I just knew about non-alcoholic beer and wine. I might look into that. But anyway, they probably shouldn't feed it to people who are at work without warning.
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mai mai :(( i miss you (as in i miss talking to you) how have you been?? hopefully alright !! tomorrow i’m going to the dentist and i’m shitting my pants so hard 😓😓 ALSO DAZAI IN THE NEW CHAPTERRRR >^< him rolling on the ground out of boredom is the funniest thing i’ve seen 💀 plspls hydrate yourself and eat something healthy :3 (i kinda feel like i did something or annoyed you in some way .. 😭)
- 🎧
this week is absolutely awful so far but its okay bc im a tough cookie ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ u’ll be okay i promise !! i also have scary medical stuff this week but we’ll both get thru it & feel silly we were so anxious <33 !! im there in spirit holding ur hand thru the whole thing, just think ab how relieved & proud of urself u’ll feel when its all over !! u got this bb !!
how could i ever be annoyed by u :< ur my darling niki !! i promise u didnt do anything, i have a lot going on this week so im sorry if ive come off as rude thru the screen T^T or if ive missed any asks !! im in a perpetual cycle of always being behind on my notifs on here but i promise i’ll try to be better !!
#valentines#signed by 🎧 ⟡₊ ⊹#DAZAI LOOKED SO SILLY his one bandaged leg :(#hes too cute im biting his cheeks
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idk if fishmen being metaphors for opressed black people is a new thing cause opla is my only exposure to one piece, but arlong leading a fishman hotep pirate cult is the funniest shit i’ve ever seen
#opla#arlong#hotep pirates#one piece#WE WAS KINGS#monkey d. luffy#captain usopp#one piece sanji#straw hat nami#ronoroa zoro
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Yamada got that GYATTT. Idk if Kyo know what to do with all that 😭
Fanservice aside, another beautiful episode that showed us a side of Yamada we haven’t seen before. A much more vulnerable side. Her breaking down at the table thinking about making everyone close to her hate her was hard to watch. From the outside, it seems like Yamada has everything going for her. But she’s got so many insecurities and worries just like any other girl her age. She and Kyo have a lot in common and I love seeing them bond over stuff like that.
Speaking of which, good job Kyo going in for the hug! I hate when MCs in romance shows just let the girl cry without hugging or comforting them, one of my biggest pet peeves. Even wiped her snot lol. Such a cute moment
Dunno how she managed to hide him in that apartment when her mom got back, but somehow he managed to survive and get out. That elevator scene, wow. I see why Yamada was going to say Kyo reminds her of her dad. Dude looks like a 40 year old chuuni lmao.
Damn Kyo’s sister too? The fanservice was on point in this episode
If it ain’t one thing it’s another for Kyo. Arm is better, but now his voice is messed up. Puberty’s a beautiful thing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an anime have this as an issue for the main lead so that’s cool. I never lost my voice or anything growing up, it was a gradual transition to my adult voice, but everyone’s different.
“I like smelly girls too” man Kenta is the funniest part of this show dude routinely says the wildest shit.(I agree)
“Once your voice changes, make sure you say my name plenty” + that ushio kensuke OST made for an amazing conclusion to what was one of my fave bokuyaba episodes. Bravo. The beauty of adolescence was captured perfectly in this episode. I can’t wait to see Yamada and Kyo continue growing into their new selves.
#bokuyaba#boku no kokoro no yabai yatsu#the dangers in my heart#dangers in my heart#animangahive#animanga hive#animanga#anime
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hi im popping in to say your art is sososo cool!! ive been reading your vlad redemption comic and im so in love, like your pacing is PERFECT, your expressions and poses are SO FUNNY, and you balance cartoonish humor and serious, heavy emotion really well!! very specifically that bit where vlad says “do you know how many countries I could’ve fed with the money I used on my inventions?”, jazz guesses 12, and vlad says “CLOSE!”?? like, the FUNNIEST shit ive ever seen, thats my favorite joke so far. and you keep crankin out new ones!! anyway loveposting over, i hope you have a wonderful day and your next baked good comes out perfect
What incredible timing that I was JUST thinking of making a tiramisu (thought technically you don’t bake it). Let’s hope it still comes out perfect 👌🏻 ✨
Thank you SO SO MUCH for the lovely comments! I’m glad people like my humor but also it doesn’t get in the way of the more serious moments. That was my biggest worry going into this; that I wanted it to be funny and have some lighthearted-ness to it, but still tackle a very serious topic. I’ve learned alot about what I’m capable of doing making this comic, and everyone’s reception of it has been wonderful UwU
I hope YOUR next meal is the best you’ve ever had💕
#ask the dragon#Danny phantom#Vlad masters#good vlad au#that’s also one of my favourite jokes alongside THE face he makes in the latest one#and also the one where Danny drops the Dan bomb on Vlad and is like /nevermind. continue/#idk how funny I’m gonna be though in the next one >:3
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Solar Opposites: The Rise of The New Order Ch. 11/Epilogue (by @avaveevo)
A few weeks later…
Korvo and Terry are seen snuggling after having sex as they smile. Terry wakes up to check his phone and gasps
Terry: Oh shit! We're gonna be late for the wedding!
Korvo: On it!
Terry and Korvo gets ready for the wedding along with the Replicants and Pupa and AISHA and Teraformus and Jessica. Later, the family arrived at the wedding.
Korvo: I am so happy for these two.
Terry: Heh! I know.
Then, out came Moran and Xinna, who are wearing wedding clothes as they walk down the isle.
Xinna: *lovingly* Oh Moran…
Moran: Ready to spend the rest of your life with a handsome guy?
Xinna: *giggles* Yes. Yes I am.
Jesse then gets out the bible
Jesse: Do you Moran, promise to take care of Xinna to honor her in sickness and in heath, for as long as you both shall live?
Moran: Hell yeah I do!
Jesse: And Xinna, do you promise to love and take care of Moran to honor him and sickness and in health? For as long as you both shall live?
Xinna: I do.
Jesse: Now let’s hear those vows!
Moran: Xinna, from this day forward, I’m keep loving you throughout my whole life! You are one of the bravest Shlorpians I ever met! I love you!
Xinna: And Moran, you are othe most funniest Shlorpian I ever met! The way you try to hard to make people proud is amazing! That’s what I love about you! And I’m gonna keep loving you forever too!
Jessica cries with joy
Jesse; And by the power invested in me just for today, I know pronounce husband and wife. Okay go ahead and kiss! I wanna see this!
Xinna takes her crystal of her robe and she and Moran smashes it as they seal their vow with a kiss. Then, Korvo heads out for a bit as he realizes something as “My Life is Changing” starts playing.
I guess I was wrong
The people of Earth truly can be changed
Now Tortus is gone
I fear that I made the worst decision
I should’ve never allowed him to just
Go ahead with the New Order
Does it mean anything
To pass for divine judgement now
My life is changing
For better or worse
I must accept the truth that
My life is changing
All I’ve known is a lie
Can someone tell me why
The New Order are open to heathens
I don’t know where all this will take us
But my life is changing
So I need to change with it too
What was I thinking
The New Order Don’t Seem Very amazing at all
As the head rookie
How could I tell Kim-La she could fall
Redemption is impossible
For all the souls down on Earth
If I didn’t know better
I’d have mistaken this heathen as one of us
What other lies does the New Order hold?
Is this place worth its weight in gold
Are we no different to them?
Why is it we get to ascend?
Is the New Order misguided?
There must be something I can do
To the save heathens in hurting too
My life is changing for better or worse
I must accept the truth that
My life is changing
All I’ve known is a lie
Can someone tell me why
The New Order is open to heathen
I don’t know where all this will take us
But my life is changing
So I need to change with it too
Korvo sighs but then turns around and looks at his family as he smiles.
Terry: Korvy, are you okay?
Korvo: *giving Terry his hand* Care to dance, Terry?
Terry: Yeah. I would love to. Then after that, are you ready to head home?
Korvo: Of course.
Korvo and Terry kiss and then starts having a romantic slow dance as they smile. Then, the scene cuts to the Solars packing up their things with Kim-La and Karna joining them. Bee, Xinna, Gadget and Moran starts saying goodbyes to them.
Bee: Well, Kim-La, I guess this is it.
Xinna: I hate goodbyes. God damn it! We’re gonna miss you so damn much!
Moran: *crying hysterically* We’re so happy for you!
Gadget gives Kim-La a holographic communicator
Gadget: Here. You can call us through this. To keep in touch. Thank you for being part of The New Order.
Kim-La smiles
Kim-La: Thank you guys. *gets int a group hug with her friends as she smiles tearfully* Karna, it’s time. Come along. *to the rest of the New Order* Goodbye you guys. Thanks for everything.
Karna: Bye bye.
The rest of the New Order shout their goodbyes while Jessica and Teraformus comes up with suitcases as they happily approach the Solar Opposites, who smiled at them.
Jessica: Room for two more?
Korvo: Yes. There is.
Teraformus and Jessica join the hug. Korvo places a hand on Terry's face
Korvo: Ready to go home?
Terry: Yes. Yes I am. But I just need to do one more thing.
Korvo: Oh and what is that?
Terry: This.
Terry and Korvo embrace in a kiss as they moan lovingly. Then, AISHA starts the ship as it takes off after Kim-La, Karna, Jessica and Teraformus hop in the ship. The rest of the New Order and Shlorpians wave goodbye as the ship takes off. Then, a few weeks later, the Solars arrived home as they land on their house and heads outside as they smile.
Korvo: *sighs* It’s great to be home.
Kim-La: So this is Earth? It looks amazing!
Korvo: Well, to be honest I hated the place at first.
Then he smiles at his family.
Korvo: But I was wrong. It’s a wonderful home and it was worth it.
Terry smiles as the two husbands embrace. Then, the family along with Jessica, Karna, Kim-La and Teraformus looks at the sunset. A monologue from Korvo is heard *like the one from the Amphibia Series Finale*
Korvo: *monologuing* Change can be difficult, but it's how we grow. It can be the hardest thing to realize you can't hold on to something forever. Sometimes... you have to let it go. But of the things you let go... you'd be surprised... what makes its way... back to you.
Korvo then gets an idea how to celebrate his family’s return to Earth.
Korvo: Oh Terry? *seductively* You want to celebrate our way back home with sex?
Terry: Oh hell yeah! Let’s fucking go!
Cue Korvo and Terry kissing and moaning lovingly in their bedroom as sexy music plays
Korvo: This is the best sex of my life!
Terry: *laughs* I know, right?
The two husbands keep sending and moaning in ecstasy as the credits rolls, the songs in the credits are “Pompeii” from Bastille and “No Quite Paradise” form Bliss 66. Then comes the end credits scene.
3 months later…
Korvo is giving birth as he keeps pushing.
Korvo: FUUUUUUCK! OH GOOOOOOOOOD! TERRY. HOLD MY HAND!
Terry: Come Korvy! You can do it! Come on!
Korvo starts crying in pain. Terry holds Korvo’s hand as he keeps pushing. Then, Korvo gives one final push as he screams, then a baby’s crying was heard.
Doctor: Congratulations, it's a girl!
The doctor wraps the sproutling, who has Terry’s skin color, in a blanket as the doctor hands in the infant over to Korvo, who shed tears of joy along with Terry.
Terry: Hi sweetie. It’s us. Your daddies.
Korvo: She’s like a beautiful flower sprouted with hope. We shall name her… Lili.
Lili looks at Korvo and coos
Korvo: Welcome to the world Lili Solar-Opposites… we love you…
Lili falls asleep and sucks her thumb. The two alien husbands look as their baby and then embrace in a kiss as the screen fades to black.
#solar opposites#solar opposites au#tervo#solar opposites: rise of the new order#korvo#terry solar opposites#british korvo#yumyulack#kim La Solar opposites#Moran solar opposites#jesse solar opposites#Xinna solar opposites
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I’m so sorry but I think that the funniest thing they did in Top Gun Maverick was the fact that to try to beat the “Top Gun is really fucking gay” allegations they paired Mav up with a different woman this time but in doing so accidentally validated an entirely new gay ship. It’s like. Hey. Lean in real close. Hey. Mav’s got a new girlfriend this time and they’re exes with a fraught past but over the course of the movie make up and get back together, isn’t that so romantic? And then five feet away from all that shit Rooster and Hangman are just straight up saying they have an history with each other and they hold an intense rivalry before they eventually get over their differences and become friends and all the while Rooster is telling Hangman he looks good for the fiftieth fucking time that day and they keep playing romantic songs to piss each other off. The most hilarious thing is that the writers constantly use Maverick’s romances from both movies and basically parallel the only straight relationships with Rooster and Hangman’s relationship, and it’s like? Is this intentional? Is there something you want to tell us?? Because those two have STRONG hostile ex boyfriend energy if i’ve ever seen it, and if the writers want to convince me they’re straight they have another thing coming. If parallels with the only romance on screen then why no canon ex boyfriends. If parallels with both couples from both movies then why no gay. Hmm. Riddle me that Tom Cruise
#tom pls take a break from your scientology bullshit the aliens can wait i want to know if this was fucking intentional or not#because the evidence is not super subtle#these naval aviators are fruity as hell#i literally feel like im losing my mind bc like?? if not meant to be romantic then why parallel the other romances??#im sorry ive been going literally insane over this movie for the past week#also glen powell writing literal fanfiction on twitter.com does not help the case that they arent 10000000% a thing#mr ''yeah miles and i send each other stuff of people wanting rooster and hangman to get together''#actually. who tf are you fooling#that man did not need to fucking specify who was on the top bunk and who was on the bottom. like#pulling my hair out they fucking know what they were doing. publicly declaring nickname headcanons and top/bottom dynamics?? what the FUCK#sry to all my mutuals who arent neck deep in the top gun movies but ive been having a fantastic time#top gun fucking slaps and everyone should go see it because its a stupid amount of fun#specifically top gun maverick#the first is good but the cinematography and action in tgm is fucking outstanding#the action senes are so well shot and it makes me want to willingly get into a fighter jet for some goddamn reason (plane go vroom)#not in danger of susceptibility to military propaganda but also consider. gay bitches in planes#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun: maverick#pete maverick mitchell#hangman#rooster#jake hangman seresin#bradley rooster bradshaw#hangster#sereshaw#movies#andis thought geyser
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My Opinions on the England NT players
Luke Shaw -
literally looks like he’s 15 and 35 at the same time in some pictures. To this day I don’t know how old he actually is. Have not seen him play a single Man U match this season (i don’t like Man U so i don’t watch their matches but still). Does he still play football? I don’t know. Good goal against Italy so i have to give him some praise for that but i genuinely don’t know anything about him.
Mason Mount -
I cannot lie, I think I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. If love at first sight exists I think this is it. I would do anything for this man. He looks like he’d sit with you on a bench in your school gym and let you cry on his shoulder (defo not based on real life experiences). What more can I say about him? I would burn the world down for him and then jump off of a cliff if he asked me to. 10/10 especially after missing his pen in the FA cup final. He did that for me xx
Trent Alexander-Arnold -
Also the sexiest mf I’ve ever seen. Assist king. He seems like a bitch sometimes but I still love him. Does look like if you were nice to him he’d be nice back. Very proud of his achievements. Do just want to find him and give him a massive hug sometimes. I like the new haircut much more. It’s grown on me, he better not change it or some sorry words will be said. Hope he gets picked for the next England matches but I don’t want him to get injured because I’m not mentally stable enough to deal with that.
Tyrone Mings -
Literally the height of a fucking tree. He’d absolutely destroy me and my five foot two self with just a push. Quite scared of him but at the same time he looks like he’d invite me in for a cuppa and a few biscuits if I was walking past his house in the pouring rain. Probably has a kind soul but I wouldn’t want to get on the bad side of him.
Kyle Walker -
Kind of reminds me of a pigeon. I don’t know why, he just seems to have that familiar blank stare. Looks like he’d bark at you for stealing his sandwich in Tesco’s which he never actually bought. Do find him quite funny but that might just be when he’s with John. Overall I wouldn't particularly want to be besties with him.
Jesse Lingard -
Absolute icon. JLingz. Has the most adorable daughter, she’s so precious. Easily one of the funniest players in the game. I can already tell we’d be best friends. Especially love him after the reports that he got into a scrap with Hazza Maguire. Deserves the world. I hope I get to meet him one day.
Marcus Rashford -
Looks like a kind man. Don’t know if we’d get along because we’d fight over who’s Jesse’s better friend. Can already tell he’d try and make me a home-cooked meal if I ever said I was hungry. Would no doubt constantly try to give me food. I’d have to convince him he’s actually a good footballer because Ralf never plays him in matches. Looks like he’d get very emotional sometimes.
Jack Greasy…I mean Grealish -
Don’t like him because he’s a bit of a bellend but I have to admit he’s extremely funny. Doesn’t seem like he has a single brain cell left so it would probably be very difficult to have an actual conversation with him. I salute his girlfriend for putting up with him. I could probably drive better than him. I don’t have my driver’s licence.
Hazza Maguire -
Absolutely terrified of him. Would probably tell me to go back to my own country. If I saw him begin to walk towards me I’d run the other way. He’d try and fight me because I’d tell him he’s a shit footballer. Nothing more to say. Traumatises me just thinking about it.
Jude Bellingham -
Absolute sweetheart in my opinion. Looks like he’d protect you from all those creepy guys at a house party or club. Would definitely cover your drink if you had to go somewhere for a quick second. Seems like a lovely guy. Want to see more of his personality on the England youtube channel.
Jordan Pickford -
Hate him but at the same time I love him. He’s so funny and for what. Suddenly manages to bring out all the skills for England but he’s horrendous for Everton. Might just be because it’s Everton. I do want to punch him sometimes. Wouldn’t be surprised if someone from the team already has.
Phil Foden -
Looks like a prick. He always looks like he’s going to complain about something. Would not be able to stand the guy for a single second. He just looks annoying. I see him on my tv and immediately change the channel. Every time I see his face I want to punch it.
Jordan Henderson-
DILF. He is the definition of a gentleman. Looks like he’d hold the door open for you if he saw you walking down the corridor. Just seems like the best person to work with. Has an absolute heart of gold. Would sell my soul for him 100%. The best captain in the Premier League. In my opinion he should be captain of England but Gareth doesn’t like Liverpool players. I know he’d give me a whole motivational speech if I told him I was going to give up on my education. He’d 110% hold you in his arms while you cried for a whole hour.
Ben Chilwell -
Looks a bit like a Lego man. He has a very square head and I don’t know how to feel about it. He has some of the stupidest tattoos I’ve ever seen but in all fairness he’s a good player. Just don’t support some of the things he’s done (but I won’t go into that). Does look like a massive weirdo. Would probably be a bit scared of him when he’s drunk.
Raheem Sterling -
Runs a bit like a dinosaur. Very good player just don’t like the fact he left Liverpool for City. The only good thing about that is the fact that he’s managed to get a decent trim now. Arguably one of the best players in the England squad but i’m still holding a grudge against him.
Hazza Kane -
Looks like he might call me a racial slur. I would 100% be able to absolutely hammer him in a fight. Don’t really like him at all. How are you captain of your national team if you can’t even be captain of Spurs. SPURS. It’s just a bit embarrassing on his behalf.
Reece James -
As I said previously, he looks like he’d absolutely batter you in a fight but he’d also give you a really good hug if you were sad. Reminds me of a teddy bear. Seems like he’d have a bit of a short temper, but as long as you were his friend you wouldn’t be in danger. If you weren’t, good luck to you (RIP).
Jadon Sancho -
Proper joke man. Again, I’d be best friends with him because I think we have a very similar sense of humour. Would no doubt annoy every single member of the team. We’d be banned from seeing each other because we’re too annoying together. Is he okay? I haven’t seen him play in a long time.
Declan Rice -
My boyfriend’s best friend. We’d also be best friends. There are too many funny players in this squad, but this guy is my absolute favourite of them all. His rendition of ‘Ice, Ice, Baby’ brought tears to my eyes. Should be the new national anthem. Extremely happy he’s got a much better trim now. Does need a bit of a tan though, he looks ghostly white sometimes. He should ask Mason where the best tanning beds are.
Kalvin Phillips and Kieran Trippier -
Had to put these two together because I genuinely have no opinion of them. Literally who are they.
Bukayo Saka -
Looks like such a nice guy. The type of guy you’d bring home to meet your parents. Would offer you popcorn if he saw you around, and would always ask how you’re doing and actually mean it. Wins the award for ‘Nicest Guy’. Don’t understand how anyone could not like him. Would probably cry with you while you’re crying.
John Stones -
Perfect name for him tbh. Looks like he’s stoned half the time. He’d probably punch the Hazza’s for calling you a racial slur. Would be the best person to get drunk with, he’d probably try and give you (really bad) relationship advice and then convince you to sing Valerie by Amy Winehouse with him. Overall a decent guy, only downside is that he plays for City.
#mason mount#trent alexander arnold#declan rice#bukayo saka#jesse lingard#marcus rashford#john stones#jordan henderson#tyrone mings#jadon sancho#jude bellingham#mason mount imagine#trent alexander arnold imagine#declan rice imagine#marcus rashford imagine#john stones imagine#keira's random writing x
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Holy shit this new Mario looks amazing. Finally a 2D Mario game that isn’t just a ‘new’ game but actually something NEW
AND NEW POWERUPS LET’S GO
This game looks like a fever trip in the best way possible.
We need more games that are just batshit insane.
ALSO DAISY OH MY HOD MY PRINCESS MY QUEEN YES YES YES THIS GAME IS PERFRVT I MIGHT ACTUALLY PLAY IT NOW
Mario turns into an elephant, funniest shit I’ve ever seen
This direct slapped, especially for Mario fans
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Watch Jericho kill off Talon now that he’s gotten much more popular that’d be HILARIOUS
Like Cyrus has this new family.. each build they get closer and closer together then
BOOM
Resoom comes. Cyrus remains bitchless for the rest of his life.. funniest shit I’ve ever seen
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