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icecreamkink · 3 years

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watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD.

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo, lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass, shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is, the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’, “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it.

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out!

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha.

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying*

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE, and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof

and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. )

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :(((((((((

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf

wwx: fucking w demonic energy jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch??

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no.

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go.

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. . . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg . spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . .

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like ? ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also so thrilling (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say)

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris.

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng. being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance.

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all??? amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD.

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future

one of the ?? things i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE.

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???”

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn.

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding.

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever

BAT WEN NING

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock”

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face.

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself!

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe.

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities. *longest oh boi ever*

#m.#ANYWAY #ENOUGH TALKING #THIS IS SO LONG #LOL #but whatever this is MY performative journaling i do what i want #rambling impressions abt what i watch is a thing i do now? apparently??#cql #untamed #the untamed #fun fact that chat is named 'k keeps on babbling abt the untamed' and it STILL wasnt enough #also it took me 15 episodes to realize lwj was yibo #IT WAS V SHOCKING #i did not recognize him at a l l #but in retrospect he WAS the perfect choice

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maknaesdancersrappers · 4 years

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july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver.

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left.

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever.

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

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ruffiorocks · 5 years

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unpopular opinion (long post)

This might be unpopular but its irking me a little bit, im actually completely OK with Lena punching Kara in the face.

Its not so much that Kara kept her identity a secret, that on its own doesn't warrant a smack or a punch (if they had been dating then it absolutely would) because that’s beyond disturbing behaviors,

No for me its, as i’ve mentioned before the way that Kara treated her as Supergirl, especially in season 3.

Now yes Kara has been lovely to Lena as Supergirl, the same as Lena has to her. they have actively saved each others arses on more than on occasion.

BUT season 3 and 4 gave us a look at what Kara can be like when she feels her authority is being questioned. Kara was instantly p**sed at Lena for daring to keep Reign a secret, no regard for WHY just accusations. Honestly why Kara was there while they interrogated Lena is beyond me, she doesn't actually have a DEO rank? But whatever. She instantly got p**sed that Lena had some leftover kryptonite (we know she made it) and immediately took it as threat, even though Lena IS her best friend. What irked me the most about season 3 was that Kara didn't really give a lot of thought to Sam, in her beef with Lena it was always Kara, Kara, Kara. The fact that Lena did all of this FOR SAM to protect her went completely over Kara’s head.

Kara also got p**sed that Lena dared to have tech that she didnt know of or approve of. Lena literally told Kara that the force field on Reign’s cell prevented Kryptonian’s looking through it, so what was the first thing Kara does? Why she tries to look through it and gets p*ssed that it caused a bit of pain. She instantly rounded on Lena and saw something SHE personally could nosy through as a threat. I mean Lena could literally just have used this so she wouldn't be spied on in the shower by passing Kryptonian’s. Just because Kara does have X Ray vision doesn't mean shes entitled to be able to see everythong (*cough* Batgirl *cough*) This scene was basically like telling someone not to put their hand in the fire because it will burn, only for them to instantly do it and then get upset with you for built the fire in the first place.

I was beyond happy that Lena brought Kara down a peg or two, ive said it before but Kara is rarely seriously questioned by anyone and it seems to have gone to her head. Kara’s authority is mostly what shes bestowed on herself, much like Superman.

But anyway, Kara seems to have realized she’s been a colossal ass and jumped to conclusions, because she has a really awkward exchange with Lena and says she hopes it wont ruin their friendship. See my issue here is that Kara thinks she can attack Lena but because she has had a change of heart its still all good? yeah... no. Lena tells her what for again, poor love tells her she has friends that trust her, not knowing the very woman she is referring to is the same woman shes talking to.

Kara then gets pissed that Lena gives Kara whats ‘left’ of the kryptonite. I mean you were upset she had it and now you’re upset shes giving it to you? Once again the fact that this could help her fight Reign and save Sam when she and the others have spectacularly failed goes over her head and she attacks Lena again, who quite rightly tells Kara that lots of things in the world could hurt her but she goes on with life and doesn't whine about. Kara seems to think that NOTHING on Earth should ever be allowed to exist that could hurt her or any other Kryptonian completely forgetting recent Kryptonian attacks, one of which she did herself oh and the current one. This is pretty God like behavior. She also doesnt have issues with DEO having weapons that can hurt other aliens, as long as it isn't her. Kara even pulls the ‘Luthor’ card on Lena. Note through all this its always Kara who has the issue with Lena, Lena has no issues with Supergirl until she attacks her.

Kara thinks she has the authority to tell Lena she isnt coming to the dark valley to try and save her friend Sam, i mean why is Kara calling the shots here? She does redeem herself a bit when she tells Reign to take her instead of Lena, but honestly? Kara would have done that for literally anyone, this isn't because its Lena.

Lena even returns to the DEO the moment Kara is in danger of dying. Lena has pre-made suit that even has the House of El crest on it!

Remember also, that even after the interrogation, Alex asked Lena to just tell her why she didnt let on about Sam and Alex was absolutely OK with Lena’s explanation and didnt harp on about it, this is Alex Danvers whose life is dedicated to protecting Kara’s.

Kara then did the ONE thing that i thought was so below the belt. She meddled in Lena's relationship and put it at risk. She quite literally went to Lena's boyfriend, a man who not long ago wasn't going to give her the time of day and wanted her in prison no matter what and Lena had to learn to trust, and Kara asked him of all people to betray Lena’s trust. Kara could have asked any DEO agent, but no, apparently James, the one person she SHOULDNT have asked to betray Lena was the only one who would do it? Im sorry Kara you dont do that under any circumstances. Kara is dumb anyway because she trusts James! He literally breaks into L Corp, then he lies to Kara and then drops her in it with Lena? There was NO reason for him to do that, he just wanted the best of both worlds.

Kara gets pissed that Lena dared to make Harun El for anyone other than the mighty Kryptonian’s that have decreed that this substance they dont understand, arent even close to understanding and has the power to keep civilizations alive is NOT allowed to be used for the benefit of humans, but a human is allowed to make it for the benefit of Kryptonians and only kryptonians, Yeah, Argo would be a floating city of dead people if it wasn't for Lena managing to figure something out in about a week that the entire race of advanced scientists o Argo weren't even close to doing. The fact is Kara jumps down her throat again, but this time its Alex that comes to Lena’s defence.

The problem when it comes down to it, is that Kara is too quick to assume the worst in Lena, when she used to be the exact opposite. This is shoddy writing and OOC but unfortunately its what happened. Kara thinks she has authority over all things and the fact is she just doesnt.

Getting James to betray Lena was the worst one for me, and the one that warrants a smack or in this case a punch in the face. If my best friend asked my significant other to betray my trust because she decided she couldn't trust me oh and then acted like she had nothing to do with it while i vented i would think about punching her and if it was the other way round she would probably think the same, and she would justified because that isnt friendship.

Kara was Jekell and Hyde with Lena, she even looked her nose down at her in season 2 when she and Superman landed on L Corp’s balcony to talk to Lena and Lillian, the look Kara gave Lena has stuck with me because it was so superior, like because she was now standing with Superman she had more authority? Was she trying to measure up?

Then there’s the fact that Kara has no issue letting Lena think her ass is in danger, or letting her think shes been blown up!

Kara knows the amount of betrayals Lena has faced, but she just kept on going and it was wrong. If she had no intention of telling Lena and letting her be the only one in her new found family that apparently wasn't trusted enough then she should never have gotten so involved with Lena in the first place.

Kara ignored Lena after Mon El left, then only came to her when she needed her help, essentially her money and her influence. Then once shed asked for it she fobbed off Lena’s attempt to reach out to her. Lena actually does use her power and her own money to save Cat Co and Kara is just like ‘oh ok, but i quit’. It was using Lena and it was harsh, even if Kara did say she would go back. Then you have Kara’s blatant disregard for Lena as a boss.

The fact is Kara picks and chooses her attitude to Lena, she should pick ONE not have multiple personalities, choosing to support her on minute, ignore her the next or accuse her of misdeeds in another.

Now think about what Lena is thinking? Kara lied about who she is, Lena is going to know a Super came to investigate her the moment she arrived in National City, this same super integrated herself into Lena's life and they got close, but Lena is probably wondering why that was now? If Lena had befriended Kara knowing she is Supergirl you know it would have been instantly treated as suspicious. Kara treated her like she was bad even after Lena helped save her and the world several times. Kara used the relationships Lena built against her. Kara acted like she had dull authority over her, she let her think her life was in danger or she was dead more than once. Yeah id be pretty p**sed to.Lena may even wonder why Kara pushed her to date James of all people, someone who wasnt a fan of hers, but then suddenly was? Oh was that so he could stay close to Lena and be used against her? To spy o her? Lena ‘s feeling arent something Kara can just play with depending on how the mood hits her, actions have consequences and treating people like this isnt cool.

Its a lot for Lena to process, and its not like she can ask kara about it, even when Kara knows Lena knows she cant trust the explanations Kara may give her.

If Oliver punched Barry the fans would just be like ‘ahh man! They’ll make it up’

Batman and Superman fight, ‘ahh man! They’ll make up’.

But Lena punches Kara? ‘Oh my God abuse!!’

i dont think Lena is punching Kara because of the secret itself, shes probably punching her because of all the s**t that came along with it.

(if you dont agree fine, but dont send hate)

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #anti james olsen #anti guardiancorp #supercorp

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coridallasmultipass · 4 years

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Vent / personal / tmi / menstruation / endometriosis / long post ... Im so fucking sick of healthcare professionals telling me to just wait it out and pushing my problems onto other doctors I just got my 5th shot of lupron and have 1 more next month. On my appointment last week i told the gyn how ive been having much more cramping and tissue but not blood coming out regularly and he said its possible the combined lupron and norethindrone are making my uterine lining too thin, and to stop the norethindrone (it was being prescribed to help any menopause-like side effects the lupron can have) And less than 24 hours after my first missed dose i get a full blown period complete with extreme mood swings and depression Im not bleeding this week but im still cramping and the mood swings are so fucking bad, being chronically ill and not getting enough relief from any of my medications is making all of this worse but im literally breaking down over any little thing The lupron and norethindrone combined i guess have been suppressing all my emotions bc this is what it was like on the daily before i started it (just not as bad) which is telling me that none of my psych meds are working but whatever I just now got off the phone with my psych and he said he doesnt want to do anything with my meds or dosing bc he says its related to hormones and thats what my gyn needs to address and i Need To Wait im fucking sick of waiting i cant do this ive been waiting since last august!!!!!!! I now have to wait 2 more whole months of mood swings until i can have another appointment with him hes refused to actually screen me for adhd too and says its bc im An Artist type that im not able to sit down and draw anything since last fall like i fucking hate him and he never gets my name or pronouns right and i cant go see a new psych bc of all the closures and i dont wanna call my gyn bc he said if things get worse i need to have a pelvic ultrasound done again and i cant do it!!! I fucking cant do it it hurts too much im too traumatized from depoprovera and mirena that i cant even touch myself without extreme dysphoria and fear that im going to cramp Its killing me that as someone who was so personally sexual to completely be traumatized from the road to an endometriosis diagnosis that i can no longer masturbate or even talk about sex without anxiety and being trans on top of it hurts even more Next gyn appt is my last injection of lupron and im really gonna push to plan for a partial hysterectomy (i only had endo cysts on the back of my uterus but it was 100% confirmed with surgery and biopsy) so i hope it will help so i can stop taking all these fucking hormonal medications like Before being diagnosed i was really planning on going on testosterone but now im too scared because i feel like it would really fuck up my health problems more - mentally and physically Ive given up on passing and am trying to focus on body acceptance especially now that ove had rapid weight gain that isnt being addressed by any of ky doctors i bring it up to God im just trying to vent here but seriously Do not take the diagnosis of endometriosis lightly its super serious to go forth with any treatments and you really have to commit to long term treatments and its a gamble either way For me not starting any treatments was unacceptable i needed help with extreme monthly periods and all forms of birth control ive tried exacerbated symptoms and never stopped bleeding - i literally cannot personally recommend any form of medical birth control bc every one has fucked me over, many different pills at different points in my life, shot (depoprovera gave me debilitating cramps and i bled non stop all 3 months which started this whole journey to diagnosis), iud (iud was the worst i had to go to the er bc the gyn refused to give me pain meds and i was screaming in pain a few hours later unBle to move or think - i really cannot stress enough how painful and long insertion is like it was the longest 5-10 minutes of my life crying while it felt like a knife going through me) I really dont want that ultrasound tho ffs i had to get the first one done while i was in full force cramps during my depoprovera shot and the pelvic ultrasound rod is humongous and they dig it around inside you (i already had a painful and hard time trying to have pleasurable penetration even by myself or with partners) and it takes like 40 minutes of jumbling around your insides for them to document every thing like at least at that time i was only like 2 months from my last time jerking off but now its been almost 6 months of me not even thinking about putting more than one finger in to clean myself in the shower like to go right into an huge ultrasound is going to be so painful and anxiety inducing and i cant do it id rather go straight into surgery My biggest phobias have to do with pain around this part of my anatomy i cannot stress enough how long ive wanted a hysterectomy just so i dont have to fear accidentally getting p r e g... like i would literally kms... i would probably be able to handle the pain of cutting off my arm with a rusty knife better than extreme cramping pain like i had with the iud or ultrasound its such a phobia and now its source of trauma for me from everything ive gone through the last 6 months Having to readjust my life goals from doing p o r n as a hobby and wanting to transition and be who i am, to becoming a vegetable and trying to cope with the fact that i cant ever transition how i hoped Everything just really sucks for me right now and i have literally no social life any more, not even online bc im so stressed about my health and my attention is so bad i cant focus on a convo online, my laptop is about at its grave so all i have is a phone and xbox with bare minimum internet speed.. i live in the middle of nowhere and cant get my license bc the person who was guiding me to drive is an essential worker in a hospital so i cant go in their car any more... im just so fucking alone i cant do anything except break my back gardening and then cry about it later bc my fucking meds dont fucking work!!!!!!!!! Oh thats another thing im also dealing with fucking gerd on top of all this and i cant get the proceedure i need done to confirm if i need surgery or not bc the fucking lockdown!!!! So im stuck taking pantoprazole (been trying similar meds since march 2019 and its currently june 2020!!!!!!) I just want to eat tomatoes and chocolate again it fucking kills me if i dont take pantoprazole i will lose my voice and have such a sore throat and ears from the stomach acid and i know im gonna have to stop it for 2 weeks for one of the tests i need done and its going to be literal hell like it feels worse than strep throat ill probably do the thing where i start choking and coughing at night bc it gets so bad Im a fucking mess like why couldnt all of this happen one at a time I really want to get my belly pierced again bc i feel so naked without it but i cant bc i probably will be having 2 surgeries once covid blows over (if it ever does) Sorry for taking up so much dash space im just really hurting and need some outlet bc therapy isnt helping rn

#personal /#vent #long post #endometriosis #mental illness #menstruation #tmi #i need to stop crying but i cant lmaO #fuck endometriosis #literally a life ruiner #like i was already having a hard time before it but now i have zero hope for the future

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1rosex · 6 years

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BTS reaction to rejectjng you Pt. 2 (continued angst)

Request: Hey can I request a pt2 of ‘BTS rejecting you’. In which they are really regretting their decision. Can you please make it extra angst. And btw your writing is really cool. Hope you keep updating. Looking forward. 😁😁💜

A/N this is some continued angst for all you angst people out there (me)

Part One

Part Three

Masterlist

Jin

You were at home, curled up on the couch watching cheesy romance movies on the television. How cliche of you, you thought. Moping around after rejection. You wrinkled your nose as the two main leads leaned in for a kiss, switching the channel.

".. With guest star BTS!" The television announced. Your finger lingered over the channel button, wanting to change it but you couldn't. "And now for an exclusive interview!" You kept watching, you didn't know why but you kept watching.

"Do any of the members have someone in their lives? Jin I've heard you've been seen hanging out with a friend a lot." The interviewer grinned at Seokjin, your heart tightening as pictures of the both of you flashed on screen. A picture he'd taken of you when he took you out to eat, a picture of the two of you at the amusement park, a selfie of your faces pressed together, your eyes closed in a smile while Jin made a kissy face at the camera. You remembered that day, Jin had hugged you when you made a funny joke, your heart had been pounding and your face had heated up. Your eyes stung. Jin just gave a wide, handsome smile and shook his head. "No no! We just, friends." He said in English, his korean accent heavy. The interviewer laughed and went onto the next question, the television screen went black as you smashed the power button. Tears ran down your face, you wiped them away as you turned to your phone. Jin had been sending you messages, asking how you were, if you were alright. It hurt, to have your best friend all over the place. The worst part was that you still loved him. So you finally replied, typed up a whole message of how you were fine. But halfway through it, you started to say something else.

".. But you know what? I'm not alright Jin. I miss you. A lot, and its stupid. But i still have feelings for you and I know you don't love me but i cant help it okay. So please just let me be, just let me forget you."

After you finished typing the message, you threw your phone out of frustration. A few minutes later your phone dinged with a response.

"Please call me. Please talk to me. I'm not letting you go Y/N, I'm not letting you go sad."

Namjoon

You really thought it would have been easier to cope with the rejection, but it was proving to be easier said than done. You couldn't get over it. Not when BTS was all over, not when you had to pass their dorms every single time you needed to go to the store. You'd even tried buying more food on your runs for groceries, just so you wouldn't have to go often.

You'd been running low on food, and today you were trying to go on a quick trip. You were hoping the dorms would be alone when you passed, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. As you were passing by, the members were gathered outside talking while waiting for their car to arrive. You stopped in your tracks, clutching onto the strap of your purse. Namjoon was laughing at something Jin had said, his lips pulling into a wide grin. He smoothed his hair back, saying something to Jimin you couldn't hear, that made Jimin laugh as well. The next time you blinked, you felt tears hold onto your lashes. You were about to turn and go home when Jungkook saw you.

"Y/N!" He waved, and the other members all looked at you and smiled. Namjoon on the other hand, froze as his eyes locked with yours. You pulled away, gave a small wave to the other members and respectfully nodded your head. Jungkook motioned for you to come over, but you shook your head.

"I'm sorry, I have to get to the store!" You laughed, not letting them know something was wrong as you sped past them. Namjoon was the only one not calling a goodbye out to you, his eyes watching you go. You wished you'd never fallen for that stupid smile in the first place, you wished you could've just been friends.

Yoongi

Was he just going to keep pretending like he didn't see you? Maybe he actually hadn't. You shook your head, of course he'd seen you. You walked into the cafe, he was sitting alone, looked right at you. No way he hadn't seen you. You put your head in your hand as you took a sip from the coffee in front of you. It had been many weeks since your confession to Yoongi, yet you hadn't been able to get over it. Whenever there was silence, silence while you were trying to sleep, while you were in a car, at work, eating. The thought of Yoongi always came back. You asked yourself if things might have been different, different if you would have just stayed quiet. Maybe if you would've kept being his friend, maybe over time..

"Why so glum?" Yoongi was sliding into the seat in front of you, much to your surprise. You stared at him with wide eyes, unable to answer at first.

"I uhm.. No reason." You coughed, looking away. Yoongi nodded, the awkward silence sitting in as he bit his lip. "Never got to apologize in person. Sorry. About that. If you're not busy then maybe.. Uhm sometime.." Yoongi shrugged a shoulder. You couldn't believe Yoongi was actually implying you two could hang out again. You wanted to accept, wanted to nod your head and smile. But it wouldn't move, you didn't nod. Or smile.

"I think, I need to go." Your feelings for him were too strong you told yourself, grabbing your coffee and standing up. Yoongi let out the breath he'd been holding while rocking in his seat, not looking at you. "Just think about it. Still have my number. I hope, anyways."

You nodded, and walked away.

J-Hope

You really regretted telling Hoseok to leave you alone. You missed his company, like really missed his company. Eventually you had told yourself that Hoseok wouldn't treat you any differently, and you came back to him. You kept talking, just as any friends would.. But deep down you knew you weren't just like any friends, you still had feelings for him. For the sake of your friendship, you didn't say a word about it, and today was the first time you'd be hanging out with him since the confession.

"Y/N! Look!" Hoseok excidetedly showed you a flower he'd picked off the ground after you came out of the movie theater. You came closer until you could smell the lavender scent wafting off of his freshly washed clothes, bending down to pick a flower of your own. You laughed at Hoseok's bright smile as he turned to give you a closer look, your faces inches apart. Your smiled disappeared as you looked up at him, his eyes meeting yours. The flower was suddenly forgotten, the two of you standing in the middle of the sidewalk gazing at each other. If this were a love story, this would be the part where the two best friends lean in and kiss, where their friendship turns into a relationship. But this wasn't some stupid love story, and you'd already tried that once.

"Im sorry." You looked away, threw the flower in your hand to the ground out of spite. " I thought I could but I can't. I- I still love you dammit." You couldn't stop the tears from coming now as you turned your back to him and started to walk away.

"Y/N!" Hoseok called after you, but you kept walking. Hoseok dropped his hands to his sides and sighed. "Don't go."

Jimin

"They left me Y/N." Jimin told you, seated across from you. You didn't know why you'd gotten yourself into this situation. You were home, got a text message from Jimin, and for some reason you'd actually texted him back and given him the chance. One thing led to another, and now you were talking about Jimin's love life in the booth of a restaurant.

".. What?" You asked, taken aback. Jimin looked on the verge of tears, collapsing back into the seat and taking a long drink from the wine on the table. "I told you I liked someone else. So I went out with said person. Thought they were great, lovely girl. Next thing I know I'm waking up to a text message saying we can't be together, turns out her boyfriend came back." Jimin shook his head. Your eyes went wide as you leaned in.

"She had a boyfriend??"

"Yeah."

"..Did you know?"

"Jesus- no! I wouldn't have dated her if I knew that." Jimin sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. You nodded. You felt bad for Jimin, but you still felt as if you shouldn't be talking to him. Because the only thing you could think of was how you still had feelings for him, and how he was single. Jimin seemed to notice you had something else on your mind, because he leaned in and looked at you. "Do you want to share your feelings?"

You looked up at him bitterly. "I already did. A few weeks ago, in case you don't remember." You shook your head when your voice cracked, you knew this was a bad idea. "I have to go, have a meeting in a few minutes." You said as you stood up, but Jimin stopped you.

"Wait!.. I'm sorry. I should have never let you go for someone else." Jimin sighed. "But you don't love me. Do you?" You asked, wanting to know. Jimin stared at you, his mouth open and unable to say anything. Tears stung at your eyes as you yanked your hand away and walked towards the door.

"I do." Jimin called. You froze.

"I do Y/N. Is just need to get myself together. I can't right now, I'm sorry."

Taehyung

You hadn't lost touch with Taehyung. You needed him, and he needed you. So you two had pushed away the events of the confession, buried it were niether of you could find it. At least, Taehyung couldn't find it. Your feelings were still there, even now as you sat in taehyung's kitchen watching him get drunk.

"Like seriously, I dont know what Namjoon's thinking." Taehyung slurred, his cheek pressed against the surface of his table. "I told him that it wasn't a good idea to accept so many interviews and he didn't listeeen, so now he has to put up a with the same five questions for the next few months. 'Who do you want to collab with? Who's your celeberity crush?' I swear if he asks me one more time!" Taehyung sat up and threw his hands up in the air, making you laugh.

"Poor Joon." You said as you took a drink.

"Do you still love me?"

You almost choked, turning to look at Taehyung who was looking at you with a genuine look of curiosity. "What?"

"Do you still love me." He repeated. You swallowed, rubbed the corner of your mouth and nodded. It was quiet, and then you were getting up and heading for the door. You couldn't face this situation all over again.

Taehyung jumped out of his seat, wobbled over to you as fast as he could and grabbed onto your arm.

"Wait! Please. Don't go. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable just don't go.."

You looked down at him and shook your head. "You're drunk Taehyung.. Call me in the morning." But then he was snoring. By the gods, he'd fallen asleep on your arm. You sighed, then spent the next few minutes dragging him to the couch and laying him down. What was it about Taehyung? Why couldn't you leave him.. Why did you still love him..

Jungkook

You told yourself you were over Jungkook, you were fine. You were 100% over the boy. At least that's what you wanted to believe. So when the members invited you to go have dinner with them, you agreed thinking that you had the right mindset. You could go to dinner with Jungkook there no problem, right?

Jin greeted you at the door, everything was going so well at the dinner table. Jin had made some really fancy looking ramen, and it was a thousand times better than the packaged ramen you'd been living off of before. Jungkook was quiet, there was an awkward atmosphere, but you were still enjoying yourself. You didn't speak to him much.. Until everyone finished eating. You told Jin you'd clean up, and Jungkook had stayed behind to help too. So you two were left alone.

"So.. They invited you over." He said, kind of nervously as you gathered up the dishes.

"Yeah." You nodded. "They did."

It felt weird, to be talking to him again. Like he wasn't the same person, even if you knew he was. You kept talking while you helped him clean up, but then it started getting more personal.

"Isn't it kind of.. Awkward though? The reason I haven't called you.. I didn't want to be weird between us." Jungkook said while looking down at the counter. There was a tone in his voice you couldn't quite identify, it sounded a bit like.. shame, empathy, the kind of way you talk to someone who made a mistake.

"Im trying to get over you." You spoke softly, as if afraid the word wrong word would spend you down a path you wouldn't come back from easily.

"How's it working?"

"..not good." You admitted, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Yeah its uhm. Not easy to get rid of feelings. I tried telling the members that. I told them having you here might be.. Strange. For the both of us." Jungkook nodded.

"You know, it sounds like you really don't want me here." You sighed, closing your eyes as you pressed your back to the wall. You wanted to hear Jungkook tell you that you were wrong, you wanted to hear him say that he did want you there and that it wasn't weird at all. That you were wanted. It hurt you even more when Jungkook didn't deny it. He just went silent. Your nose stung, you pinched at the bridge of your nose against your tear ducts. But then your throat started to get worked up too, and it was too late. Your fear was coming true, you were crying. You couldn't help it when all of the feelings crashed into you at once, the hurt you'd felt that Jungkook seemed to have forgotten you was too strong. The hurt that Jungkook wasn't fighting for you, and you had to remind yourself that he didn't care.

You pushed yourself off of the wall, not even wanting to see Jungkook's look of pity as you headed for the door. Namjoon stopped you before you could leave the dorms, pulled you aside and started asking what was wrong. The whole while, Jungkook could only stand in the kitchen and hear you cry in the other room, not knowing what to do.

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willgayers · 6 years

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your wish is my command ;-) also this contains some domestic!reddie <3333333 how about i just… start writing these tattoo hcs and fics. nothing else. ever. again.

lmao just kidding half

it’s a little long but… you know me by now. i couldnt write these short even if i TRIED

(part 1 part 2)

so richie and eddie move together when they’re both 20 and it’s a cute lil condo

the day is february 12th when they do it

even tho richie has been basically living at the kaspbrak house for the past 12 months, it’s their ACTUAL own house now

so richie now has a full-hand sleeve on his left hand and it is so freaking hot

then there’s obvs the wolf tattoo and the heart on his chest and even a lil ice cream cone on his ankle. (*cough* 4th of july parade when eddie bought them ice cream *cough*)

eddie can’t handle all the hotness that richie is bc now he’s seeing him literally every day

and he can’t stop staring at his boyfriend’s beautiful ink covered body

like when they’re cuddled up watching a movie

“eddie my hand is not the screen”

“idc”

when richie is making them breakfast without a shirt on eddie is just admiring him from afar

“wow im tapping that”

when richie falls asleep eddie is just tracing the outlines of the tattoos with his fingers and this is a fact™

one time richie got a scratch on one of them and eddie was freaking out … and it wasn’t over the germs first

“omG yOUR TATTOO IS GONNA GET RUINED”

and once a girl working in the movie theater said richie’s neck tattoo is really cool with a way too wide smile that triggered eddie

JEALOUS!EDDIE MODE ON

“IT IS ,,, ISN’T IT????” he calls from behind richie and immediately sneaks his hands around richie and the girl is a little weirded out (and disappointed probably) and just hands them their tickets

that’s right don’t look at my hot tattooed boyfriend he’s mine -eddie, all the time @ everyone who looks at richie a little too long probably

anyway one morning they’re sharing some lazy morning kisses in the bed and eddie is again completely heart eyes over his punk!boyfriend

then richie starts kissing eddie’s neck and eddie says something richie wasn’t expecting

“richie,,, i want a tattoo”

richie makes a weird slurpy sound mid- hickey sucking and lifts his face

“what???”

“yeah”

“you want a tattoo????”

eddie blushes a lil bc richie is so confused

“yeah” he nods

richie kinda just stares at him bc eddie???? his pure eddie wants a tattoo???

but then after a good five seconds (where eddie regrets saying his wish out loud) he’s like aw hell yES

“well damn okay SURE”

eddie is a wide smile happy boi bc he has the cutest idea

they make an appointment for eddie and it’s to leah

they eat chinese food out of the cardboard takeaway boxes on their living room floor that night

“what’s it gonna be tho” asks richie

“you’ll see” eddie just says before munching some more spring rolls

it’s a small tat so leah had time for eds the next day!!

eddie is a little nervous bc it’s his first tattoo and he has no idea how much it’s going to hurt and taking from richie’s face that one time… well .. yeah

“r u nervous” leah asks as eddie sits down to the chair

WTF DO U THINK he wants to say

“a lil” he in reality says bc he’s a sweet boy

leah just smiles while she’s preparing the stuff

“dont worry im a good tattooer”

richie is a worried boyfriend™

“eddie r u sure you wanna do this. r u sure you’re not gonna pass out or anything. i mean it’s your first one.”

“richie im FINE”

“ok but i can hold ur hand”

eddie’s tummy fills with butterflies bc richie is the cutest

richie is sitting on the left side of eddie’s chair as the tattoo will be on his right arm (the outside bicep) and richie can’t see it this way

“ok im gonna start now” leah says

eddie mentally prepares himself

“just saying eddie u can still grab my hand”

and in goes the needle

eddie winces and immediately grabs richie’s hand

“its ok bby” -richie

(<33333: eddie, and me writing this and probably you, reading this)

halfway tru eddie lets go of richie’s hand

“why’d you’d let go are you pASSING OUT”

“no im fine richie your hand is just sweaty”

blushy richie but also upset richie bc >:( why wont eddie hold his hand thru this painful experience >:(

the tattoo hurts of course but it’s not as bad as eddie would have imagined. besides he did get his arm broken by a killer clown so

“oookay!!! it’s done!!!” leah then finally says and eddie whistles in relief

“BOUT TIME I WANNA SEE IT” says richie

eddie gets up and richie grabs his arm gently, staring at the tattoo on it but frowns

“what is it…”

it’s a odd pair of roman numerals

“it’s a date” eddie says

“what date” richie asks

wtf eddie he’s confused he thought you were gonna tattoo like. a squirrel on a skateboard or something

“don’t u know any of the numbers?” eddie asks, he’s waiting for richie to get it

“i know tha one means 1” richie says

eddie smiles

“and that means 2.”

“yes….” his bf is cute when he has his thinking face on

“2…12…” richie frowns

“and what date would that be” eddie asks, amused

“february 12th” richie says

he thinks about it for a moment

then his eyes widen and he moves his gaze up to stare at eddie who’s already staring back into his eyes and has a warm smile on his face

“you….. you… you tattooed the date we moved together….???” richie asks

eddie nods

richie wants to CRY

he can’t believe eddie would tattoo the date he moves together with someone like richie

because to richie it was obviously the best thing to ever happen to him because his childhood home was a hellhole and now he’s living together with his boyfriend who he adores and he couldn’t be happier

but eddie????

THAT EDDIE. would tattoo. a milestone. like that. on his skin. forever

A MILESTONE THAT INCLUDES RICHIE TOZIER

“holy shit” eddie blurts out

“what”

“are you CRYING”

oh how the TABLES, HAVE, TURNED, RICHARD

richie however doesn’t even try to hide it unlike eddie did when it came to the inhaler

“i can’t believe u tattooed that” he sniffs

“well obviously” eddie smiles and wipes a tear from under richie’s eye

“i love u” richie says

“i love u too bunny” eddie says

((bc he might just call richie bunny??? just decided))

then there’s a clear of throat so quickly they turn around and richie wipes some more of his tears away

“im sorry you guys are really cute and everything but i got another customer coming in five minutes so” leah says

“RIGHT. sorry” eddie says and hands the money

thank you’s are exchanged and then the cutest gay couple in town walks out of the shop

“know what richie???”

“what?” richie asks, still taken aback and a little absent because he’s still trying to process how does eddie kaspbrak love him so much

“i think im gonna get a new one next week”

richie stares at him wide eyed

“probably to my other arm or something” eddie casually shrugs

just imagine cute sweet eddie suddenly getting tattoos. imagine cute sweet now tattooed eddie wearing oversized sweaters and smoking cigarettes. and imagine him getting a nose ring. imagine his brown hair getting a lil longer and messier….

because richie did

and now he’s going to pass out

@nopetaking @xbell22 @donthateonk8 @stenbroughbros @reddiebrekmyheart @itsgreywaterrichie @donvex @blueeyespurpleskies @ageorgymi @oh-youre-the-worst@eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash @rissyq @richietoaster @edskasqbrak @waterlouis @wyattghoulef @urtury @bukiminajimu @kcutieeesblog @stansmansuris@adorefack @reddieaddict @icyeyes102@denbroughbill @graveyardshipper @taletellingsir @anxiety-freak-yuuri @rheddie @queertrashmouth @tohzier @richiefreakingtozier

#reddie #punk!reddie #punk!richie #punk!eddie #hcs #it 2017 #it fanfiction #it hcs

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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening - Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set. I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways.

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit.

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others. The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online.

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog:

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot. But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others. For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now. Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

#im fucking tired #ive hardly had any alcohol lately as well #ive snuck some though but not as much for unwind time sadly #also discovered sourz alcohol and it is wonderful #i made someone laugh until literal pissing themselves though so #im taking bloody pride in that comedy so

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acabloe · 6 years

Text

Soon Goodbye, Now Love: Chapter 2

chapter one

A/N wow I got way bigger a response than I thought I was going to and its pretty small ngl but I’m really glad you guys are liking this small baby I am creating. Thank u !! Also I’m kind of a newbie to the bechloe fandom n im rly curious if there’s a sort of home-base for all bechloe fics? sort of like how the phandom has @phanfic ? tyy thats all hope u enjoy :))

tw’s: abuse, swearing, depression, mentions of death, anxiety, trauma (motor accident, near death)

Chapter Two: Soon A Painting

Very slowly Beca began to gain more and more consciousness, beginning with a sharp tingling in her feet, fingers, and face. She became aware of the thick and muddy grass beneath her stomach that stuck uncomfortably and dampened her clothes. Her ribs ached from where she guessed she’d fallen on them. She took a breath in and coughed as she accidentally inhaled dirt. Attempting to push herself onto her knees, she brought her palms to her side and pressed upwards firmly, elbows and wrists smarting under her weight. Her head throbbed as she parted her eyelids but she forced herself to leave them open to adjust to the light and observe her surroundings. As she scanned the empty field, she struggled to remember why she was there. Unsure of how much time had passed while she had been unconscious, she reached reached into her pocket for her phone. When it wasn’t there her movements became more frantic, running her palms over the wet terf and blinking rapidly to attempt to clear her fuzzed vision in the dark. Then suddenly she realized that she didn’t even own a phone, and everything came back to her. Memories flooded her brain like rain after weeks of humid days and packed overcast skies.

She had died Beca had died and she had gone to heaven…sort of. In place of Chloe. Beca had pleaded with...someone, she didn’t know who, and had taken Chloe’s place. She’d woken in front of a giant grey building and ascended the stairs, and she had walked down the alpine-ceilinged hall lined with black and white marble-tiled flooring and flanking dark wooden desks. She remembered chuckling softly to herself thinking of how it had looked like the magical bank from Harry Potter, only without the goblins or flying papers. Pelen, her later Guardian-trainer, had been at the end of the hall, sat at the tallest desk, and he’d explained everything about her trade for Chloe’s life and about the payment for her actions by becoming a guardian angel for an infinitude and the necessity for the erasure of Chloe’s memories of their friendship and lives together. Then had come the months and months of guardian training, the pining and the anguish for endless, horrible nights on end. Oh, those nights, when she had been unable to sleep, distracting herself from the grief by plotting any conceivable way she could see Chloe for one last time. Whoever had agreed to let her trade places had clearly not anticipated Beca’s determination to reunite herself with Chloe by any means considerably possible. When came the end of training and everyone’s human assignment, she had been stationed in Siberia to guard a local scientologist...Geoffrey? Jack? (She felt awful for not remembering his name.) But Beca obdurately broke into the human-assignment database (with ease; the process had oddly reminded her of using Garage Band, only with thin hovering bronze bars and colored beads, still sound waves though,) and changed, by hand, her human assignment to guard Chloe. While everyone had been in place to be dropped to earth, she had escaped unseen to the edge of the city to the closest region she could find in Chloe’s vicinity. And now she was here. In this field. This freezing, wet, scary-ass field.

She wasn’t even sure if she was in the right state. She didn’t recognize anything about her location and surroundings and her plans had only gone this far. She had simply assumed that somehow Chloe would find her shortly after Beca’s fall, welcome her into her home to nurture her back to health, and everything would return to the state it had been before all of this mess. Cursing herself for not planning ahead more, her anxiety began to spike and she forced herself to count as she breathed. Why had she thought that simply jumping out of heaven would be the best idea? She had no belongings, no clothes, nowhere to sleep, and worst of all, no money.

She shakily stood and decided that the best thing to do right now would be to walk off the pins and needles in her legs and to scout out the area. She had also read somewhere that exercise stimulated the brain. Small steps Beca, small steps, She chanted to herself while she stretched her fingers and cracked her neck and back. As she checked her body for more serious injuries or broken bones, she realized that the clothes she was wearing were her own from the night she died and she groaned in annoyance at her past-self. Why didn’t you at least go out with style, moron? You planned your retirement to the most ridiculous detail but you couldn’t even die in a flow-y white dress or something? She was still damp from the grass and she was only wearing socks, no shoes. Her outfit from training had been simple white overalls and a grey, soft knit sort-of sweater. Everyone wore a variation of the same outfit, plus one pair of shoes of their choice (Beca had picked red sweade pumas because she had seen Blake Lively wearing a pair once) now she was beginning to miss those shoes. The only reason, she thought, that would have made simply following the rules a better choice of actions. As she trudged gradually around the perimeter of the field, she searched for any signs of life. She heard far-off cars and airplanes overhead and the path she had been walking was well-trodden and relatively flat. She spotted the glimmer of some distant lights, and decided that once she had relaxed her muscles and figured out some mode of transportation to get there, she would make her way in that direction. And then she thought better of it and realized that sleeping in one of the bushes would probably be safest. And easiest. With the least walking. And effort.

As she trudged her way around the perimeter of the field, she searched for signs of life. She heard far-off cars and airplanes overhead and the path she had been walking was well-trodden and relatively flat. She spotted the glimmer of some distant lights, and decided that once she had relaxed her muscles and figured out some mode of transportation to get there, she would make her way in that direction. And then she thought better of it and realized that sleeping in one of the bushes would probably be safest. And easiest. With the least walking. And effort.

Beca and Chloe’s relationship had probably been the at the forefront of both of their existences before Chloe’s accident. They had often teased that Beca’s sophomore (Chloe’s senior) year of high school was the year they both properly became people. That statement was, for a plethora of reasons, relatively metaphorically true; It was the year when Beca’s mother passed away, and Beca’s father had left her because the grief had been to much to handle. Her mental health had spiraled, and she became closed off and for the most part unresponsive. Chloe had relocated all the way across the country from her home in Seattle, and had never really shared solid friendship with anyone. She also suffered abuse from her parents for being openly bisexual. As Beca and Chloe grew closer, their relationship became the most fundamental part of their lives. Wherever Chloe went, Beca followed. After a lot of convincing on Chloe’s part, together they joined an all girls a capella group at their university, where they became properly close with other people for the first time in their lives besides each other. Chloe had stayed two extra years in college, telling everyone the reason was that she could not bare to leave the group, but really the majority of her motivation came from the wish to see Beca through her junior and senior year, and then graduate with her. Beca had often come to family gatherings and holidays with Chloe, and vice versa with to visit Beca’s removed family, often in other parts of the world. Friends joked that they were so close anyone would guess they were married, and they would laugh it off or play along, jesting to boast engagement rings, or play fake surprise proposals.

But the matter of it was that Beca secretly abhorred these fake shows of romance and marriage. Because ever since her first year of college, she’d been madly in love with Chloe.

There was no need for her to ask or talk about the subject. Beca had known since the beginning of her feelings for her that Chloe would never feel the same way, and so absolved to ride it out until she simply did not feel anything other than close platonic intimacy for her. In spite of all her efforts, five years later she felt exactly the same, if not stronger than before, and it was miserable.

When Chloe was found eight miles from their home, unconscious on an embankment by the highway after her car had been hit by a drunk driver, Beca went into extreme shock. Chloe was rushed to the hospital but by the time they had arrived at the ER, it was too late. She had been hanging on by an already worn thread, and Beca had prayed for the first time in her life that night. She pleaded with all the higher powers she could think of to take Chloe’s place, and curiously enough, her requests were immediately taken into effect. Apparently, Beca Mitchel was an exception to the laws of prayer in most religions.

Eventually Beca neared the halfway mark of her third lap. Her anxiety had dwindled little, though her legs were mostly returned to a more natural and pin-free state. The deep and rather eerie quiet of the place was what she’d been strongly accustomed to since she’d woken up, so when someone behind her shouted loudly in her direction, she nearly sprinted into the bushes to her right. When she glanced behind her and saw the form of a woman waving and walking idly, she was set at a tiny bit more ease and waved back apprehensively. Shit, Becs what’re you gonna do now, you look like a maniac. Dude, you're not even wearing shoes. Just play it cool, act hostile and moody, the regular. It’s probably too dark to even see my clothes anyway right? She made a brief attempt to brush off some of the dirt and grass still on her clothes and ran her fingers through her hair a few times.

Rapid footsteps approached from behind her and suddenly the girl had caught up to walk alongside her. Beca sighed quietly in annoyance and scanned her mind for an explanation as to why she was out this late and wearing the bare minimum and no shoes in a 30°(F) field.

Beca turned to look at the girls face and had to promptly hold herself back from shouting or even remotely outwardly responding. Even in the gloomy darkness, the shiny doe-eyed look of the girl next to her was painfully unmistakable. Beca had not planned or expected herself to react so violently as she did when she saw this face again.

“Hi.” She controlled her voice to the best of her ability, but the lack of recognition in Chloe's next statements and the sudden realization of her stupidity in mistakenly romanticizing and simplifying the entire situation around only her own desires was so painful that Beca doubted she could hold back tears. The sight of Chloe after months, years, of grieving was just too much. She did try, but they simply came, silently streaming down her cheeks, one after the other.

“It’s so chilly for this time of year, I don’t usually even come here while on walks. The mist is so spooky!”

Beca realized it was her turn to speak. She saw Chloe turn to look at her from her peripheral view and realized it was to late to do anything about her tears so she struggled to keep her voice even as she replied.

“yeah. Super spooky.”

#bechloe #beca mitchell #chloe beale #beca x chloe #bechloe ship #Chloe x beca #pitch perfect #pitch perfect 3 #pitch perfect 2 #bechloe fanfiction #bechloe fic #bechloe fanfic #soon goodbye now love #fics #fanfiction #gay fanfiction #gay lol #Anna kendrick #britney snow

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sizzlingcrusadebouquetfan-blog · 6 years

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Who's never gotten a ticket or pulled over. Had my license for seven months now and also has not took drivers ed....an estimate?

How do I get added to my parent's car insurance?

I am going to have to use one of my parent's cars to get around soon. I have never had my own car, but have had a license for a few years, I just always used public transportation...so I am wondering how would I go about getting added to my parent's car insurance policy. Note: I would only be driving their car occasionally, not regularly. I'm 21 btw. Details and possible costs would be appreciated.""

Can anybody advise me on the Insurance Company United America for health insurance?

I need Health insurance and would like advise on this company

""How much is liability insurance for a Home Health Aide Agency located in Miami, Fl?""

I am looking to open a home health care agency in Miami, Fl and I am trying to figure out how much money I'll need to start. I heard the most expensive cost for starting will be insurance. About how much will that be?""

I need advice on car insurance?

OK. Heres the history. I have 3 tickets on my record, two for speeding, and one for running a red light. I'm 18 years old and I am male. So i know I'm already ******. But i need to know is it possible for me to get car insurance again? Oh and technically I've had two accidents. And **** everyone who says Im a bad driver because Im not. I was just a dumb 16 and 17 year old. Quite frankly Im a greater driver than probably everyone who answers this. so shutup. REAL answers please. Thanks.""

Do you have affordable auto insurance?

If not, it may be time to switch to Safe Auto.""

Is a smart car cheap to insure for a 17 year old?

""I'm pregnant, without insurance, and desperate, HELP!?""

Just this Monday I found out I was pregnant. Two Clear Blue PREGNANT's, and I was bawling in the Target bathroom. I all ready have two children, both of which are on ALL Kids because my husband didn't want to keep our health insurance last year due to the rising costs (like, it kept going up $100/year, and towards the end, we were paying $500/month). So now I'm pregnant, no health insurance, and pretty much stressing out over it. I will apply for SOBRA Medicaid (something I found on Alabama's Department of Health site) after my doctor's appointment next Wednesday, but if they don't accept me, then I don't know what else to do. Giving my baby away is not an option, neither is abortion. I will love this baby no matter what happens. I just need some reassurance or something to keep myself from stressing out and crying all the time over worrying about money. I totally got screwed over by something called Direct Med and will be calling them tomorrow to try to get my money back. I did that out of desperation and plain stupidity. A little help, please?""

""California to nevada, is insurance more?""

moving to nevada, is auto insurance more from CA to NV?""

How much midwife cost w/wo insurance?

I am not sure if my insurance covers midwife expenses, hence any advice shall be helpful. Also, where can I look for a midwife who accepts insurance? Possibly ask my OB or hospital ? please advice""

How much will Insurance cost me?

Insurance pre-existing injury?

I took the ACL surgery, I had the insurance but I paid 100% because it was pre-existing. My question is: if 6 months later , I play soccer, still have that insurance and get my ACL torn again, Will the insurance company consider it as a new injury and pay for the surgery, because it is completely healed after 6mos, OR they won't because the injury is on the same knee and I still have to pay 100% of the surgery. Thank you very much.""

Why are so many Americans against affordable health care?

What are peoples opinions of the affordable care act?

I am not that informed about it and curious how people feel about it

Homeowner insurance cost in Florida?

i know that homeowner insurance is high in Florida. but how high is it? What would someone pay for a 3bdr home in jacksonville? i am thinking of relocating to florida from Illinois. How bad do the hurricanes get in the Jacksonville area?

Car insurance question?

I recently got into a car accident that was my fault. The total damages is around 2000 dollars. the owner of the car has contacted me and asked if we could resolve it with out involving the insurance Company. What would be better to do? i have had one other accident that was not my fault. how much will my car insurance go up and for how long?

What is the cheapest insurance company to switch to for a descent price after a DUI?

I am 23 and have a 2005 chevy silverado single cab. It's paid off in full. I usually like to have basic & Im on my dads plan which is about 3-400 a year. & they are now increasing it to 800$. I would like to switch to a company that I can pay less to.

Choosing a Family Health Insurance?

Hello, What is the suggested Health Insurance for entire family (Ex: 2 adult and 1 kid or 2 kids) among the nationalized providers (National Insurance; Oriental Insurance; New India Assurance; United India Insurance)? Thank You.""

Why did health insurance prices double in the last 5 years and not car insurance?

family health insurance plans went from 9,000/yr to 18,000/yr during Bush's administration. Health insurance is quickly becoming the average American's #1 cost, soon to exceed rent.""

""If i have no income will obamacare subsidies 100% of my health insurance, and co pay?""

If i have no income will obamacare subsidies 100% of my health insurance, and co pay?""

How much can I expect to pay for cobra insurance?

I was recently offered a job that pays much more than my current job. The downfall is the employer is small and does not currently offer an employee insurance plans. I'm 30 years old and I've never had any major health issues. I know I can keep the insurance from my former job thru cobra law. But what will i expect to pay. Currently as an employee I pay 26.35 per each pay period (2 week pay periods) for medical insurance and 9.53 a pay period for dental. In summary i pay roughly 71 dollars a month to cover myself only (no dependents). the company i work for has 7000 employees worldwide. probably 2-3000 u.s. employees. How much can I expect to pay for cobra?

What is good insurance for teens?

Can I have some good companies? I want the basic insurance package. im 17, male, senior in HS thank you""

Do I need insurance to drive my own car with a permit in Arizona?

Can I use my own car or do I have to use my parents car with a permit?

What is insurance?

Car insurance claim failed. I am totally innocent and will not give up. Where do I stand with this?

The accident happened on a roundabout I was already on, someone pulled out on me and I T-boned the side of their car. An 'independent' assessor has looked at my car and wrote a damage report which went to the other drivers insurance company (who I am personally claiming from as my insurance is 3rd party cover only). Their company have now wrote to me saying they are denying my claim because: They can't understand why the whole front of the car is damaged (erm..because I T-boned the other car!) They can't understand why the nearside wing is damaged (erm..because she kept driving for a few seconds, which tried to drag my car to one side. The chassis went out of line and it moved the wing out of position). They can't understand how the nearside door is damaged (erm..it isn't!). Is there much else I can do other than write to argue their statement? A solicitor or small-claims court would not be cost effective as I'm only claiming approx 400. What can I do?""

About how much a month does a first time teen driver in Northern VA pay for car insurance?

What is a reasonable figure?

What's the cheapest auto insurance and do you need it to have a permit?

it speaks for itself what company has the cheapest & most reliable auto insurance company for a 16 year old driver (not 16 yet but I should have my driver's license by February 25th if I go after my birth day)

How much does a psychiatrist cost without insurance?

I will not have insurance to give for going to a psychiatrist. How much would you think something like this would roughly cost?

I got pulled over in someone else's car that doesn't have insurance but I have my own?

Ok so I'm driving one of my friends car and I got pulled over for making an illegal u-turn. The car had no insurance and the cop told me to just show up to court and show them that I have proof of insurance on my own car and the ticket will be dropped? I currently have State Farm insurance and I live in the state of California. The officer told me that as long as I had permission to drive the car and my insurance covers me driving other cars I Should be fine. Is this true? Please help, I'm really worried and I don't wanna pay a big fine.""

Anyone in pennsylvania know of an affordable dental plan that covers everything?

Does anyone have good dental insurance for a fair monthly price? I need something that covers crowns root canals check ups fillings and xrays. I don't really know where to start. ...show more

""NO MONTHLY PAYMENTS, underground CAR INSURANCE?""

I heard that there is a car insurance where you only pay $50 one time, no monthly payments, but you get absolutely NO coverage, so if you're in an accident you are basically screwed. it is a legal insurance if a cop pulls you over and check your insurance it comes up fine. Maybe there are other ones that range in fees? Either way does anyone know any companies that do THE ONE TIME FEE .... IT IS TO PURCHASE JUST THE INSURANCE CARD. BUT PASSES CLEAN LIKE YOU ARE COVERED. please help?""

Insurance grace period/need insurance to title and register?

What if i cancel my auto insurance and get back after six months?

I canceled my auto insurance before six months. now I got another car and I got accident before I purchased insurance for this car with the same company. then I purchased the auto insurance.so, my question is does my insurance company has to cover for this.""

Estimate on drivers insurance?

Hello, i'm 16 years old and about to get my license any ideas on how much insurance would cost me? My family has Allstate and i can qualify for the good student discount.""

""Lets be honest, will a 2000 mustang gt run a 17 year old over 150 per month on insurance?""

State or no state, tennessee. Will it run in 200's or more? Just need to know before i go looking. Don't give me your opinion, i get it has horses and can kick, im not looking for a preacher to praise down on me. thanks""

What is the most economic way to insure a second car?

I already have fully comprehensive insurance for both myself and my spouse on our first car but now are looking to buy a second car. I also have 9 years no claims bonus.

How much will Insurance cost me?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/kia-insurance-group-jayden-gordon/"

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loveandra0314-blog · 7 years

Text

Tweets!

All my tweets since August 29th, 2016

Currently renewing my unhealthy obsession with Harry Styles. Seniors- have a fun year knowing that all the people older than you in school get to sleep in on Mondays If it comes in rose gold, I own it Lol @ seniors who think they're the shit All of my stories start with "well first of all, bitch" I love myself. Thought you ought to know. When your roommate is THE SAME DISNEY PRINCESS AS YOU My mom keeps sending me pictures of her food Still in summer mode Drew some nice pics of myself getting electrocuted in math today I can literally find someone on the Internet in .002 secs with just a first name, but tell me to hand in my assignment online and I'll die LOOK AT THE LITTLE HEART #GreysAnatomy GREYS FOOTBALL AND HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT If you live tweet next weeks Criminal Minds season premiere, I'll report you for emotional abuse I have not lost my voice, my voice just doesn't like me so she moved out. I send my parents paragraphs and hundreds of pictures of school and I am repaid with one word sentences and blurry pictures of my dog. I come home to find that my parents literally did everything they could to conceal everything that has anything to do with me in my room ALSO MY BATHROOM SMELLS LIKE CLEANING FLUID AND I KNOW DAMN WELL IT SMELLED LIKE "sweet peony" WHEN I LEFT Anthony's favorite hobby is absolutely roasting people on the Hudl app MUZZ WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE ANTHONY THAT HE PEED ON THE COUCH On a scale from 1-10 of brokenness, I'm a $34.72. I'm really proud of myself because I finished 1/8 of an essay that's due on Thursday #overachiever Btw, Anthony replied to my hint with pictures of his papa I know it's the law... But could the train maybe not blow the whistle 6 times through a campus of sleep deprived college kids????? Spagetting to know you Julia and I are in bed watching a movie and wondering why it's so loud... ITS 8:00 PM But how the f is it October in like 2 days We're over here acting like its the damn ice age I've been coughing all over everyone and everything and IM A TERRIBLE ROOMMATE IM SO SORRY WTF "5 Crazy" I love you, SVU Women before us fought to have the right to vote - don't take that for granted #VOTE My bed is absolutely COVERED in pillows, blankets, wires, school supplies, clothes and Tide pods etc… This woman started vaping and then another woman told her to stop, and now they are full on screaming at each other. ON THE COMMUTER RAIL. Guys, this clown thing is REAL I'm having a hard enough time sleeping without all these inconsiderately loud people outside my building clown hunting The dangerous part about college is going back to your bed in between classes WORDS LITERALLY CANT DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM FOR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. Belle is my Disney princess and Emma Watson is my all time favorite actress I'm crying Constantly waiting for the 12th of each month so I can have some data You can now get a life sentence for animal abuse. Justice. When your roommates make fun of you for complimenting an absolute FIRE selfie of yourself <<<< SUNDAY SHOPPING SPREE I fcking love candy corn You don't understand... our school and social lives have to fit around the voice and grey's. Sometimes my hand slips and I accidentally share something to my Facebook page We're gonna miss you #ThanksPapi It would be fun to me Harley Quinn for Halloween, but I refuse to be one of "those girls" Never be afraid to be yourself!! Happy National Coming Out Day everyone Julia and I have been watching Netflix in bed for 5 hours. COME BE OUR FRIENDS OMG Tmlt I fcking love Evan Peters and AHS Netflix for dayyyyyyzzzz May god bless you and may your eyebrows be forever on point Dear very high people in the hall, please talk even louder! And continue to walk around in your underwear! Please! I'm DYING. As soon as josh got home he immediately told everyone not to ask any questions about the dance My baby brother is almost 14 and he's like a foot taller than me and his voice is deeper than my dad's My little brother got a 30 yrd touchdown and 40 yrd run Mo and Julia are asleep and I'm just laying here laughing my ass off Literally the worst thing in the world is realizing you have a hole in your leggings Backless dresses are just so incredibly beautiful I love them The girls are asleep and I am laughing like a fcking psycho. What's new? Sorry that I retweet a lot, I just feel like sharing the things I find awesome or funny are worth making your day too I love reconnecting I have heart failure walking to class when I start to hear a longboarder behind me Cookies and Gilmore Girls with my babes It's 11:00 and we're trying to sleep pls enforce quiet hour or I will Julia and I suck at life so we put it on the internet. #relatable "Omg have you seen @JeffreeStar new black highlighter?" "Isn't that just a sharpie?" NO JULIA IT IS NOT A SHARPIE I love late night phone calls with my man Rewatching greys is my fave thing to do Meeting guy friends at college is easy until you bring up your boyfriend I told everyone in my kindergarten class that I was a boy. So, surprise everyone idk what that was about Life update: the heater in our room is making loud, evil noises. This started yesterday and has not stopped. This heater needs medical attention I am honestly concerned for this heater's health. She's clearly leaking or dying or something College is not being able to afford a stapler and the professor refusing to collect unstapled papers. Derek Shepherd has been setting unrealistic expectations since 2005. Feliz Dia de Los Muertes! I'm so excited for Beauty and the Beast I'm actually crying. Real tears. I'm seeing it MINIMUM 10 times in theaters "THIS MEAT IS SO RAW A GOOD VET COULD SAVE IT" Anthony wutttttttt No Makeup November JULIA AND I ARE CRYING (not happy tears) The sun rose this morning and it will rise tomorrow morning My dad has had a variation of the same car since 1995 "You are SO loud" "I just don't care" lol k Anthony Scooby doo I cried twice today, first because I watched the Beauty and the Beast trailer, the second time was when I re-watched the trailer. My dream job is when it's always Friday Also no makeup November is going swimmingly, I may never wear makeup everyday ever again All the bathrooms on my floor are being cleaned and I've been holding my pee for an hour and a half. Can I be someone's creepy older prom date this year? I had some real good coffee this morning and I feel absolutely fantastic, this may be a new me Anthony is snapchatting me live from his room where his roommate is keeping him captive and asking deep questions about life College is being awake at 11pm which is just enough time to squeeze in a few more episodes of greys before 12 COLLEGE IS BEING AWAKE AT 12:30am BUT THERES ONLY ONE MORE EPISODE IN THE SEASON Hobbies include: coughing loudly and rudely when I pass people who are smoking When I'm actively trying to not laugh my ass off at stupid stuff because roommate Just a reminder to be careful and safe this holiday season I want a pretty case because the life proof one is too much but I can't afford a new phone sooo.... TMI: I threw up all over a bathroom stall today. I warned you. My professor shaded me in front of the whole class. I don't have room for embarrassment because I high key gained so much respect. Savagery Hahaha at least my eyebrows are fleeky The weather today is less than ideal. Julia made a tinder and then promptly deleted it when she saw an attractive man. THIS IS WHY. THIS IS WHY. True friends snapchat from across the room If the wifi would stay connected, I wouldn't run out of data every month The temperature was in the single digits today and I honestly don't know how I've ever been able to live like this for so long There is a full on absolutely raging party down the hall from my room. 24 hour quiet hours what College made me addicted to tums Sleep is great, but have you ever watched Netflix? Prof almost made us stay past the two hours like... fuck you thought?? Oh annnnnnd I woke my ass up at 7:00 this morning to get a waffle AND THEY HADNT PUT THE STATION OUT YET Why does my brother constantly ask what we got him for xmas?? Like we're not telling you and if we did your xmas would be ruined Trying to save up...but Sephora I can't even put into words how sad I am about Carrie Fishers passing. Rest In Peace. Someone get me on the slopes Can't stop won't stop crying at the Beauty and the Beast trailer. What did I do to deserve this Every time I lose a snapchat streak, I die a little on the inside I'm such a daddy's girl tbh Setting that 4 am alarm is absolutely killer Hey at least the Cubs won the World Series in 2016 Thought about making a resolution to go to the gym and eat green stuff, but I'm just gonna do me, eat cookies and walk occasionally Tmlt- moral: be happy, and do what makes you happy I really just slept until 5pm Traveling through Hoth in my damn Jetta was fun I should have just skied home from work smh These are the days that I wish my dad's Outback was automatic. Smh I share a bathroom w two teenage boys. There is a pile of underwear in the corner that grows +2 every day.

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