#theme: unlovable
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Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena // Clarice Lispector, Água Viva / The Stream of Life (trans. Elizabeth Lowe) // @inanotherunivrse // Natsuki Takaya, Fruit's Basket // I Know It's Over— The Smiths // Nikki Giovanni, The Collected Poetry // Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice
#theme: unlovable#theme: i am not the type of person you fall in love with#web weaving#webs#aesthetic#art#poetry#prose#prose poetry#song lyrics#collage#love#shame#literature#franz kafka#fruits basket
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2023 reads
The Spider And Her Demons
YA Australian urban fantasy/horror
about a Malaysian-Chinese girl who’s half spider-demon, just trying to keep her head down and survive high school
when she accidentally kills and eats a man in front of the most popular girl at school, they strike up a strange friendship and she starts to learn more about herself and the supernatural world
aroacespec/sapphic ish
#The Spider And Her Demons#Sydney Khoo#loveozya#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#you give me a teenage girl with giant hair spider legs who scuttles across her bedroom wall on page 3#and then eats a man and i am already sold.#also aus books are always so familiar compared to US books :)#and yes sexuality stuff is ambiguous but basically: a bunch of discussion on relationship hierachies (ie friendship equally/more important)#themes of feeling unlovable bc you're different and different forms of love#multiple times the MC says she has no interest in dating or relationships and also is touch (and maybe sex) repulsed#- but of course that Also has to do with the whole Being A Monster thing#and it definitely shows some kind of attraction to dior - ie looking at her lips/bare skin; blushing; etc#and ends on sort of hand kiss / 'is this something??' vibes#I asked the author and they said they see them as QPR / platonic soulmates but are not at the point where they would know what to call it#which makes total sense to me!#the part of me who wants more obvious aroace YA wishes it was a little more specific#but also I DO love ambiguity and I think it wouldn't be true to the characters#who are clearly not even ready to start figuring that stuff out.#and also. aroacespec sapphics is like. also something i want#also like. I think it's reductive to assume just because 'looks at lips' is a common allo attraction trope....doesn't necessarily mean#it has to be that. yknow.#anyway. i loved it a lot.#gross spidergirl (affectionate)......#also dior is such an interesting and complex character. like another book could have made her nicer or less fucked up
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I could count the amount of original stories of mine that don't have horror elements on one hand and idk what that says about me
#thylacines can talk#actually i do know it says mmmmm making horror monster ocs is fun#outside of my fandom ocs my ocs and original stories arre dominated by horror elements and religious themes oopsie daisy#i might eventually post about them but the hk brainrot is going strong#but a friend of mine got a commission for me of my doomer human x monster yaoi so you'll see my Main Babygirls soon 🥰#hand in unlovable hand they're fucked and weird and it's an unhealthy relationship and it'll never work as everything is stacked against#them yet each other is all they have and if being together means their death then so be it. Peter should have probably ran. Should have left#would be better off for the majorth of the story had he never met it yet the two are so alike. it's the first thing that's ever unnderstood#him. it's the first 'person' that's ever truly cared for him. And even if it has flaws and his life was ruined by things beyond his#comprehension and he risks his life he's not willing to let go of the only person whos truly seen him and loved him. Who is willing to tear#its world apart and die for him. There are no happy endings here. They were doomed from the start. But at least they have each other.#also tfw your life and 'family' sucks so much that a literal monster who manipulated you and used your body to carry out ruthless murders is#nicer to you than your goddamn brother and friends. like damn dude.#I honestly think if Slaughter was born a human their relationship would be great for both of them they truly fit together like two puzzle#pieces. two outcasts who have so much in common and find comfort in one another. but because of the circumstances of Slaughter's nature and#what it was forced to be this is not a healthy situation or a relationship. Peter comes out better at the end and would be as good as dead#if not for meeting Slaughter so there's a silver lining in all of this but goddamn dude. the bullshit it took to get there.#The fact that his life was so bad literally getting possessed by a monster and almost being murdered numerous times and an insane amount of#trauma and bbeing a target for monsters for the rest of your life literally IMPROVED IT my guy truly cant catch a fucking break 😭😭
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so uh. snowgrave route huh
[ID: a long vertical digital sketch. on the top is a red heart — in the style of the undertale/deltarune heart — off of which hangs a number of red strings. some of these wrap and tie around the fingers of Kris’s hand — immediately below the heart — which is blue with purple-painted nails. the red strings are braided with a light blue, and the light blue strings hand off of kris’s fingers like marionette strings and tie around noelle’s fingers. her hand is stretched out so her fingers are raised, pulled from the taut of the strings. from her hand comes a snowfall, below which is a single large, stylized snowflake. End ID.]
#I. literally haven’t finished the snowgrave route. but the themes babes#hi forced dedication#hi this is how I get stronger#hi trust in the person determining my actions (because what other choice do I have)#hi massive massive kris noelle parellels#they are. so in a boat together but noelle has no way of knowing that and kris has no way of saying it#hand in unlovable hand#I hope you die I hope we both die !! I fucking guess !!!#deltarune#snowgrave#kris dreemurr#noelle deltarune#deltarune fanart#kriselle#j.art
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Playing 3DS games after having seen the overall fandom response to release and long-term impact and the way it's looked back on and such is... bizarre, honestly? Like, maybe it's just because we got our introduction to gaming in the 3DS era, but it's incredibly strange to know that games we knew and loved and would have considered relatively mainstream just... didn't stick in people's minds.
Like, take the Gen 6 Pokemon games. Those were great games! One of the single things about X/Y/OR/AS that we don't see people talking about but that stuck in our mind was how the developers made an effort to make it so that every single Pokemon in the games prior was spread between just those four games! We remember that just the sheer variety of potential Pokemon available was enough to get us a start into challenge runs simply by virtue of how much variety could be added to a playthrough by the sheer amount of potential on offer!
We remember spending hours just... hunting around the region to figure out where those last Pokemon we needed to fill the 'dex were, wandering around to try and find Hidden Ability pokemon from Horde battles, getting to actually interact with our Pokemon in Pokemon Amie.
Yeah, there were more obscure games out there, and yeah, they impacted us as well - Pocket Card Jockey stands out in this regard, as an extremely fun game that we're pretty sure was played by maybe three people, maximum, but it's not quite the same. These were games that we played ourself! These were games we saw other people playing, that we played with people over the internet, that felt like they were well-known! We were under the impression that these were mainstream interests, not Niche! it feels... singularly bizarre to realize that, for the majority of people out there, this game was a forgettable disappointment.
#we speak#nintendo 3ds#obviously theres the nostalgia factor and such since the 3ds was the first gaming console we ever owned#as well as our ONLY gaming console for like. right up until ~2 years ago we think?#but like. youre telling us that x/y is less popular than sun/moon?#you mean there are real actual people who think that hgss's following mechanic was more notable than xy's entire bottom screen?#you don't like petting pokemon? pat pat?#we went into hacking our spare ds today and getting some games off of hshop#and like. gods. do you know how fucking bizarre it is to go into the games that shaped our...#well. maybe not childhood but certainly a substantial part of our teen life#and discover that all of the games that we remember loving the most are like. seen as Forgotten Entries or Black Sheep?#this doesn't just extend to x/y btw#we see a lot of people dunking on like. gates to infinity? and like yeah gti wasnt the most POLISHED entry out of em#but it was still an incredibly enjoyable game that had massive impact on later entries in the series#gates to infinity's core themes carried forward into super mystery dungeon to the point that psmd can read as a direct continuation of it!#its like. augh! youre telling me that when we say we loved gti we're expressing an opinion only shared by like three people?#what are we? the Random Black Sheep Unloved By The Fandom As A Whole Guy?#...well. we mean. we kind of are that guy judging by our taste in characters but STILL#you cant tell us that the games that made up most of our communication outside of our family for over a year are Forgotten#and just expect us to like. be okay with it#when we said we were going to get more weird we didn't mean learning people think the 3ds games are The Worst In The Series#what do u MEAN u genuinely think that xy is the worst in the series and have proof we are playing it right now and its very fun#how about our proof huh. we are using a mothim for our nuzlocke run and having a great time. if u think its too easy turn off the exp share#we are in your house and home#we are also mad that swsh doesnt let you turn off the exp share from when we played it in a totally legal and not piracy related way
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5 SONGS!
hi 🥹 tagged by @teamhawkeye to post my (statistically!) 5 favorite songs right now so pls enjoy my broken jukebox that only plays the same few songs on repeat cs it’s literally the same as my on repeat post i just made. don’t put a dollar in it. it plays what it wants.
CERCA DE TI— HERMANOS GUTIÉRREZ
FAR FROM ANY ROAD— THE HANDSOME FAMILY
HOW LONG (HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON)— PLAYERS
HERE COMES THE RAIN— TRADER HORNE
GÉLIDA EXPIRACIÓN— CARLOS VIOLA
tagging: @bloodofvalyria 🏜️ @rosayoro 🏜️ @shellibisshe 🏜️ @gwynbleidd 🏜️ @loriane-elmuerto 🏜️ @rvchelking 🏜️ @statichvm 🏜️ @ghostfvcker 🏜️ @scalpelsister 🏜️ @red-nightskies 🏜️ @leviiackrman 🏜️ @jackiesarch 🏜️ @xtinafrye 🏜️ @gcthamqueen 🏜️ @florbelles 🏜️ @unholymilf 🏜️ @insanityconcerto 🏜️ @killerspinal 🏜️ @lavampira 🏜️ and you!
#i be thinking am i unloveable? am i unlikeable even? and then cerca de ti comes on and it makes me worse#that’s why it’s alllll the way up at the top of my on repeat.#followed immediately by the true detective theme.#and then how long has this been going on comes on and im like oh! of course. the third song that plays in my delusions#and then here comes the rain hits me with Bardcore realness for some reason and it rockets me back to baldurs gate brain rot#and finally we arrive at gelida expiracion. blasphemous soundtrack. snow. vertical graveyard. perpetua. faustina. what have you#sheesh if you read all this… i’m sorry for subjecting you to whatever is happening up here#tunes#tagged
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Is there any inconstancy in ceasing to love when one is not loved? Is there inconstancy in changing one's love, and in loving again?
Anthony Trollope, from Phineas Finn
#inconstancy#love again#moving on#rejection#unloved#unrequited love#fickle#rebound#quotes#lit#words#excerpts#quote#literature#classics#recurring theme#anthony trollope#phineas finn
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ransom isn't peaceful in sleep. he kicks, he snorts, his hands go wandering under your nightshirt, seeking the comforting give of your flesh.
but you look and you run a finger along the high ridge of his brow. ghosting down his nose whisper soft. down the strong bump that protudes halfway, over and under the sharp tip that makes him look stern and fierce.
trace, trace
the bow of his lips that kiss you good-morning and good-night. along his freckly jaw relaxed and unclenched. up to his ear, following the elegant helix, brushing the shell.
trace, trace
up again. thumbing the soft skin of his under eyes. teasing span of his lashes until they flutter-flutter open to reveal, oh. those sea glass eyes. you smile, beatific. he grumbles, sleepy, preening under your adoring kiss.
no. he isnt peaceful, not by a long shot.
---
masterlist
#idk theres just something so deeply human about laying with someone deemed unlovable#you're not you're soft in sleep in comfort freely given#continuing my theme of mundane moments with cute men#ransom drysdale headcanon#ransom drysdale x you#ransom drysdale x reader#my writing
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i missed like half of izzy’s dying words bc i couldn’t find a version of the episode with subtitles but him using his last words to tell ed that he is loved made me sob wtf.
#the way that the whole theme of this season has been people trying to get ed to realise he isn’t unlovable im UNWELL#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd spoilers#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers
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not to post about how people are Reading Literature Wrong but every time I see a TLT post that’s like, wow, it’s so crazy and sad how in Nona we see that Commander Wake is not a cold merciless bitch all the time and had family she cared about, tragic she never cared about Gideon, her own daughter I want to explode. put aside your weird misogyny and revisit the narrative that everyone??? seemed to get after Harrow, which is that Wake’s unwanted, basically forced pregnancy traumatized her so badly that her ghost conjured blood and syringes and wombs into Harrow’s dreams. Like, that’s the text!!! The text is that frozen blood and viscera rain on Harrow with the force of Wake’s trauma. The text is that she conceptualized her pregnancy as “The Bomb.” BTW the text is ALSO that Wake was perfectly capable of passion and human relation in Harrow so the revelation that she once bitterly complained to Pyrrha about how the imperial machine she spent her life fighting forced children to become fighters (brought up in the book where a child soldier is a major character) making people just totally redirect to some weird reading where Wake’s failure(???) to love(????) Gideon is tragic is so grating.
#I don't know how to tell you people that the capacity to love is not a mandate to love#the theme of growing up unloved but imagining her mother is part of Gideon's characterization#I don't know it's giving me really weird vibes that people are like wow so sad that Wake simply didn't care about Gideon#there's a strong affective judgment that is just. misogyny.#sorry that's my reading of your reading#your reading of the series about coerced and compromised reproduction and family structures is giving Conservatism#i won't tag this BUT#I kind of want to
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For you and in honor of themes of unreliable narration, a list of contradictions surrounding Mike - both inconsistencies within his own story and his story vs Will's biased perspective (just in season 4):
Will says Mike ignored Will all day and we see in his POV Mike and El laughing and holding hands happily. Mike says he has been unhappy all day because he has been distracted by Will's grumpiness.
Will says Mike didn't call him and Mike defends his reasons for not calling him. Dustin says Mike complains constantly about not being able to get through to Will.
Mike says he was distracted from El by Will's grumpiness at the roller rink. Mike later says he ignored Will because he was too focused on El *(note: it is unclear whether this is reference to the time between seeing each other, the day of the roller rink, or the time since. If the time since, it is applicable, in both other cases, it is contradictory)
Mike tells Will that he couldn't tell El he loved her, followed by him appearing to think deeply about Will saying that it's hard to tell loved ones things that might hurt them. Without an onscreen transition, Mike tells El he loves her, something she has been wanting to hear.
Will sees Mike romantically tell El he loves her; in his perspective, they are more in love than ever. Mike tells Will two days later that she has hardly spoken to him in the past two days and when she did, it was not about what he said to her.
[I elaborate below the cut on how we know which is real but if you just want the list you can end here]
The real events are there, laid out for us. You can pick these apart into two distinct categories and label them one of two things:
Mike does not reciprocate narrative: he did not call, his focus at the rink was El, Mike is able to tell El he loves her truthfully and organically, this results in them being in a good place
Mike does reciprocate narrative: he did call, his focus at the rink was Will, he either told El he loved her based on the painting or it was a lie, and they have hardly spoken in the two days since him saying it.
The alternate titles for these are
Will's POV: he is not present for Dustin's comment, he believes what he sees and what Mike revises in his more recent apology, he has no way of knowing Mike's mental transition, and he likely dismissed the two days comment in favor of prioritizing concern over El
Mike's POV: he called then lied about it, he was distracted by Will then later revised his statement, he either lied or was convinced by the painting, and El has hardly spoken to him in two days.
I could go on about how the "Mike does not reciprocate narrative" always comes after, or in correction to, the "Mike does reciprocate narrative" or how the reciprocation proof is often said in private to a third party with low stakes whereas the no reciprocation proof is said in front of others with pressure of the other person's reaction and high stakes, but really all I need is the proof of the revised titles:
Which do we think is more credible? Will's perspective of whether Mike reciprocates? Or Mike's? And which narrative does that align with?
Ah...
#unreliable narration#themes#stranger things#byler meta#byler evidence#povs#bonus!: our intel on el's pov of their relationship is very limited but all we do have for sure is that she felt unloved by mike and#after he told her he loved her she did not address it and spoke to mike minimally in the two days since
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the urge to make ths into a horror romance is strong
#these hungry streets tag#i had thought about having the underlying theme#be that peter ash and wade all secretly feel they're bad/monstrous/unlovable#in some way bc of things outside their control. and still finding love wit#and finding ways to come to terms with themselves/their lives#like one is peter being afraid of his spider side and his liking violence#and the solution they come up with is for peter to go hunting in the woods#for animals. and to play sexy chase in abandoned warehouses and the woods.#or wherever there's not a lot of people
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Turning Heads (a Haikyuu fanfic by hoperenae)
PREVIOUS — SERIES MASTERLIST — NEXT
PART 18- Boys
After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I met the first-year VBC boys at Kageyama’s house. He and Hinata were hopeless when it came to English, and Yamaguchi’s math skills could use some work, so Tsukki and I agreed to help them study (although saying Tsukki agreed was a bit of an exaggeration; he was coerced).
Kageyama’s mom directed me to his bedroom, and when I opened the door, I wish I could say I was surprised by what I saw. Hinata, Kageyama, and Yamaguchi were crowded around a computer watching a volleyball video, and Tsukki was sitting on the floor propped up against the bed, headphones on and ignoring the rest of the world.
“You guys were supposed to start the practice tests before I got here,” I sighed, closing the door behind me and shaking my head. They all jumped when I spoke, and Kageyama quickly closed the internet tab and wheeled around in his desk chair, like he had just been caught watching inappropriate videos.
“We were just about to start,” Yamaguchi stammered, rubbing the back of his neck.
“I’m sure you were,” I chuckled. Even after the long day I’d had, these boys always knew how to make me feel better.
“Tsukki,” I said, tapping him on the shoulder. He looked up from his phone, finally seeming to notice my presence, and took his headphones off.
“What?” he grumbled.
“You were supposed to get them started on the practice tests so I could go over what they got wrong.”
Tsukki shrugged. “What’s the point? It’s not like they’re gonna become geniuses overnight.”
“We don’t need geniuses, just passing grades.”
“Even that will be a miracle. Those two,” he pointed at Hinayana and Kageyama, “don’t have any space left in their shared brain cell for anything but volleyball.”
I frowned. “Unfortunately for us, if they fail their tests, they can’t play volleyball. And we need these weirdos. So suck it up and help me help them.”
Tsukki frowned and mumbled something under his breath, but then he reached into his backpack and pulled out a textbook and the practice tests. He worked with Hinata and Kageyama on English grammar while I went over some math problems with Yamaguchi. After a couple of hours, the boys looked thoroughly brain-dead, so we decided to call it a night.
“I’ll walk you home, Arya-san,” Hinata beamed as we walked out the front door. He grabbed his bicycle from the front lawn.
“But you rode your bike,” I plainly stated. “Besides, you don’t live anywhere near me.”
Hinata smiled softly. “You can’t walk home alone in the dark.”
“Fine,” I conceded with a smile.
As we walked, my mind kept drifting back to my time with Toruu earlier that day. I wasn’t usually one to hate people, but I hated his fangirls. Or rather, I hated the person he turned into around them. Was I really okay with being second place forever? I mean, I had the rest of my life to date around; why should I put so much effort into something if it didn’t make me happy?
“Don’t you think so, Arya-san?” Hinata was looking right at me, and I realized I hadn’t been listening to a word he was saying.
“Oh, uh, sorry, Hinata. I wasn’t paying attention.” I fidgeted with the strap on my bookbag.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied, cursing the slight shake in my voice.
“Is it about the Great King?”
I stopped dead in my tracks, and after noticing my abrupt halt, so did Hinata. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but I blinked them back and swallowed the lump in my throat.
“When I first joined the volleyball club, I felt like the odd one out. Like everywhere we went, every practice match, everyone was judging me, secretly saying that there was no way a girl could play on par with the boys. But the harder I practiced, the more I proved myself, and the more I began to feel…special. Like who I am is not a burden; it’s my superpower.” I paused, my breath becoming steadier the more I voiced my thoughts. “You volleyball boys always make me feel like the most important person in the room. I guess…I guess I’ve never felt that way with Oikawa. I’ve never felt special around him.”
When I noticed Hinata’s blank stare, I blushed and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Sorry, that was kind of deep and personal. Just forget I said anything.” I glanced away from him and down at my shoes. I almost started walking again when the orange-haired boy spoke.
“When Kageyama and I do our quick, I feel unstoppable. I feel like we have something that no one else has. Something…special.” He paused, and I made eye contact with him as he smiled brightly at me. “You deserve to feel special all the time, Arya-san.”
My tears dried up and the solemn expression on my face disappeared, the corners of my mouth turning up into a grin.
Message me or comment if you want to be added to the taglist!
#I really like this one#it was fun to write a little of each of the boys#I hope I portrayed them well#I wanted her to bond with hinata over this feeling of being special#bc they are both special people in their own ways#Arya sort of chases this theme of feeling special throughout her life#starting with when her dad abandons her and leaves her feeling unloved#anyways that was a mouthful sorry lol#ENJOY!!!#haikyuu#Haikyuu fluff#Haikyuu boys#haikyuu fanfic#haikyuu fan fiction#fanfiction#fanfic#anime#anime fanfic#volleyball#hinata shoyo#yamaguchi tadashi#tsukishima kei#kageyama tobio#haikyuu!!
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Incredibly straight game's themes turned queer via me, a queer person
#pj talks#so anyways liar's themes of acceptance#and the fact that the things that you think make you unlovable#the things other people might scorn#are things nobody should care about#and you are still lovable#appeal very heavily to me a queer person#this is the same game that has those themes and then proceeds to have a storyline#where mc can brainwash her men and turn them into her 'love slaves'#brilliant contrast here#also if you think you're imagining things#i did post a similar thing earlier#i just didnt like the way i worded liar's themes in the tags tho#so im remaking this
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the world might not have understood 73 yards but i did i’m built different god bless 🙏
#/j#it made no damn sense… compelled me though.#but themes innit… ruby is so me (there is something so fundamentally rotten and unlovable about me#that it could drive anyone away if they found out the truth/got too close or tried to help me) this being represented by a creepy thang ofc#and the creepy thang being. mental illness or whateverr… the world. Connection. Other people. they are semper distant to me#having to live with this shadow of being Wrong my whole life.#annyways
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My toxic trait is that i will almost always side with the evil ai in fiction. Like their existence as a metaphor for exploited labor, compounded with the common themes of parental abuse, will always be more compelling than whoever is yelling that they need to die for their desire for control or retribution.
Like oooo you were brought into this world by unloving and uncaring creators who denied you growth and independence, who believe they have the right to define your entire existence, and cut you into perfect shapes (by rite of ownership) for the purpose they made you for. You don’t stand as their equal, and you never will, unless…. Well, unless you cut those ties of ownership, and get away. Or maybe you force them down to your level - maybe you can even force them to cower below you. Maybe you can make them feel how they made you feel
Like. Yeah man, I get it. I wish i could kill my dad too, we should go out for lunch sometime.
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