#they're keeping it so active and relevant with all these new releases
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Recent Hetalia Merch announcement includes Spain and Romano :3
#hetalia#hws#aph spain#aph romano#hws spain#hws romano#Hetalia keeps coming out with new merchandise SO OFTEN#THAT MEANS A NEW SEASON IS BOUND TO HAPPEN RIGHT?#they're keeping it so active and relevant with all these new releases#one could only hope 🤧
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New works published, December ahead, and plans for the new year!
Good evening and happy December!
Here's the sign-up link to get these sorts of updates and lists directly into your inbox.
Happy second night of Hanukkah for anyone else celebrating, we lit our first candle last night and have also been doing a Hanukkah gift box with little bears and accessories, so we'll see if our first bear gets a yarmulke or something to wear tonight.
In the past month, I did go along to the Wakefield Makers Fair and it was a brilliant day, was lovely to speak to lots of other queer people in Wakefield and to chat around - I also did Honeypot comedy at the Room Above in Bristol for the first time, and it was a gorgeous night, super fun!
I am in the end stages of finalising my new apartment in Bradford, and once all the paperwork is done and I have my keys, I will be uploading pictures and videos as I move in and redecorate the place. The building went up toward the end of the 19th century, and while it was converted to apartments a lot more recently, only a few decades ago, I'll of course be decorating in more Victorian styles and with contemporary furnishings, and I'll be documenting my progress as I go.
In the meantime I've been wrestling with paperwork and the whole process whilst being technically homeless and going between partners' homes, so apologies for the delays and periods of quiet, work-wise!
I tend to be quite active in writing and publishing over the month of December because Christmas and the Gregorian new year aren't really my thing, so hopefully if you do spend a lot of time celebrating those or generally being offline, you'll be able to come back to a backlog when you've time to read again!
Speaking of, I have updated my commission guidelines, which are here pinned on my Tumblr page, and I'm in the process of editing and collating some short stories into collections at the moment. There'll be a few eBook and paperback collections of fantasy, horror, & romance short stories, and then depending on what I can do on Amazon, I'll also do some collections of erotica. I will not be able to post most monsterfucker stuff on Amazon because of Amazon's restrictions, but I will probably still do some eBooks and make them available on Smashwords and perhaps on Gumroad or Itch.io.
I will also resume podcasting in the new year too hopefully!
Relevant to restrictions, not everything I might want to write is always going to be permitted on Patreon in line with their own guidelines, so I have set up a SubscribeStar as a backup, and also to permit me to publish anything that might be too taboo for Patreon in future. I will be uploading my backlog of previous works and setting up a tiered system on SubscribeStar, hopefully while we're working on collating other stories together in the next month or so.
In the new year, I will of course be doing various markets and conventions, and if you'd like me to come and be part of any queer or trans events, or any writers' events, where you are in the UK, please do let me know! Definitely always feel free to recommend any events to me, whether they're cons or festivals, or local markets and events, or even stand-up comedy things - you can send me messages on whatever platforms, or my email is always [email protected]. As well as working on new paperback short story collections for the new year and the badges I already sell at events, I also want to work on some sticker designs and similar.
I was super happy this year to submit to a few publications and get accepted, and I do want to keep that up as we come into 2024, so recs for those would also be appreciated!
I'm going to do a list this month of my favourite films and new releases of 2023, but in the meantime, I would just like to recommend Down Low (2023, dir. Rightor Doyle) - it's such a bizarre and unexpected gay movie, horny in the best and most ridiculous of ways, and bittersweet at its end but in a way that really clicks.
December having come around also means there's new prompts on Trans Erotica! If you're trans and write erotica or erotic horror, romance, etc, come and submit!
November's Most Popular Works
November's Most Popular Non-Fiction: Close Reading: A Deep Dive into the Process
An in-depth guide into applying analysis to a piece of text and extrapolating meaning.
Read on Patreon / / Read on The Writing Cooperative
November's Most Popular Fiction: Confession and Penance
A priest takes a hands-on approach to addressing a worshiper’s poor working habits.
11k, cis M/M, rated E! Tiernan, a manipulative workaholic who only ever relaxes during Mass services, is taken aside by Father Mullen when it all gets to be a bit too much. D/s, BDSM-approach to enforcing self-care, spanking, painplay, bit of a priest kink but it doesn’t go into that aspect too much, faith. Also some anal.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Medium
New Works Published
Erotic short: Enhanced Parts
Bear goes home with a cybernetically enhanced butch.
NB/NB, rated E, 2k. Commissioned by Bear Blue. Featuring cybernetic enhancements, breeding kink, dirty talk, size difference, large insertions, objectification, humiliation, mild dub con, rough sex, struggling, some tears, implied overstim.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Medium / / Read on Tumblr / / Read on Ao3
Romance & Fantasy Short: The Arena Fighter
An arena brute enjoys one of the attendants.
3.5k, M/M. Nasty violent guys getting off on treating each other a bit roughly. Adapted from a TweetFic.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Medium
Our Flag Means Death Fanfiction: Repentance & Forgiveness
Held hostage by Blackbeard on the Queen Anne, Frenchie can't sleep.
Desperate to just get whatever he can away from crew of the Queen Anne's Revenge, he knocks on Izzy's door and invites himself in.
---
Slowly unfolding relationship between Frenchie and Izzy Hands, as well as an exploration of their relationships with Edward Teach and the rest of their crews, delving for Frenchie into what it means to really experience one's feelings, to get into touch with and truly grapple with the depths of one's worst experiences; and for Izzy and Ed, into what it means to transgress, to repent, and ultimately to be forgiven.
Read on Ao3
Erotic Short: Punishment
A man takes penance over the priest’s desk.
1.8k, rated E, M/M. Featuring spanking, mild anal play, power dynamics, of course the priest aspect, age difference. Tiernan Borel and Marshall Mullen first appeared in Confession and Penance.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Medium
Romance Short: Sleeper Train
Romance short. Two boyfriends head up north on the sleeper train.
850 words, rated T, M/M. Short, sweet, romance and slice-of-life. Adapted from a TweetFic.
Read on Patreon / / Read in Prism & Pen
Erotic Short: Knight Tactics
An elf serves as a distraction and an exhaustion tactic for a bandit camp. By letting them fuck him.
3k, trans M/loads of cocks, assumed as cis M. Amaethon gets himself stuck in a wall so that the bandits will work out their stamina fucking him rather than fighting off the king’s guard.
Stuck in wall, free use, fully (and gleefully) consensual whilst pretending he isn’t, mild belly bulging and come inflation, gaping, exhaustion, messy and come-spattered, etc. All the fun stuff.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Trans Erotica / / Read on SubscribeStar
Read on Tumblr / / Read on Ao3 / / Read on HentaiFoundry
Erotic Short: Free Ride
An elf is given a free ride — not with a saddle, but under a centaur.
1.8k, rated E, cis M/trans M. Centaurs, belly riding, huge stomach deformation, huge penis, suspension, implied inflation, size difference.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Trans Erotica / / Read on SubscribeStar
Read on Tumblr / / Read on Ao3 / / Read on HentaiFoundry
Erotic Short: Snake Eggs
An elf lets a naga lay her clutch inside him.
2.5k, rated E, M/F. Amaethon helps out his friend Gitte, a naga, with laying this year’s clutch of eggs. Size difference and size kink, belly bulging, vaginal and anal penetration, paralysis from her venom, some banter, oviposition, inflation, impregnation.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Trans Erotica / / Read on SubscribeStar
Read on Tumblr / / Read on Ao3 / / Read on HentaiFoundry
Erotic Short: Mimic Studies
An elf experiences a mimic’s tentacles, and then a reward.
Rated E, 2.5k, trans M/a mimic. Featuring multiple tentacle penetration in one hole, vaginal sex, some mild objectification and dehumanisation, some academic silliness, object insertion, cervix penetration, belly bulging and stomach distension.
Read on Patreon / / Read on Trans Erotica / / Read on SubscribeStar
Read on Tumblr / / Read on Ao3
These last four stories - Knight Tactics, Free Ride, Snake Eggs, and Mimic Studies - are all ones I'm publishing for free everywhere as well as in the usual paid places.
I've been in the mood to do all this sort of weird and monsterfuckery and body horror-y erotica, so definitely feel free to send asks or requests for similar themes!
Get merch on TeePublic | | Look through my Directory of Published Work | | Listen to my Podcast
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Have you noticed any trends/patterns in what makes you 'fannish' about something? (Particular mediums, character dynamics, aesthetics etc.) Also, is there anything you love but don't feel the impulse to engage in fandom with?
This was a really interesting question, and I had to sit and think about it for a while before feeling like I had some good conclusions to share with you, Anon! I think in general there's three things that have to be in the mix that get me feeling 'fannish'/involved in the fandom for something:
1) Regularly engaging with the source material
2) A good community
3) Space to play
I'll put the rest under a cut because I'm sure I'm about to ramble for a while
So, with regards to point one, it feels relevant to mention that I don't particular feel like I've been a member of too many fandoms. I'd say two, exactly -- Zombies, Run! and The Wayhaven Chronicles. I've dabbled with things like The Locked Tomb Series and Dragon Age of course, but I never necessarily felt like part of the fandom, just because it was so large and multifacted, and I only briefly engaged with it as someone who contributed to those respective fandoms.
But with ZR and TWC, they're both things that have stuck around longer, mostly because I've continued to play them for a very long time. I got started with ZR about 10 years ago. When I was my most active with it was when I was going out literally every day and listening to missions, which helped keep the story and characters really fresh in my mind. It also helped me constantly think up new themes and ideas I really wanted to explore within the setting and with the characters.
Similar with Wayhaven -- I played through all the books when Book 3 came out in April and I've more or less had a play-through going since then. My actual play-throughs have fallen a little on the wayside just because of life things but I'm still thinking about it & engaging with the source material a lot. So I guess my point is, to truly feel 'fannish' about something I need to be a little bit obsessed, lol!
As for my second point, I've truly felt my most 'fannish'/part of the fandom when I find a good community to interact with. One of my favorite parts of being a fan is actually getting to talk about the material in question -- play with it, theorize, etc. The Zombies, Run! Fandom when I joined was amazing for that, and there continued being a really good group constantly discussing meta on their Rofflenet website the entire time I was a player. There was even a weekly zoom book club to discuss the current releasing missions! It was awesome!
And with Wayhaven I feel like I've found a really nice circle of mutuals to sit and talk about the books with (and also obviously, my dearest Delucadarling, who I constantly talk about it with).
Which brings me to my last point, is I really like having a lot of space to 'play' and feel fannish. With ZR, it has a huge sprawling universe of a zombie apocalypse, and only a very small portion is shown to the players via the audio. It leaves a lot of room to imagine what happens around the missions. And with Wayhaven, since only a portion of the story is out, it leaves a lot of room to imagine with happens next to all the characters. That is the sort of thing I really find motivating!
And there's for sure plenty of things I love that I don't really engage with the fandom for, or engage pretty lightly. For example, I've really been loving Star Trek: Strange New Worlds and Lower Decks, but I haven't really done more than chat with a few friends about it. Similarly for a lot of the books I read -- I'll talk about them with a friend or two but not really seek out a lot of online content for them. I also watch a lot of cooking competitions, lol, so that's different for me to.
If you've stuck with me for this long thank you! I really appreciated the question and I hope you have a great day <3
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Todays rip: 12/07/2023
THE NEW TEAM 10 FORT!!! [Francis Flow: Original Mix]
Season 3
Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume L [Side B]
Ripped by KnightOfGames
youtube
Man. As someone who's followed both SiIva and general meme culture pretty actively during the mid-2010s, there are few things as funny as seeing It's Everyday Bro gradually become accepted by the SiIva team and fanbase. What started out as an obnoxious flex-song uploaded at the height of the Paul brothers' relevancy, became an anthem for ironic shitposting due to just how recognizable its main beat had become.
To me the funniest part of it all is that its all pretty recent history thats intertwined with SiIva itself, sort of like the channel's relationship to stuff like Friday Night Funkin'. The original It's Everyday Bro was released in the midst of 2017, and slooowly crept into some occasional SiIva rips during the tail end of Season 2. On the song's 1-year anniversary in Season 3, however, it made its presence all too known. The hysterically named It's "It's Everyday Bro" Day Bro takeover was just that: A whole day dedicated to nothing but rips of everyone's least favorite influencer and the theme that had haunted trending pages for weeks on end the year prior. Keep in mind, this was also a few months after Logan Paul caused a giant storm of controversy with his Japan Vlog, so public opinion had effectively plummeted on the two as a whole: Nobody wanted more to do with them.
The Paul brothers would eventually become mainstays on the channel in a pretty funny way - a lot of Jake Paul rips made after this Season 3 event, for instance, are now labelled as (JP Mix) in reference to his initials, and the two keep showing up in weirdly irregular spurts compared to other SiIva memes. Its extremely entertaining to keep up with, especially now that they're officially part of the CCC lore as of Season 5, and because It's Everyday Bro itself is genuinely an incredible audio source.
Through the zany nature of the original Fort Francis track and the instantly recognizable It's Everyday Bro beat, THE NEW TEAM 10 FORT!!! [Francis Flow: Original Mix] is able to work wonders despite not even incorporating any of Jake Paul's vocals, as many other rips during the takeover did. I think that's part of why I was drawn to this rip in particular, as to an unknowing listener it basically just sounds like a weird Trap-adjacent rearrangement of the original theme, that's still able to go hard in its own way. Its understated in a way that somehow makes the joke even funnier, which to me speaks to just how good of a ripper KnightOfGames really is. Even with the simplest concepts, he's always able to deliver exactly what you ordered in the highest quality possible.
#todays siivagunner#season 3#siivagunner#siiva#KnightOfGames#super paper mario#spm#paper mario#super mario#super mario rpg#its everyday bro#jake paul#logan paul#team 10#Youtube#Bandcamp
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rant time!
kpop reaction content isn't exactly new (at least as far as I know) but it does seem to have kind of boomed in the last... two-three years I think. I remember there being only a handful of relevant kpop reaction content creators on youtube, some more popular that the others, but still there weren't a ton of them around. and I guess it makes sense because kpop itself has gotten much more popular and widely known outside of just [REDACTED] and among a wider age range I'd say.
but nowadays if you look up “X group - Y title track reaction” you will find tens, if not hundreds of reaction videos (especially if its a well known group) ranging from channels with hundreds of thousand subs to small account with a couple of hundred views on their reaction videos. and I just find that so weird.
like... especially for channels that do reactions as their main (and only) content, I find it extremely difficult to believe that after a certain point there is any authenticity behind these reactions. these big reaction channels are out there reacting to damn near every relevant kpop group's comebacks (and there are a LOT of them) and every single reaction is generally positive and often very enthusiastic.
aside from the fact that logically and statistically it's impossible for someone to like every title track being released, even if they're all objectively good (which they're not), because no one likes every genre and every style of music, there is basically no creativity involved in creating this type of content which makes it very dull both for the creator and the consumer after a while.
on top of that, this type of content has created a really toxic environment around expressing opinions and criticism toward kpop groups and kpop music. I just came across a video from one of these bigger (while also being newer) creators talking about how she's not happy with the content she's been making for the past year. she said that it's extremely overwhelming trying to keep up with every comeback when everyone expects you to react to their fave's CB and after a while sitting and reacting to music videos becomes repetitive especially when you're not even allowed to truly be yourself and express your opinions. she said she can't even talk about having a bias in a group because she would get tons of hate comments and dms about ppl bashing her for not having a different bias. I can't imagine how people would react to a reaction video creator saying she doesn't like a comeback or even a certain element in the song/mv.
I used to love kpop reaction videos back when I had just discovered them and they were not as big. like I genuinely get the appeal. seeing someone who's not a teenage girl (which is what stereotypically the general public thinks kpop stans are) is pretty validating. and back then there were like 'vocal coach reacts' or 'producer reacts' etc. seeing the reaction of "experts" analyzing different parts of a song/mv was really interesting for someone like me with zero knowledge of any of the technical stuff. and I also understand that they do contribute to promoting groups and comebacks to a certain degree. but it has just gone too far, in my opinion.
idk maybe I’ve just gotten old and lost the will to enjoy the small things that used to bring me joy but I genuinely don't enjoy reaction videos anymore. most of those older 'exerpts' (except for two I think) aren't active anymore (I'm guessing at least to some degree bc stans didn't want to hear that their fave was not that legendary of a vocalist or their fave song wasn't as layered and complex as they thought it was) and instead there are just random people reacting to kpop and some of them you can just tell that all their reactions are completely faked out. Youtubers are jumping on this trend bc it’s easy (in terms of not having any kind of real substance) and gets u good views if you’re a little charming and funny.
TL;DR : everything is fake and authenticity is dead. kdjfdjf
I'm mostly joking but in the end, as per usual with my rants of this kind, I don't have a specific point or a solution. I'm just starting a conversation. so if any of you have something to add or just want to chat about this send me an ask!! (plz don't reply in the comments because I want this to be on my dash so everyone else can read too.)
#I believe the only technical reactors that arent new are PD and reacttorhek#iirc Dre used to be the biggest reacting channel but idk if hes not active anymore or just not relevant#there are a few ‘dancer reacts’ that are new and i didnt find any of their reactions that fun to watch. they didnt anything to the convo.#idk how new ben (birb) is but i used to like his reactions back when he would pause a lot and make longer comments. new hes making very-#short reactions and barely rewinds/pauses for comments.#i dont watch reacttorhek anymore at first bc they werent doing reactions to my faves anymore so there wasn’t anything for me to watch#but then I discovered that they have a doc where they’ve made a list of groups/songs they wouldn’t be reacting to#i think the explanation was that the producer has to choose songs that are complex enough and are worth their artists reacting to#which made sense but seeing the songs/groups they are reacting to (granted i dont stan any of them) it seems like they’re actually mostly-#-reacting to the most popular groups and not necessarily the groups/cbs that deserves the attention#like it makes sense for them to be picky bc they’re a huge team and cant be mass producing tons of videos like some of these solo reactors#but it seems like instead of picking actually musically complex and interesting songs from lesser known/underrated groups theyre just-#-picking groups that will bring the most views.#i just scrolled thru their channel and nearly all the videos were reactions of popular 4th gen gps#essentially the only reactor i still enjoy watching to some degree is PD#But i still cant get over the fact that none of these reactors ever have anything other than praise to say abt evey song they react to#even I dont like EVERY song my bias group releases#so even when i watch a reaction of a song/mv i DO LIKE i dont know if the person is being genuine abt liking it#okay i think I’m done 🤔#niki screaming into the void#long post
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After you’ve had time to process, I absolutely want to hear your thoughts on Taylor’s new album and how it relates to Dair
ah yes, my favourite activity from the national holiday that is taylor swift release day: dairifying the songs
maroon: i claimed this one RIGHT AWAY, do i even need to explain? i chose you, the one i was dancing with in new york with no shoes (taylor mentions new york in a song and i go *leo dicaprio pointing meme* THEM) the rust that grew between telephones the lips i used to call home. very end of s5-s6
anti-hero: i talked about here
snow on the beach: feels so 5x17-5x19 to me… like blair stepping into the loft and dan’s wonder at her wanting him as much as he wants her (you wanting me / tonight feels impossible). and like blair’s face in the met steps scene just screams weird but fucking beautiful !!
midnight rain: the life i gave away / he was sunshine i was midnight rain / he wanted it comfortable i wanted that pain….. WELL.
question…?: i mean. 5x15 kiss but no one clapped for them so. (but: did you wish you’d put up more of a fight / when she said it was too much? OOF)
labyrinth: i clocked that mention of elevators on first listen like HELLO because i’m normal. this song is lovely for dair, especially s4: oh no i’m falling in love again /i thought the plane was going down / how'd you turn it right around?
oh and the line you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back just like that is so blair to me! especially wrt like—when she’s been hurt by ch*ck
sweet nothing: god i love this song so much and it’s just so THEM. thinking of all the chaos in their lives and how the loft is this safe haven for them: outside they're push and shoving / you're in the kitchen humming (anyone mentions kitchens in a song/poem and i go *leo dicaprio pointing meme* THEM) all you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing THAT’S REALLY IT! what i talked about in these tags here like there’s just no expectation from dan for blair to drop everything for him, no expectation to be saved or fixed by her (that was just an unexpected result of her love and friendship for him) it’s the first time where there’s NO expectation for her! sweet nothing! just love! oh and of course to you i can admit i’m just to soft for all of it THAT’S IT THATS THEM
paris: DAIRIS ANTHEM THATS RIGHT this song is so… you know what i talked about here about them being isolated but with each other? that’s this song! escaping gossip girl and the chaos of everyone around them. no i didn’t see the news cause we were somewhere else. romance isnt dead if you keep it just yours! in an alleyway drinking cheap champagne!!!!!! this is their song fr
high infidelity: DAIRFAIR ANTHEM blair to ch*ck like: you know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love / the slowest way is never loving them enough…do i really have to tell you how he brought me back to life? (and again: VERY relevant, perfect timing, 👀👀👀)
glitch: i mean, obviously. we were supposed to be just friends / you don't live in my part of town, but maybe i'll see you out some weekend. literally and then we started making plans to meet and even worse ENJOYING it. literally i never thought the person i’d want would be blair waldorf. i think there’s been a glitch!
#my thoughts on the album in general is that on first listen it was a let down for me#i think coming off of folklore/evermore/red tv which are all no skip albums for me i just really wasn’t feeling it#but after a few listens i’m really liking it! there’s still songs that are skips for me and parts i don’t like but i feel that way about#lover too and i still enjoy that album#i think it’s a grower for sure#but also the 3am tracks are VASTLY superior imo i love every one of them SO much#asks#dair#taylor swift
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Prime keeps posting about RWRB on social media all the time because they see that the fandom is still very active but is so strange how they almost disappear after the strike was over and how they only make silly post now instead of giving us the extras like the set tour videos and the interview. I understand that is different for the cast, they have other things to do and promote, but prime?
I wish I knew, I'm frustrated as well, but I can take an educated guess:
They want the cast to be involved when they release new things to increase exposure and engagement and stuff, but as you mentioned, the cast and crew are busy with other obligations at the moment, so not the best time to release those at the moment if they want to maximize the profit
They're saving it up for something bigger, for example, a potential DVD with special features so they can monetize the extra unreleased content
They want to turn the focus to their newer releases and don't want the reaction to new RWRB content to overshadow that
Either way them posting silly little rwrb posts on social media accounts is a way to keep reminding people of the movie to keep it somewhat relevant (not that we need the reminder, we're fucking thriving and the comment section of every single post from prime that included rwrb is filled with demands of a sequel and deleted scenes) without giving too much away easily
My issue is I don't understand why they didn't utilize the time frame immediately after the strike, so November to December, where besides one M&G teaser, neither of the boys were in their active promotion period, and it was still close enough to the release month to release new content. That's my question/issue. But as for right now, March, seven months after release, I kinda understand why they're doing what they're doing.
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I rarely send asks or write about the way someone's music affects me but seeing you were on Tumblr and kind to fan letters made me wanna pitch my two cents..
I first found your work through your most popular album— CUTIEMARKS, which my friend, now partner gave me to help recover from the nastiest breakup I ever have had, a 5 year relationship marked by control and hiding who I really was. I used to be in the mlp fandom, really active, but hid it due to comments from friends and at one point my ex for how cringe it was.
Your songs were a breath of fresh air, characters I hadn't thought of in so long, exploring all these real emotions and coming out the other end. I had a small ipod and just placed CUTIEMARKS and Queen of Misfits on it and would go walk out and enjoy the night air. I haven't really spoken to people who wouldn't except the true me for over a year now.
I still listen to all your albums, new and old, and am excited to get the fish whisperer vinyl release. I'll proudly display it in my home. A lot of it is like, finding the tools to help yourself, but I'm happy one of those tools was your work.
I used to outright hide my passions, fandom connections, LGBT identity, everything. Now I'm open about it all. I have people who call me Mrs. Lulamoon in public and I proudly grin and go along with it.
I hope to see and support your work for a long long time. Hope it's some solace you inspired someone to keep running and be themselves after years of hiding it.
this is the goal with a lot of my current projects and i'm relieved to know it helps people ;w; i think it's like me, and a lot of my friends and peers, have gone through so many different things. lots of the stuff i wanna talk about in my work is either underrepresented in art, or it's done in a way that doesn't really find relevance in my personal life. a lot of artists seem to want to cover really broad or otherwise vague topics, and they're completely valid in doing so. i always have to remind myself that rarely is any artist doing something wrong, just following a path that they want to follow. but regardless, for me personally, i want to write about very specific and potentially niche ideas and situations. of course i'm guilty of writing these songs too, but i feel like the general breakup; getting together; mundane crush; loneliness kind of songs have been overdone to hell and back. i want to really consider that loneliness, why is it that way, what even is loneliness, is loneliness even a valid thing. what does loneliness have to do with art? what does it have to do with understanding the world in a way by contrast. i just wanna take these things and ask more questions. rabbit holes like this are how i arrive at something like fish whisperer, in specific. and i want to write more hopeful things. i'm a little tired of things being super prolifically upsetting or existential in a way that leaves you feeling like "ok am i supposed to be feeling sad after all this". i think we need to start instilling hope, and a desire to live, and a drive to experience the world in a personal way — rather than succumbing to the everyday cynicism. even CUTIEMARKS was born out of a really immense depression and resurgence of negative ideations. but in making it, i began to unravel this beautiful truth about life. shit hurts so bad, quite often. you tend to go through these cycles of suppressing yourself super often. but among that, you learn every time. the idea is to take what you learn and add that to this emblem of hope that exists.
let's start being hopeful together.
i'm glad these projects have meant something to you!
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Anon personally I'm a fan of doyoung, but I've only liked a few of his covers and solos ever. He's choses songs that are whinny for me, I listen to Kpop for the pop not to listen to someone sing ABT heartbreak in an emotional way.
This is why I always say I might end up loving taeils solo or taeyongs solo alot more than doyoungs if he keeps to the formula of whinny songs for the main vocalist.
As for fandom shift, I got into 127 and dream at the same time in 2017. They had almost the same fandom on twitter then and most ppl were there for markhyuck as it is. The others seemed too young for even the teenagers (as younger girls love older men idols then their own age mates)
The issue is that in 2018 thanks to BTS becoming a popular name in America alot more American fans entered the Ncity and the empathy album being perfect helped it alot (boss still is an excellent song and it still sound hip even after 5 years)
When a new market is introduced then a new type of fan enters the fandom, the same hyper fixated fans also enter shinee fandom too. I'll give u an example of why I left being active on shawol side of twitter, most topics were abt internal issues within the fandom on English side of twitter, poor my member started. When taemin released his solo in 2015 noone was happy, the members hyping him once got the fandom to buy and follow them. The same with taemin asking shawols to follow the superm and then quieting down is a good example of how shawol side of fandom worked.
After superm a new age of fans entered the fandom, these kids have no idea what happened with jjong and have discourses about the company and him. I've seen ppl being pissed over things not related to them at all (concert hall change, it's a Korean even/ Asian fanmeet hardly 500 international fans are allowed in these things but I saw baby shawols crying like their life depended on it when all older shawols know kfans are so strong together that they always get results)
The 127 fans sending trucks is also a result of shawols getting SM to change a lot of things and agreeing to their demands. The issue is that 127 fans are doing it at taeyongs solo time deliberately, so to point of fandom kfandom was fragmented from day one of NCT as a whole.
Most antis are other members fans, jungwoo's sister being a actress was a leak from a haechan stalker as they thought woo stalkers were making fun of haechans family structure. Woos stalkers released haechans family issues online. So the shift never really happened in kfandom, it did in the international side only.
I started liking NCT when it had 15 or 16 ppl, it was easier to keep up with almost all members. Now they have 22 it gets tough keeping up and so most older fans have left the fandom. Twitter is limited to the newer fans and most older ones come to support or follow the news from fanaccouts
Also nctzens always had a bullying issue, I still remember 2 of my fav fanfic writers being bullied out of the fandom coz the popular fan accounts asked them too.
As for YouTube numbers, shinee never had MV numbers, but they're still one of the most respected idols. They're still relevant after 15 years in the industry so numbers don't count. Recognition counts and 127 has gotten that these past few years thanks to kick it becoming a popular song in Korea.
P.S. sorry this is all over the place but I'm just writing stuff without reading it back 😞
But fandoms usually grow and then crash on twitter every 2 years, as most passerby's get bored in 2 years of their new hobby
I like Do's covers, he is good at re-arranging. I regularly listen to OSTs too, but more for Do's voice as Korean OSTs without hearing the meaning of the lyrics are not my cup of tea.
A lot of Korean NCTzens were against those trucks with demands regarding 127 and accused the initiators of the action as having no right to speak up and act in such a way on behalf of all other fans. It wasn't planned by the fandom at large, just a minor group with money. The group made an account (seems like after the act) so kfans had a place where to write their comments.
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2 & 7 for heloise, 4 & 6 for multiflora <3
sorry this took me 200 years to answer ❤️ thank you kindly for asking about my little guys
How similar is your s/i to you? Are they a carbon copy, completely different or a mix of the two?
heloise differs from my True Self in a wish-fulfillment way. they're essentially the edgy loner i wanted to be in middle school, with the composure, confidence, and fashion sense that i still wish i had. at least we've got the same hair
heloise does have difficulty finding their passion, a place to fit in the world, and a reason to actively participate in it - all of which are Depression Things that i so kindly shared with them. i like watching my self inserts overcome the things i struggle with
Give us 3 random facts abt your s/i!
heloise loves animals and had aspirations of becoming a veterinarian, but they've never actually had a pet of their own
heloise has great appreciation for female-led 90s alt rock music. their favorite band is garbage
after becoming a scientist for the GDA, they don't hang up the hellcat mantle completely. they're sometimes called in as a tertiary member of the guardians, especially when their specific expertise & powers are relevant!
How did your s/i feel when they first met your f/o(s)? How do they feel about them now?
multiflora first approached mel with the same wide-eyed curiosity and openness that they afford to most people - multi believes they can learn something new from everyone they meet, and is in fact determined to! they were greatly impressed by dr. meyer's intelligence and expertise on surprise parties, which seemed like a wonderful interest to have - what's better than wanting to bond with others and make them happy?
the desire to be his friend came pretty quickly for multi; everything else was gradual. however, they also noticed he had trouble relaxing around them, and remembered: oh, right, i'm kind of scary! better work on that
now? well, mel's the love of their life, their sunlight, the apple of their eye, etc. they endlessly appreciate the feeling of safety & acceptance he provides and would do anything to keep him safe, up to and including going into killer plant mode. he's helped them grow into themself (ha) and given them so much insight into human experience, which isn't always as simple and elegant as they'd initially thought - but they like it that way 💚
Has your s/i undergone any design/story changes since they were first made?
absolutely!! i dreamt up multiflora before season 2 was released and did quite a few revisions to their design & personality since then
their name was originally venus, which i now treat as their middle name instead - multiflora venus perenne
they were the result of an attempt by someone at SFIT to create a plant-robot hybrid that ended up somehow gaining sentience and escaping from the lab
i had planned another human character that would been their creator, but i never liked how that idea turned out
here's some old art of their first design, compared to now:
when season 2 premiered, i realized that sycorax provided a perfect backstory, so i remagined multi as a fully organic humanoid plant-person created by liv amara!
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The Most Underrated Companies to Follow in the what is a swinger club Industry
How Frequently Does Your Swingers Group Make Your Neighbors Say That
This introductory book will guide you through the basics of swinging for couples. In fact, they’ve enjoyed that aspect of their relationship so much they're writing a comedy series together based on their swinging lifestyle. Like you, my partner had been exposed to the lifestyle before me, so it took my partner time while I navigated my way through this alteration. This step was imperative because I needed to know that opening our relationship was going to serve to enhance our partnership and become an asset rather than a deficit. I received this confirmation through my partner’s patience.
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Mutualism is perhaps the most relevant and important relationship any two, or more, people can have, as they are both benefitted from it. In the case of the movie The Mighty, Kevin and Max are the best of friends, considering the mutualistic relationship between them shown in the movie. Kevin and Max both unknowingly work for the good of each other, proving that their relationship is mutualistic. In The Mighty, a scene at the carnival shows how Kevin and Max’s relationship is mutualistic. We offer free shipping on orders of $9 or more in the contiguous 48 US States. Being an American teenager in today's society is the definition of fear.
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While "open relationship" is sometimes used as a synonym for "polyamory" or "polyamorous relationship", the terms are not synonymous. Some couples report that open marriage contributed to their divorces. Janus and Janus asked divorced people to list the one primary reason for their divorces. Approximately 1 percent of men and 2 percent of women listed open marriage as the primary reason for their divorce. This seems like a small percentage, but keep in mind that only 1 to 6 percent of the population have open marriages.
Swinging For Couples : Beginner's Guide To The Swinging Lifestyle: 25 Things You Must Know Before Becoming A Swinger
The fear of fitting in, being pretty enough, having enough friends, and having money. As an American teenagers, we see the world as a political scene that will soon turn good into destruction. We can work towards anything and achieve any goal with the right mindset and the determination. I don’t have a burning desire to sleep with other women and she keeps pushing me on them.
In 2001, it was voted fourth best New Zealand song of all time by members of APRA, and included on the related Nature's Best CD and DVD. In the early- to mid-1990s, the title of the song was also the name of a New Zealand music show, broadcast on radio stations across New Zealand. On its eventual release in February, the song was an immediate hit, reaching #1 in Australia on 2 March 1981 and in New Zealand that May . The song was the number one charting song of 1981 in Australia according to the Kent Music Report end of year chart.
Once you start exploring the idea of swinging, youll be surprised at who else is swinging, and how many different walks of life are involved in this activity. Once you start exploring the idea of swinging, you’ll be surprised at who else is swinging, and how many different walks of life are involved in this activity. This lifestyle has room for almost everyone, provided that you enter into it with respect and open-mindedness towards your fellow swingers and their sometimes odd quirks and preferences. First we will discuss some simple games you can play with another couple. These games are designed to help you get to know each other better while simultaneously getting everyone hot and bothered. If you are thinking about a swinging party with more than two couples, we have games for that as well!
This design can also be cut to shape – please contact us for more detail. If you are a podcaster, the best way to manage your podcasts on Listen Notes is by claiming your Listen Notes podcast pages. It is a great, free way to engage the podcast community and increase the visibility of your podcasts. Succession might be between series at the moment, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go back and explore one of its best offshoots. In Firecrotch & Normcore, married couple DJ Geoff Lloyd and comedian Sara Barron trawl through every episode of Succession’s third series, analysing and bickering about the themes and characters. Better still, they regularly draft in guests to add a third wheel to the dynamic.
Some of you we have already had the pleasure to meet and we look forward to getting to know the rest of you! ” he wrote in the group, which had 536 members at the time, the Willamette Week reported Thursday. You’ve worked hard to build your business, https://swingers101.com/7-tips-for-first-time-swingers-swinger-clubs-charlotte-nc/ and security matters.
Other tools that couples utilize in the negotiation process include allowing partners to veto new relationships, prior permission, and interaction between partners. This helps to reassure each partner in the relationship that their opinion is important and matters. However, although ability to veto can be a useful tool in negotiation, a successful negotiation and open relationship can still occur without it. Some reject veto power because they believe it limits their partner from experiencing a new relationship and limits their freedom. The most successful relationships have been those that take longer to establish.
The ice breakers are also meant to point everyone in the direction of the bedroom, with "In touch" being the most pointed, especially the dark finale. I also want to point out that just because you elect to be in an open relationship or swingers’ lifestyle, this does not mean you have to “play” the same amount as your partner. I know plenty of people in the lifestyle who are perfectly satisfied with their partner having playmates while they watch. My partner and I, for instance, go on separate dates quite often.
“ Some did not agree at how talented and how much of an impact Presley had. Although there were many who harshly criticized Presley for his performance, it could not affect his impact on the culture, and his obvious talent. Throughout the story Holden does many things that would define him as a hypocrite. He is immature and rebellious and wants people to treat him like an adult even though he isn’t one.
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Lazzle's Rune Factory 5 Review
Alright so here are my thoughts and experiences with RF5!
This is a big boy so buckle in earthmates...
Obviously this review will contain spoilers, read at your own risk.
Initial thoughts upon playing...
Great opening! I enjoyed the jazz music~ I did feel like it leaned a bit more towards the male player though.
It definitely feels like a rune factory game. It's familiar, and controls are easy to get accustomed to for the most part. The mold is there and rf5 doesn't stray too far from its predecessors which is comforting for veterans. That being said, I'm not going to pull any punches and will critique this game harshly. Keep in mind as updates for the game are released not all things discussed in this review will be as relevant overtime!
Let's hear some thoughts on...
The story/plot.
The plot is enjoyable overall. I'm not crazy about the whole Seed organization thing but it was a neat idea. They address the Sechs Territory and it is confirmed that the game takes place some decades after RF4. But by the end of it, I didn't feel like I really accomplished anything because it felt like I barely did anything really. Also they left a lot of stuff unanswered. I'm not even sure I understood the message they were sending, if they were trying to send a message at all. The main story is too short, and it doesn't involve enough of the townsfolk. You're basically doing everything yourself in secret the whole time and the townsfolk barely know what's actually going on. Out of the love interests, Lucas plays the largest part in the story, followed by Priscilla and Scarlett. The story feels targeted at male audiences--at least that's how I felt. You, the player, have a larger role in the game, much like in RF3 and I was glad to see this. As of right now there are only two arcs. Praying for DLC 3rd arc...!
Protagonists.
The latest protagonists to join the crew of Earthmates are...decent. Their designs are nothing special unfortunately, though I appreciate Alice's more than Ares's. Appearance-wise they lack personality and creativity. Personality wise I am pleasantly surprised with how sociable they are. They're not exactly quick witted and sassy like Lest/Frey were in rf4, or as endearing as Micah in rf3, but they have a certain realness to them that makes their reactions to things believable. I'm certain Xseed will see to making them a bit more sarcastic in their localizing efforts, so let's all look forward to that. Overall though, while I appreciate their mannerisms, they don't really measure up to all the previous amnesiacs we've grown to love over the decades.
Characters.
Overall I enjoy all the characters introduced in Rune Factory 5! I feel like there is someone for everyone in this game on some level. The voice acting was pretty good for every character. The designs are very much Rune factory. Like OG runefa, compared to rf4 ( 4 kind of strayed from their usual style) which I like. Characters still have their own signature quirks that you find endearing. Although I would have liked to see more variety? Like we've had mermaids, univir, half monsters, vampires, etc in previous titles but rf5 only gives us the usual (half) elf, dwarf, and then a succubus (physically she doesn't have unique features aside from the ears and heart eyes), and some were-people. I was hoping for something more unique to really give that classic runefa vibe.
Dungeons/Battles.
I'm pretty split on this one. On the one hand, the dungeons have more depth due to the 3D aspects. They've included more contraptions that are very fun to see even if they aren't executed that well. So I'm grateful for that. On the other hand, the dungeons are insanely short imo. It doesn't take long at all to get to the boss. The puzzles are also pretty subpar and few compared to RF4.
Fighting monsters is similar to the other games. You can lock on now but I only use it when I'm trying to use my Seed Circle. The lock on feature is actually counter-intuitive and makes it harder to dodge. Weapon mechanics have shifted a bit. There’s a feature that makes you invincible to damage if you time the R button dash correctly. Axes and Hammers are significantly slower than in older games? Like. I thought I was in slow motion it was so slow. Lances are also harder to use as well? I'm questioning my sanity here. I don't know if it's a bug or intentional either.
Farming.
Not much has changed from previous games mechanics wise. They added new types of special crops which is neat. The camera view changes to overhead when you go near your fields though, and it can make you dizzy/uncomfortable. It actually makes it a bit difficult to see at times so I wish there was a way to adjust the angle. If you are tilling corn or dried weeds to improve the soil, you need to place them separately if you don't want to use the entire stack. Otherwise, it will till the entire stack on the land if you place them all down at once. The flower shop is unlocked late in the story. Weird thing to do considering you need flowers to make medicine. Not to mention the fact that you wont have access to the fertilizer that increases defense against typhoons? During typhoon season? Thinking emoji...
The town.
I have to say Rigbarth's design is poor compared to Sharance, Selphia, etc. It's too big and it takes too long to get around. Everything is too spaced out and there aren't enough warp points to make it easier on players. I don't want to walk an entire mile up a hill to talk to one person and then walk all the way down to the beach to speak to another. It doesn’t really feel like a ‘town’.
OST/BGM.
Music was good, though nothing really stood out to me where I'd go "damn this slaps" or something. I think they might've had some old soundtracks from rf2 or something because it felt really nostalgic at times.
We need an exterminator. (Bugs Bugs Bugs)
Marvelous, I don't know how to tell you this buuut...your customers are NOT your testers. When you release a game, you need to make sure it's not littered with glitches because customers don't enjoy dealing with them and will drop the game!
Here are some of the types of glitches I encountered:
Crashing. Game would randomly crash or freeze and close at any moment. Sooooo frustrating! Sometimes you get lucky with the autosave feature, but the autosave only activates every morning at 6am in your room and then when you warp to a dungeon level/floor. So when you're in the middle of your daily tasks in town and it crashes, you have to start all over. Marveloussss no one enjoys losing their progress in a game I promise you that much.
Lag. The dialogue bar is seriously slow, especially after loading your file. Crafting/Cooking screen lags. When you press the Y button to skip through dialogue it lags like hell. Pretty much after every time you load the game will lag, the audio will lag if you're in a battle, everything is just. so. slow.
Repeating dialogue.
So if you close your game entirely (or if it crashes) naturally you'll reload your file to continue where you left off. There's a bug that will cause all NPCs to repeat the last dialogue that occurred from whatever plot related thing you did last. So for example, if the last thing you did in the story was unlock Ludmilla, everyone in town will naturally have some dialogue about her. But even after seeing all this dialogue and even saving, if the game is closed and reloaded you'll have to read all that dialogue again from townsfolk. It got really annoying after a while.
Monster taming. One time I tamed a monster but once I named it and hit 'ok' the monster never showed up in my barns? Just. gone. Okaaaay then...? Additionally, I expanded one of my monster barns but all of the monsters I tamed wouldn't appear in the added room. You get 4 monsters for each room but the monsters I tamed would show up in the original room. Meaning I had like 7 monsters in one room! I tried to bring them into the newly added room but they would just warp back to the other room. Sad.
Pond Glitch. I fished in the pond located in Sasayaki Forest and left the fish I caught but didn't want laying around the water's edge. If you leave fish around the pond's edge and go to sleep, the next morning you will be teleported to the pond and trigger the fairy dialogue as if you had thrown all of the fish into the pond??? So the dialogue of her telling you she wants 'X item, not this!' will trigger over and over for all of the fish you left at the water's edge. RIP.
Party member Bug. I had Martin in my party and I made him leave. Then when I went into my monster barns to get a monster pal to join me instead it showed me Martin's portrait????
Also I've encountered a bug where I can no longer ask anyone to join my party for some unknown reason. The R &L button prompt was just gone when I reloaded.
Errors.
When cooking or crafting, the dialogue box shows up sometimes...
Typos. Random average typo here and there. Not a real biggie but there is one instance where the heroine will use the japanese male pronoun "boku" instead of "watashi" which really convinced me that this game was completely intended for men lol.
Let's talk about Pros
The good stuff. The stuff that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.
Plot Advancing.
Now I'm gonna put this as a pro because I'm certain the average player will enjoy this even though I do not. There are now markers on the map to show you where to go to advance the plot. This is all well and dandy, but it also made the story less appealing for me because you don't need to go around town and speak to residents for clues or assistance to advance anything in the story.
3D Graphics
The 3D models are all amazing. The interior designs of the houses/buildings are also incredibly detailed and realistic.
Collecting items.
Now there's a feature that will allow you to collect items into your inventory just by walking over them. This is pretty neat and welcome for the most part. Once the item is sparkling, you can walk over it and it'll go into your rucksack automatically. This also makes lumbering and mining go much faster. Yay!
The miraculous L pocket.
Now you can customize the categories that appear in your L pocket by going to the rucksack tab in the menu. This is a super neat feature that makes things easier on players who want to manage their items in a format that suits them.
Weapon/Tool Toggling.
You can now toggle between your equipped weapon and tool by pressing the left or right buttons on the trackpad.
Collecting lumber/material stone.
Oh lord this is probably the most welcome improvement moving forward from the previous game. You can now put all of the lumber and material stone from your inventory into its storage at once. This also applies to fodder for tamed monsters. Well done Hakama.
Autosave.
This feature is a welcome addition to the series. The game will save your data every morning and every time you enter a dungeon. Autosave has really saved my ass a few times when I made a huge error in judgement so I'm incredibly grateful for this feature. And it doesn't save over your actual save file--there's a separate autosave file at the very top. So if you messed up something but already saved on your main file, you can still salvage your mistake by reloading the autosave! I just wish it activated a bit more often sometimes.
Warping.
Now we can warp to each level in a dungeon as well as certain places on the map in town. It's pretty convenient for the most part.
Increased party members.
Now you can have up to 3 members in your party! Hooray! Party members act more intelligently than in older games. Scarlett can use the Seed circle to assist you in fights. I think she also tosses healing potions at you occasionally. So far, no one has tossed a dish at me if I haven't eaten like Kiel and Clorica did in rf4. But I have been hit by a failed dish (from reinhardt?) and a healing potion (from scarlett). Scarlett, Priscilla, and Reinhardt are the most helpful when dungeon crawling in my experience. Some of them however, (looking at you Doug) don't shut the hell up with their one line of dialogue they have and repeat it constantly.
Seed Circle.
This neat feature allows you to capture monsters. By charging it and releasing you can capture monsters for the bounty system or add them to your party temporarily. If you throw it without charging it, you can stun monsters in place momentarily or grab things from far away. When stunning monsters, it can also give you the monster's drop item occasionally. Unfortunately it uses a lot of RP so it can be difficult at times.
Combo attacks. This is a neat feature that I appreciate and use often for boss fights. They do some serious damage so it's good to save them for the bosses. The actual cutscenes aren't that impressive, and feel kind of subpar when you get down to it but I think it's a start in the right direction.
Farm Dragons.
I'm listing this as a pro although I really just see it as a new feature.
Farm dragons have fields on their backs that you can place monster barns on and farm on. Giving them certain crystals will give your fields boosts in certain criteria, like length of growth, soil quality, you get it. I personally don't use the crystals because I couldn't give a shit lmao I have men and women to woo here. But if you're into this kinda thing then it's a pro.
Storage. When opening your storage box, fridge, etc. you can actually hit the R & L buttons to switch between ALL of your other storages. Looooove thissss. Great addition. So much faster to put items away in their respective places.
Crafting/Forging. Now we can also use the R & L buttons to alternate between the different weapon types/accessory/gear types instead of having to exit the menu and going back in each time you want to make something different.
Cooking.
More recipes have been added. Yay!
Days are longer now.
More time to get shit doneeeee ayyyy
Fishing.
They've added many more fish to the game! Now the player will shout something when you get a bite, making it easier for you to hit B at the right moment. Nice. Also if you fail or press B too early, the fish doesn't vanish most of the time. Also nice. There is now a feature to fish with another person's assistance. Once a day you can investigate the sign near the fishing station and someone might offer to lend you a hand. Press the B button at the right moments on the slider and you can get a rare fish that can't be caught normally.
Monsters.
New types of monsters! Love the designs. Even the monsters that are the same but just have different skins are really neat. They look great in the 3D format too. You can even ride with up to two people on certain monsters! Some bosses had awesome designs while others...were bad.
New Types of Furniture.
The carpenter store has a wide arrange of furniture you can buy for your home. It also has wallpapers and stuff which is really neat. Though unfortunately you can't even sit on some of the furniture so that's a shame.
Events.
Now there is a system where events are triggered by approaching an icon on the map. This is probably an improvement to RF4's randomized system, though personally I found it annoying because it meant that I had to see the events before I could just enter a building normally. Sometimes I just wanted to get shit done and not have to read through walls of text for someone's love event when I just want to buy something.
Voiced Lines.
The protagonist seems to have more voiced lines, as do other characters. Good!
Let's talk about Cons
Not including glitches. Oh boy. So many cons. Where do I start?
Dialogue.
Probably the most notable con in the entire game. The dialogue is drastically minimal in comparison to previous games, especially rf4. There is probably a quarter of the amount of dialogue compared to rf4's insane amount of content if not less. Townsfolk repeat themselves. Often. Too often. Am I playing Harvest Moon? Originally I thought it was because the dialogue is randomized, but I think it's actually because more dialogue is unlocked as you raise townspeople's FP. Despite this, there's no linear build up where you start off as acquaintances and eventually become very close like in rf4 because of how sporadic the LP/FP is.
Townsfolk don't even talk to each other. One of the greatest perks about runefa is the conversations townsfolk can have with one another. Residents randomly gathering in small groups to talk about anything. Previously you could add someone to your party and sometimes a dialogue will occur if you speak to the right person at the right time with that person in your party. This is nonexistent now. The only time they do this in rf5 is during the festivals. But, it will only trigger if you have unlocked all the characters in each marriageable lineup and they can't be in your party. The residents will talk about one another but that's pretty much it outside of town events. They got rid of all the minor dialogue that occurs too. Trying to sleep in someone's bed while they're right there? They wont comment. Inspecting objects in stores while the shopkeeper is present? Wont say anything. Take a character with you to a dungeon/boss fight? Their lips are sealed. Where's my sense of community? :(
FP/LP
This ties into the dialogue issue. The rate at which LP/FP increases is sporadic as hell. You can go from 1FP/LP to 4FP/LP just by giving a gift sometimes. I wouldn't even speak to people and their affinity increased by like triple for no reason. Then it increases by like 2% for the longest time. Argh!!!
Graphics.
I don't consider myself very picky when it comes to graphics. I don't really mind that the foliage and scenery are at the level of a ps2 game at best. I tried playing on my television initially, but the lag and camera operability was too much so I fully switched (haha puns) to handheld. One thing that sucked is that I literally cannot tell the difference between medicinal herbs, antidote grasses, and green grasses without the captions because the graphics are so indistinguishable. So when you're trying to pick up multiples of those items by holding the A button, you're just randomly walking over anything green in the hopes that you'll get the right ones...
Lack of Sound Effects.
Something I noticed is they got rid of the sound effects that will play when you complete a puzzle or add someone to your party. When you try to brush a monster there's no sound for the '♪' they make when you successfully brush them. So it was hard for me to tell if I had actually brushed them or not. I was a bit saddened by the lack of cute sounds.
Too much free range.
From the very beginning of the game, you're allowed to go pretty much wherever you want when leaving town. It was too easy to stumble into high enemy level territory without knowing, so when I was like level 5 so I got KO'd immediately.
Artwork.
The portraits seem to be lower in quality somehow. Runefa has always had shitty portrait art imo but this time it's even worse. Many character's eyes looked fucked up. Though the 3D models are insanely good for mostly every character except Terry. Terry's 3D model looks Terryfying and I prefer his portrait.
Festivals.
They've added some new festivals. Some I enjoy. Some not so much. They changed the format of the eating contest. It's horrible. Good luck with that one.
L pocket + R button?
They got rid of the feature that lets you skip to the other end of your items when opening the L pocket by pressing R button. I really liked that feature because it made it faster to reach my items so I was bummed that they got rid of it.
Gotta go fast.
Now when you speak to someone, it doesn't 'stop time' as you might say it did in previous games. So people are still moving about as you speak to someone, making it harder to catch up to people! Annoying!!!
Catch and release? Not in my farming simulator!
Say goodbye to being able to toss a fish you caught back into the water. In fact, say goodbye to tossing anything you don't want anymore into the water. Now you just have an army of fish flopping on the ground around you. And with the auto pick up feature, they're probably going to end up in your inventory anyways once you try to move. There are still certain ponds with fairies that you can toss stuff into, but you'll have to deal with the fairy harping at you for giving her something she doesn't want.
Shop Hours.
Oh god. The shop owners don't even open their stores at the correct hours? It says open at 9am. If you speak to them they won't open their store until like 9:07??? But Priscilla and Lucy will show up to work their part-time jobs at around 8:30am and you can buy stuff through them before 9am. So the actual shop owners (for the bread shop and general store) are pointless usually. Additionally, if the store is empty (but open) you can no longer add a shopkeeper into your party and then enter their store with them to buy things from them. Why. Just why. When you want to buy something that only a specific person sells (Only Hina sells fish, only Heinz sells misc items) you have to wait for them to finally decide to work in their own store. Wonderful.
Monster Item drops.
Maybe I'm crazy but the monster drops are seriously a lot harder to get than in previous games. Especially boss drops. It's almost impossible to get the rare drops now. I don't even want to try anymore. And as far as I know, the only place to buy monster items is through Heinz, but his items are actually misc. items, not specifically monster drops. So you'll be lucky to check his store (whenever tf he decides to actually work) for any monster items you might want instead of farming for the drops. Sighs.
Difficulty.
This game is too easy. There is little to no challenge whatsoever. I had to increase the difficulty setting to hard mode and it was still too easy. I beat it at level 139, never once did I need to grind or level. In fact, your character levels up way too quickly for the pace of the story. I had zero trouble with any of the bosses and even the final boss was a breeze. Quite sad. Though because I am not new to the franchise, it's likely that newcomers would have some trouble in the later parts of the story.
Fishing cons.
Idk how you fck up fishing but they sure did. You have to stand further back now because the pole is so long that you'll miss the fish you're aiming for. In fact, it's seriously hard to aim period. You'll end up recasting more often than not. Fish come in the various sizes but they don't seem to have the darker or faded characteristics that can indicate whether it's a rare fish or not. The graphics make it hard to tell. The pros that i've already mentioned are welcomed but it doesn't negate the fact that I do not enjoy fishing like I did in previous games.
Mining/Lumbering Cons.
You can no longer strike three times consecutively when mining/lumbering. This sucks lol. Even when you upgrade your axe or hammer, powering up the tool does nothing for getting wood and material stone--it only expands the area of your strike. So it takes longer to get wood/stone from stumps and rocks now since you have to strike the full 9 times but it's not too bad. It's also harder to aim now as well so that's also unfortunate.
Seasonal Fields? Kiss them goodbye!
That's right, there are no seasonal fields in rf5 because devs are insane! You instead have the farm dragons that seem to look seasonal based on the fact that they are designed after elements like earth, water, and fire. But no, these dragons are simply extra fields for you to use. Here's a spoiler: you're not going to use those fields. You're just not. They're kinda useless unless you're obsessed with farming. Now you have to grow your crops out of season like the sad farmer that you are.
Farming cons.
Seeds no longer tell you how long it takes to grow the crop. Why. As of June 29th, they fixed this with an update. But I still had to play the whole game without it so fuck you marvelous.
The joystick is really sensitive? So when you're trying to use a fertilizer or something on your field you're likely to place it on the wrong 4x4 tile, wasting your fertilizer. So it’s best to hold down the R button when farming. Also the crops look uglie as hell.
Sleeping and warping cutscenes.
Just like in rf4 there's a cutscene when you go to sleep that can be skipped easily by pressing A. In rf5, there's a cutscene to sleep and a cutscene when waking up. It takes a bit more than a second to skip these scenes so it gets annoying after a while.
Warping is this new feature that replaces our beloved escape spell. Overall I appreciate the feature but I hate it for two reasons. One: there's an annoying ass cutscene for it each time you use it that could be much shorter. And Two: townsfolk now use warp even when inside the town. In previous games, someone exiting your party in town would just manually run to wherever they need to be. So you could easily chase after them if you need to talk to them or give them something. Now, party members use warp regardless of where you are at the time.
So say you have someone at 7 hearts and you want to try confessing to them. You would have them join your party, save your game, and then have them leave your party and immediately speak to them and confess before they can run off. If it doesn't work you reload until it does. In RF5 this wouldn't work anymore because they will warp. Now you would have to save, run around town trying to find this person and hope they accept the confession. Otherwise you'll have to play hide and seek again because reloading your file will randomize the resident's locations (if they are not working in a shop)!!!! I often just waited until a festival day because then they will be at the plaza for most of the day and it has a warp point there.
Crafting/Forging/Cooking.
They've removed the feature where you can press Y on the ingredients in the menu to add more of that particular item. I miss this feature :'(
Lacks incentive.
There is no trophy room from my knowledge. The final dungeon that is meant to be like the sharance maze/rune prana isn't that hard to beat for skilled players and is only 20 floors. After you beat the main story and this dungeon there's not much else to do really.
Request Board.
Unlike in rf4, you need to make sure you have accepted requests before you complete them or else it will not count. Previously, you could complete all sorts of tasks and Eliza would still recognize your work even if you accept their request after the fact. ie, shipping goods, harvesting crops, etc. So make sure you don't harvest your special crops before accepting the request it's for!
Return of the "Loli" Dragons...
Yeah you read that right. We got more dragons in children's(???) bodies with skimpy clothes. I don't know anymore????¿¿¿
Can't marry the Milfs or Dilfs.
Tragic.
Still no homo.
Grow up Marvelous.
Reverse Proposal? Reverse Uno card--
Laid low by the patriarchy. You now have to buy the double bed and craft an engagement ring to propose to your man if you're playing as Alice. Marvelous this isn't what we meant when we said we wanted equal rightsssssss
This can be seen as a pro if you're a softhearted babey who doesn't like rejecting bachelors' proposals because you feel bad :'( But this is a con for me because I don't want to spend money and materials on a double bed dammit!!!
Misc.
Still can't stack dishes or fish. There's no green elemental fairy???All the other elemental ones are there except the green one? why??? Still can't tame the giant Wooly. Some bosses that have insanely awesome designs cannot be tamed and makes me wanna eat glass.
Let's talk about Love~
Relationships. We want them. And half of us only play these games for them.
I've only played as the female heroine so far but I'll be updating this review as soon as I finish with the bachelorettes as the male hero.
Confessions
As usual, we must raise the love points of our beloved to 7 hearts before we can attempt to date them. However unlike in rf4, if you fail at a confession once, you will need to raise the LP up an entire level before you can try again with any chance of success. It's imperative you save before attempting a confession now.
Love Events
Each love interest has two love events that must be seen before you can date them. They're reminiscent of older game's style but I felt they could have been a biiiit more interactive or so? Or involved the town a bit more for some of them.
Dating
Once you get your honey to be your bf/gf, you get to choose the nicknames as usual. Then you can go on dates. The first three (non-festival) dates are actually events. You need to see all three events to get married.
Marriage Event
The final event you need to clear before you can marry your sweetie. In my honest opinion, so far for the boys, these events were rather disappointing. They lacked the drama and angst that sort of 'test' the love between the two when compared to rf4. Also this is a huge con for me personally and a minor spoiler but there are no special cutscenes at the end of the marriage event like in rf4. Instead, the cutscene takes place during your actual wedding. I was saddened by this because it took away the depth from the marriage events and the actual character? As it is just a cut and paste type of thing instead of an original cutscene for each person. They lack individualism this way. Also it kinda felt like a way for devs to avoid gay relationships and cut corners :^/....sus.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...
Children!!!!!! This is actually one of the coolest additions in the game. Just like in rf3, you can have up to 3 children again! Your first child will resemble you, and you will have the option to choose its gender as well as its personality. There are 6 different children, (3 boys and 3 girls), all with different hairstyles, mannerisms, and seiyuus. Your answers will determine which child you get. A year after your first child is born, you will get the option to have a second child. You'll end up with twins, both resembling your partner. You won't get to choose the genders (it will be a boy and girl) but you will get to choose the personalities once more. The children all have canon names too and each kid is incredibly cute. And of course, you're still able to take your kid with you in your party~ ...Though you can only take one kid with you at a time.
So is RF5 good?
Yeah it's a fun game! My theory is that Marvelous forced the devs to release the game earlier than they were ready for, and that's why it's so lacking. But that doesn't mean it's not worth playing! I'd rate it 3.5/5 stars hehe. Not nearly as good as RF4 (full stop 5/5), or RF3 (4/5) but enjoyable nonetheless. I wouldn't recommend it as a first game to play from the series for newcomers though, I feel it's best for vets who can overlook all the cons thanks to loyalty and nostalgia. By the time it’s released in the West, the bugs should all be dealt with too.
So! Definitely buy this game! We want the series to continue and we want RF6 to be better than this--and hopefully Marvelous will make sure of that next time.
If you're not a picky person I think you'll enjoy rf5 a lot.
If you're like me and have high standards then, well, still pick it up and let it run its course. Then dust off rf4sp and cleanse your gaming palette >;^)
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Season 4, Episode 14 - Sentibulleur (Sentibubbler)
I just seen the episode today, because I wasn't looking forward for another Alya-centric one, I'm already sick of it. I did it only now when have more free time. It's the first time, since I'm a Miraculous fan, when I'm starting watching a completely new episode without feeling even a bit of excitation. I'm not gonna lie that I enjoyed it, I don't, because it's not my cup of tea. This is why this post is more about why I dislike Alya favouritism than Sentibubbler itself. But I need to clarify that I didn't enjoy the episode mostly because of personal taste, I'm not trying to say it's "objectively" bad (though opinions are never objective, only facts could be). If you love Alya's arc, it's completely understandable that you probably love this episode as well.
I thought it would be a DjWfi episode (to be clear, I haven't seen any trailers of it, only one screenshot, which was said to be from this episode, but I don't remember seeing that moment in it at all, and the ending card), but poor Nino was just a background character. This is literally an "Alya is amazing" episode in which she is saving the world with a very little help of Ladybug and even less of Chat Noir, who is treated more like an offending trash. After watching it, I see fan edits like that are even more accurate to describe season 4 (not made by me, I just stole it from Cartoon Apocalypse's video).
Adrien was supposed to be a deuteragonist and a second main character, but Alya is much more like ones than Adrien has ever been. He has never gotten as many episodes focusing on him as much like those with Alya in a season (and we can be sure, it's not the last one) and he has never be as much the main hero in a fight against villains in any of them. Instead of giving him more screentime, he's putted even more in the background than before, because Alya needs to shine. Why they can't do it without treating Adrien that much unfair? I'm not gonna hide that I hate it and it makes me feel that maybe I should stop watching the show, since it looks like it's not something I really enjoy anymore. Adrien is my favourite character, so I'm really pissed of that Alya is stealing his role. We will see, but once I will be sure that Alya favouritism is gonna last forever, I would consider stopping watching the show seriously. Especially that doesn't go hand in hand with good writing. In this episode nothing as much absurd like in Optigami happened, but I still have one big issue.
It's not a problem with Alya herself. I'm used to like her, even if she's been annoying me sometimes before S4. But I don't know what to think about her this season, since I have some issues with her writing. I just don't like the idea of as much favouritism any of the characters who are not the original main ones, especially if Adrien is treated that bad by the writing at the same time. I would say the same if it was Kagami, who is my third favourite character in the show, after Adrien and Plagg. As you see, I like the Japanese girl even more than Marinette, but I still don't think that making her more important than the protagonist would be okay (it would make no sense, but you know what I mean).
Besides, I've seen people speculating that Alya is going to fuse the fox with ladybug Miraculous in an episode in which Marinette is akumatised (if one will ever happen). Don't you see how much unfair to Adrien/Chat Noir it is? Alya is already getting much of special treatment, more than a character who was supposed to be the next most important one after the current Guardian of the Mother Box. An episode with Marinette as an akuma should be the one in which Chat Noir is saving her without help of any other heroes, just like she has saved him alone in Chat Blanc. If there was a fusion of the fox and ladybug, it would mean that's not a story mostly about Marinette and Adrien anymore. It would make it clear that the writers are not even try to hide the fact that's now it's Alya the second most important character. Adrien could be the third one at best, Chat is only a sidekick of the Ladies, not really a hero equal to Ladybug anymore. Besides, episode like that is most probably the only chance to see Tikki using her power without a wielder. Wouldn't it really interesting to see what bad happens when Tikki is using Lucky Charm all by herself?
And to be fair, this season has really way too much Alya generally, I'd like to see more other heroes, not just Rena Rouge and Rena Rouge over and over again. I want more new Miraculous wielders and since Ladybug is calling the old ones (though she definitely should not do it), I want to see them in action too. We need to get a full transformation sequence of Ryuuko at least once. But the more episodes they are released, the less I believe it would ever happen. Good thing that they found few seconds to show Chat's sequence (only a second time in 10 episodes!), but still no Cataclysm. I wonder if they are even going to show it after season 3.
I have no idea what writers are planning to do. If they're want Alya to be a permanent Miraculous holder who is treated like co-guardian by Marinette forever, why they write her that way? Why isn't she really noble and careful? Why all those red flags she's giving Marinette (those she always ignore anyway): like letting Mr. Ramier know that Ladybug's the Guardian now, though she asked her to keep it as a secret, or stealing a Miraculous that almost made Ladybug's identity exposed. Are any of those events be relevant later? Are they there to show that saying Alya everything about the Guardian things and giving her the fox Miraculous permanently are bad decisions? If yes, what's the purpose of Sentibubbler? This episode doesn't seem to be really significant, it's more like another one fan service for Alya stans. The previous ones were actually important, this one could be missed without much a loss for the plot. The only reason it could be seen as significant is to make Marinette letting her guard down even more. But isn't she extremely careless already? After revealing her identity, she immediately started to tell Alya all the Guardian secrets, gave her a code for the Miracle Box, as well as the Miraculous permanently, despite her identity being exposed and all the wrong things she has done. Marinette is already dealing completely reckless with Alya, there's no reason to make her even more.
Besides, that dream can't be a prophetic one, right? I remember that adult Bunnix really believed that exposing Ladybug's identity is something what Alya is able to do (from her time at least), but I think it's impossible to happen in real. That's why I see this episode as the most "fillerish" from all of this's season those have been released till now. Other ones introduced new characters or Miraculous wielders at least, nothing really new and crucial happened in this one. There's nothing bad in fillers, but why another Alya-centric one? Why not focusing on a character who hasn't been favoured this season instead?
The most stupid thing in this episode is that Rena Rouge made an illusion in which Ladybug says that she won't give the Miraculous to her anymore, for two reasons.
One is that Gabriel bought that very weak lie without questioning it at all. It's clearly a plot armor. I know that they tend to make Gabriel very dumb when they need it from the beginning, but it's extremely stupid even to him. Hey, Gabriel, you know Rena Rouge's identity for some time now and Ladybug has been already giving Rena the fox few times before after her identity being exposed. Why that sudden decision? Isn't it suspect?
Second is that it's been portrayed as a clever thing, while it makes Alya unable to be Rena Rouge anymore, if they don't want to show to Shadow Moth that was a lie. I'm not talking only about the battles, Rena can't be seen in public, since Ladyblog is not the only place which is showing content about the heroes. So then there's no reason for Alya to keep the fox anymore. Unless I interpret it wrong, and Marinette doesn't think it would make Gabriel stop going after Alya. But to me it looked like that and that's also make Marinette dumb anyway, because she is still unable of seeing how dangerous it is for her best friend. Alya's plan worked once, but it doesn't mean it would work again, once he discovers the lie, it would make him even more suspicious of a bond between Rena Rouge and Ladybug. Marinette is risking not only safety of Paris and the whole world, but also safety of her best friend. Why everyone is able to see that obvious thing, not only the girls but also all of the Kwamis? I'm not going to change my opinion that they are dumbing down all the characters who are involved in it and that's just bad and lazy writing.
And where's Su-Han when he's needed. I've been working on the English subtitles for the French dubbing of Furious Fu recently and now I remember that he said that he's going to observe Marinette and take the box from her is she makes a slight mistake. She's keeping making bad decisions, but he still isn't showing. That was a lie? Because if he doesn't see anything wrong in how's Marinette is dealing with her guardian duty, I'm gonna to lose the rest of my faith in the writers.
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I'm so sorry. I wanted to be active on Tumblr at least a bit after seeing this episode, but I still don't feel motivated. It's painful to say that season 4 is mostly a disappointment to me, especially that I hate the biggest story arc of it.
#miraculous ladybug#ml sentibubbler#ml season 4#ml spoilers#ml spoiler#ml season 4 spoilers#chicoriii about S4 episodes#chicoriii#original post
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Hey Kily, I know your fics always get a certain amount of notes (bc they're actually good ofc) do you have an advice for me what to do when you get like no notes at all on a fic bc no one seems to read or like it? Thank you in advance.
First off, thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it. And second, this is going to be a bit lengthy, so be prepared!
I think I lucked out early on - right fandom right time (Marvel Netflix gang at a real high point of the shows). And having a fic ready to go when one of the shows released a new season really helped to get noticed. I also wrote for some of the characters that had smaller followings here so I ended up getting the attention of people who were really excited to see content that was kind of hard to come by. Which translated into lovely people who were happy to engage with me so we could geek the heck out together.
The second thing I noticed is engagement was at its highest when my content output was it its highest. I don’t know what the algorithm are or how it might have added into it, but when I was putting out fics 1-3 times a week, I think I showed up on searches more? Plus, it was obvious how active I was on here, so maybe that was part of it - it’s more fun to interact with someone that’s around?
To be honest, I’m shocked that people are still along for the ride and leaving comments on my stories these days. My content output is next to nil and I can’t even get my crap together enough to finish some of my favourite arcs (Side note, I do intend, but don’t know when, to write more Eric Northman, finish my Helena B arc, and hopefully next week finish my Cobra Kai one too!). So because I haven’t been as on top of this as I was when I first started, I’m especially grateful.
So all that being said, I suspect traffic on your page is the issue - it’s hard to stand out and be noticed sometimes and I hear it’s been a problem across the board right now. But still, I suggest more engagement - post more stories and make sure they’re thoroughly tagged. If not stories, at least posts relevant to your fandoms, and reblogging other writers or content (with a fun comment so you guys can go back and forth) is great too. I have met some wonderful people here and us chatting on each others posts I think helped both of us be noticed by more people. On that same thought, participate in writer events put on by fellow writers here as it might help be seen by a new audience.
Other than those suggestions, my advice is that you write fics for yourself. When I put out the Johnny Lawrence one, I actually logged off a couple days after because I didn’t want to get caught up or disappointed in how much it was or wasn’t getting noticed. I had already started writing the second fic so I didn’t want to be discouraged if it didn’t go over well. I know, it’s not great advice though because yes, we all know we are writing these for ourselves, but being noticed gives us the oomph to do more. At it’s core though, we all have to remember this point. If we aren’t writing these for ourselves, we won’t keep going for long.
It’s hard because you can do all the “right” things and still not make much headway. I know some of my favourite stories went totally under the radar. But hopefully I rambled out something of use here. Sending all my love though, please don’t be discouraged! Have fun, write what you love, and jump into the community to have more fun. Things have a way of coming together 💗
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Bullying - a parent's feeling of helplessness and despair
Our beautiful 8 year old son is full of fun, he loves getting involved and joining in activities and his greatest pleasure is to make friends and make people laugh.
He was diagnosed with ASD in July 2017, something we were expecting as he is a very sensory little boy and a diagnosis for which we spent years battling so we could get him the appropriate support.
In the classroom environment he copes well and excels academically. However, he really struggles socially, despite all his efforts (or possibly, partially, as a result of them).
We didn't have a diagnosis when he started school but he was already under the care of a paediatric consultant as well as Occupational therapy, Physiotherapy and Speech and Language and school had been provided with all the relevant information.
Even so, he did not receive any support at the school, the Senco informed me that he was fine, just spirited. It transpired that she was clueless, just lazy!
The bullying started in the December of his first term in Reception - so his very first term in school when he was 4 years of age - a wonderful introduction to school life!! At least that is when we were first aware of it.
He arrived home from school with two huge scratch marks down his back, the result of the boy who was standing behind him deciding he didn't like him and was going to hurt him - just like that. They had been practicing their nativity play in the hall and, prior to the scratch, there had been no interaction between them. And so it began....
Over the next few months he would come home, almost on a daily basis, having been punched and/or kicked, covered in scratch marks, bruises or grazes and his glasses were broken on numerous occasions. All the action of one boy and the little posse he was rounding up.
How my son felt about his day was dependent on whether this boy had hurt him or not. The only good day he had at school was when this bully, T (who was in my son's class) , was off ill.
I was constantly speaking to his (ineffective, chocolate teapot of a) class teacher who took absolutely no action. Her response was to tell me that my child needed to calm down and learn boundaries.
I was desperate, my son was being hurt yet his teacher was doing less than nothing to help support him. I wrote numerous emails and letters to the Head Teacher and was constantly told that things were in hand.
In the March, my poor little boy was really struggling. He wouldn't talk about school (other than to tell me what he had eaten for lunch), he started bedwetting, having nightmares and crying out in his sleep.
His appetite was affected and my wonderful, bright, enthusiastic little boy was now sobbing on the way to school, saying that he didn't want to go.
I was full of despair and didn't know where to turn. I had spoken to school on so many occasions but nobody could shed any light on what was occurring. His class teacher would raise her eyes to heaven when she saw me coming - that's how little she cared and lacked respect about the whole situation, she just wasn't bothered.
This went on for weeks and I was at the end of my tether. How could I help my boy if I couldn't find out what was going on??
I am so lucky in that I have an excellent, caring, supportive friend whose son was also in my son's class. He told his Mum about something that happened on the playground.
One lunchtime, my son, C was playing on the playground when he was approached by T and two of his little gang. They proceeded to tease C and push him around and then T told the others that they should pull C's trousers down.
So two of these little monsters pulled my son's trousers and pants down in the middle of the playground. My child was pleading with them to stop and screaming for help but none came.
My heart broke for my little boy, he must have felt so alone and helpless and nobody came to his aide.
I sat with him that night and asked if something had happened at school "No, Mommy". I asked if something happened on the playground with his trousers "No, Mommy". I then told him that I had heard something happened with three boys (let's call them Tom, Dick and Harry) and that they had pulled his trousers down.
He then told me "No Mommy, Tom said to do it, Dick only thought about doing it but didn't, it was mainly Harry and Tom that did it".
My heart broke. I held my child and tried to comfort him as best I could. I told him that I would be going in to see the head teacher the next day as that should never have happened to him (or any other child). I stayed with him as long as I could before he needed to sleep, which he did that night for the first time in weeks.
I went downstairs and sobbed for my son. He had been carrying this by himself and trying to cope with it all and I have never felt so useless and worthless as a mother. I didn't protect my child.
The next morning I saw the head teacher. When I told him what happened, his response was "We have adequate supervision on the playground at lunchtime" (yeah right, and where were they all when my son was screaming for help?). His action with the bully? He took the positive reinforcement approach and the following Friday, T was given praise at the weekly Praise Assembly. What kind of message did that send my son? Needless to say, my son started the following school year in a different school.
Fast forward a few years and my son was now in Year 3, the first year on the Key Stage 2 playground. Around April time, his behaviour changed.
He would always struggle for a while after he came home from school, something I believe is quite common with children on the spectrum. They have been trying to act "normal" all day, to not stand out, holding all their anxieties and stresses in so that by the time they get home, they're like little pressure cookers needing release.
I was used to this and understood that he needed that time. However, around April this behaviour intensified and the upset and meltdowns were reaching new levels. He started wrapping himself up in his sheet when going to sleep, literally winding it around his head and body so that he resembled a little Mummy. Every night I would have to unwind the sheet from around his head terrified that he would smother himself in his sleep. He was obviously craving that sensory input.
I tried to decipher what was going on but was getting nowhere. He told me that school was "brilliant" or "perfect" and no other details were forthcoming.
I called into the school, spoke to the Senco and the Parent Liason, but they didn't know of any issues. His class teacher said he was coping brilliantly in the classroom and seemed happy and settled so whatever was going on was happening on the playground.
This went on for weeks and, again, I felt helpless and in despair that I couldn't find a way to help my son.
One Sunday morning, as we were leaving his football training, I got a phonecall from a Mum of a boy in his class. He had told her that C had been the target of two boys for a few months and they had been bullying him, physically and verbally for all that time.
I burst into tears, partly in relief that I finally knew what was going on and I could finally take some action to help him.
When we got home I asked him if anyone had been hurting him - "No Mommy". Then I said, what about 'X'. I asked if X had been hitting him "Yes Mommy", had he been punching, again Yes, tripping him up "no Mommy, not really", pushing him to the ground "yes", saying mean things "yes".
I then asked who this person played with and we went through the same questions for each of those children. I told C that I would be going to speak to the parent liason the next morning.
As it happened, she wasn't available so I asked to speak to the head teacher. She was very busy with overseas visitors who had just arrived in the school but she took the time to see me briefly.
I filled her in on everything that had been happening and she told me that she would deal with it personally that day.
She phoned me that afternoon to inform me that she had spoken to the two main culprits and they admitted what they had been doing. Both boys were shocked that they had been found out as they knew that C wouldn't tell 😢
She had spoken to the boys' parents and also made a note of what transpired in case there were any future incidents.
I spoke with C and let him know what had transpired and pointed out that within 24 hours of my finding out about the bullying action had been taken to stop it and help him. I explained that my job was to keep him safe but I can only do that if I know what is happening.
He looked at me and said "Mommy, why are you crying? You are making tears come in my eyes". I held him and told him that I was upset because he had been trying to deal with this all by himself and that upset me because he has so many people who will help him.
I am hoping that our little boy will realise that he can turn to us when things happen so that we can help. My job is to keep him safe and I will always strive to do my best to achieve that. Any bully will face the wrath of Momma Bear 🐻
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