#then that just feels like a normal fair narrative where i get to take sides
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I need to get this off my chest.
I’ve been vocal about the IDW/Ian Flynn haters in the past. In fact, they’re the entire reason why I mostly left this platform. But it never ends. Whether it’s on tumblr or twitter or even in twitch chats, it never ends!
Don’t you get tired? Just go somewhere else? Just ignore the comics. The argument always comes up of “We can’t ignore it, they’ll ruining Sonic.” You can. You absolutely can!
I very much hate the Animal Crossing series now despite having liked it in the past. You don’t see me constantly writing essays about how bad it is. You don’t see me hating on every bit of news that comes out with it.
Comic books are a monthly narrative. They’re a medium very different from video games. I understand that people want Sonic to be a particular way. I do too, if I’m being honest. But I’m also aware that it’s a different interpretation as has been Archie Sonic, Movie Sonic, Fleetway Sonic, X Sonic, Underground Sonic, and so on. Sonic always changes based on the medium and interpretation. Heck, he changes between games. Sonic being “chatty” in the comics is a different interpretation and part of the entire medium of comic books. It’s how reading works.
I’m not going to claim that IDW or Ian Flynn are perfect. Is Sonic too morally righteous in the comics? Yes. Is Shadow written as an edgelord and against his growth from the game canon? Yes. Does Eggman lacking any back-up plans seem idiotic? Yes. Have the stories gotten a bit too repetitive with them constantly going to the Eggperial City? Yes. Is this something worth exploding over every month? NO!
All media is going to have things that aren’t perfect. You’re allowed to dislike it, but where is the line drawn in how much you need to vent about it?
The reason I want to write this post is how the “opinions” against the comics and Flynn have gotten to this unavoidable, venomous point. I’ve seen haters say how they’re excited to see the IDW sales fall so the comics eventually get canceled. How they want to take this particular faction of the Sonic fandom and dissolve it. I ask this genuinely: What is wrong with you!? Just because you dislike a particular part of a series means you want it destroyed even for those who enjoy it? Grow up. It’s selfish, mean, and just not what fandom is supposed to be about. The insults, the name-calling, the mob mentality, and everything coming out of this negative side of the fandom is really, really gross.
I’ve seen many haters always say that there are IDW-lovers who have also bullied, name-called, and even sent death threats. Now, I have never seen these myself besides retaliating against the haters who go too far. But I have never ever seen death threats over this (it could have been to previous writers and I may be mistaken). Now, I am stating it right here that just because I didn’t see these posts doesn’t mean they don’t exist. If they do, I obviously do not condone that behavior. It is awful! But I also see the haters bringing up these examples to justify any action they take. I’ve lost track of how many times it’s been brought up. First off, you know (if the posts do exist) that it’s a couple of bad apples amongst plenty of normal fans. But it’s brought up so often that I wonder... is it still a legitimate justification for how you’re acting? Even if it was one bad post, how much mileage can you get out of that? Does it still legitimize how you’ve been currently talking about others? Does it make your bullying fair? Your words do hurt and they do get to the ears of those you’re talking about.
And about Ian Flynn. You all need to stop. No, Ian Flynn is not perfect. No, I don’t think his Bumblekast things help a lot; in fact, it muddies a lot of the waters. But it’s a stupid podcast on the side... just ignore it. You do that with what’s actually written in the comic already. However you feel about him, Ian Flynn has contributed a lot to Sonic through Archie, IDW, and the games.
But there’s such a hatred for anything Ian Flynn puts his name on. I have a former friend who hated Sonic Frontiers before it came out simply because Ian Flynn was attached to it. The moment they heard he was the head writer, they wrote the game off. I am 100% sure that no matter how Frontiers or the story within it turned out, they would have disliked it. Just because Ian Flynn was in the end credits.
The insults thrown at Ian Flynn, the artists, and writers of the IDW comics are inexcusable. If he has two characters even share a panel, you call it shipbaiting. If two female characters have a fight, you claim it’s written by a sexist man. If a villain is killed off-screen or turns out to be alive, you complain. This last point is exactly how a monthly, serialized story works. I don’t know if you’re unfamiliar with comic books outside of Sonic, but this is how the medium just is. Said villain gets killed and you shout foul about how the one “queer” character was killed. How the writers are homophobic for “leading readers on” and then killing him. There have been racists posts about the fandom praising Flynn over Japanese writers. You make posts ranting and raving how Nite and Don being a gay couple is bad because they’re “nothing characters” and then you post about how Don abandoned Nite... despite the fact that literally ONE PAGE LATER, he comes back to essentially die with his boyfriend.
It makes me wonder if the haters actually READ the comics or if they scan, decide they don’t like something, and then get angry. Sonic is a comic series under mandates and rules, especially after everything that went down with Archie. No, I’m not saying these mandates are excuses for poor characterization or writing, but it does somewhat explain why certain characters are handled in certain ways. The IDW comic writers are people with the freedom to take the characters in certain directions. That’s all. They’re creators working hard.
The defenses you all set up to lean back on Pontac and Graff is also bewildering. Now, if you love the “Meta Era” of games then that’s totally fine. I honestly don’t care which games you like. But retroactively praising the writing of games like Sonic Lost World and Sonic Forces is odd. Yes, Pontac and Graff are human beings and don’t deserve the massive hate and mistreatment they’ve been dealt. But their work is rightfully criticized. We went through over a decade of poor writing and canon being completely screwed up. But some of you will defend them because Eggman said he’d strangle a zeti or that the way he said the sun would crush the heroes justified so much in Forces. Why are you willing to die on this hill? For four games? For four games that have objectively more lighthearted and cookie cutter plots?
I’m not perfect in this. For a while, when Sonic Forces came out. I would make post after post about it. After a couple of months, I realized that I simply hated the game and I was harming the experience of people who liked it. I made an apology and I stopped. I still hate Sonic Forces. It’s still my most hated Sonic game, but you don’t see me reacting to the Infinite mini figure getting announced by making weeks of posts saying how badly he was written.
Just get over it. Move on. Stop hating on the aspects of a thing you’re supposed to be a fan of. Aren’t you miserable? Sonic the Hedgehog has been such a positive influence on my life. Sonic has inspired me, gotten me through bad times, and has introduced me to some of the best people I have ever met.
Why stick around and constantly surround yourself with such negativity? Again, I don’t hang around Animal Crossing things anymore and I’m personally better off for it. You’re in a fandom, but are you even fans anymore? You’ll hate everything that comes out simply because a particular writer is attached or because you’ve decided the comics have betrayed your headcanons. It’s gotten to the point where the IDW Haters really have become a joke. People see what you’re saying and it’s affecting the perception of the fandom. Moreover, you’re actively ruining the experience for fans around you and are voicing that you hope it fails.
That’s not what being part of a fandom is about. I am so, so, so tired of seeing negativity about the comics and Ian Flynn. Again, honest opinions are fine and I want people to feel how they feel. Their feelings should be valid. But having your opinions and becoming toxic to the point that you’re notorious for it... is just too much.
I love Sonic as I am sure many other fans do. Hell, there’s definitely love for Sonic with the IDW-haters as well; you wouldn’t feel so passionately about the blue blur if you didn’t care. But just take some perspective and realize what this is doing.
I had a good friend once who I thought would be somebody I could always relate to for good and bad. This friend would get angry if I didn’t agree to certain comments about Dr. Eggman and would be upset if I didn’t reply in a certain way to certain posts. It was like walking on egg shells. It came to a point where I needed to separate myself from that person. They became constantly toxic about all things modern Sonic. It made me feel depressed and guilty just to enjoy the series that I love. Toxicity is something that just corrodes you to the pit of your soul if it goes too deep. I miss this friend, but I don’t think I can ever truly be friends with them that way again. It affects me so often to this day.
Please, feel how you feel about Sonic comics, movies, games, whatever. Just realize how much your distaste for something is affecting you, your friendships, and others. I can’t stand this kind of drama anymore. I just want to love Sonic and want people to love Sonic as well. That’s what fandom is supposed to be about.
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pls elaborate on your latest post??? it's so interesting
Of course!! I think about it a normal amount. For sure.
Basically I just think that's it's very interesting how both Louis and Lestat get the Bad Woman/slutTM treatment in regards to their turnings throughout the books, especially as AR starts to get Weirder about things. We all know that blood drinking = sex, and in context that translates to Lestat’s turning being a sexual assault and Louis' turning being kind of an impulsive, drunken hook-up.
In TotBT, that's a very gross and Bad scene where Lestat and David make pointed comments about how Good, Strong Vampires are made by force (raped) and how that builds character basically. The only other vampire who's involved in all this is Louis, so obviously the implication is that he's morally and mentally weak for asking for and consenting to turning (sex).
With the turning = sex comparison and how weird AR is about being misogynistic (????) towards Louis at every opportunity anyway (my complaints about that here), you get a very distinct image of Louis as the stereotype of the slut who didn't keep her legs, a loose woman basically, which is especially interesting given his background as a Catholic. In this scene he's disparaged but later on, he kind of receives a "punishment" for it.
I think his mind controlled turning of Merrick and romantic relationship with her (both things he's very upset by to the point of contributing to his suicide attempt) mirror the societal idea that "a whore gets what she has coming" eventually and, like in the book Merrick, those voyeurs (AR) sort of revel in it. At the very least it's seen as expected or fair. Even if it wasn't intended this way, I can't help linking the two.
As for Lestat, you get a different story that takes a little longer to come to fruition. The initial "rape" by Magnus is handled in a very sympathetic manner. Magnus is a predator who seeks out beautiful blonde boys and attacks them, and Lestat was innocent in this, stolen from his bed by a monster and violated.
This changes later though, the narrative shifting in Magnus' favor with Lestat saying things like his turning was a "gift" before things come to a head in RoA. In this book, AR actually says through Lestat that he was "asking for it" and that he "seduced Magnus", ostensibly by flaunting his looks and talent on stage and seeking attention. Essentially, it's framed as if he was tempting fate somehow, and Magnus' abduction was the natural result, something he secretly wanted even.
Later in the book, he goes so far as to kiss Magnus, lauding him as an almost divine creature rather than the monster he'd always been described as. That kiss between them feels reminiscent of a hypersexual trauma response, a victim coping by idealizing their abuser, but AR frames it as Lestat’s realization that he was indeed "asking for it" and could accept that now and be grateful. Gross.
As awful and the implications of these things are because of the lack of irony and self awareness (thanks Anne), it really adds to the richness of Louis and Lestat as narrative foils, really two sides of the same coin in so many ways. Like I said in my original post, Louis the Whore Opened Her Legs and Lestat the Slut Who Was Asking For It. Neither of them can win in the world AR created that mirrors our own.
Louis and Lestat both have very prominent aspects of female coding (my thoughts on Louis' here, but this one is maybe the most interesting to me.
#i'm not even going to begin to wonder what anne must have had going on in her personal life to create this monstrosity#answered#vc#interview with the vampire#the vampire chronicles#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#meta
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maybe a weird question, but do you have any recommendations for non-mob psycho media? I’ve been in search of something that hits similarly/is as well made and I trust your judgement o wise one. I’m not super picky, so recs of any kind would be appreciated :)
im like the worst person to take media recommendations from because you have to tie me down to watch something new and then i get obsessed with it forever, in terms of things ive seen recently that hit the same tumblr is NOT lying dungeon meshi is really good and if you start watching now you're gonna be watching at the part where it starts getting crazy
other stuff ive been into (gets progressively less mob psycho and generally more depressing like the further down we go bc i tend to get into really, really sad shit):
-i <3 deltarune but everyone has already played that. deltarune good. if you havent played deltarune play deltarune. genuinely like it more than undertale. also if the last chapter of deltarune is just the confession arc i called it and deserve a million dollars
-same w spiderverse. listen usually i dont care about superhero stuff but god these movies are good and i really hope they stick the landing.
-everything everywhere all at once continues to be one of my favorite movies ever
-rainworld (video game, very difficult but skurry's playthroughs do a good job summarizing the plot and general vibe of each route if you wanna watch those. i watched my friend play survivor ages ago and ive been playing through survivor with a friend on multiplayer and decided to watch some playthroughs to get a feel for the map and GOD DAMN the story of this game. rivulet route almost made me cry.) fair warning this is animal death the video game.
-severance (live action tv show, general plot is some sort of dystopian future where they invent a surgery where you can seperate your work self from your normal self so you clock into work and then black out until your shift is over. except your work self is just stuck at work forever. only 9 episodes but very, VERY good)
-i actually really enjoyed the scott pilgrim comics and the anime i wish anyone ever could be normal about them. id definitely suggest comics (if you can handle the 2000s humor) then anime. also basically everyone knows this but fair warning that starting out the main character is in his early 20s dating a 17 year old, it is explicitly treated as a shitty thing by the narrative and theres nothing explicit and its made very clear that he has 0 feelings for her whatsoever and is just using her as an ego boost but if youre sensitive to that stuff i might skip this one
-lots of webcomics about animals. i read so many webcomics about animals its like. my main media intake. this is part of the reason that i dont understand complaints about the art style my favorite webcomic looks like this
its called doe of deadwood and ill think about it until the day i die. others im currently reading (since this one wrapped a while ago) are "what lurks beneath" (cat cult on an island) "waves always crash" (cat cult on the beach) "i didnt know" (cat cult in a barn), toufati sawa (hyena trying to avenge her clan) and africa (leopard trying to survive the harshening world with her cubs) warning for animal death with all of these and general abuse warning for all those cat cult ones bc. cults.
-i like warrior cats. do not read warrior cats. its not very good and youll get stuck here forever.
-pathologic but the actual game and not just people describing the game please watch someone play the actual game summaries skip so much of the meat of the story and the characters. or play the game if you can bear learning to strategically quicksave. fair warning there is a lot of racism depicted against indigenous people in these games and while the framing of it generally aires on the side of "racism bad" there are a lot of kinda shitty tropes that come with it.
-listen bojack horseman is one of my shows it is the polar opposite of mob psycho in like every way and i would never in a million years recommend it if you want something that hits like mob psycho but if we're asking for just things i enjoy this is one of them. heavy cw for drug usage and abuse with this one. might want to give "does the dog die" a look for this one bc people are not joking about how heavy this show is
-same with hospice. hospice is a concept album about a hospice worker and a patient and has had more of an influence on me than any other piece of media ever bc i found it at the exact perfect time in my life for it to be relevant to my circumstances and now its like part of my identity. heavy cw for abuse also
-speaking of concept albums hey have you listened to tyler the creator he has several. WOLF especially i really like because the plot is actually like. kinda intricate. he also says the f slur a lot in WOLF but hes bisexual so diversity win?
-succession good. tw for like. everything though. probably "does the dog die" this one.
-hey have you ever watched david lynch's 1972 film "eraserhead"
#me and my friends tor and mich read the entire manga in 2 call sessions#i put everything else under a readmore#i feel like the more you know about my interests you can look at anything i write and go#hey. hey i see you.
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Penacony: Star Rail's Haunted House
And like one trying too hard, you're left only reflecting on how cheap and fake everything is and not in the ways the story wants you to. Oh, and for my normal fans who like it when I rip something apart, this blog is for you.
I'm starting with my non-spoilery thoughts and to start that off, I do want to say that this is better than the Loufu. The game, from character designs, world design and just general work put in has never looked so good. The flavor on everything is top notch and it is a welcome escape from the bland, near industrialist feel of the Loufu. The game design is included in this too with some of the best dungeons we've gotten, not a bad elite in the bunch (as a Fire Trailblazer main, the monkey makes me laugh) and a lot of charm even in the superfluous mechanics you can mostly ignore. The writing also takes a step up as a lot of characters have personality... Kind of.
And this is the crux of the issue. By the end I was left with the feeling that a lot had happened, a lot of words had been said and I'd met a wide cast, but that little of it informed me of anything. Penacony is meant to be a mystery but we are not an investigator. We are just being shouted at constantly "ISN'T THIS MYSTERIOUS AND DRAMATIC!?" to the point where I look up at them and go "Maybe, if you actually let anything be human for more than five seconds." Which I will actually admit: It was human for about half of it. The middle of 2.0, from once you get into the dreams to when the first true twist happens, reminds me of the best of Belobog. Hell, there is a scene in it that is literally the best in Star Rail with how genuine it feels and how real the heartbreak of it is.
But then the lights come on and you see how that scene is nothing but smoke and mirrors too. It is a trick that made me FAR more upset than anything on the Loufu frankly but after the Loufu, it also has eroded a lot of my trust in the writers for their main content. That their narrative lens is extremely narrow and entirely against anything I enjoy in media.
And so I'm left wondering if I'll end up regretting having bought the Battle Pass at the start of the cycle, despite just a week ago having been pretty certain I was with Star Rail wherever it went.
That is enough beating around the bush though. I'll put a good bit of space to let people who don't want spoilers to leave and then I'll get into specifics. 'Kay? 'Kay.
Firefly and Robin are two sides of a coin but both are mistakes. I know it might seem weird to start here rather than talk about the build up, setup, etc. but... Why would I? EVERYTHING is built up to the tragedy of Firefly and the mystery of Robin. If we really must though, here are my impressions of each of the other characters:
Black Swan: Fuck if I know. Genuinely, I don't know. I want to know, especially after having put 150 pulls into her banner but the game is so hell bent on shifting gears with her so constantly and letting her not react to anything that I didn't get a read on her, despite being the character we probably spend the second most amount of time with in this patch. She is at least nice and kind of likable but I don't know how much of that is an act.
Sparkle: Cryptic Bitch. Move on.
Acheron: Okay, I will be fair and say I do like Acheron. I've talked to another person to find out that her red dialogue changes depending on your choices with her. From the white dialogue though, she feels like a Shounen Lancer. The serious one who also has a quirk that lets you laugh from time to time. The tease of her being an Emanator is interesting but also like... How the fuck is Sam even alive for five seconds after she draws her blade then? Unless she just didn't? Emanators are literally the absolute most powerful things in this universe besides the aeons themselves though. She doesn't get to be an Emanator and not be strong game.
Sunday: Cryptic and Evil. Move on because we still know fucking nothing about him.
March 7th and Welt: About as useful as on the Loufu and at least aren't taking up screen time on the Loufu. Welt continues to be a brick, especially with his voice acting and March 7th may as well not be here.
Himeko:
...
Lets out a long, slow breath. We'll talk about Himeko later. Let me just say that she really highlights a problem with a lot of the statements the game makes about us and the express in this patch.
Sam: Not a character and a fucking awful boss fight. AT BEST he is more of a murder hobo than BLADE. The dude motivated by his desire to murder one person. Move on.
Aventurine: The worst. Just the worst. He comes across as an asshole who has zero power, zero charisma and has literally bought every friend, ally and favor that he's gotten in the past ten years. He is not a gambler as his bets are always done deals because he won't make deals he'll lose. He also has way more knowledge than ANYONE else despite having no allies, no one liking him, no powers that we've seen and yet knows the secrets of the memory zone better than the PERSON WHO HAS POWER OVER MEMORIES. Because Black Swan doesn't know Aventurine's truth. She leaves that up to you. It makes for this petulant asshole who is just a mastermind because the game says he is, and NEVER proving it, the last person you'd want to trust but the one you're forced to put your faith into and ally with no matter what. I literally got a joke ending because I told him to piss off.
But let's move on to the two who mattered. Or that we are told mattered, right up until their deaths. Robin is the much easier to point out as bad. We had literally two conversations with her and then find her dead in a bathtub so as to prove that Aventurine is smartest of smarty people because he's just so smart and clever and powerful and OMG! It also is only to further anger and add personality to Sunday. As such, Robin is fridged for TWO dudes. And we have no reason to care because why should we? Because Sunday is now having to cover up her murder? I have to assume she's been dead only recently unless she's been dead for like weeks and you've been somehow preserving her body because Firefly sure didn't get to fucking survive for ANY time.
Speaking of: Firefly is a character made to die. The only options we get to react to her death is compassion for those around us or blinding anger. Not remorse or sorrow or anything like that. It is supposed to mirror the player. You either can just move on or be furious and have it push you to the end of the content. That's it.
And I REALLY mean it when I say she's made to die. She's this nice, sweet girl who snuck onto Penacony specifically to escape an illness she has that is genuinely tragic and is killing her. She is kind, a little mysterious but appears to genuinely have a good heart. We even take a selfie with her which is our keepsake for after she dies.
We also got to already fight the thing that kills her. It appears out of nowhere the first time, descending from the ether above us while it is only us and Firefly, leaving us defenseless. HOWEVER! In a boss fight I do genuinely like, we fend it off for one phase until it finally pushes us to the side and has Firefly in its clutches. It takes its time lifting her up and it looks like Firefly might do something when BAM! Black Swan appears, entirely subduing the beast and freeing Firefly so we can go round two against it and having it be a much easier fight now that three of us here.
But in the memory zone again, knowing that Death is coming and tracking something, with us, Black Swan and now a third super strong fighter, Acheron, we walk into an open area. AND DRUMROLL PLEASE!
It's the instant kill! Where the enemy we have dealt with before comes out of nowhere, shocking and surprising everyone, even physically just bumping into two of us before rushing past the MC while we stand there helplessly and killing Firefly in a single moment! Can we get a round of applause for one of the worst death tropes in video games, if not all of media!? I haven't seen a bullshit death like this since Kat in Halo Reach! Give it up for these writers and how absolutely hack they are!
And here is the worst part: It does hurt. It hurts a LOT.
Penacony's writing is genuinely good in places. The middle portion of Penacony with Firefly is great. Firefly is a delightful character, even if she's a cinnamon roll too precious for this world. The game spends literally half the patch just selling you on why you should care about Firefly. So yeah, seeing Firefly explode into goop hurts but it's like killing a dog. Yeah, that hurts me emotionally but I can tell they're nothing but meat to you and so I get ANGRY at you using my emotions against me.
And worse yet, and I cannot stress this point enough: She is not the important death. We move right back to investigating afterwards with only Acheron's heavy handed words, where she's acting almost like she's never seen death before, to carry the torch for her. No, instead, it's Robin's death that is stated as being able to bring Penacony down. The one that matters. So move on. Firefly is just motivation for you.
Which even if you don't play Caelus and are female with your MC, it still fucking sucks. It also makes the part of Penacony that's good null and void because all you are going to remember is the bullshit death that it was building too. It cheapens all those good moments because you see the manipulation going on.
And... I'm not surprised at this point. If you don't count Herta's Space Station, this is three deaths for three planets. Belobog didn't have a main character death besides the villain and it was PLENTY dramatic enough. The Loufu on the other hand killed Tingyun. Tingyun was our guide... LIKE FIREFLY so that's two in a row that they've axed, but she didn't get much of a character. Instead, it's just shock value for shock's sake, something the writers clearly understood because then the entire epilogue for the PLANET is spent backfilling how wonderful of a person she was and mourning her death. I'm not kidding.
So that is three for three on fridged women, all done in order to just add stakes or a twist to the story. All three of them are also really bad and don't actually add anything to the story. We just continue our investigation after Firefly like we would have done regardless and get to another boss fight that makes literally no sense because YOUR ALLY SENT US HERE ASS HAT!
Addendum: This is actually FOUR deaths in three planets. The fourth is at least a guy so it's not entirely gender biased but it is also off screen. A villain we met once, kind of, named Duke Inferno is claimed to have been killed by Acheron before she came here with his invitation. The only part of this story that's confirmed mind you is the death of Inferno which uh... To quote Aventurine talking about Acheron's story "Lines up a bit too perfectly" for the asshat in the coat. It's not good and it makes the trailer Hoyo put out for the Ever Flame Mansion, that uses imagery you can find on Penacony for it, feel like a lie since we're not likely to see those characters at least until 2.4. But yeah, thought I should mention that there is a fourth dead character.
But... If you are a writer who got a lot of infamy from character deaths and is used to having YEARS of backstory, build up, connections, etc.... This is actually what happens. This is the first the Honkai part of Honkai Star Rail has been a real problem for the game. Even in the lead up to Penacony, they hyped up the potential of death by bringing in the lead writer for the Honkai series, who hadn't been on a livestream since, it sounds like... He killed a BUNCH of Honkai characters a year and a half ago. But that was the SIXTH anniversary of Honkai Third Impact. (sorry if I'm getting the timeline and the like wrong on this at all btw)
Star Rail is not even a year old. With that pointed out: let's talk about Himeko and the Express in general.
I don't know these people. I don't have a connection to these people. This is literally the first real chance we are spending ANY amount of time with Himeko. What does she do with that chance? Be cryptic, untrusting and a complete ass honestly to pretty much EVERYONE despite having pushed us trailblazers as kind, helpful people who will take risks and the like. But nope, she's just as bad as the rest of the people we've just been introduced to.
So when Firefly wants us to take inspiration from our allies on how to lighten the mood or when Acheron at the very start says we've made unbreakable bonds that we might lose... What the fuck are you talking about? March 7th is the ONLY one that might be able to be claimed about. Everyone else has no relationship with us. Half of them may as well not have characters with how little they've done or shown us or felt like they're there mostly to help with exposition.
So sure, go ahead and kill them off. You don't care about them enough to actually make me invested in them, actually build a status quote to then shatter with real danger so... Why should I? These people just exist for you to slaughter because you apparently don't know how to write a dramatic story otherwise.
It... It is rough for me right now. I even played a bit of the side content and went "Yep, this is still a good part of Star Rail." It made me think of how my brother hoped that Star Rail wouldn't have the Persona 5 problem. Great character work, a lot of fun, some real, deep emotions and genuinely good storytelling (I've talked about Guinaifen with such praise for a reason)... You just will never know by playing the main story because it's not there. Not after Belobog. The most important content, the content EVERYONE will see just isn't good.
And whenever 3.0 comes out, I know I won't be hyped after this. Even if they undo the deaths, I don't care. I don't care about your main story because it makes no sense and the stakes are fake. So... Why am I still playing if only the side content is worthwhile?
If I can never trust that a Firefly will do anything but burn out?
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I'll admit a lot of this is motivated by anger. I'll probably do a second blog talking about some of the positives about Penacony, because there is a fair bit of good mixed in with the rest, but I needed to get out this frustration first because it was the majority of what the patch left me with. I also still stick by most of what I said, maybe not quite as harshly, even with a calmer mind.
I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!
I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.
I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.
If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.
A Twitter you can follow too
And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.
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Drizzle Season 2023 is out for Splatoon 3. You know what that means?
(Long post warning)
It means me having the totally normal immediate reaction of, "what new ingame content can I use as inspiration for Humanity's Endling and it's side stories?"
This post is gonna sorta double as both a very surface level analysis of new stuff in Splatoon 3 (mainly the new maps) and a brief look into my creative process for how I go about taking what's shown in the game and applying it to the canon of the world Kaleb finds himself in. One of my goals is to keep what happens in HE as close to the canon as presented in the game as possible, while still making very healthy use of the blank space that is things the games nor extended lore don't necessarily address, and quite obviously bending the rules a bit here and there to make the story... well, happen? 'Cause if I were 100% dedicated to preserving canon, the series would look something like this.
they wasn't lyin, them humanitys really do be endling
Jokes aside, basically what all that means is I enjoy filling in the blanks to make the game world feel more full. Like, if possible, I wanna have the series written in a way where you could easily headcanon it as something that's happening in the background of Splatoon 3 as you are playing it.
...At least until we get to the later acts. HE ain't just a slice of life. But let's not get too ahead of ourselves here :)
But as that statement ominously implies, I have a general idea of the overarching plot for all five acts, and the process of writing is basically me ironing out the details and stringing it together into a cohesive narrative. Luckily for me, details are sometimes filled in for me by Nintendo. Speaking of which, let's look at Crableg Capital!
You can kind of already see it just barely peeking from behind the crane on the right, but Hagglefish Market is visible from up here, and they actually added this stage into the background of Hagglefish as well, so you can actually see it from down there, too.
From up here, you can more or less make out the exact route Kaleb came from in Act I, Ch7
I know for certain Crableg wasn't there before; I spent a frankly weird amount of hours doing recon on Hagglefish for Act I. Can't wait for this to become some New Mandela Effect meme or something. Anyways, you can see from up here that there's a lot of green grass in this city that's meant to be in the middle of a desert, so I kinda have this feeling that an ungodly amount of the city's water supply is fed right into keeping that greenery. I can see Kaleb drawing a comparison to Dubai, or maybe even Las Vegas to a lesser extent. Speaking of Vegas, you know what it has? Tons of ads. You know what this stage also has? Tons of ads!
shoutout to the paragliding jellyfish btw
Okay, well, obviously it's nowhere near as bad as Vegas. But I needed a segue, dammit. Now to be fair, I can't read any of these signs, so they might not actually be ads. Like, clearly at least a couple of them are company logos on the bigger skyscrapers. But the concrete building at the end of the clip? I don't know what those signs would be otherwise.
Like, who are they advertising to? The people in the neighboring buildings? The ads face outward, so it couldn't be that. Maybe it's extremely cheap ad space because basically nobody would see it, but then whatever in-universe powers that be decide these stages decided, "yes. of course. the actively under construction highrise. the perfect spot." I'd imagine that ad space probably skyrocketed in value, because there's no way these ink sports aren't televised to at least some capacity in canon.
Speaking of absurd spots for stages...
Shipshape Cargo Co. At first, it looks like you're on some platform underneath an oil rig or something to that nature. Then you realize that you're somehow moving. Then you notice the bow of the ship on the far end of the stage, then it's like, "Oh shit I'm on one of those half-submersible cargo ships!"
So not only did the folks running these ink sports decide that an active construction zone was a good spot for a stage, but they also decided to set up a stage on the back of a presumably en-route freight ship. And it's far enough north for there to be goddamn icebergs floating around. If anything, this season's maps have convinced me that an organization equivalent to OSHA does not fucking exist in the Splatoon universe. I'm aware that culturally, turf wars were at first backstreet sports and very unofficial/disorganized, and also there were stages in Splatoon 1 and 2 that would raise the same concerns (i.e. old Hammerhead Bridge, Saltspray Rig, Piranha Pit, etc.), so I really shouldn't be surprised by all this, but... I dunno, it's almost 4 am at the time of writing.
I don't have much more to say about Shipshape, though. Like, it's a very cool concept for a map, and if for whatever reason I need Kaleb to freeze to death, I'll have it in mind. Crableg is... very helpful, though.
Y'know, isn't it interesting that a lot of stories end with the hero scaling a huge tower?
Just a thought. 🙂*
Oh yeah, I also spotted this in the catalogue!
Lola got to be a model! I'm so proud of her! 🥰
I don't have much else to say right now, though. I might do a follow-up for Big Run if Um'ami Ruins has a cool enough atmosphere to warrant it; otherwise Undertow Spillway having that alarm blaring during the last Big Run was the coolest shit ever and I can't believe I accidentally predicted it as a stage w/ it being half flooded in Act I.
By the way, I am going to be grinding the shit out of this upcoming Big Run for that gold helicopter figure, so if you wanna play with me, I'm still in the 'Endling' pool. Again, if you spot Lola herself, that's me! I tend to go pretty hard in Salmon Run though as it's actually my favorite mode, so uh... if you're not EVP and you join me, it might average out the hazard level to something a lot harder than you may be used to. So fair warning!
*all ominous foreshadowing is subject to change
#i climbed to evp 999 once#never again#but for big run? i just might make an exception#wait there's a splatfest soon? choosing deep cut's leader?#yeah sorry but we are under fucking attack!!!! i do not care!!!!!!#mr. grizz give me your hardest battles!!!!!!! i will rip them apart with my teeth if i have to!!!!!!!!#except little buddy he's a good boy#^ lola's canon mindset for salmon run btw
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Hey, I feel like going a bit into why I’m so concerned with things like; confirming Tomua’s dignity & agency in villainy, Deku not taking easy outs in saving Tomura, and the villains goals in forceful societal reform. Get some stuff off my chest.
And really it all relates to how, for as much as his fans can be worried, Deku eventually saving Tomura is as guaranteed as him beating AFO.
But that’s all that’s guaranteed. Anything more than that; like changing the system or being a better hero than All Might so future kids like Tenko don’t fall through the cracks? No guarantee of that. It’s up in the air. And in fact, prospects aren’t really looking good rn.
(But in the interest of fairness, we’ll stick to Deku & Tomura today without touching on what other villain encounters may or may not imply.)
More Character Development Needed:
Here's the thing. The course of the story? That’s when character development happens. It may be unrealistic to assume he won’t mental grow any further, but narratively that’s just how it works. So whatever Deku is like at the end of the story is what we can generally expect he’ll be like for the rest of his life.
And what he is now is an otherwise kind & well-meaning soul; but who has such complete faith in the current system that he cannot accept any criticisms towards it when they stare him right in the face, fully wanting things to go back to normal and believing any flaws can be paved over by him being a good enough hero and staying All Might’s course.
Don’t misunderstand; he’ll still be a good hero. He’ll save most kids in Tenko’s situation just like All Might. But like All Might; some will slip through the cracks, become like Tomura, form their own villain teams, and loop right back to here, complete with casualties. And it’ll end with the same happy ending this conflict will have…and because the events of the story are when characters develop, that will similarly do nothing to prevent the villain team after that from forming and saying the same stuff about Hero Society & Deku.
Repeat until the Quirk Singularity does the world in.
To use an analogy I’m sure Tomura would appreciate: it’s the bad ending you get where the big bad is still beaten, but you didn’t do enough side-quests and messed up the dialogue trees so everything still kind of sucks afterwords.
And I know there are people who hope that all this societal injustice stuff can just...work itself out in an epilogue, after Deku saves Tomura & the rest of the kids save the rest of the villains. because that’s what’s important. But I can’t just give Deku the benefit of the doubt to come to the conclusions needed for him to change society, and then easily implement those changes that Tomura put his life on the line for, by himself, all off-screen. He needs to see the flaws in the system now, in the text, or I will have no choice to assume he never will.
How To Avoid This (By Avoiding Easy-Outs):
The thing is; this is avoidable. On paper, pretty easily. So much so that some may call it rushed; but I’m not complaining...today. Because while it’s “easy” from one view, it’s also the among the hardest tasks imaginable from another. He just needs to take to heart the opinions of someone who knows where his beliefs are wrong and need correction.
All he needs is to go through the proper development on-screen, which could be done by gaining the necessary introspection by talking to Tomura as an intellectual equal with grievances to listen too.
And that’s why I have problems with ending theories where he takes the easy out of blaming Tomua’s distrust of society on AFO. The kind of hero Deku would be to convince Tomura he doesn’t actually have beef with hero society that AFO didn't just trick him to having, pinning it all on an easy-to-blame villain? Maybe follow up with the feel-good buzzwords or ‘hope’ and ‘guiding light’ and ‘lending a hand’ he gave Lady Nagant? all without heroes ever having to take responsibility for their mistakes & the consequences there-of? That’s the kind of Pro Hero Deku I described above. A Deku that never has to admit his or his side’s faults.
Why take that kind of easy out when he could face an greater challenge and get a greater reward for it instead?
Like, forgive a tangent but this is why I could never get behind final villain!AFO.
He never raised the treat level of the villains; far from it. In addition to his self-sabotaging idiocy he also provides many easy outs to the otherwise greatest challenge Deku would face, in combat and diplomacy, in Tomura. 1st by making him weaker by being a worse fighter controlling his body, and 2nd by being such an invasive force that as the idea goes, Tomura will give up all his aspirations of changing society and put his & his friends’ lives in the hands of people he really cannot and has no reason to trust (reminder: still the same people who killed Twice), so long as it means being rid of him.
And then the idea is that Tomura’s turning to Deku’s side will mean they’ll team up against AFO to take him down trivially easy. (Even though either could easily take him on their own, but this way is even easier. Which is a pattern.)
These non-conflicts are apparently preferable to some, to Deku facing the strongest villain ever and then convincing said villain that he can be trusted to change the world for the better by addressing his own short-comings. I don’t see it.
It feels like some readers are just looking for easy-outs that ensure Tomira’s safety; climatic challenge be damned. They’re outs Deku doesn’t really need, and the consequences for taking being pretty severe as society doesn’t ever change to not fail the next Tenko Shimura…but it makes saving Tomura sound so easy it’s all but guaranteed so a lot of his fans support it. But to me: Tomura getting saved in guaranteed, so the rocky way there with a better ending is much preferred to the easy way there riddled with consequences.
Conclusion:
You know, there’s a post going around saying guys like me will be “so much happier” if we accept villains like Shigaraki and Dabi are just pathetic children in need of saving; and I assure you I will not be. Any hope of the future of this setting under Deku’s generation is quite firmly rooted in the villains being treated seriously enough to listen too. To give that up is to give up on the next generation not making all the same mistakes as the previous, trapping the setting in a cycle of suffering and violence perpetuated by hope until doomsday.
Looking at Tomura as just the crying child will save that child, but addressing Tomura the disenfranchised adult can save every such child. And, well, Deku wants to be the greatest hero. I’m gonna hold him to that.
#bnha#midoriya izuku#shigaraki tomura#shimura tenko#class 1a#league of villains#lov#paranormal liberation front#PLF#all might#all for one
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Y’all.
I had vague memory that Matsumoto batch-cooking was a thing that happened, but I did not realize the specific context of this scene. This is BANANAS.
Okay, I need to back up. At this point in the story, 3/4 Bount and Ichinose have been neutralized as threats. There are a lot of injuries and Ishida is chomping at the bit to finish his Oedipal narrative arc, and Matsumoto wisely points out that everyone has been running around for over 24 hours and rest and food are IMPORTANT. Which is thoughtful and lovely, except... when she said that I thought they were just going to have some niblets and get four hours of sleep or something, because there is a highly dangerous, vengeful murderman roaming the streets of the Seireitei right now. He already blew up a building and took out a Gate Guardian, held his own against Byakuya, and has the ability to regenerate himself by taking bites out of Seireitei Shingles.
But instead they have a whole-ass block party!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING.
This is especially funny because in the next episode Ishida shows up to fight Kariya alone, and where is Ichigo? where is everyone else? STILL AT THE 10TH DIVISION SLUMBER PARTY THAT’S WHERE. Ishida got up early for his regular morning insanity and everyone else nearly slept through the thrilling conclusion to this arc.
Even more bananas is the fact that Kariya... I don’t actually know, I wasn’t paying attention, but I guess he absorbed a power thingy and was waiting to get maximally powerful. My man got his COVID booster and is waiting for peak immunity. So literally time is of the essence!! And this is what they do!!!
(In fairness, it doesn’t seem anyone at this block party knows about the power thingy during that scene. But the next morning Rantao tells them all about what they missed while they were asleep and Hitsugaya is like, ‘Yeah, we heard about the power thingy. Time is of the essence!’ so clearly at some point they got this information and then proceeded to just keep doing whatever they were already doing.)
I am just so conflicted because I love a morale party but OH MY GOD WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING. Idk this just feels like just sitting down to KBBQ two hours before an international flight, and you’re not even at the airport yet. It gives me ANXIETY.
On the other hand, it is a lovely spread:
I laughed out loud at myself the other day when I was pulling these caps, because my first thought was, “Oh, interesting! Vegetarian!”
And my second was, LOL. HOW CAN YOU TELL. EVERYTHING IS POLYGONS.
I think it’s because immediately prior, I’d been meal planning, and I was trying to decide whether I felt autumnal enough to make this, so I had it on the brain, but I’m willing to hold to my original impression of this meal and say that it is, indeed, vegetarian. There’s mushrooms and pickles happening in the side dishes and the soup looks like carrots and at least two different kinds of starchy vegetable. And there’s a basket of raw vegetables.
This is interesting to me because I am always interested in what they eat in Soul Society (and what the supply chain is), and I feel like this meal being vegetarian tracks. Given that the population of entities who need to eat is the minority, I imagine agricultural practice has remained pretty small-scale. We see fields sometimes, but domestic animals don’t seem like a huge thing. There’s one (1) boar biker gang and given how proud they are of this, that’s probably not the norm.
I’m not saying Soul Society is vegetarian--plenty of proof against this--but if meat is prepared in Soul Society I’m guessing more often than not it’s wild game (and even this feels very mysterious to me, XD); but anyway, that’s hard to do on an industrial scale, particularly on short notice, so if you’re a normal shinigami eating a normal meal, it’s probably rice and vegetables. They only whip out the fancy food for fancy occasions like Byakuya’s hanami, the installation of the New Third Captain, and Jump Festa. If you’re a noble, well, that’s different. And even if you’re a VC-level officer and above--it’s probably a little different, since there do appear to be exclusive dining establishments that cater to VCs and their corporealized zanpakutou that one time. Or if you’re with Unohana and she treats you to a fancy pork dish (meat provenance: undisclosed). But normie shinigami? No wonder Rin was so excited about cake, and Hanatarou got so distracted by the Miraculous Living World Combini!
My main point: Hitsugaya let them have a block party mid murderman-invasion, but they did not go to McDonald’s--even with their esteemed guests Kurosaki Ichigo And Friends in attendance--because they had tubers at home.
Secondary point: Tongs Renji was excited af for that Living World barbecue during the Reigai arc, and for good reason!!
#matsumoto rangiku#hitsugaya toushirou#just 10th division things#bount arc#bleach anime#bleach headcanons#shinigamiology#no brain just bleach
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The Mesas of Deuteronilus Mensae (17/?)
Author’s note. Please forgive the scientific inaccuracies of this chapter. The Lagrange point of Mars is approximately one million kilometers from the red planet. (In context, Earth is 225 million kilometers from Mars.) It would take the astronauts on the Nerio mission a fair amount of time to get to it with the magnetic shield in tow – I’m making it happen in the matter of a couple of days for purposes of drama and narrative.
Also, this will be the last chapter for a little bit. I got sick and couldn’t write for work, so I doodled a few chapters of my WIPs while I got over it. Now I’ve got to get back to the grind.
SOL 17
The enormous red bulk of Mars slowly turned into Mulder’s periphery as he eased his way around the dark hulk of the magnetic shield. The size of the planet could make your pulse race if you thought about it too much or looked at it too long, and so Mulder concentrated on the task at hand – inspecting the outer shell of the shield to make sure it hadn’t sustained any damage while in orbit around the planet. Small asteroids and other space debris were the norm rather than the exception up here, as the gravitational pull of Mars attracted free floating particles and dross, and they needed to repair any damage done before they could put the shield in place.
He moved his light to the next section in his grid and noticed a fleck of white charring. He called it in.
“Base, I have a fleck of impact carbonization on panel Z-34-N.”
“Roger that, Mulder,” came the voice of Powers through the comm link. “You are clear to replace panel Z-34-N.”
“Copy,” Mulder said. “Replacing now.”
He pulled the electronic screwdriver from where it hung on his utility satchel, secured by a tether so it wouldn’t float off into space, and began the process of removing and replacing the panel. The screws he pulled out stuck themselves to a magnet secured to the panel itself, and the replacement panels were in a large canvas bag at his side.
On the other side of the massive shield, Mulder could see Dutton and Henderson slowly moving along their assigned sections, the lights from their helmets flashing every now and then as they turned and moved. He had just drilled in the last screw when chatter came in off the comm channel that grabbed his attention.
“Dutton, I’m getting an O2 alarm from your life support system. Can you run a check please?” said Powers from the base of the HAB, his voice calm and steady. Sometimes the computers at the HAB took a few minutes to catch up to those on the Larunda and within the suits of the astronauts themselves on space EVA.
“Suit life support systems reading to normal to me, base,” said Dutton.
There was a pause from the team running the operation at the HAB. Ehrlich had signed off a few hours before to catch some sleep and Powers was at the mission’s control panel now.
“Base?” Dutton said again. Mulder glanced over at Dutton, who was on the far side of the shield from where he was himself.
“I read you, Dutton,” Powers said. “Control systems here aren’t catching up to your suit. Still reading low O2. Can you run a quick self-assessment?”
“Copy, base,” Dutton said, and Mulder could hear her annoyed sigh through his helmet speakers. “No shortness of breath or headache. I’m not feeling restless or confused. Slight dizziness, but I guarantee it’s from Zero G, because I actually hate this shit.”
“You didn’t report that on your psych screening, Dutton,” Mulder said, trying to impart some humor to keep nerves settled. The reading was most likely a glitch on the HAB computer’s end.
“Feel free to write me up,” Dutton said, all sarcasm.
“Two more demerits and you lose coffee privileges.”
Mulder watched as Dutton lifted an arm and he could make out her gloved hand against the dark backdrop of space flipping him a pretty admirable bird. He laughed.
“Keep the chatter down,” Powers said, for the first time Mulder could ever remember sounding ever so slightly stressed. “HAB computer has initiated emergency O2 release on your suit, Dutton.”
Mulder heard Dutton swear and he began making his way across the vast surface of the magnetic shield and toward the other astronaut. He wasn’t sure what he could do out here, but felt like he had to do something.
“My suit control panel isn’t responding, base,” said Dutton, an edge of concern in her tone.
Mulder began moving more quickly toward her. The tether system they were all attached to to keep them from floating off into space was set up like a spider web around the shield and Mulder had to slide along one section, then uncouple and recouple his tether to the next section as he went.
“Base, my suit control panel isn’t responding!” Dutton said again, now fully alarmed.
“Override code is 4567, Dutton,” said Powers.
“That didn’t work!” shouted Dutton. “Base, I’m-” she stopped talking for a moment, her speech interrupted by hiccups. “I’m seeing double.”
“She’s over oxygenating!” Mulder shouted into his helmet microphone.
He was getting closer to Dutton, but had to keep pausing to uncouple and then recouple his tether. Over the comm system, he could hear Powers in the HAB base scrambling around, his microphone left active. Mulder could hear him call for Scully over the HAB loudspeaker system.
A minute later he could hear Scully’s voice in the background, talking urgently with Powers. Then her voice came through loud and clear. It was the best sound Mulder heard all day.
“Dutton I’m engaging flight surgeon override,” she said calmly. “I need you to take shallow breaths, okay? Just little sips of air.”
“It’s not-” hiccup “it’s not…”
Mulder finally reached Dutton, who had begun to flail, confusion and panic setting in in equal measure. He made a grab for the wrist that held her suit’s control panel, but she pulled away from him. He grabbed again and yanked her arm hard, which made her lose her grip on the shield, and she began free floating in the space in front of them, held by her tether and Mulder’s grip on her. He entered the override code Powers had relayed to them, but the system wouldn’t accept it.
“Base, I’m with Dutton,” Mulder said, and he looked up at her, floating in space with the enormous sphere of Mars backlighting her. She had raised her UV shield, and Mulder looked into her eyes, her face a mask of terror. “Override code is bad. Repeat, override code is bad.” Then Dutton vomited into her helmet.
Mulder swore loudly, and scrambled in his utility satchel to find the knife that lay at the bottom. He grabbed at it, his bulky gloved fingers having trouble finding purchase. Finally he secured it and pried it open, careful to keep the sharp blade away from his suit.
“I’m cutting the emergency O2 supply tube!” he shouted into his helmet, pulling Dutton’s arm to try to bring her around so that he could get at the back of her suit, where the small O2 chamber connected to her helmet. It was easily accessible in case it needed to be transferred from one astronaut to another while on EVA in an emergency situation. Finally, he got his hands on it, and, careful not to cut any other part of her suit, he slid the blade under the tube and sliced it cleanly through.
“O2 has been cut,” he reported back to base. “Dutton has vomited into her helmet. I’ll need help getting her back to the airlock.”
“I’m on my way!” Henderson’s voice cut in. Mulder had forgotten the man was even out there with them.
And then there was a hard yank on his tether and all hell broke loose.
Xx
“O2 has been cut,” Mulder’s voice came in over the comm system. “Dutton has vomited into her helmet. I’ll need help getting her back to the airlock.”
Scully looked up as Ehrlich came rushing into Base Base, her arm half in the sleeve of her jumpsuit.
“Report,” she said, just as Henderson said “I’m on my way.”
Scully reached down to shut off the microphone so that the astronauts on EVA couldn’t hear their chatter.
“HAB computer reported Dutton’s suit was low on O2,” Powers said, moving to the side so that Ehrlich could see everything on the screens in front of them. “Dutton’s suit showed no problem. The computer initiated an emergency O2 release and she started over oxygenating. None of the override codes worked. I called in Scully,” at this, he nodded at Scully, “to try to initiate flight surgeon override, but-”
There was some noise and indistinct chatter coming in over the EVA comm system.
“Dutton vomited into her helmet, Commander,” Scully said as Ehrlich leaned forward and swiped a few keys into the computer terminal in front of them. “She could be choking.”
“This seems to be-” Ehrlich started, but was interrupted by Henderson’s voice shouting into his helmet mic:
“Code black, code black, code black!” Scully felt adrenaline dump into her bloodstream. There was a hiss of static and a shout that might have been from Mulder.
“Tether malfunction! Tether malfunction!” Henderson was practically gasping. “Mulder’s tether failed and his suit is outgassing! He’s loose and being propelled! I repeat: He’s loose and being propelled!”
“Base to Larunda!” Ehrlich shouted.
“This is Larunda,” came Elmer’s voice, hard as steel.
“Begin tether fail protocol!”
“Already on it, Commander!” said Elmer. “Patel’s in the airlock!”
The next few minutes were all chaos and confusion with the astronauts on EVA and on the Larunda communicating a mile a minute with bursts of static and white noise. Shaw came stumbling into Base Base and all four astronauts on planet stood in silent, helpless suspension as the shield mission crew worked to save their crewmates.
Scully’s legs felt like they were made of liquid, and all she could do was stare at Mulder’s vitals on the computer screen in front of her and pray that signs of life continued to come through. His heart rate was through the roof and she felt like her own was beating with it in perfect sync.
She couldn’t get his face out of her head; the hard curve of his jaw, his mossy eyes, the plush decadence of his lower lip. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to crush her own lips to his and lose herself there. She was sick of being at war with herself over him.
There was a muffled shout from the comm system and a quick bleat of feedback and then Elmer’s voice came through from the Larunda, somewhat distorted.
“...him. Base, I repeat… * garble * got him.”
Erhlich swiped the microphone from where it sat on the table and pulled it up to her lips. Her face, normally calm and collected, wore a mask of near-panic.
“I did not copy, Elmer! Repeat! Do you have Mulder?!”
There was another screech of static and Scully felt her heart in her throat, the blood roaring through her ears so that she almost didn’t catch the next communication from the Larunda.
“We have him, Commander. I repeat, we have Mulder! All crew members are on board.”
Ehrlich sat heavily in the chair behind her, and Scully almost wilted with relief. Beside her, Shaw reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Powers sat where he was, still shocked and silent.
SOL 21
Mulder stretched widely and popped his neck as soon as he was out of his hardsuit, his body fatigued from the long hours on EVA, the terror of nearly dying and several sleepless nights of Zero G on the Larunda after the incident. Despite the emergency that had nearly sent him flying off to meet his maker in the infinite darkness of the cosmos, they had successfully launched the magnetic shield. He was exhausted, hardly able to keep his head up.
In spite of having vacuumed up the dust and grit that had built up on the boots of the astronaut’s suits on the walk from the M/LAV to the HAB, the space on the other side of the airlock still smelled like a natatorium from the chlorine-based compounds in the regolith. Without the lingering odors of coffee and microwaved meals and the other, less appetizing smells of ten human bodies living in tight quarters, the whole place would probably reek like a freshly treated pool. Nevertheless, whatever the odd combination of scents, the overall olfactory assault was beginning to say ‘home’ to him, and he was more than happy to be back in the comfort of the HAB.
He left the other astronauts behind, most as fatigued as he was. Half of them had made noises about getting something to eat – the only food on the Larunda being of the freeze-dried MRE variety – but he was bone weary and still coming – even now, days later – off of the adrenaline of the mishap with the magnetic shield launch. His bunk was calling.
On his way down the hallway, he nearly pulled up outside of Scully’s door, checking his step mid-stride, but decided against knocking after a quick look at his watch told him it was nearing the midnight mark. He knew that seeing her would be a balm to frazzled nerves, but since their aborted kiss on his cot the week before, he’d been giving her space, and she’d been taking it. He remembered the panicked, angry look on her face after the disastrous asteroid-impact drill on board the Larunda. If she was ever going to deign to let him finish what he’d started after Plan 9 , it would have to be on her terms. And at a more humane time of day.
He sighed and kept walking, starting to unzip the top of his jumpsuit as he approached his own door. His plan, such as it was, was to strip down to undershirt and boxers the second he was inside his quarters and then fall directly into bed.
That plan was foiled before he’d even closed the door behind him.
“Mulder!” he heard, and he looked up to see Scully sitting on his bunk, her face upon seeing him, one of almost tearful relief. Before he could open his mouth to greet her, she launched herself off of the bed and into his arms, pressing her face into his chest as her arms came around him in a vice-like grip. “Jesus, I thought I’d lost you!” she said, her words muffled by his undershirt.
He was momentarily startled into inaction, and then his arms found their way around her, pulling her into his body as tightly as she was holding him. He lowered his head until his cheek was resting on the top of her head, his nose buried into the fragrant mass of her hair.
“It’s okay,” he murmured, not sure what else to say. “I’m okay.”
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🦋 tell us about your current wip
🍄 name a song that represents your mc
My current blurb for Magic's Servant is:
A dark rural fantasy set in modern day Wales, featuring Talli, a teenager who is in way over her head. There's also a talking cat with a secret, shadowy manipulative demons, and immortal figures from Arthurian mythology locked into a vicious stalemate over the centuries.
On a more personal note, the way I approached writing this is a list of my least favorite ways to write anything ever, and as such, this has been a thorn in my side for years. I started off with the idea of a mysterious magic cat and an abandoned church. To explore who the cat was and why he lived in an abandoned church, I pantsed a whole film script over the course of a month (Script Frenzy, NaNoWriMo's forgotten and abandoned sister), which gave me a vague outline of a story, introduced a lot of main elements and scenes but also introduced a lot of loose plot threads, characters and sideplots that didn't really go anywhere. Worse, I really didn't feel like there was anything interesting or notable about my MC (which as we all know is utterly unforgivable in writing).
So over the course of the next few years, I wrote a lot of backstory, sidestory, continuation of the story and notes. I also rewrote some key scenes of the script. Some of which was in first person prose, some of which was also in script format and some of which was in third person. If this already sounds like a mess...well, it was. Which is why I procrastinated on doing anything else with it for years. (To be entirely fair, I still thought about it a lot, and thought about the themes I wanted to explore and other characters in that world and more directions I could take the plot in. But I procrastinated actually getting all my various drafts together into one readable manuscript in a single tense and narrative.) I also developed a lot as a writer, practicing longform fiction on entirely different work and finding a more coherent voice.
The main reason I'm actually working on it now is my wife. I realised while talking with her about it that there were interesting things about the story that I don't want just relegated to a hard drive somewhere, and I want it in a form that other real human people can read. Or as she said: you need to write the thing. So I spent an absolute age on Scrivener importing all the documents I had, even the scripts and notes and scenes I had three different versions of. Then I plotted out a coherent outline - where would it make sense for backstory to be placed between chapters? What backstory would make more impact just implied instead of outright text? What order do things need to happen in? Can I actually fit this subplot in this book or is this going to be better as a sequel? Scrivener was especially useful for the notecard feature - you can write up a quick sentence or two describing the chapter and move it around within the project, so I could play around with placement and get a feel for the flow of the plot. I also love the notes I can make for each chapter - since it can get complicated very quickly. I use them to make a note of what knowledge each character has by the end of a scene - especially because in the earlier drafts, characters (and thus, the reader) learnt far too much, far too quickly, so this refining draft has been about slowing down the rate of information and introducing more emotion. That means I need to know what characters know what information at an glance, since it's usually a lot less than I think it is!
Of course, the most important thing is that I now actually like my main character. I think this is something only time could fix - when I first wrote the first draft, I was an insecure teenager who felt like I wasn't notable or interesting, and I was writing a teenager in a similar situation. With time, I've grown and had life experiences and can also treasure the abnormal that seemed so normal to me at the time. In many ways, this is a collaboration with my teenage self and a love letter to myself.
Which neatly leads to the song that represents Talli, the MC. I have a few, but the one I've settled on is One Day by Kodaline. I think it sums up the experience of undergoing big changes that can seem overwhelming, the awkward self-consciousness of teenage years and not necessarily having the right help and support available to you. As the song asks: "how are you still holding on?" and that feels like a large part of Talli's struggle throughout the plot; barely holding on while powerful beings try to use her for their own convenience.
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Day 247,
One more day and we’ll be home. We’re back on that first island where we spent the night. If we make the same progress returning as we did leaving then we should get back to the Village a few hours before sundown tomorrow.
None of us slept particularly well last night, but at least the anchors held. Don’t think I personally got any true sleep at all. A few extended periods of drifting restfulness with my eyes closed, but never actually unconscious.
I tried to play it down and cover it up as we briefly returned to the beach at dawn to take a break from the boats for a bit before heading out in earnest, but when I had one of those waking flashes to the Catacombs a couple hours later while rowing and nearly dropped the oars in the water it was pretty obvious to everyone. Fortunately, between expecting it and not being thrown into a broken, pain-wracked body, it wasn’t as bad this time around. Still an understatement to call the experience highly unpleasant and disorienting, but I’ll take what excuses to tell others not to worry silver linings of comfort I can get.
We stopped at that little cliff-surrounded cove of an island again for our midday rest. Took as much of a nap as I could while there. There’s been some discussion of whether to take another break tomorrow or just push on to the Village in one go in a reverse of our first day. Ultimately we decided to just play it by ear and see how we’re feeling when the time comes, but for now I suspect we’ll go for the one long push.
That said, everyone’s retired early tonight. No extended laughing and singing around a campfire. Combination of the past few days of travel wearing us down compounded by last night’s discomforts.
As for myself, I had another episode shortly before I started writing so I’m still trying to calm myself back down and take my mind off it before I can sleep.
It occurs to me that this whole time I’ve never given much detail to what Lin and I talk about while in a boat together all day. Stories mostly. She spent enough time in the archive as a kid that she’s probably about as qualified to do tellings as Cass and I are. There are few joys like discussing a mutually loved story with another. Or even not-so-loved. More than just sharing what we liked or didn’t like about a given narrative, but what it meant to us. Analyzing it. Studying it. Dissecting it. Stories are shared experiences that bridge time and space. Characters are mutual acquaintances and friends. The similarities and differences in how two people experience a story and what they take away from it can be as much an insight into who they are as putting them through the same real world events.
That’s what I like to believe anyway.
And then there’s the comparing of notes regarding what she remembers reading in the archive versus what I remember of versions of those stories from my past life. Always an interesting exercise. Also, I got some briefly summarized versions of a few more local stories that the villagers tell like the one about The Girl From The Forest. I’ll need to get the full versions of those from her some day and put them to paper.
Of course, that wasn’t all we talked about. There was a fair bit of sharing bits of our lives that the other doesn’t normally see much of. It’s easy to forget that Lin spends a pretty large portion of her own time outside of the Village proper traveling around the island gathering medicinal ingredients so there’s always a fresh stock of whatever might happen to be needed on the rare occasions that some sickness or injury does happen to arise. True, some of it she gets from hunters, shepherds, and fishers rather than gathering herself, but still, it’s enough to have made her well suited for all the scouting she’s been doing alongside Maiko this trip.
Meanwhile, I shared some of my encounters with the nature sprite that were on the “playfully mischievous” rather than “terrifying” side of things. Told her about my occasional habit of dancing in the rain. Parties where I was asked to do tellings (it seems she doesn’t get invited to as many of those as she used to). Teaching during the rainy season. That sort of thing.
Oh, and I learned some of those songs she’s humming all the time. She’s got quite the repertoire. And some are a bit more… bawdy than I would have guessed. Come to think of it, it’s a bit strange how little of that sort of thing there is here. Perhaps it has to do with the whole deal about fertility apparently being tied to the Blossom Field?
Speaking of singing, imagine Cass and my surprise a few days ago, shortly after setting out from Iole’s island when Lin started singing while rowing. That in and off itself wasn’t much of a surprise, she’d done it a few times before, but then Maiko joined in. Not a well-practiced singing voice, but wonderfully earnest. Guess that song was another thing the two of them shared while alone together.
Alright, feeling better now. Time to sleep. Long day tomorrow. If our return is anything like our last extended expedition, there’s going to be a bunch of people crowding around wanting to hear about it once word gets out that we’re back.
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#writing#original fiction#serial fiction#sliceoflife#Writeblr#daily writing#epistolary novel#writers on tumblr#WIP#creative writing#literature#prose#writers#web novel#novel#journal#isekai#epistolary#fantasy#slice of life#fiction#my writing
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a personal post about my aromanticism and loving fanfic
So I’m aromantic and asexual and I’m having a moment of introspection. (I’m also procrastinating, to be fair.) I’m going to share my thoughts just to get them down. Maybe this will resonate with you or maybe it won’t. I’m also not sure what the solution is or if I should be looking for one. Who knows?
There’s something you see in aromantic (and aroace) discourse on fanfic and ‘shipping culture, where you have one aro argument that’s like “I’m aro and have no interest in reading about romantic relationships whatsoever; I wish fandom wrote more gen and was less ‘shipping focused.” And then there’s the polar opposite argument, which is “I’m aro and I adore ‘shipping characters and reading about romantic relationships; it’s nice to read about other characters having those feelings even if I would never want or feel that kind of thing in my life.”
I want to address a sort of middle ground. I think I trend toward the “aro who ‘ships my faves and likes a well-executed romance in a story” category, but I’m gonna qualify that. If I’m reading something with a romantic pairing—whether the pairing appears in the story as a part of it or takes absolute center stage—I want the characters outside the pairing to feel three-dimensional and real and have their own unique relationships to the characters in the pairing. Nothing irks me more than say, a BFF or sibling or family member character, who has a complex and lore-filled relationship to one of the romantic leads in canon, getting reduced to a cheerleader puppet who only talks about the main romantic pairing and how great they are. Honor siblings and other family members with side plots. Let BFFs have absolutely shitty days once in a while, so that OTP Person A calls up OTP Person B and says, “Sorry I have to cancel our date tonight, BFF had a shitty day and I gotta be there for them.” And then we get to spend some fanfic time with OTP Person A and their friend in a way that enriches and adds to the overall story.
Going into an example in more depth below, using a canon I haven’t talked about yet…
Note: I am gonna talk positively about Heartstopper for a moment, but it is merely as an example. A lot of what I say about Heartstopper can be applied to other canons and fandoms, so please try to understand it as an illustration of something broader rather than its own particular thing.
Balancing relationship types is one thing the show Heartstopper does really well, in my mind. Nick and Charlie’s romance is of course the heart of the plot, but each of them has other significant relationships in their life. Nick’s mom supports Nick in his dating life, but you get a sense of the depth and history of their mother-son relationship, and they aren’t always fawning about Nick and Charlie’s relationship together. Sometimes they’re watching pirate movies! Meanwhile Charlie and Tao have some serious platonic BFF heartache when Charlie and Nick become romantically involved—but they also work through it and continue to be really important friends to each other. The narrative suggests that maybe Tao could be a little less overtly cranky with Nick, but it never shames him or portrays him as inappropriate or immature for worrying about Charlie getting into a significant romantic relationship. Tao has valid reasons for feeling the way he does—he doesn’t want Charlie to get hurt after what happened with Ben, and Tao doesn’t want to be left behind himself.
Tao’s story would have been so valuable for me to see as an aromantic teenager (who didn’t have the word aromantic to describe myself) who was always worried that my friends were going to leave me and I was going to end up alone. I would have known that it was normal and not a sign of immaturity to feel sad and fearful when my friends started dating and had these new relationships they were fluttery about. I would have had scripts for talking through my feelings with my friends and reaffirming our friendship with one another. As it was, I turned a lot of negative feelings inward on myself, and I tried often to push people away before they could push me away. I think if I’d had more characters in my life like Tao and Charlie, it would have done me good. (And no, Tao isn’t aromantic, but that’s important in its own way. Alloromantics also deserve complex friendships in their lives that provide support for them but also require an investment in time and attention! Allos are allowed to care about their friendships too!)
—also like. Tao has stuff going on his life that doesn’t relate to Nick/Charlie. He loves movies! To the point of having obnoxious opinions. He hates the MCU and also sports. (Same.) He’s developing a crush on Elle. He’s at the age where his mom is a little embarrassing and tells him to leave the door of his room open. He comes up with verbal comebacks when he’s being bullied because he doesn’t like bullies but he also doesn’t like physical fighting. He’s got ridiculous hair and a hat. We could probably get more even depth to his character but like, when he’s in a scene he feels real to me. Not like a cardboard cutout.
Now, I enjoy Heartstopper’s canon a lot. I’ve never read a fic for it. I have written some fic for Heartstopper (that I really need to finish.) Part of the reason I haven’t gone deeper into the Heartstopper section on AO3 is I really value that canon dynamic where friendships and romances feel balanced and the secondary characters feel like they have a three-dimensional existence outside of the Nick/Charlie main pairing, and I want that balance in a fic, too. I’m a little worried that if I do go looking, there’s going to be a lot where romance overwhelms a story that I already feel has this good balance of romance and not-romance.
But I’m not sure how to search or filter for the balance I want. Moving away from Heartstopper specifically (because like I said, I haven’t gone into the Heartstopper section on AO3) sometimes I’ll be looking for fics in a fandom, and I’ll try try to look up character study for a secondary character, or something from a secondary character’s POV. Secondary characters are often my favorite characters in a canon. But that’s no guarantee that the fic isn’t going to be 150% centered on a romance. It’s common to see fics where it’s a main pairing/more popular pairing through that secondary character’s eyes, or the secondary character will be involved in a romance of their own and the fic will be overwhelmed by that romance.
Every time I try to bring this up to another human, I get story recommendations like…
Here, do you want this story with no romance in it whatsoever, like we’re not even acknowledging that anyone could have romantic feelings, to the point where things feel kinda borderline queerphobic? (Most of the canons I like have multiple queer characters and queer romances, but also lots of friendships between queer people.)
Here, do you want this story where the romance is very sweet at all times and there is zero conflict and zero sex? (Conflict and sex are not the problem, my friend. They are not the thing I’m trying to get rid of.)
Here, do you want this story that purports to be centered on a friendship or family relationship for one of the members of the OTP, but it’s just a family member or friend fawning over how much they love the OTP and think they’re sooooo sweet and romantic?
None of which is what I’m actually looking for. Like, how do you filter for fanfic that isn’t really strict genfic but also doesn’t feel 150% centered on a main pairing gazing into one another’s eyes all the time? Maybe there’s an obvious way to search for it and I’m just missing it. This is why I wish AO3 had a way of distinguishing between “this pairing (romantic or not) is one of the central focuses of the fic” and “this pairing shows up in the fic and feels like an organic part of the universe but the writing isn’t overwhelmed by it.”
Fandom tends to foreground sex and romance in fanfic and fanart and meta, which is one of the things I find joyful and at times a little bit subversive about fandom. Like, I genuinely love us! I have had so many OTPs! I have done some very enthusiastic and strange things in my life because of ‘ships! And, at the same time, it can get overwhelming when some of my favorite secondary characters are depicted as purely ancillary to a romance between romantic leads in a story, or if the protagonist of a fic has nothing in their life that isn't somehow partner-involved. Like… we can have romantic stories where this isn’t the case. Right? I’m not making this up?
In conclusion, I don't want romantic love to conquer all. Instead I want to stop thinking of romantic love in terms of conquest, and start thinking of it in terms of coexistence with other loves.
Some notes that I couldn’t work into the structure of this post, but am just adding at the bottom in bullet points:
One of my favorite tropes in media doesn’t really have a name, but it’s when the best friend character and the love interest character find out they have a ton in common, and end up using that knowledge to team up and (lovingly) mess with the protagonist. More of that please!
I wonder to what extent this shapes my interest in problematic/fraught pairings in a canon (coughsargustcough) because those stories by their nature necessitate the weighing of different types of love against one another and ask the protagonist to carefully consider their values re: relationships. The thing is that in a problematic/fraught relationship the results of this weighing are almost always gonna be tragic. But I think more functional, less fraught pairings—the kind you root for to stay together instead of enjoying as something that leads to a glorious trainwreck breakup—could also benefit from this weighing of relationships and values. Because those negotiations between relationships don’t always have to be tragic. Most humans who have romantic partners can also have friends and family and colleagues they value. Those processes of balancing out the people in your life are part of being human and existing among other humans.
I wonder what extent this has been shaped by a shift over the years in genres I enjoy. I used to be much more into tracking like, Big Genre Stuff (think Doctor Who) but now I’ve gotten more interested in stories focused on interpersonal dynamics and characters coming to understand their own identities in relation to all the people around them. I used to be able to look for like, “casefic” for a procedural show and get a balance of kissing and crime solving I enjoy. Also in Les Mis fandom I somehow found the people who wrote the right balance of romance, friendship, and extremely nerdy historical puns + footnotes, so that was awesome. But like… in canons already focused on interpersonal relationships, how do you ask for more interpersonal relationships? Or calibrate the right balance of interpersonal relationship types using the AO3 search and tagging system?
This feels really complicated when I weigh my aromantic queer identity against others’ more allromantic queer identities, because I know that seeing all the romancey things (first dates! kisses! anniversary gifts!) represented for their pairings can be really empowering and helpful and full of joy. I know that “care more about platonic friendship!” can be weaponized as a microaggression when homophobic people use it against queer people ‘shipping queer ‘ships, so I don’t wanna come across that way. At the same time I’ve also struggled with amatonormativity in queer spaces, even when I’ve found that queer people on the whole tend to value friendship a lot more than straight people. So like, rest assured, I would like to see the cute romantic anniversary gifts happen too! I really would. IT’S CUTE. I just wanna see that balanced out against like, best friend characters who feel like real people and have their own stuff going on, even when they support a fic’s lovey-dovey protagonist. Does any of this make sense or am I just rambling at this point?
Oh, Blue. Write the fanfic you want to see in the world! Doing that already. Doing my best, anyway. Still wish I knew how to find more of the fics I was looking for.
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Okay, the liveblog continues:
Ep. 4
Oh don't brood Mal, there's clearly nothing going on with Alina and Nikolai. Unless you're brooding about her ambitions, in which case... Bro.
Poor darling. Also shut up Baghra.
...yeaaah. Let's just say that I'm never, ever a fan of the 'I just want you and a Normal Life and I don't like it that you have other interests and goals' trope.
Not that I don't appreciate that some drama is introduced, things were a bit too harmonious to be narratively interesting, you know?
But still... Alina, baby, you don't need to apologize or placate him.
Oh look, a cartoonishly evil prince. Yay.
Also, I'm not sure if I should be impressed by Vladim's name or not because while it is a real albeit rare name, I can't help thinking the writers just couldn't spell 'Vadim' correctly and just assumed there's an 'l' in there. But maybe that's just me and my infamous Name Nitpickery.
Now that I'm on a roll with the complaints, I'm still kinda baffled at Kirigan's whole thing. I don't understand his plans or motivations because from the way the show has unfolded it honestly appears like was reasonably chill if somewhat schemey for a long time and then just totally flipped and decided to become a cartoon villain. I understand Baghra's motivations even less. But maybe that's the point?
Aww, those were some very loud and clear 'I love yous' from Kaz in his language. Freddy is totally running away with this season, eh?
Oh David.
...Yeah, Nina's cunning but I did not for a second believe she could have blindsided Kaz.
Yeah, Kaz is absolutely scarier than Kirigan. Shadow monsters or not.
And Mal can't catch a break, huh? To be fair, though, this is kinda consequences of his own actions.
Vasily is a creep but he has charisma and presence I feel Nikolai should have as well, even if of a different flavor. I'm not at all sure that's the case, but the jury's still out.
Not sure I'm entirely buying Jesper and Wylan this fast but they're cute so eh.
Oh Kaz.
Ah, I did wonder at how different the brothers look. Well played. And it's definitely better when he's not putting on the act.
Okay, they are really cute friends. I'm absolutely pro Alina having good friends.
Bye, Vasily.
Ah, so Nadia wasn't a Tidemaker, then. I wonder where I got that idea.
I wish I could have been impressed with that confrontation but Kirigan is such a cartoon villain now him and Alina trading barbs and dramatic declarations just feels kinda silly. And am I wrong for having the idea that in the books there was still some spark between them at this point? This feels entirely one-sided. Which is a pity, honestly, there was so much potential with Jessie and Ben in these roles.
Ep. 5
Hah, six of crows, one being imprisoned. Well played.
Ben's doing his best with what he's given, though, absolutely.
Ah, so that's the deal with the gloves.
I really love the Crows, okay.
And I like that Nina and Zoya get to interact.
David and Genya though. 😭
Why is everyone so keen to trust Baghra, though? Has Alina not spilled the beans? 🤨
Okay, I do like it that while they're blessedly not teenagers, they're still damaged and young and not that good at this relationship stuff.
Oh Genya. 😭
Aww, I love that Inej is praying with Tolya even if it's not her faith.
Oh Zoya. She's really been though it too, hasn't she?
These two keep making me weep. 😭 They deserve everything.
*replays the scene for seven times in a row*
I bet that's hell and a half go gif though with the lighting. *sigh*
I love Tolya. Can I have one?
Nina and Kaz pretending to be married is not something I knew I needed. 😂
That's big though. Even if he had to do it.
Oh honey.
I love that Inej knew to flinch back. She gets it.
Ahh, that's the line. I know that line. I bet Ben insisted on it.
This is basically just fanservice but I'll take it.
Yeah. I mean, these kinds of differences don't solve themselves with time and patience. Someone will always have to make sacrifices. *sigh* Not saying she should go back for seconds with Shadow Boy, but... you know?
Oh, this is getting interesting. *Daredevil flashbacks*
Ooh, that's the second F-bomb this season. Nice.
Okay, they would have been a good arranged marriage. I'm a little bit inclined to ship it a tiny bit now.
Poor Kolya. There will be a bearer for your ring yet.
Zoya baby, you do not make a very good Crow.
Huh, I think I know what this means.
Ep. 6.
I still think it's a little foolish to trust Baghra so unconditionally, but eh.
They're holding haaaannnds. 🥺
Jesper backstory yeeeeess.
Yeah I still think the Morozova thing is stupid. The name, I mean. It makes sense for her to be Morozova but not any of her male kin.
Poor baby.
I think I see where this is going. I've seen enough book spoilers.
Poor Inej. I mean, I'm a little bummed they had her hallucinate a romance scene when the boys had family-related visions. But eh, fanservice.
...yeah, thought so. It's a biiiit convenient, but there ya go I guess. *sigh*
Okay, who's the choreographer? Because this is genuinely some good shit.
All of this? And it's only the sixth episode?? Huh.
Stop making me cry, show. 😭
Oh Jesper. 😭
Oh Inej baby don't get all Darkling on us now.
Honestly, I wish I could care. Archie and Jessie are doing a great job. But... meh. Maybe it's because I know how it ends already, even if I didn't know any book spoilers.
(Also if they do some bloody pregnancy trope I'll fucking riot.)
Frankly, it's a little difficult to care about anything that is going on in Alina's story, except Genya and David, especially when the Crow side is firing on all cylinders so to speak. The mashup worked better last season, now the difference is getting obvious. Alina's story feels more and more like a fairytale in comparison, and within the same show it's a weird whiplash.
Ep. 7
I guess Tidemakers don't have green keftas after all, that's just Kirigan's little cult and their fancy velvet. Boo.
Not the bloody meadow. I'm sorry but enough is enough.
This, though? This I approve. Ben and Archie are always fire together.
Come on, Alina, stop breaking poor Nikolai's heart by giving him back his things.
Aww, you boys have come a long way.
Theeeeey. 🥺
Nikolai I love you but master strategist you are not if Kirigan's dumb teen posse can outsmart you this easily.
Oh David.
Kolya, honey, this is why you do reconnaissance and don't jump to conclusions. Time was on your side here. 🤦♀️
Honestly, this is all so silly if you think about it for even a second.
Hi baby, just what we needed to bring some sense into this mess.
Well, someone's clearly trained his troops some strategy and tactical maneuvering at least.
Finally a smart idea.
Tolya don't you dare get killed. You're too sexy to die.
Alas, poor Dominik. You were always doomed.
And you two don't you DARE.
No David noooooooooo-
Well, one episode to go. Let's see if this is the end of Alina's story.
Ep. 8
Oh Kaz. 🥺
Please someone find David and save him please.
Huh, I didn't expect that would actually happen. I don't expect it to stick, though. Mal, I mean. Doesn't fit the fairytale.
Yeah, didn't think so.
No. 😭😭😭
If anyone deserved a happily ever after it was them. 😭😭😭
I wish the whole Darkling thing hadn't been so anticlimactic and sort of pointless, apparently. Oh well.
Well, I'm glad they want it to be choice, not destiny. Destiny is overrated.
Come on boy, you can do it.
Guess not. :p
Well done. You'll get there.
Awww, I like this. And Kolya found a new bearer for his compass. :D
Tolyaaa, I support your endeavors but I think she's pretty much spoken for. She deserves some of that, though, you're right. 🤭
Okay, Nikolai does wear the coat better, though. Might have suited Inej the best, honestly. It's her color.
Proud of you my boy.
Oh, it's this creep.
Oh well then. I wondered what twist we'd face next.
Bet you could, Zoya, bet you could.
Well, that's one way to start your reign.
And that's certainly one way to react to just using the bloody Shadow Cut, Alina.
More conclusive thoughts tomorrow night, but overall I was actually still very impressed and happy to be back in this world. I hope we'll get more. And no offense to Paddy but if Shadow Boy decides to make another comeback, I hope it'll be Ben playing him, as frankly underutilized as he was this season.
Anyway, now some sleep.
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if i can speak - i think both “parties” of fans are in the wrong. fans who are adamantly for the group as a seven need to respect the fact that the boys have “gone their own ways” (in the public eye and professionally anyway - i am not so delusional to think these boys don’t hang out still) but fans who are fine with the group as a six also need to respect that people really got hurt during that time and they’re entitled to express that. it’s not fair for anyone to be telling anyone how to feel about it but when your behaviour and actions are now affecting someone else you need to take a moment to think about whether you’re simply emoting how you feel or you’re now imposing your feelings and wants on someone else (without the consideration of how it makes them feel or what kind of a position you’re putting them in - this goes for both “parties”)
as someone who became a fan literally last year i’ve never know mx as more than six but i understand the struggle and pain that comes with losing members of groups especially in a highly publicised and riddled with rumours type of way. it sucks so much and that horror kind of sticks with you for a long time. i’ve watching old mx stuff and i grieve the fact that i became a fan so late because i never got to see wonho in the group.
this all being said i don’t really know if i have a place to speak because i am such a new fan but that’s my opinion. everyone is right in their feelings but not necessarily in their actions.
Maybe I should’ve been more clear in my other ask; the side you're refering to isn't the same one I was talking about.
1)the delusional ot7 stans who keep pushing their ot7 narratives down everyone including monsta x and wonho and make them uncomfortable
2)the normal ot7 + wonho fans who support both monsta x and wonho individually as well as grieving the absence of wonho and not excluding him from things he was involved with.
3)fake woke stans bashing both other parties as if they're the same.
i didn't mention the first one in my previous ask because in my head they're a minority and i didn't want to consider them an entire group of stans (I may have downplayed their numbers) and that I thought that there was no questioning that they're 100% in the wrong. so yeah I mostly agree with what you're saying but we were talking about different groups of people.
I don't mean to be insensitive but I don't think you or anyone who didnt experience 2019 understands what monbebe and monstax+wonho went thru then. reading through the stories of the events and even having gone thru members leaving other groups doesn't even come close to really knowing how it was like and even I wasn't ulting monsta x. so even I don't fully get it and I'm still devastated just thinking about it (and remembering bits and pieces hearing about it back then). so I wholeheartedly believe that newer who didn't experience this have absolutely no right telling older mbbs to "move on". (I know u r not saying that. Im speaking generally)
even for the more extreme ones who refuse to accept that wonho will probably never join monsta x and they may never talk about each other or be seen together publicly, telling them to ‘move on’ is only going to make it worse. they just need to find a way to deal with this and understand that their intrusive actions and words will only make things more awkward and difficult for both monsta x and wonho.
I support wonho as a solo and consider him one of the best soloist of this generation, but in my heart he will always be monsta x's wonho too. I will never mention monsta x and wonho in each other's comment/fancall/concert erc or encourage people to do so because I understand that it would be pointless and disrespectful, but I don't think I'll ever move on and not be upset about the fact that wonho had to leave and start from 0 to get where he is now.
#one of he arguments anti ot7s (idk how else to refer to them dkdkd) use is that wonho is thriving now in a way he never did/could in mx#and i have to disagree#he could’ve had a solo career alongside his place in the group and it would probably be much easier to succeed actually#if the events of 2019 never happened he could’ve had a solo debut without the weight of those false allegations dragging him down#sure maybe it wouldn’t have been his main thing but in my personal opinion if i had to choose between having full time solo wonho and the-#-events of 2019 never happening id choose the latter because that situation hurt so many people most of all wonho himself.#id rather him not have gone thru that#but i cant change the past and insisting on wanting things to go back as they were before 2019 is delusional and impossible#so i will support him and monsta x and love them as they are now#but i will never be okay with what happened 2019 or be able to see it as a silver lining that solo wonho came out of it#i think only post-2019 mbb/wenee could feel that way#every once in a while i will cry abt missing wonho in monsta x and their interactions together here but never directly TO THEM (like on twt-#-or other platforms commete and just places they might see it)#ask#anon
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having read Osamu Tezuka’s MW before I read Ode to Kirihito is so strange bc like.... although every thing in the book is definitely different from what happens in MW and although I’m not claiming the characters are parallels,,
*Also cw mentions but not detailed talk of some heavy stuff like SA. I’m not gonna talk about either book as a whole bc that is far too much for me, also there’s a lot of awful shit in MW, especially concerning Yuki, the shit he does, how he’s portrayed and all that, which I’m not gonna delve into rn.
Anyways: Yuki and Urabe are so similar? Same for the fucking titular Osanai and Father Garai. Like one of my favorite things in Tezuka’s work (which I think was criticized as lazy at one point or another) is that he re uses a lot of his work. He used the whole Star System Model to have characters work more like actors in a play and in that same sense he has these pairs of characters that play a similar role in the narrative.
Like by no means am I saying Tezuka was lazy and just outright recycled Ode to Kirihito for MW, I’m saying it’s interesting that both Yuki/Urabe are extremely close (in one way or another) to Garai/Osanai. They both describe how they need to be with either Garai or Osanai, and feel as if they can’t live without them. Urabe explicitly states at least once after Kirihito leaves Japan that he isn’t functioning as normal without him, and Yuki does everything in his power to ensure Garai stays with him (ofc, Garai is being manipulated hard core but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t engage with Yuki by choice at times). Yuki/Urabe have an arc where they go sort of crazy as they deal with their own actions. Both of them are a bit mentally unstable but of course, Yuki takes the cake for being actually fucking horrible in the book. Another parallel is that unfortunately both of them end up raping Garai/Osanai’s girlfriend/love interest early on in the story and end up coming back to them, and often times proclaim their love. Also they look pretty physically similar, especially when Yuki is at work with his glasses and side burns, he begins to resemble Urabe.
Father Garai also has his fair share of crimes and moral flaws but I don’t think it’s as close to Yuki’s. That being said, I haven’t finished Ode to Kirihito so I can’t speak on him throughout the whole book but he reminds me of Garai in the first half or so of the book; both are upstanding and pious men, they both seem to play the role of upstanding man who just wants to help the world until they get attached to some crazy conspiracy, either by circumstance (Osanai’s case) or by connection to the mastermind (Garai’s case with Yuki). I think he and Garai are not as similar but I think they differ most in their ideas of justice and right and wrong, bc Garai has a sense of justice but regularly makes allowances for Yuki.
Anyways, to me it seemed almost like Ode to Kirihito was like a pre-MW test run in some ways. I did check and MW was released after Ode to Kirihito and it’s interesting how they line up. They’re definitely not the same by any means, but they have cool parallels.
#MW#osamu tezuka#tezuka osamu#tezuka star system#Father Garai#michio Yuki#manga#literary parallels#literary similarities#inch resting#idk man I just really love Tezuka’s stuff
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Dear Gravity (6/7)
Title: Dear Gravity (6/7)
Fandom: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
Pairing: Akira Otoishi x Rohan Kishibe
Rating: Teen+
Summary: It’s dangerous living among the stars. You might just find yourself caught in the gravitational pull of a black hole.
*
A spin-off of “Morioh Hi-Fi” where we get a peek at what unfolds between these two drama kings.
AN: This is the last proper chapter! I'm working on a somewhat smutty epilogue, but the fluff stops here~
The journalist gave a well-practiced laugh. She was seated across the table from Akira at a private rooftop bar overlooking the city. Up until now the two of them had been pleasantly breaking the ice over beers, chattering away about mundane nonsense as if there wasn't a recorder sitting on the table between them.
Akira was perfectly comfortable, being quite used to interviews by now; He'd learned the bob-and-weave tactics of avoiding personal questions, how to stick to neutral topics so as not to become some misquoted martyr. And for this particular interview, he was riding the high that he'd been on for weeks, the sparkling confidence and ego-inflation that went along with--
“-- your first ever headlining tour. That's got to be exciting. And a maybe a little bit scary?”
Akira smirked and leaned back in his seat, arms slung over the back of the booth. He knew the journalist wanted to try to dig up some soft side to his normally cool and self-assured public persona, but he wouldn't take the bait. “Scary? Hardly. I've been ready for this since I first decided to pick up a guitar.”
“So it would seem.” The woman raised her glass to him. “Is there anything new you're trying out for your stage show? Anything from past tours that you're ditching? What can fans expect now that you're the main event?”
“I don't want to give anything away. But I think,” he said slowly, “That every time we put together a show, our goal is to make it bigger and badder than the last. This tour is 100% Akira, but I'm not the same guy audiences saw the last time around. The music's not the same either. I'm always evolving, y'know?”
“I'm glad you mentioned that, because it's my understanding that you'll actually be debuting a lot of material from your upcoming album on this tour. Can you talk a bit about that?”
“I could, but shouldn't I let the music speak for itself?”
The woman raised an eyebrow and gave him a forced smile. “Maybe, but my job is to write about music, Otoishi-san. Now... the name you've been teasing for the album is reportedly Threads of Fate. And early reviews say that it seems to tap into a more romantic vein than your previous work. Is that fair assessment?”
He shrugged. “You could say that. But I don't want to dictate what people get out of my music. It's all open to interpretation.”
“Hmmm.” She seemed impatient with his noncommittal answers. “Okay, sure, but can you at least tell us what inspired you?”
Akira actually paused to consider this one. If he had to do these interviews to generate buzz, he might as well be sincere...
“Well, a lot of this record was written in my hometown,” he started. “It's kind of funny... My first record was written while I was driving around Japan in a shitty car – oh, sorry, can I say shitty? – well anyway, it feels like up to this point, a lot of my writing has been about life on the road, and trying to find something out there.” He gestured vaguely over his head. “But yeah, this time I ended up scrapping a lot of the stuff I'd already written once I got back home. I guess I found something there that made me feel grounded, and that was kind of a new experience.”
“Hmm, mhmm...” The writer nodded, jotting something down in her notebook. “And what was it that you found, exactly? Was it related to this romantic narrative that we discussed?”
“Man, you're really into the romance angle, huh?”
“I'm just asking what the fans want to know. Is Akira Otoishi in love?”
He could practically see her composing the headline in her eyes.
Akira pushed back his hair and stared out at the skyline. “Listen, I'll tell you what happened when I went back home to Morioh. I fell in love with the music scene there. I fell in love with this local shop called Dark Pink Records, where all of the employees are as passionate about music as the artists they're selling. I fell in love with an artist named Rohan Kishibe who does these amazing gig posters for all of the upstart bands in the area.”
His heart suddenly caught in his throat. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. He hadn't meant to say –-
"But not in love with a person?” The journalist sighed. “I'll level with you, Otoishi... I need some kind of hook for this story.”
He let out a tiny breath. Good. She hadn't caught his slip of the tongue; he hadn't accidentally confessed in front of the entire music industry.
“Do you just want a sound bite? Shit, I dunno, write that I fall in love all the time. That I'm a tortured soul who lets myself get lost in someone's eyes when I'm up on stage. I'll see a woman on the train and wonder, is this the person I'm meant to be with?”
“Oh, that's good!” The writer's eyes lit up and she began scribbling vehemently.
Akira rolled his eyes a little and checked his watch. “Did you have any other questions?”
“No, I think that will be enough. It's just a little column blurb after all. Not a cover story or anything.”
“So... has this been a waste of both of our time?”
The woman leaned over to turn off her recorder and place it carefully inside her bag. “Don't be such a pessimist. You know how these things work. My publisher wants to see if you generate any interest in our reader base. Really we just need to use a photo where you look super attractive. Then before you know it, you'll be all over the magazines overseas! Think big, Otoishi... Think North American tour.”
“Sounds like it would be an awfully long plane ride,” he quipped.
“You didn't seem to mind that when you were touring in the UK...” She paused, then met his gaze. “But... maybe back then you didn't have someone special waiting for you to return...?”
Akira chuckled and shook his head. “You are relentless.”
“Come on! Off the record?”
“Nope.” Akira stood from his seat. “You're not getting another word out of me. Not unless it's a cover story.”
“We'll see.” She stood as well, and offered her hand. “Until next time.”
-⚡-⚡-⚡-
“Wow. I can't tell if she hates you or wants to sleep with you.”
Akira tucked his phone between his shoulder and ear as he pulled on a pair of fingerless gloves. “It's probably both. But why -- What did she write?”
Several weeks had passed since the interview. The magazine was hitting shelves in America and some-fucking-how Rohan had secured a shipment for his store. And he had called Akira from his office landline mere seconds after they arrived.
“It's not that bad... It's just... Okay, hang on. She calls you 'a man of few words. With striking, violet eyes.' ...They're more magenta, but I'll let it slide... And you're 'tall, confident, and mysterious.' ”
“These things are all true.”
A pause as Rohan continued to read to himself. “...Wait, do people actually think your scar is fake?”
“I dunno man, some nerds on internet forums do. But c'mon, what else does it say?”
“That you're 'moody.' And 'alluring'...” Another pause. “Oh my god, Akira. Did you really say all this?”
“I don't know, because you won't read it to me!”
“Okay, okay, hang on.” Rohan cleared his throat and put on a breathy falsetto. “ 'I press him for specifics regarding the inspiration behind his new album, but he only gets a faraway look in his eyes and starts reminiscing about his favorite record store in his home town of Morioh.' You did not. You idiot.”
Internally, Akira let out a sigh of relief that the writer hadn't seen fit to include the rest.
“...aw, man, she screwed me over. I dropped the store's name and everything, I can't believe she didn't include it! Next time I'm writing it into the contract: they can only publish an interview if they mention you guys by name.
“Christ, Akira, you can't... I mean, if you start putting Dark Pink out there...”
“Then your business will start improving and you might actually make the money you deserve for all your hard work...? Yeah, I know.”
There was a long silence and for a moment Akira thought the call had dropped. Just as he was about to hang up, Rohan's voice came through again: “Well, thank you, I suppose.”
Just then, a knock came at the door of Akira's green-room, but he ignored it. “Any time, man. You know I'm gonna support you however I can.”
“You're such a...” Rohan seemed to scramble for an insult to deflect his feelings of gratitude. Akira smiled at the hesitation. “...Anyway, listen, that reminds me... I wanted to extend an invitation to the CD release party at the store. It's been absolute chaos over here putting everything together, but... we actually did it, somehow.”
“Oh! Shit! You mean the CD from kids you've been mentoring? I'd love to come... if I can. When is it?”
“The thirteenth of this month.”
“The thirteenth...” Akira echoed, squeezing his eyes shut and attempting to visualize his calendar. “That's... oh! I'll be back in time for that!”
“Yeah, I know.” Rohan's voice was noticeably quieter.
“Well, count me in.”
“You're not obligated--”
“Obviously. I want to go.” Akira looked over his shoulder as his drummer poked their head into the doorway and gestured for him to hurry up. Akira waved them off. “Um, hey, Rohan... I hate to do this but...”
“Oh, right! You probably have to go. Okay, um. Text me afterwards about how it went. If you want to, I mean.”
“Sure thing.”
The drummer stormed into the room and grabbed Akira by the arm, mouthing 'We have to go'. And with the door wide open, Akira could hear the crowd chanting his name.
...his name.
He suddenly felt like he was floating. And as he allowed himself to be dragged out of the room, he quickly remembered the phone call and barked out, “Shit... can you hear them, Ro?”
But that's when phone was forcibly taken from his hand.
“Fuck-- Goodnight!” he shouted over his shoulder as he was pushed towards the stage.
“...the fuck was he talking to?” murmured the bassist. The drummer just shook their head and shoved the phone into the hands of their stage manager before jogging out after Akira to meet the roaring crowd.
Moments later, a text message was delivered:
I heard them, Otoishi. I'm cheering for you over here, too.
-⚡-⚡-⚡-
The final days of Akira's tour came and went, as they always did, like a whirlwind. Afterparties, after-afterparties, too much booze and too many messy hook-ups with names and faces he couldn't remember. The main difference this time around was that, more often than not, Akira found himself retiring early and trying to catch Rohan via text before the artist went to bed.
The two of them were texting daily, even if it was just to wish the other a good day or a pleasant sleep, or to send a blurry selfie of whatever they were getting up to at any given moment. Akira dutifully saved each photo that he received of Rohan rolling his eyes at the shenanigans happening behind him in the store. He'd even gotten some pics with Rohan's pink-haired ex posing cutely for the camera – and though these pictures always struck him with hot pangs of jealousy, Akira begrudgingly appreciated that the two of them had been able to salvage their friendship.
Ultimately, he found that the conversations between himself and Rohan made him feel homesick in way that he really hadn't before. Every so often, staring up into the darkness of his bunk while the road traveled beneath him, he would think back to the leading question he'd been asked in his interview. "Maybe back then you didn't have someone special waiting for you to return...?”
In these moments, he would usually place his hands over his face and try to will away the question, its implications, and the instinct to grab his phone again and see if his friend was still awake.
By the time Akira finally returned home, he was more than ready for some time away from screaming crowds and tour bus naps. He happily welcomed the opportunity to squeeze back into the frame of Rohan's camera, to be a part of the Morioh snapshots for a couple of short months before it was time to do the touring thing all over again.
So on the night of the release party at Dark Pink Records, Akira found himself checking and re-checking himself in the mirror, trying to re-acquaint himself with the person he saw there: no makeup, no wild-eyed expression, just a twenty-four year old guy in a black button-up and jeans. He just wanted to go out to the party as a normal person... as himself. But who (or what) that was seemed to be eluding him lately.
The outfit did not work perfectly as a disguise, of course – a person as recognizable as Akira needed more than a wardrobe change to go incognito. Unsurprisingly, on the way to the record store he fielded several requests to stop and take photos with fans. He nodded and waved politely to the occasional shrieks. But somehow, eventually, he made it to the front door of the shop, where Okuyasu Nijimura was keeping watch.
“Hey, Okuyasu!” Akira said with a grin as the door swung open for him. The other kid, Hirose, was there too – Akira gave him a nod. “Are you guys feeling good about--”
All at once the two boys were pushed aside as Rohan barged through to meet him. “Come in, come in! I'm glad you could make it!” Rohan looked exhausted, but he was grinning genuinely, and Akira returned the favor.
“Wouldn't miss it for the world, man.” He threw an arm around Rohan's shoulder and let the shorter man guide him into the store, which was now beginning to look like a proper music venue. Akira felt the weight of nostalgia on his heart almost immediately. How many times over the years had he played in spaces like this? Places that were DIY nightmares, labors of love; places that could only fit 50 or 100 people, but where every inch was imbued with blood, sweat, and tears...
He turned back to Rohan – who was looking all kinds of adorable, beaming up at him with a potent mixture of pride, excitement, and admiration. God, the way he could stop Akira's heart with just a look...
“I'm really loving the transformation in here, Ro. You're gonna have to let me play a show here some time,” he said with a wink.
“Are you kidding? People would destroy my store trying to get in. There would be riots in the streets.”
“It could be a secret show. Only the coolest people in town would know about it.”
“Well, wouldn't it be a bit weird if it was just the two of us?” Rohan said without missing a beat. Akira snorted, and beside him Rohan chuckled as well, in his quiet way, like he didn't want anyone to know that he was pleased. The artist patted Akira on the back and let his hand rest there; privately, Akira swooned. “...Alright, so, we're going to hang out back here,” Rohan said, steering them behind a strategically placed shelf. “This is, for our purposes, the VIP area.”
“Am I a VIP?”
“No, I am. You're just my plus-one.”
Akira opened his mouth to argue with the green-haired minx, when a cheerful voice suddenly sounded from behind them: “Rohan! Hey! I've got your rockstars over here!”
Followed by a groan and: “Seriously, Reimi-san, you sound like my mom...”
The two men turned to see the bubbly young woman approaching them, flanked by three teenagers – evidently, Rohan's proteges.
Rohan puffed up a bit. “Ah, hello, boys. Nice of you to finally join us. Are you ready to--”
“Holy shit, you weren't kidding! Otoishi-sensei, hi!” One of the guys ran forward and bowed. “I'm Ken Oyanagi, sir! I'm a huge fan!”
“M-me too!” The second one approached a bit more timidly. “Shigekiyo Yangu. I'm, um... This is our show, sir. Thank you so much for coming!”
Rohan scowled at their rudeness but Akira just laughed and nodded to them. “Hey! Nice to finally meet you. This is pretty cool, what you're doing here tonight.” He looked up at Rohan and winked. “Don't forget to thank Kishibe for all his hard work too, eh?”
“Tch!” Ken cast a sidelong glance at Rohan. “Yeah, I guess so...”
“We did all the hard stuff, but yeah, thanks, Kishibe-sensei,” Shigechi muttered, more out of obligation than anything else.
Akira looked over at the third teen, a bit younger perhaps, who was watching them intently but hadn't introduced himself yet. “You must be...?”
“Hayato Kawajiri, sir... and I'm a big fan too.” He smiled softly. “I'm just here as their tech, though...”
“Just their tech? You know how many times having a good tech has saved my life? Us performers would be useless without guys like you.”
Hayato beamed.
“Alright, alright,” interjected Rohan, “We get it, you're all smart enough to appreciate Otoishi's work. But if you want to get anywhere close to his level someday, you better start taking this seriously.” Rohan put his hands on his hips and Akira had to bite back a laugh, letting his friend play Bad Cop. “Are you guys even close to ready, yet...? The doors are opening to the public in...” he glanced at his watch, “Seven minutes!”
“Yeah, yeah...” Ken sighed and leaned in towards Akira. “Are you really friends with senpai?”
“I'm afraid so.”
“So is he, like... cooler than he lets on? Or what? I just don't...” Ken looked back and forth between the two men. “I don't get it! Like, what the hell are you doin' here?!”
“Dude!” Shigekiyo hissed.
Reimi came up behind the two of them and placed a gentle hand on each one's shoulders. “Alright, boys, let's leave the rockstar alone and get to sound-checking before you give Kishibe an aneurysm, okay?”
“Yes, Reimi-san,” the two chanted, and she guided them away, with Hayato following close behind.
Akira looked back over to Rohan, who was pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. “Oh my god, this whole thing was such a bad idea.” He sighed and looked up at Akira. “Can you... Are you okay here by yourself for a second? I gotta go find Nijimura and make sure his band is ready. They're going on first.” A beat, then he added under his breath: “...seriously, the worst idea I've ever had in my entire life.”
“Breathe, Kishibe.”
“I'm trying,” the other answered dramatically, before turning on his heel and stomping off to find his opening band.
Without him, Akira was promptly struck with the weight of being awkward and out of his element. He didn't really know anyone else here... not the same way that he knew Rohan. And mingling with the crowd wasn't exactly an option, lest he steal the attention away from the musicians who were actually performing. So he tucked his hands into his pockets and glanced around the “VIP area,” his eyes landing on the one person there who he hadn't yet spoken to.
The dark figure was leaned up against a wall and eyeing him with an unreadable expression. Akira had seen him before, skulking around the shop and in the background of Rohan's selfies. Akira nodded in his direction. “Hey. Fungami, right?”
“You got it,” the other growled, pushing off the wall and sauntering over. “I'm pretty much Kishibe's best friend.”
Akira raised a brow – that wasn't quite the picture Rohan had painted, but he played along nonetheless. “Yes, so I've heard... It's uh, nice to properly meet you.”
“Yeah, totally.” Fungami inspected his nails, a fairly obvious attempt at seeming nonchalant. “Cool of you to come out to this. You let the brats record their CD at your place, right?”
“That's right.”
“Cool, cool. Yeah, y'know, I don't play yet, but I'm saving up to get a guitar and learn.”
“Right on.”
“Mhmm. Yeah, so like, if you ever want to jam or throw ideas around with someone who's not a huge dweeb like Kishibe...” He shrugged. “I dunno. Could be cool.”
Akira broke into a wide grin. “Yeah, I might take you up on that some time, Fungami. Although... I get the feeling you know just how much I like huge dweebs like Kishibe.”
Yuya scoffed and looked away. “Heh heh... yeah. Y'know, if I hadn't seen the texts myself, I wouldn't believe it...” He snickered to himself, seemed to loosen up a bit. “Damn. Akira Otoishi flirting with fuckin' Rohan Kishibe...” Yuya shook his head.
Akira smiled softly at this, but before he could reply, Yuya glanced at something behind the musician's back and cleared his throat.
“Speak of the devil...” he murmured, raising his eyebrows pointedly and then turning away. "Good luck..."
Akira looked over his shoulder to see a thoroughly outraged-looking Rohan coming back towards him. And since Yuya had graciously taken his leave like a good wingman, Akira turned around to face his friend properly. “Hey! Umm, you okay?”
“There aren't words to describe the hell I've just witnessed.”
“...huh. Well, you wanna try?”
“Let's just say I saw more of Nijimura than I ever wanted to.”
Akira choked through laughter. “Ffffuck, okay. So... I assume he was with his boyfriend, then?” Rohan simply let out a distressed groan in response. “Hey, hey, I get it, man! There's a lot of pent up energy before a show. They have to get rid of it somehow. I've been in that position before.”
“I hate all of this,” Rohan wailed, and Akira pulled him into a hug, cackling.
“I know, Kishibe... I know.”
-⚡-⚡-⚡-
As the evening grew long the record store pulsed with energy, a steady stream of raucous youths pouring in to see Idiot Doom Spiral, Bow & Arrow, and – as prevailing rumors alleged – Akira Otoishi.
The night swelled into something loud and hot, with screams and sweat filling the air and making the atmosphere thick with youthful energy. Akira was overwhelmed by reminders of a time in his life that frankly, wasn't all that long ago.
He remembered going to shows like this. Playing shows like this. Sneaking out of his parents’ house. Splitting up crumpled handfuls of money with whoever he’d convinced to play drums for him that night.
And, predictably, his mind drifted to heated makeout sessions after shows with attractive strangers, when he'd eagerly succumbed to the adrenaline rush of performing. The excitement of getting a sly smirk from the cutie in the second row. That one time he'd played at a bar that wouldn’t pay him, but the hot bartender had given him a handy in the restroom after, so he’d counted it as a win...
He looked now at Rohan, the orchestrator of tonight’s event, who was surveying his work, arms folded across his chest. Everyone here seemed to know him as the hardass. The Boss. But Akira knew of his facets: insecure and secretly lonely, curious and funny and passionate.
Right then, as if on cue, Rohan’s expression softened and he smiled to himself, a private moment of happiness that he surely hadn’t intended to be witnessed.
And Akira couldn’t help himself. Emerging from his shadowy corner, he stepped over to Rohan and brushed the fringe from his forehead, earning a tiny jump in surprise. “Thanks for letting me be a part of this,” he murmured into Rohan’s ear, just before leaning in to nuzzle into soft, green hair.
Rohan didn't reply, merely sucked in a breath. He was always so sensitive and shy about physical touch... It just made Akira want to get his hands all over him.
“This is so badass. Putting this all together… You’re a pretty impressive guy, Rohan Kishibe.”
“Well, I...” Rohan took a second to compose himself. “You're not wrong, but I certainly had some help along the way.” He turned then to meet Akira’s eyes and added, “Thanks again for letting us use your studio while you were away. You were vital to making this happen.”
“I dunno about that, but it was my pleasure. Seriously, any time... Anything you need.” Akira cast him a long, flirtatious look. And before he could stop himself, he punctuated the offer by sliding an arm round Rohan’s waist.
“Um…!” The artist tensed a bit. Akira could tell he had something to say.
“Hmmm?”
“I…”
Their eyes met, and the moment stretched on into infinity.
Rohan swallowed and took in a breath. “Akira! I… I think we should date!” he snapped, as if he were scolding one of his friends/employees. “...And if you don’t feel the same, then you’re completely dense! Frankly, it’s embarrassing that you would deny something so obvious!”
For a moment, Akira could do nothing but stare at him. Then he erupted into laughter.
“Shit, Rohan!” He slapped the other hard on the back. “You smug bastard! I was wondering if you were ever going to indulge me. Was starting to think you didn’t even realize that I was hitting on you.”
“I’m not stupid,” Rohan mumbled.
“No. You're definitely not.” Akira pulled him in a bit closer. “You're a lot of things, but not that.” He sighed, letting the reality of Rohan's words sink in. “So. Yeah. I'd be very into dating you.”
And, perhaps intending to seal the deal before Rohan could panic and back out, Akira promptly tipped the other’s chin up and brought their lips together.
He felt Rohan relax considerably into the embrace, fingers curling into the fabric of Akira’s shirt. It was truly amazing, so cozy and sweet that the noise all around them seemed to fade away. Akira thought he could stay like this for hours.
However, when he pulled back to catch his breath, reality came back into focus and he noticed that Yuya was staring at them intently, tugging at Reimi’s arm to get her in on the gawking as well.
“Ah…” Akira loosened his grip a bit. “You know what… Why don’t we move this conversation somewhere a bit more private...?”
Dazed by the kiss, Rohan simply nodded, and together they hurried for the back office, nervous and giddy like a couple of teenagers sneaking out past curfew. Akira ushered Rohan inside of the room and closed the door behind them, heart pounding against his ribcage.
He paused there for a moment, steadying his breathing. He'd wanted this for months, but with the opportunity finally in front of him, his brain had no idea what to do. “So…” he said at last, turning slowly to face Rohan. “You want to… date.”
Rohan crossed his arms and glowered down at his saddle shoes. “I do. Exclusively. Like... you know... partners.” He let out a sharp huff. “I think we get along quite well, and-”
Akira moved towards him. “Yeah, no, no, you don't need to convince me. I think it’s a great idea. I'm just…” He exhaled, shaking his head slightly, and took another step into Rohan’s space. He zeroed in on those pouty lips and reached up to cup Rohan’s chin, thumb brushing gently along his jaw. “Can we do that again…?”
Rohan swallowed and gave a curt nod; Akira didn’t wait for him to second guess. His strong arms curled around Rohan’s slight frame and pulled him forward, their lips crashing into another kiss, deeper this time, unconstrained by prying eyes.
“You have no idea how long I've wanted this,” he mumbled into the corner of Rohan's mouth.
Rohan made a tiny sound in agreement, his hands gripping hard at Akira’s hips, and the musician's brain all but short-circuited. Without hesitation, Akira pushed the artist backwards until he bumped up against his desk.
“Akira- Wait-” breathed Rohan, as his partner hoisted his ass up and onto the lip of the desk.
“Nnnn…?” Akira mumbled, favoring the other’s neck with sloppy kisses.
Rohan placed a hand on Akira's chest and pushed him back gently. “Hey - temper your expectations, Otoishi,” he warned, a serious look in his eyes. “You know I'm not exactly... Eh... That this is all still new to me...”
Akira bit his lip and placed his palms on the desk on either side of Rohan. Right. Rohan had once mentioned – after plenty of needling, of course – that he had some hangups about sex and physical intimacy. When they'd first discussed it, Akira had pompously thought to himself about the many ways which he could overcome his friend's aversion, and had gotten distracted with naughty thoughts. But now the truth of the situation sank in, and he backpedaled sheepishly.
“S-sure! Of course. We can take it slow, no problem. I just, uh...” He leaned in to press a chaste kiss just below Rohan's ear; the artist let out a breathless laugh. “I'm just fuckin' excited, okay? Can you blame me? You're mine.”
“The hell I am.” Rohan put his arms 'round Akira's neck and peered up at him. “You're mine.”
“I'm yours,” Akira agreed. It seemed to him the most obvious truth in the universe.
-⚡-⚡-⚡-
People don't know what to think of you.
They don't understand your point of view.
But I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.
People say that you act so above.
People think you don't know how to love.
But I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.
And when you start to feel like they might be right,
I roll my eyes and I just squeeze you tighter.
#Dear gravity#fanfiction#fan fiction#jjba#JoJo's Bizarre Adventure#Rohan Kishibe#Akira Otoishi#akirohan
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penny for your thoughts on salmondean codependency ?
Sure. Fair warning it’s long (was longer but I stopped myself.)
I think it’s complicated in a show that’s had so many different showrunners because they’ve all handled Sam and Dean’s relationship very differently. In Kripke’s era (s1-5) there was a romanticization of the bond. Sure there was a lot of in-depth exploration of how they wound up at the place they were at, spoiler alert: it was all because of John and his obsessive crusade to find the demon that killed his wife. That’s all he cared about and as a result, Sam and Dean had to be everything to each other. But Kripke had no intention of dismantling that at any point because he was (and always had been) writing a tragedy. Gamble continued that too. There was no room for anyone else in their lives and it would always just be the two of them against the world. So Cas had to go. Bobby had to go.
(Actually, it's funny because Gamble didn't intend this at the time, her plan was to kill Cas off, but by Edlund creating the masterpiece that is The Man Who Would Be King, he not only saved Cas from being seen as a villain, but he also deepened Dean and Cas' relationship in such a profound way and inextricably linked the two of them emotionally. And since Cas was eventually brought back, that laid the foundation for a lot of what their relationship would become.)
Up until this point, there hadn’t really been any significant dismantling of perhaps the more unhealthy parts of Sam and Dean’s relationship. Enter Carver. He stripped things down and started to explore what drove these characters. What they wanted and why they couldn’t have it. It starts with Dean being mad at Sam for not looking for him in purgatory, which sets up the whole speech in the s8 finale of Sam’s guilt about letting Dean down, but the thing is, Dean was never honest with Sam about his year away either. He never told Sam he could have gotten out much sooner if he hadn’t stayed to find Cas. I mean Dean had assumed Sam was up there alone doing God knows what to try to bring him back, and yet still he stayed in Purgatory because things were clear there. He needed Cas. Anyway, I just find that interesting, but Cas isn’t a victim of Sam and Dean’s relationship in s8.
Who gets the honour of being cast aside? That would be Benny and Amelia, two characters they introduced in s8 specifically to highlight that Sam and Dean’s relationship doesn’t allow for anyone else to be a significant part of their life. I mean that’s nothing new, we’ve watched that happen many times before. Lisa even said as much to Dean. The thing is this time? It’s framed as a truly sad thing. That moment at the end of 8x10 when Dean has just ended things with Benny and Sam leaves Amelia, and they’re sitting alone drinking beer and watching tv is such a hollow empty moment. This is not what they want. But it’s the way things have to be.
I’m actually fascinated by Sam and Dean’s conversation in the church in the s8 finale. Not so much Dean’s assertion that there is no one else he would put before Sam, but more so what provokes it, which is Sam saying “who are you going to turn to instead of me. Another angel? Another vampire?” See the thing is Dean saying he would always put Sam first is not news. We know this and it’s not really an unhealthy statement in itself either. A lot of people would put their sibling above anything else, not less a sibling who you raised and is the most important person to you. But in this context? After what Sam said? It just highlights how unhealthy they are if Sam believes that Dean having other people in his life means he doesn’t love him enough. That he’s a disappointment to him. That’s so profoundly fucked up.
(Note, Dean tells Sam that he killed Benny for him but he doesn’t say anything about Cas. I think like I said before, this is because Cas and Dean’s relationship has largely existed out of the Sam and Dean stuff up to this point - Sam and Cas don’t even really have much of a relationship yet besides both of their connections to Dean.)
And then from here, things start getting steadily worse. But we also keep being shown how bad they are. Dean lying to Sam, taking away his free will by letting Gadreel possess him. Dean sending Cas away, Kevin dying. It’s all awful. The whole “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you line” from 9x01 isn’t really said by Dean, it’s Gadreel, but that is how Dean feels. He does think that’s all he’s good for. And over the season we’re shown how much of himself and what he truly wants he’s had to give up because of his ingrained “Save Sammy” and “Sammy comes first” mentality. It’s always been this way for him. In 9x07 we see that he had found a happy home, a good father figure, and his first love, a first love might I add that he had to leave behind with no real explanation because Sam needed him, and Sam comes first.
I mean just one episode earlier we had him rushing out the door elated about seeing Cas and spending time with him, only for their time together to come to sad and melancholic end when Dean once again leaves Cas behind without any real explanation, because despite what he wants Sammy comes first. What he wants doesn’t matter.
See I think after the Gadreel stuff comes out is where the narrative starts to get a little wonky for me. You can clearly see that this was intended to be a shorter story that they ended up stretching out to a much longer one because of renewals. There’s also the fact that this is a formula show so they can’t necessarily be separated for longer than an episode or two. S10 is a rough one to get through at times, I think the themes still mostly hold up but it’s a rough one to get through.
S10 highlights all the connections that Dean has, Cas, Charlie, Crowley even, but Sam doesn’t really have those bonds in the same way. For Sam it’s just Dean, so he goes down a reckless destructive “do anything to save Dean!” path and so many innocents pay the price, and ultimately with the release of The Darkness, the whole world.
They skirted right up to the edge of exploring just how toxic and dangerous their relationship had become in the season 10 finale.
DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A..a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.
I can’t say evil is the right word, they were never evil, but they were wilfully blind to everything and everyone else when it came to saving each other. S10 tested my love for the show because after watching it, because there was certainly a feeling that the two of them had become the villains of this story. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a problem with that, it’s just after 2 seasons of this I can’t say I had a lot of faith that this was going to be properly addressed or if we were going to keep going in circles around it. Keep being shown, it’s bad and then nothing much being done to fix it. Your mileage may vary on how it was handled, but I think s11 did a relatively ok job considering it wasn’t the end of the story, and the show needed to keep going.
See from Dean’s side a lot of the codependency rests on
1. His father’s orders to always save Sammy
2. His low self-esteem where he sees himself as nothing but a blunt instrument.
3. His guilt at not being able to perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life
4. His belief that no one could choose to love him but family has to love you.
5. The unhealthy example of what it should look like to love someone that he got from John. You give up everything but them.
For Sam (and honestly it’s not as clear for me as Dean’s side is so feel free to correct me/disagree on this)
1. Everytime he’s tried to leave and create his own life it’s never ended well.
2. His guilt over wanting freedom and a normal life when he was younger (I’m referring specifically to Stanford era here)
3. His guilt over everything Dean has given up for him.
4. John.
5. Jess.
Ultimately it all comes down to isolation. They both had to be everything to each other, and the deeper they got into this fight, the more people that they lost, the tighter they clung to this notion of family and brothers. I think s11 (and 11x23 in particular) was an important turning point, both for Sam and Dean’s relationship, as well as for them as individuals. Because they weren’t alone there anymore. Cas was there. Sam let Dean walk to his death. Of course, it would devastate him, but he knew it was what had to be done. And he didn’t walk out of that bar and go back to the bunker alone. He had Cas, he had someone who cared about him and wanted to help him and talk to him. Sure Dean asked Cas to take care of Sam for him (you know after Cas offered to walk to his death with him) but Sam let him. He let him be there for him. We didn’t get to see much before the BMOL showed up and blasted Cas away, but still, we saw enough.
I think that’s a significant difference to note why their relationship was different in the Dabb era. It wasn’t just them anymore. Cas was an important member of their family and given a level of importance he’d never been given before and couldn’t have been when the story they were telling was of the dangers of their codependency. Mary was back. Eventually, Jack would become a part of their unit too. Just the two of them wasn’t enough for them anymore. This is made abundantly clear with all of Dean’s desperate attempts to get Cas to stay in s12, followed by his inability to keep going when they lose Cas and Mary in s13. Similarly, Sam really struggles when they lose Jack and fail to get Mary back later in the season.
Another big moment is Dean letting Sam go alone to lead the hunters against the BMOL in 12x22 while he stays back to try and reach Mary. Like he tells Mary, he’s had to be a brother, a father and a mother to Sam and he never stopped seeing him as his kid, but in that moment he makes a choice. He lets Sam take charge and he shows that he trusts him and believes in him. He knows he can handle it.
Sometimes it’s not even a character growth thing. Sometimes having other people there stops you from making destructive choices even though that’s still your first instinct. I’m thinking specifically of 13x21 after Sam was killed. Dean would have run headlong into that nest of vampires and got himself torn apart, but Cas was there to stop him. He was able to make him see reason.
Basically, I think that for a long time, they thought the only relationship they could have was each other, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy because their desperate attempts to keep each other around led to them losing the people around them. They eventually started to learn that that wasn’t true, they could have more, they were allowed to want more, and that it wasn’t an either-or situation. Dean didn’t have to choose between Sam and Cas. They didn’t have to choose between each other or Jack. The same goes for Mary. Different relationships can coexist without threatening each other, and not say that their relationship in s12-15 was all smooth sailing, but it was certainly so very different from everything that came before.
(There’s maybe a point to be made about how they didn’t have anyone or anything in the finale and how that relates to the story we got, but honestly I have no idea what the intention was with any of the choices made in that episode so I’ll leave it at that for now.)
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