#they were endgame right from the beginning of the first book and it's so clear when you read the books back
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feeling emotional
about this
#and you're telling me that katniss just somehow ended up with him at the end of mockingjay because suzanne is a bad writer#and didn't know what she was doing?#katniss and peeta were by design#they were endgame right from the beginning of the first book and it's so clear when you read the books back#so many parallels#so many mirrored moments#a well thought out line of plot that is so specifically and perfectly executed across 3 books#this makes me so soft#everlark#peeta x katniss#katniss x peeta#katniss everdeen#katniss and peeta#peeta mellark#the hunger games#mockingjay
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One of the more interesting things you see in the old Archie, from time to time, is how despite how long the series was around the multiple writers it acquired, writers who often had conflicting visions for the series, some points became consistent almost by accident.
Case in point? Illustrating why the Freedom Fighters were so successful against Robotnik and later Eggman. What am I talking about? Well, let me elaborate.
It begins with this guy, Armand D'Coolette, Antoine's dad.
Poor Armand. Try and imagine how everything looked from his perspective- during the Great War he witnessed the near ruinatin of the Kingdom of Acorn, and was (rightly) suspicious of Julian Kintobor from the start… only to watch as this man ascend to the rank of Warlord ahead of him, a general with years of service to the King… and yet, the traitor manages to save the Kingdom when Armand failed, and is vindicated. Only for it to turn out Armand was right the whole time…
But, enough pontificating on the sad fate of Armand. Let us get to the point- how is it that ARmand helps to illustrate why the Freedom Fighters were so effective against Robotnik? Well, one detail that emerged after Endgame was that in the past, Armand had an entire troop under his command and confronted Robotnik directly, only to seemingly fall in battle.
This detail would be elaborated upon years later as him having led a remnant of the Royal Army to try and retake Mobotropolis after the coup, only for the uprising to be crushed (with Rotor's father Sherman being among the casualties). For years though this detail would be little more than a footnote, an odd bit of backstory trivia. But it does establish a very important fact in the old Archie Sonic continuity, on that accidentally remains consistent throughout its time- confronting Robotnik/Eggman in a conventional war just doesn't work.
Much later, in issue #88, we are treated to a rather dramatic event- King Acorn leading an army into Robotropolis to rescue a captured Elias.
It's a very impressive display… but in the end, while the mission does succeed, it is clearly because of the advantage granted by SOnic and the Swore of Acorns rather than the numbers they have. The mission ends with King Acorn getting a bump on the noggin' that leaves him unable to use his legs, and you are left to realize that the Freedom Fighter guerilla techniques would've worked out a lot better. We don't see how many lives are lost openly confronting the Shadowbots, but in the end it's clear that the Freedom Fighters could've gotten the same results with a lot less damage and potential loss of life.
So, in short? Between Armand and this scene, it establishes that taking on these robot armies in the open, in a conventional manner, is an extremely bad idea. In an ideal world, the Swatbots first used by Robotnik would've been part of a robot army he used to defeat his own people during the GReat War, before using it to conquer the Kingdom of Acorn from within and then the rest of Mobius. Alas, this is not an ideal world… but still, all this does make it clear how Robotnik managed to conquer the Kingdom of Acorn and then the other nations of Mobius- against his robot armies, conventional warfare just doesn't work out.
And the effectiveness of Guerilla Tactics takes on a new context with the addition of a batch of characters, in issue 142…
The Original Freedom Fighters are a controversial addition to the book, and it's easy to see why. Getting aside from most of them having lackluster designs and names, as well as the cliche of the SNAKE being the traitor, there existence retcons the entire story and motivation of the Freedom Fighters- suddenly they are no longer War Orphans who led the way, but are acting in imitation to the 'original' heroes of Knothole, heroes who were unmentioned up until that point. Retroactively making new characters important in this way is one of those things that does a lot to sour people to characters, especially the way it can heavily re-contextualize a pillar of the series like this.
I do maintain however that while calling them the Original Freedom Fighters and making them as important as they were was a bad call, the notion of adults trying to fight Robotnik before Sonic and co came on the scene makes a great deal of sense. And in this case, Tig Stripe's crew all implicitly being former Royal Army personnel takes on an interesting light when you remember Armand's failed attempt to retake Mobotropolis. You have Tig Stripe here, a veteran of the Great War who is aware that the last remnant of the army he served failed to retake the capitol from Robotnik, and is now confronted with the fact it falls to him and the others to try and keep Knothole safe… and try to take the fight to Robotnik somehow.
The sole story they show up in states that it was Tig who first started the whole Guerilla warfare thing against Robotnik, and now we know why- having witnessed the conventional tactics of the royal army fail, Tig is forced to come up with new ways to fight, and in doing so manages to lay bare the weaknesses of Robotnik's army in fighting UN-conventional warfare. While Trey Scale's treachery does in the group, none the less it does demonstrate to Sally and Sonic and co that Robotnik CAN be fought, and how, and thus Sally goes forth to use Tig's tactics and refine them to the point where HER Freedom Fighters are even more successful against Robotnik.
There's more that could be said, but this has gone on long enough. I just find it neat how there's this weird consistent narrative resonance that sprang up, and in a way shows the evolution of this world and these characters… and it was almost entirely by accident rather than being through an act of narrative collaboration.
And I find that neat.
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Ahhhhh we're getting so close to the end of the game!
Last open-world quest remaining, I believe, is going to find Ansur. So that is today's adventure!
And then this coming week and into next weekend we will begin... [dramatic cymbal crash] The Endgame. I am very nervous and very excited, haha.
We'll do a quick trot around the unexplored remainder of the west edge of the Lower City and then get to work.
Another brief little convo in camp with Shadowheart before we head out:
"That little hideaway that we found in the cloister - it almost felt like I'd found a piece of my childhood. A childhood I don't really remember. But remember it or not, I felt right at home there, surrounded by books and night orchids."
"Want to go and spend some more time there?" asks Hector kindly.
"Don't tempt me. I might find it hard to leave. Well, can you imagine what it would have been like, growing up in that place? Endless training, no privacy, facing scorn wherever I looked. I can very easily imagine I needed somewhere to escape to, if I was to survive. Nocturne and I must have come here a lot. We probably had plenty we wanted to hide from. Anyway, I think that little hideaway helped shape who I am, as much as any sermon or training did. Funny, the things that influence you..."
I like to think she's talking a little about Hector there too - that he's helped influence her in a positive direction, even if they haven't always gotten along.
"What about the memories that were taken from you?" Hector asks.
"Most are lost forever. Some may creep back into my mind, if I encounter anything that helps clear the fog." A pause, and her voice goes softer and much, much sadder. "Then there's what Shar did restore to me. Memories of pain, suffering. Both my own and... what I inflicted. It's overwhelming, like a lifetime's worth of nightmares, unleashed all at once upon waking. I can barely untangle one moment from another, not that I even want to. I just know that my heart sinks if I let my thoughts wander to them..."
"Shar did that for no other purpose but sheer spite?" Hector is finding that there is a wide difference between being trained to abhor a goddess's teachings in theory and actually witnessing that goddess's cruelty for himself.
"Shar seeks to break people. To fill their lives with despair, so that they will turn to her for relief. Perhaps she thought this would lead me back to her in time. But it won't. I fought too hard to win my freedom; I will not give it up again. No matter how much it hurts."
"What about us? Do you still remember all we've been through?"
"Of course. From the first time I laid eyes on you, right until now. That's all safe - I wouldn't surrender even a moment of it."
Awwww. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
#bjk plays baldur's gate 3#hector carlisle#i really love how hector and shadowheart's relationship has evolved
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A Vicious Game - Review
Author: Melissa Blair
Saga: The Halfling Saga
Date Read: February 20, 2024 - February 24, 2024
Format: Physical
Pages: 458
Characters: 8/10
Atmosphere: 7/10
Writing: 7/10
Plot: 8/10
Intrigue: 8/10
Logic: 7/10
Enjoyment: 8/10
Rating: 7.5/10 (4 stars)
Spice Level: 2/5
The review is hidden below due to spoilers.
What changed from the previous books:
The first thing I can think of to mention is the main plot. I am a sucker for nature-based quests, so as soon as it was clear that Keera was going to have to travel around Elverath to unlock the seals, and that they would unlock possible nature-based powers, I was hooked. I even made a list of locations where I thought the seals would be, based on the map and the hints provided (my theory was that the seals were connected to the different woods, so I looked for water bodies near them. I only got one location right tho).
Despite this, there were some plot parts that I disliked or that confused me. One of them being Killian's presence in Myrelinth because I was 90% sure Damien had ordered him to be locked his in room in Koratha, and even more because no one (particularly Keera) seemed to ask any questions about this. Of course this would be answered toward the end of the book, but I'd still have preferred if there had been some sort of explanation or mention.
Another part I didn't like (as I mentioned in the review of A Shadow Crown) was the possibility of a love triangle with Killian, Keera and Riven (if only I knew...), so when Keera kissed Killian (and he kissed her back) because she was hellbent on pushing Riven away, I was so angry I almost stopped reading the book. Props to the author for writing the chemistry between them so well (again, if only I knew) that it made me question if Keera and Riven were endgame or if Riven was going to die and she would end with Killian.
However I wasn't just upset with the relationship side of this scene, but also with Keera's dumb behavior, which brings us to...
Even though there is a content warning list at the beginning of the book and I clearly read 'relapse', I was not emotionally ready to read about Keera's relapse. The first few chapters were hard to read, but I'm glad Gerarda was there to get Keera's head out of her ass (I cannot believe I'm saying this!).
That was another pleasant twist I wasn't expecting. Gerarda turned out to be a character that I grew to love and admire, and I was especially happy to see her as another symbol of representation.
Let's now address the elephant in the room, the plot twist to rule them all. I felt like I hit a brick wall headfirst. It was one of those plot twists where I had to close the book and take a moment to gather my thoughts before I could proceed, because all I could think about was EVERYTHING that happened in the other two books, and how much foreshadowing I missed (I can't wait to reread the saga with a different set of eyes.
I always had a feeling of suspicion about Killian, but honestly, I thought it was because he was going to turn out being a spy to the crown or something. I am very pleased with the plot twist, although it was a bit hard to read the spicy scene the way it happened.
Two honorable mentions before I move on to the theories:
Keera's depression is so relatable. How many times did I have the same thoughts of "The time of easy days is gone, but perhaps they would be easier without me"? For the same reason, "Your mother felt everything as deeply as she could. it made her a fierce leader and a loyal friend, but it also made her lonely" is also something I relate to a lot.
Keera holding lightning was hot. When I read "You will be able to call storms and lightning at will" I almost died. Give me as strong, powerful woman who can wield lightning and I will fall at her feet.
Theories:
My theory of the lock of the power being connected to the King proved itself wrong, but I don't even care because I preferred the way it happened. I figured early on in the book that Riven's power was connected to the seals and he was going to die when the last seal broke, so I wasn't expecting him to actually survive, nor that he would become a Halfling, which I guess makes sense.
Because of this, I think that the reason why Riven was the way he was (Fae and Mortal) was because of his miskwithir connection to Keera. Like he was born with this power because Keera would need it in the future, and once she "siphoned it" (which is not confirmed but it's my theory), Riven no longer needed to be Fae.
Based off on that, I think Keera's blood is no longer Amber, because she went through a reverse transformation. Which means she's no longer Halfling but full Fae.
Let's talk about Collin (again). I should really trust my instincts. I had a feeling from the first moment that he was the mole, and turns out I was right, just... not in the way I wanted to be. Damien is a psycho and the way he used Collin is disgusting. I love it.
A quote that stayed:
A person only has as much power over our minds as we allow, Keera.
#raven's reviews#the halfling saga#a vicious game#melissa blair#4 stars#this review contains spoilers
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New in 2E: Endgame
Today I’d like to talk about the endgame that I’m introducing with second edition.
One of the big problems I had with the first release of Toonpunk was a lack of ways to show you “made it”; when you play dungeons and dragons for example you can say my character is level 30, I’ve finished the game; there’s nothing left for me to do except retire this character, finish their story, and begin again”, but with Toonpunk there were no clearly delineated progress markers that players could tack their story onto. On one hand, this let stories kind of unfurl however people want it, but on the other hand that meant a characters story would often be meandering and aimless, and maybe wouldn’t even ever reach its end. Without a way for players to say “I’ve gotten this far with this character, they are at this point relative to the world they are in, this is what is left for them to achieve as people” there wasn’t a sense of direction that people really glommed onto.
So when I was making these revisions for second edition I thought to myself, “in the world of Toonpunk, what makes someone uniquely dangerous; what makes them a living legend?“ And that was itself a complicated question, because while there was a setting bible for Toonpunk, it wasn’t really integrated into the mechanics of the game. That was my intention at the time; but years of experience later, I’ve come to realize that by trying to make it setting-agnostic, I was hampering not only the game, but the players, with this philosophy. I didn’t realize at first how many people were attracted specifically to the fantasy on the cover of the book — which seems kind of like a silly thing to say now, but you don’t know what you don’t know.
So to answer the question of what makes someone uniquely dangerous IN THE Toonpunk fantasy, I had to look at the Toonpunk setting — and in that setting, there is a very clear open and shot answer: a person who is dangerous is a person with access to black ink and white paper. From that revelation, the new second edition endgame was born. It’s as simple as a simple gets: in second edition, the endgame is stealing pure black ink and using them to draw a new expression of your self onto reality. A character is at their “apex“ when they have taken for themselves the tools and equipment necessary scribble their image all over the world.
So what does that mean in practical terms? In brief: directions for GM’s to create new high stakes missions, and a few totally crazy rewards for finishing them.
Let’s start with some of the problems. Second edition includes a gallery of powerful enemies, collectively referred to as “the all county shit list“. Each of these characters is a fully developed antagonist ready for the GM to pull right out of the box and drop on top of their players. Each one has a powerful ability and unique fighting style guaranteed to make fighting them on one of a kind experience. Here’s some examples:
There’s no art for any of these and there might never be because art is expensive and I am a busboy.
As of writing, these characters will not be included in the core manual; rather, they will be included in the toonpunk‘s guide to Saskatoon — the companion volume to core addition, which contains a wide variety of settings and characters built specifically for toonpunk. This book will be released simultaneously had no additional charge with toonpunk second edition; but the inclusion of the rogues is subject to change, if all you out there in the gallery would prefer to have them included in the core volume. Let me know what you think in the comments.
Now let’s talk about some of the prizes. What do you get for stealing black ink out from under these creeps’ noses? Well, I’ll let the book speak for itself!
The text that you see here is actually a little bit bare-bones. Looking at it now, I’d like to try and revisit the “Being of mass destruction” option and provide further stipulations for what it can do. Maybe I should add more?
But I’ll tell you what IS fully developed to my tastes: the system for creating a living item is a series of charts and point-buys that allow you to create a piece of gear — armor and weapons primarily — with custom-chosen stats and traits to meet/exceed any other item in the book. They ALSO have a personality, which grants them a unique ability...and a small list of things they’d like you to do, if you want them to perform to their fullest. A living item becomes a bit of a commitment to a certain playstyle in exchange for maximal rewards. Once again, I’ll let the text speak for itself. Here’s a sample of the living weapons’ unique abilities, and some of the personalities they can have.
I’ll hold onto the others until I’m ready to release Second Edition...if only because this blog post is already getting too long! I didn’t even get to talk about the new kind of augment yet. I think we’ll get to that one next time. Stay tooned!
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a pixelberry's Choices analysis
so I've been on Choices for not so long so I've got basically no idea when most of the stories came out compared to others but I'm interested today in mainly three of them, and since one is still getting released and another has an upcoming book 2 while the last one has three books and a holiday special already, I think it's safe to assume the last one came first.
What are these books?
Bloodbound (oldest I suppose), Laws of Attraction and Surrender (newest).
And why so? For it's treatment of unrequired sexual advances.
Now, I wont give graphic descriptions but be warned it is about treatment of unrequired sexual advances in a game and the evolution of it.
To begin with Bloodbound, in the first chapter, Lester Castellanos makes a few sexual innuendos towards the MC. She has the choice to either ask her boss to intervene or to slap Lester herself. I chose to slap him, and not only did the boss support MC for defending herself, but he also reproaches Lester his behaviour, and the by-stander (Kamilah) is also on MC's side. I don't know if Lester will keep going on with that behaviour but obviously it's seen as wrong.
Now, in Laws of Attraction. I made my MC get involved with the cute girl in blue, whose name I cant remember, and frankly I dont really care about knowing it because it's been a bit of time and I didn't like the book anyway (mainly because you litterally couldn't win a case if you didn't pay diamonds for it but you ended up first or second anyway after losing all year long, but also because of sexual advances) so when the fireman started flirting with MC, my MC didn't encourage him, in fact they discourage him all they could. But here we had the opportunity to sleep with him, which makes him a LI, even if he has no way to be endgame. But ok, a LI flirts, it's been seen before, nothing shocking. However, my MC made it clear they were not interested, and then, a few chapters later, who do they meet in a bar? The fireman and a friend who immediately propose the MC a threesome. And there, I was irked, and I was also very, very ill at ease with that. I don't know enough about law to know if this qualifies as sexual harassment, and I don't think a fictionnal character in a game should be prosecuted over real world laws, but in a book specifically centered about law and right and all, it seemed very strange. So anyway here we had unwanted (from my part) sexual advances that were made, like with Lester, except this time it was not the slimeball who asked, it was the LI.
And finally in Surrender. My MC goes to a lawyer. Explains through her tears that her spouse was caught cheating with a dominatrix and she wants a divorce. What's the lawyer (and only LI in the book if I remember correctly, but since I didn't go past chapter 1 I'm not sure) do and say? First reflexe to that is to immediately ask if she would ever be interested in BDSM herself. My MC's answer? "No, never!" And then what does the lawyer do in the next minutes then days? When he shouldn't be having any kind of conversation like that with a client? Make her misplaced propositions of bdsm and sex. And this time it was not a fling, it was the endgame LI. And there was no way to refuse. Since I didn't read further, I don't know if it's possible to avoid actually having sex with them for long, or something, and I do realize that starting a book titled ''smut'' and ''18+" and "BDSM'' means I should have known better, but...
I don't really like where PB is going on. I might have a very precise idea of what a LI is, but I don't think they should harass the MC and even less scare them into sex.
Now though, Choices is not so bad at a whole, I adored Distant Shores, Veil of Secrets, Desire and Decorum, Endless Summer, Blades of Light and Shadow, the It Lives, I just started Princess Swap and it's great too, there are tons of great stories,
but there are more problematic ones, too, and the fact the nicest one of the three I talked about is the oldest and the more recents are more and more weird and creepy, makes me wonder if PB doesn't consider that ''Smut'' means ''coercion into sex'' rather than ''a story like usual but with spicier scenes'', and also if they are not leaning into "rough sexual relationships" instead of "chemistry and love which leads to sex".
Anyway here was my food for thoughts.
#pb choices#pixelberry#choices stories we play#choices stories you play#bloodbound#laws of attraction#choices surrender
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my arms will hold you
summary // you and bucky are having your first child. [established! bucky barnes x fem!reader]
words // 7.7K (wowza)
warnings // pregnancy, birth, brief mention of religion, excessive use of the nickname pretty girl, depiction of labor, post endgame, post tfatws. steve didn’t go back in time but no other changes to endgame ending. i hate the word belly so it’s literally not used at all sorry, it’a majority fluff!
notes // this got away from me, it was supposed to be short lol check out the iconic song you’ll be in my heart by phil collins! from the tarzan soundtrack! i researched a lot for this so hopefully it makes sense & works well!!
replies & reblogs are greatly appreciated 💞
》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《
7 Weeks
You hope they have his eyes. Bright, blue and sparkling. You stare down at the three tests before you, all clear and unambiguously positive.
A laugh bubbles out of you, full of joy and absolutely thrilled as you think of how long you’ve been trying and waiting for this. How happy Bucky will be. How happy you are.
You hear your front door open and close which immediately makes you pick up one of the positive tests. “Bucky!” You call out in pure excitement, unwilling to wait and tell him the news any other day.
He barely has the chance to put his bag down before you’re jumping into his arms. Your legs wrap around his hips as his hands come up to grip your thighs and hold you up.
“Pretty girl.” He laughs as you pepper kisses across his face. “What’s got you so happy? I was only gone for three days!”
You pull back to look him in the eye. He’s watching you with a bemused smile which makes you giggle. He has no idea of the test in your right hand or the other two sitting in your shared bathroom.
“I’m pregnant.” You breathe out. His eyes trace over you as you bite down the smile threatening to break out on your face. You wrap an arm around his neck as you pull the hand holding the test in between the two of you. His eyes immediately snap to the test and you’re sure he can’t actually read it in this position, but you’re too excited to care.
He shakes his head in shock. “You’re pregnant?” He asks softly. There was a happy lilt to his tone that lets you know his silence isn’t anger or nerves but just him struggling to figure out if this is real.
You nod your head rapidly and can no longer hold back your smile. “Three tests. All of them say yes to there being a baby Barnes in eight or nine months.”
His smile appears slowly, but it’s beautiful and bright as he gently places you back on your feet. “Fuck.” He laughs before pulling you into a kiss.
It’s all smiles and one of the messiest kisses you’ve ever had, but definitely one of the best too. When he pulls back, he’s breathing heavily and he rests his forehead against yours. “I love you.” He whispers.
His look is full of unadulterated love and affection, a look you’re sure you’re returning tenfold. “I love you more.”
His hands move to your waist and he hoists you up again. “Not fucking possible, pretty girl.” He mumbles into your neck as he begins to press soft kisses to your skin.
10 Weeks.
Your foot is shaking anxiously on the edge of the exam table as your eyes filter around the room. You had been in this gynecologist office many times, but today you can’t help but feel anxious as you wait for your doctor. The nurse had already come in and done your pre-physical checks; Weight, blood pressure, and some questions.
Bucky leans forward and wraps his hand around your ankle gently. “Relax, pretty girl.” He’s pulled up the guest chair so it’s next to you as you two wait.
You chew on your nail nervously as you stare down at him. “What if I got your hopes up? What if it was a false positive?” You can’t help but feel like maybe you had jumped the gun in telling Bucky the day you had taken the test.
Bucky’s hand moves up your leg until it’s resting right above your knee. “Then I’ll take you home and we’ll try again. I have no problem with trying for babies with you, pretty girl.” His hand slides further up and you laugh as you push it away.
“Buck! I’m serious.” You groan. You hear footsteps outside your door and freeze before they fade away. “What if-“
“-Stop.” He says firmly. “I’m serious too. Then we try again. Maybe it’ll hurt for a while, but we'll get through it together.” He reaches up and pulls your hand away from your face before wrapping it in between both of his. “And I’m no doctor, but I’m sure three false positives is pretty rare.”
Your heads snap up as the door opens and your doctor steps in along with a nurse. She turns to you both with a bright smile as the nurse shuts the door softly.
“I hear somebody thinks they’re pregnant!” The nurse sits by the computer in the room as she comes to stand beside you.
You nod slowly. “Me.” You shake your head in embarrassment. “Obviously. I’m the one with the vagina.” You flinch, but can’t stop the words from tumbling out. “I took three tests and they all came out positive. He says false positives are pretty rare, but he’s also not a doctor or scientist. He didn’t even go to college-“ You’re rambling on out of nerves. “Sorry. That came out wrong. I love you.” You say quickly glancing at Bucky before looking back at your doctor.
Bucky laughs as she watches you with amused eyes. “He’s right though! False positives are far rarer than false negatives.” She pulls the stool towards your table and sits down next to you.
You let out a deep breath. “That’s good to know.” Bucky squeezes your hand gently in a relax, I told you.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Mr. Barnes. I’m Dr. O.” She reaches her right hand across you, Bucky glances at you nervously before holding out his left hand to meet her. She doesn’t acknowledge the vibranium hand, just turns to look at you once the handshake is over. “I was so happy when my receptionist told me what your appointment was for, I know you two have been trying for awhile now.”
“We’re just going to ask a few questions, then determine the best course of action for finding out if you're pregnant. Depending on how far along we think you are we’ll either do an ultrasound or blood test.” She explains as she leans away from you.
You nod. “Sounds good.” It’s weird to have another person in the room besides your doctor and nurse, but Bucky’s presence is welcome. His hand in yours and thumb gently rubbing circles into your skin helps relax you as Dr. O talks.
“Let’s start with when you took the tests.” She looks over to the nurse who nods, hands ready to take notes as you speak.
You nod. “Around three weeks ago?” You look over at Bucky who nods. “We were out of town for a few days visiting a friend, so I booked the first appointment available after we got back.”
“Where did you go?” She laughs when you furrow your brows at her question. “I’m sorry! I’m nosy.”
You laugh gently at that. “Oh it’s fine! We went to Louisiana! One of Buck’s best friends is down there and we just love the area.” You explain.
She nods. “What made you take the tests? Mention anything like a missed period, morning sickness, any other symptoms.” She explains.
“I originally thought my period was late. I didn’t think anything of it until we reached the second month and then I realized it wasn’t late, I had missed two periods.” You explain as you think back to what made you get the tests that day. “But what really made me get the tests was I was planning on cooking for Buck, he was getting home from a work trip that day, and when I pulled out some of the ingredients I just felt so sick. It’s my favorite dish! The smell never bothers me, nothing in it bothers me, I was just so confused until I put two and two together and thought I should buy a test just to check.” You’re a little breathless as you finish and she’s nodding along as the computer keys clack away.
“That sounds like you’re anywhere from nine to eleven weeks!” She stands up. “We can definitely try a transabdominal ultrasound. We should be able to get a clearer date and maybe even hear a heartbeat.”
“Really?” You ask softly. You hadn’t expected to come in and hear or see your baby. You weren’t even sure if there was one. “We can… We can see the baby today?”
“If your dates are correct, then yes!” She gives you an excited smile as she pulls the small machine towards your bedside. “Or we can do a blood test. It’s up to you.”
“Oh, can we try the ultrasound? I would… That would make me feel better.” You admit, squeezing Bucky’s hand tightly. “Of course.” She agrees.
Bucky pulls his hand away from its resting spot on your stomach, but doesn’t release his grip on you. You pull up your shirt with one hand as she and the nurse move around the room. “This will be cold. Try not to move around too much.”
You flinch as the gel touches your stomach. “That is cold.” You murmur to Bucky as she pulls the wand towards you. He smiles up at you and it makes your cheeks warm.
“Okay.” She hums as she moves the wand around your stomach. You wait with baited breath in hopes of hearing a heartbeat come through. Your grip on Bucky’s hand gets tighter and tighter as the seconds tick by, but he doesn’t say a word in complaint.
Then there’s a loud thumping sound and Dr. O turns to you with a bright smile. “There we go! A nice, strong heartbeat.” She turns the screen so you and Bucky can see it clearly.
You and Bucky look at each and it’s like everything has fallen into place.
Bucky Barnes had never allowed himself to dream of this life. A wife, a house of his own, a baby; Bucky Barnes had never imagined his own family.
“Oh!” Both of your heads snap around the look at the doctor. “There’s two heartbeats.” She moves the wand around again and then there’s another steady thumping sound. “Baby A and Baby B.” She moves the wand back and forth so the two of you get a clearer picture.
When you look back at Bucky his eyes are brimming with tears, but there's a smile on his face that makes your heart race. So big that his eyes crinkle and you’re positive his cheeks hurt, but it makes you smile too.
“Twins.” You whisper to him. Everything else fades into the background as you two stare at each other. He nods and pulls your hand to his lips so he can press a kiss to it. “Twins.” He whispers back.
“I’ll print out some photos for you two.” Dr. O says quietly.
And… Bucky Barnes didn’t know if he still believed in God, but he would thank Him everyday for this miracle of a life he’s been granted. He would go through hell and back again if it meant he still got this life with you.
16 Weeks
“Do you think it’s a boy and a girl? Two boys? Two girls?” Your now nursery is painted white with one forest green wall. Bucky is sitting on the floor in the middle of the room working on the matching cribs as you lean against the door jam. “Should we have waited until we were further in to start all this?”
Bucky looks up at you and notices you chewing on the skin around your nail nervously as your eyes flicker around the half finished nursery. The walls had been painted when you had been gone for the day so you could stay away from the fumes. Bucky had started the cribs first, boxes of blankets, mattress pads and other small items were piled in the corner of the room.
“I thought you wanted it to be a surprise.” He puts down the screwdriver in his hand to focus his full attention on you. “And your doctor said the first twelve weeks held the highest risk for anything happening.”
You look down at him. “I know… I do want it to be a surprise… I just want to know what you think we’ll have. I think it’s boys.” You look down at your small, but there, bump. Your doctor had informed you that twins would most likely make gaining weight more likely and quicker than a single baby. You guess you just hadn’t expected the bump to show up so soon.
You hear Bucky stand and watch as he stumbles over all the spread out pieces of the cribs. “Listen.” He tilts your chin up towards him. “I can’t promise you this will be perfect, but I can promise you I’ll be here every step of the way.”
You reluctantly nod. Logically you knew he was right, you had taken all the necessary steps and precautions your doctor had suggested. You felt good, despite the uncomfortableness of growing two humans. “I know I’m being, like, anxious or whatever. I just… I want this so bad. I don’t know if I could survive if something happened.” You admit quietly, almost ashamed at the weight this feeling had left on your shoulders.
“Pretty girl.” Bucky murmurs sadly. “If anything ever happened, I would be here every step of the way. You’ve got my heart. You’re my life.” He rubs reassuring hands up and down your arms. “And if you ever felt like you were too far gone, I’d be there to pull you back.”
You feel your eyes tear as you look up at him. “Tell me what you think they’ll be. Boys. Girls.” You wrap your arms around his waist and step forward to rest your cheek against his chest. “Please.”
He wraps his arms around you in return and presses a kiss to your forehead. “I think we’re going to have girls.” He says softly, “And they’ll be beautiful like you. I hope they are. Your eyes, your hair, your pretty smile.” Bucky presses another gentle kiss to your forehead, you hum in response and he takes that as a hint to keep talking. “And smart like you too. I just want mini yous, pretty girl. If I could live my life surrounded by my girls, I would be content.”
His soft words and the steady sound of his heartbeat in your ear pressed against his chest has you calming immediately. You take a deep breath before pulling back to look at him. “I love you, Bucky. I am so lucky that you’re my husband.”
You can feel Bucky’s laugh and it makes you smile. “Pretty girl, I’m the lucky one. I never thought I’d have this. Buying a house and building cribs and picking out baby clothes.”
“Buck-'' You try to interrupt him, but he shakes his head and you shut your mouth. Instead you smile up at him softly as he continues speaking.
“I never thought I could be loved like this.” He leans down and gently nudges his nose against yours. You close your eyes and do the same. “But I’m so happy I have it.”
You have to admit, when Bucky Barnes had come into your life with harsh stares and an intimidating presence, you had never imagined this would be the life you would have with him.
“I love you pretty girl.” He declares, voice strong and full of love, before dropping to his knees in front of you. You laugh as his hands land gently on your stomach. “And I love you, babies Barnes.”
“Babies Barnes?” You ask with a small smile. “That’s what we’re calling them now?”
Bucky looks up at you with a shining smile. “We’ll talk names later, I think Babies Barnes sounds good for now.”
You rest one of your hands on his and run your other hand through his hair as he talks quietly to your stomach. “What about the Barnes Babies?” You murmur. “Sounds better.”
20 Weeks
“Bucky.” You call from your spot on the floor in the center of the nursery. You were in the middle of folding clothes. Most of the items were matching and you had been slowly but surely separating them out and into the two separate dressers. “Bucky!” You call again, raising your voice just a little more.
There are heavy footsteps as Bucky rushes up the stairs. “What? What’s wrong?” He asks from the doorway while his eyes flicker around the room panicked. You feel a little guilty when you notice his shoulders relax at the sight of you fine on the floor. “Why are you down there?’
“I’m organizing the baby clothes.” You answer in a matter of fact tone. Bucky opens his mouth to say something, but you cut him off already knowing what it’ll be. “I’m fine down here! I’m not in any more danger down here than I am sitting on the couch.” You look around the almost finished nursery. “You’ll just have to help me up later.” You look back up at him a little embarrassed.
Bucky comes and kneels down beside you. You let out a relieved sigh as he runs his knuckle against your cheek gently. “What did you need, pretty girl?’ He asks with a knowing smile.
“I’m starving.” You throw your head back in an overdramatic groan. “I would kill for some oreos…” You think for a moment. “Do we still have the kraft macaroni and cheese?”
Bucky scrunches his nose up in disgust, but nods. “Please don’t ask me to mix those together.”
“I wasn’t!” You slap a hand against his chest. It makes him shake a little in his kneeling position, but he stays upright. “I want them separately. But I do want both. Please, Buck? You always make the macaroni and cheese so perfectly! I always mess it up.” You put on your best puppy dog eyes and pout your lips.
He throws his head back in a laugh. “You don’t need to do all that, pretty girl.” He snorts. He kisses your cheek before standing up. “I would do anything you asked me to.”
“Even bring me a glass or cherry Dr. Pepper with it?” You weren’t a huge soda person normally, but you had tried a sip of the drink when you and Bucky had gone out to dinner and it had become one of your biggest cravings.
“Especially that.” He grins at you before spinning on his heel to retreat back downstairs. “Thank you!” You call out. “Call me if you need me!” He yells back and you smile to yourself. You place a hand on your stomach and look down.
“That was your daddy.” You say softly. You rub gentle circles over your loose t-shirt. “He loves you two so much already. We love you two so much. We just can’t wait for you to get here.” You admit. Talking to your stomach has become a habit of yours. Your doctor had explained babies will usually respond to noise when they can start hearing and while she had assured you kicking with twins may take a little longer, you were desperate to feel them move around.
You glance at the door before looking back down. “He’s been so much help. I’d read horror stories about husbands who are never home or who don’t take up cooking and cleaning. But your daddy just… does it all for me.” Your voice has taken on a tone of pure love as you talk to your babies about Bucky. “He built your cribs. Rubs my feet. Cooks me disgusting children’s food.” You giggle quietly. “I’m so happy I get to build you two a home full of love and-” You jump when you feel a gentle kick against your hand. “No way.” You whisper.
“Bucky!” You yell out shakily. “Bucky! Bucky! Bucky!” You don’t think of the panic you could be making him feel as you stare down at your stomach with happy tears in your eyes. Bucky’s by your side in an instant, his hand coming to rest over yours and his eyes observing your face in a frenzied panic.
“What’s wrong? What hurts?” He asks anxiously. You shake your head and move his hand so it’s resting underneath your own instead of on top. “What? Christ, pretty girl! Is every-”
“Just talk to them.” You say quietly. “About anything.” Your urge.
Bucky looks at you questioningly, but settles next to you when you nod. “Okay…” He says quietly. “Um,” he glances at you, “I’m so excited for you two to be here.” He starts a little nervously. You squeeze his hand in reassurance. “I never thought I would have my own baby, let alone twins, with such a knockout.” He laughs when you roll your eyes. “I never thought I could love anybody this much, then I met your mom. Then she told me she was gonna have you guys and I… I knew that I would do anything if it meant I got to keep all this love in my li-” He cuts himself off and looks at you with wide eyes.
“Did you feel it?” You ask softly. Bucky moves his hand over a little and lets out a wet laugh. “That’s... That’s fucking amazing.” He presses a kiss to your lips. “You’re fucking amazing.”
The two of you can’t stop staring at each, certainly looking like some smiling fools, until Bucky’s eyes widen and he yanks himself away. “You’re macaroni and cheese!” He yells as he stumbles out of the room leaving you doubling over in laughter.
26 Weeks
“When she said twins,” You pause as you take a deep breath, “I didn’t think she meant everything would be so much worse.” Bucky laughs as you settle on the couch next to him. He holds his arms up as he waits for you to rest your feet in his lap.
He immediately begins to rub your feet as you turn the movie on. “What hurts?” He asks softly. His eyes trail over you like he expects a wound, something easily fixable, so he could better help you.
You give him a gentle smile. “My feet. My back. I’m just uncomfortable, Buck.” You explain. You knew he felt bad that there wasn’t much he could do besides sit next to you and rub your feet and legs. “I don’t think I realized how fast things move when it’s two babies growing inside you instead of just one.”
“I wish I could do more.” He says quietly as he massages your left foot. His vibranium hand is cool against your skin and offers some relief from the heat you felt was taking over. You know he’s unsure of what to say or do to help and that he didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but, “All I need is this, Buck.” You poke his thigh with your right foot.
When he looks over at you questioningly, you smile. “I’m gonna be totally honest with you here, Bucky. There’s not much you can do to help me now, or the next few months, except keep rubbing my feet, helping around the house and keep calling me pretty girl.”
He pinches your ankle. “For years you’ve told me you didn’t like that nickname.” There’s no malice or annoyance in his voice. Bucky knows as well as you do that although you may roll your eyes or laugh when he calls you that, you hate when he calls you anything else.
Especially now. “Makes me feel good.” You shrug as nonchalantly as you can. “I’m gaining weight like crazy. I’m swollen and cranky, it’s nice to know you still think I’m your pretty girl.” You admit shyly.
“I always think you’re pretty, my love.” You feel your neck heat at his words and his hand coming to rest on your thigh. “But… fuck… I don’t know if there’s anything as beautiful as watching you grow our children. I’m in awe of you everyday, pretty girl.” His eyes are lit up with passion. You laugh as he moves towards you. “I am so in love with you, it’s crazy. I just... I can barely keep my hands to myself half the time.”
You cup his jaw with your hand and your nails lightly scratching at his beard. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Bucky Barnes.” You murmur as he leans in towards you. “Cause I’ll make you follow through.”
He groans before pressing a kiss to your lips. “Come on, pretty girl. Come to bed. I think I know a way to make you feel a little better.” He whispers against your lips. You nod with an excited giggle as he stands and holds a hand out to you.
32 Weeks
“I appreciate you guys coming out to see us.” You press a kiss to Sam’s cheek before moving to hug Wanda who was trailing into your house behind him. “We didn’t want a huge baby shower, but we did want to see some of our closest friends and it means so much you all came out!” You gush.
Wanda presses a kiss to your cheek before standing back and looking at you excitedly. “Oh, you look beautiful.” She says kindly, her eyes trailing over your now much larger bump. “Twins.” She murmurs wistfully as your hands grip hers tightly.
“Oh, Wanda…” You trail off, suddenly feeling guilty for your pushful invitation to your closest friends. She shakes her hand with a bright smile. “None of that! I’m so excited for you and Bucky. I’ve never met two more deserving people.” She presses another kiss to your cheek as she moves past you. “Now where is your husband?”
“In the backyard!” You laugh. “He’s working on grilling. We have drinks and snacks out there!” You push her and Sam towards the sliding door in your kitchen. Steve slips through your front door next, a bright smile on his face when he realizes it’s you who’s greeting him.
“You look lovely.” He says kindly as he leans down to press a kiss to your head. “Bucky has spent hours on the phone talking about how beautiful you look, but still didn’t do you justice.”
“You charmer!” You squeeze his arm as you laugh. “He’s outside. I’ll give you fifty bucks if you say something just as sweet to him.” Steve shakes his head with an ill-suppressed smile. “Come on! I’ll add an extra twenty if you kiss him too.” You plead. You and Bucky had been so busy with preparations, neither of you had seen your friends in a long time. You were in desperate need of a laugh with everyone.
Steve shakes his head, but he turns to you and winks when he goes to open the sliding door, which makes you smile largely.
You greet a few more friends; Rhodey who comes with a gentle smile and gifts from Pepper despite your warning against them. He has a nervous Peter Parker in tow, who adored you but was still terrified of Bucky despite it having been years since their fight.
“For you.” He smiles sweetly. He’s gotten more handsome as he’s gotten older, more confident too, but he still turns red when you press a kiss to his cheek as you thank him for the small box he has handed over. You laugh as he rushes after Rhodey, face down in an attempt to hide the blush.
You were unsure when the Avengers had become your family too. Bucky had brought you around eight months into your relationship and they had taken you in easily. Bucky says your light filled a void after all the darkness they had suffered. You shook him off, but the words always made your heart soar. If you were even just a small piece of their healing, you were happy.
An arm wraps around your waist and you smile when you smell Bucky’s cologne. “Funny joke with Steve, pretty girl.” He whispers against the shell of your ear.
“I thought so.” You shiver. “Did he kiss you too? Please tell me he did!” You turn and look up at him with pleading eyes. Bucky laughs before reluctantly nodding. “That’s incredible.” You move away from your spot in the entrance and hold onto Bucky’s arm as he leads you towards the backyard. “Give him seventy dollars sometime today, please.”
“What?” Bucky stops in his tracks, making you freeze too. “For what?”
You look up at him innocently. “For making your severely pregnant wife laugh.” Bucky slides the door open with a shake of his head and gestures for you to go out first. You smile gratefully and step out.
Your friends are spread out in the small yard. Sam has taken over the grill, while Steve is deep in conversation with Rhodey and Wanda. Peter chatters away as Sam nods along his eyes glazed over.
“Thank you for planning this.” You slip your hand into the crook of Bucky’s elbow as the two of you make your way into the group. “I didn’t realize how much I missed everyone with how busy we’ve been.”
“Anything for you, pretty girl.” He says softly. “Everyone loves you, it wasn’t hard to convince them to make the trip to come see you.”
“You sure know how to make a girl feel special.” You tease. Bucky laughs and presses a kiss to your cheek before going to join Sam at the grill. You meet Steve, Wanda and Rhodey with a smile.
“We were just talking about names.” Steve quickly stands up from the chair he had been lounging in. You shake your head with narrowed eyes. “Sit down.” He orders, it’s not harsh, but he’s taken on a completely different tone of voice that makes you giggle. You glance at Wanda with comical, wide eyes before taking the seat.
“I like it when you use your Captain's voice.” You glance at Wanda in thanks when she hands over a glass of water. “I never got to hear it. We met after you retired!” Steve’s cheeks turn a bright shade of red as Rhodey and Wanda laugh. “Anyways, tell me about the names!”
Wanda starts. “Bucky told us you two wanted to find out the gender when you give birth, so we each came up with two names for each of the three scenarios. I was given the one girl, one boy scenario.” She explains quickly her hand waving around in front of her excitedly.
“And what did you come up with?” You ask in amusement, but also with a little curiosity. You and Bucky had briefly discussed names, both floating around ideas when they appeared, but nothing had been chosen yet. Maybe one of your friends would have a good name idea.
Wanda claps. “I chose Oliver George Barnes if it’s a boy! Oh, I think Oliver is such a lovely name. And then the baby has Bucky’s dad’s name too. A little bit of old and new.” She explains and you nod along. “And for a girl, Elena Rebecca Barnes.”
You furrow your brows at her. “How do you know so much about Buck’s family’s names?” A light blush colors her cheeks. “I may have visited the Bucky Barnes page on the Smithsonian website in preparation.” She admits.
“Okay Rhodey, hit me!” You turn so you can look at him. He sits up a little straighter. “For two girls. Baby girl number one, Olivia Rose Barnes” You scrunch your nose up at the middle name. “And for girl number two, Eloise Ann Barnes.” Your eyes widen at the suggestion. You had expected him to just repeat your name back to you.
“I… I actually kind of like Eloise.” You admit after a moment. “Little El.” One of your hands comes to rest on your stomach. You look up at Steve with a smile. “Hit me with the two boys' names, Rogers.”
Steve glances over at Bucky and Sam before stepping towards you conspiratorially. “Samuel James Barnes and Theodore George Barnes.” You look over at Bucky and your eyes meet his. You smile softly when he waves you over.
“Those are lovely, Steve.” You hold your hand out for him and he helps you stand. “I… I will tell Buck about all of these names. I love them all.” You say gratefully before slowly making your way towards the grill.
Bucky’s arm wraps around your waist as soon as you’re beside him. “What are you four whispering about over there, pretty girl?” He asks quietly as Sam and Peter begin to bring the plates of food over to the table Bucky had set up earlier.
You glance back at Sam to make sure he’s out of hearing distance. “Baby names! Buck, Steve came up with Samuel James Barnes. I just love it.” Bucky’s already shaking his head with a frown. “What?” You ask.
“I’m not naming our son after me and Sam.” He glances back at the group who has come together at the table. Wanda and Steve wave you two over and you hold up a finger in response before looking back at Bucky. “What were the girls names?” He asks.
You shrug. “Olivia Rose, Eloise Ann, and Elena Rebecca.” None of the names hit a particular chord with you, but you could admit they were all very pretty. “I like Eleanor, I think.” You admit as Bucky mulls the names over.
“That’s a pretty name.” He says softly. “Eleanor Rebecca Barnes.” He adds on and a smile breaks out on your face. You lean up and he meets you halfway in a gentle kiss. When you pull back he rests his forehead against yours.
“Did we just pick a baby name?” You whisper in shock. Bucky’s eyes crinkle as he smiles excitedly. “I think we did, pretty girl.”
38 Weeks
At first you think they’re just kicking. They’d been doing it more and more the further along you got. You groan and shift around in bed as quietly as possible trying not to wake Bucky.
You take a few deep breaths as you try to drift off into sleep, but a shooting pain hits you and your arm whips out and your hand grips Bucky’s shirt.
You gasp. “Bucky.” You pull at his shirt in an attempt to wake him. You whine in pain and begin to pull harder. “Bucky!” You say a little louder.
You feel him begin to wake under your palm. “What’s up, pretty girl?” He mumbles into his pillow, still not looking over at you.
The pain rips through you again and this time you yank at his shirt violently. “James Buchanan Barnes if you don’t get the fuck up, I will murder you.”
That has him turning to look at you with wide eyes. His eyes scan over you and pause on the hand sitting on your stomach before they trail up to your face scrunched up in pain.
“Oh shit.” He stumbles out of the bed and comes around to your side. You turn to look up at him with pleading eyes and notice the pure panic in his. “Um- Okay.” He stands up straight and takes a few deep breaths.
Another contraction hits. “Take your time.” You grit out as you try to breathe through it. “Not like I’m having a fucking baby here.”
“Shut up.” He laughs as he leans down to gently grip your arm. “Did your water break?” He asks as he helps your stand.
You look down at the mattress then the floor before shaking your head. “Not yet, but these really hurt I-“
“Don’t have to explain yourself to me, pretty girl.” He helps you around the room and into the bathroom and helps you sit on top of the toilet lid. “You don’t have pants on, what should I grab for you to wear?”
You glance down at your bare thighs, you hadn’t really realized. “A dress! Just grab a dress, I can slip into it.” You murmur as you rest your forehead against the tiled wall next to you.
Bucky disappears and you count to yourself as you breathe through your pain. “I’m okay. I’m okay.” You murmur. They were early, two weeks early, but Dr. O had warned you that multiples liked to make surprise appearances.
“A dress.” Bucky stands in front of you with one of your maternity sun dresses. He helps you stand again and you take it from his hands.
“Go put on pants, I can get the dress on myself.” Bucky looks hesitant at the suggestion even though all he’s got on is a t-shirt and boxers. “Buck. Please. The sooner we’re both ready the sooner we can go.”
He nods and sprints out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. You slide the t-shirt you had fallen asleep in off and pull the dress over your body. You let out a sigh of relief at the fact that Bucky had chosen one of the stretchy cotton dresses and not one of your nicer maternity ones. You brush your teeth quickly and splash some water on your face.
“Bucky.” You cry out when you feel the rush of water between your legs.
“Let’s go.” Bucky appears in the doorway with sweatpants and his jacket pulled haphazardly over his shirt. He freezes when he notices your problem. He doesn’t say anything, just disappears then reappears with clean underwear for you. He helps you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom again then helps you change again. “Let’s go.” He says softly with a gentle kiss to your temple.
It’s all a blur from there. Bucky’s grabbing your go bag, leading you to the car and driving you to the hospital.
“She’s having our babies.” Bucky blurts out to the receptionist once the two of you reach the neonatal ward. She smiles pacifingly at him before looking at you with concern. “Sit her down, sir.” She orders and Bucky helps you sit in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs.
“She should be in a bed right?” Bucky asks worriedly looking back and forth between you and her.
“One of the nurses is going to bring a wheel cheer so we can bring her to her room.” She explains kindly. “I just need your names and your doctor’s name.”
You block Bucky’s voice out as another contraction hits. “Fuck, fuck fuck.” You cry. “B - A - R - N -E-S.” Bucky glances back at you at the sound of your cry. “Her doctor is Dr. O.” The woman hums as her fingers fly across the keyboard.
There’s a gentle hand on your shoulder that makes you look up. “I’m Natalie.” The woman smiles kindly. “I’m gonna bring you to your room, okay?”
You nod slowly with tears in your eyes. You’re tired and uncomfortable and the pain keeps getting worse and worse. “Let’s get you up, mama.” She helps you stand slowly and guides you to the wheelchair waiting by the doors.
You glance back at Bucky, who’s still talking with the receptionist and scribbling answers on the clipboard she had slid over to him. “My husband. I need Bucky. I-“
“They’ll bring him back as soon as he’s done with the paperwork.” She rubs your shoulder calmingly. “I promise all we’re gonna do is get you in bed.”
You take a deep breath as she pushes you down the hall and away from Bucky. “I can’t do this without him.” You’re breathing heavily as the contractions hit you. “I need him. Please. Can’t he do paperwork later? It’s not like I can leave!” You cry out.
She gently moves you from the wheelchair to the hospital bed. “We’ll wait until your husband, Bucky, right?” She asks as she pushes you back so you’re laying down. You give her a teary eyed nod. “We’ll wait until Bucky is here to help change you into your gown.” She murmurs reassuringly.
There’s a knock on the door and then Bucky is rushing in with another nurse trailing after him. “I’m pretty sure half the answers on that paperwork are illegible but…” The nurse trails off with an amused smile.
“Hey, pretty girl.” Bucky pushes back the stray hairs that are sticking to your sweaty forehead before giving you a kiss. “I’m here. What do you need?”
“It’s up to you, mama.” Natalie places the hospital gown on the edge of your bed. “If you want us or your husband to help you into the gown.” She gives you a knowing smile.
“Can we…” You take a deep breath. “Can we have a moment?” They nod and leave the room. You look up at Bucky with teary eyes. “I don’t think I can do this, Buck.” You admit.
He helps you sit up while shaking his head. “Yes you can, pretty girl.” He murmurs reassuringly. He lifts your dress so it scrunches up at your hips and waits until you raise your arms so he can take it off completely. He picks the pink gown up and slides it over your held out arms.
“How do you know that?” You wipe hastily at the tears streaming down your face as Bucky moves around the tie the gown in the back. He helps you lay back down before slipping his shoes off and crawling in beside you.
You moan in relief when he starts rubbing gentle circles over your stomach and as his warmth envelopes you. Bucky presses gentle kisses to your neck and jaw. “I know because you are the strongest woman I know.” He whispers. “You have been growing these humans in your uterus for almost nine months. And you’ve done it without flinching. This isn’t gonna be what takes you out, pretty girl.”
There’s a gentle knock on the door and your nurse comes back in with a soft smile, followed by Dr. O and two more people. “Who’s ready to have some babies?” Dr. O asks with a bright smile.
You look up at Bucky, who can’t do anything but stare at you in awe, then nod. “We are.”
Twelve and a Half Hours Later
“I don’t think I could be any more in love with you.” Bucky declares as the nurses dance about the room, cleaning your crying babies up. “Shut up.” You murmur tiredly. “I wanna see my babies.” They’ve been checking and cleaning for what felt like forever.
“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes.” The two nurses come over with little bundles in their arms. “You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl.” You look up at Bucky with bright eyes as the nurse hands him the blue bundle.
Your eyes move away as the pink bundle is gently handed over to you. “Hello.” You whisper softly at the fidgeting baby. You can’t stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks as you down at your baby girl. Completely healthy and absolutely beautiful. “Eleanor Rebecca Barnes.” You murmur, running a gentle finger over her cheek.
“Pretty girl.” Bucky’s voice is wet and you look up to see tears on his cheeks too. You scoot over and make room for him to sit beside you again for the first time in hours. He sits as slowly as he can and then looks over at the baby in your arms as you glance at the baby in his. “Hello, Eleanor.” Bucky whispers to the little girl.
There’s a knock at the door that has the two of you snapping your heads up. You see the balloons first and then Steve and Sam behind them.
“Boys.” You whisper happily. Bucky nods them into the room. They come to stand in front of your bed as quietly as they can. “Meet Eleanor Rebecca Barnes and,” you and Bucky glance at each other with soft smiles, “and Steven Samuel Barnes.” He finishes for you.
Their eyes snap to you two in shock. “What?” Sam asks after a moment of silence. “You… You said you would never name a baby after me.” He’s getting choked up as he stares at Bucky in betrayal.
“Yeah, well.” Bucky shakes his head. “You’re uh… You’re one of my best friends.” He looks over at Steve. “You’re both some of my best friends. And uh… I wouldn’t.” He sniffles and you lean your head in his shoulder in an attempt to give him comfort.
He presses a kiss to your hair before he looks back at the boys. “I wouldn’t have all this if you two hadn’t stuck your necks out on the line for me. If you two hadn’t kept looking for me.”
“Buck, you built this life all on your own.” Steve says gently.
Bucky shakes his head fondly. “I know that, punk. I got the girl and the house and the babies all on my own. But I wouldn’t have even had the chance without you two so…” He trails off before looking back down at the babies you two held in your arms.
“Can I take a picture?” Sam asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket. You two nod excitedly and look up at the camera with tired but thrilled smiles. “Beautiful family, Buck. You two should be proud.”
“Oh, Steve, grab a nurse or someone in the hallway please!” You plead. “I want a picture of all of us!” He obliges without a fight. although you’re sure right now nobody would pick a fight or say no to you.
One of your nurses comes back in with him. “Okay! Just a couple pictures then I gotta kick you two out. Mama needs her rest.”
You all nod in acceptance as Steve and Sam come to stand on either side of you and Bucky. “One...Two...Three!” She snaps the picture and turns the phone around to show you.
Your heart all but jumps out of your chest at how sweet it looks. “I love it. Thank you.” She hands the phone back to Sam and ushers the two men out. Sam calling over his shoulder, “We’ll come back tomorrow!”
You and Bucky laugh. “My heart is so full right now.” You whisper.
“I love you, pretty girl.” Bucky whispers in response. “I love our family.” You can’t do anything but nod. “I love you too. I love our family.”
The two of you sit in silence as you bask in the glow of your family.
》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《
notes // i really enjoyed writing this. it’s so happy & made me so happy. thank you to the anon who requested it! i really hope you all enjoyed this because it’s probably one of my favorite pieces now.
if you did enjoy it, replies & reblogs are greatly appreciated 💞
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x fem!reader#james bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes onshot#bucky barnes one shot
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Brickclub 4.2.3 ‘An apparition to Father Mabeuf’
Mabeuf is fading, and his vain hopes for the future and total lack of planning are disturbing. He pawned his copper plates first, and they were what he would have needed to get his book printed, which is his only source of income. It feels very specific to his character that he cut ties with the most generative thing he owned first.
This book doesn’t have a lot explicitly to say about what provisions society should make for the elderly, but Mabeuf’s story says clearly there should be something. He’s eighty; he should be allowed to rest without worrying about starving, or about having no one around who can water his garden. Myriel had Hugo’s idea of a perfect death, but there has to be some recourse for poor people who don’t have that.
This is the beginning of Mabeuf’s selling himself off piece by piece, like Fantine.
Like Myriel said, the beautiful is as useful as the useful--maybe more so. But Mabeuf is in desperate need of the basics, and in the absence of them he’s clinging to flowers.
It’s like Fantine clinging to her hope of Cosette, but it also feels extremely different. Is it wrong that Mabeuf feels to me like a deluded and diluted version of her? Flowers are important in this book, but Fantine’s story was about how she kept her eye on the most important thing, always, and she fought for that to the end. Mabeuf’s clinging to the flowers feels like he’s already given up hope, and now he’s just distracting himself as best he can.
At the same time, maybe there are worse things to lose. He keeps his soul at the expense of everything else, and that’s tragic and in some ways frustrating, but--I don’t know, there are plenty of people in this book who choose to become monstrous instead.
And on that note, we meet Eponine, who has become much stranger. She isn’t monstrous in the moral sense--like, say, her parents are--but she’s stopped being quite human. Marius’s and Mabeuf’s descents are linked explicitly to each other, but she’s part of that comparison too.
We’re entirely external to Eponine here. She’s an apparition and a goblin, and--possibly--an angel. She does a good deed in watering Mabeuf’s flowers, though it’s transactional; she wants Marius’s address. But she’s noticing suffering and alleviating it, and that’s huge.
And yet, as we’ll see throughout, she seems to have separated herself from the normal, mortal world in order to do it. We’re already getting that eldritch, ring-wraith quality to her, and a feeling that whatever agency she’s gained by this point in the novel, she gave up her humanity to get it.
Hugo said--entirely inexplicably--in his description of Marius:
We must not suppose that his reason was disordered. Quite the contrary. He had lost the capability of work, and of moving firmly towards a definite end, but he was more clear-sighted and correct than ever. Marius saw, in a calm and real light, although a singular one, what was going on under his eyes, even the most indifferent facts of men; he said the right word about everything with a sort of honest languor and candid disinterestedness. His judgment, almost detached from hope, soared and floated aloft.
And that doesn’t describe Marius at all, but it’s not a bad description of what Eponine has become. The “moving firmly to a definite end” is up for debate--she’s very definite and effective in what she does, but at the same time, like with Mabeuf, there’s no endgame here. None of her plans lead to a better future, or any kind of future. Her power comes from a sense of futurelessness--she’s already dead.
And it’s interesting that that happens entirely off screen. We have an outline of what happened to her--she left her sentry duty to go off with Montparnasse; she was arrested and jailed and eventually released. She was asked to investigate the Rue Plumet house and lied about it.
But she was a girl before, if a strange and sick and uncanny one. Suddenly she’s something else.
Did she die? Did she sell her soul? What DID this?
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for the drabble thing: “you weren’t there”
maybe post mountain geraskier? i’m in an angsty mood rn but whatever you wanna write will be good :)
Creatures of the Night (2)
It's the night of Jaskier and Valdo's wedding. Geralt needs to do something.
(endgame geraskier, background valdo/jaskier, angst, infidelity)
Previous | AO3
The Oxenfurt Observatory might just be the grandest building in Redania.
The great hall is decorated with countless flowers and candles, giving the ancient walls a soft glow. Through the tall glass ceiling, stars are shining in the clear night sky, the perfect weather for a wedding.
It must be Jaskier’s idea, to be handfasted at midnight, to have his guests slow-dance under the moon and the stars until dawn breaks. Their new life will begin when the candles burn out and the first ray of light spills into the room.
If only there’s a competition for the biggest romantic on the continent. Jaskier could win without breaking a sweat.
The room is being filled up with guests—mostly bards and professors, old schoolmates of the two grooms. After all, both Valdo and Jaskier are Oxenfurt’s children, which means everyone is dressed in the most colorful clothes one could imagine. In another word, the room is being filled up with Jaskiers, and it’s getting loud.
It’s more difficult to locate the bard himself through the din of the room, but Geralt hears him, unmistakably. Jaskier’s heartbeat approaches the Observatory, thrumming with nervousness.
No more nervous than Geralt.
He breathes in, and exits the room in a few strides. And there Jaskier is, surrounded by pale moonlight, with jasmine flowers braided into his hair and pure joy painted across his cheeks. He seems to be murmuring a private joke to Essi, and they both burst into strings of giggles.
Geralt almost backs out.
“Geralt!” Jaskier notices him. “You came! I was worried for a moment.”
“Of course.” Geralt gestures to the outfit he helped pick out. “You look nice.”
“Thank you. Now, Poppet, can you give us a few moments?” Jaskier sends Essi inside with the sweetest smile. She shoulders past Geralt a little too curtly. There’s always an air of wariness whenever Essi regards Geralt, an untrusting side-eye here and there.
“Don’t mind her.” Jaskier waves when they are left alone. “Little Eye is a tad too protective. She’ll get over it.”
“Hmm.” Geralt swallows hard. “Can we find somewhere more private? I want to talk to you.”
Jaskier blinks, but leads them away anyway until they are by the side of the road, the celebrating crowd and the orange glow of candlelight in the distance.
“Here to make sure I end up someone else’s problem, aren’t you? Don’t worry, in about half an hour, I will be legally required to only bother Valdo for the rest of eternity.” Jaskier nudges Geralt in the shoulder, a jasmine slipping by his ear.
Geralt rights it without thinking, his fingers trembling.
Gods, he can’t say it. He can’t. Jaskier is so happy and Geralt will only ruin their friendship. His second chance is too precious to be risked—
“No, actually,” Geralt heaves out a breath, his heart pounding. “The opposite."
Jaskier snorts, “And, my dear witcher, what is the opposite?”
Here it goes.
“I am in love with you.”
The words sink into the silence. Geralt’s world narrows down to the steady rise and fall of Jaskier’s chest and the little hitch in his breathing. In the darkness of the night, Jaskier’s eyes stay in the shadows, his emotions obscured.
“No, you are not.” When he finally answers, it comes out in a snort. “Ha! A good one, Geralt! And they say witchers don’t have a sense of humor, idiots!”
Jaskier lets out another dry laugh, although the waver in his voice betrays everything.
“I am,” Geralt stresses again, “in love with you, Jaskier.”
Jaskier is staring, the upturn of his lips freezing into shock, the rise and fall of his chest picking up into a frenzy and suddenly he’s breathing too fast. “You can’t. You just can’t…” Air seems to trap in his lungs and a salty tang of tears hits Geralt full-force.
“I wish I couldn’t love, like what they say, but Jaskier, I can and I do—”
“You can’t do this to me!” Jaskier shouts, crying openly. “No, no! You don’t get to tell me this now! We had twenty years…”
Geralt wants more than anything in the world to pull Jaskier into his arms and wipe away the tears, but the space between them is too great. “I didn’t know for twenty years, Jask. Forgive me. It was only after the mountain that I learned how important you were to me. I couldn’t go on like this—”
“The mountain?” Jaskier chokes out a whimper. “You realized after the mountain? You mean when I bared my heart to you and you stomped on it like it was nothing?”
Geralt shakes his head, the guilt constricting his chest. “I’m sorry. For all the pain I caused you.”
“For months I thought I was but a mistake to you, that you hated me for two decades and couldn’t wait to cast me aside like dirt stuck on your shoes. Do you even know… Geralt, do you have an ounce of idea what I went through?”
Jaskier sways and Geralt catches him in his arms, placing his head on his shoulders and feeling the uncontrollable shakes running down Jaskier’s spine. The sight of Jaskier hurt because of him, again, pains Geralt more than any monster’s claws or talons.
“I love you, Jaskier,” he vows. “You were never nothing to me. You are everything. I was an idiot. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Jaskier struggles and swats at his shoulders and Geralt takes it all the while murmuring more sweet nothings into his ear. Finally, when Jaskier calms down, it’s with another whimper. “You are an idiot.”
“I am.” Geralt cradles the nape of Jaskier’s neck, running his thumb in circles, soothing the last of the trembling away. “Just one word from you, Jask, I can take you away. You don’t have to marry him. Just give me the word and I’m yours. Gods, I’ve waited for so long for this day. At last, I’m sure of my heart, just as I’m sure of yours.”
He buries into Jaskier’s hair and inhales the grief and the flowers, and something that is distinctly Jaskier, expecting a whispered plea. Just one word from Jaskier and they can start their new life together.
What he doesn’t expect is the way Jaskier goes stiff in his arms and the hand that pushes him away.
The soft moonlight catches a glint in Jaskier’s eyes, and it speaks of determination. “Valdo,” he says, as if in a dream.
“You don’t have to marry him. We can lea—”
“Valdo will be here soon.” Jaskier sniffles and wipes at his tears frantically. His whole face is puffy from crying and there’s no way he can hide it. “It’s almost midnight.”
Geralt’s world comes to a stop.
“What?”
“Get inside, and don’t say anything about this.”
“I don’t understand. Jask, you don’t need to go through this anymore. I’ll give you anything you ask. Just say the words, please,” he begs for the first time in a century, catching Jaskier’s hand.
“I am saying it. Get inside. Sit in the back row and don’t speak to me. Valdo might be able to tell.” With a few deep breaths, Jaskier school his features back to neutral. “Only the gods know how he can read me like an open book.”
Geralt’s blood runs cold. “Do you love him?”
The anguish by the corner of Jaskier’s lips says everything. It remains as he smiles a crooked smile. “He loves me. Oh, Geralt, he loves me. I can’t hurt him like this.”
“I thought,” Geralt looks down in shame. “I thought I knew your heart.”
“I thought I did too.”
“Then why?”
“You weren’t there,” Jaskier shrugs like it’s the easiest explanation. “He was.”
Despite every cell in Geralt’s body screaming against it, he nods and lets go of Jaskier’s hand, allowing his limp fingers to slip from his grasp at last.
Jaskier has asked it of him after all.
He doesn’t know how he got back into the crowd, the warm light only a blur in his vision. Another group is stopping near the hall, among them is the other groom-to-be. Valdo’s worried voice when he sees Jaskier is another blow to Geralt’s chest.
“Oh, Julian, are you crying?”
“Just…too happy.”
There’s the sound of kissing, and Geralt can’t tune it out. He laughs at himself for the masochistic tendencies, but maybe he deserves the torture.
“No more tears. Let’s get married, my love.”
The guests settle, and the music begins.
The happy couple walks towards the altar in the witness of family and friends, and Geralt watches every moment of it.
If the smile on Jaskier’s face is a bit strained as the priest ties the ribbon, no one seems to notice.
---
A big thanks to anon for the prompt! I asked for some one-word or one-sentence prompts and the next thing I knew they were connecting into a whole story.
Each chapter of this story will be based on a prompt, so send in one if you want to steer it in certain directions ;)
Tagging: @wanderlust-t @rockysstupidity @flowercrown-bard @alllthequeenshorses @mothmanismyuncle @percy-jackson-is-sexy- @constantlytiredpigeon @behonesthowsmysinging @kitcatkim3 @endless-whump @rey-a-nonbinary-bisexual @llamasdumpsterfire @dapandapod
Please feel free to tell me if you want to be removed or added to the list <3
#geraskier#geraskier fic#angst#background valdo/jaskier#geralt x jaskier#weddnings#unrequited love#requited unrequited love#valdo marx#endgame geraskier#ignore the fact that glass ceilings weren't a thing back then#also 'Oxenfurt Observatory' looks so nice
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So... about Elriel and Elucien...
I have finally read everything ACOTAR, including the two excerpts at the end of ACOSF, so I can give my final opinion about this ambiguous situation.
Let me first point out that I really don’t care about Elain and who she ends up with, I’m primarily a Faysand shipper, so my opinion in this matter is objective because I’m not invested, I only care about the characters’ wellbeing which fortunately is something SJM gives us anyway.
My opinion is that this ambiguous situation, is not ambiguous at all. Elucien and Gwynriel are endgame, and here is why.
(And fyi I’m nobody. Just a reader who likes to dissect and analyse plotlines and characters of the media she consumes. 9 times out of 10 I get it right.)
Every writer has a certain style, a bunch of tropes and preferences that are recurrent in their writing and create their own personal trademark. That’s why as readers we are fans of specific authors and tend to read most of what they write, their telltale signs can be found in other stories, other flavours but they are still there. Now, SJM has her own way to write romance and her couples always follow this format:
1) The couple that is ultimately going to end up together starts from a position of opposition and contrast. They initially can’t stand each other, they lie to themselves thinking they want nothing to do with the other person.
2) They ALWAYS start from a position of cowardice and false comfort, and their journey is to open their eyes, understand that the way they are living is wrong, and accept that part of themselves that pushes them toward the other person.
Let’s look at the two canon couples this series:
Feysand:
Feyre and Rhys start seemingly as enemies. We then learn that it’s all bullshit, but what is Feyre’s psychological state at the beginning of ACOMAF? She is in a BAD relationship, but she can’t find the strength and the guts to get herself out of that situation. It takes a while for her to open her eyes and see that what she needs is elsewhere. Similarly, when Rhys just got free of 50 years of mental and physical subjugation, the first thing that happens to him is to find out that he is tied to someone else. Someone who isn’t even available. His first instinct is to run. Once they finally admit what they feel for each other, they also embrace a part of themselves they were ignoring or rejecting. We have read 1000 times how Feyre used to draw stars and night skies her whole life before finding herself at peace in the Night Court. And Rhys was so traumatised by all he had been through that loving Feyre forces him to come to terms with it and understand that he is worthy of being loved despite Amarantha.
Nessian:
At the beginning of her journey Nesta is a whole train wreak. She hates herself and her only way to get by, the coward comfortable way, is drunkenness and meaningless sex with strangers. Cassian is actually the most grounded character of this whole saga imo, he had already been through his personal journey but he was also scared shitless of Nesta and her reactions. And only when she finally forgives herself, she can accept him.
Now... what does this mean for Elain?
Elain has had her life turned upside down by her transformation. She is heartbroken because the man she was in love with can’t even stand the sight of her. The moment she emerged from the Cauldron she was claimed. Very, very wrong move from Lucien’s part, should’ve bidden his time like Cassian did. Elaine rejects this new life for moths, and of course she rejects Lucien. Lucien is shaken by this, BUT he is also running away. We have seen him being completely lost. He has a sense of responsibility and yes, sure, attraction towards Elain, but he is messed up and in ACOFAS it is mentioned that he also wants to spend as little time with her as possible.
It’s exactly the same situation as Feysand and Nessian, but in a different context of course. They both have to go through their own journey, accept themselves and then the other.
And we have had the same kind of hints we had with Feyre. Elain is not suited for the Night Court, she looks washed up in black, lifeless, darkness doesn’t suit her. She is light, flowers and sun. She is the Day Court, of which Lucien is in fact the heir.
And what about Azriel?
Azriel and Elain are in a very similar situation at the moment. They are both surviving a terrible heartbreak, they are both quiet and contemplative, they both see more than they let on. They are each other’s easy, comfortable choice. Also they both know that they can’t really be with each other, so if on one side this increases desire, on the other deep down they are happy basking in the knowledge that they won’t have to commit.
Since I started reading ACOSF I realised that the character of Gwyn had been created to be Az’s perfect match. She is also pure and traumatised, but she is already a fighter. Elaine and Azriel don’t work well together because they are too similar where it doesn’t matter, they need a counterpart to balance them when it comes to temperament, but similar enough deep down. Gwyn sees herself as scarred, marked after what happened to her. Just like Az constantly looks at his scarred hands. Elaine is all pureness and this is what attracts him about her, but it’s not what he needs.
Gwyn and Az are on the same journey: accept the fact that their past does not define them and that they are better people than what they think.
Lucien and Elain are on the same journey: find out who they really are and what kind of life they want.
I’m expecting something to happen between Elain and Azriel in the next book, if SJM had not shown any attraction between them I would’ve thought that maybe she was preparing something meaningful for them later on, but it’s so out there that it’s clear they are each other’s initial position of comfort and complacency, they may even bang (and I’m sure it’s going to be hot if it really happens), but it won’t get further than that.
Az’s shadows are attracted to Gwyn, they recognise a mating bond that neither of them understands yet.
And Elain is so focused on rejecting Lucien even when he’s not around that it’s typical SJM couple dynamic 101.
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Loki spoilers won't be found here.
Loki shouldn't exist. Not as a show anyway. Despite being perhaps Marvel's most popular character on screen, Loki snuffed it at the start of Avengers: Infinity War. But of course, that didn't stick for long, what with him being a god and all.
Following the return of an alternate Loki in Avengers; Endgame, Thor's mischievous brother is now working to fix the timeline alongside an organisation known as the Time Variance Authority (TVA). It's a weird starting point for one of Marvel's most unique characters, but in a world where people fly and heroes are named after bugs, weird is most welcome. In fact, that's exactly why fans are so passionate about Marvel, and that includes Loki director Kate Herron.
"I remember trying to turn one of my Barbies into Storm, and I melted her hair off," says Herron. As far as Marvel entry points go, that has to rank up there with the very best. And just like Kate grew up "loving the X-Men cartoon," a whole new generation will grow up adoring shows like Loki.
Herron tells us that she's always loved the God of Mischief, so when she heard that Loki would be starring in his own solo outing, she immediately had to get involved. "I remember saying to my agent, 'Just keep calling them. Just keep calling them. Eventually, they will cave, and they will meet me.'"
Once she was in the room with Disney, Kate showed them a 60-page pitch document that included "everything" in it. "I figured, go big or go home, because I knew I’d be up against some really experienced directors, and I thought, 'Well, I’m not going to lie to them' and be like, 'I’m the most experienced person you’re meeting.’ But I thought I’d just be the most passionate."
"Loki defines what the vibe of the MCU has become. He was that, almost from the beginning."
Clearly, it worked, and not long after, Herron started to collaborate with Loki head writer Michael Waldron, another Marvel fan who took an unusual path to reach this point. Before joining the House of Mouse, Michael worked in the Rick and Morty writers room, which he describes as a sort of "sci-fi college" where he was "inundated with science-fiction knowledge all day, every day."
Riffing on obscure Marvel characters for Rick and Morty put Waldron in good stead for the challenges he would face writing Loki. "Obviously that kind of sci-fi multiversal world was adjacent to what Marvel is doing more and more of. My brain was really finely tuned for that, heading into the MCU world."
In his first pitch meeting, Michael described Loki himself as pivotal to this world that Marvel has created. "He defined what the sense of humour and the vibe of the MCU had become. He was that, almost from the beginning." It's vital then that Marvel gets this show right, and that's something both Michael and Kate are fully aware of.
Not only does Herron want to "pay respect and homage to a character that people love," she also wants to ensure "there’s a reason why we’re going back in," by "taking Loki to fresh ground."
Of course, covering "fresh ground" can be risky, especially with a "six-hour movie" like this. And that's why Waldron was "terrified" longtime Marvel fans might find their show too complex or inaccessible. "That was my biggest fear. It keeps me up at night," says Michael. But the writers room rose to that challenge by starting from the ground up.
"We had to establish a logical foundational sci-fi reality for the show. It’s the TVA. They police time. That meant that we had to create rules, and build out what do they do? Why do they do it? For the writers’ room, they all had drawings and stuff like this on the whiteboards."
"That was my biggest fear. It keeps me up at night."
"And that necessitates really complex explanations and ideas," Michael continues. "Then you have to figure out: 'OK, how can we boil this down into a very simple way so that the audience is going to understand what Loki is going through, but they’re not going to feel like they’re in science class? They’re not going to tune out because they’re bored?'"
That doesn't seem likely though. Waldron describes himself as the show's "harshest critic," so he was quick to call out scenes or bits of dialogue that might not work. "I’m very easily bored," says Michael. "I fall asleep easily in anything." And it was this low threshold that helped him navigate those trickier exposition scenes in ways that will still hold the viewer's interest.
And it also helps that we've never seen Loki quite like this before. As Kate points out, "Loki's in a very different place to where we’ve seen him in the last 10 years. We’re taking him on a very unique, new journey. It’s him working out who he is, and trying to basically undo this mess he’s made with time, with the TVA."
Although there will be nods to the comics, Herron says that Loki's journey here is something we've "not seen or read before." And that's also true of where we're at in the MCU right now. Post-Endgame, this is a very different world to the one Stan Lee envisioned all those many years ago.
Michael remembers when the Loki writer's room was fortunate enough to watch an early cut of Avengers: Endgame, and then suddenly they realised, "We’re making Loki in this era after that." So what comes next? "To me, that was exciting – this unchartered territory of 'where does the MCU go?' It felt like, more than ever, that sandbox – we could blow the lid on it, and go wherever we wanted to."
No comic book characters were off-limits to Waldron and his team either. "If they were within the rights, and legal could clear it, there was no reason we couldn’t try and chase them down." And when we pressed him on possible cameos, Michael simply told us to "Expect the unexpected."
"Loki's in a very different place to where we’ve seen him in the last 10 years."
That's often par for the course with new shows like this, but we have no reason to doubt Michael here, because for once, it really does seem like Loki will be different from anything that's come before. Kate says just when it looked like things might be getting "too" weird — "They’re not going to let me do this" – Marvel told her, “No, go weirder.”
So yes, keep an eye out for "twists and turns" and sure, look out for wider "ramifications" that will impact the MCU at large. But first and foremost, except things to get real weird real fast. Could melty-haired Storm even appear for a multiverse cameo? Probably not, but that's exactly the kind of chaos we're expecting to see in the God of Mischief's very first solo venture.
Loki premieres on June 9, 2021, streaming exclusively on Disney+.
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“little garden” implications
starting to think that “little garden” = fandom elain and this was sjm’s way of subtly tackling how she has been reduced to her hobbies and overlooked by characters & the fandom for her traditionally feminine characteristics. this has even led some people to determine her possible endgames (ex; lucien and tamlin) for the series just because she likes gardening. not because she has expressed interest in them, but because she likes gardening so that automatically means she must end up with someone associated with flowers.
im not opposed to elain somehow taking over spring court or ending up with lucien (if the story convinces me lmao) but there’s an issue with sticking her there just because it seems like it works. like elain residing at spring court has been a popular fan theory since the beginning of the series but every book that has been released only seems to disprove it even more? she has never explicitly said she wanted to live there, even chosen a life for herself at night court, but fans and the inner circle just took this idea and ran.
“But Elain.... The Sprint Court had been made for someone like her.” (Nesta)
“Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed. So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.” (Cassian)
i’d say that it’s arguable whether or not nesta truly has an accurate depiction of elain now that we have a more in-depth portrait of nesta’s mind and childhood. of course this was not cultivated by nesta herself, with much help from her mother, but elain is still a child to nesta. a child who is a bartering tool between her and her disfigured dynamic with feyre. a child who is a reminder of her own insecurities. essentially, this quote from acosf sums it up, “nesta made her own choices, but our mother laid the ground work.”
“Elain is pleasant to look at, but she has no ambition. She does not dream beyond her garden and pretty clothes. She will be an asset on the marriage market for us one day, if that beauty holds, but it will be our own maneuverings, Nesta, not hers, that win us an advantageous match” (Mama Archeron)
“It doesn’t matter what I think. Go back to Feyre and your little garden.”
Elain, sweet and oblivious.
Elain was like a dog, loyal to whatever master kept her fed and in comfort.
But to let Elain involve herself, jeopardize her safety—
“Look who decided to grow claws after all. Maybe you’ll become interesting at last, Elain.”
“Always defending sweet, innocent Elain.”
Challenge filled each word. Challenge—from Elain, of all people.
Elain stepped closer, brown eyes wide. Undoubtedly wholly convinced of her own innocence, her innate goodness.
Elain had accepted his death as inevitable. She hadn’t bothered to fight for him, as if he hadn’t been worth the effort, precisely as Nesta knew she herself wasn’t worth the effort.
It was inevitable, Nesta supposed, stomach churning. She was the monster. Why shouldn’t the two of them band together and shove her out? Even if she’d foolishly believed that Elain had always seen every horrible part of her and decided to stick by her anyway.
now onto feyre, who has always had a softer but different opinion of elain. this doesn’t mean it’s accurate to how elain is or was, but it’s safe to say that this was an opinion that wasn’t stemmed out of their mother’s mind. this is not to villainize nesta, but merely explain how elain was never made out to only be a “pretty face” to feyre. but of course it’s important to remember that she isn’t scotch free for how she acted in their childhood.
It wasn’t that Elain was cruel. She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face. Elain sometimes just … didn’t grasp things. It wasn’t meanness that kept her from offering to help; it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty.
Perhaps buried it a bit, but she was generous, loving, and kind—a woman I found myself proud to know, to call sister.
Elain mouthed my name but kept cowering, kept her head down.
Elain, who had been gentle and sweet.
I had not painted in years at that point, had not dared spend the money on myself … But Elain had.
She had looked at that cottage with hope; I had looked at it with nothing but hatred. And I knew which one of us had been stronger.
“She loves her garden. Always loved growing things. Even when we were destitute, she managed to tend a little garden in the warmer months. And when—when our fortune returned, she took to tending and planting the most beautiful gardens you’ve ever seen. Even in Prythian. It drove the servants mad, because they were supposed to do the work and ladies were only meant to clip a rose here and there, but Elain would put on a hat and gloves and kneel in the dirt, weeding. She acted like a purebred lady in every regard but that.”
nesta and feyre both have two different feelings regarding elain but they are similar in that they both believe she needs to be protected. it’s pretty clear when elain reminds them of how they only thought of her trauma when it affected them.
“Elain was right. We’ve become so focused on how her trauma impacted us that we forget she was the one who experienced it.” (Feyre)
quite honestly, it’s the inner circle members who are aware of elain’s potential and look at her as not defenseless compared to her sisters. this of course makes it’s quite ironic that she’s used as “pawn” to get nesta to stick her neck out. moving on, it’s specifically azriel, who is someone she chose to create a bond with and probably knows her best. cassian also may be someone who considers elain to not truly belong to night court but does shift his opinion on her overall character.
“Including Elain, who is more than capable of defending herself against the darkness of the Trove, if she chooses to. Don’t underestimate her.” (Amren, oops)
“Nesta was wrong, Cassian realized, to think of Elain as loyal and loving as a dog. Elain saw every single thing Nesta had done, and understood why.” (Cassian)
“I think she’s kind, and I’ll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also don’t think we’ve seen all she has to offer.” (Rhys)
rhysand is also someone who slowly begins to see elain in a different light as well as feyre by the end of the book. in fact, it takes rhys expressing his opinion of elain, as someone who didn’t grow up with her, for feyre to see things differently. it takes rhys, who brings back up the first description of elain in the series, for feyre to recollect another element of elain.
“It wasn’t meanness that kept her from offering to help; it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty.” (Feyre, ACOTAR)
“Don’t forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one’s hands dirty along the way.” (Rhys, ACOSF Bonus)
“Have you ever seen Elain act like that before?”
“No. I mean, she’s been brave when she had to be, but she’s never been confrontational.”
“Maybe she’s never been given a chance to be that way.”
“You think I stifle her?”
“Not you alone. But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.”
in conclusion, elain is a character who’s journey is yet to be complete. the first real choice she had was to not hunt for the family but essentially, she’s been deprived of real choice and independence her entire life. besides being pretty and marrying well, not much has ever been expected of her until she left the garden of her childhood and planted her own. while she may have been turned against her will, elain found solace in dedicating her attention towards the garden in the archeron mansion, night court and all those who resided there. gardening and growing things is something she chose; not something that was inflicted upon her (such as a mating bond.)
elain does not belong somewhere or with someone because she gardens. we have seen countless times over that she can make her own place anywhere but she chose to make a home at night court.
#this is just a rant with quotes lmao#acotar#elain archeron#pro elain archeron#pro elain#anti elucien#a court of thorns and roses
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The first and only time Lucien displayed any vulnerability was when Jester called him "dreamy," after which he alluded to an unpleasant upbringing. I was wondering if you could write something wherein the reader (human) shows interest in him? Being his typical, condescending self, he thinks it's because the reader was with Molly, only to find out the reader is genuinely interested in him, and maybe that thaws his heart a little?
I hope this turned out to your liking. Love me a condescending tiefling who doesn't acknowledge views other than his own. Hope you enjoy! 😘
Lucien, previously mostly indifferent to you, has been keeping his distance after you read him like an open book in the card reading incident with Jester. Maybe having this bunch of gullible but curious adventurers tagging along was a terrible idea after all. Maybe best get rid of them now before it’s too late. But there you are being your stupid charming, beautiful self and something within him hesitates, even more so than with the others. You are an enigma he needs to figure out. Right now you’re an obstacle standing in the way of his goal because every second he’s paying more attention to you, he’s less on guard and that might just compromise his endgame.
Lucien is entertaining the thought to just talk his way into your bed, and get it over with. Maybe once he’s gotten his bias for you out of his system he can get back to work. Besides, you’ve shown some interest in him already, rooted in your connection with the fragment previous to his own return. Same face, same body, a few shared traits maybe, but not the same person. A fatal flaw on your end…
Perhaps Lucien can turn this into leverage, play into the parts you might latch onto believing that maybe the fragment might return to the surface if you call to him. Or play into your feelings for the fragment, play sympathetic and play upon a mutual interest. Because maybe if he plays along, you could be the game changer, the leverage, and give him answers and insights in this Mighty Nein. You might be the key to all the answers he’s seeking. And if achieving this goal results in the two of you sleeping together, two birds one stone. There’s no negative outcome for him here. Either you turn on your friends and join him or eventually stand against him and he’d already have gotten what he wants from you.
From the moment you met Lucien it was abundantly clear he’s not Molly. Yes there are some similarities and habits they share but beyond a surface level they’re very different. That doesn’t mean you weren’t curious to get to know this version of the tiefling. While he has many flaws, some that cannot be overlooked, there’s something about Lucien that commands attention. With how closed off this version is you played into the parts you did recognise, if only to make your encounters with him a bit more pleasant and less tense, be that for yourself or others around you.
Your encounters, especially when eventually traveling together grew more frequent and less tense to the point one could call them enjoyable. Of course the Nein caught onto this and saw it as hope their, your Mollymauk might still be in there. He might, maybe not in the way they hoped. Right now Lucien is here and he’s here to stay. Even from the start you didn’t want to make enemies with the man be that out of self preservation, your own curiosity or something else entirely. Making enemies with the Nonagon just seemed stupid and getting to know him, looking past all the theatrics he put up for the Nein, he’a actually a half decent person.
You’d been making progress, getting to know Lucien, spending more time with him. From the start you didn’t hide the fact that you may or may not have a thing for him. Seems like your taste hasn’t changed; charming enigmatic drama queens with great style, a dash of egoism and some hedonism thrown into the mix. It was all going well and you could see the walls slowly beginning to crumble giving you a peak behind the curtain; Lucien without the facade but then Jester came along with Molly’s cards. Curiosity peaked of course Lucien took her up on her offer of a reading.
You saw that twitch, saw the walls come down and you got a peak behind the curtain just like you had wanted. Only it lasted much shorter than you had hoped the walls rose and the curtain closed once more. You got some insights in his past based of his responses and with how close attention you were paying you know he was aware of what you were able to glean. You kind of pity him for the past he went through even the present he lives now. You recall Molly deflecting, changing the subject, doing anything to avoid confrontation if it didn’t suit him. After that card reading you got the same from Lucien this time in the form of a cold shoulder. Dammit Jester. Now you have to find a way to fix this.
The others are asleep in the dome save for Fjord currently keeping watch and you awake and bothered. A ways away at a comfortable distance is the camp of the Tombtakers. They too are asleep with the exception of Lucien who sits in front of the fire staring into the flames. Getting up with a soft puff you make eye contact with Fjord. A confused ‘where are you going?’ glance from the half-orc leads you to respond with a nod in the direction of Lucien which in turn leads to a non-verbal argument with the man, an argument that won’t stop you so when the last is said and done you just wave and step outside of the bubble, blanket still wrapped around your shoulders to block out the cold Eiselcross air.
You’re not deliberately quiet padding your way through the thick layer of snow and know full well you should be in sight of Lucien but he doesn’t in any way respond to you. His eyes stay trained on the fire in front of him so you walk up beside him. The cold very much bothers you and you’re beginning to regret your decision of walking out of the comforts of the dome just because you want to sort out this sudden cold behaviour towards you and get it over with. It may take a leap of faith to do so but if that’s what it takes, that’s exactly what you’ll do.
“Hey, I could really do with some of the perks of that infernal bloodline if you don’t mind.” You nudge his leg with your foot pulling the blanket around your shoulders just a little bit tighter. Shaken out of whatever trance Lucien had allowed himself to slip in he looks up at you.
“If you’re so cold you can go back to the comforts of that dome so handily provided by your wizard friend.” Ouch. That’s icy cold but you haven’t come this far by just accepting rude comments. You’re stubborn and you’re not backing down just yet.
“Don’t patronise me.” You sit down keeping a good foot or so between the two of you as you stare into the flames, the warmth not nearly enough to actually keep you comfortable, you’re shivering. Your presence alone puts Lucien on edge so here you’ll stay. Besides, if you get hypothermia, the clerics can fix you right?
About fifteen minutes pass and your quivering doesn’t end, your breath visible in the air, you are a constant nuisance to his previously peaceful evening of plotting. Why did you have to leave your bloody bubble and come bother him? Because right now you’re the only thing on his mind and all previous queries and grand plans have left his brain and there’s only you. Maybe you’ll just leave if he keeps this going? No you won’t. Lucien knows you longer than today and once you’ve set your mind to something you’re not letting go until you’re satisfied. Right now you’re anything but satisfied.
“Fine. Let’s get this over with because I need to get back to figuring out if you lot will remain useful or a thorn in my drawers. What do you want?” Lucien sneers studying you. His red eyes harsh, you get a clear view of the frustration and tension.
“We’re cutting the crap? Okay. All fine with me.” You clasp your hands together and lean your chin on them as you address the tiefling. “Why have you been avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder ever since you showed an ounce of vulnerability?” Two can play this game and if you know anything from Molly it’s that if you get him frustrated and on edge he’s more likely to let things slip he’d usually keep in. By the looks of it Lucien isn’t much different in that aspect but he has a bit more self control.
“Perhaps I’m just done playing the part of a long gone fragment you’re desperate to hold onto, darling. It’s been fun but the game’s over.” Lucien’s this close to deadpanning that sentence. Close but not close enough. You laugh almost disappointed. Such a blatant lie, you expected better from this one.
“Laugh all you want. The game is over.”
“You’ve spent too much time with people agreeing with you all the time that you seem to have forgotten what it’s like to have your views misalign with that of another.”
“Now you’re the one patronising me.” He jabs back. Eyebrow raised you press your lips together. So looks like it’s not going to take much for you to get answers out of Lucien.
“I’m not the one spooked by some cards and the notion of showing a fraction of vulnerability in a moment the majority won’t even catch on to let alone understand.” Lucien turns to face you and glares.
“Are you done yet?” Oh you’re not nearly done but you also know Lucien can be fickle and you don’t want to push too far. You’ve got one more up your sleeve. Okay maybe a few more… Should you give him a choice on which one he’d like to address? You snort. Lucien grabs you by the shoulder and turns you to face him with disapproving expression trying to cover the frustration and how much you’re getting on his nerves right now; less because of your attitude and more because of his own issues.
“So your game ends before you weasel your way into my bed and attempt to use me for your own benefit, manipulate me until I spill all my friends and I’s secrets, and cast me aside once I’ve outlived my usefulness?” Nail. On. The Head. Lucien’s taken aback by that one. The shock’s clear and he does not like it at all you caught him off guard by exposing his plans just like that when you’d been playing along just as he had been trying to get you to.
“How’s that been working out for you? Or do you count attachment as a weakness now as well? Since vulnerability already is a major one in your opinion.” Lucien takes the verbal attacks and he’s none to happy about it. He’s just lost his advantage, or at least the advantage he thought he had. Maybe he got so caught up in this little game that the line between him playing and him actually being blurred and you just called him out on exactly that.
“Depends. How well is it working for you?”
“You trying to charm your way into my bed? Peachy. You trying to manipulate me by playing into the shared traits between my dead companion and you. You’re doing terrible. Maybe your own feelings got in the way? Is attraction also a weakness then?” Lucien’s fist clenches as you yet again air his dirty laundry. This habit has to stop, for his sake.
“Very well then, since me charming my way into your arms has been going so smoothly, let’s get this over with and go our separate ways that we for once and all can confirm your fragment is never coming back and I can get you out of my head.”
“If you think that’s going to solve all your problems then I fully consent but I highly doubt that will fix anything since your own interests in me won’t just go away by sleeping with me. That’s not how these things work.” No use in beating around the bush and while he’d rather not admit it Lucien considered the fact that just getting rid of the jitters won’t get rid of his feelings towards you. Damn you. This would have been so much easier if you would just prove him right even if he wasn’t.
“Then what do you suggest? We kiss and make up and go our separate ways?” Lucien huffs and you roll your eyes. Anything to deflect from being faced with his feelings and dismiss yours. Can he just accept you’re interested in him and not in the shadow of Mollymauk that’s left in him?
“You want a kiss? Fine. A kiss you’ll get.” You’re the one getting exasperated with his quick dismissal so you put your hand on the side of his neck. Give him a chance to pull away or stop you before you put your lips to his. The kiss deepens into a snog and you find yourself hoping Fjord hasn’t been keeping an eye on you or he’d be in for a show without any context. You’ll have a lot of explaining to do later….
Enough’s enough and you break the kiss paying close attention to Lucien who’s processing whatever’s running through his head. You just hope he’ll be able to put his own stubbornness aside, get over himself and admit to his feelings and yours because last you checked denial is much more of a problem than vulnerability ever will be.
“You need to start accepting people don’t automatically work the way you think they work. You don’t have to like the fact I actually like you nor do you have to like me in return but you cannot dismiss my feelings and opinions just because they don’t suit you.” You pat his cheek and while he’d consider it a belittling gesture, it’s fair game at this point. Maybe the game’s still being played after all and he was never in control of the game to begin with. That’s a bit of a damper in the grand scheme of it all.
It leaves Lucien to think. Since he’s already way over his head and too far into this that there’s no way back, maybe he’ll take his chances. No major changes. The goals remain the same but for now maybe he can enjoy a little company every so often if you’ll allow it… Maybe he can drop the cold exterior, get rid of the ‘divine purpose’ attitude and just let himself be for however long it lasts. At the end of they day he has little to lose and much more to gain.
“Fine. I recognise your interests in me as more than for what silvers of that fragment remain.” Lucien does not like admitting defeat and the expression on his face brings you so much satisfaction. Yes you might have feelings for the man but that doesn’t mean you can’t find joy in these kinds of interactions even if they are rooted in frustrations.
“And…” You push for him to continue. You can see him grit his teeth but he continues at your behest.
“And, accept them along my own. No matter how much I hate to admit it, I apologise for excusing my own behaviour and motives as means solely to manipulate you.” Lucien glares at you seeing your own satisfaction.
“Good boy.” You pat his cheek.
“Now since you’ve gotten all of this out of me you better share that blanket of yours because you’re not the only one freezing out here.”
“So the cold does bother him after all.” You grin and scoot over to wrap the blanket around the both of you. A bit of the rigidness remains, not ready to drop the cold and distant attitude just yet, if ever entirely, you know the ice is melting, even if just a little. More than you expected. More than you could have asked for. Now how the hell are you going to explain this to the others….
#critical role x reader#critrole x reader#mighty nein x reader#critical role#mighty nein#lucien x reader#mollymauk x reader
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Shitty Slasher Film (Spencer Reid + gn!MC - platonic)
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8 (and minor season 7 spoilers but I figure if you’ve seen season 8 you’ve probably seen season 7 already lmao) MC and Spencer decide to go see a slasher film, but it takes a turn for the worse when the killer begins to stalk his victim.
Content: Hurt/Comfort (because literally what else do I write at this point)
Warnings: Descriptions of violence, depressive thoughts, and swearing
MC’s name and pronouns: Neither explicitly mentioned
Word Count: 2285
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The plan was simple.
We were going to see a new horror movie in the theaters - it seemed similar to a slasher film that Morgan, Garcia, Reid and I had seen like six or seven months ago, so I didn’t think anything of it when we booked the tickets. Morgan and Garcia couldn’t make it tonight, unfortunately, but we still elected to go on our own, thinking it would be a fun little outing. That was, until the film started.
The lights came up on a woman, walking through a back alley alone, at night. Typical. I even glanced over at Spencer and rolled my eyes a bit, and he grinned at the stereotypical horror movie trope.
She died, of course, and for the first half of the movie I genuinely thought it was going to be exactly what we assumed. We were laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, with the stupid special effects and the subpar acting. But everything went off the rails after the first half of the movie.
The killer had revealed his primary target, his endgame, and - much to my horror - he had begun to stalk her.
Scenes of her creating a disguise, moving houses, throwing away her phone, spun a dark web that I didn’t ever want to think about. But I had more pressing things to worry about than my fear at a movie that was literally intended to make you scared.
I glanced over at Spencer, and I could tell that his breathing had picked up. His hands were gripping the arms of the chair, knuckles as white as his face had turned. I put a hand over his, and his attention snapped to me.
“Hey, are you alright?” I asked him. It was a stupid question, and one I already knew the answer to, but it was the first thing I could think to say. He looked like he was weighing his options for a moment before he shook his head.
“Do you want to leave?” I followed. He nodded, eyes wild, and we quickly grabbed our bags and left, just as the stalker had pulled a gun on his victim. Spencer took one last look at the screen, watching with wide eyes as the victim begged for her life. It was like a trainwreck; he couldn’t take his eyes off the movie, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him as the stalker pulled the trigger, and the woman crumpled to the ground. He practically jumped out of his skin when the gunshots fired, and I grabbed his arm to usher him out.
I didn’t realize the full extent of his panic until we made it out of the theater, bursting through the doors into the significantly brighter lights of the hallway. He immediately sat down on the couch near the doors, head in his hands, breathing rapidly.
“Ok, you’ve gotta breathe, Reid. You’ve gotta breathe, alright? In through your nose, out through your mouth, can you do that?” I adjusted my breathing to fit the pattern, and saw that he had started to slow his as well. “Good, ok… we can sit here for as long as you need to, just focus on your breathing.”
He gave me an almost imperceptible nod, continuing to breathe slowly before lifting his head from his hands. His eyes were red, and it was clear he’d been trying to fight off tears.
“Reid, I’m so sorry -”
It was at that moment that he cut me off with a hug, tucking his head in the crook of my neck as I felt his body lightly shake with sobs. After a second I hugged him back, not used to physical affection from him, but not opposed as long as he was ok with it.
“It reminded you too much of Maeve, didn’t it?” I asked, trying to ensure that the story I had in my head was correct. He nodded, his breath coming in short gasps again, and I hugged him a bit tighter. “Reid, I’m so sorry, I never would’ve suggested this movie if I’d known the turn the story was going to take.”
He shook his head, sucking in deep breaths before finally attempting to speak. “No, no, it’s ok, I know that you wouldn’t have done this on purpose. It’s just…”
He trailed off, but I knew what he was trying to say. “I was there that day, Reid. I know how much she meant to you.”
“The girl in the movie kind of looked like her. You know? Same hair, same face shape… when I saw the fear in her eyes, all I could imagine was Maeve, terrified, with a gun to her head. The woman I love - loved. The woman I loved. Scared, and alone.”
“Oh, Reid… you know it’s not your fault, right? You did everything you could to save her.”
“No. No, I didn’t. I should’ve closed my eyes, I should’ve tackled Diane - hell, I should’ve shot that bitch the minute I walked into the room! Instead I stood there. I stood there while the woman I loved died in front of me, and I didn’t do anything to stop it.”
“Spencer.” I put my hands on his shoulders, pulling back from the hug to look into his eyes. “You absolutely cannot blame yourself for this. What happened to Maeve was horrible, but it was not your fault. And you can’t live your life with that on your conscience.”
“Maybe I deserve to.” His voice was soft as he tucked his head back into the crook of my neck, and I put my arms around him, one hand lightly rubbing his back. My heart broke for the man in my arms - my best friend - as he sniffled, a few stray tears still trickling down his face.
“You don’t deserve to live with that kind of guilt, Spencer. Guilt for something you didn’t even do. And I’m so, so sorry that you feel that way. And I’m so sorry about what happened.”
“Sorry doesn’t make it go away,” He argued, his voice muffled by the fabric of my t-shirt, “Sorry doesn’t bring her back.”
I heard his voice hitch when he said it, and I held him a bit tighter. “I know it doesn’t.”
He was silent for a moment before he spoke again, his voice thick with tears begging to be released. “I just wish I could bring her back.”
It was as if saying it broke something in him, and I felt his body shake as he cried again, consumed by grief and guilt unlike anything I could ever imagine. He was usually so closed off about his emotions that having him crying in my arms was a rare occurrence, even after years of friendship. The last time he was like this was after Emily’s… “death,” and even that wasn’t near as intense.
I wasn’t sure how long we sat on that bench, the orange lights of the movie theater hallway creating a strange liminal sensation as I held Spencer, finally releasing the emotions he’d clearly been pushing away since Maeve’s death.
Eventually, he stopped crying, his breathing returning to something close to normal, and he pulled away from me, his eyes red from tears.
“I’m sor -”
“Nope, do not even start to apologize. There’s nothing to apologize for.”
He closed his mouth, contemplating saying something else for a second before nodding, hugging me again.
“Thank you.”
“Of course, Reid. Do you want to go back to my place? We can order a pizza, and watch a movie - something we know this time. If you need to be alone, I understand, but -”
He shook his head. “I’d like that.”
“Good,” I sucked in a deep breath, trying to steady my own breathing after everything that just happened, “Good. Are you ok to walk to the car?”
“Yeah… I’m not sure how talkative I’m going to be tonight though…” He kind of trailed off, clearly drained, but not wanting to be alone.
“I understand; you know there’s no expectations with me, Reid. If you want to just wrap yourself up in a blanket and eat junk food, I get it. I just want to be there, to make sure that you’re ok.”
He gave me a small smile, and I grinned, grabbing his hand to help him off the bench. We made our way out to my car, and I climbed in, starting it before turning on the radio.
Spencer was pretty much silent the entire drive back to my apartment, the noise in the car mostly consisting of the music and my less than stellar singing. When we finally pulled into the complex, we headed upstairs to my place.
“I’m gonna order the food. Do you wanna find something on Netflix you like?” I asked as I unlocked the door. He nodded, and I threw my keys on the kitchen counter, putting in the pizza order on my computer. I saw him grab a blanket from the basket in the living room, wrapping it around his shoulders and plopping down on my couch.
I expected to return to the living room to see whatever movie we were watching cued up on the TV. Instead, I saw Spencer, staring at the wall across from him, remote untouched on the coffee table.
“Hey,” I sat down next to him, gently putting one hand on his shoulder, “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
He was silent for a moment, and I could see the mental battle he was fighting. Eventually, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I’m afraid… I’m afraid that if I allow myself to grieve, if I allow myself to think about what happened, I won’t be able to stop. It’s been almost four months, I thought the pain would be gone by now. But it isn’t, it’s… I just miss her. I miss her so much.”
“I know, Reid. I know.”
He leaned into me, and I didn’t hesitate to wrap my arms around him, the thoughts of pizza and a movie completely abandoned in my mind. Instead, all of my attention was on Spencer as he spoke again.
“On the last case, Rossi talked to me. I told him that I wasn’t sleeping because whenever I did, I would dream of her. Of Maeve. And everytime I saw her, I felt nothing but relief flooding my mind. I told him how she would always ask me to dance, and how I always said no. I never even got to hold her when she was alive, and I was scared that if I gave into the fantasy, I would be lost forever,” He took in a shaky breath before he continued, “And he said I should. He said, ‘just let it happen, Spencer.’ So I did. I danced with her, I held her, and when I woke up, she was all I could think about. The way it felt to wrap my arms around her, the way her head fit perfectly into the crook of my neck while we danced. It took another day before I could think about anything but her, before I could stop wallowing in my grief enough to function. And since that night, I haven’t allowed myself to give into the fantasy again, the fantasy of having her back. I think… I think that if I let it happen again, I won’t be able to come back from it. It’ll just consume me.”
“Spencer…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say. He just shook his head, telling me I didn’t need to say anything as we sat there on my couch in silence. He wasn’t crying, he hadn’t cried since we left the theater. He was just… hollow. Everything that he’d been trying to repress - to compartmentalize - had finally caught up to him, in the form of a shitty slasher movie that we’d gotten cheap tickets to see.
I held him tighter, wishing that I could figure out something to say to comfort him, to take away his pain. But I knew there was nothing I could do. Nothing I could do but just be there.
“Have you ever considered talking to someone? Like, not someone from the team - a professional?” I asked.
“I’ve thought about it. But… we’re experts in human behavior, you know? What’s a therapist going to be able to tell me that I can’t already profile myself?”
“Well, it might be helpful to have a licensed professional to talk to about this stuff. Someone who can actually give you advice on how to handle your emotions. Because as much as I am absolutely here for you no matter what, I’m afraid I’m not great at mental health advice.”
“Yeah… maybe.” He sounded dubious about the idea, and while I wanted to encourage him further, I didn’t want to push him today. So I settled for just gently rubbing his back as he laid in my arms, staring at the wall. Eventually, the doorbell rang, and I got up to get the pizza, bringing it back into the living room and setting it down on the coffee table. By now, he’d sat up, the blanket still pulled around his shoulders, but at least a bit more present.
“Thank you,” He said, for the second time that day. I just smiled at him.
“Of course. I love you, Reid. And I’m always here, whatever you need.”
“I love you too,” He gave me a small smile back before turning his attention to the coffee table, “But I also love food - I’m starving.”
I laughed as I handed him a plate, joining him on the couch as we both dug in.
#criminal minds#spencer reid#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid hurt/comfort#criminal minds hurt/comfort#spencer reid angst#criminal minds angst#best friends with spencer#platonic spencer reid#platonic hurt/comfort#angst#hurt/comfort#gn!MC#gender neutral mc
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@seethemflying I think Sansa is in the next bracket down of important characters (with Jaime). In the outline, they weren't named as one of the big five, but in the process of writing have grown more important. No way is Sansa's ending going to be anything like Show Sansa's, though (and same with Jaime tbh).
agreed but lemme take a second from cramming to rant about this because I honestly have An Issue
in the sense: I 100% agree that both jaime and sansa are next bracket/secondary main (speaking as someone whose top five is made by ppl who are either secondary main or tertiary main if they have a pov like.... I'm not gonna argue that theon is a main fiver bc he's in my top three) but like what I can't deal with is the following as in that the main five are the main five bc they have in between them all the main themes george wants to tackle + the main plot stuff except for the 'romance is my #1 sense of existing in the plot', as in:
jon is azor ahai + has the chosen one deconstruction trope going on + most likely has the 'I never wanted to be Important™/have a throne but I'll have to for duty' ending + identity arc ie if he's not jon snow first of his name i'm eating my hat
dany has the dragons + the targ ancestry deal + 'I thought I wanted to rule but actually I don't I just want to help ppl' storyline (which is the hill i'm dying on)
bran has the oH WAIT fisher king deconstruction going on + the magic™ storyline + he's most likely kitn + he's tied to uh the literal rebirth of the continent so + how to deal with disability storyline
arya has the I NEED TO REALIZE WHO I AM storyline + the learning to be yourself as a gnc woman storyline + revenge is shit storyline + I'll become a skilled assassin and choose not to act on it unless absolutely necessary storyline + trauma/ptsd storyline tied to losing your own identity
tyrion has the shakesperean hero thing going on as in I have to make peace with the fact that I killed my father/did mistakes + overcoming the societal issues/problems/the prejudice most ppl have for him that’s caused by his disability storyline + he's the only one of these five who doesn't have any magical stuff in his background/only has his brain to rely on + overcoming his family's legacy and making it better storyline
now: a bunch of other minor/secondary characters have all of this (I mean idk theon and jaime have identity + learning to deal with/overcoming societal scorn given by them being disabled/having become disabled in various ways + ptsd, brienne has the gnc woman thing etc) but like each single one of these characters only lacks the OH I HAVE A BIGASS GREAT ROMANCE WITH MY BACKGROUND (I mean gendry exists to be arya's LI but idt it's gonna be important in her future storyline the way it'll be in brienne's to say one).. which oh wait SANSA JAIME AND BRIENNE HAVE, because guess what that's the next secondary bracket where those three characters have it as a main part of the story which is exempt from the politics angle (bc none of them is tied to the iron trap by the plot no none of them jaime doesn't want it, brienne isn't a contender and sansa was supposed to be queen in the beginning so she's obviously not going to be that later no not even qitn that's gonna be bran) and here falls the entire shebang because what half of this fandom doesn't seem to get is that *drumroll* george's favorite angle to tackle when it comes to romance is... THAT EXTERNAL BEAUTY IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING AT IN PEOPLE AT THE END OF IT AND GUESS WHAT THAT'S THE MAIN POINT OF ALL OF THEM PLUS THE KNIGHTHOOD DECONSTRUCTION THING and with that I mean:
not counting that sansa's reaction to trauma is written to be specular and opposite to arya's as in arya tends to lose sight of herself/becomes someone else/resorts to violence to survive sansa never loses track of herself/her innate kindness which... is smth I wish dnd remembered, the thing is: sansa is presented in the beginning as 'i'm a twelve year old with all the issues with shallowness a 12yo brought up like me can have and everything I want from life is a good love story', which... guess what she's 100% going to get except
characters need to have an evolution, if sansa wants a handsome pretty guy who'll make her queen in the beginning and she has to realize joffrey was The Worst, do we really think her endgame is being queen of a handsome nice king when her entire schtick is liking songs about knights and wanting true love and someone gentle and brave blah blah? no, and that's exceedingly obvious when the text throws at you in the face that her only two actually viable choices for LI - sandor and tyrion - are.. guys who are either disfigured or disabled or traumatized or all three of them but are actually good people and she has to learn to see beyond looks, and no one else fits that bill period - sansa isn't getting with a pretty guy who'll make her queen, sansa will find love with a guy who's nowhere near pretty or handsome but will love her for who she is and that she will see the good behind the not-handsomeness dot and she'll prob go back north with him and be happy advising bran bc she learned stuff in court at most and I'm dying on that hill, bc again the entire point of her sl is having the nice good love story where she sees beyond external beauty which has been clear from page five of her first pov imvho
never mind that again she wants to be a queen in the beginning and then she realizes it's shit so why would she be one in the end? like not to be that asshole but george isn't exactly pro monarchy and it's obvious he's not going to paint it as an inherently positive thing
this attaches back to the fact that there's a whole knighthood deconstruction happening for which sansa has to realize that the gallant/true knights are not the ones who seem that/look like it/flaunt it around
which brings us to the fact that oh wait sandor and jaime in themselves are true knights in spite of the fact that sandor refuses to even consider himself one and jaime thinks he fucked it up and no one sees them as such
and that the truest knight in westeros who will get recognized as such is brienne
who doesn't look standard hot either
and has the love story with jaime right on page
and jaime also has the love story right on page where he has to realize he's into people that aren't c. especially brienne and so on which is what's happening right now like jb recognizing themselves as true knights™ is part of their whole thing like... it's... important
(this counting that san/san is beauty and the beast played straight with sansa as the beauty while jb is the same trope except reversed on itself five times because both j and b are both of them)
and this would also like make utter sense if oh, wait, jb weren't in the riverlands where sandor also is and if oh wait who has sworn a vow to find sansa like again I'm dying on the hill that brienne kills stoneheart, they go on the quiet isle to recover, sandor is like AH YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SANSA and sansa gets rescued in the vale by the only three true knights in these series including the one that's her actual love interest at least the way I see it and where do you think that's going to end yeah exactly
as in: she'll have the umpteenth proof that all the true knights in these books don't look like the songs and she'll get the one she wanted
(also brienne is way more like sansa than arya in personality so like... parallelism of two girls into romantic stuff getting with the guys they like? except that for b. it's relevant bc she's ugly and she gets with hot guy who's into her and for s. it's relevant bc she's hot and she goes with guy-everyone-considers-a-lost-cause showing that they're not exactly a lost cause)
like sansa is there to a) have half of the main love story plot b) as the resident song expert witness what knighthood actually means, jaime is the resident person doing things for love and finding ways to do it that aren't toxic/finds someone who'll actually love him and not what he represents, brienne is the resident 'I never thought anyone would be into me and I'm pursuing my dreams without a shred of hope they'll go well' and she gets all of that and sandor is there to be sansa's LI and to tell ppl that you can go to rehab and have a decent life even if you were used and abused to hell and back (jaime too tbh) and like none of that has to do with the iron trap, the magic, the zombies and whatnot but it's okay because it's their point in the plot and is2g I just wish people would take characters for what they represent instead of shoehorning them into others's themes/stories just because it's what they want for them, the end
(I could rant about the third bracket of characters ie theon & co & getting over trauma/ptsd without the Love Story™ but I have to get back to study if I wanna fill some prompts later so it's not gonna happen for now but... sorry for the rant I'm just really tired of the whole sansastark will get the iron trap and the north and be the ymbq and get with a guy that looks good for her depending on what we ship not considering the overall reaching plot or her book plot and everyone else will have zero relevance in the story because we said so especially when it means giving all of that to a character who is uh not belonging to any of the categories represented by the main five which are actually kiiindaaaa relevant rep but I'mma just gonna shut up here)
#janie rants#janie writes meta#i guess#anti show sansa#seethemflying#janie replies#jaime x brienne for ts#sansan for ts#long post for ts#janie speculates#right i'm back on studying penal law rip#my stuff
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Frederica and Homura as potential love interests?
Ok, before writing this post, I must admit that this thought has been wandering in my mind for some time and I will do my best to be as analytical as I can in the explanation. First of all, I've truly and wholeheartedly supported Shinkane since season 1 and I am sure that before or after, they will be endgame (in Psycho Pass' meaning, well... offscreen if we're lucky enough), so this post is just an attempt to see what is happening.
Let's make a premise: PP3, among all the seasons of PP, is the one that addressed romance in a more evident way, somehow. Not that it is a priority and it's fair as it is, since the focus of the series is basically human nature and its reaction to a world dominated by AI, but among the three seasons, PP3 caressed the topic. Not that it wasn't already addressed in the previous installments (Shion and Yayoi, Kaori's wedding, Akane's growing fascination, and not-so-well-hidden attraction and love for Kougami, Mika and her schoolmate, just to say), but starting with Sinners of the System, something else happened. Masaoka and Sae, Sugo and his friend's wife (tell me whatever, but he seemed to care a little bit too much and I found something similar in Arata's behavior towards Maiko)... and in season 3, the already mentioned Arata, both with Maiko (the hospital scene) and Karina, but also with Irie and Mao (I loved the whole music box scene) and Mao *not-so-well-hidden* fancying Kei. Did I mention the brief and glorious Shinkane's scenes? The cherry blossoms in First Inspector screamed "LOVE" in caps lock.
Well, ladies first, so let's talk about the mysterious and glamorous agent of the SAD: Hanashiro Frederica.
When her character was revealed, all of us (or at least, the majority) thought that she could be a potential threat or a possible enemy. So far, it seems that apart from bigger fanservice than all the girls in PP, a still-secret agenda, and the fact that she managed to recruit Kougami, Gino and Sugo in her team (as well as granting them some privileges), there isn't any evidence that she could be an enemy. Yes, the whole Ministry of Foreign Affairs/SAD goals and mission aren't clear, that's why I hope we might get PP4 or a dedicated special, in order to understand more about them and her apparently personal motivations too.
Now... thanks to the lovely @kumapillow who kindly translated the SAD extra chapter, something made me wonder.
I already said in another post that Frederica seems to have a soft spot for Kougami.
Just a few words about Kougami. So far, with the exception of the novels, where his feelings are clearer, he's never shown particular interest in women (or relationships in general).
In the profiling book, it's said that he doesn't remember his first love, but it's also said that he would let Sybil choose for him once the time comes, until the movie updated version when it's said that his favorite type of girl is a companion who can keep up a conversation.
Considering that in season 1 he was revenge-driven and Makishima-absorbed, romance was practically out of question (also, if we consider that he's been a workaholic since he was an Inspector, I'm not this impressed if he never had a proper relationship). Complete silence in season 2, then in the movies he said that wherever he goes, he's punctually involved in some conflict, aka... no time for romance again (for ghost!Makishima's joy).
I read sometimes that the fact that he declined Shion's advances in episode 18 with the sentence "I don't think we are each others' type" was eloquent about his sexuality, since he probably is gay or bi, at least. I don't think he is, but simply, being the kind person he is, Kougami just found a colloquial way to remember Shion where her heart truly laid (and in the novel, it's more obvious).
No surprise, during the fight against Rutaganda, when the mercenary said that listening to Kougami made him happy like he was listening to some Wagner's piéce, Kougami promptly answers that he could have rather listened to those words from a glamorous beauty than from him (he used the word "bijin" there).
I won't mention all the Shinkane subtle of the movie, but it was truly obvious how things had changed for Akane and Kougami and what could have been happened if the mercenaries hadn't come.
Case 3 shows that his relationship with the fair sex still hasn't progressed this much... though I LOVED Kougami's interactions with Tenzing and the teasing of the little girl who said that he reminded her of her dad (ok, that's progress, since in a radio drama both he and Gino made a small child crying because of their idiocy) and I headcanon that in the years past Case 3 Kou had some chances to hear back from Tenzing (because of MoFA and Frederica's care), when it comes to the blonde colleague... I guess that things haven't changed this much. Now, so far, Kougami has NEVER shown any sign of reciprocating Frederica's possible feelings, but it seems that he's the only one who knows how to cheer her up or to understand her.
Coming back to Frederica, after this digression, that's the core: she technically has all the qualities Kougami would possibly need. She's a glamorous beauty (hello there, reference to the gekijouban). She's a companion who could keep up a conversation. This point is trickier, because the conversation under the moonlight (now that it comes to my mind, it was also said that if he ever had to set a date, he would probably talk about work or taking somebody to stargaze), which largely reminds me of his conversation with Akane in the movie (I'm talking about the structure of the scene in general), shows that
Frederica too is perfectly able to lecture Kougami and pull the shits out of him about his true motives for keeping on traveling, she's been interested in him since the lessons with professor Saiga, but also... the fact that she mentioned his mother, I think was some kind of a rehash of the novel version of the conversation between Akane and Kou. I was under the impression that Ubukata and Shiotani were trying to test the waters...
Also, Frederica is a skilled fighter, she has a no-nonsense attitude and she's pretty harsh in what she says, but she's also friendly, humorous, and caring (the days they spent together with Tenzing). Then the renowned scene of the two of them making the deal... ok, I need to admit that in the beginning, I didn't see it as malicious, neither I do it now, but... mhhh... sharing the same bottle of water to make a deal... well... kinda intimate, right? Not that Kougami made a fuss, but Frederica was... pleased? After all, she didn't do any of this with Sugo (also, her approach to him was more formal) and we still don't know how she recruited Gino (I think it happened because of Kougami, after Akane's demotion)... I don't know, but it seems to me that her approach toward Kougami (at least in Case 3 and in the manga extras) is more personal... after all, when she approached him the first time, she was quite intrigued, since she wanted to take a look at the face of a celebrity like him (all said while pleasantly smiling). The extra chapter shows that while Gino and Sugo's efforts to help their chief were wasted (not for us who read), only Kougami's proposal was well received by her. Shooting like in a guerrilla field... after all, Frederica is a tough one (just like Akane) and Kougami knows it very well... like Gino adds at the end, she's definitely a female version of him, but she also is somebody able to kick Kou's glorious ass (just like Akane).
Now, time will say where the truth is, but I feel like that if Ubukata and Shiotani keep on following the route "there's a deep respect and a bond which goes beyond love and romance between Shinkane... and also Kougami doesn't see Akane in that way", and instead they choose to spice things up (but I don't think so) Frederica might be the one chosen. Luckily enough, our dear former Enforcer seems to have chosen the celibate warrior monk route, but I'm still sure that things can change and in the end, the most natural outcome will be Shinkane.
Well... since the post has become longer than I expected, I'll write another time of Shizuka and Akane, but thanks for reading until now!
#psycho pass#psycho-pass#psycho pass 3#psycho pass sinners of the system#sinners of the system#characters relationships analysis#kougami shinya#hanashiro frederica#tsunemori akane#shinkane#does a frederica-kougami ship exist?#I can't write fregami because in Italian has a certain mean XDDDD
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