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bratkook · 4 years

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queen of broken hearts. jjk (m) part three.

“Tell me i’m the worst, make you cry and make you hurt, i’m the queen bow down to me, I will leave you out to bleed.”

part one. part two.

pairing: jungkook x reader genre: angst but theres a happy ending yay word count: 7.4k warnings: nothing crazy this time, just mentions of the explicit polaroid photo, an attempt at infidelity, oc is still a liar who doesn’t deserve anything author’s note: ok i couldn’t not write a third part of this to tie it all up and give you guys the happy ending jk deserves so here it is, i hate this oc and love that all of you hate her too lmaooo

Jungkook glances down at his phone, seeing the text he had just sent. A simple string of letters that spelled ‘i’m outside’, a familiar pattern his fingers had memorized. Except for the first time in a very long time the text wasn’t being sent to you.

The device pings with a response from Taehyung, stating he was on his way down, so he locks it once more and sets it underneath his radio in his car. Jungkook grunts as he catches on to the lyrics ringing in his car and skips the song currently playing, it was one of your favorite songs and once he listened to the lyrics he felt like it was a direct jab at him, especially when you had asked him to download it with that same smile that lead to heartbreak. That didn’t stop him doing as you asked, just because you liked it so much.

The amount of times the song I Feel Bad by Blackbear had played in his car as he left your place had nudged it up the algorithm, making his phone constantly play it when he shuffled all of his songs. He needed to fully delete it from his library.

Jungkook had to admit he was doing pretty good, it was going on 6 weeks and you were still blocked from his instagram. He had even gone as far as making his page private to prevent you from lurking, he doubted you’d go to that extent though, not as desperate to see Jungkook’s life play out without you in it. Surely you had moved on to the next shiny toy.

The only thing he had yet to do was block your number, the small no dignity having part of him hoped that maybe you’d reach out, maybe you’d apologize for anything and everything, maybe you’d wake up and realize how you truly felt for him.

That never happened.

Your thread of messages was bone dry, taunting him in his inbox so much he had to delete it all to stop himself from typing out a message at 3am in sheer desperation. He wouldn’t be reaching out and it was clear you wouldn’t be either.

“Hey man.” Taehyung greets him as he pulls the passenger door open, sliding in with ease and slamming it shut behind him. Jungkook blinks back to reality, giving his friend a small smile as they shake their hands in the playful way they always did.

“Jimin’s not with you?” He wonders, expecting the other boy to have come down with him since they all had plans together.

Taehyung shakes his head as he settles into the seat, adjusting his messy hair in the visor and buckling up just as Jungkook pulls out of the parking spot. “Nah, he’s at his apartment. He told you he’s bringing someone with him right?”

Jungkook frowns at that because no, Jimin hadn’t mentioned bringing anyone along with him and he really hoped it wasn’t a girl. The last thing he wanted was to be subjected to seeing them swap spit when they were meant to be having a guys day. It seemed a little stupid for Jungkook to hope for that but he had grown to appreciate spending more time with his friends lately, once again realizing just how much of his time you had consumed, always ditching the plans he had with his friends to go get his dick wet and his heart shredded.

“It’s some guy that just started working with him.” Taehyung fills in, taking the initiative to be in charge of the music because Jungkook’s current mix was sort of depressing. He frowns as he scrolls through the artists, choosing to type someone in to play music that wasn’t in his library.

When the beginning sounds of a hit Bad Bunny song fill the car Jungkook nearly swerves as he whips his head to stare at Taehyung bobbing along, “Since when the fuck do you know spanish?”

“I don’t, you just gotta vibe along.” He proves his statement by proceeding to horribly sing along in broken spanish, but his energy is contagious, spreading to Jungkook until he was eventually dancing along with him. The two of them making up their own moves on the short drive to Jimin’s and Taehyung can’t help but feel successful at making his friend have a good time. It had been a while since Jungkook behaved like his usual self.

Him and Jimin still didn’t know about you but after he had decided to block you he had fallen into a tiny pit of despair, returning to the shell of himself that they had seen during the weeks you had ghosted him. It took a lot of coaxing before they were able to pull him out, not asking any questions about anything no matter how much their curiosity itched.

They knew their best friend was hurting so they tried their best to do whatever they could to make it better, constantly reaching out to drag him out of his one bedroom apartment, making plans he couldn’t say no to, being the best wing men they could whenever they hit up bars. It had worked though, they had managed to fill up the small you shaped void inside of him enough for him to be able to ignore.

He never really thought of you until he was completely alone, usually when the sky was the darkest and he had trouble sleeping, remembering the countless nights you’d text him to come over when you were also restless. On nights like that he’d force himself to take a sleeping aid, not wanting flashbacks of you underneath him to wear down his strength when he had been doing so well.

So far so good.

“Is this Bad Bunny?” Jimin instantly asks when he enters the car, having already been waiting outside of his complex with his friend beside him.

“Yeah!” Taehyung laughs, turning the volume up slightly.

Jimin just shakes his head as he slides over in his seat, giving Jungkook a similar greeting before his friend follows suit. He’s a silver haired guy with sharp eyes, a small smile being sent Jungkook’s way as Jimin introduces him. “Oh, this is Yoongi, he just became Jamba Juice’s newest bitch.”

Taehyung shoots him a sympathetic look, he had worked along side Jimin a few months ago before quitting in a fit of rage so he knew how unpleasant the job was. “My condolences.”

Yoongi just chuckles, nodding in acceptance, not attempting to deny that the job was hell on earth but it paid alright so he’d just suck it up. “Jimin never shuts up about the two of you at work.”

Jungkook laughs at that as he starts to drive once more, wondering just what Jimin said about them while on the clock, they had all been friends for years so he really had an infinite amount of stories to bring up.

Whatever he had said about them must have been good enough because Yoongi fits right in, balancing out Taehyung’s crude sense of humor with his own, being made aware of some of the inside jokes they all had together and continuing them with ease.

Jungkook begins thinking that he wouldn’t mind Yoongi becoming a part of their group, he had a pretty easy going personality and didn’t protest when Taehyung ended up dragging all of them to some random flea market near by.

Unfortunately it all slowly starts to crumble on the drive towards the restaurant Jimin wanted to try.

“Hey Jungkook, do you have a phone charger?” Jimin asks from the back seat, glaring at the dwindling percentage on his phone due to him now being in charge of the music selection because Taehyung was adamant on playing reggaeton and they were all sick of it.

Jungkook hums in confirmation, too busy staring at his own phone screen for the directions to notice that Jimin was already opening up his center console to grab the cord that he knew was always there.

The photo that greets him as he opens it up definitely isn’t always there though, the shiny polaroid of you looking directly into the lens stares right at Jimin and he immediately recognizes you as the girl from the diner.

“Woah, this is dirty Kook.” He laughs out, trying his best to avert his eyes from the salacious photo and pull out the charger he was originally searching for.

“What?” Taehyung asks, peeking over and gasping obnoxiously when he spots the photo too. He’s not as caring as Jimin is, grabbing the photo from the edges and bringing it up close and personal to his face for a better view.

“Who the fuck is this?” He asks as he stares at the picture with a goofy smile on his face. He tilts the polaroid side to side to look through the glare the sun provides but the raunchy act caught on film is clear as day. Jungkook carries a photo of some girl sucking his dick in his car, what a perv.

Jungkook finally looks up and when he sees the polaroid in Taehyung’s hand he feels his heart drop, reaching across and trying to snatch it but he falls short. Taehyung scoots further in his seat, holding the photo higher up and screaming when the car swerves as Jungkook lurches across his seat and tries to reach for it once more.

“It’s just some girl.” Jungkook grunts as he steadies the car again, his face burning hot as he hears Jimin laughing along in the backseat. Leave it to his friends to act like they’ve never seen more explicit photos, parading it around like it’s the first x-rated polaroid they’ve ever seen as if they didn’t have a collection of ridiculous porn bookmarked onto their phones.

The way Taehyung’s currently holding the photo up gives Yoongi a clear view of it and as his eyes lock onto yours he tilts his head slightly. What was Jungkook doing with a photo of you, covered in cum with his dick in your mouth.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Jimin teases, placing his hands on his shoulders and laughing louder when Jungkook finally snatches the photo from his friends grasp, swatting the side of his head for good measure before stuffing it back into the center console and slamming it shut.

“No, she’s mine.” Yoongi finally speaks up, leaning back into his seat and staring at the back of Jungkook’s head as he drove. A small smile is on his face as he crosses his arms over his chest, the entire car falling into a dead silence, no one wanting to break it until they knew how serious this was.

Taehyung is half expecting this to become a world star beat down whereas Jimin can’t tell if he’s joking or not, his eyes bouncing back and forth between Yoongi and Jungkook. He sort of wishes he had never asked for a charger now.

Jungkook can’t get himself to say anything, his fingers gripping his steering wheel tighter as his mind starts to spin, desperately waiting for the joking laughter to ensue but it never comes.

Could he really be your boyfriend? Had you been with Yoongi even when you were going on dates with Namjoon or was Yoongi new. Then came the twist of the knife when he realizes that if Yoongi was new, filling in Jungkook’s shoes now that he was gone, you had seen him in a better light than you’d ever see Jungkook in, making him your boyfriend in a few weeks when Jungkook’s known you for years.

“Why do you have a photo of Y/N giving you head?” Yoongi asks, a little caught off guard by the situation. The two of you weren’t officially dating yet but considering he had met your family it felt a little unnerving to see a photo of you like that with someone that wasn’t him.

He’s not upset at Jungkook, he can see how flustered he is, but he needed some form of explanation before he filed you under cheater in his mind.

“It’s an old photo.” Jungkook can barely get out, wanting to shrivel up at the awkward tension filling up the car.

“How old?”

“Over a month ago.” That admittedly wasn’t that old and it doesn’t do much to settle Yoongi’s uncertainty but he decides not to push it, the only person who needed to explain was you.

“I can toss the photo if you want me to.” Jungkook suggests, he had forgotten about the photo after he stuffed it into the center console when he left your house and although he would like to keep it, now that the cat was out of the bag and your new boy of interest had seen it, he felt a little wrong holding on to it. What were the fucking odds.

Yoongi shakes his head, it was a photo taken from your camera and you obviously knew it was being taken, if Jungkook wanted to keep it for whatever weird reason that was his call, for all he knew Jungkook was one of your exes.

“Just maybe don’t keep it in your car man.” Yoongi suggests, his fingers itching by his side with the want to text you for an explanation but he knows he needs to play his cards right to get an actual answer from you.

Jungkook takes Yoongi’s suggestion as a demand, the second he gets back home after they finished hanging out he pockets the photo once more and decides to shove the photo deep into his underwear drawer. Hopefully it’s something he’ll forget about and stumble upon in a few years and not feel the same gutted emotions he does now.

Jungkook knows he’s only hurting himself further by allowing a fragile string to continue to tie the two of you together but its the small tinge of hope that maybe one day he’d feel a tug from the string in your direction that prevents him from snipping it.

As he lays in bed he feels a similar dark shadow start to fall over him, reminiscent to the one that had nearly swallowed him whole weeks ago. The only plus side to this was that he now knew that you had moved on, something that should help him think straight, not let his memories get warped until you’re seen as this sweet angel that never did him any wrong.

The other plus side was that he didn’t get his ass beat by Yoongi, the boy had swept it under the rug and went about the rest of the day as if nothing had happened. He was unaware that Yoongi was at your place now with Jungkook being the topic of discussion.

Yoongi was currently trying his best to not burn a hole in your floor as he paced back and forth on your carpet with you staring at him looking as comfortable as ever on your bed. How you looked like that when he had just interrogated you on your relationship with the other boy was beyond him.

He wasn’t even sure if you were lying to him or not, your answers seemed too practiced to be truthful, too thought out for him to fully believe. The second he had brought Jungkook up it was like your brain went into autopilot and the perfect answers he was looking for just spilled out.

But somewhere along the line you said something that rubbed him the wrong way, a phrase that made him double take when you implied that Jungkook meant absolutely nothing to you, how it was all fun and games and Yoongi didn’t buy that for a second. The defeated look on Jungkook’s face throughout the rest of the day showed Yoongi how he felt and it sure as hell didn’t look like absolutely nothing.

Even if you and Jungkook weren’t serious, the way you were speaking about him, with no sympathy or regard to how he felt it made Yoongi a little uncomfortable. Had you said that Jungkook was horrible, treated you like garbage or anything that warranted this sort of reaction he could understand but you just seemed so emotionless.

“You don’t care about him?” Theres been an evil glint in your eye ever since Yoongi mentioned Jungkook, the slight anger you felt at him treating you how you treated him resurfacing at his name. You don’t even know why he’s asking you this, did he want you to say you didn’t care about him to boost his own ego or did he want you to say you did to see if your feelings lied deeper?

“Why should I?” Your tone is cold and Yoongi is a little caught off guard at how quickly you’re able to turn off the bubbly personality he had been drawn to in the beginning.

“I mean considering you let him photograph you sucking his dick I’m not really buying this whole facade you have going on right now.”

A small laugh fills the room and Yoongi can only stare at you, briefly wondering if this was some sort of joke because the way you’re acting now is the polar opposite to the you he’s known for the past month. You just found the situation laughable, you always covered your tracks, careful enough to not trip over your own lies but your edge must be wearing off.

“There’s no facade.” You reply calmly, hoping the soft look in your eyes is convincing enough for him but it’s not. Yoongi knows he must be on to something, the minute he brought Jungkook up he saw the way your demeanor changed and now he wasn’t sure if you were just down right heartless or playing it off.

“You honestly don’t have any empathy for other people do you?” He shoots out, looking directly at you and seeing the way your eyes lose their sweetness, narrowing in size as you try your best not to glare at him but he can see right through it. He can tell he’s digging a little too close to uncharted territory but he was sick of the mystery that was you, never knowing where anything stood because you were too selfish to think of other people’s emotions due to your actions.

“Is that really what you’re focused on.”

“Yeah, a little.” He scoffs in disbelief, “I don’t really want to find out my girlfriend’s a fucking sociopath years down the line.”

You laugh again at that, leaning back on your arms as you sit on your bed, “Girlfriend?” The look you give him makes him stumble over his words for the first time, realizing that you hadn’t ever put a label on what you were and now feeling a little embarrassed by your condescending tone.

You honestly don’t even know why you react the way you do, you actually liked Yoongi, could see this becoming something serious, but the way he was exposing your faults, making you see the parts of you that desperately needed work, it rubbed you the wrong way so you needed to knock him down a few pegs. A classic self sabotaging move you always did, not being able to bite down the hurtful words you knew you’d throw his way.

“You think I’m your girlfriend?” You ask, only rubbing salt onto the slowly opening wound and he almost winces but he can see that this is your defense mechanism so he doesn’t let it burn as much as he knows it should.

“Is that what you’re gonna turn this into?” He counters, a displeased look on his face, “Trying to hurt my feelings because I’m asking you pretty justified questions is a low blow Y/N.”

That shuts you up, the next batch of spiteful words you were ready to shoot his way dissolving on your tongue when you see the way he looks at you. You’d expect him to be angry, visibly upset at what you had said but instead he just looks tired.

“Look, I obviously struck a nerve bringing him up because this–“ he motions to you, making you realize how tense your body had become, “isn’t the you I know, so whenever you decide to put your fangs away and talk about your buried emotions let me know.”

You don’t even know how to respond to the way he shut you down with ease, your eyes only showing more of your confusion when he steps forward and kisses the top of your head, “Goodnight.” Is all he says before turning around to leave your room and apartment altogether.

“Goodnight.” You weakly mumble out as he shuts the door behind him, completely throwing you off the course of events you were sure were about to transpire.

The anger you felt inside slowly starts to fizzle out until all you feel is sick, a pit of disgust brewing inside of you at the way you had behaved. Not just with him but with Jungkook.

This had become a regular feeling for you ever since Jungkook decided to throw you aside, being the main reason you had decided to hold on to Yoongi when you had met him by chance, needing something to distract you so the guilt you felt wouldn’t drive you into doing something you knew you’d regret.

The amount of times you wanted to reach out to him during these last few weeks was concerning for you, never really realizing just how much you relied on him when you needed to get out of your head. The slow clarity that he had always been quick to come to you and offer help in any way he could while you always shut him down, diverting questions when he’d ask what was wrong because you were scared of him getting too close, all it had done was burn him.

You had left him scarred and wounded as he laid on his bed, contemplating smothering himself with his pillow as he regretted his life choices that landed him in this situation. It’s the selfish side of you that has you opening up your phone and calling his number without a second thought, you keep it on speaker and toss it on the bed, half expecting it to go directly to voicemail since you were sure he had blocked your number too, but it continues to ring.

Jungkook nearly bolts up in shock when the phone by his head starts to vibrate and light up, his squinting eyes staring at the screen and freezing when he sees your name displayed on it. He feels like he stops breathing as his phone buzzes on his comforter, it was now clear that Yoongi had in fact brought him up to you and he was pretty sure if he answered the phone it would not go in his favor.

He lets it ring until it eventually goes to voicemail, his phone dimming down once more and he finally relaxes. It only lasts a brief moment, his phone buzzing once more with a text this time and he doesn’t want to open it.

Instead he grabs the device and stuffs it in between his mattress and box spring, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath before sliding back into bed and forcing himself to sleep.

It doesn’t come easy for either of you, he’s constantly tossing and turning on his bed, having to shove his hands under his butt to get them to stop creeping toward the side his phone was tucked under. You on the other hand are constantly checking your phone when you wake up every few minutes, phantom rings pulling you from your slumber and hoping Jungkook responded to your text but every time you blindly stare at the brightness of your screen you’re met with nothing, not even the read display that usually appeared.

It’s not until the sun peaks over the horizon, the soft orange illuminating the inside of Jungkook’s room and waking him up, that he feels his resolve cracking. He tries to blame it on his half asleep state, not being awake enough to know right from wrong but he’s way too aware of the way his fingers move and latch on to his device as he pulls it from its hiding spot.

It takes him a moment to build up the courage to open up your message, half expecting a massive paragraph with you telling him off for whatever reason but the only thing that greets him is a short ‘can we talk please’.

He’s not sure what makes him wary, the fact that you want to talk or you using the word please. Jungkook’s fingers hover over the keyboard, not sure if he should even respond to you. This was what he wanted though isn’t it? The main reason he had decided not to block your number, hoping you’d reach out and explain yourself. But now that you had done the first half he wasn’t sure he wanted to see it through.

Still, his fingers take over and type out a quick response.

jungkook 7:49am : talk about what

The buzzing wakes you up instantly, your phone clutched to your chest in the same position you had fallen asleep in with the hope that he’d respond.

It’s a little surprising to see that he doesn’t immediately agree like he normally does, dropping whatever he was doing to come to your place like he used to but you guess it was called for.

y/n 7:50am : i just want to clear the air

y/n 7:50am : do you wanna have breakfast?

He hates that he feels the tiniest spark of excitement inside of him at you asking him out for breakfast, something he had been wanting forever, but his fingers shake too much as he holds the device, his body reminding him of the withdraws he had already gone through once before. He couldn’t do this again.

jungkook 7:54am : i don’t think thats a good idea

You can only stare at your screen, not knowing how to respond to his message. It was your own selfish desire to fix things, to help ease the guilt off your chest, that made you want to persuade him to do what you asked but when your phone vibrates a second time you know his mind is set and it’s best to leave it alone.

jungkook 7:57am : please don’t message me again, it’s better this way.

You once again feel the familiar twist in your chest, more so when you respond with a simple okay and your bubble turns green before a notification pops up stating the message could no longer be delivered. Jungkook had been the one to weld the chest shut this time, blocking your number to finalize it before locking his phone once more and begging himself to go about his day as if the curiosity of what you wanted to tell him wasn’t eating him alive.

“Jungkook you need oyster sauce and soy sauce, they’re not interchangeable!” Jimin scolds when Jungkook places the oyster sauce back onto the self, his hand once again swiping it off and placing it into the basket he was currently holding.

“Damn sorry, I told you I don’t know what I’m doing.” Jungkook groans, giving his friend a pout that goes ignored because he’s too focused on running through the list he had on his phone to ensure nothing was forgotten.

Jimin was in charge of helping Jungkook out today on his date, it was Valentines day and Jungkook had been dating his girlfriend for a few months now and wanted to make this date a little more special than just eating out. However, he wasn’t blessed with culinary skills so Jimin would be helping him out throughout it all and making a swift exit before his girlfriend would arrive for dinner.

Jungkook wanders off when he notices Jimin is still hyper focused on the array of sauces lined up in this aisle, ending up in the makeshift Valentines day aisle set up, the plush toys in pink and red all holding candies with cute sayings sewn on to the heart on their chests. It seemed too easy to just pick one up and settle with that so he gives himself a mission to do while Jimin finishes up the essentials.

He roams the entire store, grabbing a lavender wired bucket with enough of his girlfriend’s favorite candies to fill the bottom of it, along with that comes an elephant plushie that happened to be her favorite animal. Jungkook had spotted a bouquet of sunflowers by the front of the store so he makes his way in that direction once more, passing by Jimin who was looking for him but continuing on in his trek.

Just as he grabs the bouquet he wanted he hears his name being called and for a moment he thinks he imagined it, not being able to place the voice it belonged to but when it repeats itself much closer he turns around.

Jungkook is even more caught off guard when he spots your brother, looking nothing like the shy and awkward 13 year old he was back then. He hadn’t seen him since he stopped tutoring him nearly four years ago but he recognized the eyes that he shared with you.

“Jihoon?” He questions, smiling when the younger boy nods. He had always looked up to Jungkook, practically idolized him when he was tutoring him, wanting to be him in every aspect. Jungkook had been everything a nerdy 13 year old boy would want to be, adopting a similar clothing style to him that had managed to still stick around with age.

“I saw you and just had to come say hey.” Jihoon says, pulling him in for a typical bro hug.

Jimin huffs as he reaches Jungkook, having chased him down the aisles and finally catching up to him. He gives the younger boy a wave, a little confused as to who he is but when he hears your voice and spots you, it all clicks in his mind.

“Jihoon c’mon, we need to grab what dad wants!” You shout from the end of the aisle, not wanting to approach Jungkook to save yourself the embarrassment. You were still completely blocked off of everything, no form of communication happening between the two of you since that night. The town you lived in was small so it was kind of inevitable that you’d run in to him eventually but having it be today of all days, with him holding up Valentine’s day items just made it all a little more sour.

He looks up at the sound of your voice and gives you a faint smile because thats just who he is, it doesn’t pain him to look at you now though, the small void you had left inside of him nearly patched all the way up with time and distance.

“I know, but look who it is.” Your brother announces, completely unaware that you and Jungkook had very much stayed in contact after he finished tutoring him. You knew who it was, you were very familiar with Jungkook’s face and could probably spot the back of his head in a crowd.

“Hi Jungkook.” You muster out, slowly making your way down the aisle towards them because you knew your brother wouldn’t back off unless you came over and greeted his old tutor.

“How are things with Yoongi?” Jimin speaks up, a knife slicing through the tension and a knowing look on his face as he stares you down. He knew that you and Yoongi were no longer together, having to be the ear Yoongi vented to with all of your problems while at work and while hanging out, knowing that Yoongi had tried his best to make it work but you had been too stubborn, too stuck in your ways to even budge. Jimin knew enough about you now to be able to connect the dots to the way Jungkook had been so torn months prior. You were a bitch and he didn’t like you.

“Oh, we broke up.” You utter out, an odd look on your face because you had no idea who Jimin was or how he knew both Yoongi and Jungkook but you figure thats irrelevant now, staring back at Jungkook and seeing a neutral expression on his face.

Jihoon, not being able to read the room, asks Jungkook if hes buying groceries for a Valentines date tonight and Jungkook shyly confirms it, teasingly asking Jihoon if he had a date tonight as well. “Nah, haven’t hooked anyone onto me yet. Y/N and I are just helping our dad make something for our mom tonight.”

“Yeah speaking of that, we need to get going Jihoon.” You hope your brother can sense your tone, your fingers tempted to grab onto his hair and yank him away, needing him to move along and let you get as far from Jungkook as possible. That sinking feeling in your stomach had returned, only worsening when you realized how good he was doing, how unaffected he was at seeing you.

“Right, anyways, have a nice night with your girlfriend.” He sings with a playful wave as he retreats from the aisle to go back to shopping. You linger a little at the end of the aisle and stare at him for a moment longer, a small wave being sent his way that he reciprocates with a smile.

“Isn’t she polaroid girl?” Jimin grunts out as he readjusts the basket he was holding, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” Jungkook mumbles out, continuing to stare at the end of the aisle where you had disappeared, the polaroid being a distant memory in his mind after he had burned it.

“Babe,” Jungkook laughs into the receiver of his phone, resting against the cool exterior of the bar all of his friends were in, “I promise there wont be a repeat of last time.”

“That laugh means trouble Jungkook,” Sooyoung giggles back, already mentally preparing to baby Jungkook back to health when he undoubtably arrives home absolutely hammered, “If I have to hold your hand while you barf up everything and refuse water again I’m filing for divorce!”

Jungkook gasps dramatically, his hand placed over his heart as he hears the way his wife snickers, “Less than a month after and you’re already calling it quits?”

Sooyoung just hums along, sat on the couch of their house and flicking through the channels to find something to watch while their dog laid snuggled up by her feet, “Thats just how to cookie crumbles, unless,” she pauses, mentally picturing the way Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he waits, “you hold my hand while I barf next week when I go out with the girls.”

“You run a tough bargain, but I’ll even hold your hair back hows that?”

“Sounds perfect, be safe Kookie. I love you.” She smiles as the words leave her mouth, the fluttering affect he had on her never fading even after all this time.

“Always, I love you too.” He blushes as he makes a kissy noise, smiling wide when he hears one back before ending the call and and makes his way back inside, instantly spotting his friends gathered around the booth they had managed to snag.

When he makes his way over to them he slides in beside Taehyung, squishing him and Hobi into the booth and hearing them groan in protest.

“Are you done confessing your profound love for Sooyoung?” Jimin teases before throwing back a shot of vodka, he was already very loosened up, this being the second bar they visited due to celebrating Jimin’s wedding in a week.

“Shut up, as if I didn’t catch you literally on the verge of tears in the bathroom as you talked to Daehyun earlier.” Jungkook smiles when Jimin zips his mouth and locks it with an imaginary key, not denying any but of information Jungkook just spilled out. The rest of his friends howl in laughter at the secret, riling him up further and Jungkook decides his job here is done, getting up to order another drink and another round of shots for everyone else.

He leans over the counter and grabs the bar tenders attention with a soft wave of his hand, “Can I get a whiskey sour and another round of shots of tequila.” The woman nods, already having his card on a tab and begins making the drinks for him.

Jungkook settles into one of the stools there, getting comfortable as he waits, not yet sensing the eyes currently staring a hole through his temple from a few seats away.

You had spotted Jungkook walking in with his friends earlier, watching him step out for a phone call before coming back in again. He looked a little different from the last time you saw him, his hair a little longer now with a slight wave to it as it reached his cheekbones. The last time you had seen him was in passing at the same grocery store a few months ago, you had managed to duck into an aisle before he spotted you, being none the wiser that you were hiding from him.

Jungkook starts to feel the burning from his side of someone staring, slowly turning his head until his eyes meet your stunned ones. You expect him to look away, pretend he doesn’t know you and try to hide like you always do but instead he smiles at you, waving you over like you were an old friend of his.

It takes a few moments of building up courage before you get up from your spot and move across the three stools that separated you two with your drink in your hand.

“Hey, how have you been?” He asks with a soft grin, thanking the bar tender as she places his drink and the line of shots in front of him.

“I’ve been alright, Jihoon just moved out of state for work so my parents have been extra needy without someone to baby.” You force a smile back at him, your finger tracing the rim of your glass as you beg the awkwardness to leave, not used to having the underhand in situations like this.

“He’s gonna do great things I’m sure.” Jungkook sighs, taking a sip of his drink and humming at the taste. Looking at him now was like looking at an entirely different person, sure he had the same face but the way he carried himself was a stark contrast to the Jungkook you were accustomed to from three years ago, no longer second guessing himself, instead speaking with an aura of confidence and ease surrounding him.

“You know he never shut up about you once you stopped tutoring him?” You laugh, seeing the smile spreading on Jungkook’s face, “I remember that one time he begged my parents to buy him that one yellow jacket you own, he had to get straight A’s all semester before they got it for him and he never took it off.”

A genuine smile spreads across your lips as you reminisce on the times before, how you had taken them for granted and now seemed to grasp at anything that reminded you of it.

“We had something good going before, I’m sorry for ruining it.”

That catches Jungkook off guard, setting his drink down with a soft thud as he looks over at you fully, “I guess that depends what you consider good.” He jokes, proud that he can make light of a situation that used to leave him feeling wounded.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” You cringe, not yet having the luxury of the past not affecting you. He watches on as you take a big gulp of your drink, wiping the excess that drips down your lip with your fingers.

“Don’t be, it’s water under the bridge.” He reassures you, reaching across the small gap between you two and placing his hand over yours when he notices the small trembles of nerves making them shake.

Your hand turns in his grasp, your fingers wrapping around his large ones in a search for comfort. The intentions you originally had when you first spot him leave you as your thumb traces the black band around his ring finger, a clear sign that he was off the market for good, making the words spoil in your mouth as you hold them back.

“Oh, when did this happen?” You ask softly, letting his hand go as he brings it up to spread his fingers out with a proud look on his face.

“About a month ago, I managed to trick someone into marrying me.” He jokes, a glimmer in his eyes as he recalls the day of his wedding, the happiness swelling his heart when he thinks of coming home to Sooyoung after the night is over.

“You never needed to trick someone into marrying you Kookie.” The sound of his nickname doesn’t feel right coming out of your mouth now, like nails to a chalkboard, no longer making his stomach flutter the way it used to.

“It felt like I did.” He admits with a shrug, remembering the years of him pining over you, making a fool of himself for the off chance that’d you one day see him for what he was worth. But like he said, it was all water under the bridge and seeing you here was a welcomed surprise to him now.

You want to say more to him but your tongue gets tied up, no longer having the list of phrases you were going to use when you spotted him. Jungkook catches on to the discomfort growing within you so he downs the rest of his drink to free his hands to be able to carry the shots to his thirsty friends.

“It was good seeing you.” His eyes are sincere as he stares at you for the last time, “I’ll see you around.” You know thats the truth, no doubt would you two run in to each other once more but you know this will be the closest interaction you’ll have. He still had you blocked on everything even years later, not knowing a single piece of information on you and leaving you in the dark about his. But this was just the way things were meant to be.

“Yeah, good seeing you too Jungkook.” You whisper out, watching him as he grasps the shot glasses and makes his way back to his friends, hollers and cheers filling up the bar at the sight of alcohol.

Jungkook slips back into his seat, passing the glasses around to everyone and raising them up to cheer for the end Jimin as an unmarried man. As he throws back the shot, nearly having it come out through his nose when he laughs as he sees the disgusted look Taehyung makes at the taste, he can’t stop himself from looking back in your direction.

You’re still sat on the stool, finishing up the rest of your drink and signing off your tab with a grin on your face. He eyes you curiously when you put your card away, your fingers sorting through your bag before pulling out a shiny diamond ring and slipping it back onto your ring finger.

He can’t help but feel a little disappointed at his realization, having almost fallen into the same web of lies you had intricately set up for him. Staring at him and knowing he’d catch you in the act, hoping to rope him in to bed one last time but the black band on his finger had been what broke the spell, making that same pit of disgust brew inside you and fill you with guilt at what you almost did.

As you walk out, eyes landing on Jungkook’s and noticing that he had spotted your own wedding band you give him that same shamless smile he had burned into his memory before slipping out of the bar altogether, returning home to your husband who would be none the wiser.

Jungkook just shakes his head as he reaches for another shot in the center of the table and throws it back, joining in with the laughter of his friends. Taehyung jostles him around as he recalls a story from the last time they were here but Jungkook’s mind is still focused on you.

Old habits died hard and it seemed like you never had any intention of changing. You may have left him shredded in a thousand parts but he took pride in being able to say that he put himself back together on his own, and when his phone lights up with a goofy selfie of his wife and their dog he realizes he had dodged a bullet, no longer hating the string of events that lead him to where he was now.

#ficswithluv #goldenclosetnet #btswritingcafe #btsghostie #yoonkooknetwork #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jeon jungkook #jungkook scenarios #new

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peekbackstage · 3 years

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Hi i don't know if you'll be able to answer and this is actually a genuine question but i heard about some rumours thats wyb's net worth isn't very much even with all his endorsements and everything because his company taking such a large cut. do you think theres some truth to this or not

Disclaimer: The following post is informed by my experience working in the music industry.

I think that in general, we should be careful when considering the veracity of rumors, especially ones that speculate an artist’s net worth, unless there is hard evidence that supports such speculation.

Being that I am not privy to the details of WYB’s contract with Yuehua, I would not be able to speculate one way or another as to what his net worth is actually like.

That being said, there are plenty of idols who may have a lot of commercial success but might not be as wealthy as you may think. A good reason for this is because of the fact that they are usually required to help the company break even on the money the company invested into their career. So unless the commercial success is shockingly stratospheric, chances are, the idol isn’t actually making that much money.

For example, MBLAQ was a pretty popular Kpop group at one point, with their releases topping charts not only in Korea but also internationally in Japan. But because they hadn’t reached BIGBANG levels of success, their members ultimately didn’t make much money at all.

Here is a video of a former MBLAQ member talking about how much money he made while he was an idol:

youtube

In the video above, Mir states that he made enough money to buy a BMW Series 5, but that still pales in comparison to the kind of money the company keeps in their pocket due to all of the break even costs.

So while idols may make some money, it isn’t as much as people think - they aren’t raking in millions unless they are massive stars.

#idols #idolnomics #music industry #Anonymous #ask #peek answers

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luque-moreau · 3 years

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y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different.

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd. this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be v e r y enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information.

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #theory #headcanon #razputin aquato #this is real biased #isnt it

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argumentl · 3 years

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The Freedom of Expression Ep 13 - No re-selection for Olympic marathon representatives.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, getting started with another episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. So, hows it going?

J: Hows it going indeed.

K: Ah, my glasses started to fog up too.

J: Oh, did they? My glasses were fogging up at the end of the last episode. I thought I'd take them off this time. I'll do it without them.

K: Yeah.

J: Its got to the point where there's no news that isn't corona...

K: Well, it can't be helped. There really isn't is there?

K: What about at Tokyo Sports? Are you running non-corona related stories?

T: As expected, its almost all corona related.

J: All corona?

T: Yeah. It doesn't get much interest if its something else. Sometimes we'll do stuff like an exclusive inside story reveal on old pro wrestlers today, like Jumbo Tsurata or something. The listeners might or might not know Jumbo Tsurata...

K: Ah, I loved All Japan Pro-Wrestling.

J: Ah, so you must like Tsurata san?

K: I used to watch the fights between Tsurata san and Misawa san etc all the time.

T: Ohh, yeah.

J: Tsurata san had a lot of fighting spirit, like, 'Ouughh!', but he seemed like he wasn't quite angry.

K: Right. He was big, but he was also kinda cute.

J: Thats right. He didn't seem that wild.

K: He seemed almost gentle/soft.

J: He actually graduated from Chuo University, he's quite the elite. He hid that part of himself, and in that world of tough guy pro wrestlers, he showed himself as quite gentle.

T: He was really popular, wasn't he?

J: He was. *To K* Ah, so you were a fan of All Japan?

K: Well, both. I watched New Japan Pro-wrestling too. But when that big group of All Japan wrestlers came out, and Misawa and others came out, it got kinda dangerous. Falling on thier heads, it got popular from then *1. .Ok, the theme this time please.

J: Yes, Lets start the topic. Well, its related to corona, but I thought it was interesting. This has to do with the Olympics which have been postponed to 2021..

'No re-selection for 2021 Olympic Marathon runners. Due to the effect of coronavirus, meetings to select Olympic representatives for some events have been postponed or cancelled, but for others the representatives for 2021 have already been unofficially confirmed. A case in point is the treasure of the Olympics, the marathon. Responding to interview on the 25th of March, project leader of the plan to strengthen the marathon, Seko Toshihiko of the Japan Association of Athletic Federations said about the decision, "These are six people we've chosen with confidence. I'd like to protect the rights of the candidates." The official decision will be made by the Japan Association of Athletics Federations Council in June, but there are no plans to hold re-elections for the mens' nor the womens' event.' Well, as this is sports related, can you explain this more simply, Tasai san?

T: Well, its because its been postponed that there's a problem. Should they choose new candidates for next year or not? Well, for the competition, they made this decision for the marathon. There are pros and cons to this, but they really want to respect the athletes who would have had a good chance at winning in 2020.

J: Is this normal in the rest of the world? I don't know anything about sports.

T: Well, postponing the Olympics is kinda unknow in the world, so..

J: There is no precedent?

T: Yeah. If you look from the athletes perspective, there are those who are at thier peak now, but there are also those who might be ready to take a gold medal by 2021...so which do you choose?

K: They have to decide on the whole. Because even people who weren't chosen for 2020 might be able to compete from now on. So they need to decide either just go with the people who were chosen for 2020, or to rechoose for next year.

J: Yeah, if there is both..well, the marathon might become the only unique case, so choosing the candidates once..

K: Hey, but the athletes...Oh, Im sorry! (for interrupting)....there might be some athletes who end up saying they want to quit.

J: There will be. After the postponement, there will be some athletes who decide to withdraw, right?

K: Yeah.

J: Kaoru, you are not an athlete, but if you are producing a live show, working out the costs, starting rehearsals and feeling the tension rise...if that was postponed, wouldn't you naturally feel a little..?*2

K: Well, if we can't be active for the time being, then we think about what we can do after that right? But I do sometimes get the feeling that it might not go as planned at all. *3

J: I see, yeah. What to do about this? I mean, Im always saying this, but wouldn't it be better to just cancel the Tokyo Olympics?

T: Its difficult, isn't it.

J: Because, even doing it next year might be a bit risky. It might be too quick for people to be ready for it..and with so many people having taken a lot of economic damage, only a small number of people would end up coming, right? Like, would it work?...And then if they could do it this year, if we didn't have this issue...Well, im opposed to that too, im always coming from an opposition stance...Well, I do hope that whatever is decided suceeds. But yeah, next year might be risky, it seems like theres a lot of pressure to do it. And also, Abe's term as PM will end in September next year, so its a great time for him to be seen as the one who made the Olympics a success if they finish in August. A two year postponement has been totally ruled out, so if you think about all this, its not really putting the athletes first, so wouldn't it be better to just call it off?

T: Its difficult to know whether to do that, since it has cost this much money so far.

K: If the chosen athletes can't compete now, they eventually might not be able to, right? Cause there are those countries who can carry on with training, and those who cannot. We'll be able to see a difference.

J: Well I think the European athletes are facing a really tough situation, and theres also the risk of having large scale movements of people. If that happens, well, if Japan says the Olympics must go ahead next year, whilst internationally corona is becoming a long term thing, I think we might see some contradictions.

K: But of course, if they were able to do it, that would be the best, if we have a world in which they are able to...that would be the best.

J: Yes, yes. If it can go ahead, the athletes will be under no fault, and it will just be a good memory.

K: I wonder if they will do it with no spectators?

J: Right, no spectators?

T: Its interesting, but I wonder how they would pull it off..

J: But I feel...well, im not an athlete, so emitting the athletes feeling for a moment...its broadcast worldwide isn't it? So the amount of people watching at the venues is probably only about 1% of the total viewers. So..they could just have no spectators at the venues and just do it all by boadcast?

T: But if there are no spectators there, won't there be fewer new world records? There won't be the tension there.

K: Ahh, yeah.

J: If there are no spectators?

K: Well, it depends on the person. There might be people who are calmer if there are no spectators, or there might be people who can't psyche themselves up without a crowd.

J: Ahh...Kami is quiet today isn't he? Aren't you here today?

Kami: (in a quiet voice) No, im here, im here.

J: Ah, you're here.

Kami: Yeah.

J: Your voice sounds like a buzzing mosquito.

Kami: I've just been thi...thinking a lot.

J: Oh right. Kami, are you well?

Kami: Indeed

K: Indeed (*laughs*)

Kami: Yeah, Im well.

J: Um, I have a question for you...Do you have anything to do with coronavirus, Kami? Its a strange question, but..

Kami: Nothing at all to do with it.

J: Oh really?

T: Ahh, so cool.

J: Yeah, cool.

Kami: Cause gods can't die.

J: Oh, gods right? Yeah yeah.

K: But you still get hungry and stuff, right? And you have to earn money, right?

J: Yeah yeah.

Kami: Thats right.

J: Do you produce bodily excrement?

Kami: What?

J: Do you have bodily excrement?

T: Do you use the toilet?

Kami: Yes, I do.

K: *laughs*

J: What a small voice! You're not feeling well today, right?

Kami: What?

J: You're not feeling well?

Kami: No, no, Im fine.

J: Oh, you're ok?

Kami: Im feeeling good!

J: Are you?

Kami: Yeah, I've just been listening to the conversation.

J: Ahh, oh right. What did you think?

Kami: I've been thinking, "oh, I see" and stuff.

J: What was your impression?

Kami: What?

J: What was your impression about the Olympics? This marathon issue.

Kami: The Olympics? Well, even if you say that the people who were chosen for this year have thier rights, times are changing, so I think its ok to start a new competition again. The athletes themselves will have a new sense of ambition, and i think its a bit odd to talk about having rights within a competition. Its better to re-start the game.

T: Right, I see

J: Well, yeah...Because rather than who has the right, its originally a contest of who is the fastest, who is the highest..

Kami: Thats it.

J: Its all about gathering the best people within that time.

K: Well yeah. These marathon people will end up looking like they're not word number ones.

T: For sure.

K: Like, 'Are they really the best now?'...

J: Its hard

K: Yeah, it is.

Kami: A long time ago, Asada Mao was too small to compete, but she was really strong.

J: Yeah, yeah.

Kami: If they see stuff like that, they'll wonder why they can't compete and they might loose thier dream.

J: Inculding Kami, it seems like we 4 guys don't exercise at all.

K:*laughs*

J: We are lacking persuasion power somehow

K: We are just offering our wisdom from the outside.

J: Right. Its a bit..

Kami: If anything, its e-sports are the way.

K: Oh, e-sports?

Kami: It would be good if there were e-sports on Dragon Quest.

T: e-sports on Dragon Quest? The Dragon quest casino...(gets cut off by kami)

Kami : Like, who ..no no, who has the highest bill or something.

T: Ahh..I see.

J: Money again?! Honestly, Kami..

Kami: Mr Son at Softbank would be winning right?

J: Ahh, I see. I've never been sure if Kami is a god or a devil.

Kami: No, no, Im a god.

J: You insist you're a god.

K: Ok..

Kami: Yes..Well, there are many types though. Gods of poverty and such.

J: Huh?

Kami: They are gods of poverty, gods of plauge..

J: Oh, I see. As for gods like that, id rather they didn't appear on this show.

Kami:.....

K: He's lost for words! *laughs*

T: He seems sad!

J: He's a bit sad now *laughs* Kami, you weren't very energetic today, are you ok?

Kami: No, im loosing my energy because you keep saying that.

*everyone laughs*

K: Topics about the Olympics are lacking a little something right?

J: It might be that, yeah.

K: Well, lets hope for a more energetic Kami next time.

J, T: Yeah.

K: Well, lets finish here, thank you. Please subscribe

*1 I literally know nothing about Japanese pro wrestling.

*2 Couldn't catch this.

*3 Slightly unsure I got that right.

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫

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swifty-fox · 4 years

Note

dude! more history rants, that was great!! I honestly probably learned more in that than I ever have in a history class

dude! Learning about history is SO much better when the person you’re listening to has a genuine passion for it! My Russian prof used to take his shoes off and bang on the table to prove his point, he would imitate historical figures down to the Russian accent (with great skill he lived in the USSR through the entire nineties which if you know anything about nineties Russia that is a FEAT. His wife to be at the time ((now a german history prof at my college)) was offered a ride in a helicopter by the Russian mob. She declined)

Russian history is also just such a rich and dramatic and WILD history. Theres so many things to focus on like an entire semester was spent JUST studying the revolution and that was only an introductory course

Anyways since I’m here and can rant lets talk about two fun things! Lenins name and his family as well as Vasily Grossmans greatest and most controversial works!

So Vladimir Lenin is a pretty iconic name. A pretty cool name in fact! Really rolls off the tongue and strikes FEAR into enemies hearts.

Did ya know it’s not his fuckin name? Nope! the guy straight up chose a new last name for himself! This former law student (oh yeah he wasn't even a politician no wonder the fucko didn't know how to run a country) was actually born Vladimir Ulyanov!

but why the name change? Ulyanov is still pretty easy to say, still pretty memorable. Rolls of the tongue so on and so forth.

this, ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between and beyond, is because of Lenins older brother Aleksandr Ulyanov!

(this guy has better hair than i could ever hope to, thanks diluted slav genes)

now sweet Aleks here was also four years Vladimirs Senior and was also a revolutionary! (seems like it ran in the family)

Not only was he a revolutionary but he was a MASSIVELY FAMOUS ONE and kinda helped set the ENTIRE downfall of the soviet union in motion long before the revolution was even a whisper of a thought.

How you ask? well uh.

he tried to kill Tsar Nikolas II’s dad.

yes, that Tsar Nikolas who later was overthrown and was executed by firing squad. Sorry the Romanovs are all very very dead we found all their bodies the animated movie was very wrong.

Anyways, sweet kolya’s father was Tsar Alexander III and he was known throughout the land as the Peacemaker!

(also yes they're both called Aleksandr. Russians only have like. Ten names to choose from)

wow sounds like he must be a great guy with a nickname like that huh? Why would anyone wanna kill him! Sadly, the nickname is only because Russia entered no wars under his rule. He was in fact, a huge bastard. Outside of being physically and emotionally abusive to his family (he would often berate Nikolai for being weak which definitely led to some of his issues with his authority and pride being questioned later on...) he was incredibly reactionary and heavy handed when it came to ruling. he opposed ANY movement that might minimize his authority as emperor. He was famous for executing a LOT of anti-imperialist terrorists.

he also looked like this

not to insult bulldogs but this guy sure looks like one.

Anyways, Aleksandr Ulyanov helps devise a plot wherein he and a bunch of other revolutionaries will ride by Tsar Alek’s carriage and chuck a bomb through his window and then boom no more emperor. basically, it was the 1887 version of a drive by shooting.

Naturally, it failed, otherwise we wouldn’t be talking about this! Anyways, All the conspirators were captured and sentenced to death. (5 were later pardoned none of which were Lenins brother.) They were all hanged.

Although Lenin was involved in politics before this to some degree, this action really radicalized him and really got the ball rolling for the eventual Soviet Union. Talk about butterfly effect.

Alright time for history lesson part TWO!! Lets talk about Vasily Grossman and his work In The Town of Berdichev! Though more technically I will be talking more about the film adaptation titled Commissar(1967).

quick background time! Vasily Grossman was born to a Jewish family and due to prosecution (of both Jewish people and Ukrainians) at the time was forced to conceal his heritage. He actually studied to be a chemist at first and was quite successful until he transitioned later in life to being a writer and reporter! His accounts of the Ukrainian famine are the some of the most detailed accounts as well as the most controversial (to the Russian state) he also was a war reporter for WWII and intensively documented the ethnic cleansing going on. Understandably.

he was strongly supported by Maksim Gorky! (yes that Maksim Gorky, famous writer, and the man who helped develop the entire soviet education system that kinda was just brainwashing and propaganda. Reportedly later in life he considered that to be one of his greatest regrets((he was also a massive homophobe too because same sex relationships were actually legal for a while there in russia!))

Long story short, Vasya believed strongly in several things. he believed in the human spirit, he believed in supporting his Jewish brethren, he believed strongly in mother Russia and the communist party. But more than that he believed that those who do not learn from our mistakes are doomed to repeat them.

Thus came about his work. I’ll post a quick plot summary here from Wikipedia of the movie. it’s a really good film honestly I highly recommend it.

“During the Russian Civil War (1918–1922), a female commissar of the Red Army cavalry Klavdia Vavilova (Nonna Mordyukova) finds herself pregnant. Until her child is born, she is forced to stay with the family of a poor Jewish blacksmith Yefim Magazannik (Rolan Bykov), his wife, mother-in-law, and six children. At first, both the Magazannik family and "Madame Vavilova", as they call her, are not enthusiastic about living under one roof, but soon they share their rationed food, make her civilian clothes, and help her with the delivery of her newborn son. Vavilova seemingly embraces motherhood, civilian life, and new friends.Meanwhile, the frontline advances closer to the town and the Jews expect a pogrom by the White Army as the Red Army retreats. Vavilova attempts to console them with a Communist dream: "One day people will work in peace and harmony", but the dream is interrupted with a vision of the fate of the Jews in the coming world war. She rushes to the front to rejoin her army regiment, leaving her newborn behind.“

- White army was the anti-soviet army during the revolution. Red Army was the soviets. Pogroms were targeted areas of ethnic cleansing against Jewish peoples, namely they were villages or towns that were wiped out.

this film was banned for something like forty years for anti-soviet sentiment. But why? it seems pretty damn pro-soviet doesn't it?

Well firstly lets talk about how oppressive the soviet regime was by this point! In 1967 Russia was in the dying throes of Stalins regime. Yes he had died a little over a decade earlier but the government was still very much being run by his ideals. All independent newspapers were banned. EVERYTHING every single piece of art, literature, news, commercial, WHATEVER, had to be state approved. And by god was it hard to get things approved. Grossman routinely wrote of his frustrations and struggles of getting anything published because if a Russain character was portrayed as anything but a happy go lucky communist then it would be censored. Grossman first ran into this issue when he was reporting on the iron and coal mines in siberia. the conditions were terrible but Grossman had to lie and say everything was fine. It let to a real crisis of ideals for him.

The first red mark against this movie is that well, it focuses on a woman. It’s an incredibly feminist movie, with the idea of motherhood and duty and the strength of a woman being just as much if not more than a man. (for reference a Commissar is like an army Officer)

Secondly, she abandons her post! to have a child! In communist Russia NOTHING comes before your duty to the motherland. But again she eventually realizes that the call of her country is stronger than the call of this simple maternal life and she does go on to fight so why is this a problem?

Well ultimately, it boils down to the final scene.

"One day people will work in peace and harmony" she says. An entirely pro-soviet message. But then it is instantly contradicted by footage of the holocaust. This is a visual representation fo Grossman saying that although the communist ideal is strong in the soviet union that they are being blinded by false enemies, prejudices and will find themselves committing such atrocities (of course they already are but again he DID still support the Soviet State) Basically it was a warning to the Soviet Party! Learn from the mistakes that were made and gentle themselves!

And this, this was a criticism of the Soviet party! And thus, it was shelved for nearly twenty years.

It finally was shown again in the late 80′s

Grossman, after attempting to publish his magnum opus, Life and Fate, had his flat raided by the KGB and all his notes, manuscripts, letters, books, publications, and pretty much his life's work were confiscated. Grossman died in the mid 1960′s of stomach cancer not knowing if any of his writings or best works would ever be seen or published again.

Thankfully they were found and published and his massively important legacy lives on in the people who know about him. But his story is a very bittersweet one indeed.

you can watch the full movie here with English captions!

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youtube

(tw: imagery of holocaust, some anti-semitism (if i recall) some children without any clothes bathing if i recall (its not weird but I know it was shocking for me to see at first))

(maybe I’ll talk about the TRUE story of Rasputin another time...)

#swiftytalks #russian history #again i dont have my notes on me also i went to PAX for half of the movie so i missed some of it #fact checked by google again but still mostly word vomit #every day I say that Lenin was a BITCH #discussions of antisemitism #as always #because russia #Anonymous

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soncfseed · 4 years

Video

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REPOSTED FROM MY OLD BLOG: Probably my most important headcanon, so please take the time to read this!!

spoilers ahead, but im gonna look at ethans cutscenes and talk about how his bpd (borderline personality disorder) affects his actions and his perceptions throughout the story of new dawn. this is all just headcanon and my interpretation of ethan and how bpd would affect him. none of this is meant to excuse his more nefarious actions, but explain why my interpretation of ethan doesnt pin him as a selfish, horrible, awful monster, but rather a young man with a lot of unresolved trauma and a serious mental health condition who ended up making some terrible choices that resulted in a lot of pain for a lot of people.

0:05 - ethan’s introduction

in this scene ethan experiences some pretty quick and dramatic mood shifts, and has a pretty significant emotional outburst. these are characteristic of the mood swings and emotional dis-regulation experienced by many people with bpd. he starts off catching the captain off guard, sneaking up behind them. ethan has been taught to distrust outsiders, and a symptom of bpd he experiences is suspicion of others and sometimes brief bouts of paranoia. this kind of behaviour makes sense when this is taken into context.

he says that he might not be what the captain expects. this is part of his low self esteem and struggles with his self image and how others perceive him. he constantly feels as though he can never truly be his own person, outside of joseph seed, and that his existence is a disappointment to those who know him.

once he sees the book, he is triggered into a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. acknowledging that the deputy is the one who found the book, and according to joseph’s prophecy will be the true ruler of new eden, is what sets him off. once ethan goes into his rant about it should’ve been him, he’s experiencing a mood swing and sudden spike in his anger and irritability. due to his issues w emotional regulation and control over his expressions of emotion, ethan lashes out by screaming and knocking over the podium in the church. mood swings for bpd sufferers can be only minutes long. what pulls ethan back down to earth a bit is a sudden rush when he realizes he can work with the captain to enlighten new eden to the truth: that joseph is a man, not a messiah, and kind of a shitty one at that who abandoned them all.

3:50 - ethan’s first speech in new eden

ethan’s posturing here is just that; posturing. he’s putting on a bit of a show with the “non believer” bit. he does, however, not entirely trust outsiders nor would he trust that the people of new eden wouldn’t turn on him if he suggested that the captain go north. no, instead he plays off of what he expects the people will do to avoid potential rejection or rebellion. this plays off of his mistrust and suspicion of others, as well as serves to protect his secret interests (getting proof that joseph is dead to get new eden to move on from him) and his ego (tied to the bpd symptom of self image issues and unstable self realization).

ethan can’t help but be a bit sarcastic with “we are all his children”. sarcasm and unwarranted aloofness can tie into bpd, and here it definitely does due to his poor relationship with his father, and with the rumours surrounding his paternity in new eden.

while bpd does not inherently make people manipulative, manipulation of others is often something those with bpd adopt as a coping mechanism to manage their unstable relationships or unstable self image. ethan has adopted this trait in some ways and this is definitely one of them. he does not trust the people of new eden, and knows they wont listen to him fully. this is his main motivator for keeping his plan secret.

the fact that ethan feels he has to act a certain way when he’s the leader of new eden further contributes to his unstable self realization. he puts on different fronts to different people to try and both please them and protect himself.

when he says “they will at last understand that i am their prophet…”, this is in part because he feels he’s worked hard to be the inheritor of new eden. he’s not only joseph’s son (and even if he doesn’t like joseph he wants to be recognized as his biological son, making the rumours about his paternity even more hurtful) but he’s been a successful leader as far as we can tell. to think he will lose it all over a book is damn near panic inducing for ethan. well this is in part a kind of arrogance, it’s fueled by his extreme emotions/mood swings as well as how closely he ties his identity to his position within his community. because his self image is so unstable, threats to that cause him to act in ways that may seem irrational or extreme in order to try and protect his self image. also, ethan will only help the captain in exchange for something in part bc of his suspicion of others. he doesn’t want to offer new eden’s archers and resources without knowing that he will benefit in return. after all, if something goes wrong in new eden bc of this outsider and he allowed it, it’s his responsibility to take the blame and fix it.

5:20 - into the bliss

theres not much in this scene to tie to his bpd. one line i think is important though: “bring me proof of my fathers death and i will make sure you are remembered as a friend of the prophet”. well this can be interpreted as ethan saying to kill joseph, i dont think he is. ethan believes joseph is long gone, that he could never survive all alone for this long. ethan isn’t evil, he’s not asking someone to commit murder, he’s asking them to confirm that someone is already dead. sure, he’s self serving and he wants something in return for his allyship, but to him this is how he can ensure a fair trade, and that an outsider won’t take advantage of him or new eden as easily.

14:18 - ethan, interrupted

ethan’s big speech where joseph fuckin crashes it. at first, he literally does not even see joseph in the crowd. he truly believes he’s dead and that the captain will bring back proof of this. to him, adherence to his rule makes sense; he’s the leader, and things need to change. it is arrogant, because ethan has partially internalized a sense of superiority and entitlement because of his position as joseph’s son, and now heir to the rulership of new eden (he thinks). this combined with an unstable self esteem and self image makes him want total compliance to his rule. criticism, disobedience, they threaten his self worth and that can send him into an emotional spiral or severe mood swing. so, to try and avoid the negative consequences he experiences from perceived slights and rejections, he wants a clean slate and total adherence to his new rules.

when he actually sees joseph, he stops, stammers, and says “father?”. not the father. just father. in this moment, his father who abandoned him (who went out for smokes and never came back) has suddenly shown up in the middle of his speech about him being dead. his arm drops and he stands there, stunned and speechless. his first question is “where have you been?”. he wants to know why and he asks why. why did his father abandon them? abandon him? the answer is completely meaningless to him. it’s basic, it has no detail, and isn’t sufficient. he’s speechless again for a bit, breathing heavier and hyperventilating. he steps away from joseph. when joseph calls the captain god’s sword, ethan damn near does a double take. he’s literally standing in his father’s shadow while he exalts an outsider in front of his own son, after interrupting his speech and embarrassing him in front of everyone.

one of ethan’s symptoms is his overvaluing and undervaluing people in his life. this is when he switches from overvaluing the captain, putting too much faith and hope into them, to undervaluing and practically hating them. his relationship with his father is tenuous, and rocky. it is characterized by ethan’s intense desire to be josephs successor and publicly recognized as his son. ethan even calls out to joseph, upset about the fact that hes now suddenly and publicly being dethroned; joseph doesnt even look back at him. ethan rejects josephs words in anger. he has a sudden outburst in front of the crowd; yet another sudden spike in his emotions from a stressful situation causes him to say what he’s really thinking. “you abandoned me. you abandoned us.” ethan says joseph didn’t leave instructions or a message, just left ethan to lead with no idea how. he does the best job he can under these extreme circumstances, and now all of his hard work is for nothing. that would make even the most level headed neurotypical person upset. whenn ethan starts to lose the support of new eden, he breaks down a bit. the anchor of his self image has been completely ripped away from him in a moment. he storms off partially and his body language is pretty dire; head down, shoulders moving sharply like he’s breathing harshly, and then he turns to watch the crowd walk away from him. imo, part of why ethan doesn’t completely lose it in this scene is that he might be partially dissociating or beginning to dissociate or experience some de-realization from the sudden, acute emotional distress this moment causes for him.

17:45 - ethan’s response

this is when ethan says that the captain betrayed him. they had a deal. he completely put his trust into the captain, idealizing them as the person who could solve his problems, only for them to bring joseph back and make everything in ethans life worse. now, the pendulum swings to the other side where ethan begins to loathe the captain. saying that the captain should have killed joseph themselves is an expression of 1) the intense reactions people with bpd can have to certain situations and 2) his skewed logic because of it. what seems totally irrational to someone else might seem like the only logical solution to a problem for someone with bpd. the stress of such a painful, emotionally charged situation like this one. he never wants to see the captain again; on a dime he flips, from putting all of his trust and hope into one person to saying he never wants to see them again and that they betrayed him. this quick switch of very intense perceptions of others is a cycle of idealization and undervaluing that people with bpd may experience.

18:07 - ethan’s prayer letter

in this letter, ethan discusses how he feels he hates his father for the abandonment; how joseph “expected everything and gave nothing”, how ethan never got to really have joseph as a father for himself because he was too busy being THE father. he says wrath and envy grip him tight to the point he feels he can’t breathe. this is definitely indicative of ethans mood swings and intense emotions, especially the irrational anger and aggression many people with bpd can have. then, he says nobody but himself, his mother, and god can know about how he feels, and that he must put on a front for new eden and be a leader to them “no matter what”. this is absolutely something i can see being tied to his bpd. he is aware that expressing his thoughts, feelings, and reactions to others would probably get a negative reaction. he seeks to avoid that, as well as to avoid the judgment from others he thinks he would get. his unstable self image is complicated by the fact that he feels obligated to hide the symptoms of his illness, and pretend to be someone he isn’t. this only makes it worse, as he ties his social and therefore individual identity to “ruler of new eden”. he relies very much on the responses and reactions of others to gauge whether or not he seems “normal” or capable of doing his job.

18:27 - npc dialogue

ethan says that josephs followers see the prophecy coming to light, but ethan sees it as a chance for new eden to make its own path. this is also when ethan says that he is josephs biological son, and that his mother raised him outside of hope county and brought him there when he was young to be raised by joseph. she died from an illness on their journey. this is some pretty significant baggage for ethan. he wants new eden, and himself, to become independent. the only reason he stays in new eden is because of his mother. he loves her, and idealizes her in a way that never flips to undervaluing because the relationship is one sided since her passing.

19:23 - megan’s letter to joseph

this is important just bc it states megan raised ethan as a non believer but after the collapse taught him about joseph’s word. this is important for ethan because it means he had to relearn some pretty significant things after the apocalypse, including a whole new religion and worldview. this can be very confusing for a child, and in part explains why ethan isn’t totally on board with josephs word, or the all of new eden’s beliefs surrounding him; his earliest formative years had nothing to do with joseph seed or prophets or collapses. he had to convert, and did so as a child who couldn’t really understand or make that choice for himself. he is tied to new eden solely because of megan, and without her wish to have him be josephs heir, he would’ve left long ago.

20:08 - intermission/flashback

this is when we see a young babby ethan get nasty with joseph. this is an early sign of his bpd developing. he has an intense reaction and says something very hurtful to his father over not getting what he wants, which isn’t just the apple but his father’s approval. to him, this is another rejection by joseph, or it is perceived that way by a young ethan. constantly being told something wasn’t gods plan, or it isn’t part of a prophecy without further explanation was confusing and frustrating for ethan growing up. he wanted the apple to be like his father; he wanted the apple to feel integrated into his community like the others who were given the gift. this denial, one that is permanent and leaves no room for ethan to change or grow and become capable of handling its strength leaves him feeling defeated and angry. his reaction of “you are an old man, and when you die i will take one” shows a very quick emotional shift and a shift from idolizing his father and wanting to be like him to practically hating him, becoming cold and distant in mere moments.

21:16 - joseph’s worry

“ethan’s sin is pride. there is something deep inside him that no word of mine can touch. i worry that now as an outsider appears to take his place that beast will feed on resentment and grow stronger. ” YEAH ITS BPD YA DINGUS fdpgpfd but more seriously, ethans pride is a coping mechanism to deal with his ever changing self image and self worth. its a rigid barrier to keep others from knowing how weak he really feels, and how uncertain he is of himself.

23:25 - ethan’s betrayal

this is where ethan betrays new eden and sets them up so the highwaymen can destroy the settlement. he tolerates the highwaymen laughing at him only so he can get what he wants: revenge. this extreme response is from his bpd. his impulsive anger, and the extremes his mind goes to won out and he acted on his violent thoughts.

26:26 - ethan and the fruit

when joseph asks ethan what hes done (referring to betraying new eden), ethan says: “i did what i had to do. i freed myself, i freed us all from you, from your rules.”. to ethan this was logical. this was something he had to do. he didn’t take pleasure in it, he didn’t go into new eden and kill everyone himself. no, he handed them over to the highwaymen in a desperate, out of touch moment. the spark was there and his disorder was gasoline that helped the flames to spread. he reacted intensely, out of irrationally extreme anger, towards an entire group of people he had shifted to undervaluing. he felt betrayed so he returned in kind, but no matter how wrong that was ethan couldnt see it.

“i will have what you denied me. you gave it to an outsider but you wouldn’t give it to me. i am your flesh and blood” and explosively tells joseph he doesnt know gods will. he lashes out against his father, arguing with him and rebelling directly by taking the one thing joseph kept him from that he truly wanted. to ethan, in my hc, the apple is more than just power and more than just something he covets. its a symbol of joseph’s fatherhood, of his love; he gave it to everyone but ethan, his own son, and now he would take what he wanted from life with or without josephs input.

31:08 - the death of ethan seed

the first thing ethan says after he sees joseph is “father… i’m sorry”. he’s scared. he knows he’s going to die. he asks if joseph can forgive him. he knows he’s fucked up, obviously, not just by eating the apple but by betraying new eden. his last word is “father”. no matter how torn his relationship was with joseph, he wanted his father’s love. he wanted connection with his father. he wanted to feel validated, have his identity confirmed, even in his last moments.

#hc #repost from old blog

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thisisasupergoodidea · 5 years

Text

just watched The Guy Who Didnt Like Musicals a second time. i didnt really process the songs properly the first time and didnt like them but now i can actually hear the tunes as intended and i love this whole thing so much. so im gonna ramble about this musical for a bit. spoilers ahead if u havent watched yet (its on youtube)

ive seen a few of the theories ppl have about the delivery of the musical, and about what happens at the end especially. i think i wanna try my hand at it too because sometimes i enjoy interpreting details. and im a gigantic sucker for reprises that stitch together all the songs we just heard into its own frankenstein song that completely changes in meaning or tone based on all the info we absorbed over the course of the program. and boi the last song of the show sure fuckin delivers

ok well i need to start at the beginning though. some ppl are confused by what the opening lil song and dance is within the context of the musical, because it introduces the main character, but at that point no one is infected yet so it just seems like standard musical stuff in the viewpoint of the audience, who expects this. but the entire plot of this musical is that the characters’ world slowly BECOMES a musical due to alien spores from a meteor infecting everyone to act as a harmonious hive mind. so in this sense its two musicals at the same time: the musical that starkid productions wrote, and the looser ‘musical’ that the alien entity is orchestrating during its antagonism of the main character. i believe that the opener takes place after at least a partially successful domination of the populace, mostly because of the fact that the characters who participate in that song are referring to ‘themselves’ in the third person and are dancing all hunched and menacingly, exactly how the alien spore compels people to dance later on in the plot. that plus a line that i might be recalling correctly about how the main character is their final story to tell, makes me certain that this is the alien telling that story

as for the main character paul’s absence from that song, i really think thats something intended in the musical to introduce what paul is like in the most succinct way possible. the guy just did not like musicals. throughout the plot he is constantly defining himself by his lack of participation, so of course the cheekiest way to set that up is to have him not participate in the opener. i think the confusing part here is when the story actually begins, because if the opener was performed by the future infected characters, when is the line drawn to differentiate between the two musicals that are happening (starkid musical vs alien musical)? or is the whole thing a performance by the alien entity? in which case, everyone on that stage is simply acting out the story as determined by the hive mind. but to whom, if everyone’s infected? i’ll get back to that later

another thing i love about this musical is how gradually tired of paul’s shit the alien entity becomes over the course of the plot, as evidenced by the tone of the songs. it just gets worse and worse. the alien’s songs turn from sickeningly cheerful to enticing, to threatening, to evoking hopelessness, then finally to pressuring paul past his breaking point. some of the songs arent even directed at paul but the change still happens, which goes to show the alien entity’s frustration. and at the end when the infected find emma, the song is happy again. they sing that awesome reprise, a really energetic mashup in which its hard not to feel like the alien plague is unstoppable. inevitable, one might say.

speaking of the end... paul’s confrontation with the meteor (my absolute favorite scene that i would rewatch a hundred times except i dont want to get tired of it too fast) contains good information to understanding what happens afterward. paul tries to blow it up, gets distracted by the appearance of his infected acquaintances, and the longer he stays there the more infected he himself becomes, breathing in such a heavy concentration of those alien spores at the epicenter of its activity. until now, he has rejected actively being the ‘star of the show’ like the alien seems to... want him to be? idk, the point is that his character defies musical protagonist tropes despite how the plot follows him. the story is ABOUT the alien, but paul is the audience’s anchor. until he goes to blow up the meteor. at that point, the alien has him. he can barely fight back against his own body synchronizing with the other infected as they goad him into giving in, but he puts up a damn good struggle considering those impossible circumstances. still, for the first time, he participates. he sings. he hates it, but it brings out some interesting thoughts: does he hate it? did he ever? or is this just the spores talking?

but what part, exactly, does he hate? in a musical, the singing and dancing act is usually the method of delivery for whatever the character is truly feeling. it is an opportunity for the audience to connect emotionally with the person who is singing. but we dont have that with paul for almost the entire show. he doesnt participate. and he’s established in the beginning as selfish, kind of a dick, and not available to anyone (except emma who is the only person he even slightly opens up to. he tries to be more friendly somewhat with bill, i think, but even then that couldve just been to get him to snap out of it and escape the school). he said himself that people singing and dancing makes him uncomfortable. so all this is to say that, on a deeper level, i think the aspect of the singing and dancing that he hates, that he fights to resist, is the vulnerability. you can witness the madness and shame for yourself as he sings more and more, letting out his worries, unsure if his feelings are his anymore. but hey, he ends that scene with a statement reaffirming the self he walked in with (which is to say, a guy who hates musicals) and finally pulls his grenade. so its cool that he was able to resist that but. guys. if the spores didnt get him. that grenade absolutely did. he didnt even bother to throw it away from himself, he flung it down right in front of him. theres no way he didnt get blown to bloody chunks, fully intending for that to be his final act of defiance

but i think it was too late by then. he’d already breathed in so many spores, and we were shown earlier on that death is not an impediment to becoming infected. i think after he exploded, he was still absorbed into the collective and reformed as a new addition to the hive mind. his explosives might not have been enough to fully destroy the meteor. and thats why, at the very end, i believe that - despite his admittedly suspicious face journey during the song - he isnt faking it. because if he was, wouldnt the hive mind know that it doesnt contain him within it? not only that, but in the opening song emma is clearly part of the group. given that she is the only one who is undoubtedly not infected in the last song, we have to assume that she will be sometime after the finale of the musical.

and now im left with my unexplored questions: is this a musical played straight, or a ‘musical’ put on by the alien entity after it wins? and who is the ‘musical’ intended for? its fun to speculate but im not sure these are questions that can be answered by watching it a bunch of times. theyre aimed too much outside of the zone of operation, if that makes sense. its like, you cant ever look at your own eyeballs normally. you need a mirror or for someone to describe them to you. these questions exist outside of the limitations of the musical format, so we wouldnt direct them at the video, we would ask them of the creators. or not. its cool to not have all the questions answered too

ah i wrote a flippin essay, huh? i guess i wanted to prove to myself that my brain still works

#the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm #starkid #i did say i would ramble...

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indigodice · 5 years

Text

START AT THE VERY BEGINNING, A VERY GOOD PLACE TO START

i’ll probably edit this gradually out of this being too much to read in one sitting maybe that means this should be more than one post what a mistake i’ve made its time to iron out some kinks in this blogging thing

For us the beginning was probably in high school. On and off games of Traveller and Shadowrun which weren’t overtly terrible, just unmemorable. I can only remember a handful of moments but they largely weren’t tied to a particular narrative. They were very singular drops in an ocean of wasted time. Maybe they were terrible after all. From early on there was a sense that combat was taking up hours while actual role playing was taking up minutes.

The most memorable thing in Shadowrun was the infiltration of a mansion by circulating rumors of a rave and party supplements. The plan had two parts, a coordinated dispatching of the mansion’s guard and relocation of the guards that hadn’t arrived yet. It was a largely successful, noisy, but bloodless smash-and-grab. We had time for another module which the GM then randomly generated using the random generation rules. We tried to replicate this plan with moderate failure, destroying a wyvern’s eggs then turning in look-alikes.

This form of random generation was most of what we did in Shadowrun, and probably the reason the experiences were unmemorable. We gathered to role play, and ended up wargaming. As things go on we have particular problems separating role playing from wargaming and expression becomes narrowed down to mechanics decisions on our character sheets. Compounding this problem is the lack of even binary choice in the narrative. When Mr. Shadowrun says we have a mission, it’s a single mission instead of a selection, so the extent of our choices are constricted within that predetermination. We’re our character sheets. And that means players rebel. Given our not-a-choice my character convinces another character that its suspicious a Mr. Johnson found our HQ so quickly, so we explode our HQ and have to find work elsewhere.

When Mr. Traveller is pushing us through events, we’re only given what he comes up with to work with, the narrative didn’t care about what our characters cared about. Eventually those games wound down as that groups’ GMs disappeared. We met someone willing to GM consistently, only we weren’t aware of his mental instability. And when we became aware of it, most of us recognized we weren’t equipped to handle such a someone. I didn’t share that thought because I was naive, but luckly I went with the group decision to cut him out and maybe we’re the better for it.

I might have brushed that aside, but that mentally unstable GM hosted an AdvancedDND module, Caverns of Chaos, which was meant to be an introductory look at ADND. During which we added players which the GM accepted in word, then rejected through gameplay. The game was a party and everyone was invited. Our complaints of the game moving slowly were responded to by accelerating rewards through a sentient reward room that responded to our whims. As my whim was suspicion it became a curse room. Our complains of the slow momotonous wargaming became an accelerated wargame where they were revealed by a wizard to be the machinations of a mind flayer. Then the wizard to transported us to another place where our skills were arbitrarily needed. Maybe a day had gone by in the game. But outside, months had gone by.

Then a combination of player drama resulted in the GM’s mental instability reaching a breaking point through rather violent expression. And so the group was reformed. Following that we had a few attempts to salvage that now lost campaign. Each player was given a chance to GM to salvage the game, and eventually we decided on restarting, scrapping the old characters for new ones. We picked up a new system called Pathfinder. Before our first moments role playing we’d looked at 3.5 books and heard Pathfinder was supposed to be better supported. So we began.

This worked for a while, as the new GM brought us though the Crypt of the Everflame. We reached the next town after a few months out of game. Crypt of the Everflame was intended to be a few sessions. The GM was experiencing burnout and never told anyone. From a personal standpoint I resent how that was handled, since it resulted in the group meeting, playing maybe an hour of combat, then everyone splitting off to do something else. Sometimes we wouldn’t be informed until arrival that nothing had been prepared, or that the GM wasn’t feeling up to it. Due to circumstances, this GM reached his own breaking point and was going through a kind of personal transformation, and dropped out of the group.

Those that remained tried to continue on. We hosted more one-shots trying to continue from those Pathfinder characters. After reaching the next town SEPIADICE creates one of my most memorable moments. The town had reached a breaking point because one of the partymembers was hellbent on creating mischief. Another decided the problems within the town were because of their systems of governance and took to trying to rally them against their leadership. The de facto town leader didn’t have the strength of his knights that usually kept the peace. We’d been sent here to retrieve them. He’d been trying to maintain the peace with martial law. And so he banished our party fearing more mischief. My character was infuriated that the de facto leader transgressed a rule of hospitality as he’d been on the road because of his own town’s leadership, and so my character confronts this town’s leader. He was steadfast in his decision since we were outsiders to him. We’d gained entrance because of a squire’s word. The fight first in words comes to blows. Another party member supported me with her magic, and the squire comes to the leadership’s aid. At that moment the fighting stops, and we make our escape.

The casters of the group splinter off, while those that remained travel presumably with the squire to retrieve the knights. The game ends and is never picked up again. We have a round of one-shots and eventually we decide we want a consistent game. We vote on the next GM. Notably I voted against SEPIADICE because the other would be GM was the more experienced, and I was hoping for something sustainable. So she wins four to three. It turns out her game has the same problems all the prior GMs had. Eventually SEPIADICE gets his turn to GM and does an adequate job. And I realize where I wanted to build on the other GM’s experience, she didn’t actually have the potential to change. While the muddle of one-shots never became anything particularly memorable. Sometimes we’d make decisions that felt meaningful, but then the one-shot would end and we wouldn’t get to witness the outcome of those decisions.

If SEPIADICE had continued I’m sure his game would have been enjoyable. As a GM he’d produced most of the memorable moments I enjoyed. But he’d become frustrated because I hadn’t managed to leave the headspace of the character I was playing, and consequently decided on playing that character in his setting. Causing two other players to also choose prior characters that had been there with him. So it became a cascade of insolence that I both didn’t see and didn’t dissuade by not seeing it. The difference was that I had asked and they hadn’t, but the result was the same. Old characters with old ties that didn’t fit the requirement he’d set down for character creation.

From the start of pathfinder up until the very end theres this looming question about what makes unable to role play, or why we’re bad as a group. There are answers ranging from “our group is too big” to “we’re probably just bad” to “its the ruleset we’re using.” Actually I’ve cherrypicked the ones I believe. I don’t remember the rest. From beginning to end our groups tended to be too large which muddled other problems. It was hard to role play because everyone needed some time in the spotlight and it was easy for us to get distracted either by the many bored players. Realistically the GMs shouldn’t have used combat as a crutch to stretch the time we were playing. It wasn’t fun. But it didn’t help that we were playing in a game that revolved around combat and the flow around actual role playing was snuffed out both by needing wait for long stretches of time for anything cohesive to happen. Things got gradually better after the Crypt of the Everflame because players started losing interest. But at the core we didn’t as a group understand what made role playing games good.

They certainly had potential, but most of what we did was wargame, and frankly video games were better for that. We couldn’t tap into what made role playing games good. Except for that moment where SEPIADICE banished our party. That was a damn good moment because that was a man with his back against the wall trying to give himself some more space, only he accidently makes things worse. The conflict they had against each other was not something they could resolve, it wasn’t either of their fault, and they both refused to bend. So they fight. And they fight because they refused to bend, and that’s how violence happens in reality. And so much of the violence in our role playing games has that weird circumstance of oh they show up while you’re travelling so you have to fight now. That’s not giving violence any respect. And any expression during that kind of violence falls flat when there’s nothing tangible at stake. Sure you could die, but you’re not really dying if you don’t have any connections to anything. Dying because you have too much pride feels better than the nothing of a random bear encounter. And to be honest SEPIADICE you should have died when you encountered that bear, instead you bit it and it ran away because the GM thought we would run, but adventurers aren’t reasonable people.

So maybe that’s one of our problems with role playing. Adventurers aren’t reasonable people, they encounter unreasonable things, and are expected to act unreasonably to resolve unreasonable things. Oh god there are so many paragraphs now and why is there only personality at the end who the heck is going to read all of this?

#dnd #rpg

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scummy-writes · 6 years

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Hi! I didn't know who to talk to about this, but since you're one of the people in the fandom I look up to, I figured I should gather my courage and send this ask. As a writer, how do you deal with people's underwhelming response? Very few likes, just one or two reblogs, no respect or acknowledgement unless you open requests... It's breaking my heart at this point and I don't know what to do.

a…aaaa.. I can’t believe someone looks up to me.

I’m sorry if this post is kind of all over the place. I kinda jump around with topics a lot.

Well, first off, I’m not going to lie- usually, I feel a bit hurt. It always hurts writing fics/drabbles/hcs and never seeing any response, or just very very little response. I often don’t write fluff or more serious topics because I know that those themes are always going to be overlooked for my smut instead. And if you’re a minor, writing smut is a no-go, which makes trying to gain traction or readers even more difficult.

There have been several times where I’ve barely gotten any notes on stuff I’ve poured a lot of time into. I’ve even written an off-anon request before only to have the person who requested it not even like/reblog it, or make any sort of comment. I’ve been there, we’ve all been there, and it’s tough to climb back up.

I’m not sure how long you’ve been following me, but there was a point where my normal note count for hcs dropped from 700 notes down to 20-60 notes if I was lucky, just depending on what I was writing about. In fact, I even left the blog due to some bullying I was enduring and the combination of barely getting a note count that I had considered ‘good’. Since I’ve came back, I’ve focused on what made me happy, and even though I still have the knee-jerk reaction, I’ve learned not to try and compare notes. Ultimately, it’s made me happy, though I might have a bit of ‘survivor bias’ going on since I’ve been collecting readers since the start of 2017.

I have a few things that help me out, and one of them is learning to appreciate the notes I do have.

For example, even though its just been a day, I only have about 29 notes on my recent yooran drabble. Thats not including my own reblogs, and then if I were to not include friend reblogs, it’d be about 27 or 26. That’s incredibly low for me, personally, because if I post up a fic (depending on the character and theme) I can get around 80-100 notes depending on how lucky I am.

(Now thats not me trying to tell you 30ish notes isn’t a lot, because it is!! It is a lot and if you ever get that many notes on a post you should feel proud of it! But, if you’re me and you’ve been here for a while, that’s low compared to other posts of mine. Please keep reading so I can explain more: )

If this was back to last year, when I was contemplating leaving my blog, that would have hurt me a lot more than it does today, because I was constantly in a loop of comparing notes with my other posts or even my friends posts. I had convinced myself that notes = quality, when that’s not the case at all. Believe it or not, just because a post has 5 notes, or 1 note, or even 0 notes, doesn’t mean whatever content on it is terribly written, or shoddy, or dumb. There have been wonderful hc posts, wonderful pictures of art that I have seen that have barely gotten 10 notes.

So I think one thing that is hard to get yourself to learn is that a lack of notes doesn’t mean what you are producing is bad. Learning this is hard, and it’s especially hard when you’re constantly discouraged by lack of notes, but you need to write for yourself first and foremost. I haven’t been writing publicly for long, in fact I think the first fanfics I published were in 2016, but I had been writing since middle school. I used to carry a worn down composition notebook and write the most absolutely cringiest fanfiction ever. It had self inserts, it had ocs that were children of me and my favorites, it had terrible, terrible, references to games/music I loved as a kid- but no one read it but me. I never posted it online, and I wrote it to make me happy- and cringy middle school me was super fucking happy with that story. I’m pretty sure I was working through a second compositon notebook before I moved on from the show I was writing about.

From that point on, I knew I liked writing. I joined writing classes, wrote cringy fiction for my english teachers to read (good fucking god bless my teachers for putting up with my terrible shit but still encouraging me).

Eventually, since I liked writing so much and my drawing skills declined, I ended up promising to write stories for my friends birthdays. Where one person would be reading it, besides me, and that’s how it was until I posted my first MM fic on AO3. Even with those first few fics, I feel like it’s unfair to count them now, because they were posted just a few months after the game released, I believe, and I honestly just really consider myself lucky that those first two mm fics of mine got the traction they did.

But I think because I was so used to writing to make myself happy, it really fucked me up when I started trying on focusing my writing on only making others happy instead of myself.

So, a lot of newer folks might not know this, since I’m assuming a lot of people think this is just a pretty photo queue blog with occasional posts, but I started off writing Hcs on here. At first, I don’t think they got a huge traction, but as I slowly got more followers, I got more notes and requests. But eventually it got extremely taxing to keep those up, because what I had wanted was to make others happy with them, but it’s hard to believe you’re doing a good job when you drop from 700 to 20-60 notes. And so I stressed a lot to the point of ‘leaving’ (but as you can see that ended up just being a few month hiatus), but one thing was that I was forced to acknowledge how bad my viewpoint was on the whole situation. I had lost the motivation of writing for myself to make me happy, and instead tried to treat myself as a writing machine only meant to make others happy. That’s not a healthy viewpoint when it comes to writing, especially if you’re doing this as a hobby.

Because of all that, I stopped writing hc posts and focused on fics, because writing fanfics made me happy. It still makes me happy, and because I kept on truckin and still posting, I’m accomplishing things I never thought I would accomplish.

Writing for success is a long, hard, road that will often leave you unsatisfied, but writing for yourself is a shorter road that will make you happy- even if it’s just venting away emotions you couldn’t let out in any other way.

If it helps you out any, because I’m unsure if I’m making any sense, some pieces that I’m super happy about are pieces that no one but me and maybe one other person has seen. They’re locked away as drafts or in folders and I’m even unsure if I’ll share some of them.

Besides all of the stuff I’ve mentioned, if I’m feeling bad and what I just told you isn’t helping me, sometimes I just talk to a friend or two. Just hearing someone in real time, even if it’s possibly extremely bias or something, tell me that they like my stories or they think my writing is good- that still means a lot to me, and sometimes it perks me up. If that’s not an option with you, you can always talk to your family as well, or old teachers you may have shown some of your work to. I’m very fortunate to have a few teachers willing to help me out with a few questions, even though I’ve…long since graduated orz.

I’m sorry if none of this helps. But if anything, please please don’t give up writing. If you choose to do something like that, please have it be 100% your own decision that isn’t influenced by a note or hit count. I’m positive that whatever you are writing is good, and I know that not seeing that note count get higher hurts, but that note count has absolutely no bearing on how well written your story is.

If theres anything else I can talk to you about, please feel free to send me some more questions, and again I am really sorry if this didn’t help you.

#anonymous #scum talks #long post

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yocchannk · 3 years

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Yoharikos child? Omg! Yas pleaseee!

I mean idk if ur talking abt my YOU hane riko, but oki i havent talked about them in a while anyways! Also disclaimer: This is apart of the quote on quote, canonical events surrounding my next gen AU, so there is some(ahem, lots of) drama. (ESPECIALLY, regarding the relationships between you, yohane, and riko)

(if u dont want drama or any storyline, I suggest just scrolling to the end, where theres mostly just fluff)

(okay enough talking but like, there are SOME nsfw things, but not like, enough where its all about it.)

Yohane and Riko had twins; Yuuki Kuro Tsushima and Ryo Shiro Tsushima, Yuuki’s a girl, Ryo a boy.

Yuuki has almost impossibly good memory (Remembers everything back to the womb), and so she’s encountered times where it hurt her more than it helped her. She’s quite like Yoshiko, in a sense, she’s always very secretive on what she feels, closed off from the world for years.

Riko wasn’t aware that Yuuki and Ryo were Yoshiko’s, she figured they were You’s, as they had been dating, and she’d gotten prego at their after-party of the marriage. Yohane had dealt with extreme guilt from it, and was scarred (Hugely) because of her “mistake”.

Yoshiko chose their middle names, surprisingly, Riko and You didn’t know what they were, so Yoshiko chose them. Riko and You felt like they couldn’t raise both successfully (You mains a ship, so she’s not gonna be home often/Riko is a award winning pianist, so she wouldn’t be able to find time to give them all the necessary attention they need.) So, Yuuki was entrusted to Yoshiko.

Ryo had inherited Yoshiko’s violet eyes, but You had concluded it was because her father too had violet eyes.

Yuuki, and her infinite memory, remembers every single detail about the drama, and she’s kind of mentally unstable due to the trauma, she felt like she aged way before she was even born. She’s pretty quiet, especially regarding family and such, she acts confident and mature, but really, she’s fragile, scared and yearning for her family to bind together.

Ryo, Riko, and You are all completely oblivious to everything, they have the perfect life, pretty much. Ryo isn’t even aware of his few minutes older sister.

Yoshiko had raised Yuuki mainly in New York, she was only in her early twenty’s when Yuuki was born, and she needed an escape from her other family, so she participated in a university there. In her absence, Yoshiko was constantly trying to find someone to fill the empty role that she knew Yuuki deserved, guilt ridden and stress-filled. She went through thirteen exes, half of them didn’t like Yuuki, the others couldn’t get through Yuuki to bond with.

Riko and You, for the entire 17 years they didn’t see Yoshiko, or Yuuki, they worried. They were ready to reunite with their (or, Riko’s,) daughter, and to raise her like they should have.

Yoshiko tries her very best, to give Yuuki a good life, that is, and always will be, her top priority. She’s built up a video game company to give Yuuki a luxurious life, and to have something to entertain her, and, as much attention she could give, there was never a day in Yuuki’s life where she was yelled at. She just wants the best for her daughter, even if she wasn’t her legal mom. Both of them are pretty closed off from the world because of their family.

When Riko heard of the news of her daughter and her daughter’s “father” returning, she was really happy. So happy, she hadn’t even realized that her giddiness wasn’t from seeing her daughter all grown up, it was from the thought of seeing Yoshiko again. She was yearning for Yoshiko, when she thought it was Yuuki.

Upon realizing this, Riko had a huge relationship crisis. She didn’t understand why the feeling of Yoshiko returning, possibly into her arms, made her so happy and heart-aching. She was confused with every feeling for Yoshiko.

You, herself, was guilty. She slept with Chika, a year after their marriage, they were all drunk, but Riko said it was okay, well, until they found out Chika was 6 months pregnant. The scars are long gone, however.

When the two bluettes finally returned home, Riko and You were both extremely confused at Yuuki’s striking resemblance to Yoshiko. They shrug it off, thinking of it as another genetic thing. They were also surprised at Yoshiko’s large growth spurt (Riko, who drank stress-coffee all the fucking time, stopped growing and is now shorter than her fellow second years.) who was, now the same height as You, who was the third tallest in Aqours.

Yuuki, for the longest time, only referred to every Aqours member (Save papako) by their last or full name. They all were weirded out at it, especially You and Riko.

Yuuki and kotoumi kid 2, Kameko, get along like NozoEli gets along. Kameko is the only one that’s not apart of the drama that is aware of the drama. She’s pretty much the only one who see’s the fragile side of Yuuki, the one who’s been bottling up her emotions for years.

The longer Riko was around with Yoshiko near, or alone with her thoughts, Riko’s mind was subconsciously dreaming of Yoshiko, her heart ached extremely for her, Riko felt her body boiling with jealousy when Yoshiko was around someone who wasn’t her, and she still didn’t know why. Said girl, unfortunately, still can’t look or think about Riko clearly. She can’t get over her guilt, and her crush. This makes a huge gap between the two parents.

Ryo was shook when Riko and You told him about Yuuki, and their siblingship. Yuuki was partially smug.

Yuuki and Riko had a somewhat strange relationship; Yuuki, with her memory, was constantly dropping hints to her true lineage for Riko, and her true love.

Riko finally realized her feelings when she saw the messages exchanged between Yoshiko and her at the time current girlfriend, she realized upon realizing how she wished that girl was her, and how she wished she was all Yoshiko looked at and felt about. She had a long night of crying to herself because of it.

The closest the two got to one another when the intimacy was high and the tension was tense, they ended up passionately kissing due to it. Yoshiko broke the tension, and romance, from fear of destroying You and Riko’s relationship, and their family. Riko had a break down after it.

The third years were the first in Aqours besides Yoshiko to realize the drama, and then it was Chika, then the first years, then finally You and Riko.

You and Riko’s relationship was in absolute jeopardy after the realization. It got worse when Riko and Yoshiko got drunk and almost fucked, again. They were in mid-make out in bed when You, now sobered up, caught them. They divorced shortly after, it was for the best.

(heres the fluff and stuff)

When Riko and Yoshiko finally got together, as should be, Yuuki, was, not exaggerating, a fucking happy ball of tears. She was suuuper happy, she cried every morning for a week. Her dream had finally come true.

Ryo was a bit shook from the change, but adjusted quickly, he found himself happier than ever, like a piece of himself was lost and found without knowing.

Yoshiko and Yuuki felt like the burden finally lifted off their shoulders, and felt far more freedom than ever. Still, they had a hard time adjusting to the new change, and the new ability to open up and vent to their family, but Riko and Ryo had their backs.

Since then, Yuuki has taken some form of a chuunibyo (Ryo too) and now Riko can’t tell if she should be regretting it or not (But secretly she’s quite fond of the resemblance.).

Ryo and Yuuki, being siblings, and twins, have some extreme competitions between one another. Whether it be who could play piano with no mistakes the fastest, or who could finish eating the fastest. Ryo is the stronger one, while Yuuki is easily the faster one.

Riko wakes them all up, first, and always, is Yoshiko, then she wakes up Yuuki (Who, like herself, is a light sleeper.) then she wakes up the hibernating bear that is Ryo. She often has to turn on all the lights, take off his blankets, and dump water on him. Every. Single. Day.

They’re good friends with the Sonoda’s (Yoshiko and Umi are like sister and older sister), so they often have dinner with them on Fridays. Yuuki is the oldest one so she takes pride in always being the one to babysit them (Even though all credit should be sent to the third oldest one, Ukio, he IS the mom of the damn pack.)

Yoshiko is your classic overprotective dad-mom, she’s aware of the popularity her daughter gets because of her job and success, which means she gets a lot, and a lot, of love letters, mostly from gold-diggers. So yeah, when Yuuki questions why all of the letters are gone the next day, they were burnt in the 9th Circle of Hell.

Riko and Yoshiko are both undeniably, tooth rotting fluffy, romantics. They are REALLY soft, and sweet to one another. Not only, has the variety of pet names expanded, the overdose of fluff increased. In the morning, they cuddle in bed when the kids aren’t up, and before breakfast Yoshiko’s always hugging Riko from behind, her chin on her shoulder, and sometimes feed each other. They aren’t married, but they act like they’re already on their honeymoon. It was, really vomit-inducing (Says Yuuki).

The biggest fight the duo had was when Riko found out that before they got together, Yoshiko slept with several other girls in her absence. Yoshiko didn’t even know what was wrong about it, the drama was still there and they hadn’t even reunited at the time. But then again it all clicked when she realized there was a chance of STD and getting another girl pregnant during that time. THANKFULLY, their worries weren’t true. Though Riko has Yoshiko put on a condom here and there for safety (I mean how the fuck would she get Riko preggo, wheres the logic)

Yoshiko, nowadays, has more of a Dia-aura. Serious but kind and dedicated. Dia is proud, to say the least.

Yuuki and Ryo have different bedrooms, Yuuki’s is in more dark colors (She likes dark blue), while Ryo’s is more pastel. They fight over the bathroom that connects their bedrooms, though.

The two are both your reliable senpai, they inherit the smarts and maturity of Riko (When they’re in public). It hurts how Yoshiko has three people who are at a constant rate of correcting every little thing she does (Yuuki does it because she knows how annoying it is, Ryo does it just cause, and Riko because her OCD won’t allow it.).

Yuuki and Ryo worked at 7-Eleven for quite some time because Yoshiko refused to give them the latest video game that Yoshiko’s brand released for free, and both of them reaaaally wanted it, so that’s how they worked at the same 7-Eleven Riko part-timed at for a full two months.

The two once walked in on Yoshiko and Riko having some (Very) heated sex, all of them couldn’t look one another in the eyes for a while after that.

Ryo, as the council vice president, is pretty close with Ukio, who’s the council president. Yuuki jokingly said she’d start a reelection to become president and accidentally set off a real reelection for council president. She was president for a week before she returned the role to Ukio.

Yuuki is a natural at piano, but mains the violin and guitar. Ryo plays piano and the flute.

There was a time where Riko had accidentally scheduled two recitals at the same time, so Yoshiko ended up dying her hair and changing her hairstyle to look like Riko’s. The only issue was the huge height difference, and stature. Riko’s body was far more feminine while Yoshiko had that serious business person look. You and Yoshiko often worked out too (They surprisingly got along well like they used to, despite the whole ordeal.) so both of them were pretty bulky. So at the start of the recital Yuuki was a Riko-copy, then when the curtains closed swapped with Yoshiko, who actually played (Apparently Tsushima’s are natural pianists.). Yoshiko and Yuuki were teased for their red hair for a while until they finally were able to remove it.

Yuuki is a huge prankster, and no one knows it other than her family and friends. She’s the cool mature senpai, no one would believe it if she pulled that prank and dropped a water bucket onto Koizumi-sensei. Ryo berates her after.

They once went to Universal Studios in LA. Riko and Ryo relied a lot on their English-speaking-able bluettes to get around and be a translator. Yoshiko’s accent is pretty well hidden (She was in New York for a full 18 years, her English has gotten really well since then, practically can rival Mari.)

Yuuki was born on New Years, at 11:39 PM, while Ryo was a day after at 12:03 AM Jan 2nd. They, along with Dia, celebrate their birthdays till 1AM so they get Ryo’s day as well. It’s a fun time for everyone.

Actually, all of their birthdays are absolute bangers. They play all their old songs as idols, and get blackout drunk (Which is why they have the real party separate from the kids.). They think they don’t know, but Yuuki knows everything.

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captain-hook-and-the-swan-savior · 6 years

Text

Summer of Love (1/?)

Okay so, I started writing this today and I don’t know if I should continue, but please let me know what you think! I sadly do not own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters.

****

It was a summer like no other. The sun was shinning bright and people were in high spirits. This isn't unusual summertime behavior for most people, but it is for one Emma Swan.

You see, summer isn't the happiest time of year for Emma. Work is constantly busy and she can hardly ever catch a break. Working at a boat marina during the summer months hardly ever makes for a quiet, easy work day.

At the age of eighteen, young Emma, fresh out of high school, had started working at the local boat marina as a dock hand. It wasn't a glorious job, but it was going to help pay for her education. She had gotten accepted into the University of Maine and was planning to attend come fall. She had worked her ass of through high school to get the grades and the scholarships. No one expects a foster kid to graduate at the top of their class, much less go to college, but Emma was determined.

Ever since she was a young child trying to survive the obstacles of the foster system, she was determined to build a brighter future for herself and that future started with graduating Storybrooke High and going to college. Which is how she ended up working at Storybrooke Marina as a dock hand. She had applied to many places in Storybrooke, even another marina, but had only been hired here.

The second marina was owned by none other than Robert Gold and no matter how much Neal, his son and Emma's current boyfriend, begged his father to hire her, he wouldn't.

Emma, now twenty-two years old, is working at Storybrooke Marina for Marco Rossilini full time. At the age of twenty, Emma had dropped out of college due to the fact that she could no longer afford to be there. She had been working for Marco every summer since she was eighteen and he happily hired her back full time. Storybrooke Marina was a family business in every sense of the word.

The office manager, Mary Jones, and the marina's “handyman” Brennan Jones are happily married. The head mechanic, William Smee, and his daughter, Lizzy, who is a dock hand, also work for Marco. Not to mention that Mary and Brennan's son, Killian, works as a salesman along side Marco's own son August. The point being that Marco's business is family oriented and they all look out for each other.

****

“Swan,” she heard his voice before she saw him.

“Yes, Jones?” she responded when he came into view. “Are you alright, love?” he asked sounding genuinely concerned.

“I'm fine, Killian, why?” she said as she turned to look at him. Forgetting what her face probably looked like she saw his face change from concern to worry.

“What the bloody hell happened to your face, Emma?!” Fuck, could she do nothing right? It was way too early in the morning for this as she sat in her office chair behind the desk. Today was her first day back to work and she was no longer a dock hand. She had upgraded from a regular blue t-shirt to a blue collared shirt. She now worked with Mary in the office, which is why Killian was now standing in front of her desk.

“It's nothing, Killian. I had a little accident this morning, just drop it,” she replied, reaching into her purse to grab her makeup bag. Thankfully no one else besides her and Killian, were in the office yet. Emma liked to be early and Mary was always at least fifteen minutes late.

“Swan-” Killian started to say.

“I said it's nothing, Jones so leave it.”

The truth was it wasn't nothing and it wasn't the first time. Emma had been with Neal for almost four years. They had been living together for two and that's when things had started to go downhill. Neal is older than her by about three years. He's successful and has a great job in Portland, he also never fails to rub this in her face. Neal had never approved of where she worked and who she was friends with. He hated Marco and he hated that fact that she worked at a marina that didn't belong to his father.

****

When Emma and Neal had moved in together, Robert Gold had finally offered her a job, but she had turned it down. That is truly when it started to get bad. As soon as Mr. Gold called his son to tell him that Emma had turned down his offer, Neal got violent.

****

Neal came home that night with fire in his eyes. Emma was sitting in the living room reading a book when she heard the door slam shut. He stomped into the living room and Emma put her book down on the coffee table.

“Hey babe, how was work?” she asked as she sat up a little straighter.

Neal stomped over to where she sat on the couch and grabbed her by the arms, yanking her into a standing position so she was right in front of the coffee table. He began to shake her by the arms his grip tightening.

“What the fuck, Emma. My father offers you a better job and you turn it down just like that? What makes you think that you can just say no without even talking to me? Huh?” he’s yelling now, getting angrier with every second that goes by.

“Is it Killian Jones? Are you fucking him on the side? Is that why you turned down the job offer? Don't want to lose all the time you two spend fucking in the office? Is that it? Answer me damnit!” Neal shouts at her in pure rage. He’s hated Killian Jones ever since he started working with her. She just wasn’t quite sure why.

“No! Neal there is no one else. I love my job, I love what I do. There's no one else Neal, theres only you. I have friends there, I've worked so hard to get where I am. I promise you there is no one else,” Emma responded. She could feel his grip on her arms loosen. He finally lets go and she falls to the floor. He stalks out of the room and slams the door on his way out.

It hasn't gotten any better since that night. Lots of times he'll come home late, sometimes drunk and reeking of cheap perfume. It's never good for anyone when he has a bad day at work or doesn't get the promotion he thinks he deserves, those nights are the worst. Sometimes he's good to her, sometimes he acts like the Neal she fell in love with. Maybe that's why she stays, or maybe she's just too afraid to leave.

****

As soon as Killian was out of sight, she applied a thick layer of cover up to hide the bruise on her cheek. He hadn’t gotten the promotion that was “supposed to be his” and it was somehow her fault. She wasn’t expecting it to bruise that bad. She also wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the office this early. They still weren't open for at least another half an hour so Emma texted Neal.

Emma: Mary Margaret, Regina and I are going out tonight so I'm not sure what time I'll be home.

Neal: I won't be home for a few nights, I have some business to tend to, but let me know where you end up and stay the hell away from Killian Jones.

There were always at least two nights a week where Neal didn't come home. Although Emma never questioned it, she had a pretty good idea about what went on in his office with his receptionist. Emma wasn't only hanging out with Mary Margaret or Regina, but she wasn't exactly lying. There was a company dinner that night and they would both be there, so it wasn't really lying, right?

****

When nine o'clock finally rolled around people started arriving for the work day. Rosalie, a sweet older woman, who was in charge of payroll was the first to walk in.

“Good morning, Emma! Will you be at the dinner later?” she asked as she walked by Emma's desk.

“I wouldn't miss it!”

By 9:05, everyone was in the building, ready for work. Well everyone except Mary Jones. She was notorious for being late. She never arrived any earlier than 9:10. No one was surprised when she walked in at twenty past nine.

“Emma! How are you my dear?” Mary Jones said as she walked through the door. Emma couldn't tell if Killian had clued her in as to what he had seen this morning. She wasn't staring at Emma's face so that was probably a good sign.

“I'm good! How was your drive in this morning?”

“It was fine until it started pouring! You're still coming to the dinner tonight, aren't you?” She asked hopefully.

“Yes of course!”

“Is Neal coming with you?” she asked skeptically, almost like she knew the answer. He never went to company dinners. Well let's put it this way, she never told him about the company dinners.

“No, I'm afraid he can't make it tonight. Maybe next time though!” Emma responded not looking Mary in the eye.

She needed to do something about Neal and maybe she could use his impromptu “business trip” to her advantage.

#Captain Swan #cs ff #CS fanfics #cs au ff #once upon a time #emma swan #killian jones #Emma x Killian

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thisisallaboutusbabe · 4 years

Text

Growthapart

Introduction

Most of the authors are correct with what they are trying to point out in thier masterpiece. Do you still remember The Road Not Taken by Frost from your 7th grade? I hope you do, because i took that road, been taking that beautiful road.

I am writing this not because im stucked in Enhanced Community Quarantine due to Corona virus pandemic, but because someday i want to read what i amariting and will be writing from today and the days forward. Idont know where is this going and how im gonna put into words everything what's on my mind. Though education graduate, i am not good at narrating and remembering things just so you know everything im gonna right here from letters a-z means speacial to me, and to my boyfriend. Yes you read it right. I hope youre not a sexist and will continue reading after digesting what you have just read.

The beginning.

It was June 2019 when I was hired. Been so excited since this is my first job. Though there are no clsses yet, The institution wants us to be present all the days of June just to make acquaitance and sort of trainings as well. In the first few weeks, it was only me,Teacher E,Teacher I, Teacher J and Teacher J. But as the days goes by, the faculty members gets bigger. There was only 4 male teachers in the group and one was added on the third or fourth week of June. Im not sure. I've told you that in my opening statements. (I thought you just need some validation.lol) and after letting him sit near in the group, i knew what is his name, J. J,as a psychology graduate, has been very keen and i knew that day he doesnt like me. i tried to be one of his friends but the universe was making me not to like him anymore....as a friend.( just making evrything clear.) There was this moment that i asked him about something i totally have forgotten. Good thing is he answered my open-ended question which was answerable by yes or no but he disnt take a pause but he keeps on walking. Atleast he answered. That day i realized that i shouldn't let myself be treatd that way by someone i just met. That incident broke my heart a little. The feeling of being ignored cannot be easily taken away. But hey, its just a one person, I still have the other teachers i mentioned a while ago. You shouldn't let someone treat you like your nobody. If you tried and you think its not really gonna work, leave them. Don't be afraid to lose people in your life.

Teacher's day 2019

It was an adventure with me,J Teacher E, which companied by her boyfriend, P and his bestfriend,ATe five of us. Do not wonder why I didnt mention Irish. That bitch ditch us. She was drunk and spend money for alcohols. Well shes not the only one who was drunk thatroning, Also Jbut he made it anyway. And that is what makes no-to-indianan E real mad, as she is really hot headed.

We made it to Enchanted Kingdom!!! We really enjoyed each other. We ate in a cheap restaurant, we laughed, we told stories, we had the chance to know each other. Remember A? Esbestfriend. Oh good. The bery first day i met him, i know I had a crush on him. not because of his body figure but because of his height,look and porma.

After K and i broke up for less than 3 weeks, i started talking to someone and his name is A. Well, he is nice. We added oirselves on facebook so ofcourse we talked about anything. After weeks or a month of talking , i followed him on instagram but never followede me back. I waited for a notification, but there was none. I knew from that moment its going no where, so we stopped.

After days or a month, (I AM NOT SURE AGAIN THOUGH I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE DETAILS I JUST COULDNT REMEMBER WHEN EXACTLY) Jervin and I became friends. We told about anything about ourselves gradually and clearly finding out what we truly are. There were so many times we stayed and slept at home but i will never forget the moemnt i was laying on his lap and holding his hand and biting it sometimes. I also couldnt forget how shiny and smooth his hair was as i run my fingers through his hair. It was memomorable. It was the beginning of everything.

First bottle

It was November 3, 2019 when i finally visit bim on his house and guess what, he was alone that time. Despite of the paper works waiting for us, which was the reason why i went there, we managed to buy oe bottle of red horse. After just one bottle, We both dizzy, and so we decided to sleep....together since i couldnt sleep alone in a house i just visited. Guess what drunk people do in a house without anyone who can see if things get hotter? To cut the story short, we kissed and sucked each other's nipple. Though we don't want what just happened, we still slept together. The day after that, we were not talking. It feels like it was the day one with someone you know could be the one. The emotions getting enormous and so my heart couldnt bear it. And the rain falls from the tio of my eyes. So i talked to him, we are both not in a calm emotional state. And so we cried.

Jervin, nust like me is a player too,but he is an expert. In the beginning of out friendship, he told stories about asking for load from someone hea flirting. And that day that i was crying at home texting him, my heart breaks a little and the rain became a storm. Wanna know why?because he was telling that this was gonna be his last message and he ran out of load. The level of sadness i felt that day wasnt measurable. And i feel like the feeling of betrayal brought by my kalandia in the past cane back. But after praying, I got welll. You know when you know your worth, Its awesome. You are awesome. But pfcourse at some point , things happen because soehow you let it happen.

The confusion

You know you can be together but there was soemthing that holding you back. Weve been getting to know each other since that day. We checked each other. We glanced at each other even during classes. We walked each other's home. We visited eache other's home. We did the late night talks while walking or by sitting in a dark area in Lakfront so people couldnt notice us that easily. We talked about everything and its just feel right. Christmas is cumming and we were both lloking for answers. When people say wait for perfect place and perfect timing, believe them.

The day!

It was in December 22,2019 when we finally said pur relationship is official. We were both happy. Everything is just fine. A usual landian moments of a new couple is what we did. Since its only 3 days before Christmas, i have to go back to Batangas. And so saud goodbye to each other for the meantime with a promise of coming back on 2020.

But as a malanding boyfriend who wants to see his boyfriend, I bought a Yem cake for him which was my utang from my cousin. The plan of surprisinf him at night of December 28,2020 was successful. i saw his eyes swollen as soon as he see me. He let me stay in his house for the meantime and after 30minutes or an hour weeent to oir house and made love.

Reasons why him

1. A pysch graduate- He knows wht i feel. He knows like everything im feeling. He is always there for me.

2. Giod looking- he is one of campus hearttrob. May students admire him. I admire him too. I love him more when gis smiling wearing a stripe shirt.

3. Genius- He is a person who can teach you things he knows. Like hacks on how to manually dry a cloth using a bath towel is what i couldnt forget. (You try it,you figure it out yourself how to dru clothes with a towell)

4. Attitude- When he says he dont like soemthing or someone, dont force him to like it. I have that attitude too. But the fact that loves me now is pricelss.

5. Clingy- never did i taighy that i would love someone who is clingy because never did i thought that i would be that clingy to him. He likes hugs,kisses on his body and canton. You read it wrong, read it again.

Idont where to put this but im gonna write it here. He told me he never like surprises, but as i surprise him with beverages like Delight,his favorite, it made hime smile. The favt that he loves when im surprisinf him what makes me stay and appreciated.

Memorable moments

There are thousands of memorable moments we enjoyed. And here are the following:

1. I run my fingers through his hair.

2. Thousands of times we hangout.

3. Walking and enjoying each other company at night.

4. Street food scenarios.

5. We foughtover buying a lots of Julie's bread.

6. We knocked doors even during classes to deliver foods.

7. He gave me a perfume. I make the box of it a pen holder.

8. Date at Mcdonalds.

9. I fetched him hahen he hangout with Ram and other girl.Iwaited an hour outside Mcdonalds

10. The clinic kisses.

11. The new building kisses.

12. The cumming with no hands.lol

13. The cumming from sofa to refrigirator.

14. We bought his Iphone and stripe shirts at Divisoria

15. The holding hands🥰

As of today, June 20,2020, were still together. There were moements of breaking up with him,but we are both fighting against the world. I always bear in my mind whathe is and what he truly deserves. And that is what holding me to oir relationship. Wee havent seen each other for almost four months but its okay. We dont wanna add up to health risk. Though there were times we experienced LDR problems, we are trying to reach and hear eachothers side before madness. Though i admit i easily get irritated because he is usually mad these days, i undrstand because we are in a LDR . Im not gonna be bias so im gonna tell this. One of the things that makes him mad is that i sleep early without notice and and i couldnt update him that much since theres a lot to do when your stuck in your hoise with your family.(please consider im the youngest in the family.)

Lat night, i slept early. Today, 3:43am , im still awake drinking coffeee. And he didnt notify me if he was eeping ir what. His last message was he was goint to take a bath but it was four hours ago. Maybe my bebe boy is taking a revenge. Goodnight!

- [ ]

June 20,2020

Hes becoming dry. Im hvjng thoughts he is no longer interested. Lets see if my emotion will change as it changes minute after minute.

June 22 2020

Nothing new. We barely celebrated monthsary as we go out when we hve time. And besides he dont wanna celebrate it. Its hard. Im wondering if hereally dint like to commomerate.

June 24,2020

We had chat. But he didnt chat me at night from 830 until now 1:25 am. I have sent kind words and i dont know whats gotten into him. I just hope and pray hes alriggt. Its OK for me for i know he has his own story he dont wanna tell and its cool. Di you want to know what on my mind right now? Let me tell you. So last month i guess He unfriended a lot of friends on facebook but eventually changed his accoint. So the converaations we had storires on hiw we started are on the first facebook accnt he used to have. And hes acting weird from what i notice and im thinking if im really the only one. I know and his friend how inlove he was with Paul,his past kalandian and a new character. Never did i tell that i can see his likes in Pauls accnt with his new account. Actually, he have two and since i got his password ofcourse he would like Paul's post with the pther facebook account. I also stalked Paul on Instagram and saw his likes again. Now that he used his NEW account i have no longer access to the first old one. I tried to log it in pero fcbk said wrong password. My ate and nanay have been friennds with J on Facebook and so i could use their accnt to heck if the old accnt has been deactivated. So before thinking wrecklessly im gonna find proof. And if he likes somebody else, who am i to stop his heart from loving someone who is surely better than me?

My hunches are wrong. I opened his facebook accnt and he hs been struggling the way people would see us together specially his realtives. Idontknow what todo. Universe truly gives shit and its hard.

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bera-chan · 7 years

Text

Parallels

i had a dream not to long ago. now this is significant because this is the only dream ive had in the past 15 years. or at least the only one in that long i can remember.

i remember every single detail.

Details so I don’t forget.

Main character is a humanoid alien, (or human when space travel is normal.)

Comes in contact with another advanced race, that immediately attacks. Main character and team crash land on a mostly water planet where the air is thick, and acidic.

There is life on the planet, humanoid and aquatic like creatures that can survive both on “land” and underwater.

The main character is captured. This planet doesn’t have space flight, and hasn’t had alien contact.

Planets culture is a mix of steampunk, and smoothed over retro. Just not as flashy.

The main character is sick for an undetermined amount of time due to the acidic natures of the world, but wakes up having adjusted to it. Something about the effects of the world are more mental than physical. As a scientist, he knows you don’t develop an immunity to acid.

He wakes up inside a large room. The ceiling a thousand feet up. The room a few hundred feet wide. One entire wall is covered in a thick black or purple curtain.

The air is thick.

He pulls part of it to the side so he can see whats there, and the entirety of the wall is made of glass. With thick darkness on the other side.

A sensor tool on his forearm, while clouded with static readings, tells him the entirety of the area on the other side is water. His instincts tell him that something is very wrong with what hes seeing.

He finds a door, and spends a few moments looking through it, to see what is out there on this world. And he sees the mundane. a variety of human like and aquatic like beings going about there daily routine. He sees childred playing and getting into mischief. He only sees part of the outside of the building hes in, but children are trying to explore it.

He thinks he can pass as a local, even for a little bit.

He does. For about a minute. Apart from his clothing, what gave him away as something they didn’t know was that he had walked out of a building no one was permitted to enter. Or leave. No one had ever seen anyone come out of this structure. It was revered as both sacred, and unholy. Something terrifying. Death, imprisonment, or exile were the only punishments connected with entiering the structure. It is everyones shock that gave him about a minute to walk away.

Hes sundenly chased by what he assumes are the local authorities. He runs away.

He notices random similarities between here and his own home world. Hes running through an every day looking airport terminal.

He doesn’t have much time to think on it. Hes caputured.

He understands their language.

Barely any time passes when he is told that he has been released.

A tall woman, whos aquatic nature resembles a solid black octopus. No legs, just tentacles, connected to a human waist, arms, neck and head. Shes wearing a dress. Its thick, and dark toned, just like most of her tentacle arms. Her ebony skin, while probably considered dark is almost pale compared to her dress and aquatic side.

“I know where you come from” she says, “so why don’t you come with me”

With little choice, he follows. Almost entranced by this creature.

He can tell she is someone of power, just from her words, and how the others avoid staring at her. Like their eyes will burn forever if they gaze on her.

They return to the room he woke up in before. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he follows her still. To his surprise they stop at a large normal looking hottub. And even more surprised, and albiet a bit flustered when this woman starts stripping and then eases herself into the tub.

Beckoned to join her, so they can talk, she says. He does the same, and slides himself into the water.

Its hot, but light. Lighter than the air. Hes confused. He feels the water, but at the same time, doesn’t.

she asks a number of questions. “where do you come from” “

she asks these, but her face shows that she already knows the answers somehow.

She says she has a need for him. Something only he can do.

She doesn’t say what, but only that they’ve tried for a very long time. Whatever it is was, or is, a painstaking process that has shown zero progress, and has resulted in the loss of much. Financially, and the loss of life.

“but, because you are here things can finally change. you can bridge the gap between our failure and success.”

Hes afraid to ask, his instinct tells him it has something to do with what is on the other side of the glass.

“it will still take time, but a few months to a year is trivial compared to the lifetimes spent on it” she says excitedly. He sees her lick her lips in anticipation. Despite the warmth, he shivers.

He hasn’t had a chance to talk at all. Just answering her questions one after the other.

“what are you building” he manages to ask

She responds, with her eyes widening with barely restrained enthusiasm, and a grin that could destroy worlds with its intensity, “A bridge.”

That’s all the information he’s able to get, as she rushes him out to some sort of placement. “we don’t need you until the final stage” she explains.

Days and weeks pass, and he has been working a mundane job that was given to him to quell any boredom. And possibly his curiosity about the world and this bridge. He knows that they’ve been studying him the entire time. He wakes up with his arm itchy, and a small microscopic pinprick. His tool on his forearm allows him to see where. Because its still with him, he assumes they don’t know what it is or does. Or at least havnt tried removing it.

They are studying his blood.

He thinks he understands the curiosity involved. Hes some random alien here. If he had the tools, hed be studying theirs, too.

They could at least ask him.

At night, when he can; he returns to the room he originally woke in. the glass wall bothers him. Something in his gut is screaming out that needs to be heard. Something in his head screaming back ‘im trying, im trying.’

He investigates the wall as much as he can. One night, he finds a stair case. It goes to the roof, maybe.

He treks upwards for hours, longer than he though realistic for how high the roof of the building is. This giant wall of a building.

When hes outside during the day, the entire possibly eastern side of the city is surrounded by this building. Hes never seen the other side.

Maybe he will tonight once hes at the top.

The air gets thicker the higher up he goes. He can feel the acidity increasing as well.

His forearm tool alerting him that the pressure and acid are beyond lethal doses now.

He doesn’t feel dead though.

He reaches the top, finding a door. He opens it up slowly. Fearful of what he might see on the other side. What kind of watery world might exist.

Theres nothing at all.

Theres no water.

No grass.

No life.

He doesn’t understand. The glass wall shows an infinite abyss beyond its protective glass. He saw the dark water through it. His tool confirmed it.

But theres nothing on the other side at all.

“I don’t like it much out here. Its far to bleak.”

He turns around, and not really to his surprise he sees the powerful octopus lady.

“I don’t understand” he says asking more than saying. “how can this nothingness be here, when down there on the other side of the glass it shows that infinite ocean?”

She grins knowingly.

“which one is real?” he ask.

His stomach knots up when she grins and responds, “both are.”

She walks across the roof, towards another door. She passes him, almost laughing as she gestures for him to follow. “what is glass most used for?”

“windows,” he says after a moment. Following her quick pace.

They go down another set of stairs, but the air doesn’t change. Its dark, he feels like itll consume him.

“there is a place we wish to go, but have not been able to reach. There is a great infinite chasm, that impedes our way. You are the key to finishing the bridge that can grant us our salvation from this world. That blackness you see on the other side of the glass. Its not water, but the chasm we are trying to cross. This entire building, this dam, is a window. And we are trying to reach the window on the other side.”

Hes barely able to make sense of this. This is beyond his knowledge of science. This isn’t part physics at all.

They reach the bottom. It’s a small room by comparison to the other. But there is no curtain covering the glass wall. Instead, there is a hole.

He still doesn’t understand. He can still see the watery blackness through the hole. Why isnt this entire room flooded.

He feels something though, coming out of it. Or he feels a lack of something when he steps closer.

Theres no acidity coming from it.

He steps away from it. It he can feel his nerves flaring up. Everything is starting to hurt until it reaches a point where hes gasping on his knees in pain. His body unable to adapt like it had when he first arrived here.

The woman picks him up, sheiding him some from the invisible flames.

“for some reason, it only hurts you” she says amused. “What lies beyond there is the atmosphere you used to live in. it seems your body cant re-adapt to it without possibly killing you.”

Hes barely able to hear her through his panting. She keeps saying things he just doesn’t understand.

“good luck little man. Its time for you to bridge the gap, and free us”

She turns around, re-exposing him to the pain, and without warning tosses him through the hole.

Pain floods his body the moment the darkness envelops him.

Hes falling.

And falling

Through the pain, all he can think is that death is near. Falling closer and closer to his end.

Unless the air kills him first. The pain the atmosphere is causing him is just as infinite as the darkness.

Time is lost.

Falling forever.

Death cant come soon enough now.

Hes slowing down. But he still doesn’t see the bottom.

The pain is lessening. Hes grateful.

He stops falling. But doesn’t move. The trauma leaving him twitching on the ground.

The air doesn’t hurt him anymore. He can breathe. It feels like the air he was always used to before his crash on this world.

He stands slowly, a bit nauseous. And looks around. Hes surprised when he sees the glass wall, and the hole he was pushed through right in front of him. He had fallen only a few feet. There is no-one on the other side though. The woman gone.

He reaches towards the hole, but isn’t able to pass through it. like the glass is there, blocking him.

He looks down, what is he standing on? He touches the ground. Its warm. Smooth. A sheer surface.

He turns from the hole, and holding up his forearm tool, activates a light attachment.

The darkness is still thick, but he can see a bit in front of him. Walking forward, he finds a doorway. He walks through it, and finds a massive antechamber. Pale orange light illuminating its entirety.

Hes immediately horrified. All along its walls were cages and pods. All different from each other in design, shape, and size. Each one with a being inside. Each frozen in place, in a stasis. Or dead.

Thousands, hundreds of thousands of lives.

#dreams #fantasy #exploration #writing #stories #freaking awesome #not done yet #id love critique

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

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Episode 6 - "Going to bide my time before I could take a shot at any of them." - Maynor

Damn, between Renee and Chloe to get the choppy choppy and it's Renee. the two people I have been speaking to. Wtf. Also clearly Chloe has not been stepping up that much with the social game. i need to find better people to align with.

Well, that didnt go according to plan and now Im by myself. I really trusted Renee in this game. Like I dont have anyone else in this game like that kind of connection. If Im being honest i dont think any of these people really want to work with me 🤷‍♂️ There like 3 people i feel like i can trust but they might just be total bs but theres Ian, Matt S, and Timmy. Even tho i feel like Timmy is gunna want to kill me soon. The only good thing is that i know F2,G2 were hits. So i need to guess at 5 am for 2 days to have all the hits me and Renee discovered. Hopefully no one has found this one either. Cuz i feel like i really need an idol if I end up in warzone again.

God not being us to Skype is really causing me inactivity. Hopefully it doesn't bite me in the ass.

These people are dumb. That is all. Miss you Renee :(

Can i just scratch everything i said before? Im just gunna play a solo game from now on and not care about anyone else. No one really seems they want to play with me. So im just gunna be a floater in the game to try n make moves happen. Hopefully if i end up in warzone these people would actually try and talk game then waiting to the last ugly minute to is so annoying. The only person i hope voted with me is Matt. I really enjoyed talking to him so hopefully he is trustworthy. Like i also want to believe Trace voted Cloe but he doesnt seem someone you should trust but he was the one to tell me it was between Renee and Cloe so like he told the truth but maybe not the way he was voting. Rant down for now. Might have more.

Renee was voted out at the last Warzone, my initial reaction was she was voted out because she had won multiple immunities and people wanted to pick off others that were perceived as challenge threats. This is partly influenced by my prerogative to vote off people who can beat me in challenges. My whole premerge game is about me being perfectly average in challenges, I don't do the best but I don't do the worst. I'm always a solid contributor to my tribe, this format has me second guessing that motif I have for myself. I questioned Corey when he was added back into the Nar chat as to why Renee was voted out, he reminded me of the fact that he felt Renee has had it out for him since the get go. I believe him in that sense because he did say that to me on founding day of Nar. If Corey fully swayed that vote to go to Renee because of those reasons that's a player I want to ally with and be my shield. I think there were ulterior motives going on behind it though. That being said, I do want Corey to see me as a long term partner in this game, I shared with him the fact that I have an advantage, but not my true advantage. I told him that I have a double vote, a double vote is probably the weakest power any one could have in Survivor but seems powerful in a Warzone type setting. Letting him know I have a "double vote" endears him to my side, without him actually knowing I have a pretty strong advantage, The Topaz Idol. It's like a double vote but more like a multiple vote. Chloe keeps surviving and I am so fucking here for it, the more her tribe wants her gone the better it is for everyone on Nar if we can fucking stick together, I don't trust them to stay strong but who knows how people will hide when their neck is at risk. Chloe is an "easy vote" shield but also a vote with Nar the more Ma'an, henceforth will be refered to as "Mane", wants her to be booted.

okay uhm.....so this confessional is coming after the tribal council in which renee was voted out. i was completely blindsided and not in the loop at all about the vote there. i ws told by literally everyone that the vote was chloe and that she was 100% going out. so when renee's name came up 6 times, i was completely shocked. corey told me that the reason i was left out of the loop for the vote was because i'm close to madison and madison is close to renee. so they didn't tell me so tht i wouldn't tell madison. hmm....seems fishy! let's just say i came out of this tribal council not trusting anyone but madison. i'm glad she is my partner and i'm gonna try and get us both immunity this round so that we don't risk going to another tribal bc i could def see us becoming a target soon

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I had my masters exam today so i couldnt spend all day doing it which sucks. I only got up to 31. I dont think imma win immunity. Im most likely going to warzone and Imma be going home most likely if Madison/Jacob/Kage are in there. It sucks. Imma keep trying but i also work at 5pm and challenge is due at 7 so i lose 2 hrs there and its 3:20 right now. And cuz all this I havent eaten at all today.

What I have learned from this challenge is that both the movie Sausage Party as well as Female Genital Mutilation have more average searches per month than World Hunger..by a large margin too, and if that doesn't show what's wrong with this world then I don't know what will.

Corey sending me a message ‘i want to touch up on the vote from last night’ I said okay amd what happened? He has not responded at all. Like you lied thats the simplest answer. Because Renee and I werent coming for you so there wasnt a main reason that I could think of to take out Renee. But gunna be nice and play like oh no worry, i understand. Going to bide my time before i could take a shot at any of them.

This is it, corey and devon are safe, nehe isnt. If I can get chloe and others on board nehe will go home tonight. However.... nehe told me he has an idol, so that complicates things. Ideally I can blindside him and we’re good, but doubting that I just have to make sure the other votes dont land on me. Which means... subtlety. Never my strong point.

Ah shit here we go again. Last tribal really left me with a lot of pieces to pick up and I’m really wishing we had done the easy thing and voted chloe. I like her but I worry that I won’t be able to salvage a relationship with Maynor and Madison who I do like. I’m content with being honest about flipping, even tho I did sort of augment the circumstances. It’s better than doubling down and saying I voted for chloe when I didn’t. And truly I do wish I had voted with them so I hope I can convey that. Being back with Adrian is interesting because he is super close with Corey and Corey sort of has some followers here who I don’t really have strong relationships with without him connecting us. I also feel really nervous about playerslike him and Nehe who are bringing old game shit in, and I don’t want to be collateral damage in their wars against one another. I’m ready to do my own damage.

With immunity again after last week's tribal council, I am feeling pretty good. Devon, Ian and Trace are immune with me and there p much couldn't be a better group of immune people (Trace and Adrian are interchangeable). I hope, from those who are at tribal, Madison, Matt, Adrian and Cullan make it out unscathed. Renee leaving last week was a success to me. I took the first shot and I didn't miss. It also gave me 5 people who I built trust with who will want to use me as an asset later on (those who were part of the plan). As for this tribal council, Maynor or Thomas leaving is ideal. We left Maynor out on the vote this week so I don't know if he'd flip easily to the other side (sort of like Chloe voting with us to get Renee out). However, to keep 4 available immunity positions in our tribe, ideally it's someone from the other side that leaves. I have not interacted with Thomas once nor Stevie (but Stevie is Owen's capricorn tribe mate). Those two boys leaving would be fine by me. I hope there are fights and drama and whatnot as the more things happen and we focus on other people's business, the more I can fade back into the background after getting Renee out last week. With Nehe at tribal this time, who knows. Ian and I have gotten really close and I hope to get far with him. He told me about his double vote and we made our loyalty/alliance to one another official I guess? I also am part of a 4 person alliance, termed "Golden Boys" of Devon, Adrian, Matt and myself. I am trying to set myself up as much as I can so that when we merge or tribes get swapped around, I have people I can rely on. We'll be down to 17 people tomorrow night which is still a very big number and way too early to be loud or making flashy moves. I'm in the process of uncovering an idol or some power of sorts and believe I will have it tomorrow because I have 4 hits on it as of today. I will tell Ian about it. I trust him. I am staying alert and continuously developing my social game to the best of my abilities.

I’m so happy I am safe this round! Kait, Owen, and I are the only ones on our tribe who have been immune every round. I would love for us to group together to keep each other safe, but also I know out of the three that I am the weakest one. But for the time being it seems like at least an okay idea. I will try to make it happen and see where it goes because we could all be good together and work something out because when merge comes people will try to target those who have been safe for the longest time. At least naturally that’s what i would try since they are more likely to win individual immunity. I just hope things work out well for the next couple of rounds.

So I learned lots of things from Matt in this warzone. It looks like it was gunna 5-5 vote last time but he flipped last second not wanting it to be a tie. Im some what upset cuz Renee left but Matt wants to play with me so I feel like I can trust him. I hope. Turns out that Madison actually did vote with me last time so she is in my good side again and i feel bad for doubting she was with me. This vote I want it to go my way. Im hoping i can pull it off. My target is still unknown for right now. Im not the only one that feels like Nehe is a snake. Adrian and Matt know that he is a sneaky player. Tbh I would want to target him sooner rather than later.

I'm starting to think Madison is sitting out all of these challenges to get into the warzone to try to build relationships to propel herself forward if she makes merge, it's a risky strategy but would have huge pay off if it works. I'm gonna go ahead and subvert her expectations by pointing that out to Corey and hopefully get the rumor mill going against her. I see you and I don't like it.

So the vote looks like its gunna be Nehe and Im okay with that. I dont really trust him after he lied to me about the first vote we were together. It may bring my schances of immunity down to 3 but its worth having people to trust in this game.

Love the safety again...naturally I don’t have much to say because I haven’t gone to tribal in a while and I’m so thankful for that. Tbh I’m assuming Chloe will go tonight because it’s the easiest vote but who knows. Hoping it’s someone from the other tribe though that way there can still be 4 safe on my tribe. But also I want a twist tonight.

Tirns out I dont need to plot, we’re voting nehe tonight. Thanks Cullan. However, in case of an idol play I’m voting thomas, plausible deniability and all that.

Ok, so this vote I am controlling very well in my favor as long as I’m not the one going home. I believe I have everyone on Nehe and Nehe is voting Thomas. Nehe thinks all of Nar is voting with him to vote out Thomas who is inactive so let’s hope I don’t get blindsided.

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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