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#they can’t just take a plan ride there because they have no freaking passport and they don’t wanna risk their fake ids being discovered

jarofstyles · 4 years

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Fan Club VII

A/N: Part 7. This is the end my friends. We had a blast writing this, making it as special as we could. This part is all the good things, fluff, smut, sentimental moments. Also, peep the mention of @jawllines (single dad!harry) and @darthstyles (mafia!harry) fics within this fic 😉Anyways, hope you enjoy! - n + d

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masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: smut, fluff, sentimental stuff

word count: 20k 😅

Y/N missed her boyfriend.

She knew he was a busy man and that he had a tight schedule now that he was getting ready to release his new album. It was something she knew would come along with dating Harry, but no one could ever prepare you for that. He wasn’t purposely trying to ignore her and that got her through it most days. She had gotten used to having him at her disposal, so maybe she was just spoiled. He was currently away in Scotland, checking out a location for a potential music video. He had shared with her that he had this idea about creating a whole island, it was a concept that was still in the works, but she was really excited about it. So naturally, she was excited to hear he was going to attempt to bring it to life.

The bakery was becoming a lot busier as well. Katya said it was because of her, but Y/N begged to differ. Sure, she knew Harry’s fans would come and support her bakery, but she hadn’t realized just how much. It was stressful trying to meet high demand, they certainly didn’t have the staff for it. It would all be over better today though. Y/N had gotten a text for Harry asking if she could come pick him up from the airport and Y/N couldn’t say no. Usually, he’d just get a car home, but clearly he wanted to see her. He’d said he ordered a car for her to come and get him in. She was dressed comfortably at the airport, even brought a cute little sign for him as she waited at the domestic gate.

Harry missed Y/N desperately. Too much. A lot. All those words. She was what he had needed, the cool water in the desert. Being away from her when they'd just started being together for real was difficult. Though they talked every day and texted and FaceTimed at night, it wasn’t the same.

So he formulated a plan. A genius one if you’d ask him! One that would have her extremely excited and him getting all the alone time he was craving. Booking a trip to Bali and getting a private villa was a bit easy, not going to lie. He asked for things to be provided and they were— a perk of the famous. The most private villa— which seemed counterproductive considering their original terms, but he wanted to know her. See if this can really work out. Harry was 99% sure he loved her. But there were things he had to work through with her to truly get to the level he wanted to be. Talking about what bothered him even though word of mouth was a thousand times harder than song. Who knew inflection made things so easy?

When he landed, he had made sure that Y/N’s bag was in the jet. They were refueling and then taking off again. The private jet mainly because it was a longer ride and he wanted to start her birthday trip off well.

“Well, well, well.” He smiled as he entered the private gate. She was in front of the car and holding a little sign. “There’s my girl. With such a cute little sign, too.”

Y/N was so excited to see him, patiently waiting for him to come out of the gate. When she saw a familiar head of curly hair she smiled widely, jumping into his arms once he was close enough and wrapped herself around his body. She nuzzled her face into his neck, “I missed you so much.” She mumbled against his skin.

She pulled away enough to press a kiss to his lips firmly. She kept it tame, smiling against his lips before going to press kisses all over his face making sure she made a ‘mwuah’ sound. “How was your trip?” Y/N cooed, pushing pieces of hair away from his face so she could see him better. She couldn’t even wait for him to finish, she was always kissing at his face again. She really had missed him.

“I don’t know if you’re hungry, but I’m thinking we can order in tonight and just have a nice cuddle and watch a movie. Just wanna hold you for a while. Can’t believe you’ve been gone for a week.” Y/N pouted, “how am I going to live when you go on tour?” She honestly didn’t want to think about that right now.

Harry relished in the greeting. None of his other girlfriends had ever been this excited to see him again. Actually... no one had. The kisses were what he had missed so much the affection was what had him thriving the most though.

“Hmmm. Well, that sounds very nice. However.” He smirked, gently placing her down and cupping her cheeks. “We are actually going on a bit of a trip. For your birthday. And our plane leaves in 45 minutes.” The confusion on her face was priceless. He loved how genuinely shocked she was. “Come on.” He took her hands in his and gently dragged her into the airport, taking the bag she had from the driver and ignoring her surprised sputtering, he dragged her further into the building.

“Relax. I had my assistant grab the bag I packed when I came back for the two days.” He smirked. “That’s why stuff was missing. Yes I am devious, and you’ll adore me for it. But you’re being spoiled and it’s so close to your birthday. So, it’s my boyfriend duty to make you feel like one of those Disney princesses.”

“What?” Y/N’s brows furrowed as he spoke. A trip? They were going somewhere? For her birthday? Y/N took his hand and followed him, shaking her head as she chuckled in disbelief. “What about—” she went to ask but he had told her that he had packed her a bag. Y/N genuinely didn’t know what to think. “Wait.” She stopped him for a moment, just taking a look at him and soaking it in. “Thank you, so much. Really, you’re—” Y/N just looked at him fondly and gave him a hug. She really did love him with her whole heart, she couldn’t tell him that. She didn’t want to freak him out. “Thank you. You’re the best.” She smiled up at him and continued to walk to security. “Wow you got my passport and everything, you’re a sneaky bugger.” Y/N chuckled, shaking her head as they went through the security checkpoint and followed him to wherever they were meant to be going. “Babe? Are you going to tell me where we are going or?”

“Hmmm. Maybe in the plane.” Harry hummed. It was incredible to him that she just trusted him. Trusted to have her things she needed, didn't think twice and just nodded her head with a slight pout on her face. Trust was something missing in all his other relationships, he was finding. It didn’t take long to get past the checkpoint, Harry's hand holding hers and swinging it in his own as they got to the private gate. It was a room instead of exposed because their jet was just for them and the crew. “What I can tell you is that it’s warm, there is water, and you’ll love it. Can’t tell you the exact place but, you’ll love it and be so happy with me and it’ll be happily ever after.” He was teasing but he could see the excitement in her face when he said beach. Y/N deserves to travel. He knew it was a dream of hers so he was planning on letting her come to as many shows as she wanted. At least the Europe leg. Whatever he could do to keep her around longer.

Y/N pouted, but knew that no matter where they went, she would be really happy. She trusted Harry and he definitely would pick a fun place for them to, but what really mattered was spending time with him one on one. Sure, they spent a lot of time together doing things for PR but this was real. For the first time they were going somewhere together without Jeff planning it, they were a real couple and her contract was coming to an end. This was something that Harry had chosen to do for her because he genuinely wanted to and she couldn’t have been more grateful.

“hmmm somewhere warm?” She smiled at that. “Ooo I can't wait to swim! Haven’t done that in a while.” Y/N giggled and wrapped her arms around him again as they got cozy in the private waiting room. “Was I the last person to know about this?” Y/N chuckled, seeing as she had gotten a text from her sister telling her to enjoy her trip. Katya definitely would have made sure Harry got all the things she needed, she probably told him where her passport and shit was.

“Exactly the last. Your sister helped me coordinate getting today off.” Harry smirked. It felt so good to have successfully pulled off this surprise. “When I was younger, I was terrible at surprises. You know that? My mum never had a surprise until I was about 12, because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.” Y/N seemed intrigued. “During Christmas... I was about 6... I waited just until she had a present in her lap that my sister and I had picked out. And I got so excited I had kept a secret, the moment she peeled back the paper I screamed that it was a purse.” He shook his head in disappointment in his 12 year old self. “Really though, I’m lucky. It’s all going very smoothly.” Harry was properly proud of himself, knowing that it was not his strong suit to keep from messing up surprises. “I am happy because I also bought you some new things.” His smirk turned devilish. The bikinis and the dresses he got would be so easy to rip off. Delicious.

“But I want a proper kiss. Haven’t seen you in weeks.” His pout was soft but he gave her his puppy eyes, had on her waist.

Y/N smiled at the story she had heard him tell many times in interviews. She let him have his moment though, he hasn’t told it to her personally yet. That made it special. So she laughed at the punch line, smiling fondly at him as she cupped his cheek and pecked his lips.

“I know, baby.” She cooed, letting her thumb smooth over the corner of his lips, the little bit of stubble there making her smile. It was cute really, the feeling of his stubble was she used to remind herself that this was real. That he really was finally hers. “Oh yeah?” She asked, wondering what he could have possibly bought for her? Dresses, lingerie, bikinis, sex toys? It could mean anything. “You are doing really well with the surprises, you know? Feel like you can tell me what you bought.” Y/N hummed, moving her hand lower cupping his neck. Y/N crawled into his lap, deciding that since it was a private room they could do this if they wanted. A nice, proper, passionate kiss. It wasn’t sloppy, in fact the opposite. Every move was intentional. She quietly moaned against his mouth, just feeling so satisfied in that moment.

Harry hadn’t been able to touch her in a while and he had missed it. One of the things he kissed the most when he was gone was how she would make tiny little noises when they’d kiss. There were so many things that were purely Y/N that he adored so much, he couldn’t stop himself from appreciating them a thousand times more.

“Missed you so much, baby.” He murmured against her mouth. Slightly wet and pink, her warm mouth melded Over his perfectly. She smelled like peaches and cream and mouth tasted like vanilla mint, and just that taste that was distinctively hers. “Don’t like being away from you so long.” Her fingers fit perfectly on the side of his neck, every bit of their bodies connecting like puzzle pieces together. There was something so different about her. So uniquely Y/N that no one else could even attempt to recreate.

Y/N whimpered, “missed you too, bubba.” She severely underestimated how much she missed kissing him. His kiss was always firm, his lips plump, and he always tasted like cinnamon. It was the only way to describe the warmth of his taste. Her thumb brushed over his jaw, humming against his lips in response. “Neither do I, but I know it’s part of your job, baby.” Y/N sponged another kiss to his lips. “We’ll get better at it.” She spoke softly, pulling away a little bit to catch her breath and just look at him. The more times they spent time away from each other the easier it would get to get used to being away.

“But... I got you some clothes. Some pretty dresses and bikinis. A few toys.” Harry hummed. Oh, she would be having a very fun few outings with him. “We will be experimenting a bit but it will just be the two of us for the first two days. I have to admit, I’m selfish with my time with you. I want the proper time to talk and kiss you. My sweet Malysh.” He’d been looking up nicknames as well.

Malysh. He called her baby.

The look on Y/N’s face must have been priceless. Lips parting in surprise, eyes bright and full of wonder. Not only at what he has said about experimenting, but also at the word. She never knew she needed to hear him say that, but it was now her favorite thing to come out of his mouth. The corner of Harry’s lip quirked up at her shock. Sure, he knew why. It wasn’t expected of him to be dropping those, but he felt like it would mean a lot to her if he would learn some more of her other language and speak a bit of it to her. Plus, he had the kink for the girl talking in it to him. So. Their sex had been filled with her purring things to him into his ear in Russian. A sure fire way to get him to cum. One time she had been sucking him off and asked him to cum in her mouth in the language and he lost it immediately. A bit smug, his girl was.

“I learned a few. But I’ll hold some off on you. I’ll call you baby in English and Russian and you’ll love it.” Harry kissed her nose tenderly. Y/N was a happy bundle of mush on his lap after that word though. He hadn’t expected her to be so shocked but he did remember she hadn’t been in the room while he looked at YouTube videos to figure out how to pronounce them. “Want to be close to you. Figured... could learn some stuff on my own. Show you I meant what I said.” About being serious with her. About truly adoring every fiber of her being. He hadn’t told her that he loved her yet— that would happen through his sneaky planning he wasn’t allowing her to know of yet.

Y/N closed her eyes, purring as he kissed her face. All the affection she had been missing this week was being made up to her, she couldn’t wait till they were properly alone so she could truly feel like he had made up for his absence. He was buttering her up too, calling her pet names in Russian, it being her birthday, him buying her things. Him being so sweet and romantic made her want to jump his bones.

“That is so fucking cute.” Y/N chuckled, truly endeared by hearing him say that. She didn’t care if he spoke in English or in Russian, but it was more the fact that he wanted to make her feel good and show that he was trying to be a part of her culture. It made her heart sing. She couldn’t be more in love with him. She pecked his lips one more time before nuzzling her face in his neck, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath. “How long are we going to be away for?” Y/N asked curiously, wondering how he managed to schedule time off for her and for himself for this trip. She still couldn’t believe he did this for her.

“10 days.” Harry smiled. It was good just to hold her and make her feel appreciated and cared for. Being away for a few weeks made him crave her affection even more. He hadn’t properly even touched her yet. It was driving him mad. “I cleared my schedule for your birthday. I had asked Katya if she thought you’d rather stay home and have a party but she laughed in my face.” It was quite funny, actually. Having gone in on one of Y/N’s off days and questioning about what she thought would be the better plan. “And then I told her I would pay wages for two people to come help the workload so she wouldn’t be swamped, and she was very happy.” They truly were very busy in the bakery. Their food was adored. “She’s very funny, actually. Told me that you have a doll of me.” Her blush was immediate. “Oiiii. Don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s utterly adorable. It’s the one i found yeah? the one that makes me look like Susan Boyle?”

Y/N’s mouth dropped, “10 days?” She wondered how on earth he managed that. Maybe that’s why he’s been working so hard and been away for longer than usual? He had fully put off 10 days of his career for her. To her that seemed so crazy, cause the Harry she knew rarely took a break when preparing for an album cycle. “Aw, thank you baby.” She smiled, pecking his lips a few times. “I’m sure Katya really appreciated it. I mean, in all honesty we are so packed nowadays that I think we have to hire more staff once we get back anyway.” Y/N admitted, cringing at the fact Katya told him about the doll. “Yes. The Susan Boyle one for that exact reason.” She giggled, pecking his lips once again.

Their chat was interrupted by the captain inviting them and the crew to come out into the plane. They were actually leaving now. Vacation would start now. Y/N squealed as Harry stood up with her in his arms. She grabbed the bag she had with her and wrapped her legs around his waist, holding on to his shoulders as he walked out to the plane. Harry held her in his arms.

“Don’t feel like letting go.” Was his simple answer to it. She was warm and soft and smelled good, he had missed her and if she was okay with it he didn’t plan on stopping touching her until he was forced to.The jet was spacious, having a private cabin that they could take a nap in, a nice bathroom and plus leather seats. “For the takeoff we have to sit but then we can go lay in the bed back there and snuggle.” He murmured, gently placing her in one of the comfortable chairs. It was cute to see her first reaction. Just like his, seeming unbelievable at where she was. He had grown a bit used to it but Y/N gave him that lovely reality check each time. Her hand was grabbed as soon as seatbelts were buckled, gently squeezing when they took off. She seemed excited though— bouncing in her seat once they’d reached the proper altitude that wasn’t a bit nerve wracking.

“Okay. I’ll be in the bed cabin with her, we will ring if we want something.” Harry said to the fight attendant who nodded politely, seemingly relieved to have an easy flight. “C’mon little kitten. We can lay and talk about where we’re going.”

Y/N couldn’t believe it. This was theirs, just them and the crew. She looked around in wonder, pausing when he mentioned the bed. “There is a bed?” Y/N’s eyes were wide. It was truly something she never thought she’d experience and yet here she was. Y/N began to get curious all over again. She wasn’t sure how long they’d be in the air or where they were going. He had given her a hint but there were tons of places where it was warm and there was water. All of which she would like to go to. She said a small thank you to the flight attendant, walking with Harry to the back of the plane. “This is so cool.” Y/N looked around in awe, quickly sitting down on the bed. She took off her shoes and pulled her hair out of its bun for comfort, glad she stuck with leggings, a T—shirt and Harry’s Randy’s donuts hoodie.

Harry loved when she looked so cozy and snuggly. It made him want to crawl inside the hoodie with her, snuggle up for days and not leave. Just have their skin against each other and be warm. It was a type of love that he had heard about many times but never expected to have himself. Wanting to be so close and hold her and kiss her. Not just sex. Not just attention. But genuine feelings.

“Come on then.” He kicked his shoes off and laid with his arms open for her. The girl looked like she was beaming as he got a body full of Y/N launches at him. A fit of giggles left the girl and were very contagious, making him smile even larger. “Alright, silly girl.” He sighed. Kissing the top of her head. “So... I booked us a nice little trip. A private villa in Bali. It’s one of the most private places in the world for us. We can just... be together and not worry about anything else. Nothing has to be posted except what we want to.” Harry loved playing with her hair, so he gently ran his fingers through the locks while he talked, untangling ant little knots with care.

“Bali!?” She looked at him with eyes full of wonder, “private villa? Oh my god!!!” Y/N couldn’t help but get excited over these kinds of things. She had never been to a private villa, hell, she had never been anywhere this far from home before. The only person she’d ever think about doing that with was Harry anyway. Y/N let her hand cup his cheek again, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. “I’m so excited to be alone with you.” She whispered, “couldn’t have asked for anything better.” Y/N really couldn’t have. 10 days spent with her favorite person just doing whatever they wanted. No worries, no requirements, just whatever they wanted they would do.

“We’ll go swimming and go see all the tropical animals and stuff! Maybe we can find a waterfall and swim there? I’ve always wanted to do that... feel like I always see it in movies and I just— I've always wanted to do that with you.” Y/N blushed, moving her hand from his cheek down to his chest, then his stomach, before finally letting her hand go under his shirt and just rest against his torso. It was still a lot to understand. That she had known him before she knew him. That he had been her crush for so long and he hadn’t a clue. It wasn’t bad, though. More so interesting to think someone he adored had adored him so much longer than he could imagine.

“Don’t be embarrassed, angel.” Harry cooed. “I like that you get excited to do things with me. Trust me— s’a relief that I don’t have to compete with other men for all your attention. S’always been on me.” The primal part of him nearly purred at that realization. He had been the one she had loved and lusted over. “I’m happy to be all alone with you too. Always have had people over our shoulders, and I was a proper dickhead for a long time. Even though I just wanted to do this with you.” He had been so angry at himself back then for craving this— but he knew now it’s because his heart knew best. “I wanted to plan the best possible birthday for you. I think I know you well... but I want to know you so much better. Like you so much, and I want to keep going.”

Y/N smiles a bit to herself, “yeah, it has.” She giggled as she watched him get all excited about that fact all over again. Sure she knew Harry had given attention to other women, written songs about them that made her cry on his behalf. But she was here to fix it all, make him feel loved and help him realize that him being himself is what people love the most. “I mean, you were a dick... it wasn’t completely warranted, but I’m letting it slide.” Y/N teased, “you definitely make it up to me on a daily basis.” She cooed, pressing a few pecks to his lips again. Y/N really couldn’t stop kissing him. It had been a whole week of being away from him and watching him through a screen. She was used to doing that, sure, but she hasn’t had to do that since before she met Harry. She smiled widely, “you definitely have... I always dreamed about being able to go somewhere where it was just you and me... where we could just relax and be... us.” Y/N told him genuinely, “and it’s all real. No one but us, that’s such a nice feeling.”

“Mhm. I have lots of things to ask you about too. Got a fan girl right here and I have access to all the dirty secrets!” Harry genuinely had been interested in getting to know how the fans thought of things and what she liked and didn’t like about his career and the band beforehand. “It’s amazing to me. That you were brought into my life so weirdly. Everything surely happens for a reason, but even so... seems too perfect. I wish I hadn’t ignored the way I was so pulled to you for so long.” He sighed, gently pulling her closer. His pout was soft but he knew that Y/N wasn’t upset anymore. “It’s a lovely Villa. I chose one with some glass walls facing the ocean. I got it stocked so we don’t have to leave unless we want to... but we can do whatever you’d like.”

“Dirty secrets, aye? Feel like I told you most of it. But yes, I do know too much for my own good.” Y/N chuckled, “like that story about surprises? I knew that story, but I wanted you to tell it to me. It was special.” She couldn’t help but blush, genuinely so in awe of him and everything he did. “And the story of how you told your mom that Gemma was a drug dealer.” Y/N often thought about their relationship in that context, feeling like she loved him more than he loved her because of just how much she knew about him. She tried her best to tell Harry as much as she could when he asked, wanting him to be just as informed about her. Y/N could tell he genuinely wanted to know too, but she didn’t like talking about herself that much. “UgH that sounds amazing!” Y/N moaned at the thought, “all of that. The not having to leave the house. All of it.” She hummed and leaned into him a bit farther deciding another kiss was overdue. Her hand was still under his shirt, making its way to his chest. “I missed you.” Y/N murmured against his lips, definitely referencing something a little less wholesome this time around. Now that they were properly alone, she could address it.

“I know, baby. Missed you too.” God, did he. After getting regular sex, mind blowing sex, and going back to his hand? It sucked. The phone sex was great, but nothing compared to touch her. Harry was a touchy person and liked her touches. Set him on fire. “Got so used to having you every day.. waking up inside of you. Didn’t have it and it was awful.” They’d had plenty of lazy morning sexy, initiated by either one of them. The perfect way to start the day, and being deprived of it was hell.” He murmured. Having a body like Y/N’s against his was heaven, though. Soft in places other girls he had been in weren’t— he had been missing out. Truly though? He was excited to know that he could work and try and keep her forever. “Hate being away from you. Got so used to being together every night, it sucked going to bed alone.”

Y/N hummed against his lips, “feel so empty when you’re not there.” She meant both literally and physically. She had been spoiled rotten with having him around. They didn’t technically live together, but she was basically around him every night. It was weird to have to sleep in her own bed, it didn’t feel the same. She missed seeing him read before bed while she did all her skincare in the bathroom, missed snuggling up to him and feeling safe and warm. “You’re here now though. Got you for a whole ten days.” Y/N smiled triumphantly, “luckiest girl in the world I am. I scientifically have the most attractive boyfriend in the world, have the most thoughtful and talented boyfriend in the world, and... get the best sex in the world as well.” She felt like she had won at life. Everyone wanted Harry. Everyone wished that they knew him or were with him or could know him, and yet she was the only one that got all of him. Y/N got to experience just how incredible he was and she made sure that everyone knew it too. Not in a show offy way, but more in a ‘I’m so proud that this is my baby he’s so great and I love him, please keep giving him love’ way.

Harry snickered at that comment. Lord, she was funny. Talking about the scientifically perfect face, apparently it was supposed to be true which was funny considering he had seen plenty better looking men in his lifetime. It only mattered to him that Y/N thought he was the good looking one.

“Well... we have all the days now to be alone and have as much sex as we want. And we can stare at each other’s perfect faces.” He smirked. Y/N had the most amazing natural and raw beauty to her. Amazing with makeup, but even just bare faced he was shocked as hell. It was amazing. “I like to think about how I think you were sent to me like an angel.” He mused. “Was so mean and yet, you still adored me and gave me reassurance when I needed it. It’s amazing to me to think how much you’ve given me in such a short amount of time.”

“Mmm two of my favorite things, sex and staring at your face. Though I could argue it’s the same thing.” Y/N teased, kissing his lips. Sometimes she said things that were a bit more fan-like, just to see him blush and get his live reaction to it. “Think I just knew that you weren’t really a dick. Knew that when I had that panic attack after we went out to dinner, you didn’t have to do all that and yet you did.” Y/N smiled softly, remembering how reassured she felt that night. “As a fan I did nothing but adore you and as your girlfriend, who is still very much a fan, I’ll continue to do the same.” She didn’t know if he quite understood the extent to which he had helped her become who she was. Didn’t think he fully knew how many fans loved him just as much as she did but she was the lucky one. “Sometimes I wish I could let fans in on what it’s like, wish that they too could be in my place.... but then I remember it’s all meant for me, and that just makes me really soft.” She blushed.

“Mhm. Only for you.” Harry didn’t plan on dating anyone else. Y/N had him under lock and key and she barely knew it. It was still very new, and he knew that much. However he was hoping that maybe she would want to stay with him. For a good while. “It’s a good thing because I’m a liiiitle bit obsessed with you, sweetheart.” He admitted. “Showed everyone your photo when I was away working. They were all blown away by how pretty you are. Kept asking why you weren’t there and had to explain you work in an amazing bakery and it’s booming, so I couldn’t have taken you. Quite rude if you ask me.” He pouted, obviously teasing at the last bit. He decided then to dip his fingers underneath the pants she was wearing, getting some skin contact as well. Also, he kind of just wanted to squeeze her ass. It was incredible. Perfect size, shape, was soft in his hands. He couldn’t wait to fuck it, when she felt comfortable.

Y/N giggled at that, “I think have you beat, babe.” She chuckled knowing that if they were talking about who was obsessed with who, Y/N took the crown. It still felt really good to hear Harry say that he was a bit obsessed with her. It made her feel really special. “Aw angel!” She cooed, “ but you know I would have been there if I could have.” Y/N said with a pout and pecked his lower lip a few times. “But know you’ve actually gotten me away for 10 days from my booming bakery. So I guess I can leave after all.” She said, pretending to be offended though it did warm her heart. They really just wanted everyone to know they were together and happy, wanted to show off each other's accomplishments. She relaxed a bit more as his hand traveled under her pants, smirking a bit because they really had gotten comfortable with doing things like this whenever they felt like it. “Did you like those pictures I sent?” Y/N purred, remembering how proud she was of the nudes she had sent. They were perfectly custom, knowing Harry and what made him tick made it so easy.

The air changed a bit, the pictures rolling through his head. “Fuckin’ loved em. But the surprise ones you sent out while I was with lots of other people were quite naughty.” She liked to play with him and send photos he would open around others. Not of her face. Beautiful photos that he had gotten off to when she had already fallen asleep. He’d missed her touch too much. “Truly loved all of them. It was hard though, cause I couldn’t go home and take out all that lent up shit on you.” They’d teased each other plenty in the time they’d been official with photos and videos and dirty texts. It was hot, one of the hottest things. “Still can’t believe you went to the bathroom to take a photo of your panties during work.” He had been sending her dirty texts all about what he wanted to do to her that moment, and he had gotten a photo of wet panties in response. Even with her innocent face, she was trouble.

Y/N sat rather smug, enjoying the feeling in Harry’s hand rubbing and kneading her ass as if he was preparing her for what was about to happen. Well, she hoped it would. “That’s the point, isn’t it?” She had truly loved teasing Harry, especially when she knew he was with people or if he wasn’t expecting it. The only thing that would make it better would be being able to see his reaction. “Don’t know why you can’t believe it, that’s a very me thing to do.” Y/N chuckled a bit, her eyes turning rather dark as she started looking at Harry with a much more hungry gaze. “Talked about spreading me open and making me squirt... I was about to call you right in the bathroom.” She admitted, knowing she definitely would have gotten off at work if she could.

She really was amazed at how compatible they were in all forms of the word. In style, in taste, in sex drive, in neediness. It was as if they were made for each other and frankly it had Y/N thinking that maybe she wasn’t crazy when she was younger thinking the same thing. They really were that couple.

“What? s’one of my favorite things. You know I love it messy.” Harry did. Y/N had spit in his mouth and vice versa multiple times, their kisses got wet, he let his face get covered in her arousal. There was so much they did that he loved. “Would have been nice to have called me so I could have helped you get off in there.” He would have done it in seconds. Y/N got very needy and more obedient when it comes to sex. They luckily were both people pleasers and got off on it. “Know what I’m thinking about?” He dropped his voice a bit. “Thinkin’ about fucking you on this bed. I like that you get loud. Could let that attendant hear how good I fuck you.” He could feel her squirm a bit, a sign she was aroused. “Hm. I think you like people being a bit jealous, too. Like when people know that I’m yours and that I give it to you.” Harry noticed little things about her like that. “Also keep thinking about that first night, when you let me rub your cunt under that bar. How easily you spread your legs for me so I could touch. Loved that.”

Y/N whimpered at the thought. “Way to call me out like that.” She mumbled, climbing so she was on top of him. Y/N knew he said he wanted to fuck her, but part of her really enjoyed how he manhandled her and pushed her down on the bed. “You’re mine. Love knowing people wish they were me, a power trip it is.” She hummed and sat up so she could take off the sweat shirt and T shirt at the same time so that she was just in a bra. It was quite a sexy bra. It's a shame though, as Harry had felt, she hadn’t been wearing panties.

“Hm. Got prepared for me?” Harry noticed the lack of panties and pretty bra, way too pretty to casually wear under a sweatshirt for no reason. Y/N knew she would be getting fucked decently soon after seeing him. He leaned back in the pillows, rubbing his hands down her sides. All of it was his to lick and suck and kiss, to cum on— he knew just how much she liked getting messy.

“Have to call you out on it, my angel. It’s the hottest thing. I love that you’re a bit cocky about it.” About him. She was that proud of having bagged him.

Y/N smiled down at him before moving her hands down to the hem of his shirt and began pushing it up. “You get a bit too cocky sometimes, have to remember I have to share you.” Y/N spoke, eventually removing the T shirt he was wearing and letting her hands smooth over his warm skin. “But this part of you? I have all to myself. Don’t have to share your cock with anyone, cause it’s mine.” Her voice dropped a little, hips adding a little pressure to his. Y/N wanted to lean down and kiss him but she really wanted to see him snap. A moan escaped her at the thought of them doing something like that again. Y/N knew that would be one of the most erotic experiences of her life, watching other people watch Harry made her cry from pleasure. “Gonna let me ride your cock in here?” She asked curiously. They had been fucking raw for a while. Y/N had started taking birth control when they started dating because it was part of the contract, it had come in handy though, especially because Harry loved to fill her with his cum.

“Mhm.. Gonna have you walk out of here with a cunt full of cum. Have it dripping down your thighs and gonna feel it all.” Harry loved that. “Know I used a few pairs of your panties I stuck into my bag to get off.” He loved doing that. “Came right on the part where you pussy would be. Felt so fucking good, like you were almost there with me.” He pressed his hips up into hers, quickly taking over and flipping them. Hovering over her always made him feel good. “Would you let me do that for you one day? Wear my cum around all day, remind you of who your precious pussy belongs to?” Harry had been deprived for a long time, so dirtier desires were coming out for her.

“Fucking love when you cum in my pussy.” Y/N growled a bit, nails digging into his skin. Harry was a freak and she loved it. It was something she only hoped was true about him and everyday he just proved to be more and more exciting in bed. She gasped when she said he came on her panties, giggling to herself because it was romantic in a way. A modern and kinky romance. Y/N moaned as he flipped them over, getting excited about getting to feel him. “Mhmm yes.” She hummed, letting her legs wrap around his hips and dug her heels into his backside to feel more pressure. “Get them wet all over again. It’ll feel so fucking good..”

“Know it will. You’re my dirty girl, always know you’ll let me have what I want.” It was amazing to truly be with someone who’s as open to anything with him. They were completely at ease with trying things and being filthy with one another— something he hadn’t ever thought possible. “Let’s get these pants off. Want to be inside of you.” Harry had missed it far too much, the way that she would clench and tighten up around him, how wet she got. Truly a delicious thing.

The waistband of the bottoms were grabbed, and Harry threw them to the side— his own pants following shortly after that. Just in his briefs, he returned to humping over her cunt. Immediately he felt her warmth seep through the thin fabric. “Gonna make anyone who can hear jealous. I love that you’re so vocal for me.” He knew this must have felt amazing, the friction of his briefs on her clit, her legs tightening around him. Taking her wrists, he pinned them above her head And held them together with one hand.

“Feels so fucking good!” She moaned out for him, smiling at the feeling because Y/N truly missed it more than anything. Feeling the weight of his cock on her, the friction, it was driving her absolutely mad. Harry had done an incredible job at getting Y/N horny, all this sexual talk always got her going and she was positive he knew that. She couldn’t believe how quickly she had gone from being insecure about her body to feeling like she was the most beautiful woman in the world all because of Harry. “Swear you’re the only one who can make time this wet without touching me.” She breathed out, a few squeaks and moans coming from her whenever he hit a particularly good spot. As much as she loved foreplay, she really just wanted him to fuck her. She’d missed his cock and was eager to have him fill her. “Please get in me.” Y/N begged, knowing that he’d either fuck her like this with her leg hooked on to his shoulder or take her from behind and rub her clit whilst doing so. Regardless, she wanted it.

Harry groaned in relief once he was inside of her. She was still incredibly tight, stretching around him as he slid himself inside. Her body was the perfect match to his, Harry lifting her leg so he could get even deeper inside of her. Kisses were given, his mouth sipping at hers as he gave a bit of time to adjust for her. It had been a bit since they’d been intimate. It was slow at first. Giving them both time to relish in the pure feelings they felt for one another, holding tight to each other as Harry got all the way in deep. As soon as she was adjusted though? Harry let loose a little. Thrusting shallowly, breathing in her whimpers of pleasure. It was wet and hot in her silky cunt and Harry couldn’t get enough of it.

“Don’t want to stay away from my pussy this long again. Da, Kiska?” Yes, Kitten? He snuck that in there.

Moans spilled from Y/N’s lips as Harry pushed himself inside her slowly, the slight burn of her walls stretching around him grounding her in ways she never thought imaginable. “You’re so fucking big.” She whimpered against his lips, “feel my pussy stretching for you? Feel how wet I am for you? All for you.” Y/N wasn’t sure if it was because they were up in the air or because they hadn’t fucked in a while, but the feeling in his shallow thrusts was already doing bits for her. The position of her legs allowed him to hit really deep, but he still rubbed up against her clit every time he moved his hips. She couldn’t kept her fucking mouth shut though, definitely being loud enough for the flight attendant to hear. “You look fucking sexy..” She breathed, “gonna make me cum so good... I’m so close.”

—

Y/N swore it was a dream. The villa was remote and stunning, private as private could possibly be. She had never been spoiled and cared for in this way, not only during this vacation but before then as well. Harry had managed to spoil her properly rotten and it seemed like with each day came more and more surprises. She couldn’t tell what her favorite part was. Was it the fact that they were completely alone? Was it the incredible mind blowing sex they were having? was it being able to constantly touch him and do whatever she wanted? Y/N really couldn’t choose, all the material things were just that. Y/N had been tanning every morning, wanting to soak up all the rays that she could before they returned to a dreary London. She had noticed Harry had been away for awhile and she started to wonder what he could have possibly been up to. Something seemed suspicious.

So, she got up from her chair to come inside and get a glass of water and maybe some tropical fruit to snack on from the fridge when she noticed Harry was arranging a bunch of boxes in the living room area. Y/N stood there quietly, sitting on her water and watching as the muscles of his back moved. He was wearing those little yellow trunks she told him she loved, his hair staying in place from the sunglasses he had put on top of his head. He seemed so focused.

“You good babe?”

“I’m great, my love.” Oh? Harry was having a ball. Y/N was looking gorgeous and giving him her undivided attention, he was about to give her tons of pretty presents for her pleasure and things he had been eyeing— he may have jacked her Amazon one night and sent himself the list so he could buy everything off of it. He rounded into the kitchen, grabbing her waist. The skin was hot from her being in the sun, soft from the lotion he had rubbed on to her body just a few hours prior. He was buzzed and feeling good. “I got you some presents.” He sang quietly. “I know I went overboard but please don’t be upset. I promise that I love buying you things and this was an ultimate excuse. Plus, there are some things in there for my selfish pleasure. So.” He laughed, pulling her back into his body so he could kiss all over her neck noisily.

Y/N raised her brows, giving him a ‘what are you up to?’ look. She set her water down as he made his way into the kitchen, taking one more piece of pineapple to nibble on as he spoke. “Babe...” She pouted, seeing as he certainly did go overboard. The amount of boxes in the living room was insane and she couldn’t even begin to imagine what on earth was in them. She couldn’t be to upset with him, he seemed so excited to have bought her all these things and she genuinely was thankful and grateful. She just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that all of this was for her. The trip, the gifts, everything. It was all for her. “Is there now?” Y/N giggled as he kissed at her neck, scratchy because he hadn’t shaved in a bit and they were on vacation so he probably didn’t want to bother with that. “Thank you, baby, really. You do too much for me, can’t ever seem to thank you enough.” She cooed, kissing the side of his head and letting one of her hands play with his hair. “When do you want me to open them? And in what order hmm? Or are you gonna make me wait till tomorrow?”

“Can open them whenever you’d like. I have no particular order. Tomorrow’s gift isn’t one to be opened, per say.” Harry was vague for a reason. But Y/N knew he always had something up his sleeve. Now he was able to keep a few secrets. “I have to find a way to say thank you for eating all this fruit.” He nibbled on her a little bit. “Always taste good but taste especially fabulous these past few days.” He knew it had to do with the fresh fruit that was plentifully supplied. “However, I’m very much excited to see you open the things up. I got two extra suitcases delivered as well so they can be brought back easily.” It was a plethora of things she liked. Some books, makeup, shoes. Clothes. A few sex toys. A vibrator he could control on his phone. Lovely things.

Y/N rolled her eyes, “there is more tomorrow!?” She couldn’t believe this man. He was doing the absolutely most and she genuinely didn’t know how to react. Of course she was grateful and happy, but she truly couldn’t keep herself from bubbling over for much longer. Y/N was completely and utterly in love with Harry and she couldn’t say it yet. She wanted him to say it first, wanted him to feel ready to say it. “I like fruit though. I’m glad you’re enjoying it too.” Y/N giggled and pulled away from him slightly, making him look at her so she could grab his face with her hands and kiss him properly. Harry deserved it. He was doing so much for her, most likely because all the relationships he has had in the past have been different to this one. He had told her many times that she was different and frankly, she wasn’t a supermodel who could buy whatever she wanted or go wherever she wanted. She owned a small business and Harry was treating her. “Thank you. Really. You are the best, not because of all of this, but because you thought of all of this and did all of this for me. I have no words, baby.” Y/N cooed, rubbing her thumb over his tanned cheeks. She wanted to say she loved him in that moment, but maybe her eyes said it all. Y/N pecked his lips one more time before walking over to the array of boxes, deciding to open the smaller ones first and build up to the big ones. “Okay, this one is the lucky first one... let’s see.”

The first box was a little skincare thing that she had wanted. Apparently it vibrated and pulsated to clean skin but he didn’t know. It was on her list so he had gotten it for her.

“I got you a lot of stuff that I asked around about and then other things I knew you’d like.” Like an apron that said ‘kiss the cook’ with the cook crossed out and baker written on it. It was adorable in his opinion. There was a pair of earrings with cupcakes on them because he had seen her eying them at the boutique they’d gone to months ago. A faux leather notebook and pen set for her to jot down things. He had gotten her everything from that, to a vault of lipstick that was limited audition, to a Gucci bag and boots.

Y/N squealed as she opened every box, giggling because he really had gone above and beyond to get her all these things that were certainly things she wanted but didn’t need. She would never justify buying these things for herself, but Harry did.

“Baby!” She cooed, looking at the Gucci bag and boots. “Definitely your girlfriend now.” Y/N teased, seeing as Gucci was Harry's signature thing and now she had her own. She definitely had worn a lot of his custom stuff before, but this felt really special. “This is so sweet, H— you.” She couldn’t even form words, moving on to the rather large boxes because she couldn’t imagine what was in them. Opening the box she saw how sleek it looked and realized it was this big because it was sets of lingerie. Neatly organized, making sure the cups of the bras weren’t deformed. “Oh my—” Y/N breathed out. They were gorgeous, truly stunning. Harry did have great taste, she never doubted him, but this was next level. The other larger box had quite the sex toys in it and she was even more shocked to see what he had picked out for the two of them. Y/N looked up at him, picking up the dildo that looked very much like his cock. “You molded your cock? For me?” She smiled, looking at it and noticing just how accurate it was. Every little detail. Y/N noticed there was a button on it, “it vibrates!?”

“Well... have to give you something to help. I know you won’t want to leave the bakery for a whole 6 months while I tour, and it’ll be back and forth for us. But you also tend to be cranky if you aren’t able to be fucked proper. So... helps you out.” It was a dirty gift but thoughtful, nonetheless. “Keep thinking about that silk dress you wore out to the club the first time we were truly together, too. So I have to get you some more of those... But if you look here.” He took the smaller box out. “This... is a vibrator that I can control from anywhere. You put it inside of you, feels just a bit good when you walk around. But any moment I can take out my phone and turn it on as high or as low as I want to.” His eyes were full of mischief. Oh, Y/N would love that. “Cause we like to play around and can’t exactly do it out in public a lot— as much as we would like to, anyways. Can be very fun.”

Y/N blushed, “definitely will be putting this to good use.” She admitted and set it to the side. It was her favorite gift if she was honest. Harry would be away but she could still be stuffed full of him even if it wasn’t the real thing. Obviously the real thing was better than anything else, but at least it would feel incredible when she came around a familiar shape. “Know you loved that dress, huh daddy?” She smirked, it was the best decision she had ever made. Certainly it was the sexiest she had ever felt and frankly it was the hottest night they had ever shared together. “I really like this purple one... and the baby blue.” Y/N nodded, knowing she’d get good use out of these dresses at other events. They were similar but not exactly the same. She looked at him with eyes full of wonder as he pulled out the vibrator. It was small but she could tell it was mighty. “I swear if I cum in front of everyone at the bakery...” Y/N blushed at the thought though it was also the hottest thing in the world to her. “Could also use it when we FaceTime..” She hummed at the thought. “Could make me cum from anywhere in the world. I’ll put it on my clit and use the dildo..” It was a dirty thought but Harry would appreciate it.

“Exactly. And I’ll definitely be making you cum at the bakery. There’s no way I wouldn’t.” Harry scoffed. Yes— he was very much a man of his word when it came to that. Y/N tested him daily so it was only fair, right? “I’m going to try and wiggle as much time with me as possible, though, 100% going to make sure that you come to as many shows as I can squeeze from you. Know you won’t be able to do it all but... m’selfish. Want you with me whenever I can have you.” He wasn’t ashamed of that either.

Y/N knew he would admit that, making her cum in her own place of work. Y/N knew as soon as she felt it happening, she would have to hide in the back or something. No way could she help customers like that, god no.

“I’ll be texting you as soon as it happens.” She knew she would be, feeling him tease her from wherever in the world he was. “It all depends on if we can get help for the bakery. I think we have saved up enough where we are actually going to renovate and finally get that space upstairs sorted so we’ll be closed for a month or so.” Y/N explained, having been working on that for a while. “I could be on tour with you then dunno where in the world you’ll be, but I’ll come with. It’s um early summer.”

“Sounds like a definite plan.” Harry had planned this whole trip out and was so unbelievably excited at the thing. How had he been this lucky? Been able to give his girl things, to even find her to begin with? He was just incredibly grateful for his life at the moment, and he knew Y/N was too. “Baby... when it comes to the bakery, I really wouldn’t mind loaning some money to you guys for help and repairs. And by loaning I mean, give you money and say you can pay me back but I will refuse it.” He smirked, stroking her arm as she looked at some of her gifts. “I have money. I’m not sitting here saying that to be facetious but, I have money I will never spend in my whole lifetime. Being able to help you and the others at the bakery makes me happy.”

Y/N looked at him with a sweet smile, “That does mean a lot and I appreciate it. I do. But you know, I signed that contract and I have all the money from it... and it’s all going to the bakery.” She told him, realizing she never told him why she actually signed the contract. One of the reasons was because she was a fan but another one was because of the money for the bakery.

“If I ever do need it, I will let you know. But even being affiliated with you already brings a lot of business.” Y/N blushed, setting all of her gifts to the side so that she could crawl into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him, pecking his lips a few times as she always did. She pulled back a little, playing with his hair as they sat and chatted. “Thank you for all the presents, baby, you are incredibly sweet.” Y/N cooed, “for everything... for the trip, for the gifts. You do so much for me and I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”

“Of course, my precious girl. Trust me. It’s my pleasure to spoil the hell out of you.” Harry promised. Y/N made him so happy, it was only right that he got to spoil the girl that made him feel on top of the world. Truly. “It’s only the beginning for us. You’ve no idea how excited I am to have the both of us together like this. That we get some alone time. That makes me feel incredible.” He felt happy at this moment. Totally at peace. “I know that I’ve been so quiet and private my last few relationships but.... I love making you happy. I love people knowing that it’s you and I together. If that makes sense? S’like, I don’t mind anyone knowing that we are together. I’m proud to show off our little team.”

“It’s been the nicest thing and it’s only been like three days?” Y/N sighed in thought, “I mean, I love being with you back home too, but it’s nice to just have you all to myself. Don’t have to share with anyone or split my time between you and work.” She really had been so relaxed, comfortable in just being with Harry without any other obligations or eyes watching them. It did however, warm her heart to hear him say that he didn’t mind people knowing they were together, “really?” She asked in a truly touched tone. It meant a lot to her, to think that she had made him feel comfortable enough to show that side of him to the public even a little bit. As a fan she knew Harry was a very private person, she never expected him to confirm a relationship or speak about how he felt unless it was in the form of music. “I’m definitely proud to show you off and I know it’s a big step for you to even somewhat confirm that you’re with me. Like, I know we had to for the public, but you’ve never... done anything like what you’ve done with me and it makes me feel really special. It really does.” Y/N was dying to see the three little words.

“It’s a lot— or it was before you. I didn’t like people knowing. I don’t know if it’s because I was embarrassed to be with them... maybe it’s because I didn’t want to lie directly to fans. It felt weird.” Harry admitted. “Yeah... think that may be part of why. It feels odd. Because this is a real relationship and people are quite invested in us. It’s not fake or something people hate. You know?” He tilted his head. “I dunno. It just feels right. A lot of things do, that didn’t before.” He murmured with a smile. Y/N was glowing today. Looking so beautiful, happy. Content. “I like showing you off. It’s so much fun. Especially with how you are with me. We are drawn to one another.”

Y/N smiled, listening intently to the way he spoke. Harry has a very Harry way of explaining things. It was something that was so authentically him and he didn’t even realize he did it. “I try to tone it down in public though, don’t want people knowing I’m a sex pest.” Y/N joked, but she sort of meant it. She wanted to maintain their privacy a little bit, didn’t want everyone knowing everything. “I like to think we work really well together. You keep me grounded and I feel like I get you to be a bit more vulnerable and kinder to yourself.” Y/N said softly, “you definitely taught me to be that way though... but I don’t blame you for not taking your own advice. I’ll happily remind you how amazing you are everyday.” That was true, she could go on for ages just hyping him up for the smallest of things. “So proud to call you my boyfriend too. Not only are you incredibly talented, you’re legitimately good at everything that you do. There is nothing you don’t do well. You’re so handsome and you’ve got the biggest heart on the planet. Everyone loves you, baby.” Y/N cooed, genuinely just so gooey over him.

“Stooooop.” Harry blushed, burying his face in her chest. Little Y/N had him on his toes all the time and he wouldn’t have it any other way, truly. The only woman who made him blush besides his own mum. “You’re so sweet. But you’re very talented too. Swear, never tasted lemon squares like the ones you make. I’m not even big on sweets, but it makes me very happy to think about the fact that I am dating the world's best baker. Would be a right shame if it was anyone else. Wouldn’t appreciate the goods correctly.” He was playful with her. He’d found himself being so serious lately, the past two years, that he had felt completely out of it. But she puked that part out of him. Mae the jokes flow.

“Never!” Y/N giggled at his reaction, kissing his head once again. She lingered there for a moment, just taking in his scent. His hair smelt like a mix between his regular scent and salt water, also a hint of coconut from the sun cream they had been using. It smelt like her personal version of paradise. “Of course, baby. Should put ‘Harry Styles approved’ on every item on my menu. Only the highest ranking of deserts get your stamp of approval, huh?” Y/N teased, petting his hair as he stayed hidden in her chest. They had a whole week to spend like this, that was the best part. Completely free of all worries.

----

Harry watched Y/N from the side of his eye as she scrolled on her phone, giggling to herself. He wasn’t sure what she was up to since he had gone to grab her a drink but he knew she was up to no good.

“What are you doing there, pet?” He quirked his brow as he came up next to her. When she realized he had the pina colada in his hands she gave him the ‘gimme’ hands which made him chuckle under his breath. Sometimes she was such a baby, and didn’t even realize it. Sitting down next to her, he handed the drink to her greedy little hands before resting his chin on her shoulder. The door was wide open, allowing the island breeze to swirl around their little villa. The sliding glass doors that looked into the beach and pool were usually kept this way. It was about the middle of their vacation together and he was having the time of his life. Just being around her rejuvenated him in ways he didn’t think possible.

“Hmmm?” Y/N hummed, taking a sip from her piña colada. “I’m just on Twitter.” Y/N mumbled with a small smirk, “your fans are well funny, you know?” She told him as a matter of factly and took another sip from her drink as she pulled up the tweet that made her laugh. It was one of those ‘I’m literally just vibin’ edits that always made her giggle. Y/N leaned back into him with a hum, “Know you don’t use social media much, but I’ll start texting you screen shots or something. You’re missing out on comedic genius.” She turned her head to look at him a bit and pecked the corner of his mouth. “You look cute.” Y/N muttered, pressing another kiss to his slightly sunburnt nose. He looked like he did in the lights up video that he recently came out with, all glowy and tanned. She was completely and utterly in love with him, that was a fact. Y/N had been for years really, but everyone said it wasn’t the same kind of love. That true love. She agreed though, that the love she felt for him now was much stronger than it ever was. Still reminiscent though. It made her feel so soft inside knowing that she got to love on him everyday and that she could just pick up the phone and call him whenever she missed hearing his voice. That she got to cuddle with him whenever she wanted to and kiss him and tell him how proud she is every single day. It was something she always dreamed about doing, the soft domestic things.

He was the love of her life, always would be.

“My fans? Yeah. They’re pretty great. M’dating one of them.” Harry gave her a goofy little smile, kissing her lips three times, making an obnoxiously loud noise when he did so to make her laugh. Her laugh was his favorite sound. God, he was in love. And for the first time, he knew that she wouldn’t break his heart. He had confidence that Y/N loved him back and wouldn’t do what anyone else tried to. It was proven in the way she was around him, how she gave him kisses so tenderly and didn’t need to show off. She was so happy to not post a thing if she didn’t need to, just to be around him. He had a few more defining questions for her, though. Just to make it clear that he meant business and to see if she did too— or if he would have to work on it. Settling in next to her, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and out his legs up on the table, letting her throw one of her legs over his thighs. “What do you see in your future? A big question but... ideally, in a year or so, where do you want to be?”

Y/N laughed as he kissed her, moving her hand up to wipe the extra slobber off her lips pretending like she was disgusted when she wasn’t at all. It was cute really, the way he was with her and the way he knew how to make her laugh and get her all giddy without trying all that hard. It didn’t take much, Harry still gave her butterflies the same way he did all those years ago when she first saw an interview of his. She moved so both of her legs were across his lap, locking her phone and setting it down before moving her hand up on his chest to play with his cross necklace. Y/N was a bit surprised at his question, never did she think he’d be asking her something like this about half a year in. He always seemed to be so cautious with his relationships and she felt he’d be the same with her, especially because she was a fan.

“In my future?” Y/N repeated back to him, looking up at him with her eyes all innocent and suddenly serious because it did mean a lot to her. “Well... I’d like for the bakery to be booming, but it already is....” She paused for a moment, taking her eyes off of his necklace before looking back up at him. “It might sound really cheesy, but I don’t mind where I am a year from now as long as you’re there.” Y/N said honestly, feeling a bit bashful because she really did mean it and she’d never said anything like that to anyone let alone someone as important to her as Harry.

“Yeah?” Harry's smile was soft but it was a relief. She wanted to just be with him. It was about the same for him. “S’a good thing I feel the same then.” He was teasing but obviously meant it. His fingers drew circles on her thigh, finding comfort in touching her skin. It was warm and he felt just... soft, around her. “Guess m’just thinking about the future. How I want you in mine. As long as you’ll let me have you.” He murmured, playing with the hem of her dress, feeling a little bashful himself. “I thought I had everything planned out— to an extent, I do. But I realized I needed to ask you what you want.” He cleared his throat and looked back at her face. “You see this as long term, yeah? Don’t plan on anyone else?”

Her smile was wide, that soft and bashful expression locked on her face as he spoke. Y/N swore her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her throat, scared that it would fly right out of her if she wasn’t careful. Sure they talked about their feelings a lot, but they had never properly talked about what they wanted out of the relationship beyond just being a couple.

“Of course I do.” She spoke genuinely, her eyes scanning his for any sign of uncertainty. “It’s only ever been you.... only ever going to be you.” Y/N told him and swallowed thickly because she was essentially saying she was in love with him without actually outright saying the words. Y/N knew how Aquarians could be and how they could run from commitment unless they themselves wanted it. He had to be the one to say it. It made Y/N nervous. She wondered what he had planned out, wondered what it was that he wanted out of his future since apparently she was in it. Sure they were a very coupley, they had spent nearly everyday together and essentially lived with one another, but it has all just been fun, the beginning of their relationship. Something was telling her that Harry was starting to see it as more and that made her very happy. She wasn’t the only one.

“Good. Cause— I’ve been thinking lately. About us, how you make me feel like the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in my own skin. I’ve been scared to truly tell you how much I want you for... forever, essentially. Don’t want to scare you off.” Harry swallowed thickly. Y/N was it, as people said. “I don’t want you calling anyone else baby. I don’t want you with anyone else. I want you. S’selfish maybe. But I’ve been thinking it through and I figured out that I’ve got to stop beating around the bush with how I feel and tell you that I think about it long term.” He wasn’t good with talking about feelings but he was making himself be for her sake. “I’ve never been this content in a relationship. Always looking for the other shoe to drop. I don’t feel that with you.” Y/N had him at ease. “I wanted to ask... what do you want? Out of life, out of a relationship? Outlining a dream life, I would want to know. Want to see if I can make it happen.”

Y/N’s hand stilled on his chest, simply resting it flat against his sternum as he spoke and felt that his chest too was beating faster than usual. His heartbeat was slow and steady naturally, but she could tell that he was nervous. It made her feel a bit more calm and she hoped that he too would feel calmer with the way she was looking at him with the utmost adoration in her eyes.

“Just want to be happy... that’s all I want. I just want to be happy... and for you to be happy and.... and if we’re talking about forever, I want our kids to be happy..” Y/N was soft yet firm, wanting him to know she was in fact serious about what she was saying. “Because my dream life has always had *you* in it. Even before you knew I existed, you give me everything I’ve ever wanted and then some.... couldn’t even begin to think of what else I could want.” She chuckled and shook her head because she felt really soft and mushy. Properly giddy. “You’re my best friend. Know I can trust you with anything, know you’ll be there to support me, know that no matter what you’ll always be there and you’ll always get me and that’s all I could ever want out of a relationship.”

She said our kids. That made Harry feel... so many things. She really wanted to stay and be with him. Forever. It was an utter relief to know he wasn’t alone in thinking about that. His smile took over his face as he leaned and hid his face in her neck, kissing the warm skin there.

“Want that too. But I’ll always be there for you. M’happy that you know that, even so early on. A lot of my past relationships didn’t have any trust. On either ends. But I never even question you anymore. At first, we know I was scared. But I just know you’ll be there.” He pulled his face out of her neck and fixed the hair that had come out of her little messy bun. “Kids... how many?” He asked quietly. “Where do you want to settle eventually? S’a lot, I know. I just… I think about it, a lot.”

Y/N cooed as he nuzzled his face in her neck, her eyes fluttering shut as she brought her hand to pet his hair and kissed the side of his head a few times because she was just so in love. She constantly wanted to smother him in her affection and she was so happy that he liked it. Others would say she was far too clingy, but Y/N just loved to show her love. Wanted him to know she was constantly wanting to love up on him in any way that she could.

“Four.” She answered before he even finished talking. Y/N always always wanted a lot of kids, her maternal instincts told her that she definitely wanted more than one. She felt like four was a good number, frankly, if they had more they’d have more. “Somewhere in England, feel like it’s our home no?” Y/N has also thought about it a lot, before she met him but even more when she did meet him. Getting to know him and his preferences helped with that as well, helped adjust her daydreams into something that could become reality. “What do you think? How many kids do you want? Where would you like to settle down?”

“I’ve always wanted a lot of kids.” Harry admitted. Y/N would make an incredible mother. She had all the traits of a good one and he was beyond glad to think she would be the one mothering his children. He had a soft spot for babies and that much was apparent. “It’s a dream to be a father. I’ve adored kids and to have my own... I’d love it.” He would be so excited to have any baby. “I want a place in the states and England. London or around my mum, most likely. I want to travel with you, see more places but... there’s nowhere that says home rather than where your family is. Got Jeff in California and my mum here so...” He shrugged. Anywhere Y/N would like would work too. “Considering you’ll be the one carrying my babies.. it really is up to you how many we have. However, I’d like as many as we can manage.” Harry placed a hand on her stomach. She wasn’t pregnant yet, probably wouldn’t be for a while but, the thought had him warm. “Don’t jump at this question, because m’just wondering.... your stance on marriage?” He asked gently. “S’it something you’d want? I know some people are against those types of contracts and things along those lines.”

If you told 12 year old Y/N that she’d be sitting and talking about having kids and marriage with Harry Styles one day, she’d be just as overwhelmed as 22 year old Y/N was right now. She always had to pinch herself at times, to remind her that she wasn’t dreaming and that this was her life. That Harry was her boyfriend and wanted a future with her and well... it was everything she’d ever wanted. Truly.

“Feel like I’m pretty old fashioned, quite like the idea of getting married one day... I like the whole concept, think it’s beautiful.” Y/N said with a slight blush, her hand reaching up to cup his cheek because he too was smiling like an idiot as was she. Thank god they were alone, anyone looking in would probably feel sick just from looking at how sweet the two looked. Y/N leaned in to press a sweet kiss to his lips, just because she really wanted to. It was quick, because she knew he’d want to talk. She bit her lip and let her thumb caress his cheek. Y/N really did love him, she’d do whatever he wanted really and the best part about that was knowing that what he wanted was what she wanted and so on.

“Perfect. I do too but, if you hadn’t wanted it I would have adjusted.” Harry knew that he would bend over backwards for her at this point. Y/N had him by the balls. The best part was he didn’t even care. “What type of wedding have you dreamed of? I know that people dream of their weddings when they’re younger... I picture you as a dreamer, so what was the dream?” He asked, leaning into her touch. The love was so obvious in their eyes and actions and damn, they were talking about a fucking wedding. But Harry was positive that this was the girl he was going to marry. He didn’t want anyone else.

“I have a board on Pinterest.” Y/N whispered, knowing that it would make him laugh because that was definitely something Y/N would do. She kissed his lips one more time and went to unlock her phone, opening up Pinterest and showing opening up the wedding folder. It of course had all different kinds of things, from color schemes to aesthetic ideas. She even had a picture of a ring or type of dress she could possibly want. Everything was thought out. “Think I’d want to have a destination wedding somewhere warm and romantic... like in Italy or something. Then again, wouldn’t mind having one in England either but...” Y/N blushed, realizing she was in fact talking about a theoretical wedding between the two of them. “But I’d like to invite whoever is important in our lives... whoever would be happy to know we are happy and just, would love to celebrate with us.” Y/N shrugged, “reckon Jeff should get ordained or something.” She teased but was also somewhat serious.

“I would like a destination wedding too.” Harry smiled. The thought made him happy. Feel warm and fuzzy knowing she was thinking about him when she would be walking down the aisle. He wanted it, wanted her to only want him. Ever. “I agree. I would do whatever you’d like but, a smaller wedding in terms of people would probably be better, the most important people. Surrounded by trust.” Y/N was so good for him. They clicked on everything. “I think it’s a once in a lifetime thing— or, for me it will be.” He smiled lightly at her. “So it will be as special as we would want it to be. I’m sorry I’m throwing these things at you I just... I love you. You know that, baby? Want forever with you... planning these things out, having an idea of what our life could look like just makes me happy.” Harry wanted her to know he wasn’t trying to rush her into it but was just looking for general ideas. That’s what he wanted. But he did want her to be up front with him. Wanted her to tell him honestly what she’d like and dislike.

Y/N felt her eyes tear up at his words feeling so beyond happy and lucky that he was hers. Of all the girls in the world who loved him, she was the one he loved. “I love you too... so much.” She told him and let out a chuckle because she really was about to start crying at how goddamn happy she was. She was turning 23 tomorrow, on a romantic trip with her boyfriend who was her best friend, the person she loved more than anything in the world. Y/N could possibly have asked for more. “You mean so much to me, you know that. Can never properly put it into words. I just love you, so much. Always have and I always will.” It was something that she had always wanted to say to him, truly she could never express how much she loved him but considering the fact that they’d just talked about marriage and having kids? She could safely assume she had her whole life to show him everyday just how much she loved him.

“I love you, little lady. So much.” Harry pulled her to sit on his lap and then in his arms to rest against his body. Thankfully the seat was soft and he could recline a bit, feeling the warmth fill him when she hid her face in his neck and kissed on the sling lovingly. “You’re the best thing to happen to me. I’m not just saying that. The fact you’ve given me chances even after I was a cold hearted dick, regardless of the fact I was protecting myself— you understood and forgave me. You were so kind despite it all and it’s something I admire so much of you. You’re always being kind to anyone who needs it.” He stroked her hair as she laid against him. “I just want you to see how much you’re loved. Every day, you amaze me. And I want to plan my life with you. Make you see how much I adore you.”

Y/N wrapped herself around his body like a koala, breathing in his scent deeply when she nuzzled her face into his neck. He was always so warm and smelled so good, it felt like home to her and she was so happy that this was forever. She wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Knew you were only being a dick cause you refused to give me a proper chance.” Y/N mumbled against his neck, pressing soft kisses to it that made small squishy noises whenever she pulled off. “Couldn’t resist me.” She giggled and blew a little raspberry against his skin before pulling away to look at him properly again. “But you do, baby, everyday... and I hope I show you too, everyday, just how much I love you.” Y/N said with a bright smile, “Devoted my life to you a long time ago, have the cringe tweets to prove it.” She teased, “you didn’t have a Y/N stan account did you? No.”

“Couldn’t resist you at all. I knew that night... the one at the club in that silk fuckin’ dress, that I’d be done for. I’d been trying so hard to not give in to my wants for you. It was so difficult and I know it but, fucks sake. You turned up in the car and looked so beautiful, tempted me so much.” Harry could drool thinking about that night. “I felt odd about how much I genuinely liked being around you. You were amazing and kind and I wasn’t pretending when I was with you— s’more pretending after. I loved going out to do things because I had an excuse to myself to talk to you.” He sighed. “You’ve no idea how badly it killed me when I saw all your posters torn down and in the closet. That... I was your idol in a sense and you’d been to my shows and bought my sweater and I had treated you so poorly.”

“You love that bloody dress. Never shut up about it.” Y/N teased, pressing a few kisses to his lips. “Knew when I bought it you’d die when you saw me in it so I just had to wear it that night.” Y/N explained, “it proper pissed me off that you were in denial, cause I sure as hell wasn't pretending and I could tell you weren’t either... I knew when we went to that date at the cafe.”

Y/N always thought so fondly on their early days, even if he was a right dick to her. She just had a gut instinct that it wasn’t real, that he wouldn’t actually act that way. Seeing him cry in her room that one night proved that she was right too. It made her feel hopeful again. “I know, baby... but, I would have done it all ten times over.” Y/N said honestly, “I know it sounds really cliché, but you did so much for me and my confidence when I was younger that even if I chucked all the things into a box and never looked at them again... I could never actually hate you. Ever. The things you and the boys did for me is truly something I could ever replace.”

“I’m glad I was able to do that for you. That you found comfort in me and was able to feel confidence. And now look at us.” Harry kissed her lips. “Do you know how much it kills me that you were in the audience while I was performing and I didn’t know you yet? That I could have had you so much sooner but I didn’t?” He sighed. Granted, it worked out because only the last tour she would have been legal but, still. “I think everything happens for a reason. You know that? I think that the reason you were sent to me from the universe is to show me how to love and trust again. And you’ve done that so well.” He was so trusting in her. Loved her more than he could ever explain. “S’crazy. To think that someone I can consider my soul mate was right under my nose for a while and I didn’t know. Wait!” He looked at her with wide eyes. “Did you read those... fan fiction thingies?”

“Yeah. Yeah I was right under your nose, fucking shaved pussy and everything.” Y/N told him with a straight face, knowing it would make him laugh. It was a meme but every one direction fan did it, showed up looking their best and coochies shaved just in case. “Really thought whole heartily as a 14 year old that you would see me and think, ‘wow I want to have sex with her’” She mocked his accent. “Did you know, you once spat water on me and it was the best moment of my life.” Y/N said as a matter of factly, “reckon I still have all the photos from all the shows on my phone... if you wanna see.” She knew he would like to see them and hear her commentary in the moment. Maybe seeing her in context would ring some bells. When he mentioned fan fiction Y/N’s eyes widened, looking at him with raised brows. “Of course I did.” She bit her lip, “Some of it is really fucking hot, I tell you. And it’s scary cause a lot of it is accurate. Like people know how you fuck just by looking at ya.”

“I spit on you? The fans seem to love that shit. I love watching them freak out. Aw... and now I spit into your mouth while I fuck you, baby.” Harry cooed, pinching her cheek. “What a glow up, as the kids say.” They often joke about him being an old man and not having the same ‘knowledge’ as the fans. “Wait... I’ve never really read it. I know a fan fiction of me is a movie but everyone told me it wasn’t worth the read so I haven’t.” He chuckled at the thought. At least someone was inspired by him enough to make things. That’s how he thought of it. “How do people... know how I am?” He questioned. “I’ve always been a bit interested but afraid to actually look.”

Y/N rolled her eyes as he pinched her cheeks, opening her mouth for him nonetheless and waited for him to spit in it because she wanted him to do it now. Why not right? She continued on as if hadn’t happened, smiling happily as she continued on explaining about fan fiction.

“You have this energy about, guess people can assume you’re quite kinky based on your songs and the way you act or say things.” Y/N chuckled, “not so secretive about it... we all heard medicine and watermelon sugar.” She pointed out before pulling out her phone to go on tumblr and pulled up some of her favorite writing. “Essentially how it works is like... you’re the muse. It’s not always like you as you are presented in the media. Sometimes it’s you and your personality but just like being a football player, or a ceo, or a pornstar or whatever it may be... it’s called an AU or alternate universe. Sometimes it’s you, as is. The dorky rockstar we know and love, that’s called canon.” Y/N felt like it was pretty straight forward. “There are some really hot ones either way... what sounds appealing to you?”

“That’s... a lot. So basically, some are just me playing a character... but my name?” Harry questioned, furrowing his brows. “And others are meant to be me me. That’s interesting.” He was confused but also endeared. How he got such creative fans, he wasn’t sure. “I’d never judge too harshly. I’m happy I inspire people to do things and write things. As long as it’s legal, I’m okay.” He would never shame them for if. Maybe he didn’t understand but that didn’t mean it was bad. “Read me one of your favorite ones then.” He snuggled her up in his lap, keeping her close. “Being the muse is nice instead of having one. But you’re about to have many albums written about you, little miss.” He teased, squeezing her waist. “Bet you aren’t ready for that one.”

“Yeah, baby.” Y/N giggled, endeared that he was trying so hard to understand. “Some are characters that are adapted to have your personality and appearance, other times they’re genuinely writing about you and what they think you’d do in a certain situation.” She explained and got all cozy in his lap with him. “You’re such a good boy.” Y/N cooed and kissed his cheek, “I love you.” She smiled and puckered her lips for him to kiss before she went to look for something to read to him. “Ooo okay!” She smiled, “So this is a popular one. She’s an incredible writer really. Think she has really creative ideas and a specific style and well... she knows how to write you really well too.” Y/N looked at him and watched his reaction to what she was about to tell him. “This story is about the reader, I’m going to use my name, and you... but in this story you’re a single father of a son and you need a babysitter.” She explained and realized how porno-esque it sounded, “and it’s not like that!! It’s actually really sweet and wholesome.”

Y/N began reading the story, outlining how essentially her character had been walking her dog in a rich neighborhood because she wanted her dog to have nice grass to walk around on and what have you. Established that Harry lived in one of these nice houses and how his son, Teddy, had seen her dog and wanted to pet it. How she tried to act like she lived in the neighborhood cause she was embarrassed and how after running into each other on multiple occasions, Harry urgently needed a nanny.

Harry listened with interest. It was a cute little story. Very wholesome when it came to the fact that it was him as a single father and a little boy. He’d never be a single father though, he’d never let Y/N go. However it was a good idea for a role play in the bedroom— he’d bring that up later though.

“It’s so incredible to me. She’s so talented in her writing and manages to make it so anyone could insert themselves into the story. And she typed out my accent which is odd but also cute.” Harry chuckled, leaning his chin on her shoulder. “The fact that I can inspire someone to write a story at all blows my mind. It makes me happy; too. I hope she goes for writing as a career. I like how she made me in this.” He squeezed her. “But what else do you read? How many people write these?”

“S’cute isn’t it? It makes people feel comforted, you know?” Y/N told him and kissed his nose, “people love you, baby... you’re so lovely and people value that. You’re special, you’ve got character and you’re interesting and witty and just good at everything you do. It makes it easy.” Y/N shrugged feeling like it made perfect sense. She raised her brow when he said what else she read, smirking to herself. “Oh, I read some filthy things too.” Y/N admitted and went to go find something properly dirty to read. “Easily hundreds if not thousands...” She said and nodded her head.

“Ah! Here we go.”

Y/N has pulled up a fic that was about a mob boss version Harry. It was filthy. Full of smut that even made Harry blush. His brows rose at the content she was showing him. It was so dirty. For younger people they sure as hell could write good sex scenes.

“Christ, baby. You’d sit and read this? Get wet doing it too?” He loved that though. “Maybe it’s the narcissist in me... but the fact that I’ve been the one to get you off since day one makes me a little crazy.” Harry chuckled. God. She didn’t even know what it did to him. It was an ego boost definitely. “Just... god, you know I don’t mean to get dirty, my love. But the thought of you in bed and making yourself keep quiet when you touch yourself because people are asleep... s’so fucking hot.” He let out a breath, hiding his face back in her neck. It really got to him in the deepest parts.

“Mhmm...” Y/N hummed as a matter of factly, “Literally every night.” She told him and felt her face heat up because she was turned on in telling him this, turned on because he too liked the idea of her getting off to him for all those years. “Proper wet too... like, seeping through panties wet.” It was true, she remembered many nights that she got all worked up over reading fic about him. Y/N smiled as he nuzzled his face in her neck, giggling because he was clearly turned on by the thought of it. “Glad you think so, definitely makes me feel a lot better about it... never felt guilty about it but... knowing you like the thought of it... makes me feel good.” She cooed and kissed the side of his head. “So yeah, that’s your little fanfic intro. Hope you enjoyed it.” She hummed, glad to be closing the chapter before he asked if she herself had written fanfic about him before. Y/N has deleted a lot of it because she didn’t think it was all that good, but there were some things she had kept.

“It’s so interesting to me that people write this and read it but now I’ve seen it, I have to say it’s good. I’ve never been on this site much— tumblr.” Harry read the name of it. “Niall went on it once and they had a proper laugh over some of the stuff. I think it was those photo things with quotes that people think we have said?” He was trying to remember. “Either way, it was funny. But this is next level stuff. And the stuff you read.” He smirked. Oh, his girl. It was a weird comfort to him that Y/N has always been attracted to Hmm. Always wanted him. He was her dream man. She was his dream girl now. He couldn’t imagine having anyone else. He loved her body and her mind, how she spoke and how she treated him. It was like the best case scenario in every option. “I love the thought of it though. Maybe m’just a greedy bastard who likes being selfish with your pussy but, knowing I didn’t have to share it much... that I was the one that got you wet? It helps me.”

“How romantic.” Y/N teased, brushing some of his hair away because it was getting quite long. Y/N loved it though. “You always cut your hair right when it’s the perfect length.” She spoke out loud, “noticed you always did that before... but then I realized that you look good no matter what your hair looks like, and then I don’t get too upset.” Y/N shook her head a bit. “What I am upset about though, is that I didn’t get to experience you in 2015... in the flesh. Because fuck me....” Y/N felt herself got hot over the thought of him with long hair, wearing those patterned button ups. It was the beginning of an era, the precursor to solo harry. She felt it was prime time. “Literally, since the long hair you just kept getting more and more attractive and I physically don’t know how I’m going to handle you getting hotter every year, I already feel like a nympho. What are we going to do about it?” Y/N asked like it was a genuine concern of hers. “The struggles of having the hottest man in the world as my boyfriend.”

Harry let out a bark of a laugh, kissing the side of her head in fondness over her. God, she was something else. His little angel. How had he gotten that lucky? He didn’t know. But the compliment had him smiling.

“Well, thank you— but we will just have to figure out how to satisfy your sexual appetite. Can’t say I mind at all.” He smirked. “Hell, we’ve had some good sex here. The best I’ve ever had. You just know where to touch and how to make me feel good. S’a little freaky how well you know me.” He snickered. “But see... I can’t wait to watch you grow as well. Grow more confident and show yourself off a little bit more. When you get pregnant with my babies... god, it’s gonna be so hard to keep my hands off. I think that will truly be my downfall. And right after, with all the softness. I love thinking about it.”

Y/N blushed, smiling at him like a kid who got her way when he said they’d figure something out to keep her satisfied. That’s exactly what she liked to hear. He was right about their sex though, it really was incredible. “Definitely don’t think it’s freaky when you’re cumming down my throat though.” She teased, knowing that’s not what he meant but she wanted to remind him anyway.

“Knew you had a thing for pregnant ladies, always wondered how you’d be when you got a girl pregnant... and it’s going to be me.” Y/N smirked smugly, “that’s sexy.” She giggled before thinking about it for a minute. “S’why you like my tummy?” Y/N asked curiously, “cause I’m all squishy and maternal? Reckon you have a breeding kink... think about putting a baby in me a lot, hypothetically.” Y/N did like to pick at Harry’s brain, likes finding out things about him that she could interpret or integrate into their lives. Ultimately, Y/N loved to make Harry happy, to keep him pleased and satisfied with life. It made her really happy.

“I think I do. I’ve never explored that, obviously but... the thought of getting you pregnant does arouse me.” God, did it. It had worried Harry a little, and at first he hadn’t been sure why but now he was going to embrace it. “I do love your tummy. S’soft. I love touching and kissing it. Even just normally. I love that you’ve got curves. Something for me to grab on to and caress and kiss. It’s so sexy.” He had been missing out beforehand. Y/N was where it’s at. “A breeding kink though.. you’re most likely right. I’ve never specifically done anything with that because I’ve never felt comfortable but, I’m happy to tell you that the moment you tell me you want a child I will take off weeks to make sure there is one in there.” He smiled when she rolled her eyes playfully. “The idea does make me hot, though. Probably isn’t something to mention in public because I’ll get hard.”

Y/N felt all giddy at the thought, loved that he loved her body and that he got turned on at the thought of getting her pregnant. It was incredibly empowering, something that a woman who was naturally maternal and nurturing loved to hear.

“You really shouldn’t have told me that.” Y/N chuckled, “because now I’ll definitely make sure I tell you in public whenever I do wanna have a baby.” She really did mean it too. She would remember this moment and be sure to tell him in a public place so that they could rush home and get started. That was extremely hot. Besides, it wasn’t like doing stuff in public wasn’t a thing for them already. Y/N looked at him fondly, simply just appreciating this moment because lord knows when they’d next have a period of time where they could just hang out like this. She was going to miss him when he went on tour, knowing she couldn’t follow him everywhere. “I love you.” Y/N said once again, “thank you so much for this trip, I know you said that it’s nothing but it’s something... a big something. Means a lot to me that you even thought to take ten days off your busy schedule to just go away and spend time with me one on one... and all these gifts on top of that, I’m truly the luckiest girl in the world.”

“Of course I would. I’d do anything for you, my love. You make me so incredibly happy all the time, it’s only the beginning of what I’ll be doing to make you happy and to show my love.” Harry promised. She had no idea of the things he was going to do for her. The way he would move mountains and stars for her if he found he was able to. She was going to be the most spoiled little thing on earth and truly had not a clue. Her whole life, he would be looking for things to do for her. “If you need me, I’ll drop everything for you. I’ve seen how people in my situation can ruin relationships by not making time for their partner. I’ve seen the mistakes and I know that I won’t make them. You mean too much to me to ever even risk losing.”

Y/N smiled fondly at him, pressing soft kisses to his chin, cheek, nose, and lips. “You’re an angel.” She cooed, pushing some hair away from his face and sighing out in content. “What time is it?” Y/N asked curious because she was a little tired, who would think all this relaxing would make her tired?

They went for a swim in the morning usually, laid out and tanned, explored some of the town and of course they fucked. Whenever they were in the mood, they did. It was simple as that. Granted, that’s how it usually was, but here it was a bit more constant. The two of them barely clothed all the time, tanned and sweaty.

“I would say let’s go for a walk on the beach, but I’m quite enjoying this cuddle.” Y/N hummed, letting her face nuzzled into his neck once again. She closed her eyes, still gently scratching at Harry’s scalp. Y/N had a feeling tomorrow would be quite the busy day, it was her birthday after all.

“Me as well.” Harry liked holding her. “I love having you like this. Sometimes I feel a bit clingy but, I love being able to touch you and feel you.” He admitted. How he would ever survive weeks without her, he didn’t know. “I know a lot of guys don’t like to show their emotion when it comes to this stuff but, I don’t know how they hide it. I hate the idea of not being with you like this. It was hell trying to pretend I didn’t want you on my lap beforehand so of course M’gonna eat this shit up.” He kissed the side of her head, hands rubbing up and down her back. “Think it’s round dinner time. I can call and get it brought to us. Tomorrow we are going somewhere special.” He was excited for their plans tomorrow.

“I like that you’re all clingy like me, makes me feel like less of a weirdo to always want to be touching you.” She giggled, “always thought you’d be... but then again you seemed to be so private and not about PDA. I mean, you’re still like that... but less with me.” Y/N did feel really special. She knew that a lot of it was for PR initially, but after that, he seemed to be completely okay with them being a bit lovey dovey in public. Holding hands and kisses and stuff, not thing too major. It made her feel good, she liked that he liked to show her off. Harry didn’t go to many award shows but she was excited to get to see him in his element and maybe be a plus one at some point. She’d love to wear some designer outfit and support him live and in person, interact with all the celebrities and gush about how much she loved Harry.

“I think I’ve never felt comfortable enough. For a few reasons— but the way people get invested in my relationships, I’ve never wanted to disappoint fans when I’d break up with them. It was odd. But I don’t feel like we will. So... I feel okay with them getting more invested in us.” It was an odd thing but since Y/N was a big fan, he knew she would most likely understand the reasonings he had. People were very sensitive when it came to his dating life and while he may not understand it, he knew that Y/N did. He didn’t want his fans upset if they didn’t have to be.

“I also didn’t want those photos haunting me for years. You know? I didn’t want people to use them against me when I ended up out of the relationship.”

Y/N nodded her head, knowing exactly what he meant. “I get that. You know how you say you think I know more about you than you do? It’s the same with fans. We love you and want to protect you and naturally some people have a strange way of showing it and get jealous.... just want people’s intentions to be pure.” She explained and let out a sigh. “Like, people are always going to hate, but i'm sure even you can tell the difference to how fans have responded... people love genuine love, and if there is any hint of deception people see it.” Y/N knew first hand, watched the way people ripped Kendall and Camille new ones and roasted her whilst there were significantly less hate comments about Y/N. “It’s really nice knowing your fans like me? Dunno, I feel like I’m one of them, because I am... I guess they feel represented.” Y/N smiled and felt herself blush, “would never do anything that would make them feel like I felt on a higher level... I’m still a fan, just cause you’re my boyfriend doesn’t change that.”

“I’m glad. I think maybe that’s what I’ve needed? Someone who understands that and doesn’t resent fans for wanting that for me.” Harry had always thought about it and tried his best to truly understand their heads. “I’ve never gone into it being like... I want a famous girlfriend. It’s just who I was exposed to. But I think that’s where I went wrong. I needed someone who wasn’t from this type of life, who wasn’t so jaded and guarded from everything.” Y/N was everything he could have wanted. “It makes me happy to think about you being friendly with the fans. Being more open with them is something I want to do with this next album, you know?” He dipped his hand under her shirts to feel more of the skin. He was greedy for touch. “I feel like... I hid so much of myself to protect myself in the band. Had to pretend I was a certain way because I was trying to protect my inner feelings that I haven’t been fully honest and out there.”

“If you never went through it, you wouldn’t know what you really wanted though. It taught you so much about yourself and about life and that’s what is most important. We all go through our own personal customized hell for a while and if we learned what we were meant to, we are gifted with what we have always wanted.” Y/N smiled brightly against his skin, kissing it softly before pulling back to look at him again. “The fans know that, they respect you. Most do. They want the best for you and want you to feel comfortable, just like I do or gem or your mum.” Y/N cooed, cupping his cheek. “I think they’d really like that, you know? They’ll appreciate it that much more because they know how much it means for you to be open.” It warmed her heart to think he was finally ready to be himself in the public. Sure he always had been, but to be even more vulnerable and to be more open with the fans and with his message. It was so inspiring. People loved that Harry was unapologetically himself and that would only continue. “I’m proud of you.”

“It’s been difficult but seeing you... as a fan beforehand, wanting me to be like that made me realize a lot. That you all genuinely want me to be happy. Which, in my eyes, is amazingly comforting.” Harry admitted. Y/N helped him so much. She didn’t even realize it. “I’m happy you’re mine. S’something that I just can’t believe sometimes. That you were placed into my life at such a perfect time.” It truly did shake him a little, how the work worked in that sense. She was perfect to the finest degree. At least to him. “I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. Not to scare you or anything— but I just think that you’re my forever and the fact that I can say that now makes me really fuckin’ happy.” He grinned. Y/N was changing him for the better.

Y/N smiled brightly, truly so happy that she was in fact completely and utterly in love with him the way he was with her. She’d never thought it would actually happen, only ever hoped and prayed that the day would come. “I’m so happy that you’re happy, never have to be shy in saying anything with me yeah?” She meant that. He could say anything at this point and she would be there supporting him, listening, and doing her part. “I love you. The most.” Y/N answered back to him, mirroring his grin right back. She felt like she owed it to him to be there for him in this time the way he was there for her when she needed most. To think that they’d be together forever, or that he even wanted forever with her? That was the best present anyone could ever give her. She’s found true love and she couldn’t be happier about it. “Forever.”

----

Harry woke up early. It was Y/N’s birthday, and he decided to make a post on his instagram— a personal one. One he hadn’t done, ever.

‘It is my favorite human's birthday today. My Y/N.

These years of life have turned you into one of the most intelligent, kind, and interesting creatures on this planet. The ability to turn my mind around about many things— including sharing bits of my life like this.

You are what makes me happy to get out of bed in the mornings. You make me coffee (black even though you hate it that way) and you sit and play with my hair until I wake up properly. You know I dislike avocado on my sandwiches and offer to switch every time I end up getting it by mistake. You take the time to ask me about my day and what I’ve eaten to make sure I haven’t forgotten.

It’s been a long while since I’ve felt the care for me like this. I’ve never felt comfortable enough to share to the world that I love someone so much that my heart aches with what I feel is over capacity emotion. We’ve all read fairy tales and wanted that one true love. I’ve been lucky enough to find it.

To find someone that fits every piece of you is so incredibly rare. I’m well aware of how lucky I am and I will never let you go because of that. Facing my fears is something you’ve made less scary— this being one of them. Teaching me vulnerability isn’t as terrifying as it seems, rather it is a release.

So many things you’ve done to make me happy, and I’m looking forward to a lifetime of doing the same for you.

Happy birthday, my sweet love.

H’

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A/N: FIN.

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#writing #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry writing #jarofstyles

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dweetwise · 4 years

Text

day 12: clenched fists

prompt from: flufftober pairing: felix x ace notes: some more soulmate au, this time with actual fluff. continued from day 10. warnings: none word count: 1540

‘I love you,' Felix thinks for what has to be the twentieth time today, and it's not even 10 AM.

He grits his teeth and clenches his fists to stop himself from blurting it out. It's way too soon, and when Ace shoots him a funny look he merely offers an encouraging smile, giving his companion the incentive to continue telling the story of how he scammed a group of tourists out of their money at only nine years old.

The past three days have been amazing. Felix has barely attended the conference he'd originally come to Vegas for, architecture seeming incredibly boring for the first time in his life. At least compared to his honest to god soulmate.

Ace snickers at one of his own jokes and Felix stares with a dopey smile. Damn, Ace has to have figured out at least some of his feelings by now, even if he's not saying them out loud. He’s acting like a lovesick puppy, and he’s helpless to stop it.

The waitress comes by their table and Ace offers her a charming smile and gives her his menu before turning back to Felix.

“I'll have what he's having!" Ace smiles. “My treat, baby.”

And maybe Felix should protest, his family's wealth not taking the slightest bit of dent even if he were to have covered all of their expenses this weekend. But it's been so damn nice to feel like Ace likes him for him, and not his money or name.

“Blueberry waffles and a black coffee, please,” Felix says instead.

It's not what he'd usually have for breakfast, but there's a lot of things he's done during his three short days in the city of sin he didn't think he'd ever do.

Meet his soulmate. Ditch an architecture seminar to gamble. Sleep with a man.

Fall in love.

“Aww, with blueberries?” Ace teases. “You're too cute.”

"I figured you weren't that hungry, after stuffing your face with sausage this morning,” Felix shoots right back. And when Ace laughs at his joke despite it not being that funny, Felix has to clench his fists again.

Curse his dumb little heart for falling way too fast.

They finish their breakfast while Ace asks him about anything he can think of, from his childhood pet cat to his most embarrassing drinking story. Three days isn't nearly enough time to really get to know each other, Felix realizes this. But he’s also acutely aware of the fact that his plane leaves in six hours and he needs to do something before that.

They've spent the last forty-eight hours straight together, and about twelve before that. He's spent every night sleeping next to Ace.

Well. Among other things.

He's lucky Lauren had the foresight to get them separate rooms and have a respectable two-room distance between said rooms. Felix could deal with her knowing little smirks every time they ran into each other in the hallway, but having her hear the main event was definitely something he was glad he'd been able to avoid.

After the meal Ace drags him to a Ferris wheel, and it's a little silly for two grown men to visit at noon, but he doesn't care in the slightest. If anything, the privacy will be nice, and hopefully he’ll get a chance to talk about the future in a way that doesn’t completely scare Ace off.

Felix’s heart skips a beat when Ace sits down on his side of the small gondola, tilting it at an angle from off-balance but apparently willing to sacrifice an easy ride just to be close to him.

And maybe they spend half of the ride making out instead of actually talking like he’d planned, but Felix just can’t get enough. He wants to stay like this forever, silently cursing his visitor visa that will expire tomorrow.

Felix reluctantly pulls away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Ace's. The other looks at him with curious brown eyes and a fond smile, and Felix digs his nails into his palms to stop himself from spilling his heart.

“Shame you have to leave so soon,” the corner of Ace's mouth twitches up but there's a sadness in his eyes that betrays his real sentiment.

It's enough for Felix to unclench his hands and give up all semblance of subtlety.

“Come with me.”

It's not what he really wants to say, but it's close enough, and surprise washes over Ace's features.

“To Germany,” Ace says, raising a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Only for a few days. Or weeks,” Felix says, hoping he doesn't come across as too forward. Ace is silent, so he continues. “Or we can go somewhere else—maybe Italy? I'll pay," he rambles, definitely coming off as desperate from the way Ace's eyes widen in shock. "Sorry, I just… don't want this to end,” Felix cringes in embarrassment.

“What then?” Ace asks, an unreadable expression on his face. “After the… vacation or whatever. What's your plan for after?”

Felix takes a shaky breath.

“How do you feel about living in Germany?” he asks.

“With you,” Ace clarifies.

“If you want to,” he says. “Or I can help you find an apartment.”

“Why?” Ace asks.

“I mean, moving in together is a big step—”

“No, I mean why me?” Ace clarifies.

Felix gives a pointed stare to his—need he repeat it?—goddamn soulmate.

“Yeah, I know, we share a pain receptor or something,” Ace dismisses with a wave of his hand. “But I've told you what my life is like. I mean I know I'm great, but I'm not that great,” he jokes, but there's uncertainty hidden underneath the smile.

“You're the most interesting person I've ever met,” Felix says, hoping to ease the other’s sudden insecurity.

“I'm a freaking broke ass con man,” Ace shoots back. “And you're this… gorgeous, respectable businessman!”

“Maybe it's meant to be,” Felix argues. “We balance each other out.”

“Ah yes, your three thousand positives and my twenty big fat red flags,” Ace snarks.

“I’ve had it so damn easy compared to you,” Felix argues, and even Ace looks a little taken aback at that.

Ace had told him a lot about himself, but there were gaps in his story, injuries Felix had felt that were never explained. He'd never pry, but it also wasn't too hard to fill in the blanks himself.

“I never had to work for anything in my life, but you can be sure I'm fighting for this,” he says, taking Ace's hand in his and hoping against hope that the man he’s hopelessly in love with doesn't push him away.

“Okay.”

“…What?”

“I said okay,” Ace says, intertwining their fingers with a smile. “I'll come with you.”

“Are you serious?” Felix asks, not believing his ears and hope blossoming in his chest.

“I've never been able to quit while I'm ahead,” Ace grins. “Let's see what happens.”

Felix's heart feels like it's about to burst, and he leans in for a kiss that Ace is happy to respond to.

“Just, uh,” Ace starts, pulling away. “Give me some time to… ‘acquire’ a passport,” he says with a sheepish grin, and after a lifetime of being on the straight and narrow, Felix shouldn't find it endearing.

But he does, because it's his soulmate, and he's prepared to embrace all the baggage that comes with him.

“Let me know if there's any ‘respectable’ individuals that need an anonymous donation,” Felix murmurs, ready to bribe anyone he needs to in order for his lover to follow him back home.

Ace stares at him, gaping a little bit.

“What?”

“Nothing, you're just…” Ace falters. “Literally perfect. Are you for real?”

“You'd be the first person to think of me that way,” Felix snorts but is helpless to stop the heat spreading over his cheeks. “You make me feel…”

‘Happy’? ‘Content’? ‘Hopelessly in love’? ‘Like I’ve finally found my place in the world’?

“Free,” he finally settles on, looking deep into Ace’s eyes and hoping to convey all the things he’s left unsaid.

“Same,” Ace says, looking even happier than usual, an earnest smile on his face. “I though this… soulmate thing would be suffocating—it’s a lot of pressure, you know?”

Felix had never felt that way, but he nods, realizing why Ace would be hesitant. And he knows he’s been a little intense, despite trying to take things slow, but apparently his feelings aren’t unwelcome.

“But everything’s just been pretty damn amazing,” Ace continues with a grin. “It’s weird, but it feels like I’ve known you forever.”

Felix swallows and tries to calm his beating heart, mouth opening and closing and not knowing what to say, what he’s allowed to say in a situation like this.

Ace leans in for a kiss and it’s enough to ground him, bringing his hand up to card through soft hair and melting into the gentle kiss. God, he’s never been this happy, he doesn’t want to lose this—

“I know,” Ace pulls away just enough to whisper against his lips, as if reading his mind. “Me too.”

And then Ace keeps kissing him and his hand clenches into a fist where it’s grabbing Felix’s jacket, and Felix realizes maybe he’s not the only one holding back.

#riconti #flufftober2020 #felix richter #ace visconti #dweetwrites #dbd #dead by daylight #prompt #dbd fanfic #felix x ace

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let-me-write-shit · 4 years

Text

Somebody To You: 16

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Word Count: 4,322

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CHAPTER SIXTEEN:

Zoey never considered herself to be a city girl, but the longer she lived here, the more accustomed she became. Of course, there were perks she missed living in the suburbs. Yards, gardening, a better sense of security. She missed those nights where she could sit on her back porch, listen to the crickets chirping, and watch the lightning bugs dance around the lawn. Hearing the trees rustle in the darkness was a calm she could never quite replicate.

But city life was exciting. There was always something to do or something to see. People were on every corner and energies were always high. It was never boring. Downtown LA was bustling with people, especially for a Sunday afternoon. Andy had taken her on a little shopping spree after brunch. He said he wanted to buy a whole new wardrobe to ‘reinvent himself’. She hadn’t planned on buying anything, but he wasn’t having that. They stopped in a bunch of little boutiques, trying on all sorts of dresses, bathing suits, and shoes. There were so many hidden gems in the way of local small businesses in the area. And the store owners were always kind.

“I can’t wait to bring my sister out here one day,” Zoey held up a cute graphic tee, “Katie would love these shops.”

“Do you two talk a lot?” Andy asked.

Zoey re-folded the shirt and placed it back, “I try to, but not nearly enough. I miss her.”

“Didn’t you say you weren’t really close growing up?”

“Yeah. We didn’t start getting close until right before I moved. It made leaving harder. She’s getting ready to start college soon. I think my parents are starting to freak out a bit that she’s moving on campus. Empty nest syndrome.”

“Little bird’s gotta learn to fly,” Andy spoke, earning a nod from Zoey.

The two decided to grab some crepes to go and ate them on a bench, watching strangers pass them by on the street, catching up on all their work stories, and talking about how awkward her date was the other day. Nancy’s friend was nice, alright, but clearly hadn’t been in a relationship before and had no clue how to communicate with women. He had potential if he found someone with patience, but she just wasn’t prepared to baby someone at the moment. She recalled Harry getting a kick out of it when she told him about it, but Zoey just felt bad. She made sure to let him down gently.

Eventually, they got on the topic of Zoey’s birthday coming up in three days. She had already told Andy that she wanted to go to the beach, but he made it a point to remind her that it was a birthday, therefore they needed to celebrate all day. They discussed having dinner at a nice restaurant with all of her friends, bar hopping afterward, and ending the night with a karaoke club. She started to get excited, especially since she just bought the perfect outfit to wear.

“What about Brett? Is he invited, or are he and Rory not speaking?”

“I didn’t tell you?!” Zoey exclaimed, turning towards him and swallowing her mouthful of crepe, “he asked Rory out last night! They’re official.”

“No fucking way!” Andy exclaimed, covering his mouth, “Bitch! Imagine the babies they’d make!”

“Cute little foreign babies!” Zoey cooed, laughing.

“Does Harry know about them yet?”

Zoey pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows, “I haven’t told him yet, so probably not.”

Andy went wide-eyed, an interested smirk stretching across his face, “Wonder how he’ll react when he finds out.”

Zoey shrugged her shoulders, looking down at her food. She didn’t know. She was getting these weird mixed signals from Harry. He’s been back in England for a week now and even with the dramatic time difference, they’ve talked more this week than they did when he was on tour. She’d attribute that to him finally having some time off from work, but she knew that he’d been in the studio and had a few meetings, so even that wasn’t necessarily true.

But the increase in communication wasn’t what she was confused about. It’s the conversations themselves. At first, she thought Harry was handling the ‘Rory situation’ pretty well. He had confided in her that he wasn’t sure he wanted to be with her to begin with, which she had suspected. He had told Zoey about how his friends keep making jokes about how they think he likes her. At first, Zoey laughed it off. Her and Harry? That would never happen. She just simply wasn’t his type. And he made that very clear.

But then there would be moments. Subtle. But enough to catch her attention. A tone in his voice, an expression on his face, an extra-long silence where there didn’t need to be. Maybe she was reading into it after what he told her. Maybe she was reading into it because she secretly hoped it was true, which killed her. He was her best friend. She finally met someone whom she could be herself around without feeling uncomfortable. Someone she could confide in about anything and everything, and that meant even more to her now that Jess was gone.

She didn’t want to jeopardize that by saying or acting on some stupid puppy love crush she had on Harry fucking Styles of all people. He doesn’t like her like that. And even if he did, how could they even attempt to make that work? Especially after he and Rory had a thing. What, so now they’re just swapping sexual partners? Even if Zoey was fine with her friend dating and sleeping with a fling of hers, it doesn’t mean that Aurora was. She couldn’t risk ruffling her roommate’s feathers. She didn’t want to lose her friendship or make things awkward at home, either. So, for now, she’d just keep her mouth shut while this little phase passes.

The two finished up eating when Andy checked his phone and suggested they start heading back to her place to get ready for work tonight. “Get ready? We’ve still got three hours before we have to leave!”

“Yes, but you need a shower and I want to show Nancy and Rory these clothes I got!” he shot back.

“Alright, alright! Fine!”

The ride back to the condo was like any other ride between the two friends: filled with painfully tone-deaf singing and dramatic dance. Nothing was out of the ordinary as the two rode the elevator to the twenty-second floor and discussed the predictions for the turnout at the bar tonight. Nothing seemed different as she punched her code into the front door and stepped inside. Except, instead of the typical scene she’d see, she walked in to see Nancy and Rory standing in the middle of the living room with huge smiles on their beautiful faces, surrounded by several large rolling luggage. One of which she noticed was her own.

“What are you doing?” Zoey asked them, turning to see Andy’s eager grin. Her eyes furrowed, confused, “What’s going on?”

“We’re taking you away for your birthday,” Nancy’s smile grew, stepping out from behind the luggage and walking towards her. Aurora followed closely behind.

“What? Where are we going?” Zoey asked, her heartbeat rising.

“That’s a surprise. ” Nancy grinned.

Zoey laughed skeptically, eyebrows raising, “This is a joke, right?” Everyone shook their head no and she asked, “What about work? What about Binx? Where are we going?”

Andy spoke up, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her into a hug, “I had our manager put in vacation time for us for almost a month now. We’ve had this planned for a while now.”

“And don’t worry about Binx. Brett’s going to watch him while we’re gone,” Aurora grinned, “We think we packed everything you’ll need, but if Nancy and I forgot anything, we’ll just get it while we’re there. Now come on! We need to go before we’re late!”

Overwhelmed, Zoey shoved the new clothes she just bought into her suitcase, double-checking her pockets to make sure she had her wallet and ID on her. Quickly, she grabbed a hoodie and they were off, making sure to grab Andy’s suitcase from his car before getting into Rory’s and heading to the airport.

The whole way she was trying to make guesses as to where they were going, but none of them faltered. They had managed to get to the airport, check their luggage, and go through security with her being none the wiser. She wasn’t allowed to look at her ticket. Nancy was always beside her, holding onto Zoey’s documents and explaining to TSA agents and any airport employee they encountered that she was going on a surprise birthday trip, asking them to please not ruin it for her until they got to the gate. Most of them got a kick out of it. Finally, when they reached the gate, there, above the seating area, with Nancy recording her reaction, is where she found out where they were going.

Zoey gasped, her hands shooting up to her mouth and her legs giving out, she crumbled to the ground, tears forming in her eyes, “Rome?!” Her friends stood around her, laughing, smiling, and tearing up at her reaction. “You’re taking me to Rome?!”

Andy put a hand out for her, “You better get your ass up off this dirty-ass floor,” he choked, pulling her to her feet.

“Are you serious?” She repeated, holding onto him for support.

“You said you’ve always wanted to come here,” Aurora reminded her, wrapping her arms around her friend, “You deserve it.”

Nancy came over and they all had a group hug, onlookers staring at them with smiles on their faces when they realized what was going on. “You guys, this is crazy!” Zoey laughed, wiping the tears that ran down her cheeks.

“Well, it’s a long flight. A little over seventeen hours,” Nancy warned her, “and because of the time difference, we technically won’t be arriving until tomorrow night around 5 PM. But we made sure to bring a bunch of snacks and games to play while we’re on board.”

“And bitch, we’re in first class!” Andy squealed, jumping up and down.

Zoey’s eyes widened, her mouth dropping again as she processed everything that was going on. “How the hell did you guys manage all of this? I have a passport? How did you get me a passport? Does Harry know about this? He had something to do with this, didn’t he?”

“We had help to get your passport,” Aurora admitted, “We had to snoop and call your parents to get all of your documents.”

“My parents know I’m going to Italy?!”

“And I’m a little offended you think Harry must have had some involvement in this! What, we couldn’t do this for you on our own?” Nancy feigned disappointment.

“No, I’m sorry, I just-”

“I’m kidding. He totally planned this,” Nancy laughed, “It was his idea to do this. We all just helped make it happen.”

“You guys!” Zoey smiled, pulling them into another long hug before they found a few empty seats in the corner of the seating area before they got ready to board. Zoey took the opportunity to Facetime Harry. It must have been a little before midnight, but she could bet that he’d still answer. And just like she suspected, the screen enlarged just in time to see the dark surrounding of Harry’s room illuminate when he switched on the lamp on his side table.

He rubbed his eyes and squinted. When he saw the expression on Zoey’s face, his mouth stretched in a smile, “Surprised?” he asked.

Zoey shook her head, there was no hiding her grin, “How could you keep this a secret?”

“Because of that look, right there,” Harry pointed at her face, through the screen.

Nancy leaned over Zoey’s shoulder, “I’ll send you her reaction. It was amazing!”

“You’re going to be there, right?” Zoey asked, her eyes hopeful.

Harry nodded, “Yeah, I head out in the morning. It’s a short flight for me. I’ll be there before you land.”

“Okay. I’ll let you get some sleep then. I’ll see you tomorrow!” she grinned.

“Safe travels,” Harry smiled.

Just before he could end the call she managed to say, “Oh, and Harry? Thank you.”

Harry nodded, winking before the call went blank. It was hard for him to sleep after that. He was too excited. She still had no clue what was to come.

Nancy wasn’t kidding. The flight was long. Excruciatingly long. Even in first class, it was hard to get comfortable. Her legs felt like jello and she had no feeling in her butt anymore. Her neck was so stiff that it was hard to move it. She had read an entire novel by the end of the first half of the flight, and she and Andy had gotten bored of playing cards. There was nothing else to do but sleep.

And sleep, she did. Until the discomfort of depressurization in the cabin made her ears painfully pop and woke her from her sleep. She looked out of the window to see a large city in the distance, slowly coming closer and closer. A chime throughout the airplane sounded, waking Andy beside her, and the pilot’s voice had announced their descent into Rome, followed up by a few other languages.

Quickly, Zoey’s exhaustion was replaced with exhilaration, excitedly staring out the window as the plane collided with cement and sped down the runway towards their gate. They couldn’t get off fast enough. She thanked the pilots and the flight attendants on the way out, skipping down the hallways with her friends, grabbing their bags, and heading out to the car rental lot to pick up an SUV for the weekend, which Aurora gladly drove, as she was used to European roads, having traveled to Italy a few times before.

The air in Italy was different. Cleaner. Less pollutant. It had a faint smell of lemon and roasted coffee that felt so dreamy. Rory plugged their destination into the GPS and Zoey pressed her nose against the window, staring out at the scene. The architecture was grand. Old. Historical. Beautiful. Her heart skipped a beat whenever she recognized something from the endless hours of research she had done on the history of Rome. She was simply mesmerized.

They rode for twenty minutes as the sun began to cast a golden glow across the sky, still brightly illuminating the streets below, the streets lined with tall cypress trees and stone walls that separated property lines from large estates to which you could barely see from the road when they finally pulled up to a grand, cast-iron gate. Zoey watched as Rory looked at her phone, punched a code into the call box, and the gate slowly started to open.

As soon as they pulled into the white gravel driveway, they noticed the vineyard that stretched the length of the grounds on either side of the driveway that separated them leading up to a huge water feature that sat in the center of the wraparound drive situated in front of a massive seven thousand square foot elegant Italian villa.

“Holy shit,” they all muttered, clamoring out of the car and gawking up at the building.

“This whole thing is ours for a week?” Andy exclaimed, dumbstruck.

“That’s what Harry said,” Aurora said, opening the trunk door.

One by one they began to pull their luggage out when a whistle caught their attention. They turned to see Harry standing barefoot on the stone landing wearing wool cream-colored pants, a white tank top with an unbuttoned white short sleeve shirt over top, and yellow sunglasses. His arms were outstretched and he smiled, shouting, “Finally! Took you long enough.”

The four of them ran up, dropping their bags to give him a huge hug, shouting out various greetings and shouts of thanks.

He turned to Zoey, grabbing the handle of her suitcase with one hand and wrapping an arm around her shoulder with the other. Her heart fluttered at his touch. He looked and smelled different in Italy. It suited him. Harry’s arm pressed down on the end of his ponytail as he pulled Zoey closer to him and he said aloud, “Now, we are going to make this the best week of your life. But to do that, we have one other surprise for you. So if you’d be so kind as to follow me inside…”

“...What is going on?” Zoey asked, suspiciously following the singer with her friends behind her, Nancy, again, filming her reaction.

Harry grinned as he took her hand, leading her into the home. Everyone took in the scene, gaze scanning the beautiful Tuscan terracotta flooring up the Venetian plastered walls lined with beautiful Italian paintings and artwork and the elegant staircase with wrought iron railing. He noticed she took a deep breath and turned to him.

“Is that food? Are you cooking us dinner?” Zoey asked.

Harry had them stop just before entering what she could see was the kitchen and said, “Well, it’s funny you should mention that. Yes, I’m cooking. But I had a little help. You can come out!” he shouted.

And he watched Zoey’s face change from confusion to absolute shock as she screamed, letting go of his hand and running to her little sister. “Oh my God, Katie!” she screamed, pulling her little sister into a tight embrace, both of them beginning to cry as they looked each other up and down and wiped each other’s tears, muttering incoherent words of sentiment to each other.

Harry knew how much Katie meant to her, but to see it firsthand almost felt like a privilege. And to think, he almost didn’t think to invite her. She only just turned eighteen. It took a lot of convincing for her parents to let her go. He had offered to pay for the entire trip, but her parents didn’t care about that. He had to Facetime and call them several times, promise to keep them updated at every point of the trip, make sure Katie called them every night before bed, send a general itinerary of the week's events, and give emergency numbers to all in attendance, which everyone was glad to give. He picked Katie up from the airport himself, arriving only two hours before the rest of them.

“You knew, too?” Zoey breathed, finally pulling away from her little sister, her words shaking along with her hands as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

Harry felt a lump in his throat begin to rise as soon as he noticed Zoey’s chin quivering from the emotions and Katie nodded, explaining everything that Harry had done.

Zoey shook her head, overwhelmed, and took a deep breath, motioning towards her friends. “Have you met these guys yet, then?” When Katie shook her head again, she introduced the three, “This is Andy. He’s my amazing friend and coworker. And these two are my roommates. Nancy and Rory.”

The three of them pulled the shy Katie away from her older sister, giving her hugs and showering her with compliments while Zoey turned her attention to Harry. He noticed her red, puffy eyes and grinned, pulling her into a tight hug that she could sink into. It’s only been a little over a week, but it could have been longer for all he knew. Facetime was hardly enough.

When Zoey pulled away, she walked back over to her little sister, running a hand through her sister’s long brown hair and smiling. Seeing them side-by-side he could see the similarities in their features if he looked hard enough.

“Alright,” Harry announced, “We have about fifteen minutes until dinner is done, so how about a quick tour of the villa while we wait?” Everyone cheered words of approval, grabbing their bags and following Harry as he walked through the house, “There are seven bedrooms here and a few convertible offices, so everyone gets their own bedroom with more to spare. There are three bedrooms on this floor and four more upstairs. Katie already claimed her bedroom down here. Nice choice, might I add,” he winked at Katie who held onto Zoey’s arm as they peaked into Katie’s room which overlooked the vineyard. “I left the master bedroom upstairs for Zoey since it’s her birthday week. I also picked a room upstairs, so everything else is up for grabs.”

As they roamed throughout the house, everyone began picking rooms. Andy had picked a bedroom adjacent to Katie that had a walkout to the oversized Mediterranean terrace that housed an outdoor seating area with a firepit and a grapevine covered trellis with hanging outdoor chandeliers overtop of a long outdoor dining table, while Aurora and Nancy picked the last two bedrooms upstairs with Harry and Zoey, leaving their bags in their rooms before visiting the two large living rooms, the library, formal dining room, chef’s kitchen, and more. Finally, dinner was ready. Everyone helped take plates, utensils, and glassware out to the table on the back terrace while Harry carefully brought out the large serving plate filled with Chicken Tetrazzini and two bottles of wine tucked in his arms.

They each filled up their plates as Harry passed the wine around. “You’re legal to drink here,” Zoey grinned, filling up her sister’s glass.

“Oooh! You’re going to have so much fun while you’re here!” Andy cooed, smirking at Katie. “Don’t tell your mama on us!”

“Definitely not!” Katie assured her, taking her first sip of wine, and smiling.

Dinner was wonderful, and the view made it even better as the sun began to set. The villa sat up on a hill, overlooking miles and miles of beautiful land with an abundance of pine, fig, cherry, pear, and apple trees. The pool sat yards away with lounge chairs surrounding it. She couldn’t have dreamt up a more beautiful place if she tried.

After dinner, Harry made up a fire in the firepit and everyone sat around with their glass of wine, laughing and enjoying each other's company. One by one they began dropping like flies, heading inside to take a shower or get some rest until there were three left. Harry sat with his back against the view of the yard while Zoey sat opposite him, Katies’ head resting on her lap, sleeping, as her big sister braided and unbraided her hair.

Harry grinned adoringly, “You’re not what I expected.”

Zoey snorted, looking up from her sister, “What does that mean?”

He shifted in his seat, cocking his head to the side, her face illuminating in the reflection of the dancing flames, “Well, you’re a bartender. And for some reason, whenever I think of a bartender, I think of a badass, tattoo-covered, wild child, tough girl. And I don’t mean to stereotype, but you’re nothing like that. I mean, yeah you can handle yourself. But you’ve got no tattoos, you’re so sweet, and you’re almost like the mom of the group, always making sure everyone else is happy first.”

“I think most bartenders are like me, we just have to put on a tough act in front of customers so they take us seriously,” Zoey said before grinning, “And I do have tattoos.”

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “You do? Where?”

She winked, taking a sip of her wine, “Don’t worry about it.”

His mouth dropped, inadvertently scanning her, wondering where her tattoos could be hidden and what on earth they could even be. He hadn’t pegged her for the type to even have a tattoo, let alone in a suggestive spot.

He watched as Zoey raised her wine glass to her lips once more, taking the smallest sip. The way that the light illuminated her features gave her a romantic and sultry glow, hitting the highs of her cheekbone and accentuating the shadows and curves of her collarbone. He decided he’d had enough wine and would end it there for the night.

“We should get to bed before jetlag gets us,” Harry suggested.

Zoey nodded in agreement, lightly shaking her sister awake. Harry put out the fire and reminded Katie to send her parents a quick text as they sent her off to bed and the two began to climb the steps, his arm over her shoulders, turning off lights along the way, passing Nancy and Aurora’s room before reaching Harry’s next. They stopped for a moment as he backed up to his door, slowly dragging his arm off of her shoulders. Apart of him wanted to invite her in. He didn’t want the night to end, he wanted to stay up for a few more hours and talk. He still had so much he wanted to tell her. But the more he looked at her, the more he heard his friends taunting him in the back of his mind. ‘You love her’ ‘You’re blind’ ‘By the end of this trip you’ll realize it.’ They weren’t right. He couldn’t let them be right.

“Night,” he grinned, opening his door.

Zoey’s expression looked uncertain for a moment, hesitating which caused Harry to freeze, almost in a panic, before she blinked and smiled, looking up at him, “Night. See you in the morning.”

He watched as she disappeared into her room, closing the door behind her, achingly wondering what she was thinking about.

Zoey leaned her back against the closed door, closing her eyes tightly and sighing before standing up straight and flipping her suitcase open, pulling out the contents and placing her clothes in the proper drawer or hanging them in the closet before putting her toiletries away in her en suite. Anything to distract herself from the absolute embarrassment she almost just made of herself. How much wine did she drink to think that it might be okay to kiss him?

KEEP READING

------------------------------

Taglist for Somebody To You:

@thurhomish , @stilljosiegrossie , @odetostep , @apples2019 , @stylesmioamore

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warmau · 5 years

Text

{Regular Inspired!AU x NCT} Taeil

tw: weapons mention, violence mention, n*fw elements, be warned. everything written here is a work of FICTION, it does not in anyway reflect reality, nor do i condone any of the extreme behavior. ♢ introduction ♢ pick mark instead | pick haechan instead | pick yuta instead | pick johnny instead | pick doyoung instead

“i thought having you around would be shitty, but turns out you’re just the gift that keeps on giving....”

“i choose taeil.”

there’s no hesitation. there’s no second guessing.

you picked taeil for a reason and that reason was

he’ll be the easiest to escape from

you’d only maybe had a five minute interaction with him, but that five minutes gave you everything you needed to know.

for starters, he seemed to take everything lax - as if it was a joke.

so there was no way in hell that he was going to keep his eyes on you 24/7

secondly, he was one of the lawyers. which meant he probably couldn’t knock you out like jungwoo

and he wasn’t flaunting semi-automatics like taeyong

he was just ,,,,,,,, leaning against one of the desks, eyes shifting with uninterest from you, to the window, to whatever else catches his train of thought

yeah, give it like a week and he’ll get bored of me. ill deal with his sarcastic comments, pretend im staying put. and when he doesn’t notice - ill slip away! and all of this will be over!

taeil doesn’t walk toward you, actually the first reaction to your decision is haechan’s voice rattling through the silent room with

“is that a joke?”

you shake your head, getting down from the table and swaying a little

mark and johnny both putting out hands to support you

“n-no. i choose taeil.”

the second time you say it, he finally seems to realize you’re being serious

because he pushes off the desk and sort of floats his way over to you slowly

the whole room watches in a sort of confused anticipation

“me?”

he asks for confirmation

“yes, if that’s ok,,,,,”

taeil’s mouth kind of turns up at the corner

“i don’t have a choice - do i jaehyun?”

jaehyun doesn’t seem convinced by your decision either, he comes over and looks at you with a sort of hardness in the depths of his eyes

“are you sure? i think you’re better off with someone like mark or doyou-”

you’re scared, you’ll admit that - looking up at jaehyun

but you don’t let those feelings falter your stare

“im sure.”

more than anything, you are scared of being trapped here.

this ‘stay with us for six months so we can trust you’ is bullshit.

the moment you slip from taeil’s sights - you’re booking it out of here.

you have some relatives overseas, you’ll go there.

or maybe you’ll even go straight to the police.

the money for a tip against the jungs - it’d be pay off my student loans and make sure my family never had to worry about rent again! plus, id rather be under the eye of the law enforcement - not a bunch of young gangsters,,,,

you wait patiently and jaehyun sort of tilts his head to the side

“well i did say it would be your decision.”

he throws a sideways looks at taeil

“don’t do anything that’ll make my family look stupid.”

taeil’s half smile turns into a full on grin

it’s kind of menacing, almost uncomfortable

“of course - how could i ever disobey the almighty jung heir?”

he turns back to you and suddenly you feel a hand touch the side of your face

taeil lets his fingertips dance a little on your skin

“we’ll have some fun together. i promise.”

the whole room shifts as they watch you follow taeil outside

as you leave, you hear mark frantically plead with jaehyun to reconsider

“he’s unpredictable - you know your father only keeps him around because he’s so reckless he can do the most despicable of jobs so you can’t just let them go with him!”

jaehyun puts a hand to his temple

“mark, they chose taeil. plus he wouldn’t ,,,,,,,, he wouldn’t do anything to an innocent person-”

you don’t hear the rest, taeil presses the ‘close door’ button on the elevator

and as you stay, all the way on the other side of it, you feel his gaze

up and down, up and down

and then the elevator rattles to a halt

you look up and see taeil has slammed the emergency stop button and all of a sudden you feel like there’s nothing else in the world

just you and him and this small, no exit block

he steps closer and closer until he’s got you in the corner

eyes constantly scanning, constantly looking you over like some kind of wall piece hanging up above someones desk

not like another human being

taeil smells vaguely of some kind of cologne, but there’s smoke too and it clogs up your throat

“so, tell me while we are all alone, why did you pick me?”

you think back to the last thing you heard jaehyun say

‘he wouldn’t do anything to an innocent person’

you panic, trying to come up with a good excuse

“c’mon. don’t drag it out. those idiots are going to figure out i pulled that stop button in a matter of seconds so spit it out.”

you rattle your brain to think of something semi-convincing

but it’s like even if you lie, you think taeil will know - you don’t know how but he will

“i just,,,,i thought,,,,,you’re a lawyer - jaehyun said that! i thought it- it’d be less dangerous to work with you -”

“oh but im not a lawyer”

yeah - no shit dude!

you swallow, the inside of your mouth going dry as you get more and more nervous

taeil’s eyes look as if the pupils have lost themselves in an ocean of dark, murky brown

his hand comes up to rest right beside your head and with it the blazer he’s wearing rides up

you catch it, the silver glint on the guns grip in the crutch of his waist

“rethinking your decision right now?”

he mocks

and suddenly a static roars through the elevator

mark’s worried voice coming through the built in intercom

“hey! hey, are you guys ok?”

taeil finally moves back to his spot, but his gaze doesn’t leave yours

“we’re peachy. can you get this thing working again?”

he answers as if he isn’t the one responsible for it stopping in the first place

after a short wait

one in which you feel goosebumps raise all over your skin

and taeil doesn’t say another word

the elevator jerks and the doors open to the lobby of the jung building

where mark pulls you out and starts examining you for any wounds

jaehyun throws a nasty glare at taeil

“did you pull this stunt?”

“you should get your father to upgrade the elevators,,,,,jaehyun.”

taeil comments, sarcasm dripping off his voice as he brushes past the jung heir

and strolls toward the front doors

“i have to go with him-”

you start

but mark’s grip on you tightens

“no you don’t. just chose me instead.”

there’s a sincere amount of concern in his voice

and for a split second you consider it - your original plan seeming more and more like a death trap as your time with taeil continues

but even with mark’s begging gaze and worried hold

you shake him off gently

“im ok with taeil - really -”

jaehyun puts a hand on mark’s shoulder when he begins to insist that you’re not - you don’t know anything about him and that he would be the better decision

jaehyun seems to be indicating that mark is going too far, spilling too much information

and you already know too much

he motions for you to catch up with taeil whose leaned up against the wall outside

there’s a cigarette between his lips and he plays with his car keys

the look he’s wearing doesn’t seem to think you’re going to come back

but when you show up in front of him again

taeil just smirks

“you must be a little dumb, huh?”

he asks and you shift uncomfortably at the way his voice sounds when he insults you

“why do you say that?”

he takes the cigarette from his mouth, throwing it to the floor and putting it out with the heel of his shoe

“no one in their right mind would pick me over mark, and by the looks of it - that kid is basically throwing himself at your feet.”

“he’s just worried for my saf-”

you start and taeil steps closer to you

“you should start being worried about it too.”

everything taeil has said up to his point has been some sort of mix of irony and cryptic threat

you don’t get it - is he dangerous? he must be with the way everyone had freaked out about my decision

but even still, he could be the most dangerous guy in seoul and it was still evident that compared to everyone else

he had the least interest in your well being

which meant - he had the least interest in protecting you

quietly, as taeil walks through the garage toward his car you began plotting to yourself

chances are he’s going to drop me off at home, he doesn’t seem like the type who is going to let me stay at his house. i can start figuring out a way to get overseas - maybe book a ticket and find some way to hide my passport just in case someone from the jungs tries to raid my place. i think if i rummage around and check my savings i should have enough for a one way to-

“get in.”

you’re startled from your thoughts at the command

finding yourself in front of what looks like a foreign sports car

not only is he probably a little crazy. he’s flashy too. seriously - how has no one found out that these people aren’t just ordinary office workers?

you open the door and slide in, the leather interior gives off a strong smell and taeil takes a moment to get in after you

he puts a hand on the wheel and you don’t even get to buckle yourself in before he’s pulling out of the space with a violent jerk backwards

you catch yourself on the dashboard, heart beating in your chest

taeil thinks it’s entertaining with the little chuckle he gives off and you try hard to hold yourself back from saying something

taeil drives just like his personality

he has no indication of traffic laws, running red light after red light

and swerving lanes that are tight closed and give you a near heart attack

like you’d suspected, he drives you to your home and when you get out you’re a little nauseous from being driven through what felt like a hurricane

taeil rolls down the window with a click as you wobble toward the front entrance

“im sure you can get to work tomorrow by yourself?”

you hold yourself up to the best of your abilities

“y-yeah”

you manage, holding back the sick feeling in your stomach

taeil doesn’t ask if you’re ok, doesn’t get out of the car to check on you, hell he doesn’t even seem to wait for you to give him your full answer before you hear the screech of the tires

and the sound of him racing back down the street

once you get home, you’re thankful to find that your lock isn’t broken and it doesn’t look like anything has been touched

you get yourself some water and sit yourself down in front of your laptop

you end up falling asleep at your desk, the search bar open to multiple tabs

‘plane tickets to....’ ‘red eye cheap flights’ ‘how to deal with people who might just be crazy’

the morning comes, taeil doesn’t show up - no one from the jungs does and that at least brings you some comfort

i was right, he’s totally going to slack on this whole ‘protection crap’ i’ll pretend for a couple of days to be a good hostage and then ill get those tickets and be on a flight out of here

you get to the office early and nearly everyone gives a sigh of relief as if they’d thought you wouldn’t even last one night

johnny makes conversation with you first, when you ask where taeil is johnny simply shrugs

“he comes in on his own time. no one really knows his schedule.”

“what should i do till he shows up?”

johnny smiles and reaches out to touch your arm

“you’re such a hard worker - i like that. maybe you should consider switching your pick to me? im a lawyer like taeil so if you’re interested in the field i can help.”

instantly you remember taeil’s words

“oh but im not a lawyer”

your blood goes a little cold

do the people who work with him even know who he really is? is the only person who knows the ceo?

“ah, im ok! really! but i can help out if you need me, since taeil isn’t in yet-”

you start but then freeze when you hear the elevator doors ding open from the hall

you couldn’t have known it was taeil coming in

but something inside your head had automatically put the notion up for grabs

and like magic

it is him, and he’s got a duffel bag over his shoulder wearing an unpressed white button down with the tie barely hanging onto his neck

he spots you, lowering the sunglasses and wagging his finger for you to come over

you feel embarrassed, but do it anyway

the people around you all seem to be staring at your tensed back, but taeil doesn’t even take notice

“come with me, im going to make you useful.”

the sentence is almost demeaning in some sort of way, but as much as you want to give back a well thought-out quip

you bite your tongue and remind yourself of your plan

who cares if he pushes my buttons, i’ll have the last laugh when im out of this hell hole!

you follow behind as taeil heads toward the stairs

you guys go down an endless amount of floors it seems like

till you get to a door with a dna scanner

taeil presses his palm to the glowing neon pad and the system identifies him - unlocking the door as you shuffle in behind him

the room is barely light, misted in tones of red

immediately you feel uncomfortable by the cages and weapon racks

the scattered and messy bulletin boards

the miscellaneous parts of dangerous looking metals atop some of the long tables

and the unsettling photo of the jung family that hangs at the end of the basement wall

jaehyun is in the portrait, standing behind his father and mother

his eyes coldly stalking your every move

taeil seems relaxed, as if places like this that look like villain dens in actions movies are where he thrives best

he sets the duffel bag down and unzips it

“have you ever put together a ghost gun?”

he inquires as if he’s asking you about lunch

“w-what? no of course not!”

you keep looking all around the room, worried something or someone will jump out at you

as if one of the various firearms or knives will come alive magically and find its way over to you

a silly thought, but one you imagine any normal person would have in a place like this

taeil sighs

“then i guess i’ll have to teach you.”

“im sorry, but i don’t think that’s something i want to learn.”

taeil flicks his eyes up, almost amused by your disdain

“it’s a great life skill - are you sure you’re not interested?”

he pulls a part out of the bag, you don’t know what it’s for or what it does

but your instinct tells you to step back

taeil chuckles

“it’s an ar15 that hasn’t even been built - no need to jumpy.”

you lose the ability to even answer him as he pulls more and more out of the bag

effortlessly he organizes them out in front of him

his hands gliding over them, his lips muttering the names

he isn’t speaking to you - he’s speaking to himself

and like a bird trapped in front of a lions cage you don’t dare to move

taeil lifts up his finished gun, aiming it at something on the wall and he looks like a character you’ve only seen in movies

hell you still aren’t sure the gun he’s holding it is really there

but the fact that you don’t even dare to budge proves that it is

you notice taeil has some sort of glove on the hand that’s steadied on the trigger

it’s finger less and has what looks like a light on the top of the palm

just like the gun you saw flashed on his waist you start to put pieces together

you’re not a lawyer - i know that - but who the hell are you?!?!

taeil seems to suddenly remember you’re there with him and he sets down the ar15

he moves around the table and comes closer as you start listing every kind of prayer you can in your head

“want to try holding the gun?”

he asks and takes your arm

he leads you to the table and you stare down at it

this thing can kill people

you swallow

“n-no. im not touching it.”

you resolve and take a step back, feeling yourself come into contact with the front of taeil’s chest

“why not? isn’t it a little bit exciting?”

he puts a hand over yours suddenly

you can feel the scratchy fabric of the glove on top of your skin

you shake as he pushes your hand forward

at first you resist, your body trembling in response

“please don’t make me do this -”

taeil seems to ignore your plea at first and his strength overpowers yours so you can feel your fingertips inching closer as he strains you to lean toward the gun

but then

just before you can brush the matte metal

he pulls you back and lets out a laugh

slightly traumatized you turn to look at him, the tip of your tongue burning with the need to lash out at him

why are you being so twisted to me? i didn’t ask to be in this situation!

but you can’t push the words out because you feel your heart racing and your brain reminds you about your plan

dealing with this humiliation is only going to last a little while - then you’ll be out of here. put up with it. don’t say anything that might get you chopped up.

taeil catches your look though

“don’t worry, im not the kind of douche bag that forces people to do things they don’t want to.”

he says and you want to spit back a “yeah right!” but keep silent

“but i don’t need you being just dead weight on my back. so here, do this instead.”

he motions to some paperwork that’s at the bottom of the duffel bag

when you pull them out stacks of rolled up hundreds are underneath

money in amounts you’ve only dreamed of

taeil sees you hesitate and he scoops a couple out like they’re candy at the bottom of some halloween bag

tearing the rubber band off with a snap the wads unfold and he starts stacking them up

“i need these numbers to match those on the paper. if they don’t let me know.”

he points to the rest of the money

“undo the rest yourself. i’ve got business.”

he turns toward the door and your eyes go wide

is he - is he about to leave me in here with all these guns and all this money? is he -

“don’t try anything though - the big man is watching.”

he tilts his head up and you follow the line of sight to a high tech looking cctv camera in the corner

you notice more as you look around and your momentary distraction leads you to jump when the door closes behind taeil

you stare down at the paper in your hands, then at the money in the bag

you sigh and think that it’s better than handling weapons with taeil of all people

but before you start counting you move yourself to another table, far away enough from the ar15 that you don’t have to catch it in the corner of your eye

taeil doesn’t come back, instead after a couple of hours you’re surprised to hear the door open and jaehyun strolls in followed by taeyong and jungwoo

the three of them don’t seem surprised to see you there and instead carry on their conversation

you try not to eavesdrop but they’re not exactly whispering so you keep your eyes glued to the papers and pretend to feign uninterest as much as possible

“so it’s a suicide mission?”

“i mean the guys has an entire army of security guards, not to mention locals who live under his thumb. taking him out is nearly impossible but my dad thinks taeil can handle it.”

“he should still consider sending one of us with him, just to keep an eye on things.”

“you mean the mission or an eye on taeil?”

“taeil. i mean last time we sent him to italy and he went awol for like three weeks. what if this time he just doesn’t come back?”

you bite back your lip at the sound of taeyong’s question

it’s not that you’re exactly worried about taeil - just all of this talk makes you so curious

what’s his real job here? why is he such a wild card yet no one seems to mind?

you get so wrapped up in it that when you accidentally drops some of the stacks of money and the entire basement goes quiet

you can’t help but turn cherry red, muttering an apology you don’t think they can even hear

the trio shuffle out after that, leaving you with more questions about your moon taeil than you’ve ever had before

and when he does finally show up it’s not like you’re in any position to ask him all these things

so you tell him you’ve done all the calculations and everything adds up

“great! looks like you’re actually of use to me afterall. but for today - you’re free to go.”

he doesn’t make a movement toward the door, just kind of is ushering you out with a dismissive wave

“y-you’re not driving me?”

he gives an eyebrow raise

“why would i? im sure you know how to use the subway.”

you kind of buffer a bit

“but - i -”

you don’t really want to go on encouraging him to be overprotective or anything so you just drop it

you pick up your things and move out toward the door but just before you let it close you hear taeil call out

“but if prince jung asks - i did drop you off.”

the week you play goody-two-shoes and abide by whatever command taeil gives you is grueling to say the least

everyday it’s as if he’s testing your patience, trying to wear you thin with some sort of bizarre task

“here are our embezzled tax forms, read over them and make sure our cover names are correct”

“can you carry those over there. be careful, there’s some expensive organs in there.”

“think you can try shooting that target, c’mon we’ll start small with handguns.”

“stupid bastard stained my shirt with his blood again, google laundromats nearby for me.”

how you mentally survive? you have no clue

the amount of times you’ve wanted to just go absolutely feral on this dude has exceeded a numerical amount you’re sure of it

somehow he finds ways to make even mundane interactions between you two irritating

just giving you a big smile when he says something that pushes a button you didn’t even know you had

but you bare it

you bare it and when you wake up after the week is over you take your passport out of the book you hid it inside

you sling your packed bag over your shoulder

and instead of getting on the train that takes you to the jung offices like you have this whole time

you flag down a cab and tell them to drive you to the airport

your mind is racing with thoughts, most of them are not about your escape but about taeil

you’re confident that he has no clue about your plan

so that’s not what you’re all caught up about

instead it still bothers you - everything he’s said, everything he’s done in front of you

somehow none of it really fits or makes sense

what was the point in showing you all the dark underbellies of the jung family business

making you watch him put together illegal weapons, making you count stolen money, subjecting you to every part of the black market you didn’t ever wanted to know existed

all while half mocking you for being repulsed

maybe he’s just used to being around other people like him

but you don’t think that’s true either, it was obvious even from the short time you were with him that the rest of the group were uneasy around him

always hushing words behind his back

never really confronting him directly, unless jaehyun had done it himself

you begin to think maybe he’s just always been sort of an outcast in his one way, but that doesn’t spark much sympathy in you

what he and the rest of them are doing is illegal. once im in another country, ill phone the police and let them know what i saw.

you thank the cabbie when he lets you out at your terminal gate

you’re not nervous about being caught - you’re pretty sure you’re going to get out of korea without a hiccup

daily you’d checked your home for wires or inconsistencies

you’d even set a trap on your door to make sure if anyone had unlocked while you were gone you’d know once you got home

but it had seriously been so easy

because taeil doesn’t give a shit. that’s why im able to escape right under his nose. if it was mark or johnny - im sure i’d been caught. then again maybe if it was mark or johnny i wouldn’t want to leave so badly,,,,,

you find your departure on the scheduling board, comfortably you put you bag down in baggage claim and buy yourself a drink at one of the coffee shops inside

your wait consists of you leafing through the news, snorting to yourself at the photo of the jung ceo plastered across the business page

you’ll be front cover once the police find out who you really are!

and when you hear the boarding call for your flight you get up and stretch

to your utter dismay you hear your name boom across the announcement system

“if the passenger will please report back to check-in, there seems to be an issue with your baggage”

you huff

“this better not be about the shampoo i packed, it’s not even that big of a bottle”

you turn and hope that this little mishap won’t result in you missing your flight

the agent at check in directs you to a security agent who says they’re going to lead you to your bag so you can give them consent to search it

you try protesting, explaining that it’s just travel shampoo

when suddenly you’re pushed through a door into some tiny cramped office

and it’s shut behind you with a loud thud

your eyes need to adjust from the brightly lit airport to the dingy little room

but when you see the familiar face in front of you, one hand on the back of the chair of a duck-tapped looking airline worker

you think this has to be some sort of nightmare

taeil isn’t wearing his usual unpressed, mismatched suit that he puts on as a sorry excuse for a ‘business man’ disguise at work

he’s sporting form fitting jeans, with a white t-shirt and a brown leather jacket thrown over it

his left ear is adorned in various hooped piercings and his hair which is usually combed out of his face is sticking up wildly

he runs his tongue over his lips when he sees the color drain from your face

“so - want to tell me why you missed work for this?”

you don’t know where to look

should you keep your gaze locked with taeil’s

which seems even more deranged than you’ve ever seen before

or should you look at the poor airline worker whose sobbing quietly through the tape on their mouth

“i-i just -”

excuses, come on think of excuses! but what does it even matter, he’s not going to believe me anyway.

you take a breath and decide that you’re not about to start squirming and begging for mercy like taeil probably think you’re going to do

in fact screw this - you have no means of escape and he’s totally going to rat you out to the jung ceo for this stunt

so if you’re going to end up in a body bag - you’re not going to go out without letting all your frustration go

“yeah, i tried to escape. did you think i wouldnt?”

taeil seems a little taken back by your change in tone

suddenly you’re not stuttering like a baby, and the paling with fear has turned into a burning anger in your eyes

“did you think i wouldn’t try to get the hell out of my situation - especially being stuck with you of all people. don’t think i didn’t overhear all the chatter from your fellow associates or whoever the hell you consider them to be. ‘oh taeil is so unpredictable’ ‘taeil is going to get them killed!’ ‘taeil is only around to do the most dangerous of jobs’ - come on like any normal person would stick around to experience that.”

taeil listens, for the first time he’s not saying anything witty or cutting in to give you a piece of his mind

instead he looks as if he’s ready to hear it all and well,,,,,,,,,you’re going to give him it

“on top of that, i only chose you because you’d be easy to get away from. i don’t even know how you got here - or how you knew i where i was going because it was obvious from the start you had no interest in keeping me safe. im surprised i even made it out alive in a week, i thought for sure someone would kidnap me or send me some threatening letter about how i have to die to keep my family safe or something. you know, the jung -”

taeil doesn’t let you finish when you bring up the family name

he steps closer and puts a hand out - you half expect him to be holding the end of a knife to your throat

but he’s not

instead he just presses his fingers to your lips and breaks out into a giant smile

“i love this, i really do. but let’s remember not to spill any important secrets.”

the poor airline worker looks as if they’ve sweated through their eyes with fear - you feel horrible

but at the same time the anger inside of you has flared up once again

he’s just so smug - im telling him off and he’s smiling about it! i ought to just-

taeil’s phone goes off and he clicks his tongue

“well it was nice meeting you”

he says to the airline worker who seems to be begging for the tape to come off of their mouth

but taeil ignores them and takes your hand before you can even process what’s happening

“but we have to be going now. ill make sure someone knows to take care of you~”

with that, taeil pushes past the door and you have no real choice but to let him pull you alongside

the door shuts behind you and you wonder what ‘take care’ means in taeil’s dictionary

but decide to just scrap it from your mind

you’ve got bigger problems right now ,,,,,

taeil uses his free hand to answer his incoming call

“huh - what? oh yeah. i found them. turns out they were sick and went to the hospital but they’re better now. ill update you later.”

you blink

did he just lie about where i was?

to your shock when taeil starts driving, it’s the opposite way from jung enterprises

instead he ends up pulling up on the side of the street of a residential neighborhood much like your own

it’s not the fancy sky scraping loft or suspicious looking apartment in itaewon

it looks normal. boring.

taeil tells you to come with him as he rounds the side of a two story house and ushers you through the back screen door

the place is ,,,, plain and rather small

it’s more of a studio than it is a full apartment, the bed is in the corner with unmade sheets

a coffee mug looking lonely beside it

aside from a desk with a large dual screen setup there isn’t much of anything

and you wonder if this is really taeil’s place or if ,,,,,,,,, he just broke into some poor college students pad

“what did you except, guns on the wall?”

he jokes as he emerges from the kitchen and sits down cross legged in front of you

you feel on edge - what’s going on here? am i supposed to just relax like he didn’t just catch me trying to flee the country?

your shoulders tense and you look around once more

there’s a shelf with cd’s stalked up on them

you think they probably contain a bunch of data stolen from rich people or hacked emails

but when you look a little closer it turns out they’re just cds - a lot of them are from the early 90s

you feel odd about this

you feel like there’s some kind of punchline to a joke you’re not really getting

“so, you really tried to escape huh?”

you snap back to reality and narrow your eyes

“i mean, you heard what i said. who in their right mind would agree to six months of being basically a hostage.”

“oh don’t think that im questioning the decision. im just surprised you had the balls. excuse the term.”

you sit up a little straighter

“what?”

“it’s just, you seemed like a pushover. very much that poor kid mark lee’s type.”

you let the slightly irritating comment slide

“well i needed to be a good hostage so you’d let your guard down even more. then you know, i’d build up your trust or whatever and seize the unsuspecting moment.”

taeil makes a sound of approval

“see - i thought you were just scared for your life. turns out you’re a pretty good strategist and a bit of backstabber yourself.”

you shake your head

“im not a backstabber for trying to get out of a bad situation with a bad person.”

“im offended, you don’t know much about me.”

you purse your lips

before you’d just keep what you wanted to say to yourself but seeing as though the dice has been rolled and you missed

you’ve just decided you’d rather become unhinged

“i know that you’re the kind of person who asks a civilian if they want to shot a gun for fun. the kind of person who ties up a poor airline worker for no reason.”

taeil chuckles and wags his finger

“my reason was to get you over to the office. no way was i going to get on the mic and go ‘hey it’s taeil - i know you ran away, you better come back and keep playing nice!’“

you grumble because there isn’t any arguing with that

“fine, whatever. so when are you going to hand me over to the jung ceo anyway? i broke the stupid ‘six month’ rule so i guess-”

“oh im not handing you over to anyone.”

taeil curtly responds

“i thought having you around would be shitty, but turns out you’re just the gift that keeps on giving and anyways my loyalties don’t lay with the jungs.”

you feel like you should be much more surprised by that than you are,,,,,but really you had seen it coming

the way taeil talked to jaehyun? his obvious ostracizing from the group dynamic? mark’s intense disapproval of him - even though taeil was his elder?

“but,,,,,then who are you loyal to?”

he suddenly starts to inch forward, the look he gave you back in the elevator when you chose him returns

hooded, curious

you lean back, your arms going wobbly as you try to support your body weight and taeil let’s his smile

much like that of the iconic cheshire cat

curl up onto his face, eyes sparkling with mischief

“im loyal to no one.”

you still don’t know if the place you had been taken to by taeil was really his home, but what you do know is that when he does finally drive you both over to jung enterprises

he pulls a backpack out from his trunk and throws it to you

inside are your business clothes

“change so they think you really did just get sick on your way to work.”

you roll up the windows and kind of throw a look over your shoulder

taeil puts his hands up and waves his cigarette around

“i won’t peak through the car windows, i promise.”

he’s still acting like this is all a silly game, just like usual but you are slightly thankful that he seemed to think some of this whole lie through

when you emerge, you ask taeil where he even got these clothes from

they aren’t something you actually own - they just look like an outfit you had worn before

“i figured out your size when i first saw you.”

the sentence sort of throws you for a loop

“a-are you saying you checked me out?!?!”

taeil shrugs, letting out a small puff of smoke over his shoulder

“it’s not my fault you’re pretty cute.”

he starts making a brisk walk for the entrance door and you don’t get to further the conversation because once you catch up

the doors burst open in front of you

jaehyun is standing there and you go frozen when you sees he’s pointing a gun straight toward taeil

taeil rolls his eyes but uses his hand to push you behind him

“alright, why are you mad prince jung?”

taeil sings absentmindedly

like there isn’t a weapon pointed right at him by the son of the company he is employed by

jaehyun ignores him, but you can practically see him popping a vein in annoyance

instead he instructs you to get out from behind taeil and come over to him

“w-why?”

you ask and jaehyun drops his voice

“you weren’t sick were you.”

you feel your stomach knot

did taeil tell him what really happened? maybe someone at the airport contacted him,,,,,,,,,oh god im dead meat,,,,,,,,,

“taeil was trying to get rid of you - wasn’t he? what did you do to them you crazy motherfucker - did you poison them? threaten them - why aren’t you coming over here get away from that lunatic!”

wait - wait,,,,,,jaehyun thinks taeil did something to me? and is lying to cover it up?

you step from behind taeil who kind of gives you a shrug

“jaehyun,,,,taeil didn’t do anything to me. really i just ate something bad and he came to pick me up.”

jaehyun doesn't lower his gun, but his face falters a little

“is he forcing you to say that? you know taeil i wouldn’t put it beyond you to get an innocent person involved with your sick games.”

taeil isn’t even paying the slightest attention to jaehyun or the fact he’s looking down a barrel

he just looks at you and asks

“well, did i force you?”

“no! no he didn’t so please jaehyun don’t hurt him,,,,”

looks like im begging to save taeil’s life,,,,,,,,what a freaking twist of events

jaehyun finally puts the gun down, slowly securing it to the halter on his hip

you let out a sigh of relief and taeil walks straight up to the jung heir

before you know it he’s up in his face, smile twitching as he locks eyes with him

“pull a gun like that me when we’re alone, i fucking dare you.”

with that taeil pulls back and calls your name out

for a moment you’re torn

you could just go up to jaehyun, tell him what really happened and avoid spending the rest of your time with taeil

you’d be risking a lot - because jaehyun wouldn’t lie for you. he’d take you straight to his father and you don’t know what would await you there

or you could go with taeil

succumb to your choice and trek it out for the remaining months

no one would know you tried to escape, well at least not until taeil decided to tell them

he’d probably dangle it over your head like blackmail

but somehow

that was better than facing the ceo

you join taeil, brushing past jaehyun and feeling a shiver go down your spine

the image of him holding the gun aimed at taeil - right in front of you,,,,,,it chills you to your core

you end up back in the office with taeil, a couple of people ask if you’re really feeling ok and you assure them that it’s fine

mark seems wary just like jaehyun and once again offers that you change your pick to him

but something keeps you from doing so

mostly because you need to keep an eye out on taeil so he doesn’t let anyone know you tried to run away (and effectively rat out the whole place)

but also,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it somehow feels wrong to think of choosing someone else

after this whole mess of an escape plan,,,,,,taeil seems to go through a change of heart

his personality is still erratic and the tasks you’re dealt by him are sometimes downright outrageous

but he’s cut back on the mocking

and he’s much more open about what he really has been up to

of course, only when you’re around to hear

another big change is that he starts driving you to and from work

sometimes there are nights where he just takes you back to that simple little studio

you ask him why the first time he does it and he explains that it’s just for show

jaehyun wants him keeping a closer eye on you ever since you got sick, so every now and then he’ll have you spend the night there so jaehyun doesn’t go off nagging about it

“so this really is your place?”

you don’t touch the tea taeil has set down for you, still not so comfy with the idea of being friendly with him

“one of them. no one ever suspects a criminal living in next door. just your friendly neighbor.”

you refuse to sleep on his bed, and taeil lets you bring a sleeping bag from home

the more you end up staying there - the more you learn about the parts of taeil you’d never really expect

for one the cds on that shelf are just cds

a lot of them are from famous 90s female soloists and at one point you peak into his open closet to see a guitar in the back

taeil obviously likes music, he hums when he does work by himself and you ask one day (much to johnny’s bewilderment) if taeil used to be a singer or something of that sort

“sorry love, i know close to nothing about him. but he did once tell me he has perfect pitch.”

you think that’s a rather odd talent in this industry, and you don’t tell taeil that you heard about it

instead one night when you’re forced to stay over again you ask if instead of sitting in this uncomfortable silence

if taeil can put on one of the cd’s

“i don’t really think you’ll like my music taste-”

“try me”

you wait as taeil shuffles around and then you hear a click

stevie nicks’ ‘two kinds of love’ fill the room

and you get slightly taken back at the pick

“who in the world do you think that you are fooling~”

taeil moves slightly to the melody and you watch half enchanted half confused as he keeps up with nicks’ unique vocals

it’s a rather strange choice especially in this day and age, but it’s not entirely unwelcome

and somehow it fits the persona of taeil you’ve gotten to know through this insane whirlwind

for the first time,,,,,you don’t want to escape the room you’re in with him

instead you want to keep listening to that voice

the song ends and the next one begins, taeil says you can feel free to turn it off if you’d like

but you just let it play

you get up at some point just to shuffle through the other cds and you don’t notice taeil watching you

a small smile settles on his lips because when he calls your name

you don’t flinch

you just look up and ask “yes?”

you’re probably a month into this whole mess when taeil suddenly suggests you leave work with him early

“i don’t want to go on one of your ‘suicide missions’ as everyone else calls it -”

“well damn you just get feistier and feistier with me, huh?”

he raises an eyebrow and you cross your arms

the days of you not answering him back are long gone

and much to your amusement taeil likes that about you

“and anyway, we aren’t going to do business. in fact - i just have to ask you something that i can’t inside that godforsaken building.”

curiosity gets the better of you as you watch taeil lie to jaehyun about getting some work done from home

you follow behind and still, the chill you’d gotten from jaehyun when he pulled that gun follows you just like his gaze

taeil walks past his car and instead beckons you to follow him out onto the street

you don’t really understand what’s going on until you’ve walked a couple of blocks away and taeil turns to you

“ive been thinking about it and i feel like you had the right idea.”

“the right idea about what?”

“about escaping.”

you stop short and give taeil a look

“what- taeil why are you bringing that up now? are you finally going to tell the ceo-”

“no, did you hear me right - i said i think you had the right idea. i think it’s time to get out of this place.”

you shift in your spot and start walking again

to passerby's you look like two co-workers in a natural conversation

hell you might even look like a young couple

but your voice is panicked and taeil is getting excited at the prospect

“i mean, if we both escape - it’s a win win. you get out of korea, and out of the next five months of dealing with me and then i get out and i don’t have to run around like a dog for the jungs anymore.”

you look down, trying to maul this over in your head

“taeil -”

he glances your way

“why did you even join the jungs in the first place?”

he shrugs

“i thought it’d be fun?”

“i don’t buy that. next.”

he chuckles and makes a side comment about how nothing gets by you

but then he seems to get serious

“i didn’t have a future doing anything else. music was my passion in life but it fell through,,,,,”

he trails off

“and aside from that i didn’t have anything else to care about. and when you’ve lost the only thing to live for you start finding shortlived meanings in other places.”

“what do you mean,,,”

you ask, gentle for the first time in a conversation with taeil

“i mean i got mixed in with some people, i wanted to make money but i couldn’t do it through music so i found other ways. you know, illegal ways.”

he pauses and you take a second to notice how this is possible the longest time you’ve been in a conversation with him

and haven’t seen that manic smile on his face

instead his profile is unsettlingly calm as he recalls his memories

without the wacky grin on his face - you would even say he looks rather handsome

with a well defined jaw and prettily shaped eyes

even his voice seems to become more appealing as he speaks without a sense of sarcasm in his tone

“turns out i had other gifts aside from music, i have great aim with a riffle and have never been scared of blood. but you know, that’s just me bragging.”

he turns to you with a chuckle but you’re not laughing along with him

“did the jungs recruit you?”

“sort of,,,,,my old boss cheated jaehyun’s father and so our gang ended up getting torn apart. the ceo saved me from ,,,,,, well ,,,,,,,, punishment because he’d heard rumors about me.”

“rumors?”

taeil shakes his head

“i don’t want to get into it, but what do you say - how do you feel about attempting another escape with me?”

there are a hundred, no probably a million reasons why you should have said no

but then again

there’s one reason you said yes

much like there was one reason you’d picked taeil in the first place

out of everyone at jung enterprises - he wanted to get out of there as badly as you

and he had the ability to do so (plus he was probably way better at these kinds of things than you)

taeil explains that as much as he’d love to just turn around and walk out of the jung building one day

he cant do that

cctv records when he comes in and out, and being gone for a prolonged period of time will get noted by someone in security and jaehyun will be notified

on top of that all of the members have a special eye on him

he gives you background information on what you’d overhead about him going awol in italy

“it was a failed escape plan. i had done a snipping job of a high profile gambler who owed the ceo money,,,,,,,i had gotten a hold of over half a million dollars and wanted to smuggle it through wire transfer to another country that i could later fly to ,,,,,,,, but that tech nerd taeyong got on my tracks. so i lied and said i just had some mishaps with my fake passport.”

you kind of find it hard to believe taeil really wants to leave this job,,,,,he just seems like he enjoys all this dark stuff way to much

but then you look at the cds and think about what he told you on your walk

“and when you’ve lost the only thing to live for you start finding short lived meanings in other places”

it’s weird how you had felt so uneasy around taeil before

how you had always thought he was one moment from snapping, how he’d actually just hold your own means of escape as blackmail over your head

and yet now

you didn’t feel uneasy at all

in fact ,,,,,, you think you were beginning to trust taeil

because no matter how wild he’d been before, he was thorough in his planning

he didn’t jump headfirst into it like you had

he was making steps and using his leverage with different members to his advantage

you’d never admit it to his face - but he was proving himself to be smart

no wonder the ceo kept him around,,,,,,,

finally taeil lays it all out for you

“there’s an upcoming job to transfer smuggled goods through a warehouse downtown. apparently the parts are packaged inside specific handbags and i offered to jaehyun that you play the part of a buyer who’d be interested in purchasing the disguised handbags. at first he said no way but then i ,,,,,,, convinced him.”

you sit back, “what did you say to him?”

“well i said that you were bored of doing paperwork and so ,,,,”

“you told jaehyun I wanted to do this?!??!”

“how else do you think he’d let me take you along with us?”

you cross your arms, but finally give in

you had thought you and taeil would just pick a day to make a mad dash for the airport

or maybe you’d be hiding out on some cruise ship

but he was the criminal - you were just the civilian (with a bit of a rowdy attitude - as taeil described it)

“so when you buy the designated handbags, the seller will know which ones to give you, you’ll bring them over to mark - he’s going to be acting like your friend whose also shopping around-”

“wait,,,,,,,,,why is mark there - i thought it would just be you and me”

taeil’s shoulder fall a little for a second

“im not usually on these kinds of jobs,,,,,this is kind of like childs play for my talents. i do more,,,,,, hmmm bloody kinds of jobs?”

you shake your head and make it known that you’d like to be spared the details

“but then why is jaehyun letting you go in on this one?”

“well you picked me as your knight in shining armor so i have to be there. mark is just collateral.”

“hey - don’t say that he’s nice.”

taeil apologizes, jokingly of course but you are a bit upset that you’ll have to be betraying mark right to his face

you do hope one day he’ll understand the position you’re in

taeil goes on to explain

“after that, ill be waiting in a car out back. ill get out and start helping you guys load the handbags. one of them contains payment for the ceo, ill take that handbag and put it to the side. once we’re in the car - ill pretend jaehyun is calling me and step out, you can come with me since im basically supposed to keep an eye out for you - but ill secretly smuggle the payment into my jacket. once we round the corner of the warehouse - there will be our moment to escape. mark will think we’re having a long phone call so it’ll buy us time and this money is clean so we can use it to pay for tickets without being tracked by the jungs.”

it’s a lot to process really

you don’t know where to begin making sense of it but there’s a sense that taeil has been running in this game long enough to make a coherent plan out of this

you nod slowly and then look up at taeil

it’s been a roller coaster with him

since the moment you got introduced to now

and somehow you thought you’d end up hating every second spent with him, but these days it didn’t seem like that at all

“where are you going to go, im going to my relatives so -”

taeil just runs a hand through his hair

“ill figure it out.”

something feels heavy in the center of your chest,,,,,,you didn’t expect that you’d be thinking about taeil’s safety just as much as you were thinking about yours

but that night you’d for the first time agreed to sleep on his bed

you turned over, taeil was borrowing your sleeping bag for the night

sprawled out on it with his hair everywhere and his mouth slightly open

you didn’t know if everything he was saying was a lie or not ,,,,,,,,,,, how the same person who had intimidated you so much before just looked so,,,,,,,,,, vulnerable now

you think about it - what kind of childhood did he have? did he grow up wanting to be a musician, to bring happiness to others and ended up doing just the opposite?

you look at him and suddenly the heaviness in your chest is a sharp pain

does it hurt him to be cruel?

the job gets confirmed by jaehyun’s father and everything gets set up for the following monday

mark keeps making rounds to ask you if you’re REALLY ok being a part of this

you assure him every time that you are - adding a silent apology for whats waiting for him actually

taeil keeps up with his antics in front of everyone, showing up looking like the out-of-his-mind lawyer everyone pins him to be

and making sure no one is suspicious of anything

but when you two are alone it’s a whole other story

up to a point where you are pretty impressed with this front he’s been holding up

“it’s not a front.”

he says when you bring it up the night before the big day

“but you’re so different,,,,,,,when you’re not around them. when you’re alone with me.”

taeil stands up and walks closer to you

much like he has a million times before

but this is the first time you’re not shaking with fear or feeling the anxiety of anticipation at what he’ll say or do next

you just,,,,,,,,,,,feel his warmth come closer to yours

“people are multi dimensional. i was that person for a long time, enticed only by danger - living only to think ill die tomorrow but now there’s been a shift inside of me.”

you feel the air thicken

you refuse the reality of the moment

no, there’s no way this is happening

there is no way im feeling what im feeling

for him

for taeil

the details of his face jump out at you

brown bedroom eyes, slightly tanned skin, thick dark hair

where did my hatred for you go? when did my discomfort turn to pleasure? why am i looking at taeil and thinking ,,,,,,, hoping ,,,,,,,, longing for him to-

“can i kiss you?”

it’s breathed against your cheek, it feels like a butterfly that’s just grazed your skin

your brain reasons with you, it plays back all the times he’s made you feel humiliated - all the times you’ve wanted to punch him and tear him down

but none of it has an effect because you put your hands up

settling them on his shoulders

taeil is stronger than he looks, you’ve known that for a while and you can feel the curve of his collarbone

his eyes are burrowing through you

you’re not even naked and yet you feel like you don’t even have to be because he can see it all anyway

“yes”

taeil kisses like a firecracker, he tries to start of with a gentleness but you groan against his lips to not waste your time

to not hold back

he chuckles and says something about how that’s the person he fell for

always putting him in place, making sure he doesn’t slack

it’s weird how you imagined he’d taste of cigarettes and how it’d put you off

but he doesn’t

he taste slightly of the chamomile tea he likes to drink

and you find yourself enjoying it much more than anticipated

his hands know what to do, they know what places to touch

“have you done this a lot?”

you ask against his neck and taeil shakes his head

“im just a natural i guess.”

“oh shuttup, you liar”

he laughs and somehow that turns you on too

in the morning you ready yourselves mentally

by making out more

and also going through the plan step by step

you feel butterflies in your stomach and you’re not sure if that’s because of the fact you’ll be escaping the clutches of the jungs

or if you see taeil’s back flex a little as he pulls a white shirt over his head

either way you find yourself at the warehouse

mark standing against a wall

your hand reaching out to take a number of hangbags from the seller

with more confidence than you thought you had in you

you pass some to mark

once you’re confirmed to have gotten all of them you follow him back out to the car

taeil steps out

taking the load of your hands and letting his eyes flick over the contents

mark’s busy loading his bags into the trunk and he doesn’t see taeil wink your way

once inside the car, that’s when everything becomes vibrantly real

you feel your pulse quicken

but then taeil’s cool hand brushes yours

don’t be nervous

his eyes say and he takes his phone out from his pocket

“prince jung is calling me again - im going to take this outside.”

he motions for you to follow him but before you open up your side of the door

mark puts out a hand

“they can stay in here with me.”

you throw a worried look over at taeil and you can see the cogs in his brain are working too

the seconds feel like hours

and marks hold on you is like a chain dragging you down

taeil sighs

“god i really didn’t want to do this.”

he mutters and you gasp when he pulls something out of his pocket

it’s a small handgun, so tiny that you didn’t even notice he had it

mark tries to move to shield you but taeil just gives an annoyed groan

“you idiot, im pointing it at you lee!”

mark’s eyebrows furrow

“what the hell do you mean-”

“let them go.”

you look at mark and nod, something in his worried eyes goes stone cold

“are you in on this too?”

you don’t answer, but you feel his fingers uncurl from your wrist

you feel horrible, you feel like the worst person on earth

but you get out of the car and behind taeil

who uses his free hand to get the car keys

slowly he backs away - keeping his eyes on mark who sits looking ice cold in the backseat of the car

“sorry man, there was no other way.”

taeil says as he closes the door and clicks it shut

he lowers the gun and you reach out to interlace your fingers with him

“let’s run!”

you and him sprint off and turn the curb of the warehouse - to your shock you hear glass shatter behind you

“mark probably shot the window open!”

taeil explains and keeps tugging you toward him as you turn the bend

waiting there is another car, taeil ushers you inside and you look into the rear view mirror as the door closes to see mark turning the curb too

there are gunshots, you think he must be aiming for the tires

but taeil pulls backwards and the sudden movement stuns both you and mark

long enough that he pulls out of the warehouse back lot and back onto the street

you can feel your heart racing and you think you’re seeing stars in your vision

but taeil’s driving is just as insane as the first time he drove you home and it’s the only saving grace that get you two to the airport

the money is thrown down in front of the ticketing agent and you quickly say the name of the flight you want

taeil hesitates

i thought he said last night that he chose where he wanted to go - don’t tell me he lied!??!

you see his eyes scan the boards, but your flight leaves in twenty minutes and the ticketing agent is urging that if you want to get on it you have to buy the last ticket now

but how can you

you need to know taeil will be safe too

that he isn’t going to turn around and walk back into the hands of the jungs

he’ll die if he does that - they’ll kill him for sure!

without another thought you scrap the idea, you take one look at the board and see the other last minute flight

“two tickets to china.”

taeil whips his head over to look at you wide eyed

“that’s not where your family is-”

but it’s too late you’re taking the tickets and handing the agent the money

the rest you scoop back into your hands and you tug taeil along through the terminals

neither of you have nothing but the clothes on your backs and the money you got from the warehouse

taeil is looking at you - a mixture of confusion and doubt all on his face

but you don’t say anything you just keep pulling him toward the terminal

it’s not until you’re on the plane

that everything floods down and you turn to him

“why didn’t you buy the ticket to see your family?”

he asks again, this time neither of you is on the high of adrenaline

sanity is seeping back in

but you don’t feel the guilt you thought you would

you don’t feel like you made the wrong decision

instead you just lean up and flick taeil’s forehead

“you idiot, you said you picked a destination last night.”

“wh-what are you talking about who care you just gave up the chance to go to your family and be sa-”

you shrug

“i learned that sometimes being reckless is the better choice. plus,,,,,,,,what was i going to do - let you wonder off on your own? you’ll probably die without someone to take care-”

taeil suddenly understands

he gets why you chose these two tickets to china

he leans over, pressing a kiss on your lips in the middle of your sentence

“you could have just said you wanted me to stick around.”

you huff, crossing your arms

taeil chuckles and starts pressing even more kisses up your neck

you tell him to cut it out there are kids on this plane

but he just pulls back with a big grin

“i was right,,,,,,,,,,,you are the gift that keeps on giving.”

“if you compare me to a gift or anything else one more time ill call jaehyun the second we get off this plane.”

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nightglider124 · 6 years

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Japan: My Trip

Thought I’d put together a little photo diary of my two weeks in Japan because why not and I just like to share with my tumblr pals.

Read on to find out what I got up to.

Sunday 13th May

This was the day I flew out to Japan. I packed my bag and was ready to leave at 11am UK time. I’m not gonna lie to ya’ll, I was an emotional mess, leaving my family behind.

You should know, I’ve never been on a trip without my family and I’ve never been out of Europe. So, going out to Japan with just my best friend was a big thing for me. So, was pretty tearful and then my mum like burst into tears; she’s a worrier.

Anyway, my dad dropped me off at the airport to meet my bestie and we did all the boring airport stuff and soon enough, we were on the plane. The sky is ridiculously pretty at different times during an overnight flight or at least, a flight that crosses different time zones.

Pretty uneventful. I mostly ate, slept and wrote chapter 1 of CTD: Bound.

Monday 14th May

So, I arrived in Japan’s Narita airport at 11am.

Then I went up and grabbed my suitcase as well as going and grabbing my pocket wifi - Something that is tremendously helpful if you go to Japan. I don’t know what it’s like for you guys but in London, I pretty much have wifi anywhere I go whereas in Japan, it wasn’t as easy to come across; at least not for free.

The pocket wifi was a godsend. It can connect up to 10 devices and it lasts all day long when fully charged. Now, there were a couple times it tapped out but you just need to turn it off and turn it on again.

It cost about £60 for 2 weeks but if you’re going with people, it works out better. Me and my friend split it so we only paid £30 each but very worth it.

But, yeah, defo recommend this for anyone who is going to Japan. It was a big help, especially when needing to look up locations and/or directions.

Next, we went and grabbed our Japan rail passes which look like so:

This was probably the best thing I bought for Japan. Not even joking.

Even if you aren’t going very far, this thing helps so much. It’s a pass that allows you to use any trains that are owned by the JR company which is a fair amount that helps you get around Tokyo and surrounding districts. Note: You have to buy it before you fly to Japan and take the exchange form that comes in the post with you to Japan. You exchange it at the airport and they give you the passes above. Just make double sure your passport has been stamped because otherwise, they won’t let you have it.

Anyway, this was £310 for 2 weeks but again: WORTH IT. It does depend on what you’re doing but me and my friend were out and using transport every single day. We also went far. We went to Hiroshima, Kyoto and Osaka - All covered by the passes. And for example, £310 is basically a return ticket to Kyoto so you are already making your money back.

So, we picked these up and using them, hopped on the shinkansen (bullet train) to Shinjuku (Sound familiar, Titan fans? Yes, it’s the ‘roughest part of town’ according to Robin in the Trouble in Tokyo movie). It took about an hour and then we checked into our hotel which was: Shinjuku Prince Hotel.

It was a really nice hotel actually. The staff were friendly and spoke really good English. I recommend staying here; it’s right in the heart of busy Shinjuku and was only 5 mins from the station. We booked a deluxe twin room because two rooms worked out more expensive and it was not too shabby at all. I didn’t actually take any pictures so I snubbed some off google.

Anyway, we were running a little late and we had tickets to the Studio Ghibli museum so naturally, I was freaking out because the website expresses that they are strict on being on time for your slot. I nearly had a breakdown because... dunno if ya’ll remember but I had a right time trying to get a hold of these tickets. They sell out so quickly it is unreal. Anyway, our slot was 4pm and they only allow you to be 30 mins late.

We arrived at 4:50pm and I was close to tears as I ran into the park it’s situated in. I was so annoyed and so scared they weren’t going to let us in. But...

They did!! The guy was so sweet; I think he could see by my face how much I wanted to go inside. He was like all smiley and was like it’s okay, go on in. I was like THANK YOU JESUS. Here are some photos:

They don’t allow photography inside to preserve the magic of visiting. And honestly, it was so nice inside. It felt just like a Ghibli movie and seeing the animation process and the short film and the original drawings... it was all so amazing. Being a Ghibli fan makes this 1000% better but it’s still great for people who aren’t as into it. My friend isn’t really into Ghibli movies but she thought it was still pretty cool whereas there was me in like awe over all of it.

Anyway, we stayed there about an hour and as you can imagine, we were frazzled af. We were tired from the flight but I wanted us to force ourselves to stay up so jet lag wasn’t as much a problem.

After, we made our way back to Shinjuku where I took some pics from my hotel room:

Then we grabbed some McDonalds which was literally just across from us; something quick so we didn’t starve. I facetimed my family, showered and fell asleep.

Tuesday 15th May

So, the first full day we were there, it was a more chilled, sightseeing day. Nothing too taxing and we felt a lot more refreshed after a proper sleep.

First, we went and checked out the Tokyo Imperial Palace which was really pretty but we couldn’t go inside. It was mega hot the entire time we were in Japan; I thought I’d die. I hate the heat.

And because I was out in the heat all day and didn’t think to put suncream on... yeah, you can see where this is going...

More on that later, because then we carried on to the Yasukuni shrine which is just down the street from the East Gardens of the palace.

The shrine was cool and everything was so pretty; very tranquil and peaceful.

In the afternoon, we headed over to the Sunshine City mall in Ikebukuro where I forced my friend into the Pokemon Centre Store which was LIT.

I was fucking excited, ya’ll. I got some really cute stuff too. Got myself some Mimikyu chopsticks, an Eevee tail key holder, a Pikachu glasses case, a Pikachu makeup bag and a little Mimikyu figure bc Mimikyu is a fave and I have no cool stuff with it on.

I also got my brother most of his souvenirs in here because we have loved Pokemon since the dawn of time. I mean, we’ve fallen out of it in recent years because all the new gen pokemon etc... we’re more for the original pokemon and original series and games. Seriously, when kids come up to me like, do you even know Pokemon I’m like bitch step back you don’t even KNOW. It’s like I got a Pokemon CD for my brother and it had a japanese version of one of the songs from the first movie and we were like screaming. That film man, don’t even look at me.

Ahem... the Pokemon store was so wicked but mega expensive like shit son. Glad I took so much money with me because I NEEDED IT.

After the Pokemon store, we went down a level to the Studio Ghibli store where I didn’t get as much stuff as I thought I was gonna.

But, I got a Spirited Away fan with No Face on it, a Totoro and No face figure as well as a Totoro bib and hat for my niece.

Then we went and had fooood where I noticed... I was extremely sunburnt... Like in the below pic, you can’t see it that much because it hadn’t really come out full pelt yet.

Pls ignore my hamster face but see my chest? Burny burny burnt burnt. I got back to the hotel later that night and I had the shakes where it was hot and all the heat was there rather than all over. It was horrible.

I’m lucky I decided to wear full on makeup that day otherwise my face would have gotten buuurnt. Well done, Estee Lauder foundation, well done.

But yeah, it wasn’t the best end to the day because then I was all uncomfortable and my skin was sensitive and I was mad at myself for not putting on cream so then I got all upset and cried but I think I was still tired from the journey too and I was overwhelmed but yeah; kinda sucked.

Other than the sunburn, I also didn’t pack shorts for under my dress so my thighs rubbed and were in agony as well as my vans gave me like 4 blisters on each foot so I couldn’t walk or at least was in extreme pain when I tried so getting back to the hotel was a damn hoot.

Besides all that, it was a pretty good day!

Wednesday 16th

This was the day we trekked all the way down to Hiroshima which is like a 5 hour journey by train. We had to take two trains but it was actually not too bad. It certainly didn’t feel like it took that long to get down to Hiroshima.

One thing I will say about longer train journeys; remember to reserve a seat. Some like the one from Narita Airport are reserve only so you have to reserve a seat for it. But, others don’t need it and have “non reserved” cars but mark my words, if you’re travelling on these trains at a busy time, it really pays off to reserve a seat. We didn’t for Hiroshima and whilst we found seats for the 3 hour part of the journey; on the second train, we had to stand for like 45 minutes because there were no seats and then even when we did get to sit down, it was separated so yeah; book your train seats, people.

Once we arrived in Hiroshima, we hopped on a ferry which took us to Miyajima island. It’s about a 10 minute journey and once again, it’s covered by the JR pass. I loved that thing to death not even kidding.

Here’s some pictures I took on the ride over:

This island is home to the big red Torii gate that people may know of. I picked up some cute souvenirs and ate katsu. And there were even deer roaming around the place! A couple got married too whilst we were visiting and it was so nice. Again, it was mega hot so I was dying from that aspect but otherwise, I could live on this little island.

Unfortunately, we spent so much time at the island; we didn’t get round to doing the two other things we had planned which were seeing Hiroshima Castle and the Atomic dome memorial. I was kinda bummed by not seeing those but the last train was at 5pm and we weren’t staying the night so we had to get said train. It was okay though; it’s something to add to the list of things to see when I eventually revisit.

We got back at about 10pm and then it was lights out because we were exhausted.

Thursday 17th May

This was another sightseeing day that was fairly local considering we were pretty tired from Hiroshima still.

We traveled over to Asakusa which has the lovely Senso-ji temple and shrine. It was really cute, the walk up to the temple is lined with all these little shops and souvenir like places which have charms and fans etc. Really nice.

Inside, they do this thing where you pay 100 yen and you shake a metal box that contains lots of sticks with numbers on. When you bring out a stick, you find the number it matches and you bring out the fortune. You get a good fortune, regular fortune or bad fortune. I got myself a regular ol’ fortune XD.

But, they also have this rack so that if you get a bad fortune, you tie it to the rack to rid yourself of the bad fortune whereas a good or regular one; you would carry it with you.

Other than that, we hung out and then went back to our hotel for a while before heading out again to check out the nightlife of the area. Everything was mega lit up and was so nice. We went and grabbed dinner and also went and got crepes. They were a m a z i n g. Like they were so good ugh.

After that, went back, showered and slept. Pretty uneventful day; just being touristy.

Friday 18th May

Again, more sightseeing on this day. We went and saw the Tokyo Metropolitan Building and looked out over Tokyo.

Then, we went to the Meiji Shrine.

Aaand lastly, we went to Shibuya for the evening.

Yes, those are people dressed as characters from Mario Kart driving in the streets of Tokyo. This place was crazy. XD

After seeing the crossing scramble that is so infamous, we trekked back to the hotel and fell asleep.

Saturday 19th May

This day we literally went on trains all day to collect stamps. In Japan, they do these things called Eki stamps which are stamps you can find at stations, museums, shrines, tourist spots etc.

I haven’t got any pictures of mine but i got like 50 of them whilst I was in Japan. Going on one train line at all the stops got me like 30.

We had nothing else planned on this day so my friend suggested the collecting stamps XD.

Sunday 20th May

This was one of my two absolute favourite days whilst I was there. It was the day I went and saw Mt Fuji and went into Aokigahara forest.

It was approx 2 hours from Tokyo but we’d booked a tour instead of trying to do it ourselves. It worked out a lot easier. When we reached the highest point you can go to on Mt Fuji, by vehicle anyway, we had 30 mins to sightsee. We took pictures and went into the souvenir shop etc.

My god, it was so frickin’ cold up there. Obviously. We were high off the ground like shit, it was freezing. But, pretty pictures.

We then went caving in an ice cave that is iced over all year round and is not usually open to the public.

After that, we were taken back to Shinjuku where we grabbed food and went back to sleeeep.

Monday 21st May

We went to Kyoto on this day. We managed to see all we wanted to as well but then again, Kyoto was only a 2 and a bit hour train ride away.

When we got there, we saw the Fushimi Inari Taisha.

They were pretty but boy, was there a lot of people. I had to wait for so long to get pictures with none of very few people in it.

Then, we headed over to Kinkaku-ji which is this golden temple.

Again, very pretty.

Lastly, we checked out the Arashiyama Bamboo grove which was pretty also.

After that, we headed home to our hotel. We had an exciting day the next day.

Tuesday 22nd May

TOKYO DISNEYLAND, BITCHES.

I was excited and I can see why people hype Disneyland up. No matter which one you visit, there is this big sense of nostalgia and magic. It was unforgettable and wasn’t half as busy as some theme parks get here. But, I suppose we did go on a Tuesday.

Would hate to see it on a weekend.

The mike melonbread was delicious <3

Disneyland catered to the childish side of me and I loved every single bit of it. <3

Wednesday 23rd May

On this day, we visited Osaka which is about the same sorta time out from Tokyo as Kyoto is. Again, not too much going on. We checked out Osaka Castle.

And then, we checked out Dotonbori which was also very cool.

After that, we headed back to Tokyo. There wasn’t too much we were desperate to see in Osaka and it was raining which wasn’t the nicest.

Thursday 24th May

Last full day meant Harajuku and Shibuya for shopping day. I haven’t got any pictures but omg we went and did those purikura photo things? They are hilarious. It was funny doing them but even looking at them; they funny XD

I bought a bunch of stuff for myself as well as my family as souvenirs. It was funnn.

Friday 25th May

The day I flew home to London :(. I was sad to leave Japan but I was really happy to be coming home. No matter how much you may call your country a shit place, there’s no place like home.

Omg, I went over my bag weight limit with all the stuff I bought. I’m allowed 23kg and my suitcase was 27kg -.-

I paid £65 for that extra weight because I was not about to be that person who opens their suitcase in the middle of check in trying to decrease the weight XD

Pretty straight forward afterwards. I flew home and when I got to my house, my family let me have reign on dinner so we got KFC.

So, that is what I got up to in Japan. I loved every minute I was there. It is so very different than London and it has much more beauty than any city I’ve been to has.

I can’t wait to go back someday and I encourage anyone and everyone to go there. It is something else! <3

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end! I appreciate it ^.^

#night in japan #night wants to travel #nightglider124

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asuitcaseofmemories · 7 years

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"There’s a Storm in my Head and it’s Killing all the Flowers.”

I've been relatively vocal about having anxiety. I've had a LOT of people message me with support, suggestions, and pure curiosity. I'm always happy to answer what I can... Because though I realize my truth is the same as countless others. I also realize many of them suffer in silence. I think the more I share my struggles, the more others can hopefully understand what their friends, family, and loved ones are going through. I decided to give a brief glimpse of my thought pattern for just a simple trip. I went to Shanghai, which mind you I have been to at least 6 times now. Here ya go...

Tuesday

Okay I really have to get moving on those train tickets for Thursday. I open my computer and search for tickets to Shanghai from Hefei on Aug 31st. My appointment is at 1, so if I leave by 10 that will be fine. No wait, I can't eat breakfast before or my anxiety will make me throw up... I should leave earlier then get lunch there. Yeah, I need to eat I guess. I'll book the 8:00am train which means I have to catch the 7:00 subway and wake up at 6:00.

Okay this train station is closest to where I want to eat. I write down the date, time, and train number. I'll book 3:30pm return. Oh god, what if they're running behind and my appointment goes late, or the line at the subway is long, or I get on the wrong one on accident, and then miss my train? I better make it for 5 just to be safe. Shit, I need to have the concierge order these before the seats are taken... Excuse me while I check 3 different times to be sure he has the correct train info. He's annoyed.

I get the tickets and I immediately check the time, date, and train number.. Phew they're correct. I put them in my purse and go to walk away... Wait! Maybe they're the wrong station, better check them, again. Okay, they're right. Wait, maybe I have the stations confused? It is a big city... I better Google it to be sure. Okay all set, no worries!

Wednesday

11:45pm- I'm falling asleep but I suddenly realize that I NEED to plan out my day so I'm not late for anything. I check the address for Shanghai Station for the 8th time. I get the street address for the place to eat (in Chinese) justttt in case the subway is down or something. Remember I did see an article a month ago where that did happen. It will probably happen again, could be tomorrow. What's the subway station nearest to the restaurant? Hmm I better cross reference that 5 times. Google says that will take 32 mins on the subway, it'll take at least 10-15 minutes to buy tickets, another 5 minutes to walk from the station to the restaurant... Okay so I'll get to the restaurant at 11:04. It's only a half hour cab ride to the doctor from there. But wait, maybeeee traffic will be terrible. I should leave at noon instead of 12:30... just to be safe.

Okay, now I can go back to bed. Wait... Hmm I better look up the address for my doctor in Chinese... Just in case the cab driver can't read the business card font. Maybe I'm being silly? No I'm not, that's happened before. Do it. Okay go to bed. Wait! How am I getting back to the train station? Okay Google says it's a 35 minute cab ride, but it's probably 50 with traffic. That means I should get a cab by 3pm. I'll get there by 4 and the train boards at 4:37, and the security line could be long...

I feel better, now I can sleep. Wait... What if I can't get a cab? I took the subway from there last time. It was like a 13 minute walk, but I can't remember if I had to switch lines. Was the ticket line long there? Shit I can't remember. I better double check the line number and stop for the train station, again.

Seriously it's 2am and I have to get up in 4 hours. I finally begin dozing off, then I think "what's the weather going to be like?" I better check my weather app. It doesn't say it's going to rain, but maybe it will. Oh no I left my umbrella at that restaurant tonight.

Maybe I should've packed my backpack tonight, what if I forget something tomorrow? Okay I need to pack my passport, cash, tissues, sunglasses, glasses (in case I need to take my contacts out), eye drops (ya never know), contact case, coins for the subway, headphones for music, water, my iPad... Am I forgetting anything? Yeah you're forgetting to sleep. Go to bed Jess.

I feel the satin of my eye mask brush my face as I pull it on, and I take a deep breath. Why am I so nervous? My palms are sweating and my heart feels like I just ran the mile for the first time. I literally JUST did this trip 2 weeks ago. I went to the same area for lunch and everything. *1 hour later* I lift up my eye mask, after not sleeping a wink. What time is it? 3:30am. I pull my eye mask back on then immediately tear it off. WHAT. How is it 3:30?? Okay if I fall asleep now I'll get 2.5 hours of sleep. Go to bed.

One hour later I rip off my eye mask in panic... Shit did I set an alarm? I better check its for AM not PM. Okay good, it is. I close my eyes... Shit... Am I sure 6am is early enough? Ugh stop worrying and go to bed. I toss and turn for a bit and finally start to doze off. Great, now I gave to pee.

After the chill of the cold tile woke up my feet, I made my way back to the bedroom and slowly climbed back into bed. Shortly after I doze off, Corey's alarm sounds. That means it's between 5-5:15am think. A second alarm goes off... It's probably 5:30 now. Maybe I can sleep for a half hour.

I hear the shower start and think BUT maybe I should just get up to be sure I have everything around in time?

It's 5:45am and I am scrolling through my phone making sure I have everything screenshot for directions. I make a detailed itinerary down to the minute in my notepad, just to be on the safe side.

6:00am and my alarm blares as I'm holding it in my hands. Great, I feel like I'm going to puke. Why? Why didn't I sleep? I'm hungry. I wish I could eat but I will definitely get sick. Maybe I'm already going to get sick? I need coffee like yesterday. I should wait until I get to the train station otherwise I'll have to pee between here and there and I don't have time for that. But I'm so thirsty. No-don't drink anything or you'll have to go. I glance out the window. Ughhh why did I forget my umbrella yesterday? It's raining.

I begin getting ready and panic hits me. Why do I feel like I can't breathe? I'm literally putting on blush. Nothing is happening. Oh my god I'm having a heart attack. I AM NOT. But maybe I am, that does happen. I Google "symptoms of a heart attack" and "symptoms of a panic attack" ...again, like I don't do this everyday. I should really just bookmark them. Ugh why's this always happen to me?

I do a breathing exercise, that I don't have time for, because if I don't I'm surely going to DIE. My heart has slowed and I can finally breathe normal, but all that anxiety just wrecked my stomach for the day. Yay, that will be great to deal with. I'm out of Imodium which I'm basically taking as a multivitamin at this point.

I glance at my watch, shit! I've got to go or I'll be late! I put my hand on the door handle, and quickly remove it. Now I'm rummaging through my bag to be extra sure I have everything, again. I am meticulous as I rearrange the pockets I have my belongings in. Someone could steal my passport if I'm not careful! That does happen sometimes.

I push the down button outside the elevator 15 times for good measure. What's taking so long? I hear the ding of one arriving, and I get in. I glance at my watch- Yes, I'm on time! The elevator begins to slow and I immediately remember that time a few weeks ago when it briefly stopped working between floors with me and Corey in it. Oh god I'm going to die! Oh never mind, it's just someone on the 10th floor. Oh god I know him. "Good morning Jess!" "Hey, heading to work?" ... That's a stupid question. Why would you ask that? You know the bus leaves at 7, what else would he be doing? He definitely thinks I'm an idiot right now, because I am. "Yes" he replies. Lord, these last 4 floors feel like an eternity. I want to tell him I almost puked on him for a second there, but I just say "have a good day" instead.

It's 6:52am, and I know the subway leaves at 7 on the dot... The subway is right there, but naturally I'm freaking out anyway. I run down the large flight of stairs faster than necessary ... Oh no it's 6:56 what if it leaves early (Realistically I could take the next one and be fine)? I run down the next flight of stairs too. The sign says 4 minutes until the subway car arrives, obviously. I pace back and forth as I skim over my itinerary in my phone, for the 4th time this morning. I feel like a lunatic and now I look like one. I gaze at the map to ensure I know my stop, which is named Hefei South Railway (duh). I count the number of stops 4 times for good measure. I look at my watch. 7:00am, the subway cars are here.

I get on and grab an empty seat without making any eye contact. I slowly pick my head up and everyone is looking at me. Please stop. Maybe they're staring because my music is too loud? I dull it to the minimum and after a few moments I peek again... No they're still staring. I'm very aware of my skin's surface at the moment and it feels like it's crawling with a million tiny legs. A shiver goes up my back and I swallow much too loud for this silent car.

Shit, was that one stop or two? I was too focused on the million legs that I lost count. Ugh I can't see the map from here. Why did I sit here? Maybe I should I get up and look? No. I don't want this lady to think I moved because she sat down; I know my stop's not for 20 minutes. Plus if I stand I'm guaranteed to have to pee. I argue with myself for 10 minutes and begin to panic that maybe I missed the stop.

All the atoms in my body feel like they're about to burst into flames. I kind of wish they would. I can't take it anymore! I'm getting up reading the map! I'm sure the panic is evident on my face as I quickly remove my ass from the bench. Oh, I still have three stops. I better just stand here next to the door; maybe they'll stop staring at me if I squeeze into this corner? Nope. In the door's reflection I can clearly see all of their watchful eyes and heads on a swivel. Why does this subway car feel like it's closing in on me? I can't breathe. Am I going to cry? Because I feel like I'm going to cry. No really I can't breathe right now.

I close my eyes and pray to God to have pity on me and make me invisible to these watchful eyes. I hear the automated baby voice over the intercom talking; my stop is next. The subway arrives at Hefei Station and the I hear the hiss of the doors as they open. No sooner and I'm gasping for air as I catapult myself out of the car at a speed you'd think I was trying to escape death. I mean, it felt like I was. Phew, I did it. I almost hyperventilated for a moment there. Okay, no really...where the fuck's the bathroom in this place?

Step one of 40, but I did it.

So if you don't have anxiety you're probably like WTF is wrong with this chick; seriously who worries like that? Well, I do... And chances are many of your loved ones do too. This is just a glimpse of the hell going on constantly in my brain- just a snippet of ONE topic. My brain rapid fires thoughts like these, on countless subjects, ALL day long. It is exhausting, and frankly getting out of is a miracle most days. Sleep evades me at night, and consumes most of my days. I can't remember what it's like to feel "normal" and not feel this hell. This is just my daily, constant anxiety... not even a bad panic attack. Traveling used to give me the MOST enjoyment. Even though it's harder than hell to get to that destination, I push myself to get there. I have my bad days, weeks, sometimes months... But I will not let anxiety or depression control my life.

If you're out there struggling and feel crazy in your head...just know we are crazy together, and I like to think I'm a fun time.

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briannaslist · 7 years

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Pretty Little Liars: Playtime

A Recap. I refuse to stylize the “a” in the episode title.

Let us hope that this recap goes by faster than the actual episode.

If it was ever in doubt, Spencer is alive. She’s being brought into the hospital while Aria, Hanna, Emily, and Ali do their usual thing of standing by and talking in quick, muted sentences about their latest lack of common sense. While they’re standing there (impeding traffic in the middle of the hospital hallway) they see Toby being brought into the ER as well.

Time Jump: One Week

Aria: So Aria met up with Toby to talk about how he’s doing and such. He’s clearly able to move around, but Yvonne is in a medically induced coma. Shame – she may have been one of the most innocent characters on the show. Aria goes up to Ezra’s apartment and has packed a bag and is walking out as Ezra walks back in. She said she didn’t know how long he’d be gone and if she should stay there. That was a pretty simple phone call or text though. Why assume? She was gonna let this man come home and think his fiancé left with no explanation? He takes her bag and brings it back to the room. Then they settle in for some exposition.

Aria updates him on all the latest incidents; I wonder if she mentioned Noel Khan getting decapitated in the most contrived and hilarious way ever. He tells her about the terrible shape Nicole is in and he says they haven’t had a chance to speak. Obviously.

Hanna: Hanna and Caleb are still a thing. He mentions something about her getting back to designing or something. I wasn’t really paying attention.

Emily: At Rosewood High, Emily has been given the position of varsity swim coach and Paige got the job of athletic supervisor. Ali comes into the teacher’s lounge and is quite unhappy to hear that Paige is working there. Because it’s necessary to hold grudges against people for five-eight years.

Spencer: Somehow a week after getting shot, Spencer is mobile. It looks like she got shot in the arm, so not the most critical place, but it still merits taking it easy, right? When she walks back into the barn, she sees that there’s a gift from AD. She calls all the girls and they all freak out because they really and truly thought all of this was over when Noel got killed.

At this point you think that these girls would understand it’s never what they first think. None of them are nearly as smart as they think they are and they should just accept that. Knowing is half the battle. They open the gift, which is a board game designed like Rosewood, with the girls as the game pieces. I honestly thought it would have been Noel’s head. But I guess this works too. The name of the game is “Liars’ Lament” because of course it is. There’s a phone attached that lights up with “Endgame Bitches”.

Ali somehow is the most logical and suggests they just bring the game to the police. But Aria vetoes it saying that based on how things have gone in the past, it’ll probably blow up before they ever get it there. Though that would also eliminate the problem, wouldn’t it Aria. The real twist of the episode is actually right here – they expect us to believe these people have actually learned something from their past experiences. Immediately following that, they have Spencer explain that “endgame” means there’s a few more pieces left to play and then it’s all over. I don’t quite understand who the writers think the audience is. They either think we’re so intelligent that we’re supposed to just connect the dots and make sense of things that never actually linked or they think we’re so stupid that we literally need to be told what endgame means.

Aria decides that this is as good a time as any to air her concerns about her engagement to the only person patient enough to entertain it – Hanna. Hanna tries to reassure her about it. I only bring it up because this plot comes back around later. But we need to break to cover Hanna’s designing which is only important because it puts Mona back into the mix.

So Mona sees Hanna outside of a café (?) working on her design sketches. She asks to see the looks and is impressed, so she takes some pictures to send to someone to help Hanna out.

Aria and Hanna go to some wedding planning place at Hanna’s insistence. It’s there that they have a happy reunion with Holden, who is working there as a chef because it’s his sister’s business. But wait wait wait – who the hell is Holden? I’m guessing we’ve seen him before since Aria and Hanna excitedly hugged him? I swear I’ve never seen or heard of this person before in my life. You can’t bring back bit characters from season’s previous like this with no mention when he clearly has left no lasting impression. They’re catching up a little and he’s helping out with the preparations, when Hanna has to leave. But let’s close out Aria because this is her only storyline.

Holden gives Aria a ride back to her apartment since Hanna had to leave. While Aria and Holden are standing outside, they see Ezra. He tells Aria that he needs to leave for New York immediately because Nicole’s parents asked him to come back. He gives her a quick kiss and leaves. Holden asks Aria who Nicole is.

Hanna left the wedding planning center to meet with Mona who has linked her up with a senator’s daughter to wear one of Hanna’s designs to an event. They set up a later meeting where Hanna shows her a few pieces. She loves Hanna’s work and tells her to have the boss (Mona) arrange the rest of the details.

Naturally when Mona comes to talk to Hanna later, Hanna is very mad about the boss thing. Mona assures Hanna that she never meant to give off that impression and calls the senator’s daughter to straighten it all out. Amazing how quickly these basic things get resolved when they know they have a limited number of episodes left.

Emily is caught up in this weird position with Paige and Ali. She’s on a committee with both of them and another…teacher?, the principal?, vice principal? I don’t know who this woman is, but she’s also on the committee. Ali decides to start off with a backhanded compliment toward Paige. They go back and forth with little digs about each other’s previous transgressions while Emily tries not to get involved. Because who needs professionalism in the workplace?

After the meeting, Emily goes back to Ali’s house and asks her what all that behavior was about. But it’s Ali, so it’s not a productive conversation. So Emily asks Ali what her motives were with kissing her the other day. But Ali doesn’t have an answer for that either; Emily tells her not to kiss her again until she actually knows.

Then she decides to go apologize to Paige on Ali’s behalf, which Paige doesn’t even want to hear. She points out that Ali is always a victim needing to be rescued while Emily has a habit jumping in after the victim to take care of her.

Spencer somehow manages to have the most irritating storyline despite having the most valid reason for being a little off. She talks to Detective Marco about everything going on with the investigation. The gun that they found at the scene is not the same gun that shot her; so presumably there was more than one shooter and Jenna still is missing with a gun.

Spencer’s mom comes home and is understandably worried about Spencer’s well-being. Spencer’s dad had some issue with his passport, so he won’t be back until later. Spencer tells her mom that Mary Drake said she was her “real” mom. So we have to go through this whole story of how Spencer’s dad, years after fathering Jason DiLaurentis, went to a restaurant thinking he was meeting Jessica DiLaurentis, who was actually Mary. See, it’s already so fucking dumb! When Jessica found out about Mary’s pregnancy, she told Spencer’s mom, who decided to take Spencer in and raise her. Spencer is both mad at the fact that her mom actually stayed with her dad and then pulls out the “you’re not my mom” cliché. Just to add to the annoyance level of this storyline. It’d be easier to sympathize if Spencer was not an adult and if this “twist” wasn’t some ass-pull stupidity.

AD decides to take advantage of Spencer’s angst to get her to play the game. So Spencer decides to start and she gets “Truth or Dare?” Obviously Truth didn’t work (why go through the trouble of asking though) and it says to visit Toby for a reward.

Spencer sees Toby, who was filled in on what happened with the girls by Detective Marco. Toby naively hopes that everything is finally over now; he knows better, but he’s in a rough place so I’ll give him a free pass. Toby blames himself about Yvonne, even though it was just a regular accident; they hit a deer, that’s not something he could anticipate happening. Spencer reassures him and comforts him.

When Spencer gets back, the game rewards her with a puzzle piece and a letter from Mary, written while she was still pregnant. I can’t even really capture how stupid this entire letter is because she’s explaining that she was trying to punish both the Hastings and the DiLaurentises, but never thought that she would be bringing in someone innocent in the middle of it. Completely idiotic for two reasons: 1) Both of these families had young children, so you’re already causing an issue for innocent people and 2) she really didn’t think that revenge sex could lead to a child?

After playing the game, Spencer calls everyone over. Hanna is mad that Spencer played the game and points out the letter it gave her may not even be real. Hey guys, maybe next time don’t leave something like that to be watched over by one person? Hanna suggests they just destroy the thing and see what else is inside. She grabs a knife and lunges, but the others stop her and the game stops her too by showing a video of them digging up Rollins’ with a message saying they can’t stop playing and winner takes all.

The episode ends with Jenna asking some unknown person about the “game” and is given a binder in braille that Jenna reads as being “Endgame”. So I guess the episode just ends without any resolution or plot because we already knew there was a bigger plan, she’s part of it, and it’s an “endgame”. Basically, nothing happened. In the premiere for the last episodes.

#pretty little liars #pll7 #pll 7x11 #tv recaps

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0n-y0ur-left · 7 years

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HEY ALL - this is kind of terribad but I finally busted through my epic writer’s block, and give you the follow-up wedding ficlet started from this prompt (I don’t want to go to my ex’s wedding alone).

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, Steve was infinitely glad that he’d finally gotten up the nerve to ask Bucky to come as his ‘date’ - not only because of the relief he felt when he’d been able to check off the plus one box on his RSVP and save face, but because it turned out that planning an international trip in such a short amount of time (even one that had been planned as meticulously as Peggy Carter could) was ridiculously stressful work. Steve wasn’t sure he’d have gotten through all of it with his sanity intact, if not for Bucky’s help.

As it was, they had their flights scheduled and were both able to get a few extra days off of work to allow themselves time to do independent sightseeing around the city. Initially they’d had trouble figuring out how to fill said days without being completely pathetic tourists, but luckily Steve had been able to find time for drinks with Peggy one evening after work, who was so thrilled to hear that he was FINALLY owning up to his feelings about Bucky (the way she’d gushed when Steve had admitted the identity of his date had been all kinds of uncomfortable, considering how subtle he thought his feelings for his friend were) that she was all-too-happy to give them an itinerary of things to do together. Steve tried his best to ignore how many times she mentioned Angie during the list… not because he had any problems with his ex’s fiance, of course, but because he didn’t want to psyche himself out too much when it came to riding the London Eye with Bucky.

Just because Peggy said it made for a great date afternoon, didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy the hell out of it as friends.

As the date drew closer, Steve was half-afraid that he should suggest they spend time acting as a couple, to make the whole facade more natural when they were put on the spot; as it was they were spending so much time together anyway, making plans and just hanging out as they always had (and on one regrettable night, practicing dance moves at Bucky’s insistence) that it hardly seemed necessary. God knew that they were together just as often as any other busy, employed Millennial couple were, and they’d known each other for so long that it wasn’t as if someone would be able to quiz them and call their bluff on the act. Plus, weren’t people supposed to date their best friends, anyway? If anything, Steve figured that Bucky was the best he could ask for in a pretend date, outside of maybe Peggy herself.

He was getting really good at ignoring the voice that reminded him how much he wished it wasn’t pretend, too.

Before he knew it, the week of the wedding had arrived, and found the two of them waiting outside the gate for their flight, listening to podcasts on their phones as they passed the time. They’d been ridiculously early to arrive at the airport - but having never flown internationally before Steve had wanted to give plenty of time to get through security and find their gate, and being an incredible friend, Bucky had put up with him. Thankfully their luggage and passports had been approved without issue, which left Steve with a solid hour to worry about their bags being lost or embarrassing himself at the wedding, or the trip turning into a disaster, or their suits not showing up at their hotel as ordered…

He didn’t even realize how much he’d worked himself up until a solid, warm arm had snaked its way around his shoulders and pulled him into a sideways hug. Steve blinked in surprise, feeling the tension ease out of his muscles as he turned his head towards Bucky - who went right on reading the battered paperback in his free hand, as if nothing had happened. As if it were perfectly normal for him to just hold Steve until he calmed down.

Honestly, it wasn’t that uncommon; Bucky had been a tactile guy for as long as Steve had known him. But something about the way he left his arm around Steve’s thin shoulders, and the gentle way that his thumb moved back and forth, mindlessly over the point of Steve’s shoulder, somehow felt different. And while it kept him from completely freaking out before their boarding announcement was finally made, it also scared the hell out of him, for entirely different reasons.

Thankfully, the flight had gone without problems, and landed them in London exactly as planned, with all of their luggage intact. Even better, they’d been able to get a ride from Heathrow relatively easily, and arrived at their hotel to find the suits that they’d ordered and had fitted in New York already waiting for them. It almost made Steve nervous all over again; he worried about just how far he’d be able to press his luck before it ran out.

His question was answered as soon as they’d opened the door to their room. It made sense, given the fact that they’d told Peggy they were coming to her wedding as a couple, that the room she’d book for them in the wedding party’s block of hotel suites would be one with a single king bed in it, but that didn’t make the idea of sleeping with his best friend for an entire week any less daunting.

Bucky, of course, found it hilarious.

“I mean, we did ask for it, didn’t we?” He chuckled, already turning and making his way past Steve back to the tiny sitting room they’d walked through. “It’s no big deal, I’m sure the couch pulls out…”

“No,” Steve responded immediately, surprising them both when he caught Bucky by the elbow. For as hard as his heart was pounding in his chest, his voice sounded remarkably certain. “No, that’s stupid. The bed’s huge, there’s no reason we can’t just share it.”

“It’s not a big deal -” Bucky countered.

“I know,” Steve interrupted, jutting his chin out in warning. “It’ll be like old times, right? Which side d’ya want?”

There was a moment where something weird flashed across Bucky’s face, but it passed so quickly that Steve decided to pretend like he hadn’t noticed it, and instead started setting his luggage up the way he wanted in the closet on the opposite side of the room.

For as uncomfortable as that initial sleeping discussion was, the rest of the week went surprisingly well. They met up with Ang and Peggy for dinner at an incredible restaurant overlooking Hyde Park on their second night in the city, and spent the rest of their time sightseeing - touring palaces and the Tower of London, wandering through the National Gallery of art and even catching a play at a smaller theatre just outside of the West End. It was so easy and comfortable, wandering around the city with Bucky, taking in the incredible sights and comparing and contrasting them to all of the similar experiences they’d shared in New York over the years. Buck, for his part, seemed to be enjoying it just as much as Steve - his excitement was so infectious that even the selfies that he swore on getting of the two of them together at each of their stops didn’t even annoy Steve, despite how much he usually hated having his picture taken.

The way they looked didn’t even occur to him until an older couple on the London Eye offered to take their picture, after having inevitably heard Bucky bemoaning how hard it was to get a shot of the two of them that really captured the view. “A couple as handsome as yourselves deserves a full-body shot, anyway,” she said with shrewd smile, beaming as she made her way back to her husband while Steve and Bucky gaped at her like idiots.

It wasn’t until the champagne got passed around at the very top that Steve realized that they’d booked a couples’ trip on the famous wheel. He tried his best to hide his embarrassment in his champagne fluke, and told himself for the rest of the ride that they were obviously getting good practice. It helped him ignore all of the kissing couples around them and how badly he wanted Bucky to suggest that they give into peer pressure. (Unfortunately, Buck was suddenly way too busy taking photos of the view and uploading selfies to instagram. Steve convinced himself it was for the better - with the wedding being the next night, it wouldn’t do well to make things weird, now)

The day of the wedding broke sunny and bright, hardly what Steve had expected when Peggy had decided on a winter wedding in London. All the same, he couldn’t help feeling happy for her - she and Angie both deserved as much, and Steve was beyond glad that he could be there for their big day. Even if it meant waking up in a warm, sunkissed room with his best friend wrapped around him like an octopus.

Luckily, Steve was able to get out of Bucky’s hold before he woke up, and they were able to spend their morning getting ready without the additional awkwardness between them. Everything was going great, Steve thought - his suit fit him well, his cowlick actually cooperated when he gelled his hair into place, and it looked as though they’d be ready with more than enough time to catch the first shuttle from the hotel to the church. And then Bucky walked out of the bathroom, and Steve forgot how to breathe.

They’d never been able to match their schedules up well-enough to have gone suit shopping together in New York, so Steve had just told Bucky his planned colors and figured no one would exactly be expecting them to match, anyway. Steve’s suit was a slate grey, with a pearl shirt and navy blue silk tie that the sales clerk who’d helped him that day swore brought out his eyes. Bucky’s suit was at least a shade darker, and the same color as his shirt and tie. The ensemble might have been too dark and monotone, if Bucky didn’t still have the jacket open, revealing the bright blue silk lining inside. Between the way he’d slicked his hair back and the dark colors and cut of the suit, it made his cheekbones and jaw look even sharper than normal, and his shoulders impossibly broader.

The only coherent thought that Steve had as he looked at him was that this was a BAD. IDEA.

(the rest of his panicked mind completely blocked out the shell-shocked look that Bucky’d had when he caught a glimpse of Steve, too)

“You look good,” Bucky croaked, breaking the awkward silence an eternity later.

“Yeah,” Steve muttered stupidly, “Yeah, you do, too. We should prolly go.”

And just like that they were back to acting normal. The ride to the church was short, and once they arrived they both were kept busy with catching up with other friends in attendance and introducing themselves to the family members that they didn’t recognize. The service was small enough that it wasn’t long before they were seated for the wedding party, and the brides finally made their way down the aisle. Angie was gorgeous, looking like an angel in floaty white tulle with her blonde hair piled on her head. Peggy, of course, was equally beautiful in a form-fitting vintage dress, with her usual curls and matte red lipstick.

They both cried when they saw one another, and looked so blissfully happy that Steve couldn’t quite help but tear up as well - mostly out of happiness. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to take Angie’s place… he knew that she was better for Peggy, that the two of them were well-suited as friends. But at the same time, he couldn’t help but wish that someone would look at him the way they looked at one another when they took hands in front of the alter.

The fact that Bucky looked a little misty when he pressed his shoulder against Steve’s helped, weirdly enough.

That gentle touch remained throughout the service, keeping Steve grounded as the women said their vows and kissed, and then the church practically erupted with joy as they spilled out into the reception hall.

The ceremony being over helped, as did the food and the booze and the relaxed atmosphere of all of the party goers. Steve was able to give the happy couple a hug and his congratulations, then stammer his thanks as they both oohed and ahhed over how well his suit fit and how good Bucky looked and how adorable their instagram had been over the week, a theme that seemed to carry through the night. Once the dinner plates had been cleared and toasts had been made, and Peggy and Angie had their first dance as a couple, the music picked up - and Bucky left Steve’s side for the first time all week.

Steve did his best not to mope, instead watching with a smile as he sipped his drink and watched Bucky charm Sharon, and then both Peggy and Angie and half of the other ladies present with a dance. Steve couldn’t begrudge him for it; Buck always had been the life of a party, and it wasn’t like Steve could blame women for wanting to dance with him.

He lost track of time, and had no idea how many songs passed before someone was dropping into the chair next to him. Bucky grinned before taking a long drink from the glass of water he’d left behind, while Steve tried not to get too interested in the stray curl of hair that had escaped his gel and flopped over onto his forehead.

“So,” Bucky finally said once his glass was empty, leaning in and speaking up over the bass of the pop song that was blaring from the dance floor. “Am I getting that dance tonight, Rogers? We do have appearances to keep up.”

Between his hair and the devilish little smile Bucky gave him, and the liquid courage that Steve had built up throughout the course of the night, he surprised even himself by rising out of his chair and holding his hand out to Bucky. “We came all this way, I suppose I owe you something,” he answered, his smile and tone completely negating the peevish words.

Bucky was out of his chair like a shot, and practically dragged Steve to the dance floor, as if he was afraid that he’d end up changing his mind. Of course, as soon as they found a spot, the song changed, fading from the frantic beat of the dance song to a soft, melancholy piano intro.

“Er,” Bucky started, color rising on his cheeks as he looked down at Steve questioningly.

Steve caught Peggy giving him a huge smile, spinning Angie so that she could give him a ridiculous double thumbs up, and realized that he could hardly chicken out now. He stepped in closer to Bucky, taking hold of his left hand and sliding his right around the small of his back, until they were pressed gently against one another. “You’re not gonna punk out on me, are ya?” Steve asked, resting his face against the lapel of Bucky’s jacket, so that he’d miss the look on his face if Bucky decided to turn him down, now.

Wise men say, the singer’s voice began.

“Nah,” Bucky responded quietly, wrapping his own arm around Steve’s back and beginning to sway to the music. “Not a chance I’m blowin’ this one.”

The latter was said softly enough that Steve barely heard it over the words Only fools rush in.

But I can’t help falling in love with you.

Steve tried his best to relax as the song went on, to focus on avoiding Bucky’s toes and trying his best not to look like an idiot, but it was hard to pay attention to much other than the heat radiating off of Bucky’s chest, or the careful, perfect way that they swayed back and forth to the ridiculously cliche music. Steve never lifted his face off of Bucky’s jacket, terrified of what his friend would see on his face if he dared to look at him: because it was true. The past week, the months of planning leading up to it, the years of friendship when they’d both undoubtedly been the most important person in each other’s lives… how could he not have fallen for Bucky Barnes? If he was honest with himself, Steve knew that he’d probably been in love with Bucky since before he’d ever really known what love was.

And now here he was, surrounded by happy people and love and romance, and pretending like he was dating the love of his life. Because Steve was a fucking idiot.

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be

Steve almost cut their dance off, realizing that he was reaching his limit for punishment (a threshold he’d honestly never thought he’d reach), but when he looked up at Bucky he found himself so shocked that he was unable to do anything but continue swaying to the music. Because Bucky was staring down at him with a look Steve had never saw before - a look that was so open and raw and, dare he hope, lovesick, that he couldn’t step away from it.

A look that perfectly captured everything that Steve was feeling.

Take my hand, take my whole life too

Oh for I can’t help falling in love with you

“Stevie?” Bucky whispered, his voice barely a rasp over the music and yet still the only thing that Steve could hear. He didn’t say anything else, but then he didn’t need to. Steve knew all too well what he was asking, and he was more than happy to comply.

He surged up on his toes at the same time that Bucky ducked his head, pressing their mouths together in a chaste but fierce kiss. Steve had no idea how long they stayed locked together like that, but he didn’t care, either. When their lips finally parted he pulled Bucky back to him, stealing a couple of quick pecks as Bucky huffed in surprise but returned all the same.

They were both flushed when they looked at each other again, panting slightly from the rush and length of the kiss. After a few seconds of stunned silence, Steve felt a grin split across his face that was so wide it hurt - Bucky was grinning like a dopey idiot right back at him.

At some point the song changed, but neither of them particularly paid attention: they just continued swaying together on their own corner of the dance floor, making out in their own obliviously happy little bubble.

Across the dance floor the brides exchanged a high five as they giggled at their once-hopeless friends, ecstatic that their plan had worked, before taking a cue from the boys and sharing a snog of their own.

#stucky #cartinelli #stucky au #steve x bucky #ficlet #prompt fill #continuation #IT'S SO FLUFFY GUYS #fake relationship #enough pining to fill a forrest #Jay tries to fic

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tialovestelevision · 7 years

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Who Are You?

So, “This Year’s Girl” was great, and now we get a Freaky Friday story about Buffy and Faith. With Buffy in Faith’s body being caught by the police already, and pursued by the Council. I’m looking forward to seeing Sarah Michelle Gellar’s interpretation of Faith and Eliza Dushku’s of Buffy. It’s something new, and should be wonderful. 1. Faith is holding Joyce’s hand while Buffy is put into the ambulance. Police and paramedics are taking Buffy away, and Faith is going back into the house with Joyce. This WAS a lovely present from the Mayor - revenge and a shot at life, all in one go. 2. “Guest starring Kristine Sutherland.” “And Eliza Dushku as Buffy.” I like that. 3. Faith just made a rape joke. About… herself? Her body, anyway, even if Buffy is in it. Joyce is scandalized. 4. Faith is not used to hugs. And is very uncomfortable with heartfelt conversations. And wants a bath. So she’s having one. Getting used to Buffy’s body, I think. She looks… happy. Now she’s looking at herself in the mirror and making faces. “Why yes. I would be Buffy. May I help you? Buff-y. You can’t do that. It’s wrong! You can’t do that because it’s naughty. Because it’s wrong.” Her practicing her Buffy here is kind of wonderful. And terrifying. She’s a very broken person. 5. Buffy is in the hospital. They’re trying to hold her down and sedate her. “I have to go home. She’s with my mother!” And they’ve sedated her. 6. Willow and Tara are in Tara’s room, talking about Faith. Tara is hurt that Willow’s friends don’t know about her. “And I really want you o meet them. But I just… kinda like having something that’s just, you know, mine. Do you get that at all?” “Ido.” “I should check in with Giles. Get a situation update.” “I am, you know.” “What?” “Yours.” God, their smiles there. 7. Faith is getting dressed for a night out. Or to leave the country. She found Buffy’s passport. She’s taking money. Faith is going to go see Buffy’s friends at Giles’s house. She wants to take the lipstick she picked out before the fight, but when Joyce pointed it out she says to burn it. 8. Buffy’s in a cop car, and coming to. The cops are surprised. But the car is being ambushed by the Council team, which has loaded her into an armored car. 9. Faith is at Giles’s place. She doesn’t know Anya. “Well, she did all those crimes and now she’s being arrested. I guess that’s just regular justice.” 10. The Council team is a special operations team. They do wet works. Faith can’t stop laughing about Buffy being taken to England by the Council team. She’s also offended by Willow’s dislike for her. To the point of fantasizing about stabbing her in the gut repeatedly. 11. Anya is surprised that “Buffy” is fine with everything. Willow noticed something amiss. But Faith reassured her. Giles just brought up Adam, who Faith knows nothing about. Faith says she’s going to patrol, but she’s out dancing instead at the Bronze. Bouncing from guy to guy. She ran into Spike, who is offended. Now she’s insulting him in a very un-Buffy-like way. “You know why I really hate you, Summers?” “Because I’m a stuck up tight-ass with no sense of fun?” “Well… yeah, that covers a lot of it.” Wow, okay Sarah Michelle Gellar KNOWS Faith. And Faith just beat Spike more thoroughly than Buffy ever did. 12. Ah. There’s Adam. And the joy in the episode just all rushed out. He’s been thinking about vampires, and now he’s talking to vampires, in his terrible long-winded way that bores me to tears. He did rip a head off. That’s kinda cool. He wants to talk to the vampires about plans. 13. Buffy is talking to the Council people. Where Sarah Michelle Gellar has Faith’s attitude down, Eliza Dushku has Buffy’s VOICE. If I weren’t looking at the TV, I’d be wondering how Gellar was doing such a good impersonation of Dushku’s accent… it sounds like Buffy’s voice coming out of Faith’s vocal cords, and it’s uncanny. 14. The Council people deliver the package, and don’t care what’s inside. That… sort of backs up the Council being really bad at things. The other Council guy spat in Buffy’s face. 15. Willow and Tara just walked into the Bronze. Faith is encouraging a guy to chug beer, and Willow just introduced Tara to her. Faith is delighted with meeting someone new, but is also walking away. Tara is staring after Willow as she leaves. Faith is looking at Tara. She sees what’s going on, but is of course expressing it in a way that hurts. A lot. A whole lot. Wow, Faith is being awful. Willow spotted a vampire, and Faith isn’t on it as fast as Buffy would be. Tara’s about to start sobbing. Faith slayed the vampire.The girl the vampire was eating is thanking Faith, and Faith isn’t sure what to do with that emotionally. Willow’s walking Tara home. Willow just gave Faith the idea of visiting Riley. 16. The Council guys are going to try to sedate Buffy, but she caught the guy doing so. Threatened his life, but the other guys didn’t care. They do have discipline, I’ll give them that. They’re going with the contingency plan. Faith is visiting Riley. 17. Willow and Tara are at Tara’s room. Tara’s on the edge of tears. And… huh. Tara knows it’s not Buffy. From the way Willow has talked about her, I think. And the cruelty Faith showed. Also from magic. Buffy’s energy was fragmented. Willow is worried about hyenas. Willow is wearing a ring from Buffy. Tara is looking up a spell, and Willow and Tara are going to cast a spell. It’s astral projection, and Willow will need Tara’s protection. Willow trusts Tara. 18. Now Faith is dancing on Riley’s lap and kissing him, but Riley’s going to close the door. Faith saw that he’s hurt and wants to take him for a test drive. Faith is not good at playing Buffy in the bedroom, but Riley is sufficiently clueless to think she’s doing some sort of roleplay and to go to bed with her regardless. 19. Willow and Tara did their spell. It’s certainly having an effect. Willow fell down, and… I think had an orgasm? 20. Riley and Faith had sex. Riley: “I love you.” Faith is forcing Riley off her and freaking out. Very freaking out. “Who are you? What do you want from her?” Faith can’t handle actual tenderness at all. Ye gods, that girl is broken. Nothing is wrong and that’s the scariest thing in the world. 21. And Adam again. Blah blah blah. Extinguish life. Blah blah blah. You are my first. Blah blah blah. Now he’s making me miss the Master. And I think going to send the vampires into the sun. 22. Faith is leaving Riley’s room wearing one of his shirts. Forrest is talking to her. She says she doesn’t care what Forrest thinks, but she does, and he hurt her. 23. The Council people are getting ready to kill Buffy, but she got their gun and broke out of the chains. She’s trying to steal the car. Got it. She’s a terrible driver and has a heavy vehicle. The Council is bad at things. 24. Faith is at the airport, getting ready to leave the country. 25. Note to self to talk about magic penises in my episode summary. 26. Buffy got to Giles’s house safely. Giles is terrified. “I know what you’re going to say, and I…” “I’m Buffy.” “All right, I didn’t know what you were going to say.” Giles is funny. But he should have known. Willow and Tara are there and know about Buffy and Faith’s body switch. Tara and Willow made a replacement for Faith’s body switching device. Adam’s vampires have taken over a church and taken hostages. Buffy and Faith are both watching a report about it. Adam has actually been useful to the episode plot now! 27. The vampires are there to mock God. Riley and the Initiative are there now, and have taken over from the police. Faith also just arrived. “Don’t tell me what to do. I’m Buffy. I have to do this.” 28. Faith just went in. And is delivering one-liners. “You’re not going to kill these people.” “Why not?” “Because it’s wrong.” Buffy and Giles are on their way with the armored car. Giles is distracting the police while Buffy goes in. The vampires just started a fight with Faith inside. She staked one. The vampires found their fear again. One tackled Riley and is fighting him outside, but he threw it into the sunlight. Buffy saw him. Buffy staked a vampire that was beating Faith up, and now they’re fighting again. Buffy managed to hit the katra thingy and swap their bodies back, and now Faith is terrified and running like mad and Buffy is a little shattered. 29. Back at Riley’s room. Faith has escaped, and the Council guys have left town. Buffy knows Riley slept with Faith now, and is very hurt. Riley and Giles both missed it and Tara caught it and Buffy seems very aware of that. 30. Faith is in a truck bed, surrounded by wood, with a box, riding away to somewhere. Anywhere. Overall: I think I’m going to praise the episode, then complain about it, then praise it some more. It was good. No, you don’t get it. I mean it was REALLY GOOD. Not only did it have Tara and Willow being absolutely lovely, not only did it establish Tara’s competence and empathy and the glory that is her, not only… a dozen different not onlies. It was GOOD. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Eliza Dushku were amazing here, playing each other’s characters, though I feel a bit bad for Dushku missing out on a major point in her character’s development because she was busy being Buffy. The acting work was breathtaking, the writing a wonder. Two weaknesses: First, Adam was involved, and his presence in a scene just stopped the episode’s dramatic momentum dead. He’s just… boring. Constantly, incessantly boring. Long-winded speeches in this weird monotone that’s supposed to be both emotional and intimidating and fails at both those things. God, I hate him, and not with proper villain heat. No, he has X-Pac heat - I don’t want to see him get his ass kicked; I just don’t want to see him. Second, the magic penis. Sex with Buffy’s nice and proper and good Iowa heartland apple pie and mom pork-and-beans salute the flag yippee-ki-yay! boyfriend is what “saves” Faith here - what turns her toward helping people. Yes, there’s the scene before with the girl she saves, but that is badly undersold compared with Riley’s Magic Dong. It’s offensive and doesn’t stand scrutiny and even if proper guy-sex did save women Riley’s like a walking scoop of plain yogurt. Gods, I’m bored just writing about him. Those are HUGE problems for the episode to have, but it gets through them and comes out as one of the franchise’s best anyway on the strength of everything it has going for it. Kudos to Amber Benson and Sarah Michelle Gellar for their scene, by the way… Gellar channeled her character from Cruel Intentions there without PLAYING her character from Cruel Intentions, while Benson just… was hurt and beautiful and tough and brilliant. Good God, if television was this good more often...

#buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #faith lehane #tara #buffy season 4 #season 4

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2traveldads-blog · 7 years

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You know how much we love getting the kids into nature. Locally we can escape to the beach or the mountains within minutes or a few hours, but getting to snorkeling destinations where the water is warm and beautiful and perfect, that takes longer. And if you’re going to make the trip it might as be someplace wonderful like Turks and Caicos. We started researching the best places to stay in Turks and Caicos and there are some beautiful spots close to amazing snorkeling and beaches.

Our attraction to Turks and Caicos

I wish we had gotten our dive certification when we were in Cabo San Lucas this fall but things didn’t work out. Turks and Caicos seems tailored for those who love diving, but where there is good driving there’s great snorkeling. So that suits us just fine. The snorkeling in Haiti was absolutely beautiful, and being so close to the island of Hispaniola Turks and Caicos should have some very similar specimens to check out.

And then the beaches. The beaches of Turks and Caicos look gorgeous and in amazing condition. We’ve seen all too often that destination beaches have a lot of damage or pollution, but that seems to be of no issue here. The sand is white and looks so soft (totally different than our local beach her in the PNW) and it’s calling us. Truly, little sand spirits are telling us to get our feet there ASAP.

And even though you might not think of Turks and Caicos as an historic destination, since its settling by the British in the 1500s, there have been battlements and plantations established over the years. If you followed our trek through St Augustine, FL, you saw how much the kids loved exploring the 16th century sites. Yep, we’ll need to explore them in Turks and Caicos too. Oh yeah, and there’s a lighthouse which we have a small obsession with.

The last super cool thing that catches our eye is the number of sink holes and caves in Turks and Caicos. It seems that Middle and East Caicos have the majority of them. Having explored cenotes in Playa del Carmen, I know how cool they are and I know the kids would love to explore them too.

Courtesy of VisitTCI.com

Courtesy of Turks and Caison National Museum

Courtesy of TCIFerry.com

Courtesy of TurksAndCaicosTourism.com

Courtesy of VisitTCI.com

LGBT Travel to Turks and Caicos

And as we’ve been researching we’ve been seeing tons of couples vacationing here but not too many families. I think it’s time that changes and we are happy to blaze that trail. And while LGBT travelers are welcome in Turks and Caicos and they don’t run the risk of jail time like they might in Jamaica or the Maldives, the country still is not completely progressive in bringing equality in all aspects of life for LGBT citizens. The laws are open enough and the culture westernized enough that we’d not hesitate to doing a family trip (or even just the dads) to Turks and Caicos.

Fun fact: Turks and Caicos allows gay people to donate blood. I can’t donate blood in the United States. So strange.

Snorkeling, Sea Turtles and Iguanas

One of the main attractions of Turks and Caicos for us is the migrant sea turtle population. It was incredible to be able to walk into the water in Akumal and come face-to-face with these amazing creatures. I’ll have to research what the sea turtle visiting practices are like in Turks and Caicos, but if we do find that it’s a respectful and sustainable practice they have going we will need to visit one of the coves known for its turtles.

Also, there is a National Park that we HAVE TO VISIT: Chalk Sound National Park on the island of Providenciales. It is home to large iguanas roaming freely. We love iguanas. The kids would freak out. And there are rays and lemon sharks in the lagoon. The kids have only seen either of these in aquariums so being able to observe them in their natural environment would be such a treat.

Note: the lagoon has a lot of exposed rocks around its edges and because they are a soft limestone they’ve formed some pretty jagged formations. They’re pretty, but not exactly rocks for lounging on or climbing without caution.

The lagoon of Chalk Sound National Park is also a motor-free zone, so exploring the waters and shores should be a quiet, serene experience. There aren’t designated launch areas and there’s a bit of wind, but it seems that kayaking and stand up paddle boarding is still available if you’re into that. We love kayaking, so finding a vendor to help us experience this will be a top priority when we’re there.

There is also Northwest Point National Marine Park which sounds amazing. It’s also on the island of Providenciales and seems to be quite different from Chalk Sound National Park. With the Ironshore on one side of the National Park and the Northwest Point Pond Nature Preserve on the other, we’d need to spend a whole day exploring. Big attraction: there are flamingos!

Courtesy of VisitTCI.com

Ease of Travel

Since Turks and Caicos is several islands no doubt we’re going to want to visit more than just our home base, on whichever island that may be. Being the Caribbean of course there are charters you can take to go island hopping, but there’s also the Turks and Caicos Islands ferry system. Here in the Pacific Northwest we ride the ferry weekly or daily even so being able to do that in a tropical sea… that’s awesome. And getting there in the first place isn’t too difficult. Flights are the standard Caribbean price and you can get to Providenciales from almost any major city.

Courtesy of TCIFerry.com

Another aspect of visiting Turks and Caicos that crossed our mind is whether or not we need visas. Thank goodness we don’t. If you’re traveling from the USA, Canada, the UK or from the EU you don’t need a visa. You only need to have six months or more on your passport still and then you have to have a round trip ticket. I always love that rule: you can’t just have a one way ticket and start a new life in Turks and Caicos. Yeah, we’d probably want to stay if we could.

So, having done the research I think we know what our next Caribbean destination will be. Turks and Caicos seems unusual when it comes to its perfect beaches, underwater nature, and ease of island hopping. True, Indonesia is still at the top of our large-scale bucket list but for something closer, Turks and Caicos is ideal and we can’t wait to take the kids there.

Planning family travel to Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean You know how much we love getting the kids into nature. Locally we can escape to the beach or the mountains within minutes or a few hours, but getting to snorkeling destinations where the water is warm and beautiful and perfect, that takes longer.

#beach vacation #Caribbean #travel planning #tropical #Turks and Caicos

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kchatjjigae · 5 years

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Day Six. It seems as though all these stories have been in preparation for this post. As looking back on all of our memories of this trip have been qualified by this day. It’s one of those moments you make plans for, the just in case that you hope will never actually happen.

This being said, though what happened affected our trip, it’s not my story to tell and, as I’m not going to use what happened as a cliffhanger, we’re going to start by saying our friend and fellow traveler, Alix, received a call that there was a family emergency and she needed to get back home. Unfortunately, in a blow of even more terrible timing, the US was about to be hit by a series of terrible storms, wreaking havoc with travel plans, so it was advised she wait it out. Which meant, on the upside, we were able to keep her a bit longer and began cramming our days with as many things from her wishlist as possible.

Alix gave us the okay to say it happened, everything is okay now, and now we say whew, and move on.

Also: Buy travel insurance. SERIOUSLY.

So let’s get back to our story. It’s our last moments in Busan, but we weren’t done with the tourism yet! Nope, we still had a trip to the Seaside temple another trek to Haeundae Beach, and finally, a certain bakery that had been taunting Alix and Leila our entire stay needed to be dominated.

We made arrangements with our continually delightful Airbnb host to leave our luggage past the checkout time, packed all of our important goods…

And checked again the checklist that had become a chant or mantra during our time there. Egg. Wallet. Phone. Passport.

Check. Check. Check. Check.

After one last breakfast of kimbap and a pop off at the convenience store for more milk, looking like I had finally settled in with my capri sweatpants and house shoes:

They were playing Mino’s Fiance, my then-current JAM, BISHES and I found this Inkygayo sandwich replica. Hilarious. Now I wish I’d tried it.

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For our dearest LizC. The knockoff Inkygayo Sandwich. #inkigayosandwich #travel #sandwich #conveniencestoreraid #SouthKorea2019 #southkorea

A post shared by Stephanie (@kchatjjigae) on Mar 11, 2019 at 10:52pm PDT

We hopped a taxi (Alix communicating with the driver, Naver map in hand) and headed off to Haedong Yonggungsa, Busan’s seaside temple that had found its way onto both Alix and my wishlist. I can’t say I remember much about the trip except to say I found this sticker I saw on the door of the taxi weirdly funny. What can I say? At this time, we were all pretty tired and, frankly, happy to be off our feet.

The taxi driver dropped us off at the entryway, which was a long string of booths on either side of a long street/pathway. As we were there so early (no lazing around in bed as we 1) had things to do and 2) these beds were not the sort you’d lie back think, “I’m going to just get cozy and hang here all comfy like,” no they were more the “Ouch, Ouch! Stop hurting me!” sort.) I don’t think we got to experience the welcoming act as, well, they were all still home pretending to be comfy in their beds.

Which reminds me, let me tell you something we realized while we were there. Unless you’re looking for a convenience store or possibly a coffee shop, Korea isn’t really an early to bed, early to rise sort of place… it’s quite the opposite.

Once we passed all the booths that would eventually sell food and trinkets, there was a long line of zodiac figure statues which heralded the beginning of the real pathway towards the temple as, little did we know, the temple was only part of the experience of this extensive property.

From the Zodiac statues, we walked further and further into the woods, through pathways, and down staircases, each level giving way to some shrine or statue.

As it was so early, there weren’t many other people there, so the morning was sunny, bright and very quiet.

Soon we emerged from the woods, and there it was, the sea, surrounded by rocky outcroppings, beautiful even without the religious iconography.

But with it? The whole place seemed unreal, almost like we stepped right into a movie. Here we mostly split up, scattering again, off in separate directions, meeting up at different points, asking “Did you see this?”, “Did you get to that?”, before pinballing off again.

It was another one of those temples were everywhere you looked, every nook and cranny filled with something new and interesting.

Carvings in doorways, statues at fountains, these giant pigs…whatever they are.

When I was done my investigating, I was determined to get to those bell-shaped rock formations in the back, figuring, if I looked hard enough, I’d find the corner, the hidden doorway that would lead there, unfortunately, even with the assistance of SaraG who also wanted to leave no stone unturned, no site unvisited., we were unsuccessful. Stepping backward, we saw what looked like a hiking trail from above the temple site, leading down to them. Hmmm… more feet work? Did we have it in us to go off-roading, exploring parts unknown?

Heck yeah, we did!

Sadly though? We hiked up the side of a mountain, down through another side, through the bushes, found the trail, and learned it had been intentionally blocked off ages ago. Though my sneakers no longer squeaked, so we’d be able to get through completely undetected (or as undetected as tall foreigners, one with very pink hair could possibly be) we decided trespassing wasn’t our crime of choice.

Nah, I’ll save that for the possible shoplifting I did later.

Admitting defeat, we climbed back down and met up with Leila, who had smartly said “Stairs to nowhere? Hard pass on that, homies.”

Checking the time we made our way back to the entryway, checking out more of the penned vendor, and this giant mailbox.

While I’d been worried about how we were going to get back, turns out with the morning getting later, and the site becoming more populated, there was a line of taxis waiting to pick up. Easy!

Arriving back to our original drop off stop, we immediately hit the bakery that was one of those things that you saw, walked by and said, “Later! We’re totally doing that later!” and for once we actually did. (Sorry to the Pizza School that was in our very own building with its crazy-looking Korean pizzas that we never actually got to. You looked crazy Pizza School. Maybe next time.) My favorite thing about this bakery was this big piece of bread that I bought that was a dark brown and was called Okinawa Bread. It was savory and sweet, reminding me of Brown Bread? (Brown Bread might be a New England thing. It comes in a can, with or without raisins, you slice and warm, usually eating on nights where you make baked beans. Do you know it?) Anyway. I loved it and no lie, unfortunately, ate the whole thing right there. Unfortunately, not because of the calories as I’m on vacation, who cares about calories, no, I to this day regret I didn’t get more of that bread as, despite my hunting, I never found it again.

We decided to sit outside in the sun, eating our pastries. This is where we got the aforementioned news, and suddenly, pastries? Not as fun. I only mention this as I HAVE to tell you this story. We’re there sitting, caught up in what’s going on, inhaling Okinawa Bread (I EAT FEELINGS, IT’S A THING.) and this old guy just kept circling our table. At any other time, we would have been delighted that he found us so fascinating, but now we’re like, ummm read a room, sir. He kept trying to talk to us, asking us if we were from Russia (we got this a lot), and when we told him we were Miguk-saram, (American person), he got really excited, circling telling us he’d been to the US. Twice. (That was his emphasis.) To LA. It was so-freaking-cute. Eventually, his kids came out of the bakery and herded him away, giving us the universal ‘parents’ eye-roll.

Again. So cute.

Not sure what to do from there, we just walked, retracing our steps from the first day — seeing the beach, passing the aquarium, the street where we’d eaten — just wandering until it got closer to the time to leave. We’d originally planned on taking public transit back towards the station in Busan but just didn’t have it in us. A quick call to our Airbnb hostess and she was more than happy to get us one of the big taxis to take us back to the station. Seriously, this woman was so kind and just wanted to do for us while we were there. I think at the end of the series I’m going to put links as to the places we stayed and the tours we took. If you go to Haeundae, you totally should stay here for the hospitality alone.

Our ride back to the station was fast and quiet. I got to sit up front, which was, an experience. All the things you hear about Korean traffic and driving is pretty accurate. I didn’t even tell you about the bus I was on that TOOK A U-TURN. Yes. A bus!

With time to kill before our train away from Busan, we circled the station, figuring out we had plenty of time for some sit-down food. In Kdramas if anything bad happens? You’re sick? (Which both of which were true for our trip.) What do you do? Eat porridge, of course! We found a porridge restaurant and ate our weight. Mine was spicy seafood, and it was carby and delicious.

With one last Busan Americano for Lelia and I, we were on our way back to Seoul!

Bye Busan, it was nice to have known you.

In the blink of an eye, (probably because I napped) we were back in Seoul.

Hello Seoul, I’m looking forward to officially meeting you.

For our second leg of the trip, we decided to stay in Hongdae. Yes, Hongdae! It was something we could all agree on (not that you had to twist anyone’s arms) was close to the subway, and, as it was close to the universities and a very young popular neighborhood, we’d always be able to get there via public transport or taxi — a very important detail for the active traveler.

As we were now four women with a large number of suitcases during rush hour, we didn’t want to work our way through the subway system; we decided to take a taxi. Unfortunately, that meant two taxis due to said amount of women and said amount of luggage. Alix made sure we all had the address to the new Airbnb and got in the taxi line. Unfortunately? No one wanted to pick us up! After a few tries, we were able to get SaraG and Leila off on a taxi, leaving Alix and me in our attempt. They’d gesture that they couldn’t take the luggage and take the next person in line. It happened a few times before there was a businessman behind us. When the next taxi refused to take us, he turned to us and asked, “Are you not going?” When we explained, he shook his head and bent over into the taxi’s window and said, “Ahjussi!” sternly, before gesturing for us to get into the cab. Turns out? They are not supposed to do that! Thanks, Business Man!

We were speeding off towards Hongdae, when Alix and I realized we made a mistake, putting Sara and Leila, our two most directionally challenged companions, Sara without an egg and Leila who only turned hers on when she wanted to use it, together in a cab. Realizing I was going to have to take over leading the group to where we wanted to go once Alix left, I finally gave up on Google and downloaded Naver maps. Which, yes, is very handy. It gives the same sort of directions that I do, “Hey, you’re going to walk until you see a 7-11 on the left, turn there and walk until you see a red house.” Makes sense to me!

Our next Airbnb host was meeting us at the house, and the taxi weaved its way up hills through a maze of streets we realized we were going to have to learn in order not to be hopelessly lost every time we left the house. Jason, our host, was nice, he made a point to tell us that he actually lived in Gangnam, but he worked here in Hongdae. (I wonder if he knew we knew he was flexing.) The house was a good size, this time we broke up with Alix and Sara in a room, Leila and I each in our own.

What does one do when they first arrive in Hongdae? Go out and see buskers of course! Or. Stop for meat? And my obligatory stop at the tourist center to collect my week’s worth of maps? (They had life-sized cut-outs of BTS next to the door. Did I take a picture with them? Come on; I have more pride than that! … LAUGH, no, I don’t. But you’ll have to wait for my last day to see that pic!)

As this was part of the trip where SaraG and Alix had already been to the area on their previous trip, they wanted to take us to a BBQ place they’d been to before with cute waiters and hot meat. We found it. They had both. Also? Corn cheese. Hot meat dipped in hot melted cheese? Sure, why not?

This is where I’m going to step in to give you two bits of very important information.

Seoul was cold. I thought I had been cold in Busan? Nope. Seoul was puffy coat and hat weather. I had a hat. I had a denim jacket and an overcoat that had no padding to it. I was cold. So I was also determined for the next part of our trip to 1) buy a cheap puffy coat or 2) buy as many hot packs as would fit in my bra….more on that later.

Second? I’m not much of a drinker. There’s a lot I just don’t like the taste of and just didn’t feel the need to cultivate the habit. Back in New Hampshire, I drank zero, much to the consternation to my friends, The McFeeley’s, who tried to lure me into drinking by making me martinis in tiny, tiny glasses.. Now in Colorado, I drink a little more frequently and if a giggling, leaning slightly to the side Stephanie was going to make a friend who needs it laugh?

The streets of Hongdae are pretty intense, packed with people, with shops, both corporate and smaller stalls. As it was right by several universities, the area skews young. We wandered the streets and alleys, someone always on Tipsy Stephanie duty. We looked at jewelry booths, drooled over the food booths, popped into a few of the makeup shops. Feeling bold, I stopped by a puffy coat stall, I looked through the offerings, hoping they had something in my size, hoping I’d find it before the ahjumma who ran the stall noticed me.

Not so lucky.

She spotted Tipsy Stephanie, and Tipsy Stephanie’s laughing friends allowed her to be hauled closer to the doorway where the lady eyeballed me before searching her stock. I tried on one, looking at myself in the mirror. Sure. It zipped — because it was HUGE, and the quilted puff went almost down to my feet. Sorry. I might be cold. I might be tipsy. But I also worked very hard before Korea to lose 20 pounds and I wasn’t going to cover that up with a jacket that made me look like I was walking around in a sleeping bag. Shaking my head, I struggled to take it off; Tipsy Stephanie is not the most coordinated version of Stephanie out there.

That’s when it happened. Thank goodness Tipsy Stephanie was in charge because if Sober Stephanie had had to live through this, she would have died. What happened? The ahjumma stripped off the coat and then PATTED DOWN MY BELLY — like a full-on pat-down. I’d been flagged by security for something in my bra area and didn’t receive as through a pat-down as I did here.

“Maybe you don’t wear coat.” She said, gesturing to the hoody I wore under my jacket.

Hello Sober Stephanie, welcome back. Maybe you shouldn’t let Tipsy Stephanie make any more decisions for you.

We all escaped, deciding, as one does, something like this requires desert to sooth those rough edges. Wandering the streets, we found an upstairs dessert/coffee place and settled in. By settling in, I mean we ate patbingsu and chocolate ice cream toast-uh. It was all sorts of sugary-yum.

I can’t say it was the best day, but I can say the levels of what people can process and still move forward? Is astounding. I’m still sad to see Busan go, it was a really special experience, one I would definitely not only recommend as there is more to South Korean than Seoul, but if given a chance, I’d go again in an instant…and not just to find that lady who made us what I now know are the best hotteok in all the land. As I mentioned before, I had been hesitant to do Busan first, thinking it would be anti-climactic after all these years of wanting to go. When you think South Korea, you think Seoul, but there’s so much more, my friend!

Plus! I didn’t even get to talk about hearing the Busan accent in person! It was everything you want it to be.

If I’m light on details…or pics, apparently Tipsy Stephanie doesn’t take pictures. She does, however, send texts, much to the delight of one Jami McFeeley. Since it’s been a long day, since if you’ve made it this far, you’ve probably read the other posts, and that, my friend, deserves a reward.

Now you, my friend, sleep well and dream of soju. Or you can check out the newest photo gallery from today’s post.

Korean Adventure Day Six: Emergencys, Belly Rubs, and Tipsi Texts Day Six. It seems as though all these stories have been in preparation for this post. As looking back on all of our memories of this trip have been qualified by this day.

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fadingfartconnoisseur · 6 years

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My Worst Travel Moments of 2017

Travel isn’t only about the good times. Don’t be fooled by the perfect photos and smiling selfies — behind all the awesome times on social media are the times when you’re racing for a flight and terrified you’re about to miss it. The times when you’re sick as a dog and can barely drag yourself out of bed. The times when you’re lonely, missing good times at home. And the times when you’re frustrated at trying to order food that you end up at McDonald’s.

I like to write about those times every year because it’s a good reminder that travel is not a panacea to all of the issues in your life. If you have problems at home, the road could potentially make them worse. Some of my bad times?

In 2012, I got my credit cards hacked while in Portugal and Spain.

In 2013, I developed giant hives in Busan, South Korea, and it was nine months before they stopped popping up on a daily basis.

In 2014, I got head lice in New Orleans. Because clearly I am a small child.

In 2015, I got locked in a vestibule with a cockroach in Avola, Sicily, and had to call my Airbnb host to set me and my mom free.

And in 2016, I fell backwards and slammed my head on the bedpost in Passau, Germany, giving me my first concussion ever and necessitating a hospital visit in Munich.

2017 wasn’t one of my worst years, but plenty of shenanigans ensued along the way. Here are some of my bad times that I took with the good.

When a Piece of my Car Fell Off in Key Largo

For my second trip to the Keys this year, I was to fly into Miami and drive down to Key West before flying back. I picked up my rental car with no issues and drove through Miami for the umpteenth time that year.

Until the next day when I got to the drive-through Starbucks in Key Largo. Then I suddenly noticed a scraping noise everywhere I went.

As I pulled into a parking lot, looking for a good photography spot, a lady called out to me and pointed out that a piece of my car was dragging beneath the bumper. At that point I was about a mile from my guesthouse, so I decided to pop the plastic back into place as best I could and drive back.

It held, but soon enough it popped out again. I called the rental company. Their response? “We can get you a new car, but we’ll need to take you up to Miami and do it there.”

“I can’t come up to Miami,” I told them. “That’s three hours round-trip. I’m working. Why can’t you bring me a car?”

Turns out that was literally the only option.

After thinking about it carefully, I decided to tempt fate and borrow the guesthouse’s roll of duct tape. One of the guests insisted on helping me tape it up.

And wouldn’t you know — it held in place for two more hours, all the way to Key West.

I was terrified the whole drive, though. Never again!

The Chaotic Arrival in Russia

I’m glad I did the St. Peter Line Ferry to Russia, but I’m never doing it again. The main reason? It was completely disorganized and I had no idea what was going on. That didn’t compare to the arrival in Russia, though — it was utterly CHAOTIC upon arrival.

There were supposed to be lines at the arrival booth but everyone just swelled into a pile of lumps, pushing each other out of the way. Parents let their late arriving adult children cut ahead of others. I thought a fight would break out at one point.

And of course I ended up getting questioned for 20 minutes about my heavily worn passport filled with stamps. They were shocked that I planned to stay in Russia overnight. I had to point out that the ferry wa staying for two full days! At one point I didn’t think they were going to let me in at all.

And then I got in, and St. Petersburg was absolutely lovely…but I’m never coming by ferry again.

I will also say that my worst sleep of the year was on the St. Peter Line Ferry. Nothing like trying to sleep in what feels like an undersized twin bed as springs dig into your back and “Y.M.C.A.” blares from the nightclub right above your room…

Killing My Computer in Vail

After five years with one computer, I knew it was time to upgrade soon. Even so, I wasn’t ready for the decision to be made for me against my will.

While at my hotel in Vail, I lifted up the lid to the water bottle, forgetting that it had water in it, and it leapt out and splashed across my keyboard.

I freaked out. I turned it off, dried it out, let it evaporate. But 24 hours later, the top row of keys on the keyboard refused to work at all. And I couldn’t even get on my computer because it wouldn’t let me type my password.

The good news is that I was prepared for this and had the money saved up — even if I got it fixed, it was time for a new computer anyway. After consulting my friends in the Travel Blog Success group over which computer to get, I found a 13″ refurbished MacBook Pro and had it shipped to the Upper West Side store right away.

You know what else I bought? A silicone keyboard protector. Now that lives on my keyboard 24/7 just in case another spill is in my future.

Almost Being Late Back to the Cruise in St. Maarten

(Yes, I’m using this photo for the third time in two weeks. I can’t write about St. Maarten without sharing this photo!)

I like to be early. I like to leave extra time. For me, one of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like I’m going to be late for a flight.

So when the bus dropped me in Maho Beach and I asked about return buses, an the locals said, “It comes when it comes,” I thought I would have to leave extra early to get back on time, just in case.

But then I decided to loosen up. See more of those amazing take-offs and landings before being forced to return to the ship.

Which seemed okay…until I got a cab and the roads were filled with bumper-to-bumper traffic.

St. Maarten, at least on the Dutch side, is basically one main road. If that road is stuck, everything is stuck. And when the ride that took 20 minutes on the way there took closer to an hour on the way back, as time clicked closer and closer to the time that THE CRUISE WAS SCHEDULED TO LEAVE, I began to full-out panic.

My passport was on board. What would I do?! How long would they hold the boat for me, just in case?! When the hell would I get my stuff back? Where would they even send it?! My blood pressure was through the roof.

It was just after the time when I got back on board. God, I was relieved to make it back on time. I practically kissed the crew.

I later found out there had been a regatta that day, hence the traffic. And everybody had been caught up in the same gridlock as us, though the tour groups to Maho Beach had left much earlier as a precaution.

Never again, NEVER AGAIN, am I cutting it that close.

When I Got Attacked by Russians Online

Definitely the worst tech headache this summer was when my site got attacked by Russian networks. And I wasn’t the only one — some of my blogging colleagues were hit as well. Just like the DNC!

Basically, they were sending tons of shitty traffic to my site, trying to overload it. This also temporarily halted my display income as the traffic was so low quality.

Basically, it took a LONG ASS TIME for it to be fixed. But I will give credit where it’s due — it was the team at Sucuri who finally figured out how to block the traffic. If you’re a blogger, I highly recommend their services. It just costs $9.99 per month.

Additionally, today my site is hosted with Performance Foundry. While I’ve used different hosting companies for different reasons over the years, I’m now glad to be with PF because They Can Handle The Bad Shit and I get to worry a lot less.

Not Knowing How to Start My Car in Oulu

I haven’t had a car since 2008, when I moved from Somerville to downtown Boston. Since then, the only times I drive are when I’m home visiting my parents or when I rent a car for a trip, so it always surprises me when I see new high-tech features in cars.

Some of them are great (I love the lumbar support button in my dad’s new car!). And some are bewildering. Like trying to turn it on in the first place when there isn’t even a slot for the key. How does that work?!

It was the morning after my all-night party at the World Air Guitar Championships in Oulu, Finland, and I had to pick up my rental car and drive five hours across the country to Kuopio and then Porosalmi.

It was hard enough finding the right place — the rental office wasn’t open that day, so I had to be driven to a different location. The rental car employee dropped me off at the car with the keys and left.

I loaded up the car. I adjusted the seat and mirrors. And for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to turn on the car. HOW?! There was a button, and it definitely turned things on, but it was quiet and didn’t seem to be working — isn’t this how hybrid cars were now?

After fifteen minutes, I was nearly in tears. Nothing was turning the car on.

Finally, an older woman came out of a nearby apartment building and I begged her to help me. She pointed out the obvious — I was supposed to step on the break while simultaneously pushing the ignition button. The engine roared to life.

“Kiitos. Thank you so much,” I told her. “You’ve saved me.”

“You’re from America?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “New York.”

“My daughter lives in Houston.”

And just for the record, that’s the Finnish equivalent of a deep, intimate conversation. I love that introverted country.

Every Minute I Wasted on the Landmark Forum

Have you heard of the Landmark Forum? Google it and you’ll find people calling it a cult.

I haven’t written about the Landmark Forum in depth, and I’m still wrestling with whether I should write about it in detail. Maybe someday I will.

It’s a personal development seminar. I ended up there because a friend who had done the Forum invited me to do it. It had changed her life and she thought it could change mine, too.

As the days passed (it was a four-day event), soon it became clear that this wasn’t working for me. I wasn’t having the breakthroughs that other people seemed to be having. The “big revelation” was a phrase you’d expect an emo kid to scrawl on his biology book when he was trying to be edgy.

But that wasn’t all.

What brought me over the edge was when the instructor told a story about how they welcomed a child molester to the Forum with open arms. And apparently when a young woman brought in the relative who sexually assaulted her repeatedly as a child, everyone was cheering because he had made this decision to change his life.

I immediately went up to the microphone and let loose. How could you let a child molester into a room full of sexual abuse survivors? Did they call the police? How could this possibly be framed as a good thing? Did they want his money so much that it didn’t matter that he was a child molester, sitting amongst them?

For the first time in three days, the instructor was caught off guard.

After I spoke, the Landmark Forum offered me a full refund of $695.

I think that says it all.

For the record, I don’t think the Landmark Forum is a cult. However, I do think that they use many techniques that cults use. They instill a belief that everyone who hasn’t gone through the Forum will never be as good or evolved as people who have gone through the Forum. Every minute is controlled with almost no downtime; you have assignments to do on your breaks and you work from 9 AM to 10 PM or later. All doubts that attendees express are swiftly countered and shut down by the instructor. They encourage you to recruit everyone you know to join the Forum. There are several other courses afterward that they encourage you to keep taking, all of which cost additional money.

And while they make it seem like everyone loves it, the people above in the photo attended my Forum and didn’t get anything out of it, either. The defining mood was, “What the hell did I just spend $695 on?” It felt amazing to confess to each other that we were creeped out by the whole thing.

So yeah. Besides the friend who recruited me, I have several other friends who have done the Forum in various cities and countries and it did work for them. And they’re all great people, smart people, educated people. But the more I think about it, the more I realize those people share a number of personality traits that I personally do not have.

So would I recommend it? No, I would not. But who knows? Maybe it would work for you. I wouldn’t recommend you spend $695 on as big a gamble as that, though. And if you go, for God’s sake, don’t welcome a pedophile with open arms.

The Weird Ass Table Next To Ours in the Hamptons

On a day trip to the Hamptons with my friends Beth and Colleen, we decided to get dinner at Almond in Bridgehampton. The food was fantastic (their lobster pasta was one of the best dishes I’ve had all year) but the experience was ruined by this odd experience with the table next to ours.

They were a bunch of gay guys our age, several drinks into their night. One of them turned to Beth and said something like, “Sorry our friends are drunk,” and Beth said something back like, “Oh, that’s fine with us.”

They MUST have misheard her, because there’s no other explanation for what happened next.

The men suddenly started glaring at us, saying rude things about us to each other. Then one leaned over and said, “You’re in town for the weekend? Oh, that’s CUUUUUTE. I live here.”

What the fuck?!

Here’s the thing: I felt afraid, and I think my friends may have felt the same way. We were frozen, looking at each other with giant faux smiles on our faces, afraid of what they would say if we said anything. And you might think that there was no reason to be afraid, that we were in the middle of a restaurant, that these guys were gay anyway and it couldn’t possibly lead to sexual assault. It wasn’t about sex — it was about power, just as all sexual harassment and assault is. These men thought we didn’t belong in their space and they wanted us to be afraid of them.

Every time we talked or laughed, the guys would swivel their heads in our direction, angry expressions on their faces. One guy even slammed his head on our table and pretended it was an accident.

The men left the restaurant when our entrees came and as soon as they were gone, we exploded. What was their problem? Why would you treat strangers like that? What did they think Beth had said? I still have no idea what happened all these months later.

A Day of Delay Hell in Charlotte

On the way back from Asheville, I had a layover in Charlotte. That two-hour layover turned into ten hours and counting. And it wasn’t an ordinary layover — there were thunderstorms in New York, so they kept delaying it by an hour, another hour, yet another hour, every hour, then canceling the flight, then delaying the rebooked flight. If I had known, I would have gone out into Charlotte to explore! Hell, I would have taken a later flight from Asheville!

Charlotte is not the greatest airport in which to be stranded. Less healthy food, far less bookstores, yet a lot more fast food. If you end up stranded there…yeah, good luck with that.

I was supposed to be home by 4:00 PM but I didn’t get home until 1:30 AM. Worst transit day of the year.

Finding Out I Had to Move

On the last day of November, hours before I was to fly to Vegas, my landlady told me that she was selling the building and I had to move.

This was the last thing I wanted to hear. I adore my apartment and wanted to continue living there for at least another year or two. Plus, not only is moving in New York annoying and expensive, but it’s even tougher for self-employed people. New York tenants have a lot of rights, so to counter that, they make it difficult for people to rent in the first place. For example, you need to prove income of 40 times the monthly rent in a year. And even if you make that much, a lot of landlords are skittish about renting to self-employed people.

I was so nervous, I didn’t eat or sleep for a week. I got stress headaches. I had no appetite. I couldn’t do anything at the gym.

That said, I was able to remedy the situation quickly. I set up apartment viewing appointments within an hour of the news. I applied for the second apartment I saw. And thankfully, after a lot of work and sleepless nights and sending every proof of income that I had, I was accepted into a new apartment extremely close to where I live now.

The new place is great. It’s not a brownstone anymore (now that I know how easily brownstones can be sold out from under you, I’m a bit over brownstone living), but it’s a much bigger, gut-renovated apartment with tons of closet space and a separate kitchen. Moving day is January 15, and I can’t wait to share my new place with you.

A Sexually Harassing Driver in St. Kitts

Picture this: you get off your cruise ship in St. Kitts for the day. You decide to eschew a shore excursion and instead hire a driver for the day. This will give you a chance to explore and take all the photos you need without having to confirm to a schedule.

So you step into the driver’s van. And before he’s even left the parking lot, he’s leaning out the window and yelling sexual things at a woman walking by. She ignored him. I practically had flames bursting out of my ears.

“But it’s the Caribbean.”

It’s not just the Caribbean. It’s fucking everywhere.

THE RAINDROP CAKE WAS A LIE

I know a lot of New York/Instagram/Buzzfeed food trends are overblown, but nothing was as bad as the raindrop cake, which I sampled at Smorgasburg in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. I had been seeing this for weeks: it was a clear orb, yet something that you ate like a cake.

Beth and I decided to try them: one clear, one purple. We each forked over eight dollars, hoping that this would be worth it.

We sampled them. And…they were essentially plain sugary gelatin.

I felt like an idiot. How had I built this dish up so much in my mind? Did I really think it would be as cool as the Instagrams and Buzzfeed articles claimed? HOW FAR HAD MY MIND GONE IN THE NAME OF EATING TRENDY FOOD?

There is so much good food at Smorgasburg. I especially recommend the fries from Bolivian Llama Party. But make sure you avoid the raindrop cake.

What were your worst travel moments of the year?

The post My Worst Travel Moments of 2017 appeared first on Adventurous Kate.

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noellesoverseas · 7 years

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She’s back.

I had to debate a title for this post because the last time I wrote anything was before I had even left Argentina. I went back and read the things I told you guys about, finding myself with a repetitive, subconscious smile appearing on my lips. I can’t believe I am back.

I know I didn’t write anything about how going back home after exchange was, but the one thing I will mention now is that it felt like I had never left home. It was terrifying. I felt like exchange was one huge dream - Wizard of Oz style. I mention that because it is exactly how I feel now. I expected that upon returning to Maria Susana after a little more than a year away, it would feel like I hadn’t seen this place or these people in a lifetime! But when I got inside my host house, when I said hi to my host family, when I put my things inside my ropero, it felt like I had never left.

Let me back up a little bit. For those of you who don’t know, my parents gifted me tickets to Argentina as a graduation present. With tears shooting out of my eyeballs at an unreasonable rate (I was hysterically happy) I decided that I would go to Argentina for the most time that was physically possible within my summer schedule. I planned to leave 5 days after I got home from volunteering at a month long camp, Washington Family Ranch, and would come home to allow myself 5 days to pack my things and be ready to move into the college dorms. Reasonable, right?

Before I knew it, I was on the plane flying to Orlando, Florida, and only 10 or so hours away from being in Argentina de nuevo. Or so I thought. For all of those native to Florida, or frequent visitors, you know about those awesome afternoon thunderstorms that wreck the state for either 10 minutes to a whole hour. Well, lucky for me, my plane was scheduled to leave at prime thunderstorm time. Even though the sheets of rain were audible from inside the aiport, and the thunder sounded like God was moving furniture while bowling and cracking his neck back and forth, they still had us board the flight. Turns out, Florida’s beloved storms can last longer than I thought. We were on the plane for 2 hours before we were able to actually take off to our next destination : Lima, Peru.

Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have wanted the pilots to fly and risk us getting struck by lighting (is that possible if the plane is in the air and not touching the ground?), or have more than the reasonable amount of rain impairing their ability to fly, but in the back of my mind I knew that a 2 hour delay in Orlando would mean that my 1.5 hour layover in Lima wasn’t long enough.

We got to the airport in Lima, Peru, and despite my efforts to run quickly and jump over miscellaneous baggage and not knock over the random toddlers at my feet, there was no way I could have made it to my next flight. Having landed just 30 minutes after the airplane took off, I had to figure out what to do next. I quickly found out that there were 6 other people in my same situation, (one family of 4 and a younger couple) so I herded myself along with them. We were talked to by a member of LATAM airlines. The solution they had for us was a 2 night stay in Lima, Peru, breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the hotel paid for, and a taxi ride to the airport and back in 2 days.

As I went through immigration in the airport, I realized that I was actually a little (okay. a lot.) scared. I’m an 18 year old girl, traveling by myself, stuck in Peru. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

I recalled a book I am reading. It’s called, “The Tales of a Female Nomad: Living at Large in the World”, by Rita Golden Gelman. Gelman tells the story of her life, traveling by herself in countries all over the world. She talks about her experiences with new people, how she grew as a person, and how she dove into cultures even if she was outside of her comfort zone. Remembering what she said about traveling alone and not being timid, I walked right up to the family and said, “Hola! No quiero estar sola. Les molesta si sigo a ustedes?” and that was that. For the next 2 days, the family of four, the couple, and I all ate meals with each other, explored with each other, vented to each other about our exasperation with LATAM airlines and, above all else, really, really enjoyed Lima with each other.

We kept talking about the fact that even though we were aggravated, we were all in very lucky circumstances. No one had to be at work yet, the girls from the family weren’t missing school, there was no funeral to be on time to, and no family reunion that would be missed. We were all okay, and out of this experience, we all got a free mini vacation! In those 3 days, I learned some extremely valuable lessons.

If you are traveling, never pass up the opportunity to meet new people. By going up to that family in the airport, I made sure that my days in Lima wouldn’t be spent in danger or locked up in the hotel room! I knew I wasn’t going to go out in Lima by myself, so I created relationships with people that were in the same situation as me! And let me tell you - they were so welcoming and so willing to have me become a part of their little family, even for just a few days.

Count your blessings! Well, not actually because that could lead to unhealthy comparison and resentment, but what I mean is, be aware of your situation. As I mentioned earlier, we all could have been in much worse circumstances. By realizing that and reminding myself that I had no where to be, that I was safe, that I would eventually get to Argentina, I was so much more able to enjoy Peru and let myself step way outside of my comfort zone.

Not everything goes as planned, AND THAT IS OKAY! I am my dad’s daughter. I like to get to places early, being late is my absolute worst pet peeve, I like having a schedule and I like to know what I am doing. Guess what? The opposite of all of those things happened during my trip. Even though I had everything in order - my passport located, my money safe, my necessities in my purse, a sweatshirt in my carry on, I arrived to my gate with plenty of time - there was nothing that I could have done to have been on time to my flight to Argentina. Nothing. No amount of preparation could have let me avoid that situation. However, I didn’t freak out, I let myself enjoy that time, and in the end, I did make it to Argentina.

After all:

No hay mal que por bien no venga.

-noe

#travel #exchange #argentina

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parisandthepyrenees · 7 years

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Back to Home

I’m sorry for the lack of blogging, I was planning to write the last few days. But of course that’s when the Zenpad goes haywire.

Anyway, we stayed in the cutest little village for about a week. It was surrounded by a moat and filled with small roads that which ever way you’d turn, you’d always end up right back where you started. For most of the days we spent there, we drove to nearby beaches to swim. Dad bought us snorkeling gear for all of us to use. The biodiversity under the clear, Mediterranean water was amazing.

The picture above features part of Costa Brava, the cost we stayed on during the trip.

One day we also went to Gerona, a large, medieval city. It has a wall encircling the entire group of buildings. We went to a Jewish museum explaining the history of the Semitic Sector of the city. There was a wall surrounding the Jewish faction that shows how poorly they were treated by the Christians. First, they were segregated. Then they were either forced to change faiths or die a terrible death at the hands of the Spanish Inquisition.

Did you know that Jewish traditions and culture is made in a way that they can preform religious activities while on the move? They’ve had a tough past, pushed out of almost every place they’ve been to. Why can’t we just accept that we all have different perspectives on the world and respect each other for it? If we were all the same, then life would be dull and boring. Where would the excitement of learning something new come from? How would we evolve to where we are now without different ideas?

Some times the world is confusing.

In the sweltering heat of our day in Gerona, we decided to walk along the wall for a ways. It has a walkway on the top for ancient guards to protect their city from invaders. It was interesting to see the little slots in the stone that they had for archers to shoot at attackers. Most of these were facing outward, but there were a couple facing into the city. That’s a little creepy

We also saw a little bench like place on the side of the wall. It had a big, gaping hole, so we assumed it was either a toilet or a place to dump scalding oil on enemies. I decided to take a peek for any clues. ‘Lo and behold: at the bottom there was a nice big pile of fresh dung along with some toilet paper. Ugh! Toilet it is.

After nice, baking days out on the beaches of Spain, we took a plane ride back to Paris. There, we met up with the Ostmann family, old friends of our’s that we met on our 6 month trip to Germany. I really miss Karlsruhe, the city we lived in. I still remember details of the school I went to, the little shop we went to for warm pretzels, our apartment, the little zoo. Believe it or not, we still have our bank account from there! What I would do for a trip back to what feels like a second home.

The hostel (not hotel) we stayed in had a great view of the Sacré-Cœur. Heck, it was practically across the street! After a picnicking in the park we went to with Mathilde during our first week in Paris.

We had a lot of catching up to do, including talking about politics. It’s like you can’t get away from the news even when you’re on vacation!

We went up to the Sacré-Cœur. Only dad, mom, Frauke (the mom of the Ostmann family) and myself could go in because we were wearing pants and skirts that were below the knees. I didn’t know that you had to do that in church. Interesting.

The next day, we walked around a cemetery, looking for famous dead people. It was peaceful.

Mom, dad, Claire & I had to quickly dash off to the airport. We had to wait in line for almost and hour just to check our bags, and another one for passport checking. Some how we were in the right place at the right time, and a lady let us through to a quicker line for first class people. No, we weren’t first class, but the guy behind us was. He was grouchy about the fact that they were trying to make the whole system faster by admitting us to this line. He complained to the woman saying, “I payed for this, they did not. They shouldn’t be here.”

And guess what? She sent him to the back of the the line.

Finally, we got past security and ran all the way to the boarding gate. Thank goodness they didn’t leave with out us!

After two flight, we arrived in Denver and took GreenRide home. Mom was the only one still awake. The rest of us were all zonked out. I woke up with a startle as we passed my school. It weird, being so close to home in buss. Claire was snoring loudly. Surprisingly, dad didn’t make a noise. Usually, his deep breathing may carry all the way to the other room.

Mom stirred Claire when we came to a stop in front of our house. Claire freaked out. She said, “Where are we? Ahh! Where are we?”

Jet lag.

It was midnight when we feel into bed. Home sweet home. The kittens were so happy to see us. They’ve been very lovey the last few days.

Thanks for reading about my little trip to France & Spain. If you enjoyed this blog, please like it!

Adios! Au revoir!

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nonsense-and-shenanigans · 7 years

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Hey.

So.

I know I’ve been gone for a while. I also know that good blog posts don’t start off that way. But I’m a rule-breaker so deal with it.

Anyway, lots of stuff has been going on. I still don’t have my own working computer, which is the main reason I’ve been gone. I’m using my dad’s because I just can’t handle not writing anymore. I know I have to fill you in on the past thousand years (I got married?!), but for now we’re just going to act like there hasn’t been a giant gap and dive right in to the here and now.

I turned 29 on March 19th. Not usually a big deal. Typically, people freak out when they turn 30. But I’ve never done things typically. So I realized that I’m fine with the firsts that come with change — I’m always down to try new things; the issue I have is letting go of the lasts. Therefore, since 29 is the last year of my 20s, it’s difficult for me.

But I put that freak out to good use.

I’ve already been getting out and about and exploring and experiencing more in the past year than usual. But I decided to go big this year. First, I dubbed it my “year of experiences” — in which I would try my hardest to get out there and experience life instead of remaining uninterested and bed-ridden. Then it quickly changed to my “yes year” — meaning I would say yes to anything and everything people invited me to or even mentioned. From there, I decided there were things I wanted to do so the whole thing turned into a sort of bucket list. But a Before 30 Bucket List. Along with going with the flow and having fun experiences that come my way, there’s a list of about 80 things (and growing) that I’m trying my damnedest to accomplish by my next birthday. Which means I have until March 18th, 2018 to do a shitton of stuff.

I made this list in part by Googling those dumb articles about “30 Things to Accomplish Before you Turn 30” and incorporating some of their ideas into my own. It was a funny adventure, however, because when you think about it how many people really think to look at those lists in their late teens or early 20s? I’m guessing most people don’t really hunker down about being successful in their 30s until they’re close to 30, so some of the lists cracked me up. One of them had “Travel Alone,” “Have A Baby,” “Live Abroad,” and “Buy A House”. All on the same list. Sorry, but only superheroes can pull off all that shit in a year. I did add one of those things to my personal list, though, so it wasn’t a total loss.

I’ve already knocked out a few items, and those posts are in the works. I plan to keep you updated on all of the list shenanigans, and I’m keeping track of the random stuff that happens to come along but isn’t on the list so I can give you a wrap-up at the end of the year (MY Year, not the Calendar Year). But first I simply wanted to introduce to you the idea, and prepare you for the posts to come.

So here is my list. Many things are vague and I allow wiggle room. You’ll find out what I mean by that in upcoming posts of things I’ve achieved.

1. Rock Out At A Concert / See One Of Your Favorite Artists Live in Concert 2. Go To A Brewery 3. Meet Favorite Author 4. Attend A Big Sports Event 5. Unplug For A Full Day 6. Try A New Sport 7. Girls’ Getaway 8. Learn To Play An Instrument 9. Improve Wine Knowledge 10. Learn Family History 11. Learn To Gamble 12. Learn To Cook 13. Visit A New American City 14. Have Portrait Taken 15. Read Classic Novel About Women, By A Woman 16. Go Skinny Dipping 17. Throw A Dinner Party 18. Test Drive Dream Car 19. Sing Karaoke 20. Skydive 21. Climb A Mountain 22. Learn To Bartend 23. Scuba Dive 24. Learn A New Language 25. Go Camping 26. Volunteer 27. Go Whitewater Rafting 28. Apply For Dream Job 29. Go Hiking 30. Learn Astronomy 31. Stop Drinking Soda Altogether 32. Ride A Roller Coaster 33. Learn To Dance 34. Dive With Sharks 35. Start Workout Routine 36. Get Organized 37. Stop Smoking 38. Read A History Book 39. Build A Computer 40. Fire A Gun 41. Write A Letter To Yourself (Now, At 29) As If You’re 39 42. Eat Healthier 43. Get A Passport 44. Go To New York City For New Year’s Eve 45. Take A How-To Class 46. Write A Book 47. Read A Classic Book 48. Watch A Classic Movie 49. Make A New Family Tradition 50. Learn A DIY Craft 51. See A Broadway Show 52. Ride A Motorcycle 53. Go Fishing 54. Invest 55. Buy A High-End Name Brand (i.e. Expensive) Bag or Pair Of Shoes 56. Go To The Ellen Show (This one’s crossed out because I was a little too excited when I initially made the list and upon further investigating found out there’s no way I’ll be able to acquire tickets and afford to travel to California this year. So I’m planning on replacing it with the next one I come up with.) 57. Buy A Round For The House 58. Go To Vegas 59. Visit A Famous Fictional Location 60. Visit A Rock Icon Location 61. Rent A Vacation House With Friends 62. Throw A Fundraiser 63. Travel Alone 64. Go To A Music Festival 65. Party In A Big City 66. Walk For Charity 67. Eat At A Famous Restaurant 68. Eat Something Unusual 69. Watch A Meteor Shower 70. Ride A Mechanical Bull 71. Get Lost On Purpose In An Unfamiliar Place 72. Bake A Cheesecake 73. Explore All Of Central Park 74. Go Horseback Riding 75. March In An LGBT Pride Parade 76. Go Skiing / Snowboarding 77. Go To A Tattoo Convention 78. Bring Son To Storybook Land 79. Get A Job 80. Zipline

So there you have it. I even bought a nifty “Bucket List Journal” so I can keep track of everything.

I know it’s a lot to take on. And I know some things are probably not going to happen. But I’m going to do my best to try to at least attempt them all within the next year. Or, technically, 11 months, 1 week, and 1 day.

Also, I have already done many things on this list throughout my life. But once you put it all down on paper and in front of you, you realize how little you do the fun things anymore and how much time has passed since your last adventure, so these are simply all the things I’d like to accomplish while I’m 29 — no more, no less.

Also also I’m not doing them in order so you’ll be seeing random numbers throughout the next 11 months, 1 week, and 1 day.

Do you have a bucket list? Do you want to do mine with me? Do you have any advice or ideas for new goals? Let ‘er rip in the comments!

(p.s. thank you for sticking with me throughout my ridiculousness.)

(p.p.s. I met Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess but technically that happened four days before I turned 29 so it’s not part of the list, I just wanted to tell you how excited I am about it, and let you know that I’ll write about it soon.)

#Before30BucketList Hey. So. I know I've been gone for a while. I also know that good blog posts don't start off that way.

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