#failing at life
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Bro you know you must be bad at Tumblr if the only people who are following you are bots and scammers.
T-T
I'll get there one day.
#writers on tumblr#tumblr bots#spam bots#humor#sad#failing at tumblr#failing at life#why exactly are the only people ever interested in me FAKE?#jdjeowjfnekebgkwlw
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i just asked my best friend for space i feel so bad what do i do i love her but i think i may have made a bad move but i am honestly relieved and feel better.
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My brain needs a reboot. Like back to birth.
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The world sucks and I am spinning out- read more quotes I copied from Amy Poehler’s book that I read from my notes app at work:
“Eat some nice soup and you will feel better. Or take a walk”.
“Relax and let her win. Who cares?”
“Talk slower and louder”.
“She herself was breast feeding at the time, and as history has shown, this is when a bitch is most likely to go off”.
“All it takes is for Tina to softly say, “we can do this, right?” And I suddenly feel like I can jump off a bridge”.
“As the old saying goes, “don’t ask for permission to sit on George Clooney’s lap. Beg for forgiveness once you do”.
“It seems in olden times people loved to stick their babies in strange places and then brag about where they fit. My father also once told me a story about using a warm baked potato as some kind of mitten”.
“There should be manuals passed out to girls on how to handle that inevitable one week stretch when up is down and the best friend who just slept over at your house suddenly pulls your hair in front of everyone and laughs”.
“I watched more than one sunrise in a strange suburban driveway”.
“I now read articles about how great sleep is and how important it is and I cry because I want it so bad and I am so mad at how great everyone else seems to be at it”.
“Being awake and sober at 4 AM is a much different experience from being awake and stumbling home. I have certainly done both”.
“We had to dance in the middle of a New Jersey highway at 6am. Kenan kept pretending to take calls from himself asking why he had done this to himself”.
“Throughout my life I have been told I snore so loudly that it sound like I am dying or choking. I come from a family of snorers and we all used to record each other to show each other the damning evidence. I am convinced my body is trying to gently strangle me to death”.
“Once I pulled back the curtain and locked eyes with a masturbating Peeping Tom, and he just waved at me like someone saying farewell from the dock of a ship”.
#amy poehler#yes please#sleeping is hard#sleeping issues#tina fey#george clooney#spinning out#a boring dystopia#dystopian nightmare#failing at life#kenan thompson#kenan#saturday night live#snl
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Why is it that whenever something major and good happens to my friends (they get a boyfriend, they get a job, they get a house), instead of being happy for them, I start feeling so anxious that I want to cry? It makes me feel like they're so far ahead in life compared to me and like I'm a complete failure. And I hate how my first thought, when they tell me such news, is to make it about me. Towards them I of course act really nice and I congratulate them, tell them I am happy... But I'm really not. I mean, I really want to be, and my mind is aware and tells me: 'this is a really good thing for them!' but I cannot féél that happy thought, all I feel is sadness. It makes me feel like such a fake friend.
Is this even normal?
I don't think I'm jealous, I'm really just scared.
#emotions#lack of empathy#wrong emotions#failing at friendship#failing at life#why can i not be happy for others anymore#i don't want to be that person#anxiety#scared
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That feeling when you know without a doubt that your life’s dream is to create the ultimate cosplay blog/channel (or maybe just cosplay itself) or whatever of the character your miserable lonely life surrounds around but knowing it probably won’t happen
Then also the feeling of how out of touch and pathetic it feels to have that as all you really know for sure you want in life
Being autistic majorly amplifies this and doesn’t help at all
#basically I’m pathetic#actually neurodivergent#gross high kin problems#I’m probably alone in this#cosplay#lonliness#failing at life#i just want to be happy#autism#why am i like dis#actually asd#kinnie
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Eyyyyy not me just failing at this^^ have a good day/night because imma 'bout to rage
#killer sans#sans#sans au#undertale#nightmare sans#failing at life#failing at drawing#aaaahhhh#cry#i'm screaming#wip#sketch
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Elastic waistbands are the way to go
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Can I... talk about the theory that winners help craft the next game?
Because, and I really can not say this enough, it puts So Much into perspective.
Everything starts out Normal. Three lives, simple, cut and dry, there hasn't been a winner yet. No one to help craft the game. (And there's something to be said about how simple it really was. Not even a real expectation of the world becoming pvp or combative. No idea of the war to come)
Then Grian wins. The green killer, the man who vowed his first life to the one whose life he took. The next game the boogie man is born. A mechanic that allows and, in fact, demands, a green kill. People can trade lives back and forth, currency and debt wrapped up in one. (can we still be friends? Said the red partner. A life time later and reds are hostile, alone. Maybe it's an answer: No. Not anymore)
Scott wins this time. He refuses to play the game. He will not kill his team, he will love and he will do so fiercely and with all of himself. The next game people are attached through to their very souls. Every bit of damage to one soul is done to its twin. There is no boogeyman. (There is no way for a widow to be left without their love)
Pearl wins and she wins a blood bath. Spent the game draped in red, only wolves for company. Sitting in her tower, shivering in ice, maybe she wanted it to end. To see where it would. Limited life rewards you for killing, limited life has a clock tick tick ticking down, you always no how long you have. A curse yes, but a blessing too.
Now It's Martyn's turn.
And what a turn it is.
Keep your secrets, says the disloyal man, keep them well. Everything hurts, everything Matters, says the man fracturing with every loss. (What if we could love each other without hurting? Says The Hand, who never wanted to be coated in blood)
More importantly, Martyn has always seen the watchers below the surface. Now, they're right here in front of him. Something that could almost... be rebelled against, no? Something that someone else could finally point to and say: hey, hey isn't that familiar?
#Also funny that most winners have an immediate problem with the game following#Grian being given only two lives at the start#Scott breaking up with his soulmate#Martyn pulling an absolute Wet Cat and failing miserably at secret life#Pearl did fine#limited life#life series#secret life#trafficblr#grian#scott smajor#martyn inthelittlewood#pearlescentmoon#3rd life#last life#traffic life#ignore the number of parenthesis#and also tags
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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDN’T impact her life as much if they weren’t both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.
This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.
But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.
Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:
This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.
And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.
Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.
Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.
He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.
She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.
Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.
Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.
#dunmeshi analysis#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#laios touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#AND this isn't even getting into her leaving the academy & how much it seems like that was directly tied to how poorly he was doing#there's a comic in the adventurer's bible where marcille is like 'yeah she had a job lined up and everything'#and like. do you think he feels bad for that too#like he wrecked her life by leaving#and wrecked her life by showing up#what do you even do at that point. if you feel like a failed protector when you are away & and a burden when you return#unable to make yourself accept. unable to make yourself resist#Laios strongest moment is when he lets himself accept that. the contradiction of his life & his relationship with Falin#that he has to kill her to save her#as a small note this came out a little more focused on Laios' POV with this stuff but Falin's experience of it is v important to me too#didn't mean to sideline her but her feelings about stuff are more speculative and probably need a post of their own
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bedtime story with my love !!
#mine#cats#oooooooooogh im so cold....bath time bath time :3 !#i hope everyone is hvaing a good week i am now DONE with work !!!!! hehe !!!!!!!!!!#i might not do any drawing for a little while . maybe just felt tips#also. cannnot for the life of me decide what 2 read...am like 30% way thro assassins fate but Um its . a little intense so im taking a brea#idk what im in the mood for....something....fun... but isnt bad#i feel like all 'light' books r bad. maybe i will just reread the goblin emperor. as i always do when all else fails#also. am going ice skating tomorrow i am SO excited . i hvent been in so so long its so exciting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#mwah. hve good evening :3
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I would just really like someone to genuinely give a shit about my existence.
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something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.
#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting#as her deity being overcome with rage#something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard#and something about people loving you anyway#something about 'your anger isnt scary to me'#as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD#something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself#and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something#but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up#and how mad that makes you. at yourself.#this fight is so much#fhjy#d20#dimension 20#fantasy high
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Stressin over my problems, then feeling guilty cause they feel like stupid and problems and I say to myself “anyone else could handle your problems except you, dumb ass weak bitch”.
#i hate myself#in a weird mood#failing at life#thirty sucks#life sucks#anxious mess#panic anxiety#stressed out
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S.COUPS
Marie Claire Shoot Sketch
BONUS : a realtime transformation from cheollie<3 -> general leader s.coups
#s.coups#seungcheol#choi seungcheol#seventeen#tw flashing#tw eyestrain#svt#svtgifs#*mine#my gif#heymax#maddieblr#userhev#usermery#jennalook#userbexrex#xanblr#1k.#2k.#3k.#coups stops ruining my life challenge: failed this week. we go again.#this fit changed me as a person#why is he so edible :| asking for a friend
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Getting hype for the new Life season tomorrow, so I dug up these to share!! Completely incomprehensible to most, I'm aware lol...but if you know, you know ;)
Also one of the first times I used CSP! Perspective rulers are EVERYTHING to me...just gotta get more used to the UI ugh 😵💫
#trafficblr#traffic smp#life smp#martyn inthelittlewood#rendog#zombiecleo#bigbst4tz2#impulsesv#bdubbleo100#grian#joel smallishbeans#jimmy solidarity#can you tell i tried to get all my faves in#somehow failed to get my two absolute faves LOL#anyway big hype for tomorrow!!#calocraft
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