Studying a basic physics and engineering course I signed up for and got knocked through a wall when the voiceover said “even our hands themselves can function as a lever” in away that sounded EXACTLY like “even our handsome selves can function as a lever”

Now that I have my computer back, I will be slowly reopening my commissions! Just use my order form here, if you’re interested!

Also! If you donated to help me keep my lights on, and get my computer back, let me know! I’ll throw on a thank you discount :)

My morning person trap where I wake up at 4 am and hold everyone who has not yet gone to sleep hostage (usually due to varying time zones) with my high energy, keeping them up for another ill advised 2 hours

Watching dungeon menshi and writing down every cooking idea it gives me

Another fun thing I do with customers - specifically parents of very small children who don’t know they’re alive yet - is directly imply I think the coffee is for the baby, not the parent. and lemme tell you, like 70% of parents eat that shit up. They immediately go along with the bit and start discussing it with their newborn child, while the baby just stares at us like 😮

I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’

I love when I try and interact with a really cute baby and they make it abundantly clear I have killed their energy and they hate my vibe

Need to share this one hit ko i got hit with

I completely flooded the back of house today and everyone failed to react like a human. The person who noticed tried to alert me by standing directly behind me, pointing at the floor, and going ‘water’. And when I turned and looked, all I could muster was ‘oh thats cool.’ Really calmly.

And then my manager darted for the mop bucket like CAN YOU TWO DO SOMETHJNG PLEASE STOP JUST WATCHING IT

I’ve been captivated by his wounded animal swag, and tendency to react to well intentioned kindness with fearful aggression

I can’t believe 1TB microsd cards are like a thing that exists, thats like crossing a line, thats alarmingly close to playing god, where the FUCK are they PUTTING it

How do cats know they can do the boo boo wheel

When I offer a bag to a customer they usually say like ‘if you have one, that would be great’ and I’m always struck by how bizarre of an offer it would be if I didn’t have one. Like.

“Do you want a bag?”

“Yes, if you have one, that would be great :)”

“I don’t. How does it feel to want :)”

Computer please show me robots gay kiss. Please.

Please.

Cut throat kitchen contestants are allergic to making normal meals, like. The prompt will be ‘scrambled eggs like mom used to make’ and without fail, at least one chef will be like ‘im making a deconstructed grilled salmon panini with a blackberry glaze dipping sauce, and a side of quinoa that evokes the concept of scalloped potatoes’ and the judge will be like ‘i can’t help but notice theres no eggs in this’ and the contestant is like 😟 like this is a fucking shock

Please take my white ass to anor londo