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the-chosen-fanfiction · 9 months

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Jesus | Blinded To The Truth | Platonic

Dialogue prompt: “You really like making things difficult.”

Requested: Yes

After inviting you to listen to His meditation at Synagogue, your childhood Friend Jesus makes the boldest of claims.

“Hey, you’re cheating!”

“I am doing no such thing!” you quip, throwing the small ball towards Rafi in the hopes he will not catch it–

–He catches it with his left hand and you huff, preparing yourself to get it hurled back at you in return. However, Rafi tosses it with a firm movement of his arm towards Jesus, Who misses it by a hair. The ball falls to the grass and Rafi cheers, causing you to roll your eyes. Aaron lets out a sigh of defeat.

“I win!” Rafi exclaims.

You place a hand on your hip. “Fine, you win. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to get myself some snacks to comfort myself at this incredible loss.”

“Nah, (Y/n), you are just being sarcastic now even though I know quite certainly that you are upset.”

“I’m not! It’s Rosh Hashanah, I will not allow myself to sulk over something like a game.”

Jesus chuckles at your response and runs a hand through His hair, sighing deeply. “You did better at this game than I did, (Y/n),” He reassures you. You smile at your childhood Friend, Who heads over to you. “I will join you for that comfort snack, okay?”

You nod in agreement and both of you head for the nearest platter of sweet treats. You scoop a whole load of honey onto a slice of apple and give it to Jesus. He thanks you with a word of gratitude and waits for you to get one for yourself as well.

“Hey,” Jesus begins as the pair of you bask in the sunlight, enjoying the fruit. “I am going to give a Torah reading tonight at the synagogue. Would you like to attend as well? You’re a good friend of Mine, so I would appreciate it if you were to–”

“Of course!” you say without hesitation, “I knew that You were a Rabbi now. Your mother told me about Your ministry.”

Jesus hums. “I don’t think she told you all of it.”

You frown in puzzlement. “What do You mean?”

The Nazarene gives you a look. “You’ll see.”

Trusting Him enough to not ask, you decide to not press any further.

“Time for a rematch?” you suggest, nodding at Lazarus and Rafi, who are still gloating in their victory.

Jesus nods in agreement, polishing off the honied apple. “Let’s go.”

In spite of the heat outside, the synagogue is cool and dark, apart from some light drifting in through the small windows above. The village of Nazareth has gathered and you’ve taken a seat with two women who introduced themselves to you as Martha and Mary, whom you’ve started to mingle with in anticipation of Jesus’ reading. You’re curious to see what He will choose to read.

The crowd’s chatter falls silent when Rabbi Benjamin walks up to the pulpit and stretches his arms in a way to lead everyone into prayer. You bow your head and close your eyes.

“Blessed are You Lord our God, King of the universe. Who has kept us alive and sustained us for another year. Who bestows kindness, restores and redeems. Praise to You, Adonai our God, sovereign over creation. Who has chosen us from all the peoples. May Your blessings be all who seek You earnestly. Bring joy to Your land and gladness to Your city. In Your mercy, bestow on us a prosperous year, a bountiful harvest, and the promised arrival of Meshiach. Your anointed One, the Son of David.”

The congregation replies with an agreeing ‘amen’ as the sound of the shofar fills the room in a few quick puffs of noise. Goosebumps litter your skin at the sound like it does to you every time, and you smile, watching Jesus across the room.

“Thank you for the call to repentance and rest.” Rabbi Benjamin comments. “And now, for the reading and interpretation we have with us Jesus bar Joseph. He was one of my students in Torah class and we’ve heard reports–” he turns to Jesus, “Some of them very positive, of His rabbinic journeys.” Jesus and Lazarus chuckle a bit, “Jesus.”

Jesus heads for the pulpit and smiles. “Thank you, Rabbi Benjamin. Ah, please.” He gestures for the person carrying the scroll to lay it out for Him.

“You know, it’s not easy to share in front of Nazareth’s most pre-eminent Rabbi, but I will do My best. And I’m certain that if I miss a word or two, one of you at least will speak up, huh?”

A few of the men make sounds of agreement, Lazarus leaning against a pillar with his arms crossed. “Oh, don’t worry.”

“I wonder who it will be,” Jesus murmurs in amusement before turning to the scroll.

“A reading from the scroll of the prophet Isaiah.” Jesus announces, then lifts His eyes upwards for a few silent seconds. He unfurls the scroll and takes the yad to point at the text He is reading to follow along.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me. Because the Lord has anointed Me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted; to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight of the blind. To the opening of the prison for those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.”

With bated breath, you watch as He steps away from the scroll and rolls it up, handing it back to the assistant before taking a seat in the chair placed in the middle of the room. For a moment, He locks eyes with Lazarus, then with you, until He opens His mouth to speak.

“The fulfilment of this Scripture as you have heard it is today. This is the year of the Lord’s favour. This is a year of jubilee. A year the poor, the brokenhearted, the captive and the blind are offered redemption.”

Your heart stutters inside your chest. Are you hearing this correctly?

Rabbi Benjamin’s posture stiffens.

“Here. Now.”

Jesus pauses for a few moments, and Lazarus speaks up. “We are here with You,” he remarks, “Keep going.” He seems just as interested in Jesus’ words as you are. “Not bad for a carpenter’s son, yes?”

You cannot fight the small laugh that escapes you, and Rabbi Benjamin gives you a sharp look.

“I mean, especially Joseph…” Lazarus continues, “May he rest in peace…”

Rabbi Benjamin has a stern look on his face when he speaks up.

“Jesus, please explain why You stopped the reading before Isaiah spoke of the day of vengeance of our God? Especially during a time of such oppression.”

A few silent moments as you keep your gaze focused on Jesus, anxious what He will say. You have never heard this interpretation before, and you’re only hoping that Jesus will not say anything that could get Him in trouble.

“The day of vengeance is in the future. I’m not here for vengeance. I’m here for salvation.”

Rafi and Aaron’s brows furrow, as does Rabbi Benjamin’s. “You’re here for salvation?” the Rabbi mutters, “What are You saying?”

Over her shoulder, Mary looks at you with a delighted look on her face. Your expression resembles confusion as your heart hammers inside your chest. “It’s Him…” Mary whispers, “He is trying to say that He is… You know…”

You swallow thickly. Thinking of the rumours that have been going around about Jesus, and now… Could He be…

“You know what I am saying.”

Your heart skips a beat.

“And this year of jubilee, this year of the Lord’s favour, is not about release from financial debts. I’m here to provide release from spiritual debt.”

“We are the chosen seed of Abraham.” Benjamin darkly sounds, “We don’t have spiritual debt!”

Jesus purses His lips and looks away.

“Jesus,” Aaron starts. “We’ve been hearing about the signs and wonders, and now this? Are You claiming to be more than a Rabbi? More than even the Baptiser?” Aaron has the exact same question as you.

The room is tense and you lean closer towards Him, not wanting to miss a single word.

“No doubt one of you will quote me the Proverb; ‘Physician, heal yourself’. The things we heard You did in Capernaum and in Syria, do here in Your hometown, yes?”

“Why not?”

“I get it.” Jesus counters. “It’s always easier to accept hard truths and even greatness from strangers than from those you know well, especially those you knew as awkward teenagers or even as adults as some of you saw earlier today. Laz here would make a more believable prophet.”

You grin as the two chuckle, until Jesus’ smile falls.

“But this brings up an important truth. No prophet is acceptable in his hometown.”

Around you, people start to mutter amongst themselves.

“Be careful with what You call Yourself.” Benjamin growls.

“This should be easy to prove!” Aaron says, “Dinah and Rafi, you say you saw it, yes?”

Rafi nods. “Yes! Yes, we saw it, but… He did not claim this…”

“A true prophet from Adonai would not deny His own people signs and wonders.”

Jesus takes a sharp breath. “Listen carefully. When a great famine hit Israel during the days of Elijah. Three years and six months. There were many widows, yes? And we know how the Father cares for His chosen people, especially widows. But Elijah was sent to none of them… Not one.”

You drink in every single word He says, your mind spinning with questions and clarity at the same time.

“Instead he was sent to a widow in Sidon, in Zeropath. A Gentile woman. Martha, what happened?”

Jesus turns to her and for a moment, He locks eyes with you. It is as if He can read your mind - your soul - and He nods. He nods to answer the question bouncing around in your skull, and you have to prevent yourself from gasping.

“She gave up her last flour and oil for one more cake and gave it to Elijah.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Elijah told her the Lord said to do so.”

Jesus turns back, “Yes. The Lord said that He would make it so that her flour and oil would never run out. And she believed. A pagan Gentile in a pagan land. And she was hungry enough to know that she needed God and to obey Him. And so, God sent Elijah to multiply our food forever.”

He shortly pauses to let the words sink in.

“What about Elisha, and Naaman? There were many lepers in Israel during this time, but none of them were cleansed except Naaman. Only a Gentile, a Syrian soldier and enemy of the Lord’s people. But he was so desperate, he trusted Elisha, and his leprosy was cleansed.”

The tension in the synagogue rises with every word that falls from His lips, and your throat runs dry at the expression many hold on their faces; deep, unadulterated offence.

“You may be the chosen seed of Abraham, you may be the people of the covenants, but that will not bring you My salvation.” Jesus’ eyes are shimmering with both sadness and persistence, “If you cannot accept that you are spiritually poor and captive, in the same way that a Gentile woman and a Syrian leper recognised their need–”

He pauses, the words getting stuck in His throat as He pinches together his fingers to emphasise the message. Across the room, you see Aaron shake his head slowly, and Rafi’s expression is conflicted.

“If you do not realise that you need a year of the Lord’s favour… Then I cannot save you.”

You can hear a pin drop as the hostility in the room advances, your heart almost leaping out of your chest in fear as Aaron slowly stands, his brow knit together in rage.

“Who do You think You are?!” His voice drips with malice.

“This is what Hannah talked about.” Martha says in front of you, making your chest tight with anxiety for His safety. “That He even called Himself the Messiah!”

Rabbi Benjamin takes a step in Jesus’ direction. “Are You claiming to be the Messiah, or are You merely claiming to speak for the Lord as a prophet?”

Jesus, turned away from the Rabbi at first, slowly pivots in His seat.

When He opens his mouth to answer, your face pales.

“Yes.”

For a moment, you lock eyes with Lazarus, who looks from you to his sister Mary, who has a certain sparkle in her eye that makes you convinced that she believes, too.

And so do you.

Something within your spirit puts you on edge in a way you have never experienced before. It reels inside your gut in a strange way, as if everything in your soul is teetering on the edge of interfering, but that same spirit holds you back from doing so, convinced that He knows how to handle this all.

“You are a false prophet!” Benjamin accuses.

Mother Mary gasps in shock and you put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her immediately. Lazarus reaches over to put a hand on the elderly Rabbi’s shoulder. “Woah, that is quite a thing to say! Jesus, maybe we should leave.”

Aaron interrupts: “Lazarus, you’re His friend, you cannot be involved! You know what the law of Moses says–”

“We are all His friends, Aaron,” Lazarus counters. “We cannot say things like this!”

“Jesus, stand up at once!” Benjamin orders, but Lazarus tries to fan the flames.

“Rabbi, please. Rafi, come with Jesus and me, we will leave, and you can all continue the service.”

Slowly, Jesus rises from the chair.

Rafi clearly draws his own conclusions. “Rabbi Benjamin has asserted false prophecy and I cannot argue it.”

Lazarus will not have any of it. “You said you saw the miracle!”

“He’s saying only He can save us!” Rafi bites.

“He did not use those words–”

“–It’s what I meant.” Jesus quips, earning Him a glare from Lazarus.

“Jesus, you’re not helping!” Lazarus pleads.

Deciding to intervene between your bickering childhood friends, you stand and make your way down to them. “Rafi, are you deaf? And blind? Have you not heard the stories of the miracles? Have you not tasted the wine?”

Aaron scoffs. “Those are just rumours! You’ve got no evidence, and people can say whatever they want. As long as enough people tell the same story, you’d believe anything, wouldn’t you, (Y/n)? Always so gullible…” He shakes his head almost pitifully.

You let out a noise. “And you, not even considering the words of a Man you know to be trustworthy, even though He makes things so clear right now! You really like making things difficult!”

Jesus puts a hand on your shoulder and you turn to Him. He smiles at you softly, His gaze containing a certain kind of warmth that fills you with rest. It is the briefest of moments, but intense nevertheless.

Rafi points a finger at Jesus, breaking the moment of eye-contact. “He’s saying we are not the Holy One’s chosen!”

“Now, He did not say that!”

Rabbi Benjamin’s voice is like ice, full of fury, unlike anything you've ever heard before. It makes the hairs of your neck stand on end. “In words, the book of Moses; ‘But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in My Name that I have not commanded him to speak, that same prophet shall die.’...”

As Lazarus leans closer, he lowers the volume of his voice. Jesus’ mother seems distraught and anxious. “Rabbi Benjamin, I beg of you… Not this…”

“Lazarus,” Jesus calmly hums, “It’s fine…”

“Jesus they’re going to–” Jesus leans closer to His friend and whispers something in his ear for a few moments. As soon as He pulls back, Lazarus stares at Him rather nervously.

“Yes?” Jesus acknowledges, and Lazarus reassures Him.

Before you can speculate, Lazarus locks eyes with you, and nods towards Jesus’ mother Mary, whose eyebrows are furrowed in fear of her Son’s safety. You immediately understand the hint, rushing over to her and crouching down to take her hand in yours. She gives you a grateful glance, but it soon focuses back to her Son, Whose safety she so desperately fears.

“Jesus…” Benjamin utters, “If you do not renounce Your words, we will have no choice but to follow the Law of Moses…”

You can hear your own blood rush inside your ears as the strain within the synagogue reaches its breaking point. The Messiah steps closer to the Rabbi, His eyes filled with heartache.

When Jesus speaks, it is the straw that breaks the camel’s back:

“I AM the Law of Moses.”

Benjamin staggers back, gasping in indignation. Before you can truly process what is going on, Jesus is grabbed into His tunic by Rafi and Aaron, who shove Him towards the exit. They yank off the tallit that is still draped over His shoulders and Mary reaches out. You can barely hold her back to keep her from harm, but Lazarus soon assists you.

Before He is pushed outside, Jesus has a moment of intense eye-contact with His mother, but then, He is forced out.

As Jesus is led out of the synagogue by the angry mob, Mary starts to sob. You can barely look at what is happening, your entire being frightened and shaking, but you cannot follow the crowd to see if there is a way to save Him. All you can do is comfort His mother, who accepts your embrace as you pull her into your arms. Her form trembles in agony.

“Jesus promised that He’d be alright,” Lazarus reassures both His mother and you as everyone pours out of the synagogue, “We will meet Him after sundown on the outskirts of Nazareth, where His father is buried. Mary, you know the place, right?”

Slightly calmed by the words, Mary nods meekly, but her demeanour remains distraught. And who could blame her? Although she trusts that her Son’s word is true, and that He will be alright, a mother’s instinct is ever so strong.

“It will be fine, Mary,” you whisper, yet still filled with questions. “Is this all true? Is He truly the Messiah?”

Mary nods, her lips trembling as fresh tears brim on her eyes.

“He is.”

Your mind spins with everything you feel in this very moment - confusion, happiness, relief, fear. “Then why do they not accept Him? I don’t… I don’t understand. The signs and wonders…”

Mary slowly shakes her head, sniffling a bit, seemingly calming down. “I do not know,” she whispers, “But what I do know is to trust Him on His word.”

“Always, Mary,” you reassure her, “Always.”

You remain in the synagogue until the sun has fully set.

#the chosen #reader insert #the chosen x reader #x reader #chosen x reader #angel studios #the chosen jesus #jesus x reader

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musicarenagh · 4 months

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Beyond the Lyrics: A Heart-to-Heart with NazTheMoon Meet NazThe Moon, is an indie artist from Memphis, TN. She is a cool artist who shares her mental health struggles through her music while doing it all from her bedroom. Listen to her latest track “Local Freak Act” where live guitar meets post-hardcore rock. Naz tells us how she got her stage name and talks about her musical journey. From jamming with post-hardcore and rock bands like Dream State to using music as an escape from mental health battles, Naz holds nothing back. Discover how she comes up with her songs, what influences her and how the sound has changed over time. She’s honest about the struggles especially the constant comparison game in the music industry. Also, she has a message for fans – “a big thank you for the love and support - She says. She’s doing it all for you and hopes to make you proud. Much love folks! ❤️ Listen to Local Freak Act https://open.spotify.com/track/1ryyRvgEqegFNmWCQOtDTY Follow NazThe Moon below Twitter Youtube Instagram Tiktok Spotify What is your stage name? My stage name as of right now is NazTheMoon or just Naz! It may change to Naz in the future, but right now, NazTheMoon is my brand. Is there a story behind your stage name? It’s quite funny actually, I got inspiration from the song Nazareth by Sleep Token. I had made NazTheMoon my username on Twitter and it just stuck, it became my brand unintentionally. Where do you find inspiration? I find inspiration in many different musicians as well as my personal life experiences. My sound is heavily inspired by post-hardcore, rock, & metal bands such as Dream State or Glass Heart. I write all of my songs about my personal life experiences and struggles and draw inspiration lyrically from the bands mentioned previously. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? Music has always been something that has helped me feel alone in my struggles with mental health. I grew up listening to music as an escape and decided that when I started pursuing this career I would give back what I was given from music. I want people to feel less alone in their struggles and I hope I can do that with my music. Are you from a musical or artistic family? My family isn’t super musical, although my parents did play instruments/sing in their youth. I’m the youngest of my six siblings, and I just so happened to be the odd one out! I’m the only one who thought, “Man, music is the one thing that truly makes me happy. Guess that’ll be my career now!” Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? In all honesty, my friends were 100% of the reason why I wanted to get into this industry. I used to never be confident in my voice, and then one day I decided to share my cover of a Sleep Token song with a few close friends who pushed me to write and release music. I’m not friends with a couple of these people anymore, but I believe they’ll always be the people who made such a big impact on my career. How did you learn to sing/write/to play? I grew up playing any instrument I could find. I learned to play guitar by searching YouTube tutorials and then self-taught myself from there. I learned how to improve my singing & songwriting at a local place called The Song Shack. The Song Shack taught me to push my limits and my teacher, Ashton, really helped me gain confidence both as a writer and a singer. What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? The first concert I ever went to was Twenty One Pilots back in 2018 or 2019, right after their album Trench was released. I was incredibly hyper-fixated on Twenty One Pilots back then, and even though I could barely see (because I didn’t have glasses), it was still the best experience of my life. How could you describe your music? I describe my music as a mix of some post-hardcore & rock. My songs have deep lyrics that truly delve deep into struggles with mental health and learning to love yourself, combined with live instrumentals to truly create a unique experience for my fans.

Describe your creative process. A lot of my creative process is done in my room, on my bed, with nothing but a guitar and a notebook. I sit for hours, and the songwriting process can sometimes take days on end. I’ll listen to musicians who inspire me, analyze their songwriting or chord progressions, and draw inspiration from there. From then on, I just play chords and sing along. If a lyric comes to me, I write it down and workshop it later. When a song is done writing, I bring it to my producer and we work on recording and touching up any empty spots. This process can take a few days to months! It truly just depends on how inspired I am to sit down and finish a song. What is your main inspiration? My main inspiration is probably my own life experiences & mental health. Mental health struggles are something that has affected me for a long time, and writing about it truly helps me understand my feelings and create songs that are beautiful and unique to me. What musician do you admire most and why? Jessie Powell of Dream State. Easy question. Jessie has truly inspired me with her lyricism as well as her story as a musician. The fact that she almost quit music and now she is in a band as successful as Dream State has truly inspired me to continue pursuing my dream and she’s taught me it is never too late to do what you love. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your career? Very much so. In the beginning, my sound was more folk-pop or even jazzy sounding. I later learned that those sounds were just… Not my thing. I enjoy myself the most when there are hard instrumentals and find it easier to write a rock song than I do with any other genre. My clothing style has seemed to have shifted as well, which is a little odd to me. But is it me if I’m not changing aesthetics monthly? Who do you see as your main competitor? Honestly, I don’t see anyone as my competitor. I do music for others to hear and think, “Man, she understands me.” If someone likes my music and is a fan, then great! I’m doing exactly what I set out to do. What are your interests outside of music? I love photography and I’m doing it as a hobby on the side! Concert photography is always something I’ve loved and I decided to pursue it for fun. Other than that, I also enjoy gaming every so often. Baldur’s Gate 3 has truly distracted me from writing music. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? I couldn’t tell you. I’ve always struggled to know what I wanted to do in life until I realized that music is what I have to pursue. If I wasn’t a musician, I’d likely still be in the music industry somewhere. I’ve considered being a tour manager at times. No matter the situation, I think I’d always be in the music industry. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? Comparing myself to others, that’s the biggest thing. Going into the music industry and releasing my first single, I’ve constantly been comparing myself to others. I’ll see their engagement and wonder if I’m not doing enough. I’ve caught myself doing that and trying to teach myself that I’m doing good where I am and that things will get better. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? I would likely change the lack of support for small/independent musicians. It can be very hard to come across venues or blogs that truly wish to support small musicians, and I’d like to change that. Many of us are looking to make a true career from this, but the lack of support can be very discouraging at times. That first step into the door of the music industry is always the hardest. Why did you choose this as the title of this project? Local Freak Act is truly representative of what the song is supposed to be about. This song is supposed to represent me changing my name and truly focusing on my artist self. Some people may think of it as running away and joining the circus. Getting that support to pursue what you love isn't easy, and at times it can feel like you’re nothing but a clown to other people.

I wanted to represent that in my title and cover art. https://open.spotify.com/artist/4RyHxU5q2LuS7XhWx825Ni?si=BHqhDxFkTl6ltFIYdgBXhg What are your plans for the coming months? I’m in the process of writing and recording my first EP currently, and I have another single coming out within the next couple of months (no spoilers for the exact date yet, I gotta leave some things a surprise)! I’m also working on writing an album that’ll hopefully come out late in the year. Do you have any artistic collaboration plans? At the moment, I don’t have any collaboration plans. I’d love to work with artists like Jessie from Dream State or Princess Liv, but right now I’m focusing on my career and getting my foot into the door first. What message would you like to give to your fans? Thank you so much for the overwhelming love and support, I never would’ve thought I’d be getting so many DMs and love. Thank you for being fans, and I hope to make you all so proud. You’re the reason I’m doing this, I love you

#Interviews #LocalFreakAct #LocalFreakActbyNazTheMoon #LocalFreakActfromNazTheMoon #LocalFreakActNazTheMoon #NazTheMoon #NazTheMoondropsLocalFreakAct #NazTheMoonLocalFreakAct #NazTheMoonoutwithLocalFreakAct #NazTheMoonreleasesLocalFreakAct #NazTheMoonwithLocalFreakAct

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catinfroghat · 5 months

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Things are really cool in Nazareth the city is full of joy cos this is where girl meets boy

#my mom is watching nativity again i can hear it from my room

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doktordismemberment · 6 months

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Weekly Roundup: Dec 3, 2023

Couple days late on this week’s roundup cos I’ve been injured and busy recording but I had a minute today so here ya go.

Blah Blah:

Well, my foot still hurts but I’ve been a bit more “up and around” over the past couple days. Mostly because I had to hobble over to the post office and mail our rent check. It sucked, but it’s done now.

Other than that? We’ve honestly just been holed up in our studio and doing a lot of recording. Got a bunch of tracks in the “finish carpentry” stage of recording so hopefully the labels will have them soon and they’ll be out early next year. -

Muzak:

Elend - I’m usually pretty allergic to classical music, especially anything that falls under the general heading of “neoclassical”, but Elend popped up on shuffle after a soundtrack I was listening to and caught me in a receptive mood.

So yeah, my first impression is that this stuff sounds like Bloodborne boss fight music filtered through Cold Meat Industry style dark ambient/ death industrial and arrives at a place that kind of sounds like Gnaw Their Tongues with all the “metal” parts pulled out.

I don’t love every track I’ve listened to but the heavier, more dissonant, ones are pretty cool, especially when they’re backed by huge drums.

Skrol - Really digging a couple of the Elend tracks that had heavy drums inspired me to dig through my CDs and pull out Skrol’s “Insomnia Dei” which does a pretty similar thing with the dissonant neoclassical elements but welds them to really pounding anti-rhythms that are equal parts Swans, Neubauten, and super early Laibach.

I’ve always had a real soft spot for this album since I got it as freebie in a package I ordered from RRR ages ago… So much so that I’ve picked up multiple backup copies over the years in case I ever lose one or one becomes unplayable.

Lysergic Rites of Sadopriest - Dirgey industrialized goregrind/ noisecore that reminds me of the heaviest Mortician riffs being violently reconfigured by cEvin Key/ Chu Ishikawa. I think the guy behind this project used to be in Enemy Soil and Jesus of Nazareth, two of my all-time favorite weirdo grindcore bands.

Gored - Gored “Human” is one of the heaviest albums ever recorded. Period. Sounds like early Carcass on steroids.

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My Dad is Dead - Imagine Joy Division with Big Black’s drum machine and a guitar tone that’s equal parts Husker Du and Mission of Burma and that’s pretty much what was happening with My Dad is Dead. 1987s “Peace Love and Murder” is one of my favorite things Homestead Records ever released.

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Bitch Magnet - Late 80s “indie rock” (In the “Our Band Could Be Your Life” sense of the word). Think Swervedriver, Husker Du, Squirrelbait, and “Siamese Dream” era Smashing Pumpkins and you’re on the right track. Great drumming on this album.

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Video Games:

Astebros - Not deep into this yet, but there's a real particular style of early 90's Sega Genesis pixel art that I'm really, really into and this game looks like it has a lot of that happening so I'll probably really dig it. -

Mushihimesama - Lots of bugs firing lots and lots of bullets. -

Reading:

Tales of the Dying Earth - Jack Vance -

Tube:

The Nun The Nun II Three Fantastic Supermen Killing In Istanbul Samson in The Wax Museum Bloody Pit of Horror

#Roundup #Goregind #Death Metal #Video Games #Indie Rock #Music #NEoclassical #Death Industrial #Bandcamp #Youtube

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sarah-dipitous · 7 months

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 276

The Future

Hoping I wake up tomorrow and my cold will be gone so I don’t fuck up the schedule even more, but for today, I’m just watching one episode

“The Future”

Plot Description: Kelly makes a difficult decision about Lucifer’s unborn child, but it may not be hers to make. Castiel formulates a plan for the demonic baby

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: sometimes it really pays to be ace. The likelihood of me getting pregnant with the devil’s kid is basically zero. I feel like…Kelly probably should have died from that but I doubt the show will have let her

CAS!!!

Okay, Dean does kind of need to get off his high horse for a minute. There have been PLENTY of times you’ve made a plan, probably with someone you shouldn’t have, and it backfired…and you didn’t tell anyone til it was over. Let other people do the same. You’re both trying to resolve this devil baby thing

“I just wanted…I needed to come back with a win for you…and for myself.” Casssssssssssssss babyyyy

Oh cool. The devil baby won’t let Kelly die…at least until they’re born

Hey hey hey, Cas, why is your room empty? You just got back

“You get to be Mary of Nazareth part 2, evil Jesus edition” I guess that’s one way of putting it

You went back to steal the Colt?? Castiel, I’m disappointed.

Oh no, Cas, what are you doing? I know you showed up to kill Kelly but what are you doing now??

Dagon’s in deep shit now that Cas has Kelly. Yikes.

This is so hard to watch. Kelly’s so full of desperate hope that her baby could be good and everyone’s shooting her down all the time. But especially Cas. And part of that is Castiel’s (not unwarranted) lack of faith

Them, though

Oh Sam’s scrambling to get her on their side now. But honestly the amount of men trying to make this woman’s decision is so gross, but that’s supernatural for ya

If Cas steals the impala right now…or Kelly!

Ah, shit. Joshua got got because Dagon got the info she needed by the angel who got left behind

Did…did Dagon just melt down the Colt with her bare hand? Hot

HELLO??!! The devil baby lent Cas some archangel super power to defeat Dagon

I…….I don’t like whatever’s happening with Castiel rn. I don’t trust it.

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 2 years

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Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 01x04

Phantom Traveler

“You could make Dean saying “previously on supernatural” your ringtone or discord notification”

“OH YEAH”

“I can’t cry on TV”

Ok. The recap is over.

🎶supernaturally large cock🎶

“Oh its fkn this one. We can’t skip it can we? It’s kinda important, right?”

“They introduce demons in this one, right?”

I said we could skip it but apparently we can’t. 🙄

Did you know time really does fly, Spouse?

“Hasn’t it been proven that it’s impossible to open the door like that in-flight?”

Us arguing about demon strength, etc

The Jensen Ackles Ass Equation

“Jess is dead. Stop being a bitch about it, Sam”

Look at Dean’s hair and his stupid face.

“Dean’s just flipping his eyes around everywhere; it’s so stupid. I mean, there’s a lot of cool stuff to look at but still”

“It’s a disc”

“What was this guy’s relation to the crash? Is he the aircraft controller or something?

“How did the pilot get out of it alive?”

“COJACK. It’s so dark that you can’t read the sign as COPYJACK”

“EVP? Electromagnetic Vehicular Penetration?”

“E.V.PENIS!”

“What does it actually mean? Electronic Voice Phenomenon”

“He spoke to his mother alright…”

“YOLKED UP YO”

“If you’re an egghead do you get yolked up? Or do you just get a little scrambled?”

“What’s the Vagina dental thing? The Vagina Dentata? The husband sure is a dentist then”

“I’m trying to show that I care by lowering my voice a little”

“That was a pretty extreme transition”

“Nah. A 7th grader can’t tie his tie that well. He’s either missing a tie clip or didn’t put the end in the loopy thing but still”

“This is an interesting set. Do they just have a set like this lying around?”

Dean is so proud of his homemade EMF

“Why is Sam nerd-shaming Dean? He should be proud of Dean? Sam is the computer hacker but is making fun of Dean for that? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“I love how Dean throws the coat over the jacket over the barbed wire but didn’t actually touch the coat”

“So the guy isn’t possessed yet. So he gets in a wreck, survived, and wants to fly again so soon? Wouldn’t he want to retire or something?”

“How would you not smell the sulfur? They’re just sniffing their fingers and going mmmmmmmmm”

“Check out all this sulfur but I can’t smell anything!”

“Wouldn’t they have had earphones on or something instead of those shitty ones?”

“Not going to survive two crashes.”

“So Sam you just went on wikipedia and now know what every culture says about demons???? That’s why I hate Sam. He says he’s looked through all the world religions and says he’s an expert but he really hasn’t. I’ve met too many people like that.”

“Is Nazareth supposed to mean something to me? They could have picked anywhere else.”

“COCKpit. C.O.Q.U.E.PIT. but not the monocoque like in Formula 1”

“This shit wouldn’t work anymore - nobody picks up unknown numbers anymore. Who even has landlines really? And you’d have Caller ID”

“They look the same again.”

“How is that going to work? Let’s just call her and convince her to not get on the plane; it’ll be fine.”

“There’s cops and shit everywhere and they’re talking about a plane about to crash.”

“Doesn’t Dean drive everywhere because it’s cheaper? He likes it?”

“See this one time they didn’t split up and probably should have.”

“A lot of the shit they do has crazy risks, but if it doesn’t work, they will die on this plane.”

“Gotta stay focused or we’re going to die anyway.”

“This is how you get shot by the Air Marshal - talking about looking around and performing exorcisms on the airplane.”

“There’s only 2 flight attendants?”

“Idk if a flight attendant would be that willing to talk to a random passenger in the back like that”

“My parents had a couch with a similar pattern to the plane seat design”

Laughed at Sam telling Dean to get his shit together

“They clipped those scenes together”

“How would the EMF meter amplify the other person’s music on their Walkman?” “Oopsie. Jesus Cristo. We’re in trouble now.”

“I won’t hurt you but I will manhandle you. Hold it right there ma’am.”

“Serious man eyes. Convince the woman with your stares.”

“This whole thing would look so shitty from the flight attendant’s perspective”

🎶it’s in the plane🎶

“No one thought to put a strap around his hand or something. You’re in a flying tube; anything could happen. It’s a giant metal sausage in the sky with wings”

“Now we just need to do vampire hypnosis to make them all forget (like in WWDITS)”

“The flight attendant would not be relieved and would still be very confused and unsure of what just happened”

🎶we almost died so lets go get cheeseburgers🎶

“They’re not aware of the hive mind or whatever yet.”

“Is that red-shirt Dean?” “You never try to call Daddy and realize that it’s his new voicemail?”

“5 5 5” said in an atrocious southern accent

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural #supernatural s1 #supernatural rewatch

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valiantmugcowboyscissors · 2 years

Note

🎶

Things are really cool in Nazareth, Our city is full of joy, 'Cause this is where girl meets boy.

Barely had a school in Nazareth, There they join hand in hand, This is no one night stand, The wedding is being planned, Here in Nazareth.

Nazareth is our place to live, Always willing to forgive, Nazareth will bring us well, We can hear those wedding bells.

Feeling in a fix in Nazareth, Rules are to be obeyed, Arrangements are being made, Got to get your kicks in Nazareth.

Baby you'll run away, Start at a brand new day, Still we can not betray, Good old Nazareth!🎶

WHAT IS THIS FROM IT'S REALLY VAGUE IN MY HEAD

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writethehousedown · 3 years

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Things Are Really Cool (In Nazareth) (Ninex)- Ortega

a/n: wow hi, welcome to whatever the hell this is? this is a sort of a kind of a n19f verse/masp verse crossover set some years after the originals take place (but you don’t need to have read either to read this), borne out of the semi-autobiographical experience of my last few weeks at work trying to teach five year olds mid-pandemic. basically Nina’s a stressed primary teacher and Monet is her primary teacher girlfriend. this is fulfilling the prompt “Nice” only ten days late and also probably has one million and one typos in my haste to get it out in time for at least Christmas xo regardless, i hope u all enjoy and in the words of boyband JLS, “mewwy cwistmas”.

disclaimer: there are a couple of lines i’ve yoinked out of tv shows here- “lesbian having a panic attack” is adapted from Kimmy Schmidt and the “what are you, forty?” ones are from Always Sunny. leave me alone i’m too tired to be funny at this time of year xo

fic summary: When Nina’s headteacher asks her to pull a Nativity play out of thin air with only a week to organise it, Nina is simply too nice to say no. As a consequence, she is blindly oblivious to what her girlfriend Monet is planning, with useless lesbian results.

Nina knew she was a people pleaser. Always had been, always would be. She was simply too nice to say no to anyone. She had never been one to say no to anything.

She’d never taken the last remaining teabag for herself way back at uni; she’d always elected to leave it for Brooke or Yvie, knowing that Brooke would be grumpy all day if she didn’t have her morning cup of tea and not wanting to deal with the caffeine crash Yvie would experience if she made coffee as a substitute.

It had even started way further back in her life than her twenties. The most rebellious thing she’d ever done in high school was to pull out one of the cables of her German teacher’s computer at the back so she’d spend the whole lesson fixing it instead of teaching their class. In Primary, she was the stereotypical, insufferable goody-two-shoes: didn’t ever lose a minute of Golden Time, finished both her set tasks and the extension work that accompanied them perfectly, and was the worst kind of tell-tale.

(At the time, she thought her teachers loved that- the fact that she acted as their five-year-old corporate spy, ready to report any wrongdoings to headquarters. Contrarily, now that she was a teacher to five year olds, Nina thought that if she heard one more story about who skipped who in the line she would climb very slowly and very carefully into the staffroom microwave and blow herself into fifty million partially-heated bits.)

So when her headteacher ducked her head into her classroom on a cold, wet, rainy Wednesday after all the kids had been dispatched home, Nina panicked. Her eyes darted up to the displays on her walls. Fuck, there were still Halloween pumpkins blu-tacked up there. There was, so far, nothing on her December learning journey wall. And there were still Very Hungry Caterpillars made from bottle tops pushed into dollops of paint stuck to bright green backing paper which had been there since the kids’ first week at school back in August.

Well. Red and green were Christmassy colours. Right?

But Mrs Del Rio didn’t seem all that interested in the state of her wall displays. She’d come to ask Nina if she could film a Nativity play with her class.

“It’s for the parents really,” Bianca had rolled her eyes, folding her arms in her usual no-nonsense way. “Just something they can watch and share with the families since we can’t do a real Nativity. It doesn’t need to be anything big- just a few songs…one, two…say four. And then just have the kids in their costumes with a couple of lines. With a backdrop, y’know, there doesn’t need to be props. Just the baby Jesus…the gifts for the three Kings….maybe a couple of no vacancy signs for the innkeepers…that sort of thing. Just for before we finish up term. Maybe if it could be done by next Friday. That okay?”

And Nina, because she was a people pleaser, had nodded and said yes! and of course! and Bianca had nodded curtly at her in the frostiest thank-you the world had ever seen before leaving.

It had only taken the time in which Bianca’s heels had slowly disappeared from hearing distance for the reality of the situation to sink in for Nina. She’d just agreed to do a whole Nativity play, with songs, and costumes, and props, in the space of eight days.

She was going to be sick like little Jack had done that day he’d come into class and projectile-vomited halfway onto the carpet and halfway into Nina’s outstretched hands.

Nina was so consumed by the all-encompassing panic that she didn’t even flinch when there was a loud, jaunty knock at her classroom door.

“High Court Enforcement,” came a loud, brash voice, Nina finally turning to see who was there with glazed eyes. Willam leant against the doorframe, her messy blonde waves falling over the shoulders of her dark blue jumper like curly vines. She was the only teacher who could match the sass levels of the Year 6s and was a colleague that Nina both loved and feared. Loved because she was straight-talking and blunt and altogether hilarious, but feared because her girlfriend was the deputy head of the school and anything Nina said to her would definitely be reported back as gossip.

Also because she was, for all intents and purposes, a pint-pot riot.

“Nina. Nina. Nina,” Willam said repeatedly, her voice monotone and her persistence irritating. Nina mumbled something out.

“What?”

Nina raked her hands through her shock of frizzy blonde curls and sighed, her stress levels already rising. “I said I’m a lesbian having a panic attack.”

“Oh, that’s a mood. I was sent round to do the collection for the support staff but I’ve already spent forty minutes chatting to Alyssa instead of doing what I was asked. Got a grand total of a fiver so far,” Willam shrugged blithely, coming into Nina’s classroom and perching on one of the tiny munchkin-sized tables. “What’s up?”

The pressure-cooker that her mind was rapidly becoming told Nina to throw caution to the wind and vent, so she told Willam everything in a series of babbles barely comprehensible in the English language.

“So you’ve just agreed to doing a full Nativity video in the space of a week?” Willam cocked her head, pulling a confused face. “Why didn’t you just tell Bianca to fuck off?”

Nina paused, feeling all her panic momentarily leave her body as she fixed Willam with a glare. “Are you expecting me to answer that?”

“No, no. Shit, wouldn’t it have been amazing if you had, though? What d’you think would’ve happened? Maybe she’d’ve shouted so loud at you her lungs would’ve just exploded.”

Nina couldn’t help but blurt out a small laugh. “That’s way too dramatic. She wouldn’t even fire me on the spot because that would mean management having to go in and cover my class tomorrow while they tried to find my replacement.”

Nina regretted the small barb at their management team as soon as it was out, but Willam seemed nonplussed.

“Yeah. Court’s way too impatient to deal with your lil’ rugrats.”

“I’m too impatient to deal with them. I’m too impatient to deal with them on a day to day basis. How I’m going to teach them four Christmas songs in the space of a week, fuck knows.”

Willam cocked her head again, her smile becoming patient. “Well if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

Willam’s words were a small source of comfort to Nina. Suddenly everything seemed doable. She matched her colleague’s smile, glad she’d arrived in that moment. “Thanks, Willam.”

As soon as her words were out, she saw the small, playful twinkle in Willam’s eye. “Because nobody else would’ve been mad enough to agree to the damn thing.”

***

Getting her class sorted and organised for the day couldn’t really be likened to herding cats. No, this process was far more chaotic than that. At half past nine each day what could only be described as a minor tsunami of children hit Nina’s classroom: throwing their jackets into the designated tubs with wild abandon and subsequently knocking anything and everything off her adjacent desk, unloading every possible snack in their lunchboxes into their trays and Nina’s pleas for them to only take one snack out falling on deaf ears, spilling their water bottles and getting the zips on their jackets stuck and wanting to tell Nina a billion and one things that seemed to have happened in the 18 hours they had spent outwith her care.

During the month of December this chaos only intensified. Hats, scarves and gloves littered the classroom floor as they fell off the kids like baubles off a dead Christmas tree, shrieks filled the air as they discovered a new chocolate in the advent calendar, and at least half the class surrounded Nina like festive zombies as they all battled to win the competition of “Who can tell Miss West about what their elf on the shelf had got up to overnight the loudest”.

Nina hammered the little bell she kept on her desk with the palm of her hand, stress levels already rising. “Okay, Reception! Jackets in tubs, snacks in trays and bums on carpet!”

As her class giggled about their teacher’s use of the word “bum”, Nina sat down in her wheely chair and waited for them all to join her on the little strip of carpet in front of her smartboard. It was moments like these where she’d be hit with a sort of out of body experience; she was someone’s teacher, she was this class’ first teacher. She was sitting in front of her class waiting to take the register and start their day. It was slightly overwhelming, even though she’d been doing the job for a number of years now.

Eventually her kids were all organised and she’d taken the register and made sure they all had a lunch to eat that day. Nina made sure to put on her best excited face as she prepared to tell them about the Nativity.

“Right, Reception!” she said, injecting lots of mystery into her voice like a storyteller. “I have got some very exciting news for you all today!”

Their little faces all grew equally excited as they were expectant, and Nina’s heart almost popped. Just then, Harry, a boy with enough gel in his hair to single-handedly keep Brylcreem in business for a year and huge bottle-top glasses’ hand went up.

“Yes, Harry?”

The boy bounced on the carpet, incredibly eager. “Can I tell you what my elf did last night?”

Ten more hands immediately shot up, and Nina’s heart sank. Great.

But she was still teaching four and five year olds and this was truly the most important thing in their little lives, so she fixed a bright smile on her face and tilted her head inquisitively. “What did your elf do?”

Harry was now sitting on his knees, towering over the other children and threatening to knock himself over with every passing second as he swayed in the nonexistent breeze. “He did a poop in my Dad’s shoes!”

The rest of the class shrieked with laughter in response. Internally, Nina was rapidly reaching her wit’s end. Love it. A bit of toilet humour to start off the Nativity rehearsals. Great. Exactly what’s needed. “Oh my goodness! What a cheeky elf!”

“He did three poops! And you know what else? They were cola jellybeans! I ate them!”

Sophie, a girl with long ginger hair in a low ponytail and a gap in her smile where two baby teeth once lived, gasped in horror. “You ate the elf’s poop?!”

The rest of the class fell about laughing. Nina had to get control back of the situation.

“Well thank you very much for sharing, Harry! Okay everyone, let’s pop our hands down.”

There were still ten hands waving proudly in the air like rebellious flags.

“We can do more elf stories at the end of the day if there’s time!” Nina lied. There would not be time. There was never time. But it placated most of her class enough for them to follow the instruction. There was, however, one remaining hand up which belonged to Jason, a boy with hair so platinum blonde it seemed otherworldly.

“It’s not an elf story! I’ve got a question,” he insisted, shouting out despite the fact his hand was already up. Nina relented, just in case he did have something important to ask. Maybe he was about to pee himself. Highly likely with the Reception kids.

Jason, pleased as punch that Nina was allowing him to speak, put his hand down. “Can I tell you a rhyming word I’ve just thought of?”

Nina’s smile grew all the more gritted, and the muscles in her face all the more tense. This was going to be the longest week she had experienced in living memory.

***

Nina would never get tired of living with Monet. The sound of her singing as the shower provided a backing track, the unholy racket she seemed to make when she cooked (a symphony of swearing, the banging of kitchen utensils, and the clattering of saucepans and baking trays). The smell of the Dior Sauvage she used instead of perfume and the Cantu hair custard she combed through her hair after she washed it. The fact that Nina could get a cuddle from her any time she wanted and the soft squash of her arms around her.

But living with Monet was best at Christmastime. The endless arguments they got into about their Christmas decorations and what looked best where, both stemming from a fierce loyalty to their own family traditions. The way they’d write their Christmas cards to their friends with a Christmas film playing in the background, and the way Monet would tease her about having such picture-perfect, font-like, primary-teacher handwriting. The way Monet would get too excited in the supermarket and load party food into Nina’s shopping basket like a child trying to sneak chocolate.

Even though Nina was completely exhausted, she still felt herself smile as she turned her key in the lock and heard her girlfriend loudly singing along with Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, paired with the blast of the extractor fan.

“Hello?” Nina sing-songed as she closed the door shut, shedding her heavy jacket and her scuffed trainers and her backpack full of jotters that had been haphazardly stuffed in as she left work.

“Hello!” Monet chirped back, in what had become their tradition since moving in together all those years ago. “Your timing’s perfect, I just finished dinner.”

“Ooh. What is for dinner?”

Monet gestured to the pile of grated cheese, pan of bubbling baked beans, and loaf of white bread. “Beans on toast.”

Nina snorted and leaned against the counter. “Wow, don’t I have the most perfect domestic housewife! That must’ve taken, what…two hours?”

Monet reached over and squeezed her side, eliciting a yelp that would probably give their downstairs neighbours the wrong idea. “Shady bitch. It’s this or two rice cakes that’ve been in the cupboard for so long I swear they’re turning fossilised.”

“No, I’m kidding. Of course I’m hungry, thanks hun. I’ll make dinner tomorrow,” Nina promised, sliding into one of their second-hand wooden dining chairs as Monet plated up.

“No you won’t,” Monet frowned. “You look dead. What’re your kids doing to you, beating you with their tiny little chairs?”

“The fucking Nativity,” Nina sighed, pausing to thank Monet as she placed two slices of golden toast covered with beans and flakes of grated cheese down in front of her. Admittedly it did look like absolute heaven.

“Have you told Bianca to piss off yet?” Monet scowled, stabbing her toast so hard she threatened to break the plate in two.

“What kind of fantasy-land school do you work at where you can tell your headteacher to piss off and she actually listens?” Nina cocked an eyebrow at her, and Monet shrugged in agreement as she chewed a mouthful. “No, of course not. I’m going to make it happen, though, even if it kills me. We started learning the songs today, which you would think was a simple enough endeavour. Except my class, who usually can’t shut up if their lives depend on it, have all the singing volume and skill of one of Yvie and Scarlet’s cat’s chew toys. They don’t even sound like cats being strangled, that’d probably be louder. It’s like trying to have a sing-song with a room full of laryngitis patients. Except it’s not a room, because apparently we’re not allowed to sing inside because of covid. But I can teach Phonics and the kids can all make the ‘p’ sound at me until their hearts’ content and shower me with their spit like the world’s shittiest production of Singin’ In The Rain? Anyway, we have to rehearse outside. In December. I think my feet actually fell off.”

As Nina finally finished what had unintentionally become a fully-fledged rant, Monet attempted to compose herself as she wiped away a small tear of laughter from her eye and clutched at her belly. Nina watched as her girlfriend took a few deep breaths, then fixed her with a humoured grin. “But apart from all that, how was your day?”

Nina stuck her tongue out at her in response. “Shut up. How was yours?”

Monet rolled her eyes as she speared a bean. “Awful. Tried to assess time with my class today. God I love them, Neens, but they’re so bad, how can they be that bad?”

“If anyone can help them progress, it’s you,” Nina smiled encouragingly, only getting a shaken head in reply.

“No, I can’t. Nobody can. They’re beyond help. Some of the answers I got today wouldn’t even be believable if they were part of some TV comedy show. What month is Christmas in? ‘Santa’. The kid answered Santa. How many months are there in a year? ‘Sixty six’. How many days are there in a week? ‘Two’. TWO!” Monet cried, outraged. Nina couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up in her throat, and Monet pointed warningly at her in response. “Don’t you dare laugh. This is my reality.”

“Hey, you laughed at my Nativity nightmare!” Nina giggled, to which Monet chuckled guiltily. Nina paused to swipe a bit of toast around the plate with her fork, mopping up any stray tomato sauce. When she looked up from her plate, she saw Monet tapping at her phone. Nina frowned disapprovingly. “Hey. No phones at the table.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Monet apologised quickly, though didn’t put her phone down yet. “Monique’s just sent me a screenshot of her friend that’s getting engaged. Look at the damn size of this ring.”

Monet turned her phone to show Nina. Pictured was a diamond the size of a small Pacific nation and a band encrusted with tiny gems on the finger of somebody she’d never met. Nina couldn’t help the way she screwed her face up, which made Monet blurt a laugh in response. “Not a fan, then?”

Nina pulled a face in thought. She was sure that kind of ring made some girls happy, but to her it just seemed tacky and over-the-top, not to mention heavy. “I’m sure she likes it, but I wouldn’t want something that huge. Imagine working in a Reception class with that?! Play-dough stuck in all the little crevices. And Jesus, what if you lost it? Nah, it would stress me out owning that. I would just want one simple little gold band and one singular tiny diamond. Much less of a burden.”

Monet snorted a laugh as she finished her last mouthful of dinner. “You are the only girl I’ve ever met that would consider an engagement ring a burden. Christ on a crucifix.”

“Well!” Nina protested, before realising she didn’t really have anything else to defend herself with. Then, she narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend playfully, kicking her under the table. “Why’re you so interested in my engagement ring opinions, anyway? You asking?”

Monet chuckled as she put her phone face-down on the table. “Bold of you to assume I can afford council tax, never mind a diamond.”

Nina smiled, shrugging in agreement. “Yeah, fair. What should we do tonight? I have Maths jotters to mark but then that’s me done.”

Monet tilted her head, her expression thoughtful. “I would say fucking our shit days out but I don’t even have the energy to operate a vibrator.”

Nina almost choked on her food as she laughed. “Christ, that’s a mood. Finish dinner, pyjamas, rewatch The Office for the ninety billionth time then bed at 7pm?”

“Sounds good, babe,” Monet smiled, lifting her glass of water up to cheers with as if it was sparkling wine.

***

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh McFun it is to ride in a waffle sofen sleigh, HEY! Jingle bells, Jin-”

“Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah,” Nina cut in, waving her hands frantically and stopping the twenty-three five and four year olds that had previously been singing their little kidney bean-sized lungs out. “What are the words?”

Her class stared back at her as if she’d just asked her what twenty-eight times thirteen was. Although Jeremiah, who was already working at Year 5 level, could probably have worked that out given enough time.

“Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh,” Nina said, rhythmically and clearly. “You try.”

The children all parroted it back to her in their little voices, word-perfect. Thank God, thought Nina. Jingle Bells seemed to be the only song they recognised, so if they turned out to not know it after all then Nina would very probably need an inhaler despite the fact she wasn’t at all asthmatic.

“Let’s try it with the music!” Nina said cheerfully, making sure the bluetooth speaker she’d brought outside was still on.

“Miss West,” a small voice piped up belonging to Amber, the human embodiment of a whine. “I’m cold!”

“We’ll get inside soon!” Nina replied patiently. “Just let’s practise it one more time!”

“I’m cold too,” piped up Joshua, Amber’s male counterpart.

“I’m freezing,” Amber offered again.

“I know, it’s very cold outside!” Nina smiled sympathetically, even though her teeth were gritted. “But we can’t do our singing inside because of the virus!”

“Why not?” Amber pouted.

Nina didn’t really know. The answer was because of the care inspectorate guidelines, but that was incredibly far beyond the realms of a five-year-old’s comprehension. Just then, an idea struck her.

“Well we need to sing our songs outside so that Santa can hear them when he’s taking his sleigh out for a test drive!” she said animatedly. The wide eyes and ohhhh-s she received in reply made her feel like a genius. Move over, Steven Hawking. “Okay, one more time with Jingle Bells. Nice and loud for Santa!”

“Miss West?”

Nina blinked slowly and heavily, taking a small breath before answering the newest child that demanded her attention. “Yes, Sophie?”

“I’m cold.”

“I’m cold!! We’re all cold!!” Nina replied quickly, just that shade away from snapping so that her class knew she meant business. “We’re doing the song one more time and then we’re going inside! So nice big smiles, nice loud voices, and here…we…go!”

Nina pressed play on the song before any more children could regale her with tales of how their body temperatures had dropped to that of a snowman’s.

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!” they all enthusiastically sang. “Oh McFun it is to ride in a waffle sofen sleigh!”

Nina rubbed so hard at her tired eyes that she thought they might disappear into her skull. She was momentarily glad of the fact that she didn’t have a teaching assistant to help her, as to have any other adult witness this would be embarrassing in the extreme.

Just then she noticed around five parents queued up at the nursery adjacent to the playground, watching with wry smiles on their faces as they waited for their children.

“One more time!” Nina cried, as she stopped the music with freezing cold hands.

***

“So Nina, when you gonna wife your girlfriend?”

Nina very nearly spat out her tea, a horrifying milky brown hurricane only just avoided. She hadn’t been expecting to answer deep, meaningful life questions in the staffroom during a lunch hour, but Willam was the human incarnation of petrol on a campfire and with her around things were always in danger of going from zero to a hundred very quickly. To Nina’s relief Courtney was also in the staffroom, and she whipped around from the countertop and gave her girlfriend daggers.

“Willam!” Courtney chastised her in a hiss that Nina wasn’t quite sure was meant to be audible. Willam only gave her an incredulous glare, affronted that she seemed to be the voice of reason in the conversational chaos.

“What?! Just askin’. I mean you’re what…twenty-nine? Twenty eight?”

“Twenty-six,” Nina replied. She was now at the age where being assumed she was older than she was was a curse, not a blessing. (If she’d told seventeen-year-old Nina that one day she would be disappointed at no longer being ID’d for wine at Sainsburys she’d have laughed in her face.)

“Exactly. That’s wifeing age. Mid to late twenties.”

“Hey, I passed that stage long ago, where the hell’s my ring?“ Courtney asked Willam, stirring the coffee she’d poured into one of the many, many “World’s Best Teacher!” mugs that littered the staffroom cupboards. Willam responded by turning around in her chair and positioning her pencil skirt-clad ass in the air.

“Right here, bitch!”

“Christ Almighty,” Courtney turned away from her, rolling her eyes so hard they looked like little spheric dice. As Willam gave her best impression of a seal on laughing gas, Nina cast her eyes over to Sasha who was sitting at the other end of the staffroom. As they caught each others’ eyes they shared a long-suffering smile that mourned the death of peace and quiet.

Nina was glad the conversation had been diverted from the subject of her perceived lack of marriage plans. Until Sasha opened her mouth, that is.

“I wouldn’t worry, Nina. Me and Shea haven’t had that conversation either. I mean we’d both love to, but there’s more important stuff for us right now, you know? We’re saving for a house and I think we’d rather live in a place we’ve chosen for the foreseeable future than just having one singular big lavish day.”

“It’s all about what you want to do with the person you love the most, isn’t it? Not just doing what society wants you to do,” Courtney chipped in, her voice warm and kind. “Like me and Willam used to be total party girls before we got our shit together. And now, like…there’s nothing I’d rather do of a weekend than curl up with her on the sofa and get all cosy with a film and a blanket and a cup of tea.”

Willam scoffed affectionately. “That’s your ideal weekend plan? What are you, forty?”

“Yes? As are you?” Courtney replied incredulously. Nina heard Sasha snort in her chair. As she turned her gaze back to the other two girls she realised that Willam was still looking at her expectantly. Nina sank back into her seat, a little reserved.

“It’s not really something we’ve spoken about? Well…no, we have spoken about it, obviously,” she babbled, watching as Willam took on the look of someone witnessing a victim of cardiac arrest. “Like we both want to get married. To each other, of course. But teaching is just such a busy job all the time and…you know, we only bought our flat last Summer and…I don’t know, it’s nice not to have everything happen all at once, right?”

Courtney nodded emphatically in agreement. “Of course! And I mean, if she asked, you’d say yes, right?”

Nina had to stop herself from pulling a face. How am I having this conversation with my boss? “Well, yeah. God, I couldn’t imagine life without her at all.”

Willam pretended to gag, which Nina thought was pretty rich from the woman who had begun the entire conversation. Courtney seemed to pick up on her girlfriend’s distaste.

“I don’t think Willam has ever said anything that cute about me!”

Willam turned around to look at her girlfriend, disbelief on her face. “Yeah, I only left my damn husband for you. Fuck me, right?”

Nina’s eyes widened as Sasha gave a yelp from across the staffroom. That was a small piece of workplace gossip she hadn’t expected to learn today. As Courtney’s face turned red and she shot Willam a warning glare, she turned to Nina once more.

“Nina, how’s the Nativity going?” Courtney beamed artificially at her, moving the conversation along with all the grace and decorum of a one-wheeled snow plow.

Considering the question, Nina thought that she’d rather be discussing marriage plans with her boss and colleagues again. “It’s going.”

“That’s a ringing endorsement. I’m sure that was on the poster of Titanic too,” Willam chipped in.

“It wouldn’t be any less disastrous than the actual fate of the Titanic, at least the passengers could’ve probably remembered the words to fucking Jingle Bells,” Nina deadpanned, causing Willam to break into fits of clubbed seal laughter.

Sasha pouted sympathetically from the other side of the room. “It’s those cute bits that the parents love, though, isn’t it? They won’t mind if they get the words wrong.”

“I’m sure there needs to be a foundation of at least an audible tune though, Sash,” Nina smiled resignedly back at her.

“If Bianca wants a Nativity so bad, just tell her to come teach your class,” Willam half-suggested, half-yelled. “Or get Court to teach them! They prolly don’t need to be in tune anyway!”

Courtney’s expression appeared to be the same as Nina’s after her morning’s rehearsal. “Do you ever stop talking shit?”

“You think I’m bad? That bell is going to go for the Comp’s lunch break in five minutes, Bob is gonna arrive, an’ then it’s RIP our eardrums,” Willam said, pointing to the staffroom door for dramatic effect.

“At least Bob has never presented his clothed arsehole to his partner in front of his colleagues,” Courtney cut in at once, her tone deadpan and making Nina splutter a laugh.

“Aw, c’mon Court! That’s just banter. These girls don’t mind.”

“It’s unprofessional!” Courtney clutched her chest. Willam only snorted in response.

“Unprofessional? What are you, forty?”

“We’re the same age!!” Courtney cried in response, her incredulous tone only setting Nina off in a further fit of laughter.

It was only later on that night once she had driven back home, parked, and approached her and Monet’s flat that Nina remembered the staffroom conversation. She cast her gaze up to their first-floor window in their red brick building, almost being able to feel the way her heart gave a swell at the sight of their Christmas tree framed proudly within the glass. And as she got in through the front door, Monet greeted her with a hug and a takeaway leaflet.

“We’ve got nothing in the fridge, so I thought we could get noodles? This came through the door today and I think-” Monet raises her eyebrows, slapped the leaflet into the palm of her hand decisively. “- it’s a sign from God.”

“Well, when you put it like that,” Nina laughed, shrugging off her coat and feeling grateful for not having to cook.

It was only when they were both curled up on the couch, empty pad thai containers in front of them, that Nina turned to Monet and saw the lights on the tree reflected in her eyes. She turned to her girlfriend, threw an arm round her and snuggled in to her side.

“What’s up?” Monet asked, her voice soft and sleepy and a little concerned.

“Nothing,” Nina sighed. It was true. There wasn’t really anything up, and she was the happiest she’d ever been. But she still turned to Monet, tilting her head up inquisitively. “You don’t feel under any pressure at all, do you?”

Monet snorted. “I feel under pressure to get fifteen children who can’t write the word cat on their own to magically be able to write a sentence by the end of the year, yeah.”

Nina rolled her eyes. “No! I mean, like…in life. You didn’t just…buy this flat with me because you felt you had to, right? You wouldn’t do anything because you felt obliged to?”

Monet raised a single eyebrow back at her. “Yeah, I decided to piss my life savings away on a deposit for a flat because I felt I had to. Jesus Christ, Neens.”

“No, no, I know,” Nina chuckled, realising how silly the whole thing now sounded. “But I just mean…in life, like milestones and stuff. You’d never do stuff because you felt you had to keep up, in some way? Reach some goal by a certain age?”

Monet brought an arm around Nina and cuddled her closer, kissing her hair and resting her chin on top of her head. “Everything I do in life, I do because I want to. Especially when it comes to you. Promise.”

Nina gave her girlfriend a squeeze, happy. She took a deep breath, smelt the fabric softener on Monet’s jumper that they both used but just seemed to smell better and feel softer on everything Monet wore.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

***

Nina sat in a child-sized chair with her knees practically up to her chest, a crumpled, printed-out script on her lap that she’d hastily typed up on her work iPad’s notes app the following evening. Her class sat behind her in costumes pulled on over their school uniforms, with books and pens and pieces of paper with botched photocopying on the back under strict instructions not to talk until the whole thing was filmed.

“Okay, Amber!” she smiled breezily at the small girl whose school blouse was sticking out under her angel costume. “You’re kicking off the video. So your line is two thousand years ago, an angel came to a woman called Mary. Practise it for me?”

Amber gripped the hem of her taffeta skirt in two tiny white-knucked fists. “I don’t want to.”

Nina bit her lip. Great start. Fantastic. “We can give it a try together?”

Reluctantly, Amber parroted the words in tandem with her. So far so good.

“Okay. Now do you want to go up against the backdrop and I can film you doing it?”

Amber’s ponytail full of flyaways swung wildly as she shook her head. Nina thought for a moment. Then her eyes came to rest on Hazel- the class’ Mary and, coincidentally, Amber’s best friend.

“What about if Hazel stands with you?”

That seemed to change things and, only slightly hesitantly, both girls got up in front of the hastily staple-gunned silver tinsel.

“Okay Amber. Two thousand years ago, an angel came to a woman called Mary. Ready?”

A nod in reply.

“Go!”

Amber took a deep, shaky breath in. “Two thousand years ago….a woman called Mary.”

Nina stopped filming, fixed the girl with a kind smile. “An angel came to a woman called Mary. Try again?”

The iPad was back in filming mode, and Amber went again. “Two thousand years ago, a…a…a little cute angel came to Mary.”

Nina stopped filming, fixed Amber with two thumbs up. That’ll do.

Things seemed to be going well as Hazel and Oliver (or, Mary and Angel Gabriel) got through their lines without too many bumps in the road. Then, it was time for Amber to take to the stage (or blue curtain with a tinsel border) once more.

“Okay Amber, so your line this time is…Mary told her husband Joseph. Want to practise?”

“Mary told her husband Joseph,” Amber repeated, with all the enthusiasm of a patient about to undergo a colonoscopy. With two days til the deadline, this would have to suffice.

“Perfect! Ready? Three…two…one…go!” Nina smiled encouragingly, as she hit record.

Amber stood beside Mary and Joseph, a little grin on her own face. “Mary told her husband Joyce.”

“…Joseph,” Nina reminded her. Where the fuck had Joyce come from? She hit record again.

“Three…two…one…go!”

“Mary told her husband Joyce.”

Nina couldn’t stop herself from bursting out laughing. “Joseph, Amber!”

The little girl nodded earnestly. “Joseph Amber.”

Nina spluttered. “No…Amber is your name. Joseph is Mary’s husband.”

“Ohhhhhh.”

Nina shook her head, amused. This was what she loved about teaching. None of the other girls working from home could say that they got to spend their day feeling like they were stuck in an episode of You’ve Been Framed.

“Go again. Mary told her husband Joseph. Three…two…one…”

“Mary told…em…um…I can’t remember,” Amber giggled. Nina could feel her own giggles bubbling up inside herself, but she had to stop otherwise it would set her whole class off.

“Mary told her husband Joseph,” Nina repeated, both Amber and Hazel now giggling to each other. “Shh shh! Okay…three…two…one…”

Amber composed herself, took a deep breath. “Mary told her husband Joyce.”

Christ Alive. Nina gasped incredulously, unable to help herself from laughing now. The whole class, Amber herself, and Nina was pretty sure God, were all doing the same. She put her head in her hands, her whole body now shaking with laughter. “Joseph!!”

She already couldn’t wait to tell everybody she knew this story. Not least so she could cement in her mind that it was something that actually happened to her, and not just simply the script of a comedy show she’d dreamed up. Miraculously, mercifully, she managed to get the rest of her class settled down and for Amber to say the correct line on film, even if Nina could be faintly heard frantically mouthing “Joseph!” in the background.

Eventually they reached the innkeepers. Easy enough, in theory.

“Okay, Carter,” Nina smiled encouragingly at the first innkeeper. “When Mary and Joseph ask for a room, you say ‘no, sorry!’. Okay?”

Carter nodded, half a finger stuck up his nose. Nina gestured to him to put his hands down, then began filming. As directed, Mary and Joseph asked if there was any room at the inn.

“YES,” the little boy shouted. The whole class burst out laughing. Nina did not.

Just then, Willam walked past the open door with her class. She gave her a look of inquisition, shooting her a tentative, questioning thumbs up.

Nina put her head in her hands in reply.

***

By some miracle of nature (although it could also have been Nina giving up on work that afternoon) Nina had made it back to the flat before five o’clock. This never happened- five pm was usually the time she left work, but a day full of recording Nativity clips and then putting them together on iMovie while her class played (read; caused havoc) had been tiring and she needed Monet, chocolate, and Merlot.

Only the first thing she heard when she opened the door to her flat wasn’t Monet singing, or the hum of the extractor fan. It was the grainy crackle of a Zoom call and an incredibly distinctive voice.

“So when you doin’ it? Do it tonight. Do it when she gets home from work.”

Monet’s voice- humoured, long-suffering. “I’m not doing it then, Vanj, she’ll be exhausted.”

“That was honestly your best suggestion? When she gets home from work?” Brooke’s voice. “Aren’t you the pinnacle of romance!”

Nina had realised that Monet was on a Zoom call with all the girls, from the way Vanessa had obviously kissed Brooke on camera was being met with half a dozen cries in protest from the others. She excitedly shrugged off her coat and unwrapped herself from her scarf, eager to see her friends again. Part of her was intrigued, though. Why were they all calling each other without her?

“My question is how you’re going to do it,” Akeria’s voice came, as questioning as always. “It needs to be good but it better not be too damn cheesy.”

“An’ you better make sure she got her nails done, she might say no if she ain’t got her nails done!” Silky came shouting through Monet’s Macbook speakers.

“Yeah, you better make it as romantic as you can, Mo,” Scarlet added, making Nina wonder what the hell it was they were all talking about. Before she could wonder any further, she heard Yvie’s distinctive snort of a laugh.

“You are in no position to speak about romance, I mean, need I remind you how you asked me?”

“Shut up,” Scarlet replied, her tone a little bashful as the other girls laughed.

“Monet I could hire you a plane if you really wanted,” Plastique offered, making Nina snort despite the fact she had no idea what the conversation was about.

“Shut up, bitch,” Nina could practically hear the roll of Akeria’s eyes.

Nina toed her shoes off and finally padded through to the kitchen, where Monet’s eyes grew wide when she saw her, her body visibly flinching.

“Hey, babe!” she smiled, looking a little startled. “You’re home earlier than usual!”

“Oh sorry, am I interrupting your Zoom call with all your side chicks?” Nina deadpanned, forcing her way onto Monet’s lap to see her friends on the screen.

“Ninaaa!!!” Vanessa’s face popped up first, her friend waving excitedly as she sat on her sofa in Brooke’s arms. “How are you, girl?”

“Shattered,” Nina sighed, rubbing her eyes harshly. “Just filmed the whole Nativity with the rugrats today. Think it took ten years off my lifespan. How’re you?”

“Good,” Brooke smiled back through the screen. “We ordered our Christmas food today. Trying to convince this one that we don’t need twelve pigs in blankets between two people.”

Vanessa scowled back at her from their position on the sofa. “Uh, yes the hell we do!”

“Twelve pigs in blankets as well as the turkey, stuffing, and all the veg? Y’all are gonna explode,” Akeria said disapprovingly.

“Kiki! How are you?” Nina cried with delight, seeing her friend’s tired but smiling face appear on screen.

“Good. Don’t stop work for a while yet, but it’s fine. Still flat hunting.”

“How’s Pri?” Nina asked, heartened by the way Akeria looked down, trying and failing to suppress a smile.

“Yeah, she’s good. Still batshit crazy. Horny all the time.”

“The ideal girlfriend, really,” Yvie said, a wry smile on her face.

“Nina!” Silky suddenly cut in, yelling. “Did you hear any of what we were talkin’ about before?”

Nina frowned, shook her head. “Something about planes and nails. And cheese. I’m too exhausted to have paid enough attention. Why, were you having a mad bitchfest about me?”

“Trying to ask the girls how best to dump you,” Monet deadpanned. Nina shot Monet a look and squeezed her leg, resulting in her girlfriend yelping and cracking her knee off the table.

Whatever the previous conversation was was soon forgotten about as excited catchups took over. Silky was excited as she was interviewing some singer that Nina had never heard of and wanted the girls to help her work out what questions she was going to ask her. Yvie and Scarlet were lamenting the fact they had to host both of their families for Christmas and had bought a turkey so big Scarlet wasn’t sure it would fit in their oven, and Plastique was telling them the weirdest things she’d been gifted by companies desperate for her to endorse them on Instagram.

“I got a box of sex toys from LoveHoney. That was probably the most random. Me and Naomi had a wild fucking night that night.”

“STOP BEIN’ GROSS,” Silky had yelled down the line, causing Nina to hammer Monet’s volume down button.

Eventually the call came to an end, but not before lots of promises to catch up soon once the situation across the world was better than the shitshow it was currently. As Monet closed her laptop, Nina threw her arms around her neck and nuzzled into her side.

“I miss them,” she sighed, and Monet patter her back comfortingly.

“I know, babe. I miss them too.”

There was a moment of pensive silence, and then Nina spoke again, the Nativity never too far away from her mind.

“I can’t export this video.”

“What?”

“The Nativity video. I can’t export it,” Nina muttered pitifully against her girlfriend’s shoulder.

Monet kissed her hair, making to stand up. “You get a cup of tea. I’ll fix your video.”

“You’re the best,” Nina sighed gratefully, walking over to the kettle.

It was only after she’d sat down with a cup of tea and Monet had promised she’d sorted her video that Nina thought about the conversation she’d walked in on earlier.

She had a strange feeling that it had something to do with her.

***

When Nina arrived at work that morning, she could tell something was…a little different. She couldn’t really tell what it was. It started with the slightly knowing smile Tatianna shot her from across the corridor.

“Congrats, Nina!” she shouted down to her before she ducked into her own classroom.

“Uh…thanks,” she replied a little too late. Okay, the Nativity process had been stressful, but did she really need congratulated?

She supposed she appreciated it. It had been a whirlwind of a process, after all.

Only the odd thing was, it continued. The congratulations came pouring in; Alaska, Ivy from the Nursery school, Alyssa had cooed and gushed for ages about how exciting it was and how happy she was for her.

Nina had only blinked in reply, a little bewildered. “Thanks, Alyssa. It was a stress, but they managed to pull it off in the end.”

Alyssa gave her a funny look, then realisation seemed to dawn on her. “Oh…they’re non-binary! You know I never knew that, sorry sugar. Well congratulations to you both.”

With that, Alyssa hurried away only leaving Nina more confused than ever.

What in the fuck?

When the bell rang and Nina went to collect her class from the line, things only got weirder. Before she could hurry her class inside, Harry’s Mum waved at her from behind the school gate, beckoning her over. Nina’s heart began to sink- she was going to ask her why Harry was only a shepherd, wasn’t she, or why he didn’t get a solo during Little Donkey, or some-other-bullshit-like-that.

To Nina’s surprise, she held up a sparkly gift bag.

“Hi, sorry for bothering you!” she beamed at her. This was already unheard of- a parent apologising for taking up her time? Nina was beginning to question if she had slipped through a crack in the fabric of reality while she’d been sleeping when Harry’s Mum spoke again. “Me and the other parents had a quick whipround and got you a couple of things and a little card to say congratulations! We thought it was the least we could do given your lovely news.”

It was only after Nina had thanked her profusely, taken the bag and led her children into class that her words sank in. What lovely news was she on about?

Nina taught that morning in a daze. Well, ‘taught’ was pushing it; the last few days of term were always movie days or games days, and today was the former. Nina had decided to inject a bit of an educational element to it by showing her class Nativity and then asking them if they thought the film’s play was better than the one they’d put on. Despite it being one of her favourite Christmas films, though, she still wondered why everyone had been congratulating her today. Maybe her Nativity video had really been so amazingly good that people just had to comment on it. Nina decided that this was the only plausible explanation, and so was feeling particularly spirited as it reached breaktime and she sent the kids out to play.

She was sitting in her classroom reading all the messages she’d missed on her group chat when Willam practically crashed through her door.

“Oh my God!” she yelled, practically vibrating with excitement. “Congratulations, you lucky fucker! That’s gotta be the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen. I mean Bianca probably wants your head on a plate for keeping it in, but still! How’re you celebrating? Should we go to the shop at lunchtime and get prosecco? I mean it’s the last few days of term, I’m sure drinking on the job’s allowed. Court wouldn’t tell anyone.”

Willam was talking with such speed that it took a few seconds for Nina to register everything she’d said. “Why…would Bianca want my head on a plate?”

Willam snorted. “I mean it’s kinda obvious. You don’t think she’s gonna be pissed about it? Then again, maybe she won’t. I don’t know, I can’t get inside her head. I’m not on that Honey I Shrunk The Kids kinda bullshit.”

Nina felt her head was so clouded that even if she possessed the brightest fog lights in the world she still couldn’t see what Willam was trying to say.

“Willam,” she asked, slowly and carefully as she rested her head in her hands. “What the hell are you talking about?”

There was a pause as Willam froze, then as her eyes became huge and wide as she slowly raised a finger to point at Nina. “Jesus Harvey Christ. You…you don’t know, do you?”

Nina frowned, bewildered. “Know what?”

“Oh my God. You don’t know. This is the best thing ever. You don’t even know!” Willam howled with laughter, then, before Nina could ask what she was meant to not know, Willam had dashed out of her classroom and had begun yelling into the hall. “Courtney! Court! She doesn’t know!”

Nina began to feel her heart beat in heavy thuds as the bell went to signal the end of playtime. What didn’t she know?

Eventually Nina managed to reach the end of the day. How, she didn’t know. She was so confused by all the different odd events of the day that she felt she didn’t properly make sense at any point to her class, but that probably didn’t matter as they were all so wrapped up in Christmas nonsense that Nina could’ve left the classroom and they wouldn’t have given a shit.

She was just getting ready to leave work for the weekend when Bianca stuck her head into her classroom and made her almost jump fifty feet in the air.

“Nina,” she began, in her own blunt, abrasive way. She didn’t wait for Nina to greet her as she continued. “I know you must be wandering around with your head in the clouds at the moment, but next time do you think you could maybe just run the video by me first? I mean you’re very lucky that the parents took that well. I mean it’s really about the kids, y’know?”

Nina could only blink at her wide-eyed like a deer in the headlights, getting into trouble but not entirely sure what for. Loath to say anything in response, she simply nodded.

“I mean you should’ve really kept it out,” Bianca frowned. She let the awkward, tense silence hang in the air for a few moments before a humoured smile appeared on her face. “But congratulations. I’m very happy for you.”

Without stopping for Nina to reply, Bianca had turned on her heel and left her classroom. Nina could only look at the space she’d previously been standing in. Maybe all of this was a dream. A fever dream. She’d probably contracted some sort of illness and was experiencing some hallucinogenic vision.

She didn’t know how she made it home without causing a crash, but she managed, and as soon as she was through the door she began to vent to the person she loved most.

“Monet!” she called through to the kitchen, hanging her belongings up. “I’ve had the weirdest fucking day in living memory. So first all the teachers were congratulating me…then I got a present from the parents…then Willam was screaming about me not knowing something…and then Bianca gave me a row at the end of the day…but I still don’t know exactly why…but then she said congratulations to me too?”

It was only when Nina stopped and walked through to the kitchen that she saw the kitchen table all done up with candles and laid beautifully, Nina’s favourite meal (slow cooker beef and buttery mash) on two plates, and Monet sitting at the table with her makeup done, dressed in a backless blue bodycon that Nina had once very nearly broke the zip of trying to rip it off her one weekend away.

“Uh…” Nina frowned, more confused than ever. Slowly, as a smile spread across Monet’s face, she began to connect all the dots of weird and the picture it presented illustrated that somehow her girlfriend had to be behind it all. “Okay, what’s going on?”

Monet got up and leant against the kitchen counter. She very gently took both of Nina’s hands in hers. “You didn’t watch the whole video once I exported it, did you?”

Something like dread crossed with excitement began to pool in Nina’s gut. She narrowed her eyes. “Monet…what did you do?”

Wordlessly, Monet reached back across to the table where she picked up her phone and loaded up the Nativity video. Skipping to the end, she got past the end of Jingle Bells and showed the video to Nina. The screen faded to black, and then, Nina watched as another little title card faded into view.

To the teacher that always gives so much of herself to others, I now want to give all of myself to you.

Miss West, will you marry me?

Love, Monet x

And suddenly everything in Nina felt as if it was made of fire, adrenaline and jet fuel. Her eyes flew open, her hand smacked against her shocked, gaping mouth. Her pulse raced and her heart hammered and all of her limbs turned to jelly to the extent she wasn’t sure she was able to stand any more. When she took her eyes off her phone screen and looked at Monet, her girlfriend was down on their kitchen floor, down on one knee like in every princess movie Nina had ever seen, her hair soft and curled and loose on her shoulders and a bright smile on her painted taupe lips. Gemstone tears brimmed in her dark eyes and hung from her lashes like icicles, and there, in her outstretched hands, was an open navy box.

Inside was a ring - gold band, one small diamond - and it was when Nina saw it that she gave a sob, her own tears springing from her eyes like a broken fountain, uncontrollable and erratic.

“Oh, baby, c’mere,” Monet gave a small laugh, shaking her head and immediately rising from the floor to wrap her arms around her in a hug. Nina took a few shaky, shallow breaths, pawing at Monet’s chest to release herself from her grip and look her in the eyes.

“You! You knew…all this time, and you…you put it in the video, oh my GOD, Monet, I could’ve got in so much trouble…I did get in so much trouble, oh my God…and you didn’t even tell me-”

“I thought you’d at least watch the damn thing through before you uploaded it!” Monet burst out laughing through her tears, and Nina joined in in a lightheaded, giddy way.

“I can’t believe this is real. Fuck. My whole body feels like that time we did poppers in Crete. Oh my God. Is this happening? You want to marry me?”

“Well, I would love to marry you, but I’m waiting on an answer,” Monet smiled bashfully, bringing her arm out from around Nina’s waist and holding the ring up so Nina could see it.

The diamond only seemed to glisten more when she saw it through the tears in her own eyes, and the gold shone warm like the brightest star. It was an engagement ring- her engagement ring- and it was real, and it was surreal, but Monet was in front of her waiting for an answer with tears in her eyes and hope in her heart that matched her own.

And Nina had never been one to say no to anything.

#rpdr fanfiction #ninex #background witney #monet x change #nina west #willam belli #courtney act #things are really cool in nazareth #ortega #fluff #kidfic #proposal fic #ficmas 2020 #day 14: nice #tw: coronavirus reference #submission

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wilwheaton · 3 years

Photo

Portrait of Jesus by digital artist Bas Uterwijk using artificial intelligence, combining traditional iconography and what we know about his ethnicity, and culture for the time and region

This is, apparently, what the actual Jesus of Nazareth looked like.

I am an atheist. But I like this guy. He was a rebel, he was an antiauthoritarian, he dedicated his life to helping the poor, the sick, the indigent, the people who were discarded and rejected by society. He hung out with sex workers and lepers, and gave comfort to the sick and suffering, and he loudly and relentlessly called out the hypocrisy of the church and its leaders. He was a really cool guy.

This guy is not the Jesus I was introduced to in parochial school. The Jesus I was introduced to was white, super super super white, and he was keeping an eye on you so he could snitch on you to his dad, who was SUPER PISSED AT EVERYTHING YOU DID all the time for some reason. The Jesus I knew was, like, maybe going to be okay with you, as long as you knew what a giant fuck up you were. And he was absolutely not accepting of anyone who didn’t do exactly what the authority figures at school told us we had to do. Did I mention that I was, like, 8 when all of this was drilled into me?

I deeply resent American Christianity. It has brought nothing but pain into my life. I deeply resent and despise evangelical Christians who turned this guy in this picture, who was reportedly a cool, loving, gentle, dude, who was a legit rebel, into someone who hates all the same things they hate, and who LOVES authoritarians the same way they do.

I don’t know what it’s like in the rest of the world. What I do know is that, in America, this person has been perverted into a weapon, a cudgel, to be used against the same people the actual Jesus loved and stood up for.

And, look, if someone professes to follow the teachings of this dude, whose WHOLE FUCKING THING was “love everyone. Period. No exceptions”,and they don’t, like, do that? They are as bad as the money changers in the temple. I know that this dude loves them, because that’s his whole thing, but I also know how deeply disappointed in them he is.

#religion #jesus #american taliban

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

Caius/Carlisle because of plot reasons. Twilight never happened. How do people react?

How do people react?

How do I react, anon, that's the real question. And it's with laughter, so much laughter, I think you've made my day.

And for the record, of course Twilight doesn't happen, because we're in the strange world where Caius/Carlisle is a thing: that changes everything.

Now, How the Hell Does this Happen?

Aro invites Carlisle to Volterra and Caius is not pleased. This guy is weird, he doesn't eat properly, Aro is infatuated and obsessed, and Caius is just dying.

Also, in this universe, Aro's unsure of his footing and doesn't go in for the kill. So on top of everything Caius has to deal with, he's watching lovesick Aro mooning and actively fretting if he's going to get laid with Carlisle or not (while Carlisle, somewhat clueless, is just hanging around reading books).

Caius decides he's had enough.

Fuck it, if Aro's not going to seduce this weirdo then Caius will, and that'll teach Aro to bring in guys who literally eat rats out of the sewer.

Caius, however, is also not a subtle guy.

He probably descends upon Carlisle in the library, shoving Aro out of the way, and says, "I will take you, pretty boy". There's no question here, mind you, it's just a statement. This will happen at some point in the near future.

Carlisle is once more very confused (he doesn't really understand what Caius is even implying here) but he doesn't want to be impolite to a man who is apparently king of the demons.

Well, Caius keeps trying, and shoving Aro out of the room and...

Like the world's weirdest romcom, it somehow works.

Thanks to the gift Carlisle has that neither @therealvinelle nor I have written a meta about yet, Caius starts thinking that Carlisle is actually a pretty cool dude. Crazy, of course, but he's starting to see what Aro sees in this guy.

On Carlisle's end, Caius is a barbarian warlord king, but he's surprisingly learned, has a wealth of experience, and a very interesting (if autocratic) view on life.

They start having actual conversations.

The ancient Greek wrestling matches Caius forces Carlisle to take part in not only are homoerotic as hell but also very sexually charged.

One thing leads to another and before they know it they're actually having an affair. Caius, of course, makes sure to rub it in Aro's face. If he hadn't spent so much time dallying around he could have gotten laid and this is why Caius always wins.

(Aro cries.)

Well, in the original plan, this was the part where Caius then kicked Carlisle out of his bed and said, "Get out, loser" Trouble is, he actually likes Carlisle now, and is oddly enough having a grand old time. So much so that, instead of visiting Corin, he hangs around Carlisle to discuss how worshipping Jewish carpenters is a silly occupation and Caius was alive for a thousand years before Jesus of Nazareth even existed.

When Carlisle starts hinting that he wants to leave, to search for others like him or at least willing to share the diet, Caius finds himself actually alarmed.

Carlisle isn't useful in any way Caius notices. He, in fact, is actually odd and very distracting, but dammit Caius has become accustomed to his face.

Aro let Carlisle go in canon, I imagine Caius Chelseas him to hell and back. Should that not work, Caius goes with him (making of course poor Renata come with the pair of them) and sabotages any chance for Carlisle to a) make friends b) get anyone on the diet. More, Caius I imagine makes it his mission from god to look for some hippie who will do this cardboard diet with Carlisle. Caius doesn't think he'll find anybody, but dammit, he'll find somebody.

Unfortunately for Caius, the first person he finds is a young Eleazar, who annoys the ever loving shit out of him. He can't do it. He can't even wait for Aro to get rid of him. Caius throws his severed limbs out a window and lights them on fire.

Caius then announces that he now respects human life, that's right, Carlisle, Caius is doing the fucking diet. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE VOLTERRA, DO YOU?!

Carlisle decides not to say anything to that. How can he? There are no words. To his surprise, Caius sticks to it for several hundred years and keeps going. Carlisle isn't sure how he feels about that.

How Do People React?

Aro cries and asks Marcus how Caius and Carlisle's relationship is progressing. Unfortunately, every time he asks, it seems to be doing fine for reasons unfathomable to everyone.

Carlisle becomes a familiar face in Volterra and in time is unofficially accepted as a sixth member of the coven. There's never a ceremony or anything, he just is.

Sulpicia is delighted because this means that Athenadora's husband is now having sex with hot men too. It's not just her anymore. Athenadora, meanwhile, is very confused about what's happening.

The Cullens don't react because they don't exist. Caius never let Carlisle get that far.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #twilight shipping #caius #carlisle cullen #caius/carlisle #aro #aro/carlisle #meta #headcanon #opinion #shipping

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piratewithvigor · 3 years

Text

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously.

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged.

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

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burnt-kloverfield · 2 years

Text

My family has gone through and read the varying scriptural accounts of the Christmas story this past week, in Matthew, Luke, and tonight, in 3 Nephi in the Book of Mormon. And it's so strange to me how much of a different connection I have to each telling. I've always had a horrible connection with the New Testament. I try reading it, and there's no click, no spark, no wonder at Jesus and his miracles. I have a stronger connection to the Old Testament and the people and stories from so much much longer ago. But there's not a Christmas story there to read, so I'm back here, picking through the New Testament, hoping that I'll feel something. There's a little bit of wonder and fear and apprehension as I try to put myself in the shoes of Mary, and how she kept and pondered all these different things in her heart. There's that curiosity you get when you look back on a series of events and think about how they all worked together, how everything came out for the best, when I put together the pieces of the wise men bringing gifts, which were both symbolic and practical, which surely helped pay for them to flee into Egypt and then to return to Nazareth.

But ultimately, these observations are forced. I'm trying to find the spirituality where it's not clicking, and it's so utterly dry to me. I'm sure they're super spiritual for someone else, and I'm glad I read the New Testament just for the sake of knowing what it says and the history and context, but it's really not a place I go and feel the spirit when I read.

And then I read the Book of Mormon. And that's where it clicks. That's where the Spirit hits for me. I read 3 Nephi 1, and it's where the star appears and there's the day and a night and a day without darkness. And there's this fear from the people that they're going to be killed because the signs that prove that what they believe in is true haven't happened yet. And then this promise is fulfilled, the star appears, the signs are given. These people on the other side of the world who might not ever meet their Savior, their God gives them signs that somewhere out there, their Messiah is born. God didn't have to even let them know that their Messiah would be born or tell them the signs to look for or give signs at all, but they were told the signs and the time period to look for them by a man on a wall, and they were afraid that the signs wouldn't come when they were told they would. And yet they did, not only giving them hope, but literally saving their lives in that moment from people who would kill them for believing.

And like, why is this story the one that makes me feel glad and light and hopeful? How many people even think to read the Book of Mormon when it's time to read the Christmas story? But this is the one that gets my heart, and it's the one that adds Christmas spirit to my experience.

And like yes, very good, Jesus was born in a stable, protected from Herod, raised by loving parents though in poor and rough circumstances. There's the angels and the shepherds and the wisemen. All these really cool prophecies are fulfilled. All good. Nice. But I like this *gestures to a group of people on an entirely different continent*

My testimony is so gosh dang weird. Merry Christmas.

#mormon #tumblrstake #personal #religion #christmas #i dont really know if I have a point beyond #i noticed that I had a stronger connection to this story in the Book of Mormon than I do to the New Testament #not dogging on the New Testament its a very important book #im just saying my personal testimony of jesus doesnt come from the New Testament #do i believe in jesus #i absolutely do #do i recognize that i believe in him when i read the New Testament #not really

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emptymasks · 3 years

Text

Jesus Christ Superstar New Lyrics (based on the 2012 UK Tour)

So I really like the 2012 UK production of Jesus Christ Superstar and was sad there is no soundtrack for it so I made my own by ripping the audio from the DVD and putting it into tracks. Only problem, the lyrics don’t match up with the lyrics you can find online on websites like Genius and AZLyrics. Now I know a lot of lyrics were changed in the 1992 West End revival, but I don’t know if this production has lyrics that differ from other main productions running at the same time (2012 Broadway revival, 2011 Austrian revival) or if these were continued over to the 2019 NBC live production, so this might be the right lyrics for those productions as well, but I don’t know those productions well enough to be certain. Some of the songs are the same as the original, but I wanted to include all songs in here just for the sake of completionism.

These lyrics are transcribed directly from the official subtitles on the 2012 UK Arena Tour DVD.

Tracklist:

Overture

Heaven on Their Minds

What’s the Buzz?

Strange Thing, Mystifying

Everything’s Alright

This Jesus Must Die

Hosanna

Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem

Pilate’s Dream

The Temple

Everything’s Alright (Reprise)

I Don’t Know How to Love Him

Damned for All Time/Blood Money

The Last Supper

Gethsemane (I Only Want to Say)

The Arrest

Peter’s Denail

Pilate and Christ

King Herod’s Song

Could We Start Again Please

Judas’ Death

Trial Before Pilate

Superstar

The Curcifixion

John 19:41

All songs are in this post, just click on the ‘read more’ directly below. In bold are lyrics that differ from, or have been added since, the original 1970 cast album that’s on Genius.com.

Overture

[This is exclusive just to the 2012 UK production, they’re pre-recorded voices. They’re not really lyrics I guess, but I thought I’d include them]

As around twenty-thousand people took part in a protest against- Meanwhile, hundreds of anti-capitalist protesters- -are the 99 percent! Society continues to generate waste and squander resources-

[Inaudible shouting]

This is a global issue- John, what’s your view on the oil market’s reaction? I mean, earlier today, we were- Hundreds of anti-war activists who have rallied- -Spain and Greece and right across Europe-

[Inaudible shouting]

-resorted to using gas, stun grenades and rubber bullets to disperse the angry crowd. Hey, stop filming! The police can use it!

[Inaudible shouting]

Stay back! Stay back! Calm down! But the tough economy is pushing people to the brink.

[Inaudible shouting]

The question remains, are their voices being heard?

Heaven on Their Minds

[Judas] My mind is clearer now At last, all too well I can see where we all soon will be If you strip away The myth from the man You will see where we all soon will be

Jesus! You've started to believe The things they say of you You really do believe This talk of God is true And all the good you've done Will soon get swept away You've begun to matter more Than the things you say

Listen, Jesus, I don't like what I see All I ask is that you listen to me And remember I've been your right hand man all along You have set them all on fire They think they've found the new Messiah And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong

I remember when this whole thing began No talk of God then, we called you a man And believe me My admiration for you hasn't died But every word you say today Gets twisted 'round some other way And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied Nazareth, your famous son Should have stayed a great unknown Like his father carving wood He'd have made good Tables, chairs, and oaken chests Would have suited Jesus best He'd have caused nobody harm, no one alarm Listen, Jesus, do you care for your race? Don't you see we must keep in our place? We are occupied! Have you forgotten how put down we are? I am frightened by the crowd For we are getting much too loud And they'll crush us if we go too far If they go too far

What’s the Buzz?

[APOSTLES] What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening [JESUS] Why should you want to know? Don't you mind about the future Don't you try to think ahead Save tomorrow for tomorrow Think about today instead [APOSTLES] What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening [JESUS & (APOSTLES)] I could give you facts and figures (What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening) I could give you plans and forecasts (When do we ride into Jerusalem? When do we ride into Jerusalem?) Even tell you where I'm going- (When do we ride into Jerusalem? When do we ride into Jerusalem?)

[APOSTLES] When do we ride into Jerusalem? When do we ride into Jerusalem? When do we ride into Jerusalem? When do we ride into Jerusalem?

[JESUS] Why should you want to know? Why are you obsessed with fighting Times and fates you can't defy? If you knew the path we're riding You'd understand it less than I [APOSTLES] What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening [MARY MAGDALENE] Let me try to cool down your face a bit Let me try to cool down your face a bit Let me try, let me try, try to cool down your face a bit Let me try to cool down your face a bit Let me try to cool down your face a bit Let me try, let me try, let me try to cool down your face a bit [JESUS] Mary, ooh that is good While you prattle through your supper Where and when and who and how She alone has tried to give me What I need right here and now [APOSTLES] What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening

Strange Thing, Mystifying

[JUDAS] It seems to me a strange thing, mystifying That a man like you should waste his time On women of her kind Yes, I can understand that she amuses But to let her stroke you and kiss your hair It’s hardly in your line It's not that I object to her profession But she doesn't fit in well with what we teach and say It doesn't help us if you're inconsistent They only need a small excuse to put us all away [JESUS] Who are you to criticize her? Who are you to despise her? Leave her, leave her, let her be now Leave her, leave her, she's with me now If your slate is clean, then you can throw stones If your slate is not, then leave her alone! I'm amazed that men like you Can be so shallow, thick and slow There is not a man among you Who knows or cares if I come or go [ APOSTLES] No, you're wrong! You're very wrong! No, you're wrong! You're very wrong! No, you're wrong! You're very wrong! No, you're wrong! You're very wrong! How can you say that! How can you say that! How can you say that! How can you say that! [JESUS] Not one, not one of you!

Everything’s Alright

[MARY MAGDALENE] Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Problems that upset you, oh Don't you know Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine And we want you to sleep well tonight Let the world turn without you tonight If we try, we'll get by So forget all about us tonight [APOSTLE'S WOMEN] Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes [MARY] Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you and anoint you Myrrh for your hot forehead and Then you'll feel Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine And it's cool and the ointment's sweet For the fire in your head and feet Close your eyes, close your eyes And relax, think of nothing tonight [APOSTLE'S WOMEN] Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes

[JUDAS] Woman, your fine ointment, brand new and expensive Could have been saved for the poor Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe Three hundred silver pieces or more People who are hungry, people who are starving Matter more than your feet and hair [MARY] Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Problems that upset you oh don't you know Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine And we want you to sleep well tonight Let the world turn without you tonight If we try we'll get by so forget all about us tonight [APOSTLE'S WOMEN] Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes [JESUS] Surely you're not saying we have the resources To save the poor from their lot? There will be poor always, pathetically struggling Look at the good things you've got! Think! While you still have me Move! While you still see me You'll be lost, you'll be so sorry when I'm gone

[MARY & (APOSTLES)] Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you and anoint you Myrrh for your hot forehead and then you'll feel Everything's alright yes everything's fine And it's cool and the ointment's sweet For the fire in your head and feet Close your eyes, close your eyes And relax, think of nothing tonight (Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax think of nothing tonight) Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax, think of nothing tonight (Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s alright, yes) (Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax think of nothing tonight) [Repeat until fade]

This Jesus Must Die

[In this version Annas has more of the lines and the lines are divided up differently because there are 5 un-named priests instead of 3]

[ANNAS] Good Caiaphas, the council waits for you The Pharisees and priests are here for you [CAIAPHAS] Ah, gentlemen, you know why we are here We've not much time and quite a problem here [MOB OUTSIDE] Hosanna! Superstar! Hosanna! Superstar! Hosanna! Superstar! Hosanna! Superstar! [ANNAS] Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street! A trick or two with lepers and the whole town's on its feet [ALL] He is dangerous [MOB OUTSIDE] Tell us that you're who we say you are [ALL] He is dangerous

[MOB OUTSIDE] Tell us that you're who we say you are

[PRIEST 1] The man is in town right now to whip up some support [PRIEST 2] A rabble rousing mission that I think we must abort [ALL] He is dangerous [MOB OUTSIDE] Jesus Christ, Superstar! [ALL] He is dangerous [PRIEST 3] Look Caiaphas, they're right outside our yard [PRIEST 4] Quick, Caiaphas, go call the Roman guard [CAIAPHAS] No, wait! We need a more permanent solution to our problem [ANNAS] What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth Miracle wonderman, hero of fools? [PRIEST 5] No riots, no army, no fighting, no slogans [CAIAPHAS] Infantile sermons, the multitude drools [ANNAS] We dare not leave him to his own devices His half-witted fans will get out of control [PRIEST 2] But how can we stop him? His glamour increases By leaps every minute; [PRIEST 3] He's top of the poll

[CAIAPHAS] I see bad things arising: the crowd crown him king Which the Romans would ban I see blood and destruction, our elimination Because of one man Blood and destruction because of one man [ALL] Because, because, because of one man [CAIAPHAS] Our elimination because of one man [ALL] Because, because, because of one Cause of one, cause of one man [PRIEST 3] What then to do about this Jesusmania? [ANNAS] How do we deal with the carpenter king? [PRIEST 1] Where do we start with a man who is bigger Than John was when John did his Baptism thing? [CAIAPHAS] Fools! You have no perception! The stakes we are gambling are frighteningly high! We must crush him completely So like John before him, this Jesus must die For the sake of the nation, this Jesus must die [ALL] Must die, must die, this Jesus must die [CAIAPHAS] So like John before him, this Jesus must die [ALL] Must die, must die, this Jesus must Jesus must, Jesus must die

Hosanna

[CROWD] Hosanna, hey sanna, sanna sanna ho Sanna hey, sanna hosanna Hey JC, JC, won't you fight for me? Sanna ho, sanna hey, Superstar [CAIAPHAS] Tell the rabble to be quiet; we anticipate a riot This common crowd is much too loud Tell the mob who sing your song That they are fools and they are wrong They are a curse, they should disperse [CROWD] Hosanna, hey sanna, sanna sanna ho Sanna hey, sanna ho sanna Hey JC, JC, you're alright by me Sanna ho, sanna hey, Superstar [JESUS] Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd? Nothing can be done to stop the shouting If every tongue were still, the noise would still continue The rocks and stones themselves would start to sing [CROWD] Hosanna, hey sanna, sanna sanna ho Sanna hey, sanna ho sanna Hey JC, JC, won't you fight for me? Sanna ho, sanna hey, Superstar

[JESUS] Sing me a song, but not for me alone Sing out for yourselves for you are blessed There is not one of you who cannot win the Kingdom The slow, the suffering, the quick, the dead [CROWD & JESUS] Hosanna, hey sanna, sanna sanna ho Sanna hey, sanna ho sanna Hey JC, JC, won't you die for me? Sanna ho, sanna hey, Superstar Superstar

Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem

[Simon Zealotes] [CROWD] Christ, you know I love you; did you see I waved? I believe in you and God, so tell me that I'm saved! Christ, you know I love you; did you see I waved? I believe in you and God, so tell me that I'm saved Jesus, I am with you; touch me, touch me, Jesus! Jesus, I am on your side; kiss me, kiss me Jesus! [SIMON ZEALOTES] Christ, what more do you need to convince you That you've made it and you're easily as strong As the filth from Rome who rape our country And who've terrorized our people for so long? [CROWD] Christ you know I love you; did you see I waved?

[SIMON ZEALOTES] They love you, Jesus!

[CROWD] I believe in you and God, so tell me that I'm saved Christ you know I love you; did you see I waved? I believe in you and God, so tell me that I'm saved

[SIMON ZEALOTES] We believe! [CROWD] Jesus, I am with you; touch me, touch me, Jesus! Jesus, I am on your side; kiss me, kiss me, Jesus!

[SIMON ZEALOTES & (CROWD)] There must be over fifty thousand Screaming love and more for you And every one of fifty thousand Would do whatever you ask him to Keep them yelling their devotion But add a touch of hate at Rome You will rise to a greater power We will win ourselves a home! You'll get the power and the glory (You’ll get the glory) For ever and ever and ever (And the power) You'll get the power and the glory (You’ll get the glory) For ever and ever and ever (And the power) Forever, forever (You’ll get the glory) You’ll get the power and the glory (And the power) Forever and ever and ever (You’ll get the glory) You’ll get the power and the glory (Forever, amen!) Forever and ever, forever amen!

[Poor Jerusalem] [JESUS] Neither you, Simon, nor the fifty thousand Nor the Romans, nor the Jews Nor Judas, nor the twelve, nor the Priests, nor the scribes Nor doomed Jerusalem itself Understand what power is Understand what glory is Understand at all Understand at all

If you knew all that I knew, my poor Jerusalem You'd see the truth, but you close your eyes But you close your eyes While you live, your troubles are many, poor Jerusalem To conquer death you only have to die You only have to die

Pilate’s Dream

[PILATE] I dreamed I met a Galilean A most amazing man He had that look you very rarely find The haunting, hunted kind I asked him to say what had happened How it all began I asked again; he never said a word As if he hadn't heard And next the room was full Of wild and angry men They seemed to hate this man They fell on him and then They disappeared again Then I saw thousands of millions Crying for this man And then I heard them mentioning my name And leaving me the blame

The Temple

[CROWD] Roll on up, for my price is down Come on in for the best in town Take your pick of the finest wine Lay your bets on this bird of mine Roll on up, for my price is down Come on in for the best in town Take your pick of the finest wine Lay your bets on this bird of mine Name your price; I got everything Come and buy, it's all going fast Borrow cash on the finest terms Hurry now while stocks still last [CROWD] Roll on up, Jerusalem Here is isn’t us and them While our temples still survive We at least are still alive Come all classes, come all creeds I can fix your wildest needs Name your pleasure, I will sell I got heaven, I got hell What your see is what you get No one’s been disappointed yet Don’t be scared, give me a try There is nothing you can’t buy [CROWD] Roll on up, for my price is down Come on in for the best in town Take your pick of the finest wine Lay your bets on this bird of mine Roll on up, for my price is down Come on in for the best in town- [JESUS] My temple should be a house of prayer But you have made it a den of thieves Get out! Get out! My time is almost through Little left to do After all I've tried for three years Seems like thirty, seems like thirty [CROWD] See my eyes, I can hardly see See me stand, I can hardly walk I believe you can make me whole See his tongue, he can hardly talk See my skin, I'm a mass of blood Change me life, oh I know you can I believe you can make me well See my purse, I'm a poor poor man Will you touch, will you mend me, Christ? Won't you touch, will you heal me, Christ? Will you kiss, you can cure me, Christ? Won't you kiss, won't you pay me, Christ?

[CROWD] See our eyes, we can hardly see See us stand, we can hardly walk We believe you can make us whole See the tongues that can hardly talk See our skin, we’re a mass of blood Change our lives, oh we know you can We believe you can make us well You’re the hope of the poor, poor man Will you touch, will you mend me, Christ? Won't you touch, will you heal me, Christ? Will you kiss, you can cure me, Christ? Won't you kiss, won't you pay me, Christ?

[CROWD & (JESUS)] See my eyes, I can hardly see (Ah, there’s too-) See me stand, I can hardly walk (Too many of you) I believe you can make me whole (Don’t) See his tongue, he can hardly talk (Ah, don’t crowd me) See my skin, I'm a mass of blood (Don’t crowd me) See my legs, I can hardly stand (Don’t crowd me!) I believe you can make me well See my purse, I'm a poor poor man Will you touch, will you mend me, Christ? Won't you touch, will you heal me, Christ? Will you kiss, you can cure me, Christ? Won't you kiss, won't you pay me, Christ? [JESUS] Heal yourselves!

Everything’s Alright (Reprise)

[MARY MAGDALENE] Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Problems that upset you, oh Don't you know everything's alright, yes Everything's fine [JESUS] And I think I shall sleep well tonight Let the world turn without me tonight [MARY MAGDALENE] If we try, we’ll get by So forget all about us tonight

I Don’t Know How to Love Him

[MARY MAGDALENE] I don't know how to love him What to do, how to move him I've been changed, yes really changed In these past few days When I've seen myself I seem like someone else I don't know how to take this I don't see why he moves me He's a man He's just a man And I've had so many Men before In very many ways He's just one more Should I bring him down Should I scream and shout Should I speak of love Let my feelings out? I never thought I'd come to this What's it all about? Don't you think it's rather funny I should be in this position? I'm the one Who's always been So calm, so cool No lover's fool Running every show He scares me so

I never thought I'd come to this What's it all about? Yet, If he said he loved me I'd be lost; I'd be frightened I couldn't cope Just couldn't cope I'd turn my head I'd back away I wouldn't want to know He scares me so I want him so I love him so...

Damned for All Time/Blood Money

[Damned for All Time]

[JUDAS] Now, if I help you, it matters that you see These sordid kinds of things are coming hard to me It's taken me some time to work out what to do I weighed the whole thing up before I came to you I have no thought at all about my own reward I really didn't come here of my own accord Just don't say I'm Damned for all time I came because I had to, I'm the one who saw Jesus can't control them like he did before! And furthermore, I know that Jesus thinks so, too Jesus wouldn't mind that I was here with you I have no thought at all about my own reward I really didn't come here of my own accord Just don't say I'm Damned for all time Annas, you're a friend - a worldly man and wise Caiaphas, my friend, I know you sympathise Why are we the prophets? Why are we the ones Who see the sad solution - know what must be done? I have no thought at all about my own reward I really didn't come here of my own accord Just don't say I'm damned For all time [Blood Money] [ANNAS] Cut the protesting, forget the excuses We want information; get up off the floor [CAIAPHAS] We have the papers, we need to arrest him You know his movements, we know the law [ANNAS] Your help in this matter won't go unrewarded [CAIAPHAS] We'll pay you in silver - cash on the nail We just need to know where the soldiers can find him

[ANNAS] With no crowd around him [CAIAPHAS] Then we can't fail [JUDAS] I don't need your blood money! [CAIAPHAS] Oh, that doesn't matter - our expenses are good [JUDAS] I don't want your blood money! [ANNAS] But you might as well take it; we think that you should [CAIAPHAS] Think of the things you can do with that money Choose any charity - give to the poor We've noted your motives - we've noted your feelings This isn't blood money, it's a fee

[ANNAS] Just a fee

[CAIAPHAS] It’s a fee nothing more

[JUDAS] On Thursday night, you'll find him where you want him Far from the crowds, in the Garden of Gethsemane

[CHOIR] Well done, Judas, Good old Judas Well done, Judas, Good old Judas Well done, Judas, Good old Judas Well done, Judas, Good old Judas

The Last Supper

[APOSTLES] Look at all my trials and tribulations Sinking in a gentle pool of wine Don't disturb me now; I can see the answers Till 'this evening' is 'this morning', life is fine Always hoped that I'd be an apostle Knew that I would make it if I tried Then when we retire we can write the gospels So they'll still talk about us when we've died [JESUS] The end Is just a little harder when brought about by friends For all you care, this wine could be my blood For all you care, this bread could be my body The end! This is my blood you drink This is my body you eat If you would remember me when you eat and drink I must be mad thinking I'll be remembered - yes I must be out of my head! Look at your blank faces! My name will mean nothing Ten minutes after I'm dead! One of you denies me One of you betrays me - Peter will deny me in just a few hours Three times will deny me - and that's not all I see One of you here dining, one of my twelve chosen Will leave to betray me - [JUDAS] Cut out the dramatics! You know very well who - [JESUS] Why don't you go do it? [JUDAS] You want me to do it? [JESUS] Hurry, they're waiting [JUDAS] If you knew why I do it... [JESUS] I don't care why you do it! [JUDAS] To think I admired you, for now I despise you [JESUS] You liar - you Judas [JUDAS] You want me to do it! What if I just stayed here and ruined your ambition? Christ, you deserve it! [JESUS] Hurry, you fool, hurry and go Save me your speeches, I don't wanna know - GO! [APOSTLES] Look at all my trials and tribulations Sinking in a gentle pool of wine What's that in the bread it's gone to my head Till 'this morning' is 'this evening', life is fine Always hoped that I'd be an apostle Knew that I would make it if I tried Then when we retire we can write the gospels So they'll all talk about us when we die- [JUDAS] You sad pathetic man - see where you've brought us to Our ideals die around us, and all because of you And now the saddest cut of all: Someone has to turn you in Like a common criminal, like a wounded animal A jaded mandarin Like a jaded mandarin Like a faded, jaded, jaded, faded, faded mandarin [JESUS] Get out! They're waiting! Get out! They’re waiting! Oh, They're waiting for you! [JUDAS] Every time I look at you, I don't understand Why you let the things you did get so out of hand You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned Why?!

Gethsemane (I Only Want to Say)

[JESUS] I only want to say If there is a way Take this cup away from me For I don't want to taste its poison Feel it burn me, I have changed I'm not as sure as when we started Then I was inspired Now I'm sad and tired Listen, surely I've exceeded expectations? Tried for three years, seems like thirty Could you ask as much from any other man? But if I die See the saga through and do the things you ask of me Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me, nail me to their tree I'd wanna know, I'd wanna know my God I'd wanna see, I'd wanna see my God Why I should die? Would I be more noticed than I ever was before? Would the things I've said and done matter any more? I'd have to know, I'd have to know my Lord I'd have to see, I'd have to see my Lord If I die, what will be my reward? I'd have to know, I'd have to know my Lord Why should I die? Can you show me now that I would not be killed in vain? Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain Show me there's a reason for your wanting me to die You're far too keen on 'where' and 'how' and not so hot on 'why' Alright, I'll die! Just watch me die! See how I die! Then I was inspired Now, I'm sad and tired After all I've tried for three years Seems like ninety - why, then, am I Scared to finish what I started? What you started! - I didn't start it! God, I will be done Take your only son I will drink your cup of poison Nail me to your cross and break me Bleed me, beat me, kill me, take me now Before I change my mind Now, before I change my mind!

The Arrest

[Judas sings the opening line instead of Annas] [JUDAS] There he is! They're all asleep - the fools! [JESUS] Judas, must you betray me with a kiss? [PETER] What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening Tell me what's happening [APOSTLES & (PETER)] What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening Hang on Lord, we're gonna fight for you Hang on Lord, we're gonna fight for you (You) Hang on Lord, we're gonna fight for you (Hang on Lord) Hang on Lord, we're gonna fight for you (We're gonna fight for you) Hang on Lord, we're gonna fight for you (Yeah) [JESUS] Put away your sword Don't you know that it's all over? It was nice, but now it's gone Why are you obsessed with fighting? Stick to fishing from now on [CROWD] Tell me, Christ, how you feel tonight Do you plan to put up a fight? Do you feel that you've had the breaks? What would you say were your big mistakes? How do you view your coming trial? Have your men proved at all worth while? Did you pick an efficient team? Is that it for the Jewish dream?

Come with us to see Caiaphas You'll just love the High Priest's house You'll just love seeing Caiaphas You'll just die in the High Priest's house Come on, God, this is not like you Let us know what you're gonna do You know what your supporters feel You'll escape in the final reel Tell me, Christ, how you feel tonight Do you plan to put up the fight? Do you feel that you've had the breaks? What would you say were your big mistakes? Come with us to see Caiaphas You'll just love the High Priest's house You'll just love seeing Caiaphas You'll just die in the High Priest's house Now we have him! Now we’ve got him! Now we have him! Now we’ve got him! Now we have him! Now we’ve got him! Now we have him! Now we have got him! [CAIAPHAS] Jesus, you must realize The serious charges facing you You say you're the Son of God In all your handouts - well, is it true? [JESUS] That's what you say - you say that I am [ANNAS] There you have it, gentlemen What more evidence do we need? Judas, thank you for the victim Stay a while

[CAIAPHAS & ANNAS] And you'll see him bleed

[CROWD] Now we have him! Now we’ve got him! Now we have him! Now we’ve got him! Now we have him! Now we’ve got him! Now we have him! Now we’ve got him! Take him to Pilate! Take him to Pilate! Take him to Pilate! Take him to Pilate!

Peter’s Denail

[MAID BY THE FIRE] I think I've seen you somewhere, I remember You were with that man they took away I recognize your face

[PETER] You've got the wrong man, lady, I don't know him And I wasn't where he was tonight - never near the place

[SOLDIER] That's strange, for I'm sure I saw you with him You were right by his side, and yet you denied -

[PETER] I tell you, I was never, ever with him

[OLD MAN] But I saw you too - it looked just like you

[PETER] I don't know him!

[MARY] Peter - don't you know what you have said? You've gone and cut him dead

[PETER] I had to do it, don't you see? Or else they'd go for me

[MARY] It’s what he told us you would do - I wonder how he knew ...

Pilate and Christ

[PILATE] Who is this broken man cluttering up my hallway? Who is this unfortunate? [SOLDIER] Someone Christ - king of the Jews [PILATE] Oh, so this is Jesus Christ, I am really quite surprised You look so small - not a king at all We all know that you are news - but are you king King of the Jews? [JESUS] That's what you say [PILATE] What do you mean by that? That is not an answer You're deep in trouble, friend - Someone Christ - king of the Jews How can someone in your state be so cool about your fate? An amazing thing - this silent king Since you come from Galilee, then you need not come to me You're Herod's race! You're Herod's case!

[MOB] Hosanna Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Ho Sanna Hey Sanna Ho and how Hey JC, JC, please explain to me You had everything, where is it now?

King Herod’s Song

[HEROD] Jesus, I am overjoyed to meet you face to face You've been getting quite a name all around the place Healing cripples, raising from the dead, ha that’s pretty good And now, I understand you're God At least, that's what he said So, you are the Christ, you're the great Jesus Christ Prove to me that you're divine - change my water into wine That's all you need do, and I'll know it's all true C'mon, king of the Jews! Jesus, you just won't believe the hit you've made round here You are all we talk about, the wonder of the year! Oh, what a pity if it's all a lie Still, I'm sure that you can rock the cynics if you try So, if you are the Christ, yes the great Jesus Christ Prove to me that you're no fool - walk across my swimming pool If you do that for me, then I'll let you go free C'mon, king of the Jews!

So you decide, is he the lord or is he a fraud? Text our number now, we’ll see you after the break I only ask things I'd ask any superstar What is it that you have got that puts you where you are? Oh, I’m waiting, yes, I'm a captive fan I'm dying to be shown that you are not just any man So, if you are the Christ, yes, the great Jesus Christ Feed my household with this bread - you can do it on your head! Or has something gone wrong? Why do you take so long? C'mon, king of the Jews! Hey! Aren't you scared of me Christ? Mr Wonderful Christ! You're a joke, you're not the Lord You are nothing but a fraud! Take him away - he's got nothing to say! Get out, you king of the Get out, you king of the Get out, you king of the Jews Thank you for watching the show tonight. Join me tomorrow when I’ll be interviewing One Direction Thank you, Birmingham, and good night

Could We Start Again Please?

[This song wasn’t listed on the 1970 cast album on Genius, but it was for the 1996 London cast so I can’t tell what is different to the original]

[MARY & (APOSTLES)] I've been living to see you Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this This was unexpected; what do I do now? Could we start again please? (Could we start again please?) [MARY & (APOSTLES)] I've been very hopeful so far Now for the first time, I think we're going wrong Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream Or could we start again please? (Could we start again please?) [PETER] I think you've made your point now

[PETER & MARY] You've even gone a bit too far to get your message home

[PETER] Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a halt [MARY] So could we start again please? [APOSTLES] Could we start again please?

[MARY & (APOSTLES)] I've been living to see you Dying to see you but it shouldn't be like this This was unexpected, what do I do now? Could we start again please? (Could we start again please?) [PETER & APOSTLES] I think you've made your point now

[PETER, MARY & APOSTLES] You've even gone a bit too far to get your message home [PETER] Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a halt [MARY] So could we start again please? [APOSTLES] Could we start again please? [PETER] Could we start again please? [MARY] Could we start again?

Judas’ Death

[JUDAS] My God! I saw him - he looked three-quarters dead! And he was so bad I had to turn my head They beat him so hard that he was bent and lame And I know who everybody's gonna blame I don't believe he knows I acted for our good I'd save him all this suffering if I could! Don't believe ... our good ... I’d save him ... if I could [ANNAS] Cut the confessions, forget the excuses I don't understand why you're filled with remorse All that you've said has come true with a vengeance The mob turned against him - you backed the right horse [CAIAPHAS] What you have done will be the saving of Israel You'll be remembered forever for this And not only that, you've been paid for your efforts Pretty good wages for one little kiss [JUDAS] Christ! I know you can't hear me But I only did what you wanted me to Christ! I'd sell out the nation For I have been saddled with the murder of you I have been spattered with innocent blood I shall be dragged through the slime and the mud I have been spattered with innocent blood I shall be dragged through the slime and the slime and the slime and the mud! I don't know how to love him I don't know why he moves me He's a man - he's just a man He's not a king - he's just the same As anyone I know He scares me so When he's cold and dead, will he let me be? Does he love me too? Does he care for me? My mind is in darkness now - my God, I am sick! I've been used! And you knew all the time! God! I'll never ever know why you chose me for your crime Your foul, bloody crime! You have murdered me! You have murdered me! You have murdered me! Murdered me! Murdered me! Murdered me! Jesus! [CHOIR] Poor old Judas, so long, Judas Poor old Judas, so long, Judas Poor old Judas, so long, Judas Poor old Judas, so long, Judas

Trial Before Pilate

[PILATE]

And so, the king is once again my guest

And why is this? Was Herod unimpressed?

[CAIAPHAS]

We turn to Rome to sentence Nazareth

We have no law to put a man to death

We need him crucified - it's all you have to do

[CAIAPHAS & ANNAS] We need him crucified - it's all you have to do

[PILATE] Talk to me Jesus Christ You have been brought here - manacled, beaten By your own people - do you have the first idea Why you deserve it? Listen king of the Jews Where is your kingdom? Look at me - am I a Jew? [JESUS] I have got no kingdom in this world - I'm through, through, through [MOB] Talk to me, Jesus Christ [JESUS] There may be a kingdom for me somewhere - if I only knew [PILATE] Then you're a king? [JESUS] It's you that say I am I look for truth, and find that I get damned [PILATE] But what is truth? Not easy to define We both have truths - are yours the same as mine? [MOB] Crucify him! Crucify him! [PILATE] What do you mean? You'd crucify your king? [MOB] We have no king but Caesar! [PILATE] He's done no wrong - no, not the slightest thing! [MOB] We have no king but Caesar! Crucify him! [PILATE] Well, this is new, Respect for Caesar! Till now, this has been noticeably lacking Who is this Jesus? Whys is he different? You Jews produce Messiahs by the sackful

[MOB] We need him crucified - it's all you have to do We need him crucified - it's all you have to do [PILATE] Talk to me, Jesus Christ! Look at your Jesus Christ I’ll agree, he’s mad Ought to be locked up But that is not a reason to destroy him He’s a sad little man Not a king or God Not a theif I need a crime [MOB] Kill him, he says he’s God, he’s a blasphemer He’ll conquer you and us and even Caesar Kill him! Crucify him! Crucify him! [PILATE] Behold the man, behold your shattered king [MOB] We have no king but Caesar [PILATE] You hypocrites, you hate us more than him [MOB] We have no king but Caesar Crucify him!

[PILATE] I find no reason, I see no evil This man is harmless so why does he upset you? He's just misguided - thinks he's important But to keep you vultures happy, I shall flog him! [MOB] Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! Crucify! [PILATE] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine [PILATE] Where are you from Jesus? What do you want Jesus? Tell me You've got to be careful - you could be dead soon - Could well be Why do you not speak when I have your life in my hands? How can you stay quiet? I don't believe you understand [JESUS] You have nothing in your hands Any power you have comes to you from far beyond Everything is fixed, and you can't change it [PILATE] You're a fool, Jesus Christ - how can I help you? [MOB] Pilate! Crucify him! Crucify! Remember Caesar - you have a duty To keep the peace, so crucify him! Remember Caesar - you'll be demoted, you'll be deported Crucify him! Remember Caesar - you have a duty To keep the peace, so crucify him! Remember Caesar - you'll be demoted, you'll be deported Crucify him! Remember Caesar - you have a duty To keep the peace, so crucify him! Remember Caesar - you'll be demoted, you'll be deported Crucify him! [PILATE] Don't let me stop your great self destruction Die if you want to, you misguided martyr! I wash my hands of your demolition Die if you want to, you innocent puppet!

Superstar

[So much of Judas’ part of this song is ad-libbed so it’s really up to the performer how he sings and what he sings in the chorus]

[JUDAS] Every time I look at you, I don't understand Why you let the things you did get so out of hand You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned Why'd you choose such a backward time and such a strange land? If you'd come today, you would have reached a whole nation Israel in four BC had no mass communication [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Who are you? What have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Who are you? What have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ, Superstar Do you think you're what they say you are? Jesus Christ, Superstar Do you think you're what they say you are? [JUDAS] Tell me what you think about your friends at the top Who'd you think, besides yourself, was the pick of the crop? Buddha, was he where it's at? Is he where you are? Could Muhammad move a mountain, or was that just PR? Did you mean to die like that? Was that a mistake, or Did you know your messy death would be a record-breaker? [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] Don't you get me wrong [JUDAS] Don't you get me wrong [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] I only wanna know [JUDAS] I only wanna know [CHOIR] Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Who are you? What have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Who are you? What have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ, Superstar Do you think you're what they say you are? Jesus Christ, Superstar Do you think you're what they say you are? [CHOIR] Only wanna know, only wanna know Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now Tell me, tell me, don’t you get me wrong Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now Only wanna know, only wanna know Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now Tell me, tell me, don’t you get me wrong Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now Only wanna know, only wanna know Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now Tell me, tell me, don’t you get me wrong Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now Only wanna know, only wanna know Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now Tell me, tell me, don’t you get me wrong Only wanna, only wanna, only wanna know now [JUDAS & CHOIR] Are you what they say you are?

The Curcifixion

[JESUS] God forgive them - they don't know what they're doing Who is my mother? Where is my mother? My God, my God, why have you forgotten me? I'm thirsty I'm thirsty It is finished Father, into your hands, I commend my spirit

#jesus christ superstar #jcs #jesus christ superstar 2012 #jcs 2012 #andrew lloyd webber #did this to distract my brain #because i keep wanting to refresh my kickstarter page every two seconds because i keep freaking out about whether it will reach its stretch #goals and i cant focus on drawing because i just keep shaking im so on edge #but apparently doing something like this will hold my attention #mytext #mine

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