#the shit that people think is acceptable to say to me is just horrifying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slocumjoe · 1 year

Note

hey uhhh i went thru ur oc post history and u said gus set himself on fire?? pls context

I love this character because whenever someone asks about him I always have to take a deep breath and get comfortable and suck a breath in through my teeth. I treat him so poorly

More Gus lore, because that specific event is actually tied to the very first event that would fuck him up forever, so I can't really talk about it without going in depth.

This is explaining the core tenent of Augustijn's story, which is guilt and its dangers. Basically, where that constant guilt came from, and how it...turned out for him...

It turns out okay. Just...takes 200+ years, an apocalypse, a divorce, and his son dying! 🥳Yay🥳

Tw; Religious trauma, child abuse, suicide, drug use, cannibalism, mental illnesses, and yet another suicide attempt.

So, some background, Gus's mom, Emma, was a fanatic catholic and generally Bat Shit about religion. As you might imagine, this is the Direct Source of both Gus' questionable worldviews, traumas, and his biological inclination to uuuhhh bad Head Times.

Emma was raised mildly religious, but she...took to it too hard? Her family was not the cause of her obsession, Gus's grandparents and uncles/aunts over there actually cut her off at one point, because she was starting to worry them but reaching out led to her lashing out. So, they just...backed off. Emma herself was a simple, homebody woman, who wanted to be at home raising her kids, and tending her garden. She would have been this way even without the religious thing.

But Emma and her side of the family were prone to addiction, see? And religion became her point of fixation and obsession. This could have still been okay, if not for the church she went into. A catholic church in the Hague that was known by all for being kind of fucking out there, even by other hardcore Catholics. This was one she went into, and even her grandchild 240+ years later would feel the ripple of this decision.

Emma goes into church and gets gnarly ideas about how life works. Its a woman's duty to have kids and raise them, to be good to her husband and her house, to listen and obey her men. Sin is inevitable and everyone does it, only those that admit and accept punishment can get another chance at Paradise. God knows every action you take and he does not care for the context, he only cares about the action. There is no "well, but" under the Lord.

Emma has mental illness, some kind of depression and anxiety, so this Big Brother Watching And Judging fucked her up. Especially since her church, in particular, was physically abusive if you did not confess to anything during confession. They thought if you had nothing to confess, you were lying.

At this point, she's met and engaged to Theodore Reinier, a rich heir to a European manufacturing company. He's pretty, a gentleman, and best of all, rich, so she can have as big and luxurious a garden as she wants. She likes him. She does not love him. She's in her twenties and unmarried with no kids, and her poor family needs to be taken care of. So she marries him. Theodore is smart enough to see this for what it is, and kind enough to allow it. He lets his wife do her own thing and treats her as a friend, rather than a lover. She hates this, she wants to be a wife (she doesnt). She wants kids, he gives her one. Augustijn. This birth goes rough, and she's told no more children.

Theodore makes one rule; August goes to a different church, or he does not go at all. Theo really didn't like Emma's church and he certainly wasn't exposing his kid to that shit.

Emma pretends to agree and takes Gus to That Church. Theo doesn't attend, so he doesn't know this is happening until much later. Gus gets all the same nasty shit Emma does. Theo learns of this when he sees Gus covered in bruises from confession beatings. This puts a huge rift between him and Emma, and he pulls all the strings he can to have her church shut down.

Emma grows to resent and hate Theo and Augustijn for not being the perfect husband and child she deserves as a good, God fearing house wife. Augustijn is left to his nannies, Emma hides away in her private garden, fuming. Theodore tries to bond with his son, but Emma's poisoned that well.

Emma tells Augustijn about demons, to fear them. She specifically tells him about church grims, demons that hunt around churches in the form of a dog to drag sinners to hell. She says this as she's admiring her new obsidian dog statues for her garden.

Eventually, Emma goes yellow wallpaper and loses her mind, and is sent to therapy and put on medications. Augustijn loathes his father for his mother's state. Theodore just wants his friend and son okay. But Emma, as she's out in town, coming back from therapy, she stops at a friend's house while the friend isn't there, and hooks up with the woman's husband. Friend's husband was stern, strict with his wife, God fearing, and generally an obnoxious 50s ideal shithead husband. Everything Emma wanted. This wasn't out of nowhere, it was brewing in the background. She knew both of them from her old church.

Emma goes home, and finally having a reason for the guilt that's always plagued her, elects to acknowledge her sin. She drowns herself in the pond of her garden, stared down by three dark, ruby-eyed dogs, overseeing her passage into the afterlife. Her young son comes into the garden to meet his mother, after she's been gone all day, only to find her in a red pool. He looks up into the eyes of the dogs. He remembers nothing of this incident, blocking it out and having been too young to understand.

Years pass, and Augustijn turns to drugs as well, though his come from the darkest parts of the Hague, rather than a doctor. He turns to sex, to crime, to anything he thinks will either corrupt him so much he doesn't care, or will finally make his guilt feel justified. He wears his mother's cross necklace through it all, and sees her beloved dog with every sin.

Augustijn goes to America for college, to Harvard, studying to become a pastor himself. (This is maybe the most terrifying part of him, the fact that he almost got it). But he doesn't feel satisfied with it, has a moment of clarity and realizes he isn't fit to preach anything. The grim certainly doesn't think so. He instead follows his only friend, Isadora, into the military. The US government allowing their soldiers to do chems means his failed drug tests don't matter.

Augustijn becomes a sniper. He has always hurt people, excelled in it, but taking life frightens him, because he knows he has no right to decide who lives or dies, not like this. But he's in China, and he's told to kill. He does, and he's very good at it. His teammates marvel at just how scrappy and determined he is, like a weed, a mold.

The Biandukou Pass Incident occurs. He eats his entire team, trapped in a Chinese mountain range during a blizzard.

Delirious from almost two months of surviving on nothing but psycho and human flesh, Augustijn is let loose back into Boston, honorably discharged. His lingering hallucinations from his Daytripper addiction, mixed with psycho withdrawal, trauma, guilt, shame, the fear of God—everything culminates. He looks up and sees the figure that has haunted him since that one, awful day; the church grim, staring expectantly.

His mother drowned herself, so he thought it fitting if he set himself ablaze.

#ss; alter #I hate to put a word to his specific illness because you always get people like 'this isnt what i think this is like so pls die'#but i imagine he'd be diagnosed with hppd #hallucinogen persisting perception disorder. basically lingering effects of hallucinogenics after use #the point of emma is that she did not ever see past the shit #Augustijn gradually learns how to reject his guilt and view himself objectively #and comes to see how he was hurt and how he hurt others. and accepts that he has a right to feel hurt but an obligation to be better #emma doesnt. she never would have even if she survived her attempt #its like. you only feel guilt because its a concept put into you #and emma taught him guilt. always feel dirty and shameful.#but. she didnt feel guilty. not really. she was confident in all of her actions and never once hesistated #she thought it was guilt just because she knew how it would look to other people. thats not guilt thats awareness.#she wasnt guilty she feared repercussions.#meanwhile her son grew up always ashamed and horrified at himself and was desperate for any kind of comeuppance #not to make it okay because he knew it wouldn't. but because he deserved it #accountability and justice are also big concepts in gus' character. the idea that someone becoming better and earnestly doing it #is better and more worthwhile than them suffering for their actions. this comes up with the Institute and Isadora #anyway if any of you come at me bitching about portaying a woman as abusive im biting #'joe no one does fhat' they literally do. its happened to me before. yall say you support womens wrongs until theyre abusive moms #anyway. fun fact; being beaten during confessions is why gus cant admit when hes done wrong for like 30 years. its a trauma/trigger #gus really is just. 'how do i process what happened to me without losing my mind'#and he lost his mind. but he does everything he can to find it again. because he doesnt want to feel this way anymore

10 notes · View notes

cuntstable · 2 years

Text

i would honest rather kill myself than watch this but thanks youtube

#like… okay…. i love berserk and i think its a story with important things to say and a lot of nuance and interesting philosophy. thats the #draw for me and a lot of other people. BUT im not gonna blame people for being turned off of it by the darl shit in it 😭 like…. i get the #impulse to try and defend berserk from like bad first impressions it can give to people but certainly mocking (mostly kids btw??) for being #grossed out by all the violence and gore…. thats not gonna do anything? that wont lead to actual discussions on if its worth it to consume #stories that involve a lot of really horrifying elements. and it definitely wont lead to discussions on if and when that kind of content is #acceptable and when it turns into just gratuoitous exploitation. and a case could definitely be made that despite how carefully berserk #handeles a lot of thing it definitely did overstep that line in its early days especially. but nooo We Must Make Fun Of People #who rightfully might be alarmed? especially if theyre kids who arent really familiar with horror or adult works lol #and even then some people just dont like tragedies and dark stories. its fine. grow up!!!!!

2 notes · View notes

a-hazbin-reader · 3 months

Note

Gods I just have the funniest idea ever!

Can you do where Alastor will just do the most demonic, cannibalistic and brutal things ever (that even Lucifer was convinced that this mf CANNOT be redeem) but wifey was just sighing, heart eyes and goes 'isn't he the most adorable 🥰'

YES-

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Murder, Cannibalism

Description: ☝️⬆️

A lot of people tend to forget that you're ALSO in hell for a reason, assuming you to be Alastor's loving wife and not thinking beyond that

They forget that you love all of your husband, even his twisted side that scares everyone else

Maybe they somehow missed the days you tenderly wiped blood of his face after a particularly large meal of demons who got in his way

"You really should be more mindful of the mess you're making, hiding this lovely face with all this blood."

"Apologies, darling~"

Or the way you would sigh happily whenever the radio static in his voice would intensify due to anger

"He's so cute when he's angry~"

They were probably too busy staring at his humongous demon form to notice how you practically swooned and got weak in the knees at the sight

"Oh honey~ In public~?"

Nobody except Husker, who has been with you two long enough to know just how fucked up you are

Somehow, nobody at the hotel seems to notice any of these signs until Husk points it out to them

"How did that creepy fucker even pull Y/N anyways? There's no way that bitch is actually into his mess!"

Charlie is trying to shut Angel up before either you or your husband hear him, Vaggie nodding in agreement with Angel

Until Husk slams back a shot and points you, innocently reading and sitting in Alastor's lap

"What the fuck? Have any of you actually been using your eyes!? She fucking loves the shit he pulls!"

Everyone's whips their heads around to look at you in surprise, you only laugh and play with the ends of your husband's hair

Alastor's head does a full turn as he gives them a smug grin as he accepts a small kiss on the cheek from you

"What can I say? I'm just irresistible~"

They all start to pay closs attention to your relationship with Alastor after that, especially when he being particularly monstrous

And of course, Husk was fucking right

Alastor is squeezing some guy to death with a tentacle? You're fanning yourself from the balcony with your hand

"Isn't he just the most handsome man you've ever seen? Is it hot out here? I feel like it's hot out here..!"

"...sure, doll..."

You miss the way Angel scoots away from you and hides behind Vaggie

He's dangling another poor soul over his mouth and cackling at that sound of their terror? Suddenly, everyone sees the kiss you blow his way and the wink he gives you

"Remember to chew, darling~! I don't want you to get a stomachache from that lowlife!"

"Darling, you're embarrassing me..!"

Charlie is torn between being horrified and thinking that you two are the cutest couple ever

Alastor decapitates the next one and brings you the head as a gift? You're blushing and holding it like he just gave you a precious bouquet of flowers

"Oh, Alastor, aren't you just the most man romantic in hell~"

"I thought you might enjoy it~"

He looks so pleased with himself, leaning in to accept a gracious kiss on the cheek from his beloved wife

Vaggie is just so visibly shocked, looking at Husk in disbelief, the bartender simply rolling his eyes

"I told you, she's just as fucked up in the head as he is."

They all watch in shock as Alastor picks you up and carries you inside, the sound of your delighted giggling haunting them

Enjoy~

#hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin x reader

2K notes · View notes

lakesbian · 5 months

Text

attention everyone we have reached my personal favorite Line in worm

I stepped toward Sundancer and offered a hand to help her up. She flinched away. Oh. My hands were bloody. I dropped the offered hand to my side. “Let’s go,” I suggested.

there are a lot of good Lines in worm, and while i will acknowledge that many of them are sort of objectively more powerful culminating moments than this one, this one is still My Personal Favorite. Oh. My hands were bloody.

it's been obvious through the early arcs that taylor has a lot of repressed anger: she beats the shit out of rachel, even after being bitten. she outright admits to the other undersiders that she hasn't taken subtle revenge on the trio at school because she's afraid she would take it too far/it would obviously be her. she is, initially, unnerved by violence: she's a bit scared by the gun present in the loft, it creeps her out that brian knows every way to break a person's body, she feels guilt about the idea of any civilians being hurt during the bank robbery. but she still beat up rachel, and she still shoves bugs up the wards' noses during the robbery, and she still gleefully rides rachel's dog and laughs and hollers from the joy and the adrenaline rush of victory afterwards.

the expression of this repressed anger thru violence escalates further when her concussion leads her to slapping emma in the mall. in the principal's office, when it's clear that nothing she or her dad says will garner help with the bullying, she shouts and slaps papers off the table and asks what would happen if she brought a knife to school. after she and her dad leave the meeting, she calls lisa:

“Hey. How did it go?” I couldn’t find the words for a reply. “That bad?” “Yeah.” “What do you need?” “I want to hit someone.”

lisa invites her to a raid on the ABB so she can do that, and it's soo. Sooo Very. to watch how she cuts loose on it. she's so angry rachel notices it in how she's standing, and she's still confused about how rachel noticed. she's a confident leader when the fight goes crisis mode, she responds to rachel bucking against her orders by consistently shouting at rachel to "NOT fuck with me right now," she acts nigh-suicidally aggressive during her fight with lung, and she snarls "don't fucking underestimate me" when she takes him out using a caterpillar dipped in newter's blood.

all of this happens in relatively subtle increments. she doesn't notice how she progressively becomes comfortable expressing herself and taking charge instead of withdrawing or acting insecurely during the course of the mission. she doesn't notice that she's not horrified by dealing with newter's wound or seeing the sniper's broken leg. back in unmasked society, she was forced to consider how many of her aggressive actions were the result of the concussion loosening her impulse control--here, she repeatedly yells at bitch without a second thought. it's a place where her violence and anger isn't only acceptable but necessary. the circumstances normalize her outbursts and comfort with violence to her, leaving her blind to how alienated and dissociated and repressed and traumatized and furious and just Fucked Up she has to be to face down lung and then dig his eyes out.

when she says that she "doesn't believe in eye for an eye," in arc 4 alec asks her why the fuck she's a supervillain. his implicit assertion is clear: being a villain is, for him, about taking your revenge for being hurt out on whoever you can manage or justify, even if they're not the person who originally hurt you. and taylor thinks she's not doing that. but hey: she goes beyond just "hitting someone" and into literally taking lung's eyes as a culmination of the cathartic violence she's been engaging in as recompense for how she was mistreated earlier.

and the person who serves as a more "normal" reference point for how far taylor just escalated is sundancer: horrified by the idea of having to use her sun to hurt people, shocked by how casually violent taylor has been, flinching away from taylor when she turns to sundancer after committing that violence & tries to offer sundancer help.

because, oh. her hands are bloody. she hadn't even noticed how bloody they were getting, but they are.

deeply evocative one-line reminder of how taylor has changed in these first five arcs, without even noticing. and the best part is that, while the imagery of "oh. my hands were bloody" does convey that change in an incredibly brief and powerful way, the fact that taylor is saying it still means even she hasn't really realized. she thinks it's mainly just about the superficial, literal blood on her hands, and not the metaphorical blood on her hands that sundancer is disturbed by. it's good.

#wormtime 2 #wormtime 2 arc 5 #wormblr #parahumans

502 notes · View notes

trans-queen-administrator · 9 months

Text

Taylor being paranoid about her passenger is such a fun character trait. Like none of her friends really seemed to give much of a shit when they learned about passengers from Bonesaw, but Taylor consistently notes the times her passenger acted without her consent, she tries to talk with it, communicate with it, just anything to learn what this thing that can control her without her say wants with her. One of my favorite little details is that during the timeskip this was the focus of a lot of her therapy sessions with Yamada, trying methods like hypnosis to communicate. I think part of it is that she's inherently just paranoid about the fact that this thing is helping her sometimes and she doesn't know why and she HAS to figure it out because no one would help out of the kindness of their heart, and another part is just that she can't bear to not be in control and this is something that threatens that in a very ominous way.

Another aspect of her paranoia towards her passenger is that she doesn't want to take blame for her own actions I think. During the Behemoth fight when her ally tried to shoot Phil Sē, she pulled the gun off target with silk and got him killed. She's the one who pulled the string, but because she's genuinely unsure if it was her being wary or her passenger setting up the string she settles on the second option because it absolves her of the possible blame or need to admit she's paranoid and ready to betray people in an instance. When Glenn shows her the video of her being the most terrifying fucker in existence she ignores how horrifying she is and fixated on how her passenger moved her, and then she doesn't have to think about the fact that she'd fit right into the ranks of the Slaughterhouse Nine because well, she can blame her passenger and focus on that instead. This applies to other people too, she sees Lung not using his power and thinks that maybe he's concerned about his passenger like she is. She projects hard onto Sophia in my opinion when she says that she got violent because of her passenger. If this person she doesn't like isn't to blame for everything she inflicted on Taylor, the surely Taylor can't be blamed for the violent steps she took to take over a city. It's another way she rationalizes everything to herself, if something is so bad that she can't justify it immediately there's always the excuse of "my passenger made me do it." But crucially, Taylor ends up being aware of the fact that she's doing this during Gold Morning.

And I think it's really good that this is something she grows and accepts about herself. It's wonderful growth for a character who's so often too stubborn to move herself forward. She's generally more in touch with her passenger during Gold Morning, like the time when she thinks that her and her passenger were in agreement in wanting to hurt Scion on the oil rig. No one else in Worm really seems to accept their passengers, Riley is questioning how much of herself has been subsumed by it, Eidolon is always annoyed it doesn't give what he wants, and most other people don't even know about them. But Taylor forms a bit of a symbiosis with hers after a long time rejecting it at every turn. I think this quote really sums up her feelings towards the end.

And by towards the end I mean like, at the very end, because immediately after this thought she becomes Khepri, and yet another fucking theme and character trait cumulates and reaches its peak with Speck. God damn what a good arc. The blur between Taylor and her passenger that she always feared is finally an actual thing consuming her, and she can finally communicate with her passenger as well. I do wonder what this is like on her passengers end. It's clearly down for the idea of killing its maker, and it's heavily implied that her passenger does care and doesn't want to actually leave Taylor as a husk (too lazy to get the quote because I've been typing for 45 minutes but Contessa remarks upon the administrator claiming everything about her until there's nothing left and she feels fear that she thinks is from both her and her passenger. 30.7 I think, near the end). But there's still so much about Taylor's passenger that's unknown. Was communication something it may have wanted when Taylor kept trying to communicate, but doing so required punching holes in the connection that would lead to more bleed through and functionally destroy its host? Did it slowly grow to care for Taylor more than the cycle, or was it always wanting to fight Scion? Did Taylor's autistic swag convince a multidimensional alien made of crystal to rebel? Is Queen Administrator trans? Idk how to end this post if it's not obvious, sorry.

#worm #parahumans #taylor hebert #skitter #weaver #khepri #queen administrator #ramble #sorry for the abrupt ending but uhhh enjoy the thoughts #travesty I haven't posted about this a lot yet considering my url #also just edited out like 4 typos whoops. sleeby

293 notes · View notes

sixosix · 1 year

Text

KATSUKI & IZUKU: IT WENT LIKE THAT

( ? ) an interview from you (following the events of “it goes like this”)

you’re not saying you regret coming here, but you regret coming here a little bit.

“so, y/n-san,” kana says with a dangerous sparkle in her eyes. you’re acutely aware of the camera pointed right at you. “onto the next question: who’s your celebrity crush?”

“celebrity crush…? oh, that’s a hard one.” there are excited murmurs from the audience, all speculating. there are whispers about bakugou and izuku’s names; you pointedly ignore them. “i don’t know, really. a tie between mirko and hawks.”

izuku is going to grill you about this later.

“ah, makes sense,” kana nods, accepting your answer without further digging. “they’re the top two every time i ask that question.”

you don’t know how to respond to that, so you opt for a smile and a nod.

kana lights up when she moves on to the next question, and the people seated in rows across you fall hushed in anticipation. she giggles, almost maniacally, bringing the mic closer to her lips.

“you’re really close with deku and dynamight, right?”

you already know where this is going. with practiced ease, you lean against the couch, picking careful words that wouldn’t make villains froth in the mouths for a chance to break your ties. “we’re a trio.”

“right, right!” kana shivers with glee. “so, tell us about your favorite moment with deku and dynamight!”

there are cheers of encouragement and approval, nearly startling you out of your seat had you not been prepared. but any mention of their names when talking to you is always the most prominent font in headlines.

you have a feeling that once you return home, you’ll be bombarded with a series of explosions from katsuki and embarrassed whining from izuku. but that’s a problem for you later—right now, you’re here to please the audience.

“what’s my favorite moment with deku and dynamight?”

your first and favorite memory with bakugou katsuki was witnessing the start of his crude language. he taught you the phrase ‘eat shit and die’, and you find it funny to say, so you let him teach you.

he found out about it from a world-weary employee walking past and cursing out his phone, frustrated to hell. he wasn’t dressed like a villain, only someone who carried dark eyebags and a dingy, old phone. he shut up pretty quickly upon the sight of katsuki’s sharp red eyes as if expecting him to tattle tale to his mom.

instead, he turned to you and izuku, and recited those words wholeheartedly. he found the horrified looks of grown-ups to be funny.

izuku was confused, and you cackled.

he took this as encouragement because the next day, he’d found thousands of creative ways to spew nonsensical insults strung together loosely with shit and fuck.

“it fucking helps me express my shitty emotions,” five-year-old katsuki said solemnly, right after he tormented izuku with a bunch of it just to stress the poor boy out. izuku had to learn the hard way that eat shit and die is not a phrase of encouragement.

(katsuki’s smile was strangely fond and soft when you kept laughing—not that you’d indulge the audience too much by giving them that.)

“so dynamight was always like this, huh…” kana murmurs thoughtfully, giggling along with the audience.

“it’s not surprising,” you snort, “he’s fluent in the arts of being a little brat, as his parents say. we still love him for it, don’t we?”

your first and favorite memory with midoriya izuku was when you met him.

you don’t remember every detail—only bits and pieces that often keep you awake at night, thinking, “if things turned out differently, would i still be here?”. the answer was yes, you would. on a stage someday, maybe, but to miss out on izuku and katsuki sounds like a bland world to live in.

you recall stumbling into the classroom, still hanging on to the fragments of sleep your family rudely interrupted just for something as stupid as kindergarten.

katsuki was surrounded by the class, preening like a proud cat. izuku, on the other hand, was staring right at you with wide, curious eyes that resembled a puppy.

“do you have a quirk?” he asked, and the fun facts about your pet fish you practiced the day beforehand all dissipated instantly.

“i… do,” you murmured, thumbing at the hem of your shirt. “‘s not cool, though. so i don’t want to tell you.”

the strange boy with green curls looked as if you had just told him that all might retired. “i bet that’s not true! every quirk is cool! kacchan has a quirk that makes him boom!”

“...boom?”

he nodded, beaming, hopping up and down. “he can create explosives with his hands by igniting the nitroglycerin he sweats!”

“um, excuse me?” who even is kacchan? and what’s a night-row-glistening?

he continued to peer up at you as if the kacchan person was enough to convince you to reveal your secrets to him.

(you leave this part from the audience, knowing that it would raise suspicion about izuku’s quirk origins, but it went like this:

tired and a little irritated, you ask, “what’s your quirk, huh?”

izuku froze, his expression blanking for a split second before it fell into a hesitant one. “i don’t have one, yet. but i’ll get it soon! and even if i didn’t have a quirk, that wouldn’t stop me from becoming a hero!”)

and so, you focused on the pen in his hand and tried to hide a smirk when his jaw dropped to the floor when it began to float mid-air, followed shortly after by his notebook. (your quirk is nothing special. useful, maybe—especially in your line of work where you’re in charge of handling hero equipment—but nothing special. until now, you never understood why izuku…)

“oi, deku, who’s this?” a blond materialized out of nowhere, staring blankly at a pen and notebook hovering.

“kacchan!” deku practically shrieked, ignoring the grunt of christ from his best friend. “kacchan, look! this quirk is so cool, isn’t it?”

you felt your face warm at the praise, your poor heart racing. “it’s really nothing.”

kacchan eyed your expression, quirked a brow at izuku’s, then shrugged. “‘s pretty cool, yeah.”

“your quirk is like my mom’s! she can pull my toys towards her, but you can do it a bajillion more times!” deku squealed. “can i please be your friend? please? kacchan doesn’t bite, and i promise i’ll only ask three questions a day!”

your fate was sealed to both of them the moment you said yes. not that you were complaining.

“ah, y/n!” izuku all but scrambles to the door when you open it, his smile taking up most of his face. “you’re home!”

“i’m home,” you agree, grinning. izuku reaches for your bag, and you let him take it as you wriggle out of your shoes. “did i miss dinner?”

“yeah, it’s fucking cold now,” katsuki sneers as he appears from the kitchen. “go shower, i can smell you from here.” still, he does not complain when izuku tosses him your bag; instead, he places it gently on the couch.

“we watched your interview,” izuku says, gently pushing you towards the dining table despite katsuki’s chiding. “you did well! i told you they’d love you.”

“now,” katsuki says as soon as you sit down, “tell us what happened.”

“what…? you said you already watched it.”

“yeah, but, i like it better hearing it from you,” katsuki says, like it should be the most obvious thing in the world. “because it’s funnier,” he clarifies, glaring, “stop laughing, deku.”

ok guys!!!!! this little au is fun and all but HONESTLY im out of ideas and i do not have the brainpower to turn this into a series so this is the last one </3 GUYS I ACTUALLY HATE THIS i finished half of it it in one sitting but ill die if i delay it another day

#606:BNHA #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha fluff #mha fluff #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnha drabbles #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x you #bakugou katsuki x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #midoriya izuku x you #izuku midoria x reader

462 notes · View notes

perrysoup · 5 months

Text

Idk why Tumblr thinks I want to see posts from December by Zionists talking about how innocent Israel is and how it's all Hamas' fault

And I can't help but wonder, what the fuck have I posted or shared that makes it think I believe them? Edit:

Blocked someone on here who replied that Hamas kills its own citizens when:

1) Not a state, what citizens 2) Israel is bombing the areas they told civilians to go 3) Israel has killed it's own people who were fleeing civilians holding white flags because…they thought they were Palestinian citizens 4) Legit just say you don't keep up with anything other that Israeli claims

Listen, I get it, accepting you have been fed lies by your nation is hard. You think I was born disgusted with America? Fuck you think I made it to 10 grade not loving the shit out of my perfect country? You think I didn't get sick satisfaction from my government killing civilians because I was so deep in the "us v them" propaganda that I didn't care? I knew it was bad and treated it like I would a joke.

THAT'S WHERE I AM COMING FROM

You are not a bad person because your country is Your country doesn't have to be you As long as you act in defiance, even in the smallest way, they don't represent you. But if you are okay with what they are doing, or are horrified but won't speak up, it DOES represent you. You can see my blog, repeatedly I talk about how I could do nothing and be golden. White Male Southern Adult I won the genetic lottery. But it's not just about me. It's not just about you. It's about them. All of them. Helping all of them. Loving all of them. And that includes you.

But you can't put others pain to the side because the alternative makes you feel better. You help them when they hurt. You mend them and nurture them. What the US has done, and is doing, is awful. And I genuinely believe that the US should not exist as an entity. I say this, again, as someone who has the world as my oyster as far as current laws and actions go. It's time you recognize Israel did too.

Criticizing your country when it does bad things is not bad. Not criticizing them when they do bad things is.

We can all be free and happy, but not without admitting our failings and working to get better, together.

#Random thoughts #blog recommendations #palestine #free palestine #gaza #free gaza #israel is a terrorist state #genocide #israel #fuck the israeli government #idf is a terrorist group #gaza strip

98 notes · View notes

bonny-kookoo · 1 year

Text

Jungkook:Sugar & Spice (Intro)

In which Jungkook really wants people to love you just as much as he does - or maybe not.

Tags/Warnings: Raccoon Hybrid!Reader x Idol!Jungkook, established relationship, opposites attract because I love that concept, are you tired of my hybrid stories yet because I'm not, fluff, romance, smut, jealous koo, slice of life, mild ddlg themes

Chapter length: short

Other content: Spoiled, Calm

━━━━━━━━━━.~°♡°~.━━━━━━━━━━━

"I forgot.." you mumble quietly, a little ashamed about your entire situation as you've just had to explain to your boyfriend that yes, you've just gotten your period, and yes- you've probably now stained his nice expensive little sofa in his studio.

"It's fine, see?" He mumbles before casually wiping the leather with a tissue before throwing it into the trashcan nearby. "Didn't even stain at all. Do you wanna go change?" He asks casually, looking at you - before he clicks his tongue, the clear waters in your eyes a telltale sign of your typically emotional reaction to things like these. "Come here, crybaby, everything's fine!" He laughs a little, letting you cling onto him as you hide in embarrassment.

"I don't feel good." You whine into his chest, and he chuckles.

"I know baby." He says, as he pats your head. "You wanna go wash up?"

"But I don't have anything to change.." you complain, now getting even more frustrated.

"Bullshit. I've got your pyjama pants here somewhere-" He says, parting from you to search for the clothing item before he crawls.. underneath his desk?

"What're you doing, Kookie?" You giggle a little, watching him pull out a simple black canvas bag that he opens the zipper of.

"Excuse me? You think after what- 4 years I wouldn't be prepared for shit like this?" He proudly claims, before holding up one of your period-slash-heat pull ups- something you've been horrified of telling him about the first two years of your relationship with him, too fearful of how he might react to it. But you've learned soon enough that while Jungkook does sometimes get a little mean in his fun with others around him, he's not a bad guy at all. He's just a bit clumsy at times.

"Why do you have them here?" You whine, grabbing after the pair he's got in his hand.

"Why not?" He shrugs. "Your heats can start random as shit, and your periods are even worse. Better safe than sorry." He simply answers, closing the bag and shoving it back underneath the desk. "Now go change, I'll prepare the couch so you can nap." He jokes, smacking your thigh as you get up to follow his word.

Pulling out a blanket, he puts everything he knows you'll appreciate where he thinks it'll be good, before he checks his phone.

Only recently, he's gone public. While fans knew you existed, they didn't know much about you, nor that you and Jungkook weren't just platonic but a genuine relationship. And while he'd been prepared for what surely was to come, he'd been surprised by the welcoming reaction of the fans, many already expecting it and others defending that he's a person who deserves a private life.

And so, he's been more open with you, company even allowing you to now be seen in behind the scenes footage, and even publishing professional photos from backstage of you. People became pretty much just as charmed as he himself had been years ago- happily accepting you as a part of it all now, and he couldn't have been luckier.

But at the same time, he starts feeling just a little upset at the comments some fans keep repeating.

"She's so cute, I wish I had a hybrid like her!"

"Honestly though, if hybrids were allowed to be idols, she'd definitely be the visual of the generation!"

"She kind of seems almost too nice for Jungkookie~!"

"You think she ever feels lonely at home? I mean, he's at work all the time.."

"Jungkookie?" You ask, and he snaps his head up from his phone, boiling emotions quickly forgotten at the sight of you holding your fluffy striped tail in your hands. "Can you take a nap with me?" You wonder quietly, and he internally swells with pride.

"Of course, baby bear." He chuckles before joining you on the couch, holding you close and tightly just how he knows you like it. Does he leave you alone too much? Do you feel lonely sometimes? He's interested in the answer, but scared of it just as much- so he won't ask the questions. He'll just hold you, love you, and care for you.

Because the love you have is special, and nothing will break you both apart. Not time, not work, and for sure, not his career.

Hopefully.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine

462 notes · View notes

tea-stained · 4 months

Text

we NEED to talk about Cioccolata and Secco.

they are so fucked up. and so beautiful. their chemistry does things to me. the way they interact, think about each other, the way they perceive each other, it's so interesting. i love how disgusting they are. i love the way they are portrayed. i love everything about them.

Cioccolata is this absolutely sadistic, awful piece of shit human being, willing to do everything and anything to satisfy this morbid curiosity of his, never looking at anyone's feelings, probably never experiencing empathy for all of his life, checking just where the breaking point for people is, as if that was the only thing that matters in this wretched world. as a child he'd get pristine grades, constant praise. no faults, it would seem. none at all. i love how he pretty much has no real reason or explanation for his actions, other than a mere it's fun, it's interesting. it's so... cold. so horrifying. so raw, so real.

at the same time, this man is so unbelievably loving towards Secco; is it because he is the only one who understands this passion? because this is the only one who accepts him for who he is? the only one who has seen this side of him without dying or ignoring it? or is it because of that ass NONONO back on track. i am so in love with this contrast. he loves Secco dearly and deeply, no doubt in that. he cares about him, just as much as himself - yes, this selfish man! yes, this man who would murder innocent people in cold blood because of curiosity! yes, this man who would make the elderly kill themselves just for his sick, twisted idea of fun! he takes extra care - knowing it might cost him his life if he makes any sounds - just to send Secco a voice message, praising, reassuring, guiding him. and, honestly? the second voice message feels so heartfelt. "You need to let go". "Only you can do this". Cioccolata probably knows he's as good as dead at this point. these are not the actions or words of someone who is really, truly just using someone. he doesn't need to do any of this. and yet, he goes an extra mile, only to increase Secco's chances of survival.

and when Secco realises, he's... furious. he's mad. they were going to be invincible. undefeatable. this was supposed to prove them more powerful than the boss himself! how dare Cioccolata lose? this feels like an attempt at disconnecting himself from Cioccolata fully. if he says Cioccolata was weak, he is still strong. Secco is better, he didn't lose. it's so defensive.

but now, what really, really gets me about Secco's reaction is a specific line:

"That's why I felt safe following your orders."

safe.

this makes me feel so much. so, so, so much!! it makes me wonder about Secco. so much is unknown about him, but this implies lack of the general feeling of safety in his life before meeting Cioccolata. i can't help but wonder, just how he became his patient... and how they managed the get along.

Secco confessing this means so much. you don't just feel safe around anyone. i do genuinely believe he is mad at Cioccolata for losing, but this also reads like a breakdown, somehow. grief is weird. denial is weird. anger is weird. especially when they all melt together.

to Secco, by dying, Cioccolata is betraying every promise he's ever made.

but at the same time, Secco is emotional. Secco is the type of person to just get carried away by whatever he feels.

i'm in love with the way he's drawn, animalistic like that, his teeth, spit. how nothing is visible other than his eyes and mouth. it's such an interesting choice, much like him stuttering and admitting that Cioccolata tossing sugar cubes is also something he felt safe because of.

they did love each other.

and i feel like it's somewhat poetic, how they both end up in the "combustible trash" truck. at the end, they are both worthy of each other. same trash. that's why i love them.

i can't stop re-reading the chapters they appear in. i need to rewatch their episodes, too, they are straight up calling me.

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #vento aureo #golden wind #jojo #jojo kimyou na bouken #cioccolata #cioccolata jjba #seccolata #jjba secco #secco jojo #secco #jjba cioccolata

55 notes · View notes

ranboothesillyartist · 5 months

Text

So uhm I created my first TADC au

StarBunny

Jax design:

I'm going to explain some things so no1 will get confused

A big part of the characters get hungry, can sleep, can get hurt n other things that a living being do. Moon, Sun n Caine are the only ones that don't get hungry

The Moon considers Jax her "son". I dunno how to explain this..

Caine, moon n sun are the only ones who can understand what's Jax saying

Text: red: gangle, orange: raghata, purple: kinger, pink: zooble, Caine: u'll know bc I'll show u n Jax... I don't want to give u spoilers

A very dark night Jax feel's bad n goes outside to crie, he always hide his bad feelings in front of the others.

He sits near the lake, the moon see him crying n asks:

Why are you crying darling?

Jax doesn't answer so the moon sits next to him

Do you feel bad from so many years that you're stuck here?

Jax nods

Well It's probably worse for others,you are being very mean to others...

...

I'm sorry darling but that's the truth... You need to stop that

...

I know that there's a good bunny inside you..!

She touches his face (invisible nose lol)

I think that I can change it!

Jax falls asleep

The next morning Jax wake up n feels a bit different, he can't talk, he starts panicking!

Calm down! I did this so you can possibly change! So you can't be mean

(Moon says)

Now Jax can only communicate w... jingles??? What is happening to this story creator???? (I don't fucking know..!)

*JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE????* (WHY??? COULDN'T U JUST CHANGE ME BUT NOT TAKING AWAY MY VOICE????)

... Well I wanted to try something different.!

* jingle jingle..* ( u're weird..)

Well now you're my little star!

*jingle* ( k lol I have to accept that)

You can go now, bye!

Now Jax go sneak peek the others but oh raghata saw him n oh gangle too!

Jax: *JINGLE* (OH FUC-)

Jax starts running trying to scape from raghata, gangle n now zooble, kinger.. ( Pomni is having another panic attack )

Jax comes across a dead end hallway, now he's cornered! SHIT- he thinks then he looks at the others w a horrified face

We will not hurt you!

Hey can we be friends?

Hey lil fella don't be afraid! I can't hurt you!

Jax feels... Loved? Happy?? I dunno it's a mix of feelings teehee:33

You look like a star! *Hugs Jax*

Well looks like there's a new friend here!

*Chuckles*

Well uhm Jax takes advantage of them thinking he's a new character n enjoy the moment but then Caine shows up n notice him

Caine: Wait! I don't remember having a new member! Let me see... Wait... THAT'S JAX???

WHAT?! HOW?? everyone screamed

Caine: Jax, who did this?

*Jingle jingle..* (the moon..)

Caine: What? The moon can do that?!

*Jingle jingle?* (as I see yes?)

Caine: I'll have a little conversation with her!

Everyone is surprised, they didn't know that was Jax

Oh! You changed! Pff!

But he still looks like a star.. a cute star..

AAAAAA

Uhm pfff well you look cute! *chuckles* (ngl..)

Jax feels a bit uncomfortable.. but he already did a lot of other bad things so he deserves it. Zooble makes fun of him n the others like to hug him bc he's very soft n so cute, they can't be mad at him he's just so cute!

N I'm done for now! that's the story, I want to people give me ideas of what to draw em doing, like.. Jax sleeping w the moon?? Dunno..

54 notes · View notes

levmada · 1 year

Note

Hey gee how are you? I hope everything is well. Okay since I think you are the person that always does the most accurate Levi characterizations...what do you think would he be like, if he fell in love? How would he act around them and how would it change, when he realizes, the other person likes him too? Would he make the first step? Would he wait? Would he try to fight his feelings?

//gn!reader, insecurity

levi???? in love??? omg

you would never be able to guess Levi is into you romantically—in fact you’d be valid to think he has a secret grudge he may or may not be trying to get over when taking his mixed signals into account.

because even though when Levi falls, he falls hard and he’s fucking in love, he starts treating you like a stranger, fighting his feelings before he even figures out how to name them.

because he’s an emotional character that doesn’t understand his own feelings… yeah. he’s aware he “lets shit get to him too much”, but something tells me romantic love is horrifying to him, mostly because it feels very close to fear. it feels like he needs you too, which is just as bad coming from someone who can’t afford to need anyone.

so in classic Levi fashion he would ignore and avoid them as much as possible, and as such, you. he can’t accept his sweaty palms for the nervousness that completely overcomes him when he finds himself in your vicinity for what it actually is :( he’s determined to “””””get over it”””””.

so he begins distancing himself. when he does find himself in your presence or god forbid a conversation, maybe in the canteen, he can feel himself making a fool of himself as it happens in real time, mostly by blushing when you so much as smile at him. he’d leave as soon as you come near him, but he’s not a teenage girl, so he deals with it. but he’s uncharacteristically grouchy and gruff considering how close you both are.

it’s not at all his intention to seriously upset you, but Levi literally doesn’t understand how much someone could be hurt if he pulls away from them. in his own mind, he can’t process himself having that kind of effect on even a friend. honestly he doesn’t picture himself being missed that much.

obviously he’s dead wrong.

and regardless, he can’t literally fight his feelings, much less “defeat” them. he can’t deny what pulls him towards you forever. when Levi gets feelings for someone, that’s it for him. they’re his person. that’s to say when he falls in love with you, the true gravity of how hard he does can’t be overstated.

but he doesn’t know what to do with it all. not only are those feelings dangerous, what the hell does he know about romance? is he even cut out for it? :( do you feel the way he does??? Levi is uncannily fantastic at reading people, but when it comes to love he’s a little clueless. he’s at a loss.

so obviously Levi takes several steps back before ever even thinking of taking the first step. a confrontation has to be instigated, in some way or another by you. whether he reaches a point of overwhelm where he physically can’t keep this to himself without knowing how much regret he’d feel if he went on like this, or straight up barging in on him pleading with him to explain what you did to “upset” him that had him pull away from you.

Levi would try one last time to dismiss it, but he’s smart enough to know when he’s reached the end of the line iykwim. that it’s too late for him to feel anything but bone-crushing grief on top of regret if he loses you anytime soon—it doesn’t matter whether or not your feelings do come out. or the reality that he’s going to ruin your friendship very soon is he doesn’t explain himself.

as for just explaining, he’d trip over his words as he tries in his back-assward Levi way how he feels. it’s really unproductive, but at that point, you must know him well enough to read between the lines. at that point?? just (ask to) kiss him.

and THEN in the aftermath when he learns you feel the same as him?? shock, of course utter elation, but with a dash of fear. there’s a moment where he looks at your hand touching his, or his cheek, and reinterpret everything you’ve done and said so far all over again in case there’s any chance in hell he’s misunderstanding.

(on that topic, Levi wouldn’t understand what you see in him—all he can do is trust that you do, and he does. but he’s aloof, unsociable, it’s pulling teeth for him to express himself, etc. and he’s never been a vain person - Levi in fact doesn’t give a single shit about his appearance as long as he’s clean and neat - but that’s a factor in your feelings too, right? but in his eyes he’s utterly unremarkable. obviously he’s smaller than most men, he has inscrutable and perpetually tired eyes that to him look dull. they look washed out. his voice breaks when he laughs. his sneeze sounds like a startled chipmunk. and all of these things in his mind are unattractive (😭😭😭).)

but. you do feel the same.

it’s less like he’s reciprocating the way you’re bringing him close to you and more like he’s clinging onto your shirt for dear life. he isn’t sure how to act—what he is sure of is that he needs you closer, now that he can finally fucking let himself.

that confrontation doesn’t leave the forefront of his mind the rest of the night. or next day. or next week. now it’s much more clear to you how easy it is to make him swoon lmao.

something that does noticeably change is how much he seeks you out, and how clear he makes it that you have a place on his heart (although he’d never say that explicitly). he brings you tea (even if he has to go down a few flights of stairs to do so), he cleans or fixes up your gear, organizes your paperwork / space (with your permission), etc. he’s allllll about acts of service <3

but your relationship doesn’t change that much, really. you still eat your meals and work together, he stills tends to flock to you whenever he has the choice, giving you the least dangerous orders and at your side whenever you need something. it’s more like your relationship, and the feelings attached, have expanded.<3

#levi x reader #levi fluff #levi ackerman headcanons #levi ackerman drabble #levi x gn!reader #captain levi x reader #levi.thoughts

324 notes · View notes

ashen-laguz · 1 year

Text

screaming crying throwing up ect ect over canto 4 and not even like. the main story part. just

i think the voice acting was what really hit in home for me tho like holy SHIT. the VA's have been doing a phenomenal job in general and this is just one of the most recent examples. gregor sounded so DISGUSTED. HORRIFIED. which like of COURSE he wouldn't have a great time hearing something like this, i don't think mr "i have intense survivor's guilt over running away from the war and my fellow g corp soldiers w/ even worse bug mutations then me, but wtf was i supposed to do to save my own life" is really gonna take "deserters are the worst <3" very well. goddamn.

but then his follow up of just

you tell em bud, you don't just have to accept the shit people fling at ya anymore, live your own life ;w;

..but also damn i love all the sinners but. they sure are just kinda shitty people lmao. faust following up like "idk the robots are important too" and outis flat out "i think it was fair when deserters got executed when i was a soldier so this is fine <3" (on top of outis just. ignoring ishmael melting right in front of her just cause dante can fix that lmao)

like bruh yall are gonna say that??? right to gregor's face???? riGHT NOW???? BRUH.

(honestly considering ishmael also has the whole survivor's guilt thing. saying that around her would Also be a dick move if uh. ya know. she wasn't melting.

shout-out to dante for being the only bitch who seemed to actually pay attention to that part and outis only caring about it upon the realization of "omg when dante has to fix her, it's gonna hurt them ohno :(" outs stfu we know you're full of shit lol)

#project moon #limbus company #magical girl yoshi #not caught up in the story just yet but i'm def really enjoying canto 4 so far #also shoutout to rodya's moments of getting excited about the snacks because that was adorable <3 #and don wanting to meet siegfried again as if that first meeting actually went well. girly ily never change #the bits of yi sang foreshadowing we're getting now that his canto actually started is great too and i can't wait to see some pay off for i

156 notes · View notes

hall-of-the-pyromancer · 1 year

Text

Once again, Tumblr fandom never ceases to amaze me with the lack of reading comprehension regarding Endeavor. Let’s count the ways

“Endeavor failed at another thing. He’s gonna get people killed because he apparently drew Touya to civilians”

Did people seriously forget that Endeavor was trying to lure Touya away from people so he wouldn’t burn anything? He just learned that Touya was gonna explode in a matter of minutes. Also its like people keep overlooking that Endeavor has this uncanny coincidence to be near the point of exhaustion and passing out when he encounters Touya. He just came out of a battle with AFO that took his arm and part of his torso. He had no way of taking him farther away.

“Endeavor still doesn’t care about Touya”

Man is not throwing hands with his own son, he’s pleading for him to turn off his flames so he doesn’t blow himself and everyone up nearby.

“Touya was the perfect child all along. Endeavor failed again”

Did people miss this? Endeavor knows he didn’t awaken here. He’s about to die and the ice trait manifested like so. Endeavor’s horrified that Touya had ice powers all along but he could only do so by being pushed to near death. That’s pure irony.

“He still hasn’t accepted responsibility for what he’s done”

Fucking perfect. Endeavor, no matter if he fumbled here or there during his arc, knows he fucked up. He never once tries to blame any of his victims for what he did despite people thinking he’s like abusers out there who try to gaslight, deflect, etc. No, fuck you. Man here is accepting that the shit going down is his fault. Idc if you hate him, man here has my respect for accepting that the consequences are hitting him here and he doesn’t turn away. If you still think he’s the same hate-filled man from the Sports Festival I’m sorry but you don’t accept character growth it seems.

“He’s taking the coward’s way out”

My “friend”, did you miss the part where he’s 800m away from the other heros and who knows how far away from nearby cities? He has no method of cooling his son off. Shoto’s not here and he has no way to reach Rei, Fuyumi, or Natsuo who might have a way to cool off Toya. All he knew, he’s effectively alone here about to see his son turn into Hiroshima 2.0. He’s willing to die with his son all while making sure no one gets killed. How is that him being a “coward” and not shouldering responsibility? If he was truly a coward, he’d say fuck everyone and fly away while Touya blows up. This is him being a father right here.

And finally Rei...

Do people seriously think she’s willing to only save one of these 2? The same woman who while still being in the psych ward said that she knows her husband is changing and knows he wants to make amends. The same woman who went to her injured husband and not only told him to stop pitying himself but also gave him the strength to not quit and get back out there to save their son and civilians. Why do people still have this headcanon that she wants her formerly abusive husband to die? She wants Enji and Touya both to live.

I swear, every week on here it's like the takes for Enji just tank and tank so hard its not even funny anymore. Its sad.

#bnha #mha #bnha 387 #mha 387 #endeavor #dabi #enji todoroki #todoroki enji #my hero academia #boku no academia #rei todoroki #touya todoroki #I shouldn't be surprised anymore on this site but it just keeps giving

305 notes · View notes

hourglassfish · 9 months

Text

A (long) Aside on 1:7 and 2:10

There are two responses to 1:7 and 2:10 that always quietly horrify me.

The first, and you know, I'm writing a multi part series on it, so it's no mystery - is that Sydney was arrogant/a brat/ couldn't hack it/ wrong to walk out, and that the situation as a whole was her fault. Nah. She was right to walk out, the biggest failure of that episode is not fucking pulling the breaks when Richie gets stabbed. The workplace has gone from dysfunctional to dangerous, she has been responsible for that danger, the perpetrator of it, and she is right to leave.

little bit of an asshole but i love you so i don't care

Carmy sees Syd saying she's going to stab Richie (as she holds her knife to his chest!) while they're up in each other's faces (with Richie goading her) and he does... nothing. He tells them to shut the fuck up and make giardiniera. At this point they needed to be separated! One or both of them needed to cool off. We've seen Syd bodily put herself between a fighting Carmy and Richie. A little reciprocity would have gone a long way here.

It's wild to me that people think that Carmy was justified in his anger and aggression towards Marcus and Syd and ignore that he is aggressive to Richie also! Richie, typically one of the more confrontational characters in the show asks him to calm down, to cool it. That so many viewers so quickly and uncritically accept Carmy's narrative point of view, even while the show actively challenges it confirms something that has been in the culture a long time: that we are much more used to excusing and aligning ourselves with abusive behaviour, than we are at challenging and refusing it. That people - many of whom have received this kind of behaviour themselves - want to defend it, makes me so, so sad.

It always hurts me a little that in 1:8 Tina tells Carmy that if he 'tries that shit with her, she'll fuck him up'. It's a fun line! But I'm sorry, no she won't. He screams at her too, while chucking bowls around and Sydney's words in 1:7 clearly hurt her. Tina categorically did nothing wrong. She doesn't deserve that shit. But at the end of the day, she is a middle aged Latinx woman and a mother, and so her tolerance level has to be higher. She needs that job! Shedoes not, as far as we know, have a father she can live with rent free, she does not have youth and the promise of exploitable potential to offer to employers in an ageist job market, she does not have CIA qualifications or a CV full of ‘serious heat’.

Carmy. holds. a. position. of. power. over. these. people. He is their boss, not their manager, and he owns the place, mob loan or no. He has the power to sack them all, to cut their hours, to cut their wages; thus the impact of that power extends not just to them, but also to their children and families. Louis being present in Review is not just to add an obstacle, it's also a reminder of those stakes.

Carmy has influence in the fine dining industry, regardless of whether that social and cultural capital is respected at The Beef or not. The very same oppourtunities that he provides them with in season 2 are things he could also lock them out of if he so chose. Any analysis of 1:7 that ignores this power is flawed from its root. When you are a boss, this power is ever present. One of the few things you can do to alter your boss's behaviour is to withdraw your labour. It's not the only option you have, but everything else is at their discretion, or mediated by lengthy, expensive legal processes.

yeh, i hate this

Carmy knows this, even if you don't! It's why the apology he gives Marcus - which Marcus does not ask for - is so heartfelt. Carmy has been on the receiving end of what that power, wielded cruelly, can do. He does not want to do this to others. We see him talk to staff with respect even while he endures horrid abuse in a flashback. We see him teach and explain himself, we see him listen and invite feedback - ‘say more’. His commitment to being a good boss is sincere, that kindness is in his bones.

The second thing people say that makes me want to die a little inside is that Carmy bought getting locked in the fridge on himself, that he deserved it in some way, and that getting locked in the fridge was him abandoning Sydney.

Oh my god!

He does not have a diagnosis yet - so anything we see is an interpretation. But it feels explicit that Carmy has panic disorder, and perhaps generalised anxiety disorder and CPTSD from both his workplace experiences and his childhood. A couple of things that he says and does suggest ADHD, or some other neurodiversity. He is not very careful with himself, and does not recognise these things as treatable problems (Richie says he experiences anxiety and dread, Carmy's response is 'who doesn't' - wince, cruel to Richie, cruel to himself - vomiting everyday and crying out of nowhere are presented as something 'loads of people do' to Sugar. Tumblr loves to send people to therapy, but I just want to send this man to do a basic google search of more than fun tbh). But they are debilitating for him, especially at work.

What happens to how we read Carmy's behaviour when he is presented as someone with an untreated disability, and absolutely no support plan in place? Does he still get his just desserts at the end of the season?

The fridge thing is a bit clumsy, I think. It's silly that over the space of three months, no one at any point just takes that job off him as a priority, or at least makes it something where Tony will call the restaurant, not Carmy specifically. It is unrealistic that there would not be some kind of back up safety lock inside the fridge. But you know, they're characters in a TV show, it also does not take two people swivelling around on the floor to tighten the coat hooks on a table (LOOOOOOL) - it's realistic until its not.

But, you know, it's doing a thing, several things - it's Chekov's gun, isn't it, it's the tangible impact of the lapse of focus that Uncle Jimmy is constantly trying to warn them about.

He wanted to cry here so bad!!! It makes me laugh every time

But umm... guys? What happens to him on that night is so, so horrible. They're a chef down, they're running out of forks, Richie's giving him shit (and Carmy is so susceptible to Richie giving him shit), Marcus and Syd are being all weird. He thinks one of his abusers (Donna) might come, or that she might not come and there will be emotional fallout from that. He thinks he sees his other abuser (Evil Joel Mc Hale) - and he's triggered. He goes in the kitchen and yells, but Syd pulls him back in. Then he goes into the fridge, partly to do chef stuff, I'm sure, but also partly to fucking get his shit together aaaaaand he gets locked in there! He has a panic attack! In a fridge! That he is locked in! And the people he loves most in the world, are the other side of that door, and for five minutes, an eternity in panic attack time, they ignore him! He has no clue what's going on! Last time shit hit the fan, two of his staff walked out (he's still not over Syd walking out cus they never talk about it properly), another one got stabbed and all these new ones are 'emerald green'. And he still thinks evil Joel Mc Hale is out there!

My loves, that shit is the stuff of nightmares! I know he tells himself that he bought this on himself but can we please! stop! uncritically! accepting! his narrative! point! of view!

I don't think anybody on screen recognises that a panic attack is what he's having. That's not their fault. None of them have seen him have a panic attack! They don’t get to see inside his head like we do (which saves them from a lot of R.E.M.) He is locked in the fridge, they just hear the bear banging on the door of his cage! It's not even in the language of the show at this point (though i am curious about how and when Richie came to get his Xanax). But that's what's happening. The team are fine. They do great. He has a terrible, terrible time.

My support worker found 2:10 deeply triggering - and her reason for this, she said, was that a lot of her job was supporting people with panic disorders who are leading teams, and seeing that moment coming, the moment where the panic crashes headlong into their role as leader. Part of her role is anticipating it, and trying to turn it around before they reach the point of no return. And as soon as Carmy thinks he sees Old Boss, he's gone. His body is in flight or fight, and he is alone with that. He can’t show up for Syd at that point, he is in his equivalent of the trenches.

This is also what is happening in 1:7. Somehow his response is often framed as a) rational or b) just an asshole - but it is so outsize to the situation, and to who we know him to be most of the time (quiet, kind, thoughtful, sensitive, BITCHY), that we know it has to be more than that.

None of this is helped by the fact that Carmy's panic attacks are... well they're kind of ugly! His meltdowns are aggressive and shouty, on the edge of physical violence, in an industry where people behave like that because they can. It is hard, parsing through that to the triggers, and fears, and panic beneath. It's scary! It asks so much of people to see that and want to help, not run away. But that is where he's at.

I do not have language for how much I hate how physical he gets with Marcus here, it is deeply upsetting

I have an access rider, to help me work well with people, and to help them work well with me. My mental health turns up in every job I do. All the time. Has done for years. It can make me unreliable, uncommunicative and absent. It can mean that people have to step up sometimes in ways they weren't anticipating. And one of the things the rider asks for is 'Good Faith' - a belief that I have not shut down because I'm an asshole, but rather because I have some unhelpful coping mechanisms that I am trying to work my way out of, that my triggers are real, not excuses for laziness or an expression of lack of care, that i will give as much as I can when I can.

Syd and Carmy are beginning to work towards this - Carmy says over and over again that he doesn't want to be shitty. Claire fucking muddies things, because I will not meet you skiving off to see your girlfriend with good faith fam. That shit he needs to be held accountable for. Dropping that envelope was a perfect Richie job, I'm still pissed about that. But being locked in the fridge... there's way more going on there.

The idea that Carmy should, and will, leave the culinary world keeps coming up in various metas. But... the problem isn't cooking? I think Carmy loves cooking, still. I think he likes being part of a team, and wants to be good at it. I think he likes teaching, and he is good at that. I think he likes picking the right silent plates and having his CDC in Thom Browne. I also think he likes being there a lot and being absorbed by his job.

The problem is that the workplace he is in is not one that is set up to his needs right now - it's not set up so that he can rest enough, so that he can eat well, so that he can exercise, or whatever he needs to do to help him manage his brain and nervous system. It's not set up so that if he is triggered, he and his team knows how to keep going with the service *and* not abandon him to the worst of his brain.

Ohhhh it's bad

Carmy ignoring Claire's call and not calling Tony feels bizarre stripped of the context of his panic attack that morning. But we know that anxiety and panic and executive dysfunction take simple things and make them insurmountable. It's not about Sydney in that moment, or even really about Claire*, and self sabotage feels so weighted with judgement when I think about what those frozen moments feel like from the inside. And I've had my diagnoses for 12 years! I've been doing that work, the long slog of trying to make sure my employees know enough context that my MH doesn't fuck up their day, whilst also maintaining my own dignity and right to privacy.

The disentangling of symptoms from personality traits is so hard - fuck ups from trauma responses, what was preventable, and what might have happened even if you did everything right. I never want to lose sight of compassion for Carmy, and the reality of how long it takes to break those cycles.

I also never want to stop seeing the power that he has over the people that he works with, and how, unfortunately, one of the responsibilities of leadership is that you have to be trying to get your shit together, you have to know yourself, and know how your baggage, combined with your power could be creating harm. It’s hard, but there’s not way around it. It is essential that he gets the support he needs, and puts the measures in place that means that he can also be vulnerable, not just for him, but for the team as whole. The power and the lack of framework together are so very harmful for everyone.

makes for delicious tv though 😉

I think a lot about the ticket machines in The Bear. I'm not thinking about them as a former line chef, cus I'm not that, I'm an artist and writer, that waitressed for a while (while a lot of chefs did a lot of coke out back!) and The Bear is fiction, not a documentary. Those little tickets are used for so many things. They're the sound of pressure. They're where a bunch of intrusive thoughts get flashed up on the screen. They are the presence of tech and of speed and alienation. They are the gap where two human beings, one asking for food, and one cooking that food, become consumer and producer. They are a presence of the machine in the workplace, and they stand in for Marcus's machines in McDonald's and for Evil Joel McHale and for financial failure.

One of the things that capitalism demands is that we always listen to that machine. That when we are making a choice, between the people stood around us, who we work with daily, who we live massive chunks of our life with, and the demand for production for go go go - that we choose the latter, even if it harms the former. That we open for service, even though one of our oldest friends just got stabbed. That we prioritise getting the service turned around on Friends and Family night (the easiest night of the year to go out, pour more wine, and say service is a little delayed, but we've got this), rather than maybe asking Fak or even Claire, to come and talk to Carmy through the door, as well, make sure that he's OK. That we just keep going.

And there are so many really important reasons to do that! Keeping going is how we learn and grow, it's how we make sure that we can pay the bills, how we provide beautiful experiences for customers and guests who are more than consumers to us.

But at some point, we have to ask at what cost. When do we stop and make different? When do we try something else, make new systems, that work for us?

A moment - a small, tiny moment - of triumph for me, is when Richie and Syd turn the table around. So rather than one person, facing the tickets alone, with their back to the kitchen as they yell out orders, the person on Expo faces in. yes they can see the tickets, but they can also see the people they are working with. They can see stress, and worry and joy. They can see how hard they are working. They can see that they are not alone, not just in a promise before service, but during service, when you need that connection most.

My hope is that Season 3 will have more of them making these decisions - ones that lean into seeing each other, where their relationships keep growing, and they build a system where the love and care they have for each other is truthfully at the heart of it.

Richie is not my bag, that's just for me, personally, but I get how much he means to others, and he's beautiful here.

*Man, I do think the romance subplot was a bit of a misstep. Pop always feels like such a waste of the audience's time, time not spent with Ebra and Tina, time spent on a presentation of romance that has been done to death and is never especially satisfying. Truncates a lot of empathy for Carmy. Boo. Hiss.

#the bear #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu

143 notes · View notes

ghostonly · 1 year

Text

I see a lot of discourse about what is or isn't allowed to be called body horror. It's a topic that is very close to home for a lot of people, namely, in the disabled community. Abled people will often tag things relating to disability as body horror, and that's understandably very upsetting when it relates to something that is someone's normal.

But on the other hand, I have also seen a lot of people, perhaps overzealous disability allies, or perhaps even overly sensitive disabled people, who more or less call for the complete removal of the term.

The term body horror exists for a reason

Not only is it useful in discussing the contents of something, but it serves as a pretty common and necessary trigger warning.

The question of what is or isn't allowed to be called body horror really comes down to

A) Extremity

And

B) Context

The term and trigger tag exist to shield people from content that is psychologically disturbing or triggering to them. You cannot simply divide the Okay uses and Not Okay uses by saying "if it's a medical condition, you can't call it body horror"

Extreme medical conditions involving missing body parts, prosthetics, visible transplants, extreme scarring, and so on can be triggering to a lot of people - and not just abled people who are bothered by disability in general.

These things can also be triggering to other disabled people, especially those who associate certain medical conditions, situations, treatments, etc with their own medical abuse.

Now, the most important fucking part of whether something can be called body horror or not is CONTEXT

If someone is talking about a video game, such as the new Legend of Zelda game, and giving warning to other people about an opening scene focused on nonconsensual grafting of a new arm while Link is completely unconscious, the use of the term body horror can absolutely apply. It is related to the body, and the situation is horrifying. Someone who is sensitive to body horror needs to be warned about the topic.

A photo of someone who only has one arm is not body horror.

You do not tag someone's fucking selfie as body horror, so help me god. If there is a visible prosthesis or it's a closeup of where their stump had been scarred closed, it's appropriate to tag those as Prosthesis, Prosthetic, Scarring, Scars, or Medical. If people are sensitive to these specific things, they can blacklist them.

Are we getting it?

Say it with me:

Body horror is a topic or genre.

Body horror is not a real life person.

A real life person comes with useable descriptors, and none of them include "body horror"

Fantasy genres and topics and situations, including medical subjects, can be called body horror. The term "body horror" is used to describe the topic or genre, not the character in the fantasy setting. If someone violently loses a limb in a game or TV show, them being an amputee is not body horror. It's the violent loss of the limb that's body horror. Please, go ahead and ask anyone who violently lost a limb if the situation that led to amputation was flowery and comfortable for them. I really, really doubt it.

In fact, I would hazard a guess that someone who lost a leg to a car accident may actually be very triggered by witnessing that happening on TV. Just a guess.

And on the topic of ableism, some of you abled people have no fucking idea the kind of shit disabled people go through on a regular basis and your ignorance is genuinely embarrassing to read, so please spare us all and keep your mouth shut about whether you think someone's medical trigger is acceptable to you or not.

#absolutely do not go anywhere near the notes on that linked post #they're crawling with people just being sickeningly ableist #ableism mention #body horror mention #loz #legend of Zelda #Zelda #disability #disabled #actually disabled #chronically ill #chronic illness #medical abuse mention

170 notes · View notes