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prentisssgf · 2 months

Text

| ready, set, not yet

| criminal minds

| emily x reader

| 90% angst but a little fluff at the end

| DNI if you’re 18, there’s themes of violence, knives, kidnapping, hostage situation, violence, punching,and cursing, I am not responsible for the content you chose to read

| it changes to aaron hotcher’s pov at the end but it’ll make sense in the actual story

| 2246 words

"Emily it's freezing in here" you groaned in your sleep "Em" you drawled.

When she didn't answer you scooted yourself closer to her side but you woke up suddenly when you couldn't feel her.

"Em?" you looked around to find yourself in some sort of garage, the room was a 4x4 size and the sofa was placed opposite the floor to ceiling glass windows and there was a door on each side, the sun was blinding so you couldn't see much. The room was big enough for a small couch which you found yourself sitting up on now.

Carefully you made your way around the room, you tried your best to search for answers and ways to get you out of there, you finally found a piece of glass and you held it up to look at yourself, you didn't feel any damages but you could see two huge bruises, one on the back of your leg and one on your eye.

Lastly you made your way to the doors, you quietly tried to open the one first door and it was locked, you turned around and tried your luck with the one directly opposite, that one was locked too, but to your surprise because of something in that room, the jimmying of the door triggered an alarm.

"Holy shit I'm gonna die" you turned around and slid down the door, you had your hands covering your face so you didn't see or hear anyone come in.

The man unlocked the door and made his way over to you, he was 6'3 and about 150 pounds he quickly pulled your hands away from your face and pulled you onto the couch, he sat you in the middle and started pacing the room and he started muttering to himself.

"My name is Phillipa Hotchner and I.. I'm 28 years old and I was born on June 24th and I'm a cancer and I was born in Virgina and I have two sisters and a brother and my dad is Aaron Hotchner and my mom is Hayley Hotchner and my girlfriend and I work in the FBI and her name is Emily..." you sobbed

"Shut up" the man stopped your rambling "I'm not here for you" he scoffed.

"You're not here for me.. you're not.. who?"

"...Emily" he grinned.

Realization set in and you jumped toward him "you sick son of a bitch where is she?" your breathing started to become erratic.

"You want to see her so bad. Fine then" he grabbed your arm and pushed to you to the one way mirror that you somehow missed, he shoved you into the mirror harshly which gave you a nose bleed, you stumbled back a bit and then stood up after a few minutes after you felt your vision slowly returning.

"She's...?" you looked around the room and you couldn't see her anywhere.

The man groaned and came up behind you and grabbed your chin harshly to face you in the direction of a figure curled over in the dark, back corner of the room, you knew it was Emily, the one thing you couldn't figure out why you were both in this mess.

"You can stand and stare at your pathetic FBI agent girlfriend all you want but that isn't going to get her out of there anytime soon, and besides it'll be more fun now that I know you'll be watching" he said as he left

"What? what does that mean?" what does that MEAN?" you shouted as he slammed the door which made you flinch.

Hours later you stood there, watching every single move, every single twitch, every single cry, your heart was breaking and all you could do was watch.

It was around 3:30am now and you prayed that everyone had gone to sleep, your survival instincts took over and you remembered Elle taught you how to unlock a door with a clip and you were thankful that you wore one that day, you held your breath, hopeful that once the previously alarm went off it wouldn't go off again, you tried it and you were so thankful that it didn't.

You closed the door and sat down in front of it to catch your breath from the adrenaline rush, you sat there for about 15 minutes before crawling over to Emily.

You finally got to her and she was sobbing, you placed a hand on her shoulder gently, she started to kick and cry but you stopped her gently "Hey hey hey, Em, it's me, it's Pippa, can you look at me? can you do that?" you whispered.

"Pippa?" she looked up at you for the first time.

"It's me, it's me honey" you pulled her in for a hug "you're so brave and I'm so proud of you".

"Emily did he hurt you?" you said after a while, she didn't say anything but she nodded into your chest, still sobbing "okay okay" you cooed whilst stroking your hair "can you tell me what he did?" you gently prompted as you kissed her head.

The door flung open making you and Emily both flinch "how did you..?"

"Know that you were in here?" he answered your question for you.

"Mhmm" you nodded before you could say anything else that will slightly make him more angry than he is.

"Silent alarm on the door" he snickered.

You cursed under your breath and you fell backwards onto Emily's lap.

"I'll tell you what I did though, to answer your question, the one that your girlfriend didn't answer" Emily's arms tightened around your waist and put your arms around the back of you around her for her protection "I beat her up so badly, that you won't even recognise her anymore, she's unlovable now"

"That's not true Emily" you leaned back to whisper to her "That's not true" you shook your head "Nothing you or her could ever do would make me believe that Emily is unlovable"

"Yeah well take a good look at those bruises and tell me what you think then" he nodded to prompt you as he switched on a bright flashlight in your area, you closed your eyes for a second to adjust to the lighting, you opened your eyes slowly and then you turned around very slowly, still protecting her in your arms, you wrapped her arms around your waist tightly, you kissed her head for a few seconds before tilting her chin up so you could properly see her,

Your breath hitched as you looked her over, blood was all over her face with one huge black eye, if you didn't wake up every single morning to her and if you didn't stare at her every chance you got instead of doing your work which she would scold you for but would secretly enjoy it and do it to you too, she would've looked unrecognisable, but this was Emily, your Emily.

"Oh Emily" your eyes flickered up to stop the tears free falling, you wanted to cry so bad but you needed to be strong for Emily right now.

"Tell me what you think about her now" he spat, you gave Em a small warm gentle smile before turning back to him.

"She's still the same Emily, she isn't less lovable because she's got a couple of bruises" you shrugged.

"Liar" he screamed in your face, threat dripping of his tongue.

"I'm not lying" you said smugly, even though you weren't.

He pushed you to the floor and pulled Emily up "what-what are you doing?" you stuttered as your eyes darted quickly between him and Emily.

"Tie her up" he demanded.

"What? no?" you said confused.

"I wasn't asking" he said as he slid a knife out of his pocket.

You looked over at Emily who nodded slightly, prompting you to do it.

"I don't want to do this" you whispered to her as you sobbed "I'm sorry"

"It's okay" Emily smiled as you got on your knees

"The team" your tone in a quick realization "where are they?" your question directed to Emily.

"The team... the team are let's say at a different location" he smirked.

"I don't understand" Emily said confused.

"Shh baby it's okay" you smiled stroking her thigh

"Your dad" Emily realized.

"What about him honey?" you looked up at her as you pulled the zip lock tie a little tighter

"Your dad..." Emily trailed as her eyes started to close.

"No no no keep your eyes open for me, can you do that? can you open your eyes for me Emily?" your voice barely above a whisper.

"I need you.." Emily's voice trailed again.

"Eyes open" you shouted, now flustered "what did you need, anything you need I'll get it as soon as we're out of here" your voice cracked.

"Don't hold your breath" he scoffed.

"What did he mean by that?" Emily's voice broke into a sob, her eyes fully closed.

"Nothing" you glared back at him "nothing don't worry about it" you tried to reassure her.

"Emily you have one hour until I kill you, Pippa you get two" he smirked.

"Why do I get longer? what do you want from me? Did I do something?"

"One question at a time please" he rubbed his temple, obviously indicating a 'fake headache' as you rolled your eyes.

"Why two?" you questioned again.

"So you get to watch her die right?" he tormented "you get to sit there and watch her die"

"I am not going to let that happen" you bit back.

"There's some of that Hotchner anger"

"Hotchner anger?" you tilted your head and started walking over to him "What the hell is that supposed to mean? hmm" you pushed him back full force.

"You're exactly like your father" he spat.

"That supposed to be a threat?" you scoffed and turned around as he didn't say anything.

You looked around the room and you couldn't find Emily, she was just there, one second ago and now she was gone.

"Oh you sick son of a bitch, where did you take her?"

He shrugged, not answering the question "there's the Hotchner in you, always wanting to do the job rather than protect the people you love" he smirked.

"Take my mother's name out of your mouth" your voice cracked as you knew exactly what he was getting at.

He shook his head and pursed his lips "if only she didn't pull through"

"If only?" you scoffed.

"Shame Emily is gonna share that fate" he fake pouted.

Your chest flared with anger, you gritted your teeth as you turned around and walked around the room, you found a desk and you walked over to it, you placed both hands on the desk, you lowered your head slightly before he broke your trail of thoughts.

"How are your parents actually?" he said walking over to you.

"Fine. You tryna make small talk or something?"

"Haley, Aaron and what's his name? what's your brother's name again?" he stamped his finger to his chin, pretending to think.

You rolled your eyes "Do you wanna talk?" he handed you a phone "Whether you chose, Haley, Aaron, Emily that's your choice" you looked at the phone and then back up at him again.

You thought about your options here, if you rang your father, he could track your location but if you ring Emily you could hear her voice for what could be one last time.

"My father" you finally decided.

The line rang for what felt like a long time "Hotchner" he answered.

You needed to be really careful about your next words so you chose them wisely "It's Pi-"

"Pippa, you better give me a damn good explanation for why you haven't answered your phone and haven't shown up to work in two weeks" your father seethed.

Two weeks, that's how long you had been stuck here for.

"And Prentiss, where the hell is she? I'm assuming she's with you, she isnt answering her phone either"

"Dad listen, I just need you here please" the man ripped your phone out of your hands and ended the call before either you or Aaron could say anything else.

"You stupid, stupid bitch"

"I didn't- I didn't" you sobbed, unsure of what was happening.

—————————————————————

*Aaron Hotchners POV*

"Garcia did you manage to get a location?" you asked her.

"Yes sir" she nodded "15th and west, Pip and Emily are both in the basement, the house number is 1729"

"Thank you" you nodded to her "JJ, Derek, Luke, you're with me, Spencer and Dave stay here and let me know if anything happens or anyone comes in here."

Spencer and Rossi both nodded as you all left.

You all finally got to the building and it was locked "Luke and Morgan take the side door, JJ and I will go through one this one"

You and JJ made your way though all the doors and then JJ saw the basement door "Hotch" she nodded to the door "over here"

—————————————————————

Pippa Hotchner POV

You could hear footsteps above you, praying that it wasn't anyone involved with him.

The door swung open and you heard two people run in, you hid your head and fell to the floor.

"PIPPA" JJ shouted.

"Jayje?" you questioned as you got up.

"I'm here" she smiled as she hugged you.

"Go and find Emily, please I'm fine" JJ nodded, your dad came walking over towards you.

"Dad I'm-" you started to apologise but he just hugged you close, you started to cry and he held you closer.

"You're safe now I promise"

"Did JJ find Emily yet?" you questioned.

"Yeah she's outside and she's in an ambulance" he said.

"I have to go and see her" you hurriedly said as you ran.

"Emily" you ran up to her sitting on the back of the ambulance.

"Pip" Emily looked up.

"Emily I'm so so sorry" you cried.

"You have nothing to be sorry for honey" Emily smiled as you carefully held her in your arms, she buried her head in your chest as you stood up in front of her, stroking her hair.

"I love you" you smiled "I know we haven't said it yet, but today I thought I'd lost you and then I realised that I actually never got the chance to say it" you sighed.

"Pippa, I love you too" Emily smiled, you leaned down to kiss her lips and then reached up to kiss her head, quickly going back to the position you were once in.

"Can we go home now?" she whispered, looking up at you.

"Of course we can" you smiled.

#criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x you #paget brewster #criminal minds x you #emily x reader #emily x you

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sweetpeterparker · 2 years

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criminal minds- fics recommendation ✯

spencer reid

twisted (series) (@dreamwritesimagines )

→spencer reid x serial killer daughter! reader/ i absolutely loved this and couldn't stop reading

reiding-writing's s.reid masterlist (@reiding-writing )

→love everything they post, specially cold!reader and unsub!reader series

clue (@pathologicalreid )

→spencer reid x journalist!reader. i loved this!! feels so much similar to the movie and so fun

spencer reid x youtuber!reader (series) (@anothermansjeans )

→love this series so much!!

you were like an angel to me (@januaryembrs )

→post prison!spencer reid x sunshine!bau!reader. love this!! one of my favs rn

flu shot (@unholyobsessions )

→spencer reid x reader tw: flu shot

instagram pov (@hotchaways )

→spencer reid x reader

secret life (@radiant-reid )

→spencer reid x reader tw: tiniest mention of insecurities

swooping in (@radiant-reid )

→spencer reid x reader tw: alcohol consumption

lover (@nycreid )

→spencer reid x popstar!reader. the swiftie in me died. dead. rip me

wisteria (@boldlyvoid )

→spencer reid x single mom!reader tw: mentions of kidnapping and murder, cheating

an inconvenient affection (@differentkettleoffishalltogether ) (unfinished)

→spencer reid x reader tw:adult themes, stalking, alcohol consumption

the in-betweens (@fandom-imagines-stories ) (2 seasons complete- series)

→spencer reid x reader tw: trauma, violence

if you love her (@girl-next-door-writes )

→spencer reid x reader (secret relationship)

is this your card? (@inkedobsidian )

→spencer reid x reader

a well-kept secret (@astrophileous )

→spencer reid x reader im a sucker for secret relationships so this is all i need

girls can't drive (@dream-a-little-bigger-x )

→spencer reid x reader / tw: sexual assalt/harassment

memoriam (@dream-a-little-bigger-x )

→spencer reid x reader/ best friends to lovers/ tw: talk of murder/pedophilia

love story (@boldlyvoid )

→spencer reid x swiftie!reader/ spencer being the best bf ever

pretend bf (@reidsprentiss22 )

→spencer reid x fem!reader / tw: creepy guy

so happy together (@babymetaldoll )

→spencer reid x reader/ fake dating/ friends to lovers

soulmates, myths, philosophers and invisible strings (@leahblackk )

→professor!spencer reid x professor!reader/ inspired by invisible string by taylor swift

that i know (series) (@idmakeitbehave )

→spencer reid x reader/ tw: memory loss

BFF (@babymetaldoll )

→spencer reid x fem! reader/ bff reunion after 12 years apart

i love you? (@reidreaders )

→spencer reid x reader

it's a date (@sincerelybubbles )

→spencer reid x reader. so cute!!

peace (@velvetm00light)

→spencer reid x reader. so adorable

aaron hotchner

something more (@headkiss )

→aaron hotchner x bau!reader. one of my fav hotch pieces ever!! so incredible

delicate (@honeypiehotchner )

→aaron hotchner x reader tw: age gap, alcohol consumption, harassment

snippets of our life (@hotch-stufff )

→aaron hotchner x reid!reader tw: injuries, gunshot, child death, birth

quality time ( @specialagentlokitty )

→aaron hotchner x peralta!reader a criminal minds/ brooklyn 99 crossover is all a girl needs

you're hotch's favorite (@rramblingreid )

→aaron hotchner x bau!reader

ask (@happiest-hotch )

→aaron hotchner x reader. based on my request!! loved it

derek morgan

stay stay stay (@blushingbucky )

→derek morgan x reader (inspired by taylor swift) tw: arguing

the first time (@specialagentlokitty )

→derek morgan x reader

begin again (@imaginesfordifferentfandoms )

→derek morgan x reader. based on 'begin again' by taylor swift

(if you are not comfortable being tagged here, please message me so i can edit this<3)

#criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #derek morgan #aaron hotchner

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jayxox · 1 year

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POV: yours and Aaron's Instagram.

Aaron Hotchner x plussize!BAU!reader

Aaron Hotchner x reader

2 posts from Y/N, 2 posts from Aaron

Triggerwarning: marriage or established relationship, BAU!reader, use of Y/N

I have enough for Part 2 and 3 - let me know if you want more. Part 2 could be more plussize themed, we need representation and for that there isn't enough on this platform, Part 3 could be more NSFW, 18+ themed.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner instagram #daddy hotchner #hotch #hotch instagram #aaron hotchner x bau!reader #bau! Instagram #bau!reader #aaron hotchner imagine #imagine #please omfg #hotch imagine

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daisyswift3 · 1 year

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The Alcott Analysis

So now that The Alcott has officially been released I wanted to do an analysis of some of the lyrics and how I think they might relate to Taylor. Disclaimer: I know Aaron said Matt wrote the main parts of the song and Taylor only added the dialogue parts so many of these connections might be a coincidence, but I also think it’s possible Taylor could have had more input on the song than they’re letting on since there are so many themes and motifs that perfectly relate back to Taylor’s music. This is just meant to be a fun clown theory

Like many others pointed out, the whole first verse is very “Help I’m still at the restaurant, still sitting in a corner I haunt, cross legged in the dim light, they say ‘what a sad sight’” and seems like the opposite pov of RWYLM

“It’s the last thing you/I wanted, it’s the first thing I/you do, I tell you that I think I’m falling back in love w/ you” // “I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard” // “Uh oh I’m falling in love, oh no I’m falling in love again”

“I had to do something to break into your golden thinking” // “Lost in the labyrinth of my mind…you would break your back to make me break a smile”— this is directly related to the following ⬇️

“And there you are sitting as usual w/ your golden notebook, writing something about someone who used to be me…I sit there silently waiting for you to look up” // “Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen, time moved on for everybody else, she won’t know it, she’s still 23 inside her fantasy, how it was supposed to be…and you’re sitting in front of me” -> Taylor is stuck in her own head reminiscing and writing about the past (the golden age) and this person sitting in front of her is trying to break her out of this nostalgic escapist mindset. I think this may be a direct reference to the film Midnight in Paris which is all about nostalgia and escapism--much like the song Paris on the Midnights 3am edition--and specifically to golden age thinking, a phrase used in that film. Here are some tidbits that I think are worth noting

@chickawah23 made a really great post about the possible Midnight in Paris connections. Here’s a screenshot from that post that does a good job summarizing the important parallels

There definitely seems to be a connection between Midnights, the stories of 13 sleepless nights, and the folklore chapters that were released in Aug 2020, specifically the sleepless nights and escapism chapters. I think it’s interesting that exile is the last track of the first chapter and first track of the second chapter--almost like the second chapter is a direct continuation of the first which again links Midnights to this escapism theme. And there’s been a lot of exile references lately (exile ends, doors, 8/3, etc)

Even though the back and forth dialogue between Taylor and Matt at first sounds argumentative, I think it could also be read in a positive way. This person is going to ruin and wreck Taylor’s plans and Taylor is going to gladly let them. She welcomes the curse on their house. “I’m begging for you to take my hand wreck my plans that’s my man” // “For you I would ruin myself a million little times” // “I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed...He’s gonna burn this house to the ground...So yeah it’s a fire it’s a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it” // “Dear reader, burn all the files, desert all your past lives” // Taylor is the one that chooses to burn the lover house down. She’s the one holding the lighter on the Midnights album cover and striking the match in the lavender haze mv (here’s a really great post about what that might signify). Furthermore, the willow performance and description make me think that the curse on Taylor’s house was actually her own doing--she’s not only letting this person wreck her plans but is helping them do so. So the burning, wrecking, ruining, cursing/spell casting are all metaphors for the same thing—destroying Taylor’s closet and possibly her career as a result of that

Honorable mention: The beat almost sounds like a heartbeat no? Wildest Dreams??

#i hope this all made sense lol #sometimes im not the best at articulating my thoughts #im doing this instead of studying for my finals like the responsible student i am #taylor swift #taylorswift #gaylor #gaylor swift #kaylor #midnight in paris #midnights #the alcott #the national #parallels #folklore #evermore #paris #exile #lyric analysis

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ameliawarnerr · 1 year

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Hi :)

I Just wanted to ask something since you seem to love reading . Can you recommend some novels and where to read ?

Hello :)

Yes I do love reading.

So firstly I'm mainly interested in romance genre and since I post about particularly abt it so u must be interested in the same genre. (Im assuming that lol! I hope I'm ryt)

So here's my recommendation with tropes:

1. The Folk Of The Air trilogy (Enemies to lovers, powerful and cunning female lead, fairie world. It has twists and the best endings istg!)

2. The Shatter Me series. (Enemies to lovers, i can't really tell much or it'll be a spoiler. The characters are well written and the style is quite unique. Dystopian world. Powerful (literally) female lead.) (+Aaron Warner.)

3. Six of Crows duology. (Honestly, just read it. The plot, the twists, the unhinged scenes, the writing, the characters, the heartbreak, the backstories, the jokes, the friendships, the romance, it's ALL WORTH IT!) (+The world building is 🔥✨)

4. The Inheritance Games trilogy. (Riddles and twistssss, so many of em. Love triangle, but trust me, it's well written. The female lead is a smartass.)

5. Icebreaker (College hockey romance. Enemies to lovers (sorta). Duo povs. I absolutely love both the female MC and the male. It's an easy read and overall, a great book.)

6. The Deal (Again, College hockey romance. It's funny and an easy read. Both characters are adorable.)

7. The Addicted Series/ The Callaway Sisters Series (This series has three couples (all connected), the first couple (sorta the main couple) have 5 books and the other two couples have two spin-off books each. Then there's a epilogue book having pov of six of em. And yeah just read it. Found family, funny, love, heartbreak.) (My personal fav couple: Rose and Conner)

Since I'm broke most of the times so I honestly just go to the Google and search ' xyz book pdf download ' and every book I've listed above is available (tho a few might be hard to find but i could send u some links if u reach out to me with the particular books names).

Now, u didn't ask for this but I'm sharing this just so u can have a better ebook reading experience. Download Moon+ reader, trust me, it's the best.

You can arrange your books like this^ (it's fking beautiful!)

Also u can bookmark dialogues (and all), after downloading a pdf, u can download the best quality cover available for it online. U can arrange them in any pattern. (+Several colored themes!)

I hope this helps.

Byee love yaaa

#asks are always appreciated #answered asks #anon ask #reading is my therapy #reading is hot #reading #readers #books #bookstagram #book reading #book rec list #book recs

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codename-mom · 7 months

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The date

Summary: Jessica is waiting for her former brother-in-law to come back from work but didn't expect what he's going to ask her.

Characters: Aaron Hotchner and Jessica Brooks (her pov)

Contents: this text is part of a self-challenge on the theme "It's cute but...". So, it's supposed to be funny and/or cute with a slice of bitterswitness. Hope you'll enjoy it!

TW: anxiety, mention of abusive relationship, death and grief, and yet, I can assure you that it's still funny (hope so, actually. ^^; ).

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

___

Jessica looked up from her book when she heard the key turn in the lock. Peering at the front door over the back of the sofa, she waited, heart pounding, to see who would enter at this ungodly hour. Logically, it should be her ex-brother-in-law, but after what he'd told her, she was more aware than ever that this apartment wasn't as safe as it looked. She breathed again when she saw the huge man in the suit cross the threshold.

“Sorry, apologized the man promptly. The meeting lasted longer than expected.”

“It's okay, she affirmed, placing her book on the coffee table. Jack and I watched a cartoon.”

Aaron tossed his keys on the dresser and laid his briefcase against it.

“Is he mad at me?" he asked, starting to take off his jacket.

“He wishes you were here, but he knows why you're late.”

“I'm not sure Committee members appreciate being compared to villains.”

The young woman smiled at the humor but shriveled when she saw the owner's anxious expression.

She knew that Aaron had always had a very conflicted relationship with fatherhood. Her sister had once confided in her how difficult it was to get her partner to listen to reason and take the plunge. Then, years later, she had heard her complain about his repeated long absences and impromptu departures, forcing her to manage a newborn baby on her own. But against all odds, when the divorce was finalized, he fought for the right to see his son and even to have him in his care for several days at a time, whenever his schedule allowed. Later, she had seen him suffer from the absence of this child he knew to be in danger. As a result of the events that followed, Jack was now entirely under his care, but she could see him torn on a daily basis between getting involved in his work – which was saving lives – and giving priority to looking after his offspring so that he didn't become a complete stranger to him.

So, despite his good looks and impressive appearance, Aaron was actually a very insecure person who felt guilty with disconcerting ease. Jessica was about to reassure him once again that he had nothing to do with his own father and that Jack wouldn't take it out on him as he had done in the past. He'd never spoken to her openly about it, but she'd understood that behind the facade of his smile, which he flaunted with such ease at the time, lay a poisonous family atmosphere. He refused to invite her and Haley to his home, kept to himself whenever anyone asked him about his parents or brother, worked at a variety of odd jobs and never hurried home. For her, this was the reason for his unease about raising his only descendant. He hadn't had the right examples and was therefore unable to determine whether what he was doing was right or wrong.

“Is there a problem?” she questioned, rhetorically.

Aaron dodged her gaze, nervously scratching his fingertips.

“Uh... I... I don't know if I can ask you this, actually.”

“Ask me what?” she frowned, unsettled.

Clearly, her initial assumption was false. He wasn't worried about Jack, he was worried about something else. The question was: what?

“No. Never mind, I’ll… I'll find another way," he said, heading for the kitchen without looking at her.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Aaron!”

He froze instantly and faced her, eyes downcast. She saw him tense up even more as she left the sofa and brought herself to his level. She was determined to get to the bottom of this, refusing to let her interlocutor brood over dark thoughts during the night to come. He was stressed enough as it was, if she could relieve him of at least one problem, she wouldn't mind.

“What’s going on?”

He swallowed, his brown irises oscillating between his feet and her. Jessica waited patiently for him to make his move.

“I… Actually, I was... I was wondering if... if you could keep Jack next Saturday. At night.”

“Will you be on a case?" she wanted to know, wondering why this had suddenly become so problematic.

“No… Not really.”

“So, why… ?, she retorted before she understood. Do you have a date?”

Aaron took a step backwards, more sheepish and embarrassed than ever. She realized that, if he could, he would have already run away so she couldn't stare at him as she did. Jack's aunt raised an inquisitive eyebrow, suppressing the smile that curled her lips.

“You got a date?”

“I… I’m sorry. Excuse-me, reacted the giant. It's extremely inappropriate to ask you this for… Excuse-me.”

To calm the wave of panic that was threatening to overwhelm him, she grabbed his wrist and made her feelings clear.

“Aaron, everything is fine. I’m happy for you.”

“You shouldn’t. We… we’ve just buried Haley…”

Jessica sighed, holding back the urge to roll her eyes. It would have been a lie to say that talking about her dead sister was easy, but it would also have been a lie to say that she didn't want the happiness of the federal agent. The latter had always been more of a friend than a brother-in-law or simply his nephew's father and seeing him mourn was not to her liking. Far from it.

“Aaron, it's been over two years, she reminded him. There are widowers who got back in the saddle much faster than you did. There's nothing disrespectful about it, and I'll gladly keep Jack so you can have your evening in peace.”

“But you too should be able to enjoy your evenings in peace. You should be free with your nights instead of keeping Jack for me.”

“You’re not forcing me to do anything. I’ve offered to help you myself.”

He had never even asked her anything. It was she who had approached him and intimated that, if need be, she could stand in for him to take care of the little boy.

“You're not helping me, you're doing my work for me and… – he shook his head, casting his gaze here and there, lost – and I'm taking advantage of it to fool around.”

He tried to pull his hand away from her embrace, but she held firm. He needed to hear what she intended to say.

“So, first of all, this is the first time in two years that you're going to be "fooling around" – as you so aptly put it – and secondly, when you're not on a case, you're there to take care of him. Stop thinking you're a bad father and stop feeling guilty for others, she lectured him in her firmest possible tone, before softening. You’ve got the right to move forward. You’ve got the right to start a new life.”

Aaron looked at her in confusion. Looking at him like that, it was hard to believe he was over forty. Without letting him go, she continued:

“As long as I can see my nephew, you can flirt with whoever you want.”

A shy smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No.”

He didn’t seem to believe it totally. And yet, she had been completely sincere with him. Jack often reported to her that his father was sad and smiled little or not at all, and she systematically felt her heart clench as she thought about what was eating him up inside. Each time, she reassured the child that it was not his fault but prayed daily for things to change. And, obviously, her pleas had been heard.

“O… okay, he stammered, uncomfortable. I promise I'll organize things differently next time… If there is a next time.”

She frowned.

“Why can’t there be a next time?”

“I… I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. Or say. I… I…”

“Okay. Hold on, she calmed him down as he tried to flee again. Let’s take a breath and have a seat on the couch.”

Obediently, Aaron allowed himself to be guided to the sofa, where he was the first to sit. Jessica took her place beside him, wearing her most reassuring expression. She knew her brother-in-law's anxious nature better than most. If she hadn't been there from the start to soothe him and show him the way, Jack wouldn't be here – or he wouldn't look the way he does. The titan was insanely intelligent and, from what she'd gathered here and there, his skills were recognized in his work, but once out of this comfort zone, he was almost like a new-born baby who had to be taught everything. And even more so when it came to interacting with other human beings. His contact book – outside his family – was on a sticky note, and talking to strangers was a source of stress for him. Few people realized that he'd learned to deceive for his own survival, but she, who'd been with him for a long time, knew how to identify the distinctive signs of his embarrassment.

“Let’s start at the beginning, she said in a lively tone. What’s her name?”

“Beth.”

“How does she look like?”

“Nothing in common with Haley.”

Jessica sighed in spite of herself, her smile twitching a little.

“Don’t make it all about her, please. I know she was important to you, but she's part of your past now, she pointed out. By the way, does Beth know?”

“No. I… I don’t know if I have to talk about it on Saturday or if I must wait a little.”

“Does she know that you have a son?”

His head swayed.

“Did you already talk to her?” She retorted hoping he won’t take it as a mockery.

“Yes. But… he hesitated, searching for his words. We used to meet during our training sessions. She's taking part in a marathon organized by her museum, and it's about to take place. So… as we were never to meet again…”

“You asked her to dinner,” she finished for him.

“Yes.”

“And she said yes.”

“Yes.”

“Sounds promising,” she stated, delighted.

“It's going to be a disaster," he replied, crestfallen.

Shoulders down, back rounded, face in his hands, his gaze once again lost in the distance. Jessica straightened up and put a hand on his shoulder to bring him back to the present.

“Why did you say that?”

“I’m almost fifty and I don’t know what to do in this kind of situation. I’m going to be ridiculous.”

“Aaron, if you’re not able to flirt with a woman at your age, it’s because you were with the same one for more than twenty years. It’s a good thing.”

Forty-six years old, the man sitting next to her had met her sister when he was barely of age and had lived with her until they separated four years earlier. Shattered by the rejection of the only woman he'd ever loved, he hadn't moved a muscle for the next two years, immersing himself body and soul in his work. Her sudden death propelled him to the status of a single father, and he then put his own needs in the background, devoting his energy to Jack and the BAU. In fact, yes, between his eighteenth birthday and tonight, he had no longer used his attractiveness to try and seduce anyone. She briefly considered that he must not even be aware of his natural finery.

“Wha… what I’m supposed to tell her?”

“Tell her about you," she said, remembering that she'd heard that question come out of that same mouth before.

“Hello, I’m hunting serial killers. By the way, one of them stabbed me before he killed the mother of my son.”

“Aaron…” she scolded him, feeling her heart miss a beat.

“Excuse-me.”

“When I said "talking about you", I meant talking about who you are, what you like, what you've been doing lately – outside of work, she added. What’s the last movie you saw, for example.”

“Alvin and the Chipmunks.”

Jessica opened her mouth without knowing what to say to that.

“It’s true. I still have tinnitus," he declared with a half-smile.

She slapped his arm.

“I'm talking about a film you wouldn't have seen with Jack, she grumbled in an obvious tone. The idea is to open a dialogue. You talk about a movie, she gives you her thoughts about it, you’re discussing. She talks about hers, you give your own arguments and so on. And you can talk about music, books, etc.”

“It looks so simple said like that.”

He was clearly doubtful. Not necessarily on the method, but rather on his ability to apply it. She had to play down the situation so that he wouldn't put unnecessary pressure on himself.

“The purpose of this evening isn’t to propose, it’s to get to know each other better. To see if you have any chemistry other than running.”

“And if there is not?”

“Then, you’ll know.”

A prospect that seemed to undermine him instantly. For him, what he had already managed to do was an achievement; having to do it all over again discouraged him in advance. However, that was the law of the quest for perfect love: it wasn't very often that the perfect match was found on the very first date. It took several tries before we finally found someone who ticked all the boxes – or as many as possible. A challenge for people as lacking in self-confidence as Aaron. The latter's expression suddenly changed, fear swallowing up spite.

“What?” she wished to know.

“And if… she wants…?”

“What? Go further than just dinner?”

He nodded.

“What’s the problem?”

“It’s been almost… four years…”

She'd never heard her sister complain about his ability to satisfy such desires – except that he was too absent for her taste – so she imagined he knew how to go about it. However, it had been a long time since he'd had any intimate contact with anyone, and she doubted that, like cycling, it wouldn't be forgotten. It was therefore unlikely that he would regain all his good reflexes the first time around, which could send the wrong signals to this Beth.

“I see. You might need to explain a little about the divorce and... you know...”

“It’ll calm her down for sure.”

“You don't have to go into details, she growled, pushing from her mind the image of his mutilated torso she'd visualized when he'd told her about his painful experience. No. Please don’t, by the way. You simply tell her you're divorced and that your ex-wife… died two years later. Period. If she's smart, she should understand and not hold it against you.”

“If she was smart, she wouldn't have said yes.”

Jessica smacked him on the head, outraged.

“Ouch!” replied Aaron, rubbing his hair.

“Don't say things like that!" she snapped, threatening him with her outstretched index finger.

“Why? It the truth. Look at me. I don’t know what to do with myself and I look like crap.”

“It’s not true, stop it!”

She saw for herself that she had been right to think he was unaware of his assets. Even if he wasn't her type, she could see that he was far from unpleasant to look at. There was nothing exceptional about him either, but he possessed a certain charm and natural charisma – when he wasn't moping about his fate – that didn't leave anyone indifferent.

“If I was that perfect, Haley wouldn't have run off...”

“Do you want another one?”

Aaron pulled back immediately.

“My sister had her reasons for doing what she did, she said with a twinge of sadness, but that doesn't mean it's all your fault or that those reasons will prevent you from finding someone else. We are all different. What bothered her about you may not bother Beth.”

She saw him pouting. He was clearly not convinced by her words, which made her think that his major flaw was that, when he was convinced of something, it was virtually impossible to make him listen to reason. Even more so if the something in question was turned against him. Already reluctant to put himself forward, the giant had very low self-esteem, which hadn't improved when Haley had sent him packing after more than twenty years together. She didn't know what he was like on a day-to-day basis – for they crossed paths more than they cohabited – but he didn't seem like the kind of male to put his feet under the table without lifting a finger for his partner, and even less to criticize her actions. All that remained were his numerous absences and his inability to communicate properly, but this was not the time to underline these "details" of his personality. It was better to focus on the positives.

“And if you look like crap, I want the phone number of the handsome one.”

“It’s the suit.”

Jessica slapped him on the head again.

“But…”

“You deserve it,” she said, staring at him fiercely.

He lowered his nose with the expression of one condemned to death. His neighbor put her hand on his arm to attract his attention.

“It’ll be okay, Aaron, she assured him. You've already hit it off, she's agreed to meet you, all you need to do now is get to know each other better.”

A fleeting smile appeared on his lips. She understood that he doubted it was as simple as it looked.

“Do you want me to be the go-between?”

“Please, no! he snorted at once. I… I’ve got to manage on my own.”

“As you wish, she conceded. Does Jack know?”

“No. I… I don’t know how he is going to react to… this kind of news.”

“Good, I think.”

“Really?”

That he disbelieved the boy's positive reaction was logical. In his adult mind, the child had lost his mother and didn't want her to be replaced by another one in his father's heart. However, he was forgetting an important detail: Jack had been very young when his mother had died, so he had only the vaguest memories of what she had looked like or of situations they had shared together. She wasn't a total stranger to him either, but his attachment to her wasn't as strong as the one Aaron still had. The boy lived essentially in the moment, and as long as he was offered room and board, he was satisfied. That and something else.

“He is waiting for this: for his dad to be happy again.”

“… Okay. It doesn’t put any pressure on me at all,” he grinned.

Jessica sighed.

“Breath, idiot. I remember you that he’s not aware of your date.”

“Will you tell him?”

“No. It’s your job. When you’ll be ready for it.”

From her point of view, this was typically the kind of information that had to be passed on directly. His ex-brother-in-law had to learn to interact verbally with his son. He had to find a way of opening up to him, without overstepping the bounds of reason, to avoid reproducing what had imploded his relationship with Haley.

“… I suck, huh?”

“I’d rather say: you’re clumsy. But there are some extenuating circumstances.”

Aaron shook his head sheepishly, conciliatory but somewhat dejected.

“… Thanks, he said, nevertheless.

“You’re welcome. If you’re in trouble Saturday, you’ve got my number.”

“Ha, ha.”

He rolled his eyes and Jessica burst out laughing.

___

For once, the movie I had in mind when I wrote this was out for real. /o/

(when I first wrote "Nocturnal wandering", I imagined the waiter with a My Little Poney: Friendship is Magic t-shirt... but the show wasn't out. So I had to switch for My Little Poney, but honestly the guy was too young to know the show. Same when I wrote "Moving" dialogues, I imagined Penelope giving a label with the german sheperd from Paw Patrol... but same, the show wasn't out already. I don't like that, it kind of changes the vibe of the text. ^^; )

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #hotch #agent hotchner #criminal minds fanfic #code name mom #jessica brooks

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masterwords · 1 year

Note

For the fluff ideas, I love Jack accidentally giving away the extent of Hotch and Morgan's relationship. To anyone. It's great, especially if they've already got an inkling as to what's going on.

Oh, well, this isn't fluff. I'll just say that now. But it is SOFT. And it does have a sweet ending.

Basing the whole story on THIS moment. Because when inspiration strikes, it strikes hard. So, we've got another Foyet theme here but it's all Morgan POV. It's a lot of angst and lots of feelings.

(5.2k words)

******* i'll be home soon *******

When SWAT shows up in a neighborhood like this, people notice. There are neighbors peeking through their curtains at the caravan of armored vehicles swinging through the gates at the Hotchner house. The black SUV in front had stopped, and a familiar face jumped out to punch in the gate code, which was somehow even more unsettling than the sight in general. A few of the neighbors stepped out onto their porches and watched from behind pillars, trying to stay out of sight but not able to stomp the curiosity.

They enter the house without being let in, and anyone watching knows that something bad has happened or is happening. They watch the swarm of men and women in kevlar vests with huge guns enter one after another and they step a little closer together hoping that whatever is happening stays located only in that house, doesn't seep out into the neighborhood. This isn't going to do anything for the HOA.

“Dave,” Derek whispers, indicating a hallway. He's trying to make it seem like he doesn't know every square inch of this place, but he also knows he wants to make it up to Haley's room first and taking the main route is going to put them arriving after strangers. If something has happened to Haley up there...he wants to be first. It's all that drives him. “Let's go this way,” he hisses and Dave nods, leading the way. Dave knows this house, too. They both have long histories with Hotch and it doesn't seem suspicious that Derek might know the layout, not to Dave. But JJ might get ideas and he doesn't want her to get those ideas...not now. He wouldn't mind their secret being out in the open but Hotch is still very protective of it, and he suspects it has less to do with the job and more to do with his own insecurity. With the spectacular failure of his first attempt at something big, and putting what this was under the intense scrutiny of profiler eyes was not something he was prepared for.

Derek wasn't worried at all. Not about that.

Haley is dancing to music in her bedroom while she folds laundry, enjoying an afternoon to herself while Jack plays at a neighbor's house. Derek had the playdate on his calendar, Haley always shared that kind of thing just in case. Hotch wasn't able to be around a lot but he wanted to know where they were, that they were safe. Divorce papers didn't change that, and Haley didn't mind.

She's more than accepted Derek's role in their lives, she's come to cherish it. He's good for Hotch in ways she never could be, he knows the work and he knows how important it is not to be there. Hotch has been a better and more present father since Derek entered the picture. Still, love him as she does, she doesn't expect to see him kick in her bedroom door while she's folding clothes.

She screams and pulls the earbuds out, staring right at hime. There are strangers in her bedroom, they brush past JJ and Dave and Derek to check closets and the bathroom and she just...stares. Scared. This kind of reaction can only mean one thing, a thing she'd prepared herself for time and time again. The day that Hotch wasn't coming home.

“Where is Aaron?” she asks Derek directly, doesn't bother looking anywhere else. Dave has lied to her more times than she can count, and JJ's face is too raw, her eyes too wide. She looks to Derek.

Derek wrestles with how to approach this. How important it is to maintain the secret at this point. He's not sure it matters anymore. Hotch will probably feel different, but Hotch is in critical but stable condition in the ICU, according to the doctors. He doesn't have much of a say about how this goes down.

“He's in the hospital,” Derek replies a little coolly before deciding he needs to be the one who goes to Jack. Hotch would want it to be him, to make Jack comfortable. Jack's friends' parents know him, it'll only scare everyone if a stranger comes for him. He locks eyes with Haley before speaking. “Text me the address,” he says like he even needs it. The house is two blocks away, he doesn't need to drive but he's going to...it'll help him maintaining what little cover he still has. “Tell them I'm on my way.” He's careful to say them, not their names, though he knows it still gives him away if they're really paying attention. It comes out a little stiff, but he doesn't think Dave or JJ have picked up on it, so he turns and leaves.

Derek isn't very nice to Marcy and Joe, he's short with them in an effort to get Jack and get back to Haley's quickly but his head isn't here. He can't think past the way Hotch looked in the hospital and the fact that he's not there. This is where they run into problems. When one of them gets hurt, the other can't just stop moving and be with their partner. He would give anything to be there right now, to talk to the doctors and know what they were up against. He would rather sit in the chair beside Hotch's bed and just stare at him while he sleeps. That isn't the way this works. Hotch is down for the count, so Derek is effectively in charge, he's got to step up and work twice as hard. It isn't ideal but he can't imagine a different life anymore.

And if he's being really honest, he doesn't want anything else. A short break would be nice, though.

“Hey buddy,” Derek says, affecting something close to a smile as Jack approaches him in the kitchen of his friends' house. He knows it isn't very convincing to the adults, they can see the weariness in his drawn features. But maybe Jack won't see it. He's so little. And right now, he looks even smaller. “Sorry to cut your play date short. Did you uh...” he's getting choked up because he knows what happens next. He takes this precious little boy, his little buddy, out of his friend's house and there is a high probability that he won't ever see them again. He might never have another play date over here and Derek can't say anything about it. “Did you say goodbye to Georgia and Jason?”

“Yep. Georgia said smell you later! Isn't that funny?" Jack giggles to himself and looks around, suddenly confused. Like he understands something is off here. Derek is wearing his FBI vest; the one Jack is fascinated with. "Where's mommy?”

“I'm taking you home to see her right now.” He realizes he's still in his vest, and Marcy is staring at it with fear in her eyes. She didn't see SWAT pull up, they're just out of view of the street the cavalcade had barreled down but she's keenly aware now. Joe has peeked out the window and seen the line of police cars on their little street, police and K-9s combing the cul-de-sac. Derek came with an escort and they're looking for someone. “Mommy is fine,” he adds, more for Marcy than Jack.

On the way to the car, Marcy taps on Joe's shoulder insistently and sends him after Derek. He follows behind them to the car not unlike a puppy, walking a little extra fast to keep up.

“Has something happened to his parents?” Joe asks quietly, hushed so Jack doesn't hear as he buckles himself into the vehicle. There isn't a booster seat, but they're only going a short distance and he lets Jack sit up front with him. He'll grab Jack's seat before they leave Haley's.

Derek searches for the best response he can arrive at...he doesn't want to lie but he can't tell the truth. The fewer people that know what happened, the safer they all are. Foyet wants the news to spread, infect everyone with fear. This whole neighborhood would turn into a ripe little hunting ground for him if Derek says one wrong thing.

“Aaron was injured in a job-related incident,” he says, closing the door. “He's in the hospital, we're just responding to the situation out of an abundance of caution. You know how we are, huh? It's probably overkill.”

Job-related. Joe knows what he does. What they both do. He doesn't know case details, but he knows enough to have a sort of idol worship for the two of them, and at neighborhood get-togethers he would seek Hotch out for stories, for a glimpse into a life more exciting than his as an accountant. “Oh, yeah, of course...” Joe stammers, staring hard at Derek's vest. Until Derek takes it off, shrugs out of it and holds it at his side. “If there's anything we can do, you'll let me know? They're like family.”

“Could you keep an eye on their house for a bit? We're going to take Haley and Jack for a little while, just to be safe. It's entirely likely that we're overreacting but...” his voice drifts off when he realizes there are tears in his eyes and they're giving him away. He and Joe aren't close, but they've been to plenty of barbecues together, they're friendly, Joe is well aware of his relationship to the Hotchners. With Aaron. He touches Derek on the forearm and smiles.

“Of course, yes. We still have our key from watering the plants for them last summer.”

They're good people. Derek feels terrible not being honest with them, but when Hotch's attack makes the news they'll know and maybe they'll understand why he had to do what he did. Maybe he'll drop a bottle of wine off later as an apology. For now, he's got to get Jack back home.

Time is of the essence. They're only going a couple of blocks, and they're creeping at a snail's pace because he's nervous with Jack not in a real booster seat, but he lets Jack push the button because he loves hearing that siren scream. His neighbors probably don't love it as much, but Derek thinks it might at least look a little amusing...big black SUV with lights flashing and siren blaring but going no more than 15 miles per hour, creeping slowly through suburbia. It elicits a small smile as he considers the spectacle of them.

By the time he gets back with Jack, Dave has helped Haley pack her bags and JJ has packed as many of Jack's things for him as she could find room for. Derek enters the room with Jack clinging to his neck, poking at his earring holes. He likes to do that; he pokes at them and tugs at them and tells him he should wear more treasure in them. Like a pirate. One night, solely out of pettiness, Derek had pointed out that Hotch had the same little holes and Jack had been beside himself. "But you said those holes meant you were cool..." the kid had some shade to throw at his dad. Hotch hadn't found the conversation nearly as amusing as Derek had.

“Member when daddy got you the red crystal?” he asked, poking again. “And you said he was a dork?”

JJ stares at the interaction, a little confused. Dave doesn't seem like he's listening, he's focused on Haley and talking her down as she mutters about this being isnane, an overreaction, she has a life and a job and too many things just to give up for this stupid fucking job. “I thought I was getting away from it all...”

“He is a dork,” Derek whispers back, grinning at Jack. “It isn't a crystal though. It's called a ruby. It's my birthstone.”

Now JJ is certain that she's not supposed to hear this conversation, but she can't stop listening. Sure it could just be something sweet. Hotch is old fashioned and gives beautiful gifts, and he and Derek have known one another for so many years now that he probably has to get pretty creative to come up with something that hasn't been done yet. She can almost believe it's not what she assumes. Hotch never half-asses anything like that, his gifts are thoughtful and usually way too expensive because he doesn't really think about that. He knows what he wants to give the people he loves, and he does it without expecting reciprocation. But an earring, Derek's birthstone, that seems a little romantic even for Hotch and his traditional leaning. Romantic and thoughtful, the kind of thing you offer someone you love in a way that isn't defined by where you work.

“He got you an earring?” JJ asks in a hushed whisper, sliding up beside them. She wants to know more and Derek looks like he's going to tell her, like he's ready to confirm what she's suspecting. It wouldn't be the end of the world. But Haley clears her throat and smiles awkwardly before he can answer.

“I think he said it was a joke,” she lies. “Right? Because Derek was getting old, and you know...the 90s were a wild time and Derek was so hip...didn't he say something about reclaiming your youth?” she's reaching but JJ pretends to buy it. They're obviously trying hard to keep it a secret. By the looks of it, there is some truth to what Haley said, but the motivation behind the gift was definitely not in jest.

Jack, however, isn't playing along. “No, mama, daddy said...”

“Jack, honey, I think we need to get on the road if we're going to see daddy, huh? He's probably sleepy and he's waiting for us.” She wipes the tears from her eyes and Derek feels sorry it wasn't him that told her what happened to Hotch. Not knowing what Dave said, how much he said, makes Derek a little nervous that she's not going to be prepared, that her expectations aren't realistic.

She's going to see him awake and he's going to tell her he's okay and she's going to get mad because if he's so okay then what the hell is all of this for? And she'll know he's not okay but dammit, if he can't be honest...Derek can see the writing on the wall. This situation is volatile.

On the way to the car, Haley stays close to Derek as he carries Jack who hasn't allowed the man to put him down the entire time. “Dave says he's okay. Is he okay, Derek? Because Jack is going to want to see him...but if he's...”

Derek stops and puts Jack down, tells him to run to Ms. Jareau and get buckled in. They've got his booster seat ready for him this time. “I'm not gonna lie...it's bad, Haley. Bad bad. He's lucky to be alive. But I don't think Jack will know any of that by just looking at him if it's kept short. He's gonna look mostly okay if you don't stay long.” And if you don't look too closely, he thinks.

“Can he...” she clears her throat and wipes the tears from her eyes. Her mascara is running. “Can he talk?”

“He can talk. It has to be fast; he's been through a lot, and they don't want him to have any excitement. He lost a lot of blood and the strain on his heart... but we can't...you can't leave...without saying goodbye.”

The car ride is punctuated only by the sounds of Jack's voice chirping on about the things he played with his friends, how they have toys he doesn't, and he wants to play with them more, and then he gets set on seeing daddy. Derek drives, a little too fast and a little too intense, trying to outrun that conversation.

“I'll keep him here,” he says as they walk down the long hallway to the ICU. His room is right at the front, closest to the nurse's station, and he can see the window from where they stop. Haley is pale, gray, afraid of what she's going to see when she walks in that room. Every fear she ever had about this job is coming true. “You go talk to him first. If he says he'll see Jack...”

“He will see Jack.”

“Haley, please give him the choice. He's been through a lot.”

She nods a little curtly and turns to walk toward Hotch's room. She only goes a few steps before she turns to Derek with a look of complete despair on her face. “What if we never see him again? Will he be able to live with that choice?”

She doesn't give Derek a chance to answer that one, and he's glad for that because he doesn't fucking know. This whole situation is a little out of his depth. All he knows is that Hotch isn't okay. No matter how many times he says he's fine, he's simply not. And maybe the rest of them can pretend it'll be fine but Derek isn't there yet.

The extent of it is beyond his ability to reason out.

“He says he'll see Jack,” Haley says as she rushes down the hallway to get her son, and Derek crouches next to Jack and holds him by the shoulders for just a second.

“Don't be worried, okay? Daddy's gonna look a little sick, and you gotta be real gentle with him but don't be scared. He's gonna be fine. I promise.”

He feels instant regret for that last part. He hates lying and he doesn't make promises he can't keep, but now he's just...well he might just have. But maybe this is parenthood, when you make promises you might not be able to keep but you'll die trying and that hopefully negates some of the act of the lie itself. There was hope when the promise was made. He pats Jack on the shoulder and sends him running toward Haley before backing off to stand with JJ and Dave.

“Don't,” he says when JJ opens her mouth. “Not the time.”

“I wasn't...” She was. He knows it, she knows it, they all know it. She smirks and Derek shoots her a look that says be careful. He isn't in the mood for playful ribbing. He isn't in the mood for any of this. Another day, maybe.

“Is the car ready for them?”

“Just pulled up. Sam's on his way now.”

Derek curses under his breath and scrubs his hands over his face, up and down. “Are we sure this is the right thing to do? We take them away from him, what's he got left to live for? Aren't we just telling Foyet he wins?”

“Hotch is in no condition to make that call, so Chief Strauss and the Director have made the decision.” Dave is clearly not convinced either. “We just have to trust that they'll be safe, and it is our job to get Foyet.”

JJ steels herself for a bad reaction but knows this is her shot. "He's not alone. He has you."

Derek hates that answer. He watches as Haley and Jack leave the room, both with tears in their eyes, and he knows Hotch will be doing his best not to let his show. He's already vulnerable enough without crying and he'll make himself sick in order to try and control it.

“Um,” Haley says, sniffling, looking at Derek. “I'm sorry. I know this is...I'm not supposed to...”

“It's okay. Think they figured it out.”

Haley laughs and sniffs again, glancing nervously at JJ and Dave before returning to Derek. “Yeah. So, um? My sister...can you call Jessica? I'm um...I'm not allowed to call her or my parents...I guess it's a security risk...they said Foyet could be watching us right now?”

“Yeah. I'll call her.”

“Thank you, Derek. She's going to want to come down here and rip his head off, but I promise she'll be kind when she gets here, she loves him so much...so...um...so let her come even if she says something awful? Please. She doesn't mean it, and they're going to need each other.”

Derek nods and holds his arms out to Jack, lets the boy crawl into them and wrap around his neck once more. Maybe for the last time. “Sure, consider it done. I gotta go get some of his things as soon as they clear the crime scene...I'll call Jessica on my way.”

He makes good on part of the promise. He does call Jessica, but not on his way, he can't pick up his phone. The rest of the team go and mill around outside of Hotch's hospital room hoping he'll invite them in, but only Rossi actually makes it inside. Derek drives across town, takes the long way, listens to music a little too loud and tries to zone out. He's thinking about Hotch and he's thinking about Reid and how that damn pig farm was like a really bad omen. It was pure evil and it sank its claw into his family. His voice won't come so he waits to call Jessica until he's done in the apartment, until he's had some time to reset.

He knows what he's about to walk into, and he is going to need the pain of it in order to listen to whatever Jessica is going to shout. It'll help steel him against her valid but misplaced anger.

It doesn't disappoint. In fact, it's worse than he imagined. It's pure Hell. He couldn't have prepared himself for the yellow tape, the glass on the floor, the scent of whiskey and blood. It's horrifying. It's the type of scene that you walk into and know without a doubt that there were no survivors. That two men were in this apartment the night before and those two men are still breathing is nothing short of a miracle.

“Hey man,” Derek says, coming up beside someone logging evidence in the kitchen. “SSA Derek Morgan, FBI. I got a call saying the master bedroom and bathroom were cleared and I can grab a few things for him to have at the hospital. That cool?”

“Just let me know what you take before you go, please.” The young man doesn't even look at him, doesn't look past his credentials. He walks down the hallway slowly, careful to step around evidence markers, eyeing everything that is out of place and broken. The bullet hole in the wall is eerie, but that blood on the carpet...god there's so much of it that he feels sick. He remembers Foyet's house, the buckets of his own blood as he faked his own death.

Slowly, he enters Hotch's room and he leaves it dark. No reason to turn on the light, he knows what he's after and where everything is. His go bag is neatly tucked in his closet, he keeps a few of them there and ready, well inventoried. He knows the way they're organized, which ones are ready, and which are waiting on dry cleaning or toiletries to be added. Hesitantly, he pulls the work clothes out of the bag and stuffs in more comfortable things – t-shirts and sweatpants, wool socks, a few sweaters. He rifles through the drawer, the bottom drawer, until he finds what he knows is stashed back there. Even in the dark he knows the sweatshirt by touch, it's worn and too soft, the kind of soft that makes it a little dangerous to put in the washer. Chicago PD emblazoned on the front in cracked white letters against faded navy blue that looks a lot more like gray. He balls it up in his fist and drags it to the bag, shoves it in. It used to be his father's, and somewhere along the line he left it at Hotch's place and it just sort of lived here after. Hotch had referred to it as his favorite cashmere sweater one time, one silly time when he'd had a few beers and was at a loss for how to describe just how soft it was. It had incited a whole discussion about cashmere that went nowhere except Derek being unable to bring himself to take it back. The ratty old sweatshirt, Hotch's favorite cashmere sweater, lived at his apartment now.

He has no idea if Hotch can even put something like that on right now, no idea if his injuries are going to mean he can't wear any of this but he's going to bring what he can. He'll buy new clothes if he has to later.

The drive back to the hospital is torture. Every red light feels like centuries and his stomach is all tied in knots. He hasn't eaten all day, and he only realizes that because he's driving down a street littered with about seven different fast-food chains, and he actually considers stopping.

Finally, he just can't take it and swings into a burger place without a line in the drive thru. He's about to lose his mind and more than likely some food will help that, even if he's dumping buckets of grease onto what feels like a fire. He scarfs it down while he talks to Jessica on the phone, he eats fast and spends more time listening than talking with the excuse that he's chewing to make it easier on both of them. He has nothing to say, and she has so much. When it's done and settled and she's calmed, he tosses the trash into the backseat, a problem for another day. He's about to miss visiting hours if he doesn't hurry.

He feels bad not bringing Hotch any food, a milkshake, something. But he has ten minutes and Hotch probably isn't even allowed to eat yet. He'll bring something next time.

The hallway is deserted. He can hear every footstep echo through time and space, the squeak of his rubber soles, every ragged breath he takes as he realizes he's finally got a few minutes just to be with Hotch. And it really is only a few minutes, because he spent the whole damn day running around. “Visiting hours are over in ten minutes, sir” he's told by a nurse brushing by to do a vital check on another patient.

“I'll be quick.”

He stops in the doorway and thinks it's cruel that he has had to do so much all day that has kept him away from the one place he wanted to be. But the more he did, the less Hotch had to think about, and wasn't that the point? Taking the burden and laying it on his own shoulders.

“Hey,” Derek says, entering cautiously. Hotch's eyes are barely open, narrow slits that catch the light from the hallway. He's barely awake and Derek feels guilty for even coming. He should have waited for morning.

“Hey,” Hotch rasps, drawing a shallow breath. Derek can see the pain that flashes over his features. The meds are doing their job, but there is only so much they can do. The pain is sharp in places, burning in others and he's just trying to lay as still as possible in the hopes that it'll help.

It doesn't.

“I don't have much time, they're gonna kick me out in ten minutes. Well probably nine now...”

Hotch doesn't move much, just a flinch when he breathes in again and he drags his hand slowly up his thigh until it rests there palm up. An invitation to come closer. He just wants Derek close. He's just been through hell, and he's been alone for most of it.

Derek can't imagine anything he'd rather do for those nine minutes, so he drags a chair over to the bed and places his hand right on top of Hotch's. His hand is cold and dry, and he thinks back to one of his anatomy classes that talked about the connection between blood loss and dehydration.

“They being nice to you?”

“Yes.”

“You being nice to them?”

“...think so...” That probably means no, or it's debatable anyway. He's not a good patient but he's polite and he's kind, it usually garners him favor in spite of his general unwillingness to submit. Derek could help with that in the morning. Visiting hours start at 7am and he's going to be waiting at the door when it opens.

“I brought you some things, for when you're a little more with it. Some clothes, your toothbrush, your electric shaver cos I'm not letting you come outta here looking like a mountain man...and this.” He reaches with his free hand down into the bag and pulls the sweatshirt out, dropping it over their hands. “Thought you might get cold, you're kind of a baby about that.”

Hotch knows what it is by the smell alone, he doesn't even open his eyes. He doesn't think he can put it on yet, his range of motion is severely limited by stiches and staples and an incredible amount of swelling, but he's glad to have it anyway.

“...think they're finally going to figure us out...” he slurs as he balls his fist up in the material and holds it not unlike a child and a teddy bear. Derek laughs a little under his breath.

“I got news for you. The cat's out of the bag, baby,” he replies, squeezing Hotch's hand. “Jack took care of it for us today.” He pauses, feeling out Hotch's reaction and is pleasantly surprised that the sedatives must be doing their job because there isn't even a tick in his blood pressure. He almost wished there had been, it looks a little low. “Haley finished it off.”

Hotch smiles dreamily and lets his head fall to the side, trying to focus on Derek's face in the dark with every ounce of awake he has left in him. He just wants Derek's face to be what he sees before he falls asleep. “What'd they say?”

“Well, first Jack broadcast to JJ, Dave and all of SWAT that you bought me an earring...and Haley asked me to call Jessica...and her parents...”

Hotch grunted and shifted painfully, tucking the sweatshirt under his chin. “I'll do it.”

“Like hell you will. I already called Jessica, she's gonna meet me here first thing in the morning...and she's gonna call her parents. I asked Joe and Marcy to watch Haley's house, I'll meet with Garcia in the morning to clear your schedule and delegate whatever you had to everyone else...everything is taken care of. Your only job is to be nice to these nurses who are coming to kick me out now. You listen to them, and you get better so I can take you home, okay?”

“...don't....deserve you...” Hotch whispers miserably, losing his battle with sleep mid-thought. Derek smiles and nods adamantly, giving his hand one last squeeze before standing up. There is a nurse standing expectantly in the doorway, ready to shut the ICU down for the night.

“No, you do not. But you got me anyway.” He bends forward and leaves Hotch with a kiss on the forehead. “See you tomorrow.”

#aaron hotchner #derek morgan #hotchgan #criminal minds #jennifer jareau #david rossi #haley hotchner #jack hotchner #angst #hurt/comfort #lots of feels #was supposed to be fluffy and soft i'm sorry guys

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andreil-fic-stash · 1 year

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and we're just starting to get it by Ominous

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 11,196

Time Period: Post TKM

POV: Aaron

Summary:

Neil is nothing and everything all at once, the entire universe for Andrew, however small of a universe that is. Even Aaron is starting to see it, though the pieces still don't line up.

And Andrew is trying to convince Aaron that he's never jealous? Yeah right. You don't spend your entire life being denied, being hurt, going through foster care with nothing to call your own only to be okay with someone else trying to take the one bright piece of life you call yours.

Or, Aaron is done with Andrew's shit and makes it his job to prove his brother wrong.

#rating: teen #word count: 5 to 20k #time period: post tkm #pov: outsider #pov: aaron #aaron/katelyn #andrew/neil #andrew & aaron #jealous!Andrew #themes: aaron #themes: katelyn #genre: fluff #personal favorite

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starlitangels · 10 months

Note

Okay, so I'm not sure if my first ask went through or not. There seemed to be a lil glitch, so I'm sending this again. If there are two asks from me in your box, please ignore one of them!

I'm going to ask a few, but feel free to pick and choose. Thank you!

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

and... dealer's choice! What's one ask you want to answer but haven't yet?

Hello my friend! I did not receive your original ask so there's no worries!

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Literally anything from anything Avior I've written (like Avior washing Starlight's hair after Starlight took a tumble) but specifically the moment in "You're Mine (I Don't Share)" where Avior is losing control of his magic and his eyes are glowing like small suns and the magic cloaking his horns is wavering. I always imagined them shimmering like the heat mirage on a hot road I live in a desert it's normal to see on the highway in summer

That would look super cool.

Also just about any of the interactions between Elliott and Aaron that I've written.

Or or or! Hang on! I would love to see someone's interpretations of the (no powers) rockstar!AU I've dabbled in. That would be amazing!

I am also always enamored when people draw the Pups AU kiddos even though I haven't written anything for them for a long time just because of how touched I am that someone liked what I wrote enough to make art of it even though the characters are original, so more of that would be adored.

There are so many others but this is already long so I'm gonna move on

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

This is gonna sound kinda dumb, but genuinely, leave the house. When I stay inside for too long I stagnate creatively. And I find inspiration in all the little things. A good long walk is great. Going grocery shopping, even. But other excursions are also a massive help.

I also think a lot in the shower. Great idea generator there.

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I'd hope the variety in it. I try different things a lot. I'm usually a "Fluff" writer but I love good angst and I like trying other framing devices. Like sometimes writing from the Redacted voiced character POVs (which I've only done like twice but it was fun both times). I like trying different things.

I also hope my attempts at humor in the narration is distinct for me. I love using humorous lines to show internal emotions without actually having to spell out their thoughts in italics. Outwardly everything is one way but the internal monologue of the character is the exact opposite. I think that's fun

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Yes! I write about the same kinds of stuff all the time. I use the word "just" way too much. I start a lot of sentences with some form of "Honestly" or "To be honest."

In my normal not-fanfiction writing I write a lot of the same things in different attempts at plots. Lots of abandoned WIPs featuring mermaids, princesses, magic, people with wings, some pirates, werewolves and vampires... yeah. My most common settings on those kinds of things is either Contemporary/Normal Earth But With Fun Stuff Going On (IE Mermaids or Werewolves) or Generic Fantasy-Land #38459886

I think my most common theme since getting married has been "the healthiest relationship I can feasibly portray while also letting it be A Teensy Bit Spicy™"

Dealer's Choice! 51. What’s your total AO3 word count?

This one I'm doing just to flex /j

This is my total Audio RP AO3 word count. As in, the Redacted and Good Boy Audios stuff I have on AO3 under the StarlitAngels pseud. Nothing from my other works (which are all short and bad and old), and not including a handful of GBA stuff I haven't posted to AO3

Ready?

As of right now, with everything newly updated:

574,538

... Yup.

#romi sweetheart #answered #Get to know the writer ask game

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twinyardsappreciationweek · 2 years

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Prompts & Themes (2022)

November 4th - Aaron & Andrew

A happy birthday grand opening to our twins! As per tradition, this day’s creations must feature BOTH twins, though we leave everything else up to your decision. That is, today need not be birthday themed - as long as they’re together, what does the rest matter?

November 5th - Disaster

Go bigger and badder with hurricanes, zombie apocalypses, volcanic eruptions, and big freezes! Or maybe go smaller and sadder. Not just to spilt drinks on a dress shirt and locking the keys inside, but also to mid-life crises and divorce papers.

November 6th - Colour / Black & White

A special feature for our fanartists! Receive a random colour from this generator and feature (only?) it in your composition. For an extra challenge, generate a whole random palette. Fanauthors, flex your creativity! Perhaps your colour’s perfect for a ripe bruise? A Fox jersey? Or there’s always a classic soulmate trope...

November 7th - Metamorphosis

Etymologically, this means to ‘change shape’. Metaphorically, it means shedding the trappings of an old life and embracing the new. What they were is not important; today is all about what they will become…for better or worse.

November 8th - Outsider POV

An odd turn for a twinyards week, but we want the inside scoop on how the twins are perceived by the people around them.

November 9th - Food.

We all eat it! Midnight snacks, guilty pleasures, allergies, gag reflexes, comfort foods, and our absolutely correct opinions regarding every divisive food debate.

(And by the way, the answers to those are: yes it belongs on pizza, no it doesn’t belong in ice cream, and yes, it’s a salad not a sandwich.)

November 10th - True North

Whether it’s figuring out a purpose that drives them, meeting a person who grounds them and helps them find a home, or finding their own most authentic self, today’s about discovery. Take them away or take them home.

#twinyardsappreciationweek #mod post #prompts

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junipers-archive · 1 year

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*ੈ✩‧₊˚✧ REQUEST GUIDELINES!! *ੈ✩‧₊˚✧

I write for Aaron, Spencer, Emily, James, Remus, Sirius, Peter (parker), Wanda and Steve right now ^^ (others may be added to this list)

➢ No bile kinks: so no piss!kink, feces, age play etc.

➢ I won't write b x b smut mainly because I don't know how to write it and don't want to misrepresent them

➢ Also please try not to request part 2's!! Unless the fic gets alot of likes I won't write them mainly because I'm either done with that scenario or don't think I have anything to add! (just request something similar with a that plot line in mind:)

➢ I will right w x w smut

➢ Please let me know if you'd like gn!reader or fem!reader or I'll likely assume fem!reader (I will not write male reader, because I myself am not male and do not know how to write from that pov)

➢ Please INCLUDE A PLOT LINE/POINT/SCENARIO when requesting it makes it easier for me to write what you want (or specify if you want to give me free rein)

➢ I will write having kids with any character but be really specific about stuff like names, genders and such too!!

➢ Also I'm a little on edge about writing dark themes and I've never written something like that so please take that into consideration when requesting!!

➢ Just a disclaimer: I won't write self!harm mainly because I don't feel like I'm well versed on the emotions or what it really feels like to someone going through it and wouldn't want to misrepresent/disregard anyone's struggle or experience

#navi

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xirae · 3 months

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Unhinged wannabe artist talk below, very depressed-but-lucid if that makes sense. I like to think this is just how artists are and it's actually a good sign I can kind of unhinge myself and talk about it. Crazy ppl make the good art so I intend to hone this and keep myself this way. trent Reznor wasn't feeling too good when he made Downward Spiral so like yeah

It's funny, that one post about forcefemme being bad bc civ forcemascs you is another theme of one of my dream albums. I'm very very good at coming up with abstract concepts, themes, descriptive words, rather than actually putting work in to develop the artistic skillset I need...... this dream album is years away. it feels so urgent though that's the part that sucks, and like it's kind of relevant.

Warning: excuse me sounding crazy the next few sentences. Also, the idea is an expression of feeling more than what I personally think is good praxis and isn't what I advise for action from other ppl.

The idea is it comes from the POV of a "Killing Machine" which is a certain pessimistic slant on Man. it's the coercively inscribed and produced Man who is meant to be the sort of Arm of Imperialism (although there are so many Men, at a more literal level they are a mere Cog). The Killing Machine gains sentience and wants to self destruct, but it is kept "alive" (or maybe merely Functional) by capital and power. Positivity, comfort, and self care are like oil to the machine, so self-destruction as praxis is a big theme. Supposed to be like a sequel to American Life but bc I'm way more of a left anarchist crazy person than M (apologies for the early mutuals who have to occasionally deal with this, I understand it's unpleasant) so it's going to be a lot more off the hinges. Possibly mirrors the feelings Aaron had before he self-immolated.

I should at least write some journal entries to keep the the ideas and feelings alive and developing, then I can read these and immerse myself once I have the song writing skills I want. Someone gave me this advice - they actually just said to journal in general, in response to me saying how urgent it feels to me to make my songs. I already have a little bit written down and it def encapsulates what I want. it's confused and meshes the personal and political into a fever dream: the character asks God why everything happened to them (technically supposed to be both The Whole Situation and a personal traumatic event. Or maybe I'll say it's both and neither). God says that it's a test to be strong, something to overcome and be victorious by, and become more confident in who you are and protect those around you. But the character rejects this seeing nothing but masculinity, domination and the continuation of the cycle, seeks to just lay down and rot and suffer more. So yeah, I want the crazy stuff to be going on.

Def not what ppl appreciate these days politically but once again, it's an expression of feeling. It touches very political topics but doesn't answer them - it's not the revolution. It's only as political as saying the word "imperialism" at a university is, so maybe a little but mostly not

Very high chance that I'll just suck and make bad art. The idea is so so good...... if I end up being a bad artist someone needs to steal it. The vision is so REAL. And this is only 1/2 of what I hope are like my first Big, Official artistic statements if I ever get to that point. The other one is just as depressing oops

#personal

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racingliners · 6 months

Text

Life In The Fast Lane Chapter 18 - 2023 Race 13: Italy

Rating: Teen & Up

Warnings: None apply

Pairings: Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s); OFCs & OMCs

Work Tags: Re-write of a previous work; not beta read; dual/multiple pov; mentions of IRL current and past F1 figures; Eventual romance; friends to lovers; found family/work family; actual family; occasional swearing; racing drivers and their various shenanigans; how to handle pressure (and how not to); with a sprinkling of the power of friendship; tags will be updated as work progresses

Chapter: 18/57 Word count: 4.5k Summary: Celebrations and mixed fortunes aplenty at the temple of speed.

I just wanted to do a little note to say that it's been almost a whole year since I posted this first chapter of this mega re-write project over on AO3, and I am so incredibly grateful for all the support on it thus far. I really cannot begin to say just how much it means to me, so thank you, and I hope you enjoy the latest chapter!

Thursday 31st August – Autodromo Nazionale di Monza

The whole paddock had been invited to McLaren’s 60th anniversary celebrations, which kicked off at precisely 5pm (Andrew’s insistence on perfect timing was impeccable as ever). Small champagne flutes had been arranged in neat rows on a white tablecloth at the entrance to the three story high motorhome, with more tables on the first floor dedicated to canapes and light bites of food.

The TV screens on the walls alternated between slideshows and video clips from all of McLaren’s most notable races (Sophie’s podium in Shanghai and victory in Hungary were prominent features), while every McLaren team member was dressed in vintage style uniforms. Short sleeved white button up shirts that had McLaren’s 60th anniversary logo on the front pocket, with papaya and sky blue stripes running down the left front. Sophie had once again gone to the effort of having her nails painted orange, as well as wearing her hair down for the day with a papaya fabric headband fixed in place.

“Between the two of you,” Nathan, who had found Sophie and Nico on the top floor about ten minutes ago and had stayed for a catch-up, gestured to both of them with a loose hand. “Hardly anyone is going to be talking about Ferrari all weekend. I’d avoid Gianluca at all costs, he’ll be pissed.”

“Oh, I’m sure the Tifosi will make up for it tomorrow!” Nico said with the same bright grin that hadn’t left his face all day. His promotion to Red Bull for 2024, for which he’d signed the contract on Tuesday, had finally been announced that morning. And Sophie, as well as being a happy participant in McLaren’s anniversary celebrations, was also set to match Lella Lombardi’s 13 race starts on Sunday (assuming mechanical reliability stayed on her side).

“Anyway, I have to go and do a quick interview, but save a spot for me on the quiz team!” Nathan called over his shoulder as he made his way toward one of the sets of stairs in search of his press officer.

As part of the evening’s festivities, the team was putting on a McLaren themed pub quiz. Andrew had barely signed off on the idea, but Martin had managed to talk him round claiming that there had to be something about the weekend for the team to enjoy. Since they were coming into it knowing that they might not be quick enough to score a single point come Sunday.

When Nico and Sophie made their way downstairs, Mark was still in deep conversation with Sophie’s mechanics. He seemed to have them all enthralled by tales of the old days, both on and off track judging by the loud laughter that would bubble out of the group every so often.

The quiz was the last event of the night after all the speeches and presentations, and Leena’s team of herself plus Chris, Paul, Amir and Leon wiped the floor with everyone else. Sophie’s team that included Nico, Nathan, Ben and Aaron came in second with Mark’s team of mechanics in joint third.

“For once, he finishes in second place,” James said in mock teasing in Ben’s direction, much to everyone else’s amusement.

“Ah, but if it had been a Red Bull quiz, I would have won.” Benedikt retorted with a wide grin as he got up from his chair. As the drivers began to disperse for the circuit car park, either heading back to their luxury mobile motorhomes or hotels, Ben intentionally hang back by Sophie’s side.

“I saw your helmet when I came in, you and Max did a beautiful job.”

“Thank you!” Sophie grinned, it had been a small weight off her shoulders knowing her helmet design for the weekend had turned out as well as she had hoped. “Max was great though, he’s doing my helmet for Singapore as well, and he even managed to work in a tribute to Lella at the last minute.”

“Oh really, I didn’t see it?”

At that Sophie insisted on showing Ben the two display helmets that had been painted in the same designs James and Sophie were running for the weekend. James’ was mostly the same as normal, bar the number 12 being painted on in a vintage style, with each of McLaren’s title winning years going around it in gold foil.

While Sophie’s helmet followed her usual pattern of stripes on a plain base, the colours had been switched for papaya and sky blue stripes on a white background, all of which were filled names and races. On the white background was the name of each McLaren team member, the first orange stripe listed every one of McLaren’s race wins, the middle blue stripe had the names of every single McLaren driver, and the second orange stripe featured all the races Sophie’s father had taken part in as a mechanic. And up at the top, encircling the number 16, was all thirteen races contested by Lella Lombardi.

“That’s really beautiful Sophie,” Ben said with a small, soft smile as he carefully set the helmet back down. “Has your Dad seen it?”

Sophie didn’t get to say that he had, as when Edward Morden and Charlotte Stewart got up from the table in the corner they’d been sat at with Martin and started making their way towards the door, Benedikt suddenly looked like he didn’t know where to put himself.

“Matt and Annika will be looking for me, I better go.” Ben said shyly, his eyes darting between Sophie and Edward. “See you tomorrow.” Out of nowhere, he put a gentle hand on Sophie’s shoulder and leaned down to kiss her cheek. Something that took them both by surprise as they gawked at each other for a couple of moments, before Benedikt very quickly darted away.

All Sophie could think about for a couple of minutes was that Ben’s aftershave somehow smelled like the mountain air he called home.

Sunday 3rd September

“Everybody eyes front!” David, McLaren’s team photographer, called out above the bubble of chatter emanating from the gathered team members. They were all stood in the warm sunshine in front of the motorhome, dressed in their neatly pressed uniforms with the management and drivers stood front and centre while the rest of the team were roughly arranged in rows behind.

Andrew had been in attendance for the whole weekend, and was less than impressed with the fact that his cars had qualified in ninth and tenth. But for a brief few seconds no one seemed to care about what little race pace they were going to have as the whole team fixed bright grins on their faces and smiled for however long they were told to. After all, 60th anniversaries weren’t very common in Formula 1, and everyone felt like they wanted to make the most of it regardless.

As expected the team had been under more media scrutiny than normal, with questions asked if whether McLaren would be able to fix their car problems before the regulation change in 2026, how was Sophie going to bounce back after her difficult race in Turkey, and would it be better for James to cut his losses and try to get a seat somewhere else? It had been a pleasant surprise when some journalists decided to ignore all of that, and ask questions about McLaren’s historical achievements instead.

Ferrari however were still the main attraction for the tens of thousands of Tifosi that had filled the circuit grounds. All of the grandstands were filled with red for as far as the eye could see, and the reception that Giovanni and Teo got on the drivers parade was almost deafening.

Sophie was stood with Nico and a still sheepish Benedikt, who had pulled Sophie aside after the driver’s briefing on Friday and apologised for kissing her on the cheek out of the blue. Admittedly, Sophie hadn’t felt uncomfortable by the encounter, just surprised at the display of apparent affection. But she accepted the apology none the less, and insisted that they were still on good terms. Still friends.

“And now, onto the birthday boy,” Lise from German TV was conducting the interviews on the drivers parade, as the flat-bed truck slowly trundled through the chicane at the end of Curva Grande. “How many seconds would you like to win by? 26 maybe since that’s how old you are today?”

Benedikt puffed out his cheeks and let out a bright laugh, but now that Sophie knew him better she could see the very small hint of shyness behind it.

“I think any win would be nice today,” He paused to adjust his cap and wave at the crowd that didn’t seem too interested in him, but it didn’t appear to phase Ben in the slightest. “I love coming to Monza every year. The track is amazing with how fast we get to go, so getting to race here on my birthday is quite a privilege. Hopefully we can keep up the pace we’ve had so far in practice and have a good day today.”

With his beaming smile and how tall he was standing, it wasn’t hard to tell that Benedikt had secured pole position by three tenths of a second yesterday.

The truck had now exited the second Lesmo, and was surrounded by tress on both sides on the way down to the Ascari chicane. The warm, bright sunshine dappled through the leaves onto the driver’s faces as they quietly chatted amongst themselves since there were no fans to wave at.

“Definitely nicer than what it was like last year.” Sophie said aloud to no one in particular.

“It’s like home.” Ben said quietly, but with a small smile as he looked up at the trees. Sophie had been referring to the weather, but she had to agree that the parkland in which the circuit was situated was incredibly beautiful.

“So that’s why you left Zürich for the countryside, not enough trees?” Sophie asked, slightly teasing. Ben let out a light laugh and went to reply right as Lise appeared at Sophie’s side with her microphone in hand. She asked about both McLaren’s big anniversary, and Sophie’s latest career milestone. All Sophie felt she could do was put on a warm smile and say as she had done so many times over the weekend of the honour it was to be a McLaren driver, and that while the team was expecting today to be difficult they were still going to work hard to deliver the best result they could.

“How are you such a natural at this stuff?” James asked under his breath once the drivers were off the parade truck and walking back to the paddock.

“Well, when you spend the majority of your career having to defend your right to simply be on the grid, not scoring points suddenly isn’t the worst prospect in the world.” Sophie said with a frown, sounding a lot heavier than she intended. “Sorry I didn’t-”

“It’s fine Soph,” James said, briefly flinging an arm round her shoulders and even flashing a small smile at her. “I’m sure that if you ever take something out on me and mean it, I’ll know about it.”

“I think having Andrew looming over my shoulder the whole weekend has put me on edge.” Sophie finally said under her breath once they had some distance between themselves and their fellow drivers.

“Yeah…” James paused to scratch at a spot on his jaw. “You and me both.”

“Go well today Sophie.” Nico said quickly, appearing at her side out of thin air.

“You too, allez!”

“Allez!” Nico beamed back, fist half raised in the air for good measure, and he squeezed Sophie in a warm side hug before jogging over to the Red Bull energy station with his press officer.

Katie and Richard had been lagging behind their drivers the whole walk over, giving them space to have a conversation just themselves, while Sophie and James found themselves in a semi-comfortable silence while the sun continued to beat down on the circuit.

“I’ll try and give you a tow at the start, like Leena suggested this morning.” James said as they walked back into the motorhome and made for the stairs.

“If I end up in front I’ll do the same for you.” Sophie said without too much thought. As Martin had very plainly put it in the morning briefing, good teamwork was going to be essential today if they wanted to score points. Neither James or Sophie had any kind of problem with that.

“Let’s just hope we don’t end up plum last.” James sighed through gritted teeth as he patted his teammate’s shoulder.

Mark didn’t realise that he had been chewing on his thumbnail until he caught a glimpse of himself on the screen showing the global feed, stood at the back of Sophie’s side of the garage in between Vanessa and Richard wearing a soft grey polo shirt with the McLaren speedmark logo embroidered in white on the left. He quietly scoffed at himself and tucked his thumb into a fist which he gently tapped against his chin instead, as his eyes were fixed on the screen that showed Sophie’s onboard camera as she made her way through the formation lap.

As a mechanic, Monza had never been one of Mark’s favourite tracks purely because of the high chance of carnage at the narrow first chicane – anything from a broken front wing endplate to having a wheel and suspension ripped off the car and the race being over before it got started.

The team’s mechanics took their seats in the garage, having made their rushed return to the pit lane as the cars started to line back up on the grid. All Mark really wanted was for Sophie – and by extension out of the love he still held for his old team – James to make it through the first lap unscathed.

Mark was clenching his fist so tightly that as the start lights began to illuminate, he could feel his skin pressing hard against his gold wedding band.

The start lights went out quickly, but that barely caught anyone off guard as the cars sped out of their grid slots in perfect formation. Carotti and Mitchell both got a tow off Schmitz who had already firmly planted his car on the racing line to have the optimal turn in point for the first corner. It was clever, as it meant the second Red Bull would either have to take to the grass or brake early to stay on the road.

But Mark didn’t care about any of that when the front runners started to brake. It was always the worst concertina effect of the season at Monza, and while Sophie and James made it through cleanly, one of the Haas cars and both Aston Martins came out worse for wear as one went right into the back of the other. Jones was out of the race immediately, while Nichols was able to continue despite dropping to the back of the field with a puncture and no front wing. Curva Grande offered a brief pause before the second chicane, quickly followed by the two Lesmos. James and Sophie were still running in their starting positions, with Sophie staying tucked in her teammate’s slipstream to try and pull a gap on the eleventh placed Alpine behind right before the safety car was brought out.

Mark, Vanessa and Richard all exhaled in relief at the exact same time.

“She’s fine.” Vanessa said, lightly patting Mark’s arm in reassurance. “Why does this never get any easier?” She added in quick succession, and just about managed to take a small sip from her drinks bottle.

“If I ever find out the secret to dealing with it, you’ll be the first to know.” Mark said with a slightly strained chuckle as he pressed his radio headset against his ears to hear the exchange between Sophie and Chris on the radio.

“Remember to keep heat in your tyres for the restart, and James will give you a tow to try and keep Vasquez behind.”

At the mention of Sophie’s teammate, Mark quickly glanced over to the other side of the garage to see if Natasha was alright. As with every race she had attended, she held station next to James’ trainer and like Mark had her eyes fixed on the screens above. He thought about going over for a reassuring word when Mark’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and as he suspected it was a text from Mary asking if Sophie was alright. It must have been so busy at the airport that she hadn’t been able to stop by one of the bars showing the race.

He quickly texted back saying that Sophie was still in tenth place, and that the safety car was nothing to do with her. Mark reluctantly put his phone back in his pocket once he’d hit send, if Mary was busy then she wouldn’t be able to send more than a quick reply.

It hadn’t been the easiest decision to only attend a handful of races together, but with how much money they had put into Sophie’s career they weren’t in a position to be able to take any unpaid time off. And it was better for Sophie to have at least one of her parents in the back of the garage than neither of them.

“Are you alright Mr Knightsbridge?” Richard asked. At some point Mark had started chewing his thumbnail again.

“I’m fine.” He stuffed his hands firmly in his pockets. “And I’ve told you to call me Mark.” He affectionately scolded the press officer, gently nudging him with his elbow and a small smile for good measure.

“Sorry, old habits.”

The race restarted on lap 10, and while Sophie and James had initially pulled away from the Alpine behind, they were both undercut at the first round of pit stops which dropped Sophie out of the points. James tried as hard as he could to stay in Vasquez’s DRS, but it was no use. The McLaren, despite its rather stunning all over papaya vintage livery, just didn’t have the straight line speed to keep up.

Meanwhile up front nothing could phase Schmitz, who after nearly losing the lead at the first corner had went on to build enough of a gap to Carotti behind to retain the lead after his first and only pit stop, while Mitchell was in a permanent scrap to stay in third place ahead of Martinez in the second Ferrari.

There was a loud hiss in the garage on lap 42 when Watkins and Martens banged wheels as they went side by side through the second chicane fighting over fifth, both cars were unscathed until there was a burst of carbon fibre shards at the braking point for the first Lesmo and both cars seemingly had punctures. The incident brought out the virtual safety car, and both McLarens were called in for a fresh set of mediums. It dropped them out of the points, but Mark assumed that Amir’s thought process was with the rest of the grid on old hard tyres it would be easier for Sophie and James to make up places.

It was such a good idea, that about four other cars as well as Watkins and Martens were also called in for fresh tyres.

When the chequered flag fell at the end of lap 53, Schmitz won the race by twelve seconds while James and Sophie came home in eleventh and twelfth, not even close to tenth place.

A wave of disappointment crashed across the garage as mechanics and engineers looked at leach other with a mixture of defeated and resigned expressions. It was a feeling Mark knew well as he pulled his phone back out of his pocket to text Mary and Will the race result while Vanessa and Richard went down to parc fermé to wait for Sophie.

When Sophie finally returned to the garage after being weighed, she looked as glum as everyone else felt. But she still clasped hands and bumped fists with her mechanics and engineers before she handed Vanessa her helmet and made a beeline for Mark.

“Well done sweetheart.” He pulled his daughter into his arms for a tight hug, and kissed the top of her head just in case she needed it. “You did all you could, I’m proud of you.”

“It didn’t feel like it. I really thought Jan was going to get me on that last lap. If James hadn’t given me DRS…” Sophie trailed off with a sigh as she stepped out of the hug and fixed her team cap on top of her head. “I need to get these post-race interviews out of the way.”

“I’ll head back to the motorhome then.” Mark had very briefly contemplated offering to help with the derig of the garage, but when he remembered he was wearing trainers instead of steel toe-capped boots he decided he was probably better off keeping Vanessa company while Sophie went from interviews to the post-race debrief.

The only plus side from the day that Mark could come up with was that at least McLaren were holding onto fifth in the constructors standings by a country mile over Aston Martin. But what good was fifth when the whole garage wanted to be first?

“Hey Sophie!”

Everyone looked over their shoulders to see James call out and even jog to catch up with his teammate. Mark didn’t get to hear the full conversation as Sophie and Richard veered off in the direction of the press pen while Mark and Vanessa walked back into the air conditioned McLaren motorhome.

It was like déjà vu in the media pen for Sophie, as for the second time in seven days she found herself going through the racing driver’s book of excuses trying to explain where her race went wrong. Her only saving grace was that this time it was more to do with the car, and not her.

The debrief wasn’t much better. Almost everyone was down about the fact they’d converted a double top ten on the starting grid into nothing. And the added pressure to at least score points on the team’s anniversary weekend only made the atmosphere in the engineering trucks worse.

The car just simply wasn’t fast enough. Good cornering speed was no use on a circuit that was predominantly fast straights. Leena and Martin tried their best to find parts of the weekend that had gone well, and by the time the briefing was over the air amongst the team felt only marginally lighter.

“We’ve got a week off before we head out to Singapore. So get some rest, have some quality time with your families, and we’ll go again.” Were Martin’s parting words before he dismissed everyone with the best smile he could muster. Chris, who had been sat on Sophie’s left, puffed out his cheeks and let out a long sigh.

“Thank god we don’t do triple headers anymore.” He said with a shake of the head. Adam let out a grunt of agreement from Sophie’s right. Truth be told, she was grateful for a week off from racing as much as everyone else. Even though she was going to be jumping right into heat training with Vanessa to be as ready as she could be for Singapore.

“See you guys on Tuesday.” Sophie said to her engineers and they exchanged pats on the shoulder goodbye. Everyone would be back at the factory next week for more meetings and debriefs to go through the data from the weekend with a fine tooth comb.

When she got up out of her chair after gathering her things, Sophie saw James holding the door open for the last few stragglers. The two teammates ended up being the last to leave.

A part of Sophie felt frustrated. This was the seventh race where James had finished ahead of her on the road. And granted she had finished just over a second behind him, and Sophie knew that if she had managed to get ahead of James, she wouldn’t have managed to finish higher than eleventh either. She was just annoyed that she couldn’t give the team something to cheer for.

“Are you going to be at that sponsor photoshoot tomorrow?” James asked, stopping completely when he’d reached the bottom of the stairs, right in front of the door that led out into the paddock. It was operated by a push button, which was why it hadn’t opened automatically at their presence.

“The one in London?” James gave a small hum in reply. “I think so, I know I have a photoshoot tomorrow. I can double check with Richard if you’d like.”

While Sophie and James had already featured in many a sponsor campaign since January, their photoshoots had mostly been on completely different days due to their schedules, and the fact they lived in different countries. So she wasn’t surprised at James asking to check if for once they were going to be in the same place outside of a circuit or the factory.

“It’s fine, I just wondered if you wanted to grab some food after?” James said as he scratched behind his ear. “It’s alright if you don’t, I won’t be offended.”

Sophie huffed out the smallest of laughs at the implication that hanging out with her teammate completely outside of work was such an awful prospect. Even though Sophie assumed it would be at some ultra-exclusive restaurant which wasn’t really her cup of tea, she did still genuinely like James. And her feelings towards him had thankfully felt less complicated than they had back in Budapest. Because even though they got on well, had the odd mutual interest (unsurprisingly, vintage cars), and that Sophie felt she could trust him completely – something in the back of her mind told her they could never be anything more than teammates.

“That would be really nice.” Sophie said in quick reply.

“Great,” With a bright smile James pressed the button to open the door, and stepped out into the paddock. Sophie fell in step with him almost immediately. “I’ll see where I can book a table, but feel free to bring Vanessa along if you want a wing woman.”

As they crossed over to the motorhome a faint drizzle started to fall from the sky, it took everyone by surprise as they looked up at the faint grey clouds. No rain had been forecast until the late evening.

“See you tomorrow then.” Once inside, James made a couple of long strides over towards the stairs while Sophie headed over toward the table Mark and Vanessa were sitting at. Sophie knew they probably wouldn’t see each other at the airport, with her flying commercial and James on a private jet.

“See you tomorrow!” Sophie called out, and watched her teammate disappear upstairs.

* * *

2023 Italian Grand Prix Classification

1st - Benedikt Schmitz (Red Bull) - 25pts 2nd - Giovanni Carotti (Ferrari) - 18pts 3rd - Alistair Mitchell (Red Bull) - 15pts 4th - Teo Martinez (Ferrari) - 12pts 5th - Daniel Jakobsson (Alpine) - 10pts 6th - Marc Pavard (Mercedes) - 8pts 7th - Erik Braun (Audi) - 6pts 8th - Nico Dumont (Alpha Tauri) - 4pts 9th - Nathan Watkins (Mercedes) - 2pts 10th - Cristóbal Vasquez (Alpine) - 1pt 11th - James Hewitt (McLaren) 12th - Sophie Knightsbridge (McLaren) 13th - Jan Martens (Audi) 14th - Aidan Glover (Williams) 15th - Evan McKinley (Williams) 16th - Antonio Lima (Alpha Tauri) 17th - Owen Nichols (Aston Martin) RET - Leon Bauer (Haas) RET - Tadashi Sato (Haas)RET - Aaron Jones (Aston Martin) Fastest Lap - Nathan Watkins - 1pt

2023 Championship Standings after Round Thirteen

Drivers Standings

1st - Benedikt Schmitz (SUI) - 226pts 2nd - Giovanni Carotti (ITA) - 189pts 3rd - Nathan Watkins (CAN) - 166pts 4th - Alistair Mitchell (GBR) - 144pts 5th - Cristóbal Vasquez (ESP) - 128pts (8th - Sophie Knightsbridge (GBR) - 61pts 10th - James Hewitt (GBR) - 45pts)

Constructors Standings

1st - Red Bull-Honda (AUT) - 370pts 2nd - Ferrari (ITA) - 285pts 3rd - Mercedes-AMG (GER) - 276pts 4th - Alpine-Renault (FRA) - 187pts 5th - McLaren-Mercedes (GBR) - 106pts

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