#then again i do tend to be incredibly off about speculation so! who knows! i will trust the writing for now! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

muzzleroars · 1 year

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I love that in the Old Testament, mortals couldn't look at an angel's face or God's light, because they will burnout. And in Ultrakill, we can't see Gabriel's true face, but I'm pretty sure it's clearly there, by the holes in the helmet. What a beautiful reference. In my headcanons, Gabriel's face (his true form) is more destructive than the helmeted one. From angelic mercy, he never takes off his helmet.

How is it in your theories?

Oh and what do you think about Lucifer? What would he look like? Should we wait art from you, with him?

P. S. I love you art sooo muchh

aaaaa thank you so much! AND YES....more angel theories!!! my answer will include spoilers from the new update + the arg, so proceed with caution!!

ooooh i love theories on gabe's true face and just why he always keeps it covered, bc there definitely is something under there given those holes in his helm. i have two ideas on it, and one is what you've stated here - that simply seeing his open radiance would cause severe damage and so he keeps it concealed. even in a fight he cannot win, even as v1 bests him twice, he would never resort to removing his helmet nor even consider it. it's not in his nature, nor would he ever favor a victory that relies on something so sure and honestly so cheap (and it would be considered unacceptable by his peers as well, just an incredibly poor show from anyone in heaven let alone an archangel). in fact, he would protect against it, doing what he can to not allow too much damage to his helm, not for his sake but for others.

second theory is that he could remove it without causing harm, but his true form is only to be seen by god and so he never does. i do think it would still be dazzling to look at and would radiate a significant amount of heat, but it's safe to see, even to touch for something like v1, it's just not meant for anyone but himself and god. it goes back to the idea that his identity is not his, that his face is not to be known by anyone because he is not to be known - and this is so for all true angels, none of them know one another's faces. this is the one i tend to go with more often, but it's really just because i do like gabriel allowing v1 to see his face before he dies, to let himself be known even if it's at the very end. there is no god and soon there will be nothing left of him as well...so he wants v1 to see him as he is, to break that taboo and let himself truly be remembered.

now lucifer is interesting...i saw people speculating before that lucifer wouldn't be a part of the game, but now we know he's canon due to the newest testament. and that testament is....interesting in regard to how he might fit into the story. it states how god cast him into hell, but the preceding lines are vague and i'm not sure if they're in reference to lucifer or not. an angel asks god why eternal torment exists, and this angel referred to may be lucifer who was cast out for questioning god (and causing him to question himself) BUT generally the war in heaven that saw satan damned is what creates hell in most mythologies. meaning that lucifer is being mentioned here as an example of one that god has damned while the angel that asks the question may be someone else (obviously first pick is gabriel due to his narrative importance and how the angel is described in the testament - this could be god terrified that he will again lose his brightest angel). BUT ANYWAY....how he'll be incorporated is anyone's guess, though of course he could borrow from dante's satan and that depiction is pretty interesting imo - in the inferno, satan is locked in ice, forever in tears, and has caused the deepest layer of hell to freeze over by constantly beating his massive wings. he is frozen in eternal grief, he can't interact with anyone or anything because he is so deeply buried in his own tormented mind that the outside world no longer exists. his hell is wholly internal, he seems to know nothing of the external hell he and all his sinners are in, how he himself is making it unbearable to them because he sees and knows nothing but his own emotional pain. however, i'm not entirely sure how he might work as an enemy, considering how unresponsive he is (although it could actually be kind of funny as a concept. like that thing just doesn't care and you're trying to kill it lol)

BUT but i saw over on twitter that the arg has been solved, and through that we now know (if the document is correct in canon) that hell itself is sentient. it's bored, the humans came to it and it devoured their knowledge, it analyzed them to mimic their technologies and augment the husks there. it may have some kind of symbiosis at this point with the terminals or they have worked in tandem (i keep thinking now both of them together may have wiped out humans, hell for more to play with, the terminals so that all machines would be forced to enter hell for their shared entertainment). and i have to wonder. where is lucifer in this? is he as dante's satan, ignorant of all this due to his own isolated misery? is he a part of this, a part maybe of hell itself that gave it its mind and now they're one and the same and he is no longer lucifer? is he trapped in it like the rest of the sinners there and used for hell's entertainment too? honestly there's far too much to speculate at so i can't give any definitive answer but i do think whatever the case, lucifer is going to be in a wretched state. at the very least, i've got the nebulous sort of idea that he'll show just how vile a creation hell really was.

#SPOILERS in the tags here too////#brings a much new perspective to the testament where god says he can't unmake hell #also....with the way hell learns and how it's doing this for fun......#it's got things in common with v1 too ouuhhhh #SORRY this got so speculative and off the rails a little #the new lore is just deeply interesting imo #and maybe hell will just be the final boss lol #cake answers #ultrakill spoilers

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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 1 year

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Code Blue- Ch. 4 "The Car"

Summary: Lee tells Josie about what happened to Jacob. His tale is heart wrenching. Wounds are equally tended to, both physical and emotional, deepening an already preeminent connection. The visit is cut short but leads to a happy ending as the two bond over a similar interest.

*Major Warning!!* This chapter is very dark. Mentions of descriptive child death, angst, domestic violence, language, car accident, grief, loss

Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

February 3, 2023- 11 am.

"Lee. No, you do not have to tell me about it, or anyone else for that matter. You're right, Britt did tell me and she had no right to. I even begged her not to but she blurted it out anyways, well some of it. This is extremely personal and you owe no one an explanation of anything. I am sorry about anyone speculating about your life and thinking they know how you should and should not be grieving. I mean, if you wanna drink, or work crazy hours, or whatever else you need to do to help you deal with things, then that's your prerogative and it's your business, not theirs."

The last thing you expected to hear was what he said next accompanied by a sweet smile.

"Fuck em."

You released a hearty laugh. "Ok...fuck em. But right now, can I please get you into a chair and clean off your face?"

"Only if you let me tend to your hand."

Your eyes dropped in confusion to your bandaged hand. You had forgotten all about the blistering burns you received from idiotically picking up a scalding pan off the stove.

"It's...nothing really, just a minor burn."

"Who's the doctor again?"

"Yeah, yeah. Ok, you win doctor know it all. Come on, let's get you up."

You moved up against him and took his arm, wrapping it around your shoulder, then placed your arms around his waist, hooking your hands together behind his back.

"1...2...3." you counted as he pushed with his feet, helping you lift him.

"Ok, I'm good." he said as he peered down into your eyes.

Your 5'7 frame was literally standing flat against him with his arm over your shoulder and your arms clasped around his 6'5 body, your head arched back while your eyes were locked into the blue beholders of his soul. Oh how you could see it too...

The top of your head barely reached his chin making you feel so incredibly vulnerable. If he wanted you right now, he would have you. You knew right there in that moment, you were done for, for he already had you. He had you at just breathe.

You slowly lowered him into a kitchen chair, then reluctantly released him to go get the paper towels you saw on the counter. You soaked the sheets under some lukewarm water, rang them out and then sat before him.

As you softly and gently blotted and stroked his upper lip area, you could feel his eyes upon you, studying your face. You worked your way through his intimidating gaze and finally removed all the dried blood from his beard and mustache.

"There. Good as new."

You got up to then pour him a large glass of ice water as you had found some ice in the freezer.

"Here you go. Drink it all, you need it."

What Lee needed....wanted, was your body against his again but he would keep that to himself, for...to him...he knew you were something special after everything you had just done for him. Actually, he knew it from the first time he ever saw your face.....and he knew your lips had been on his because he had tasted your cherry lip gloss when he awoke, and he would also keep that to himself...but what he didn't want to keep to himself was his story of his son. He never spoke about Jacob to anyone, not even his best friend Orlando... but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why he wanted to tell you. Maybe it was just to release the pent up knowledge, or maybe it was because he felt he could trust you with the depths of his very soul that held the darkened parts of him no one cared for....except you.

Lee chugged the water down in a mere three seconds and then watched you in awe as you got up to get him another glass without him even asking or saying a word.

He was the healer. He was the one who tended to everyone else. No one ever bothered to help him... unconditionally anyways. The relationships he had were never a give and take, but just a take on their end until they depleted him of his ability to care anymore. That's why he had fended off ever being involved with someone again. His last one, Jacob's mother Elizabeth, did a doozy on him, and he was about to tell you all about it.

"Thank you." he softy said as he took the newly filled glass of ice water from you. "Now it my turn to fix your hand up."

He held out his hand with a slanted smile, wanting you to give him your hand. You reached out and slid your trembling hand into his.

"You...are shaking?" His head tilted and his brows furrowed. "Do...I frighten you?"

"Oh god no...I'm sorry...it's...it's just nerves...you know? My anxiety?" There you were, completely fibbing again as it was him causing all your nerves to misfire, but not in a bad way.

His eyes were skeptical as he unraveled your makeshift bandage.

"Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to be sorry about?"

"I...I don't know. I guess because my anxiety is a constant thorn in everyone's side?"

"It's not in mine?" He angled your hand back and forth as he assessed the degree of the burns. "Good news. You are going to live."

You giggled. He sure could make you laugh like no other.

"Well, I don't know if that is good news really." you sarcastically relayed.

"Why do you say such a thing about yourself? and also apologizing for things that are not your fault?" He got up and opened a cupboard, pulling out some more gauze and a tube of ointment, then a steak knife from the drawer and smirked. "There's no scissors."

He sat back down and began working on your hand. "So...are you going to tell me why you seem to think your existence is not important? Because I'll tell you right now, I like and enjoy your existence very much Jo March....funny, my birthday is in March."

His face was all cutely scrunched in seriousness as he applied the antibiotic gel to your palm. Oh lord, the way his baby soft finger moved over your skin was doing things to your core that you never deemed possible. Unlike him, you were extremely reticent about telling him of your past. Not because you didn't trust him, but it was just shameful.

Your silence mad him stop as he sweetly looked at you. "It's ok. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to and I apologize if I have made you feel uncomfortable in any way." His deep succulent voice was so damn sincere, that you folded.

"No, please. Do not be sorry. It's...no big deal really. I...I have just always felt to be a burden with my issues. An embarrassment even, like if I would have an attack in public when I was with my friends or family. I could see it on their faces and then I would find myself always saying I'm sorry. Old habits die hard I guess."

"That seems like a big deal to me. Maybe you need different friends? and they say you can't pick your family, but I tend to disagree. Family isn't always blood. I have a best friend whom I call a brother. I am sorry that you have to go through that." He finished wrapping you hand and tied the ends of the gauze together in a tiny knot.

"I couldn't agree more. The friends I spoke of are no longer in my life anyways....Britt, she's like a sister to me since I can't fucking stand the one I have....thank you...for what you said, and for tending to my hand."

"No problem. I'll send you the bill."

There was that sly, cute as hell grin again on his heart shaped lips.

"So....do you mind if I tell you my story now?"

His eyes were that of a puppy, how could you tell him no even if you wanted to? It was obvious he desperately needed to talk to someone and for some crazy unbeknownst reason, he was trusting you, a complete stranger per se, with his most personal and painful moments. Denying him that was not an option. No wonder he was drinking himself into oblivion. You had been there. Not for the same reasons but you still understood and sympathized his need to wash it all away.

"Of course, if that is what you want and need to do. I will listen." Your smile to him was so naturally offered and it eased his own anxiety. Something you recognized so well since you were cursed with the debilitating emotion.

"This house...it is mine. But it was mine, Jacob's and his mother's once. Elizabeth is her name. We weren't married...I don't know why...I just never asked her...I...I didn't really feel that way towards her...you know, the forever thing? We just kind of did what we were supposed to do when she got pregnant. Things had already been rough between us anyways before all that. Her getting pregnant was not planned, but I wanted to take responsibility, so I bought this place and we moved in just a few months before she gave birth. I toughed it out with her for Jacob's sake, but I enjoyed every minute here with him."

He smiled as he spoke the last half of that sentence and closed his eyes. You could see glistening in his eyelashes from the tears he was holding back and it was making you tear up as well. Opening his eyes, he continued.

"Over the years, it got harder and harder with her. She was cold to me...and to Jacob. I don't know if she resented him but I suspected it, or maybe it was just me she resented. She was wild when I met her and that only seemed to intensify after being tied here with us. Like now, I worked all the time while she stayed home and cared for him. One night, we had a huge blow up on a drive home from her sister's house. I was driving. She wouldn't let it go and kept screaming at me while Jacob cried in the back seat. It was raining and dark out. She started hitting me and I tried to stop her with my right arm by pushing it down on her while I kept my other hand on the wheel. It only infuriated her more and that's when she grabbed the wheel. The car jerked so hard and I spun out on the wet pavement. I..I couldn't control it and slammed sideways into a tree....Jacob...flew from his car seat and hit his head on the window....she never buckled him in...."

My god...you wanted to hold him so bad as you saw him close his tear ridden eyes and drop his head but didin't know if it was welcomed, so you kept your distance and let him go on.

"She never buckled the fucking seatbelt...and do you know how I know this? Because she told me...the day of his funeral, right after we buried him. We were fighting and she blurted it out...and do you know what else she told me? That it was my fault because I was driving too fast....which you don't know how many times I have blamed myself for that exact reason, still do....and then she saved the best for last....she told me that...that I....wasn't his biological father....and that she was glad.....4 years ago, as of yesterday, I buried my son."

"Oh my god...Lee...she...she really told you something so viciously cruel?? and at his funeral of all places?"

"Yeah."

Tears permeated your eyes. Was this woman even human? You knew what he would tell you was going to be sad, but this, this had to be the saddest thing you ever heard.

You took in a deep breath and then released it hard and heavy. Words couldn't be found and so you just did it. You stepped forward and tenderly pulled him down into your arms.

"I am soooo sorry." you whispered against his ear.

Lee's hands hovered a few inches over your back, almost afraid to touch you as he was in shock by your unexpected embrace. He then let his arms fold around you as he closed his eyes. He couldn't even remember the last time he was ever held like this, probably because it never happened. Everything was messed up, and yet everything was so perfect.

Your exceedingly long affectionate hug was suddenly interrupted by your phone ringing. You both slowly withdrew the cuddle with a most intense stare at each other...until.

"You uh...gonna get that?" Lee asked, still locked in your eyes.

Finally you blinked, breaking the trance you both were in. "Oh, yeah. yes."

It was your mom.

"Mom? Is everything all right?"

"Well it is now that I know you are alive?!"

"Mom...calm down.."

"Don't tell me to calm down young lady. You left yesterday without a peep from you since then."

"Mom, I told you I was leav..."

"You do remember, we have a funeral to plan, or are you to busy traipsing after your new doctor friend? That's right, Britt told me everything, you know she will not lie to me."

Margaret was speaking so loud, you knew Lee was hearing every single word judging by his scrutinizing look.

"Ok, Mom? I'll be home soon. Love you. Bye!" You hung up as fast as you could, feeling utterly embarrassed.

When went to find Lee's, he was already looking at you with a sly grin. Yep, he heard every....fucking...humiliating...word.

"I'm sorry...Britt told her where I was..."

"There you go again, apologizing when you shouldn't be.....How's your mom doing? Losing a child, no matter their age or how, is never easy."

That compassionate side of him just kept blowing you away. How kind was he to ask about her, someone he had never even met, even after hearing her theatrics. He understood her grief all too well.

"Well, as you heard...not well."

"You should probably get going. She's obviously worried about you." His eyes were so caring but you could also see the part in them that dreaded your absence.

"I don't feel right just leaving...not when you literally just told me about Jacob, something you have obviously been keeping inside for some time if you were willing to tell a complete stranger."

You wanted to tell him that you didn't WANT to leave, and you wanted to hear him tell you he didn't want you to either.

"Well, let's see. I have carried you in my arms, sat and talked to you for over an hour to make you feel better, let you hold my hand. You came all the way here to bring me back my bracelet and nursed me back to health. I fixed your injured hand and told you the deepest darkest tale of my life. I'd say were are past the strangers stage. Acquaintances now? Maybe we could work our way up to...friends?"

You were absolutely melting as you jellied knees threatened to give out. "Yes...I...I would really like that....Lee."

"Alright, it's settled then Jo March. So...let me walk you out." His smile was soft and his touch softer as he placed his hand on the small of your back, seeming that he didn't want to come on to strong.

"Hollllly shit!" Lee exclaimed as you both walked onto the porch. "Is that...your car??" His eyes were excited like a kid in a candy store as he went jogging over to it.

"87 Monte Carlo Super Sport.... and mint to boot." he reeled in wonder as he circled the vehicle with his fingertips lightly tracing over it. "May I?" He pointed to the door, his eyes asking to look inside.

"Sure." you giggled. Seeing him perk up like this after the horror story he just told you, made you happy. He lived with that hell every single day and something as simple as a car, temporarily fixed him....like a band aid until it lost it's stickiness.

"How did you know all that?" you asked him as he sat behind the wheel, taking in the view of your sound system.

"Well I suppose if we are going to soon work towards being friends, you should know that I absolutely love classic cars and trucks, and this here....is a beauty." His eyes danced all over the dash but then had glanced at you after he said that last word.

"I can see that judging by the 75 Doge Dart Swinger sitting in your driveway."

His stunned eyes popped up over the steering wheel.

"I can't believe it..." His gaze was frozen on you.

"What?" you half laughed, feeling awkward from his incredulous stare.

"You...I...I mean...a woman after my own heart. I think we are going to be great friends." His grin was superb and radiant, matching his dreamy eyes. What he really wanted to say was that he hoped to be much more although he had been doing everything in his power to fend off women. You loved something he loved on a whole 'nother plain, what were the odds of that?

"And we could start by firing this baby up. Could I hear her run? and possibly....the kick ass stereo you have in here?"

The fact that he referred to the car as a she absolutely amazed you. His love for these works of art was truly genuine.

"Absolutely."

You fumbled through your bag and tossed him the keys in which he caught effortlessly in his left hand, although you noticed him to be right handed. He then turned her over.

"Oh wow...listen to her purr. You do know now that our new friendship will require you giving me a ride in her sometime." he chuckled.

"Sure. I'll even let you drive her."

His mouth uncontrollably dropped open as he gazed at you.

"No way. Get the fuck outta here...ok no, not really but you know what I mean."

"But only if I can ride in yours too sometime, maybe even drive her as well?"

"Oh I see. You're playing the "I'll let you if you let me" thing like what occurred earlier." The side of his lip curled up, forming his mouth into the cutest smirk. And to think that you had your lips on that mouth for a split second made your butterflies go wild.

"Of course." you smirked back.

"You don't gotta twist my arm sweetheart. it's a done deal. Where do I sign?" he chuckled and turned in the radio.

"Well, what do ya know? It's my theme song unknowingly written for me."

He cranked up the song that was playing.

youtube

"Listen to that bass, holy fucking hell! Girl, I am sure gonna miss you when you leave." he laughed. You could hear it in his laugh that he truly meant it.

He started singing for a minute as he tapped his hand on the steering wheel.

"It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy cause every now and then I kick the living shit outta me......"

He shut it off and got out chuckling.

"You must think that is an understatement after what you walked in on here today huh?" he said as he dangled your keys out in front of you.

He knew he should have just left it running, but subconsciously, he didn't want you to leave. He had never desired a woman's presence so much in his entire 43 years.

"No, Lee, not at all. You're going through a terrible time. Here, let me give you my number so you can text me..or call..whichever...I..I mean just in case you need to talk or something. I feel absolutely awful for having to leave. Will...you be alright? You did collapse earlier."

The fact you even cared about him boggled his mind.

"Only if you take mine." he grinned like the cheshire cat.

"I can see this game will be of prominence in our newly found friendship." You laughed and handed him your phone. "Here, put your number in and call your phone, then we'll be even."

"There. All done." he said as he handed you your phone back. "You don't need to worry, my best friend will be around. I've talked your ear off enough. I don't want to bother you with all that you have going on."

"Nonsense. You are in no way a bother. Remember, I like your voice?"

He flashed back to the hospital in your room as you had grabbed his hand, stopping him from leaving and asking him to please stay and talk you as you liked the sound of his voice.

"How could I forget?" His eyes were alluring in his statement, making your already wild butterflies spin out of control.

You smiled and went to get in your car.

"Wait!"

He rushed over and opened your door for you. Oh damn, he was killing you with kindness and you were eating it right up. You got in and rolled your window down.

"Take care of yourself Lee."

He smiled. You to Jo march."

He went to walk away, then turned around. "Oh....and I like the taste of your cherry chapstick."

He winked and trotted off with his hands in his pockets while singing "I kissed a girl and I liked it", and then disappeared into the house.

If anything was an understatement, it was the ghost face expression you had from the movie Scream. From this moment on, you knew your world would be forever changed.

@redeemer46

#lee pace #leeepfrog #lee pace fanfiction #code blue #JoLee #love stories #dark stories #slow burn #slow build

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teaveetamer · 1 year

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What's the theory? I'm definitely interested in indie horror games but I mainly watch people play them since I have no time for games anymore...

Btw, Sims 1 and 2 > Sims 4 (⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)

Incredibly based Sims opinions (well I haven’t played 1 but). Not 3 tho? Honestly I think 3 would be great if it were a bit more optimized, the sims didn’t all look like ugly potato people, and rotational play was easier. 2 is fantastic tho, and I can say that completely without nostalgia because I didn’t even play it until like college. I got the version with all packs on Origin for free when they were doing that promo and I’ve put way too many hours into it. Then again, I’ve also put like 2,500 hours into the sims 4 😬

Anyway, I have mentioned it on this blog before but I feel like 3H falls into a lot of the writing issues a lot of modern indie horror games fall into. E.g. the focus isn’t really on a coherent story but on building up a bunch of unresolved mysteries around a world and ✨lore✨ for fans to speculate about (and in the process they basically write the world, story, and lore for you)

Thing is, I feel like most adult indie horror fans noticed that trend years ago and have gotten somewhat sick of it (FNAF really kicked off the concept, then we had Hello Neighbor, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Poppy Playtime, etc.) so games like that mainly appeal and market their games and merch to younger audiences who either haven’t noticed yet or are too young to care. Like, to the point where I’ve seen it discussed as “horror for kids” or “mascot horror”. And maybe this is just my experience but I feel like 3H’s very intense fanbase (you know the people who will send death threats over destroying a Bernadetta figurine) tends to skew a bit younger

So anyway I’m just curious if there’s a correlation between people who don’t really like 3H’s writing and people who are familiar with the indie horror scene. Cuz I’m personally a fan of indie horror and I know I was sick of the Build Your Own Lore approach by like 2019. It’s mostly just a pet theory though, I don’t think I’d be able to get good answers from a tumblr poll it would have to be a whole survey

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ipromiseimawriter · 6 months

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WIP TITLE GAME

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Tagged by @zahnie - thank you omg!!

From most recently worked on to least (roughly): (I tend to be pretty literal with these for the most part, if they don't already have a title)

destiel fix it fic - draft 2: is what it says on the tin. I will get to chipping at the end of this godforsaken series, so hELP ME. I do have a fancy lil summary though (this could get edited later but y'know!!):

“What are you doing? Dean, no–!” “You asked me to stop you. So I’m stopping you.” ( As promised, the Empty came for Castiel when his soul called. When it sang a happiness so profound that nothing else could possibly contain it. But Dean wasn’t ready to let go – and if you were to ask him, he’d swear he had failed Cas one too many times. So when the time came, he sank right down with him. ) Chuck could’ve called it, really. But there’s no biblical preparation for their journey through the Empty. It’s all up to them, now, while Sam and Jack (and friends) race to undo Chuck’s damage to the world. Alternating POV. 15x18 CODA/Fix-It Fic for end of 15x18/15x19 & beyond [15x20 who is she lmao]

destiel theatre bitches AU: an incredibly self-indulgent AU where Dean and Castiel are professors for a theatre department at a (made-up) small liberal arts school somewhere in Kansas. Cas is a new arrival to the department who's making waves (and suggesting some batshit shows for production), Dean's the gruff and well-loved scene shop head/tech professor who doesn't like his toes getting stepped on (jk yes he does), and they're gonna be soooo normal about it (me when i lie). nearly everyone and their mom is in this AU. we have fun here

Welcome to Purgatory: an original work (longform)! a story inspired by my time interacting with SPN/with other horror-fantasy adjacent medias, some characters I've had for 1000 years, and just - fucking around and finding out. I def tried to NaNoWriMo it before, to no such luck, so I just chip at it on my own time. I've got a running tag for it if you're ever interested! (old summary)

Jules Herrick went missing without a trace in the early nineties, and his hunting partner, Simon Villanova, never saw him again. We jump ahead about twenty-five years and realize why he should’ve stayed missing. Victor and Amelia are two childhood friends separated by time and responsibility, reuniting for what should be a normal road trip under less fortunate circumstances - the death of a mutual friend. However, the trip is quickly derailed by a strange pursuer that sends them on the run, and into action. The people who catch up with them to help are not what they expect. The lives their families have led were kept from the two for safety. But between a rogue demon, its lost hellhound, and a secret organization hunting down the missing man and his cohorts, one question must be asked: What does Jules Herrick want with the end of the world, as they know it?

go catch a sunset (stanford-era dean/the outsiders bullshit): a Stanford-era Dean fic (which has 2 chapters up!) that I sort of use as my lil swimming pool for figuring ideas out? Mostly just speculation and big character thoughts on that very vulnerable time. I'm v much looking forward to introducing both Bobby and Cassie soon, getting some Winchester drama, and picking at those good backstory characters.

mama barracuda (WIP title - eldritch horror type shit): an original work (short story). "There's a monster in the woods, just off the beaten path from Hope's home. She isn't the first to be trapped into position of Keeper for the Barracuda of the Backwoods, but she is the first - in a very long time - to truly understand her. They call her Mama." So essentially - monster collects teeth for her own rotting mouth. Sisyphean effort on the Keeper's part. Symbiotic parasite/mother-daughter type shit. LOTS TO UNPACK.

honorable mention: a bunch of plays and other lil bits that would take me too long to describe <333

tagging: @subtlefires, @disabled-dean , @butchabouttown, @luckshiptoshore , and anyone who wants to play! (this includes all my friends who may see this and go "hey i have wips". give it to me. i want to see it)

#tag game #writing stuff #original work #fanfic #elliot rambles #tagged: zahnie #supernatural #welcome to purgatory

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ro275805 · 8 months

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(Holly crap i still can't believe my favorite tumblr replied to my answer)

I kinda have a lot of headcanons for joker.

Another one i have is that joker has cousins, it felt weird that we never seen any family member besides his parents, so that's where i got it from. They're like besties so when joker was declared missing as a kid of course it's heat shattering to his entire family. Until they're like older (maybe around his age but one of them is adult and have a family?) They started to speculate that joker is jack, their cousin.

Also, i realized i once headcanon that his grandpa has a rough relationship to all his family, especially joker's. Cus he doesn't approve his dad's marriage with his mom.

I still want them to reunite, so maybe captain blue (if you remember that guy) started a conversation with joker and akai (don't ask why i put him there, i don't know either) about his grandpa and stuff

Blue: that's basically about him, how about you? Is he still around?

Joker: i don't know, i didn't get to meet him for years, not even the rest of my... Family.

Blue: ... Meet them now.

So that's basically why he decides to reunite with them... Well not really but uhm.

Hello! If you mean my blog, I'm incredibly flattered, wow... thank you! It's just me posting some drawings and simple thoughts from time to time. I wasn't sure if anyone would really appreciate my KJ scenarios, but I'm very thankful that at least a few people do. My ideas are not for everyone as the things I explore tend to veer more towards dark and offputting premises and exploration of morally grey character psychology (I especially love to explore this in 'good' characters). Still, I have many more things to share, and I hope you might enjoy those scenarios eventually, too. ^^ (My creation process is just extremely slow unfortunately) As for your idea... I've explored Joker potentially having more family, too! This is one of those anime protagonist things that I've otherwise shrugged off, you know how families outside of mother and father don't usually get talked about... one time I explored the idea that Joker had actually been adopted at a very young age, or that there was some kind of secret in the family that Jack would really never know about, maybe in relation to the time-telling goddess, where their family was very secretive and disconnected.

I really, really like the idea that Lupin is Joker's ancestor too, so their entire family is just full of all sorts of secrets. If you're curious about this, I've gone more in-depth here.

I wonder what Joker thinks about all of these secrets and odd little things that he only identifies in retrospect once he gets older? Time naturally fades his memory, but certain things that went right over his head suddenly don't seem as simple as they once were... Did Joker actually ever know his family? If his mom and dad hadn't been taken from him at such a young age, would they have told him more about themselves later on?

I think once he reaches an age where he begins to have these realizations, he would go through a more subtle second wave of grief.

---

But if Joker found out that he had living family, especially if he finds this out when he's older and already a well established phantom thief... What does he think about in such a circumstance? I think his initial reaction is disbelief, because of how many people there are who would want to deceive him. But beyond this, I feel like his reaction wouldn't be as simple as just him being overjoyed once he's convinced it isn't trickery.

Of course Joker is happy.

...But another part of him, the part who thought that he had 'moved on' from that chapter of his past, is terribly conflicted. He went through the steps already. He grieved and moved on and came out stronger.

But now he has family again?

With family comes emotional obligation and also the stress of protecting that family, of the potential grief of losing that family... of connecting with that family being dangerous with his way of life, where hundreds of people would be incredibly happy to hear that 'Phantom Thief Joker' has something that can be used as blackmail. He puts that family at risk.

It's never as simple as being 'overjoyed'.

Not when you're also a boy who's grown up with complicated feelings on emotional vulnerability, where being too vulnerable or too personal is far too uncomfortable, and being too emotional risks him developing weaknesses that will get him killed on heists. (I've talked about this before but I mention it a lot because of how much I think this impacts so much of Joker's actions and his personality, especially with how thoughtless he can be with people around him).

I think that Joker might find his own conflicted emotions offensive to even himself... where he wonders what's wrong with him to some extent, not being totally happy that he has surviving biological family.

What kind of person would he have to be to think that that's a pain, in any way?

Joker isn't the type to dwell on things but he'd stew in it ever so slightly.

For him, family is a more sensitive topic than any other.

#kaitou joker #joker (kaitou joker)#rose-answers #rose-musing

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rozadoesit · 2 years

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Sometimes education can be catharsis, and sometimes it's detriment...

I had two separate but almost IDENTICAL conversations with two men I was recently acquainted with the week, and while I had a nice time overall, there was a moment during the conversation where it took an uncomfortable turn. (It’s worth noting in the beginning that these were both two handsome men— you’ll see why.)

So, I tend to generally err on the side of caution when it comes to straight spaces, even if they’re Afro-centric, because I compartmentalize a lot, but don’t believe in doing it with my identity— I am intersectional and all of myself at all times. However, I also tend to trust the femmes within my community and social groups to not exactly lead me astray as many of us have overlapping identities… but there’s always an off day.

On two different nights of Black People-ing, games, jokes, and absolutely ridiculous & off-the-wall conversations, we seemed to stumble into a discussion of which there was no return— and the first time, I found myself audibly asking how we got there. They both— again, two separate occasions, amidst their jokes and bro-ing it up, began to spout unprovoked & incredibly misogynistic rhetoric that made me feel disbelief, concern, unsafe, and irrelevant in that moment, and I can’t say that I feel 100% safe returning— at least alone.

Before I go on, know that I’m not in the business of caping for men, HOWEVER, I don’t know them well enough to say they’re “bad people,” and my experience of them was a human one where there were ebbs and flows. It wasn’t that they were being INTENTIONALLY misogynistic, it was the IMPACT of them speaking so authoritatively on the misogyny— likely due to their perception of the world and lived experiences. I say this because, in a different conversation I was having about queerness with one of them, while it was quite laborious, I felt that he did want to learn.

Problem is, he was so sure of what he knew that he was in his own way. And I find that tends to be the case with a lot of men, and even people in general– myself included. We want to be executives of information and fact-based on things in our ever-growing world, not realizing that a lot of our world issues are societal and have nuance to them that can’t be put into strict words because it varies by person.

The other man this happened with I really didn’t want to get into the discussion because we were live, on the internet, and I didn’t want to say something he couldn’t take back. So I opted for the Ziwe method of satirical leading questions and obvious baits… but he wasn’t picking up the cues and was not only answering the baits but persisting.

Now, I am of the Maya Angelou school of thought that people will show and tell you who they are, and it’s your choice to believe them when they do. In that same breath, I feel like while he absolutely means what he is saying as of now, I want to at least see if he’s capable of reason before leaving him to his ignorance.

I made mention of them being handsome in the beginning because I feel that also plays a major part in how they got to where they are. Remember how I brought up the importance of nuance in these conversations? What we colloquially call “pretty privilege,” while obviously not an all-access pass, definitely can sway decisions and perceptions of a given situation. It’s why the Casanova & Ladies man trope (and it’s alternates the bimbo/femme fatale) are so prominent in media: the feats wouldn’t be had or as easily if they weren’t attractive. I say with certainty someone who has a more charismatic appearance and approach will illicit a different response than their average counterparts, even if it is slightly.

Pertaining to the character of the individuals in question, this is all speculation and theorizing on my part— both to unpack my feelings & being triggered about the experience, and to prepare myself for the conversation to come if it does arise as to not demonize them in mind because like I said I don’t think these are bad people. I also give them these graces, because I’m no fan of abandoning my people, especially not my brothas, but I prioritize my sistas even more. Generally, these sentiments coincide, but whenever I have to choose, I’m gonna choose Black Femmes everytime. And yes, even if that means having to double back and correct myself, I’m fully prepared to do that.

To that end, I will say this:

1.) Any man that GENUINELY believes “women don’t know what they want,” are not far removed from, if not already at:

“You just gotta wear her down.” “She’s just playing hard to get.” “She likes to play rough.” “She totally wanted it.”

All of which are either blatant disregard or selective listening, both of which are INCREDIBLY dangerous, as they rob women of their agency. Believe a woman at all times, even if she does change her mind because at both times she knew what she wanted. And got anyone looking to counter this, I simply ask, “do you believe women when they say no?” If the answer to that is anything other than a definitive yes,— HE’S RIGHT HERE, OFFICER.

Furthermore, men that believe “girls are just riffing of each other saying what SOUNDS good,” are not men who actually like women. These are men who like what women can offer them— more emphatically: sex/attention. I say that because we as people don’t always do what we say we’re supposed to at all times. We adjust and make decisions in a moment, even if they don’t necessarily align with our best interest for the sake of our own gratification or betterment. It’s not a trait unique to femmes and it shouldn’t be weaponized against them.

2.) To the boys reading this and getting defensive, preparing their essays about “BuT wOmEn DoN’t….” and “GiRlS aRe…”

You might be right about whatever you’re about to say, but that’s not what we’re talking about. More importantly than that, you and your character are not under attack. You’re getting unnecessarily he-motional, de-center yourself and your feelings. This isn’t about you as a person, it’s about how what you’re saying affects others.

3.) To my women & femmes reading this like gospel:

Remember, there will come a day for our sermon too. We are not without error or reproach, and can even perpetuate these problems and others ourselves. Realize in any instance of misinformation and ignorance, there is a shred of truth that has been warped or intentionally bastardized. There is a level of accountability that is to be had on our behalf’s, mostly about correcting these truths as best we can and then getting men to spread the truth.

To conclude, I do also want to acknowledge that these aren’t original thoughts, but they’re important ones that resound loudly and resonate deeply because it’s a major problem. But, in the words of 3 Stacks,

"Y'all don't wanna hear me, ya just wanna dance."

#black #misogynoir #intersectionaity #womanism #feminism #protect women

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uptoolateart · 2 years

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Miraculous Pacing & Character Arcs

I first wrote this last year on my writing blog at www.vrindapendred.com. I wanted to share it more, and do a follow-up, because I find the hero's journey stuff in this show is incredibly exciting. So, here it is, and more is on its way.

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Some stories just don’t feel right. It might be hard to put your finger on why, but it tends to boil down to two things: pacing and character arcs.

So today I’m going to talk about just that. As my example, I’m going to analyse the popular cartoon Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir. The story isn’t yet finished, and the internet is teeming with speculation about the direction it will take – most importantly, when the two main characters will come together as a couple. Stick with me and I’ll show you why I think we’ll be waiting a long time yet, due to some fundamental rules of storytelling and character development that I hope will help all you writers out there plot your own stories.

Spoilers ahead….

The Premise

Teenagers Adrien and Marinette are chosen by Master Fu as holders of the ladybug and black cat miraculous (earrings and a ring), which enable them to channel magic powers (creation and destruction, respectively). They use these to fight off the villain Hawk Moth. His ambition is to steal their miraculous and use their combined powers to grant his deepest wish.

To create a great story that pulls people in and keeps them engaged, you need a hook. In this case, Adrien and Marinette are ‘made for each other’. But if they got together right away, there would be no story. So, no one can know their true identities, not even them – but the audience knows. Agonisingly, although Cat Noir is in love with Ladybug, she keeps turning him down because she’s in love with Adrien…who doesn’t notice her that way, because he’s in love with Ladybug. It takes on a darker dimension when we learn Hawk Moth is Adrien’s father Gabriel – and his deepest wish is to resurrect Adrien’s mother from near-death. Again, only the audience knows. As the show has evolved, so have the emotions.

Marinette’s Hero’s Journey

Secrets and dramatic irony are great, but you need still more to make your audience care. You need strong characters whose desires and fears drive the plotline – and they need to learn something. Even the makers of Power Rangers know you need more than just ‘the pink one’. You need to send your heroes on a journey.

For those who don’t know, the hero’s journey is the fundamental character arc that mythologist Joseph Campbell identified in all stories humans have ever told. It has been written about to death and can easily be googled.

Briefly, heroes go through the following key stages:

The ordinary world

The call to adventure

Refusal of the call

Meeting the mentor

Crossing the threshold

Tests, allies and enemies

Approach to the inmost cave

The ordeal

Reward (seizing the sword)

The road back

‘Death’ and resurrection

Return with the elixir

This is a commonly taught method of constructing stories – or knocking through writer’s block. With my YA paranormal series The Wisdom, I had about 2/3 written and an ending in mind, but no idea how to get there. I studied a diagram of the hero’s journey and realised I had followed Campbell’s structure without meaning to. I could pinpoint where each character was on the journey, and that told me what had to happen next.

You can play with and subvert the stages of this journey all you like. It makes your story more interesting. But if you leave one out entirely, your audience will likely feel something is missing or the story wasn’t satisfying.

Marinette’s story fits this structure perfectly. The theme song introduces her as ‘a normal girl with a normal life’. This is the ordinary world stage at the start of her journey. She is then chosen by Master Fu (the mentor) and she doubts her abilities (she refuses the call to adventure). Marinette gradually comes to accept her role as Ladybug, but along the way she undergoes numerous trials and makes many mistakes, growing from each experience. Finally, she is named the new Guardian, to replace Fu. In season four she comes to terms with this and finds that self-belief, illustrated by a change in costume and the ability to create out of nothing. She has fully come into her power. I’d call this the death and resurrection stage, and the return with the elixir.

So, shortly into season four we’re already at the end of her hero’s journey – but the writers had five seasons planned, now extended to seven. What could happen next?

Keep in mind that your heroes can go on multiple journeys within one story. Marinette has begun a new journey. But is this enough? When are our dynamic duo going to learn each other’s identities and come together as a romantic couple? Are the writers just spinning it out as long as they can?

I would argue that from a storytelling perspective, our heroes actually can’t come together as a couple yet. The reason is: Adrien.

Adrien’s Hero’s Journey

When constructing your story, your characters must undergo a realistic and believable process of emotional and mental development.

My teenager asked me why Ladybug got a new costume but didn’t make one for Cat Noir – ‘It’s not fair.’ But the costumes reflect the wearer’s unconscious. When Marinette once used the cat miraculous herself, she looked nothing like Cat Noir. Importantly, she had no collar and bell. Adrien thought up that detail because he feels so trapped and dominated by his father. Adrien’s costume will change when he completes his personal journey.

And he needs to, or the audience will be dissatisfied. If we don’t see his journey, he’s just some boy for girls to fawn over. This doesn’t just apply to romance. As writers, we should always strive to avoid having a single star our readers come to know really well, surrounded by empty names on a page.

When Adrien is given his miraculous, he’s so excited that he impetuously uses his new powers without listening to instructions first. No refusal to the call, here. That tells us that being Cat Noir is not his adventure. Adrien’s journey is to free himself from his father.

Adrien was home schooled for fourteen years. His father has made every decision for him, including choosing all his hobbies. Adrien is frequently shown behind bars, e.g. in nightmares, and in a film made with friends. His first name means ‘dark one’ (like ‘noir’) and his surname Agreste refers to wildness. We see this wildness when he’s Cat Noir but not as Adrien. He has been unhealthily domesticated.

Adrien has been bred to be ‘perfect’, as just about everyone describes him. But Adrien isn’t perfect, and only the audience knows this. He’s frustrated and bored with life. He has a suicidal streak, endlessly sacrificing himself as Cat Noir and expressing almost religious faith that Ladybug will save him. And when he is temporarily transformed into the villain Cat Blanc, we learn that brewing just under the surface is a temper so strong that it could literally destroy worlds. But he can’t show that to anyone. He explodes because normally he suppresses all emotions. He works as a fashion model (his father’s decision), and even in daily life he feels he must pose all the time, like the wax statue he once pretended to be. The theme of secret identities extends well beyond magical costumes: even as Adrien, he is not himself.

It is 2021 right now, and Adrien has been refusing his call since 2015. In all that time, the only thing he has truly done for himself has been to insist upon attending school and meeting some friends. Otherwise, he does what everyone says. He obeys his father. He dated a girl who forced herself on him. Even as Cat Noir, he lets Ladybug make every decision. When will he go on his adventure? And who is his mentor? (It was never Fu.)

We have to look at the hero’s journey to see where the story must go. If your hero won’t go on that journey, you have to force him – sometimes painfully. In this case, I think Gabriel will tell his son that he’s Hawk Moth, and his plan to resurrect Adrien’s mother. Then, Adrien will be on the journey without realising it.

Gabriel will want to bring Adrien onto his side, and Adrien will be conflicted. He will have a long Luke Skywalker moment. Only then can he decide for himself what sort of person he wants to be, and who lies inside, without outside influence. As a writer, I think it is inevitable that he will lose control for a time before he sees that’s not what being wild means. In my series The Wisdom, Aidan went through a similar process, also tied up with father issues. I felt very bad for what I put him through! But I had to – because no one has those kinds of personal revelations overnight. You need experience.

What we’re seeing is Adrien’s struggle to become an alpha. For now, his father is the alpha – rich, powerful and self-possessed (as was Aidan’s father). Adrien tries to play the alpha as Cat Noir but everyone roles their eyes at it, because he’s posing again. He hasn’t yet learned that a true alpha doesn’t have to try; he naturally exudes power through being sure of who he is. The only way to find himself is to face his Shadow. Put simply, I mean his ‘dark side of the moon’ – the face no one sees. (Moon imagery is strong in this show!) He must come to terms with everything he keeps under the surface – integrate Adrien, Cat Noir and Cat Blanc and make something new from that.

Interestingly, by season four his father has acquired new powers and renamed himself Shadow Moth. In my mind, Adrien must see all the ways he’s actually similar to his father, before he can rise above that and decide how to use those qualities for good and be a better man than Gabriel. Then his costume will change and he will lose the collar and bell. All of this needs careful pacing. If we jump straight to the endpoint without putting Adrien through the wringer first, he hasn’t earned that transformation – and that’s not believable or satisfying.

In the recent episode Wishmaker, we saw what I regard as the beginning of Adrien going on his journey. He finally made the speech I was waiting for – admitting to himself and others that he has no interest in being a model, but he has no idea what he does want either. And until he works that out, the romance we’re waiting for can’t happen – because even Marinette calls him ‘perfect’. She loves someone who isn’t real. That’s not the foundation for a healthy relationship – nor is loving someone you regard as your leader rather than your equal (Ladybug).

At the risk of sounding cliche: you can’t love others until you love yourself. Therefore, from a writing perspective, it is impossible for the two of them to come together until Adrien stands on his own. A good writer knows this process can’t be rushed. In The Wisdom, I decided the only way to achieve this was to separate Aidan from anything that gave him a sense of security. Equally, Adrien needs to stop looking to Ladybug to save him and come into his own power. The final battle – with his father – must ultimately be his to fight. Then, Adrien and Marinette will be in the right place individually to make a new journey together.

So, what do we take from this?

1. Think about your main characters. Have you given them equal attention, or do you have a single star surrounded by names on a page?

2. Alternatively, maybe you have too many main characters. Giving a hero’s journey to every character is just as problematic as having undeveloped characters. Focus only on your actual ‘heroes’.

3. Try mapping your heroes’ story arcs against the hero’s journey. Is anything missing? What stage are they each at? Where does that tell you they need to go next? If they’re at drastically different stages (like Adrien and Marinette), does that cause conflict? Work with that!

4. Or did they all reach the final stage by page 40? If that’s the case, maybe you have a short story on your hands – or maybe each stage needs more development.

A golden rule is that if the emotions fall flat, or you have no idea what happens next, it’s a good time to look at that hero’s journey and see what you’ve missed or rushed through. Remember: it’s not about spinning out a story as long as you can. It’s about creating something that’s believable, relatable and satisfying.

#miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous fandom #marichat #chat noir #miraculous ladybug #writers on tumblr #hero's journey #writing #writing tips #story analysis #story arc #adrien agreste #gabriel agreste #miraculous marinette #miraculous theory #ml meta #ml theory #ml thoughts

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softinkshadows · 3 years

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Shingeki no Kyojin Astrology: sun-moon-rising combinations

I was looking around tumblr for detailed astrology speculations of my fave anime characters, but there aren't that many! Being q well-versed in astro myself, i thought why not do my own version (very spoiler-free, don’t worry)! I followed the birth dates given by isayama:

Eren Jaeger - Aries sun, Scorpio moon, Cancer rising Aside from the fact that he can be hotheaded and impulsive, Eren's feelings of vengeance run deep and explosive. Remember that time he was chained to the bed after the attack on trost, and his eyes were wild with the need to violently eradicate all titans? He's so tenacious and emotionally stubborn too (a Scorp moon trait) to the point of being closed off from everyone else, especially towards the end where he seems to take the weight of the world's burden on his own shoulders. And all for the sake of protecting his community and ensuring the safety of his friends for the rest of their lives. His comrades and family are his motivation. This is his Cancer rising steering his life.

Mikasa Ackerman - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Aries rising "Look that moody brat is running off on her own again." Mikasa is similar to Eren in her impulsiveness and determination, but different in two ways- what they aim to protect and their extent of fearlessness. Eren is aware of his own weaknesses and helplessness, but Mikasa's amazing physical prowess makes her act without any hesitation at all. She's hella fierce and driven to keep herself in shape too, doing all those sit-ups and chopping firewood post-injury. I think she deserves a double Aries! An Aries rising means a Libra descendant too, which is reflected her whole-hearted devotion in her close partnerships (Eren and Armin). Her aquarius moon really shines thru with her stoic independence, focus and perseverance.

Armin Arlet - Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising He's the brain of the 104th cadet corps, and is second to Erwin in terms of strategy! An intelligent planner with low self-esteem often found second guessing his own analytical abilities, Armin is a true blue Virgo moon. His emotional self stands out the most from the main three protagonists - Eren & Mikasa mostly express anger and desperation, whereas Armin is usually shrouded in fear and worry. He's a very soft bb, hence the Pisces rising, not to mention he gets so dreamy imagining the sea, the vast plains, and the magical world beyond the walled universe he knows. A spiritually-attuned and curious explorer :")

Levi Ackerman - Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising Levi is such a complex person, thanks to Isayama's brilliance. Like many Cap suns, Levi is authoritative, cold and incredibly savage. That's not to say he doesn't feel anything either. Levi is an evolved Scorp moon (maybe even moon in 11th house) because his feelings are never for himself, but he hurts so much for others - you can tell every death hits him so hard, but he doesn't show this to anyone else. He also exudes this quietly intimidating aura of natural competence, a common characteristic of this sun-moon combo. He can take things personally as well (re: height issues) but it never snowballs into more than passing irritation. The turbulence of his emotions and habit for violence is balanced out by his earthy Virgo rising, which is emotionally subdued, quite thin and delicate in physique, and super neurotic and nitpicky when it comes to cleanliness and health. Cap, Virgo and Scorp are some of the most guarded signs, and a combi of all 3 are hellish. You can tell this poor beautiful man is always caught between feeling and thinking, between maintaining his humanity and forsaking it.

Erwin Smith - Libra sun, Capricorn moon, Leo rising In another life, Erwin Smith would be the damn CEO of a global conglomerate because he oozes so much charisma. Hell if charisma were energy Erwin Smith would be its prime, eternally renewable source. His stature alone is so commanding, and I find some strong Leonine traits in his thickset physique, strong eyebrows, beautiful hair, and that way he shouted in full glory atop wall Rose in that one episode to the cheering masses below. He might be a Libra sun, diplomatic in political affairs, but his Capricorn moon is what drives his decisions. Cap moon has a rep for being cold and unemotional, but i believe they are way more than that! Cap moons rarely boast about their long list of achievements, instead looking forward to the next goal. They struggle with emotional expression, and are super driven and disciplined. Erwin is capable of making the hardest decisions, putting aside emotions to strive for an abstract ideal, and this is to be expected of the commander who takes on the role of the devil.

Hange Zoe - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon, Gemini rising All hail our favourite mad scientist!! Hange is such a breath of fresh air in the Survey Corps, balancing out the heaviness of missions with their wacky tales of titan research and experimentation. Their penchant for study and higher knowledge is typical of a Sagittarius moon, who is drawn to advanced academic study and spiritual truths. It's also a lighthearted and optimistic sign, true to Hange's upbeat personality. The Virgo in them contributes to their sheer intelligence and obsessiveness with research subjects. We also know they LOVE to talk, and once Eren asks Hange about experiments, they cannot stop (Gemini governs communication). Virgo, Sag and Gemini are the most intellectual signs, and because they are mutuable Hange tends to follow orders rather than give them, making it difficult to adapt to their new role towards the end of the series. Mutable signs also means rapidly-changing emotional states, and a whole lot of chaos, which suits our beloved squad leader.

Jean Kirstein - Aries sun, Virgo moon, Taurus rising Our third Aries on the list ohmygod. The snk universe is full of feisty hotheads. Jean is always seen clashing with Eren, fuelled by Eren's closeness with Mikasa and his own adorable jealousy. I mean, they had a full on fist fight right after dinner in the mess hall, although everything went downhill after the first few punches. Our first impression of Jean during his cadet days is coloured by his desire to work in the interior, and this favour for material safety and wealth is perhaps common to a Taurus rising. Also, Taurus is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and harmony, and thus often figures in the charts of artists. If you've seen Jean's drawing skills in that special episode, you'll know that his artistic abilities are the finest we have seen, exceeding even that of isayama himself. Jean's strong principles such as being averse to killing people and oftentimes cynical nature, is also characteristic of the moral and cautious Virgo moon.

Sasha Braus - Leo sun, Gemini moon, Taurus rising Not all Leos are showmans. Sasha is the type of Leo who displays more of the quirky, unabrashed personality suited to her opposite sister sign Aquarius. Authority doesn't exist when food comes into play, as we see when she breaks potato with Shadis and later steals a slab of meat from the officer's warehouse. Unlike the visual artistry that Jean possesses with his Taurus rising, Sasha's Taurus centers around her love for food, and hell she can have fiery determination for it (rmb the wild night she mistook Jean's hand for meat?). I love that both of them were pitted with each other in that cooking special episode. I considered placing her as a Taurus moon, but Taurus moons are usually steadier and classier in emotion, whereas Sasha is often breezy, gets nervous and chaotic, with stellar intuition, making her likely a Gemini moon.

Connie Springer - Taurus sun, Cancer moon, Gemini rising Although not much attention is paid to Connie's growth, his character development reminds me a lot of Aang from ATLA. Cheery and happy-go-lucky at first, before the incident with his mother made him more prone to feelings of anger and vengeance, especially near the later chapters. His strong protective bond with his mother is what compels me to say he is a Cancer moon, which is a moon sign that is very homebody and drawn to family and traditions. His goofy self and him referring to Sasha as "his twin" puts him as the spunky Gemini rising, another sign he shares with her.

Reiner Braun - Leo sun, Pisces moon, Capricorn rising Aside from his natural leader personality (Leonine), Reiner likes to take on the persona of the big brother of the group. His outward stoicism, decisiveness and task-oriented nature is typical of a Cap rising, who is often serious and solemn in appearance. He reminds me of that Cap rising workaholic who does his best in a corporate organization, working 9 to 5 plus overtime as it fulfills his sense of purpose. Beyond his stoic facade reveals a more troubled personality. Like a Pisces moon, Reiner is impressionable, and it's difficult to tell if his emotions and personalities are his own, wavering and absorbing traits from those around him. His internal war with his identity and the ensuing fatigue characterises him during the second half of the series.

Annie Leonhart - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising Annie is the kind of Aries that is so motivated to achieve her goals that everything else is sidelined, including her own emotions. She's quite ruthless in chasing her objectives, and her composure, focus and endurance is highlighted with an Aquarius moon. I'm guessing she has a 4th house influence somewhere because of her motivations to go home to her father and lead a normal life. I find the daintiness and delicateness of her features similar to Levi, who is also a Virgo rising. The Virgo effect also registers as a brutal, unfiltered honesty (also seen in Levi), and Annie doesn't hesitate to speak the truth about her own or her opponent's capabilities.

Other characters which I won't go into much detail about:

Bertholdt Hoover - Capricorn sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising Bertholdt is quiet with an unobtrusive personality. His lack of supposed iniative and aggression can perhaps be attributed to the mutuability of Virgo and Pisces, which goes with the flow instead of charging forward. He keeps his feelings to himself, but reacts when the people he wants to protect are threatened.

Historia Reiss - Capricorn sun, Libra moon, Cancer rising Historia initially lives for the sake of others (esp Ymir), and is more co-dependent than many of her other squadmates. She also tends to put up a front of pleasantness, afraid of disappointing or offending people. She has a strong tie to family, and a profound sense of duty.

Ymir - Aquarius sun, Pisces moon, Aries rising Ymir is extremely astute when it comes to evaluating human behaviour. The religiosity of her background is also usually found in this sun-moon combination, which tends to attract paths of strong spirituality. She also has a bold and noble sacrificial streak for the sake of her companions.

Zeke Jaeger - Leo sun, Capricorn moon, Scorpio rising A headstrong, intelligent and radical character. In a way similar to Erwin in his ruthlessness, but emotionally darker and much more sinisterly private.

Kenny Ackerman - Aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon

Rod Reiss - Virgo sun, Libra moon

Dot Pixis - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon

Hannes - Capricorn sun, Taurus moon

#snk astrology #snk #aot astrology #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #anime astrology #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlet #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #jean kirstein #sasha braus #connie springer #reiner braun #annie leonhart #bertholdt hoover #historia reiss

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a-froger-epic · 3 years

Note

tw: mention of eating disorders

hey i read something about freddie having an eating disrorder, and I hate asking this but could you please explain if you know anything about it. my poor baby :(

Hey anon!

I’m sorry it took me a while to reply. This is a sensitive topic for many, so I wanted to take my time and give you the nuanced reply it deserves.

I’ve talked about this a little before, but I might as well take the opportunity now to speak about it at length. This is only my personal opinion based on everything I’ve read about Freddie and many different takes I’ve seen others put forward.

So, did Freddie have an eating disorder?

The shortest answer to that, as far as I’m concerned, is... maybe?

Before I carry on, I’d like to say that I think everyone is free to speculate about this and make up their own mind, as well as creatively explore this in their writing, and I don’t consider my opinion to be any more correct than anyone else’s.

Why do people think Freddie might have had an ED?

There are a few things about Freddie and food which could be interpreted as ED behaviours. First off, here is what Phoebe has to say about Freddie and his eating habits:

His taste in food changed over the years I was with Freddie. When I started the group of us would make monthly visits to the restaurant Shezan, an Indian eatery, in Knightsbridge. Freddie never had a menu as they always provided his favourite selection of foods without asking. As his illness progressed, his taste buds could not take the assault of spicy foods and he tended to more bland foods. He also turned his eating habits around. He used to have a lighter meal at lunch and then have a big meal in the evening, usually at a restaurant with a big group of friends. Towards the end he would eat more at lunch and a smaller meal in the evenings.

Nothing much out of the ordinary here, as far as I can see. Freddie definitely had favourite foods he enjoyed, but then, a common misconception is that people with EDs don’t like/enjoy food, and that isn’t true. Phoebe also says this:

As I have said before, Freddie was a very light eater. Some of us live to eat, but Freddie was one of those people who ate to live. He was the master of moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten a good amount. He did enjoy good food, but really didn’t need to consume very much. He loved entertaining guests at meals in the dining room at Garden Lodge and was able to disguise his non-eating by making sure everyone else was ok during the meal. Don’t get me wrong, Freddie always ate enough to keep him going, but I can’t remember one time when he leant back in the chair saying ‘I’m stuffed!’

Now here we have a lot of things to unpack. There are three things in here - moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten more, disguising his non-eating and never eating enough to be full - which are definitely known ED behaviours.

However, people who just do not care about food all that much and are light eaters do also exist. In fact, I’m one of them myself. I did struggle with Disordered Eating in my teens and my early 20s, but I have a healthy relationship with food now and I never like to eat until I’m stuffed because it’s not a nice feeling, physically, to overeat. I’m also someone who easily and genuinely forgets to eat when I’m in a creative haze. Just as an example.

Also, seeing as Freddie most likely was made to finish meals all throughout his boarding school times, like many children in lunch halls, which is usually not a great experience for children who are picky or light eaters, the “moving food around the plate to make it seem he’s eaten” could well be an old habit stemming from there.

Either way, Phoebe doesn’t seem too concerned about Freddie’s eating, and even though people with EDs are very good at hiding them, Phoebe did know him for a long time and very, very well. Phoebe could also be withholding information that he considers too private. All of that is possible, all of that is speculation.

There are other things which point to the fact that Freddie was definitely preoccupied with his weight/appearance. In this interview in 1974, he says:

“Oh really,” he exclaims in disgust, “this paper has no flair - I mean to print this picture three times in succession … and just look at my arms!” He was horrified, “look at how fat they appear, now my arms aren’t like that at all - what do you think?” He rolls up his sleeves for me to inspect and I’d like to state here and now that the poor dear’s arms are quite, quite slender!

The photo Freddie is most likely talking about, is this one:

It’s not a very fortunate angle, admittedly. So I think it’s possible to see where he was coming from, but even so, he was worried about his arms looking fat at a time when he looked like this:

Yes, it is important to keep in mind that people were generally thinner in the 70s than we are used to now. (Brian, for example, was also incredibly thin.) But in this picture it really is evident that Freddie was very, very thin at this point.

Other things which are often brought into the discussion around Freddie’s eating habits is the account of him throwing a fit when Brian ate one of his biscuits once, choosing to walk after a meal at a restaurant while his driver drove alongside him and his friends, eating cereal on the floor in his dressing room, this picture where he clearly prefers salad to chicken wings (unlike Roger “What Even Are Vegetables” Taylor):

All of the above, to me, are things which can be heavily read into but ultimately don’t prove very much.

And there is this bit from Mercury & Me:

The Sun did later print a photograph of Freddie taken while he was performing at the festival, which he didn't appreciate. It showed off "Flabulous Freddie" with a slight paunch, wickedly describing it as his "midriff bulge". When he saw the picture he looked at me and shook his head in despair. 'It's typical,' he said. 'If I'm slim the papers say I'm too thin and if I put on a little bit of a belly they say I'm too fat. It's a no-win situation.'

Now, that doesn’t give off the impression to me that Freddie was particularly distraught about that article, at that point in his life. But it certainly appears to have bothered him to some degree.

So what’s the conclusion?

To me, personally, it seems quite likely that Freddie did suffer from Disordered Eating in the early to mid 70s. That’s really not uncommon, sadly, although it usually afflicts young women more than young men. But he was in the spotlight and had to care about his appearance. He was clearly very preoccupied with it, not only when it came to his body, but his looks in general - there is plenty of evidence regarding that. He was very selective about which photographs of himself he did and didn’t like. However, I find it impossible to say just how much this preoccupation affected him exactly. 1974 especially was also a very taxing year for Queen. Their management was shit, they struggled with money, they almost lost Brian, their touring schedules were brutal, the press was bashing them, Freddie was struggling with his sexual identity. There were a lot of immense stress factors, and he could have very well been someone who responded to stress by not eating - just like others respond to stress by eating too much. And Disordered Eating is not classed as an eating disorder. It is, if you will, the beginning of one.

Or, he absolutely could have developed or already had an actual ED which he was hiding fairly well, and it could have affected him a lot, but nobody would have ever known because he would have been unlikely to ever speak to anybody about it.

Both is possible. I simply don’t think that there is enough information to do more than speculate on the matter, beyond: He had a preoccupation with his looks and minded what and how much he ate throughout his life.

However, in the second half of the 70s as well as the 80s, he was still thin but had started working out and looked more “athletic” thin rather than gaunt. I think it’s entirely possible that whatever issues Freddie had with food were not a constant thing but something that may have been worse and better at times, depending on his overall mental well-being and his levels of confidence.

Or, it could have been something that he always struggled with.

Again, as far as I am concerned, both is possible and I don’t feel I can say for certain. And so, my take leans towards Disordered Eating when younger and less preoccupation with it later on. That’s the impression I get.

But I wrote all this out so that others can make up their own minds, and rather than share my exact opinion, I encourage you to do just that.

#Freddie Mercury #Tw eating disorders #meta #ask response

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wellhellotragic · 3 years

Text

These Wounds Won't Seem to Heal 3/4

Summary: It’s not her fault. She’s still new and doesn’t know. He’s not flawless. Not anymore. He’s got scars, ones she’s seen first hand. Ones she helped tend to. His body is covered in them. There’s a thin red line where he took a bottle to the face during his early beat cop days. There’s another angry red mark on his torso from where he was stabbed with a knife in his ribs. The one where he had his hand slammed in a locker as a teenager has long since faded, only the barest hint remaining, only visible in just the right lighting.

There’s two oval scars now too. One in his stomach and one on his chest. Those are from the worst day of her life.But none of those scars compare to the ones he carries on the inside. The self-inflicted cuts he makes to his soul never quite healing over. He blames himself. It’s not his fault.

There’s a scar on her soul now too. One he left. A piece of her heart forever missing.

Rating: Mature (mostly for language)

A/N: Guy, I suck so hard core. I don't even know how I let so much time lapse between chapter 2 and now, and then to really top off my suck-o-meter, I realized that there's going to have to be a chapter 4 because I can't fix what I've done so easily. Not realistically at least. I promise, and happy ending is coming though, and it won't take me another 8 months to get it up. I hope to have it up and finished by the weekend.

The AO3 version

It’s been a hell of a night. She’s not sure where exactly it falls on her list of worst days ever, but it’s in her top five. It has to be. It’s not the worst, that honor is saved for the night she almost lost Killian, but it’s still up there. She’s spent hours now going through all of the details over and over again with Graham and Lance, her story never changing. Getting poked and prodded by EMTs, despite telling everyone that she’s fine.

She’s not, but they can’t stitch up her insides.

David, her partner, on the other hand has a bullet hole in his leg. Better than his head though.

She’s not even sure if she can fully reconcile everything that happened. She and David were investigating the death of a low profile importer, a nobody, interviewing some dock workers that had found the body. Some gruff looking men who easily blended in with the usual fishmongers and cargo sorters.

But they weren’t. She realized it just a second too late, right before a bag was pulled over her head. She fought like hell, but she was at a disadvantage. From what she heard, David had put up a fight as well, but in the end, it was useless, and she lost consciousness with a sharp blow to the head.

She woke up strapped down to a chair with David the same a few feet beside her. She shouldn’t have been surprised, Jefferson had always given her a bad feeling, but she never actually thought he’d go dirty. She certainly never expected to be facing the wrong side of his department issued sidearm.

Even now, everything is still a blur. Graham assured her it’s the shock, that it’ll fade once the adrenaline wears off; that everything will clear up after a good night's rest. She’s not sure about that though. It’s four in the morning now and the adrenaline seems to be hanging on for dear life still and she knows she's not going to rest any time soon. Humbert offered to drive her home but she declined, choosing to wait for August to finish wrapping up his report.

She’s not sure what time it is when they finally arrive at her apartment. The battery in her cell phone died ages ago. Neither of them even make a move for the fridge, choosing to bypass the beer she keeps stocked for the hard nights. Instead, the two of them move in silence to her room. She plugs in her cell before crawling in bed next to him, like when they were kids in Ingrid’s foster house. She’s not sure who’s comforting who at this point, but she knows that she just needs to be with family.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She doesn’t, but she knows she needs to or it’ll eat her alive. She’s tried that once already and it ended up with her almost having a complete nervous breakdown and a three week leave of absence with daily Archie sessions.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

It’s true. So much has happened in the last twelve hours, there’s no one easy to pinpoint place to begin. So August goes first. He fills in the blanks that he can, so that she might be able to piece together the rest. He tells her about Killian sending him undercover, about Jefferson and missing drugs and money. How Jefferson was helping to conceal evidence that would link Walsh and the Nikko empire to a wide distribution of pixie dust.

Some of it is just speculation, that Jefferson must have figured out they were closing in on him and that’s why he went for Emma, and David was probably just collateral damage. How he most likely picked Emma because he knew how much she meant to him , and while he didn’t say Killian’s name specifically, the implication hung over her like a heavy cloud.

“Before you got there, he told Killian to choose. Between me and David I mean. To pick which one of us would live and which one would die. And then he just started laughing and screaming in this crazed voice that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget.”

It was the single most terrifying thing she’d ever heard. The mania that accompanied it. She already knew that it was going to haunt her for months to come, if not longer.

It’s a real Gracie’s choice. Gracie’s choice Killian. GRACIE’s CHOICE!!!

She felt August shift next to her.

“Gracie was his daughter. She died while he was undercover with a Southie Gang. Killian was undercover with Cruella at the time. It was a freak accident, a gas leak and the house went up in flames, but he was convinced that she was killed by one of the De Vil boys. He told me once that he knew Killian had given him up as a snitch to prove his worth. The De Vil’s had nothing to do with the Southie boys, but he’d twisted it up in his mind. I never thought he’d do anything about it though. It was just crazy drunk venting one night.”

She knows August. Knows that he’s blaming himself for what happened tonight, but she ignores it. Nothing she says will stop him from tormenting himself, and she’s not done.

“I told him to choose David. He has this whole perfect life, you know. An adoring wife and a new baby, all of these people that would miss him if he were gone. I told Killian to save David, and I-” She hates how small she feels when she cries, but she can’t hold back the tears. “He gave me this look. He’s been cold, but this was something different. There was just so much anger in his eyes.”

And that’s when she breaks. Knowing that hated her was one thing, but watching him train his gun on her. Seeing the pure darkness in his eyes. She doesn’t know how to voice it to August, but she knows that if August hadn’t arrived when he did, she knows he would have done as she asked. That he wouldn’t have had to think twice about it. And it’s that knowledge that sliced open the last piece of her heart that had been hanging on by a thread, even after all that time.

August holds her through the tears, until she finally exhausts herself enough to sleep. And so she drifts off, completely unaware of the new voicemail alert waiting for her.

________________________________

The February air is cooler on the water and he kicks himself for not bringing a heavier jacket. It’s been ages since he’s been out on this boat, and time has helped him to forget everything except for the things he wishes he could. Liam always used to tease him, so much so that Killian would reject any offers of warmth from his brother just to prove a point. He wasn’t some silly kid that needed to be minded anymore. He was capable of doing everything on his own, except for bringing an extra coat. He forgot everytime, and today was no exception.

Luckily for Killian, the spare that Liam kept on the boat just for him is still in its place, folded neatly in a small storage locker below deck. It hits him in the gut a little, that Liam could be so right about some things and incredibly wrong about others.

It’s eating Killian alive, not talking to his brother. Not being able to express himself because despite everything Emma has done for him, Liam still doesn’t approve of her. Liam often still thinks of him as the teenage boy, awkward and desperate for approval from anyone that will give it to him, even if it means getting taken advantage of.

He’s not that kid anymore though. He isn’t letting his crush steal his essays and letting her claim this as her own. He isn’t using all of his hard earned money to buy her jewelry that she’s just going to pawn for cash later. He isn’t following after Emma like a lost puppy dog.

He’s in love with her, and he has a sneaking suspicion that she feels the same way. But at this rate, he’s never going to get Liam’s blessing, the only approval he needs anymore.

He shouldn’t be thinking about this now. He really shouldn’t. Not when he and Liam are sitting in a rented dilapidated loft across from an abandoned fabric warehouse waiting for the Canal Street Cutter to emerge. There had been a lot of chatter that morning about where he might be hiding and Liam assembled teams throughout South Boston hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

Emma and August were stationed about eight blocks over. Lance and Arthur were on the edge of South Boston and Waterfront. Other teams were scattered, but too far away to get to if they needed assistance.

Killian had tried to tell Liam that it was a bad idea to spread everyone so thin, but the elder Jones brother had been instant and headstrong as ever. It would have been a career making arrest, and Liam, ever aspiring to be more just wouldn’t let that chance pass him by.

“I just think that you have other obligations that require your attention right now.”

“If this is the bros before hoes speech you can just save it.”

“Killian,” The exasperation evident in his brother's tone, “you know I detest such vile language. It's crude and you are better than that little brother.”

“What obligations?” He has to quash his desire to correct his brother’s description of him.

“I just think that you are meant for so much more in this life and I worry that you gave up so much when you left the narcotics division to follow her into homicide. You were a rising star there and now you’re having to cut your teeth all over again.”

“It’s not as if I’m starting all over. For God’s sake Liam, I just made Lieutenant. But there’s more to life than a job.”

His brother takes his gaze away from the binoculars to turn to Killian.

“Look at father and all of his vices. It strayed him from the path. But you, Killian, you persevered and now everything you've wanted is in your grasp.”

“This isn't the same thing and you know it. Emma isn't some pathetic man’s addiction. Liam, I'm in love with her.”

“Killian,” Liam pauses, taking a deep breath. “She's a distraction. Think of all that you’ve accomplished in the year that you were undercover. You brought down an entire crime syndicate. You did that without her taking your attention away.”

“I didn't bring the De Vil family down because ‘we’ were apart. I did it because we were ‘apart’ and I knew the only way I'd be able to see her again without putting her in harm's way would be to find the evidence and make the arrest.”

“Fine, if you need another reason, have you thought about working directly with her, or even over her in a supervisory position? Have you considered how your personal relationship with a subordinate could affect your judgment?”

“It’s not-”

Liams sees movement in the distance, cutting off Killian’s rebuttal, but his view is obscured so he motions for Killian to follow him, to leave the safety of their little room. They stay silent as they walk downstairs and head out a propped-open door leading to an alleyway. They had to wind through hallways to get from the loft outside and now they’re further away from the warehouse with no cover.

Killian even tries pointing out how visible they are, but Liam shuts him down, determined to close the case. He’s halfway sure that Liam’s trying to prove a point about how Killian can’t be successful and be in a relationship with Emma. He’s seen it before, the way professional jealousy destroys couples. But Emma’s not like that. She wouldn’t see his success as her failure.

They try to skirt the perimeter and he knows he should keep his mouth shut, this just isn’t the time, but he’s just so frustrated that he can’t keep holding it in.

“Please don’t make me choose between you.” It’s an angry whisper, more to himself than anything, and even though he did his best to keep his volume low it’s still enough that Liam’s heard and turns back to him, missing sight of the empty beer bottle at his feet.

The glass battering against the gravel echoes through the night as they both stay silent, waiting to see if they’ve been heard. The air is still around them, and Killian thinks they just might have lucked out.

And then he hears the gunshots ring out.

Liam is on the ground before Killian has time to register what’s happened. He runs to Liam, but gets knocked to the ground before he can get to him. His body hurts and he can see blood covering his hand from where he just touched his abdomen. He’s always heard people say that the shock blocks out the pain, but they must all be liars, because the longer he lays there, the more the pain intensifies.

It takes everything he has to pull himself behind a dumpster, half crawling, half slithering like a snake.

The shock eventually did kick in though, because even to this day he has no memory of radioing in for help. Just the vague memories of Emma leaning over him. The look in her eyes as she tried her best to hold back tears.

The same tears he fought back the night he left Boston, like the coward he was. But Archie was right. He needed to get his head on straight, to distance and center himself. He had to leave, for her.

He’s still wrestling with the guilt. He talked about it with Archie, how she begged him to kill her and save David. And that he actually considered it for about two full seconds. Not because he wanted to, but because he didn’t want her feeling the way he did. The burden of knowing that someone else was dead, and knowing that no matter how good you are, how hard you try, that you’ll never live up to them. He didn’t want her hating herself the way he did. Didn’t want her to destroy herself like he had.

But then something snapped inside of him and rage bubbled up. The audacity of her to beg him to kill her. For her to try and force that decision on him, with no regard to him or his feelings.

It was at that moment that he finally realized what he’d been doing to her ever since Liam had passed away. He finally understood the choice she’d been forced to make that night. And he knew - he knew that despite it all - he could never live with himself if he’d chosen anyone but her. That he couldn’t let her go just like she didn’t with him.

The only thing that saved him was Boothe. In the moments that passed after August arrived, while the two of them tried to wrestle the gun away from Jefferson, he felt the weight of Liam’s death wash over him. And then he heard a shot ring out and there was nothing but panic. Panic and guilt.

It felt as though ages had passed as he searched for Emma in the smoke filled room. The SWAT team had moved in at some point, but he’d been too focused on fighting off Jefferson to notice. He pushed through the sting in his eyes and the tightness of his chest as he looked for her, but all he saw through the haze were armored cops everywhere.

It wasn’t until he was forcibly escorted outside the building that he saw her, saw that she was safe, and then his stomach turned. He ran around a corner away from all of the prying eyes, and for the first time in his career, he gave in and let the night overcome him.

It’s been nearly a year since that night and he’s been running ever since. Some days are better than others. The anger is mostly behind him, but some nights he still wakes up in a sweat clutching his bed sheets, ready to fight. But there’s never anyone around to take a swing at, because he’s all alone. He’s pushed away anyone that ever mattered and isolated himself on that damn boat.

He thinks of Emma, wonders if she’s moved on or not. He’s too cowardly to call her, partly because he has no idea what he will say if she answers, but mostly because he’s terrified that she won’t answer. So he broods. He takes to the local bars as he sails the coastline and drinks a little too much before stumbling back to Liam’s boat alone. It’s a wonder nobody’s robbed him yet for what a careless sot he’s been.

Tonight is one of those nights. He’s made his way down to Florida and back, only a few hours away from Boston, and his demons are screaming again. He’s hoping against all hope that the rum in the tumbler across from him will help quiet them. Just holding the small glass in his fingertips helps a bit. A placebo of sorts. He doesn’t want to be this man anymore though. This pathetic lonely human. He doesn’t want to feel this way anymore, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. Archie said that him realizing it was a good first step but he’s not sure if he agrees. He’s called Archie a lot over the last year. Somehow doing therapy over the phone as the boat sways back and forth under his feet has helped to ease his hesitancy. There’s something about knowing that he can hang up at any time if he wants, and that no one knows. No one will judge him.

They don’t talk about Emma, not in present tense at least. They’ve had conversations about the way he’s treated her in the past, about his complicated feelings for her, the way it’s all shaped him, but they never talk about her now. He’s not sure if it’s because Archie doesn’t know if he’s ready for that, or if Archie knows something that he’s absolutely not ready for.

Archie is here tonight though, the rum is.

He’s still twirling the amber in his hand as he hears the familiar scraping of a nearby barstool against a wooden floor. There’s a scent that follows, a floral perfume that doesn’t match with the musk of the dive bar. He doesn’t look at her directly, doesn’t need to when he can see her from the mirror behind the bar. Her top is low, flashing more skin that it’s covering. She’s closer than he thought.

“Is that for me?” She’s bold.

He’s reminded of those early days on the force, when he wouldn’t even have to talk to a woman. When he could just flash her a smile and she’d be on his arm heading out the door to her place. He’s not that guy though, he’s salty and cynical, and the look he flashes her is closer to a smirk.

“Excuse me?” “Well, you’ve been toying with it for almost twenty minutes. I just thought maybe you were waiting for me to walk into your life.”

Was he this bad at picking up women?

“Look, I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m not in the mood for woman.” “So you’re gay?”

It’s a good thing he hasn’t started drinking yet because he damn well might have chocked otherwise. He doesn’t get a chance to respond though. The bubbly blonde that served him his rum has returned with a spray bottle in hand. “Mary of Mothers. Didn’t I already have you escorted out of here tonight, Teresa?”

“Bite me, Tinkerbelle.”

The girl behind the bar might be all of five foot tall but there’s a beast inside her that towers over any man in that bar and before he knows what’s happening the bartender is drowning the girl in what smells like stainless steel cleaner and the words coming out of her mouth would make any Navy man blush.

The girl ends up running away and Killian isn’t sure what to make of any of it. He’s broken up bar fights before, but he’s never seen anything quite like that.

“Sorry about that. I know this little bar might not seem like much, but it’s all I’ve got and I’ll be damned if I let the likes of her selling her body in here.” “Oh, she wasn’t-” “Trust me, where you had agreed upfront or not, you would have been light whatever cash you have left in that wallet before the night was up. And I’ll bet you dollars to pennies you would have had a lovely little itch or two down there.” She nods her head towards his crotch before switching the subject like she hadn’t just implied the poor woman from before was an STD ridden whore. “So, I haven’t seen you here before. Where you from?”

He’s not sure how she’s disarmed him so quickly, but he finds himself telling her all about himself over the next hour. Business has slowed down and her other barmate seems to be more than capable of handling the few strays still walking in.

She makes him laugh too with her feisty spirit. It’s been far too long since he’s felt at ease like this. They talk and talk. Not about much in particular, just random conversation. She bought the bar about six years ago, and tells him about how it’s let her build the family she always wanted and never really got. She’s carved out her own little place in the world and he envies her that. The way she can just lay her whole life bare to a complete stranger while he can’t even talk to the people that know him best.

The night rolls on and it’s time to close up. He half expects that she’s going to invite him upstairs, to the little apartment she mentioned earlier, but she surprises him. She’s done that a few times tonight, but this one hits him in the gut. “So, what’s her name?”

This time he actually does chock on the water she’s poured for him.” “I’m sorry, what?”

“Killian, in the last few hours, you’ve told me your entire life story, everything from your shitty father to your arrogant brother, your job, your leave of absence, but you haven’t mentioned a girl one single time. You’re holding back, which means there’s something to hold back.”

“You don’t know that. I could be gay.” “Um, ya, I saw you check out Teresa’s rack earlier, definitely not gay. So what’s the deal.” He doesn’t want to talk about it, but he doesn’t want to be rude either. So he gives her as little as possible, but she sees through him. In fact, she actually asks him what the hell he’s waiting for as she pushes him out the door.

He doesn’t really know what he’s waiting for to be honest. He’s wanted to go back to Boston, but there’s just so many threads he left unravelled when he left.

#These Wounds Won't Seem to Heal #Captain Swan #captain swan ff #CS fanfics

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n1kolaiz · 3 years

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ENTJ + INFJ DYNAMIC

BSD MANGA CHAPTER 54-57 SPOILERS

Chapter 54 introduced Mushitaro Oguri, and his background involving Yokomizo was ever so intriguing to me. So unfortunately, here I am.

Mushitaro and Yokomizo's dynamic:

The 'Commander' meets the 'Idealist.'

Alright, I won't go into the details about the case of Yokomizo's death, because there's no way in hell I can explain it fluently at all. So if you need further reference to what these few chapters are about, popopretty's post would elaborate on the details and whatnot.

Before I start, here's a bit of little introduction to both individual characters:

MUSHITARO OGURI

Mushitaro appears to take a lot of pride in his ability, which contributes to his arrogant complex altogether. He had his own desires and goals, and lived out his days just to fulfil them.

His ability is called the 'Perfect Crime,' which allows him to erase any trail of evidence pertaining to whatever crime he had committed. Hence, he is also known as the 'infallible Detective-killer.'

Until Ranpo proved him wrongヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉﾞ

His personality type is most likely 'ENTJ,' the 'Commander.'

- ENTJs are known to have exceptional leadership skills. They are confident in themselves and what they do; basically, they don't have the tendency to second-guess what they are capable of. This explains Mushitaro's ambition to achieve his ends, and his ability goes the extra mile of complimenting his success rate greatly. Whether his motives or the end results were morally good or evil, it didn't matter to Mushitaro— as long as his wishes were fulfilled.

"With tyrants and demons, I'll make deal with a demon. That's in my nature."

- They're also quite outspoken with their opinions. It's a fairly minor detail, but this shows why he wasn't afraid to express the distaste he had for mystery novels to Yokomizo— including the extravagant ideas and serpentine stories his close friend based his life upon and discussed with him.

- The subtle insensitivity mixed in with an ENTJ's preference of logic over emotion highlights one of their core weaknesses: which brings us back to Mushitaro's ability to kill his friend. Say you were to put a person with a deeply compassionate heart, who's also very well in-tact when it comes to identifying emotions and being empathetical to other's feelings: would that person be able to kill a friend they'd known for so long? For the sole reason of making his last mystery novel a deathless enigma? This is very subjective perspective, but I believe that if Mushitaro was more of an emotionalist rather than a strategist, things would have turned out different for Yokomizo's eventual fate.

Side note: His insensitivity did, however, find its limit when he realised how devastating it was to have killed his own friend with his hands. Even though there's a wide scale that measures how insensitive a person can be, they are, in fact, still human beings capable of feeling. Killing someone dear to you is no easy task; there is a breaking point for the hardest of hearts.

SEISHI YOKOMIZO

Yokimozo, also known as Kindaichi, was a mystery writer who was very particular about detail and being exclusive, especially when it came to his works. His last wish he pursued to achieve before a terminal illness took his life was done by formulating a 'mystery that transcended reality.'

"I hate regret. So I've done whatever I've wanted to do. Up until now, it's been a satisfying life. But now… I've been given a time limit…Before then, I have to complete the ultimate mystery."

His personality type is identified as 'INFJ,' also known as the 'Idealist.'

- INFJ's are deeply creative and artistic, but they express it in various different ways. For Yokomizo, he portrayed his brilliant artistic skill through his writings revolving around mysteries and their compelling depths. The fictional character's namesake was also a mystery novel writer. Yokomizo was pretty well-versed with how mysteries worked and how their details ravelled themselves into elegantly, well-established riddles, which only added to his natural flair of writing.

- Generally, INFJs are reserved, but incredibly idealistic. Yokomizo was seen to be very abstract in his idea of thinking, and this is due to the fact that INFJs have a thing for pondering about life and the meaning behind everything.

"Mushi-kun, I bet you're laughing at me for destroying myself for the sake of mystery. But if that's the case, maybe there's no such thing as unshakable values. Maybe it's up to us to decide what to put value in and what to live for. After all, we have the right to turn our own decisions into our entire world. It is, foolishly enough, the greatest luxury afforded to mankind."

- As for their weaknesses, some INFJs are very hard to get to know. They are mysterious at times, which prevents them from being flamboyant with their thoughts and opinions. Yokomizo had a very lighthearted, mystifying nature, which made him a very interesting character altogether. Despite having a high regard for their intimate relationships— INFJs can be quite private. Mushitaro vaguely points out his self-contained, introverted mannerisms in this panel:

Now, I'll get to my point.

ENTJs and INFJs don't ideally match up, but when it comes to general friendships, there are a few details that suggest an accomodating dynamic between the two personality types. These qualities emanate from Mushitaro and Yokomizo's friendship with each other.

Opposites attract in most cases, correct?

Well, in this case, ENTJs and INFJs have a lot of similarities:

intelligent

intuitive in thinking

determined

goal-oriented

But the more numerable contrasting qualities is what really brings out the agreeable traits between Mushitaro and Yokozimo. Think of it as a system where two opposites mutually keep each other in check:

1. Mushitaro bases his life on the gaining his own needs and wants, and is very firm in his sense of realism, while Yokomizo is more focused on the deep, complexities of life itself. This may come off as impractical to ENTJs, but also compliments their coordination with INFJs. Realism limits idealism, but idealists can also expand the boundaries realists place themselves in.

2. INFJs accept people and ideas as they are, not willing to put others down just to prove themselves right. Yokozimo's tolerant behaviour stands in contrast with how authoritative Mushitaro is, especially when it boils down to his arrogance— he isn't afraid to spit his pride right into his opponent's face.

Kneel, detectives! I am the king of crime! No one can force me to sin and repent!

Just for laughs reference^

So it's safe to say that because Yokomizo had an acquired sense of serenity and open-mindedness, he was able to tolerate Mushitaro's extravagant, subtle histrionic characteristics, which were laced with his superior complex.

3. In the manga, Yokomizo speaks and converses with Mushitaro in a way that suggests that he is careful with his words. INFJs are gentle and generally sensitive to the needs of others, so they tend to be careful with what comes out of their mouths. Mushitaro, like most ENTJs, are quite blunt. This points back to how insensitive they come off, even if they don't actually mean it. So when it comes to Yokozimo explaining tales of mystery to Mushitaro, Mushitaro doesn't hesitate to mock Yokozimo; but because of how understanding Yokozimo is, he doesn't take Mushitaro's opinions too seriously to the point of discounting the value of their friendship, because he knew Mushitaro didn't use his words with the intention to harm.

If you were to place a more dominant persona in Yokomizo's position, I doubt that that person would be able to tolerate such behaviours. Then again, this is crucially subjective.

I suppose the main thing I wanted to point out was how ENTJs and INFJs balanced each other out by cancelling out each other's extreme traits, and keeping each other in the middle of the equilibrium altogether. But another thing I'd like to point out to sum up Mushitaro and Yokozimo's relationship was this: the fact that Mushitaro had to kill his own friend to grant his dying wish. Dying for someone or by someone's hands is easier than killing someone, especially if that someone is dear to you, no? I guess that's the part I can't fathom— it was the type of relationship that stood out way more than I had expected. Say, the roles were switched, would Yokomizo actually kill Mushitaro? Or would Mushitaro think of such an incomprehensible way to die in the first place? Or what if these two friends had different, more superior traits that coexisted in conflict all the time, would Yokomizo even depend on Mushitaro with such a task?

The speculations are endless, or maybe it's pretty straightforward. Though, I hope this made sense.

Okay, I'm done rambling for now. Thank you for reading!

#bsd #bsd analysis #bsd characters #bungou stray dogs #bsd spoilers #bsd manga #bsd mushitaro #bsd decay of angels #decay of angels #rats in the house of the dead #.daydreams

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my-bated-breath · 4 years

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Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic

(featured below: a very self-indulgent Zutara post that uses Facts and Evidence to be self-indulgent)

When I joined the ATLA fandom, a common trend I've seen used to discredit Zutara was the belief that upon transitioning from a platonic relationship to a romantic one, Zuko and Katara would immediately become The Worst (TM) for each other. It's quite the stretch, and the Zutara fandom nearly unanimously recognizes that. Still, since the attacks have yet to cease even 15 years after the show’s first release, I'd like to add my two-cents on the subject, along with a reference to actual research that is much harder to dismiss.

The reason why Zutara is framed as a “toxic and unhealthy” relationship is that their romance would be a classic example of the enemies-to-lovers trope, a trope which modern media has not been particularly kind to. However, when executed correctly, enemies-to-lovers can produce a healthy and loving relationship, frequently relying on friendship as an intermediate between the “enemy” and “lover” stages in the most well-executed versions of this trope. Meanwhile, the trope of friends-to-lovers is just as popular as enemies-to-lovers, though the specific dynamic required between two individuals to achieve this transition is not well-known. Recognizing this, Laura K. Guerrero and Paul A. Mongeau, both of whom are involved in relationship-related research as professors at Arizona State University, wrote a research paper on how friendships may transition into romantic relationships.

While “On Becoming ‘More Than Friends: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship” covers a variety of aspects regarding how friends may approach a budding romantic relationship, this meta will focus on the section titled “The Trajectory from Platonic Friendship to Romantic Relationship,” which describes stages of intimacy that are in common between platonic and romantic relationships.

(I am only using this one source for my meta because as much as I love research and argumentative writing, I can only give myself so much more school work before I break. If you wish to see more sources that corroborate the argument from above, refer to the end of this meta at the “Works Cited.”)

According to Guerrero and Mongeau, “...scholars have argued that intimacy is located in different types of interactions, ranging from sexual activity and physical contact to warm, cozy interactions that can occur between friends, family members, and lovers…” Guerrero and Mongeau then reference a relationship model where the initial stages (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) reflect platonic/romantic intimacy through communication while the latter stages (i.e. role-taking, achieving interpersonal role fit, and achieving dyadic crystallization) often see both individuals as achieving a higher level of intimacy that involves more self-awareness.

Definitions, because some terminology in this quote is field-specific:

_____

Perception of similarity: (similar in background, values, etc.) which contributes to pair rapport

Pair rapport: produces positive emotional and behavioral responses to the partner, promotes effective communication and instills feelings of self-validation

Self-disclosure: a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Role-taking: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship

Role-fit: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles

Dyadic crystallization: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple

_____

(Source: Quizlet -- not the most reliable source, I know, but once again field-specific terms tend to be ubiquitous in their definitions, and I doubt that this Quizlet can be that inaccurate)

(Additional note: only the first three definitions will be relevant to this meta, but the other definitions are left in for all of you who want to speculate what the next part of this meta, which may or may not be published the following week, will be about.)

Let’s apply what we just learned back to the real Zuko-Katara relationship we see throughout the show. What attributes of healthy and natural friends-to-lovers dynamics may they check off?

Perceiving similarities:

Zuko and Katara share an astounding number of parallels in background and character throughout the show. Both their mothers had sacrificed their lives to save them, and then there are many deliberate parallels drawn between Zuko and Katara’s confrontations in the Day of Black Sun and The Southern Raiders, respectively. Of course, there are more, but since I do not have much to add to this subject, I’ll say that perceiving these similarities helps contribute to…

Pair rapport:

We see three standout examples of this from the show in which Zuko and Katara “make positive emotional and behavioral responses” towards each other: In the Crossroads of Destiny, the Southern Raiders, and Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

(1) Crossroads of Destiny. Zuko and Katara bond over the loss of their mothers in the Crystal Catacombs, allowing themselves to truly see the other for the first time as well as for them to speak civilly and intimately (is this self-disclosure I see?) with each other. Of course, their conversation (on-screen or off-screen) is meaningful enough for Katara to offer to use the Spirit Oasis water to heal Zuko’s scar.

(2) The Southern Raiders. The journey Zuko and Katara take for her to achieve closure (which is something Zuko himself knew was necessary to heal and grow) is the catalyst for Katara forgiving Zuko. Though there is no true “rapport” in the scene where Katara forgives him, all other banter/conversations (in the Ember Island Players and the ATLA finale) between Katara and Zuko are reliant on the moment she forgives him.

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. In the finale, Zuko experiences a moment of uncertainty before just before he faces his uncle -- his uncle who had always been there for him since the days of his banishment, his uncle had loved him unconditionally even when Zuko did not know that such love was possible, his uncle who loved him like his own son, his uncle who he betrayed in the Crystal Catacombs, his uncle who turned away when he was encased in crystal, too disappointed to look him in the eye. He tells this to Katara -- and what does Katara say to Zuko in response?

“Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

The dialogue speaks for itself. The positive emotional response, the open communication, and the (rightful) encouragement Katara provides, all without invalidating Zuko’s self-doubt, demonstrates the epitome of pair rapport. Further elaboration would simply be me gushing over their dynamic.

Self-disclosure:

Self-disclosure involves revealing intimate feelings. We’re revisiting the same three episodes that we covered up above since they all include self-disclosure.

(1) The Crossroads of Destiny. When he reaches out in the Crystal Catacombs, Zuko reveals something to Katara that he has never told anyone before, perhaps something he didn’t even want to admit to himself -- in response to “the Fire Nation took my mother away from me” he says “that's something we have in common.” And to say that out loud, to say it to himself and Katara when for three whole years he’s been trying to convince himself that the Fire Nation is good and that his father loves him -- there are no words to describe it. It’s both awe-inspiring and heartbreaking to see that Zuko and Katara’s shared pain is what allowed them to see each other as more than the “face of the enemy,” and it’s something so poignant that it forms an immediately profound connection between the two.

(2) The Southern Raiders. On their way to the Fire Nation communications tower on Whale Tail Island, Katara tells the story of her mother’s death, a story that has haunted her memories for years, looming over her as a ghost, a wound that festers into fear to grief to anger. This was the moment that divided Katara’s life into the Before and the After, the one that forced her to abandon childhood and to become a mother to her own brother (as implied by Sokka in his conversation with Toph in the Runaway). And yet this is the first time we see her tell someone her story in the show, full and vivid as if it happened yesterday. Because even though she mentioned her mother before to Aang, Haru, and Jet in order to sympathize with them -- it’s just that. Sympathizing. This time she tells Zuko about her mother’s death for her own sake rather than for another’s. And it’s an incredibly intimate moment, one that is made even more fragile, wrenching, and beautiful by Zuko’s response -- “Your mother was a brave woman.”

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. Throughout the second half of season 3, Zuko shares his love and insecurities regarding Iroh to every member of the GAang.

In the Firebending Masters, he mentions to Aang offhandedly -- and perhaps too offhandedly, as if he didn’t want to believe it himself -- that Iroh, Dragon of the West, received his honorary title for killing the last dragon.

An episode later in part one of the Boiling Rock, Zuko talks about his uncle with near constancy. He brews tea for the GAang and (endearingly) tries retelling “Uncle’s favorite tea joke.” He tells Sokka, “Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that… I meant my uncle. He was more of a father to me. And I really let him down.” He (fails at, adorably) giving advice to Sokka when the rescue mission to the Boiling Rock has begun to look helpless, asking himself “what would Uncle say?” before completely floundering away.

Then, in the Ember Island Players, he shares a sweet moment with Toph, bitterly spitting out that

“...for me, [the play] takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

Toph, in turn, reveals the thoughtful side to her character, the side that is almost always hidden, telling Zuko that “you have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.”

And every one of these moments matter, because we see Zuko’s inner conflict (though this inner conflict does not exist to the extent at which it did at the first half of season 3) and its evolution. First, with Aang, he remains skeptical and disillusioned. Second, with Sokka, his longing for Iroh’s love and presence manifests itself in him imitating his uncle as well as he can. Third, with Toph, he finally admits everything he had been afraid of ever since he saw Iroh’s empty prison cell during the eclipse -- that Iroh is disappointed in him. That Iroh hates him. That Iroh will never accept him again.

And for a moment, with Toph’s encouraging response and Zuko’s resulting little smile, it appears as though Zuko’s internal conflict arc is concluded. But we are wrong -- because in the finale of the show, we are given the true climax and resolution to Zuko’s insecurities, fears, and self-loathing. And who is it that he shares this moment with?

It speaks volumes about Zuko and Katara’s relationship that Katara is the one to comfort Zuko in this scene, in that last moment of hesitation right before he steps inside his uncle’s tent, preparing himself to see his uncle as a completely changed person. As a person who now knows humility and unconditional love. And remember -- selecting Katara to be in this scene is a deliberate narrative choice because ATLA was written by a team of producers and writers, and perhaps even if it wasn’t, it becomes a powerful moment in which Zuko’s arc with Iroh reaches its peak.

Simply having Katara there in this scene already has such a great narrative impact, but then the show gives us some of the most intimate dialogue that Zuko, a naturally closed-off person, delivers (although his emotional outbursts may suggest otherwise, Zuko tends to hide most of his internally conflicting feelings to himself. Hence, he is always able to dramatically monologue about his honor, his country, and his throne -- because he’s trying to convince himself to play a part. But that’s another meta for another day).

Let’s begin by comparing Toph and Zuko’s dialogue with Katara and Zuko’s dialogue because both see the other party validating Zuko’s feelings.

(Warning: the following section plunges deep into the realm of speculation and overanalyzing dialogue. Regarding literature or any media, there are countless ways to interpret the source material, and this is simply one way it could be done.)

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue:

Toph: Geez, everyone's getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual, and that's saying something!

Zuko: You don't get it, it's different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself, taking down ten bad guys at once, and making sassy remarks.

Toph: Yeah, that's pretty great!

Zuko: But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.

_____

Although Toph and Zuko’s dynamic is one of the most innocent and understanding throughout the show, the conversation begins with Toph joking with a negative connotation -- that “even [Zuko seemed] more down than usual, and that’s saying something!” Thus, the conversation opener is not one that allows for Zuko to easily be emotionally vulnerable, and so he responds bitterly and angrily -- “You don’t get it, it’s different for you” and “...and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back.” By stating that their portrayals in the shows were different, Zuko mentally places a wall between himself and Toph, saying that “[Toph doesn’t] get it.” Then, the rhetorical question Zuko asks himself and the shortness with which he answers the question showcases a forceful and biting tone, indicating that he is covering up his inner turmoil with vehemence. This tendency is something we’ve seen Zuko default to before, whenever he had shouted the oft-mocked “I must restore my honor!” lines in response to a few introspective questions Iroh had asked (though once again, that’s another meta for another day). Now, let’s examine the remainder of their conversation.

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.

Zuko: How do you know?

Toph: Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you.

Zuko: Really?

Toph: Yeah, and it was kind of annoying.

Zuko: Oh, sorry.

_____

Here we see Toph and Zuko’s conversation take a more serious turn as Toph becomes more sincere. Zuko, however, is still full of self-doubt as he is constantly questioning Toph with “how do you know?” and “really” and “oh, sorry.”

(featured up above: Zuko looking dejected and doubtful.)

Still, the conversation ends on a sweet and inspiring note:

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path, and see the light. Now you're here with us. He'd be proud.

_____

Hence, though Zuko and Toph’s conversation displays a heartening and hopeful dynamic, Zuko is ultimately still guarded for the majority of their conversation. Now, let’s look at how Katara approaches Zuko in the Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

_____

Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters Dialogue:

Katara: Are you okay?

Zuko: No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?

Katara: Zuko, you're sorry for what you did, right?

Zuko: More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.

_____

In direct contrast to the conversation opener with Toph, Katara begins to engage Zuko with an openly concerned question. And even though Katara never disappointed an Iroh-figure in her life in the way Zuko has, Zuko immediately doesn’t close himself off from her, he doesn’t create a wall that prevents him from revealing his deepest fears to her. During this scene, he neither sounds bitter or angry -- he sounds lost, doubtful, and afraid (perhaps even afraid to hope). This shift in tone is blatant in his voice (thanks to Dante Basco’s line delivery) but even with nothing but the written dialogue, we can note the difference in which he describes his turmoil to Toph and as compared to Katara:

With Toph: “But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

With Katara: “No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?”

With Katara, the underlying bitterness from his conversation with Toph is toned down to the point of nonexistence, though a part of it is still there. With Toph, Zuko says, “it takes all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, and shoves them back in my face,” which is a rather incensed statement. Meanwhile, by saying, “no, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it,” Zuko directly addresses his self-loathing without the use of language such as “shoves them back in my face,” the latter of which is reminiscent of how individuals may unthinkingly reveal information in a sudden emotional outburst.

Then, when Katara asks him if he’s sorry for what he did, the words come easily to Zuko, the most easily he admits to his own mistakes after three years of not admitting anything truthful to himself: “More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.”

And Katara, just as Toph did, says with the utmost confidence and sincerity, “Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

This moment of affirmation that runs parallel between both dialogues is where Zuko’s responses begin to diverge. Whereas Zuko reacts to Toph with disbelief and doubt, this is how he reacts once he hears Katara’s words:

He takes Katara’s words to heart and accepts them. Because out of all the GAang, Katara is the one who knows the most about forgiving him, who most keenly feels the change he underwent since his betrayal in the catacombs. And so he stands, still nervous but no longer afraid, facing forward towards the future instead of back into his past.

Iroh and Zuko’s relationship is one of the most important ones throughout the entire show, so to see Katara play a pivotal role in a critical point in their dynamic shows just how important Katara’s character is to Zuko (and vice versa, though in here I do touch upon the former in more detail).

Although my analysis on the self-disclosure between Zuko and Katara may have run away from me a bit (due to my love for far-too-in-depth critical analysis), these all show an undeniable bond between Zuko and Katara, displaying a profound friendship rooted in narrative parallels, mutual understanding, and interwoven character arcs. Ultimately, their fulfillment of perceived similarities, pair rapport, and (the one I rambled most on) self-disclosure is what establishes Zuko and Katara as not just a strong platonic bond -- but one that has the potential to transition into a romantic one.

Thus concludes my essay on Zutara’s friendship and its connection with the initial stages of intimacy that are shared between both platonic and romantic bonds. After all that analysis, it would be remiss to simply dismiss the Zutara dynamic as one that would instantly become toxic should they pursue a romantic relationship.

That being said, I will explore the possibility of a romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara and how this connects to the latter stages of intimacy -- role-taking, interpersonal role fit, and dyadic crystallization -- in part 2 of this meta-analysis. Click on the link if you want to read it!

Part 2

Works Cited

(only partially in MLA 8 format because I want to live a little)

Close Relationships: A Sourcebook. By Clyde A. Hendrick & Susan S. Hendrick. Link

“Nonverbal behavior in intimate interactions and intimate relationships.” By P.A Andersen, Laura K. Guerrero, & Susanne M. Jones. Link

“On Becoming ‘More Than Friends’: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship.” By Laura K. Guerrero & Paul A. Mongeau. Link

The Psychology of Intimacy (The Guilford Series on Personal Relationships). By Karen J. Prager. Link

(If you check some of these links, you may note a few of these sources have been cited quite a few times. With just a bit more research, it appears possible to find a plethora of other sources to corroborate the theory of shared platonic-romantic intimacies.)

Thank you all for reading!

#atla #atla meta #zutara #zutara meta #my bated breath analyzes #research on relationship intimacy #influenced by academic writing #i have more metas coming soon #but until then you can find that i do other writing as well #like fanfiction #check out my fanfiction on the My Writing tab on my blog #please like and reblog to prove Zutara with Facts and Evidence everyone #my bated breath's posts

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whitewitch95 · 3 years

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alright, I'm usually over at twitter or discord spewing my thoughts and prompts, but I feel like the Merlin fandom is bigger over here, so maybe someone appreciates that

Thoughts and a fanfic prompt to s2ep07 The Witchfinder

Aredian accuses Merlin of magic bc of the amulet he placed in the physician's quarters, and from the look in his eye, presumably speculates that Gaius will "confess" that it's his - what Gaius of course does because he loves Merlin like his own son. During the episode, still-innocent Morgana is on Aredian's radar as well, just bc Gaius treated her nightmares, and we learn that although Gaius confesses, Aredian still wants to "expose Merlin and Morgana's evil deeds".

I feel like most people - once we realize that Aredian is an asshole who stages all the "sorcerer sightings" for money, and Arthur once more is more reasonable than Uther and helps Merlin save the day, who is actually doing all the work again - I feel like most people tend to forget that Aredian actually precisely accused 3 real sorcerers of sorcery. Yes, neither of them did what they'd been accused of, but nonetheless, Aredian points them out with eerie precision.

So WHAT IF Aredian actually has some weak magic himself? Like the "funny feelings" Merlin sometimes gets when he just instinctively knows shit's gonna go downhill or when he feels drawn towards other people's/being's magic? Like an actual witchfinder, you know, not skilled enough to play detective and catch sorcerers in the act, maybe not even interested in upholding the laws against sorcery or not, just as long as he gets payment and fame - but what if he makes those seemingly random *finger point* "THAT BOY" accusations that nobody ever questions bc of his own weak magic that makes him sensitive for it?

Okay, so now comes the prompt idea. We all probably laughed when cheeky Merlin exposes Aredian with that toad coming out of his mouth on top of everything else, but imagine he doesn't bc that would be too obvious and instead just places the "fake" evidence in his room - that would leave Aredian the opportunity to use his mouth.

So what if, while Arthur and the knights are searching the room, Aredian thunders that "THAT BOY placed this here, HE'S the sorcerer, you have EVIL IN YOUR CASTLE" and Arthur only scoffs because please, that man is just ridiculous. And then, like *Merlin* did in the actual episode, *Aredian* turns away, half-hidden from view, whispers a spell that has Merlin's magic reacting, body spasming and eyes golden.

And Merlin is just standing there, struggling to hold his magic inside and not have it lashing out, and Aredian is smirking bc there's no way to explain that away, surely he has won now-

And Arthur whirls around, punching Aredian in the face, yelling at his knights about stuffing that man's mouth with a cloth before he says any more spells, and when Aredian fights them bc he finally realizes he's about to lose and then moves towards Morgana, Arthur runs him through with his sword.

Aredian is dead.

Merlin is still breathing hard, even though his magic has settled once again, and while everyone is shocked and panting and Arthur assures himself of Morgana's wellbeing, Merlin is On Edge. Because that was his actual magic reacting, and his own eyes turning golden in response to the spell, and a room full of knights, and Morgana, and Arthur were watching.

But when they all return to Uther, Arthur relays the story and it sounds as if Aredian, traitor of Camelot and apparently an evil sorcerer that has sent innocent people into their death, has enchanted Merlin to look as if he had magic, JUST like he did with hiding that amulet in Gaius chambers, to put the blame onto someone else.

Nobody questions it, not even Uther.

Merlin feels the tightness in his chest lessen, finally able to breathe normally again. He wants to laugh, really. Arthur is SO CONVINCED that his manservant is nothing more than a bumbling, but highly loyal idiot - and he has tried to protect Merlin, he remembers, right in front of Aredian and Uther and the whole court - that Arthur doesn't even consider Merlin could actually have magic.

When the day winds down, Merlin helps Arthur getting ready for bed, serving him dinner, tidying his chambers, still tired and wary, but incredibly relieved.

Until Arthur says, "So, Merlin," and Merlin freezes because that tone sounds chilling. Carefully, he straightens up and looks at Arthur, who's watching him with frighteningly intense eyes, gaze piercing. "Anything you have to say?"

"Uhm," Merlin hesitates, unsure what exactly Arthur means, heart beating wildly. "I don't know what you mean, Sire," he settles on, but that seems to be the wrong thing to say.

Arthur narrows his eyes. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe 'thank you', but I know manners aren't your strong suit, so how about the truth?"

"The truth?" Merlin laughs nervously, dear god, he shouldn't have let his guard down-

"YES, Merlin, the truth," Arthur growls, and then he's out of his chair, stomping towards Merlin. "Because I can assure you, this was the last time I've lied to my knights and my father and the entire court for you if you don't even have it in you to tell me the TRUTH!"

Arthus has him cornered against the bedpost now, and Merlin is trembling ever so slightly. Arthur's eyes are blazing, like a blue, furious thunderstorm, and Merlin knows there's no escaping this; especially because Arthur is right.

So he talks. He's hesitant at first, reinforcing that everything they found out about Aredian is the truth, that Merlin did not lie, that he did not *once* betray Arthur, or Camelot. Arthur looks as if he isn't sure if he fully believes Merlin, but he listens, and that is more than Merlin could've hoped for.

In the end, Merlin's voice is rough from talking, his face pale and tight with worry. Arthur has stepped back from him a while ago, first crossing his arms and snapping out questions, and then he started pacing.

"I swear," Merlin says lowly, "I never intended to bring anyone harm. I was born like this... and I have finally found a purpose."

"And what would that be, Merlin?" Arthur asks, but he doesn't sound harsh; he sounds tired, staring into the flames of the fireplace.

Merlin gulps. Now or never. "Protecting you. I- I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to have to choose. Because no matter the outcome... it would've burdened you."

Still staring into the flames, Arthur laughs humorlessly. "And yet it seems I did it anyway."

At Merlin's silence, Arthur finally turns, and he almost looks sick. "Does Gaius know?"

"Yes," Merlin whispers, but he's not afraid that Arthur will punish Gaius for it. Arthus isn't Uther.

"Of course," Arthur mumbles, and his eyes show that he's working through what he's heard so far. "How could he not know? After all, a quite powerful warlock is living with him."

Shifting uncomfortably, Merlin wonders if there's anything he can say to make it easier for anyone, but there are no words he can think of.

Arthur scoffs, shaking his head. "That... that can't be..." he trails off, and he's reeling more than Merlin has ever seen him before. "That would mean-"

Abruptly, Arthur turns away, aiming for his chair, before he whirls around again and once more stomps towards Merlin.

"If you're telling the truth," Arthur snaps, and there's a threatening expression on his face, before it softens at Merlin's flinch. "Then why aren't you affected by the magic? Why do you still want to protect me, so much so that you're putting yourself at risk everyday?"

"I," Merlin starts, unsure. "I told you, I think... that you'll be a great king, and I-"

Arthur shakes his head. "No," he interrupts. "Why is the magic not tainting you? Why... why are you still you?" he finishes, quieter.

Merlins heart feels incredibly tender. "Because magic is just a tool, Arthur. Like sword fighting. A tool that some people can use, and some can't. A tool that sometimes is used for good, and sometimes for evil. Having magic says nothing about a person - but the way they use it does."

Silence, only the crackling of the fire can be heard as Merlin watches Arthur's face, seeing the emotions flit over it, the horrible realization. "Then..."

Merlin doesn't say anything. This is a conclusion Arthur should draw, alone, without Merlin's influence.

Arthur looks up, and the light of a candle reflects in his eyes. He looks vulnerable. Pleading. Incredibly young.

Merlin waits as Arthur turns away once more, running a hand through his golden hair, shoulders tense.

"If it's alright with you," Merlin carefully starts, "I'd look after Gaius now. He's gone through hell these past few days."

"Yes, yes," Arthur agrees, sounding crumpled under the weight of tonight's revelations. "Please pass on my well wishes to him again. What happened to him was... unjust." He gets hung up on that word apparently, because he repeats it under his breath, like a death sentence. "Unjust."

Tentatively, Merlin steps towards Arthur, but he doesn't know if it will be welcome right now.

"Goodnight, Sire."

The door has almost closed behind Merlin when he hears the faint "Goodnight" in return. He smiles. Maybe, just maybe, the horrors since the witchfinder arrived are leading the way to their destiny.

Addition: Maybe, because Arthur's actually kind of smart, he realized that Merlin has magic earlier, but tried to convince himself that he hasn't. And maybe Arthur puts two and two together about the witchfinder having actual magic, and he asks Merlin about Morgana. And maybe that would save her, and the kingdom, and ultimately himself. Just saying.

#merlin bbc #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #merlin x arthur #merthur #the witchfinder #episode remix #prompt idea #half a fanfic #bc let's be honest I can't not spew copious amounts of words when I try to explain a thought #Merlin's magic revealed #Arthur knows about Merlin's magic #yes these are ao3 tags

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class1akids · 3 years

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BNHA 291 - Thoughts

The winds of winter howled on the day when Horikoshi broke my heart with the utter sadness and desolation of this chapter.

I think the biggest story twist after being hammered with this heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, painful intro - and wow, I have like a thousand questions; Touya went to the hill where Endeavor used to train, did he go there to train, did he go there to commit or fake a suicide? was this the event that gave him his blue flames, and a quirk upgraded to incineration? - is to learn that it didn’t have to be this way. Contrasted with the sad smile of that boy and the bag used to store cremated ashes, we get Touya lively, with a huge smile, looking forward to learn some special moves.

This is so different from the puke-covered training sessions of Shouto. But it makes perfect sense.

Touya loves his quirk, he’s good at it, he wants to learn, but then the advantage Endeavor sought to get through the quirk marriage turns into a terrible weakness instead - and Touya is hurt by his own flames - and Endeavor’s (and I think also Touya’s) hopes are crushed.

We still don’t know what happened after this moment - did Endeavor keep training Touya? Did Touya want to keep training? I think they probably kept trying for a while, or maybe only Touya alone (at least Endeavor is absent here), but Touya’s heat resistance kept weakening, until his whole hair turned white.

On a brighter note, we do learn that Fuyumi was a child wanted both by Enji and Rei who wanted there to be siblings to support each other and she really lives up to this dream. We also learn that she has an ice-quirk (hmmm, everyone is speculating Touya getting Geten’s quirk - but... what if he’ll get Fuyumi’s instead, with the foreshadowing that the two of them could have been raised as a hero team....) It puts into context Fuyumi’s efforts of bringing the family together - and her faith that there is a future to them, because she experienced a more normal, happier period, which Natsuo and Shouto never did.

Endeavor is lost in his memories, disbelieving, and once again, Touya/Dabi gets the best line of the chapter. That’s the despicable truth, Dad!

We learn one more crucial info: Endeavor didn’t believe that Touya died and was searching for him. Which makes me think that certainly there is more to Touya’s disappearance than him being feeling ignored by his father. There had to be a third party - making his disappearance so perfect that neither Endeavor, nor Hawks could uncover anything on him.

Out in the real world, Dabi continues with his story, and we get the moment Natsuo and Fuyumi realizing that something is going on (and considering they both are at school / workplace, maybe a foreshadowing how their lives are about to get disrupted).

Dabi also talks about Shouto’s abuse (it’s interesting that we still don’t know if he himself ever had any of that harsh treatment) - using cynically his little brother’s suffering to spin his agenda, tying Shouto to the mast of Endeavor’s publicly sinking boat. This panel made me feel incredibly sad for Shouto, who worked so hard to establish himself as his own person - and is being used again as a tool, dehumanized as a “successful creation”, this time his older brother taking away his choices, depriving him of his agency.

Like... hell... I feel bad for everyone, but I feel worst for Shouto because he never experienced any of the happier days of the family and the fallout of his disaster will hit him the hardest, and he deserves absolutely none of it.

Dabi-on-TV is not satisfied with bringing his own family down - he’s also hell-bent on destroying Hawks. After exploiting his brother, he also exploits Twice’s death - which he apparently filmed, carefully spinning the footage (bow down to Skeptic’s editing skills, folks) to fit his narrative. (Yep, Dabi totally intentionally forced Hawks’ hand there... I wonder what Toga will make of this). But he also exposes Hawks’ lineage - and yes, the Endeavor caught Takami connection exists! And he’s not only a thief, but also a murder. Dabi throws in the Best Jeanist detail - which may be the mistake that will discredit his message and prevent the total crumbling of faith in heroes.

But the way Hawks is portrayed, gravely injured, with Tokoyami still tending to him - couldn’t be further from the image of a bloodthirsty killer Dabi is trying to project. We see the hero who ended up this way because he wanted to save all the lives he could - yes, even Twice’s life. (Hawks also recorded his interactions, and I’m sure that it’s going to come into play).

Dabi’s narrative about fake heroes, pursuing only fame, gullible citizens symbolized by Can’t-you-see-kun and his sharkie friend losing their faith contrasted by the image of a handful of hero-hopefuls, mere children doing their last stand for their ideals is really jarring. The truth doesn’t matter, only the spin. Whoever controls the narrative is winning the battle. And maybe Dabi’s beef is with Endeavor, but the panel layout leaves no doubt that his fight is with Shouto.

Touya on the battlefield finally gets to the grand finale - to show off those special moves Endeavor passed (or falied to pass?) onto him - and his superior power and talent (suddenly Shouto’s Flashfire Fist Jet Kindling move in the last chapter looks like little child’s play) as he one-ups once again his little brother. And the only thing standing between a Prominence Burn that can burn at 2000 C and his injured friends and frozen-on-spot father is Shouto. Seeing him like this - broken down in tears, calling out to Endeavor, calling him father, asking him to take care of his friends, while he takes on the nightmare Endeavor created... so Endeavor doesn’t have to... He’s on the move and is really showing his quality as a true hero, like Stain recognized him to be. You guys check out Hexamendle’s colouring of this page. I’m speechless.

Luckily, we don’t have to find out just how good Shouto’s fire resistance is, because Best Jeanist arrives in style and catches Touya midair.

And with Machia frozen as an unconscious Shigaraki is unable to command him, Best Jeanist may be able to tilt the odds in the heroes’ favor. But even if they “win”, it will be little more than damage control at this point.

#bnha 291 #class1a reads bnha #todoroki touya #todoroki enji #todoroki shouto #hawks

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i-am-a-whimsy-boy · 3 years

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Five. Straight. Miles. With. No. Breaks.

Nobody asked for more of me ranting about Murdoch's lack of health and safety awareness (part one here), but we're doing it anyway because I thought about this way too much and posting this gives me the illusion of that being productive. (There's a TL;DR at the end for anyone who doesn't want to read an essay today.)

Let's talk about season 1 episode 6, "Let Loose the Dogs" and how Murdoch put George in a situation where he could have very easily injured or even killed himself and Murdoch did not consider the danger here at all.

In this episode, Murdoch needs to figure out if it's possible to run from a pub to the scene of the murder in nine minutes, and, in order to do this, he gets George to make the run five times in a row and averages the time. We know it's an eighteen minute walk to the crime scene from the pub, meaning it's roughly a mile, and George runs this five times. What I'm saying is, Murdoch essentially made George run five miles straight all in one go.

In fairness, this might not be crazy intense for an in-shape person, but I have the athletic ability of a doorknob, so this seems absolutely terrible to me in the most ideal of circumstances, which, I don't believe George was running in. Regardless, if we assume his average time is around nine minutes, then he was running for somewhere around 45-50 minutes straight, likely pushing himself to run faster in order to get a faster time or to impress Murdoch. If his endurance isn't above par, that's quite a lot of prolonged physical activity, even if he was drinking water and taking breaks, which he probably wasn't.

This is a bit of speculation on my part, but since we don't see a water jug anywhere with Murdoch, I'm willing to bet that George wasn't drinking water at all during his runs. Without water, your body can't make sweat to cool you down and release some of the heat produced when you exercise. I'm sure we all know this, but it's vital to stay hydrated, especially when you're going to be exerting yourself. More speculation, but Murdoch definitely values efficiency, so I'm assuming he made George run from the pub to the bridge and back and counted that round trip as two separate runs, thereby cutting out the time needed to walk back and start again. We only see the tail end of George's final run, ending at the bridge, so we don't know if Murdoch gave him any breaks, but knowing Murdoch, he probably kept break time to a minimum, if he thought about getting George to take breaks at all.

Resting when you're exercising or otherwise exerting yourself is important to avoid injury and to allow your body to cool down, especially in hot weather. Season 1 of Murdoch Mysteries takes place during 1895, and judging by the weather in the episode, it's during early to mid summer. I'm going to say early July. The Government of Canada has historical weather data available going back to the 1840s, and in July of 1895, the average temperature in Toronto was around 19° C, with a high average of 24° C and an extreme high of 32° C (source). Temperatures also averaged in the higher range in the first week of the month (the 4th through to the 8th had highs of around 30° C with almost no rain, and that extreme monthly high of 32° C happened during this week). Caution is recommended in 25° C weather to avoid heat exhaustion and heatstroke. 30° C and above is considered dangerous. George was sprinting five straight miles with no water and no breaks: definitely not exercising caution. In heat like that, especially with no breaks or water, it wouldn't be very hard to contract heat exhaustion or exertional heat stroke, both of which can be very dangerous, and the latter can even be fatal. Exertional heat stroke happens when your body produces more heat than it can lose because of overexertion or high temperatures, and the high core body temperatures it causes can very quickly start damaging organs, including the brain and the heart. It's a medical emergency. Since George is constantly moving and producing heat and he has no water for his body to make sweat with, he's practically begging for heat stroke.

This whole thing seems incredibly dangerous to me and I'm honestly surprised the poor guy didn't collapse.

I really want to know what Murdoch would have done if he was sitting there on the bridge waiting for George to finish his run and George just didn't come because he passed out somewhere over the course of the run. Murdoch didn't have anything with him other than a pocket watch, a notepad and a pencil. Best case scenario, he could have submerged George in the creek that the bridge went over in order to cool him off, but if he had collapsed earlier in the route, he wouldn't have any realistic cooling methods available other than, like, fanning with his hands or that notebook he had, which would have been much less effective than water. A person can survive with a core temperature of around 40° C for about thirty minutes before serious organ damage starts setting in. I'm not convinced Murdoch could have cooled George down fast enough to avoid that. If George had gotten heat stroke, I'm willing to bet that he'd probably have died.

Even if George didn't get heat stroke, he still could have gotten really painful muscle cramps or gotten hurt in other ways. I was in a lifeguard training once and I wasn't super well hydrated and I got a leg cramp bad enough that I couldn't walk, let alone swim. I was having problems with my leg for days afterward. George could have gotten a similar cramp, and, if one had struck while he was running, the resulting fall could have injured him further, especially since he was running through the woods. Who knows what he might have hit his head on had he fallen?

I realize that, if George had said to Murdoch, "sir, I need a break," Murdoch would definitely have let him take one, but George isn't very good at advocating for himself. He tends to do what he's told and not question it or ask for anything different. George just takes things in his stride, even when he gets the short end of the stick, and I don't think he would have asked for a break if he needed one. Regardless, George shouldn't have had to have asked because Murdoch should have planned for breaks. It shouldn't be a surprise to Murdoch that people need breaks when they're exerting themselves.

The most annoying thing is that Murdoch compensated George's running times for exhaustion, meaning that he knew George would get tired and he knew he had to tweak the calculations in order to get an even average. You know what would have made Murdoch's averaging even better, and would have eliminated the need to compensate at all? Having a larger goshdarn sample size. If Murdoch had gotten multiple constables to make the run and averaged all of theirs, he'd have gotten a more even and realistic average and he wouldn't have had to take exhaustion into account. There's a reason most scientific studies are based on a sample of the population and not case studies of single individuals: because it's better and it represents the population as a whole better. I bet Murdoch could have rounded up five constables and made them run a mile with no trouble at all. Some of them would probably have enjoyed it! But no, for some reason, he has to torture George instead.

It's like Murdoch is unaware there are literally dozens of other constables at Station House Four at his disposal.

TL;DR: Murdoch made George run five straight miles with no breaks in hot, summer weather when he could have gotten better results with more constables; George could have gotten seriously ill, hurt or killed; and I am questioning my sanity.

#murdoch mysteries #george crabtree #william murdoch #HR would have a field day with Murdoch #Yes I did research historical weather data for the exact time of the episode to make this point #we should know by now that nothing can stop me when the hyperfocus train hits #I'd honestly watch the heck out of a scene where George got heat stroke #I've always loved temperature related medical emergencies in fiction #you always see hypothermia but never heat stroke #I want it #*sniff sniff* I smell a fresh whump fic premise

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