#this fucking happened for my last booster too
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Two different people I spent multiple hours around on Thursday tested positive for Covid on Saturday
I got a booster on Wednesday
#this fucking happened for my last booster too#i tested positive EXACTLY two weeks after my last one lmao#prays to Pfizer gods
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Power
Hi this is Maddy and I’m going to try the new confidence booster supplement from CC Industries called ‘Power’ and document it here. My boyfriend Alex is a scientist with the company so this is currently experimental but he assures me it’s safe. So this is me with zero days of Power.
Hi it’s Maddy again and this is day three of taking Power. Not seeing much difference yet. I think maybe my ass has gotten smoother and bigger? Let me know in the comments.
Hi it’s Maddy and this is day seven of taking Power and I’ve been feeling more confident and assertive. Thanks for all the compliments on my butt in my last video, that’s really helped my self esteem. Also maybe related but I seem to need my glasses less and less.
This is two weeks of being on Power and I think I’m really starting to feel a difference now. Like check out this cute outfit, I would have never had the confidence to wear something like this before. Comment below with a score out of 10 for how I look.
Maddy here and this is one month using Power. As you can tell it’s had some major physical side effects. My boobs are bigger, my skin is clearer and my lips are more full. It’s certainly been a hit with my boyfriend who suggested I up my dose. I’m not sure if I should but what’s the worse than can happen?
It’s me, Maddy, and this is what two months of Power looks like. I’ve never had the confidence to own a sun bathing suit before but now, well, I think this little number speaks for itself. My boyfriend was right, the double dose makes me feel and look even better. Other guys have noticed too, but don’t tell my boyfriend he has competition.
It’s me, Madi, naturally, and here I am looking like perfection after three months of Power. I’ve had a few changes in the last month. I got new clothes, new makeup and even a new car thanks to biggest change in my life, my new boyfriend Chad. He’s rich and handsome and knows how to treat a woman of my stature, not like my loser ex. Message for all you queens out there, don’t settle for frogs.
It’s Madison here to update you all on my four months of having Power. I’d also like to address the comments from my last video. The comments that say that I’ve become bitchy and superficial lately. I’d like to apologize to all the babies out there who are envious of me and want to take me down. You’re never going to take me down. Which reminds me, today I hit a milestone of 1 million subs!
Listen up, Madison is speaking. I know plenty of you jealous bitches have signed a petition to get CC Industries to cut off my supply of Power and somehow you losers won them over but I have plenty of Power stocked up. You think I’d give up this feeling after just five months? I might even start upping my dose!
I have big news for all my loser followers, your Queen is getting married. Not to Chad, I dumped him last week for my new man. Well not new exactly, it’s Alex my ex. I was burning through my supply of Power more than I thought and I knew Alex could get me more, but he was too moralistic and lame so I spiked his drinks over a few weeks with my remaining doses. He’s so fucking hawt and mean now. Power gave him the drive to take over CC industries so now I get all the Power I could ever want but I don’t like to share so we won’t be releasing it anytime soon. If I could do all this with only six months of Power, imagine what I’ll accomplish in the next six.
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spiderman’s sweetheart
spider!eren x f!reader
you find yourself helping out your friendly neighborhood spiderman
content: spiderman au!, mentions of violence/blood/injury, a very corny spider gang, pieck + hange best girlfriends and aunts, they keep calling the female titan a pervert, the iconic spiderverse monologue at the end
an: based on a request I received from @cutiejg hope you like it sweetie pie!!!! ur request made me so excited I just had to write it now bc I LOVE LOVE LOVE SPIDERMAN
--
Eren’s late. He’s late, he’s late, he’s late.
His skateboards not moving him nearly fast enough and the stupid fucking school security stopping him every ten feet isn’t helping him either. And the cracks in the pavement slowing him down and the soreness from last night aren’t exactly boosters either.
When he reaches the basketball courts, he sees you sitting there and feels his heart drop - black sunglasses perched on your face, your hair glowing in the sun, and your nose stuck in a book. As he walks up, he instantly recognizes the cover of the book you’re reading - The Heir to the Jedi - one of his favorite novels from when he was younger.
He picks up his skateboard from the ground, running his hand through his hair one time before he clears his throat to get your attention. He watches intently as look up, giving him a smile as you yank your earbuds out of your ears.
“Hi. I’m Eren. Eren Yeager. From the yearbook? We uh- went to elementary school together. And middle school. The same class too - with that hardass Mr. Levi? And uh-I’m sorry I’m late, I just got out of work.”
Work. In his job as the cities most wanted vigilante, Spiderman.
He’s cut off by the sound of you laughing, your nimble fingers pulling your sunglasses off the tip of your nose and pulling them up to hold your hair back.
Fuck. This is infinitely harder when you’re making direct eye contact with him, glowing eyes peering into his.
“I know who you are, Eren.”
“You do?”
“Of course, I do. How could I forget the guy who spilled orange juice all over Mr. Levi - the clean freak hardass himself’s - desk?
Eren feels his cheeks burn, embarrassment coursing through his blood as he fumbles with the camera around his neck. Great. All you remember is the time he got yelled at and sent to the principal’s office in seventh grade for being clumsy.
It’s not his fault he spilled the fucking orange juice. You just happened to look at him right at that second, pulling your face up from your textbook, to smile at him and his hands just started sweating and it just happened.
“Right, uh- so you like Star Wars?”
He watches you gather your belongings - a pale green waterbottle, your solid black backpack - covered in pins and ribbons as you both head down to the courts. One pin catches his eyes - the signature spider emblem right in the middle. The “I Stand with Spiderman” pins.
A month after he started this whole Spiderman thing, the police chief called a task-force, aimed towards arresting the “spider vigilante” that was wrecking havoc. He almost got caught, backed up into a corner during one of his first fights, but the people in the city blocked him off, giving him enough time to get away.
It was…a whole moment. The community, the people - they love Spiderman. So much that they started a whole movement to protect him, started by a group called “The Lions.” The names corny, but they’ve protected him more times than not so…he appreciates it. And that pin - it means you’re a part of it.
Not only are you a part of a group that supports him, but you’re the class president of the school. And he’s the editor in chief of the yearbook. And in your presidential duties, you’ve tasked him with joining you at all your club progress meetings to take pictures of each club. It’s easier to do it together so you don’t take up that much time from each club - one meeting to get all the business sorted out.
“Huh? Oh! Because of the book. Yeah, my little brother, Falco. Really into that stuff.”
“Does he have a favorite character?”
“Kylo Ren.”
“I was Kylo Ren for Halloween. Armin, Jean, and Connie were the knights.”
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why the fuck did he just tell you that he was a nerdy fucking Star Wars character for Halloween? Did he seriously just admit that he has the same interests as your fucking eleven year old little brother?
“That’s clever, since it sounds like your name and all. Eren - Ren. Falco and I went as Harry and Hermione.”
“Ah. You should be Rey and Finn next year. Because you’re like….a ray?”
He watches you turn over to look at him, eyes squinting in confusion.
Because she’s a ray? Eren Yeager, literal fucking spider-human who can swing from literal buildings, and the best he can come up with is you’re a ray. He couldn’t even finish the sentence and say ray of sunshine?
“If I’m a ray, than you’re a segment.”
He laughs so hard, he snorts and it’s literally so fucking embarrassing he wants to crawl in a hole.
Math joke. You made a math joke. Because if she’s a ray, a part of a line that has no fixed end point, then he’s a segment - a line with two distinct end points.
Eren tries his best to concentrate, but your sweet honey voice and your soft flowery smell make it hard to pay attention. He snaps the pictures. He walks you to your car. He goes to sleep with a smile on his face.
-
from y/n l/n
you: eren!!! the basketball pictures are so great. ty for all ur help :’)
Armin, Connie, Jean, and Eren all hover their heads over the phone - lying flat on his bed spread - trying their best to write out the best response.
This is serious. Eren’s had a crush on you since the fourth grade. And this is his chance.
“You should tell her thank you. And that you want to get coffee with her.”
Connie grabs Armin by the collar of his shirt, nearly strangling him in the process.
“Are you fucking kidding, Armin? He might as well say he wants to have sex with her.”
Eren can feel his cheeks heat up as Armin and Connie start arguing, half swatting each other on the face. Armin’s screaming into Connie’s ear, the both of them tangling on the floor now.
“What the fuck are you on about, Connie? It’s coffee shop, not a fucking bar.”
Eren webs the two of them off each other, giving them both a smack on the back of the head as they stop.
“You can’t web us Eren. We’re your guys in the chair!”
Originally, Eren had one guy in the chair. Armin. A bloody genius at all things science and technology - he couldn’t have designed his web slingers without him. Granted, he tried but they didn’t work as well.
But then he had to tell Connie. Because Connie had an in at the fabric store, his best friend Sasha’s mom as the primary designer, and he desperately needed someone to design a suit so he could keep his identity a secret. So he told him. Because that’s the only way Sasha’s mom would agree. If her biological son basically begged her to make a suit.
Connie’s a loudmouth. Who told Jean. Who isn’t entirely useless. Sure he’s got a pretty big fucking head, but his dad is also a cop - meaning Jean can steal their radio systems so Eren can respond to events faster than them.
A spider gang.
“You’re both some big fucking idiots, that’s what you are. Where the fuck were you raised, Connie? A barn?”
Eren, Connie, and Armin immediately stop talking the second they hear the swishing sound fill the air, turning their heads to find Jean with the phone in his hands. He sent a message.
Jean’s smirking at the three of them, shaking the phone in his hands. Eren immediately stalks over, his eyes boggling out of his fucking sockets when he reads the response.
to y/n l/n
eren: thanks bae!
“Jean Kirstein. Count your fucking days.”
He immediately webs Jean to the wall behind him, slapping across the face one time for good measure as well.
“What gives? It’s sweet - calling back to the ray joke you told us about.”
Jean yanks his hand off the drywall, placing the stray webs onto Eren’s bed spread.
“The ray joke? Your dumbass literally responded with ‘thanks bae’”
Jean sits up, snatching the phone from Eren’s hands as he runs his eyes over the phone again. Jean’s face turns uncharacteristically pink, an apologetic look on his face. Eren tags him to the wall behind him, spiderwebs holding his wrists up properly to the drywall this time.
“Touch my phone again and I’ll web you upside down from the Empire State Building next.”
“It was autocorrect! I thought I typed ray.”
Eren webs over Jean’s mouth to prevent him from talking any further. He plops on the floor, head in his hands.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This can’t get any more embarrassing. First he spills that orange juice in front of you and then calls you a ray and is late to meeting with you and now sends you this fucking horrifying text?
You’re going to block him. You’re going to block him and Eren’s going to lose his chance with you. Eren is most definitely going to hang Jean upside down from the Empire State Building.
His phone dings in the air and the three of them - Connie, Armin, and Eren - nearly drop the phone off the fucking bed trying to read the response. Jean’s voice is muffled against the web - sounding an awful lot like “if it’s a good response, you have to set me up with Mikasa”
from y/n l/n
you: you’re welcome sweetheart :DDD
Armin and Connie are fucking shaking Eren by the neck, the three of them screaming in the air. Jean’s still muffling against his web, begging to find out what you responded.
Eren ignores that embarrassing heart skip in his chest.
-
“Where is it guys?”
Eren turns up his earpiece, swinging towards the end of the buildings. He could hear the crashing as he was walking back to his apartment, decking into the alley way to suit up.
Armin - in all of his fucking genius - created matching earpieces for the four of them to use when Eren was on sight, everyone making sure a base was covered. Armin reported on the casualty, trying his best to think of ways to use the enemies weaknesses to Eren’s advantage.
Connie watched the security cams Jean gave him access to, finding the best access route for Eren to get in and out of places. And Jean, in all his annoyingness, kept surveillance on the fucking cops trying to arrest him at every move.
“Rose Middle School. Apparently, it’s like some fucking superhuman female titan and she’s giant. She’s wrecking through the parks right now.”
“On it, Armin. Jean and Connie - keep me updated on where the cops are.”
“Make sure a flaming car hits Mr. Levi.”
“Shut the fuck up, Jean.”
Eren turns his ear piece down, swinging into his old middle school as he surveys the problem.
And Lord have mercy, she is fucking giant. A chiseled titan of pure muscle, striking blue eyes and blonde hair watching him swing through the air. She’s currently demolishing the PE equipment, which he imagines can’t be too bad, given it’s centuries old.
Maybe they’ll finally replace the pickle ball equipment with a real sport - like basketball of volleyball. Eren webs her ankles and arms together first, knocking her down to the side.
“Hey lady. Have you ever thought about like…putting clothes on? This feels weirdly inappropriate.”
She only roars in response, breaking open the webs around her ankles as she reaches around for him in the air. Eren swings around her, basically flying through the air, as he tags her to the tree behind her. He taps into the ear piece, waiting for a response.
“Best idea is to leave her there for now, Eren. There’s a kid around the block, make sure he’s okay before you try again.”
“On it, Armin.”
He swings around the block, to find one pale, blonde haired kid - a nose stuck in his book and headphones covering his ears. Did he not just see the hoard of kids running away? Or here that female titan just scream?
He steps down, using his webs to yank the kids headphones off as he steps down in front of him. When the kid looks up, he realizes he has a puddle full of tears in his eyes, his cheeks brazen pink.
“Hey kid.”
He sniffles in response, pressing his hand against his nose.
“Hi.”
He crouches down, holding out his hand to shake.
“I’m Spiderman. What’s your name?”
“Falco.”
“Nice to meet you, Falco. Want to get out of here before that creepy little weird lady comes back?”
“Um, yeah. But my sister is supposed to come get me.”
“Your sister, huh? Did she say where?”
Stupid sister. Was she really planning on getting you from here? This sister couldn’t meet him at the Starbucks across the street?
“Right here. I’m waiting for her to show up so we can leave. She said to listen to music and read my jedi book so I don’t panic.”
Jedi Book. Sister. Falco. You. Holy fucking god, this is your little brother. The one who likes the Kylo Ren.
Right on cue, he can feel his spider sense tingling, with you running behind him - sneakers slapping against the concrete as you sprint. You nearly knock Spiderman over as you grab Falco by the face, cupping his cheeks in your hands as you run your eyes all over him.
Your face is all scrunched up in panic and Eren can feel his senses heightened at the sight of you, this kid, and this creepy fucking titan lady a few feet away from you. You need to leave. Now. He needs you to leave because he can’t focus if you’re here.
“You okay, Coco? Let’s go. Right now.”
“Okay, okay.”
But before you can, a large crashing sound knocks the three of you to the ground, the stupid female titan standing over the breadth of the elementary school, crystal blue eyes glaring down at the three of you. Spiderman webs up first, spinning around her as he calls out to her.
“God, lady. You should really put some clothes on. You’re flashing entire titty to a kid right now.”
All you can do is look up in shock, the titan’s crystal blue eyes staring into yours. Your hold on Falco is nearly deathlike and you shaking Falco’s arms as hard as you can to signal him to follow you.
You begin to pull him but feel a tug when Falco doesn’t follow. He’s crying hard - tears pouring out of his eyes as he looks down at his feet.
“I can’t move- I-I’m scared, Y/N.”
You reach down, pressing your hands firm against his shoulders as you squeeze.
“This isn’t the time to be scared, Falco. You’re okay. Spiderman’s right there and he’s dealing with-”
You look up to find Spiderman, trapped in the palm of the titan’s hand, a broken device in his hand and one splayed on the floor, not a few feet away from you. You leave Falco where he’s standing, scrambling over to inspect it.
It’s small and rectangular - blue and red splayed all over the intricate design work. In the tiniest of handwritings, there’s a small piece of text in the corner.
property of the spider gang bitch
Spider Gang? That’s so fucking corny.
You hear Spiderman yelling out at you, refocusing to your vision to him, where he’s still trapped in her hand.
“Mind giving me my webslinger back, sweetheart?”
“Uh- yeah. I-”
Before you can toss it up to him, the female titan stomps straight on to the concrete, knocking you and all the nearby outposts to the ground. Your ankle is immediately trapped under the mailbox to your right, the webslinger still in your hand.
You try your best to yank your leg out from the metal, but you can feel your ankle burning - the pressure on your leg making your chest writhe in pain. Falco runs over, his hands in your hair as his hot tears start hitting your cheeks.
“Hey. Hey hey hey. Falco, right?”
You both angle your head up, looking at Spiderman talking to the two of you. The titan’s still got him crushed in her hand, but she’s distracted by the sound of the police cars coming up the block. Falco’s taken a few steps forward, towards the stupid alien mutant whatever the fuck titan she is.
“You’re a strong kid, right?”
“Not really. I didn’t pass my physical test last week.”
“Not strong in that way, kid. Strong in the head, the heart.”
“Um. I don’t know, Spiderman. I’m kind of lame when it comes to stuff like this.”
Eren racks his head. He just needs his fucking webslinger back so he can get you guys out of here. And not get arrested. And not break every bone in his body from this death grip this naked lady has on him. And to make sure you’re okay.
“Kylo Ren. He was pretty lame when he started out too right? He had to go to the special Jedi school with Luke and kind of learn everything from the start.”
Eren sees Falco’s eyes light up, his tears lightly subsiding as he finally meets his eyes up to look at Eren. Bingo.
“Yeah.”
“And then he became really, really cool because he just tried it out right?”
“Yeah and then he became evil and got the Knights of Ren.”
“Okay, kid. Maybe ignore that part.”
He sees Falco laugh, the female titan squeezing him harder in his grasp as she looks around, the police helicopters, right on fucking cue, starting to surround the three of you.
“Okay, Falco. I need you to be strong. Like Kylo Ren, right now. Your sister, she’s got my webslinger in her hand. I need you to get it and then toss it to me. Can you do that?”
Eren watches Falco nod, turning back to grab his precious, precious web slinger and toss it up to him. He misses the first time. And then the second time. But on the third time, he aims just right, the magnetic latch sliding in and Eren webbing this stupid titan bitch right in the fucking eyes.
He swings down, lifting the metal mailbox from your legs as he lifts you into your arms, carrying you bridal style. He looks down at you - sweat coating your forehead and your eyes blinking closed. Falco’s at his side watching expectantly, his hand in his hair.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll get you to a hospital right away, okay?”
He watches you nod in pain, crimson red blood running down the side of your leg.
“Spiderman. Can I come too?”
“Kid. That’s a stupid question. Climb on my back. We’ll take Y/N to the hospital, okay?”
He swings away as the cops close in, the female titan encasing in steam as he swings away. He taps into his earpiece.
“Someone watch what happens. See if she escapes through the steam somehow since she’ll definitely be back. And where’s the closest hospital?”
“King Street, Eren. Pieck should be working.”
“Got it, Armin. Thank you.”
He swings as fast as he can, trying to ignore Falco’s death grip on his neck and your eyes fluttering closed as he swings into Pieck’s open window.
A special edition to the Spider Gang (unofficially, of course) - Pieck is the best fucking asset in the world. A Nurse Practitioner he once saved from getting robbed, she’s now indebted to him entirely. And she’s also his Aunt Hange’s girlfriend - not that either of them know he’s Spiderman.
Not that he would ever ask her for anything personal, he just brings injured civilians caught in his crossfire to her so he can avoid the whole - Are you Spiderman? Do the webs come out of your holes? Can you swing me to work later?
He swings into her office, laying you flat on the gurney in the center of the room and setting Falco down on the couch nearby.
As soon as he settles Falco into the chair, he feels his spider sense tingle and spreads his hand behind his neck, catching the syringe Pieck threw at him before it could hit him. He turns his back, smirking at Pieck through his mask.
“Pieck-chan.”
“I’m calling the police, SpiderFuck.”
“Cmon. I saved your life, you know?”
“That was one time. You’ve almost got me fired three times over.”
“Cmon, cmon Pieck. This girl, I know her. Just help her out, yeah? She’s really sweet, y’know that?”
He watches Pieck divert her eyes past him, focusing on you writhing on the gurney. She sighs as she smacks Eren on the side of the head, reaching forward to attend to your leg.
“Get out of here, SpiderAss. They’ll be circling around the building any minute.”
Eren runs up, tackling Pieck in a hug, before she can protest and swings out the window.
-
You haul your black boot up the door, knocking on the door. You can see “Zoe” inscribed into the little call box, ensuring that you did find the correct apartment from the directory. You can hear a loud rustling behind the door and the door swings open. You’re met with Hange, Eren’s aunt.
“Hi. My name is Y/N. I attend Shiganshina High School. I’m a classmate of Eren’s, I was wondering if he was here.”
“Pieck. Pieck! THERE’S A GIRL HERE TO SEE HIM.”
Eren’s aunt drags you in by the wrists, taking the tin of brownies in your hand and setting it on the table, as they inspect you. Their eyes are glinting with excitement as they smile at you, teetering on their ankles as they talk.
“Do you like Eren? Oh, isn’t he just so nerdy and sweet, I just love him. Do you love him?”
A hand comes straight into Hange’s hair, yanking them back. You follow the line of vision, seeing that the hand belongs to Pieck. The nurse that Spiderman dropped you off to. Only more proof that you’re right.
Pieck leans straight into Hange’s frame, rolling her eyes at Hange as she starts talking to you.
“We were starting to worry about the kid. I thought he was impotent or something.”
“Oh! Uh, no-”
Hange leans over into your space, grabbing you by the shoulders.
“How do you know he’s not impotent? Oh, you two better be having safe sex or I swear to god.”
“No! Oh, no no, I swear it’s not-”
Hange keeps rambling to themselves as they walk around the kitchen, yanking Pieck along with them. Pieck glances to your side, mouthing the words “he’s upstairs” as you shoot her a grateful smile and you start lugging your boot up the stairs.
You knock on the door, voices muffled on the inside as you peak in. When you swing open the door, you find Connie, Eren, Jean, and Armin in a very strange position. The four of them are clearly playing Twister - Eren’s face near Jean’s ass and Connie’s hand right near Armin’s…dick.
“Uh. Hi guys.”
At the sound of your voice, they all quirk their heads towards you, so shocked at your presence that they all tumble on each other. You hear Hange screaming from the bottom of the stairs, her words making your cheeks turn red.
“Eren Yeager. You better not be having sex with that girl in my house!”
You watch Eren tangle out of the mess, rubbing the back of his neck as he screams back at Hange, slamming the door shut. He helps Armin and Jean up, before he turns back to you - his cheeks glowing pink.
“Hi Eren.”
“Hi Y/N. What are you doing here? Is your leg okay?”
You hold out the card, embellished in your sparkly pink stationery and hold it out to him. You bought him a gift card - to Joe’s, the coffee shop near the highschool. You’d seen him bring a half empty cup to class a few times and figured it would be the best gift.
You had to thank him. Because your leg put you out of commission for a week, you hadn’t been coming to school. And he sent you all the assignments (and the answer keys) while you were out. And made sure to tell all the clubs to keep their emails to themselves until you were back. And if you’re right, he’s the one who saved your life.
“This is for you. Thank you - for the homework and the emails. It helped a lot.”
You lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek, the skin soft and warm under your lips. Jean face plants on to the floor, Connie and Armin staring at you in shock.
“Right. I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you guys. You’re Connie, Armin, and Jean?”
They all nod, awkwardly shaking their heads as they plant on to Eren’s futon, Eren joining them on the seat. You sit right on Eren’s bed, the sheets Jurassic Park themed, as you face them.
Here goes.
“I know your secret.”
“We know yours.”
Eren smacks Jean across the back of his head, signaling him to shut up.
“I thought about it. Really hard when I was in the hospital. You see, I really didn’t have much to do.”
You lay back on Eren’s bed, pin pointing each of them and what you discovered by the line they’re sitting in. Jean first.
“You know, one of the biggest mysteries about Spiderman is how he manages to get to casualties and robberies so fast. They’re usually reported through the police department, the intercoms only going through the radio.”
The four of them are twitching at your words, after you casually drop the word Spiderman specifically, as you continue.
“There was a radio that went missing a few weeks ago. Police Officer Kirstein lost the intercom on his way home from his shift. It was never recovered.”
Jean turns red at the implication, his knees shaking as he drops his eyes. You’re right. You’re right, you’re right, you’re right. Connie next.
“And you know, Spiderman has a very cool suit. Blue and red, specially stitched and special fabric clothes. I’ve thought long and hard about who could have designed it, but really there’s only one good designer in New York. Lisa Braus.”
You turn your eyes to Connie, whose awkwardly looking around the walls, at anywhere but you.
“Lisa Braus is Sasha Braus’s mother. You know, I’ve heard she can be coerced really easily, she really loves her daughter. I’m sure if you, Connie, gave Sasha say - a promise of a lifetime of free lunches from your parents restaurant - she could have given in and gotten her mom to make the costume. No questions asked.”
Connie wrings his hand around his neck, groaning as he leans back into the futon. Armin’s hands are splayed right across his thighs, surely rubbing the sweat off on his slacks.
“And the web-slingers. Ingenious design, really. There’s only one person who beat me out at the Tech-A-Thon in ninth grade. And it was you, Armin. They have your name written all over it - the design, the metrics. Though, you’re getting kind of sloppy. From the few seconds I looked at it, I think you can pack more webs if you lay them diagonally against the hardware instead of vertically.”
You watch the gears move in Armin’s head as he thinks over your suggestion, turning to Eren to shrug. And then you look at Eren, leaning his elbows on his knees as he looks at you.
“And you. You’re Spiderman. That day, when you saved me and Falco. You told him to be strong, like Kylo Ren. But you don’t know Falco like that. All you know is what I’ve told you And there’s no way Spiderman could have known that - unless you were Spiderman.”
He leans over, his green eyes glaring into yours.
“That’s all a coincidence, Y/N. Maybe you hit your head when you fell on that mailbox.”
You falter for a second. You can’t be wrong. You can’t be wrong because you’re sure of it. You’ve thought it over for the past few days and he has to be. He has to be Spiderman.
“How do you know it was a mailbox? Stop lying, Eren. I know it’s you.”
“No, you don’t-”
Eren stands up and you join him, getting closer to him as you keep talking, trying to convince him that you know.
“You-you took me to Pieck when I got hurt. And while Pieck is just a nurse and anyone would do it, you took me to her specifically. Because you know she’ll fix it. Not just because she’s a nurse who cares about healing people but if she tries to rat you out - you can tell her you’re Spiderman. She’ll defend you like no other because you’re basically her pseudo-kid.”
“You’re making things up, Y/N.”
“And the earpiece. You said “got it, Armin” when you were carrying me to the hospital. I’ve looked and looked. Armin Arlert is the only Armin in Brooklyn. It’s a pretty unique name. And I know if you’re Spiderman and he’s probably the first person you told. You’ve been best friends forever and-
“Y/N. Seriously-
“No, Eren. Because Spiderman called me sweetheart! And I called you sweetheart when you called me bae and you told Pieck that you knew me and that I was a sweet girl when you thought I couldn’t hear you.”
You place your hands on his shoulders, boring your eyes into yours as he looks at you.
“Eren. You’re Spiderman. And I would never, ever tell anyone.”
You watch as he drops his gaze, muttering under his breath.
“Got me all figured out, don’t you sweetheart?”
Eren settles back down on the couch, as Connie, Jean, and Armin start their protests.
“Eren, you can’t just go around telling people you’re fucking Spiderman.”
“You’re a vigilante. Do you know that? Her dad is the fucking police captain who wants your head on a stick.”
“Spider Gang is already way too big as it is. Your identity will get revealed if you keep being an idiot.”
You clear your throat, the four of them craning their heads to look at you. You look down awkwardly at your hands as you sit back down on Eren’s bed, rustling with your keys in your pocket.
“You guys told me a secret. I can tell you one too.”
Jean leans forward, rolling his eyes at you.
“He just admitted he was Spiderman, sweetheart. I don’t think anything compares to that.”
Eren brings his hand down in Jean’s hair and yanks hard.
“Don’t call her that.”
You yank your keys out, fumbling with them in your hands openly.
“You guys know about “I Stand With Spiderman”?”
Connie rolls his eyes, glaring at you.
“Obviously. Shit’s a fucking revolution at this point.”
“I started it. The pins and the spray art and telling everyone.”
You watch the four of them go slack jawed, for what feels like the tenth time today, staring you down. Armin speaks first this time, standing up to run his hand through his hair.
“You-you’re the Lions?”
“Yeah. It’s a stupid name, but-”
Jean cuts you off, nearly strangling you as he shakes your entire frame in his hands.
“That’s fucking impossible. Your dad is a bigger pig than mine and there’s no way in hell his fucking daughter is the one who started the thing that protects Eren every time he’s out there.”
“That’s just the point, Jean. I got mad at my dad. So I started it. I think Spiderman’s the best thing that happened in the community and I knew that people agreed with me. So I did what I knew how to do. Spray paint. Pins. The people.”
Eren stands up, yanking Jean off to grab your hands and lock his fingers with yours.
“The Lions?”
You clear your throat, explaining.
“Harry and Hermione are Gryffindors. And Gryffindors are lions.”
You can feel your cheeks turn pink - from Eren staring at you so close and holding your hands and Armin smiling at the two of you in your peripheral vision. You hold your keys up, dangling them between yours and Eren’s face, your shiny little Lego Harry Potter key chain making Eren’s eyes light up.
Eren lets go of your hands and starts rummaging through his drawers, looking for something. He pulls out a small black string. Her reaches up to push your loose hairs behind your ears, stringing the piece through your ear.
He taps on his own ear, speaking into the mic. His voice vibrates through your, a beaming smile on his face.
“Y/N. Welcome to Spider Gang.”
“That’s a really corny nickname, Eren. Could you really not come up with anything better?” you laugh, smiling at him.
“Says the girl who named a fucking revolution after Harry Potter.” Jean speaks up, glaring at you as he talks.
“Jean. Shut the fuck up.”
“Sorry, Eren.”
-
Eren’s swinging through the buildings, clutching the side of his thigh as he retreats back to his apartment.
Stupid fucking female titan. He’s been encountering her here and there - a total of six times now and he still has yet to understand what she’s doing.
She appears out of nowhere, in locations that have no thread of connection - the elementary school, the coffee shop on the block near the bodega, the botanical garden all the way out of Brooklyn.
He can’t figure it out. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t talk. No matter how many times he insults her for being a naked pervert, she still doesn’t break.
When he makes it back to his apartment, swinging into his room through the open window, he finds his spider team…down. Armin and Connie are sprawled on the ground, hair all messy and tiredness pressed on their faces as they pore over the new web-slinger designs. Jean’s on the computer, six empty cans of redbull on his desk as he pores over the footage, trying to figure out how she escaped.
And you. You’re sprawled on Eren’s dinosaur sheets, using the DNA samples he gave you as a pillow, lightly drooling onto the results. He reaches down, lifting your head gently as he places it back down onto a real pillow, as you mumble on in your sleep.
“Is she okay, Armin?”
“Ah. She might be taking her Spider Gang duties a little bit too seriously than the rest of us. That and she’s more busy - she’s still doing all of her class president and internship stuff on top of this.”
He sees you move in your sleep, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hand, as you focus in on your surroundings. The second you see Eren, the gash in his thigh, you jump up from the bed, scooting over to examine the gash.
“Eren. Are you okay? You’re okay, right? Because I think I might be on to something and you can get her next time. I-I think she goes to our school or maybe-”
Eren presses his hand to your knee as you take the seat next to him, leaning over to look at the gash.
“Guys. Can I talk to her alone please? And get my dinner from Pieck, there’s no way I can hide this from her.”
Armin, Connie, and Jean close the door behind him, leaving you to help Eren strip out of his suit. You’re trying your best to be gentle - pausing every time he hisses and groans in pain, lightly pulling the fabric out of the gash on his thigh.
After it’s off, you reach for the kit Jean stole from Pieck’s room, cleaning and bandaging the wound. You try your best to not focus on the fact that Eren’s just wears his boxers under the suit and he’s just wearing his boxers right now in front of you.
“Hey.”
“Hi Eren.”
“You know, you don’t have to take your Spider Gang duties so seriously. We’re all trying to figure out who she is and the bulk of it doesn’t have to fall on you.”
“Spider Gang is a stupid name. And yes, I do. They barely spend any time thinking about it - with Jean trying to push back on all the initiatives they’re putting into stop you and Connie and Armin trying to perfect your tech so you can last longer.”
“I last just fine. I just mean…you’re busy. Take a break, I don’t like seeing you guys all so worn out.”
You push hard on the wound on accident, Eren groaning in pain.
“Sorry. But we don’t like seeing you hurt Eren. You’re literally bleeding onto your futon right now and that’s not exactly a fun thing to see either.”
He tilts his head down, his eyes in front of yours.
“Worried about me, sweetheart?”
You feel your cheeks burn, placing your hand in his hair to move his head out of the way. You start placing the bandages over the mark, smoothing them out with your hands.
“Yes, Eren. Sue me. You’re fighting a crazy, perverted naked lady everyday. Arrest me if it’s so criminal to worry about you.”
Eren laughs as he places one of his hands around your face, angling your face up so you look at him. You’re glaring at him, which Eren only returns a soft smile to.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m Spiderman.”
“Yes. You’re Spiderman. Not God, Eren. You can get hurt. And you just did. And she’s crazy and-
Eren presses his hands around your waist, pulling you in his lap to sit on him. You’re careful not to rest your legs against his wound, your arms secured around his neck and his around your waist.
“Y/N. Are you scared of her?”
You can feel the tears burning in your eyes at the question, your heart dropping in your chest.
“Horrified, Eren. She-she knocked that mailbox onto my leg and had you in her hand and I just-I thought she was going to crush you and then Falco next. And I dream about it all the time, and it’s just- my leg still doesn’t feel the same and it hurts and-”
Eren tangles one of his hands around your neck, laying your face flat against his neck as he rubs small circles into your back. You’re crying - wet tears falling onto his neck as you rack sobs into his neck.
You’re not going to get hurt. You’re not going to get hurt because he’s Spiderman and he’s going to protect you. And there’s no point in him having any of this if you feel this way.
“You were really brave that day, Y/N. You and Falco.”
“Just Falco, Eren. You-you made him so brave, I feel like his confidence has been better lately and-”
“Even if you were petrified, you were still brave regardless. I’ve seen it happen - people freeze up in shock, freak out when they’re faced with things like this. But here you are, still fighting it, in the way that you can. You’re brave, sweetheart.”
You avoid the tingling in your chest at the nickname, his hands on yours, and his sweet, sweet voice in your ears.
He’s going to find that fucking female titan if it’s the last thing he does.
-
“Armin, what the fuck happened? Why did we just lose connection?”
The four of you - Armin, Connie, Jean, and you - are currently locked in the computer lab, six hours after the school closed. You had planned it all out, set a trap for the Female Titan underneath the school, so that Eren could catch her once and for all.
The problem? Eren just went underground. And he had been talking to you for the last twenty minutes. But you heard it, that loud, high-pitched feminine voice and then static in all four of your earpieces.
Armin’s smacking on his computer, Jean clicking through all the footage. All of the camera’s are still up and running, all but one on static. You stop Jean in his stead, as Armin and Connie smack on the computer, trying to fix the ear pieces.
“Wait, wait, Jean. Where is that?”
“Girls locker room. The volleyball team was there last.”
You lean over to Connie, opening his computer as you log into your accounts. Jean’s leaning over your chair, both of you hovering as you log into your administrative office account.
“What gives, Y/N?”
“Jean. The girl, female pervert whatever. She must have transformed in there and broke the camera. Whichever girl didn’t log in for practice today, since there’s no way that girl isn’t injured from the fight she had with Eren last night, has to be the girl we’re looking for. Attendance in class but not in practice.”
Armin, Jean, and Connie lean over your neck as you log into the account, loading the nursing record for today. And then you find it.
Annie Leonhart has requested a medical leave of absence for the week due to an extenuating injury. She may return to regular practice next week.
Signed Pieck Finger, N.P.
Armin all but falls out of his chair, quickly getting up to fix the computers.
“Shit shit shit shit shit.”
You grab his shoulder, basically strangling him as you ask. Because why the fuck is he so worried that Annie is the fucking female pervert?
“What’s wrong, Armin? Why are you so panicked?”
“Annie. She suspects that Eren is Spiderman. And she…she wants to know who he is for sure, she’s told me that before. And if she puts him into a corner, she’s going to expose him to the police.”
You feel your throat run dry as the tears start working their way up to your eyes, burning hot. No. Because they’re going to arrest Eren. Maybe even kill him and-
Connie drops his laptop straight onto the floor, his eyes weary as he looks up at the ceiling.
“What now, Connie?”
“Y/N. It-it’s Friday. Meaning, they’re resetting the plumbing for the weekend and-”
Armin speaks up next, racking his hands through his hair.
“Oh my god. The sink waters flooding in the tunnels. He’s done for.”
You grab Armin by the collar, the anger seething in your chest.
“Why is he done for? What’s wrong with the water, Armin?”
“The webs. We haven’t perfected them yet and they dissolve in water. And it’s not a big deal because it’s not raining yet but-”
Now you get it.
“He’s down there with no defenses. And Annie’s going to get him any second. And tell everyone who he is.”
Jean grabs you by the shoulders, shaking your head as he fixes your hair against your ears.
“Think. Think, Y/N. You must know something about how to turn it off - you sit through all those administrative board meetings and talk to every fucking faculty member at this school because you’re a goody two shoes. You must know something.”
And then you remember. The only way to turn off the water is to go down there, close off the pipes manually.
You leave the three of them in the computer leg and sprint on your bad leg, down to where you know Eren’s waiting for you.
-
Connie, Armin, and Jean find you an hour later. You’re in the tunnels, where they set their trap, with a huge gash on the side of your head and a very bruised and battered Eren in your hands. You’re crying hard, your hands soft on Eren’s hands trying to will him to wake up.
Connie and Jean loop their arms around Eren’s, prying him out of your arms to lift him out of the tunnels. Armin helps you up, supporting your bad leg.
“What happened, Y/N?”
“I got down here, Tried turning off all the pipes manually. Eren was still trying his best, climbing around when I got most of the pipes off. She delt a few good blows but I mentioned that I knew she’s Annie and she kind of….ran off. She wasn’t really trying to…expose him or anything but I feel like she was trying to get the tech.”
“You okay? I know she scares you and…”
“Yeah. I just-we have to take Eren to Pieck. We can’t fix him on our own-”
“No. No he wouldn’t want us to.”
“He can’t want anything if he’s dead.”
“He’s not dead.”
“You-you don’t know that. He’s not invincible just because he’s Spiderman, he-he’s just Eren. And he can get hurt and I don’t want him to die and-”
Armin wordlesly agrees to take Eren to Pieck, the five of you piling into Jean’s car. Eren’s next to you, still not awake with his head slackly leaned against your shoulders.
When you reach the apartment, Connie, Jean, and Armin task themselves with bringing Eren in as you explain to Hange and Pieck. You knock on the door, teary eyed to Hange and Pieck responding, worry in their eyes at the blood leaking down the side of your face.
Pieck reaches forward, lifting your face in her hands which you swat off.
“P-Pieck. H-Hange. It’s Eren and he…he’s not okay. Please just help him without asking anything, I don’t want him to die on us.”
Connie and Jean drag Eren in, lifting him onto the couch as Hange racks back sobs. You go to Hange’s side, squishing them in an embrace as Pieck gets to work, cursing under her breath as she goes on.
“Wake up, SpiderFuck. Of course, this dumbass bothering me for the past three months is our kid. I’m going to kill you, you son of a bitch when you wake up, you know that? Stupid SpiderMotherfucker, I hate you-”
Pieck works around him, taking Hange from your arms as she leaves the two of you in the living room when she’s done. Connie, Jean, and Armin leave you with him - already working on figuring out where Annie went upstairs.
You take Eren’s hand in yours, squeezing tight as you whisper to him.
“Wake up. Wake up, Eren.”
No response.
“Come on. You can’t be serious. You-you’re Spiderman and you don’t get hurt and-”
No response.
“I….I can’t be brave without you, please be okay.”
No fucking response. You lay your forehead flat against the table as the sobs rack through you, Eren’s uneven breaths continuing on the table.
“Please, Eren. Come back to me.”
You feel a hand at the top of your hair, pressing down to the length of your neck. You look up to find Eren, weakly smiling at you as he winces. You sit up immediately, tears still streaming down to your neck, as you cup his face in your hands.
“Eren.”
“Quit crying, sweetheart. I’m Spiderman.”
You laugh through your sobs as you press yourself against his chest, hugging him as softly as you can. You can feel his hands on your back, jaggedly circlcing into the small of your back.
“Where are we?”
“Your house. Pieck fixed you up and-”
He sits up, groaning as he glares at you.
“Don’t tell me you told them that I was-”
“I had to, Eren. I thought you were dead and-”
“I wasn’t dead. I’m Spiderman!”
“Spiderman can die, Eren. And you didn’t fucking wake up.”
“I heal supernaturally fast. You should have given me a minute to come to.”
“The fact that you needed Pieck’s medical attention to come to right now, four hours after the fact, tells me that you weren’t fucking okay, Eren! And they don’t care and-”
“You think my aunt, Hange, who watched my parents fucking die in front of me doesn’t care that I risk my fucking life on the line everyday? They fucking care!”
“It’s not a big deal, they just want you to be okay and-”
“And what the fuck were you doing down in the tunnel? Don’t pretend like I don’t see that fucking gash on your pretty face and I’m just ignoring it right now.”
You can feel the anger seething in your chest and you really, really want to smack Eren right about now.
“We figured it out. Annie Leonhart, the girl from the soccer team, she’s the pervert titan. And she’s-she’s trying to expose you as Spiderman. Or maybe not, I don’t know. And the water tunnels were on and I know your webs dissolve in water and I just-”
“You just what? Thought you’d run down them and turn them off?”
“Yeah, asshole. For you.”
“You know the best part of Spider Gang. You’re the team in the chair. Do you understand what that means? You keep your ass in the chair and away from shit like this!”
“I can’t just sit by and do that.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because I’m not Connie or Armin or Jean. I’m not just your friend who can sit by and let you get hurt. You’re-you’re not just”
“What am I then, huh?”
“You’re the guy I love. I can’t just fucking watch you bleed out from a tunnel and pretend it’s okay, Eren.”
You’re both panting, chests heaving from screaming so loudly. Eren closes the space between you, pressing his lips to yours as you melt under his touch. You can taste metal - surely from the cut on his lip - but you can also taste mint, definitely from the stupid pocket he made for Altoids in his suit. He’s smiling against your lips, leaning his weight on you as you rest your forehead against his.
“Guy you love, huh?”
“Shut up. When did you become so cocky, Eren?”
You wrap your arms around his neck, pushing your burning cheeks into his shoulder as he laughs against your ears. The next questions genuine, his voice wavering when he asks.
“Do you only love me because I’m Spiderman, Y/N?”
“No. I love Spiderman because he gives Eren the confidence to talk to me. You…you’ve always been so shy and stand-offish with me since we were kids, I…kind of thought you hated me. But Jean told me, you’re just really awkward.”
“Remind me to kick Jean’s ass.”
“And…I always liked you. You know, we really didn’t need pictures of each of the clubs. I already took those during club registration at the beginning of the year. I just wanted an excuse to be around you and I think that’s technically an abuse of power but-”
He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours once again, leaning so hard on you that you both get knocked on the couch. You’re both laughing, smiling so hard that Hange and Pieck and the rest of Spider Gang comes down to find you two giggling on the couch.
Now that Eren’s sentient, Hange yells at him for three things. One. Being Spiderman. Two. Being a dumbass and getting hurt. Three. Attempting to have sex with this girl on the couch.
And then they ask if Eren should be taken to a vet, since he’s technically half spider.
The five of you corner Annie later that week. And she confesses it all - that she didn’t know when this power happened, or what came over her, or even what’s going on. And that she doesn’t want to expose Spiderman, she wanted the technology.
She wants to know what’s wrong with her. And she figured that if she knew who Spiderman was, if she could lure him out by stealing his tech, she can find the person who makes his tech and have them help her.
Eren extends his hand first. Promising that Spider Gang (a name that she snorts at) promises to help her figure it out and control it if she promises to not wreck havoc or drop mailboxes on your leg again. And she explains that she has no control when it comes over her, that she really doesn’t want to hurt people.
When Armin figures it out and when Annie can control it, she’s instated as the sixth member of SpiderGang. Eighth if you count Pieck and Hange.
And she doesn’t scare you. It’s nice to have another girl on the team. Especially one who hates “Spider Gang” as much as you. And it’s sweet to watch Armin and Annie bustle around each other, working on perfecting the tech.
And to watch Jean and Connie tease them. And to have Eren swing you around in New York and sneak into your bed every night and save lives all around the city.
-
Okay. Let’s do this one last time.
My name is Eren Jeager. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for the last six months, I’m the one and only Spiderman, equipped with a fully functional Spider Team. Officially dubbed, begrudingly, the Spider Gang.
Connie and Jean, codenames C-Man and Horseface (since using real names got me exposed the last time) are my surveillance team. Surveying out my enemies, making sure the cops don’t get to me - they’re important reconnaissance for each mission.
Armin and Annie, codenames Ocean Eyes and Pervert Lady (don’t ask). They’re my technical geniuses. Always redefining my tech, fixing up my webs to make them stronger, faster. There’s no Spiderman without Spidertech.
And Y/N, codename Sweetheart. My girl in the chair. And the one in my heart too. Not only does she figure out motives/identities/locations for every villain and plan out every attack before I do it, but she’s the main reason Spiderman even exists.
Why I fight so hard.
I have to keep Brooklyn safe for my girl.
#KEEHEE#eren#eren jeager#eren x you#eren x reader#eren x y/n#spider eren#spider eren x you#spiderman au#eren jeager x you#eren jeager x reader#eren jeager x y/n#eren jeager fluff#eren fluff#aot x you#aot x reader#aot x y/n#aot fluff#attackn on titan#snk x you#snk x reader#snk x y/n#snk#shingeki no kyojin#armin arlert#jean kirstein#connie springer#annie leonhart#read more break#seeingivywrites!
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milagro!!! i LOVE GL!milagro stuff. is guy still the first GL she meets? i am v curious what his story (and john’s) ends up looking like in this au in general, but my first exposure to him was in jaime’s bb run so i’m hoping that pseudo mentorship still exists here somehow
IS!! THAT!! A GIANT!! GREEN!! FIST!!
Green Lantern Milagro is the most god-tier take and we need to return to it. My "Kyle rebuilds the GLC to be woke and Milagro is the most feral Lantern" idea is actually super old - I think it's in the Reverse Robins Universe, in some unpublished stories - but it's still good. Let the furries make the judicial system. Do it. Let them free.
Let's say:
Guy Gardner was the second Green Lantern on Earth. Everything that Hal was, Guy is not. He's a hothead, meathead, go-getting action hero wannabe who has to be the biggest, the best, and the strongest. He's abrasive, selfish, mean, and short-sighted.
Guy Gardner is exactly like Hal Jordan: an All-American hero, angry and rude in a way that his colleague John Stewart could never get away with. He's part of the NRA and thinks Trump has some points. Too wimpy to make a good President, though. Give him a President who can last five minutes in the ring with Guy Gardner!
Despite his differences with the more professional and cool-headed Hal, he was shocked and horrified at Coast City's destruction. Where other heroes expressed sympathies and turned away in discomfort with his overwhelming pain, Guy stayed with him. He doesn't like to spread it around, but he's a registered school councilor - doubled with his middle school gym teacher thing - and he stayed at Hal's side through his grief as long as Hal let him.
When Hal disappeared, Guy was the one who knew in his heart that he had killed himself. He had been expecting it.
He had not been expecting his ring to break.
Guy loses it all. His power, his respect. He can't go back to who he used to be. He's not a gym teacher or school counselor anymore. He's Guy Gardner. You can't ask Guy Gardner to be a civvie.
The only thing he keeps is his Justice League International membership. He wanted to quit, but his friends (family, but none of them would admit it) needed him to stay. They had already lost the second Blue Beetle so recently, and they can't lose anybody else. Booster Gold's grieving his husband too. In that way, in some way, Guy's still needed. Guy has to be needed. But Guy has to be a hero too, and he feels like he's dying slowly by degrees in powerlessness.
Then Booster calls the JLI, drunk as a skunk and deep in a panic, saying that there's this kid in El Paso running around with Dan Garret's scarab in his SPINE, how did this even HAPPEN, how did he get it WORKING, where the hell is TED - Ted's dead, he's still dead, what the FUCK do we do, he's a baby he's gonna DIE TOO, everyone's gonna DIE -
A gym teacher and licensed counselor knocks on he door of a house in El Paso.
Booster was right. Jaime Reyes is a snot-nosed kid who's getting his ass kicked up and down to Sunday in every fight, and either he's gonna get himself killed or he's gonna blow up the city. Nobody else but the JLI ever gave a shit about Ted, and nobody's gonna give a shit about this kid with an orphaned legacy. He needs a personal trainer and mentor and he needs one right now. Jaime Reyes needs a hero, even a washed up old asshole like Guy Gardner.
And his little sister throws a heck of a punch. Oh, Guy is keeping Milagro. She's learning boxing!
An asshole, shallow kid enters the scene. A new ring appears. The last Green Lantern disappears to find the truth. Guy leads his own life. It's not like his old one, but it's good. That kid Jaime's become a good hero, and his little sister is the coolest kid on the planet. A Trumper on the street says something shitty to Jaime and Milagro about illegals and Guy lands on him the signature Guy Gardner punch. Trump's an asshole idiot, anyway. Next time, Milagro lands the signature punch. She has learned well.
A young man returns. A truth is told. A fucked up orange ring is on Guy's finger. And now he'll have to learn how to be a hero all over again.
The orange ring isn't powered by bravery and willpower. It's powered by greed. It's a greedy, cruel ring. It's mean. But Guy's pretty greedy too. And Guy's a mean son of a bitch.
Guy Gardner is the first Orange Lantern. And he's everything Hal Jordan is not: a man with a voracious need to protect and help. A man with an endless appetite for love, and to give love. A school counselor, and a mentor to some pretty nifty kids. Guy can never get enough of being a hero. He'll never stop. And he'll always help.
Because he's Guy fucking Gardner!
#this is my “the JLI are Jaime's awful useless drunk superhero family” agenda#my writing#guy gardner#jaime reyes#milagro reyes#green lantern#this features a lot of comic characters but i can't explain them all#just trust me fam
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Hey everyone, I hoper you have a great day today. Treat yourself and each other great today.
So this past weekend I wasn’t feeling that well, not well at all. Which Is kinda rare honestly, either way. Over the last few weeks/days I have been noticing myself experiencing episodes of light headedness and even passed out a time or two. Which is effin scary cause I live along ( future Mommy, now is the perfect opportunity to tell me it’s okay, your here to take care of me!! “A boy can dream”.
So as you can imagine passing out and falling down can be pretty dangerous, actually crashed into my bedside table on Saturday and broke it into PIECES. CHIPPED A BONE IN MY HAND TOO. I’m not a big fan of hospitals and all of that, but thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to go and just make sure things are okay. Being a full time diapered baby, sometimes it can be tricky. I generated speaking will only go if I have a friend or sitter to kind of help be a buffer. Just in case I say something dumb, or someone gets suspicious. I will also usually change into a “Normal” diaper and avoid wearing anything to “babyish”. Just easier that way.
Well, lol, this weekend I was feeling so gnarly that decided they can think what they want…I am coming comfortable and as myself. I was wearing a pink Princess with a booster, a bright blue onesie and some pastel blue full zip and baby patterned pair of footed Jammie’s. Fuck it, right. Lol. As well, the only diaper bag I had packed was my pink clear acrylic see through backpack style one. To put it lightly, it was Halloween in my bubble and boy did I get the stares and looks. I just put my paci in and ignored them. Thankfully the waiting room was fast and I was taken back with in 15-20 minutes
By the time I was escorted back, I had filled my diaper almost to the point of leaking. Hell I was sure the front desk girl could hear me release embarrassed pee pee streams the whole time we checked in. Which always happens. A great way to know if your really got me flustered is immediate bladder evacuation, followed my a beat red face and a goofy smile. The nurse that brought me to my room was trying to mind her own business and just get on with things, but offered to help get me into a gown since there were s many snaps on the Jammie’s. She then discovered the onesie, which of course had been leaked on showing I was blatantly a helpless little pissy pants. I ended up just standing there silent, looking scared to death I’m sure, while this attractive woman near my age stripped me of my baby clothes exposing just my saggy, stinky, diaper. And a pink baby one at that. She looked up at me with a little distaste and I started wimpering. She quickly began to console me and wrapped me in the gown and had me sit down.
“I know it’s none of my business, but that diaper is pretty wet isn’t it”
“Um, y…ye…yea”. As I started getting more upset.
“Hey little guy, it’s okay, it’s okay. Is that your diaper bag over there”
“Um, yes. Yes it is.”
“Okay, here in a lilts while when I get a few seconds would you mind if I changed you?”
This wasn’t the first times something like this happened, it pretty common. Just never had I come to a medical situation with this much ABDL swag before. She just smiled and told me to try and calm down and things would be just fine. She exited the room and I was left alone awaiting the doctor and etc
The first doctor came and went, nothing to crazy, but wanted me to consider seeing a Urologist while there. I sure maybe, but knew it was a no.
Several minutes later and the fist nurse came back in and closed the curtains behind her.
“Okay little guy, let’s get you more comfortable…huh?”
I just nodded and signaled for my diaper bag. I pulled out a Tykeables, my wipes, powder, and desitin as I had been nursing a rash for a few days. She giggled at the powder and ointment and said I need to make sure and change more often to ovoid that. I told her I know, and joked about needing a full time caregiver to make sure.
She actually popped my paci in, gave me a smile and told me to relax, and everything will be done quickly. I couldn’t tell her that I loved being changed without sounding like a creep so I just smirked, laid back, and started rhythmicly sucking my pink pacifier. She got the VERY wet diaper untapped and began to wipe me down with the SUPER cold wipes (I’m used to my wipe warmer). Right as she was going to slide the new diaper unde me and as she was saying
“Okay, life your butt”
There was suddenly commotion near the screen that separated my spread eagle bottom with a diaper being slide under, and anyone walking past and or etc. she immediately shouted
“Hey, hey…I’m busy in here…DO NOT COME IT. Private private stop”
And guess what, they did not stop. To my horror and here annoyance the doctor from earlier and THREE resident doctors started piling in. He saw what was going on and didn’t care at all. I am laying there, more red faced than I had even been while getting a change while the doctors just hung out waiting for her to finish. I tried closing my eyes to block out the more than uncomfortable situation, right up until when the doctor said
“So, why are your wearing diapers that look like that? Aren’t those the like fetish ones people wear?
The doctors and nurse changing me all tried not to laugh.
I wasn’t able to communicate that well through the fog of humiliation but did manage something to the effect of…
“I don’t like it when they leak. These kinds are thicker and make me feel more secure.”
The doctor made his snide remarks the nurse finished up and I was dry, and covered again. After a battery of tests the doctor wasn’t concerned about my passing out and all that, but did want to keep me for 24 hours for observation. I argued and pleaded to not be held over, but the decision had already been made and there was already a bed on the 8th floor being prepared. The nurse that changed me went out above and beyond and explained that she was talk to the nurses station where I’m going and let them know of my special needs, that way there wouldn’t be any confusion. I asked if I could have a friend bring some some supplies because I only had 1 more diaper in my bag and my onesie wasn’t the cleanest. I did, and my friend Ashley who babysat a occasionally was giving to drop by later with a care package.
After getting up to my room I began calming down and accepting the situation I was going to make the best of it. Around that time a nurse I hadn’t met yet comes in knocking and wanted to introduce herself and figure out all the details and etc.
“H there, Eric? Yes hello, my name is Nora and I willl be your nurse tonight and until 6am or so. I hear your an extra special little one, yea? Lol.
I really didn’t know what to say or what she expected me to say, but I just smiled blushingly and nodded my head.
“You really are a shy one, they were kidding. Lol. Okay, so, this is a hospital, I am a nurse, and diapers and changes are absolutely normal and nothing weird! I hear you like the babyish ones and even the cute toddler clothes too”.
Still blushing, she just smiled and started coming near me.
“Well, let’s just see what we have going on, shall we? I will be checking you everytime I’m in the room. So just be prepared for it. Are you used to that or are diapers a new thing”
What ya think, y’all want the rest?
#ab dl lifestyle#24/7 diapers#ab/dl diaper#diaper bulge#diaper dependent#diaper sissy#diapering#incontinence#bed wetting#nurse
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I couldn’t get anything done without Boostle happening in my head so I had to get this out. Everything is pain.
——
There’s a quiet gasp as the rush of air dissipates. Bright light fades back to the dim light of his workshop, and Ted turns instinctively to smile at his friend.
“Hey-”
The greeting dies in his mouth. This isn’t his Booster: there’s lines around his mouth, bags under his eyes without the goggles to hide them, dust on his suit and an almost lacklustre quality to his usually shining hair. It’s shorter, too.
“Teddy,” Booster all but breathes. The crack in his voice is something Ted associates with falling onto the sofa after a very long fight with some inter dimensional demon or alien or… anything but saying hello.
He knows immediately this Booster is from somewhere unpleasant.
“What happened?” He asks, taking his work gloves off as he steps forward to assess his friend. There are no injuries he can see, and that doesn’t mean much when it comes to internal bleeding or organ failure but still-
Booster just smiles at him tiredly, everything in his expression soft and yielding. “Nothing. Well… bit of trouble up in the ozone layer but nothing I can’t handle. I just- wanted to see you, is all.”
He takes in the way Booster is holding his hands, curled into fists at his sides as he always does when he’s restraining himself. Booster, his Booster from this time, does that more now. Ted doesn’t mention the fact he has noticed they don’t touch as much now - fewer casual hugs and less of Booster hanging off of him like a vine.
“How long has it been? For- for you, I mean?” He’s seen Booster in the last few hours. They’d had sandwiches and a coke.
“Five years. I… I’m trying to cut back.”
And if that doesn’t make Ted’s heart pound he doesn’t know what could.
“I missed you. I-” Future Booster’s lips tremble in that awful smile. “I shouldn’t, it’s not fair on- on either of us but I needed to…” tears start to pool in his big, blue eyes and Ted rushes to stop the man falling over as his knees give out.
He’s dead. Whenever Booster has come from, it’s a place he no longer lives in. He cradles Booster’s long body and sits them down on the floor, glad that at least the suit feels the same even if there is a bony quality to Booster’s body he doesn’t recognise. Or like. He plucks the not-quite filthy rag from his pocket and wipes at Booster’s face.
“Hey, hey buddy, it’s okay.”
It’s the wrong thing to say, apparently.
“No! No it’s not! I’m selfish, doing this! Jamie is doing so well and you’d be so proud of him but I can’t- I look at him and all I think about is you. I miss you so fucking much and it’s all kinds of wrong and dangerous for me to be here but I can’t help it!” Booster is nearly hysterical, grabbing onto Ted like he might fade out of existence at any moment. Maybe that’s what happens, sometime later in his life, but he knows better than to ask. “I’ll go, I promise, and I won’t come back this time but I- I needed to see you. Just for a minute.”
Booster looks at him with red eyes and it breaks Ted’s heart. He loves Booster, is just getting to grips with what that means, but that doesn’t make it any less true. They haven’t talked about it yet but Ted knows it’s part of what’s changed between them recently. And this Booster- he either knows and it was a thing before… whatever happened, or he knew and it wasn’t. Ted doesn’t know which is worse.
“I’m here, Boos,” he says weakly, reaching up to cup Booster’s face and stroke his cheekbone. “I’m here. You’ll be okay.”
The smile comes back, brighter and less strained, more like the Booster he knows and understands, and Ted smiles back. Booster leans into the contact and closes his eyes. His breathing starts to slow.
“Yeah…” He whispers. “I know. And I am, mostly, just… it gets to me sometimes. Missing you is hard. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, really.”
In another timeline this isn’t a thing, Ted thinks. There are infinite timelines, he understands, and for some reason he’s kind of glad this is the one he’s in. The gentle way Booster has started to cling to him now is something he won’t give up, even if it comes from something terrible. And being so important that Booster would travel so far to see him for just a moment is pretty good as far as ego-boosts go. He feels a bit guilty thinking that but it’s true.
After long minutes of silence, something the two of them have never been good at together, Booster takes a deep and hitching breath. “I gotta go,” he whispers, slipping from Ted’s grasp slowly but surely. “I’ll- goodbye, Teddy.”
“See you around, Booster.”
And then he’s gone. Another flash of light and the tingle of electricity on his skin. Ted stares at the place Booster has just been standing and tries to understand. He can’t, not in a million years and that isn’t exactly comforting.
But, he tells himself, he can make whatever time they have together better. He can give whatever Booster is in his own timeline some happy memories to keep.
Next time he sees Booster he’s going to make sure of that.
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I never know if I should ask or just send a direct message. But here I am. Hope this is okay!
I was going to comment on your last post, but I had too many words. So, behold! Here are my words!
This is the Astarion/Tav I've been waiting to see. An after game fic where they have to build up from what was started in the game, where they are still working through all the feelings from that traumatic life changing event they all went through. I love this angle of the friendship route, because I too think that he needs friendship and not someone putting any demands on his body and just be there for him. Buuuuut I also see his need to make his own choices and that he may want intimacy, even sexual intimacy, at his own pace. Hell, he obviously wants cuddles and companionship. And the thought of depriving him of that makes me sad. Like big sad.
Also, I want to mention something specific that I feel you are doing so well with Astarion's voice. And it's the ability to turn off his charismatic facade wording he uses and talk in a more comfortable/vulnerable 'him' way, but without making him sound weird. Sometimes, when authors do this, they lose his charm and he doesn't sound like himself anymore. He would still be sly and charismatic and impatient, but not trying so hard as we see him most of the time with his 'honeyed' words. I like how you voice him so much. Is this really first fic you've written? Because I'm floored by your voices and pacing and sexual tension? It's all so good!
Uhhhh, I'm not sure where I was going with this. I just really love your fic. It's great, I can't wait for more.
<3
PS. I hate using honeyed words all the time to describe the way he talkes, but poetical fuck boy words is the only other way I can think of to describe the way he speaks. Maybe I need more coffee.
First off! Thank you not only for this amazingly thorough feedback, but also for dropping a reply on ao3 🥺🩷 usually people will do either one or the other!
Isn't it wonderful how you can just explore the want vs need dilemma with Astarion? It's a common theme throughout his journey with Tav. What he wanted never mattered, and he often mixes what he wants with what he needs, which I find to be very realistic. It happens quite often in real life, too. Sometimes, what we want is not what we need and vice versa. Also, the scars of his trauma are still very much present and since they remained friends, he never really got to heal in terms of intimacy, so it's still very easy for him to slip into that mask of using sweet words and physical contact to establish intimacy. It's all he's ever known, after all.
Oh, that is such a specific and wonderful praise! Voicing Astarion is a challenge, and it's really up to each person to try to write him in a believable way. I am trying my best, but I still feel insecure at times 🥺💔 so thank you so much for saying these reassuring words. It's not my first fic 😅 I was writing for Miguel O'Hara just a couple of months ago and have been reading/writing fanfiction for over 13 years 🥸
"Poetic fuck boy" sounds about right 😅
Again, what an amazing ego booster that just made me open google docs and continue writing the next chapter 🤭🩷
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seeing all these rottmnt/2012 crossovers bash on the 2012 bros’ relationship with each other is kiiindaaa upsetting as someone who’s uncomfortable with expressing and receiving overt affection
but hey what do i know i probablyy just have all toxic unhealthy relationships where we never understand each other and share mutual trust and love *twirls hair*
the 2012 bros may not openly express their love like the rottmnt boys do, but that doesnt mean its not there. and acting like the rottmnt relationships are automatically better and the only Right standard for healthy relationships seems pretty,, juvenile and inexperienced imo. love isnt only expressed through physical affection and saying things like “i love you,” openly, and assuming there is no love in a relationship without those things is… odd.
love is not only in words or hugs. the 2012 boys can love each other just as much as the rottmnt boys without being open about it. 2012 raph, especially, loves to show affection through acts of service, physical affection, and quality time, but he doesn’t like any of this to be commented on because it makes him uncomfortable. and thats okay! he doesn’t need to express affection openly to have it be there.
just as rottmnt donnie can express love and affection outside of hugs and words, so too can the 2012 boys. they all have their own unique ways of expressing love that the others all respect and recognize, and dismissing that feels less like it’s intentional, and more like the people writing these crossovers just don’t recognize alternate forms of expression exist. which, again,, reeks of inexperience.
( also semi-related tangent speaking of donnie he literally fucking . put a shock collar on his brother like he’s a dog in an attempt to change him. and brainwashed his brothers. and frequently puts his own wants and needs over their own - which is totally fine, if it didn’t happen all the time. it’s kinda laughable to say 2012 raph is worse than rottmnt donnie honestly
siblings hit each other. okay. siblings hit each other. i need y’all to recognize this. i will power drive my little brother into the floor over the last oreo. siblings hitting each other is not abusive (TYPICALLY) because there are established boundaries both parties abide by. like i will never touch my siblings if they are in a bad mood, trying to concentrate on something, or otherwise in a bad position (like standing somewhere dangerous, by a corner etc), and i will never intentionally hurt them. if i think they are actually hurt, we stop immediately until they tell me theyre fine. roughhousing with your siblings is fun. it is bonding. its a self-esteem booster to be able to pick up ur freshman brother okay.
the 2012 bros always abide by these rules. they never hurt each other beyond what the other party can handle, and if they do, it is very clearly treated as a bad thing by them or the other brothers so they realize they went over the line, and they resolve it by the end of the episode (as is the way of formulaic kids shows).
rottmnt donnie. put a fucking shock collar on his brother. and this is funny to him. and not something he ever learns from. and totally not weirdly sexual. But 2012 raph is the bad guy? ok )
i mean. i dont know what i expect from a fandom full of chronically online children who truly dont have experience with relationships. but it just really irks me for some reason and its currently one in the morning so im feeling whiny about it.
affection outside of words and hugs exists. affection outside of words and hugs exist!! and if you know that then you know that the 2012 boys love each other so so so much, just as much as rottmnt. just because they express it differently than in sanitized queer TV shows and not overtly, so you kinda have to pick up on nuance, doesnt mean they dont love each other. let people love other people in non-overt ways!
#seriously as someone who. hates receiving and giving direct affection#to the point where someone even sharing a fic of mine out of affection or complimenting me makes me. uncomfortable i guess.#it really irks me when these fics bash on the subtle kind of love#i love doing things for people !! i love love love doing acts of service and adult parallel play and small physical affection#and having that love devalued and discredited because its not… clear enough. idk feels odd#it feels like it comes from teenagers who hug their partners in the high school hallways and block the entier fuckin path and talk in#baby voices#okay. it feels like it comes from that specific kind of person. okay. i said it. you feel like you have attachment issues#i just !! this is such a STUPID thing to get worked up about . but its one thirty am i literally do not care anymore ig#anyway#vent#ramble#rottmnt slander#rottmnt donnie slander#IM SORRY I CANT HOMD IT BACK ANYMORE. I HATE HIM. HE HAS ZERO REDEEMING QUALITIES TO ME. IM SORRY NERO
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okay look i might have forgotten i can long post here. so. here you go: this is the actual context for that picture i did last night (here) which i have only somewhat edited from a discord message i sent someone so hopefully this is coherent. spaghetti incoming
here's the fucking description of what i've been thinking about for like the past two months. so i think as i mentioned [well, maybe not here actually, come to think of it. for those who didn't know: this is the context of how i first came up with this] i ran through the episodes from when hongo left to when hayato came in in one single sitting after my covid booster when i was running a fat fever and i could not stop thinking about that ep where hongo "misses" his friends wedding because his actor is down for the count. i get why it happened logistically but y'know it just seems sooooo out of character for him. but maybe it could make sense with the right context... therefore: there must be something more important going on that he's just not telling people about for some reason. hayato enters, he's like "oh yeah hongo saved me!!" there we are. that right there is a hook for me. started thinking.
since hayato got rescued by hongo he didnt necessarily need to be awake for the rescuing or even for the surgery to be nearly as complete as hongo's was. hongo's a smart guy right. he could finish the surgery maybe. was not aware of V3 at this point so you know what? my brain is just huge. anyway. the theory then was: hongo scooped hayato out of there and wrapped up what little was left to wrap up at home.
that took care of my issues:
why the fuck did he miss the wedding: probably he was waiting for hayato to wake up
why was he gone so often and would only show up ask Kamen Rider: he was off showing hayato the ropes. i can see him being like a mother hen and trying to ease him into all the discomforts of being a borg (he unplugs his fridge so it doesn't make noise and distract hayato's Newly Sensitive Ears, dimming the lights even more than is normal in hongo's ridiculously dark bachelor pad, etc.) (i don't think hayato needs this i just take hongo as both a little neurotic and sensitive to stimuli) (I AM TOO i can say that) (hayato's way more interested in the cool borg stuff)
why didn't he tell anyone: borg issues and being afraid of shocker catching wind before hayato was up and running. makes total sense to me; the wombo combo of Hongo Problems
i don't have a way to end this post besides telling you that i think this makes sense and i like it :) obviously now that i'm in V3 and know that hongo CAN actually borg someone up... he had to have experience with that and what better way to start than to have tightened the last couple screws and put the finishing touches on hayato to save him too
#making spaghetti#the wombo combo of hongo problems#i don't know why i used that phrase but it's been stuck in my head since
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Welcome back to the return of my marching band au brought to you by my first practice of my seinor season being yesterday (guys I'm an old officially like what-)
Be prepared to see more of this and the return of my band stories.
So to recap from last time (ive probably made baby changes but lets ignore that):
Ruben's in guard, Zach marches alto sax, Angel marches trumpet, Jon used to be in pit and played marimba but is now the drum major.
Angel is constantly trying to distract Zach in basics block. Somehow he always gets away with it without getting yelled at.
The boys all make great section leaders. Angel is silly goofy but firm when he needs to be and gets shit done (there's always some trumpet freshman running laps for being a dumbass and leaving their music/instrumet/water/ect. at home). Zach bribes his kids into behaving and having their shit with a sticker system. If they do good and have all their stuff they get to fill up their star chart and once it's full he'll bring them a treat. If they forget things or do dumb shit they get red stars (the shame enough of a red star deters it from happening too much. There's no set punishment for a full star chart). Somehow the color guard is magically not clicky and actually friends with Ruben in charge. (The magic is him forcing them to bond. "Guys I've been doing this shit too long at least pretend to like each other for my sake. For each bit of guard drama you're involved in you're doing 10 push-ups like I'm tired-" (Ruben has been in the high school guard since 7th grade and is t i r e d of the bullshit))
And now some new things I've made up:
Jon's dad is the school's principal and no one likes him.
Ruben's mom is the band booster president and the kind of mom who only shows up to shit for her kid, ignores everyone else, and only goes to "help" with props or pit equipment to get into shows for free (these moms are so annoying guys holy fuck).
Zach's mom is one of the bus chaperones (everyone loves her and rightfully so) she always stocks the snack bag and the drink cooler so there's always goodies for bus time.
Anyways thats what I got for rn. Feel free to spam me with questions about how what and why is marching band. I will return eventually
#guys being an old is sad#like wdym i dont get a “next season”????#at least my grade has made a pact with the juinors that if we start being like the old awful seinors to knock us down back to our place#(doubt thats gonna be nessicary tho)#if this gets out#itgo#itgo marching band au#back at it again at krispy kreme
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(if you're down to elaborate, if not feel free to ignore this ask) what would you have changed abt the hero mode story? i'm not good at determining what makes something good or bad, so i didn't have much issue with it (it was all really cool and fun in the moment, but looking back, i'm a little iffy of some of it)
OH BOY! i've spent the last week in the five stages of grief or whatever over this story so thank you for asking this and welcome to the essay....
MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. obviously. going over the entire story here. you may now proceed:
So basically this was the worst story in the entirety of Splatoon, unironically. I genuinely Don't Know how they managed to make a story this unsatisfying and straight up just Bad. I actually quite liked the beginning of the story, where they put you through a miniature version of the usual "You vs. the Octarians in a canyon" -story and having Octavio as the first boss got me VERY hopeful and excited for the rest of the story. It was REALLY PROMISING!
Too bad that the rest of it was absolute crap. LOL like actually... you fall into Alterna and I think it was implied that Deep Cut did that? i'm not sure about that because it was so early but I remember them being there. (their motivation: none. of course).
(also, how come nobody knows Alterna is there? like the crater is a pretty obvious historical (?) site and no one just... happened to look under it.)
Into the characters... or lack thereof. Somehow, they managed to shove a record amount of characters into this story mode and they literally did NOTHING. Genuinely, i think this story would've made more of an impression without the Squidbeak Splatoon. They just kinda sat there the whole time and the Captain was the only character that did something, which is ironic considering they don't speak.
Deep Cut..... they were there because...? I guess they're the idols and they have to be shoved into the story for marketing purposes (which is what they did with Off the Hook in Octo Expansion and I already hated that but at least they ended up having A ROLE IN THE STORY AND WE LEARNT SOMETHING ABOUT THEM). Deep Cut literally showed up to be "evil" for some reason, took up three boss fights that could've genuinely been something really cool if they were related to the setting instead (and why do the shark and eels have ink in the first place), and then showed up one time towards the end to show the shallowest character motivation of all time and just go "actually being evil is dumb please be my boss". WHY WERE YOU EVIL IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHY ARE YOU HERE!?!?!?!?!?!? good lord i've never been so disappointed by a plot thread I already knew wasn't going to be good. omfg.
Now Alterna is the main point of the single player and I will say right now that it is also by far the best part; it's a really cool, desolate setting. The lore (the logs and sunken scrolls) that we unlock through gameplay was done in such a way that I was just hooked for like 12 hours straight just wanting to do the next kettle to uncover more about what actually happened to the last humans. They FINALLY addressed how sea creatures evolved so drastically in just 12,000 years - humans basically used squid juice to recreate... wireless chromatophores and built a roof out of them. The whole Human Vibes In The Crystals thing makes less sense but it's sci-fi so it can stay; I love that there was an explanation and even though I freaking can't stand the story itself, the backstory here was probably the BEST thing we've ever gotten out of Splatoon and it was pretty dreadful to discover...
Obviously Alterna has its whole fucking slew of plotholes as does everything else in this story. Like for example, why is it in such pristine condition considering it's not only been abandoned for twelve thousand years, but y'know... the part of the story that says IT WAS DESTROYED AND COLLAPSED because of the rocket boosters during testing. The roof sure looks pretty damn present for something that collapsed and was destroyed - especially when another fucking rocket was fired up and LITERALLY LAUNCHED this time and this time the ceiling is fine, I guess. The place should literally be in ruins and full of debris but alas, someone's in there growing tomatoes....
Okay so moving on from the world and into the Octarians. I can't think of a single reason the Octarians should be involved in this story whatsoever and neither could the story writers. The beginning of the story was good, when DJ Octavio sought out Cuttlefish because he thought he was the reason the Octarian troops had gone missing. This was genuinely the best part of the story and I was hoping the rest of the story would have more solid moments like that. We now know that the Octarian army was stolen by Mr. Grizz.... for.... some reason.... some unexplained reason that boils down to "it's easier to reuse enemy assets and code from the old game than come up with new stuff". And I don't really have a problem with that, but I do have a problem with the fact that WHY ARE THE OCTARIANS HERE AT ALL. HOW ARE THEY HERE? Like are they here of their own will and just got dipped in fur goo and were like "ok, sure". It would at least make more sense if Octavio also got dipped in fur goo because they'd still be following their leader, but WHAT ON EARTH happened here. The best I can assume is that Mr. Grizz needed something to test his ooze on, but nothing past that makes sense. Why is he using them to run tests with the O.R.C.A system? Why are the HUMAN ERA TESTS ink-based to begin with? And if they're not human era... why does he need the tests AT ALL?
(really, the best thing I can come up with is that some Octarians already lived in Alterna given it's underground and Mr. Grizz just invaded the area. But that's not confirmed, nor is it implied that DJ Octavio even knew Alterna exists.)
I guess we can't escape the inevitable: Mr. Grizz. So Mr. Grizz is literally a space bear, the thing everyone pieced together back in like 2018 just based on Ark Polaris and hoped wouldn't be true because it's the most obvious and plot holey thing they could come up with. The story of him being on Ark Polaris, hibernating for 12,000 years (i have to assume he would be immortal like Judd, i guess, or cryogenically frozen or something, because bears don't really live that long) and being the only one surviving in the crash of the Ark is actually quite nice. Everything past that falls apart because this bear - yes - this BEAR - developed sapience during this 12,000 year slumber, woke up, and immediately started speaking and using computers and for some reason this --- BEAR. A SOLITARY APEX PREDATOR THAT LIVES IN THE WOODS. STARTED A COMPANY IN INKOPOLIS.
Splatoon is very quickly approaching the typical cartoony Secret Life of Pets universe where every animal is actually secretly sapient and just doesn't want to speak when there's humans around and I want to believe Judd and Mr. Grizz are exceptions here because they're science experiments, but jesus christ
Anyway, going past the disbelief of a BEAR somehow starting a company and knowing Inkling language (i'll be assuming he is using some kind of thoughts-to-speech thing to be able to do literally any of this; even Judd doesn't ACTUALLY speak) his motivation for starting a company and creating Fuzzy Ooze is because he wanted to recreate mammals, as Earth is now overrun by sea creatures and he was... lonely, or whatever. So his solution was to combine the rapid evolution crystal juice, Golden Eggs (which for some reason are part of the recipe) and his fur to create artificial mammals which, yeah, in what world would this actually solve the problem at all. You could say well, he's a bear, and maybe he's delirious because of all the crap he's gone through which is fair. But he's also the CEO of a huge company that seems like it's been around for a while and that requires Brain and Knowledge of Many Things. Mr. Grizz having such a bizarre and pointless plan with a really weak motivation makes no sense whatsoever given his status.
now to the final boss and climax of the story. We already know Deep Cut flops as characters right before we get to the ending sequence and the only reason they're there is to debut some banger music. Anyway, they "kill" Cuttlefish for basically no other reason than shock value: Grizz says he needs his brain for... something, that is NEVER explained, and Cuttlefish LIVES THROUGH IT despite now seemingly having no organs. Mr. Grizz then operates his fucking rocket into space (without the rocket boosters damaging Alterna at all now, for some reason) and your player... honestly I was too disappointed by everything happening to even pay attention to this... super jumps into space after him? Then your Smallfry friend uses Vibes and Magic or something to turn into a massive salmonid kaiju and DJ Octavio is there for some reason.
Just the final boss sequence immediately suffers from not only the issue of having SEVERAL oxygen-breathing land creatures just kinda exist IN SPACE without protective gear, for one, but the game just randomly establishing THAT MAGIC EXISTS I GUESS, and the final boss being revealed 2 minutes before you kick his shit in and only being elaborated on in postgame. The ending is cool cinematics-wise and everything else is absurdly bad. The battle itself was fun, but I was too absorbed trying to process what the hell I was looking at. Most people seem to be upset about Bear Grizz and I am too, but honestly I am MORE upset about Smallfry's Magical Girl transformation moment because... well it's in the text. IT WAS A MAGICAL TRANSFORMATION in a game that generally sets itself up to be in a relatively realistic world setting akin to our own, save for some sci-fi elements.
Now that we're like an hour into the essay I can finally go into WHY exactly the STORY was bad in my opinion even ignoring all of the horrible plot holes and things that just made no sense. There was zero cohesion between like any parties that were part of the story. The story is set in Alterna, the last shelter for humans and the place where humanity finally perished and seafolk first flourished. That is a REALLY cool premise. Then we get to Mr. Grizz, who has very little to actually do with Alterna... there's no real reason he should be here or how he even KNEW to come here, as the ship he was launched on was COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM THIS PROJECT. He has nothing to do with this place and was just shoved here as a final boss just because. Your player character just happens to be friends with a Smallfry who ends up being the only character in the game that is actually capable of stopping Mr. Grizz, so what if literally anyone else came through that sewer and became Agent 3. The Octarians are serving under Mr. Grizz and are here for literally no reason, unexplained. The New Squidbeak Splatoon is also here for no reason, but they at least have the crutch of Cuttlefish having been here first, and they're looking for him. Deep Cut is LITERALLY HERE FOR NO REASON AT ALL. NOTHING in the story has anything to do with Alterna itself - it all feels like the story writers had an idea with Alterna, then were given a bunch of crap that NEEDS to be tacked in there, and they all got haphazardly slapped together despite nothing really fitting.
Let's get to my biggest gripe: the missed potential throughout it all. I already said I love the setting of Alterna and there's so much more you could do with something that interesting than shoving a very weak, completely unrelated plot in there. Even within the game, there was basically nothing pointing towards Mr. Grizz having any inclusion in the story other than the obvious Bear Slime - in fact, Alterna REPEATEDLY kept referencing whales and cetaceans - marine mammals which are thought to be extinct in Splatoon but with an asterisk. (no, marina's narwhal landlord doesn't count, that one is a localization moment.)
We see a whale fall in Octo Expansion and this was acknowledged - with something along the lines of whales are thought to be extinct, but really nobody has seen one in a LONG TIME. It leaves room for speculation and the knowledge that marine mammals are gone... or ARE THEY? Alterna was building up to some sort of really cool reveal where - maybe - MAYBE marine mammals DO still exist somewhere, somehow. But alas, all the buildup to whales ended up being literally nothing as far as Alterna goes - even though having iconic marine mammals be part of a story in a sea creature game about the return of mammals would've been thematically fitting as-is. But they really wanted to do CEO Bear, I GUESS.
FINALLY, now, how would I change the story? Personally, I would take it outside Alterna as a whole... if we're going to include the fuzzy ooze it does both plots a disservice to have it in such a cool place with so much room for a WAY cooler, better plot that fits the setting. But for the fuzzy ooze, I would much rather have had a plot where someone - NOT LITERALLY A BEAR - was trying to recreate bears from scratch. I would've liked for that to have been Mr. Grizz and for him to be an Inkling, or at least not a freaking bear - it would make endlessly more sense for him to own ink weapons, too. In the current Splatoon story, trying to artificially recreate mammals and especially bears would make perfect sense; Salmonids are a growing threat and in the upcoming months we'll get Big Runs, where Salmonids LITERALLY INVADE INKOPOLIS. It would've made perfect plot sense to have someone who already knows of Bears as a powerful and ancient enemy of salmon to try and recreate them to combat the threat of Salmonids coming to the city, and it would've made Grizz a much more interesting and morally grey villain, because some of his intentions would've been in protecting Inkopolis in a VERY questionable way. Maybe we could've even had the bear creature as the final boss as a test result that got too powerful and went rogue, or even Mr. Grizz morphing himself into it using the ooze.
Anyway, if you read this far, that's crazy. i am interested in what other people thought about the story and if people share my opinions on it. Thanks for reading this actual novel of a post.
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i have to say i am feeling rather incensed about the covid situation once again. just found out that reports of long covid have been on the rise lately, and my country is literally in a fucking recession because too many people were sick last year. how much longer until somebody does something?!
people act like "the lockdowns" were traumatic or some shit when very few countries in the world actually had proper lockdowns. what was even the point of those half-assed measures? my life literally went on as normal. no change except for occasional toilet paper or cooking oil shortages. if that was traumatic, imagine how traumatised i must be from just living like that the whole time lol.
and the "mask mandates" lmao. did a single country anywhere actually get those right? no cloth masks allowed, no surgical masks allowed, filter masks handed out for free, adequate education about proper fit and how to safely reuse disposable masks? did anyone do that??? did any government on this planet actually try???
then we got vaccines and how that was handled certainly varied from place to place, but by now i don't think anyone advertises the need to get regular boosters anymore. people are literally out there thinking they're safe because they got a booster over a year ago. others are trying to get another booster and can't even make it happen for various reasons.
after four fucking years, at least some of the richer countries should have made ample progress upgrading the ventilation systems in all public buildings by now. is that the case though?? certainly not where i live. please do tell me if someone somewhere is doing it right because i am really losing my faith in humanity here.
like ... my groceries being more expensive is certainly not what i personally want to focus on regarding this matter, but the recession is a measurable effect that people have noticed and yet the news article that initially reported it didn't so much as mention covid with a single word. "respiratory infections, such as the common cold, bronchitis or the flu" were apparently the biggest culprits. which, uh. even if all those put together had been more prevalent than covid (something we cannot possibly know since many people don't test anymore and write it off as a cold immediately), previous covid infections could have easily contributed by making people more susceptible to catching them.
shaking my damn head for real
#i am so tired oh my gods it's been four years it's been four fucking years#covid#long covid#ngl i am having a hard time staying silly#rant#;
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I know you guys are waiting on an update, but I just can't seem to finish any of my new chapters for my stories. Even if I wanted to.
I told you how I wasn't doing well, and that I'm having some personal problems irl, right? Well the truth is that my mom's health worsened, she has gotten Reumatoid Arthritis since last year, keep in mind that my mother is 49, she is far too young to have it. It has nothing to do with genetics in her case, she just got it some time after she got the booster shot, which the docters say isn't the cause of her having it. But the problem is that her liver's gotten damaged afterwards, because of all of the medications she had to take for her Reuma, and at first the doctors told her that it wasn't that serious of a case, and they told her to keep taking her medications (which is a lot). Which she did, and this time after she went to her last check-up, they told her that her liver is at the stage of shutting down. So now they've told her to stop taking her medications, but I'm so angry, but most of all- I'm absolutely terrified. Terrified of losing my mum.
Before all this had happened, my mum finally had time for herself, to do what she wanted to do in this life. She's a single parent who had to take care of my siblings and I by herself, in an unfamiliar country, where she could not speak the language. My mum did everything for us to make us have a great childhood and for us to have a good education. She came from a war torn country, she was only 25 when she had me, which in my eyes is so young. I cannot imagine how it felt for her to go through all the things she went through in her life (alone), and still be on her feet. And then that happened, this isn't fair.
Life isn't fucking fair.
I do not want to think about what would happen were she to...yeah, I'm not even going to finish that sentence. My mum took it in 'stride' as she usually does with problems in her life, and the only thing she told me was that I would be the one in charge of my family and what I should do in such a case, which you all can imagine, I did not want to hear. Those fucking doctors kept on experimenting on her and this is what happened, it's because of their incompetence that she's gotten so sick. Which should never have happened to her in the first place, seeing as she comes from a family line of healthy people, this isn't natural.
We're looking for healthier and natural alternatives to help with her Reuma, like signing up for swimming as a hobby. And taking natural supplements, especially to try and repair her liver. Which is the most important thing right now.
I just don't know what to do, I'm looking for jobs at the moment so I could help my mum. But I just don't know anymore man. And if I have some time for myself I can't seem to truly rest, nor do the things I enjoy doing anymore- like writing for example, my laptop's opened in front of me right now, but I just can't. I'm so sorry to you all who were eagerly looking forward to new updates of any of my stories, and thank you all for your kind words, but I don't know if I can continue updating for some time.
I'm not abandoning my stories, but I just need to take this time for myself now, I hope you can understand.
And I hope each and every one of you are doing well?
Much love,
Sacha
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Whumptober 2023 Day 5 - What's the Worst That Could Happen?
@whumptober-archive
No. 5: “You better pray I don’t get up this time around.”
Debris | Pinned Down | “It’s broken.”
also available on ao3!
Jack yanked hard on the Doctor’s lab coat. “Get down, Doc, unless you want to catch one of those bullets in your teeth!”
The Doctor crashed to all fours, panting hard. “Apologies, I am not moving as quickly as in my younger days. I suppose there is no longer any chance of reaching our destination on time?”
“Sure as fuck not. Is the First Quarter always like this? Seems like every other week I’m getting myself caught in a shootout.” He pulled another magazine out of his belt and slid it into his pistol in a practiced motion. The suppressive fire didn’t seem to deter their pursuers any.
“I cannot say it is uncommon, at least in this area. I had hoped my return to the land of my birth would be less… hectic. If only the gangs here had a Queen of Diamonds to unify them.”
Jack scoffed. “Yeah, I think we’re good with just the one.” He poked his head around the concrete barrier and immediately pulled it back. “Mother’s veil, these guys don’t give up…”
“I don’t imagine so. Astra Group would likely send any number of men to ensure my premature demise,” the Doctor said mildly, adjusting their glasses. For someone who had a hit squad out for them, they sure seemed much more concerned with how much exercise they’d been getting than the actual bullets. Standard Doc.
Jack checked his surroundings. Narrow access tunnel, and the pod car was around a corner about thirty meters away. He’d give the Doc a moment to catch their breath and then they’d run for it. They were slower than he was and he’d have to take a few calculated risks if he wanted to keep them intact. Well, if there was one thing the procedure had done, it was make him better at math.
“Okay, Doc, we’re gonna make a break for the pod car. Don’t look back, just keep running.”
The Doctor, still sweating and panting, looked up at him in dismay. “That distance? I cannot keep up with you, Jack, I will be left behind—”
“No, you won’t. I’ll keep pace with you. Just trust me, okay? Keep moving and you won’t get hit.”
“I find that incredibly unlikely—”
“And go!” He hauled them up by the lab coat and pushed them out of the cover of the barrier, but not too far, giving them a chance to right themselves. The Doctor let loose with a colourful stream of curses, but started running anyway, which was the point.
Jack allowed himself a bit of a laugh. The “hitmen” couldn’t aim for shit compared to a Suit’s evasion ability, even protecting another person. He was, for the most part, able to keep his important parts out of the path of the bullets, and he only had to yank the Doctor to the side twice. He clicked the key fob to open the pod car’s hatch as soon as it came into view.
The Doctor was flagging by this point, their pace steadily decreasing despite their best efforts. Jack was going to have to do something about it. “Forgive me for this, Doc, yeah?”
“Eh? Ack!” They flew the last ten feet through the hatch opening, landing with their face on the far seat. Jack dived in after them and scrambled to pull the hatch closed. Glasses hanging askance from their face next to a slowly oozing bullet graze, they rounded on him, furious. “You could have killed me, Jack! I am not a sack of potatoes to be hauled around as—!” They stopped short. “I say, is that blood?”
“Well, yeah. Got hit a couple of times. ‘M fine, just give me a second and I can drive.” It really wasn’t that big of a deal. He needed to get the car in gear so they could get the hell out of here. The electric engine clicked worryingly the first couple of times he began the startup sequence, but eventually it began to hum.
“At least have a booster, Jack, no? You know where we are going, I do not.” Well. At least they had their priorities straight.
general taglist: @athenswrites
fcd taglist: @youareshauni, @arieadil
doc taglist: @i-eat-worlds
#whumptober 2023#whumptober2023#no.5#pinned down#tw guns#oc#fic#original fiction#my writing#writeblr#whumpblr#coy whumps#coy writes#wip: five card draw#the doctor five card draw#jack of clubs
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I got the booster almost a week ago and I still feel like absolute garbage trying to convince my stupid health anxiety that I'm not dying
got it on saturday, no side effects. sunday afternoon, only a very light headache. but then on monday morning I woke up and had numbness in my left arm and leg. I tried not to freak out because it happened to me last year because of stress except this time I wasn't stressed. didn't go away on tuesday. then on wednesday I went to the doctor for something else and also asked about it. she's sending me to a neurologist next week and the same evening I had a brain scan done just in case, waiting for results. up until then it was just the numbness. but then after that appointment of course i started getting worse anxiety over all this (up until then I was a little stressed but keeping it fairly under control) which as you know makes everything worse. since yesterday thursday i've been feeling worse. the numbness is always worse in the morning when I wake up, and then it gets better throughout the day. yesterday I managed to distract myself most of the day but also despite sleeping well I felt tired enough by 10:30am that I took a nap until noon, and at some point I felt unwell out of nowhere which set off my anxiety really bad. then it got better by the end of the day and I went to bed. I woke up at 2am to go to the toilet and felt absolutely horrible. I felt like I was low-key gonna pass out which again set off my anxiety and made the pressure on my upper chest so much worse, it took a while to calm it down. I thought I was gonna die. then I managed to fall asleep again and now I feel much better than earlier but I do feel a bit unwell still. maybe itll be a bit better after breakfast (though anxiety makes it harder to eat, I lose my appetite) I don't know if it's all the stress or if it's linked to whatever is wrong with me aka the numbness. which is thankfully not getting worse but is still there. this is the fucking worst I don't know what to do. every time I feel the slightest off thing in my body my anxiety latches on it
idk maybe it's not the booster but the timing is too perfect. this numbness thing is not unheard of but also it seems those it happened to had it much worse. either way I hate not knowing what's wrong. I think I'll go back to the doctor today if I can and if not I'm ready to go to the ER for the first time in my life which is terrifying and I'm afraid of being told it's just anxiety
oh also as a note a couple of days before the booster I had blood tests done and they all came out normal except for two small vitamin deficiencies that I'm now taking supplements for so idk idk
#bee rants#fun times!!!!#needless to say i havent gotten any writing done#i only manage to draw because it doesnt require the same kind of focua
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quick personal thing (nothing bad, actually, for real)
I'm a little wired and having a hard time sleeping right now. just tonight I've tried magic mushrooms for the second time ever (at double the dose of last time, which was pleasant for sure but didn't particularly bestow any great realizations) and I feel like maybe two things have happened
1) I feel like I've literally unlocked the ability to just talk to people frankly. like I still feel apprehensive about a lot of things but I feel like the part of my brain that greatly fears asserting myself or talking in a frank, direct way has kind of faded away by a significant portion. like I'm still scared of doing a great many things and there are a certain few topics that still churn my stomach but I feel like there was a large part of me that was holding myself back from ever even approaching them. but I feel like I kind of can now, even if it's still scary to do so.
2) I had this really strong recurring thought while thinking about my past. Specifically, the way my absolutely psychotic dipshit brother treated me as a kid (and to an extent, my dad and stepdad too, though in different and mostly less severe ways.) And I was just thinking about how he would treat me like such absolute shit every single day and nobody would ever do anything about it. And I don't mean soft comments, I mean he would say shit like "you're literally such a fat, ugly piece of shit you should kill yourself" basically day after day, multiple times a day, basically from the time we grew up until he left when I was 14. Maybe not in that exact phrasing, but more or less that sentiment, in as many creative ways as he could think to verbalize it. And that's just the stuff he said, I don't even want to really get into the actual physical shit he would do.
But I had this conception tonight that, it was kind of like getting a vaccine, wasn't it? Like I'd get these little booster shots every single day, delivered by my brother. Enduring a whole fucking childhood of hearing and experiencing fucked up stupid shit that had me really truly doubting whether it was even okay for me to be alive, even up until very recently. And at the other end of it, I came out fine, as someone who still really wants to give a shit about other people. It feels like I've got this super immune system built up and it can bounce comments like that right off.
I guess I came out tonight feeling like I have an incredibly solid core that's me, and I don't really feel like it can be cracked. Like there's a little piece of me right in the center that has all my convictions and thoughts and feelings on everything, and it is just absolutely indomitable.
It's all tolerable. The whole world is tolerable. I would like to experience a great deal of it no matter which way my die rolls.
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