#the thing about me is that i would actually genuinely be less autistic if i hadn't led such a backwoods and sheltered life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gallusrostromegalus · 1 year

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I've always said that kubota did orihime soooooooo dirty >:( she literally has god powers and they get diminished so harshly... I've always viewed her power as her having the ability to Reject phenomena. In canon she rejects the fact that people are injured. What would happen if she rejected the fact that someone was alive? That someone was in her way? Reject the injustices that led to her and her friends' world being turned upside down. Anyway I love that your hime has the spine she deserves and I'm so excited to be completely normal about aeiwam

Some Important facts about Orihime from canon:

Orihime is the #3 student in her entire (fairly large) high school. Girl Ain't Stupid- if anything, the fact that she's wildly unorthodox in her projects and STILL pulls those kinds of grades and test scores suggests that her teachers are grading her like that because her weird-ass approaches to assignments demonstrate a thorough understanding of the material, so she may actually be smarter than Uryuu, the #1 student who gives me very strong "I'm very good at taking tests and telling teachers what they want to hear, so I can pull good grades even if I have no clue what the subject is" Vibes.

Orihime cooks weird damn food, and enjoys it. She also has strange ideas about what's cute, exceptionally brightly colored clothes relative to everyone else, and does things like get lost following dragonflies for hours on end. Screams sensory processing Weirdness to me. Maybe I'm projecting a bit here, but Sensory processing disorders come with sensory euphoria too- I get to enjoy a huge variety of strange foods and the sound of rain gives me physical joy.

Orihime's best friends* are: -The School's Self-affected "weird boy who might be a delinquent or possibly just insane" guy -A Butch Jock With Anger Issues -The Crafts Club president who has So Much Gender Happening, and also sort-of grew up in a cult -The Giant, scary-looking guy who keeps smuggling small animals into school. -A Genuine sociopath whose family probably has Yakuza Connections -An extremely powerful supernatural being who is like five times her age -Keigo. This is not the friend group of a "Normal"

Taken together, these points form a constellation of THIS GIRL GOT AUTISM. LIKE SO MUCH. LEVEL 999 AUTISM MAGE. She's full of strange joy and magnificently weird and experiencing reality four steps to the left of everyone else AND SHE IS SO, SO SMART.

So in the fic, when she sees Ichigo freaking out because Rukia has been Kidnapped back to Soul Society on Bullshit criminal charges, Orihime does what every autistic person I know does, and immediately begins drafting a Solution.

Namely She begins drafting an extraction plan. She gets slightly in over her head with details about what data they need, how much and what kind of resistance they'd be facing etc. etc. until she realizes she needs some concrete answers and, without regard to social conventions like "time" and "Personal space", more or less kicks in the door to Urahara's shop at 2AM, marches directly into his bedroom and starts interrogating him about the civil services in soul society, yes it's weird you sleep naked with your cat sir but I'm not here to pass judgment I'm here to get answers you can put pants on later.

After the resounding success of their operation in Soul Society, the hardest part when Ulquiorra comes to kidnap her and gives her the completely insane circumstances of "you will be invisible and go through walls for 12 hours, prepare yourself." is not vibrating with the absolute mania of the chance to go to Los Noches and FUCK. SHIT. UP.

#AEIWAM #An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy #bleach fanfic

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drdemonprince · 8 months

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Can we really expand our window of tolerance as autistic people? I’ve been working on that kind of thing for so long and I can’t tell if I’ve made any genuine progress or if I’ve just unconsciously doubled down on masking :(

We can! But our expanded distress tolerance can't come out of nowhere. Something has to give. So for example, for me, I have way fewer sensory issues these days than I used to have, by a wide margin, and I have significantly less social anxiety and don't need much social recharge time on the level that I used to. I have more distress tolerance for sensory input and for social stressors now than I ever have before -- but this has required lifestyle changes and unmasking in order to get there. Let me break down both these improvements and how they happened:

Even as recently as a year ago, I would have terrible sensory meltdowns on a regular basis. But I haven't had a single sensory meltdown in months, maybe not even a single one for the entirety of 2023 so far? And that's because I have a) cut out caffeine, dramatically reducing my physiological stress levels, b) cut back on some workplace stress by reducing my commitments, c) stopped taking on additional projects outside of work that I didn't want to do and that only caused me stress (workshops and talks), and d) began working from home far more consistently, and made myself a wfh office that is more comfortable.

Now I operate from a really solid base of sensory comfort most days and I'm not overloaded with information or overwhelmed with obligations. This means I am far more tolerant of screaming people on the bus, the upstairs toddler slamming her feet on the floor, ambulances blaring by, noisy concerts, people bumping into me at the bar, etc.

I also am, for the first time in my life, clear-headed enough to recognize when I am starting to experience sensory distress, and can intentionally put on sunglasses or pop in ear plugs or remove myself from an upsetting situation more quickly. I had to experience what being relaxed and not overstimulated felt like, and get accustomed to living that way, in order to recognize subtler signs that I was feeling shitty and take steps to address those small annoyances before they exploded. I can handle a lot "more" in an intentional way now because I built my life to allow "less." My overall distress tolerance has still expanded -- but it's because I stopped masking and began attending to my sensory and stress regulation needs.

For the social piece, my distress tolerance has also gone up due to unmasking. If I was still motivated by passing as NT or being socially acceptable all the time, I'd be so overwhelmed being around people and worn down by every interaction. I also wouldnt be able to advocate for myself. But in the past few years I've become more and more openly weird and outspoken in my needs and true feelings, and I've recognized that the right people actually love me more when I do so and show up for me, and so being honest or even difficult to deal with is not really a threat.

This means I just don't experience much distress being honest or difficult to deal with anymore. I really can tolerate the discomfort of telling someone they're wrong or that I'm hurt without freaking out about being hurt or abandoned, because I've had a lot of good experiences with it and because I enjoy being unmasked so deeply that I just can't put my personality back in a bottle.

Masking lowers distress tolerance because it frays your nerves with stress and wears you out and bars you from ever getting to attend to and regulate your discomfort when there are signs of it happening. In order to increase your distress tolerance, you actually have to learn to better honor your discomfort early, and preventatively, so that you don't bubble over into a meltdown after days or weeks of ignoring your needs.

I think some people think distress tolerance is about becoming more tough, but it's quite the opposite. We become more resilient by getting better at recognizing and attending to our hurts.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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Am I (27m) the asshole for wanting my boyfriend (28m) to be attracted to me?

This involves sex as a topic but won't get explicit, I'll keep it vague. I'm asexual. Completely sex repulsed in a physical sense, mostly due to autistic sensory issues. I've never had any interest in sex and didn't have any libido at all before going on testosterone, so the way most allosexuals tend to view and think of sex is something I've always struggled to understand.

In previous relationships, my asexuality was handled in different ways depending on the person. One boyfriend was totally fine just not having a sexual aspect to our relationship, another one had a hookup he got my approval on. The compromise me and my last boyfriend came up with was that he'd text me his fantasies about me and that did a lot for him without me having to physically be in the situation, and even if I didn't get anything sexual out of it I did enjoy it. It was a confidence boost. I dont generally consider myself attractive or desirable, i wear sweaters in summer because im so self conscious, and this compromise actually did a lot to help me see myself in a different light.

I recently got into a new relationship and, as with every relationship I've been in, there's inevitably a discussion about how we're going to compromise on this issue. My new boyfriend didn't know anything about asexuality and barely understood when I explained but he's very insistent about not crossing my boundaries, which I appreciate. But the problem is, since he'd never considered sexuality from a less direct angle, he didn't really know where to even start with ideas when we were trying to work out a compromise. So, I started making suggestions, thinking back to what worked for other people I'd dated. Just abstaining wasn't going to be doable for him so I didn't suggest it, and he wouldn't be comfortable with a hookup.

I remembered my ex used to be able to get something out of telling me about his fantasies so I asked if that was something he'd be into. I wasn't angling to try to get him to agree to something, I genuinely just wanted to know whether or not that was an option to consider. He didn't actually answer at first, he went quiet and then he answered the question with another question and asked "wouldn't something like that make you uncomfortable?" And I said "no, because the physical component is the thing I have issues with, not the subject matter itself. So long as I don't have to directly engage in the situation, I'm golden."

I don't know if this is something that was really stupid of me to say and my autistic ass just didn't realize, but since he's so careful about my boundaries and comfort and tends to fret, I thought his problem in the moment was worry that I'd be making myself uncomfortable in an attempt to meet his needs. So I hurried to reassure him and said not only would it not make me uncomfortable, I'd enjoy it in a way. Not sexually, but I enjoy knowing that my partner is attracted to me. It makes me feel good about myself.

He got really upset. He doesn’t get upset easily and hadn't ever gotten properly upset with me before (at least not to this extent) so I was very taken aback, but I was floored by his reason for being upset. Not word for word, but he essentially said "so basically you want me to frustrate myself to feed your ego?"

I was, I think understandably, completely fucking appalled by such a suggestion. I said of course not, I was just suggesting something I knew worked for someone else because even if it wasn't his thing, we could narrow down options by process of elimination. Which made logical sense, to me. He wasn't calmed though, he started saying things like "so, you want your partner to be attracted to you even though you never plan on actually letting them act on that attraction? Do you see how cruel that is?" And... I don’t know, which is why I'm submitting this here. Is that cruel?

From my perspective, I would think it's only natural to want to know your partner finds you attractive, doesn't everyone want to be wanted to some degree? I don't get some sort of sadistic thrill out of it as he seemed to be implying, and I don't want it to impact my partners in a negative way. If this was something he would find frustrating then no, of course I wouldn't want him to frustrate himself, we could look at other options. When I made the suggestion, I figured the worst that would happen was he'd say no and we'd narrow down the list of options. I never imagined my moral character would be called into question.

He's usually so, so nice to me and it hit really hard for someone who’s usually so fond of me to say I sounded selfish and vain. Both actual words he used when this devolved into an argument. I explained my reasoning for suggesting it to begin with but he said the issue isn’t the suggestion, it's that he thinks that it's fucked up of me to want my partner to be attracted to me when I'm not going to indulge that attraction and it makes him wonder if I'm really a different, worse person deep down and he's only now getting to see it. He called it a red flag. That seemed like such a leap to me but I don't want to dismiss the suggestion out of hand. Many bad people think they're good people, so it's not out of the question.

This was our first real argument, previous disagreements had been talked out very calmly but emotions ran high with this one. I dont know if this is something that triggered him for deeper reasons, considering his reaction was so intensely out of the norm for him, or if the whole thing just looks entirely different from the perspective of someone who isn't sex repulsed.

Am I the asshole here? Is it really as fucked up as he says that I enjoy knowing my partner is attracted to me even though I won't agree to have sex with them?

We didn't discuss the topic any more that night, and it hasn't been brought up since. He hasn't been treating me differently than before, but he's always proactively apologized before when he was in the wrong about things and he hasn't this time, so to me that says he still stands by what he said. His words have stuck with me and they’re eating at me. I feel like such a horrible person, and I have no idea if I should feel more or less guilty about this.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend is upset that I like knowing my partners are attracted to me even though I don't want to and don't intend to have sex with them bc he thinks that's majorly fucked up and a red flag.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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transmutationisms · 7 months

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possibly too broad but do you have any thoughts on the discourse around self-pathologizing? seems like there’s weird territory there since there are so many barriers to diagnoses and people should be free to self-report, yet some pathologies are essentially capitalist inventions and it may be more harmful than helpful for people to fixate on them without some kind of external guidance (though i don’t mean to imply they need to consult medical practitioners). i also don’t really think faddishness is the big concern it’s made out to be, but what do you think?

yeah to me this is a good example of how genuinely epistemologically radical critique of psychiatry can become assimilated into pretty staid liberal discourses of self-empowerment / -care / -improvement. pathologisation, imo, is basically materially meaningless if it's not backed by the sorts of institutions and power relations that characterise the psychiatric establishment. which is to say, if we're only talking about diagnostic labels in a kind of personal-choice framework (as so much of the medium dot com industrial complex seems to be doing lately) then it robs these conversations of a lot of their urgency and impact. i don't think overreliance on the language of the dsm is particularly helpful, as a general matter of seeking to develop political consciousness as well as self-knowledge, but i also don't think it really matters one way or another if someone self-dxes or un-dxes. what makes a difference is things like: is this person being robbed of their autonomy? are these explanatory frameworks being imposed on them by credentialled experts levelling their professional status to claim epistemological authority over the psyche? what social and economic violence is being committed here? some rando online relating to a diagnostic label and using it for themself is not doing these things, and may very well be helpful to that person (it may also not. but again the harm here is p limited).

i have said before, a lot of what puts me personally off dsm labels is the essentialism they're in bed with. ie, it's not just a shorthand descriptor of behaviours or symptoms—these terms are pretty much always being wielded as claims to have identified a biologically based 'neurotype', eg, or some as-yet-unverifiable misery-engendering genetic complex, or whatever else. and to be clear, i think these types of claims do actually carry widespread social harm, because no matter what rhetorical games you play, you're never just saying these things about yourself. it's a claim to certain forms of bio-essentialism that both shores up professional psychiatric authority and applies to people besides yourself (this is just the nature of such universalising claims about human biology). but this is an issue that goes so far beyond use or disuse of diagnostic labels; plenty of people who have embraced superficial principles of anti-psych critique still make all manner of such essentialist claims when it comes down to it, with or without grabbing onto a specific diagnostic label. so i think the kind of panicking we see in certain left-leaning circles about self-dx is not actually about this issue at all, and is certainly not capable of addressing it productively.

without going insanely long here i would just add that this is kind of a general answer because different labels have different histories and functions (eg, compare the social and political function of pathologising a depressive episode, vs autistic traits / behaviours, vs a so-called personality disorder). and also, whenever talking about self-dx i think it's important to add that one of the most important functions of these labels from a patient perspective is they function as means of gatekeeping access to certain accessibility measures, so any kind of anti-self dx position in current political conditions will harm people who need those accommodations. and i have less than zero interest in questioning anybody who wants accessibility measures for literally any reason or uses any method to obtain them.

#psychiatry

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orchidbreezefc · 5 months

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edgar woe.begone: low empathy, high masking

THESIS: my reading of edgar woe.begone is that he's a low empathy autistic who has no innate intuition for social cues and has had to teach himself everything about social interaction from scratch, which is an interpretation that i think explains a lot about him.

now, i am very critical of edgar as a person. i think he's a less than good person and a bad boyfriend. but let me be VERY clear right off the bat: these symptoms don't make anyone a bad person. these symptoms aren't even bad per se. theyre all disabling symptoms that make social interaction more difficult for the person who has them. like any symptom, they have to be managed and compensated for.

some people under the neurodivergent/mentally ill umbrella, as with any group of people, are bad people. being a bad person flavors one's approach to their mental illness, and mental illness in turn flavors the manner in which they're a bad person. the mental illness isn't what makes you bad, but it does affect how your shittiness manifests.

disclaimers done, a good place to start is the way edgar speaks, especially with jeremy's performance. edgar always sounds very reasonable, approachable, and agreeable, and there is never an ounce of genuine emotion in his voice. he talks like an autistic person with zero innate intuition for social interaction who has taught himself to speak in the way that he's learned will get the best response.

edgar's customer service voice is the only one we hear and likely the only one he uses if he can help it. we know edgar's a tactician, a persuader. why use any other voice than the one he's carefully fine-tuned to make people like him and be receptive to what he's saying? this isn't even necessarily cynical: what do you want him to do, talk in a more uncontrolled, emotional way--that he's not used to managing--that will make people like him less?? what good would that do?

edgar likes control. he's more comfortable when things are in his hands, and only his. propagation definitely factors in here--if [link: my theory] that propagation is what solidified the certainty of edgar's death is true, it's no wonder he wants to control and limit the spread of information. edgar prefers to be in charge of making the plans, ideally alone.

this is part of why mike is perpetually out of the loop, even regarding decisions that concern him--which is pretty damn paternalistic. but there's a more wholesome aspect as well: edgar genuinely thinks he's doing mike a favor.

edgar knows mike has undergone and is undergoing a lot, and that he's terrible with plans and a major blabbermouth. if edgar can take care of a problem without mike having to worry his pretty head and perfect eyebrows about what to do, without knowing it ever existed, isn't that so much better? that's edgar being a good boyfriend, actually. he's helping!

it probably doesn't even occur to edgar how much this limits mike's agency, how much it hurts mike that edgar refuses to let him in, how this puts them on unequal footing, how fucking patronizing it is to not let your boyfriend make his own decisions about his own life. oh, how the tables have tabled since him originally telling mike that keeping the story of woe.begone from him didn't protect him, it impeded his ability to make informed choices.

here's where the low empathy creates problems--edgar doesn't have that innate intuition for how mike's feeling, and he doesn't (effectively) manage or compensate for it, and he definitely doesn't communicate with mike enough to know how he's affected by this shit (avoiding too much information sharing is good, remember?)

and mike certainly isn't going to tell him! mike is a goddamn simp. he's not going to establish boundaries. he's not going to put his foot down and demand better treatment. as if he fucking deserves that in the first place, pshaw. the only time he pushes back is in season 10 when he doesn't remember their relationship, and edgar is deeply shaken.

edgar is devastated to learn he hurt mikey, because he does genuinely adore that man. he would get lasso lessons from michael and rope him the moon if he could. his low empathy and efforts to manage everything himself keep him from realizing that mikey, a hyperempathetic mess who gets sentimental about pens, seriously suffers from being shut out like this.

edgar's thought process must be equally inscrutable to mikey, who just figures it would be asking too much to be an active and equal participant in his own relationship and life. edgar's perfect and great, so if mikey deserved that, he would already be giving it to him. if mikey's unhappy with any part of their relationship, no he isn't. he's lucky he has edgar at all. he's lucky he has anyone.

recall michael's agonized admission that "everything is about rugby, dammit" 10(++++) years and edgar's literal death later. we can only guess at how bad his rugby was, but we do know michael never talked it through with edgar. he tells mike this was him 'letting it go' actually, when the fact that theyre having this conversation at all is proof that he extremely hasn't. this is what 'letting it go' looks like to michael: burying an issue forever and giving up on ever getting closure.

so yes, edgar does authentically deeply love his mikey-bear. unfortunately, if you never establish the communication to bridge the differences between your own methods of operating and that of your partner, love will only get you so far. and the first time around, where it got them was michael fighting back tears in an apartment in latvia over a wound from edgar that he suffered in silence until the day he died.

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autistichalsin · 5 months

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Okay I shouldn't have to defend myself for doing something that makes me happy but I am going to anyway because the comments making fun of me for analyzing things about Halsin are starting to hurt my feelings

I am autistic. Analyzing things is how I relate to the world. Sometimes I read what others have to say on the subject; I will read everything written about it that I can get my hands on. When my hyperfixation was the Space Shuttles Columbia and Challenger, I was literally reading official government documents archived online because I was not going to be satisfied until I understood everything about how those shuttles got destroyed. I once read every single page for a game fandom's Wiki (100+ pages) solely to be sure I understood all of the lore info I had gathered.

When it comes to fiction, analyzing it is how I understand not only the media, but the characters. I do it for all media I enjoy, not just for BG3/Halsin; I once wrote a 2000 word essay analyzing a certain character arc from one of my favorite Broadway musicals, and before I found BG3/Halsin and started making these posts, there were many, many other characters I did it with in other fandoms, ranging from characters from games I was so terrible at that I downloaded them on an emulator to use cheat codes, to characters in animated series that had no more than 20 spoken lines in the series who I would hunt down in the background of EVERY frame they were in. I don't do the "make an essay" stuff to be pretentious or because I "have no life" or whatever. It's because working through these thoughts are genuinely my framework for relating to what I enjoy.

Some people draw. Some people write stories (And I do do this, sometimes). Some people write poetry or songs. I analyze things. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes on paper (/a computer screen).

You don't have to like it, or understand it, but it would be really nice if people (you know who you are) would stop making fun of me for how I as an autistic person choose to understand the world around me. I have mentioned that I am autistic and this is my special interest more than enough times- this is starting to feel less like you just not getting it and more like you're deliberately doing that thing where you bully an autistic person for autistic behaviors, and then deny you are bullying people for being autistic because "we're actually doing it because you're a weirdo" when the traits you're labeling as weirdo traits ARE TRAITS AUTISTIC PEOPLE HAVE.

Please just let me enjoy my special interests in peace. Thank you.

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davenweenie · 11 months

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All the Rats are neurodivergent because I said so. Here as some headcanons that might as well be canon

ND Rats for the win

Leo and Chase are both so autistic, they bond over their nerdy little hyperfixations and it drives Mr Davenport up the walls from the constant chattering of the two

Bree has ADHD that went under the radar for years, it isn’t until they all start going to school and she starts complaining about struggling to focus when Chase tells her that she definitely has ADHD.

Chase has literally diagnosed all the rats with things, he’s the smartest person alive so of course he’ll be able to diagnose people with things. I believe me and Aster came up with this hc but I’m not entirely certain who it was now.

Adam is the classic example of male ADHD, it was caught at a very early age. Davenport always uses it to excuse Adam’s behaviours towards Chase. Adam is always confused about that though because ‘no, I actually meant to punch him, it wasn’t an accident’

Leo is actually AuDHD (unofficial term for a person who is both autistic and has ADHD) which means he never stops running his mouth. Chase grows to appreciate the silences being filled in the lab for once.

Bree never stops moving, often times she’s super speeding whatever stim she’s doing at that time. As a kid she would super jump over and over again until she was physically stopped because the dust she was kicking up would make Chase get itchy and sneezy.

Chase doesn’t stim openly because Mr Davenport once told him he looked like an idiot. (He didn’t actually say idiot, the word actually begins with an R and it’s a slur I refuse to say even though I’m autistic)

Adam really struggles at school, Chase used to make fun of him until he realised that Adam was genuinely really struggling badly. He not tries to help him study and do his homework, sometimes he actually just does his homework if Adam is having a bad day.

Bree is constantly bullied for being the ‘weird’ girl, she tries to fit in by copying outfits she sees in magazines. Adam picks up on it, miraculously, and tells her that she looks really boring now.

Adam matches outfits with Bree to make her feel less self conscious. It helps a lot and Adam actually really likes matching outfits with his sister. Bree really enjoys it too. BRING BACK OUR WONDERFUL WEIRD GIRL BREE. I hate LREF for changing her entire weird girl personality.

Chase genuinely just can’t dress himself. His outfits always clash and he just can’t figure out how to pair things together. Tasha takes him shopping and matched all his outfits for him which helps him get an idea of what matches and what doesn’t. He really loves his new mum. (I cannot say ‘mom’ it genuinely pains me)

Leo introduces Chase to the concept of safe foods when Chase freaked out over the texture of some food in his lunch at school. Chase has so many non-perishable snacks in his locker for days that he’s struggling.

Leo also has so many snacks in his locker, Adam and Bree are always stealing food from both of them.

Chase had a huge meltdown at school when he got overstimulated by all the noise. They had been on a mission the night prior that involved a lot of loud noises from an explosion and school the next day just completely threw him over the edge. His siblings found him huddled in the corner of a janitors closet and that’s when they decided to force Mr Davenport to make Chase some bionic noise cancelling headphones.

Leo is the only person allowed into their capsules, he typically only goes in them if he’s feeling overstimulated because they’re soundproof and noise cancelling. He prefers Chase’s one over Adam and Bree’s because it doesn’t have a strong smell to it. Bree’s one always smells of perfume and Adam’s smells like sweaty teen boy mixed with Lynx body spray. (I recently found out that Lynx is called Axe in the US)

Chase loves physical affection which often gives him imposter syndrome because it makes him think he’s faking being autistic. It isn’t until Leo tells him that he’s the same way that Chase understands how diverse autism is. Of course he knows it’s a spectrum but sometimes he just gets all up in his head about it.

The Rats aren’t really friends with other people. They hang out with each other and don’t stray too far away. They got even more uncomfortable having other friends after the Marcus incident.

Marcus was the first person that didn’t call them weird after their first interaction. Chase was so upset when Marcus betrayed them because he thought someone finally wanted to be his friend. Plus the fact that Marcus nearly killed his brother.

Chase is easily manipulated because he’s autistic. He finds it hard to read people and know if they have ulterior motives.

Adam is very open about having ADHD, Bree mentions it in passing sometimes whereas Chase isn’t very open about being autistic. He was bullied heavily in high school for it and he isn’t prepared for the media to bully him too. At least at school he could escape it when he came home, he doesn’t think he could cope if it was all online 24/7.

Kaz is so excited to find out Chase is autistic, he then very excitedly tells Chase that Oliver is autistic too. Chase is enamoured at how someone is so happy that another person is autistic. It makes him feel really good about himself.

Chase and Kaz get on better than Bree would have expected considering Kaz has ADHD and is very loud. Chase appreciates having someone that understands his sensory issues because Kaz does get it. Kaz will be quiet if he notices Chase is having a hard time dealing with his super senses that day.

The reason Chase loves hanging out in all the labs is because they’re all underground and quiet. Of course there are still some noises that normal people wouldn’t hear but it’s much less than the ones above ground.

This has been very fun to write. Lmk if you want more and of course you can send in ideas or headcanons to discuss.

#lab rats #chase davenport #adam davenport #bree davenport #leo dooley #donald davenport #kaz mighty med #skylar storm #oliver mighty med #kaz lref #oliver lref #chase x kaz #lref #chaz lref #tasha davenport #tasha dooley #donald davenport hate page

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firstkanaphans · 7 days

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SMASH or PASS: GMMTV 2024, Part 2

Ossan’s Love: Based on the trailer we were given, PASS. However, I will watch this one regardless because it’s EarthMix and I have hope that the actual show will be a bit less cringe because P’Au is directing it and we know from MSP that he can do romantic comedy well. Unfortunately, I have not seen the original and this particular trailer made me never want to.

Leap Day: PASS. Not even an autistic-coded Gun Attaphan could save this one for me. But good for Pond! This is a huge role for him.

The Heart Killers: Obviously, SMASH. I know people are saying this feels like SandRay 2.0, but I’m getting more YokGaipa vibes and I am living for it. You can read my full review here, but I just want to go on record once again and say how grateful I am that FK got an adult show with an adult plot and a queer director.

Friendshit Forever: SMASH. It’s giving me Cruel Intention vibes and if they let Mook and Pat make out at least once, I’ll send them a fruit basket.

Perfect10 Liners: PASS. If I never hear the words “Engineer Cute Boy page” again, it will be too soon.

Us: SMASH. Both Bonnie AND Emi make my brain go brrr, so I can’t promise I’ll be able to produce any coherent content about it, but I will be eagerly watching.

Hide & Sis: SMASH. This looks amazing and I loved P.S. I Hate You, so I’m expecting great things. Plus, Lookjun and Pepper finally get to work together! I’m so happy for them.

Thame-Po: SMASH. I know nothing about LYKN, but I enjoyed the trailer and I think it’s a great way for GMMTV to market their musical artists. Don’t think it’s going to help with people IRL shipping Est and William, though.

Break-up Service: lol, PASS.

Revamp the Undead Story: I will watch it because it is Boun’s baby and I love him, but in general, vampire shows only interest me if they’re slutty and I’m not sure GMMTV is going to allow that. So…PASS?

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: Genuinely, I didn’t think there was anything that could make Mark Pakin unattractive to me, but they somehow managed it. That trailer was just weird. Ohm TPK is way too green to be leading a BL and I didn’t sense any chemistry between him and Mark. I hope the show's good for Mark’s sake, but my expectations are not high. PASS.

The Dark Dice: I think I might have to wait until the actual trailer for this one, but tentatively SMASH. The problem is that I’m not a huge fan of Prom or Prim, so I would be watching exclusively for Gemini.

The Ex-Morning: Y’all, I’m still drooling over Singto in that fucking trailer. I’m sorry, but he looks hot as fuck. I’d SMASH for him alone. This was by far my favorite plot of the night. I love me a good rom-com and since this one’s being written by P’Aof (and none of the characters are blind), I trust him.

Overall, I thought this was a much better line-up than Part 1 and I'm excited for what's coming!

EDIT: I forgot Scarlet Heart Thailand, which I guess makes my opinion obvious. It's a PASS. If I was a woman surrounded by that many men, I would run. That's a horror movie, not a love story. And even without knowing anything, I guarantee she's going to end up with Win. Because someone at GMMTV thinks he's hot or whatever.

#gmmtv 2024 #gmmtv 2024 part 2 #i'm begging them to rename some of these shows though #sweet tooth good dentist???

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punkeropercyjackson · 12 days

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Percy,Miles and Jason are very important to me as the 'los tres amigos' trope because it's exactly a dynamic that fits and benefits all three of them

Miles is a soft sunshine boy who's clearly trans and autistic and a troubled kid so Percy would date adopt him as her little brother within three days TOPS of knowing him like she does every other character like that she meets in canon and Jason and her are the perfect setup for her classic enemies to frenemies due to being forced to work together to ride or die best friends she had with Thalia,Clarisse,Zoe and more and Miles is so sweet but has the same mouth running she does and Jason shares it too but he's got the same mean attitude she does so it's a perfect balance and she's got nothing to do with Bruce because they met straight after Utrh as a metaphor for Jason letting Bruce go for people he actually needs and wants and she ends up being part kryptonian because of old Jackson interdimensional shenanigans so Clark's her new dad instead of Poseidon's deadbeat ass and she can actually enjoy the revelation after processing it because it's a Sally thing

Miles never gets included in crossovers despite his whole franchise being about interdimensional hoping and making platonic soulmates along the way and the most recent installment having him break canon word for word because he knows better and i think we all know WHY the DC fandom obsessively ignores him despite their famous motto and why him and Percy have zero content together despite all their parallels but as someone who's read everything Jason's in and watched and played most of his adaptions and games,i know for a fact he's the only male superhero Jason would instantly like and that Miles would be fond of him back and there's good angst and darker storylines potential with Jason not outright telling him what he does for a living and the leadup and aftermath to the reveal and Percy being willing to kill too from the start makes things all the more interesting and on a lighter note,they'd give him special treatment 24/7 and initially only stick to eachother for his sake and their influence makes him tougher and more self-confident and he gets a Blue Lantern ring and Apollo's Blessing out of pure awe at his sheer artistic talent and love for his craft

And Jason gets an actual legit canon team,something DC has NEVER given him the grace of and yeah that's a pun but fr his and Artemis' dynamic and her lore remixes are literally the only good thing to come out Rhato.Instead of the Roy and Kory fuckery,Jason gets Miles,who he genuinely likes as a person and loves hanging out with and he fumbles sometimes but is good older brother at the end of the day and Miles makes him be good again without even trying just like he does pretty much everybody he interacts with that's got some fucked up shit going on and Percy,who's allowed to be not just a female lead but a trans woman one and is on equal grounds with him because again,he actually likes who she is and loves spending time with her inspite of their bickering and Miles and Percy get powerUPS instead of powerDOWNED and are allowed to be just as their own as him instead of walking talking props that aren't even good for him,much less him them.Also,Spider Mutant Jason that ended up that way because of constant exposure to Miles' spiderperson dna + Lazarus Pit dna + Middle name is deadass 'Peter' and he learns how to make special greek mythos items for backup

It's such a random ass crossover on the surface but there's a reason it's and they're called The Anomalies!!!They're supposed to be weird,not fuckass sanatized fandom tropes,they're supposed to find home in eachother,they're supposed to be stories told in the form of characters and sick as fuck powers and layered jokes and wholesome cheesiness that feels genuine because it IS genuine on my part and everybody else i've gotten into it has the same feelings on them i do!!!!Call me Odysseus the way i care them so much🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾

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bonni · 3 months

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I have a huge interest in plurality (not just in maladaptive plurality/dissociative disorders but also in theories of the mind that examine the ways in which plurality is biologically and socially adaptive and affects all of us to varying degrees) and if I could ethically go into psychiatric research I would love to research the comorbidity of autism and plurality.

every person I have ever met with DID has been autistic, and I think this makes a lot of sense because autistic people tend to have a less stable/integrated sense of identity and a lot of autistic people without dissociative disorders seem to still display a higher level of what you might call "adaptive plurality," i.e. the ability to have a fluid personality and take on different societal roles when needed, which in an individualistic capitalist society unfortunately leads to a lot of insecurity and discomfort, but is actually biologically advantageous and contributes to the theory that having autistic individuals in a given population is an adaptation rather than a disability. there is a lot of writing out there about how plurality is genuinely a good thing until it becomes a maladaptive coping mechanism for intense and chronic early childhood trauma, and I think autistic people without dissociative disorders are emblematic of this. on the other hand, a lot of autistic children are victims of intense early childhood abuse, and when this happens I think it would make sense if DID is a more likely outcome than it may be for an allistic individual.

but there's no research on this. there's so little research on plurality in general and a lot of the research that exists is split between multiple arbitrary diagnostic categories. a lot of "borderline" people, for example, are actually plural, but they're misdiagnosed because their plurality is considered unappealing. and the existence of OSDD-1 confuses things even further because the difference between DID and "OSDD" is oftentimes negligible and up to the discretion of the doctor diagnosing you. coincidentally, a lot of plural people are antipsych!

but yeah like. I think this is an incredibly important and overlooked topic and I also think it's why autistic people who aren't plural still see themselves and their experiences reflected in the plural community so much. I certainly do, to the point that I thought I was plural for a long time, but in retrospect my childhood trauma was not early or chronic enough to result in dissociative plurality. so instead of continuing to claim experiences that aren't mine, I've taken a vested interest in studying plurality and in supporting and understanding the plural people in my life. I wish I could contribute to a new body of research that is important to me, but I'm not going to become a psychiatric researcher, I just can't. maybe medical journalism would be a better career path for me if this is something I want to pursue.

#chatter #plurality

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evilmagician430 · 6 months

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boyfriends but awesome (and instead of a webtoon its an independent webcomic)

design notes and 3ds flipnote concept art below the cut

general notes abt their designs and what the comic would be like in my head:

>they dont have names in this version cause i think that was one of the good things they did originally. i imagine they refer to eachother as "that one" "the other guy" etc like the dhmis guys when talking about eachother.

>they are not in a defined romantic relationship with eachother because i think thats more interesting, the polyamory aspect would be kept (im not polyamorous btw so im not gonna try to write an established polycule) but its more vague in that they all kind of have a thing for eachother but also hate eachother and want to rip eachothers guts out. and theyre all roommates and bffs. if you asked them what they were the answer you would get would be "friends who are boys". they are the height of male friendship, hate, love, etc.

>instead of focusing on sexualizing them in strange ways and doing boring moe shit it would lean into the comedy aspect BUT NO MEMES OR LATE 2010S SLANG !! this was something i could not fucking stand when reading the original (if you couldnt tell by now i did used to read boyfriends. it was a regrettable time and in redesigning and overhauling them i hope to make something good out of this wasted period of my life) like even when it was current boyfriends always made memes feel.. out of place. like as soon as they said it it wasnt cool anymore. it was the unfunniest shit ever

>i wanted the characters to look less WHITE and also more distinct from eachother and also less young cause in the original its like the same twink 3 times in different haircolors and their Chad. said chad is the best character only by way of not being annoying. so yeah i'll be more specific later but none of them are white and i gave them all different eye and nose shapes and distinct physical traits and bodies etc.

>mostly i just did this cause the "nerd" and "goth" ones piss me off so bad like thats not real. thats not a nerd thats just a nondescript waify femboy with glasses. thats not a goth, thats a tiktok eboy. and i felt bad for jock being trapped in this comic. and the prep one i feel nothing towards hes the most accurate to gay preps irl because they really are that annoying. but i tried to make him a little interesting atleast. anyways

nerd - black, brony, always aggressively corrects the others when they state an incorrect fact, really into playstation eyetoy and obscure playstation games. insanely autistic. usually pissed off if hes not indulging himself in something he likes (yaoi, games, ponies, figures, etc). i just wanted to overhaul him completely to make him almost nothing like refrainbow's nerd because nerd type characters are always the ones i tend to see myself in and are my favorites but reading the webtoon that guy just pissed me off fr.

jock - 2nd gen chinese american, one of the things i liked in the original actually was when they sexualized the jock (probably cause hes the only one who doesnt look 14 in that comic) and his big tits. hes a very genuinely kind guy, not the brightest, has a voracious appetite, he also still bakes cause thats cute i think.

prep - he looks different here because i was originally going to make him white but i decided to make him a light/medium skintone black guy (he just wears a blonde wig and contacts). when companies make their pride month merchandise and advertisements this is the exact person they imagine in their head who is going to buy these products. hes a million percent one of those swifties who thinks taylor swift is secretly a lesbian. trust fund kid btw obviously. his only redeeming quality is that hes good at makeup. jokes in the comic are usually made at his expense.

goth - 1st gen latino american, specifically peruvian because i am a self serving motherfucker. hes a really big numetal fan and listens to like 2000s evil wolf amv music in addition to legitimate gothic. his face changed a little too between this and the final design. his outfit completely changed but its only because i realized everyone else was dressed for relatively warm weather so it wouldnt make sense for him to be wearing multiple layers of black. if i do cold weather outfits for them id def reuse this look for him. hes still trans but i think all of them are in my version. also they dont use labels for their sexual/rom orientation. except prep hes homosexual gay.

congratulations for reaching the end of this incomprehensible bullshit 👍 hope someone enjoys this but idrc if its just for me either

#images that are horrid to see and look at #mspaint #boyfriends #boyfriends webtoon #boyfriends redesign #redesign #character design #boy-friendz #nerd guy #jock guy #prep guy #goth guy #boyfriends slander

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theroseredreaper · 1 year

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Let’s Talk About Love

Shall We Date?: Obey Me! One Master To Rule Them All!

Summary: Levi doesn’t understand why you keep choosing him over his brothers time and time again. He can’t offer you the same things that they would be able to offer you.

Word Count: 2174 ✯ AO3 Version

Characters: Aromantic! Asexual! Leviathan x Aromantic! Asexual! GN! Reader

Tags: Fluff, aroace reader x aroace character, discussions of aromanticism, discussions of queer platonic relationships, autistic-coded Levi

Jealousy was an emotion that Leviathan spent the whole of his existence being intimately familiar with. Such a thing is no surprise, really - he transformed into the Avatar of Envy after his fall from heaven, afterall. Envy was a black, ugly feeling that he lived with too closely anytime he didn't drown himself in his manga, anime, or games to escape from it.

Inferiority was another emotion he knew just as well, even if he experienced it less often, since he shut himself away in his room most everyday so that he wouldn't have to deal with the overwhelming weight of all he was lacking that came with inferiority. That and so he wouldn't have to deal with his social anxiety, too.

Inferiority was, unfortunately, something he was feeling way too much lately, ever since you have come to the Devildom and wormed your way into his family’s life. Watching his brothers all fawn over you around the breakfast table, the inferiority was especially oppressive today. Each of them had a different approach to you, but he knew that each one of them was in love with you.

Mammon was the most obvious about his being in love with you with how he constantly tried to get your attention and monopolize your time, even if he wasn’t entirely honest about his feelings. Satan was slightly more devious about it, covering up his shyness over outright saying his feelings by straight-forward actions, flirting with you and asking you out on dates. Belphegor was territorial and possessive of you, easily upset when your thoughts and time weren’t devoted to him, wanting to monopolize you in a way that was much less wholesome than how Mammon desired to monopolize your time.

Levi sincerely hopes that his younger brother was not a yandere, like the kinds he sometimes saw in his manga and anime. For your safety as well as the safety of the rest of them.

Asmodeus flirted with you just as he flirted with every person he found attractive, but Levi knows that Asmo’s love for you was genuine in that you were the only person allowed to see the true insecurities lying under the air-headed facade Asmo maintained. Lucifer desired you just as Asmo desired you, openly fond of you when he thought no one else was watching, being severely strict upon you to try and maintain the idea that he had no favoritism towards you when he thought people were watching. Beelzebub - well, Levi actually wasn’t sure that Beel experienced love or desire for anything that wasn’t food. But he did know that it definitely meant something that his younger brother willingly shared food with you and cooked for you.

As soon as Lucifer dismissed them from the breakfast table, Levi made a beeline for his room, itching to bury himself under a blanket to try and not thinking about the whirlwind of barbed thoughts running through his mind right now.

Leviathan himself, well...he is fairly sure that he does love you too, in some capacity. He knows for a fact that he cares for you deeply, that he’s fond of you, and that he finds himself wanting to share his special interests with you - but he’s also aware, somewhere in the back of his mind, that the way he feels about you is not the same way that his brothers feel about you. He’s painfully conscious of the fact that even when these tangle of emotions confuse him when he thinks on them too long that he’s not, not in love with you. At least, not like how Satan and Mammon are in love with you. And he doesn’t desire you either, not the way that Lucifer and Asmodeus desire you.

The inferiority that overcomes him whenever he acknowledges these thoughts, these feelings, that he can’t offer to you what his brothers can, yet selfishly desiring to spend every waking moment he could just enjoying your company...it makes him want to just curl up under his blankets, blocking out all the lights of his room, their lights brighter than usual in his heightened emotional distress, blocking out all the buzzing of his electronics with his headphones, just blocking out the world entirely, trying to block out his mind at the same time.

Why - despite his brothers constantly vying for your time, attention, and affections - do you continue to keep choosing him out of all them to spend all your time with?

“Levi? Are you in there?” you called from outside his bedroom door with a knock, “I wanted to watch the new TSL DVD with you, if you were still up for that?”

Levi groggily unfurled himself from his blanket nest, squinting at the brightness of his phone, faintly surprised that he had basically let himself pass the whole day away hiding under his blankets.

“I can go if you aren’t feeling well…”

Rubbing at his eyes, Levi pulled himself out of his tub-bed with a grimace, striding over and opening the door for you, before turning back and disappearing back into his room so he wouldn’t have to deal with the brightness of the hall lights, “I’ll set up the movie once I find it. You can set up the pillows.”

Entering his room, you were caught over by the big nest of blankets all heaped in the tub-bed already, and looking over at Leviathan, you could see his tail sticking out from the one blanket that was still wrapped about him like a hood, his tail flicking up and down rapidly. Levi was obviously really upset about something.

Pursing your lips, contemplating if you should just straight up give him a hug, or ask him what was wrong first, then give him the hug, you picked out the pillows that you know were Levi’s favorites and arranged the tub-bed to be as comfy as possible. Nodding in satisfaction, you turned to see Levi still rummaging through his stack of DVDs, head drooped and tail still flicking with irritation. He seemed as though he was lost in thought.

“Levi? Are you okay?”

He startled, dropping the DVDs he was holding and tipping over the whole stack. Feeling positively horrible that you startled him like that, you quickly rushed over to help him pick up the fallen DVDs.

“I’m fine, I’m just really tired,” he mumbled as he avoided eye-contact, picking up DVD after DVD quickly.

You sighed softly, gently putting a hand on his arm and stopping him, “You’re in your demon form, Levi. You morph into your demon form whenever you’re upset. ...can I give you a hug?”

He hesitated for a moment before he nodded, putting aside the DVDs onto his desk. You wrapped him up in a huge hug, patting his back gently, and Levi found himself relaxing into your tender embrace, resting his cheek against your head, exhaling long and slow. He already felt loads better.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, it’s...it’s fine. It’s...silly. I don’t want to bother you with - “

You squeezed him gently, tightening your arms around him, “Levi. You are never a bother to me. And your feelings are never, ever ‘silly.’ Okay? Your feelings are important, just like how you’re important. Okay? Now, talk to me, Levi. What’s wrong? Why’re you upset?”

Levi trembled at the utter anxiety clogging his throat up at just the mere thought of trying to express what he was feeling out loud, hiding his face in your hair as he held you close, “It’s..it’s, um…”

“You can take all the time you need,” you quietly encouraged him, rubbing a comforting hand up and down his back.

Shakily taking a breath, he tried again, “I, um...All my brothers...they’re in love with you. But I...I don’t love you. Ah, but that’s - ! That’s not - ! It’s, that’s, what I meant, is that, I don’t...I don’t love you the same way they do. I...I can't give you the same kind of love they would, so I don’t - I don’t understand why you...why keep choosing to spend all your time with...with someone like me…”

You stood quietly, letting his words wash over you as you processed what he was telling you. Pulling away from the hug with careful movements, you looked up at Levi to see he had his eyes anxiously squeezed shut, likely afraid of what your reaction would be to his words.

“Levi, look at me. Please,” you asked him, keeping your voice hushed, knowing how he became hyper sensitive when his emotions were high strung.

He hesitantly opened his eyes, looking down at you, heart near stopping at how you were looking at him with such...utter understanding.

You took his hands and sat him down in the nest of pillows and blankets you had set up in his tub-bed, plopping down next him.

“I keep choosing you to spend all my time with because I like you, Levi.”

Levi sat straight up, struggling against sinking into all the pillows, “But - !”

“I’m not interest in what your brothers have to offer me, either.”

“But I - “

You turned to look up at him, avoiding eye contact so that you wouldn’t make him uncomfortable with how distraught he already was, “I don’t return any of their feelings. And I don’t expect you to feel any differently for me than you already do. Have you aromanticism, Levi?”

He blinked, caught off guard by the question Levi shook his head.

“Aromanticism is when a person very rarely, or never, feels romantic attraction.”

Levi gaped at you, “That’s - that’s a real thing?!”

“It is,” you nodded, smiling fondly at him, “There’s an entire spectrum, for all the different ways a person experiences aromanticism.”

Levi slumped back into the pillows and blankets, sinking into them as he stared at the ceiling in wonderment, mulling over what you had just told him. He sat up suddenly, struggling to not sit back into the bed again,

“Wait! Are you aromantic?”

You nodded, smiling at him all the same, “Yeah. I am. I’m asexual too. Asexuality means that you rarely or never feel sexual attraction. There’s a whole spectrum to how people experience asexuality too.”

Leviathan stared at you, utterly wowed, trying to figure out how to say what he was feeling, inhaling sharply, “I - I think I might be aromantic and, and asexual…”

You grinned as you pulled him into another big hug and he returned the hug, and Levi found himself grinning too as he returned the hug, his tail rapidly thumping against the pillows all around the both of you, but this time it was because he was excited to learn this new thing you just told him about.

“...there’s nothing wrong with me,” Leviathan murmured, finally allowing himself to sink back into the pillows and blankets and stay there.

“There was nothing wrong with you to begin with,” you agree, sinking into the pillows and blankets beside him, feeling comfortable and safe in his arms.

“...but you know, I...I feel really deeply for you, but I do know that I don’t want to like, be your boyfriend or anything, but I, I do want to spend like - agh, I’m not making any sense, am I…?” he huffed, hiding his face into the pillows, frustrated with himself.

“No, I get it,” you reassured him, poking at him to try and get him to stop hiding, “Do you know what a queer platonic relationship is?”

Levi peeked up at you, face adorably scrunched up in confusion, “Huh? A what?”

“I’m guessing not,” you giggled, cuddling up close, “Let’s see...a QPR is something more intense than friendship, but isn’t exactly romantic. The lines between platonic feelings and romantic feelings can be blurred and it can be hard for both people involved to really understand how they feel about each other fully. They can include friendships and ambiguously-romantic relationships that go beyond friendship norms in emotional intensity, physical affection, or other areas. Some QPR partners get married. A QPR can look different for everyone, depending on what the people involved are comfortable with and how they feel for each other.”

Levi mouthed out a “wow,” thinking this over, “So what I feel…”

You squished his cheeks together playfully, giggling, “I understand what you feel entirely. In fact, I feel the same. You just learned a lot in a few minutes, but...I really like you, Levi. Would you want to be my queer platonic partner?”

He gaped at you, before laughing excitedly, nodding and pulling you into an even tighter hug, positively delighted. You returned the hug just as happily, resting your head on his shoulder. The two of you pulled back to smile at each other, the world feeling perfectly in balance at this new decision that the two of you made together.

That evening, the two of you thoroughly enjoyed the new TSL DVD together, cuddling under the light of the movie that played on Levi’s large flat screen television.

Likes and reblogs are loved and appreciated!

#obey me leviathan x reader #obey me levi x reader #obey me fanfic #obey me fanfiction #aroace reader #asexual reader #aromantic reader #obey me x reader #fanfic #fanfiction

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astridellejo · 13 days

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Wrestling With the Greased Pig of Speech/Voice Loss Terminology

Okay. So here's my understanding of the terminology:

Selective Mutism (Situational Mutism) This one seems to stem mostly from anxiety (maybe a little autism too). I don't experience that degree of anxiety often, but it has happened on rare occasions. Personally, I hate this term. It implies that not speaking is a conscious choice. I think situational is a more accurate word. "There are some situations in which my anxiety causes me to be unable to speak. This can be short term or long term. But it is by no means a deliberate, conscious decision on my part. It's more like my brain gets hyper-stimulated or something and just forgets how to make mouth noises."

Nonverbal This term appears to be specifically autism related mutism. I'm ADHD, not autistic, so I don't use this term for myself. And not being autistic, I can't really offer more information on the term.

Nonspeaking I guess this is an alternative to nonverbal that is less autism-specific. I guess. I don't actually know for sure. I'm not really sold on it, though, because kind of like "selective" mutism it kind of implies that a person can speak, but for whatever reason, chooses not to. Don't talk if you don't wanna talk. But I suppose people who are physically unable to talk might take umbrage with your conscious decision not to talk. I'm cool with it, though.

Dysphonia/Aphonia One means "messed up voice" and the other means "no voice at all". Aphonia is a neat word. Right up there with anhedonia. (Ahh, Greek!) I use the term spasmodic dysphonia because that's the official diagnosis I got from the ENT doctor. Apparently there's a more recent term laryngeal dystonia that seems to be preferred, but it doesn't seem to be taking root. So for now, I still have abductor spasmodic dysphonia that has rendered me aphonic. Whee!

Mute This word exists. I'm not sure if I like it, though. I don't have a good reason why I don't really vibe with it. Maybe it's because muting is something we can do to our television or computer or Zoom meeting, implying that it's reversible and temporary. Or maybe it's because in my ASL studies I've learned a little bit about deaf history and the connotations the word mute has.

There are other situations that can lead to loss of speech, like throat trauma, muscle tension dysphonia, aphasia, and probably a bunch more that I haven't even learned about yet.

Anyway, I don't know. I'm still sorting through my thoughts on the whole experience of the last seven months slowly losing my ability to speak with a functional voice. It's weird no longer being able to do a thing that I did effortlessly for over 40 years. I'm handling it reasonably well, I think. I do miss being able to sing and hum to my favorite music, though. That right there I would consider a genuine loss that I'm feeling.

#spasmodic dysphonia #mutism #mute #nonverbal #semiverbal #nonspeaking #speech loss #voice loss #selective mutism #situational mutism #dysphonia #aphonia #disability

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the1975attheirverybest · 3 months

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited, but I’m getting a bit nervous about going to see The 1975. I’m a pretty new fan, as I only started to listen to them last January. I’m worried about being judged for not knowing the lyrics to all of the songs, cos I do struggle with learning lyrics, and I’ve seen so many TikTok’s slagging off “fake fans” who don’t know the words. I’m also worried about being judged for not being a fan of certain songs that others go crazy for. (I’m not a big fan of People, for example. It’s okay, but I tend to skip it as it’s not really my vibe).

I know it seems stupid that a woman in her 30’s is genuinely anxious about this, but I’m also Autistic, so I struggle with shit like this. It’s gonna be a big thing for me, as this is the first gig I’ll have gone to completely on my own.

Any advice?

oh my goodness I’m so excited for youuuu. 💗💗💗

babe, first off, let me apologize on behalf of the entire fandom. Old fans and new fans. For making your experience anything less than perfect. Fandom politics are fuckin insane and we need to just stop with that shit. I’m not sure if any of this counts as helpful advice but I think, while it is okay for some songs to gain iconic status, generally speaking, everyone related to and experiences music differently. Like, I think Robbers, Somebody Else, About You, etc will always be special songs no matter what because they’ve come to symbolize huge milestone moments in the boys career. But other than that it’s not fair for anyone to decide that if you don’t like a certain song then that makes you less of a fan because we all engage with the art that we like differently and for different reasons. Our subjective tastes are informed by our personalities and experiences and things we enjoy. How boring would it be if everyone liked the exact same stuff and expressed their enthusiasm of it in the exact same way all the fuckin time????

Plus, this is not Harry Styles or Taylor Swift or whatever. The boys make the kinds of music that they do because they know there’s not one right way to be a fan. They’re fans of a bunch of different stuff. What was it that the ad that mads received after her show described them as? 😂 @toomuchracket was it “genre-hopping”?? Lmao. They’re genre hopping!!! So if you don’t like People then you’ll POTB or LIIWMI or Playing On My Mind or Sex or Fallingforyou. Because the boys themselves love emo and punk but they also love country and pop and house music and 70s rock and soul etc etc etc. the idea that you must like certain things to be a fan is dumb and counterproductive. And if I could line these people up against a wall to smack them one by one I would. Cuz all that does is make the fandom toxic and makes newer fans uncomfortable.

actually I highly recommend songs you don’t necessarily like. Before my show, I was okay with Heart Out but it wasn’t like my favorite thing ever. It’s not like the first thing that pops into my head when I think of the 1975 and their artistry. But then they played it at my show and OH. MY. GOD. I am a changed woman now. The drums!!!! George made the floor underneath my feet vibrate. I felt it in the ground first then it went up to MY FUCKIN RIBCAGE. And the guitar??!! Jesus fuckin Christ. I mean I’m sure it’s just that they tune it differently for live shows but it sounded so much fuller and multi dimensional and stronger. Blew my mind. Now I LOVE heart out. Hahaha.

I also just think we need to be better at approaching newer fans because if nothing else they’re proof that the band is still connecting with more and more people and reaching places it hasn’t before and more people joining the fandom means they’re successful!! there’s only one wrong way to be a fan and that’s to disrespect their boundaries like fuckin morons on TikTok and Twitter stalking Matty’s hotel and his house. Or talking about house ATVB used to be fun when he used to be problematic even though that obviously hurt him mentally and emotionally and affected his career. Or like acting as if the 1975 is just matty. That’s the wrong way to be a fan. Other than that you’re literally doing what music was meant for and enjoying what you like nobody has any right to judge you for it and if they wanna be asshole they can get fucked. IM SO SO EXCITED FOR YOU. YOURE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!! The fans are generally kind and sweet for the most part I made so many new friends in the queue and in the pit I promise it’s gonna be amazing. please come back and tell me how it all went 💖💖

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