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#this is me every 5-7 business days
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Just finished RWRB no one look at me
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steakout-05 · 2 months
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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P
additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly
#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it#and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website#as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered#also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it#this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious#i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles#it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point#be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying#and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo#if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like#trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you#social anxiety#anxiety disorder#i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me#anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y
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polaraffect · 4 months
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current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit
#damien.txt#sorry its like 5 am and i havent slept and wanna vent so. here inam#i really do be having a wild time bc ill have like. weeks at a time where ill be like. wait a second. what if im not trans actually#okay well. never in a 'im 100% not trans' way but in a 'maybe i shouldnt transition' way#and then ill have a day where i wake up and go. oh. i think that feeling is just coming from fear about. the current state of trans issues#because oh my FUCKING GOD am i scared like 24/7 bc of that shit#and so like. then im like. maybe i really am like. actually transmasc. fr. bc i like. literally have been feeling it my whole life.#and then i wake up a couple weeks later back at the beginning like hmm....... but..... what if....#and im so tired of not knowing!! it's fucking exhausting questioning what the fuck is happening w me every 2 seconds#and im being dramatic abt it but idk. i think its a symptom of neurodivergence or something bc im like. so so scared abt being trans atm#at a level that is. certainly unhealthy.#and it really feels like something that is inhibiting me from doing things in life which is like. upsetting y'know!#but at the same time. the concept of going thru life as my birth gender is... bad. sort of inconceivable at this point.#and this is particularly hard bc like. really going back and forth on making decisions abt taking T. bc when i get in these spirals#abt maybe not being trans. i get the urge to not take it. but like. i cant fluctuate w a medicine like that that much!#but at the same time when i go back to being like oh yeah transmasc... my brain is like cool. take T again. so. fuck me i guess.#idk man. im just like. i just want to live my life without being perceived by others actually#my true gender is no one's business <3 thanks#i am. tired.
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the-apprentice-lia · 6 months
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ok i just finished s3e08. what the fuck
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#i still have to complain about work so sorry besties#so the owners (its a small business a couple owns) live in another state#so they come back here every once in a while and visit all the locations while they're here#since they cant be here in person otherwise#they were supposed to visit my store over the weekend. great for me bc i dont work weekends#they didn't come. manager said they're still in town for 'a few more days'#i dont know what that means! i work today and tomorrow 9-5 but the store is open till 7#are they still gonna be here Wednesday???? so i could miss them??? are they gonna come after 5???#or by 'a few more days' does he mean they're leaving tomorrow so they're coming today???? WHEN????#lets hope they come either after 5 or after tomorrow. omg.#ALSO#my ingredients still aren't here 😐#i finally told the manager. hes not mad at me but like. i barely have anything to do without these things#he called. and someone said smth about when i put them on the order log i didn't add the date#which im 98% sure is not true. there was one little mix up where the dates could've been deleted but idk#apparently its been ordered now..... when its coming...... idk!!!!!#but i loooooovvveeee how they tried to make it my fault i love that#i think the manager isnt mad. he said hed tell the owners it wasn't my fault if they say anything.#but still!!!!!! AAHJHHH#also. he 'reminded' me AGAIN to greet customers#and ive been telling myself id say smth about my anxiety if he brought it up again#but i had already used up so much anxiety and energy talking about the ingredients :(#so i still didn't say anything#i have stuff to keep me occupied today. maybe some of tomorrow#but if my ingredients dont come in tomorrow idk what else to do#i can make some things that haven't been ordered which im not supposed to do#i can clean. but ive cleaned this bakery SO MUCH over the last few weeks i really dont know what else to do lol#im sure someone would say its still dirty#but theres only so much i can do like!!!!!!#im gonna eat lunch now lol everythings fine everythings FINE!!!
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pepprs · 2 years
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waking up early for work is killing me
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nomaishuttle · 1 year
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IM A LITTLE WORRIED THO BC LIKE. I DONT HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABT AT ALL..
#i havent rly Done anything whatsoever. im literally the unemployed friend#HOPEFULLY NOT FOR LONG. KNOCK KNOCK (sound of me knocking on wood)#but im worried theyll be like Soooo hows washington ^-^ and ill just be like umm. well. there is a window in my room. Whichh is pretty cool#<- joke i have like. been outside of the house a couple times...#very few actually. but its okay#going to see family will FIX ME. and when i come back ill HOPEFULLY (knock knock) have a job. whichll be great#and then ill be so busy and making money that i wont even have time to be depressed anymore#bc its FULLTIME !!!#8 hour shift 5 days a week 😏 soo yeah. my bones r gonna be sore 😏😏😏#but ill get over it and cope eventually. AND ill get to be somewhere other than The house 💀#i do like our house but i think im being driven insane just being here all the time. sometimes i sit on the porch#and like once every couple of weeks i go out for whatever reason. if i didnt SLEEP IN so much maybe id be able t run errands with hal more#butterlass. no i do rly need t fix it#im hoping going back t ky for a bit will kickstart it bc likee. when i first got here i was actually sleeping like..perfect schedule mode#id go to bed around 10-12 and wake up around 7-9. which is ideal..#BUT#Even if that doesnt. the job (knock knock) will force me t keep schedule#which is great. my last job aaaabsolutely forced me t keep schedule and it was rly rly nice..#no matter how late i stayed up i ALWAYS woke up on time. which is good. and i nevee rly had 2 nap after#im so excited for my workday schedule to come back bc i miss the routine of it#even tho the routine was rly just In the morning and the rest was a free for all..#ill also. this time around. make sure t include my morning meds and brushing my TEEF... bc i need t grt better abt that#im also gonna try n shower more often.. ive been managing abt every 3 days which im rly rly proud of bc its rly hard 4 me#but hopefullyy. with my schedule 😏😏 i could do daily showers...#prolly after work showers even. bc that sounds so nice#its judt hard bc Also after work the last thinng i want 2 do is be standing. bc i get so achy.. esp after an 8 hour shift#hopefully this job will be noce though. IF I GET IT. KNOCK KNOCK#i need t not like. place all my eggs in this basket bc if i dont get it im gonna be fucking crushed#but im rly rly rly hopeful. like reaaaally hopeful...#teehee :]] basically yayyy
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melonthesprigatito · 1 year
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When I heard that the 3DS E-Shop was closing down for good, the first thing I did, the day before it shut down, I went to redownload Pokémon Rumble World from the e-Shop one last time, before I lost it forever.
I played the absolute crap out of this game back when I first got my 3DS. (Screenshots from 2015, recovered from Miiverse archives)
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I also gleefully exploited an out of bounds glitch I discovered from a YouTube tutorial
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I had this one online friend I played with who I met from co-writing/ RPing a Pokémon Mystery Dungeon fanfic on the PMD: Gates to Infinity Community on Miiverse (my character in that RP was a Leafeon, hence Leafeon showing up in so many of the screenshots)
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Unfortunately I lost contact with this friend once Miiverse shut down and I never heard from them since. I eventually stopped playing Pokémon Rumble World and deleted it from my 3DS. I just didn't have enough space on my SD Card so I deleted it to make room for other games. I kept the save data backed up because I caught nearly every Pokémon and sunk a few £ into microtransactions and I didn't want to lose all that progress.
Back to the day before the E-Shop closed, I downloaded Pokémon Rumble World and played it for the first time in what turned out was half a decade. How did I know this?
One of the first things I saw when I opened the game was a notification that someone had visited my town.
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Last visited: 5 years ago.
I admit I shedded a tear. I doubt anyone is going to be visiting my town via Spotpass ever again so it was nice to see that my old friend was the last one.
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andtosaturn · 2 years
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wanna quit my job so baaaaaad
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theloveinc · 2 years
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Hi sweets I just wanted to drop in and say your doing amazing and I love your ask and writing sm your literally so thorough and nice when you answer and I love your rambles !!! Also if you just need a friend and someone to talk to my dm's are open 💗💗💗
kjdfklsdjf you are so! berry!! sweet!!! and i appreciate this more than i can even... express, as usual smh😔 makes me wanna go bury my head in a bunch of sand, if i'm honest, and pretend you can't see me like i'm an ostrich😳🥺🥺🥺
but really, thank you so much!! this is such a kind message... i just hope i'm able to keep things up for you <333
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5sospenguinqueen · 21 days
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Bedtime Stories | Daniel Ricciardo x Author! Reader
Summary: For the past six years, you've been dreaming of a future with Daniel. Until one silly little interview shatters every illusion.
Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Baby fever. End of a relationship. Daniel bashing.
Female reader with various faceclaims. Takes place in the 2022 season.
Main Masterlist
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User 2 no, it's not an announcement. her best friend is currently pregnant and she was gushing about looking forward to aunty duties
User 3 omg her and daniel would make the cutest babies though
→ User 4 i bet she can't wait until they have their own mini-me
User 5 imagine our rom-com queen going from writing the cutest but filthiest fiction imaginable to writing about why you should eat your carrots
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22•05•22
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User 6 i can't believe this man was talking about being in the height of his career when he's been nothing but a flop since leaving red bull
User 7 the way he's been stringing this poor woman along for 6 years, knowing how badly she wants children, to then decide in a random interview that he's never going to have kids because they would be a 'distraction'
User 8 fans spotted y/n running from the pits once she saw that daniel was safely done with racing
User 9 i fear we may be witnessing the downfall of something we once held sacred
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16•06•22
fallontonight just posted
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liked by YourUserName, kellypiquet and others
fallontonight did you know @ YourUser Name was once chased by a kangaroo? find out how in tonight's episode of The Tonight Show 📚🦘
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YourUserName thanks for having me! ✨
User 11 excuse me, ma’am, reassess what
User 12 daniel has been absent from her last 3 posts
→ User 1 not even in the likes or comments
→ User 2 and he didn't even congratulate her on the recent book launch
→ User 3 ya’ll are reaching. he's busy racing. she's busy doing book promo. they still follow each other
User 4 anyone notice she didn't look as happy as she usually does
→ User 5 yes! and i swear she got teary when talking about her life plans 🥺
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YourUserName just posted
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liked by maxverstappen1, mclaren and others
YourUserName my happy place 🌊🐚🦀 Aug '22
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User 6 does this mean a new book is coming soon
→ User 7 girl, we’ve just had one. let the woman rest
→ YourUserName sorry, my lovelies but i don’t think i'm in the right headspace to being right a romance novel at this time
→ User 6 confirmation??!?!
→ User 7 we’re children of divorce
→ User 8 honestly fuck those two because i couldn’t have cared less about vroom vroom boys until mother started dating one and now i'm crying in class ‘cause they’re over
landonorris get that bread, queen 🍞
→ YourUserName who let you out of daycare
→ User 9 not y/n and lando interacting like she didn’t break his teammates heart
→ User 10 more like his teammate broke y/n’s heart. let's not make daniel out to be the victim here
kellypiquet p said get writing those children’s books so she can brag about aunty y/n to her friends
→ YourUserName my sweet girl. i saw the cutest dress the other day for her so I’ll pop round soon x
→ User 11 i love their friendship
→ User 12 get this woman a child. She’s too sweet to be stuck in cool aunt mode forever
User 13 anyone notice she didn't do her annual birthday post for daniel?
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04•09•22
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User 14 no because the interviewer was so real for that. checo has a few children and he’s currently 2nd best. max is nowhere to be seen on the grid he's that far ahead and he makes sure p is his priority when she’s there so???
→ User 15 and the way he stormed out. i bet PR are sooo happy with him
User 16 nah because mclaren recently announced that they’re not extending his contract so he currently doesn't have his seat and doesn't have his y/n, all because he thought he was better than that
YourUserName posted a new story
danielricciardo posted a new story
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danielricciardo just posted
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liked by landonorris, estebanocon and others
danielricciardo yesterday was something. p17 wasn't the result we were expecting, and the media were a challenge but it's always a delight to be in Suzuka. Moving on to the Americas
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User 1 maybe if y/n was there, you wouldn't have done so badly
User 2 maybe if he had a baby waiting in the paddock he would’ve had more incentive to do better
mclaren we’ll get them next time 💪
User 3 letting mclaren and lando down
→ User 4 the real reason he and y/n broke up is because he has no wins. she should move onto lando or something
→ User 5 he’s way too young for her
→ User 4 they'd make a good looking couple tho
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19•10•22
YourUserName just posted
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liked by charles_leclerc, bloomsburypublishing and others
YourUserName thirty, flirty and thriving. please enjoy a small snippet of my 30th birthday, organised by my favourite girl. these are the nice moments before she plies me full of cocktails and i become the sloppiest person in monaco tagged: kellypiquet
kellypiquet any chance to celebrate you 🤍🤍
→ kellypiquet and an even better chance to drink the entire bar and force max to carry us home
→ maxverstappen1 i'm just glad i was able to pull you both out of the sea before you drowned
landonorris can't believe you tried (and failed) to stop us from gatecrashing
→ YourUserName it was an exclusive event, we don't let randos in
→ landonorris i know you're joking but it still hurts my feelings
maxverstappen1 happy birthday, sloppy. you don't look a day over 40
→ YourUserName i'm gonna let that slide but only because i love the bag that kelly told you to buy
User 7 happy birthday to the best author
User 8 happy birthday queen
carlossainz55 happy birthday, y/n 💐
liked by YourUserName
danielricciardo happy birthday x
User 5 kelly and y/n look like the funnest people to hang out with
→ User 6 literally need to know how to become part of their duo
lewishamilton happy birthday, y/n. have a lovely night 💕
liked by YourUserName
mclaren happy birthday to papaya's favourite author (we're still waiting for a racing rom-com that is quite clearly about your favourite f1 team and their super sexy admin) 🥳🥳
liked by YourUserName
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This is going to be part of a Baby Fever Angst series with the other drivers. So, multiple drivers are going to have an smau like this.
Max’s Version | Lando’s Version | Lance’s Version
I do have Part 2s planned if people want them but also happy to leave it like this :)
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shepscapades · 5 months
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[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [PART 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
Part 4 is finally here!! The last few months got so busy, but I would be lying if i said i didn't spend almost every day daydreaming about/ wishing i could be working on this instead; this project has been such a fun break from work and i feel like each part makes me crazier and crazier as things gets worse and worse (better and better) LOL. The composition has been sooo fun to play with, and I've been having a blast trying to figure out how to write these guys in character despite the angst and chaos :] And, considering this comic project kinda came out of nowhere and disrupted some other comic plans i had for dbhc, finding little ways to rearrange how i'm presenting lore has been really fun >:3
[This comic is part of my dbhc au, following the chaos and panic that ensues after Doc and Xisuma try to get Etho back online at the start of s9 after a very rough s8 finale that leaves him a little. broken. It's set to the vibes of Joywave's Destruction!]
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janitorhutcherson · 6 months
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olderbfyandere!mike schmidt
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surprise, bitches!!! im giving yall a lil taste of some more writing. im not really on hiatus (obvi, i post every 5 minutes) but i've been sooooo busy that i haven't been able to post half as much. with that being said, here are some more in depth headcanons ab yandere!mike. :p could not have done this without @futturmand literally helping me (coming up w/) most of these. thank u bae.
warnings: drugging, violence, sex, daddy kink, abusive tendencies
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olderbfyandere!mike schmidt was kinda an asshole. to his coworkers, random customers at the mall, anybody who came too close to you, and yes, even sometimes to you. he was the kind of guy who had a semi-permanent grimace on his face. the corners of his mouth would turn into smiles typically only when he was with abby or you two were alone and he could let his guard down. of course, even then, the moment you caught an attitude, that grimace would appear right back on his face. his demeanor was typically gruff. he was the kind of guy most people didn't want to mess with. this meant any male coworkers around you would be tested their fate to even glance at you the wrong way and god forbid mike saw one of them brush something off of your shoulder. that would truly be the end of them.
olderbfyandere!mike schmidt is very obsessive over safety. after losing garrett, he has this urge to do nothing but to protect. this means that mike is the type of guy to want your location at all times. not only that, but he wants to know what you're doing, who you're with, and what time you'll be home. he expects a text when you leave, a text when you get there, an hourly check-in, then a text on your way home. it brings him a sense of peace, knowing where you are. he watches life360 obsessively when you're not in his sight, watching your little bubble move through wherever you may be. he's constantly checking the speed of the car you're in, occasionally stalking your friend's instagram stories to see where you are. he's overprotective to the extent that it can be overbearing, but at the end of the day it's endearing knowing he cares that much.
olderbfyandere!mike schmidt uses the fact that you're younger than him to manipulate you. he's less about violence or anything physical and instead uses his words. he will constantly remind you how helpless you are without him, how he has so much more life experience than you. he'll point out randomly when you mention not knowing how to do something, saying something like, "see, babydoll, where would you be without me? that's right, nowhere. you need me to take care of you." he's also the kind of guy to eventually make you financially dependent on him if he could ever afford it. he would never put you in that spot until he was comfortable enough to do so, though, meaning it might be a loooong time before that ever happened.
olderbfyandere!mike schmidt treats you less like a partner and more like a little sibling, kinda like he treats abby. as strange as it is, he also feels a paternal instinct to protect you. it comes from his deep-rooted feelings of abandonment. he lost garrett, his mom, his dad, and sometimes he feels like abby hates him. he loves that you listen to him, that he can command you to do something and you'd be so good for him. he absolutely adores being able to control different aspects of your life, making you completely reliant on him. it makes him feel special and needed, which he hasn't felt in a very long time. he loves nothing more than when he gets to scold you almost like a parent, your eyes falling to the ground, that adorable wounded puppy look he loves so much taking over your face.
olderbfyandere!mike schmidt is incredibly clingy and touch starved. he wants to have a hand on you 24/7. forget having personal space, because you are not getting it with him. he'd follow you around, watching you everywhere you'd go. his hands would grip onto your hips so tightly sometimes it'd feel like they were glued to them. he'd always have his arms around you, kissing at your neck, nipping in a way you felt shouldn't be shown in public. mike didn't care, he wanted everyone to know you belonged to him in every single way. he controlled you, and if he wanted to embarrass you and turn your face red by leaving purple marks on your neck in the middle of a shopping plaza, then so be it. you would take it or be punished.
olderbfyandere!mike schmidt who of course uses his sleeping pills on you when you're being a little brat. he isn't violent with you for the most part except for the rare occasion when he will hold you down onto the bed until you'll listen, but otherwise he opts for something simpler. when you're being a little too frustrating for him, going against his every command or you're not feeling like being held, mike will simply crush up his sleeping pills, slip them into your water. he's careful with you once you doze off, never abusing you in any way. all he will do is tuck you into your shared bed and hold your body in his arms, whispering sweet nothings as you're off in your own sweetly drugged up world.
olderbfyandere!mike schmidt would most definitely have a thing for being called daddy. sorry guys, it had to be said. hot take, i guess. considering he did want to protect you so thoroughly, he loved when you'd call him daddy. it made him feel like your protector, like you knew he was the one that did everything for you. it was so crazy how such a simple word could change his whole day. he loved hearing it fall out of your lips as he'd brush through your hair or wash your body off in the shower. "thank you, daddy," you'd hum and he'd grin ear to ear. "you're welcome, babydoll," he'd always say, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
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causticsunshine · 2 years
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hi just a reminder that if you want a fic updated maybe don’t constantly ask when the update is coming or be passive aggressive when the update doesn’t come when you want it to or even act entitled and inconvenienced about having to wait for the next update, regardless of how long it’s been since the last update!
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csuitebitches · 6 months
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Things I Have to do for My Sanity
1. Wake up at the first alarm - no snoozing and no going lying around in bed. Getting up straight away and head to the bathroom. It’s going to suck initially but you’ll get used to it in a few days.
2. Mental self care: 30 minute meditation, brain games mental math, reading, news. Knowledge is sexy and don’t deny yourself sexiness.
3. Daily review in my diary at the beginning and end of my day: what went well, what didn’t, what I need to accomplish to achieve my goals. This has tremendously helped my goals and keeping my motivation more consistent, especially at work. Analysing and correcting incremental changes creates long term success.
4. Cleaning up before bed - clothes, shoes, organising my bag, etc. I set a timer for 5 minutes and try to get as much done as possible.
5. Pick out my clothes the night before and steam iron them for the next day.
6. Face masks twice a week, a hair mask once a week, I scrub the soles of my feet with that foot scrubbing thingy once a week. Manicures every month because my nail beds are too sensitive to do it biweekly, iron supplements so that I’m not a moody bitch. Matching underwear to feel good about myself. Lavender spray on my pillow before sleeping so that I don’t get weird dreams.
7. Reading biographies and autobiographies. My mentor had suggested this to me and it’s amazing how literally I don’t have a single original experience - everything I’ve felt or mistakes I’ve made have already been done by someone else.
I’m going to curate a list of business books that I feel that have helped me the most recently.
8. I write a short essay everyday in the language I’m currently learning. I also end my day by talking about my day for at least 2 minutes in that language and I record it in voice memos to keep a track of my progress. I want to be fluent to a level where I can think in this language.
I don’t generally share a lot about my personal life - none of you know my name or where I’m based and I feel comfortable doing that. But I do want to start giving out more insights to what I’m doing personally in my career - the good, the bad, the ugly.
Being self aware and honest to myself has helped me improve a lot. I know that shame is my Achilles heel, so now I’m reading books to combat that. I’ve caved in and decided to try therapy for a bit to see if what I’m doing is useful or not. My first session is tomorrow. Staying disciplined was my initial hurdle but the systems I’ve set (waking up early + habit stacking) have helped me slowly overcome that.
Work side, I’ve started establishing myself publicly more. I don’t want to reveal too much about what I do exactly but the good news is that our biggest competitor has noticed my progress (a former employee of that company came to us for an interview and directly asked our top management about me). It’s been 4 months that I’ve been working here but I know that next year I really have to swing the bat and hit a home run. I’ve decided to work on the field more and less in the office to really understand people’s needs and create unique solutions.
The daily/weekly/quarterly diary is definitely credited to my recent wins. That’s the biggest change I’ve made in my routine and i can already see that it’s working well. I’m going to continue refining and implementing that method.
Recent work methods I’ve decided to start working on (I’m not required to do these but I do it for my growth):
1. I’ve started studying popular companies’ business and revenue models in detail. Everything is adoptable and adaptable, you just have to figure out how to tweak something for your company’s clients and needs. Now I’ve decided that I want to keep a track of our competitors, their business models, their owners names, pricing strategy, their target audience etc etc on an excel sheet so that I’m aware with what’s happening in the market. 
2. I’ve started making client profiles. Every time I meet a client, I note down their name, the company name, what they were like, anything specific they seemed to like or want, how much they had paid us for a service, what their paying capacity could be, etc. 
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skipper1331 · 2 months
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Communication is key // Alexia Putellas
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Without thinking, you called Alexia, feeling frustrated and disappointed about her behavior.
"Hello amor"
"Were you at the beach with the girls yesterday?"
Since weeks you had been asking if she wanted to hangout and go to be beach, just for some time away from football.
"Yes, why?" she replied, confused.
"I don’t want to fight, but I’m asking since 2 weeks if you want to go to the beach with me and you tell me you‘re busy each time and now you went out with the other girls? To the beach? Even though, you know I’ve been asking…You didn‘t ask if I wanted to join you guys" you said, upset about the fact that Alexia acted that way and that you got so carried away as to even bring it up.
"Eh- um…" the midfielder was silent for a moment, thinking about how to phrase it as kindly as possible "the problem is that Mapi has a problem with you and that’s why we decided as a group that you can‘t join. It wouldn’t end well"
"We‘re a friend group of 5 people…? If she has a problem she should talk to me privately."
The friends group consisted of Mapi, Ingrid, Frido, Ale and yourself.
"Yeah.."
"So, I’m no longer part of the group when Mapi is there? That‘s so nice, Alexia, thanks!" your voice was laced with sarcasm and anger.
Of all people, you at least thought Alexia would defend or support you - you were her girlfriend.
"What do you want to hear from me? The girls asked and I wanted to do something as a group so I went along. And if they exclude you, there's nothing I can do about it. Just chill out, we'll catch up on it at some point."
The betrayal and hurt you felt in that moment, was unreal - how could she say something like that? She was the person who had asked you out a dozens of times with puppy dog eyes. She was the one who begged for your kisses and love. And she was the one who wanted to spend every second of the day with you, no matter what plans either of you had.
Why was she acting so cold and rude now?
"You know what? If you want to hangout with me, then feel free to text me, but I won‘t be running after you, just to get rejected every time, even though you apparently have the time but just don't want to when it’s with me, your girlfriend! So, text me if you want to do something that isn’t having sex, otherwise we'll see each other in training."
With that you ended the call.
Did your friend group really decided that? It didn‘t seem to make any sense. And was even the problem with Mapi? The two of you were friends, never any problem between the two of you. But more importantly: what was the matter with Alexia? Why was she acting weird and distant? Have you done something wrong?
Normally, both of you were all over each other, holding hands, kissing in the storage room or even just an arm around your waist - spending almost 24/7 together. What was happening?
You declined every call that came in after, the caller id always the same.
reina 👑
amor, por favor.
call me back
lo siento
Caught up in your anger, you started to deep clean your apartment, not being bothered to call her back or even reply. The cleaning relaxed you but it also got you thinking. Was Alexia acting like this because she wanted to break up with you? Did she realize that you weren’t worth her time, attention and love? You always had a feeling that Alexia would break up with you at some point, many pretty girls in the world that would die to even just meet Alexia, let alone be loved by her.
That night you went to bed feeling very queasy and stressed - was she really about to break with you? She had texted you multiple times as she also had tried to call you but you didn’t answer.
The next day, you went to training acting as usually but with one exception - you avoided Ale and the rest of your friend group.
You did partner drills with Patri, talked in water breaks with Lucy and ate lunch with Aitana, Keira and Caro.
It was usual that you socialized with other people than your friend group but the unusual part was that Alexia didn‘t follow you around like a lost puppy. Instead she sent longing looks towards you, sad smiles displaying in her face when you dodged her glances as she tried to act tough and unbothered by your ignorance.
"What have you done?" a thick English accent asked the midfielder who was walking towards the changing room.
"Maybe I handled things a bit wrong" she explained, not wanting to reveal too much - a little bit scared of the Lucy Bronze as she had gotten the shovel talk from her when she started dating you.
'If you hurt her, I will haunt and hurt you' Lucy had told the Barcelona captain.
That day, Alexia promised Lucy and herself to never hurt you - not that she intended to anyways.
"You better make up with her otherwise I will have to hurt you" the defender smiled, entering the locker and walking to her cubby.
Alexia was quick to take a shower and get ready, waiting for you in front of the facility. She knew you hadn‘t left yet as you had entered the changing room when she came out of the shower.
She indeed wanted to make up with you, the whole situation a misunderstanding.
When you walked out of the facility, she called after you, "Amor, ¡esperar!" grabbing your hand, stopping you on your short journey to the car, "can we talk?" her voice was gentle and caring.
"Do you want to break up with me?" you asked straight forward, stepping back, trying to protect yourself with the distance yet you knew it wouldn’t help from a potential heart break.
"No no, amor, no. Let me pick you up at 7, okay? I‘ll explain everything"
You thought about it, unsure what to do.
"Okay"
It was Alexia after all, the person who was always honest. If she wanted to explain something, she would.
"Thank you, amor" she pressed a kiss to your cheek, walking you to your car, "be safe" she said as watched you, pull out of the parking lot, feeling so much better now that she had talked to you, even if it was just a few sentences - now that you had smiled at her.
-
5 minutes early, she rang your door bell, shuffling with her feet and fidgeting with her hands - she was nervous.
"Come in" you greeted her, "just need to put on my shoes then we can go"
The midfielder nodded, shyly entering your home as if she hadn‘t been here before.
"You look very beautiful, like always" she smiled, cheeks slowly turning red. Alexia felt like as if it was your first date all over again. She still remembered how shy and nervous she was, wanting to do everything perfect, so you‘d like her and she could ask you on another date. Also she had said the exact same thing when she picked you up for your first date.
"Reminds me of something" you chuckled, as well thinking back to the night where she had taken you out.
"Sí, you‘re getting prettier every day that hasn‘t changed"
Alexia thought you were the prettiest girl in the world, you took her breath away every time she saw you - you were absolutely stunning.
"charmer" you giggled, cheeks a dark shade of red. In that moment, everything felt like it used to be. She wasn‘t acting distant or weird, she was acting like the girl you fell in love with.
Everything is going to be okay.
"Amor, may I?" she asked politely, offering her arm as you had put on your shoes. Wordlessly, you linked your arms, walking towards her car. She opened the door for you, hurriedly rushing over to her side before she started the engine and rested her hand on your thigh. She was glad when you didn‘t push her off - you had missed her touch all day.
The two of you stayed in silence, your favourite songs playing as she drove to her destination. With every metre you got closer, she became more nervous and anxious. She knew she had some explaining to do but also was about to ask you an important question - which was the reason she even had to explain things. She wouldn‘t let a misunderstanding fuck things up with you. She wanted to marry you in the future - your relationship was very serious to her.
(Also she did not wanted to get haunted by a certain scary English defender.)
-
"Why are we at the beach?" you asked, the ocean right in front of you.
"Do you trust me?" the Barcelona player questioned, avoiding your question - she would explain in a moment, you just had to wait and trust her.
"I‘m not quite sure?" Ale raised an eyebrow, "fine, I trust you"
The girl smiled widely, stepping behind you and covering your eyes with her hands, "are you about to murder me?" you joked, knowing damn well that Alexia wouldn‘t dream of letting you fall or hurt yourself in any kind of way.
"Keep walking, amor"
-
After a short walk in the sand, the woman stopped, slowly revealing the sight in front of you.
There was a large picnic blanket, cushions and basket, wine and two glasses standing next to it - it looked romantic.
"Ale- what‘s all of this?" you asked confused, already emotionally touched by the gesture.
She sat down, making herself comfortable before she tapped between her legs, "come here"
Sitting in between her legs, staring towards the ocean and the beautiful sunset while she purred two glasses of wine.
"This is wow" you muttered, not yet leaning into her body as you were still moody at her but still admiring the work and view. It was indeed very romantic, rose petals and candles decorated everything around the two of you.
"I‘m sorry for avoiding you" Alexia started, loosely wrapping her free arm around your midsection, "i didn‘t mean to act weird. I was here with the girls to practice this- they helped me to set everything up and encouraged me for what I’m about to do. Ingrid decorated, Frido made the snacks and well, Mapi carried everything while I was freaking out at home because I didn’t know what to wear. I‘m sorry for letting you think i want to break with you or for acting weird, i was just really nervous these past weeks" she put her wine glass down in the sand, making sure it wouldn‘t fall before she pulled something out of her pocket, "I’m always nervous when I’m around you but this time it was different. I was scared of getting rejected and in return, I rejected you without even realizing."
Hidden in her hand, she gave you her little 'present' - a key.
"I would like you to move in with me." she breathed out, her heart racing.
You turned in her hold, looking at her with wide eyes.
"You‘re sleeping at my apartment almost every day and i can barely sleep without you being in my arms, so i thought maybe you would like stay at my place every night from now on" she rambled, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.
The widest grin broke out on your face and you kissed her - you had been wanting to bring up the topic since awhile now, yet always feeling too shy to do so as you knew Alexia loved her personal space and alone time. You didn’t want her to feel pressured or to feel like she had to agree.
But now you’re even happier that the idea and suggestion came from her - she wanted this too - she was ready for the next step.
"I’d love to" you answered, kissing her rapidly as she giggled while you did so.
"I‘m glad" she sighed in relief, puckering her lips once again.
More kisses, please
You happily accepted the key.
The key wasn’t just any key, it symbolized that it was the key to her heart and home, that communication was the key to happiness, and that her nervousness couldn't always open all doors - which she had realized now;
Spending the whole at training without you was horrible. She never wanted to experience that again.
-
As your little picnic date continued (both of you back at being sickeningly in love with each other) the sun almost down completely, a question popped up in your head, "Mapi doesn’t have a problem with me, does she?"
A loud hearty laugh escaped your girlfriend, "no, amor, you‘re perfect. When you called me the girls were with me and I panicked and Mapi was signing something, so that‘s what came to my mind with her wild gestures. I‘m sorry if it sounded rude. Everybody loves you and you are very much a part of the group, my favourite member in fact"
Weirdly, you could imagine Mapi way too well and Alexia never lied to you. Added to that she was a horrible liar, her brows slightly raising when she lied or was trying to.
You believed and trusted her. It all made sense now - you remember how nervous she was when she asked you out on a date, you remember how nervous she was when she actually took you out, also how nervous she was when she asked the girlfriend question and how nervous she was just today.
You could only imagine how nervous she would be if she ever decided to ask you to be her wife.
Which Alexia definitely would do.
She would always be nervous around you, it‘s you - you‘re way too perfect for this world, so Ale had every right to be nervous every day anew - you were the key to all her happiness.
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