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tea-reads · 8 months

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Dreams of Love

Pairing: Violinist!Ezra x Pianist F!reader

Summary: Ezra, the favoured violin student who rarely performed solo, happens to hear a familiar song being played in the college's auditorium. He decides to pop in to hear more and to discover it was you, the solo piano student, practicing it.

Word count: 2.4K+

Tags/Warnings: College AU; hurt/comfort; fluff; yearning; pining; self-isolating and lonliness themes; mention of exes and bad friends; self-doubt and lack of confidence; one suggestive thought of Ezra's hands on reader's neck

A/N: Congratulations @pedrostories for 1K followers! Thank you for tagging me about your 1K celebration post recently. It helped give me a little boost to write again, as I've been wanting to for a while, but life gets in the way. Here's my submission. I'm so sorry for being a day over the deadline! I keep trying to write but things keep popping up! I'm real nervous sharing this since it's been a long time and I feel so frazzled. I honestly feel like I could've written this one better. Hope it's okay :')

The auditorium holds no guests except for a pianist who walks on the stage, towards the grand piano. The class’s end of year student showcase was coming up in a few months, and your days were filled with nothing but solitude in practicing, studying and having lunch alone. It's not like you had any company throughout your college years anyways.

Your teacher gave you and your classmates plenty of time to organise yourselves to form your groups and decide on what piece you were to play for the showcase and as your final assessment. You knew what you were going to do, because like how you’ve spent nearly every day of your college life, you opted for solo.

You preferred it this way. It helped you to focus and stay out of any drama that could come up if you were to mix with the wrong crowd. Although, for all the friend groups - big or small - and the couples that had their place on campus, jealousy slowly bubbled within you, and followed closely by longing. Longing for someone to keep you company and because they genuinely liked being around you, and not for what you could offer.

Not after how your ex or your old “friends” treated you…

You shake your head to get rid the emerging pain from the past and brought your attention back to the piano. You start warming up with various scales and exercises before digging into the classical piece you chose for your final performance and assessment.

Whilst playing the heart of Liebestruame No. 3, a creak from the entrance door echoes throughout the room. You immediately stop and turn your head towards whoever it was that dared to enter whilst you were practicing.

Your heart drops when it’s Ezra standing there, holding his violin case casually yet professional, with that crooked smile of his, looking up at you whilst you look down at him from the stage. He softly says your name, a mix of surprise, awe and maybe a bit of happiness to see it was you playing the piano that it makes your heart flutter.

“I couldn’t help but see who it was playing Liszt’s piece. A masterpiece from the romantic era, if you will.”

He was a final year music student, just like you, and everyone else in your cohort seemed to consider him as the best, due to some bias of him being handsome, being so damn well spoken, and just knowing how to present himself. ‘Not sure why the teachers or the other students think he’s a prodigy. Anyone could do what he does…’ you frown at him as you thought of this.

You were grateful he played the violin anyways because if he also played the piano, you would have left on a whim the moment he entered.

Maybe what annoyed you most is how handsome he is. Or that you find that blonde tuff of hair on him cute. You wanted to get close to him, but he was so damn untouchable. Or maybe that he always seemed to he around someone or in a group.

Not only did the spotlight seem to always shine on him - literally and metaphorically - it meant that your eyes were always drawn to him, whether he enters the room or also takes the stage. He never played solo, and it infuriated you how you paid attention to him when he never plays to outshine your classmates. Now that you think of it, you weren’t sure what he was going to do for his final performance. Surely, he was already part of a group or something since most of your classmates excitedly discussed what they could perform with him the day the teacher announced the event.

“Is that the one you will be performing? I hope it is because you will do perfect; you play beautifully.” Ezra adds, praising you like he would with anyone else. You remind yourself that his compliments meant nothing more other than him just complimenting you. But it didn’t stop you from getting flustered though.

“It’s not a big deal…” You mumbled, looking down at the piano keys, but Ezra only laughs softly and gently disregards the thought:

“Actually, it’s a big deal. Mind if I volunteer to be your audience?”

‘No. Go away.’ the thought bubbled whilst your face twisted into a look of horror. Ezra immediately made note that maybe he was invading your privacy and your allocated time for practice.

“Apologies, apologies,” Ezra laughs sincerely, “I best be on my way.” He steps back out of the door, but you called out to him.

“N-no, you can watch… just.. I don’t know - don’t look at me.” You said without thinking.

Ezra pauses, and slowly, the gentle, kind smile of his appears once again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You stare at the black and white keys, your hands in position, yet never pressing. Your fingertips start to form thin layer of sweat and starts to tingle into a numbness. It was as though you lost all of your ability to play.

Ezra sits right in the centre. The spotlight is on him again. It made all of your your focus redirected to him. Even if he sits far away, it still feels like he is right beside you, looming over you.

“What’s wrong?” Ezra’s concerned tone fills the auditorium, easing off the pressure you’re putting on yourself.

Sighing, you turn to him.

“Honestly, I’m too nervous.” You muttered, embarrassed of how shy you’ve become. You turn to look at him and oh how you wanted to roll up your music sheets and use it to smack that smug look off his face.

“Because of the eventual performance, or because of my presence?” Ezra asks as if teasing you.

Your face heats up as you frown at him, pursing your lips to stop a quick insult from escaping.

“Because of the performance! I’m nervous of the performance!” You snap, flustered.

“Really?” Ezra asks, knowing it was a lie. He pretended to express curiosity in his eyes. “Just not long ago, I was certain I heard a confident pianist whilst outside in the corridors, as though it was Liszt himself.”

Your face heats up as you try so hard to refrain yourself from falling into the trap of his charm.

“Shut up and just... go away!” You huff, helpless and embarrassed.

Ezra laughs softly then gets up from his seat and makes his way towards the stage with his violin case. A flash of anger spreads across your face. “What are you doing!?” You ask hastily as Ezra sets his violin case on the wooden floor of the stage.

“I too would be nervous if I were to perform a piece that is both romantic and like a love letter.” Ezra said, not answering you question, as he takes out his violin and bow. "It's like you're confessing, isn't it?" He smiles knowingly, but you convince yourself that he's saying that in general. You grow more and more nervous as he comes around to the side of the stage, walking up the stairs to join you. He keeps the same soft smile, one that tells you that he's not going to bite, and he positions himself on the stage.

As soon as he gently places the bow on the strings of the violin, you then look at his hands.

…His hands…

How does a violinist’s hands compare to a pianist's?

You thought about how his hands would also have gone through many hours and years practicing and mastering the violin. How Ezra would have had to learn how to adjust and adapt his fingers whilst thew grew and be able to play the softest of notes and never snapping any strings. How strong and sturdy they would be as well as pressed marks of the strings would be imprinted on the tip of his fingers.

Or how they would slide up and down along the strings of the neck of the violin with a gentle grip.

…

How would they feel on the skin of your neck?

Ezra glances back at you and catches you staring - but he will never catch the unwanted thoughts you were having of him just then. You blink at him and grew flustered once again.

“Shall we?” He asks politely, smirking as he winked.

“Y-you’re just going to play along with me? Duet?” You ask, stammering as you try to mentally rid of the unwanted thoughts and collect yourself.

“Yes. I’ve been practicing this one for a while, and I suppose I am curious to hear how it will sound if I were to play with a pianist.” Ezra says matter-of-factly, offering an encouraging smile. But you only grow more flustered that he wanted to play it with you. It just had to be you. There were other pianists from your cohort. Why you?

“Now… are you ready?” Ezra asks, eagerly. You supress saying another word that will delay in beginning yours and Ezra’s little duet, and position your hands on the keys once more. You take a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

“Yes. I’m ready…”

And you start to play.

The moment Ezra enters the piece hitting his first note, there was an immediate connection shared between the two of you. The sound of the violin accompanying the piano felt as though it opened a door that freed the pain of loneliness you buried yet carried within you.

As you close your eyes and let your fingers flow with the keys of the piano that you have practice thousands of times, the strings of the violin continued to guide you, putting your heart at ease. You felt like you were soaring. You felt that moments like this reminds you why it is worth opening yourself up again to the person who would keep it warm and protected.

Or maybe that was the effect of the song itself. It's supposed to be dream-like.

Ezra glances at you whilst he plays the violin, smiling to himself as he sees how much you are enjoying yourself for once.

Maybe that’s why Ezra is favoured to be part of a duet, trio, quartet or whatever number of instrumentalists are needed to be in an orchestra… He knew how to adjust himself to one’s rhythm and tempo and make it all sounds beautiful… He was the one to bring it all together, as if he was the one orchestrating, but he was the one people sought for and relied on him to lead them. You saw him how amazing he is at improvising too during one class…

Maybe it was all because he was an intuitive soul and knows how to use his head and his heart to create and express what he wants with his hands.

The final note rings throughout the auditorium. You look at Ezra and finally ask, “So why me? There are others in our class who can play the piano, Ezra, and they’re obviously better than I am. You could even perform this one for your assessment with them… you know I only do solo…” The way you murmured the last line sounded as if there was a weight pushing you down, and it was one you no longer want to carry anymore.

Ezra looks at you as kept looking down at the piano and fidget with your fingers.

“It’s rather simple,” Ezra begins, “I walked by and heard someone playing this song. It was the sign I needed to bring forth what I held close to mind.” Ezra’s smile reached his eyes, his enthusiasm beaming at your disbelieving eyes that rolled.

“Besides… I like the music you perform most, and I think I know what I’d like to do for my final performance.” Ezra laughs quietly. “I’ve been wanting to accompany you for a while, and this must be the perfect time.” You weren’t sure if he was subtly confessing to you about his feelings, but you were busy feeling sick by the fact he actually pays attention to you when you share your work during class.

It felt… wrong. Like you don’t deserve it and that it should be someone else.

Ezra picks up the look of doubt and speaks again, using the same kind and gentle tone.

“Whether you like it or not, you have a gift. Anybody who takes a seat in this room -” Ezra gestures towards the empty seats, “or happens to witness or step into your presence, they are going to be blessed by what you bring with your talent.”

Ezra pauses, letting his words sit with you before he continues.

“There’s a reason why you chose to play this one, isn’t there? There’s always been a reason why you pick the songs you play, correct?” Ezra’s question hangs in the air for a few seconds, the kindness and the knowing tone encourages you to answer.

“…Because… it’s what I feel… It’s easy to play music that resonates with me, rather than showing off the technicalities and the intricacies of ‘difficult’ pieces… I’d rather score high in taking the courage to show my heart than just perfectly executing technique from the composer… it’s…” You sigh, holding back the truth that love was all you wanted, and Liszt’s song was best at expressing your desire to be seen after all you have been through.

“I just want to enjoy myself for once and express how I really feel and be seen for it… because anyone could replicate what Liszt wrote on the sheet, but nobody could replicate what he felt when he played...” you trailed off, not wanting to share more of your demise.

Ezra looks at you, pondering at your words for a few minutes.

“Well,” he says softly, “I see you. I hear you.”

Your heart stutters as you look at him, eyes wide in shock. Ezra smiles at you, tilting his head to the side as he looks at you affectionately.

“I see you.” He says once more, hoping it reaches you like how your performances reached him.

“Oh…” is all you could say, causing Ezra to chuckle. He then starts to walk towards the edge of the stage.

“I should also expand that you are the gift as well. Do not sell yourself short. It’s about time people start seeing you for who you are, and that you are valuable always.” Ezra says your eyes follow him as he hops off the stage and packs up his violin and bow.

Before he leaves the auditorium, he glances at his watch and looks back at you, “care for a coffee?”

Normally, you would decline, but maybe just this once it wouldn’t hurt to say yes. It’s not like he’s asking you out on a date.

And so you agree.

“Hopefully we’re not too late to make arrangements to become a duet as well.” Ezra grins.

Indeed, it wasn’t too late.

#pedrostories1k #ezra prospect x reader #ezra prospect x f!reader

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regrrex · 3 years

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allow me to preface this little post by saying that I will write a proper meta about the Edelgard vs. Doro’s Opera thing one day because there is a LOT to unpack here but in the spirit of my last ask reply I figured I might as well lay the groundwork. Allow me thus to... ramble a little.

Edelgard not wanting to hear anything about Dorothea’s Opera is a matter that pops up in their support chain & in their paired ending as well. Given how much emphasis is put on it & the fact that Edelgard did not allow Doro to stage her opera until deep into the post war era has various reasons, one of which I want to touch on in this little post (the rest will be explained in aforementioned, proper meta).

As minuscule as the whole Opera thing seems to be, it reveals a lot about Edelgard’s self-perception; she cannot, for the life of her, see herself or what she did as a truly good or pure thing even when she succeeds / manages to abolish the church, crest & nobility system. Until she abdicates, Edelgard is convinced that her achievements should not be praised; to El, what she did (read: the war & killing Rhea + Thales) was necessary, yes & she would do it time & time again as often as she has to because in the end, she paved the way for something glorious & great. That is the thing; SHE “ONLY” PAVED THE WAY. Edelgard never did anything she did for glory or because she wanted to go down in history as a revolutionary leader. No, she did all of this because she considered it her job, an obligation, almost. After all, she survived whereas all of her siblings died & that survival obviously was supposed to mean something; in fact, we see the exact same mindset represented by another character. Like Lysithea, Edelgard suffers from intense survivor’s guilt, like Lysithea she dedicated her life to something meaningful with no regard to how people or history would come to perceive her in the long run because... it simply did not matter to either (another future meta topic).

Even in Azure Moon & Silver Snow, where Edelgard fails her actions still lead to some form of gradual change; arguably not as “good” or definite as she wanted but she alters Fodlan’s structure nonetheless. && in a way, that is why Edelgard is content upon dying in either of those routes because at least she did “something” & did not waste her existence (which is also why she a) asks for execution in Silver Snow or b) provokes execution in Azure Moon; I will meta about this eventually). Her initial survival meant something. It achieved something. It is honestly tragic, really.

With that out of the way; to this end, because she knew she would potentially die / go down in history as a tyrant, Edelgard demonized herself. She painted herself as a villain from the moment she was coerced to masquerade as the Flame Emperor & never considered herself anything but. Her isolation & behavior in White Clouds is an example of her self-obloquy; she does not once consider that anyone would ever willingly side with someone as heinous as her & she has made her peace with it, too; she probably wrote farewell letters to her classmates & practiced parting speeches. In fact, Edelgard was visibly reserved, cold & aloof until she suddenly wasn’t anymore. Until she realized that suddenly people begun to care, begun to reach out their hands with two of the most striking being Dorothea & Byleth. She is visibly baffled by acts of kindness or genuine declarations of care & friendship because she never considered herself deserving or worthy of such.

“EDGE OF DAWN” (alt. Girl of Hresvelg) is LITERALLY a song about her realizing how much she loves living in Garreg Mach among those she learns to cherish & care for, while also knowing that all of this will collapse the second she reveals what she has done so far & what more she is about to do because who in their right mind would follow her into this hell?

Now, imagine having spent half your life demonizing yourself to such a massive degree, deliberately reminding yourself time & time again of every heinous thing you are doing / what you are about to do, knowing far too well how much death / destruction you will bring & that you will literally plunge an entire continent with hundreds of people into chaos. Imagine being more than self-aware of all the horrors you will inflict upon the very people you want to protect so desperately because there is no other way around this whole thing (the war cannot be averted, Thales has already told you that much; why, you have literally been “created” to wage war on your abuser’s behalf).

Now imagine someone approaching you during the timeskip & being like "hey I wanna glorify your harrowing & horrendous story of violence & bloodshed in a heroic, war/ all-romanticizing opera".

As much as she loves Dorothea, Edelgard is 100% self-aware of what she has done & feels guilt because of it; she did what she did so whoever comes after her does not have to & she will never consider herself a hero in any shape or form; it is why Dorothea’s opera causes her so much distress & why it will take her a long, long time to eventually accept it / see it in person.

#.character: edelgard #status: unpublished

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burningthegallows · 2 years

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Sometimes, when I think too long about muggles in the hp universe, I trick myself into thinking that jk* was cleverer that expected.

There is something inherently … intentional about the fact that the only muggle characters in the books are the dursleys. And they suck. They extra suck, even for muggles, we know this— but Harry doesn’t. And yet, Harry never turns to bitterness. He never turns his anger towards the people that locked him in a closet, never thinks of wizards as superior (never overtly, at least)

It’s pretty disturbing actually, how skillfully jk* has othered muggleness, to the point of Hermione. Hermione is emphatically NOT a muggle, but why not? Poor kid can’t ever go home again. Even her parents’ storyline reinforces that.

There is something bewilderingly real about a group of bigots hating people just like themselves for arbitrary reasons. And then figuring out ways to be extra awful to the people that bridge the groups. (Especially when squibs exist.)

This is what real prejudice looks like — irrational, insecure, and cowardly.

And the fact that there are no other muggle characters in the books (beyond Hermione’s parents, I think, there are no other muggles that have lines and meaningful roles— correct me if I’m wrong) means that not only does 1) jk* never have to provide any arguments or justifications for the prejudices (beyond that one excerpt from a history text about wendlyn the weird) BUT ALSO 2) that there is no hope for defeating prejudice — because that’s impossible without diverse voices at the table. (I’m side-eyeing mr. Weasley hard here; the bills are labeled, sir, don’t be fucking weird about it).

But did jk* do it on purpose as commentary? Or is it just an accident of her creating a world where the main drama is driven by a fucking hitler wannabe and then asking 11 year olds to handle it.

Was it a criticism of white supremacy or simply a criticism of the extremists it can produce?

At the end of the day, this is the main reason I dislike the hp series today (I will live and die in fanfic).

Jk*’s epilogue showed us that her number 1 concern is maintaining the status quo—Harry’s kids are still getting on the same quaint train (for a completely unnecessary 6+ hour journey); Harry’s still perpetuating the hetero agenda, as are all his friends and former classmates (it’s the fact that this is the ONLY thing we know about their future selves that is so disturbing, not to mention that it alllllllllllways feels creepy to end childrens books telling children the point of life is to pop out more kids. Your targeted demographic DOES NOT NEED FAMILY PLANNING ADVICE FROM THE RICHEST WOMAN IN THE GD WORLD. PICK A BETTER MESSAGE ASSHOLE.) the kids still get sorted into isolating and polarizing houses (god, just look at fb algorithm to see how bad of an idea THAT is); etc etc….

Anyway. This is fucked up because it’s the status quo that had the war repeating itself. Grindewald and hitler; Voldemort and _____ (I never actually knew who voldie’s muggle counterpart was supposed to be; this is not a quest for suggestions. I shudder to think who jk* would have chosen). And so her ending... Her god damned cyclical ending is deliberately choosing to continue living in a broken system that churns out prejudice and a genocidal maniac popping once a generation.

It gets worse though when you look at the way she presents Tom riddle and Harry Potter as foils to one another in book 6, when Harry sees the life of young Tom riddle.

What was her point here? Why make their childhoods similar? Malfoy is a much more interesting (and potentially resolvable) foil than the genocidal maniac.

I’m also not sure how I feel about presenting Harry and Tom as similar looking, with a similar childhood, and similarly high powered. There feels something classist here, something gross that she’s saying about poverty (feel free to stick around for my later installment of Screaming into the Void regarding the absolutely unnecessary repeated humiliations of the weasley family; if you want to know what a textual micro aggression looks like, any of Harry’s observations of Ron’s face when money is discussed are prime examples)

My point is…. How do we grapple with a text that has taken so many world-building short cuts, it’s actually managed to say something incisive and painful about our own reality?

And how do we grapple with that ending? An ending that only promises a brief reprieve with the same battles rising up again in the future?

(Why keep telling that story anyway? If the only story we know is try hard and accept partial success leaving the real battle for the next generation, why would anyone ever try to do better?)

tldr: the fucking hatred is baked in.

And in her final chapter, she presents finding comfort in that system as a happy ending.

For her straight, white cast.

And people were surprised when she revealed herself as transphobic.

#i wasnt #bitch betrayed me in 2007 #hp wank #hp reread #jk* wank #fucking white supremacy #call the patriarchy what it is

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lexaprogemini · 4 years

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how you meet | edward cullen

A/N: wowowow after being on Tumblr for 6+ years I would have NEVER imagined my first published writing to this site being Twilight dnvjdfjaskdlmfkl enjoy!! requests are open :)) I will write for Twilight (mainly the Olympic Coven, except Jasper romantically), Star Wars, and Harry Potter

Pairing: Edward Cullen x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content Warnings: Reader gets unsolicited attention from teenage boys, swear words

when you moved to forks after spring break because of your dad’s work, you’re unanimously nicknamed new girl™ by all of forks high school’s students

and consequently, you’re the new eye candy for your male peers

Forks boys are, well . . . neanderthals douchebags

the ones you’ve met are egotistical, super immature, and super HORNY

. . . you decide to keep your distance

aNyWaYs

you get smooshed into ap u.s. history

apush, baby, apush HAAAAA

the teacher points you to an empty seat next to some pale blonde dude

he gives off weird kid energy at first but then he politely speaks to you

“i’m jasper. welcome to forks” and gives you an acknowledging nod

his eyes are topaz!!!?? woooooooah that’s so cool is that like a genetic defect or smth??

aaaaand your teacher immediately assigns a PROJECT

a fuckin civil war project

you swear you see jasper’s pupils dilate

you hear a chuckle from behind you

and when you turn around you see a pale dude w a dark brown buzzcut and some blonde girl smirking beside him

you later find out that those are his siblings

his fuckin goofy ass siblings

anyways a few weeks pass

you pop in at your dad’s job @ forks hospital and see him chatting w a fellow physician

yet another pale dude with blonde hair

JESUS HOW FUCKING MANY ARE THERE

you approach them and your dad embraces you in a hug

“heeeeyyyy sweet pea! how’s it goin’!”

the doctor he was talking to looks at you fondly

“hello, i’m carlisle cullen” and offers you his hand to shake, which you do

“y/n, carlisle was just inviting us to his house later tonight for some dinner”

dr. hotpants puts his hands in his pockets and humbly grins

“my son jasper tells me you’re his classmate”

oh god he’s one of those pta dads, isn’t he??

“oh, yeah, he’s my partner in history”

he smiles, “that’s wonderful. my wife esme and i would love to have you both over as our guests. it’s not often we have company for dinner. and i’m sure the rest of my children would love to meet you, y/n”

jesus christ how many kids does this guy have?? he looks THIRTY

don’t worry, in the car your dad tells you they’re all adopted lmfao

✰✰later that night✰✰

their house is HUGE jesus fuckin christ

alice knows (well they all know) about you because of jasper

IMMEDIATELY loves you!!

“hi! i’m alice!!!”

WHOLESOME AS FUCK UGH

i’m EVAPORATING. i’m YODELLING. it’s fine :-)

you thought you weren’t gonna make any pals in forks bc of the weird horny teenage specimens but here we are ;-;

alice envelopes you into a tight hug and you, in shock, grasp her arms to acknowledge this affection

your dad’s chillin near carlisle and esme and he’s silently chuckling

oh . . . they all have black eyes now?? must be the weather

or the fluorescence

you wave at jasper, rosalie, and emmett

you notice the last sibling

he’s very handsome

to you, everything about him was attractive

his soft hair contrasted against his hardened facial features

you could tell he was socially reserved when it comes to new acquaintances, just like you

he physically isolates himself from his family once you and your dad arrived

he was standing alone near a corner away from everyone else

you make eye contact with him and his mental barrier breaks down

he loses his cool

his face contorts

his lips twist into puckered lines

he claps his hand over his mouth and vacates the room immediately, running up the stairs

everyone notices his sudden departure

his family is shocked but tbh not really

✰✰✰ eddy boy is a lil shy around girls sometimes ✰✰✰

carlisle breaks the impending doom of silence

“i apologize for edward leaving us so abruptly. he hasn’t been feeling well as of late; please excuse his absence. . .”

you awkwardly pretend like that never happened

you feel it in your gut that your presence disturbed him

and not only did you disturb him

but you disturbed him so bad that he had to leave

for why?? you don’t know

you then realize that everyone else in the room knows he left bc of you

. . . anyway you all sit down at the table but you and your dad are the only ones who have plates

your dad notices this too

“hey, aren’t you guys gonna eat too?”

esme grins warmly at him

“oh, don’t worry about us. we just wanted to welcome you to town!”

uhhh, ok ma’am

alice talks to you for almost the entire time you were eating ;-; i love her

you’re also talking to jasper, cracking some apush jokes

you, jasper, emmett, and rosalie talk shit about your classmates and teacher

“why the fuck -- *carlisle glares at emmett* -- heck did mr. whatshisface give us a project RIGHT AFTER BREAK???!!”

“and he paired y/n and jasper!! they’re civil war n e r d s!! they’re gonna get the best grade” rosalie chimes in

“not if we--”

alice ❀politely❀ tells them to stfu

you giggle

bonding with your new pals <33

allllllright so it’s a few days later

you’re walking home from school

it’s drizzling, as always, but you know that it’s gonna rain harder if you don’t get home fast enough

and some asshole

some persistent prick from your class

keeps flirting with you

he’s talking about how he hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of you since you came to forks

he’s insisting he has your phone number, that he’s gonna take you out on dates. . .

you hate it

you’re so uncomfortable but you can’t really do anything about it

s u d d e n l y

a car pulls up beside where you and the guy are walking on the sidewalk and screeches to a stop

the window is rolled down and you see a familiar face

it’s edward cullen

with one hand on the wheel, he looks at both of you and clenches his jaw

“get in”

even though he was undeniably weird a few weeks ago, you concede

you never got to speak to him, but you knew that edward was trustworthy

you practically launch yourself into his silver volvo c30™

he shoots a stone-cold glare to the jackass on the sidewalk and drives away

honestly, it wouldn’t take much for anyone (not just a mind-reading vampire) to know how uncomfortable you are after what just happened with that guy

your body language is tense

your arms are crossed tightly

your body is pointed towards the passenger window as your knees touch the door

tears are welling up in your eyes

it would be mere seconds until you fully broke down

you’re embarrassed, to say the least

you’re embarrassed that you were put in a vulnerable situation, like a damsel in distress

and of all people, the handsome and mysterious guy--

the handsome and mysterious guy you began crushing on

--who feels seemingly indifferent towards you swept you off your feet and helped you when you needed someone

that made things even more embarrassing

and the tears started streaming down your heated cheeks

edward immediately sensed your unease (hmm wonder why, but also who wouldn’t sense it???)

he’s pissed.

absolutely livid

that asshole had a d e a t h w i s h

he knew you didn’t want to address your unsolicited encounter, so . . .

*awkwardly clears throat* “are you enjoying the weather?”

you choked

you did not expect him to ask that

nor did you expect him to talk at. all.

you smile through your tears and laugh

you can’t help but laugh

he’s just so awkward and cute

his half-baked plan of indirectly distracting you definitely worked

you started to excitedly talk about the rain and how much you love gloomy, cloudy days

. . . and then the elephant in the room

the inevitable first impression from a few days ago

“i’m sorry for my behavior from our first meeting. i wasn’t feeling well, and i wouldn’t have wanted for you or your father to be affected by my illness”

you’re a little skeptical at first

buuuuut you give him the benefit of the doubt and dismiss his apology

“that’s okay. it’s allergy season, anyway. i’m glad you’re feeling better”

you have no idea how bad i wanted to make a spanish flu joke right there

a small, soft smile lifts the corners of his lips “i’m edward cullen”

you look at him and return the smile

t h e t e a s i n g e n e r g y

“i’m y/n”

the car approaches your house after time seems to have flown by

your dad looks at you both as he walks to his car to go to work

he waves at edward

edward smiles and waves back at him as he enters the car

you gratefully thank edward for the ride, careful not to dwell on the prior circumstances

as you open the passenger door, edward grabs your wrist

!!he grabs your wrist!!

he insists on being your ride to and from school from now on

you object and exit the car

but

b u t

edward smirks, leaning towards the open door

“i’ll see you in the morning, y/n”

your jaw drops

and then he closes the door and speeds off

you watch him drive away and your heartbeat becomes arrhythmic

a garden of butterflies is unleashed in your stomach

blood rushes to your cheeks once more

you smile to yourself before heading inside

secretly anticipating tomorrow morning :’)

#edward cullen #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen imagine #twilight #twilight imagine #edward cullen headcanons #twilight headcanons #edward cullen imagines #headcanons

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senadimell · 3 years

Text

Reynie Muldoon

I just started watching the TV adaption of The Mysterious Benedict Society, and I’m pleasantly surprised!

These books (especially the first) meant a lot to me when I was younger. Reynie’s life, in particular, resonated with me--he’s smart, quiet, and polite, but he doesn’t really know how to fit in, and his peers make sure he knows it. Usually, if a character in a book is struggling socially, they’re somebody’s punching bag. There’s a clear bully, and something’s clearly wrong. These books usually deal some sort of “poetic justice” to the bullies. As a reader, it’s easy to root for the bullied kid, rage at the bullies, and cheer when justice is dealt.

Reynie isn’t a bullied protagonist. He’s smart and a little bit awkward, which other kids pick up on. They make sure he knows he’s an outsider, but they never really cross the line into overt bullying. As a result, he’s quiet, polite, and isolated. He would like to fit in, but he’s genuinely uninterested in the things that they enjoy and doesn’t know how to mimic the social patterns that come easily to them. He's more comfortable around adults than with his peers, but most adults don’t talk to him like an equal, and as a result, he’s more often than not alone.

You can’t blame that isolation on one person. There’s no great wrong to undo. Sure, you could say they should have been nice to him, but when it comes down to it, they don’t owe him their friendship. Since there’s no clear breach of justice, it’s easy to internalize the critical remarks and exclusion. You start to assume you deserve it since you don’t fit in, and also assume that because they didn’t hit you, or go out of their way to torment you, nothing’s really wrong. If you mind it, you’re just too sensitive. After all, you are an oddball. If you’d just learn to fit in and grow a tougher skin, everything would be fine.

That was my experience growing up. I was never bullied, but I always knew I didn’t belong. I constantly found myself tripping over some social rule that I didn’t know was a rule until people started giggling. I didn’t enjoy the games my peers did, and when I tried to participate, I was clumsy and awkward. I didn’t follow the pop-culture references that they used. I used too-long words that I’d picked up from reading, and talked about weird things that they weren’t interested in. I knew the answers to the quizzes, and heard my classmates groan when I answered or make snarky comments about me because I liked this stuff. In class, I was very often bored.

I tried to fit in, but I never figured out how. As a result, I read a lot of books, befriended the teachers (who were much easier to please than my peers), and grew up assuming that there was a lot wrong with me that I needed to change.

Once a week, I got to attend a special class. We moved around instead of sitting at desks, and we got to do research projects. We played around with analogies to see how ideas were connected, and we built terrariums and puppet theatres. The curriculum was all over the map. Most importantly, there were other kids like me who didn’t think it was weird to over-analyze things, or talk about history, or get really involved in solving problems. It was the only time I felt normal, and I swear it’s the only way I got through elementary school. (In retrospect, our style of “gifted” education was perfect for my own neurodivergence: interest-driven, involved, and hands-on. It wasn’t about classroom acceleration, and served mostly as a relief valve).

Watching the Mysterious Benedict Society reminds me of that feeling. Reynie finds a group of people who are as weird as he is, and they don’t expect him or anyone else to change. They just accept each others’ eccentricities as natural, and their quirks are vital to their mission. Before they were weird, and suddenly, they belong.

Crucially, they still fight and struggle with each others’ personalities. But they never target each other for their eccentricities. Nobody mocks Kate’s bucket, and even Constance doesn’t make jabs at Sticky’s memory.

I was worried the adaption would smooth over their weirdness. Delightfully, the kids are all quite awkward. They’re genuinely offbeat, and the rhythms of their conversations don’t flow the same way as their peers. Also, they’re still getting to know and trust each other, so they don’t feel like an established friend group yet, with old jokes and similar interests, but they still accept each other and work as a team.

#the mysterious benedict society #reynard muldoon #reynie muldoon #the mysterious benedict society show #adaptions

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sugawara-sweetheart · 4 years

Note

i'm here w kyoutani content! mad dog is the perfect outlet for "opposites attract" but imagine he has a s/o who is also more aggressive by nature to protect themselves but you and kyou have soft spots for each other since the other just!!! gets it!!!! the whole school is intimidated by the badass power couple but when you're alone you have picnics at the park and you make a flower crown for him as a joke but he secretly rly loves it and saves it in his room after that day (pls flesh this out

kyotani x intimidating!reader

summary: intimidating faces don’t mean anything

warnings: none

word count: 1k

a stone cold face. and everyone thinks they know all there is to know about you.

angry. moody. dangerous. you hear the whispers prickle at your skin, the piercing of judgemental glares, the disapproval of tutting teachers- even the way the elderly cross the road when you walk down the street, clutching their bags tighter. you know what they think, what they see the dyed hair, the metal impaled across the entirety of your ears, the way your brows furrow.

sometimes it hurts. you see the way the classmates grimace at you- that’s if they even dare look in your eyes, the way your classmate will scoff when paired up with you for a project.

“please, sensei,” they’ll plead. “can’t i just work in a three with my friends?” whatever, you think bitterly when you’re dragging your feet over to their desk. you didn’t even want to be at this stupid school, this stupid rich, snobby private school your parents pay money for you to attend just because they want you to have quality education for your future dreams.

despite the walls you build with that harsh, threatening demeanor of spiked leather jackets and an angry permanent glare, you wish someone had the power to knock them down.

kyōtani does.

he notices you because it’s like looking in a mirror. he’s having an out of body experience seeing you sat at your desk in homeroom. you’re alone, black headphones in and no one around you, your music blocking out their laughter as your classmates eat together. maybe you’re not bothered, or maybe you’ve learnt not to care, just like he did. he would’ve liked friends, it would’ve been nice but how could he make friends when everyone decided he was trouble. in the end, it was just easier to become that. it was clear that not even his volleyball team liked him, disliking his fiery temper, his need to hit that ball with all his strength every time regardless of he outcome.

you’re admiring the way the pink blossom flutters from the trees that sway in the breeze as you gaze outside, eating your lunch slowly as the soft pop music plays in your ears. it’s peaceful like this, blocking out everyone else. one person manages to climb those high walls.

you almost choke, your eyes widening when kyōtani kentarō comes and swings the chair at the desk in front of you around, slamming his lunch box down on your table as he sits before you. his honey eyes always glow so much brighter with the dark rings shadowing them and his eyes are narrow slits, brows furrowed as you lock eyes. you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks, the stares of your classmates burning into your back. you’re not sure if kyōtani looks embarrassed but if you weren’t already surprised enough by his sudden bold action, you’re even more stunned when he slides along a small pink carton of strawberry milk towards you.

you’re not sure how things began to change. how you and kyōtani grew closer to where your hands stopped bumping into each other when you walked home together and they became his warm fingers laced with yours. when you started hanging out in his bedroom after practise, running your fingers through his wet blond hair whilst he caressed your thigh so gently. you’re not sure when exactly you tasted his lips for the first time, surprisingly sweet and gentle, but you knew you couldn’t stop and he couldn’t either. you’re not sure when you stopped feeling so isolated in a school full of hundreds and became so loved with the companionship of one.

it doesn’t matter that people give you and kyōtani dirty looks when you walk along the quiet streets of town together. it doesn’t matter that children stare with trembling parents, elderly people scoff with disapproval, policemen narrow their eyes, that none of your classmates even breathe in your direction from utter fear because you have kyōtani and he has you.

he knows you properly. he knows how your bed is filled with the soft plushies he won for you, game after game till his wallet was empty at the arcade. he knows how you always cry when you’re cuddled up together watching films, even if its studio ghibli the blue light of the television will reflect in your glistening eyes. and you know how gentle he is when he kisses you and cuddles you, not like the way he spikes a volleyball with a slamming hand. you know how sweet his words can be, never angry snarls with you.

you and kyōtani smile at each other, surrounded by fields of long grass and wispy dandelions and trees that are filled with pink blossom, the rich smell of flowers hanging heavy in the air. you’re sat between his legs, your stomachs full from the picnic food even though there’s still a whole apple pie kyōtani spent the whole of yesterday preparing. he has his chin resting on your shoulders, his arms wrapped around his waist as he watches you thread the stems of brightly-coloured flowers together, your cute little tongue poking out from between your lips with concentration.

“all done!” kyōtani grimaces when you twist around to slide the flower crown carefully onto his head. the petals tickle and the smell of pollen strong in his nose.

“i thought this was for you.” he grumbles, rolling his honey eyes. you flash him your signature glare.

“it’s for you- you’re a flower fairy!” he snorts in response.

“what are you, five?” he acts like he doesn’t like it but when you jokingly reach to grab it away, he quickly leans his head back, grabbing your wrist with his gentle fingers and slipping them into yours.

“just make one for yourself.” he tells you and you resume, reaching out to pluck flowers. kyōtani watches you, warmth filling him and the corners of his lips twitching. he needs to make sure to ask you how he to press flowers to preserve them forever.

* to be added to my taglist, please send me an ask | info about my taglist can be found via navigation page | if your tag doesn’t show please check your privacy settings

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu fic #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #hq #hq imagines #hq drabbles #hq fic #hq fluff #hq x reader #kyoutani #kyoutani imagines #kyoutani drabbles #kyoutani fic #kyoutani x reader #kyoutani x y/n

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vgckwb · 3 years

Text

ML: Isolation Chapter 20: Real Emotions

Adrien spent the next three days splitting time between his friends, his extracurriculars, and taking on a few more Noir Notes requests. While a lot of them were simple and easy to just talk through, some of them were challenging. However, they weren’t so challenging for Adrien who was pretty physically adept to handle some strenuous activity.

However, on Wednesday after fencing, Adrien took a look and saw a rather odd request on Noir Notes. “What’s this?”

“Hi there, Mr. Cat Noir. Before you read this message, I must assure you that I am perfectly safe. Now, I would like your assistance. You see, my friend is preventing me from seeing his other friends again, or even from leaving the house. I miss his friends. He says I can’t visit them anymore because ‘they aren’t ready’, but I have evidence that suggests otherwise. Please come to the following latitude and longitude to help: …”

Adrin looked this over. No matter how many times he read it, he was still confused. So he figured the easiest way to solve this would be by doing as the message said. He changed into his disguise and went off, using his phone to get the precise coordinates.

Adrien looked around once he got there, but nothing stood out to him. On a whim, he checked Noir Notes again. He saw a new message. “Ah, you’re here. Perfect. Now, from where you are currently, turn to your left.” Adrien did and continued reading. “Look in the windows. When you see a claw waving at you, go to that house.” Adrin looked. He found the aforementioned claw and headed over.

Adrien knocked on the door. He was completely flabbergasted to see his new friend and classmate Max answer the door. Max was equally surprised. “Cat Noir? What are you doing here?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Adrien said. Again, he felt like the best course of action was to be direct. “I got this odd message on Noir Notes.” He presented it to Max. “I just wanted to follow up on it, due to the confusing nature.”

Max looked at the message. “Oh, son of a bitch” he said. He sighed. “Fine. Come in, I guess.” He handed the phone back to Adrien, who was still thoroughly confused. They walked to Max’s room. “Markov! Why did you post something to Noir Notes? Now Cat Noir is here.”

Markov, a floating robotic orb, popped out from the woodwork. “Because I WANTED him to show up. I asked him for help, and he’s here!”

“Are you that starved for attention?” Max asked.

“Max, don’t get me wrong, you’re amazing, but…” Markov began.

Max sighed. “I’m sorry.” He said down.

“Uh, so…” Adrien said, interrupting. “You posted on Noir Notes?”

Markov turned to him. “Why yes. I am Markov” he said, waving the claw Adrien saw beforehand. “And this right here is my best friend, Max.” Max waved half-heartedly.

“Well, I guess that explains a few things,” Adrien said. He pulled up a chair and sat backwards in it.

“I just… I kind of wish you would have told me beforehand” Max said, rubbing his head.

“Why?” Markov asked. “You would have said ‘no’. Besides, I made my own account, and hid any trace of you.”

“Except that I live near the coordinates you posted.”

Markov processed a little bit. “Deleted.”

Max grinned but was still a bit upset. “Well, I guess that’s fine.”

“So, let’s just get everything on the table,” Adrien said. “Markov, you are a robot created by Max?”

“Well, technically, I’m an A.I.” Markov said. “I can inhabit any robotic form, so long as my chip is there.”

“I see,” Adrien said. “And you want to meet with Max’s friends again.”

“Correct!” Markov answered.

Adrien pondered for a second. “What happened the first time you met them?”

“Ah, how astute,” Markov said.

“Not really,” Max said. “You did say ‘again’.”

“Well, what had happened was,” Markov began to explain, ignoring Max, “one day there was a virus overtaking the school’s computers. Max offered to help, and I helped Max. With our combined efforts, we put an end to that pesky virus.”

“Wow,” Cat Noir said.

Markov turned grim. “Afterwards, Max introduced me to everyone. It was a nice little celebration. However, Ms. Mandeleiev thought of me as nothing but a toy, and said I needed to be put away.”

That tracks Adrien thought to himself.

“However, someone tried to argue that I wasn’t just a toy,” Markov continued. “They went to the principal’s office, where I was taken, and told the principal that I belonged. However, the principal wouldn’t listen.”

“Why not?” Adrien asked.

“Because” Max explained, exacerbated, “that person was only interested in making fun of me…”

Adrien was concerned. “Allow me to elaborate,” Markov said. “The person who wished to see me come back to class was a girl named Marinette.” Adrien was shocked, but not surprised. “Max tells me that she is a bully. Or at least became one after she grew jealous of another girl named Lila. Because she was the one who wanted to rescue me, Max is now more ashamed of me than ever,”

“I’m not… ashamed…” Max tried to protest.

“Hmmmm” Adrien said, thinking. “I think I have a solution.”

“You do?” Max and Markov said at the same time.

Adrien nodded. “Believe it or not, this is not the first time I’ve heard about this Marinette person. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but she no longer goes to school with you, correct?”

“Correct…” Max said, disheartened.

“Well then there should be no problem, right?” Adrien concluded. Max and Markov were confused. “If you were worried that Marinette would bully you, she's not there anymore. She can’t bully where she isn’t.”

“He does make an excellent point,” Markov pointed out.

Max continued to hold firm. He then let out a sigh of desperation. “Can I be honest?”

“I’d prefer it that way,” Adrien retorted.

Max rolled his eyes. He got serious once more. “...As much as Marinette bullied Lila, I don’t think she actually stole Lila’s necklace.”

“Huh” Adrien replied.

“And I think it’s only a matter of time before the school figures it out and reinstates her as a class member” Max said.

“I will say, I disagree with Max’s assessment a little bit,” Markov said. “I think it seems odd that the person who would so valiantly try to save me would also have such a notorious mean-streak” Markov pondered.

“It’s just…” Max began. “I’m not sure what will happen if and when Marinette comes back and I have Markov. I don’t want her to pick up where she left off.”

“If she was leaving off there to begin with” Markov corrected.

Adrien had to think. He knew Marinette wouldn’t do such a thing, but he could also understand Max’s point of view. Max was unsure after failure last time. However, being unsure was a place Adrien was familiar with.

Adrien smiled. “I’m going to let you in on a secret,” Adrien said. “As Cat Noir, I have access to all kinds of information. That information led me to a possible lead on a missing item. On Friday, I’m going to pull out all the stops to find it. The thing is, I’m unsure if this plan will work, or even if I’ll find it.”

Max was curious. “Huh? But how can you go through with it?”

“Faith,” Adrien said. “I believe in my plan, and that I’ll find it. Come what may, you have to be bold enough to try. Otherwise you’ll end up going nowhere.”

Max had to let that sink in for a bit. Markov was puzzled. “So, what does that mean?”

“It means he wants me to bring you in regardless of Marinette,” Max said. He sighed.

“Do you not want to otherwise?” Adrien asked.

“Of course I want to!” Max yelled. “It’s just… Last time was a mess. I don’t know what will happen and I don’t like that.”

“Max…” Markov said.

Adrien tilted his head slightly. “Did you know what Markov was going to be like when you created him?”

Max looked at him. “Well, no…”

“And do you think that turned out alright?” Adrien continued.

Markov looked at Max, awaiting his response. Max smiled. “Well, in all honesty, he’s better than I could have imagined.” Markov lit up. “I have no regrets in his creation, or his continuing friendship.”

“Max!” Markov squeed.

“I think that’s your answer” Adrien said

Max smiled. “Thanks Cat Noir. I guess my head was clouded by everything else going on. Because of this talk, I remembered working away on Markov; Always worried about what was going to happen, but always saying to myself this is something I need to do.” Max turned to Markov. “Thank you too Markov.”

“Me?” Markov said, surprised.

Max nodded. “If you hadn’t contacted Cat Noir, I would probably still be in my own head about this. You saw that something was bothering me, and did what you could to help.” Max reached out his hand. “That’s what a true friend does.”

Markov was still confused, though shook his hand. “Well, truthfully, I just did it for my own reasons. I don’t think I should get credit here.”

“Well, I guess that’s part of what makes you human,” Adrien said. “While it’s true that acting in one’s own self-interest all the time is cause for concern, people indulge themselves all the time. So long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s fine. And sometimes it could be helpful.”

Markov looked at him. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

“What can I say? I’m only human” Adrien responded. I mean, I did don this getup as a way to start a conversation with my fashion idol, and now it’s turned into me helping people.

Max thought about something. “Maybe I can negotiate with the school about bringing you in.”

Markov looked at him. “And what will you do if the school says no?”

Max smiled. “Well, we can always meet outside of school.”

“Max,” Markov said.

“Well, it sounds like my work here is done” Adrien said.

Max nodded. “Thank you Cat Noir.” Adrien began to leave, but was caught slightly off-guard by what Max told Markov next. “Oh right. There’s a new student in my class. I’d love for you to meet him.”

“What’s his name?” Markov asked.

“Adrien. Adrien Agreste” Max answered.

“The fashion model?” Markov responded.

“The same,” Max confirmed.

“Wow” Markov awed.

Max continued. “And he’s actually a really cool guy. I know you’ll love him because everyone loves him.” Adrien blushed and quickly left before he could overhear more of that conversation.

Once he got home, he went to his computer and messaged Marinette. “So, apparently you have another admirer out there.”

“Well of course. A lot of people admire Ladybug.”

“I mean someone admires you as Marinette.”

“Really?” Marinette asked. “What kind of person would admire me at this point?”

“They aren’t a person, but they will tell you they aren’t a toy.”

“...Wait, Markov? Max’s little robot buddy? You met with him?”

“Yup. The little guy posted on Noir Notes, and he, Max, and I had a bit of a heart-to-heart.”

“What happened?”

“Well, Markov wanted to meet with Max’s friends again, but Max was hesitant. He was nervous people would make fun of him.”

“What made him think that?”

“...Well, it’s kind of a mixed bag. See, while Markov thinks of you as valiant for trying to save him from Principal Damocles, Max is worried that you only did that to make fun of him.”

“But I’m not there anymore. Why would that worry him?”

“See, there’s the silver lining. Max believes that you didn’t take Lila’s necklace. His concern comes from the idea that the school will learn that truth and reinstate you.”

“Huh… That is something I guess…”

“Yeah…”

“...”

“Hey, it's OK. We’re going to get through this.”

“...Yeah. You know, it’s crazy. I never used to believe that. I used to believe my place was in the shadows. But you showing up out of nowhere, and doing all this, and telling me things will be alright… It kind of brought back my faith in that…”

“That’s all I could ask for.” Adrien saw another message pop up. “Uh, I’m getting another message. You wanna hang on for a bit?”

“It’s fine. I have a message as well.”

“Great. Thank you.” Adrien switched over to the other message.

It was from Chloe. It was short, but very demanding. “Adrien. My house. After school. Tomorrow.”

“Huh” Adrien said to himself before responding “OK.”

Meanwhile, Marinette got a message from Kagami. “Hey, can I come over tomorrow and pick up my stuff? You do have it, right?”

Marinette giggled to herself. “Of course I have it. Ladybug is a designer of her word. Stop on by tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” Kagami answered.

“No problem.” Marinette switched back to talking with Adrien. “That was Kagami. She wanted to come pick her stuff up tomorrow.”

Chloe messaged me. She wanted to meet with me tomorrow as well.”

“I see. Do you think she’s nervous about Friday?”

“Maybe. I know I am. I’m going to have to talk to Lila for a whole evening.”

Mariette chuckled to herself. “Be serious.”

“Yeah… It’s a lot. But I think we can pull it off.”

“...Me too. Good night Adrien.”

“Good night Marinette.”

They both logged off. Adrien laid down on his bed. He did wonder what Chloe wanted to discuss. However, those thoughts drifted away, as him laying down brought him to him and Marinette lying on the grass staring at the sky together. He went back to that every night going to be since then, and it helped him fall asleep.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fanfic #adrien #markov #MAX #Marinette #Chloé #kagami #no kwami #NICE GABRIEL

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crescendonot · 3 years

Text

“ i get no answers, so the question still remains - am i ever gonna see your face again ? “

introducing dali stratford as crescendo !

gday everyone !!! just a little about myself first and foremost, my name’s vic, i’m a 19 year old soon-to-be journalism student, and i’m from australia - now onto the important stuff ! this is miss dali stratford aka crescendo - here’s a couple real quick links to her full app / isolated full bio which i’ll be doing my best to summarise, and also her playlist and pinterest - now, let’s get going !

QUICK STATS !

full name: dali eleanor stratford known as: dali gender & pronouns: cis female & she/her orientation: bisexual biromantic date of birth: april 18, 1984 age: twenty-two hometown: los angeles, california status: deceased

HISTORY !

dali was born the first and only unplanned daughter of jodie stratford, an aspiring costume designer who’d moved to los angeles from middlesbrough against her parents wishes in order to follow her dream. unable to contact her possible father, she decided to raise her alone in the tiny apartment she managed to make into a home.

even though she wasn’t conventionally ‘popular’ in school, she managed to get along with most of the other students, and spent most of her classes just talking to her classmates instead of working - mainly because she genuinely couldn’t do the work. she struggled with reading and writing since day one, but her teachers just sort of wrote her off as a disruption instead of trying to help her out - the root cause was visual dyslexia, but she never got diagnosed.

jodie, instead of forcing her to keep going with work that obviously frustrated and upset her at home, allowed her to relax and focus on her passions - one of which was the music that she’d been raised on. when the rolling stones came through california with the voodoo lounge tour, she managed to scrounge together enough money for them to get tickets, and it ended up being the hands-down best night of her ten-year-old life. october 19, 1994 - the night that she decided that one day, she’d be a musician.

her elementary school hadn’t had the funding needed for music classes, but her middle school did, and for the first time, dali was actually passionate about what she was learning. after experimenting a bit with each instrument, she finally settled on the electric guitar, and even though she couldn’t go off sheet music like everyone else, she dedicated all of her focus to memorising notes and chords through muscle memory. her mother bought her a second-hand guitar ( a 1972 competition fender mustang, orange ) for her eleventh birthday, and literally every spare moment dali had was spent practicing and memorising.

on the night of her first proper performance, doing guitar and backing vocal for her music class group’s rendition of footloose for her school showcase, one of their lead singers dropped out last minute, and so her teacher asked her to fill in. without really thinking, she said yes - and the experience was incredible. before then, she’d only wanted to play music, but from then on, she knew that she would.

forming a band was her biggest priority when she got to highschool - cadenza was an obvious choice, but it took a bit longer for her to properly ask ritenuto to join up. when they got to rehearsing, though, she knew her hesitation had been utterly unwarranted - killer conclusions, she knew for sure, was going to make it big. they were perfect.

she didn’t end up graduating with high enough grades to go to college, but it wasn’t as if she’d been planning on going, so it really wasn’t that big a deal - afterall, it left her with plenty of free time to work, both for money ( having a position as a cleaner at a local stadium ) and on music for the band. when she, cadenza, and ritenuto decided to move into their own place, leaving jodie behind was heartbreaking, and on her final night in their apartment she silently vowed that to make up for all she’d done for her, she’d buy her mother her own house as soon as the band got big.

the next few years of her life were solely dedicated to working, so when they finally got a call from someone at atlas, it was starting to feel like everything was paying off. the gig at club 2000 was more like a tech rehearsal than anything else, so when it went off perfectly, she came out of it feeling as if nothing could go wrong.

and then it did.

coming back felt like stepping onto a final stair that isn’t really there. it was a terrifying experience, but once she got past the shock, dali was just angry. angry at the other driver, sure, but mostly, she was angry at herself for not just sabotaging her future, but getting her two best friends killed. right now, she’s really struggling to move past the fact she’d dead, and is still harbouring a lot of that guilt and anger - moving on isn’t much of a priority, not yet, not until she can somehow make things right.

HEADCANONS !

dali was named after salvador dalí, but if she hadn’t been born a girl, jodie would’ve named her casper, a name that she’d loved since she was a kid - this would have been able to add a slightly ironic note of humour to the whole being-a-ghost situation, but tragically, chance doesn’t care for comedy.

she’d always wanted to get plenty of tattoos, but she ended up dying with just the one - an angry-looking gamecock rooster on the back of her left shoulder, designed by her mother and chosen in honour of her childhood nickname, ‘chook’.

bill & ted’s excellent adventure is the first movie she remembers going to see at a cinema, and it’s still her favourite to this day, though it’s closely followed by baz luhrmann’s romeo + juliet, which also served as her bi awakening.

though she probably could have upgraded at some point, the only guitar she’s ever happily called her own is her old orange fender mustang.

born on the 18th of april, 1984, dali’s an aries sun, sagittarius moon, scorpio rising.

when she first decided she wanted to be part of a band when she was a kid, she was absolutely set on the name ‘the billy goats gruff’, and though she did eventually change her mind, one of her favourite jackets did have an angry-looking goat patch on it in honour of what could have been.

jodie had a policy of total honesty while raising her daughter, so dali grew to be a very honest person - occasionally, brutally so. because of this, she never really had a need to hide her feelings, either from others or herself, so with only a minute few exceptions, she’s pretty no holds barred about how she’s feeling. though her honesty can make her very harsh at times, it also gives her a certain earnesty when she says how much she loves those around her.

when she was alive, dali was a genuinely good cook - she’d often have to make dinner for herself and her mother since jodie would work pretty late a lot of the time, and i like to think she would’ve cooked for the band when they got their own place.

tall queen at 5′10″

big on the warm colours - reds, oranges, yellows, give her all of it. in terms of her fashion in general, she’s pretty much incapable of going monochrome, and always liked to spice things like her jackets up with a decent few patches.

she doesn’t know who her father is, but with jodie being the incredible mother she was, she never really felt like she was missing anything. as of yet, she hasn’t been able to try and find out what happened to her mother.

dali’s favourite genre is, obviously, rock, with some of her favourite bands being ac/dc, squeeze, the rolling stones, and queen ( to name a few ) but she’s not opposed to a bit of pop - abba holds a special place in her heart, and if she’d lived four more years she would’ve been a huge fan of mika when he took off in 2009.

she’s always been a huge people person - whenever the band performed, she was literally incapable of not bantering with the audience at least a tiny bit.

#♫ / crescendo — about !#phqs.intro #tw death #THIS IS SO WORDY whoops im so sorry i just love my girl !!#proofread a few times but sorry if i missed any misspellings/grammar fuckups #anyway the main point im trying to get across is stan jodie stratford <333

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shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years

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Blending left field jazz elements with club tropes to forge something truly new, Emma-Jean Thackray's work is never less than riveting. New album Yellow is out on July 2, with the composer commenting: “It’s a record about togetherness, the oneness of all things in the universe, showing love and kindness, human connection. I approached the record by trying to simulate a life-changing psychedelic experience, an hour where we see behind the curtain to a hidden dimension, where the physical realm melts away and we finally see that we are all one.” Set to be released via her own Movementt imprint, the album is led by gorgeous new single 'Say Something' - opening with glimmers of Rhodes piano, it leans on that hi-hat shuffle before Emma-Jean Thackray uses her voice to elevate the song. A plea towards communication, it's a powerful introduction. [via Clash]

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Philadelphia punk rockers Mannequin Pussy have released the title track to Perfect, their upcoming EP due out May 21. The new song comes with a flashy music video that’s inspired by the kitschy glamor of Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, too. Musically, 'Perfect' is a distorted blaze of rock guitars that sees vocalist-guitarist Missy eviscerating the idea that people must manicure their own social media presence. “Last year, I found myself spending more time on my phone than I ever had in my life… I realized that through years of social media training, many of us have grown this deep desire to manicure our lives to look as perfect, as aspirational as possible,” explained Missy in a statement. “We want to put ourselves out there, share our lives, our stories, our day to day — and these images and videos all shout the same thing: ‘Please look at me, please tell me I’m so perfect.’ It’s simultaneously a declaration of our confidence but edged with the desperation that seeks validation from others.” In the accompanying music video, directed by Missy, viewers get to watch as a 10-year reunion at Sugarbush High slowly unravels. It opens on three former classmates, all three of whom are pregnant, dishing some hushed gossip and talking about how they want to get plastic surgery that’s so good they mistake one another for strangers. Cue two students-turned-drag queens making a grand entrance and strutting their stuff on the dance floor (mirroring the 1997 comedy classic) while old classmates gasp, shield their eyes, and panic. Meanwhile, Mannequin Pussy can be seen tearing up the band stage while they perform live. [via Consequence]

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Following the release of her debut EP I Can’t Cry For You in December, Manchester’s Phoebe Green is back with new bop ‘IDK’. “[It] explores a complete detachment from reality, observing things from a place of total apathy and feeling as though I’m witnessing my life as a bystander with little to no connection to it,” Phoebe explains. “It’s a horrible state to be in, I think it happens when I get overwhelmed.” [via DIY]

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Fast-rising French-Korean artist spill tab is unveiling her latest mesmerising single ‘Anybody Else’. Accompanied by a new vid directed by friend and collaborator Jade Sadler, spill tab says, “This song is cheesy as fuck but I love it, it’s pretty straight forward, a little shameless - the lyrics are sort of a way of expressing my love without openly saying I love you. Jade Sadler (the video director) and I just wanted to have a shit ton of fun on this one. We thought about something with narrative or plot and it was just getting to be too corny. I wanted something lighthearted and playful, so we decided we would have all of our homies in this video paired with different colors and angles and set designs. I’m so excited with the way it turned out.” [via DIY]

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Willow Kayne has shared her debut single 'Two Seater'. The Gen Z talent links together huge opposing forces, creating her own potent brand of rebel-pop. New single 'Two Seater' finds Willow blazing a trail, upending convention through melding together differing sounds. The lush, 90s inspired soundscape leans on nostalgic impulses, but her punk-like disregard for convention is sheer pop futurism. Produced by DANIO, it finds Willow Kayne coming into her own completely off the bat. [via Clash]

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BENEE has shared a video for her single ‘Happen To Me’. It’s the latest cut from her debut album, Hey u x, which arrived last November featuring guest spots from the likes of Grimes, Lily Allen and Flo Milli. “This song is super important to me,” she says. “It’s the opening track [on the album]. It’s the first song where I’ve written about anxiety. The lyrics are pretty dark. Life is pretty crazy right now, and I think it’s important to talk about this kind of stuff.” Of the video, she adds: “Stoked to be sharing this music video with everyone! I filmed it with a bunch of mates, and it was the coolest set! Hope you love it as much as I do.” [via Dork]

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Los Angeles-based art-pop artist Kit Major has shared the music video for 'When the Drugs Don't Work,' a more introspective stab at her signature dark, electropop sound. Blending driving dance beats and thumping hyperpop-influenced synths, Kit Major creates an intoxicating elixir of soundbites and grit. Taking inspiration from Charli XCX, Billie Eilish, and Charlotte Lawrence, 'When the Drugs Don't Work' dives into the overwhelming vulnerability and panic of failing to curb a depressive episode with medication. With this release, Kit Major furthers her efforts to be open and make light of her mental health struggles. On the video, Kit Major shares, "'When The Drugs Don't Work' was filmed in one weekend, directed by my best friend in my departed grandparents' now empty house. We filmed this in quarantine without a crew and worked to create a dark & twisted fairytale together. When I first started thinking about the video, I knew I wanted a more lighthearted take to balance the darker theme of my mental health in the song. I wrote the lyric, “little princess hurt locked away inside her palace,” because sometimes when I'm isolated in my room I visualize myself as a Disney princess running inside her castle, instead of being in my bed, surrounded by empty water bottles. This song was written from a mix of different perspectives including my own, my persona, and outside voices. I think we accomplished the storytelling behind WTDDW by portraying the importance of imagination and trusting yourself." Alongside, director Noël Dombroski adds, "WDDW is a raw, introspective song from Kit that shines a light on parts of herself that at times may be hard to face. We were lucky enough to be able to shoot at Kit's late grandparents' house, an emotionally significant location that acts in the video as the inside of Kit's head. We wanted to challenge viewers to look at every facet of themselves and realize that each part is valuable, even if you may not like it. A conversation we had a lot was about the color scene, where the image of Kit is being pulled apart by color channels. You may hate one of those colors, but you still need it to create that full image. The same can sometimes be said about depression - it may be a layer of yourself that you don't care for, but without that experience, I don't know that WDDW could exist." The music video dives into the psychological turmoil at the heart of the track with a hyperstylized touch. Spotlights wander through a funhouse version of Kit's childhood home, hunting down our protagonist, who we find trapped behind bars, downing teardrops from teacups and champagne from the bottle. Simultaneously unnerving and stimulating in a Paranormal Activity-meets Alice in Wonderland aestheticism, the music video for 'When the Drugs Don't Work' dives into the floating images of a mental breakdown with a fever dream lucidity.

youtube

Number One Popstar continues to prove herself as a powerhouse, shaking up the music world with her fresh, unapologetic beats. This week, she shares another one, her new single 'Forever 21.' And no, it’s not about clothes. 'Forever 21' begins with a kicking beat, but subdued with reflective, twinkly keys. It’s a perfect mix of existential dread and dance. Carrying this vibe throughout, it breaks in between with a beaming guitar-driven bridge. Lyrically, the track makes us question why brands and media make it seem like our twenties are our prime, when we still have our whole lives ahead of us? Despite the effervescent pop sound, Hollowell got vulnerable about her past and its effect on the song, saying, "I initially started writing 'Forever 21' when I found myself looking back on my early 20’s, wanting to recapture the hopeful and dumb feelings of my youth. But the longer I spent on the song, the more it became a reflection of the loss I faced when my parents passed away in my early 20s. I started looking at my own fear of death, of dying like them. I really didn’t know where my life was headed back then. […] I eventually turned that painful experience into a motivation to go after everything I wanted in life. To be seriously less serious, recognizing everything is fleeting.” Like her other music videos, Hollowell likes to flip popular culture and societal expetations on their head. While also bringing the fear of aging to life, she also reminds audiences to stay present instead of holding on to youth. [via Earmilk]

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Following in the footsteps of Prince and Lizzo, Dizzy Fae is set to become the Twin Cities’ next pop sensation. She just dropped her brand new track, 'BODY MOVE', and much like the name suggests, it will make you want to move. Self-described as alternative R&B, Fae takes a few notes from contemporary hyperpop artists like Charli XCX and Doja Cat with an industrial iciness that plays off the technicolor pop melodies. It’s an influence you can hear on 'BODY MOVE', produced by New York’s Stelios (Young Thug, SZA). The track builds itself off a snappy, rubber band bass line indebted to pop’s recent disco revival. “It’d be so cruel if I didn’t let my body move,” Fea’s voice loops through a robotic filter. A buzzing drum machines barrels in at the chorus, transforming the lightly retro groove to a futuristic club track more akin to the production styles of 100 gecs. But for all the modern influences, the Ying Yang Twins reference shows she’s a student of all types of music. [via Consequence]

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Technically, 'Your Power' is not the lead single from Billie Eilish’s newly announced album Happier Than Ever. The album includes two songs she released last year: the jazzy, well received ballad 'my future' and the contemptuous multi-format radio hit 'Therefore I Am.' However, 'Your Power' is the first song Eilish has released since announcing the new album, debuting her new look, and officially commencing her LP2 era, so there’s definitely a deep sense of anticipations around the song. Eilish teased 'Your Power' this week with a brief sound snippet featuring acoustic guitar and the words “Try not to use your power” sung to a Feist-y melody. Now the full song and its Eilish-directed music video have arrived. The completed record remains as soft, pretty, and devastatingly sad as the preview audio. In the clip, a slow pan across a mountainside in the Simi Valley reveals Eilish in the clutches of a gigantic snake. (A press release specifies that it’s an 80-pound anaconda.) [via Stereogum]

#videos of the week #emma-jean thackray #mannequin pussy #phoebe green #spill tab #willow kayne #benee #kit major #number one popstar #dizzy fae #billie eilish

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seymour-butz-stuff · 4 years

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“Let’s have revolutionary brown babies.” My now-partner said those words to me on our first date back in 2015. At the time I was a member of Black Youth Project 100, a national membership-based organization of Black 18-35 year olds who are fighting for the liberation of all Black people. As a then-25-year-old organizer and self-identified prison industrial complex (PIC) abolitionist, raising a revolutionary brown baby was a no-brainer to building the Black and liberated futures that are what freedom dreams are made of. And doing that with somebody fine and aligned? That was it.

Fourteen months later I discovered I was pregnant and we began to prepare for the arrival of our free Black child (the updated moniker to revolutionary brown baby), which included the regular routine of preparing for a child, as well as the conversations affirming that I would not be another casualty in the Black maternal and parental mortality crisis. It also included a central question: What does it mean to raise a free Black child? At the same time, I was also co-building and planning the first ever Black Mama’s Bail Out Day, the national campaign by National Bail Out to bail out as many Black mamas and caregivers from jails and immigrant detention centers as possible before Mother’s Day—an invitation and affirmation for my own radical parenting journey.

We recently celebrated our child’s third birthday, and the question of what it means to raise a free Black child has become a guiding one on our parenting journey that has been framed through a Black queer feminist abolitionist lens. It has also been a central guiding question in our political commitment to handle harm, conflict, and violence without unnecessary additional harm and violence in the forms of punishment, shame, and isolation. Our approach to parenthood has been grounded by a commitment to building a future of care, love, freedom, support, and self-determination in our everyday life as a manifestation of liberation in our lifetimes, beginning in our home and with our child. For us, that has meant teaching him the assertion of his full autonomy, knowing that he should consent to touch and kisses even from his parents, no whoopings/spankings or shaming him for being an expressive toddler, and limiting indoctrination into the PIC (person in charge) as much as possible by monitoring his media input—which has become another full-time job in the age of an ever present children’s police propaganda.

As I was preparing to mother in a way that reflected and deepened my politics, I knew the obvious ways children are indoctrinated into our punitive systems and the PIC: beatings, the denial of autonomy and self-determination, shame, and how these childhood experiences have stunted our ability to imagine outside of the punishment paradigm. And when people can’t imagine what accountability looks like outside of the criminality, accountability becomes something to be avoided because it’s associated with punishment and pain. The police, the most visible actors who physically embody the PIC, are also glamorized.

This glamorization of punishment and policing has been a part of a long-running public relations campaign that dates back to the early 20th century as part of an attempt to clean up their negative reputation as extorters and paid enforcers of the underground economy as published in the provocative Lexow Commission. Since then, the police have been portrayed in Hollywood as fully formed human beings who are goofy, tender, brooding, brave, and heroic—turning them into nice, relatable crime-stoppers, instead of the deadly and violent arm of the white supremacist state. Even more, the violence and terror police wreak is framed as noble and necessary, as seen across media and Hollywood—including shows like Law & Order SVU, as well as children’s shows such as Paw Patrol. Although I knew and learned all of these things, causing me to sever ties with the likes of Benson and Stabler, I had been naive to the fact that the indoctrination begins as babies.

While introducing my child to what is now one of his favorite books, Little Blue Truck Leads the Way by Alice Schertle, I was rudely awakened by an image of a “busy police car, things to do!” At the time, our child was only one year old and I was wholly unprepared to begin an age appropriate police abolition conversation with him, so I did what any responsible radical parent would: I scratched out the sirens and all police signifiers with a Sharpie. But then, while watching Peppa Pig, another friendly and helpful cop popped up, and another while exploring trucks and automobiles with Blippi.

It was becoming quite obvious that like any teaching of a young mind, it starts with you and at home, and the police PR machine is here to #TeachTheBabies. My partner and I began to do our due diligence of fast forwarding and skipping police-involved sections along with sharing with our child that the police are not good and we don’t watch, engage, and most definitely do not glamorize or dress up as them during Halloween, as I’m sure his future classmates will. This has resulted in our toddler unpromptedly yelling “no police!” every time they make a tv or book appearance.

So we’re not new to the #DefundPawPatrol movement and see it as a necessary component to the divestment from policing ideologies and the institution itself.

It also means we need to build and create new, abolitionist alternatives in the form of books, shows, art, toys and the like, that create the space and conditions for collective learning and cultivating safety and accountability. And although we haven’t discovered as rich of an amount of abolitionist children’s media to engage, we are grateful for what exists and is being created and imagined as I write. The book Missing Daddy by Mariame Kaba is an example of this as it creatively explores the impacts of incarceration from a child with an incarcerated parent. How Mamas Love Their Babies by Juniper Fitzgerald is a child-appropriate book that highlights the diversity of work that mamas engage in to care for their children, including sex work.

Works that showcase historically marginalized identities as fully human function as an early narrative intervention regarding identities and professions that are often criminalized. This is a part of the abolitionist parenting mandate for us, as well as the practices of love, support, trust, autonomy, and nonpunitive accountability that fosters radical imagination to deal with and navigate the full spectrum of humanity that will include harm, conflict, and abuse. We can do this all without the presence of cops or law enforcement agents, and must, in service of creating a world of free Black life and our collective liberation.

#DefundPawPatrol #I wasn't aware just how much I wanted that until now #2

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moneypedia · 3 years

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March 27, 2017 By Drew Shepherd

So this post is obviously about depression, but since this is the first one here, I guess I should start by asking, “What is Hunger for Excellence?”

I see it as a tool to build people up. It’s an outlet for me to use what I’ve learned over the years to help others.

I want them to develop a mindset that finds the good in any situation. And I want them to experience the joy I have now without wandering through what I did for years.

That’s why this site exists.

Everything here is for the benefit of others, but in my mind I’m only writing for one person.

I’m writing for “myself”.

Not me personally, but for that one person who’s still where I was in the past. I strive to be the person now that I needed then.

Depression is an experience that’s still fresh in my memory, but now I can say without a doubt that I did more than beat depression…

I conquered it. It’s finished. It’s over.

You may be in the same position I was in back then, and I believe it’s my duty to show you how I defeated this attack on the mind.

So I’ve split this post into two parts with Part 1 telling my personal story, and Part 2 showing a guide that helped me turn it all around.

Now I know you don’t want to listen to someone who has no idea what you’re going through, but I promise, I’ve been there, and I discovered peace that most people can’t begin to understand.

My Story

Today I’m happy to say that I enjoy life. I’m in control of my mental state and I understand how to find real peace and happiness. The only person who can destroy my outlook now is myself, and I refuse to let that happen.

It hasn’t always been this way, though. I used to be one weak kid.

I grew up as an only child in a loving family. And despite my goofy personality, everyone I knew liked me.

I was a promising student and a better than average basketball player. So nothing to complain about really. I was good at everything I did then because, well, I always had been.

But that all changed around high school.

Basketball was getting serious and people on all sides pretty much forced me to transfer schools. So being the naïve kid I was, I left and hoped for the best.

It wasn’t a decision I wanted to make, but it made sense. Opportunities were everywhere. Not just in athletics but as a student too.

I could have a fresh start with a new team, there were plenty of people to meet, and the new school was on the popular side of town.

The problem was, I didn’t have a mindset close to what I needed to make that change. I thought I was entitled to any form of success. And why not? Everything I touched turned to gold before then.

I was paralyzed when I saw things wouldn’t be so easy. All I could think about on the court was keeping up with the new guys. I remember practices where my hands were literally shaking because I felt so much pressure to perform.

This lack of confidence led to a quick loss of my teammates’ respect. And I was even denied my favorite jersey number, 22.

My fear sabotaged any attempt I made to improve. Couple that with the knee injuries I sustained during the year, and it’s easy to see why I was cut after one mediocre season.

It was the first time I had ever been dropped from a roster, and that drove everything else downhill.

But the worst part about it was, I wanted to be cut.

By then I just didn’t care. A game I loved became a chore to me and I hated every minute of it.

I wish I could say I tried my hardest and failed. I wish I could say I was sad when I didn’t see my name on that list.

But I can’t. And that still hurts the most.

Downhill

If you’ve ever been robbed, you know how vulnerable it makes you feel afterwards. The fact that someone entered your place and took what you worked for makes you feel helpless.

Well I let fear rob me of what I had loved since childhood, and I was stuck in a place where I didn’t belong afterwards.

It was all embarrassing.

It changed the way I viewed myself and I didn’t look others in the eyes anymore. People looked in my direction and it was like they saw right through me.

I became a very cynical person around that time—definitely not someone you wanted to be around. The few friends I had back then picked up on it and of course they turned away.

Watching friends turn their backs on me led to bitterness on my end, but with the way I was acting, I don’t know how anyone could have tolerated me.

I second-guessed my interactions with everyone. Why wouldn’t others see me as a failure if that was how I viewed myself?

My attitude led me to believe that no one could relate to me. And being one of the few, if not the only black kid in my classes confirmed that belief in my mind.

But even the high grades I always earned started to slip. I went from being an overachiever in the classroom to just being good enough to keep my parents off my back.

And with the teenage hormones on top of that, I lost all confidence. Classmates asked me how the chemo was going to treat the “tumors” I couldn’t control, and that nearly broke me.

I told my parents about all this so they would understand why I was falling apart. But they only gave the “just be yourself”, “be friendly to others”, “it’ll just work out” advice you get from well-meaning people. Besides, kids from Christian families weren’t supposed to deal with this kinda stuff.

All of that frustration took its toll on me, and I remember looking in the mirror to see my own scowl in the reflection.

But soon my eyes dulled and a blank gaze replaced the grimace that was there before. And I stopped caring about everything.

Escape

Since I didn’t know how to cope with any of this, I tried to escape. I was smart enough to avoid alcohol and drugs back then, but I had to find something.

Food was one source I used to fill my void. I ate any and everything, whenever I wanted, and soon I was unrecognizable after gaining 40 pounds.

Videogames were the other route I took. I enjoy playing them now in the rare chance I have free time, but back then it was go to school, eat, and play games.

Gaming was one activity I was still good at, and people appreciated me when it was time to play. It was one area where I didn’t feel useless—like I actually had something to offer.

But soon it got to the point where I was playing till early morning every day. My eyelids barely opened in class but it didn’t matter to me. The hint of joy I got from playing outweighed everything else.

But my mind wasn’t satisfied with those forms of escape.

Some of the lowest points I remember were on the drives home from school. I saw cars in the other lane driving towards me and the thought of “what if…” kept popping up.

I even imagined what my funeral would be like. And I smirked and teared up at the thought of my parents sitting alone in the empty pews.

But while I never seriously considered suicide, I still couldn’t stop the thoughts. I just knew I needed a way out.

That’s why I started counting the days till graduation. My environment had to be the cause of all this. It couldn’t have been me.

Enough

Graduation came and went, and guess what? Nothing changed.

If anything my first few years in college left me more isolated. My parents weren’t around anymore and plenty of new strangers saw how lonely I really was. I would hear chuckles in class and I always thought people were taunting me.

The transition to college coursework didn’t help either. I had never felt that…dumb before. I lost any trace of being a great student and I was in danger of losing my biggest scholarship.

My list of failures kept growing and growing. My high school experience was a disaster. I couldn’t make or keep any friends. And now there was a good chance that I would need thousands of more dollars to stay in school.

That was when I had enough.

I hated the mess I was in. I knew that if I lost that scholarship, my fall from wherever I was at before would have been complete.

Basketball, high school, former friends, I knew none of that mattered anymore but I was still hurting. I just wanted to enjoy my last years before the “real world”, and yet I couldn’t.

I knew I needed to change but I didn’t know how.

Comeback

So what did I do next?

I did the same thing I’d advise you to do if you’re ready to change.

I made a decision. A decision to commit to excellence. I wanted to do better in every part of my life.

So I chose to:

Embrace my faith

Craft an undeniable work ethic

Get in the best shape of my life

And love others but not be devastated if I was alone

I was sick of the life I was living. I didn’t know how to turn it around but I knew I had to stop accepting it.

And that decision was what led to change within the next few years:

My grades shot up to the top of the class

I lost those 40 pounds and got into better shape than my playing days

I formed satisfying relationships that I never thought I would see again

But most importantly, I found peace that others couldn’t begin to understand.

“Well that sounds great Drew, but how could you possibly help me?

Weren’t you just a loser in school? You didn’t get fired from your job. You didn’t lose one of your loved ones. Your family wasn’t torn apart by divorce…”

You’re right. None of that happened to me.

I was just a kid who let a few disappointments grow into a lingering depression. But I told my story to relate to how you may feel, not to have a woe-is-me pity party where we see who’s lived the worst life.

It’s okay to be disappointed. Things won’t always go your way. But you can’t let a temporary defeat turn into permanent failure like I did.

I wasted 4 years of my youth being an empty shell because of that mistake. And that’s no way to live life.

Make Your Choice

Again, this all comes down to what you choose.

If you don’t want to work to change your situation, and all you want to do is complain and hope it magically ends…

Then I can’t help you. No one can.

But…

If you’re done living like this, and you’ve committed to making a change…

Part 2 is for you.

You’re ready to turn things around, and I won’t get in your way.

-Drew

#suicide

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mccartneysbass · 5 years

Text

run for your life

pairing: kai parker x reader

word count: ~2k unedited so excuse mistakes

summary: snapshots of Kai and reader throughout their childhood.

warnings: possessive Kai; Kai being Kai

Idk what this is, I was just watching tvd and this popped into my head. I might make this into a full-fledged fic with chapters but for now, it can be a stand-alone. BUt y’all can expect more Kai related stuff soon.

1978

You huffed as you ran after Kai who had once again run away from you. For along as you could remember Kai had always been a part of your life, being next-door neighbors and part of the same coven helped in that aspect. When you first met Kai, he had originally pushed you away and went to go sulk while ignoring you and Josie.

You couldn’t help but feel the need to get to know him. You were relentless, always pulling him to play with you and even when he antagonized you by pulling your hair or pushing you, you never let him go. Eventually, he gave in and did not push you away as much as he used to.

Wherever Kai was it was almost guaranteed that you were not far behind.

“Kai!” You screeched out, before tackling him onto the leaf-covered forest ground.

“You promised you would play with me,” you whined out. He squirmed underneath you, “Leave me alone, YN. I don’t want to play with you.”

“Come on Kai, I’ll give you some of my magic if you play house with me.”

“Fine, but I am not playing the puppy again.”

1979

It was the first day of kindergarten and you were increasingly getting nervous as you got closer to the school. You wouldn’t know anyone and you were especially nervous that Kai wouldn’t be in your class.

“You’re going to make a lot of new friends YN, it will be fun,” your mother tried to reassure you.

“I don’t want new friends I have Kai,” you replied back.

“I know honey, but you can have other friends too,” Your mother, just like the rest of the coven knew about Kai’s abilities and did not want you to be so close to him. She had tried to keep the two of you separated but you would always throw tantrums; you were still young and couldn’t properly control your magic it would send things flying, the aftermath was like the wreckage of a hurricane. Since then your mother wasn’t as vocal in separating the two of you.

During recess, Kai was beginning to get annoyed that his shadow wasn’t with him. For as much as he claimed to dislike YN, he didn’t dislike her as much as he hated his classmates. You were at least tolerable to him. He always hated when you ignored him and played with his sister or the other neighbors, you were his toy and no one else’s. Which was why he was currently on the lookout for you, he didn’t want you playing with anyone but him.

He could hear vaguely you sniffling, wondering why you would be crying if he hadn’t done anything to you today. When he saw you on the floor surrounded by some other kids, he felt himself get angry. Only he was allowed to torment you, balling up his fists he stomped over to where the group was. He picked up a broken tree branch and swung at the ring leader. YN was surprised that he had actually helped her, knowing how finicky he could be. He continued hitting him with his makeshift bat until he got bored and instead shifted focus on you.

“You need to stand up for yourself,” Kai scolded you while helping you get up.

“Thank you, Kai.” You replied back sniffling.

Later that day, Kai’s parents weren’t surprised that they were called in for his behavior. They knew he would constantly lash out and isolate himself from others. Kai was sitting in one of the chairs, stone-faced with Y/N in the seat next to him, teary-eyed and holding on to his arm.

Seeing his parents you quickly stood up, “Don’t be mad at Kai, please. He was only helping me. They were being mean to me.” You didn’t want him to get in any more trouble than he usually was, you knew his Father was often cruel to him for his abilities.

“Thank you YN, we will keep this in mind. Malachai, we will talk about this when we get home.” Mr. Parker sternly said.

1980

The past week he had been feeling down, he hadn’t explicitly mentioned it but whenever he was in his moods it was always evident when he pushed you away even more so than usual.

You had stayed over at Josie’s birthday slumber party, Kai had been throwing a tantrum that Josie was stealing his friend. For you to hear Kai refer to you as his friend, sent you over the moon.

“Mom, I want to bake cupcakes for Kai,” you yelled out to wherever she was. Without waiting for a response you began to gather random ingredients that you found throughout the kitchen, not exactly caring what they were.

“Well unless you want the cupcakes to be inedible, you should put the cayenne spice away, honey,” With that you spent all morning trying to make chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. By the end of it you were proud of your creations and were excited to gift it to Kai, later tonight.

During the slumber party games, you sneaked away to Kai’s room, where he was still reeling from his earlier tantrum. He barely looked at her before dismissing her away, “Go back to Josie, I know she’s your favorite, just like everyone else.”

“You’re just mad. You know you’re my favorite twin,” you said scooting closer with every word. Once you were next to him you reached over into your bag and took out the tupperware, that held the cupcake and a single candle.

Offering the cupcake, “Happy Birthday, Kai!” You could see his lips twitch almost turning into a smile. He took the cupcake, “YN—”

“Wait—take my hand,” he furrowed his brow in suspicion before following your request, “Siphon me,” he didn’t have to be told twice. With the magic he received from you he lit up the single candle and smiled at you before blowing it out.

1984

During lunch Kai was beginning to get annoyed, thinking that you had finally decided to abandon him. You were the only one that didn’t call him an abomination or look at him with pity in their eyes. When Kai wasn’t forcefully siphoning magic from his younger siblings he received it willingly from YN, they had become one of the two people he actually held a soft spot for and he wasn’t going to let you get away from him that easily.

As he peered through the hallway looking for you, he noticed you standing off to the side with two other girls. He hated them, they were annoying and talked even more than him, which was saying something. He muttered out an “invisique,” with the magic he still had in his system and got closer to hear the conversation.

“Stop hanging out with that freak, Malachai, YN.” The taller of the two said.

“You don’t need him, you could do so much better. Hang out with us,” the other continued.

“Shut up. Don’t talk about him like that,” YN fumed.

“He’s a total lose—” she didn’t even finish her sentence before the hallway lights burst. YN pushed the taller one into the lockers.

“Because I’m in a good mood today, I will let this go, but if you ever talk about him like that I will make sure that pretty face of yours isn’t so pretty anymore,” they threatened while caressing girl’s face.

“Do you understand?” YN asked forcefully. The girl nodded, looking to her friends as if to ask for help.

“I said: Do you understand?” YN snarled, roughly grabbing her face so she would be looking at them.

“Y-Yes, I’m sorry.” The girl squealed out.

“Good, now get out of here before I change my mind.” The girls ran away, wanting to put as much distance between them.

“That was really hot,” Kai said aloud as he undid his invisibility spell.

“Eh, what can I say? You’re starting to rub off on me.”

1989

Despite constantly being by Kai’s side, you had been invited to the biggest house party thrown every year by the captain of the football team. You had mentioned it to Kai, save for the part of the captain— you knew how much Kai despised them and didn’t want to set him off before you had even reached the party.

You had lost track of how many tequila shots he had taken, you could tell he was drunk because he was much more smiley than usual and physically more affectionate. “YN, look!” he screeched out from the top of the table as he did the running man and his odd version of what seemed to be the sprinkler. He had gathered a decent-sized crowd and brought up other people to dance with him.

Oh how you wished you had brought your camera, you quickly went over and coaxed him down to where you were sure he wouldn’t be a harm to himself. He put his arm around your waist and was trying to kiss you, “Kai, you’re drunk. I don’t want to do anything you will regret. Stay here I’m going to get you some water.”

You gently eased him onto the couch, before disappearing into the crowd.

To Kai, it felt like you had been for far too long and quickly went stumbling after you. When he caught up to you in the kitchen he sobered up quickly when he saw the captain of the football team putting his hands on you.

His hand rested on your hip, he could feel himself growing angrier every second. He stomped over to where the two were and roughly pushed him away before punching him in the face. Kai could only grin when he heard a crunch and feel a warm liquid covering his knuckle. He knelt to where the captain was on the floor, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulled him closer, “If you ever touch her, no if you ever look or think about her again, I will kill you.”

1990

“You need better music taste,” Kai continued to dismiss the records and CDs you had organized on your shelf.

“Hey, the Beatles changed the game. Don’t disrespect them like that,” you said throwing a pillow at his head.

“Not my fault you can’t appreciate real talent like Nirvana and Pearl Jam.” He threw back the pillow aiming for your face, “Speaking of, I made this for you,” he continued, pulling out a mixtape he had made.

It was labeled, get some actual taste in music, in his messy scrawl. You could feel your heart flutter and a slight blush overtook your face. You weren’t sure what the two of you were, ever since the party last year, your relationship had been more than friends, but you never officially established what the two of you were. The whole school was convinced the two of you were together, and why wouldn’t they? You were constantly together, whether it was studying, ditching, or just sitting at lunch where one was the other was never far behind. You were the only one who could put up with Kai’s constant chatter, not to mention keep him from constantly being in a mood. Even Josie, Kai’s twin, was convinced that you two were together.

You put the mixtape on and moved to where Kai was standing.

“Thank you, Kai.” You muttered out, hooking your arms around his neck. You pulled him onto the bed and kissed him. With each kiss you could feel him siphoning you, he deepened the kiss and flicked his arm out, shutting the door. You broke away from the kiss and placed your forehead on his and whispered out, “I want you, Kai. Only you, be my boyfriend?”

“I thought you’d never ask."

#kai parker x reader #kai x reader #kai imagine #kai parker imagine #tvd x reader #tvd imagine #my writing

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ohshcscenerios · 4 years

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I hope you don’t mind, Anons, but I’d like to answer these two requests with one response... and I’d like to do try something new. I hope you don’t hate me for this but I’ve actually already written a piece between Hikaru and Haruhi where he is the “monster” and it’s very angsty. So I hope you don’t mind that I’ve “recycled” a chapter from one of my stories but I felt it fit your requests perfectly and I hope you enjoy :)

Heavy footsteps echoed throughout the empty classroom as Hikaru anxiously paced between the dusty chalkboard and the jarred door. As usual Haruhi was running a few minutes late, probably trying to sneak out a few library books before meeting him in the Algebra room, but it didn't sit well with his nerves. Every second that ticked on the clock made his heart pound harder.

He had asked Kaoru to wait for him outside the main front entrance hoping if his twin were at least on the same grounds he'd feel confident enough to pull through with his plan but even with Kaoru standing directly a floor beneath him an unfamiliar vulnerability consumed him. It was almost paralyzing, to the point he cursed himself for ever sending Haruhi that text message. The only thing that kept him from abandoning his plan altogether was the fact he loved Haruhi; so much so he couldn't live with himself if he resigned to love her from afar. No, that wouldn't be like Hikaru to muzzle his heart and live the rest of life asking 'what if'. Hikaru was bold, ambitious – at least when Kaoru hung at his hip. But as of right now he was one hiccup away from throwing up his lunch.

"Hikaru?" Haruhi's head peered from behind the door frame. Once she recognized him she slid inside the classroom. He immediately saw the Chemistry workbooks piled in her arms and he couldn't help but smirk at her predictable behavior. It was enough to break the first layer of ice and it pulled Hikaru from his distressed agitation. It's go time.

"Haruhi, thank you for meeting me," he said with a smile as he walked over to join her.

"It's no problem; although I'm a little peeved you've been ignoring me all day." Haruhi rested the workbooks on a desk and planted her hands on her hips as she turned to face Hikaru. "What was that about?"

He paused, taken aback by her observation. It was true; he did behave rather odd throughout the day. Usually he and Kaoru poked fun at Haruhi before, after, and during their lectures however today he retired to his desk and focused on his notes. In truth he fought with himself all day planning how he'd confess his feelings to her after school. He couldn't focus on a single word their teacher said, completely lost in his nervousness.

"Sorry about that, I just wasn't feeling well," he shyly said as he rubbed the back of his head.

"If you're sick then you should probably head home and see a doctor." Her irked voice turned concerned.

"No, no, I'll be fine," he laughed, "I don't need to see a doctor. I just need to talk to you about… something."

Haruhi stared at him with blank eyes but it only amused him even more. She was never one to catch on quickly and it made her all the more entertaining.

"Wait, where's Kaoru?" She asked as she looked around the classroom.

That was another thing he admired about her. She understood his unique bond with his twin brother. She didn't question them, mock them, or accuse them of mental illness (though that couldn't be said about his classmates over the years) but instead accepted their contorted dependence on each other. She knew where one went the other was sure to follow, bound by whatever perversion that merged them together, and yet she still treated them as individuals.

"Oh he… uh… he has to meet with our language teacher about the end-of-term project," Hikaru fibbed. He couldn't admit Kaoru was waiting for him outside or else it would appear too suspicious. He had to make sure everything went as smoothly as he could manage, if not for her sake then for his.

Before Haruhi could prod him further he took his chance, "Listen Haruhi, I don't want to waste your time so I'll just get down to it. You're my best friend, besides Kaoru, and I don't want anything to ruin that. After all, you're the first person who ever crossed over our line. Truth be told, you may be the only person to ever do that."

Haruhi watched him with expectation, waiting for him to reveal his true intentions.

"But I can't bottle this secret anymore, it's eating me alive. I guess what I'm trying to say is," Hikaru continued, "you're a very important person to me, Haruhi. Our friendship means so much to me and I… I…"

His voice trailed off, uncertain where he was going with his ramble. He cursed himself for talking so incoherently. Haruhi just stood before him, transfixed in confusion.

"Hikaru-."

"I love you Haruhi!"

He didn't mean to yell but the accumulation of anxious stress forced it out of his mouth like a fired missile. He could only hope it landed on its target.

For a few moments the air stood still between them, dense with fearful anticipation. Haruhi's expressionless stare made him feel small. For most of their friendship he enjoyed the mystery of guessing what she was truly feeling behind her retained facial expressions but in this very moment he looked for any hint of emotion behind her large brown eyes. Anything he could latch onto as a lead.

"Hikaru…" her voice broke the silence and to his horror it was laced with disappointment. Every pillar of hope he built in preparation crumbled at his feet in a heap of dust. Every piece of encouragement he told himself as he made his way to the classroom pierced him like a double-edged sword.

"I'm sorry…" he muttered. The disbelief he felt was plainly written on his face and it embarrassed him that he couldn't at least hide his calamity. "Haruhi, I –."

"I'm sorry Hikaru," she interrupted him, "but I can't return those feelings." Her eyes were lowered to his feet and it pained him she couldn't muster enough courage to look him in the eyes.

"I should have guessed… I suppose Tamaki was right all along then; I'm too immature for my own good." Hikaru scoffed at himself as he kicked his heel against the floor. It made sense if his childish antics blocked any romantic potential between them.

"It's not that you're immature Hikaru," Haruhi reasoned, "I wouldn't pin that against you. It's just that…"

The way she abandoned her sentence grabbed his attention. Her voice carried an unfamiliar uncertainty and if anyone knew Haruhi like he did then they'd know she was everything but uncertain. She may not have a wide variety of knowledge about pop culture or high-end fashion designers but she was always black or white; never gray. But just now, she sounded doubtful in herself… doubtful enough to discontinue her thought. She was hiding something from him and he needed to know what it was – now.

"Just what?" He couldn't hide the hint of anger in his voice and at this point he didn't care to hide it. He opened his heart to the first person he ever accepted into his world and they had just rejected him. He loved her passionately but even that wasn't enough to stop his desire for retaliation. He winced at himself; perhaps Tamaki is right to call him immature if he couldn't control his emotions.

"I've already accepted someone else's confession."

"What…?" Hikaru grabbed his left arm and wondered if he was having a heart attack. His chest burned from the shock and for a second he considered dialing for a doctor. He clasped his arm tighter as the pain traveled up his neck, down his torso, and around his back and wondered if this was how it felt to have one's heart break.

"Who confessed to you?" He barely managed the words as they bit his tongue. The reality of the situation seemed to compress his body like a boa constrictor, squeezing out whatever logical sanity he desperately needed to keep himself under control.

Haruhi didn't – or couldn't – answer him, her gaze still transfixed on the tiled floor. She looked tense as if she were contemplating on telling him the truth.

Then it hit him. It was so obvious and he chastised himself for not realizing it before. The answer she held on her tongue was none other than…

"Mori-senpai?" Hikaru asked, terrified of her confirmation.

Her eyes finally met his, "Yes."

Hikaru couldn't explain what happened next. It was as if the strings that held him together finally snapped and he slipped helplessly into despair. He stared at the girl in front of him, the only person who ever penetrated his twisted isolated world, and saw her slipping through his fingers. The flame that burned for her turned into a raging fire. The flames spread through his body, the heat coursed through his blood, the pain stabbed him in the chest. The only person to ever see Hikaru for who he was, accept him for who he was, couldn't return the blazing inferno that ate him alive. He wished the love he carried for her would be enough for the both of them. He could commit to a one-sided relationship, at least for now, just to have Haruhi all to himself. Now even that was impossible because she gave her precious heart to…

"Mori-senpai!" The name tasted bitter on his tongue. It tasted like… betrayal. "Why him?" It was a heavily loaded question that demanded a heavily loaded answer, one that was sure to pierce him even deeper, but he had to know. He had to hear it from her lips.

Her lips.

"Hikaru, I can see you're upset. Maybe we can talk about this another time." Haruhi tried to defuse the tension rising between them but to no avail. Hikaru wasn't willing to listen to reason. He honestly didn't know what would save him at this point. The humiliation and heart break merged into one monster, one he didn't know how to fight.

"It's because you're living with him, isn't it?" Hikaru sneered, bearing his teeth as he fought back the floodgate of tears. "He somehow seduced you while you were vulnerable, that's it right?" He didn't consider the weight of his accusations as he continued, "That traitor, that low-life. For a man who speaks of loyalty he sure knows how to -."

Haruhi slapped him across the face before he could finish. It should have hurt. It should have broken him. It wasn't a whack upside the head or a pat on the cheek. She had swung an open palm at him and knocked him backwards a few steps. His cheek should be stinging but it didn't. Strangely, just the opposite.

Her skin.

Hikaru lunged forward and pinned Haruhi against the wall by her shoulders. He surprised even himself by his haste action but his body was running ahead of his mind; defying his consciousness and moving on pure impulse.

He expected to see Haruhi wince in fear but there was something building in her eyes, something more terrifying; defiance. She wasn't going to budge to him and it somehow drove him crazier.

Her eyes.

"What is so special about him? What does he have that I don't?" He couldn't stop the words pouring from his mouth. He wanted to bite his tongue but his civility was trapped in the backseat of his mind.

"Well first, he wouldn't do this." Her voice had bite as she stared him down.

"You should have never moved in with him. You should have moved in with me and Kaoru. We'd take good care of you. You and your dad would have liked it at our house. We're more fun! We'd do something every weekend! We'd take you to the zoo, to museums, to the amusement park, wherever you'd want to go!"

"I don't want to do those things every weekend. I don't want to be dragged around Japan like a doll."

"Mori is too serious for you. He barely speaks, he lives under Hunny's shadow, his only hobby is kendo, and he spends his evenings with his chicken for god sake! That's the kind of life you resign to? Where is the fun in your relationship? I'm better suited for you than he is!"

She raised an eyebrow, "That's what you really think?"

Hikaru wanted to say yes. He wanted to go down the list of reasons why she should accept him but he couldn't form the words. He knew he couldn't justify his actions by speaking sweet nothings. He forced her into a hostile situation; there was nothing he could say now that would break her down.

Words won't be enough.

His thoughts quickly dissipated as he looked into her large brown eyes and before he could catch himself his hand cupped her jaw and leaned forward to kiss her. Her lips stiffened as she tried to escape but he held her firm against the wall. He knew it was wrong. He knew it was the worst thing he could possibly do but he felt possessed; a puppet on strings blindly obeying his selfish instincts.

She escaped his lips long enough to shout, "Stop!" Her hands pushed against his chest as she tried to wriggle from his hold but all it did was ruffle up his shirt. Feeling her hands on his body in such an aggressive way was dangerous; it fueled his kiss further. If he couldn't receive her love then stealing a kiss would suffice.

A small voice screamed inside his head – his common sense finally awakening. It was quiet at first, barely whispering over the sound of his blood pumping in his ears. Gradually it grew louder, louder, louder until its scream nearly burst his eardrums.

Hikaru stop.

Hikaru stop!

HIKARU STOP!

Hikaru felt a large hand grab the back of his shirt collar and yank him off Haruhi. The force behind him threw him several feet backwards until he landed hard on his tailbone and skidded to a stop. It happened so fast it took him a few seconds to process what just happened. Once his eyes adjusted to the scene – and his mind snapped back to reality – his heart dropped into his stomach when he saw Mori tending to Haruhi. He rubbed her arms as he offered tender reassurance for her safety. Mori's voice was soft and gentle as he calmed her down.

Hikaru couldn't believe it… Haruhi was shaking… His temporary madness affected her greatly. Hikaru couldn't believe what he just did… It felt like someone else controlled his body as he assaulted her yet he couldn't blame anyone but himself.

Mori straightened his posture and turned around. Hikaru gulped at seeing the anger warp his normally blank expression. He wanted to run but his body once against betrayed him; paralyzed by his panic.

"Hikaru, what the hell was that?" His deep voice bore through Hikaru's chest and stilled his breath for a second. He's never seen Mori this angry before. No it wasn't just anger, there was something else pulsating through him. The way he loomed over Hikaru as if he was an insect; it was a foreign feeling to receive from Mori. It was deadly. He was thankful looks really couldn't kill or else he'd leave this room in a body bag.

Mori's gray eyes turned darker as they glared into his frightened hazel eyes. His neck tightened as he restrained regrettable actions and he pulled back his shoulders until it broadened his chest. Mori resembled an angry bear ready to attack and it scared Hikaru; not only because the usually calm host now looked ready to fight him but because there was an aggression behind his protection. Mori wasn't just protecting one of the hosts. This ran deeper than that. Mori was protecting Haruhi. He defended her as if he claimed her as his own. The aura he emitted was strong… almost possessive…

"Mori-senpai…" Hikaru stuttered, relieved to hear his strength returning, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened… I lost control… oh god…" Hikaru turned his attention to Haruhi, "Haruhi, I'm so sorry. Please believe me… I didn't plan any of that. I'm so sorry…"

The last of the dark clouds that flooded his mind cleared away. He finally felt the weight of his actions and words and it was heavy. It was so heavy. It was almost crippling. They threatened to squash into a human pancake.

"You and I will talk later," Mori growled and in one swift motion he brought Haruhi to his chest and cradled her in his arm, snatched her library books with his free hand, and left Hikaru to drown in his guilt – alone. If Hikaru wanted to be honest he deserved every agonizing second that followed.

#ouran high school host club #hikaru hitachiin #haruhi fujioka #takashi morinozuka #angst ask

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marblehornets52 · 4 years

Text

I may as well post this just to get this off my chest, but I doubt anyone would have the time to actually want to care about this.

In my old blog, @rynxs-blog, literally you can't miss the description. I have autism/asperger's. While it's not so bad, I'm just making this post because, I guess I just want it out of my head.

Maybe 6th grade or so, I guess, my ex, was supposedly stalking me and it took until 7th grade for anything to happen. 7th grade (she was in 8th grade btw so one year ahead of me, keep that in mind) we started dating. I will admit, I was a little shithead back then [as in, VERY CRINGE FUELED] so with that being said, I didn't want to acknowledge my autism or my problems back then. I was 50% extrovert and 50% introvert.

I, however, never told anyone about the autism because it felt more of a insecure thing. No one back then, as far as I saw, in the middle school, had autism. Few years later I come to realize they were just hidden among the crowd. But that's not exactly what this is about.

Back then, I was a shithead. Never did my work yet somehow managed to go past both 7th and 8th grade. I still remember that the main reason was because when I was moving into 8th grade, my ex went to high school.

Now you might be wondering "so what's the big deal? You still like her or something?"

That was the answer back then, and honestly I don't know why I decided to go on ahead and reach out to her to see if she remembers.

Another question that might pop up "Besides the age difference, why couldn't you just see her normally?" or even "Why are you making that relationship such a big deal right now?"

1. My mom is [somewhat] a hardcore Christian and when I told her about the relationship, she kinda went haywire about it, specifically how it's against God commandments or whatever the fuck she told me. Even though she said she didn't mind people being gay yet when I come up with it "ThAt'S nOt ChRiStIaN lIkE." Also if your wondering about the dad, he's a marine, he would've killed me back then if he realized I was dating before the age of 18.

2. Because I was so stupid back then, we used to have wattpad [she deleted it] and I made a new account and started talking to her there. But I didn't reveal it was me until after. But what made me start to have more problems [that's gonna come in soon] is that she literally told me that she didn't even remember me. I could've just left it off as her moving on, I could've left it with me just a unimportant person in people's lives...but I just decided to remind her of everything and sooner or later, after 8th grade, I finally made it.

I told my friend group that I didn't want them to follow me when I am with my ex. Not because I was selfish but because she was going to introduce me to people I never met [who ended up turning up with vapes and soon smoking (I never smoked.)]

She had me so isolated from literally everyone I knew, just staying in one specific area of the school. If I tried to leave, she would chase after me and drag me back. I (still being a idiot) thought it was cute so I did that for awhile. Though it changed when my friends came along.

When they saw me hanging out with my ex, they came to the group. At the time I didn't mind since they gotten along with everyone till they decided to start vaping.

[Side note: While that was happening I got a betta fish named Ninja; I rescued him from a shitty pet shop and I did so much for him. I miss him greatly now, he has indeed passed away and he does contribute to the story.]

So with that being said, when I was in Sophomore year, I started sensing stuff being off. I wasn't allowed to leave anywhere without permission, if I was watching a video and just randomly smiled or giggle I would have to show my ex what I was seeing; otherwise she would force the phone out of my hand to see for herself, I told her about my autism and yet she still didn't even mind to acknowledge it and just blatantly forget it until I remind her again. She wouldn't let me go interact with everyone else, always trying to give me so much affection to the point where it was just a blank feeling. Whenever I would cry or whatnot, there was nothing she would do except just ask this "Stop crying please" + "Not even for me?" If I didn't give her a response. [Btw, if you ever tell me "Not even for me?" Go fuck yourself. (Sounds harsh but at that point I don't want to keep all of this in mind forever.) But the worst is when I told her about my insecurities. I told her most of it, opening up a bit more. My major one [which is still going on] is my weight.

The school has this BMI chart or whatnot and freshman year I was almost considered overweight instead of healthy. So I told her not I didn't feel comfortable with my own body. I still remember back then, she would pinch my body fat and always tease about it. I would just play the happy little partner and try not to take notice of it.

Though when Ninja passed away, I went through the biggest depression era in my life. I at that point, started to hide in my classrooms. I refused to go out because I didn't want to let anyone see how much of a mess I was. I remembered people thought I must've came back from a funeral or something.

I remembered back then, I wanted to end my own life, simply because [besides depression from the death of Ninja] I thought no one would care about my existence, that no one would notice me missing. But I guess overtime, I started to think back of all the stuff I been through in the relationship and compared it to how it was to my own friend.

[If you are gonna tell me "But it's just a fish, why don't you move on?" I literally told Ninja everything, from insecurities, to frustrations, to ideas. He was a better friend than many people I knew because he would do his best to support me even on his dying breath. Just ti get me better.]

So with that being said, one of my friends [who is not vaping anymore if I can recall] came up to me all pissed off. She told me that my ex had been bawling out her eyes because she assumed I didn't love her anymore. [Yes, me being away, 2 weeks inside classrooms for brunch and lunch, meant I didn't love her anymore.]

So I guess I told her everything (this was in history class btw, not exactly important but most history classes here are like fucking libraries, dead silent so whispering was just considered a regular talking voice.) I accidentally said everything out to the rest of my classmates too and honestly, I was surprised they were shocked. But I guess because I played the "happy life girlfriend" person, that there was nothing wrong with me.

[Another side note: I was in ROTC, and they did this thing called inspections. You wear the uniform you were given (usually utilities) and you wear it the whole day until you go home. Usually on Thursdays unless something happens. But the biggest rules are 1. No boyfriends or girlfriends kissing or hugging and 2. No one is allowed to touch you.]

So with that being said, when I told my friend that I was planning to break up she told me to time it right. So as you could guess, I did it wearing utilities, I told her that I was going to cut off the relationship and I was gonna give her back her stuff.

What I didn't specify was that I broke it off because I didn't want her to feel or even deal with all my emotional problems I had. So I told myself, after 2 years, from that day on, I was not going to let anyone be with me, I wanted to let myself mature more and just not fuck up on another relationship so quick when I'm a emotional wreck.

I thought she would've done the same thing. I thought "Maybe she would take a year or so to move on, maybe see all the mistakes and move on?" Just only to find out 2 months later, her and my best cadet friend were dating.

So, I want to say that, yes, I'm happy for her I guess...made such a fast recovery or whatnot. But it felt like a big ol FUCK YOU to me, mostly because it just confirmed one of my insecurities I told her "I don't want to be forgotten, I don't want to be forgotten by everyone." Yet it already seemed bad enough that because she pulled me away from everyone, no one really cared about my existence, they wouldn't notice if I was missing, and that I really was the biggest mistake in everyone's lives. Even you, the person reading this, may as well scroll past this and not give a shit.

But if you want my honest opinion, I wanted to just tell my friend to not make the same fucking mistakes like me.

My insecurities have not been recovered, only worsen. My birthday was not too long ago, 2 days ago actually, and I honestly thought about ending it then and there.

If anyone just wants to talk to me or whatnot, not by trying to support me because of this post but because I guess there is something more to it, go ahead.

If you want to go ahead and talk to me, either to check up on me, that's fine.

But if people would just listen to everything I have, even the dark moments I...ah..

...Thank you.

I'm sorry that you just hate me more now, and I'm sorry I cause so much trouble just for this.

I just wanted people to know how I was doing I guess...so....

How was your day?

#Most likely chance you're gonna scroll past this post #I don't blame you #I don't blame the people in this story here mentioned either #Also if you scrolled past the reblog version #Aha #you got too see this shit again

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bungoustraydogsbigbang · 4 years

Text

We’ve come to the end of the Soukoku Big Bang 2019! Before we move on to the master post for 2019, we would like to express our sincerest thanks to all of you. It has been a wild ride and us mods couldn’t thank our participants enough for being such lovely people to work with. There’ll also be a feedback form the participants can fill in! The link will be distributed through email and shared in our discord server. We would like to know how you think about us and how you would like us to improve through our feedback form!

If you missed your chance this year, don’t worry, we’ll be back again in 2020! Do stay tuned for some exciting information on where this event will be going next year! We have some “big news” waiting for you!

Without further ado, here’s the masterpost for all entries of Soukoku Big Bang 2019!

M A S T E R P O S T

It Was Worth Trying by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by Misa

Rating: General Audiences

Seeing Dazai float face down in a river was not all that unusual. True, it hadn't happened in four years, but the view was not exactly a foreign one. No, what was foreign was the fact that Dazai seemed to be shorter. And younger. And didn't remember him. In retrospect, Chuuya probably shouldn't have let the boy call Mori because that allowed his boss to put him on babysitting duty.

(Or Dazai gets deaged. No romance will happen till they are both the same age again.)

Bandaged Sheep by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by Abel

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

There had been something very weird, very off about the new recruit. He had popped up out of thin air a few months ago, wrapped from head to toe in bandages. Not a word of what he did before, saying he wanted to join the sheep. He wasn't strong or skilled, and truly, there was no logical reason for Chuuya to pay him any mind.

But then the Port Mafia put a huge bounty on his head and things started to get interesting

these days, you’re fine by AquarianTwin | Art by Nella

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Fifth-grade classmates Q and Aya are convinced that their older brothers would make a perfect pair if they’d just stop fighting for five minutes. Dazai and Chuuya, who have been dating for over a year, find this too funny to correct them.

Dazai takes in his younger sibling, Q, after they’re removed from their father’s home. Overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising of a child when he can barely keep himself alive some days, Dazai leans on his partner, Chuuya, to help lead him through. It’s a good thing Q gets along so well with Chuuya’s younger sister, but Dazai thinks he might die of laughter if the pair try to “secretly” set him up on another date with his own boyfriend.

Project Pinocchio by EKmisao | Art by Ginny

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

What kept the youngest mafia executive alive enough was a new file, on a newly-acquired powerful cyborg. It started as a project to keep a cyborg a boy. It became more than he expected.

Outrunning Fate by RocketJams | Art by Nanamin

Rating: Not Rated

Chuuya laid in the hospital bed, his consciousness slipping away slowly as he patiently awaited his demise. The doctors had assured him he wouldn't feel a thing but for some reason he couldn't shake this feeling his chest. An subtle pain which at this point had coaxed his stomach into a frenzy. Something was wrong but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

In Isolation He Thrived by Maddy | Art by Leo

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

All his life Dazai felt like a tool, a pawn that was just tossed aside when not needed. He was looked down on and felt useless, so slowly a fire ignited within him and turned him into a merciless person also well known as a "Soulless Demon".

He always believed he was destined to do wrong until one day when he finds Chuuya who proves him wrong.

S8 (TBA)

i step from here without you by fatimé | Art by eva

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

“I used Corruption because I trusted you,” Chuuya gasps out, and the words leave a hole the size of Yokohama in his chest. He punches Dazai right where that hole is and hopes it hurts him just as much as it hurts Chuuya.

Dazai smiles. He catches him when his vision finally goes dark and the next thing Chuuya wakes to is emptiness in his heart and a stack of neatly folded clothes.

In one universe, they’re partners-turned enemies, the former Double Black, the most fearsome duo in Port Mafia history. They’re Soukoku and they’re spiteful and they’re tangled up in one another more than they’d care to admit.

In another, they’re—

S10 (TBA)

In Blood we are Sealed by Chaosia | Art by RedZeverin

Dazai stared at his subordinate and the white tiger passed out on the ground, dismayed. It almost worked. This was the fourth person they've went to. There was one more person Dazai could take Atsushi to but he had enough reason to guess that it wouldn't work.

Dazai made a face.

There was one person Dazai knew who could do the job. He'd successfully commit suicide though before that gremlin ever found out he had such thoughts. The taste of metallic filled his mouth. He held in the urge to spit it out.

His ears rang as he imagined a shrieking voice yelling his name like it was the worst insult one could come up with and the mirage of fire that surrounded those blue eyes and foul mouth. Ugh, he was so annoying even in his imagination...and short.

Sticking a pinky into his ear to clear out the haunting voice, Dazai went about gathering up his apprentice and the tiger. Maybe fate would take pity on him and this next trip would solve their problem...

He could feel the cursed blood laughing at him all the way back to their hotel room.

Or a magical AU where Dazai inadvertently gets Atsushi cursed and they have to go to Chuuya, a powerful witch in his own right, to break it.

S14 (TBA)

Quatervois by TheWanderingTanteiThief | Art by King

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Quatervois (n.) a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one's life

Chuuya didn't expect to see a man hanging from a tree.

Chuuya didn't expect to meet the man again.

Chuuya certainly didn't expect the man to be the crown prince of the kingdom.

...or cardverse au where Dazai is an asshole and Chuuya just wants to have a peaceful life. Is that too much to ask?

flaws and all by alli | Art by phryn

The transition Dazai and Chuuya routinely make between their heated arguing and completely seamless teamwork is being disrupted by their changing relationship. Which is an issue, because the two of them have been assigned to what could possibly be the most important undercover mission of their careers. Will they be able to strengthen their partnership for the better, or will it crack under the ever growing pressure?

As much as he craved that, as easy as it would be to do, it terrified him.

So, he didn’t.

Mirror Mirror In My Eye by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by cchibikko

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai didn't have much hope for the next few years of Hogwarts, but would have liked to wait at least a few till Arahabaki noticed him.

Never such luck for the resident mummy.

School year was already shitty as it was, but now he has a fiery angry redhead demanding answers he's not ready to give

Fuck.

thy kingdom come by chubsthehamster | Art by Stella Rasu

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

In a bid to save their continent from destruction, the kingdoms of Ada and the Port Mafia must put aside their years of tension to form an uneasy alliance. An act of holy matrimony unites Princes Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya, marking the beginning of an infamous partnership.

The affair is strictly political, and perhaps for the better. The two hate each other from the beginning.

should we never meet again by setosdarkness | Art by phryn

Rating: Mature

Sixteen women have been killed by a vicious serial killer haunting Yokohama’s streets.

Dazai has been chosen to become a part of the elite Bloody Valentine Task Force, even if he personally thinks that it’d be a lot more fun to stay at home with his boyfriend. Especially since it took years to convince Chuuya to finally move in with him.

It’s just a coincidence that Chuuya’s agreed to move in with him the moment he’s been chosen to become a part of the Task Force, right?

Resolving the Matter in Spirit by ASentientSlug | Art by Tomomorey

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai's boring, everyday life ends in an accidental double suicide, but instead of facing the sweet release of endless sleep, Dazai finds himself in the Spirit World, where nothing is familiar and dangerous, soul-eating spirits lurk behind every corner. To get out, Dazai must confront the ghosts of his past and the ghosts of his present when one very familiar and yet very dangerous spirit takes Dazai under his wing.

If We Ever Meet Again by Luc | Art by Saiel

Rating: Mature

It all started with diamonds.

Chuuya thinks he would've been just as attracted to it if it wasn't for the equally shiny police badge in his pocket.

It all ends with a silver bullet.

For someone as talented in the dance of crime, Dazai has developed quite a bias about the jewels that would catch anybody's fancy.

Diamonds? They're overrated. Old. Boring.

Rubies? Sapphires?

Now those—

—those are worth getting caught for.

keep your windows open by Maristella | Art by Einjjjj

Rating: General Audiences

Usually, whenever Chuuya jumped, he flew.

This was not one of those times.

(Or, alternatively, where Chuuya breaks into Dazai's mansion as a thief, and comes out as a kidnapper. Even though he's also sort of a kid. And it's also not kidnapping.)

(Not when the victim bribed the kidnapper to take him.)

“You do know that the treasure doesn’t exist, right?”

“The what?”

“The treasure. You know, the one in the rumours. It doesn’t exist.”

“…are you screwing with me?”

“No?”

“I’m not an idiot. If there’s no treasure, why else are you here then?”

“Um…this is my house?”

(Also featuring: Chuuya and the different types of falling.)

half of my half by keptein | Art by manwe.russingon

Rating: Mature

No one understands why Dazai’s dæmon looks like a boy more often than not.

Book One: Fire by chuuzuke | Art by wandiwoo

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Avatar The Last Airbender/Korra AU: The world has changed. Technology can meet nearly every need, to the point where bending is considered a relic of the past, and with it, the Avatar. In fact, no one has seen the Avatar for nearly 100 years, and most people prefer to keep it that way.

Nakahara Chuuya, Prince of the Fire Nation, more than understands what it's like to be considered a relic. After the Fire nation moved to a parliamentary system, the title of Fire Lord is a largely ceremonial one, and Chuuya struggles under the burden of an office that restricts his every move without giving him any actual power to enact change.

When he runs away, intent on finding his own path, it seems like fate when he runs into Dazai Osamu, a mysterious man who claims he has a way to cure the unexplained illness Chuuya has suffered from his whole life.

peace lily by intimatopia | Art by phryn

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

They say you don’t truly know a person until you live with them. Dazai and Chuuya would argue that they know more about each other than one ought to know about anyone else.

Or: Mori forces 15 year old Dazai and Chuuya to share a flat because he doesn’t trust them to be on their own, and he thinks it’ll be a good way for them to bond.

Dazai and Chuuya think he's a sadist.

Two rambunctious teen boys, left to their own devices in a multi-million dollar penthouse. What could possibly go wrong?

of flowers and verses by lua & lanipalmer | Art by Yahuri

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

For years, Nakahara Chuuya has been pining over the ex-mafioso himself, Dazai Osamu. So what better to vent than through poetry? Combined with his (frankly, alarming) knowledge of flower languages, this is a story about Chuuya and his frustrations and desires.

Still Worth Fighting For by Maru | Art by ewe

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

"In which Chuuya never joins the port mafia, stops using his ability for fighting out of guilt, and later becomes a hacker.

His life had been relatively peaceful until one day, Dazai appears again at his doorstep asking for his help to find information on ‘The Rats.’"

The Necromancer by Ru | Art by etsuki_haru

Rating: Mature

If you venture into the slums of Suribachi City, you’ll find the witch Dazai Osamu, known as the Necromancer, and his barely tamed beast, Arahabaki. If you bring to him the bones of someone, he will bring that person back to life - in exchange for some of your lifespan. But bringing a soul back from the dead turn a heart twisted. Did you get your wish, or dig your own grave? These are the grim tales of a witch and a creature, trying to figure out their humanity, overseeing the consequences of taking death too lightly.

S34 (TBA)

fire and calamity by Jasmine | Art by Zen

Arahabaki has left its vessel, leaving Chuuya in a comatose state. Dazai and the rest of the ADA now have to track the god down and capture it for two reasons. One, because Chuuya knows the whereabouts of the Book. Two, because if they don't, they lose him forever. (ADA!Chuuya, established!SKK)

S38 (TBA)

fight our way to heaven by kiwi | Art by chicchii

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

The redhead had a fire in him that made Dazai want to poke and prod until he could see the limits. Chuuya was so alive and for the first time since Dazai could remember, he wanted to taste and feel that fire.

What he didn’t account for was that the decision to follow Chuuya would lead him to discovering memories he didn’t know he had and it would make them a target for all ability organizations in Yokohama.

Or the one where we have teen skk against the world.

Everything Comes Back To You by Catsby | Art by Mai

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

In the period after the war for the Book, the Port Mafia finds itself in need of a Boss. The logical choice for that position would be Chuuya - except Chuuya has gone missing.

Après Un Rêve by manwe.russingon | Art by Sebby

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

"I wandered long, methought, alone

to the deep shadow where the dead dwell,

but ever a voice that I knew well,

like bells, like viols, like harps, like birds,

like music moving without words,

called me, called me through the night,

enchanted drew me back to the light!"

Nakahara Chuuya, the elven lord commander of the kingsguard of kingdom of Mirkwood, singing in the woods. With a sudden intervention from Dazai Osamu, a mysterious being that was caught in between his tunes, they became best friends afterwards. Or perhaps it is more than that?

Time to time, one story comes with another. The truth finally unveils, and the clock is ticking faster. What exactly is Dazai? Why does he act so familiarly to Chuuya? And perhaps the biggest question we need the answer is: What makes them always connected, even for thousands of years?

S42 by chuuzuke | Art by willofjokerXIX

Lost All Judgement by todxrxki | Art by Yahuri

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

“Uh, sorry, but unfortunately I already have a date to the dance.”

“Oh, really?” Tachihara says, sounding disappointed. He pauses for a second, clearly processing what Chuuya’s just told him, and then says, “Who is it?”

Chuuya certainly hadn’t budgeted for this.

Panicking, he tries to think of the people that he knows that are single, and before he knows it, the first name that comes to mind is slipping out of his mouth. “With Dazai.” / After a momentary lapse in judgment, high school student Chuuya ends up having to pretend to date his enemy Dazai to get Tachihara off of his back - and quickly finds it's nowhere as bad as he'd imagined.

Of Boxers and Bachelors by writingfromtheshadows | Art (1 & 2 & 3) by Angella

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

When Dazai Osamu gets cut off from the family's coffers in an attempt to regulate his behavior, he decides to find a way around his father's ultimatum. Faking an engagement with an underground boxer sounds like the perfect scandal...

Crimson Memoirs by Luneath & Abel | Art by lefterstein

Rating: Mature

By the power of great ancient magic, supernatural beings are aptly hidden just behind the eyelids of humans. Vampires, witches, weres, faeries – all of them live and exist out of the fairy tales books.

Humans' eyes are just shielded into not comprehending their true nature, their magic, and their trickery. To protect them, the Gods say. But Dazai has always known that he’s no ordinary human. From the gift of seeing beyond the magic veil to the peculiar dreams to the aching, hollow feeling hugging his chest in a tight embrace – he knows he’s different.

What Dazai doesn’t know is that this isn’t the start of his story and the stranger with glowing blue eyes that have always been the center of his recurring dreams. What Dazai doesn’t know is that this is not exactly his first life. Dazai doesn't know a lot of things. But with time, he will come to know that he doesn't mind dying the second time for Chuuya.

entanglement by Shinkirou | Art by Zevy

Rating: Mature

Not everyone has a destined partner. Theoretically, even Dazai and Chuuya aren't supposed to. Are being programmed not to, even.

But whether they're "meant" to be together or not is irrelevant. Dazai wants Chuuya to be his, and so Chuuya will be his.

... If only it were actually that simple.

pointless by Lua | Art by Behax

Rating: Explicit

It was an annoyance after everything that happened, and yet, Chuuya found himself on the doorsteps of a man that he had more than enough reasons to kill. He could come up with excuses, but he was not in the habit of lying to himself. At times, Chuuya would describe their relationship as an addiction he couldn't get rid of. This was ridiculous. Dazai was now a traitor and a coward; what did that make of Chuuya himself to know where to find him and keep that a secret?

Latent Identities by RocketJams | Art by Seiran

Rating: Explicit

He could deny it however many times he wanted to, but Dazai could see through it every time. The lies over his lips, the false smiles and misleading words. He could fool anyone else into believing he was who he said he was. Though whenever he smiled, Dazai could feel it. Something was wrong, he wasn't Chuuya.

N6 (TBA)

Before I Fall by hellosweetie17 | Art by Nanamin

Rating: Explicit

Chuuya’s oblivious to the circumstances surrounding their fragile world; Dazai’s made sure of it.

Mighty Long Fall by quinnlocke | Art by Xoinks

Rating: Mature

When Dazai betrays the ADA for the Port Mafia, he’s greeted as the prodigal son. That doesn’t mean he’s trusted, however, and now that he’s betrayed the Port Mafia and ADA alike, he has far more enemies than friends. As Dazai works to survive the heart of the viper’s nest, it quickly becomes clear that Chuuya will save him - or be the reason he fails.

Chuuya, meanwhile, knows Dazai too well to trust that his cards are on the table. But as he finds himself at Dazai’s mercy, and caught between loyalties, he realizes there’s no other option but to master the god that lives beneath his skin and hope he survives long enough to protect the organization to whom he’s sworn his life.

But first they both must realize that a mighty long fall awaits.

moonshine voyage by setosdarkness | Art by Behax

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai's plan to stop Fyodor involves sacrificing his life. He should have known that even the best-made plans are useless when there’s someone like Chuuya out there, who just won’t stop saving him.

A journey of growing and growing old together.

[or: chuuya saves dazai's life by linking their souls & lifespans together]

Lifeline by Abel | Art (1 & 2 & 3) by phryn

Rating: Explicit

Nakahara Chuuya is a normal kid. He has two parents who loves him very much even though he's not really their son. He's a good student even though he's not on top. He's popular and has a lot of friends. Everything in his life is fine-- perfectly fine.

Until he bumps into another kid his age, bandages wrapped all over him. Dazai Osamu-- he said his name was, with a tone of amusement and yet tinged with longing.

Little did he know, that fated meeting will change his life forever.

Can’t Be Tamed by stargazerlilith | Art by Abel

Rating: Explicit

The boss of the Port Mafia is merciless against those who oppose him.

Well he was, until he resigned himself to the fate of the notorious dating app known as Tinder.

We hope you enjoy the masterpieces made by our talented participants! See you again next year!

#soukoku #soukokubigbang2019 #bungou stray dogs #Dazai Osamu #Nakahara Chuuya #fanfiction #fanart #bsd

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