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sameschmidtdiffname · 3 months

Note

heyyyy can I pls req something where Mike tries to make it up to the reader after he says something wrong in their 1st fight as a couple? like “I don’t want to lose you” as an apology and they get back together or something along those lines? tysm I really enjoy ur work :))

But of course!!!

Wanting, Waiting

Mike Schmidt x Gender Neutral! Reader

Summery: Overworked and underfed, you'll go to sleep once some decent work is complete. However, a late night turns into a day long fight.

Tags: No use of Y/N, no gender specific pronouns for Reader, pre-established relationship, argument, cursing, Reader and Mike both got some shit going on, hints of an eating disorder, overworking, hurt/comfort, crying, mentions of: suicide/death, depression, drugging, and kidnapping. Vulnerability is gross.

Notes: 'Slip' walked so this could run full speed into a brick wall. I feel as though I may have redeemed myself.

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This page is mocking me.

The hour is late. I stopped checking the clock around 2:00 A.M., and there's a cup of cold coffee right next to me on this table, several rings on the inside from where the coffee had been left sitting far too long. It's cheap, the flavor sticking to my teeth in a way that settles my lips into a slight grimace as I try to convince my hand to move my pen across the just as cheap notebook paper that has been sitting in front of me since I came home.

Come on. It's words. What the fuck is hard about this?

'It's not hard if you can actually get your head out of your ass and do something,' I think to myself. Not helping.

I have an irritating collection of drafts. Oh yes, I can start them and I can certainly plan out the works before me. But actually writing is somehow impossible, and even though I can feel how thick the block is in my mind, preventing me from communicating my feelings properly, I just can't get break myself out of it.

Come on. Finish one draft. Then everything will click together for the rest.

For the past few weeks it's been just like this. Come home, sit down with projects, and try. But no matter what I do, I just can't focus. It's as though my head simply won't allow it. And this house, quite frankly, isn't helping. It's admittedly unsettling atmosphere, the loud noises born from nothing. It's as though I can feel the weight of the dead that used to sit at the same glass table as I watching me over my shoulder, pressing their non-existent weight against me, making my chest tight with pressure I cannot voice because that's not fair to the ones still here truly haunted by their presence. I'm just a guest who overextends their stay, quite frankly.

Just a page. Just write a page and you can get up for a moment. Ignore how loud the fridge is at something clunks inside of it.

A page. Get a page. Come on, you imbecile, how hard is a fucking pa-

"I thought we talked about this."

It's a testament to my mental state how high I manage to jump in my chair, my tired and over-caffinated heart set off to make me dizzy with over exertion from fear, turning to see who has come to voice their thoughts and damn us both with them.

"Mike," I sigh. I place a hand on my chest, rubbing slightly at the spot where I feel my heart pounding against my sore ribs. "Don't do that."

"Have you slept at all?" Mike asks disapprovingly. His arms are crossed against his chest, heavy bags under his eyes from another night of restless dreams. He can't sleep, I won't sleep. If he'd allow it, we could actually get shit done this time of day.

"A little," I lie. He's just worried. About everything. He always is, which at first was something I loved about him. And usually I still do. It's an admirable trait, to care about someone and love them so much it's only natural to fret over them, to check and make sure they're taken care of properly.

Except it makes me feel guilty.

"Oh yeah? What time?" He asks, narrowing his sleep swollen eyes at me.

Details. Fuck.

"Ah, uh- I don't know, I wasn't looking at the clock," I say sheepishly, trying to flash a disarming smile and make my own bags look like ones of bare minimum rest instead of self neglect. Mike's jaw tightens slightly.

"Oh?" He says in a dull voice that is not raised, yet managed to ring throughout the room nonetheless.

I hum affirmatively, pressing my lips together and fiddling with the cheap pen in my hands, glancing down at it in an attempt at trying not to give myself away.

"Yeah, I don't know. Just like, laid my head on the book and... y'know... drifted off for a couple hours," I try to say casually.

"Ah," he says as though that were enough, leaning now against the doorframe of the hallway, looking at the other wall as though the paint were interesting. "How long after I went to bed, do you think?"

Keep your breathing even. He can smell fear. "Like, a couple," I answer with a shrug.

"Or, like, not at all," he says, turning his head back to stare down at me with a glare.

"I slept," I insist.

"Bullshit. You give me unnecessary detail about your shits post mexican take-out, but you can't tell me what time you fell asleep?" He says accusingly.

"I was asleep! I'm sorry, do you want me to lie and give some time because you need it for some reason?" I ask evenly, shrugging as though to ask what he'd like me to say, blinking at him and adding a tired tinge of a croak to my voice to match his.

"I'm sorry?" He asks, eyes still in narrow slits yet somehow widening slightly, his leg uncrossing from over the other and planting firmly on the floor as he stands straight.

He's not that tall. Kinda short. But he looks much bigger when mad. Kinda like an iguana. I told him that one time and got bit. Jokingly, of course. It's not like he'd just reach over and sna- You know what? Irrelevant.

"I'm just saying," I say, starting to turn back to my notebook as though the conversation were finished.

"No-no, I'd like to hear that again," he says. I can hear his footsteps pad against the flat, tan carpet, my shoulders stiffening slightly as I train my decreasingly neutral eyes on the wrinkled, lined paper in front of me. "I liked the part where you made me sound like some insecure teenager for calling you out on your shit. Very original."

My lips press into a thin line, my grip on my pen tightening slightly.

"It's not that serious, Mikey-"

"Don't bullshit me, and don't use some cheap nickname as a cop out via sympathy," Mike snaps, standing now on the opposite side of the table, pressing his hands now against the glass surface that dirties so easily. Trust me, we've had to clean some prints off of it.

There's a line, and at some point I'm going to cross it. The problem is it's hidden under mental sand that makes me unclear of exactly where it is.

"Michael-"

"That's formal," he says, leaning forward on the table, his tone the same as an interrogating mother just waiting for the moment where no one will blame her for finally tearing you to shreds for what you've said to her outwardly innocent statements. A trap.

"I'm sorry, I thought you didn't like cheap nicknames?" I say, fighting the irritation in my voice, barely managing to remain even as I click my pen to begin writing.

"What's wrong with just Mike?" He asks. He reaches across the table, placing all five of his fingertips on my paper firmly and dragging it back across the table towards him, withholding it from me.

"Would you like me to use just Mike?" I ask.

"I'd like you to make eye contact while you lie through your fucken teeth," he says calmly, not moving as he continues to stare me down.

"Okay, Mike. And what exactly does my sleep schedule mean to you?" I ask slowly, trailing my eyes from his hand, slowly up his arm with pronounced veins and muscles, to the white cotton shirt that was two sizes too large and usually what he wore to sleep in, until I meet his dark and slightly hateful eyes.

"We had a conversation," he starts.

"A conversation," I repeat.

"About a month ago, do you remember?" He asks, cocking his head slightly in that way it does when we both know I'm not going to dare to answer with anything other than he wants.

"You ha-"

"I had a concern," he interrupts me, now looking down at the notebook and studying it as though it were a piece of fine art. "Which involved how absolutely awful your ability is to take care of yourself properly."

"Mike-"

"Shut. Up." Mike says with disturbing calmness. "I'm talking."

Fine.

"It's fucking rude."

Not saying it's not.

"Like your attitude when I try to just help you because clearly, you can't help yourself," he says, now slapping down the notebook to gesture at me as though it were obvious why he was concerned.

I could speak. I'd like to. And he gives me a long enough silence I could. But instead I decide I will simply give him the floor.

"No opinion on this?" He asks shortly.

"No," I say with a dismissive shrug. "You seem to have them for me."

Mike laughs at this statement, and if the sparkle in his eyes didn't seem to have the same dull shine as the glass table between us I'd feel a bit better about it. But I think there's a six foot hole in the backyard I just signed a lease on that makes his disturbingly convincing smile much more worrisome.

"You're funny," he says affectationately. "Get up."

"What?" I ask, blinking.

"Are you deaf now? Up," he says in irritation, beginning to cross back around the table. "This isn't a negotiation."

Before I can speak his hands dig in under my armpits, roughly pulling me to stand and bringing me close to his chest. I should have energy to fight back, I've only been sitting after all. But a physical confrontation would be too loud, first of all. Abby is asleep in her room, and I don't want to make a scene to wake the poor child. Number two, my bones are sore, my head is aching and I generally just do not feel well enough to protest. Physically.

"Put me down, you son of a bitch!"

Verbally, I'm fine.

"You're going to bed, that's final!"

"I have twelve drafts due that I have to get done or else this project-"

"You have four hours of sleep you can get before you have to take your candy ass to work in the fucken morning, or else I'm gonna beat it into you," he hisses directly in my ear, his breath cold and loud so close to me. Jesus, fuck. What did his parents feed him as a child? It shouldn't be this easy for him.

"Oh, I don't do what you want and now you threaten physical violence. Very mature," I mock, reaching out to grip the doorframe of Mike's bedroom, purely to piss him off.

"Save me the dramatics," he snaps in a whisper, wrapping one arm tighter around my waist and using the other to bat my hands away from the frame. I can tell he's genuinely trying not to hurt me, his grip on one wrist firm but careful.

"Just let me write one page," I try.

"That's what you said last night," he says, still trying to pull my hand away. My nails have dug into the frame, making it slightly harder. I can sense his irritation growing. "You got two hours of sleep."

"That's not going to kill me," I argue.

"You haven't slept for more than two hours in a week," he says.

One nail breaks against the frame, making me lose my grip and sending pain down my arm from the awkward angle at which the pressure had snapped it off. I wince slightly, which gives Mike slight pause as he checks my hand, but decides I'm alright before he begins dragging me towards the bed in earnest.

"Why is it so hard for you to just take care of yourself?" Mike asks in frustration.

"I take care of myself!" I say defensively. Mike drops me onto the bed, standing in front of me to prevent any new attempts at escape.

"No, you don't," he says, quiet but firm. "You sit and stare at your notebook and you don't do anything else if you can help it. You sleep for two hours, you go to work, you hardly eat, you don't have energy anymore." Mike's hands are planted firmly on his hips, his nostrils flailing as he tries to take collected, calm breaths. "I care about you. Why can't you?"

"Michael-"

"Stop!" Mike snaps, groaning and turning away from me with a sharp spin on his heel. He buries his hands in his hair in frustration, now pacing between the bed and the door, quietly shutting it so we can argue in peace.

"Why are you so upset?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"Because I don't want to see you live like this. I am concerned and every time I bring it up you dismiss me, you joke, you don't care and I hate that," Mike says, temporarily stopped in his tracks to point at me as he seethes. "I'm watching you waste away and you know what? I'm starting to think part of you likes it."

"Excuse me?" I say, astounded. I cross my arms in front of my chest, cocking my head at him in a way to say 'I dare you to repeat that.'

"You heard me," Mike says, taking a step towards me. "It's like you cannot for one iota of a second conceive of some world where taking care of yourself is a good use of your time. You work, and work until you've burned yourself out so horribly you rot in bed for a month. And unless you're staying here, I hear nothing from you. Not a call, not a fuck you or whatever. It's like you're punishing yourself."

"Now who's being dramatic?" I say.

"See? I can't even point this out without you getting defensive, which just shows you know you're in the wrong!" Mike turns away from me once more, resuming his path of restless walking.

"Why do you even care?" I ask genuinely. This makes him pause again, his glare once more returning to me as he mentally questions my intelligence.

"You know what, I don't know!" Mike snaps, his voice gaining volume. "You are insistent in this fucking- slow method suicide and I'm trying to help you, but you won't let me!"

"I never asked you to care," I scoff, rolling my eyes.

"I never asked to care!" Mike nearly shouts, leaning in close to my face and sneering at me.

This breaks the tension.

His face falls as soon as the words are out of his mouth, his eyes widening slightly like my own eyes. This comment shouldn't really sting. I shouldn't let it. But it does. And for a moment, I do. And he sees that clearly.

"... oh," I say softly, my arms relaxing and shoulders sagging ever so slightly as I drop his gaze, trying to shut off my emotions before they're obvious.

"I'm sorry," Mike says quickly, stumbling to his knees in front of me. "I didn't mean that-"

"It's fine," I say, trying to remain as blank as my pages on the kitchen table.

"I just said it to be hurtful," Mike says quickly, his hand reaching up to cup my face. I take it away, turning my head to the side slightly. There's a new chill in the air, one I can feel seizing my chest.

"You weren't," I say. "I'm going to sleep."

"Please, I don't want-"

"I'm going to sleep," I say forcefully, shoving him away and turning to begin undressing from my work clothes that I still wore. Mike is silent behind me, probably thinking, and I'm close to not being able to hold myself together anymore.

"Get out!" I snap, flinging my shirt at him in a rage and beginning to stand from the bed to chase him out. He doesn't need anymore prompt, quickly scurrying out from the room to wherever it is he'll sleep now. Probably on the couch even though there's another room down the hall. A self induced punishment. Knowing him he probably won't even allow himself a blanket or pillow, feeling the cold air fitting for his selfishness.

Good.

When I wake that morning, I can smell breakfast in the air. My stomach hurts from skipping meals, but I don't want to eat. First of all, I haven't worked for a meal. There's still plenty to be done with my drafts. And food is a good encouragement to keep working. Second, I didn't ask him to care. And he didn't ask for it either. There probably isn't enough for me, and if there is, he and Abby can debate between the two who will have it. I need to shower.

I take forever washing myself. If that's what you want to call it. It was moreso standing under hot water, letting it run cold until I couldn't stand it anymore and hoping my deodorant is able to do some heavy lifting today. I barely have enough time to get to work, passing silently by Mike and not turning when he calls my name, walking out the door as fast as I can without running.

He follows me outside, something shaking in a bag behind me. When I finally open my car door I'm forced to have my gaze in his direction, his body between the door frame and my car door, presenting me with a bag of lunch.

"Please eat," he begs, placing the bag in my lap unceremoniously and then quickly stepping away and shutting the door himself.

There's a small moment where he and I just share at each other through the glass, time slipping away without notice. He hasn't slept, he'll be late for work if he doesn't get dressed soon, and the bag on top of my thighs is warm. Fresh. A petty part of me wants to roll down my window and throw away the meal, back out of the drive way and let that fester in his mind out of hate. He thinks words can hurt? Actions are so much worse.

But there's something in his eyes. Defeated, resigned. Childlike is almost the word I could use. In front of my car is the 12 year old boy who tried to chase down his brother, the 18 year old who decided to sacrifice his life raising his little sister while saying goodbye to his parents, and the 27 year old man who's just trying to keep everything together.

I don't know what to say to this child. Or to the man.

So, with the turn of my key in the ignition, I don't.

It's late when I come home. When the manager had asked me to stay late I almost called Mike to break the silence and tell him this. But there was still a part of me that didn't care whether or not he knew. Really, I didn't have to return home tonight. I could go back to my apartment and just let him rot in bed the way he claims I do. How could he say such a thing, anyways? I rot in bed? What about the days I've walked into the house and he hasn't slept all week, where he's claiming he's trying to kick his medication and he'll get the hang of it soon. Where his sister is eating every meal almost burnt because he can't think straight enough to remember time. Where I've had to coax, beg, demand of him that he just takes a pill because he's laying on the side of the bed, small and curled in on himself, dead eyed and obviously tired but still not sleeping. One time I slipped it into his food. And I felt awful. Do not think for a moment I wanted to do that. There was a betrayel in his eyes when sleep began to overtake him. I hoped he wouldn't notice, but he must've. Some tell in the drugs effect that made him aware his rest was not voluntary. But I didn't care. I stroked his hair through the night, and I'll do it again. He could hate me however long he needed to, he just needed sleep first.

The irony still hasn't struck me when I walk through the door of his house, well past dinner, Abby in the bath. The door was left unlocked, which is unusual for this time of night. Mike jumps from the couch the minute I open the door, standing with his hands by his side anxiously pulling at the edge of his oversized sweater.

Everything's oversized with him. The thought occurs to me that his father was slightly bigger.

"Don't leave me," he says quietly, his voice small and pathetic like him. But I don't say that with hate.

"I just got home," I say. "Be a bit odd to leave again."

I try a smile, but it's artificial and we both know it's only for his comfort. It doesn't touch him, his eyes glassy and lips slightly parted the same way a child's is when they're trying to breathe as their sinuses spring to life in wake of forming tears.

"I didn't mean it," he says, still standing in the same place. If I was a better person I'd probably run to him. But I'm not.

If I were a better person, I'd say I believe him. But I don't. And suddenly my throat is swollen with hurt, my own bottom lip is sticking out and now we're both trying not to cry because this is so overly taxing. We're adults but emotions are hard. Vulnerability is hard. It is a damnation that we both detest, both avoid. In better states we would joke about this, would laugh and tease the other for not having the emotional capability to voice our thoughts. But we're not. So we don't. And now we're crying openly in the off-putting, attempted to look cozy living room that we can never fully relax in.

"I don't wanna lose you," he says between small hiccups, hands now balled into fists that he buries under opposite armpits, shifting his weight so that he doesn't look so small. His glances bounce between me and the hallway table, never fixing on either of us as he tries to state his mind like an adult. "I've barely had you."

In my heart there has been a constant ache, hurt flowing and pumping through my veins like the blood that ran cold last night at his hurtful words. His apologetic words make the ache somehow worse.

"I don't mean to be a burden to you," I say softly, feeling a small, stray tear break the fluid barrier of my waterline to race down my cheek, allowing a pathway to the fatter drops that threaten to quickly follow.

Mike's face shifts, stepping towards me and holding out his arms.

"No, never," he says just as soft, trying to comfort me. I freeze as he approaches, my body stiffening as I try to swallow the lump and convince myself that I can survive his touch. His touch that I normally crave the moment I'm around him, that I seek in the dark of night even when the bed is overheating, that I'd go insane without.

"I've never asked you to care," I say, voice breaking and tears rolling freely now.

"I know," he says into my neck, which is wetting as he shakes around me, his grasp firm and careless of whether or not it's too much.

"I don't mean to cause problems. I just...." I don't know what I mean, how I wish to finish the statement. If I was clever, I could. If I was clever, I wouldn't even be in this problem to begin with.

"I'm just scared," he chokes out, his breathing horrible as he struggles to keep his crying from being obvious. "You look sick all the time and I don't want that."

He's told me the story. His mother wasting away, thinning and slipping, starving and dying. How he'd returned home to a baby wailing in her crib as their mothers body lay in a pool of blood he never really got out of the carpet. He lied to me initially when I saw it the first time, said it was wine. It wasn't until we had a few glasses ourselves that his eyes glazed over and he told me. It was disturbing how neutral he kept himself to the subject. A habit he'd developed much too long ago to break.

"Mike-"

"I try, and I try and if something doesn't give soon I'm gonna fucking lose it," he sobs into my skin, arms tightening around me.

"If what doesn't give?" I ask softly, trying to pull him away to look into his eyes. But he doesn't budge, sobbing a little bit harder and gripping a little bit tighter. He doesn't respond, simply shaking as he breathes heavily against me through his mouth.

"Hey," I say softly, trying to wrap my arms around him, failing and giving up as I realize his grip is too tight. "I'm not going anywhere."

His mouth closes a little, quieting his breathing slightly as he sniffles.

"I'm an idiot, but I'm not suicidal," I say softly, trying again for a joke. He doesn't laugh, but he does pull away slightly to look at my face, lips swollen and quivering as he blinks at me.

"You scare me," he says quietly, not quite meeting my eyes. He's watching my lips, but I think that's because that's the closest he can get to making eye contact.

"I scare you?" I ask, furrowing my brows. I lick my dry, cracked lips for comfort. "Why?"

"Because I love you," he says shakily, sighing as though it were exhausting to admit while still holding that nervous flicker in his eyes. "Because when I think about not being with you the house seems colder. And I can't go back to hating this house."

I open my mouth to respond, but there's more.

"Because I love your stupid smile when you're excited, or how you do that cricket leg thing when you're falling asleep. Or how if you want my attention you'll bury your head in my chest and pretend you're doing it in your sleep even though I won't judge you for doing it while you're awake."

"I don't-"

"I love how defensive you get over things like that," he says, bringing one hand to cup my cheek, resting his thumb that smells like the creamy lavender handsoap next to the bathroom sink on my lips. "I love how you look waking up next to me, how you play with Abby. And for a really long time I didn't see myself ever having kids, but when I see you curling her hair at the kitchen table I think maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I just took up another job and saved money so that we could-"

"Mike-"

"Stop cutting me off," he says gently, his eyes finally meeting mine with just the smallest smile. "It's rude."

At that I do stop, my body finally relaxing into his grasp as I lean into him and his touch.

"I want things I haven't wanted since before Garret went missing," he says, stroking my lip. "And I want them with you."

Dinner was just as delicious as lunch, even if it was late. And the bed is soft like our voices as we make plans for years down the line. And after a week long break, the pages are finally filled once again.

Just like us.

¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

Literally had a come to Jesus moment while writing this that not only do I fear being vulnerable irl, but in writing too. Nearly threw up while writing this. Book aable feet.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

•▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

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fxckn-sxck-fr · 2 months

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Okay so maybe this it too dark, but I’m taking a chance because your inbox said “disgusting or dark themes” lmao. Imagine Dick goes through with the paralyzing of his darling, and it’s successful, but something goes wrong during one of his patrols, and he gets knocked out/kidnapped or other. Now Darling is there in the apartment all by herself, with no way to move or care for herself. I imagine she’d be incredibly sick if enough time passed, like near death if she’d been allowed to just sit there for a few days or more. What would dicks reaction be once he finally made it back to her and saw her in that state? Would it be enough for him to admit what he’s doing is wrong, or would he rationalize it away?

Love your work btw!! 💗 you keep us fed!

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇…

!!! GN reader, paralyzed reader, drugging, starvation, dehydration, brief blood mention (extremely non-graphic), emaciation, near death experience, brief mention of poor hygiene, feeding tube, infantilizing.

(I know this ask uses she/her pronouns, but I thought it was better to keep this consistent with the other immobilization asks, so I used the same gender neutral reader.)

(Also, how dare you think this is too dark for this blog. I eat this shit up, MM-MM-MMMMMMMMMMMMM.)

I’ve actually wondered about this before. If you’ve seen my previous asks, then you know that yandere Dick Grayson is still all in with the hero game. This already has an impact on his ability to care for you, as he sometimes comes home later than he’d want to, so it’s only natural that something like this would happen.

I can see him having to leave for a Nightwing emergency around noon-ish. You’re left sitting upright in his bed, head lulling to one side with your hands delicately poised in your lap like a porcelain doll. Now, whether you imagine him paralyzing just your legs or your arms as well, I think it’s safe to say he’d still keep you on a drug that immobilizes as a precaution, so the only movement you can manage is your eyes. With any luck, he wraps up whatever he needs to quickly and he brings you back to the living room where you can at least watch TV. You can only sit alone with your thoughts for so long before you become just as fucking insane as your captive has…

Noon turns into evening. Evening turns into night. Your stomach bubbles uncomfortably from the lack of dinner, making it difficult to fall asleep. Still no signs of Dick when you finally manage to drift off, and when you wake up the next morning, your mouth feels like sand paper. A loud gurgle emits from your stomach, your groggy mind filled with prayers that Dick got home last night and is currently preparing your breakfast in the kitchen, but those holes slowly diminish as the hours tick by, the pain in your stomach becoming almost unbearable.

From the corner of your eye, you can see your IV drip practically empty. This confirms the unfortunate reality that Dick has yet to return; otherwise, he’d take the needle out of your arm, or at the very least, replaced the bag. You’re still unable to move with the drug still in your blood stream, but as soon as it wears off, you plan to use the limited control you have over your body to at least try and inchworm your way out of here… or even just to the kitchen.

By the time you approach the 24-hour mark of Dick’s sudden departure, you feel like you’re agonizingly rotting away. Dehydration is making your mind fuzzy, but before you’re granted the release of passing out, starvation sharply pulls your consciousness back in. This a persistent cycle that taunts you through the day, midnight providing a small reprieve as your mind finally shuts down before the torture begins again in the morning.

The drug has long left your system, allowing you to try and generate some moisture in your mouth. You viscously gnaw at the inside of your cheeks, swallowing the chunks of skin you manage to tear off and almost crying in relief when you’re blessed with the flavor of blood. It’s not much, as you doubt you can survive off this alone, but it would tide you over long enough until Dick showed up, right?

… He’s on his way home… right?

It’s been 3 whole days. You’re fighting a losing battle between a mouth filled with sand and a stomach trying to digest itself. Through your bleary vision, you can vaguely make out the outline of bones in your arms, the twist of the radius and ulna prominently bulging through your skin. Drifting between two planes of consciousness, you tried to focus on anything other than your eminent demise, like memories before this never-ending hell or the smell of your own horrendous odor.

This is it. This is how you die. If you didn’t feel like your brain was slowly turning into mud, you might’ve been more afraid. But fortunately for you, death seemed to be kind enough to numb your thoughts entirely, allowing you to pass on with serenity rather than terror. This may have been the most merciful thing the universe has been towards you in the past several months. After weeks of being a captive in your own body, you’re finally being relieved of this nightmare…

… But, of course, you should’ve known you would never be granted the privilege of pity.

Dick is greeted with the horrifying sight of you on death’s doorstep by the time he stumbles into his room. After making sure you’re still alive — and almost sobbing from relief when he feels a feint pulse — he quickly prepares an IV bag of actual sustainable fluids to replace the empty one filled with just the drug. Hopefully, it would be enough to stabilize your electrolyte levels until he can put you on a feeding tube.

Now, remember that Dick isn’t an idiot; he does his research before doing any sort of medical procedure on you, and it helps that he already has some preexisting knowledge thanks to his field of work. But, again, since he isn’t an idiot, he knows that there’s only so much he can do as one guy, and a condition like this requires a team of professionals who can monitor your vitals and nutrient levels. There’s a chance he may actually take you to Gotham, either to Leslie’s Thompkin’s clinic or even the Batcave depending on what’s closer. I think it’s possible that Leslie and/or Bruce are already aware of your paralysis, albeit not the true story behind it. Dick wouldn’t have to explain himself much other than the reason he couldn’t take care of you for the past couple of days.

However, after you’re fully stabilized, it would only be a matter of time before someone talks to Dick about what’s good for you. Having your only caretaker be a vigilante who can’t always be there for you is a huge risk to your safety. Leslie, and/or Bruce would try to convince him to move you into the manor, where Alfred could keep an eye on you, but Dick would only be enraged at the suggestion. He almost just lost you, and now they want to take you away from him?! He’s the only one who can take care of you because he knows what’s good for you!!

(The cracks in Dick’s carefully crafted façade are showing… Leslie and/or Bruce can only hope this is just him being overwhelmed from all that’s happened.)

Anyways. One way or another, you find yourself waking up to the familiar sight of Dick’s ceiling. The stinging sensation of a feeding tube irritates your nostril, and you feel like you’ve just been hit by a steamroller. Dick immediately takes to your side the moment he realizes you’re awake, desperately clutching your hand (which you can’t feel, cuz… y’know… paralysis) as he sobs into the bony crook of your neck. He’s practically in hysterics; the way he gasps for air between agonizing wails makes you distantly worry he’s gonna pass out on your weak form.

So, what would be Dick’s takeaway from this? Does he finally recognize how fucked up it is to paralyze someone so he can take care of them easier? Well… no. Not at all. In fact, as soon as he’s allowed himself to grieve over the fact you almost fucking died, he realizes that this is actually perfect for him. You’re in a critical state and he needs to nurse you back to health? He absolutely adores coddling you to the extreme, so this is like living the dream. Really, the only thing he regrets is not putting you on a more sustainable drug before he left (though it’s not like he could foresee his initial Nightwing emergency going south like that. But it’s okay, cuz now he knows to take precautions!!).

Your recovery would take months, but things return to normal very quickly… much to your anguish.

#❥ CALL INCOMING: DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES?#❥ TW: YANDERE #❥ YANDERE CHARACTER #❥ PLATONIC YANDERE #❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON #❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON X READER #❥ GN READER

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thatgayfox666 · 9 days

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happy pride month!

here’s to all the people with “confusing” or “conflicting” genders and/or sexualities and/or pronouns

Here’s to all the aces and aros and bis and pans and trans and nonbinary and the other “problematic” identities

here’s to all the alter humans and non humans who are queer in some way. Whether your queerness effects your alter/non humanity or vice versa, or even if it doesn’t have any connection

here’s to all the queer plurals. From those who know your specific flavor of queer, to those who can’t tell because everything seems to blend too much to figure it out, to those who don’t use constricting labels anyway

Here’s to the openly queer people and those in the closet

here’s to us all just trying our best. May you all have a safe and happy pride month

#alterhuman #pluralgang #pride #lgbtq #queer

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chatter-crow · 9 months

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More LGBTQ+ LU headcanons

-Time is agender, since they were raised by the kokiri, who in my mind don’t have many concepts of gender

-Flora is an asexual lesbian, and is down bad for all the gerudo ladies

-Continuing on Flora, they are some flavor of genderqueer.

-Lullaby is genderfluid!

-Vio definitely uses neopronouns, I can just see them using xe/xem

-Twilight realized they were non-binary because of the Twili (in my mind the twili don’t have stereotypical gender norms, and Midna taught Twilight about this)

-Legend and Ravio got married so Ravio could live in Hyrule, but they fell for each other after a while

-Malon is the number one ally, considering her spouse and all the chain is queer

-Sun is a trans girl!

-Hyrule is very confused by how romance works. (Shhh, let me project my aromantic-ness onto him)

-Tetra is trans masc and uses all pronouns, and he is the reason Wind had her gender crisis.

-Four is genderqueer, and the colors have weekly votes on what pronouns to use when combined

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thermodynamic-comedian · 1 year

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markiplier lore is queer: an essay by me.

dedicated to @system32-cleanmgr <2

so, to start things off, i wanna talk about the gender of it all. because of the gender ambiguity of the viewer insert in almost every markiplier lore video, the universe now has at least three canonical non-binary characters who go by they/them pronouns (wether these characters are all the same character, different characters, or kind of the same character is unknown).

but that's not where the gender fuckery of the better mcu ends. you see, there's also the (subtextual and mostly ignored, yes, but still relevant) overall gender fuckery of darkiplier's character. because, while they present male, they are still in some ways a combination of celine and damien, two people of opposite genders (not to mention the fact that they exist inside the body of the viewer from who killed markiplier, who's one of the formerly mentioned non-binary characters). so, while not explicit representation, i personally like to think of darkiplier as some flavor of genderfluid.

i also feel like damien and celine's specific gender expressions themselves affect darkiplier in some ways: while they're both (presumably) cis, the two still have very distinct ways of performing their respective gender identities. damien portrays a softer version of masculinity, whereas celine shows a slightly harsher femininity than what we're used to seeing in media. he's a bit clueless and sees things from an emotional, human perspective, and she's clearly used to being the rational, fast-paced one, always trying to find solutions. this dynamic might have something to do with them being siblings (and i'm assuming celine's the older of the two, purely because of all the talk of 'keeping damien safe'), and it's not inherently queer, but it is interesting to me that these characters have such specific ways of acting out their genders.

now, this one's not as important, but i would also like to mention the casual usage of they/them pronouns for other characters as well. in in space with markiplier: part 2, mark explicitly refers to the character of lady by they/them pronouns multiple times (this could also be either because they're an alien and mark doesn't know how they identify, or because their actor, lio tipton, is non-binary, but to me, that reads as somewhat solid confirmation that the character goes by they/them pronouns), and mark himself is referred to as "they" by the narrator at least once.

this isn't really a gender identity thing, but rather a gender expression thing, but i do also wanna talk about wilford warfstache and his gender non-conformativity. i do think he identifies as male, all things considered, but he doesn't seem the least bit interested in masculinity as a concept, favouring traditionally (i say traditionally, but i do mean societally, since pink used to be considered a boy color) feminine colors like pink and yellow, and being more than open to expressing his feelings and encouraging other characters to do the same.

now i'm gonna get into the sexualities. how are queer sexualities portrayed in markiplier lore?

well, that's a hard question to answer; no character has ever been (as far as i know) specifically stated to be of any sexual orientation. although there is a high possibility that wilford is pansexual, since he was clearly in love with celine, but it's implied he doesn't really care about the gender of whomever he happens to be romantically or sexually involved with at the time (i.e. him casually asking abe if they used to date, because that really is a possibility).

aside from wilford, because of the ambiguous gender of the viewer insert, a lot of characters end up being inadvertedly queer because of their attraction to them, most of them most likely falling on the m-spec.

there's also something to be said about abe the detective. is he gay or not? well, again, nothing's canon, but i think it's safe to assume he isn't straight. the "accidental" homoerotic innuendos he makes constantly seem less like a joke about being gay, and more like a joke about having repressed, sexual thoughts about someone, and having those thoughts emerge as those kinds of comments.

the "would anyone like to join me?" comment might just be will making fun of him, but i can't find it in myself to think actor mark is straight either. i guess it's just a headcanon, but let's be honest, he's every 'subtly' queer-coded old cartoon villain ever. he's rich, dramatic, petty, and vain, and frankly sometimes being evil and queer is just a fact of life.

but i'm not gonna go further into my headcanons on here, lest this post turn into a list instead of an essay, so i'll just wrap it up here. thanks for listening to my ramble.

#markiplier #markiplier cinematic universe #darkiplier #markiplier lore #iswm #ahwm #adwm #wkm #in space with markiplier #a heist with markiplier #a date with markiplier #who killed markiplier #fritz rambles too much

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catinasink · 5 months

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Introduction

included below: what yall can refer to me as, what my posts are about, and ao3 fics. also i tend to use the queue for posts tagged schoolposting btw :) if you found this through my writing: i will attempt to update at least once every two weeks! please give this a read before following :3 send an ask if you want to be added to my taglist lols

side blog: @catinasink-writes

most recent edit: 01/22/24

name:

catinasink, or cat (no capitalization)

pronouns:

they/it ?? perhaps?? trying those out

age:

minor

labels:

agender neptunic/lesbian aroacespec (cupioromantic or grayromantic, some flavor of ace)

what are my posts about:

i tend to reblog a lot of stuff on my for you page, but i'm also in the marauders fandom and sometimes i post pictures of my cats, and also offer up updates on my writing, also genshin impact

can you tag me/ask me questions/etc:

yes! i would love that

pets:

two cats: kim and shego <3 theyre both girls

likes:

reading, writing, cats, marauders, music

DNI:

MAPs/pedophiles, queerphobes, bigots, the usual ig, also if you're over 25 i would prefer if you didnt interact with me

timezone shit:

the united states, PST

preferences for terms:

pls dont capitalize my name, pls dont formally address me

nono terms: guy, bro, girl, sis, gal, man, etc. (basically pretty much all gendered terms)

ok terms: bbg as long as you dont type it out as babygirl, any petnames are fine

i might call myself a girl or a boy as a joke. dont take this as permission to call me that, pls and thank you x

other random shit:

i would appreciate the use of tone tags if you feel like your words are too vague :>, also asks are open for just about anything

am between slytherin and ravenclaw, however lean more towards slytherin

am INTP-T if you care abt that

Scorpio sun, Sagittarius moon, Scorpio rising (I believe), as well as pandora sun, lily moon, and regulus rising

will post about my classes outside of school, which include: art, aikido, ballroom dance, math, and russian

i speak english n russian

tags:

ramblies/vents/non-reblogs that dont fall into any other categories: #cat's rambles

cat photos/posts mentioning my cat: #cat's cat

fic updates (more of my writing is on my sideblog): #cat's writing

my asks: #cat's asks

my wonderful friend @this-is-me-lolol: #basil my beloved <3

posts i make at school (usually queued): #cat's schoolposting

music related posts: #cat's lyricposting

dear anon: #cat's dear anon

blender anon: #cat's blender anon

dreamscape nexus: #Dreamscape Nexus

Ao3 details

my account

i've got a good feeling that we could be something

rated T

the Selection but rosestarkillerchaser

features the Blacks as the Schreaves

the Order as the rebellion

rosestarkillerchaser, emmarlily, wolfstar

unfinished

watching pixar on a school night

rated T

a texting fic for the marauders 5th year and skittles 4th year

modern au w magic

rosestarkillerchaser, emmarpanlily/sunkeeperflowerseer, wolfstar

background benjy/peter + nobleflower + frank

slowburn

unfinished

they're so pretty it hurts (i'm not talking about boys, i'm talking about girls)

rated T

oneshot about marlene

in the universe of wpoasn

features slavic marlene!! bc that is my love >>

also ace marlene!

2.7k words

finished (oneshot)

dear angel lacy, eyes white as daisies

rated T

in the universe of wpoasn

noblesea (molly and alice) focused

has noblesea, nobleflower, and fralice (polyam alice)

slowburn

unfinished

#cat's writing #cat's rambles #intro post!

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alistairssock · 7 months

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Every day I grow increasingly disappointed and mad that the body options in BG3 are so limited when it comes to their bodies

I complain a lot about all the male companions having rippling abs (first off: why??? second off: the hell¿¿¿). While most the female companions have hourglass shaped bodies with uber perky tits facing the sky. Except Lae'zel and Karlach. Lae'zel being weird and lanky yet strong, gitting her being githyanki and a warrior. Check. It's good, I really like that about her, it makes her interesting and unique. Her tits are even slightly diffrent than the others. Karlach? I could never slander Karlach. She's perfect. Hope she can continue to piss off whiny gamer boys who are afraid of muscular women taller than them. Or awaken something in them. Either option is fine.

But the main thing that bothers me is that we're living up to this insane beauty standard that is so implimented into our society that it's so to speak impossible to un-stick from video games. It's a sick and twisted cishet gamerbro fantasy, rubbed into our faces. It's lazy and boring, and lacking of flavor and I'm so so tired of it. And don't get me started how unrealistic most their bodies are compared to what they do and how they've lived and who they are. That could easily be a whole other wall of a text post.

Thing is, I wouldn't mind this as much if the 'standard' bodies were just one of many options. If these body types were just one of many and not the default on every single character model. There could be a custom option/sliders to adjust the character's bodies to your own vision and preference. Though, I do wish it would come with a lot more diverse bodies to begin with (baseline for npcs, and that isn't much to ask for, they clearly have the power, but are not willing to wield it). Hell, even a height slider would be good. Not all player/non-playable characters abide to the standard set body options; that is simply ridiculous when you think about it.

It does however bother me extra much because it's such a cowardly trap both Dragon Age - and probably also other fantasy games (and let's be real, most video games in general) - and now Baldur's Gate fall into. Men are square and burly, and women are hourglass shaped and dainty in comparison, no matter the race option (cough, cough I'm looking at the dwarves mainly). Dare i say The Ideal Male Body and Sexulised Version Of What Most Women Look Like. The only two genders. They do have given us muscled options, for which I'm grateful. But they are mostly just "would you like to be bigger and taller?", and that's it. Essentially same body, just streched out and slap some muscle in it, no problem. But seeing as it's in a fantasy world very much like our world (as in...people are people, living their people person lives), there should be a lot more bodily diversity. Fat people should exist, and they shouldn't be limited to antagonistic characters. We all see why that is wrong and fucked up, right?

It is progressive in it's ways, of course. The fact you can mix and match genitalia to body is a huge plus in my book. Pronouns are also super epic. Not much to complain about on that front, not many gives us these options. It's a small step for gaming, a huge step for humanity, or whatever.

It might be a lot to ask for to have options that include and embrace every aspect of the human experience. I do want more disabled characters in all shades and colours, I do want more fat characters in all shapes and sizes, I do want better and more hair for poc characters. The list goes on forever. So while I'm grateful for what we have and know and acknowledge and mourn it's not a perfect game by far (by wishes and just as a fact), I do appreciate what has been offered us so far. I just need to get this all off my chest, air out some thoughts

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #could probably added more but wanted to keep it fairly short and this is also what I've been thinking about the most #there are other things too that could be talked about but aren't up to me to address

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cir-papi-di4bl0 · 2 months

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Speed Dating Storytime...

So, I downloaded this app the other day to find some kink events for a group calendar I help manage. I found this event for Virtual Poly Speed Dating, and didn't really know what to expect, but I was curious. I've never even been to ANY speed dating event, really... virtual or physical. 😳

Anywho, the event came and went. There were like about 30 individual screens, some couples, some solo pplz. It was interesting since I seemed one of maybe a handFull of Enbies present. (If i'm BEing totally G about it, maybe there were 3 of us, judging by intros.) Also, can't help but notice I never crossed paths with the 4 other melanated people in attendance. Mind you, there was like 5 of us, and none of the times we shuffled rooms did I run into them. Sadness since I saw one of them (We'll call her Susie) on the app's RSVP list, and she seemed pretty dope.

To My surprise, Susie actually ended up messaging Me after the event, and expressing similar sadness for not being able to sit in company with Me during any of the shuffles. HA! 😅 We love a little synchronicity with our awkward-ass, preliminary speed dating experiences, right?! Thanks for that sprinkle of hope and irony, Universe. ✨ Well played.

Outside of that, the experience was koo, but the crowd wasn't My flavor. Many seemed to InJoy My dark humor, and Goth Boi presentation, but some (like Azzholes) talked over Me, and even grilled Me on My pronouns, making thing extremely awkward. All pale, all males, all cis. Even with that, ya Dude still handled it graceFully, redirecting the ignorance, and returning to the conversation prompts. While there were some there that were familiar with Gender Non-Conformity, and even some kinky F/folx, I just didn't feel it for Me in that space. Ugh. It would be koo though if some of them hit Me up and we walked away as new friends. Especially that other Rope Top I sat in space with. They were pretty hilarious.

In summary, ugh... I'm still working out how I feel about dating in general, and it's not that I'm not connected, (Queer Platonic local partner and LD Life Partner). Happy with them, I've just been feeling like I need to explore connection a bit differently outside of those relationships. (Did I mention I'm a bit of a comet at times?) And since I've been InJoying a brand new outlook on relationships and what healthy connection actually is for Me, I need to be able to apply this knowledge so.............. dating.

yay. 😶

In other news, Susie and I may be connecting soon to "see where we fit" with each other. Interesting how we both felt something from the other, in such a small window of exposure, right? The transmission of vibes, even virtually/remotely cannot be underestimated, yo. I've been called to do new things and step out of comfort zones and this experience definitely feels like it. Is this what the Ancestors were hinting when that "Song of the Wild" card nudged Me this morning?

In other news, at least I know a couple of swinging, Reiki-practicing, former attorneys in Florida, who live at a nudist resort, and say I'm always welcum. 😅🤣👀 LOL!

Ah... What is life if not hilarious?

#enby #speed dating #journal #polyamory #ethical non monogamy #nonbinary #dating #healthy relationships #poly life #poly love #intersex #bd/sm kink #goth boi

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thereareeyesinsidethetrees · 9 months

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id like to make a self indulgent fic series thats just violently applying various different aspects of identity to everyone

fic all about ford experimenting with it/its pronouns

fic about ford struggling with mental illness and stan helping him with it because he himself has experience with it

fic about mabel hyperfixation adventures

dipper vs manliness except explicitly transgender

fic about ford struggling with paranoia and hallucinations

fic about stan being forced to take a self-care day via nurse mabel

pines family bonding over nightmares. bonus: ford and stan give mabel and dipper some tips for dealing with insomnia (good tips? theyre definitely trying)

pines family trans story time

ford trying (and probably failing) to explain multiverse genders to everyone

stan decking someone because they didnt want to respect ford’s aromantic non-interest

stan and ford just doing echolalia for long periods of time

mabel’s guide to pride: a series of three mabel’s guides where its just her sitting down with the stan twins and explaining various genders/pronouns, sexualities, and romantic orientations to them

ford trying to explain to stan the eternal struggle that is “do this specific thing or unknown horrors will kill you because the horrors are also neurodivergent i guess”

mabel and ford bonding over shared sensory and skin picking issues

soos, wendy, and fiddleford building dangerous things together because they found an overlap in hyperfixations

the stan twins being so used to each other spacing out and having to either snap the other out of it or just take over whatever they were doing at the time that theyre both confused when it happens during an event at mystery shack and everyone is concerned about it

mabel convinces ford to go into the forest with her and do a survey about the various anomalies’ identities. he has to go with because hes the only one with a translator (and more of the anomalies already know him which makes it easier)

mabel asking stan to help her figure out a chosen name

mabel using waddles to dispel negative thoughts and going on a mission to figure out if waddles could be a good therapy pig for all of the members of the pines family

embodiment of depression takes on the form of ford and uses what he personally believes to be the worst aspects of himself to try and hunt down the pines family, starting with ford himself. the other members of the pines family help him fight back the anomaly enough that he manages to take the thing down (✨metaphors✨)

mabel helps ford create creatures and lore for his next DD&MD campaign (another fic about hyperfixations)

the stan twins go looking for weird stuff to research and encounter a venomous anomaly. stan tries to keep ford grounded in reality while simultaneously having to deal with the various other effects of the venom (it prompted, but was not the sole cause of, ford’s struggling to stay grounded)

dipper being the only one to not be able to taste water, featuring mabel introducing the stan twins to the wonders of flavored water powder

#you might be wondering why i dont #the answer is that you cant please as many people (theyre more likely to argue a case of mischaracterization)#but at the same time that doesnt really make sense yknow. because thats not what self-indulgence is about #should we tag. we like some of these so. yeah sure #gravity falls #there ya go

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cowboyjen68 · 2 years

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Hi Jen, I just wanted to hear your thoughts on transmasc butch lesbians? I’m a lesbian and I take testosterone, have top surgery, and use he/him pronouns because it makes me feel more comfortable in my body not to be perceived as a cis woman, and rather somewhere in between instead. I’m definitely not a man but sometimes I question if I’m allowed in butch spaces. Do you know of any older butches like this?

My experience with lesbians who use or decided to use trans masc either interchangeably or in conjunction with butch in real life are younger, under 30 and usually early 20's. On line I have a few "friends" (lesbians who I have formed a connection with only via DM's and messages on tiktok or instagram) who are older, most late 30's to late 40's who are now using trans masc and on some type of transitional path, either T or surgery. The older ones are all sort of newly on the path, perhaps the last 4 years. And all but a scant few use trans masc but do not seem to view it as much different than butch or masc. I can’t say for sure, I don’t ask because I don’t really see it is my business since we aren’t close friends.

No one is my real life older friend circles uses anything but butch but some don't feel an attachment to the word so they don't use it at all. When I ask my older lesbian friends, butch or not, they seem to think trans masc is “butch with intervention or additives”. NOT my words. Several said similar things.

Younger butch friends seem a bit more able to see the nuance of trans masc vs butch or just masc but many of them come from a space where they used to ID as some flavor of trans or non binary and don’t any more so they have a better grasp.

In my lesbian circles, older, middle or younger, in real life, as in the friends I see, hang out with and have connections to, all are very connected to being a woman and loving the comradarie and friendships that sort of relatibilty affords. Not that they always were always comfortable with womanhood, that is not the case. Many, especially butches, struggled at some point with confiusion between their internal self, public and societal opinions and the perceptions of others. Most of us definitely share stories of lamenting the onset of being seen as a woman by men or even by other women because it felt weird to go from non gendered childhood or tomboy to woman. The segue was not smooth or easy.

A few of my younger friends share their lives, both romantically or friendshipwise, with trans masc who are either on T or plan to be. None that I know of having had any surgical intervention, but again.. not really something I would ask or be privy to.

I don’t think many of the lesbians I know would reject a trans masc lesbian from a friend circle because of that single thing. Personality, compatibilty, relateablity etc might be a factor but that holds true with any relationship between people.

I can tell you this. I know a few trans masc lesbians who are comfortable being perceived as a woman and referred to as such in closed circles of trusted women but no so in public or mixed company.

I can’t speak for all butch spaces. Obviously every group or event is allowed to set their own boundaries and purpose and some will only want those who are firmly women. Others will be quite open. But my advice is to build one on one trusted relationships with younger AND older lesbians who then form your circle of support. Pretty soon you find you are making your own space and they are there to love you just as you are.

Butch lesbians, of all ages, will understand you just a tad more than others. Seek that understanding and allow for questions of good intent. Older butches can lead the way to places you will find acceptance even if they aren’t quite sure about “trans masc” and what it means to you.

My DM’s are open. Always

#lesbian #butch #trans masc

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we-are-inevitable · 1 year

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Trans masc Davey?

TRANSMASC DAVEY. YES

having a SUPER close bond with Sarah, his twin sister; she was the first person he came out to, and she was so SO supportive. helping him figure out measurements for a binder- bc sarah definitely sews her own clothes and has everything they need for measurements- and figures out how to order it discreetly. not that he’s worried about telling his parents, but that’s a Big Step and he isn’t sure he’s ready for it.

he’s already kind of “tomboy-ish”- i like to think davey is pretty sporty despite the everything about him, and basketball is his #1. sarah takes him thrift shopping and they get him a few masculine basics that he can dress up or down or “feminine” depending on the case, and once the binder gets there, the gender euphoria he feels in a t-shirt and men’s jeans just cements the newfound identity.

coming out to his parents is very emotional but they’re extremely supportive!! they may not fully understand but they try, and they start using his pronouns immediately. esther taking him to a friend who does hair and they do the Big Chop and david doesn’t stop smiling the entire way home.

coming out to everyone else is still kind of a hassle though. most of his friends are some flavor of queer but it’s still Daunting, and the first non-family member he tells is jack, his best friend and crush of ~3 years. i imagine davey to be 15 or 16 when he comes out too. jack being immediately supportive and nonchalant about it !!

he probably doesn’t verbally tell that many other people, just updates his pronouns on instagram and other various social media accounts

davey getting top surgery during the summer between senior year of high school and freshman year of college; he saves half of the money over two or three years of working while in school and his parents know how important it is to him so they save up the other half and help him find a good doctor as an early graduation present. it’s scary and perfect and he’s so fucking happy

at this point he’s been on T for a few years

moving onto some little hcs instead of a made up background:

sarah making him clothes !! she loves any and all things fashion and making a new cool wardrobe for her new cool brother is everything to her

he still plays sports, which can be a bit tricky, but basketball is like one of his fave things and his school is pretty great so they basically let him decide which team he feels more comfortable on

i feel like race is always trans to me so davey and race being trans besties. they aren’t super close but they Understand and they listen to each other vent or rant whenever they need

davey cycling between a few names before landing on david, and he decides on it bc his mother gifts him with a star of david necklace for his birthday and he just kind of says. ah yea this. this fits well

he just has a really good support system and everyone is pretty great. ofc there are some rough patches but for the most part his coming out/how he lives his life is incredible

i wanted to go a more angsty route with this but us trans people deserve happy stories. love you guys v v much <33

#ask a jac !#davey jacobs #david jacobs #jac txt.#newsies #jack kelly #livesies #newsies musical #javid #javey #racetrack higgins #sarah jacobs

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guardr0ck · 4 months

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Intro post I guess?

I always said I would never ever EVER let go of my old online handle because it was so unequivocally me and, while that is actually still true, the community that I cultivated there for over two decades no longer is. Even as a young tween when I first started posting online in '01, I had a very concrete grasp on what is fiction, and what is reality. I used the internet to connect specifically with other girls and young women who enjoyed the kind of strange fiction and games that I love; from fanart to RP to cosplay and everything in-between. I was born with major organ failure and a deformed body, so I had to get used to accepting my lot very quickly and at a very young age. Practicing radical acceptance, if you will. The notion that other women (and men too) didn't live with such a concrete divide between the real and unreal never occurred to me, as that level of delusion was nearly impossible for me to fathom at my young age. And, for a good while, the culture of fandom reflected this, as it was always understood, for example, that the person I was conversing with was just Kelly the fellow 19 year-old gal from Wisconsin, and not actually Dave Strider from our Homestuck RPs.

This notion was completely challenged when, circa 2011, my best friend found gender ideology on this very site.

At first I was accepting and tolerant, but it quickly shoved a wedge between myself and all my friends, for it was as if a contagious disease ravaged my entire extended friend group, all of whom were neurodivergent females. My close-knit friend group in real life all began identifying as some sort of trans. Soon followed my internet friend group as well. In both spaces it then spread even further to other extended female companions we had. Altogether, about twenty young women with whom I was close with, now identify as some flavor of trans, with a few of them currently suffering grave illness in their 30's due to complications from extensive testosterone use throughout their 20's. You can not tell me that this is not a social contagion, because IT FUCKING IS. I became a pariah because I refused to take T or id as "non-binary" (a make-believe, pseudo-spiritual identity with absolute 0 basis in reality). I became a pariah because of the simple "crime" of accepting myself as a lesbian.

I have been critical of trans ideology from the very get go, albeit in a "you do you, I do me" sort of way. If the individual was close to me or even clearly trying their best to assimilate and "pass" I was even cool with using their "preferred pronouns" no matter how wrong it felt. Live and let live, and all that. Honestly, I still AM like this towards TIPs who acknowledge that they aren't actually the opposite sex. You would think there would be no issue with that, but nah, I was met with comedically extreme resistance ("bigot"/"murderer"/"violence-promoter") for stating the simple fact that one can not actually change sex. I knew these accusations of bigotry were untrue words coming from disturbed minds (who needed help, not hormones...), but I was willing to forgive these egregious accusations on the grounds of "tolerance" and "being kind". However, in their minds I had to become a True and Honest Believer or else I was evil. Of course, they could never make me believe in the unreal, so I simply held my tongue and walked on eggshells with nearly every interaction, tying myself up in knots to please them.

This changed when I was sexually harassed (in real life and online) by multiple heterosexual trans-identified males for the crime of being a gay woman. "The right cock will fix you, as long as its wearing a frock." Legit the same shit coming from the hyper-religious right, but wrapped up in a glittery package complete with hideous make-up. Most of my friends sided with them, with the men threatening to "fix" me via heterosexual corrective rape.

All I have to say to that is: FUCK YOU.

I'm lucky to have made it to my 30's, and I'll be fucking damned before I let some delusional assholes continue to control how I act and feel. You only get one trip around this rock, and I'm done letting them invade my spaces online and threaten my safety in real life. Funny that, when all the lunatic jargon and double-speak is removed, this all boils down to straight (predominantly white) males trying to sexually dominate a profoundly disabled woman who doesn't want sex with them!

If you made it this far, congrats lol. PLEASE DO interact if you are a GC artist, but especially if you do fanart of HH or 80's/90's animation (especially lost media and foreign stuff). Please understand the characters and dynamics I find entertaining in fiction ARE NOT indicative of what I like irl!!!! I can never let go of "fandom" or being creative -- it's in my blood. Literally, I come from a family of artists. But I can't keep living in this bizarre upside down space where I am forced to kowtow to the delusions of every person who lives in a fantasy, and where I am encouraged to support blatantly narcissistic behavior at the expense of my own safety and happiness.

#terfsafe #gender critical #radical feminists do interact #lgb drop the t #adult human female #grthoughts

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veinsfullofstars · 3 months

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⭐ Welcome! ⭐

Henlo. Hope you’re doing well. Thanks for poppin’ by. I’m Veins, an art goblin on the internet with abnormal levels of anxiety and chronic video game brainrot, and this is my introduction post. Any updates or news on my end will be added here as well. I hope you’ll be patient with me and enjoy your visit!

(Last updated 04/20/24)

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Who are you?

What an existentially upsetting question. Well, for the moment, I go by VeinsFullOfStars online, usually shortened to just Veins. I’m also toying around with Ivan or Yves, but Veins is the most preferable. Nice to meet you!

Wait, didn't you already have an account here? With the same username?

I did. I, uh, panic-deleted it in response to the data-scraping fiasco and regretted it almost immediately. As a result, you might see reblogs from the deactivated account still floating around. There is, unfortunately, nothing I can do about those unless the blogs that shared them take them down themselves (and, hey, if you happen to be one of those folks seeing this, I'd super appreciate it if you'd maybe remove the old reblog and replace it with the new one from here if you can). It's my mistake for overreacting, and now I just have to live with it. Sorry for any confusion.

What does your username mean? Where did it come from?

It’s an altered version of a pen name I used in my teen years. I’m too embarrassed to get into specifics, but just know that it comes from a place of very sincere cringe and leave it at that.

What are your preferred pronouns/gender?

Thanks for asking! I’m non-binary, and I use they/them pronouns.

How old are you?

Ancient (in my 30s).

What is your avatar supposed to be?

A goblin. Very smol, very nervous, very puntable.

What are you using this blog for?

Art, mostly. I like to draw digitally and sometimes make stuff with yarn. I've also been writing since I could hold a pencil (though I don’t have much finished, so art will be the main focus for now). Also, expect a lot of reblogs, shitposts, and/or silence between posts - I am a simple hobbyist with a lot of brain nonsense and IRL hurdles. I’ll do my best to post with some regularity, of course, but - again - I hope you’ll be patient with me if things go quiet from time to time.

What are your interests?

I love stories. I love characters. I love folks who can weave whole worlds with nothing but words on a page or color on a canvas. I grew up on fantasy novels, short horror stories, and late ‘90s/early ’00s animation. I learned to appreciate slice-of-life and slow-burn romance much later. Mythology and folklore also slaps, and I wonder sometimes if I should’ve majored in psychology instead of lib arts. My playlists are nothing but video game OSTs with a little heavy metal and j-rock sprinkled in for flavor. I sold my soul to Nintendo years ago, but sometimes I find indie darlings to fall in love with for a time. Dogs are adorable little menaces, and I love them all with my whole chest. Cats are okay, and I am allergic to them. (Does that answer the question? I think I lost track towards the end there…)

Any current hyperfixations?

Tons, but the biggest ones at the moment are Kirby, Hollow Knight, and Paper Mario. More nebulous interests include (in no particular order) Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky, Rain World, Stardew Valley, most Soulsborne titles, Hades, Darkest Dungeon, Good Omens, The Legend of Zelda, Undertale/Deltarune, OFF, The Binding of Isaac, Ace Attorney, Animal Crossing, The Magnus Archives, Sonic the Hedgehog, and countless more. When I say “multifandom,” I mean it, homie.

Do you have any other social media?

Just this and an AO3 account. So, if you see my name anywhere but these two places, it’s probably not me. For now, Tumblr will be the best place to keep up-to-date with my stuff. If anything changes, I’ll let y’all know here.

Do you have a list of tags you use on your posts?

I tag things obsessively, but I’ll try to sort out the most relevant/unique ones I use here:

#veins art - for any art I’ve made (chrono link)

#veins old art - for reposts of older art I made before moving to Tumblr (Note: these posts are here for archival purposes and may not reflect my current style/interests.)

#veins sketches - for any of my unrendered doodles/sketch dumps

#veins ocs - for art I’ve made featuring my original characters/stories

#veins fanart - for art I’ve made featuring characters from other IPs

#veins writes - for any written works I’ve made

#veins ships - for any posts (reblogs included) featuring romantic pairings; I will also try to include specific pairings as “#(blank) x (blank)” and/or any ship names

#veins rambles - for random thoughts/text posts

#veins in dream land - for any rambles/headcanons about the Kirby series specifically

#veins answers - for any of my responses to asks sent in (chrono link)

#veins reblogs - for anything I reblog, obviously

#kirbtober 2023 - for my Kirbtober 2023 art specifically (chrono link)

#childhood friends au - for art from my Kirby AU where Dedede and Meta Knight first met as kids (masterpost | chrono link)

#kintsugi au - for art from my Kirby AU centered around the Mirror World, the Wave 2 gang, and the Darkroach ship - warning: contains angst and some suggestive content (masterpost | chrono link)

I’ll update this with new tags if/when they pop up. Anything else will have generic tags to fit the context of the post. I also mark trigger warnings with tags like “#(blank) tw” if necessary.

What do you use to make your art?

For digital art, I use Clip Studio Paint and a Wacom Intuos Pro S drawing tablet (that I'm pretty sure I've had since high school). I don’t draw traditionally as much anymore, but, when I do, it’s usually just quick sketches with pencil and paper. For writing, I use TextEdit or whatever generic rich text editing software I can find. For crafting, I use yarn and plastic canvas.

What brushes do you use?

For sketching and linework, I generally use the Wick Pencil from the 8 Particle Pencil catalog made by saturns_day. For flats and rendering, I use the default CSP hard round brush, airbrush, and G-pen. For effects and extras (clouds, textures, sparkles, etc.), I use default effects brushes or whatever I can find from the CSP Asset Shop.

Can I share your work through reblogs? And are tags okay?

Of course! Reblogs are absolutely fine and always encouraged. I’m also fine with tags as well (though I ask that you not mark anything as a ship unless I’ve marked it as such on the original post - look for the tag #veins ships if you’re ever unsure).

Can I repost/use your work for my own personal/commercial use?

Absolutely not. While I am always in support of creators inspiring each other with our works and endeavors, that does not mean anyone should engage in art theft (intentional or otherwise). Under no circumstances may you repost, reupload, reproduce, copy, trace, modify, sell, use, tokenize, scrape/integrate into A*I, and/or otherwise claim as your own any of my art/written works. Never assume a piece of art shared online in yours for the taking - that is someone else’s hard work and passion, and you need to respect that.

Can I dub one of your comics?

As flattering as that would be, I worry about lack of credit or my work being stolen for others’ content, so I sadly have to say no.

Why is there a big watermark on your art?

The state of the internet today has made me extremely paranoid about things like art theft, bad-faith reposts, nonconsensual integration, etc., so I make sure to sign and WM anything original I post. I know it’s not exactly fun to look at (maybe even distracting or bad for engagement), but I’d rather be safe than sorry, so I guess I’ll just have to take that hit.

Do you have an askbox? Can we send in questions/comments/etc.?

Yes, the ask box is currently open, and I'm more than happy to receive any questions, comments, etc. you guys might have (even if it makes me a bit nervous, haha)! I just ask that you read the rules first before you submit anything.

Do you take requests/commissions/suggestions/collabs/etc.?

Sadly, I do not take art requests or suggestions unless I put out a specific call for them. I'm also not really in a position to take commissions either. Collabs I'm on the fence about - maybe with mutuals or folks I know personally.

Is this an inclusive space?

Of course! This queer little goblin accepts everyone under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, along with folks of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, disabilities, and colors. That said, there will be absolutely no tolerance for (inhale) racism, sexism, transphobia, queerphobia, xenophobia, misogyny/misandry, bigotry of any kind, ableism, p***philia, inc*st, selfc*st, z**philia, RPF, trolling behavior, self-promotion, the promotion of N*FTs or A*I art, or any otherwise harmful, toxic, or hurtful rhetoric. Anyone seen behaving as such will be blocked, reported, and forgotten. :)

Is this an all-ages space?

Hmm… I’m gonna have to say no. While I probably won’t be posting/sharing anything too lewd or graphic, I’m not opposed to things like swearing, angst, fluff bordering on suggestive, and discussions of mature subject matter (all of which I will make sure to tag with content warnings as necessary). Obviously, I can’t police everyone who wanders into this blog, especially since some people omit or lie about their ages online, so the best I can do is ask for good faith on your part. If you are under 18, interact at your own risk. The last thing I want is to make anyone (myself included) uncomfortable because there are kids in an adult-allocated space. Again, I hope you understand.

What is your stance on shipping?

The vernacular around pro- or anti-shipping confuses the hell out of me, so I’ll just try to explain my personal philosophy on it: I have ships I like, ones I’m indifferent to, and ones I won’t touch with a ten-foot pole. I only reblog (and tag) ship-related content I’m in support of, even if it’s not one of my personal favorites. Most importantly, I don’t bother others about their personal preferences. Anything I don’t like or don’t support, I simply do not engage with. Or, if it makes me too uncomfortable, I block outright. The same should apply to your experience as well - if you ever see ship stuff here that you don’t like, feel free to block the tags (look for specific pairings, ship names, and/or my personal tag #veins ships) or even the blog entirely. You are not obligated to like the things I like or engage with media you don’t enjoy. Respect for each other and curation of your personal online space is always key. Additionally, I 100% will not ship minors, blood relations, self x self, anything relating to b*stiality, or anything relating to RPF.

Are you okay?

No, not even a little bit... but fuck it, we keep going.

Why do you put a comma before the “and” in a sequence of three or more words?

You can take my Oxford comma away from me when I’m cold, dead, and rotting in the dirt.

Is there anything else?

Nah, I think we’re good for now. Thanks for taking the time to read all this. Hope it wasn’t too rambly or weird - just trying to cover all my bases. I hope you all have a lovely timezone out there, wherever you are. Be sure to wash your hands, wear your mask, and stay hydrated. Remember to be strong, be safe, and, for the love of dog, be kind. Peace!

-Veins (originally posted 08/07/23, reposted 02/29/24, updated as of 04/20/24)

#veins rambles #introduction post #FAQ #disclaimers #long post #check for updates #veinsfullofstars

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mayashesfly · 7 months

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Currently making a rain code oc

I made a lot of design iterations and I'm still not sure of their outside clothes, but I'm pretty satisfied with their indoor clothes for now.

I usually don't take character design, especially when it comes to clothing, seriously so I'm pretty happy with what I've come up with! There are so many designs I tried out...

Lots of Infomation About Them Under The Cut

Name: Ashen Dawnbreaker Forte: Digitalized History Age: 19 Birthday: June 22 Blood Type: -O Gender: Non-binary Pronouns: They/Them Sexuality: Bisexual Demiromantic Height: 160cm Weight: 65kg Likes: Coffee, Reading Fiction Dislikes: Raining when Outside, Hot Weather Love Languages: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Giving Gifts

Ashen Dawnbreaker

A Master Detective send to Kanai Ward to solve Kanai Ward's Ultimate Secret. Currently, they are living in the Sun & Moon Hotel and work for the Nocturnal Detective Agency with the rest of the Master Detectives dispatched to Kanai Ward and survived the Massacre.

Usually quiet and reserved, they don't seek out mysteries to solve unlike other detectives. Opting to rather chill in the Agency with Vivia and Yakou and read things on their phone. (Which they thankfully were able to smuggle inside of Kanai Ward under the Peackeepers' noses along with gel pepper spray)

With an effective Forte like theirs, they're not too keen on doing actual detective work. Using their Forte to solve the case once they have taken a picture of the crime scene and know the time of death of the victim. They don't see the point of trying when their Forte would just do all the work.

Frankly, it makes them feel like they don't actually deserve to be called a Master Detective despite being one unlike the other Master Detectives.

They are a bit of foodie however. Buying snacks and bringing it to the Agency when needed. And even trying their hands on cooking for the Agency despite not being a great cook. (It's not the best ever food, but it's delicious and edible even if it does need a bit of rice to counteract the heavy flavors. But it's certainly better than whatever Yuma makes)

...weirdly enough... they don't touch any of the meat buns for some reason.... Never having once taken the duty to buy Yakou his meat buns.

Also, they're Autistic. Which is a very big part of their character.

Digitalized History

A Forte that allows the User to see the past movements of living beings in a set area that has been digitally photographed in a limited amount of time.

They can see the silhouettes of living beings as they move around, however they are unable to see their identity. And objects not captured in the digital photograph won't appear when they use their Forte. Making them unable to see any objects that were moving or being used during that time.

Currently, they use their phone to capture pictures of locations in Kanai Ward for later use. Changing the time and date, and setting a timer on their phone before they use their Forte to give them focus.

Without their phone, their innate ability to see the past movements of living beings won't be as effective as a Forte. Being too unfocused to focus on a specific time and location to use.

The current limit of their Forte usage is 30 minutes.

Overuse of their Forte gives them headaches and light sensitivity.

LOADING SCREEN TRIVIA

Ashen's Lollipop The only lollipop they buy from is a specific brand, chocolate milk and strawberry milk being their favorite flavors. They loathe other lollipop brands and never try them.

Ashen's Coffee Despite not needing coffee daily to function, they're very particular with how they make their coffee. Especially the temperature. So they don't trust others to make their coffee for them. Messing up their coffee when they decide to indulge is a surefire way to annoy them.

Ashen's Meals Homecooked meals is a very important thing for them. So despite not being the best cook, they make their own meals when they have the energy and time instead of going to a restaurant. It reminds them of home, and sharing their meals with the Nocturnal Detective Agency is another added bonus.

Ashen's Phone The notes app is filled with writings about past conversations they had with the rest of the Agency. They like reading back on it sometimes.

Ashen's Hair Their natural hair color is violet. However, they dyed their hair black to blend more with the crowd. At least, that's what they tell to others. The underside of their hair isn't dyed, showing the beautiful natural color of their hair.

Ashen's Photos Before they found out about their Forte, they loved taking pictures of nature and the scenery. Especially the sunset sky. However, they're uncomfortable with taking pictures of other people and buildings. They never knew why until they found out about their Forte.

#may asher rambles #rain code #rain code spoilers #rain code oc #they have another symbol/design on the back of their cloak that shows their Forte but it's not shown #considering the fact I'm the one running raincode-archives and currently archiving the loading screen trivia first #it's probably shouldn't be surprising you can glean more information about them from the loading screen trivias lol #yes they're technically me and I love them <3 #cringe culture is dead #their height is so perfect for giving Makoto forehead kisses

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