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im-overstimulated-and-im-sad · 2 years

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Stressin over my problems, then feeling guilty cause they feel like stupid and problems and I say to myself “anyone else could handle your problems except you, dumb ass weak bitch”.

#i hate myself #in a weird mood #failing at life #thirty sucks #life sucks #anxious mess #panic anxiety #stressed out

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mattodore · 1 day

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MATTHIAS DO LIL JUMP FOR US . SHIRT OFF,. CMON MAKE THOSE THANGS BOUNCE

olli i can't even remember why you sent this but okay ❤ yay ❤

and one specifically for you ❤

#river dipping #asks #lucidicer #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #matthias getting bigger in his thirties.................#i need to dislocate my jaw sucking him off #who said that

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shinygemstone · 4 months

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Lately I've noticed a trend online where everyone is Miserable and Lonely all the time and the younger people are the meaner they get for some reason. So I kind of want to get some info I guess

(also, before you click, context: dependent means that someone else is the primary source of your livelihood. This applies to minors and young adults who don't support themselves- like, if they go to college and work a few hours a week.

Independent applies to anyone else. If your partner is the primary source of your income, pop right here. If you work more than, say, 20 hours a week and either pay rent/own your home, hop over here. Also, yes, homemakers belong here

We'll say that "miserable" means that you feel that generally, your life sucks, and there's no imminent reprieve. "Lonely" is more obvious- you feel like you can't connect with people)

If you feel neither miserable nor lonely, feel free to share life tips for how you avoid those feelings in the notes.

#please please please let this post breach containment #advice #depression #loneliness #misery #loneliness epidemic #mental illness #seeking joy #adulthood #growing up #the ideal audience for this post is a happy person in like their mid thirties #i dunno man #life sucks #and itd be nice if there was a light at the end of the tunnel #or a formula i could follow like my parents for success #i want to steal my mutuals and move us all to a compound just outside a city where we all take care of each other instead of just Capitalism

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im-overstimulated-and-im-sad · 2 years

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You have that random song that just hits you out of nowhere…

Like a random song from a very mainstream group that is at least fifteen years old, but it’s so pretty and soothing and lovely that you listen to it until you start to think “I wonder what it would sound like sung by a woman” and then you’re on YouTube spending two hours watching teenage girls with guitars sing that song and the videos are all from 2008 and these girls are all grown ups like you are now but since they’re not you they’re probably a lot better at life than you are….

This is my way of saying I can’t stop listening to “Won’t Go Home Without You” by Maroon 5, like that song has damn near hypnotized me and I am CONFUSED.

#but it’s so pretty #like what is happening #maroon 5 #in a weird mood #thirty sucks #feeling empty #in my feelings #crawling in my skin

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hollowtones · 1 year

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congratulations on reaching all your stretch goals however why did you make a danganronpa goal. you shouldnt have let people do that to you.

Because it is a cultural phenomenon and for better or for worse People Enjoy It For A Reason. I want to see for myself and understand why!!

If all you hear of a thing is random people going "oh it's bad" without further elaboration, sometimes you end up taking it to heart and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes it's worth challenging that and seeing for yourself! You can't do that for every piece of art, every work of fiction, every piece of media ever made, but I still think it's good to do sometimes. It's how I realized I fucking adore "Dark Souls 2", even with its rough edges! (Sort of related, but sometimes something flawed ends up feeling deeply, deeply compelling; sometimes in spite of its flaws & sometimes because of 'em, y'know?)

I read the SA let's play fan-translation years ago, whenever that was first being posted, so for the most part I know what I'm in for, but I've been on the fence about checking out the full game myself. Making it an incentive like this means that 1) I feel obligated to check it out, instead of just being wishy-washy about it, and 2) if I don't end up wanting to continue, at least I can go "well I gave it a try" and write it off as a business expense. It's the exact same deal with "Kingdom Hearts" for me!

#Also ''you shouldn't have let people do that to you'' Come On Now. I'm Nearly Thirty Bud. I Can Take Care Of Myself.#You are probably joking with that specific line but I think the joke sucks.

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weyrleaders · 2 months

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screaming rattling the bars of my cage clawing at the walls here have the church rescue but from the other side

as with before we got some violence here

Now that group didn’t look like they were invited.

Ray leans over the edge of the building, watching as a squad of seven dressed in black tactical gear file out of two vans and make for the door. They don’t have anything too fancy, from the looks of it. Just handguns and a few small knives poorly-concealed on their belts.

He’s just reaching the fire escape when the shouting and gunfire starts, and he makes it to the ground as the doors burst open and out comes Aster, carrying Orla in his arms.

Ray’s face twists into a snarl. If she’s hurt that badly they may have to—

Orla steps away from Aster, completely unhurt. Ray can tell from the set of her shoulders that she’s pissed.

Aster’s already halfway to the door when she shouts something after him. He doesn’t slow or look back at her, just runs inside the building.

So Loverboy wasn’t getting their gravely-wounded boss out of the line of fire. He just swooped in and carried her off like some sort of helpless damsel. Ray coughs to fight off a laugh.

Aster is so in trouble.

Orla must hear him coming, because she turns as he trots to a stop next to her.

“I’m not going to ask what the hell you’re doing here,” she says. “We can’t get back in the front.”

“We’d probably be walking into an ambush,” he agrees.

The door opens slowly and a young woman creeps outside. Ray watches her out of the corner of his eye, and he’s reasonably sure Orla is doing the same.

“Jax has the keys, doesn’t he.”

Orla nods. The woman presses herself against the wall, trying to slip past them. Ray waits until she turns her back to pounce.

He slaps a hand over her mouth before she can scream, pinning her against the wall. She’s not dressed like one of the party-crashers. Must be a Viper.

The woman flails, and Ray tightens his grip with a theatrical growl. Orla leans in on her other side, and the woman goes still.

“There’s another way out of the building, I’m sure,” says Orla. “Where?”

“If you scream, I’ll break your neck,” Ray sing-songs. He’s lying, of course, because dead women tell no tales, but she doesn’t need to know that. He uncovers her mouth.

“Tunnel!” She gasps. “There’s a tunnel—Underground hideout. It connects to the church a few blocks over.”

Orla gives Ray a nod, and he tosses the woman aside. She scrambles to her feet and runs.

“I think I know the church,” he says.

“Our Saint of Mercy,” Orla replies. “We passed it on the way here, and it’s the only church close enough. Get there while I find a car.”

Ray takes off, hopping over a trash can to get into the alley.

It probably doesn’t take long to get to the church. But it feels like a century, knowing Jax and Aster are right under his feet, just out of reach.

(Which is a thought that Ray files away to revisit never.)

Ray almost considers seeing if he can nab anyone down there, but the odds of the tunnels being close enough to the surface for him to pull it off without seeing his target are slim to none. So he just runs instead, ignoring how his breath tears his lungs raw.

The few people he encounters are quick to get out of the way, shouting profanities that he’s too wired to catch. He can see the steeple up ahead, just barely taller than the surrounding buildings.

The cracked parking lot is empty, so the strangers probably haven’t got someone watching the place. Amateurs.

Ray doesn’t bother to check, just books it across the lot to the side door. He shoves a hand into the inside pocket of his jacket and slides his newly-liberated spiked knuckles onto his hands.

He expected the door to be locked, so it slams against the wall when he tears it open.

Jax is running toward him, hauling an alarmingly-bloodied Aster behind him. Five of the seven people who went in are in pursuit, two closing in while the other three take aim.

Ray’s a violent sort of guy, sure. He’s broken noses, set fires, stabbed whoever Orla said to stab wherever she said to stab them. He’s cut water mains and break lines and more than a few throats.

He doesn’t normally black out first, though.

When Ray comes to, he’s on his hands and knees on the bloody basketball court, catching his breath. His face throbs in time with his racing heart and his mouth tastes like iron. Might just be the adrenaline, but he doesn’t really hurt anywhere else.

He stands, surveying the battlefield. There’s a man near the door, lying in a pool of blood with his arm outstretched toward it. A woman against the wall, hands lax in her lap, jaw hanging on by tendon and skin. Two more against another wall, one haloed by blood and viscera where Ray must’ve slammed them against it until they stopped moving. The other’s throat is shredded, and Ray licks his lips curiously, noting a nick near the corner of his mouth. He glances down at his shirt.

“Arts and crafts day,” he mutters, picking at the red stain down the front. His collar is probably soaked too, but with any luck it’s not obvious against the red fabric. The tag feels tacky when he checks to make sure it’s still there.

He hears someone hiss in pain, and slowly turns to see the last member of the merry band trying to slink toward the door that must lead back down into the tunnels.

Their eyes meet, and Ray sees the fear in their eyes.

Might as well finish the job. Leave no witnesses that Orla will have to send Aster for. He darts over, drawing back his fist. They have enough time to raise their arms in a futile attempt to block his punch, but of course they fail. They collapse, blood spilling across the floor.

Damn, he missed these beauties. He raises a clenched fist to kiss one metal spike, only to sputter a second later to spit out a stray hair.

Right.

Ray crosses his impromptu abattoir and steps outside.

Jax is, once again, just on the other side. Gun in hand, poised to charge back in. He straightens, lowering the pistol, and stares. Ray grins as Jax looks him up and down.

Fuck, he wants to kiss him. Wants to see if Jax will lick the taste of iron from his mouth. Wonders if Jax would lie still under his hands as assures himself that yes, Jax hasn’t been hurt, or would he be too busy doing the same to Ray? Would he even care enough to worry?

“Did you fucking bite someone?” Jax asks after what seems like hours.

Ray can’t hold back the laugh it startles out of him.

“Woof, woof,” he replies.

#to clarify aster and orla are not A Thing it's just that aster sucks at hiding His Feelings #ray would never bring it up to his face thought because he knows that aster would probably kill him for real even though orla said not to #also ray cant drive and i assume orla can so that's why she's getting a car #she pulls up thirty seconds later like 'throw aster in the trunk and lets go before he bleeds out'#rywd

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crownedinmarigolds · 4 months

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Tonight's homework is making a cheat sheet of how much money to put aside from all commissions for lame tax reasons. A necessary evil unfortunately!

#personal #gotta do THIRTY percent off of everything I make #thankfully i'm not strapped for money so it's not hurting-hurting but still sucks

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quietwingsinthesky · 29 days

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Drabble 93/366 - Supernatural

Jack’s heavy in Marie’s lap as she nuzzles into his shoulder. Your little brother, Dean had said. Spit, really, but Marie won’t think about that, or their mother, or any bad things.

Only Jack. She rubs her nose up his neck.

“I like that,” Jack sighs. Marie does it again.

Something tells her to ghost her lips across his throat. Jack makes a soft noise, and Marie shivers, wants him closer.

She doesn’t know how.

“My little brother,” she whispers for the first time.

“Same size,” Jack mumbles.

“Little,” she repeats, breathing the word into his skin, making it true.

#marieposting #i missed them <3 weird freak archangel babies with zero blundaries <3 #tw incest #because they are. well. they are very weird about each other. and touching each other.#drabble-a-day #drabble-a-day 2024 #fanfiction #spn #anyway. no i lied im posting it now because i fell asleep for thirty minutes and then the fire alarm went off for an hour here and. it sucks #SO. look at my little nephilim snuggle!!!#look away dev

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theminecraftbee · 2 years

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Hello again so soon. I’m kind of just generally curious about the “redemption” part of Grian’s arc too, like, what forces them to finally confront each other’s identities? How do they Deal With it? What about the reactions of the rest of Team Scar? What is their dynamic like immediately after? What do they Do to shift it until Grian’s officially part of the Team?

(I’ve had this bit of idea hanging in the back of my mind since I first got the gist of this AU where in whatever event forces them to confront each other’s identities, Grian’s actually manages to get hurt enough that he breaks a wing, and because its not a limb he normally has, he can only partially de-transform until its healed. So he cant really leave his house at risk of his identity, and may or may not have anyone able/prepared to treat an injury like that, so he somehow (begrudgingly) ends up being cared for by Scar, forcing them to actually talk and not just hide from each other forever—)

so, the "being forced to confront each other's identities" works a bit like this currently in my head:

scar figures it out first.

he then immediately represses it, because he's still associating the enemy magical girl with being a villain, even if a villain he's trying to help. but scar figures it out. grian isn't that subtle, and while everyone else seems to be fooled by the magic, magical girls themselves are somewhat resistant to their own identity-concealing magic. so, he knows it's grian, and he refuses to know it's grian. this continues for a bit.

for a while, it becomes clear that A) grian does not actually have the same goals as the shadow organization and often disagrees with them despite working with them and B) grian is in over his head and can be redeemed. scar reaches out the most. cub actually disagrees with this for a while but after cub is possessed he mellows a bit because he Gets It more. cub's still more likely to shoot grian in this phase than try to help but you know, won't try to argue scar should stop anymore. bdubs is interestingly mixed; given that bdubs joins the team late he has a weird perspective and doesn't really Get scar's fixation but also is like yeah okay. i don't trust her but okay.

so then we start to get more stuff where grian is forced into a role where he's on the same side as scar occasionally. pearl's arrival in town is the first of these - pearl gets caught up in a monster attack and gets possessed while trying to investigate the shadow organization and grian ends up helping fight/rescue her against the shadow organization's will. he tries to do this sneakily but team scar catches on. he also starts helping civilians a bit more as he fights team scar and generally despite trying to present himself as terrifying is nearly at the end of his rope.

it becomes somewhat clear what grian's real goal is - while he agrees with the shadow organization that magic should not be re-sealed, some past experience with a freak magical accident that happened in one of the rare times magic still leaks through into the world in combination with his partner spirit being the spirit of freedom has lead grian to want the spirits to be able to run free. he wants magic back in the world in full and he wants the spirits to have some safe way to run free.

he's just... started to realize the consequences of that and is having trouble getting out of the situation of 'he has to work with the shadow organization because unlike team scar he has literally no one else to help him'. in addition, grian has thoroughly convinced himself he's a villain (a villain for a cause he believes in but a bad guy he's a bad person and he knows it) and refuses to work with team scar when scar reaches out.

this is about when grian puts two and two together and realizes that the guy at work he's becoming close friends with, scar, is also the enemy magical girl. i think grian has to actively catch scar transforming to figure it out he figures it out WAY later than scar does. unlike scar though he DOESN'T repress, he just panics, because the thing with grian is that while he hurts a lot of people and acts like he likes doing it, he actually doesn't want to hurt anyone, let alone his friends. which is why pearl was the initial catalyst for him to work with team scar in emergencies more often, and is why he's suddenly awkwardly holding back when he and scar fight.

this comes to a head when scar gets very badly injured in a spirit fight. the spirit is something like the spirit of death or something and it's bad and grian flips and drives out the spirit again (albeit without sealing it because grian can't actually do that). he saves scar's life and scar basically is like. i knew you could do it. you're one of my best friends i knew you could do better. i knew it was you, grian, i knew you were a good person.

grian flees because he Cannot Handle This. he's injured himself, so he has the conversation with doc i wrote at one point in his last conversation with the shadow organization as an ally. he gets patched up.

grian then vanishes for two weeks.

he doesn't tell his boss, he doesn't tell scar, he doesn't tell anyone, and scar is terrified. the only reason scar isn't more terrified is that no new magical warriors have come from the shadow organization or something. meanwhile grian has just like. fucked off to another city because he's had a panic attack slash crisis of faith over being called a good person and the fact that scar has known and not done anything about it what the fuck. he also sorta realizes that he doesn't like where he'd gotten stuck and starts trying to talk with the spirit of freedom, who has developed into kind of a friend, to figure out what to do with himself.

he proceeds to get captured by the shadow organization, which has managed to hunt him down and decided that, since grian clearly isn't cooperative anymore, he's a threat, and more useful to take apart and study than as a distraction for team scar now. grian proceeds to have a Bad Time for several days before being given an offer by the spirit of freedom:

grian is now powerful enough as a magical girl to transform on his own. he knows this, the shadow organization doesn't quite know this but that's because grian's refused to give it away, the spirit of freedom knows this. grian has also never been easy to possess; he wrested control from the spirit of freedom on his own, after all, way back in the beginning, in order to become a mage all on his own.

but he can still become possessed willingly.

and an actual, fully-fledged and independent magical girl being possessed is a calamity on a scale that no other possession can compare to.

grian agrees. cue madoka-inspired creature made of wings and broken cage bars basically entirely destroying the underground facility he'd been in and briefly becoming effectively a natural disaster, a 'king of monsters' arc where grian basically out of fear and anger and pain and all his conflicting emotions decides that fine, he's fully joining the side of the spirits, he's done being human he's done dealing with this. he's also pretty done being in his right mind because neither he nor the spirit of freedom are actually capable of fully handling the resulting power of "spirit fully possessing a magical locus as powerful as grian had gotten at that point".

team scar has to fight him and also talk him down enough for grian to manage to claw back enough right mind to separate from the spirit of freedom, but also to want to. combination fight scenes and VERY emotional final conversations and also i think scar just completely detransforms in front of grian and is like "no more secrets all this laid bare now come on please let me help you, you were right i don't actually think all magic should be sealed anymore but i also don't think what you're doing now is right, you are hurting people and you are hurt and this isn't you".

scar manages to talk grian down from being a pure calamity and then spirits him away to a hiding place where he can stay safe while team scar tries to figure out what the fuck to do now.

for the record, even after ALL OF THIS i think cub doesn't fully trust grian. bdubs trusts that grian is too much of an emotional and physical wreck when he first switches sides to do anything but cub's like. have you seen some of the stunts this lady has pulled. i am not keeping my eyes off of her. and grian knows he has some SERIOUS work to do to get people's trust again especially after what just happened.

and this leads into team scar finally doing a full assault on the (now much more damaged) shadow organization like this is the last arc before that happens i think lol

subject to change of course if other people have good ideas i REALLY like your idea too i just had the very dramatic image of grian, king of monsters, for a while now and so that's definitely happening.

#answered #adragonsdance #magical girl scar #i am writing so many paragraphs of silly self-indulgent au tonight huh #like okay you also have to understand that the 'i knew there was good in you' trope is important here for the dark magical girl #and is DEEPLY self-indulgent here as well there are increasingly large numbers of villains in this au who are there by circumstance #because that's a thing i personally like #and i recognize it might be a LITTLE out of character for grian and scar but listen. it's my au i can choose the self-indulgent tropes #anyway yeah arguably by the end of grian's arc his life has been pretty ruined in a lot of ways but he rebuilds himself #that's the whole thing with him: grian's life SUCKS and keeps on getting destroyed every time he claws back #but he ends up ultimately with the world's most blank slate and rebuilds himself into a member of team scar #and ends up somewhat better in the end even with all the stuff that sucks #anyway i think after the events of the story he also is sentenced to like SO MUCH community service #like he has like thirty years of community service and he's like. yeah you know what that's fair

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