#this has happened to me and to so many of my friends and im fucking SICK of it
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TMagP 013
Note: As Always, I am a backer so this was written 23 April, 2024 and scheduled to be posted on 25 April, 2024
oh god its another episodes written by Alex
awww thanks odin <3
Im dreading this
PRE STATEMENT/ CASE
OHHH DATE TIME
THE FLIRTING
This is so cute but i cant trust it because alex wrote it
"that you dont know how cute you are" adshfjagdhflakshdf
WERE STARTING WITH THE BIG STUFF
"hi im from an alternate universe"
CELIA IS A MOM
JACK IS HER BABY
"i had a while few years when I first moved here"
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO CELIA OR JACK I WILL RIOT
HOW DARE
SHES A SINGLE MOM
"that depends on your baggage. DISH"
"they were the first ones that didnt want me" oooooooo\
Alice's Parents are dead good to know
"most pathetic vague post shes ever scene"
"more wine" "please"
LENA OFFICE
GWEN MY POOR BABY
"is it my fault?"
MY POOR PRECIOUS GIRL
"were managing the bad guys" FUCK
CASE
this hold music is a BOP
i had to stop and have my friend explain public school in England to me because that is not the same thing as American public schools
oh lovely a "fiance guy"
a hedge fund guy what i mean is a hedge fund guy
Why in gods name, would you use experimental setting on a hedge fund/ investing app… when you have no idea what it does and it has a shit tone of disclaimers??? i get being desperate but that's just stupid
also the irony of this guy saying hes a good person when hes betting on people failing with hedge funds
do people even steal phones anymore?
i feel like they are not worth all that much and just have to many ways to tack them for it to be worth anything unless you are targeting someone specifically
yeah i figured they might have targeted him
im pretty sure this would qualify as inside trading somehow
betting against your own company and than tanking the company is very illegal
pretty sure betting you'll have a shit time and then making sure you have a shit time would be the same thing
basically this man is committing insurance fraud... but through a hedge fund
it just occurred to me hes calling from the hospital that's what the beeping is
also vertigo mentioned
he was attack by computer bugs lol
shitty "finance guy" gets whats coming to him asmr
post statement
okay i know sam probably mean "be professional" like stop with the flirting
BUT WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT I SOUND LIKE YALL HAVE BEEN HOOKING UP AFTER WORK SOMETIMES.
HAVE YALL BEEN HOOKING UP?
this is how i choose to interpret this this is my new head canon( it was already kinda my head canon)
But if you ever ask me to be
professional again, I'm going to have to
take a shit on your desk." ALICE
"you signed the official secrets act in your onboarding.
And I know all your school friends say treason's 'bussin'' and 'fire', but it won't look good on your CV." i love her so much
"its fine when I say it"
this episode really said fuck capitalism didn't it
also do week need to talk about the fact that celia's son is named Jack Ripley like jack the ripper
WAIT A SECOND JACK IS A NICKNAME FOR JOHN/JON
DID SHE NAME HER SON AFTER JON?
#this show has me in a chokehold#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol spoilers#gwen bouchard#celia ripley#tmapg#tmagp 13#jack ripley#alice#alice dyer#lena#restless reacts to tmagp#live#liveblog
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really fucking sick and tired of people who really fucking love the eddie book jumping on people who don't like or are even remotely critical of it's posts and like crusading their opinions around from the top of their high horses and shoving it down our throats.
if you like the book, great! that's awesome! love that for you! i am genuinely glad that you were able to find good in it and enjoy it!!
but not everyone did, and not everyone is going to agree with you. so, instead of going on some grand crusade where you find every single post that includes anything even remotely negative or negative adjacent or even neutrally critical and spending ALL this time and effort trying to provide unwanted rebuttals to every single thing, maybe you should just stay in your lane and find people who DO like the book and chat about it with them.
because i can PROMISE YOU, none of us appreciate it when you come onto our posts and start accusing us of "hating on" the author or "being rude" about her and her work and RIDICULOUS shit like that.
being critical of something and pointing out it's flaws is NOT inherently hating on it. i, frankly, do not know where people got that notion, but it's not fucking true so can we fucking quit assuming it is? and, critiquing something is also NOT the same as saying this is shit and it sucks and the author is a piece of garbage. again, where the fuck that came from is beyond me. you can be critical of something and still enjoy it. as soooo many of you love to point out, it's not perfect, why should it be perfect? so D U H. of course that means criticism can and should arise???
also. hot take (by which i mean ice fucking cold because it's NOT a fucking hot take), but going around toting FALSE facts as part of your "defense" does not make you or your argument look good. you, like the author, should maybe do a basic fact check first. 🙃
tldr, if you like the book, that's genuinely great, but stay in your fucking lane and stop seeking out posts from people who didn't like it to start shit in the notes.
#flight of icarus#stranger things#this has happened to me and to so many of my friends and im fucking SICK of it#i didn't even hate the book either!! i thought it was just okay#and yet i STILL get all these book lovers jumping down my throat about things i say about the book#things that - HONESTLY are not even like that scathing!!!!!#like god damn all im asking for is a little BASIC effort from the author and they all think thats me asking for her head on a platter#its NOT#i have no problem with the author#she's whatever to me honestly just a vessel through which the book was given to us#ALSO she is some nebulous blob way outside my orbit. AS IN any critiques i have of her and her work are NOT direct assaults on her???#like i dont fucking KNOW her#im not saying any of this to her face#she is a published writer she should KNOW the risks she is taking when she publishes her writing#not everyone is going to like it! there are going to be people who are critical of it! there are going to be people who hate it!#critiques and pointing out mistakes and wishing for things to have been different is not a fucking direct attack#those things are actually pretty fucking common responses to ANYTHING#and a lot of times theyre actually meant as useful helpful things geared towards improvement and not something to tear someone down with#some people on the internet need to go touch grass and learn how to CRITICALLY THINK again#the world is not as black and white as you think#n e ways. rant over. if you stuck around through all of that kudos to you. i am just. at the end of my rope with this bullshit.
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there are two wolves inside of me and one of them wants ruehob to get closer and become genuine friends before developing into a romance
and the other wants rue and hob to continue to have more complicated and messy misunderstandings that could be easily resolved by being vulnerable and honest but instead they both double-down and get under each other's skin (fur, feathers) just absolutely passionately maddeningly exasperated with one another until in the finale they confess their feelings dramatically and realize how much time was lost to misreading situations and feel foolish and recognize the vexation they felt is actually the disquietude of true love. is it clear which wolf is winning
#battlemaster of ceremonies#acofaf#a court of fey and flowers#rue x hob#delloso de la rue#captain k.p. hob#text post#ripping up the earth. gnawing at the stucco. this is my jam#the relationship could turn many different directions i just have a clear and present preference lmao#ruehob becoming friends might break me even more idk idk#altho this show has so many wild left turns that i cannot pretend to predict the fuck will happen but im sooo enjoying the ride gd
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got cut off my health insurance with no warning but i dont have the energy to ask for help anymore. im just gonna deal and try to draw faster and better so i can afford to get back on it/pay premiums
#.txt#too many people need help most of my friends are also suffering#people are dying people are starving and everyone who has the power to stop it doesnt care or enjoys killing people#theres zero fucking hope in this damn earth and im just alive to pathetically attempt to care for my loved ones#and anyone else i can possibly help in any way#its so over lol its so BEYOND fucking over#just look at the last thing i reblogged#can you look me in the eye and tell me with a straight face that things wont just keep spiraling into hell#can you look me in the eye and tell me you truly believe that 'voting' does anything or that there will be a 'revolution'#its NOT happening and you know it. convince me otherwise i dare you. you wont.#everyone is either too tired or too selfish and cowardly#and its too fucking late. the cruelty and pain and injustice has torn a mortal wound in the earth itself#its OVER. and everyone with a heart is slowly bleeding out.
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ngl it’s genuinely kinda crazy how much of my life i have lost to mental illness :3 lol
#purrs#not time wise necessarily but like… aspect wise. like talking to my friends and pursuing hobbies and doing things that give my life meaning#and the very nature of the mental illness reinforces the detachment and fills me with so so so much shame for having lost these things that#it deters me from fighting to get it back. i feel like my life has gotten so gaunt since covid hit and sometimes it occurs to me how many#terrible things ahve happened and how im still pushing forward and everything is fine except for when i Remember. im feeling it now mr krab#delete later#like i used to be someone who hung out with my friends at least once a week and texted back and wrote poetry and played piano and kept my#room clean and took great care to stay organized and connected. and now at my own hands i am spiralling through space. im fighting my way#out of the quicksand i really think i am trying to but im still very much in the quicksand 😻#side note idk if anyone else is having this problem but lately tumblr has been adding two hashtags to tags which keeps knocking off an#extra character to the end of my tags and it’s fucking annoying. i meant *krabs not krab lol
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why do ppl always assume i wanna RP 💀 do i look RP-able or
#its actually CRAZY how many times this has happened#we will be havinga normal ass conversation then suddenly theyre like *pokes ur sides* and im like 🧍🏽♀️#ngas straight up just dont ask for consent or permission and its wild lmao#anyways with all this said#I DO NOT RP 🗣️#i dont care if ive known you for 100 years or just 1 min#i. do not. rp.#so do not send me messages trying to 'fluster' me or get me to react a certain way. i will EMBARRASS you.#the next motherfucker that tries me is getting blocked and THEN imma tell all ur friends that u dont care about consent or boundaries 😇#TIGHTEN THE FUCK UP#and that's my rant for the day#vent post
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#ok i said i was goin to bed but lmao a few things. or maybe just 1#me this year compared to last year? what an astronomical difference#i think i really.... came into my own. like thats the saying right#i think im at the best ive ever been. and like..... honestly i never thought id be able to make friends again but lmao i made so many at#school and like it took awhile#and like i also Know im Different n Confident bc not only am i into someone irl.... i legit like..... purposefully got to know him#like usually i stay the fuck away. but like idk a switch happened. and im like ok but why NOT me???? like im cute.... im fun... all that#like !!!!! idk !!!! why not?????#so ya........... JDJDJDJDJJD maybe this doesnt seem like much but to me its a Huge Deal JDJDJJDMDMDMDMS#n i hope the trend continues this way !!!!#like heck i even talk so casually to the profs. like lmao who am i JDJDJDJDJDJD#i am worried tho.... that when i transition back to working in jan (lmao lets be real... probs wont get a job til after then).... that i'll#go back to being Closed Off#its just really hard for me to open up.... but idk i think this year has taught me that like..... it's worth it....#and ya.... hoping i can continue this !!!!!#personal
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oh btw i get even more why brennan (like me) clocked sophomore year fabian as fucked up and sad even if some of the other pcs were like "what are you talking about dude" . it's because the basic core theses of fabian and leiland eftbk as characters are actually pretty similar
#AND matt mercer was like 'yes absolutely. my character has so many issues' meanwhile b4 lou could even say anything siobhan/adaine#went 'fabian isnt depressed his life rules.'#which like. 1) deeply incorrect statement. 2) fairly in character for adaine to say. 3) unfortunately this caused#a pretty big shift in tone w regards to how seriously fabian's arc ended up being executed#2.5) i could write a whole other post on how point 2 could be a super interesting thing to explore w adaine#she starts off so aware of there being no love from her parents towards her. so she sees love between a parent and a child#and cant conceptualize their relationship being ultimately harmful. like she learned long ago that there was no point seeking approval from#her parents meanwhile fabian made it his whole entire life's goal to do just that thing. both of them are fucked up in opposite directions.#crunchy concept yet very unexplored. and i'm not expecting this to happen in a potential s3 im just throwing ideas around like basebal#d20#eftbk#fantasy high#sorry wrote all those tags then forgot to elaborate on how fabian and leiland are similar anyway it's this whole idea of#having this unhealthy dependency on the approval of someone you admire to the ends of the earth despite them being#fully and clearly a toxic influence on you. The whole illusion of inflated self worth howthat all crumbles when you Realize how fragile you#whole entire worldview was. and THEN you have an embarrassing breakdown in front of ur friends#and this is SO terrifying because you have really tried your best to look really cool and put-together in front of them#it's the 'getting knocked down SO hard and having to build yourself up by recognizing the love from your friends#+finding something completely different from the person you hinged your entire being on in order to find your way to the surface' of it all#also galfast/whitclaw are surprisingly similar narrative wise it's so funny to me. th storytelling series of nat 1s against an op enemy </3#i think it WAS easier to execute leiland's character arc in the way it was bc a) he was played to be so CLEARLY insecure from minute 1#and b) it is very easy to condemn ripoff sauron and say 'yeah this guy sucked and we're glad that leiland and maggie are free from him'#meanwhile for fabian. a) he has convinced himself that nothing is wrong with him even though there so clearly is#and b) you have to acknowledge that bill loved his son so deeply yet was such a bad influence on him#it's such a bittersweet-bitter complexity and i imagine it would be super hard to pull off esp when bill and fabian's dynamic is#played as fairly comedic most of the time. in this vein of 'this evil guy is so evil but he cares about his son this hard and it's funny'#and also just the fact this kind of bitter complicated parent-child dynamic is very rarely portrayed and pulled off well.#WHY the fuck are these tags so long if you read all this i'm so sorry
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my mother, one of the smartest people I have ever met, genuinely believes hamas wants to kill all jews. what do I even do anymore.
#at best she thinks I’m uneducated at worst she thinks I’m okay with my own people becoming extinct. god#to my fellow anti-zionist jews: I love you I love you I love you. i know it’s hard#I’m so so sorry you are also losing loved ones#god I wish standing up for what I believe in didn’t feel so fucking awful#mine#mom you GAVE ME my judaism I’m literally matrilineal#so many of my friends think I’m a monster now#i wish I was better at arguing. i always cry#lmao aren’t Jews supposed to be good at arguing?? @ my genetics what happened#but im staying here anyway. im staying where I stand#i want to stand up against injustice#that’s something inherent to judaism I think.#ironic that doing that makes other people view me as a traitor to my people#I just know that someday these ppl are gonna realize what’s happened#and how our religion has been *used*#and one day they’ll understand why I tried so hard to help them#but for now all I can do is sit with the fact#that many people I love think I’m a monster. :/
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had an insane moment tonight where i just got repeatedly shamed by friends multiple times within minutes but it's ok now bc i don't have to see these people until next semester :) the minute you repeatedly make me feel bad within a matter of minutes and after i realize every time i hang out with you i feel bad you get put into the realm of "our friendship has a timer" ^___^ no more of this lol
#it was not like directly aimed at me but every single thing. applied to me :') and you kept going not to rag on comics majors BUT#for the next five minutes. in the worst way possible. and then kept saying how sex bad how heavy content bad. and frankly i am over it!#i was surprised by the friend who mainly did this but the other one has. done this so many times. and im just kind of sick of it.#im sick of feeling bad every time i see you. every single time.#i just think some people must remember. nothing wrong with discomfort. but your discomfort is not the be all end all correct moral opinion.#just doesnt work that way. at all.#vent.txt#also as someone who has an identity extremely important to them that at the end. is so directly tied to sex and pleasure and eroticism#for me personally at least. well. i hate to be in an environment where even the mere concept of sex is constantly shamed.#it makes me feel bad. and ashamed. and gross. and dirty. and like a fucking creep pervert. in all the worst ways#and it really is. genuinely. painful. it is painful to me.#because i am being told i am just wrong for having feelings that i do. and that im gross. and it has taken me a really long time to be ok#with this part of myself. and i still struggle with it constantly despite my ability to be more secure in myself#but i am constantly trying to remind myself. im not gross or disgusting for having wants and desires and needs. and that it's ok#and im not going to let that be taken away from me by people meant to be my friends.#granted yes i could do more to advocate for myself when this happens. but i know it would be a losing battle. so i just dont.#whatever! whatever! im done and im shutting up now!
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someone needs to bail me out of class for the next too days and lock me in solitary so i can finally have some alone time and properly cry
#mmmmmmm my roommate has many habits that drive me insane#and im too scared to tell her off despite knowing holding it in will absolutely make me feel worse and worse#also i spilt ramen sauce all over my shit and on a white shirt i love so#one more thing to add to the cry abt list#also weird rant now#my moms given me such a bad fucking relationship with money food and gifts#and suddenly shes been so nice to me now that if feels suspicious#which is a really bad fucking thing to feel about your own mom#she got me cupcakes???? theyre being sent/for pickup via my college dining program which i didnt even know you could do#but idk why she did it in the first place nor why she didnt do it for my birthday if she did it at all?#anyways times like this makes me wish i was way more emotionally avaliable and less emotionally constipated#but i vent enough abt shit already that i feel like im whining and complaining more than anything so#a genuine hug from one of my friends or smth that doesnt immediantly give me the ick#bc i genuinely hate that it can happen to me for literally any of my friends#anyways a genuine hug would make me break down crying immediantly#this has been my rant of the day and my horror upon realizing i think one of my irl college friends actually follow me#hi if youre reading this#no you didnt
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i'm seriously tired of this like,,, constant feeling of never really feeling important to anyone. and it's like, it's 100% on me, it is 100% my fault i feel this way but,,, eugh
#affie txt#it isnt anyone's fault at all im just like super unwell LOL#its like. i mourn the friendships where i genuinely felt wanted. because it was ME who fucked them up and now i just feel legitimately like#no matter how many people i befriend and burn through it's like i can never ever feel truly wanted or like im at all important to them#and when i DO#when i do feel wanted and important its always so short-lived and they move on to someone else#and im just like really tired of wanting to be loved and never actually feeling loved#every friendship i was a part of where i felt like i was genuinely important or wanted has completely eroded and its like. all my fault and#im just. really fucking tired of never feeling loved like ever#and its not anyones fault its not like people are mistreating me#I AM THE PROBLEM. I am the reason i feel unloved#because theres something wrong with me and i can never ever feel like im loved even if people say they love me!!! it always feels so hollow#and every time i see my friends get along better with other people i always feel so fucking jealous and its like its such a me problem#but its so hard to get out of this mindset because its one i've been trapped in for YEARS#i've dug this hole and now i lay in it because there is no way out and im so. tired. i just want to be loved#i want to be important to someone i want to be someone's special person their number one and its like#that'll never happen to me!!!! because I AM THE REASON no one views me that way!!!! Im unstable messy reactionary lazy and mean#and so fucking anxious about every little thing that like of FUCKING course no one would love me!!!! loving me is HARD because#i am not MEANT to be loved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am meant to be hated or seen as disposable!!!!#ugh im just so fucking sick of feeling disposable.#vent#ask to tag
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upset about the fact that people think it's cute and trendy to talk about ppl with EDs as if they're just like "haha im ugly lol i'm shallow and vain and fatphobic <3"
like please do 2 seconds of research on EDs and stop spitting vitriol at ppl with a life-threatening illness who hate themselves deeply and have a 10% death rate thanks
#ed discussion /#like yeah there are people who act cruelly to others and take their own stuff out on other people. it's like that with every mental illness#there's a whole range of experiences with eds that i just can not cover in the tags of a post#and one of my loved ones has an ed and internalized fatphobia from many years of deep trauma. and they DO struggle w/seeing other people#in certain ways & will occasionally make a judgmental comment#but it's something they're holding themself accountable for and feel guilty about and actively working on and addressing and challenging.#and they're really supportive of body positivity and are trying to get better. but when you grow up like that it doesn't happen overnight#and as for me i've never seen other people like that. it's not like that for me. i think fatphobia is stupid as fuck and know all the#reasons why it is. i think society and beauty standards are complete BS. at its core it isn't about the food or weight#it's about trying to avoid mistreatment & false associations with oppressive/capitalist beauty standards=love &#coping mechanisms & addiction & isolation & attempting to exert control over traumatic situations through self-destruction#it's not ''lol im stupid and shallow and vain'' for anyone and i wish people would stop talking about it like it is.#had someone talk about how their friend's mom LITERALLY starved her and now she makes self-deprecating comments about her own#body (but says nice things about other people). then they IMMEDIATELY went on to talk very angrily about that friend for doing that.#and i was like?????? oh my GOD???#like if it's triggering to hear those comments that's totally understandable and please let her know. those comments can be triggering for#me too. but why do people treat people with EDs so horribly#it's terrible
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kinda high key need someone to convince me im not stupid or a burden tbh
#i. dont know how to feel rn#i enjoy spending time with my friends. but this new guy in our group feels like he has something against me#its been like this for a few weeks. he keeps talking to me like im stupid and today i not only got my personal space invaded against my will#but also i was literally told to 'shut the fuck up' about a simple furry joke that i wasnt even the only one making#also apparently im the only one he wants to initiate pvp against in character so like#idk man. i dont wanna talk about this with our dm yet cause it might just be cause hes new to our group and technically the only one#outside of our initial friend circle. and also the dms friend. but also like? i feel so shitty about this for the third week in a row now#theres so many factors to this that idk if im just overly sensitive or if hes actually being mean to me but.. it sure feels like it#is it cause im (assumed to be) the only girl in the group? that im deemed as stupid and dumb? or does he legitimately not like me#am i assumed that im just here cause im the dms sibling and not cause these are my friends and i helped to put this group together?#idk. i just feel like shit. really the only thing missing from this is me getting called a bitch (in which case. if it happens. im walking)#but just.. i dunno. would like to feel less like trash if possible please :')#night is an absolute mess on main
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#personal#my brother has been writing online for a couple of years now and recently he started doing commissions#one of the commission has a gay story to it and it always made me go ??? like you someone who is openly homophobic writing for a woman who#specifically asked to include lesbian text as the moving reason for what's happening? and ofc bc I can never keep my mouth shut#today I was like (how are you writing this? for someone who says he doesn't believe /gay/ ppl have a right but not minding their money?)#his answer was (it's not im writing anything explicit...) then he back tracked and was like (ill tell you what dad always says two women#together can't be gay) and when I told him ok but as a homophobe (there is no such thing as homophobia don't fall me that to say homophobia#is like saying you are backwards and an idiot I am neither are you also not []) I feel dumb lmao#what else did I expect? why would I go and ask him that? isn't the answer clear enough? what's even more fucked imo is the commission comes#from one of his online friends? she is paying him 100+ dollars to write this and ok his writing is good but like he must not show her that#side of him and he has been writing so many chapters already it's cheap it's disgusting I shouldn't have said anything#at least from his words he must have forgot me stupidly kind of coming out at some point or is electing to ignore it fuck
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