#this is exactly who i'd be asking
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can't wait to see kink at pride /gen
#mine#kink at pride#i love the kink community theyre just the coolest fucking people (no pun intended)#operating on a basis of open communication and informed consent ???? fucking LOVE IT#also cool outfits usually#and the ARTISTRY#i might commission like leather braces for my silly joints and th#this is exactly who i'd be asking#anyway peace and love
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FINALLY have wrestled my brain into sitting down and watching Good Omens and it is, in fact, very good!! Incredibly good!! Absolutely in love with it ♥️♥️♥️
It does, however, hurt terribly
#as a queer with hella religious trauma fucking OW 😭😭😭#Aziraphale is exactly who I used to be#and Crowly is so much like who I am now#'I only ever asked questions' yeah me too 😭#i really thought i'd kinda made peace with my religious trauma but it turns out i very much have not 🙃🙃🙃🙃#i'm like 2 eps into season 2 currently but i do know generally what happens and I DO know how it ends#and it breaks my fucking heart bc I'm going to be so upset with Aziraphale but I'm gonna understand him better than I want to#bc fuck if I didn't think I could fix heaven once#i really hope that when that line of thinking comes crashing down around him spectacularly#it doesn't do so in a way that kills any hope and makes him act apathetic as a defense mechanism to pretend it doesn't hurt#bc Crowley and I are already here and I want Aziraphale to avoid that#and it sucks and Aziraphale is too good to end up like this I want him to be ok 🥺#Crowley was too good to end up like this too but he's already here so I just hope he can heal better than I apparently haven't#idk I'm in love with this show and these middle-aged gay men but I'm also incredibly fucking triggered lmao#like ow mr gaiman good job but also kinda fuck you but also please I'm trusting you to give this a good end
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[taps microphone and gets in way too close] I actually like S17+ Project Runway more than S1-10.
(S11-15 is... decent. But imo saying that the Siriano seasons are worse than 1-10 is just the nostalgia talking lmao.)
please don't argue with me I'm just here to complain about Popular Opinions I Disagree With
#vent post#project runway#phoenix liveblogs#Honestly the early seasons are just so incredibly mean-spirited and rude for the sake of 'comedy'#the judges aren't charismatic they're just... rude#Brandon and Elaine are significantly more enjoyable as judges to me. They critique the clothing and are more open-minded#about who/what counts as fashionable and allowing people to just. You know. Show off their subculture skills#e.g. consider Garo Sparo's corsetry getting recognized as a genuine skill in S17 compared to s16 Samantha Rei getting DRAGGED for...#doing a skilled and near-perfect lolita look that fit her client's wants and needs exactly#and if I never have to hear Michael Kors and Heidi Klum asking 'where is the sex appeal' it will be a Happy time#The fact that they allowed modest designers to EXIST is a bit of shocker considering the amount of rage that 'where is the sexy'#got out of me#I cannot emphasize the frustration I get out of their focus on sex appeal as a core part of fashion#'what woman wants to feel so unsexy?' lots of them. not everyone is you heidi#(I'd have loved S16 for the format shift and wider inclusion of sizing but. The twins. God. The twins.)#TLDR: Genuinely think new PR is better than old PR#Elaine and Brandon are 100% more interesting to me as judges than Michael and Heidi#(Zac was. [shrug emoji] I mean he was better than Karli#but I wasn't a big fan of Karli in the first place.)
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doing this is a very fun song but it does fuck me up a little bit that curt fully knows he's gay and is implied to semi-regularly have sex with men and he Still tries to repress it in the moment and force himself to be with the first woman who shows interest after re-assuming his professional persona even when it gives him no material benefit
#like it's been years :( he knows who he is and that's never enough for him :(#and he becomes Agent Curt Mega again and he has to sleep with women.#bc that's sort of what his job asks of him but mostly what he asks of himself#maybe i am reentering a saf moment#i have had so many thoughts abt curt mega over the years#ohhhhhh. sorry i just thought about **** *** ******* ****. i think i'd like to die#<- this is exactly why i need to be in a real hyperfixation right now#ted talks#spies are forever
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the romance/relationship system in bg3 is genuinely some of the worst designed shit i've ever seen in any game with that feature but at least the memes we get out of it are funny. once saw someone comment something along the lines of 'patch note: waving at gale will no longer cause him to buy a house for the two of you to retire in' and i've never recovered since
#i love gale he doesn't deserve (most of) the incel slander#but it's painfully such a good riff because it really really does feel like that#the player choices being a b/w alternation between 'hey there' and 'YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF... NOW!' normally is already comical as is#the fact that it carries over into interactions with the party members who you're presumably trying to be close with is... something else#and what makes it worse is it ISN'T jokey hyperbole. anyone remember 'send a mental image of you kissing him or HIS HEAD ON A PIKE.' c'mon#trying to chat and vibe at the refugee camp celebration and the sum of conversation i get is one (1) line asking how they're doing#because going any further than that elicits marking you down for the path of boning take it or leave it#it's genuinely so hard to get to feel like you can deepen a relationship with the characters in ways that aren't trying to pursue them#yes! halsin! i really want to know you better! i just don't want the ass!! why is trying to hit the only option other than up and leaving!!#99% of the time i expect nothing from media creators in terms of writing interactive relationships#larian are beyond parody in that they've somehow managed to do worse than the already suboptimal majority#we're just going to impose the roadblock of do you want to fuck y/n right off the bat. good luck finding a way to talk around that if not#the obscuration surrounding where exactly the checks are really does not help at all either#when the shit's got even the allos complaining about it you know it's BAD#shame because i was excited for character scenes given that's a lot of what's hyped up about the game#but no it's all just the romances. 'what if i'd like to breathe in someone's general direction-' well now have you heard of our romances?#fish fear them party members fear them and tav is going to have to walk alone on this sinful earth#conservative bigoted relative at the family reunion withers era was a fucking time before they tweaked that line speaking of#just so crazy they can get away with this shit#baldur's gate 3#bg3 liveblog
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♪ i get mean when i’m nervous like a bad dog ♪
+ more pics bc theo favoritism etc. etc.
#simblr#ts4#sims 4#the sims 4#ts4 cas#sims 4 cas#ts4 edit#sims 4 edit#river dipping#🦇#theodore doe#echthroi#MY BOYYYYYYYYYY#anyway i had to use the lyric from cop car by mitski for this bc goddddddddd...... he really does#seriously i think when olly asked abt my ocs forever ago (ty olly <3)#i was like yea theo's rlly touchy he's like a hurt animal who lashes out to scare everyone away and always has his hackles raised#and it's like fuck if that really isn't his personality exactly.......#it's almost like he's my own oc so i'd obviously be the most equipped to describe him or something#me being sarcastic to myself in the tags of my own post okay anyway#if i didn't use cop car i'd have used stay down by boygenius / gilded lily by cults / orrrrrrrr become the warm jets by current joys#going thru his spotify playlist is just like okay so this one's got some damage huh#theo... <//////3#number one comfort oc tho#okay 🫂 i’m going to sleep#gn everyone in my phone MWAH
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John Lennon, Richard Nixon, and Presentism in Our Discussion of Mental Illness
So I'm reading a new book about Richard Nixon and it's got me thinking about presentism in how we discuss Richard Nixon's mental illness(es), and, because I have Beatles brainrot, it's also got me thinking about whether this same mentality could affect how we talk about John.
Both Nixon and John's lives were heavily influenced by their lifelong battles with severe, persistent mental illness, but understanding the historical context of that battle and how it was fundamentally different from what a person might experience today seems to be largely ignored.
We tend to talk about Nixon in particular as if a) he or someone around him had identified that he was exhibiting symptoms of depression, paranoid delusions, and (most likely) psychosis, b) that he or someone around him understood these conditions as so-called "no fault" illnesses that could/should be treated, and c) that this treatment would have been effective.
In other words, we still understand Nixon's mental deterioration as if it had happened today.
Now, to be clear, a LOT of people in Nixon's inner circle described behavior that they personally found unsettling, and the Pentagon had stopped taking orders from the White House by the end of Nixon's presidency because they were so disturbed by his degree of disconnection from reality. So I'm not trying to argue that his condition went unnoticed -- rather, we can reasonably say that almost no one in Nixon's inner circle believed he was "normal."
(I mean, he literally screamed at God and had conversations with portraits of former presidents. It wasn't subtle.)
But the entire conceptualization of mental disorders as legitimate illnesses that can/should be treated was nowhere near as prevalent during Watergate as it is today. Even if the people around him recognized that Nixon was "acting crazy", it's not realistic to project our own ideas about mental illness onto them and assume that they conceptualized that behavior as an illness that Nixon could not control and had not chosen, believed that it was possible to treat that illness, or even had any desire to see that illness be treated.
(Incidentally, the only significant medical intervention in response to Nixon's illness was to start dosing him with anticonvulsants, resulting in significant memory loss.)
It's less clear whether Nixon himself was aware that he was losing touch with reality (my guess is "kinda"), but even if he did have insight into his mental condition he almost definitely didn't have deep familiarity with terms like "PTSD" and "psychotic break" that might help him understand what was happening to him. We can also assume that, if he did have some inkling of what was happening to him, he likely felt an even greater sense of self-hatred and revulsion at his own condition than a person might experience today.
I know there's still a huge stigma around "bad" mental illnesses, but I also know I'm incredibly lucky to have experienced a psychotic break in 2014 and not 1974. Mental hospitals were still sometimes referred to as "snake pits" because they were so horrible, and the average person did not consider someone with severe, persistent mental illness to have any future or hope whatsoever. I'm not a doctor, much less a doctor from the 70s, so I truly don't know what the prognosis for someone like Nixon would have been. But Nixon himself most likely would have believed it was very poor.
To put this another way, Nixon’s ability to have insight into his own illness was impaired by the lack of insight in the society in which he lived, and the way he processed his own experiences would have been more heavily rooted in confusion, shame, and hopelessness. Also, the degree to which we can hold Nixon to blame for failing to manage his mental illness and pursue effective treatment definitely isn't zero, but it's certainly not on par with what you could expect of a person today.
Now I'm absolutely NOT saying any of that to give Dick a free pass for the horrible things he did and said (any more than I think we should give John a free pass). Nixon was a monster in many ways. But I'd rather understand a monster within their actual context than within an imagined one.
TL;DR I think it's worthwhile to ask ourselves whether we're looking at one of the defining factors in Dick and John's lives through a distorted lens, and, if so, how that distorts our perception of them as human beings.
#before you say no one asked.... someone asked!!#to be clear I'm not a nixon expert#or anything remotely resembling a john lennon expert#this is just my limited perspective based on what I've read#I'd love to hear more opinions on this from people who know more than me#I did see a post once saying john needed to 'work on himself' that kinda cracked me up lol#like I get what they meant but... you can't exactly journal and meditate and talk therapy your way out of spmi#also... he did TRY to work on himself#I'm no doctor so I can't say if the resources truly didn't exist or he just never found them#but I think we can assume it would be harder to access the kind of intensive care he needed back in those days#and he'd be less likely to be aware of it or see it as a legitimate source of hope#john lennon#the beatles#rambles
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#i had a long ass post typed out for this but it's a bit much so imma just type it here instead:#i'm very lucky and blessed to have friends who make plans to hang out with me with the intent of catering to MY interests#like im being so serious that my friends will take me to art museums and bookstores and cafes and roller skating and ice skating#just bc they know i'd love it :')#and yes they love it as well or else they wouldn't put up w it but it means a lot that they ask me specifically to come with#like being in this life where i'm not some random second choice or like... where people actually WANT to hang out w me...#that means a lot#and i'm comforted w the fact that i know exactly where i stand w my friends just from that intention#Sandy rambling#honestly idk if that made sense bc im literally so sleepy and this is my third time trying to put this into words#but that's it for now. ill journal about it later#when it's not 4am
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Since you asked twice: 4, 61, & 66 for the fic writer asks :>
Heheh :3 (questions here)
4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?
I ask myself questions. The scope and number of questions depends on the idea. Am I looking to complete a next scene? Why don't I know what the character will do next? Do they need to make a decision, or does something need to motivation to move past an obstacle? Is their struggle internal or external at this moment? Are they at full capacity or are they tired or hurt and more likely to mess up or do something impulsive?
For fic ideas it's just that but broader. Usually I get a snippet of a scene or inspiration from some outside source- either my own life or some other story. Maybe I just think that two characters should meet, or be put in a situation where they have to fight. Maybe Johnny should punch Valentine in the face. Then I just work backwards from there- what kind of pressure would cause them to be angry at each other? If they have an argument can it be exacerbated by some vulnerability or just because they're having a bad day? Because something else happened and now they're on a hair trigger? What would cause them to fight instead of just walk away? And then just sort of reverse engineering the situation from there. It fails a fair amount of the time, but asking the questions themselves helps flesh things out to make it easier to work out ideas for those characters or any characters, so there's never anything lost through brainstorming.
Also honestly sometimes when I can't think of anything or I'm frustrated and want to vent or cry about it... I'll give myself a weird objective. Try a new POV. Keep it a certain length. Change tense. Write about someone without ever saying their name. It also doesn't always work, but concentrating on some new kind of goal often gets me out of the pit I've been languishing in even when it fails.
61. Why do you continue writing fics?
I love doing it, and also I can't really control my brain when it comes up with stories. So they're going to be in my head anyway, and writing them down helps me develop them and enjoy them even more. Obviously I do love and enjoy the community part of writing fanfiction, and getting feedback and engagement. (Love it. Crave it. Don't we all?) But ultimately I just love doing character studies, and constructing scenes and making things. Sometimes I "write" for hours and get very little done but I really enjoy that time, and if that ever changed I wouldn't do it.
66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?
I don't think any of those things worry me too much. I do feel bad for not updating regularly sometimes but I hardly do anything regularly. I could keep a habit for 3 months and drop it in 2 days for something new. If I don't like something I'm hitting the bricks. Honestly the biggest struggle I have is that period of time just before and just after sharing a story- it's like as soon as I hit post my self-confidence dives, and by that time I've usually reviewed my own writing so many times that it just looks like garbage. Similar to saying a word over and over until it becomes meaningless and annoying? It's kind of the worst. So far the only solution I've found is to leverage my adhd and distract myself until I'm out of the danger zone. I've also found the more I do it the easier it gets, like exposure therapy. The anxiety poison damage from posting gets a little less now that I know "How It Works (tm)".
I do often get stuck on something (a scene, etc.) but my writing process is really messy and so I will leverage having multiple projects and just sort of tool around through them until I find something I can make progress on. If I have motivation I have to follow it or I'll never do anything so just going with the flow and not getting too hung up on doing things In Order or finishing my writing veggies before my writing dessert. Having little to no executive function means that there are some things that I can't do without spending extra spoons and I'm alright with some comfortable chaos.
#ask game#not getting any feedback is more damaging to me than a negative comment#I haven't had pointed negative comments but I've had some people with backhanded compliments or just rude#I usually have to defend my work to people who are invested in making it go away#it's a form of enrichment. at least someone is reading my beautiful PDF so to speak#but to think something I made just gets no reaction at all is much more anxiety inducing#thus that initial Bad Brain I think#i'd rather have a debate with someone then launch my ship directly into the abyss y'know? I respect not everyone feels exactly the same way#but I do assume most folks also hate the No Engagement black hole. being ignored or overlooked is the ultimate ego destroyer lol
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Chan snorts at that. “I’m not,” he says. “He hated his work. When he asked me for the transfer, he told me he would have preferred it if he were actually torturing people. He felt dishonest, befriending people, and then using them. Forcing him to stay would have pushed him too far. Khun Korn agreed. It’s best not to strain your people’s loyalty, too much.”
I loved the whole bit of Pete as part of the interrogation team, would love to read more thought on that
okay, so interrogator!pete was an incredibly late addition to the fic, but i ended up liking it so much that i was like, yes.
parts of pete as an interrogator came from a dinner time discussion with my brother when i was fifteen-ish? i think. (my family dinners often stray onto weird topics, so it's hard to place this conversation properly in a timeline.) anyway, my brother was telling me about hanns scharff who was an interrogator for the luftwaffe in wwii and whose main interrogation techniques were all about making the prisoner believe he was their greatest advocate. parts of his interrogation technique were adopted by the fbi.
i stand by what chan said: the best interrogators aren't always intimidating people who put you on guard. sometimes they're just friendly people who make you feel like you can trust them.
so a few little headcanons about interrogator!pete:
okay so the first thing that needs to be stated is that some of pete's ability with people comes from his childhood of abuse. because when he was a kid, his survival very much depended on his ability to read, identify, and redirect his father's emotions. pete's very good at picking up on what people are feeling and figuring out why. he's a kind, empathetic person, and a really good friend.
he's also really fucking good at getting people to do what he wants.
i think pete made a conscious decision not to manipulate people when he was probably in his teens. he knows how he could do it, but he doesn't.
as an interrogator, pete made people feel like they could trust him. chan mentions this in the chapter, but it really bears emphasising: pete is kind, and compassionate, and responsive, and people like him. this is the most important part of his profile as an interrogator.
these are people expecting torture. they're expecting to be starved. beaten. hurt. so to be thrown at pete, who projects "salary-man just trying to do his job whilst also looking out for you" energy -- it was devastatingly effective.
he never beat prisoners. he never denied them food. he was always plain with them, like, "i'm doing my best to get you the best ending you can, but you've gotta work with me, because you lucked out by getting me, and someone else won't be so kind."
people genuinely felt like he had their best interests at heart. that it wasn't personal. it was just his job. he was as trapped as they are.
it worked. it worked really goddamn well. and pete hated it.
because once you have all the information a source can give you, you need to tie up the loose ends -- and that means killing them. pete was lying to these people. he didn't have their best interests at heart. and pete's greatest strength -- his empathy, his ability to genuinely connect with his prisoners -- was also his greatest weakness.
pete was pretending to be these people's friends, but there was a large portion of it that wasn't fake. pete genuinely liked them. and every time, he ruthlessly exploited them until they were of no more use, and then he had them killed.
pete was recruited into the clan when he was nineteen-ish -- at the time he was working as a bouncer at a night club, and one of the family interrogators happened to see him expertly diffuse a fight, and was like, that one please.
he made it two years as an interrogator before he decided he'd rather die than continue. he went above his supervisor (another interrogator) and made a pitch to chan. he knew a fair bit about the inner workings of the bodyguards, so he'd gotten someone to take his scores already, and presented it very much like he was expecting a hard sell. chan was unmoved by pete's pitch, and instead asked pete why he wanted the switch. pete was honest: he hated work as an interrogator, and almost wished he was torturing people instead, because at least that would have been honest.
this stuck with chan a lot. he escalated the matter to khun korn, but was plain: it's either they take pete on as a bodyguard, or wait for him to crack in a way that might divide his loyalties. and khun korn agreed, and authorised pete's transfer.
after pete was transferred, arm went to chan almost immediately, and was like, "i'll take this one for khun nu's duty, please and thank you." because pete is kind and friendly and empathetic, and that more than anything, is vital on tankhun's detail.
pete still thinks he's being hazed.
#fic: between the sheets#asked and answered#sheets dvd commentary#interrogator!pete#aka my new headcanon for the character#in canon part of the reason pete is so undaunted by vegas's interrogations is BECAUSE he knows what to expect#and when he offers empathy to vegas he knows exactly what he's doing#pete: and i'm about to do what they call a pro-interrogator move#also when they're beating up that guy in episode 7 for information pete's just sat there silently#like the one person in the group project who actually knows what they're doing but is very aware they are outnumbered by idiots#pete: i could say something but then i'd have to explain to these yahoos that i want to make this guy a cup of tea and ask him abt his kids#he stares at vegas torturing the guy because he's curious if he really would have been able to stomach the torture more#torture cw#child abuse cw
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Lithromantic culture is hating the unrequited love trope, especially when the char lacks the guts to confess.
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#Anonymous#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod phoenix#lithromantic culture#honestly idk how i'd tag this best#but i *hate* the idea of it being like a big failing to not confess#to be completely honest i think people are unnecessarily cruel about how anxiety can affect things like this#<- sincerely the defender of our system (phoenix) who is well aware most of our system would literally spiral so badly if 'talk to them'#is the only advice we got when dealing with our anxiety relating to our trauma#which it frequently is#like the idea that it's a failing to not confess#feels exactly like the vibes we get when people tell us to just ignore a trigger#like cool! that's not helpful#also if ppl aren't ready to confess that's like. okay. honestly if they're that nervous to confess there's probably some therapy to be had#before they can have healthy boundaries in a relationship anyways imho#if saying you like someone causes a fear of rejection so strong you can't communicate it#i'm very worried about a relationship in which that dynamic is facing a normal need to communicate hurt
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Basically I came to ask how was the process to be able to study the personality of aki and how you managed to reach the character development you have so far? 😭✨️✨️
ah!!! I mostly just started to improve at writing him over time, like the more I wrote about him and reread my writing, the more I was able to better grasp his character. but I've also read the manga so many times, and when I'm writing, I read through it often to study the way aki acts and the way he talks, that way I could get his personality and the way he speaks down. it's a lot of editing and trial and error...
#it's just practice and being insane about him haha#it's easier to write him once you've memorized how he talks and acts in every situation in the manga#which.... I have.....#I think if I read the whole manga in a different language#I'd still remember what aki says exactly in every panel of him#brain worms........#but in general#aki is a determined and serious person who's kind at heart#and his personality is reflected in his matter of fact manner of speaking!#ask mags
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hey so about the use of the term “singularity” in the new dark road update, what’s the deal with that? i feel like it has a lot of connotations that are not really elaborated on, and it feels distinct from “child of destiny” thing, i’m not completely sure what to make of it or even if MoM was right to call him that
#also like if you told me before the update that someone was going to be referred to as a singularity and asked me to guess who it was?#i'd probably have guessed riku rather than xehanort#y'know a heart strong enough to withstand darkness without protection and without closing itself off to others#exactly what xehanort wanted to be#like maybe that's a reach tho#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts spoilers#kingdom hearts dark road#kingdom hearts dark road spoilers#khdr#khdr spoilers#kh dark road spoilers
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💭 + the arts? (Music, visual arts, dance, whichever.)
send 💭 + a topic to receive a headcanon about said topic.
Gods are often glorified through the works of their followers; they are made icons, through art, poetry and music. It is a shame, then, that Adaru does not engage in the arts as thoroughly as his heralds.
Over the millennia, there have been examples of his heralds work; especially those of Sacrifice and Legend. Fear, as a character, has endured through songs of fitful terror and gruesome murals; he has been the villain of countless folktales. But Adaru himself, as an artist, is... more understated. He sees no need in telling his own story, so long as his reputation arrives before him. And it usually does.
... Even so, it is invested in preserving those stories as much as he can. You'd be surprised at just how well a low, growling voice like that can sing. At how it conducts itself with such awful grace. At the fact a little part of him, even now, holds the stories of his past so close to his chest, and is eager to retell them.
Blood and teeth and terror can only convey so much for so long. People remember stories. And Fear has been the crux of many of them.
#rites and rituals [prompts]#v: a new era of gods and monsters#answered prayers [asks]#scribe and scholar [ooc]#((in like. less esoteric terms: adarus not exactly like. a very well venerated god. but he's still important#((just more the sort of god who perserveres through like. folk tales than grand myths#((and he does genuinely value the arts. not just as a vanity thing. he's like... deeply interested in Preservation#((if anything i'd argue it is one of his driving motivators.#((also a good singer. dancer. storyteller. there's a reason sacrifice is so vital to him
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*tevye voice* but on the other hand, it is impossible not to acknowledge some of the particularly christian themes in the wrath of khan--
#i understand the irony of using tevye here but i cannot hear 'on the other hand' without thinking of him#also. VULCANS?!#coded as jewish? christian? japanese? lets take a vote#in which everyone voting only votes for the group they belong to because they see similarities between their cultural experiences#and outlooks and spock's.#which. let me clarify. is a GOOD THING. me seeing some vulcan practices as distinctly japanese and others seeing it as something else is#WONDERFUL and exactly what star trek is about. would just. love to see the diversity of responses i'd get if i asked what people saw in#vulcans. i know some of the specific jewish elements nimoy brought to the table in his characterization of him re: the rationalists and#kabbalists/the greeting being a blessing#but im not interested in canon#im interested in what people see of themselves reflected in the vulcans#as individuals#captain's log#trek#i forgot what i was talking about#im writing abt the genesis planet for a big secret ent project and referred to it in my head as the 'jesus planet' and then went. that's#rich for someone who just said that vulcan philosophy more closely mirrors buddhism than western religions#because its uhhhh where spock was resurrected#hi everyone#whats going on with all of you
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i’ve submitted well over 50 job applications this summer. tell me why the one (1) position i’ve made the most progress toward is one i didn’t even apply for???* and THEN. yesterday. one of my preceptors from the internship i just finished emailed me out of the blue like Hey i'm gonna have an open position at my private practice soon, are you interested?** girl what the fuck is going on here***
#* i was interviewing for a part time gig and halfway thru guy was was like Oh we also have this totally different position you might like!!#(i'm two interviews in and it's got big pros and cons but it's full time with salary good benefits and great opportunities#but the job itself is not exactly my bag#but it also def wouldn't be a long term thing#the woman from the second interview said she'd have one of the current RDs in that role give me a call so i can ask more questions ab it)#** honestly a great opportunity but two things give me pause:#1. i really enjoyed my time with that rotation and my preceptor was SO kind and lovely but#it seemed like we were just communicating on different wavelengths. like i'd ask a question and then she'd give me an irrelevant answer.#she'd give me an assignment and it would take me two or three tries to get what she wanted.#it was all just slightly off. but maybe that's ok bc i wouldn't be doing ASSIGNMENTS if i worked for her. i would be seeing clients#and 2. the pay is weirdly not good. like SIGNIFICANTLY less than comparable listings i've seen#but i applied for all those and got rejected bc i don't have experience lol so maybe it'd be worth it for a little while#just to get my foot in the door#and i think it would be very flexible and i would start off with a small case load anyway so maybe i could just do it part time#while i do something else full time#bc tbh i also want to work as much as i can (without burning out) while i'm here in tx to take advantage of the lack of state income tax#and lbr if i learned anything from my internship experience it's that i hate being bored and i like variety#how great would it be to bounce between like inpatient acute care and outpatient counseling constantly. keep this brain ENGAGED!#*** the gatekeeping in this profession is unfuckingreal#like i KNEW this profession in particular was too much about ~networking~ and ~who you know~ but#i didn't think it would be this fucking bad
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