hejehge

🔥🔥🔥 would love to hear your takes on Zane Truesdale and or just the Truesdale brothers in general

YESS

🔥for just Zane specifically: it is. deeply frustrating when both fans and official supplementary ygo media want him to just be The Mean Big Bad Sadomasocist Goth (i love Zane so much but DL Zane leaves a little bit to be desired imo!!!) Like... first of all this is literally not even a particularly villainous character. Yugioh has evil gnarly big bad guy characters and Zane really is straight up not one of them im sorry. And that I think that along with this very common fan read on Zane that he doesn't care about anything just speaks a lot to how his character gets particularly misinterpreted even to this day. Like oh my god I think even at his lowest lows in the Hell Kaiser days this is not a character who "doesn't care." If anything he cares TOO much. Like most if not all of what Zane Truesdale does is out of how much he cares about something, be it respect and fair play, the desperate rush of victory, his own sense of pride and mangled self-worth, or for his brother. He does things very deliberately on the whole. This is not a character of violence and apathy this is a mentally ill autistic teen staggering into young adulthood with heaps of potential piled upon him until the weight pushes him to an extreme that he can't really come back from, not without literally killing himself. i love him very much.

(i also cant say im a very big fan of the take i see where people wish he stayed dead after s3--among other reasons i just think the optics are not especially fantastic on being really gungho against a canon disabled character getting to Survive and have some semblance of a hopeful resolution. sorry)

🔥 for the Truesdale bros in general: really tangentially related to all of this i absolutely 1000000% disagree with this unfortunately rampant fan take that Zane is either A.) completely uncaring towards Syrus or B.) abusive or C.) both. No He Is Not. Try Again. These are two brothers with very different ways they engage with the world who have a complicated and for a long while pretty terse relationship, but to believe this is no love there is a disservice to both of them. The GX dub was so fucking real and right to have Zane tell syrus on two different occasions how much he cares about him and is proud of him. Miss me with the helpless Syrus takes and the Mean and Evil Zane takes it's about to be 2024 do BETTER.

Im not sure how much this counts towards using a disability aid to commit violence against ableism...

I have what is technically classified as a denture, but its basically a prosthetic upper jaw for me. Due to medical issues I had to have all my upper teeth removed before I could legally drink in the usa. A combination of Genetic disorder, medication, and lack of medical access led to my upper jaw being reabsorbed to the point its effected my facial structure, speech, nasal cavity, etc.

It's a very unpleasant issue for me. It hurts to wear the prosthetic for prolonged periods, and it's more so for filling the empty gap where my haw should be and for proper speech than for chewing.

I used to work Retail during the pandemic. I wouldn't quite say I'm immuno-compromised, but I'm certainly particularly vulnerable. I have multiple disabilities, but if you don't know what to look for, I look "normal". I'm autistic, Bi-polar, I have PTSD from multiple terrible longterm factors in my life, and by the time I was working retail during covid out of desperation to not be homeless again, I was crying in the bathroom every other shift.

This absolute dumbass of a selfish entitled woman enters the store and I cheerfully greer her and ask her if she has a mask to wear, or if she'd like a complimentary disposable one. She starts going off about how she can't understand a word Im saying because of the mask. She's obviously lying. She's hamming it up and Im tired. She tells me to take my mask off if I want to speak to her.

So... I pop my fake jaw/denture out with my tongue and sloppily take off my mask and the prosthetic so it looks like a normal idiot removing their mask and shoving it into their pocket move. It's not hard, and it's a very smooth motion. I've got a bucket of fresh clean masks for when I'm done talking to her. That womans face when she saw my collapsed mid-face. Heard what it sounds like when someone speaks with only their lower jaw, tongue, and a small portion of upper palate.

Of course, she started spewing how gross I was and demanding a manager. I slipped my jaw and teeth back in while putting on a fresh mask, sanitized my hands, and radioed a manager. I had only been working there a week, and no one knew about my oral health issues, so no one believed her. I'm sure we all remember how extreme covid-deniers were in those years.

Anyways, I love that it's now socially acceptable for caucasians to wear masks in public so I dont have to constantly be in pain when the prosthetic is hurtin

hey there! yeah i think everyone remembers how covid deniers were (and still are) cuz that shits insane istg. also what you did was metal as fuck i bet her face looked hilarious

ableists gotta get their shit rocked. i hope youre doing well!

shmupdate 🧦

very long, hastily written, but a look is appreciated

greetings- to those who are somehow still lingering around this account or came up upon it during my desolate time off. it is sock. or sockori.... or raven... my name is actually raven (they/it, 20 yo disabled autistic goth nerd whatever the fuck). howdy

im still on the 'undetermined hiatus' so to speak that i described in my leaving post, but i will say right now that i have no near future plans on returning. in the tags on my newest art, i mentioned my naruto hyperfixation (of like. 6 years i think) finally died out and other interests have long since captured my autism full force. for me personally, when i lose a special interest like this so drastically, i just full on abandon it for as long as it stands. however, this isn't the only thing that made me leave, and i think its time for me to be completely honest & get some weight off my chest.

i made this account around the cusp of turning 14, during a god awful pubescent era where i acted as any other edgy teen does and i'd much rather like to forget these days. what im saying is i was not in the right mindset at all when i exposed myself that much & got the attention that i did. a dismayingly giant coping mechanism i had in my youth was being online 24/7 because i had no one in reality to lean on let alone feel comfortable talking to about anything that was happening at that time. this of course leads to what the kids call these days being 'chronically online'- desperate for some sort of assurance or interaction, i crawled into internet spaces i shouldn't have been for an also incredibly unsupervised child using the dangerous worldwide web.

yes, naruto was apart of this, as well as other interests i had at the time. throughout my journey i met unsavory people, suffered abhorrent things like stalking & gr---ming, saw things i didn't deserve to see, did a bunch of stupid shit an angsty teen does, i believe you understand the rest. i am in no way proud or gleeful about any of these years and have some very sour memories tied to fandom as a whole, not just naruto, and i really don't like reflecting on them. so, unfortunately, this account sorta became a bitter reminder of what i went through as i grew up & finally matured and sought to recover. that's the first part of why my activity fizzled away & i began backing off from internet use entirely.

the second part is sasori. yes, the puppet man. sorta the sole reason i made sockori in the first place. as the sasori enjoyers following / who followed know, this puppeteer has an incredibly unhealthy philosophy and worldview (if the carefully preserved corpses turned puppets and complete lack of humanity didn't give that away), and is safe to say entirely detached from his reality to a nhilistic and suicidal extent. when you autistically fixate on a character like how i did, sometimes this character's rhetoric can seep into your own without you even realizing; Especially when you're a spot where you are incredibly vulnerable and psychologically unstable, as i was in my youth. now i didn't go around believing you should uhhh murder people and preserve them Obviously- actually i began to believe that perhaps there was some peace in obtaining a robotic existence. maybe emotions were useless, perhaps nothing truly mattered, my life didn't matter, art in eternal in the sense that death is scary and i should avoid it at all costs, why make connections with people when they just die or leave, cant trust people at all to help me, xyz. anything in these lines. without going too uncomfortably deep for everyone's sake and mine, it fucked me up severely. i suppose in a way it relates to how he uses poison. his toxins got right into my nervous system, but the pain i felt from those toxins was the only thing i could really rely on at the time, so i just let it happen. such is the depressing case of coping in the worst spot of your life.

cant help but feel incredibly strange telling the tale, as it sounds so obscure doesn't it, but media can truly get inside your psyche like this if a consumer isn't careful. not sure if anyone else out there fell into a similar headspace dealing with interests in this nature- but regardless. what i mean to say is, sasori is now a kind of content i cant consume anymore. i am in a way better place now, have grown wise and balanced with careful recovery and patience, and of course have grown out of whatever teenage nonsense i was on. sasori, who was once the only thing my autistic traumatized ass could lean on, is now an extremely dark shadow on my life. yes i see this homicidal anime puppet dude from a fantasy ninja anime and get psychological distress. he's somewhat of an aggressor or abuser to me now, which is tragic. ive been actively avoiding everything even vaguely relating to him, be it the art of puppetry, anime clips, robotic/sci-fi genre, whatnot cause i just. man. i dont wanna go back there. shouldn't have to explain why at this point. ptsd at its finest

feel like ive been honest enough. sasori enjoyers out there who were just around to enjoy what i made, anyone i happened to be good friends with during my time on this account, this doesn't have anything to do with you guys. i appreciate everyone dearly for supporting me and cheering me on in whatever i made despite all the hell & anguish that was taking place beyond the keyboard. im just glad that i managed to find some way out and get the help i need before i gave up & took my own life, which depressingly i almost did a handful of times. carrying the horrors is an exhausting burden to bare sometimes, but that does not mean i can't look back on the good parts of the era too. and seeing you all happy and sharing my memes or whatever made me ecstatic and at least a little bit hopeful for the future. fortunately that little spark of hope grew into something more. thanks for being a light in a very, very dark room.

that being said, i leave you all with this: i am not dead, just greatly changed, a new person at last freed from apathy & exhaustion, with now enough room to finally grow. the memories will never truly fade & my disabilities will be a part of me until i pass on, but at least now i can manage them a lot better than ever before, surrounded by way better people who love me for who i am. i will hang on the best i can. i wish for you to do the same. find freedom and happiness wherever you are. take care. happy trails

trans rights. i eat fascist souls. free palestine

tw emotional abuse, victim blaming

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thinking of the time i balled my eyes out on my phone when i saw someone asking who i was when our abuser mentioned me and he said something like “an abusive hunk of shit” or smth like that then i begged them to please listen to my side of the story and holy shit i have he screenshot. my desperation and his calmness made it so clear that he was never the victim

every time i think of it, anger boils up inside me and i have to switch with the comforter of the system, but god i just hate it. they told me to shut up and blocked me. im so sick of abusers always getting their way. just because youre friends with someone doesnt mean they didnt possibly hurt someone. all they do is defend him and i know i will never have as many people as he does. it sickens me. i have piles of proof of him being abusive and begging for forgiveness like the pathetic fucking wimp he is. i also have three screenshots of one discord message explaining all he’s done to me. three screenshots of one fucking message, thats a fucking lot. and no matter how much i drop, they never believe me. what will it take? i swear, i could travel back in time with all of them and show him emotionally abusing me and they still wouldnt believe me. he’s the fucking source of all my problems. i cry over him all the time and whenever i hear or see his name or if i see a opossum (he loves opossums) i burst into tears. he made me this monster. its all his fault. and i’ll make him pay for everything he’s done to me. he’ll pay for everything. and if i dont kill him, then oh well, he dies anyway. fuck that bitch. i hate him. he broke me and uses his fucking disabilities like ‘oh im autistic i cant be abusive!!’ yes you can? anyone can be abusive. he ruined my entire life. he’s how i fucking found out im a system. i hate everything about him. hes a manipulative, abusive, disgusting, victim blaming, body shaming, transphobic asshole. oh but he cant body shame hes fat! oh he cant be transphobic hes trans! he fucking CAN BE because he body shamed me and deadnamed and misgendered me and it broke me it hurt me i HATE HIM.

i’m so sorry :( it’s frustrating when abusers use DARVO on their victims and convince everyone you’re the abuser

also i scrolled down and saw what anon was talking about and 😭😭😭😭 "bad mental health rep" its not that deep! your oc is for you not for anon. you arent doing anything blatantly harmful by having a character who is mentally ill and does bad things sometimes oh my god. if thats the case then throw virtue in the pile for ableist portrayals bc shes autistic + nonhuman or has anger issues or . in a similar vein to amadeo she struggles to connect with people and ends up hurting or disregarding their feelings because she believes her being right justifies her methods. thats just called having a complex character goodness grashus. it seems fine. and im glad ur getting to explore recovery even from seemingly unforgiveable situations through your oc and story

thank you ive been dwelling on it so long i started convincing myself i was the weird one but it really is a fucking wild thing to say to someone huh AHFSHFSJGD

amedeo's mental health problems are everything to me. I Also Do That. im also a bitch that struggles to connect to people and gets the urge to hurt them about it and the fact that amedeo struggles with this has done wonders for my own mental health. he gets better. he still struggles and he's still going to fuck it up a lot but he's given the space to figure it out and work through it and thats fucking important to me. "don't throw around disorders as an accessory for your oc" well its NOT an accessory its the whole POINT,,,,

amedeos disorders and disabilities is like 50% of his character and why i adore him so much let me have this man he's MY oc,,,

Sorry for sending this message twice but I was still groggy from my sleep meds when I sent the first message and I’m worried that I might have been incoherent. I love your response to that “neurotypical feminism post”. Like the way they positioned experiences with street harassment as some privileged thing only non-disabled women deal with was disgusting. I’m an autistic woman (I do identify as nonbinary but I’m afab and femme presenting) and while I’ve only experienced street harassment once that one time was extremely traumatic and I just can’t believe anyone would frame that as a form of privilege (or imply disabled women don’t experience harassment because what???)

Don't worry, it was perfectly coherent ^-^ (I'll reply to this one since you say some of the same, with additional information).

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. It can leave you feeling so furious and so powerless. That's what makes it so despicable to me.

That part of the post in particular was SO DAMN ENRAGING. If I cared to be generous I'd guess OP (or the bnf with the anxiety comment, for that matter) was saying something on the vein of, "we need to understand different women might experience different brands of misogyny, because women are different and misogyny has one (1) goal: screwing us all; and in order to get that, it adapts!"

But she used the term "hit on". That immediately put me on edge and I wasn't feeling too generous xDD

I've suffered various forms of street harassment in my life and the idea that not being on the receiving end of it could be a bad thing... gtfo of here lmao. Like I mentioned in that reply it's been a while since I've received the most "conventional" form (it hasn't saved me from the others!). But you know when it was that it happened last?

It was about three winters ago, right Before Covid TM. I had my unwashed hair all underneath a hat, baggy pants that are (and look!) over a decade old, and a bulky coat that goes down to my knees as I went to the grocery store for a snack. Oh, and get this: it was from the time my knee was really fucking me up. SO I WAS OUT WITH A FUCKING CANE, LOOKING LIKE A BALD BLACK BLOB WITH A STICK THAT VERY MUCH MADE ME "VISIBLY DISABLED". Did that stop the drunk 40+yo man from telling me exactly how he wanted to fuck me? Sure as fuck didn't. At least I had something at hand to beat him with if he'd decided to cross the line (+ I had pepper spray in my pocket. That purchase has given me a lot of peace of mind ngl).

I also remember the first time I was on the receiving end of street harassment. I was with two friends I stopped hanging out with not much later, so I must have been 9, 10yo at most. My friends were one year older than me, very blonde and very tall. My boobs had come early and they were not small. Apparently, these things meant these two 20yo guys from my hometown just HAD to follow us and comment on our bodies and just how bitchy all of us were for not meekly or graciously accepting their "compliments". The only reason I didn't leave this experience terrified is because of the circumstances (not being alone, small town where Someone Is Always Watching and you all know each other AND each other's family, which makes these men a tad more accountable than That Rando whistling at you in the city, ime).

Basically: street harassment is NOT ABOUT ATTRACTION. It's NOT a "compliment" about a woman's physical beauty. It's harassment. It's designed to terrorise you, plain and simple. Men will do it to children, like I was. They will do it to old women, to ugly women, to butch women, to Muslim women covered from head to toe... How you look can be the weapon used against you but it's not the point. They don't want to flirt with you or start a relationship with you or what have you. They want you scared and to "know your place". That's it.

This was never clearer to me than after covid's lockdown, btw. Here in Spain there was suddenly this fucking epidemic of harassment against women walking alone on the street, at any hour of the day. Masked, dressed plainly to do some basic errands, whatever. I guess confinement had left a lot of these men without the opportunity to terrorise women in this way and they were really itching for it rme (probably accompanied by a new progressive government implementing some laws they didn't like, I'm sure).

ranger vents abt the doctor's office under the cut

there was something truly unhinged abt a thing that happened today.

the last primary care appointment i had went really bad, my nurse practitioner so very horrible to me. i ended up very nonverbal during the appointment bc she was so horrible to me, she refuses to treat me like im autistic. when i bring up concern abt certain things she completely shut it down, blames it on me, ect. (as if its my fault my t shot routine is disrupted by her not sending my t script to my pharmacy. she often takes a week to refill my t, & often doesn't send or write the script for needles/syringes). anyways, the point is last time i saw this lady i was non-verbal, shaking, very negative body language, ect.

so today i went to my therapy appointment which is in the same clinic. as my therapist was walking me out, my np came out of her office & cornered me in the hallway. she was smiling at me all sweet & said, i fuckin kid you not, this bitch said to me "you look a lot better than the last time i saw you. are you feeling better?"

miss ma'am, i just spent a week immobile bc you refuse to do anything abt my autoimmune disorder, my joint damage/pain, & muscle issues. i can "look better" bc i wasn't seeing her & i wasn't *AFRAID* bc i wasn't supposed to see her. my entire demeanor changed when she started talking to me. i told her "im feeling a little bit better. but then again therapy with [therapist name] always makes me feel a little better." & she just...it just went right over her head.

the last time i was seeing her she told me she needed to give me "tough love" basically bc i ask for the same things over & over & she does nothing abt them so i come off as whiny & like im refusing to fix my own issues (as iff i didn't start working out, wearing inserts in my shoes, eating better, working on my posture, going to therapy, ect isn't trying to remedy or lessen some of my issues).

like what fucking medical professional thinks they need to give their disabled, under-serviced, abuse survivor patient "TOUGH LOVE"

for years & god damn years i was written off for all manner of reasons by medical professionals. it turns out im not just a fat, lazy pieace of trash & that's not the reason my back hurts. my motherfucking back hurts bc i have a very severe, special form of arthritis mixed with bursitis. in high school i "hurt" my back to the point i legit could not love over five times, each time i was just told i was too fat & needed to exercise. i lost over 100 pounds, worked out for my disibities, & protected my back. IT DID LITERALLY NOTHING TO RELIEVE ANY SYMPTIONS . what tough love do i need? when the world has been tough on me since day one.

the amount of "rare" issues ive had SINCE BIRTH (i was born with a literal one in a million skin disease that is a congenital birth defect except for IN ME THE WEIRD CASE where it was a mutation & there weren't genetic markers for the disease even though i had one of the most documented cases of the disease. i was born autistic & waved every single autistic red flag including the big one: delayed speech. the stomach issues i always had that were bc im gluten & soy intolerant that were again just blamed on my being fat & eating badly. theres so many examples i can keep going) is staggering & the majority of it has been ignored or misdiagnosed.

i just don't think i, or anyone else, deserve to get "tough love" from thier medical professional. ive had tough love all my fuckign life & its whats killing me. idk im just ranting now but i just dont understand how these fucking people can & are allowed to get away with literal abuse. i came from a truly abusive clinic, & while this new one isn't nearly as bad it's still abusive. my np is still abusing me by refusing to believe me & take care of me in a timely manner. my pain scale maxes out in the regular basis. i was standing at work today on only my right leg bc my left knee was so, so fucking painful i couldn't put pressure on it. when my move you can hear pops & cracks, & they dont stop. i just moive my shoulder & it makes loud sounds.

but yeah i just need to do more or whatever. im just a lazy piece of trash & my physical & mental state are just my fault. i wish i could break her legs & tell her to just keep walking. i wish i could get her career ruined bc she, & everyone else like her, is ruining my life. if i kill myself some day it wil, without a doubt, be a result of these things. i've lived my life for over twenty five year begging & pleading for help bc im hurting so fucking much. i used to pray that i'd have to be put in a wheelchair.

why is it okay for people to tell me live like this when they have the power to help? every medical professional ive ever had deserves to live a month in my life. in constant pain & nausea, unable to eat or sleep right, unable to do things normal folks can do. i hope & pray these people also wish for death. i hope they know my pain bc i fucking hate them & they deserve the horrible life i live.

hi sorry this is outta nowhere but i would love to hear ur thoughts on harry (phone

SORRY ANON I LEGIT FORGOT ABT THIS ASK and im too lazy to draw her fr so heres some fanart i drew of her dying in a glue trap

this time i have a bit more thoughts on her as an actual character so ill start w that before the headcanon dump ... also, throughout this post ill be referring to her w she/her pronouns because of a personal headcanon im VERY attached to. all i ask is any rbs or further questions abt my specific vision of her use those same pronouns... in others posts i do not care obviously. also, this post is specifically abt her in the dsaf universe since shes far more substantial there.

firstly, i should say i ADORE harry. she is one of my biggest comfort characters in a series where almost everybody is one for me. so when i give any criticisms, know its out of love and a wish for some more expansive writing rather than any malice. being critical of media you love is important, etc etc.

my biggest issues with her character really boils down to the lack of acknowledgement abt her being physically disabled. she mentions having a "bad leg" during 3, but its ONLY mentioned that one time, during (i believe) missable dialogue. i understand her not using, like, mobility aids for it since it may be difficult to find suitable stock images (+ all the phonies in that game use the same photos for their bodies, and its totally possible its not something she feels she needs), but it probably shouldve been mentioned or expanded upon more.

i dont believe were given any explanation on how her leg ended up the way it is, or in what way it is. we dont know if she was born with her disability or aquired it later. we dont know if its paralyzed, we dont know if its because of a muscular dystrophy, or anything else. i just wish we were given more info, bcus as it is, it is REALLY easy to look over in favor of, say, her ptsd.

speaking of which, i have some mixed feelings on how her ptsd is portrayed. on one hand, the joke in the restaurant reviews abt her having flashbacks and a subsequent panic attack feels very distasteful, though thankfully this is (i believe) the only instance of this kind of joke at her expense. im glad elsewise it isnt some huge , controlling part of her character - however, again, it IS missable. while one can assume she has it when she discusses her past, i dont believe its explicitly stated UNTIL that review.

tldr; her disability feels poorly handled, mostly from lack of expansion and discussion.

thankfully, though, she is elsewise a very enjoyable character; shes got some really good and funny dialogue, the exposition we get from her about the original managers is really fucking good, and i really wish we heard more abt her experience working with rebecca (and presumably roger)... again, her biggest issues are just not having as much of a spotlight on her as she couldve, but considering the employees arent really the main focus of the game that may be fine actually...

(as an aside, i think about this post every day and cry audibly.)

thus ends the longform musings, onto the silly headcanons;

standard fare queer headcanon dump: trans woman + demisexual lesbian. also, polyamorous. fuck yeah baby steak (ref)

was in a queerplatonic relationship with joe while he was alive, and a romantic one with both tango/terrence (who has some gender fuckery going on as well) and rebecca because i am not immune to homemade lesbianism.

has ptsd in canon, but im adding a "c" in front of that cause aint no way she lived through all of her coworkers (and presumably FRIENDS) dying in such horrific ways and was only affected in the short-term.

autistic! specifically also has the thing i do where i need the time to be a multiple of 5 before i can start doing anything. also has generalized anxiety i think, with a tendency to catastrophize and compensates by insisting to herself everything is toootally fine. definitely NOT going to have a breakdown rn because shes not totally sure that that vending machine is 100% not going to fall on her specifically

probably didnt have many friends as a kid (L) so now she overcompensates by trying to be as charming and polite as possible. wether or not this works in her favor or makes her seem pretentious is a coinflip. (its certainly working on me though!)

has a real soft spot for random niche animals. probably a big salamander and gecko girl. her favorite is the marbled salamander because its cute as hell

slightly off topic everyday i think of how fucking horrific it mustve been for joe to come into work one morning and his best friend just has a phone for a head and extreme memory issues now . literally what the fuck. thats so fucked up

to do a tonal 180... if she was a pokemon trainer shed have a herdier or stoutland as a sort of service dog for walking shorter-medium distances when she rlly doesnt feel like whipping out the cane :.-)

shes so pale its actually ridiculous. bro looks like she hasnt seen the sun in 5 years ... jake pokes a bit of fun for it sometimes

thanks for asking, anon! i love getting excuses to talk about dsaf. i have a lot of thoughts, you know... dont ever friend me on discord my ass will randomly drop either the goofiest or angstiest headcanons at random intervals and i have no real control over whichor when it will be

Intro Post !!

BLOCK IF ON YOUR DNI ! DNI GOES BOTH WAYS !

Hi, Sorry for the really long intro Post !

You can call us Haunt, we are a bodily 19 White Polyfragmented DID system, Physically Disabled, Trans, and Queer! Default Pronouns are He/They/Haunt!

This Tumblr is dedicated to the more problematic sides of our interests or coping mechanisms. We might proxy using emojis under some posts, to avoid using names. Im unsure if we will EVER let littles post here but Regressors or Sliders might. We intend to post Art, Writing, Rants and Vents, etc here. I will add a Disclaimer at the end of this post about my views and nuances about this kind of thing because it is genuinely not black and white to me. Sorry if that makes this intro too long but I wanna be thorough about what my beliefs are so no one gets the wrong idea about us as a person! But aside from that, here's more about us!

MCYT ! Mainly old DSMP, but also Hermitcraft, QSMP, etc etc

Interests Include -

Cookie Run !!!!!

Warrior Cats! Creepy Pasta! FNAF! Mythology! Writing, Art, Music, etc!

The Coffin of Andy and LeyLey

BOUNDARIES !

- You can reclaim slurs around us but only at us if we know each other. We extensively reclaim slurs, but we do not support the use of slurs you cannot reclaim.

- Always ask for consent to flirt, sexualize, etc before doing it because all Alters have different boundaries on this! (That being said, NEVER sexualize our Littles. ever.)

- DMs are open but please don't just send one word, it's hard to read tone or intentions through that and can make us anxious or block you!

- Try to use Tonetags, we are Autistic and really need them sometimes.

- Don't ask for Alters Sources if they don't wanna say. NEVER assume an Alter is like their source, or even enjoys their source. But on that same note, never assume an alter is fully source seperated or wants to Seperate from Source.

- Don't ever ask about our Trauma. We do not owe anyone that information. Whatever information we freely give at one time may be a touchy subject at another time, and we will never put your curiosity before our comfort.

- We prefer to say Source Memories over Psuedo Memories. Pseudo Memories feels demeaning and invalidating, but it is a fully recognized and studied symptom of DID. Source memories are a REAL symptom, it's just a different name than the clinical term. (We also do not like or use ANP/EP)

- We fully believe in System Accountability but all Alters are still seperate people. Some of us have different opinions, ideologies, Religions, etc. That's Normal. That does not mean we collectively support anything damaging to communities we are apart of or especially aren't. I can genuinely and proudly say ALL Alters are Anti-Racist and Anti-Conservative Fucktards.

DISCLAAAAIMER ♡

I like FANTASY tellings of Dead Dove Content. Basically, Proship, Zoo, Necro, shit like that. It should never be misconstrued that I would ever practice those outside of fantasy or fiction, the idea makes me sick.

Maybe one day I will outgrow this, or learn to cope better, but that is not today. I'm going to have my safe and consensual fun, and stick to my own moral code as I do infact have one, and just go from there.

I wanna also make it clear I don't really support MAPS/NOMAPS/AAMS at *all*. That's really weird and creepy as fuck and not the same as what we do/like in the SLIGHTEST, as again, this is all Fantasy/Fiction.

And I do acknowledge that Fiction can affect Reality, it can affect My reality, and I can control how I let it. If I'm gonna be plagued by Problematic shit, I'm gonna make it fun instead of agonizing, but I am not delusional enough to let it affect my judgement on following laws and doing no harm. I don't support or consent to any contact with minors on this account.

TW to things you may find on this Account.

Imagery of Raw Meat - I'm obsessed with aesthetics and Meat and stuff, so I'll probably use it a lot.

NSFW Animal Content (Petplay, Furry, etc)

NSFW Proship Content + SFW Proship Content

CNC / NC / DC Content

Necro Kink

Possibly SH or ED content (only in talk, Headcannons, or Fics, this specifically will ALWAYS be tagged and censored)

Again, just to reiterate. I only enjoy these concepts within the realms of Fiction and Fantasy.

DNI -

- Minors - Anyone under 18.

- Endo's / Endo Supporters

- Fakeclaimers

- Anti LGBTQIA+ (This includes Terfs, Anti Neopronouns, Anti Xenogenders, Anti Mspec / 'Contradictory' Identities, etc)

- Racism / Anti Semitism

- MAP/NOMAP/AAM

- Pro-Contact philia havers

- Transracial, Transabled, Transage. (I know there's nuance here but it's not the kind you weirdos think. Please research Mental Regression and BIIDS for the love of fucking christ.)

i need to work on the narratives i tell myself not everybody hated me for 90% of my life and im sure a lot of the people who have hurt me didn't have malicious intent but i want to complain and vent because its like my biggest issue right now

i feel like this self esteem shit has robbed me of every part of myself i liked and its making me feel fucking crazy. this is supposed to be my body and my life but i feel like im sharing a fucking body with a bunch of self destructing assholes and it makes me not want to front because of how bit the fucking holes been dug since getting kicked out but fuck man i dont even know where to start and EVERYTHING triggers me. and i want to start working with all the parts of my brain to get the memo that we are loved and our friends DO like us and we CAN do shit but where do you fucking start!!! and it makes me extra pissed that its not even our fault. it makes me so mad that this isn't some kind of like ohhh you have internalized ableism so its made you shy kind of shit its like my parents fucking hate me and even my "good" parent who chose to have me and thinks we're best friends doesn't love me she just LIKES me and you can tell with the way she interacts with me and the way she interacts with my sisters and you can tell when she says im just like my dad and the way she looks at me. my dad fucking hates me. BOTH my sisters have been fucking terrible to me in the past because they were convinced i deserved it. my step mom was convinced i was some sort of satanic sociopath and would TELL EVERYBODY so my teachers were off put by me, i didn't have any fucking friends and the few i did make my parents made me STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH, and the few that stuck around kept me around because they were abusing me like my fucking ex and my parents thought itd be a good influence on me. its being made fun of in school CONSTANTLY and being made fun of by other kids around where i lived because i was the weird religious homeschooled kid and it was being bullied by every "family friend" i had for being the weird one and it was being teased by my family for being the disabled queer one and im sick of it. IM SICK OF THIS SHIT AND ITS NOT EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE BUT IM JUST SO SCARED OF IT HAPPENING AGAIN and how the hell do you even convince yourself it issnt true when its happened SO MANY TIMES. i feel like one of those incels who are like MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A REJECTION but what do you do if your first relationship was with a boy who was physically and emotionally abusing you sicne you were ELEVEN who cheated on you multiple times and would make out with you and tell you it was him trying to "see" if he could love you and then stalked you AFTER HE broke up with you because you were too annoying and immature and autistic for him!!!! WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR MOM, WHO IS THE "GOOD PARENT" SIDES WITH HIM!!!! BECAUSE YOU SIMPLY ARENT GOOD ENOUGH FOR SOMEONE TO BE THAT CRAZY ABOUT.

how the fuck am i supposed to get myself to believe im worth ANYTHING after all that. i cant rely on other people for that but what else can i do!!!!

my mum is weird

shes a right leaning centerist, hard core patriot in the way that the most patriotic thing you can do is criticize your country (literally her outlook btw, she thinks bootlickers want england to be in control again), and a conspiracy theorist of "the president is just a puppet" type and such

constantly says shes a republican and then me and tommy explain that shes a disabled woman with disabled family, a trans child, and a black brother in law, no tf she is not going to call herself a republican ("but im not a democrat!!" "neither are we")

and i explained the Hawaiian Sovereignty Movement and Landback to her and she went "wait i like that a lot actually, everything would be a lot better if Native Americans were in charge"

this woman says the n word hard r "the correct way, meaning ignorant" bcuz she thinks using slurs in their original meaning takes away their power and that if the ppl who started using them as slurs saw no one using them anymore they'd be happy

she heard nikki haley say the us has never been a racist country and said "oh shes got the same thing wrong with her that i do, she lives in a fantasy world"

has trouble gendering trans ppl correctly but doesnt trust when ppl call any trans person a pedo

like i get her but i dont. what the fuck is she about???

istg so much of my family is just in this middle ground of "i have a family member thats autistic and opinionated and it makes sense but i also have these specific things that i wont change my mind about" and it like. confuses me. how do you believe in prison abolition but want the jail to start forcing ur fiancee to take his lithium again???

Deontay Wilder Knocks Out Internet Troll Charlie Zelenoff In Real Life

 this sums up my feelings about the whole sam hyde simmons thing, in case you are unfamiliar thats charlie selenoff and hes not a fucking “troll” its been actaul fucking years since ive seen troll used correctly, it makes me fucking cringe for some reason, anyway this guy has some kind of SERIOUS mental disability, what he does is go to gyms like planet fitness and go up to strangers asking if theyd like to do some “light sparring” and the moment they put their gloves on he just unloads on them, catching them completely unaware and then he claims it as another win in his “three hundred and O” boxing record or whatever the fuck. thats clearly not fucking cool at all and the guy is a menace, but again he CLEARLY has a serious developmental disability, the man hes fighting is a fucking former heavyweight UFC champion who has too much of a smooth ape brain to realize that fighting this guy makes him look like a fucking idiot. Zelenoff NO DOUBT brought this on himself by calling his daughter the n word and god knows what else, but again hes a FUCKING FORMER UFC HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, he should be so far above this that he doesnt even know charlies name, he OUGHT to be humiliated by this but frankly hes just too low IQ to understand why this is wrong, and i say that to his credit im sure hes actually a decent man but i dont think hes bright. sam on the other hand is bright enough to know that its not fuckin cool to bully an autist just because you can make him look like hes a pedophile based on snippets of his book out of context or edgy instagram jokes that dont land, thats literally what severe social autism is, and if medical books were honest one of the main symptoms would be “seems a bit like a sex pest” they dont have the ability to socially filter what they are saying or more they dont know how what they are saying is gonna be recieved that IS autism. im not saying the dude isnt a creep, its just fucking mega lame to see sam and frank bully some little shrimp dick autist over fucking nothing. if they believed he actually posed a threat to kids its their fucking duty to do something about it, not talk about it and mock him like fucking women. shameful display

Okay maybe this is because I have a regular seasonal job (meaning I've been working at the same place for the winter and summer seasons for a few years now) but I HATE COLLEGE! I love learning but SCHOOL brings be so much anxiety. The test anxiety, the uncertain expectations, the FAILURE because of your teachers presence! It's HORRID!! In my job a a fucking warehouse, I have 1. Coworkers that work well together and are actually cool people, 2. An environment where social fuck ups are okay and worked through (I'm very lucky to have management that cares about curating a good environment) 3. Tasks that I am expected to do instead of "Im sorry, your interpretation of this passage (although making sense to you) is completely false.

Like my job let's you listen to music and videos(with only one earbud cause... Ya know- emergency reasons?) And as long as you get the work done and aren't a dick! You're golden!

The accessibility is also a lot better! In schools they fuckin mock you if you have a disability! Not in my warehouse! They work with that shit!

Idk, I know that MANY MANY MANY jobs treat there workers like shit and "College is SO much better!!"

But school has just showed me, "Hey I get you may be Autistic, but fuck that- disregard your personal comforts because school tells you too"

The manager at the warehouse however- "hey so there may have been a misunderstanding- how can we help our employees understand each other better"

I genuinely feel like more businesses should follow in these footsteps, how else will you create long-term employees that CARE about the work they're doing! They learned that- when management cares- employees care. Shouldn't be a difficult concept but a lot of capitalist companies beg to differ and it makes no sense.

I'm sorry, I'm just pissed an anxious. I can't believe I'm saying this cause I hate capitalism, but FUCK- I'd rather work than go back to that shit system.

It really hurt me when you kept specifying nd people instead of all disabled people. Do you really think physically disabled people get to keep our kids and not suffer abuse and stuff?

Bestie

1. That post is (very likely) old

2. I'm physically disabled as well and I'm well aware how it effects people and the resulting ableism.

3. I never said it was ONLY ND people but the focus of this blog is neurodivergence. A lot of marginalized people have the same risks, and of course things stack up and are intersectional.

4. I feel way more comfortable talking about neurodivergence than physical disability because A) parts of the community are simultaneously very gate-keepy and also very ableist against nd people and I don't want to deal with that! And B) I have a complicated relationship with physical disability and my body, I have had little luck finding solace or support in the wider community because I'm not certain in my experiences, exactly what disabilities I have, etc.

I know you probably just saw an old post and assumed that because I specified ND there that I was able bodied and excluding you (which is fair enough there's plenty of ableist ND people) but I also talk about physical disability a fair bit and the ableism that comes with it so this blog is in no way exclusive of that and it wouldn't have taken you long to confirm that before sending this?

I'm sorry my words hurt you, genuinely, but I don't owe it to tumblr to have perfect fully inclusive impossible to fail word choice. Not everything is about everyone and that's okay!

I can talk about issues that effect one group and specify that group even if it effects other groups too it's not exclusion it's focusing on one aspect of the issue.

I noticed in your tags you mentioned getting an autism diagnosis at an older age. I'm fairly certain I am but I'm not sure if it's worth it to get diagnosed because I hear people talk about how hard and expensive it is to get.

I meant to ask how did you go about it but I sent the ask too soon.

uhh well. it WAS really hard for me. i dont think my experience was super typical tho? at least, i hope not. (this is going to be kinda bleak, but i really don’t think it’s what you have to look forward to or anything. hopefully it could provide more of a roadmap for what not to do)

1) im actually pretty “““low-functioning,”““ which is a stupid term, but is relevant here because phone calls to strangers are basically impossible for me, and its very difficult for me to actually talk to People In Authority without freezing up and losing my voice. so i a) hit a lot of roadblocks that couldve been easily avoided by someone more outspoken, and b) had to rely a lot on my family to help have these conversations anyway. which i recognize isn’t really an option for a lot of people.

2) this all ended fairly recently and im still pretty mad about it, so it probably is a lil more negative than it has to be

the actual process was several years of nothing, followed by finally getting it done in a few months, and it was basically:

me: “hey the office i go to for mental health shit, i need a new psychiatrist, and i’m also pretty sure i have autism, do you have anyone who could help me get diagnosed with that?”

them: “sure here’s this guy” (guy does not know shit about autism, but waffles every time we ask and does not reveal that fact to us until several MONTHS later)

me: “hey guy i’m stuck with as a psychiatrist at the moment, i’m pretty sure i have autism, how do i get diagnosed”

them: “there is no way to diagnose autism in adults, and also autistic people are just spinning in circles and arent aware of the world around them, you aren’t autistic” (blatant lies AND heavy ableism lmao. i finally fired that asshole recently and it was supremely satisfying)

me: “hey my gp, im pretty sure im on the autism spectrum and my mental health professionals are fucking useless, pls help?”

them: “oh man, i love those mental health people :) anyway, aren’t we all on the autism spectrum somewhere? now, lets talk about your weight instead”

me: “hey local autism clinics, im pretty sure i’m autistic, any chance-”

them: “no. we only work with kids, and also need a referral from your gp. and we’re not taking any new patients at this time anyway”

finally, FINALLY, like 3 years later, i found a really great therapist, who’s also a licensed clinical social worker. for the record, i found her out of state and all of our appointments are by video call. highly recommend looking for this sort of set up if you’re having trouble finding mental healthcare professionals that don’t fucking suck in your area, because i promise having good therapy remotely is leagues better than shit therapy in person.

within like 3 months i told her i’m pretty sure i’m autistic, but couldn’t find any way to get diagnosed without my gp on board. she did some research for me, and reached out to a colleague of hers in the area that works with autistic people.

i got an appointment with said colleague (who was great), who basically went through the dsm checklist, said “yep youre autistic” and referred me to another doctor to actually get diagnosed.

that doctor sucked, and literally just went through the same damn checklist the previous doctor went through, but this time charged me $1500 for it, and didnt take our insurance. also said i couldnt be low functioning because i have thought about my gender identity. so, yikes.

but i got the diagnosis! huzzah!

and now my therapist is helping me to set up an appointment to work with an occupational therapist for sensory processing issues, so i can actually FINALLY get some goddamn help (which technically didn’t need the autism diagnosis but none of those shit doctors believed i HAD sensory processing issues until i got it, so). AND family is helping me finally figure out how to apply for disability so i can have some actual agency in my life. we’re also talking to that first doctor who said i was autistic, and she’s got loads to say about how antidepressants and shit dont even work in the expected way in autistic brains, and is hopefully gonna help me find things for non-autism mental health issues that actually, you know, work for me for the first time in my life.

the moral of this story is, it’s REALLY REALLY HARD to try and get a diagnosis if you don’t have a professional on your side. but if you do, it can be really good, and you just need to worry about the money issue. once i found someone who was willing to help me, even though she’s not actually a medical doctor or even in the same state as me, things moved shockingly quickly. and are still moving quickly. i’m really glad i actually did it, because i very desperately need help and i am very, very close to actually receiving it. most of the pain of this story boils down to me floundering because i had no clue what i was actually supposed to do, and no one i asked would give me a hint.

so...is it worth it? depends. even if you actually skip to the end there, i’m pretty sure the random ableism and ungodly price is pretty typical. so, if you think the potential opportunities a diagnosis presents is worth that part (which it super was in my case), then go for it! but if that doesn’t quite balance out for you, remember that there’s tons of good people with good advice in the autistic community who don’t care if you’re professionally diagnosed or not.