I Want You to Show Me Weak
Fandom: Andor
Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader
Chapter 25/27 (7.2k words)
->start at chapter 1<-
<- Chapter 24
Summary: You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you. He screams at you, grabs you, and shoves you against the wall, and it's becoming a problem because, well...it shouldn't fluster you as much as it does.
Warnings: Explicit rating, Smut, Prison, Prison sex, minor non-graphic injuries, Dom/Sub, sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, hair-pulling, choking, unprotected sex, oral, angst, orgasm denial, humiliation, slut shaming, references to domestic abuse, discussion of domestic abuse, minor violence, discussion of violence, description of violence, come eating, discussion about sexual assault, allusion to sexual assault, rough oral sex, throat fucking
A/N: New warning in the tag! And as you're looking at it, I want you all to remember that I enjoy a bit of messy realism in my smut. š
š Enjoy! Also, now that we're nearing the end, if you're expecting there to have been a secret plot to this story this whole time, it's best for both of us if you go ahead and leave that here at the front doorā¦the two of them, their relationship, and their growth were the real plot this whole time.
Work title is from "Poison" by Vaults. Chapter title is from "Daddy" by Ramsey. (Like I wouldn't put that in here, come on)
AO3 Link
Chapter 25 - I belong to you, I give you the power. You're the only one that I let in. You tear my walls down.
When Kino steps into your cell that evening, you meet him halfway.
Your movement is practically a lunge because you're still eager and itching from your lack of satisfaction that morning. Once you no longer had the distraction of work, it had grown into persistence while you were alone in your cell. One that took every ounce of effort not to indulge, but you didn't. You behaved.
He doesn't stop you or scold you, though. Instead his arms wrap around youāone hand pressed between your shoulder blades and one at the back of your neckāand he holds you tightly to him while his tongue delves into the heat of your mouth to slide along yours, drawing a moan from your throat.
You kiss him as though you haven't seen him in days. As though you didn't wake up in his arms that morning. As though he didn't kiss you passionately goodbye before leaving your cell with a whispered promise to take care of you later.
Your hands roam greedily over him. The slight contour of his belly and the ridges of his ribs. The shifting muscle of his chest and the hard line of his collarbone where the unnatural fabric of his uniform finally ends and gives way to flesh. He's always warm to the touchāhis skin a balm to your cooler body. Touching him is like stealing heat to soothe your sore, overworked hands. You want to sink into him and bask in it.
No, you want him to sink into you and set every inch of you ablaze with heat. You want to burn in his arms.
With a bit more urgency, your fingers trace up along his neck, which is thick and corded with even more muscle. The tendons there are drawn taut from the effort of working his mouth hungrily over yours. You can even feel the shifting and flexing all the way up into his jaw, you notice with a shiver. Every bit of him radiates strength and all of it is focused on you.
You whimper as a wet heat blossoms between your legs.
Finally, you slip your fingers into those untameable curls at the base of his skull. He lets out a pleased, muffled grunt in response. So you hook your fingers and drag them over his scalp, tugging gently on a few strands of hair as you do. He breaks the kiss to groan in pleasure.
"I've missed you all day," you whisper against his lips.
"Did you?" He raises a teasing eyebrow at you. He sounds almost out of breath, you notice with no small amount of pride. "All of me or parts of me specifically?"
"Well, those parts are nicely attached to you and you use them wonderfully, so all of you." You grin as you press forward to kiss him again.
His hands slide down your back until they reach your hips. With another grunt he pulls you flush against him, and you whimper as your stomach meets the hard bulge of his erection. He pulls away to growl into your mouth, "Can you tell I missed you, too?"
"Yes," you breathe out. Then you slowly grind yourself into him, working little twitches from his cock and causing his breath to hitch. "Feel free to show me, though."
"I see you're still being impatient." He narrows his eyes at you in warning.
You, on your knees, tied up with your own uniform, and sobbing while you plead with him to touch you.
You freeze.
Your sudden lack of movement has him humming in satisfaction.
"Much better. Look at how well you can behave for me." Then he leans forward and whispers in your ear, "Especially when you're properly motivated."
You go weak-kneed and melt against him, your fingers clutching the front of his uniform. It's like leaning into stone for as little as he shifts under the sudden brunt of your weight.
"You know," he nuzzles against your jaw with his nose, "I've been giving a lot of thought to what you said to me."
"What I said to youā¦?" Your mind races to come up with context for what he means. Unfortunately, your brain is currently too clouded with need to find any. "You'll have to be more specific. I've said a lot of things to you." You turn towards him, your lips nearly brushing over his. "And some of them were pretty filthy."
"Does, 'I'd let you do anything you want to me' ring any bells?"
"Oh." The memory of being bent over in front of him while he teased your opening cuts through the fog of lust. Of stroking his cock that morning and offering to give him anything he could ask for. Then the realization of what it means that he's bringing it up dawns on you. You feel a sudden flush of heat and thrill as you lean away to look at him properly. "Does this mean you thought of something?"
"I did." He looks pleased with himself and that only causes the excitement within you to build.
"What is it?" You stare up at him in thinly veiled excited curiosity. Because this is something new. It's something he wants. "My ass?"
"You're clever." The low gravel of his voice sends shivers straight to your already aching sex. "I'm sure you'll catch on quickly."
You open your mouth to protest, but his nostrils flare and his jaw clenches, as if he's daring you to continue.
"Okay, Kino." Your posture shifts as you submit to him. "Tell me what to do."
The look of pride on his face nearly brings you to your knees again.
"Lie on your back across the width of the bed. I want your head hanging over the side of the mattress." He sounds so calm. If he's feeling eager at all, he hides it well. Sometimes it feels as though he has an infinite supply of patience and self-control. While you haveā¦well, a rapidly dwindling stock on hand whenever you're around him.
"Okay." Without hesitation, you pull away from him to strip your uniform off. Then once you're bare for him, you begin climbing onto your bed to do as you're told. It takes you a few tries to get into the right spot so only your head is leaning back and not your shoulders as well. You also have to keep your legs bent and knees pulled up to even fit on the narrow mattress, but eventually you settle in and he gives you an approving nod.
You look at him upside down. From this angle, the bulge in his pants is directly in your line of sight. As he begins sliding the top of his uniform over his head, another thought you had while you were on your knees yesterday suddenly comes to mind.
"You're going to fuck my mouth."
He bunches his shirt and tosses it to the side, the muscles in his arms and chest flexing from the casual effort, and he stares down at you in challenge. "Your mouth? Are you sure about that?" His hands move to his waistband and you gulp in realization.
"My throat," you say quietly. Then you take in a shuddering breath because vocalizing it makes it real.
The corner of his lips quirks into a pleased smile. "I told you you would catch on quickly."
But he must see something in your expression as you continue to stare up at him, still wide eyed and trying to process what that entails. Something that gives him pause. Because then his hands move away from his waistband, leaving it undisturbed. Instead, he settles his palms on either side of your jaw and lightly cups your face. As though you're delicate and not about to get throat fucked.
"Still mean what you said? Or would this be too much? Because now's the time to speak up." The edge and the teasing are absent from his voice.
You unconsciously lick your lips as you look up into his eyes and the idea still bounces around in your mind. Despite your shock, of course you still mean it. How could you ever say no to him? "I do. God, do I still mean it."
"Do you trust me?" He whispers as he gazes down at you with a tender expression. His blue eyes, soft and searching for any hint of doubt on your face.
"With my life," you vow without hesitation.
"Good. But you let me know if you need me to stop for any reason." His thumb brushes over your cheek, barely touching your skin. You shiver at the ghost of a sensation. "This isn't a punishment. I don't want it to just be pain and misery for you. Okay?"
"Okay, Kino. I want to give this to you." You place a hand over his much larger one and give it an encouraging squeeze. "Let me."
That's all the reassurance he needs. His unheld hand shifts back to his waistband and he worksāslowly and efficientlyāto pull his pants down past his hips.
Finally, his erection falls free in front of your face. For a second you swear you go cross-eyed taking it in because god you remember now just how thick he truly is. You swallow heavily, and the first bit of real doubt itches at the back of your mind. Because how the fuck are you going to handle that? When you're on your knees you have the leverage to pull away or change the angle. But like this? You're completely helpless to him.
As terrifying as the thought is, you still feel a responding flutter at your core. The idea of being at his mercy is tantalizing, despite the circumstances.
You look past his length, up into his face as he stares hungrily down at you, and you know you're going to do everything you can to try. For him.
"Be so good for me," he whispers as his thumb moves over your cheek againāfirmer this time. The grip on your jaw tightens as well, his fingers finding purchase along the bone. It's a reminder that the gentle negotiation and communication are done now. He's in control again.
Then, with his hand gliding his foreskin down the length of his cock, he guides himself to your waiting mouth.
Which snaps shut.
Instead, he nudges into your closed lips, your last defense against what is about to happenāand your last bit of defiance as well. Despite wanting to make this easier on yourself, you know he'll enjoy it far more if it isn't.
He growls in frustration, and an involuntary shiver whorls its way up your spine.
He prods against you again, harder this time and with hope you'll be good. That you'll behave and open up for him. When you don't, the exposed tip of him drags across the seam of your mouth, leaving a smear of precome behind. There's a snarl from above you. Then his fingers dig into your jaw and his thumb presses against your cheek where your teeth are clenched together, as if he's trying to pry you open like an oyster. As if wants to be inside of you so badly and knows how close he is to getting it that he doesn't think to scold you first. All he can do is take.
It's better than you imagined.
You part your lips to moan, and he uses the opening to force the head of his cock into your mouth with an exhale of relief.
You're grateful he stops there.
You're fully aware you could be choking on his cock instead, so you quickly close your lips around him. Then you begin to swirl your tongue over him and lap at his leaking tip in apology for misbehaving. At this angle, you can't quite tease the sensitive underside, but the effect it has on him is still immediate. He groans and slides further into you, forcing you to open wider until the shaft of his erection is resting along your tongue. You suck and lick at him with even more enthusiasm, which earns you a surprised hiss as he sucks in a breath. You know then any lingering anger at your disobedience has dissipated under the attention.
He starts out rocking gently at first, barely getting deeper with each thrust. What he's actually doing is holding backā letting you acclimate because a part of him is still worried about hurting you or pushing you too hard. It's unnecessary, you think as you grunt in frustration. It's only making the anticipation worse.
You stretch forward and squeeze your lips hard around him, increasing the depth and pressure as he thrusts in. He lets out a long groan and twitches against your tongue.
"You want me to hurry up and fuck you?" He teases. Though the effect is ruined by the rough, breathy tone of his voice. You can tell he's already enjoying this.
You hum around him in affirmation. That's exactly what you want.
"That's my girl." Then he plunges himself part of the way into your throat.
You choke immediately and your hands scramble in instinctive panic along the mattress at the intrusion. 'It's too much!' You think. You can't do this. But then your rational mind kicks in and reminds you that you're safe. You can breathe. He won't give you more than you can handle. You can stop this if you need to. So you take a deep breath through your nose and force yourself to relax your hands and your bodyābut most importantly your throat.
"There you go, pet. Just breathe." When he thrusts in again, a bit deeper this time, you tense, but you don't panic. "Just like that," he growls.
His grip on your jaw tightens. Before, his hands were keeping you steady and grounded as he worked his way up to fucking you. Now he's holding your face still while he uses your throat. There's a painful swelling and throb of need between your legs at the thought.
"Oh, fuck," he moans. "God, you feel incredible." He pulls out all the way, momentarily giving you relief so you can suck in deep breaths of air. A thread of spit trails obscenely from your lips to the tip of his erection. Your tongue darts out to lick it away, drawing a little gasp as he stares down at you. Then you nod to let him know you're okay, and he slams into you again with a deep groan, making your eyes water.
"Look at how well you're taking my cock," he says through gritted teeth. "You're so good for me."
Your nails dig into the vinyl material of your mattress in elation at the praise.
"I've wanted to bury myself in your mouth since you were on your knees in front of me last night. But this is so much better. God, the way those beautiful lips of yours are stretched around me."
His hand wraps around your throat, the large expanse of his palm engulfing the column of your neck. You feel bird-boned beneath the strength in that grip, in his fingers, conscious of the fact that he could squeeze the life from you if he wanted and there is nothing you could do to stop him. The thought is arousing. Not the flirtation with death, but the complete certaintyāthe absolute, unshakable trustāthat he won't.
But he's not choking you with his hand or digging those thick fingers into your flesh. He's feeling where he's moving within your throatāproof of how deeply buried inside of you he truly is. You swallow around him, letting your muscles work his length, and a groan is wrenched from his chest. The vibration of it curls down through your stomach and settles into your core.
He pulls out completely again, giving you another reprieve. Though his hand stays wrapped around your neck. His touch still isn't smotheringāit's possessive. It's as if he's claiming you. Reminding you of who you belong to.
As if you could forget.
Everything about this act should be filthy. It should be messy, unrestrained lust as he takes, nothing but need and force. And it is all of those things, but at the center of it and driving this forward is raw intimacy. Your body's response to him in this moment rivals looking into his eyes as he says he loves you.Ā
Because this is something that he's wanted. He craved the feeling of the act itself, yes, but you know it's more than that. It's the thrill that your trust and submission gives him. The power over you. That you would let him use you in this way is proof of your devotion.
So you give yourself to him, and your heart flutters with every noise that spills from his lips. Every gasp and shudder, more than physical pleasure. It's a satisfaction that you feel deep in the core of your being.
And then he does squeeze.
"If I put pressure, it makes your throatā" he pauses to groan as he drives in, "āso much fucking tighter for me."Ā
Your eyes clench shut as you feel your gag reflex kick back in at the extra force. The muscles in your throat clamp down around him and your hands grope at his legs. Just when you think you can't take anymore and are on the verge of panicking, his grip relaxes. Then he pulls out just far enough to ease your panic.
His thumb skims reassuringly over the crook of your neck as you breathe through your nose and get your bearings again. He didn't give you more than you could handle, you tell yourself, just like he promised. Once you're properly calm, you tap against his thigh to let him know he can continue.
"Good girl," he grunts, his hips jerking forward to meet your lips. "You're being so very, very good."
His continued praise sends a rush of heat between your thighs, reminding you of your own neglected arousal. Your hips begin to writhe eagerly along the mattress, seeking any sort of friction or sensationāa response which does not go unnoticed.Ā
"Touch yourself," he orders. "I want to watch while I fuck you."
You obey by reaching blindly between your legs and cupping a hand over your mound. Even that small bit of pressure is enough to send a shudder through you. You can barely see his face around his cock now, but you see enough to know his attention has shifted from your mouth to your lower half.
With a firm, deliberate touch, you rub along your slit and the rhythm of his thrusts falters. So you repeat the movement, this time rolling your hips to meet your fingers and dragging higher untilāfinallyāyou brush against your clit.
He growls and ruts into you.
"I love your mouth. I love watching you suck my cock. But there is nothing in the entire Galaxy better than being in your cunt," he says in a low rumble.
You want that. You want that so badly. Your fingers speed up and you let out a whimper.
"You like the thought of that?" You lift your hips a few inches off the bed as your fingers tease and dip into your entrance, hoping to get a reaction from him. He plunges deep in response. "Want me to fuck you properly?"
You can't make any sounds with him in your throat again, but you need him to know how much you want it. So instead you pull your knees up higher and spread them wide, putting yourself on display for himāto tempt him while you greedily finger yourself.
"Look at your pretty hole. So wet and desperate for me." His thrusts are starting to get rough, which is making your eyes water. "Just from my cock in your mouth."
He's also starting to sound tense and distracted, and you're worried he's going to end up too far gone to stop. That he won't actually fuck you. In one last desperate attempt to get him between your legs, you drag your fingers along your folds and spread yourself open, giving him a full view of exactly where you want him.
It's finally the last straw because, without saying a word, he pulls out so quickly that you nearly choke again and takes a half step back.
You lay there, catching your breath. Your eyes are red rimmed and watery, your lips are swollen from the pressure around his cock, and there's drool all over your faceāeven up to your nose. You're a mess, but he gazes down at you in reverence. As if you were something sacred. Even as you cough and gasp for air, you can see every bit of love he has for you in the blue of his eyes.
"Kinoā" You try to speak, but it comes out hoarse from so much abuse.
"You're stunning," he whispers, either oblivious to your struggle to talk or because of it. "You were so good for me and gave me everything I wanted."
If you weren't already burning and sweaty, you would be hot faced with pride. You swallow a few times, getting the muscles to relax back into place. Then you clear your throat before trying again. Your voice is still strained, but it's strong enough now that you can push through the tightness and the pain. "Kino, please fuck me. I've been desperate for you since this morning. Please." Your voice cracks, breaking from the new use.
"But you're doing such a lovely job of begging..." He places a hand to the side of your face, enveloping your cheek in his palm. Despite how much you want to give in and nuzzle into his touch and place tiny kisses along his fingers, you roll over and push yourself to your hands and knees instead.
"I can beg more, if that's what it takes." You raise up so you're eye level with him. There's a slight flare to his nostrils and you can tell he likes the thought of that.
He tilts his head to the side and waits.
You shuffle forward over the now sweat slick mattress to the edge of the bed. Then you bring your face close to his, your mouths hovering barely an inch apart. "Please," you breathe against his lips, "I want your cock inside of me so badly." You reach down and take hold of one of his wrists. He doesn't resist as you guide his hand between your legs. "Feel how much I want you."
He draws a fingertip over your damp folds and you let out a gasp. His eyes grow heavy and his lips part with desire. You know he's thinking about how good it would feel to slide his cock into that wet heat. You're so close to getting him to snap.
"See?" You let go of his wrist to run your hands up his chest, along his neck, until you're tracing your fingers over the stubble on his jaw. "All for you."
You finally close the distance to capture his lips in a hungry kiss. With a growl, he wraps his arms around you and crushes you flush against him to kiss you back. Soon the two of you are a tangled mess of limbs and tongues, and one of his hands has found its way down your back to squeeze your ass.
You pull far enough away to sob out, "God, I need you!"
He quickly brings both of his hands down to grasp the backs of your thighs. Then he pulls you off balance and lifts you off the bed. You gasp in surprise, latching onto his shoulders to keep from tilting sideways. But when he settles your legs on either side of him, you instinctively encircle his hips and hook your ankles behind his back. Then you squeeze, bringing the two of you together until his cock is pinned between his belly and your sex.
"Oh fuck, Kino," you whine and squirm in his arms. "Make love to me."
He shifts his hands under your ass so he can lift you higher, his length sliding against your folds as he does, until the tip of him is right at your entrance.
"Say it again," he demands, his voice harsh and rough. "Beg."
"Fuck me," you plead. "Please fuck me!"
He lowers you down, gravity doing most of the work for you, and then he's sliding into you. Your walls stretch and grip around him as you envelope his cock, and you both let out echoing moans into the space between you. When you bottom out, his hands grab at your ass as his hips press forward, trying to get deeper still.
"I love when you beg," he rasps out. "So needy for me."
"Always!"
Your legs flex and brace as you ride him. Your only support is your own hands clinging to his shoulders and his hands cupped under your ass, lifting you up with every roll of your hips. Some distant part of your brain wishes you could see his arms right now. Could watch the way his muscles flex as he forces you to keep moving onto his cock. You moan at the thought.
Another part of you wishes there was a decent wall in your cell that he could shove you against as he fucked you. Because, while it feels incredible to have him inside of you, you're struggling to keep your grip and your pace, and it's using nearly every muscle in your body to do so. Muscles which are starting to burn.
And you need more.
He must feel it too because without warning, he takes a step forward and slams you back down on the bed. The wind is forced from your lungs at the impact along your shoulder blades, but before you can catch your breath, he starts pounding into you at a relentless pace. His hands grip your hips, his fingers dimpling your flesh as he forces you to meet every one of his thrusts. Your sweat covered body jolts and slides along the vinyl.
"Are you ready to finally come?"
You nod, dizzy from the combination of hitting the mattress and the way his hips are crashing into yours.
"I want to hear you say it," he growls.
"Yes, Kino," you whimper out, making a needy little noise in your throat. "Please. Please make me come."
"Good girl." Before you can react to that, he groans and collapses forward, his hand catching his weight on the mattress before he crushes you. The angle changes into something delicious. Electricity arcs through your belly as every thrust meets your clit. "I'm gonna take care of you."
Then he buries his face into the crook of your neck as his hips rock into you. Every part of you feels surrounded and consumed by him. Like he could melt into you. You close your arms around him and tighten your legs on his waist, trying to speed the process along.
"I want to feel how much you've needed my cock." His voice rolls over you like gravel. "I want to come with your cunt squeezing me. Let go for me."
You've been teetering on that edge for what feels like hours after carrying this morning's interruption throughout the whole day. Now with his hands grasping at you, his hips rolling into yours, his breath on your skināyou let go. Your head falls back against the mattress and your lips part in a strangled cry as your climax engulfs you, making your vision blur and your toes curl. All of your nerve endings are reduced to static.
"Oh, fuck, you feel so good!" He buries himself as deep as he can getādesperate to feel the way your walls pulse around his cockāand then he tenses while you continue to grind mindlessly against him. A second later, he lets out a low groan right into your ear as he throbs and comes inside of you, which sets you quivering further. As his release subsides, he jerks and grunts a few more shallow thrusts into you, chasing every last bit of pleasure from your wet heat.
When both of you are finally spent, he stays bent over you, gasping and panting into your neck.
You could lay there with him forever, nuzzling back into him and feeling his heartbeat where his chest is pressed against yoursābut too soon he's pulling away. You open your mouth to protest.
"It's alright, Pet," he says reassuringly. He scoops your legs up and maneuvers you lengthwise along the bed to make room for both of you. Then he climbs in next to you before flopping down on his back, exhausted.
You lay curled against his side, your leg tangled with his, your head resting on his shoulder and tucked under his chin, his arm slung around you and holding you close. His other hand wanders over your jaw, your cheek, down the length of your armāsupplying you with gentle, loving touches everywhere he can reach. Meanwhile, your fingertips tease patterns through the hair on his chest, stopping only to press over a little freckle on his sternum.
"Are you upset about last night?" You finally ask quietly, breaking the comfortable silence of your shared afterglow. You haven't spoken about this yet. You've wanted to, but there hasn't been a perfect moment to bring it up until now. Now that the ever persistent itch for him has been quieted to a whisper.
His hand stills where it's stroking the side of your neck and your entire body follows suit, tense with worry. He doesn't say anything, though. Instead he moves a finger to your chin and urges you to look at him. You hesitate before meeting his eyes, but there's no anger or disappointment in them. The stare he's giving you is pensive.
"No, pet. I'm not upset." He releases your chin. Then he shifts to caress the shell of your ear with the rough pads of his fingertips and sweep his thumb across your cheek. "Did you think I would be?"
"Yes," you respond truthfully. You didn't realize just how anxious you'd been about this until the knot in your stomach loosens at his words. "Not at me, but in general. I know how important it is that you maintain the floor."
"I was at first. Mostly from embarrassment." He lets out a chuckle that rumbles through his chest beneath your palm, and then he sighs. "But Threl was brutally honest about every detail. He told me what people heard and how they reacted. And as I thought about it throughout the day, I realized it didn't matter. We have to be careful in the future, of course, but the rest of it? As long as I have you, I can handle the rest of it."
"Kino," you breathe out softly, touched by his admission. You hook your arm across his belly and pull yourself closer against him.
"I realized something else, too," he continues. "The work matters, but only to a point. It's the people on this shift that truly matter. Their safety and humanity matter. Not this place. Not the parts or the rules. I forgot that for a while. I lost sight of it through my own anger and frustration and became a very bitter, selfish man who thought only of himself."
You frown as you look up at him. "You weren't selfish. A hardass, yeah, but never selfish."
"That's sweet of you to say, but I was." He shakes his head to stop you from protesting further. "I wanted the numbers and order so they would leave us alone and I could get out of here. I didn't care if people suffered in the process. I thought it was better than the alternative. In reality, I was just doing their dirty work for them, and what does that make me?"
You have no easy response for him. You know what he's implying, that his compliance made him just as bad as the people keeping you all here, but the answer is far more complex than that. He's not taking into account that he's a victim, too. You hope one day you can help work through it and ease some of his guilt. But for now, you nestle against him and continue to offer him your silent comfort and support.
"But they're wrong. I was wrong. Fear and misery aren't sustainable. And like I told you before, I've seen how much of a difference morale makes. Our numbers are actually better now." His hand moves while he talks, gesturing broadly to the air. "That's why I let the tables talk more than they used to. That's why I let people laugh a little more often in the locker room and in the hallway, as long as it doesn't get out of hand. That's why I didn't put a stop to pushing the cell limit. As long as our numbers are good, why should we sacrifice everything to this place? They can have our labor, but the rest should belong to us." He presses a firm kiss against your temple, letting his lips linger so his words come out soft and slightly muffled when he says, "You helped me remember that."
"God, Threl was right." By now there are tears in your eyes and your voice is thick with emotion. He's fucking incredible and you can't believe he's yours.
He adjusts to get a better look at you. "Right about what?"
"I've softened you."
He huffs out a small laugh. "I suppose you have."
As you stare back at himātake in the stubble of his beard, the warmth in his eyes, and the lines on his faceāall you can think is that you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. You want him in your arms and between your legs as you submit to him. You want his hands on you, both harsh and sweet. You want to fall asleep and wake up next to him every day. You want him to continue surprising you like this, no matter what your circumstances are.
You've both said your I love yous and alluded to a future together, but you no longer want anything left unsaid. You've been there beforeāunsure if he wanted you, unsure if he loved you, and afraid to ask. You never want to live with doubt again where he's concerned.
You sit up on the bed and give him a hard stare. "We need to have a serious conversation."
He frowns back at you. "I thought that's what we were doing?"
"Yes, but there's another serious conversation we need to have."
"Alright," he says hesitantly.
You take a slow, deep breath to prepare yourself, intending to approach this delicately, but your impatience wins. So instead you blurt out, "How many shifts do you have left?"
There's a flash of mild surprise on his face. "Why?"
"Just answer the question." At his raised eyebrow, you add in a soft, "Please."
"Three hundred and sixty two." He sighs heavily through his nose.
"I've got six hundred and eighty left on my two year sentence."
"Alright. So?"
"So that means in less than two years both of us will be out. Onlyā¦you'll get out first."
"Say what it is you want to say." There's a hint of impatience to his voice, and you have to wonder if he's nervous about the direction of this conversation. 'That makes two of us,' you think.
"What I mean isā¦did you mean everything you've said to me?" God, his eyes are so blue. Like sky. Like leaping out of the door of a moving transport and falling, weightless, through atmosphere. Your voice lowers to a whisper. "Will you wait for me, Kino?"
For a second he doesn't respond, just stares at you with that deep frown while your heart pounds a frantic rhythm against your ribcage. You think you've fucked up somehow or broken the illusion of what this is by giving voice to it beyond the hypothetical, whispered in moments of desperation and ecstasy. You want to say something to take it back, but then his lips are on yours and he's kissing the words and doubt out of your mind.
When he breaks the kiss, he rests his hand on your cheek and his forehead against yours while he catches his breath.
"You drive me crazy, you know that? Out on the floor, in the hall, and especially in this bed." He sighs as he pulls away to meet your eyes. "Of course I meant it. I meant every lust filled nonsense you've ever dragged out of me."
"Including wanting to spend the rest of your life fucking me as often as possible?" You give him a small grin.
"Especially that," he says in that low gravel.
"Good," you whisper. "Then we're going to get out of here and we're going to do just that. Like you said, this place doesn't fucking matter. This is temporary. But you aren't. Not for me."
"You aren't either. I told you that you belonged to me." His voice lowers possessively as he lightly kisses your cheek, his hot breath tickling your skin. "That you're mine. Never doubt how much I mean that."
Your eyelashes flutter in bliss. "Then when we're apart, I want you to remember that I intend to always find my way straight back into your arms the first chance I get. And I'm never leaving."
"Good. And I want you to remember that when you do, I'm going to spend every moment I can buried between your legs." When you laugh, he gives you a fake, stern look and grumbles out, "I'm serious!"
"I know you are!" You continue to chuckle.
"Then why are you laughing?" He drags his hand down your back, over the curve of your ass, until it settles on the back of your thigh. Then he pulls you closer so he can kiss his way down your neck.
Your laughter quickly turns into a gasp. "Because I'm trying to stop myself from getting too worked up because the floor's going to be hot soon."
He grunts in frustration against your shoulder. "I didn't think I could hate this place more than I already do."
"Why? Were you thinking about fucking me again?" You bite your lip to stifle a moan as his stubble scratches across your skin.
"Of course I am," he growls and thrusts his hips towards you, grinding his hardening erection into your groin.
"Fuck," you whimper as arousal pools in your belly. "I hate this place, too."
He shifts far enough that his cock is resting directly over your sex. "How much longer?" He asks in a husky rumble.
You quickly crane your head to look at the little display in your cell. Then your stomach drops at the time. "Twelve minutes, so realistically nine or ten minutes."
He starts to rut against you as you gasp and moan, but his movement is half-hearted at best. It's as if he's holding back because he's debating with himself about whether or not that's enough time to finish anything he startsāto fully take care of you the way he wants. But before you can wrap your leg around his waist and rock back into him, his hips still and he slumps against you, resigning himself to the fact that it isn't.
You're frustrated that he stopped because it was just starting to feel so good, but you're also relieved it didn't go further so you weren't left a desperate, wanting mess, just on the edge of release. Again. Part of you is surprised he didn't take advantage of the fact that he could do just that. He does enjoy leaving you in a ruined state with orders not to touch yourself or alleviate that need, after all. But you're not about to protest.
Instead, he untangles himself from your limbs, gently moving them to the side, and sits up on the bed. "If I had more time, petā¦" He says regretfully.
"I know," you sigh and sit up next to him, your legs dangling over the side of the mattress.
He reaches out to hold your chin in his thick fingers. Then he traces your lips with the pad of his thumb. "I'll make it up to you."
"You always do." You give it a feather light kiss before looking at him in adoration.
"I don't just mean tomorrow. Someday I'll get the chance to make up for all of it." He's staring down at your lips, his eyelids heavy with a lingering heat, but there's also a tenderness to his expression that sets your chest aching. "You deserve more than this, and I plan to give it to you."
Your heart and your core flutter at the implication. "God, I love you."
"I love you, too." Then he's getting up off the bed to start getting dressed while you sit there, reeling from everything and trying to will your wobbly legs to cooperate when you stand up.
As he's pulling his pants up past his hips and settling them on his waist, he says, "I'm going to come here early tomorrow, if that's okay."
You look up at him in shock, your own pants frozen for a moment over your knees before you finish yanking them up. He rarely shows up early, and he's never actively planned to do so before. This is new, and, therefore, very exciting. "Yeah. Of course it is."
"After dinner?" He bends over to grab his uniform top from the floor, giving it a shake to unfurl the fabric, oblivious to the way that you're practically melting at the thought of getting to spend twice as much time with him.
"I'd really like that," you say softly.
"Good." He stops talking long enough to pull his shirt on. "Because I want to finally see if I can come inside of you twice in one night."
"Oh my god," you moan. The lust that had been slowly diminishing at the thought of spending quality time with him is violentlyāpainfullyārekindled. "So much for not getting too worked up."
He looks pleased with your reaction and gives you a teasing smile. "I take it you like the thought of that?"
"You know I do." You take a step towards him. "I especially love the thought of doing everything I can to make you."
He closes the gap between you and holds you by your hips. "Yeah? I bet that pretty little cunt of yours could make me."
"Fuck!" You whimper. "You have to leave before I rip my clothes back off."
"No," he says, and there's an edge to his voice. "You're going to control yourself for me until tomorrow. Aren't you?"
"Yes, Kino." You can't help but yield immediately to that tone.
"And you're going to behave."
"I will." You nod. "I promise."
"That's my good girl." He leans in to kiss you as your knees turn to rubber. "Because I would be awfully disappointed if I had to punish you instead."
You let out a sob at the thought of missing out on the reward he's now planted in your mind. And what he would consider an equal punishment. "Yes, Kino."
A/N: Truthfully, I stepped outside of my comfort zone to write this chapter and it's yet another thing that slowed me down to a glacial pace. I have never attempted to write anything like it before and I wanted to try something new, but I constantly felt like I got in over my head (hehehehe). I was worried it would be disappointing. Instead it took me over 6 months to update and I disappointed you all that way instead. ššš But I got over my block and I fucking did it! š„³š„š¾
Just don't ask me when the neck chapter will be done. I'm absolutely working on it and a chunk is written, but I will also be out of town every single weekend and one full week this October. But I'm hoping it'll be this month š¤
After you say your goodbyes and he leaves your cell, you know there are only a finite number of these partings left. 'Remember, this is temporary,' you tell yourself. But as you watch him disappear into the hallway and around the corner, you realize knowing that doesn't make every single time it happens hurt any less. It's just the pain that's temporary.
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