I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.

So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.

starting the year ✨wrong✨

i stg if catherine dies next week i'm finding sally wainwright and making sure she never sally wain-writes again

not to complain abt a thing every pokemon fan and their mom has complained about but man i just realized another reason why not putting the battle frontier in oras was a failure of a decision- because the next game, sumo, and its postgame kinda hinges on you already knowing who anabel is, and i think a good chunk of the fandom either didnt know or didnt recognize her at all because the last time she appeared was in the deep postgame a game that had come out nearly a decade before. so having the battle frontier, or at least the frontier brains, in oras would have reminded the audience and told new fans who anabel was and given us a reason to care about her

lost my earphones i need to be shot

the one thing i think will always be downplayed in obm is the reality of just how much of the 'silent observer' barbatos remains.

my baby's finally here <3

I miss being threatened with a gun by Jarod :( (I beat road 96 yesterday and don't wanna replay the game now cause my finals start tomorrow and I wanna fully focus on them)

my beloved husband: has conceded that he might let me feed him black raspberries once he’s seen me eat some and not keel over

me, a goblin: googling how to eat grasshoppers and irritably rejecting out of hand any videos about how gross and weird it is but good for survival if you’re desperate

hejehge

Today is one of those days that I would drink if I had the money to

I can't wait to get the fuck out of this apartment

yes u r my designated shakespeare mutual bc u mentioned him like once also hi my one nsci class keeps saying 'xyz ameliorates disease symptoms' and then i stop listening and am like ohh i wonder how ameera is doing😁💗❕

hi hi hi hiiii !!! I'm doing a shakespeare adaptations module this semester so it's appropriate for the next for weeks for me to be <3 LOVE that I'm distracting u in class unintentionally. fun story so when I was like 10 my dad got me a little electronic dictionary bookmark and everyone in my class was fascinated by it and one thing we did was put out names into it to see the closest match and the closest match to ameera was ameliorate, to make things better, and it's such a pretty word that I remembered it for years and years and years and had 0 opportunity to use it in a sentence ever so it's my title instead and now 10 years later it's distracting you in class too.

few casual relationships matter more to me than the friendship between me and The Other Woman involved in my 2017 situationship

an applicant walked in and had such intense BO that by the time he left my office nearly 30-45 minutes later I was in mouth watering hands shaking stage of near vomiting. never have smelled a man that rank. we had to open the front door

god i feel so fucking stuck. it doesn't sound like i'm getting that job i really wanted after all, which means my only real option forward is to take the supervisor role being created in my office.

they want me for this role. everyone at office level who advocated for its creation had me in mind. it's not really a career path i'm interested in, but it's something.

only problem is my patience and tolerance for Nightmare Coworker is getting shorter by the day. she blew a gasket again today when some r&d folks—whose arrival had only been mentioned to me offhand—showed up. because she wasn't told by the manager herself. she stormed away to go on a walk, came back, and stormed away again to have a long chat with the manager. manager is apparently only doing what the previous one instructed her to: rely on the two point people in the clinics. which, yanno, makes sense.

(fuck. maybe i should take the managerial track. so i can be there for my team like my managers in this job haven't been, and fire the fucking toxic mold spore before she infects the clinic.) (and honestly, because no one has left over her yet, that's likely why nothing has happened. but where the fuck am i supposed to go? back to the fucking donut shop???)

Nightmare Coworker is in absolute denial that she is not The Best, in denial that people with some modicum of power in our office want me promoted, and in denial that it could ever fucking happen. the only thing she has convinced herself of is that i'm going to "get promoted and leave" which. i fucking WISH.

but here we are. no offer in sight for the thing i want most right now. no exit signs for hundreds, if not thousands of miles from here.

i want to take that damn supervisor promotion, but i can't even message my own manager without Nightmare Coworker reading slack over my shoulder and then having a meltdown about it. how am i supposed to go talk privately to my manager, have an interview with her? Nightmare Coworker's going to fucking flip her shit when the reality of an internal promotion with my name on it comes to light. and i DON'T have the energy to cope with it. the only outcome that might not break me is if she has a massive meltdown and quits on the spot. no notice. and i don't know how realistic that is to expect.

myself and others at this office are surprised and demoralized that Nightmare Coworker was not fired months ago. and honestly in hindsight i think Old Manager was far too soft. he was supportive, but too supportive, to the fault that accommodating everyone means accommodating no one. and current manager is spread paper thin, which is why she needs an office supervisor. but the window to get this person fired without invoking catastrophe has long since passed.

i wish i could turn my cold, frozen fear into spite or vengeance. to internally be grinning from the sidelines as i light the match and toss it into the massive pile of kindling and firewood that Nightmare Coworker has dug herself into, and set her ablaze. i wish i could feel anything other than fear.

the thing about developing self confidence in the way you look after being bullied as a child is that if you happen to look young for your age it's REALLY hard to see yourself as attractive because the only people hitting on you are creepy old men