Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

Why Twilight is better when we make it gay

a overly detailed, totally unecessary, post that wants to prove that Twilight is better when we make it 🏳️‍🌈 GAY 🏳️‍🌈

So, follow along 👇🏻

Esme with This Bella

Kinda of set up the vibes of Carine or something, so I'm all on board with this. You know, this Bella has some serious aspirations in life. She's getting her master's degree, maybe a doctorate even, in Philosophy, Greek Mythology, ancient history, literatute or something oddly specific that takes a full minute to even say it. You know, she's a nerd. Esme loves her for it.

Bella also loves to spend a ridiculous amount of time listening to Esme talk about anything, she also sits in the garden with a book when Esme is arms deep in the dirt, and they for sure spend their days off making food for homeless people or volunteering in shelters or knitting clothes and blankets for donation. Well, Esme does most of the knitting, but Bella has no problem holding the wool for her.

Rosalie with This Bella

Okay, so this Bella is still pretty shy and clumsy, but she has a backbone and knows what she wants. She’s also a flirt, even if a bit awkward because of her shyness. She also has a stack of dad jokes ready to be used and she’s not afraid of doing so. You can’t blame her, she’s just socially weird and she makes jokes when she’s uncomfortable. Which Rosalie gets. She doesn’t hate Bella for no reason at all, as we see in most Rosella’s fics, she’s just determined to keep a safe distance. It all goes to shit, obviously, when Bella starts showing up at her house to work on a school project with Edward.

Bella is a mess around Rosalie. A gay mess. She stumbles over her words and her face is constantly red, but she keeps smiling and she finds Rosalie’s sneers particularly funny. She breaks Rosalie’s walls by not doing anything else, really. She’s just there, and she talks with Rosalie, and she has no problem backing away when Rosalie needs a break.

When they get together, Bella’s favorite activity is to ride in Rosalie’s fancy cars. She’s still scared, but she loves it when Rosalie goes so fast that everything outside is a blur. Sometimes they will ride in complete silence, sometimes there’s song playing, sometimes they start telling stories to each other, sometimes Bella has a whole new stack of dad jokes to tell.

Bella also develops a taste for motorcycles, a passion she’s eager to engage with Jasper. So, every once in a while, Rosalie will be working in the garage under a car and she will hear Bella’s bike pulling outside. She just knows she’s supposed to go there, so she goes and finds Bella waiting for her with a helmet and a bright smile. Rosalie is smitten.

Bella also has a way to make Rosalie feel like she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. She is aware of her beauty, always has and always will be, but she can’t help but feel special when Bella looks at her with those green eyes that kind of makes her forget that the world is fucked up. At least for a while.

They would go off to college together. Rosalie would be getting another engineering degree and Bella would get a bachelor's in Chemistry or Biology, maybe Psychology. She would whine and complain every day, though Rosalie is sure she’s only doing that to piss her off.

And Bella would have to learn to enjoy baseball because Rosalie just loves it.

Alice with This Bella

These two are the only ones I see working with Bella’s personality being the closest to canon. You know, happy little Alice with a slightly depressed Bella, who also has some low self-esteem problems. Bella is aware of her intelligence, though, and she also would impose some clear boundaries, like not sneaking into her room while she was sleeping and making her a part of discussions to make decisions and not just dropping shit at her for her to deal with. Alice has zero problems with her immortality, so she would have no problem turning Bella when the girl felt ready, although she asks Bella to be sure she had experienced everything she wanted as a human beforehand.

In this scenario, Alice doesn’t force Bella to be her personal human Barbie doll. Actually, she steals Bella’s hoodies very often, to the point where the girl has to have a search party in Alice’s gigantic closet one day. One of their favorite thing to do together would be to watch the stars and Alice finds it amusing to come up with fake information about space or fake names for constellations. It took Bella a very long time to notice this and, by the time she did, she had already spread some of it to her friends. They also go to the movies a lot and there’s a lot of dancing in the rain, even if Bella can’t barely keep herself standing.

Alice would be Charlie’s absolute favorite, of course. They would be pals, you know. Charlie would take her fishing one day - when Alice manages to convince him to go somewhere other than La Push - and he would teach her very patiently all he knew.

Tanya with This Bella

This Bella is grumpy. She has a lot of self-derogatory jokes to make, she’s sarcastic and she likes using it as a weapon. Tanya finds it not so amusing, quite concerning actually, but then Bella will flash her with one of her side smiles that makes her knees go ridiculously weak and Tanya will forget what she should be worried about.

Bella moves slowly, very slowly, and her shoulders are a bit drooped as if she can’t hold herself straight. For Tanya, it takes a lot of patience because, even with how much time she had to adjust to humans, she’s not used to spending so much time around one. Especially one that takes so long to get down the stairs for no reason. Tanya is also the most romantic person alive, so Bella needs to be prepared to basically everything.

Tanya is sugar mommy. Bella tries to fight it, but there’s no point. Tanya is always giving her presents, booking tickets, taking her to weekend getaways, and making every single desire come to life. It takes Bella out of balance in the beginning. She doesn’t know how to deal with it, to the point where she asks Irina to help her talk with Tanya to slow down a bit. It helps… until Bella shows a slight interest in something new and things skyrocket again.

They met in college. Tanya is a teacher - not her teacher because that would be too much - and Bella is getting her degree in History or Sociology. Bella can skate, so it’s not uncommon for Tanya’s students to leave her classroom and find Bella leaning against the wall holding her skate under her arm while waiting for her to go get lunch.

Once she turns, Bella goes around feeling very proud of her coven leader wife, but she wants nothing to do with it. She would hate the responsibility of it.

Kate with This Bella

Have you ever heard of a chaotic duo? They’re it.

Bella is all about adventures and trying new things, and Kate is… well, she has zero respect for humans’ mortality, which almost becomes a problem once or twice. Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar had to remind her more than once that humans couldn’t jump from a plane with no parachute, even if Kate was supposed to grab her before hitting the ground. It’s not like she doesn’t care if Bella gets hurt, because she does! Her eyes fill with tears that will never drop every time she sees even a scratch on Bella’s skin - which happens quite a lot - but she hasn’t been human for a long time and it’s easy to forget a few things when she gets excited about something.

They would do everything together and Kate would teach her to do anything she knew, like surf or change a house’s electric system. Eventually, after Bella is turned and good to go, they would totally have one of those handyman services where they would go around town helping people with the most mundane of things like installing a shower, changing the plumbing, changing tires, all of that. They would have fun doing those things and then running as fast as they could to jump off a cliff at the end of the day.

So Two Murderers Walk Into A Room…

Chapter Seven: Downhill

Mentions of: Suicide Attempt, Referenced Sexual Assault, Referenced Self Harm, Mental Illness, Death, Murder, etc.

A/N: Just a warning, this chapter is pretty disturbing. Skip if uncomfortable!!

Tags: @Dead-bxxxtch-walking @mama-miya @moonshineinasippycup @vandeaad @stwbwwychan

You haven’t been feeling well lately. Not that it was surprising. You knew eventually things would start to go bad. Especially when you’re staying in this hell hole.

You don’t enjoy killing as much as you used to. Don’t feel as motivated to go after survivors. Not even your favorites. You don’t want to bake or do anything. Just lie in bed and sleep.

Right when you didn’t think it could get any worse, it did. When you had a trial at Léry’s Memorial Institute.

You hated hospitals and doctors and everything like that. So when you found yourself standing in the middle of a treatment room, you felt sick. You slowly wandered the halls, trying to focus on the task at hand. Find survivors and kill them. Make them pay for what happened to you.

You tried to put your anger on them, something that typically worked when you looked to kill. When you found someone similar to the people in your life that wronged and hurt you.

But this was different. They weren't responsible for what happened at that hospital. No one you knew was. No one you knew was like him.

You felt sick as you tried to push back the memories, but they just kept on coming. It was ten years ago, but when you remembered it, it was always fresh..like it just happened, or like it was still happening right now.

Coach Joe was the closest thing you had to a father. He cared for you more than most people did. He knew how hard you worked to perfect your skill, spending hours upon hours perfecting your routine. He knew how much you cared.

So when you broke your leg and went out for the season right when you were on the verge of being selected for nationals, and maybe even going to the Olympics, he knew you wouldn’t take it well.

He was especially sensitive since last year he found out one of the girls you were competing against had slit her wrists the night before a competition, unable to take the pressure from her parents or her coach. (She hadn’t killed herself..you slit her wrists in her sleep, but he didn’t need to know that.)

You took it incredibly hard, and at some point, it became unbearable. So, you made an attempt on your life. Unfortunately, it was Joe who found you, passed out on your bathroom floor, overdosed on sleeping medicine.

He had you committed to a nearby mental institution, and things only got worse from there.

You had tried faking getting better to get out of there, but it didn’t work. You were on at least a six-month hold. You were stuck with nurses, doctors, and psychologists poking and prodding at you, trying to figure out what was going on inside your head. But that’s something no one should ever know.

They treated you like you were crazy. Diagnosed you with things you refused to believe. Borderline Personality Disorder? Bipolar Disorder? It was all a lie. They just wanted to keep you there.

You could hardly take it. Being there was only making you worse. With every day that passed you grew more and more antsy to get out of there. It got to the point where they had to medicate you to keep you calm.

That was when you met him…the head doctor. Feeling bile creep up in your throat, you leaned against the wall, unable to move as the memories flowed, an old wound reopening.

That sick, disgusting, man. He gave you too much of the medicine. He kept you restrained in bed, hardly able to move while he touched and used you. You couldn’t do anything, just watch it happen.

You swore to yourself the moment you got out of there, you would kill him. And you did, framing someone else for the murder. It wasn’t difficult, considering you weren’t the only one he hurt. There were plenty of other women, just like you. But you finally stood up to him.

Letting out a shaky breath, you found yourself falling to the side, moving your knees to your chest. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t move. The memories of those disgusting hands on you, while you were unable to do anything, were too strong in your mind. It felt like it was still happening.

The trial went by fast, and you knew you left the Entity hungering for sacrifices. But that would have to wait. You didn’t care what the punishment was. All you knew was that you wanted to hurt.

You stood in the shower, washing yourself off with the water scalding hot. You didn’t care. You just wanted to get this disgusting feeling to stop. You scrubbed and scrubbed, crying to yourself. It wasn’t good enough.

Stepping out of the shower, you stared at yourself in the mirror, before punching it, causing the glass to shatter. You stared at your now bloody cut-up knuckles, before picking up one of the bigger shards.

—

“I saw her. It was like she was in some sort of daze, you know?“ Leon remarked.

“She has been down lately. She doesn’t seem as motivated as the other killers.” Claudette added. “Who knows? Maybe the bird finally grew a conscience.”

David shrugged. Nancy shook her head in disagreement. “No, there’s something wrong.”

Danny frowned to himself under his mask as he overheard the conversation. You had been acting even more cold and distant than usual, not as into the banter you had. And now you were concerning the survivors? Something is wrong. Very very wrong.

—

When he reached your bakery, he called out to you. There was no response. Your bedroom door was locked, so he picked it. Then, he heard your soft sobs from the bathroom.

“______?” He called again, feeling an all too familiar sticky liquid substance under his boot. It was blood. He tried to push the bathroom door open, but it was locked. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let me in.”

“Fuck off, Ghostface. Leave me alone.” Your voice was shaky and broken. Seeing you so sad was boring. It wouldn’t be fun to mess with you like this. Maybe he should leave.

But then he glanced down at the puddle of blood that just seemed to get bigger and bigger, changing his mind. He hoped that was someone else’s blood…but deep down he knew the truth. Something twisted in his stomach..some unfamiliar feeling that he didn’t like and couldn’t place. Panic? Frustration? ….Concern?

“Just…go..” Your voice was quiet now..and it seemed like you were spacey. Suddenly, The Entity’s claws wrapped around the door, making Ghostface step back.

When he opened the door, you were nowhere to be seen. No blood, no trace of you, nothing. It was like it never happened.

Hils Watches Love Me, Love My Voice - Ep 4

First of all shoutout to this post because when I tried to take the below screenshot it was suddenly blocked despite all the other episodes being fine. Turned off Hardware Acceleration as instructed and it immediately worked. Reblog to save the life of a liveblogger/reviewer

I love that Gu Sheng having to work with one of Mo Qingcheng's fans is the closest we've had to any sort of real drama, and this is being played as funny rather than angsty or dramatic. Like 'awkward, my employee has a crush on the dude who keeps flirting with me'

I love how brazen he is. Openly admitting he's trying to get a girlfriend. I wonder who it could be... Also, LOL at Gu Sheng in the background pretending not to eavesdrop

I would like a man with a nice voice to recite poetry to me late at night when I can't sleep

That does not sound pleasant

Confession: I am in my 40s and it literally never occurred to me that conch shells have creatures living inside them or that you could eat them. I mean I couldn't eat them because I am allergic to mollusks but people can and do eat them. Every day is a school day as they say. I do enjoy these little recipe segments.

He just did the dorkiest little laugh it's a shame I can't capture video/sound. So cute.

Oh no I'm in danger. Look how soft he looks in this sweater.

I was just thinking this is the most heterosexual drama I have watched in ages. But there we go the intern has a crush on Mo Qingcheng. Get in line, my dude.

Wait, what? Don't the rest of them literally work and live in a recording studio? One that is specifically designed for them? Why do they need to use hers? I mean obviously I am ready for them to finally meet but do better with your plot device shenanigans.

Uh...you've literally had a crush on him since before this drama started.

Yes, it's definitely that and not all the cute flirting you've both been doing

Ohhhhh! Now I understand! She was just going to record her parts in her studio. I thought they were all going to record together for some reason. Except apparently he wants them to do that? Amazing.

The intern has a lil dragon/dinosaur on his shoulder. Adorable.

This poor girl. Everyone is staring at her and being weird because they all know Mo Qingcheng has a massive crush on her.

I would literally die of embarrassment if I was her

Of course he had to cancel. It's only been 4 episodes. I did think it was a bit soon for them to be meeting in person.

Excellent!

Oh, wait, I was wrong. Maybe they are going to meet.

This is all very cute

I mean I'm not sure anyone would expect a cardiologist to also be a famous voice actor

He sure is! Also, I headcanon manager lady as bi now.

Yeah, I tend to remember people if they have a cute animal with them

The boys are making fun of how he eats. That's how you know they're a family

I thought she said she had to go back to school after she'd recorded her song. I mean don't get me wrong I would totally ditch school to spend the day with my voice crush who turns out to be hot and also a doctor

I love how much they roast him

Ooh we're at the getting into each other's personal space stage already

He's so pretty

Having just read Chapter 73 of spy x family, I wonder if the hijacking of the school bus will be the things that pulls Twilight into thinking "Oh. Maybe it's not just a mission."

See, despite all his time shared with Anya and Yor, cultivating fondness and sharing happy memories and 'ootings', he's never really had full-on panic. The closest thing I can remember that comes close to it is that small bit where he yells at Anya briefly for running away with Bond to stop the student-led assasination.

The thing is, when he finishes his undercover mission and The Handler informs him that "Operation Strix is in danger. Damian Desmond and Anya are being held hostages, with at least one bomb on board." will the first thing Loid - or Twilight, seeing as it become harder for even himself to distinguish the two - think be:

"Oh no, Operation Strix." or "Oh no, my daughter."

He's always taken his missions solo, what happens to his mission if the key component doesn't survive? What happens to his mission if she becomes traumatised by the situation and doesn't perform well to gain the seven more stella's needed?

Those are all very plausible though for the intelligence agent Twilight to have. He's established a persona with Donovan Desmond and Henderson at least already knows him familiarly, so if Anya is gone he'll have to wait the rest of the academic year and disappear from Yor's life to reappear in another disguise with another child and another wife, delaying the execution of Operation Strix.

Twilight is an intelligence agent, trained to hide all emotions if the situation requires it. But Loid? Loid is a "feelings doctor" as Anya puts it. Loid knows what goes through a person's mind, he knows what problems might be present and how to help the patient solve them. Loid is a family man; he's a supportive father, a caring husband, a responsible dog-walker. He dressed himself up in a combination of silly, touristy clothes because his daughter criticised him for not being fun enough and got torn down by the same girl for being uncool and "a drag".

The point is, Loid - and even Twilight, as these two masks seem to blur together - cares so much for his daughter. How will he deal with the fact that his mission is in danger? How will he deal with the fact that his daughter - his chaotic, gremlin-child daughter - his Anya, is in danger?

Will he wonder about all the time wasted while he was undercover? Will he wonder if Yor knows? For the first time, when Yor realises (probably for Yuri), will they have to face this crisis as a married couple?

It's a fake family, but, it means the world to them. Twilight, in divulging information about his mother, describes Yor as "strong" like her. Will Yor have to be strong now and stand beside Loid (and Twilight) as his operation and daughter are in danger? She can't go in and murder all of them like she would prefer to. And Twilight can't infiltrate the SSS in case it raises suspicion that Loid Forger, whose child is on that bus, doesn't truly care - but, that's only if all the parents are informed.

It's not likely that Twilight will panic and be seized by a desperate need to hold his daughter close and near after the fiasco. If anything, it'll only reaffirm his belief that he needs to be a spy with no personal attachment for his personal mission of making sure no children cry. But Loid?

Loid, who is a family man, who (most probably) picks outfits for his daughter and wife, who walks the dog and buys pastries for his family as well. Loid, who misses dinner most days but still makes sure that his daughter and wife are fed when he isn't there?

How will Loid, who would rather spend time with his family than go on these missions, react to his daughter being in mortal danger and having to face their first true parental panic and crisis with his wife?

How?

6×08 Christopher's first crush

Okay, so I get wanting Buck to be there for Chris' first crush moment but let me tell you, my brain cells had a DVD logo hitting the corner moment and I honestly think it was even better to have Carla there with Eddie instead.

Now before we get into it let's remember some already-established facts:

Eddie's parents never approved of his relationships (bar maybe Ana) and made him feel like he needed to find a Mom for Christopher, and he listens to it in some way proved by the fact he dated Ana

Eddie always feels like he's failing Christopher in some way or another (the examples are endless here)

Eddie has been going to therapy and working towards abolishing his toxic masculinity upbringing thoughts etc.

Eddie sees Carla as a voice of reason and listens to her advice (ie breaking up with Ana after remembering her advice)

Now for the explaining part.

So, first of all, I think it was incredibly important that Eddie be able to have this moment where he gets to focus solely on his relationship with Chris because it allows for things to be passed by more clearly. Like if Buck was there, there would be:

Eddie's relationship with Chris

Buck's relationship with Chris

Eddie's relationship with Buck

Eddie, Buck, and Chris as a family

With Carla we only have

Eddie's relationship with Chris

Carla and Eddie's friendship

(and a bit of Carla's relationship with Chris)

This means we have fewer angles to juggle and we get to focus on the important aspects of things, especially because Carla is very much a neutral character, a mediator who's already established and whose relationship with either Diaz has long since been defined. She's a permanent fixture in that household, which is important.

Because this episode was about two major realisations for Eddie:

The realisation that he's raising his son just fine despite his parents' less than favourable views

The realisation that his fantasies could become a reality

Okay so first off, to explain realisation number 1

Having Eddie do the first crush getting his son ready part without Buck was very much so we could get the single-parent Eddie vibe. Because with Buck, he's always gonna have a second parent there, unofficial as he might be. This was a him thing alone.

So seeing his son thrive and realising that the doctors, his parents, and even Shannon at some point, were wrong and that he can have high expectations because with the right support system, Chris will exceed them time and time again was just a big "huh, so maybe they were wrong about this too".

This was him realising that he's doing a good job with Christopher and that the support system he has going on (Buck, Carla, the firefam) is more than enough, and he doesn't need to find Chris a Mom for him to have a good life, he's doing better than anyone ever expected just like this.

And for all intents and purposes, Carla is the closest thing Chris has to a Mom. As his aide, she takes care of him, is the person to spend the most time with him bar Eddie and Buck, and she clearly loves him to pieces. Even though she is an employee, she does almost everything a Mom would. And she does all that while having her own husband and being friends with Eddie.

So her presence there serves as an acknowledgement that while Chris benefits from having a female role model in his life, especially since he spent so much of his early years with Shannon, that doesn't mean Eddie needs a wife. Carla fills the role of a Mom without filling the role of a second parent. She brings that feminine touch that Eddie's been indoctrinated to search for while also remaining enough on the outside that Eddie could have a partner.

This brings us to realisation number 2

Now that Eddie has seen that his fantasies can become a reality (Christopher thriving in school, having a maternal figure without having to be a ready-made family like with Ana), he realises that maybe some of his other fantasies (aka Buck) can become a reality too.

We especially see this when Carla talks to him about fantasies, and they immediately cut to Buck getting Jee's room ready. It's him realising that if his fantasies have become a reality, then maybe his Buck fantasy could too.

And what makes this even better is that we can see all throughout this episode where Buck can fit. He can be Chris' second parent while both of them would still be balanced out by Carla's never-ending patience and wisdom. He could be a partner for Eddie and a parent for Chris, and they don't have to "give up" anything to have that because Buck has his own space already.

And just overall it was important to have Buck still on the outside of that because Eddie is an established parent and Carla is an established feature, but Buck is still an unstable fantasy-type thing for Eddie and he needed to realise that he could have that without putting his son's stability or his own in jeopardy.

So yeah those are my thoughts, not fully sure how coherent this is or how much sense it made cause my mind's going at lightspeed with all the thoughts and excitement, but yes. Overall loved this episode.

ANNA WILLIAMS HEADCANONS & PLOT POINTS

below the cut are my personal headcanons for anna williams & some potential plot points which explain her survival beyond show/game canon for plot purposes

anna was put in foster care when she was young, her mother had mental health struggles and this impacted anna a lot in her formative years, sometimes her mom would get custody again but for the most part she stayed with her foster family.

she and marlene met when they were young (aprox primary school age), they were neighbours and grew up together. though they were always polar opposites to each other and butted heads a lot, they had a strong friendship.

as a teen, anna was rebellious and obnoxious, she didn't have a lot of 'direction' in her life, nor a lot of healthy outlets for her energy. she was a bit of a klepto and loved to shoplift so she had a criminal record growing up.

getting older, she grew out of her rebellious tendencies and she knew she wanted to help people somehow. though she was never great at school and definitely didn't feel smart enough to be in nursing school, she did it anyway. she studied and worked twice as hard as everyone else to be the best damn nurse she could.

during the outbreak, fedra moved her to the closest qz: boston. she'd only been a practicing nurse for two years at this stage but she was forced by fedra to work as a nurse for the qz after so many other medical professionals had died during the initial outbreak.

anna wasn't ever a part of the fireflies, though marlene was always trying to recruit her, especially given she was a nurse. she never resonated with the mission of the fireflies, but she hated life in the qz under the rule of fedra. she spent a lot of time with the fireflies, just not being a part of their actual group and participating in their plans.

anna and tommy met years ago when he was a part of the fireflies.

anna fell pregnant in 2008 when she was thirty-four, marlene was the first person she told

ellie was born only two weeks premature (which is why anna had to rush to the safe house when no one was there yet), she spend most of her pregnancy being extra cranky and craving mustard hotdogs (though she wasn't ever able to have any).

SURVIVAL & GIVING ELLIE UP PLOTPOINTS

1) immunity is hereditary and the bite she received from that infected when she gave birth did not infect her. marlene couldn't kill her even though she begged for it as she thought she was doing to die and she didn't want to kill herself. -- she still told marlene to take ellie and give her a better life. marlene never killed anna, she took ellie but when anna never got worse she still figured her baby would be better off without her. she never contacted marlene again though as she had no idea how she would react to finding out she was immune. anna also never fully trusted she wouldn't one day become infected.

2) she was never bitten during that altercation with the infected during ellie's birth (and is not immune & ellie's immunity will need to be explained another way). she gave ellie to marlene in a desperate plea to give her a better life as she felt she wouldn't be able to raise her alone in the qz. she left and regrets that choice but still thinks it was the right thing for her safety.

3) anna was chosen by fedra doctors, once they found out she was pregnant, for tests and trials to try and create not a vaccine for the cordyceps, but rather immunity. anna never agreed to these trials and she was forced into it by fedra. they exposed her and the baby to the cordyceps virus and one of the many "vaccines" they had tried in the past. nothing ever seemed to make any impact on her, besides causing her immense distress she never seemed to respond negatively or positively to anything they did to her. once fedra released her late in her pregnancy she fled for marlene's safehouse outside of boston qz.

NEW AMSTERDAM REACTION

This reaction is for the season 5, third episode titled "Big Day" which originally aired on October 4, 2022. The episode was written by Laura Valdivia and directed by Nestor Carbonell. Spoilers ahead!

Between The Rookie and 9-1-1 and now this latest episode of New Amsterdam, this has been a wildly shocking and borderline horrific week in television. This week's new episode started with our favorite doctors responding to a catastrophe at a wedding and by the end of the episode, I, as a viewer, felt the strong urge to go bathe in bleach to cleanse myself of the ickiness I felt when certain revelations were brought to light. But hey, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's pick up where we last left off.

Reynolds meets with his mom and siblings to talk about his dad who he believes is bipolar. His sister throws some epic shade at him when she brings up his failed three-way relationship with Dr. Malvo and Dr. Baptiste. Hearing another character talk about that cringy storyline makes it seem even more ludicrous that Reynolds was even a part of it. The rest of Reynolds' family aren't as concerned about the man who abandoned them decades ago as he is, so he decides to talk to his dad alone.

The thing that frustrates me most about Reynolds is that he is a brilliant cardiologist but when it comes to his personal life, he is dumb as a box of rocks. He leads too often with his head and not his head which is why he ends up investing his time and emotions in fruitless scenarios. I get that he wants to have a relationship with his dad, but he doesn't seem to get that the man who is his father is a dumpster fire of a human being. Hopefully Reynolds got the message loud and clear at the end of this episode when his father used his undiagnosed bipolar disorder as an excuse for his past behavior. I hope we don't spend the rest of the final season watching Reynolds pour energy into this rather pointless relationship.

Speaking of pointless relationships, Bloom is still living with her sister. I still don't get why she can't get a hotel somewhere or another apartment - I'm sure she makes quite a bit of coin running an emergency room - but for now she is content to be roommates with her estranged sister. What bothers me most about Bloom's relationship with her sister is that it's codependent as hell. On top of that, they're both addicts and I'm worried that Bloom is going to throw her sobriety out the window for the sake of rekindling her relationship with her sister.

Before I talk about Max and Iggy, let's talk about the main plot of the episode. An explosion at a wedding lands several members of the wedding, including the bride and groom, and a few guests in the ER. We have an older couple who sustain injuries as a result of all the chaos. Reynolds works on the wife who has inhaled several shards of glass that shred her insides and Bloom aids the husband who ended up with his wife's stiletto heel in his back after she nearly trampled him. Honestly I was rooting for both these characters to survive their injuries ... until I found out what was really going on at the end of the episode.

Then we have the groom who was close to the explosion. When he arrives in the ER has lost a lot of blood. The groom's blood type is very rare, Lutheran B negative to be exact, and Max and Wilder scramble to find a supply of it. The closest supply is in Toronto but Customs won't allow it cross the border. With Seattle out of the question, the two doctors learn of a donor in Bermuda so they hop on a flight to the Caribbean with Ben to track down the anonymous donor. After some clever detective work on the part of Wilder, they get the address of the donor and head to her home. She turns them a way because she is tired of giving and giving and all she wants to do is be present for the birth of her grandchild. For the second episode in a row, Wilder guilts a patient into doing what she wants them to do which I don't know how I feel about her weaponizing her deafness but that's a blog for another day.  The donor shows up at the airport and agrees to head to New York so that she can donate blood to the dying groom. 

Then we have a woman and her daughter who were present at the wedding. The little girl is in a catatonic state presumably because of the horrific event she witnessed at the wedding. Bloom enlists Iggy to help and he suggests that the girl be admitted to the psychiatric ward. Iggy spends time with the patient and uses some toys to help her act out the scene that happened at the wedding. When Iggy asks about the bride, it is revealed that this little girl is the bride which means the groom who was dying in the ER was the man she was being married off to.

Naturally all of the doctors are disgusted and the episode does a great job of highlighting how as healthcare providers, they can't be selective about whose lives they save. Iggy talks about how state law makes it legal for the little girl to be married off to an adult man. Honestly now I'm disgusted as well. All of the patients they saved this episode, including the older couple and the groom, were all a part of this child wedding and the only person to object to this awful, awful situation was the little girl's brother who is the one who caused the explosions. I can't believe something like this could happen in this country although a part of me thinks I shouldn't be too surprised because there's a lot of messed up stuff that happens in this country, a lot of it affecting the most vulnerable of the population.

At the end of the episode, Iggy heads to his old home where Martin and the kids are living. When Martin reminds him that it's his turn to be with the kids, Iggy breaks down in front of him and asks if he can see the kid. Martin, of course, obliges his request. I still have hope for Iggy and Martin. I don't think they're a perfect couple but then again, no couple is perfect. I'm hoping by the end of the season they work through their issues and get back together. 

Max at the end of the episode, has a moment with Wilder. They are really pushing this romance and I'd honestly feel a little bit better about it if Max hadn't just gotten out of an engagement. Max has bounced from one woman to another. First it was Georgia and then he went to Helen and now he's moved on to Wilder. Max, you need to take some time for yourself. Work on yourself for a bit. Make peace with things and then maybe you can pursue romance. Another sweet moment of the episode is when Max returns home and asks if he can stay with Luna in her room. I imagine being a parent, after witnessing something so twisted and awful happen to another child, you just want to be close to your own.

That's the end of the episode. Overall, I thought it was a well done episode. I'm glad we got more hospital drama and less personal drama. I'm seriously not interested in Reynolds' daddy issues or Bloom reconciling with her sister. Oh, speaking of Bloom, where the hell is Casey? Casey's been missing in action since the season started. Bring back my Casey! Anywho, back to the episode. I thought the twist was well executed. I was really caught up in figuring out what happened at the wedding. I spent most of the episode trying to figure out where the bride was and she was there the entire time. At the end of the episode, I told my mom that when we first saw the little girl, she was dressed in white and holding a bouquet. I assumed she was the flower girl but flower girls generally carry baskets with rose petals. I still can't believe this girl's mother allowed her to be put in this situation. What's even more frustrating is that it seems like none of these people that were treated in this episode will suffer any kind of repercussions for their vile behavior. But, I reckon that's the most realistic part of the episode. Well done, New Amsterdam. So far you've yet to disappoint. I'm excited to see what happens next week. Until next time ...

410/2023 KM done for the year Lots of events have happened over the past two days! Mostly bad, but, oh well.  You may notice I have done but a baby’s run, which is what I’ve done both days since last I run, as I managed to somehow gain 15 pounds in the two days I was visiting my mother so it’s just, not feeling great to run.  I already lost 3 pounds since yesterday so I’m certain I’ll shed it off quickly especially since I’m going to be conscious of it for a bit.  Anyways! I almost hit a wolf going 120km/h, he ran in front of some car going the other direction, and then picked up speed to avoid that by running directly in front of me.  Definitely did like a 40 foot skid and was turned like 20 degrees sideways, but, at least for those few seconds the wolf managed to live.  Who knows if the next care didn’t just drill it.  I went for my fat run yesterday and it’s a shame since the weather has been so beautiful the past two days, I wanna go fast!  Anyways, today I woke up and my mom informed me her brother died, which is very sad.  I didn’t see her other message until lunch time since I mute my emails, but she emailed me last night about it saying “doctors say he’ll make it through the night” and then to already know the result was a bit of an oof.  I am not particularly heartbroken, I was not very close with him, I met him twice.  Once I went to his place, he lived in Niagara Falls so I was there for three weeks between Gr.7 - Gr. 8 summer break, but I didn’t really talk with him.  He had 2 daughters I mostly hung out with there and he was just old man spending time with my mother, but truthfully it was at worst the 2nd best holidays of my life.  The other time, his daughter happened to be moving west and driving through Winnipeg, which is where I was living at the time, so he picked me up along the way so that I could also move west.  He then told my mother I was ungrateful so I assume he didn’t like me.  But! that said my mother has not had parents for over 45 years so it’s just been her and her two brothers for most her life, and so for that I am sad that she is suffering and without someone so important to her.  After work today, driving home, two lanes, light turns red, and the guy stopped beside me got rear-ended! That is... accident #4 I have witnessed in real life I believe.  Some old white lady in a minivan rammed in to him, I could see her slamming the wheel after in frustration and then, y’know, cars were just sitting there, light changes green, and she speeds off.  A hit and run, folks!  Well, of my three other accidents I have observed one of them happened to me, in not-a-particularly-similar situation, but a hit and run none-the-less! And I was such an idiot and deleted the license plate I wrote down so I never was able to get my revenge... but not today! I took chase after our criminal!  I made sure to keep my distance so she wouldn’t panic, we were in the city and I am but a normal grey sedan... the most unassuming predator.  I followed her for like 3 minutes until I got close enough to read her license plate, pulled over to write down the information in my NOTES APP, and then returned to the scene of the crime.  Our blue subaru would be so happy to know I tracked that witch down and his insurance would not have to take the hit! And then he wasn’t even there anymore! Good grief.  So I headed to the police station, ready to file a witness report, I only know where one station is from my previous hit-and-run experience, and I don’t have data on my phone, so I’m not sure it was the closest but it was like 10 minutes out of my way.  Get out my car, and some fella tells me police station’s shut down today on account of two officers were murdered today.  How inconvenient for me personally.  So, now it’s the weekend and we have to wonder if I even care enough to return by Monday when the station will re-open.  RIP to Uncle Cameron!

I posted 13,079 times in 2022

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Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 6,247 of my posts in 2022

#critical role - 2,103 posts

#pokemon - 710 posts

#dimension 20 - 637 posts

#unprepared casters - 636 posts

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#bell's hells - 468 posts

#exandria unlimited - 248 posts

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Longest Tag: 139 characters

#what is critical role if not a party of idiots and outcasts finding the most powerful benevolent person on the continent and bothering them

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hey, if anyone who follows me who is not into Unprepared Casters wonders what the heck I am posting about all the time, the creators of the show made a nice little infographic guide.

105 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#4

Constantly thinking about how Hope writes long letters to keep in touch with everyone she ever meets because she deeply cares about them.

Constantly thinking about Lyndell and the moment she hung up on Gem Lovejoy to protect Robyn.

Constantly thinking about the way Bombyx cares for and comforts others. Constantly thinking about how she comforts the queen when Sybilla is badly injured, even though she doesn't care for royalty.

Constantly thinking about how Russ lives with all of his closest friends, because he has a home he can offer then when they don't have one themselves.

Constantly thinking about how Omen left home, just to try to set his mother up. That was literally his whole goal. He wanted to do something nice for his mom.

Constantly thinking about how the arc 5 crew, despite being tired and frustrated and afraid, offered Shi'elle compassion and stopped the time loop by helping her let go of her closest friend.

Constantly thinking about how even when Remeny was at her worst, even with all the mistakes she made that led to some real fucked up consequences, Beryl said she trusted her, that she loved her, that she wasn't going to leave her. Thinking about how Remeny goes against everything in her very nature and sacrifices herself to save Beryl from the ice, to spend her final moments with Lottie. Someone who always felt she had to put herself first because no one else would, even at the expense of other's lives, finally learning to trust others enough to care for them. Thinking about Beryl taking on the biggest power in all of Hyrenor because of the friends she lost, making a life trying to make space for everyone in spite of the Lovejoy empire.

Constantly thinking about how I'm ep 0 of arc 7, Kyle says that Thavius has so much love in his heart for everyone, he doesn't know what to do with it. Thinking about a group of friends reuniting despite their differences and (presumably) learning to love each other again.

Constantly thinking about how this funky little podcast was made with so much love, and that is so evident in how each and every one of the characters are played. Thinking about how there are so many different ways to express love and how Unprepared Casters shows so much of that. Thinking about how there is so much love and support within the community, and how I've made some of my closest friends there. Thinking about how all this was started because of friends who love each other and wanted to make something together. Constantly thinking about how beautiful it is and how all these reasons combined are why Unprepared Casters is my favourite piece of fictional media of all time.

115 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

#3

Gosh, I'm rewatching Doctor Who for the first time in years, and I hope when RTD returns, we get more in depth family involvement for the companions. I miss how present Jackie was, and the tension in Martha's family, and Wilf. We get snippets with other companions (though I haven't seen enough of Chibnall's run to speak to that in depth), but it's always on the sidelines. They are out of the picture. I love seeing their home lives, and I hope we see it again.

144 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

#2

Love that everyone is going feral over No Mercy Percy and that scene with Vax and the Briarwoods. It just has peak tumblr energy, something I haven't seen in my fandom spaces for a while. I've missed people obsessing over edgy blorbos. Nature is healing.

427 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So far, Keyleth is the only Critical Role character who has now had an appearance in all three main campaigns.

1,745 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

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Echos of the Right Future

a companion piece to @noctivae​‘s “Reality Rewritten” from Mikey’s POV TW: Mentions of parental abuse (Mikey), Time travel, Fucky Wucky Timeline Shenanigans, Trauma. A/N: Much sibling adoration. Very Family. Mikey is very family oriented. I love One Boy.

Mikey doesn’t like loud noises.

It’s the first thing that the social worker warns Lee Hajoon when Mikey shows up at the mansion. He’s five, a mess of black curls on his head. Oh Hyungseo. It’s the name he has for all of 6 months before he’s finalized as Lee Hyungseo. Mikey Lee. He’s small and undernourished, his arms are bandaged and he won’t look anyone in the eye. He looks small for even the bedroom that Hajoon has set aside and made comfortable for him. The social worker gave him everything he had: a past of neglect, a doctor to take him to that was familiar with his case, extra bandages to wrap around his barely there arms. He barely has anything to his name. The clothes on his back and a tattered bunny are all that he has when he’s dropped off with Hajoon. 

His first memory is noise. Noise that would grow to be something he would grow used to, that would mean things were okay. Mikey’s first night however, in the mansion, is tearful. The tiny boy shaking in a corner, refusing to let anyone touch him without wailing. He can’t speak, he doesn’t speak. Whether it’s a lack of trust on the people who should have nurtured him or personal choice, he wails. The first person to quiet his wails is Sunny. Sunny is everyone’s older sister. She is the first baby, stable and used to the noise that takes over the Reaper mansion nearly daily. Her and Seo Jinwoo own the house like it’s their own, social butterflies who never know a stranger. Jinwoo, a worried seven year old nearly eight, hovering behind his dad and asking if “the new boy would be okay.” 

Sunny doesn’t touch him. The oldest baby simply sits with him and starts to chatter. What’s his name? Hyungseo, but he doesn’t like it. What does he like to eat? Do you have any pickles? Does he like his bedroom? It’s too big. Does he want another blanket? He is kind of cold. Does he want a hug? Not right now, he’ll tell her though. Things he wishes he could say out loud, but the words don’t come. Sunny seems to know exactly what he needs. And for awhile, it’s just them. 

He gets older, he starts to talk. His voice is a welcome noise to the noise he gets used to. The bedroom slowly isn’t too big, the fridge conveniently has a jar of pickles all the time, no one touches his favorite blanket, and the first person he finally feels comfortable enough to hug is Sunny. The second is his “mom”, and the third and fourth are his “dads”. 

It’s a year into him being a part of the family that he starts to sneak around and watch people. It freaks out some members, he’s so quiet. He stands in doorways, he’s listening. He picks up things that you didn’t think he hears. He picks up habits from others. He picks up a love for cameras by watching his dad, Uncle Jayce. A casual interest turns into only following Jayce around. 

He’s six when he gets his first camera, and when he meets Kang Solbin. Everything changes. He’s first interested in pictures, he’s snapping pictures of people at the get-together. Appa Jayce said he’d show him how to develop the pictures. He is completely distracted when Kang Solbin ever so characteristically flips his entire life on his head at six. Suddenly he’s interested in something that isn’t a camera, insisting that Appa Jayce or Papa or Eomma Jaehwa has to take him to the library because ‘Solbinnie likes the fish in the pond, I want to talk about the fish in the pond too.’ He spends an entire summer immersed in the dealings of koi and goldfish. 

The time between then and when Holly is born is different. He goes to therapy, he clings to Sunny but also to Jinwoo, who has become the closest thing to an older brother that Mikey can imagine. Solbin is over more often, and he and Solbin and Jinwoo spend most of their days eating snacks, doing homework, and Jinwoo teaching him how to play soccer. When Holly is born, Mikey is a little worried. Not about himself, but about her. It’s something that Hajoon marvels over, how attentive Mikey is to the baby. The air temperature can’t be too cold, it can’t be too noisy if Holly is sleeping. Jaehwa marvels at how much of a little caretaker a nine year old Mikey is when it comes to his baby sister. Perhaps it’s a behavior that he picked up from them, but he’s in middle school when she’s a toddler, and Mikey buys her things or has her on his shoulders. He’s a good big brother, his parents can see the light they hoped would come echoing in his eyes. 

Even through his teenage years, through training, debuts, leaving, the military. He’s always calling his sisters. Sunny and Holly get at least a text every day when he can. He calls his sisters when he gets breaks, wants to see them on his holidays, wants them there when he’s discharged. He’s the middle child, the gentle little brother to Sunny and the doting older brother to Holly. 

Time is the thing that messes with things.

Cadewyn being able to send them all into the past is one thing. He didn’t even remember why they wanted to do it originally. He leaves with his baby sister and comes back without her. He thought she was coming back? He didn’t assume anything less. He begs Cadewyn to take him back to go get her, but Cade is right when he tells him that going back will mess with the timestream more than it has already. But he feels as though he would know if Holly were dead, as if he’s seen this timeline before. He feels like he failed her, he was supposed to protect her. 

Yejun is a new member of Sky House. He’s relatively young, as young as Taeho even, but he’s a budding influencer who seems to have garnered a following. And he signs him with the intention to add him in to as many things as possible. Yejun is sweet, very wolfish. Yejun, who seems to follow Mikey and Jinwoo around. Yejun, who has such a sharp wit that it almost makes him whiplash with how that’s so much like his sister. Yejun, who likes video games and horror movies. Yejun, who loves dancing and idolizes D:FI with no explanation why. 

He doesn’t realize this is his nephew. Not until Holly appears again.

She’s been gone for years, essentially. She’s had two children in that time. It’s a lot for him to take in. Memories of being her older brother outweigh this truth. He held her, he took care of her. It doesn’t make any sense. And those two children are his family as well, and Mikey withdraws quickly when Yejun looks at him with an almost apologetic look. It takes everything in him not to snap at the younger, especially knowing it’s his nephew.

Mikey doesn’t like when he can’t understand things.

He’s suddenly five again, with something he doesn’t understand. Something he cannot wrap his mind around and it’s making him upset. He doesn’t drink, but the drink in his hand has a shot of bourbon to take what he assumes is the edge off his thoughts. What is he supposed to think? What is he supposed to do? He can’t revoke the contracts, he can’t just go back in time despite how it seems Holly very much did. He’s painfully human, and he’s aware.

Holly follows him out. She’s so pretty, but she always was. He can see the age there, she’s lived more lives than he can understand. You don’t understand, He thinks. For the first time, he feels like a stranger to her. He inclines his head politely and goes back inside, telling Solbin he needed to leave. His parents can accept this easy, and he feels weak on that account. He feels behind, like he’s the one that can’t understand. That he can’t grasp what’s going on.

He doesn’t know what to think. He wants to look at Holly and think that it’s his sister staring back, but he feels lied to. And while he understands that it was for a reason, what was he supposed to think? Would he have hired Yejun if he had known he was his nephew? He’d be too afraid to show favoritism simply on the guise of family. Sitting in his car, head is reeling and he’s brought back to the world of the living by his fiancee. Solbin’s slender fingers in his curls, gently calling him back. To focus so they could drive home. And when they do arrive home, she pulls him into a tight hug. Somehow she knows, but Solbin has always known. Even the slightest change in his demeanor, she knows. But Solbin is his rock, someone he loves and wants to spend his life with. She knows him better than he knows himself.

“She’s still your sister, that hasn’t changed, Mikey. If it were you in this position, you’d want your sister next to you in this big life change.”

Kang Solbin is the best person to get him on the right track. He kisses her and tells her how grateful he is to be her future husband. She calls his sappy. He realizes that Holly and her husband, despite how strange all of this is, are just like him and Solbin. Happy. 

Standing in front of his sister’s house a few weeks later, holding a bouquet of wild flowers. He may now be the youngest, but he is still her big brother, and he was getting married and needed his sisters there. He needed to fix this. 

“I’ve missed enough mothers days, I needed to make up for it..” In typical dismissive behavior for a brother, he’s studying the wall inside.

He hands his sister the flowers, takes a moment to glance around the house. It’s so artistic. He remembers that D:FI is full of artistic people, he’d been to Cade’s house once and Uncle Reese and Aunt Illia had so many pretty things everywhere. He’d never been to Yejun’s house, for obvious reasons. There’s paintings on the walls and the house looks like it’s only known light and warmth. He imagines that had he been the kid here, he would feel safe. Yejun and Haseul must have grown up feeling so safe and loved. 

So like Holly to do. A girl who grew up surrounded by strays like himself and Jinwoo. 

“Your house is pretty. I…expected it. Your room was always done pretty.” 

She knows, and it cracks a smile on Mikey’s face. All there for a moment before it’s gone. “Holls, I…I’m sorry.” He turns to face her after looking at a painting. “It’s not anything I understand. None of this is. It…it’s like yesterday I had my baby sister to look after for Appa Jayce and the next you’re older than me and it’s like…all those memories. I remember buying you ice cream after school when I was a trainee. I remember a whole lifetime before you disappeared and now you could easily be my mom. It’s a lot for me to understand still.”

He rubs his arm, the one that is covered, hiding the cigarette burns from his abusive father. A coping mechanism. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not my sister still. It’s a lot for me to take in but…” A pause, running a hand through those messy curls that Solbin adores. “I missed you, Holls.”

Mikey feels complete as long as his family is happy. 

🌹🌼 for Darla!

🌹

Darla was born in a small ranch town in the middle of nowhere NCR territory, she dosent feel at home there and never did (she wasn’t allowed out much as a kid because animals tend to flee when she’s around) and genuinely had a bad time. She was officially outcast by her family and the townspeople after the murder of her husband - she totally killed him btw

The place she feels most at home is when she’s around people. Her at home isn’t really a place but more of a feeling, she surrounds herself with people she finds interesting and those who are of use to her and she stays that way until the whole vegas big bad war comes to a close and she moves onto different places. She’s never really satisfied always wants more out of everything and goes through life doing exactly what she wants when she feels like it!

🌼

Her closest friend and confidant is arcade Gannon. He knows the most about all the junk going on up in her head and spends most of his time trying to steer her in the right direction trying to make sure the worst of the worst won’t happen, while of course also being her own personal doctor/ brain magician (as she calls him)

Besides arcade there’s also grandma Lily and Raul who remind her of her own grandparents and she does her best to make sure they’re alright! Lily being the groups cook and overall amazing sweetheart ( as Darla has 0 knowledge and cooking skill). Raul has the Know-how to keep equipment in check and enough experience in life to offer advice.

Then of course there is e-de! Darlas baby, her angel her silly little guy, her goofy little boy. Him being there gives her something to keep her grounded, an unexpected weapon when in a firefight and something she cherishes with all her heart, the first thing she ever really cares for .

Then of course when Darla moves on from vegas she meets a new family and chaos ensues! she breaks in and decides to sleep on their couch but that’s a story for the future.

Thanks for the ask!!!!! 💛 apologies for taking so long

After watching a certain video on YouTube that I've probably watched before, I am once again itching to do a Midnight Sun doctor. I am confident that if this book has come out when I was in middle school or early high school (i.e when I had the time and still wrote), I would've done it already.

*wistful sigh*

*aggressively* There's so much possibility there I just wanna *aggressive hands*

Pfffft who am I kidding, I can't write much more than a couple paragraphs every couple of weeks of this abused Belle was abused story. But I did get started on the Midnight Sun thing, probably a few years ago at this point, when it first OfFiCiAlLy came out. Like, first, wasn't Edward like, rather well-to-do in 1920-whatever? So maybe he did have an incredibly boring life where maybe he was unintentionally maybe a little accidentally and unaware-ly telepathic. Like, maybe one time when he's little, he tells his mom he doesn't want coque au vine for dinner and she's a little taken aback and like asks him, why do you think we're having that for dinner, and he just shrugs and goes back to playing with his electric train.

Then when he's pre-pubescent, maybe there's a girl in his hooty-falootin' private school who has just the most bursting at the seams crush on him, but before she really knows it, Edward turns her down?

Edward should have been entering adulthood in the Great freaking Depression--there could be a whole story there!! It's the Great Depression and there's a monster on the streets--film noir!! What does this monster want?! There's gangsters and powerful men and nobodies alike and they're getting picked off, but nobody outside of their social circles knows and is willing to admit: these men going missing are the real monsters. Some of these men are--ahem--very kind and generous to families with too many children. Nobody notices when sometimes, these children are gone a little too long. Some of these men are...... well, let's just say, maybe women should know better than to be sleeping rough. Who cares that it's a Depression like nothing the world has ever seen. And some of these men...... well, their reputations are a little too clean, for the darkness in their minds, in a way only Edward would know.

Maybe at first, Edward really doesn't like Bella. As far as I can tell, the aspect of Bella being Prey to Edward is severely neglected. And that is such an unforgivable shame. But Edward spends so much time spying on her through the minds of the boys of Forks high school, sucked into their hormonal lust over the novelty of the new girl--this is one of the ways his "gift" is a burden: Where do the feelings of these mortal boy-children end, and Edward's feelings begin?--he studies her through them, but that's the closest he can get to her, since otherwise, she's also a blank to him, and for...... wow, possibly the first time in his life....... he actually has to try to get to know her. I love the idea of the push-pull of she's prey, but she's a person, but ohhhh gaahhd the smell of her, like...... like a steak, like a filet mignon, like fucking caviar, like the most refined, exquisite champagne; but I could ruin my family, this community, by indulging.

There's so stupid much potential here!!! I've just sat up for like an hour, in bed, despite once again trying to toast myself to sleep, vibrating over this stupid thing.

I was going to work on some stuff for BUFN, but my tablet was dead to death because I neglect it, and also, there was a massive bystander effect with the adhesive contest over in the discord, so I decided to slap together MCA for it, so I have to run to Michael's tomorrow and grab some black fabric paint and silver regular paint, probably. I have no fucking idea what to do for the end papers, so I'll probably just use some of my black paper for now.

I finally. Finally. Got Mirrors into the press, but I didn't get any pictures because my phone was dead. This fucker. Is fucking gargantuan. Really the maximum I should be trying to press with the screws I have. Also, sadly, the clamp that I bought barely helped get the middle of the book to press. Apparently a hundred pounds of force is not sufficient. I didn't want to break the handle.

Search and Rescue by Lucy Felthouse

Series: The Dreadnoughts #1   Read time: 2 Days Rating: 3/5 Stars

The Quote: There came shrugs, nods, and murmurs which seemed to imply everyone was doing just fine. Either that, or there was too much testosterone floating around the room for them to dare admit the truth. They might have been close for years, but what were the chances of one of them coming out and expressing discomfort, concern, or even fear? — Kim Medhurst

Let's start by saying this is a reverse harem series and Search and Rescue does end on a cliff-hanger. For a reader to get the most out of reading this a reader needs to one, like reverse harem (including the involvement of identical twins) and two be willing to willing to commit to a trilogy to get answers. In that The Dreadnoughts is in a similar vein to The Four Horsemen (first book Legacy). I enjoyed L.J. Swallow's series even if it did go on a bit longer than it possibly should have because it did have a (mostly) functioning plot. I think Lucy Felthouse's series has the same promise. If what we were given in this first entry was a fair representation. I'm rating this 3.5 because there was a story the four men got, Kim's backstory about how she got to the island they find her on, that we don't. That frustrated me enough to drop the rating.

Our leading lady Kim Medhurst has four men. Jason Chastain, Aidan Smith and twins Taylor and Joshua Greig. Kim and all four men are ex-British Military. Ladies first since this is a reverse harem, this is about her, she drives the story and she sets the rules (mostly). Kim Medhurst is a strongly independent, former member of military intelligence, she is not a damsel in distress by any means. The only reason she needed Chastain and his crew to help her was due to a natural disaster, even then it was her intelligence that set up their meeting, a series of fail-safes in place in case something went wrong. One of the quotes I really liked from her is "That and the fact she’d known he wouldn’t be able to resist the mission she’d offered him. She’d dangled precisely the right type of carrot for this particular donkey, and he’d bitten into it eagerly.", this in relation to offering Chastain a mission that was a mystery and payment of a blinding amount of money. Kim is physically capable yes, but she really is intelligent with strengths in computer and scientific research. Post military life Kim has gone into research for green energy. Taylor calls her "a woman of substantial means" which isn't wrong. We don't know how much she is funding all her own research through an unexpected inheritance, the reader is never told whom it came from just that she wants to use it for the good of the world and she isn't used to having it.

Jason Chastain known primarily as Chastain is the leader of the four for this specific mission after leaving the military he is the one who has been restless, going into bodyguarding but dissatisfied with that. His personality is gruff and sometimes a bit standoffish, only the three men closest to him can understand what he is truly thinking. Aidan Smith known primarily as Smith is a doctor, it's implied that is what he was while on duty and that is what he is now. He is the one who has the best chance of getting Chastain to open up. His personality is logical, calm and patient. I will talk about Taylor and Joshua Greig, collectively known as Jota, together because they are nearly always together despite their differences. Joshua and Taylor are identical twins, Scottish and with red hair. Kim makes a Weasly twins joke at one point something neither of them takes offence to and Taylor truly enjoys. In personality, Jota are quite different. Taylor is the lover of fictional worlds “Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, superheroes, and fairy tales? I’m beginning to wonder whether you spend any time in the real world at all, Taylor,” (Kim). He is not fantastical by any means but certainly more mischievous and fun-loving, it is him who names the material Kim was looking for in a very sci-fi way. In contrast, Joshua is more reticent and calm, he feels like he grounds Taylor at least a little. He is sold but would move the world to keep people safe. Jota live at and own the Greig & Greig Outdoor Pursuits Centre in the Scottish Highlands. They compliment each other so well and are quite distinctive in their voices and behaviour.

The plot is fairly simple Chastain and his men go to an island off the coast of Scotland to find a package, Kim and her precious research. Things go wrong, they get blasted by energy from the material Kim is researching and somehow all get superpowers. All of them deal with these powers in different ways, Taylor loves them and wholeheartedly embraces them. Kim is being followed by someone, someone who likely wishes her harm, leading her to stay with Jota at their remote Highlands property. Of note are the writing style and language. The narration is two chapters each rolling through the cast. Each of the characters has a slightly different voice and a different perspective on the events making the rolling narration a great choice. The voices are of particular importance while Kim, Chastain and Smith are from London (or at least live in London now and are linguistically written as Londoners) Jota are Scottish and still live there. The narration section and their quotes are written in a Scottish dialect. For example “That’s gonna make ‘em mad,” Joshua said, the first thing he’d uttered in ages. Deep frown lines marred his forehead and between his eyebrows. “There’s no way they’re just going tae sit back and let ye carry on wi’ this project unmolested. They’ve obviously got a vested interest, though we dinnae ken their intentions yet. Dinnae get me wrong, lass, I ken ye’re an incredibly capable woman, with a very useful new skill under ye belt, but they’ll ken something isnae right before long, and it might just spur them on tae do something rash. Act first, ask questions later. That could be very dangerous indeed.”. It can be quite difficult to read, especially if you've never read Scottish dialect before. I really would not recommend this to anyone who is not fully confident with English. Lucy Felthouse chooses not to give the reader any translation of what Jota say and I respect that, most of it is understandable enough in context. The choice to add this Scottish dialect is a brilliant one though. I've never read it and it is perfect for a way to differentiate this trilogy from others.

The superpowers they all get are well suited to their personalities. Kim is willing to do all this effort and research for the good of humanity and but wants absolutely no recognition for it, she certainly doesn't want to be famous for her discoveries. She can become invisible. Chastain's I find harder to interpret he has the ability to phase through objects. I can see something here about him being a ghost, get in and get out not leaving a trace. Smith acknowledges at one point that "helping people was hardwired into him" think about how invisibility aid in that. He can help people with much less risk to himself. Taylor has always been a whirlwind. (Joshua), his enthusiasm is contagious he is the one with a quick sense of humour. He now has super speed in contrast Joshua has super strength. Joshua is the one with the clear and present need to defend and protect. I just feel it suits him. Kim has a theory which is tied to body types 

MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY >_<

Hello! I am Ma. You can call me Francine Eloisa L. Evangelista, but most of my close friends refer to me as "Hopya"^_^. People that I don't know well or with whom I don't feel at ease calling me "Hopya" bother me. The same is true for Eloisa; I only like it when one person calls me that. On May 17, 2005, in Pag-asa, Imus City, Cavite, I was born. Last May 17, I turned 18!

My parents and I didn't actually grow up together. Since then, it has just been me and my Kuya. Together with our cousins, our grandparents essentially raised the two of us. Of the eight cousins, I am the fifth. Before my younger cousins arrived, I spent a long time being the youngest.

Being the youngest girl relative for a considerable amount of time makes growing up with cousins difficult. My elder cousins, who are all boys, constantly tease or fight me. The advantage of being the youngest cousin, though, is that when my peers mistreat me, I always take it out on my grandparents, particularly my grandfather.

My brother and I had a close bond when we were kids. As we grew older and our relationship changed, we frequently disagreed. My kuya and I are currently attempting to repair our relationship because our parents are no longer married and we now reside with our mother. I'm happy that my brother and I are trying to repair our connection, but I'm not used to talking to him without yelling at him.

I've always wanted to be a doctor ever since I was a little kid. I want to be a doctor because I like my aunt, a qualified medical expert, who I look up to. I recall witnessing her spend restless hours studying for forthcoming exams even when she was an intern and still in medical school. Because of this, even if being a doctor is a difficult route, I'm even more inspired to follow in her footsteps and accomplish the same. Thanks to her, I realized that I could succeed. If we want to be successful on the path we've chosen, we must be persistent and patient with the process. Regardless of how difficult something may be, we must still try it in order to succeed

Numerous experiences and changes are a part of growing up, not just for the physical body but also for the mind and emotions. Since I was attracted to both guys and females in the sixth grade while I was in elementary school, I was unsure of who I was. I was lost up to the seventh grade. I didn't know I was bisexual until I was in eighth school, but I had assumed it was normal to have crushes on girls.

Only me, my ate, and two of my kuya relatives are bisexual. If I'm honest with my parents about it, I'm afraid of what they'll say. In a few months or years, I might be ready to tell them the truth about who I am.

It was challenging to figure out who I was during those years. I'm fortunate to have individuals who respect and approve of who I am. especially my two closest friends, who I can reach with a phone call. They are never far away by phone, so I can always invite them out to eat or hang out so we can talk and make fun of our life choices. From the seventh grade until now, when we are in the 12th grade and preparing for college, we have been each other's best friends, so I have always considered of them as my second family or my core group of friends.

“Since you've gone and left me, there's been so little beauty, but I know I saw it clearly through your eyes.”

ADELAIDE ‘ADDIE’ THAXTON

Age: 26 Gender and pronouns: Female, She/Her Occupation: Waitress Neighborhood: Chestnut Hill

BIOGRAPHY

tw: cancer/illness, death

As the baby of a family of seven, Adelaide Thaxton had had one job all her life, one that she took very seriously: to be adored. 

As the youngest of five siblings that existed in a tight-knit unit, Addie had the advantage of being doted on by two loving parents, three protective older brothers, and most importantly to her, an older sister who provided more inspiration than Addie had ever known what to do with - Jane. Her best friend, closest confidante, and the one person who could talk Addie into or out of anything. 

Much of Addie’s childhood was sheltered by privilege and opportunity in a way that was never spoken aloud but had been made very clear; from gymnastics to ballet to cheering, her life was a revolving door - always being shuttled from one activity to the next, and always with someone in the stands cheering her on. Even on her worst days, Addie was made to feel like she stood at the top of the world, with six pairs of arms holding her up, always at the ready if she were to topple. She was provided everything she needed to thrive, and thrive, she did. Straight-A student, former regionals champion, and eventually cheer captain (much to the dismay of the other girls on her squad), Addie wanted for nothing, as everything she sought out was handed to her, just the way she liked it.

When childhood faded and adulthood lingered around the corner, Addie found herself accepted into several schools that some might consider their “dream education.” Of course, as she never strayed far away from the people who helped her get to where she was, Adelaide had chosen the only appropriate choice - University of Pennsylvania. When a Bachelor’s didn’t prove to be enough, she had chosen to dive back in, and at the age of 25, Addie was on track to earn her Doctorate, making all the connections she could need and more to break her way into the career she’d wanted for as long as she could remember. However, when six pairs of arms holding her up became five, Addie could feel her footing begin to slip. 

Of course, the threat of cancer means almost nothing to a healthy young adult who has much else to worry about - until that young adult is sat down at family dinner to somber faces and quiet whispering. It is then that that threat develops meaning. The hands that reached out to cover Addie’s were of no comfort at all when the news came. Jane was sick. Truly sick. The truth was, each face, grief-stricken and tear soaked, was only a reflection of her own. In the 25 years she had been alive to witness it, the Thaxton family had never hit so much as a bump in the road, and now it was written clear as day in their eyes that this had been the single string all along that would be their unraveling. 

Everything happened much quicker than Addie could’ve ever guessed. With mere credits left to go before she would’ve graduated for the final time, Addie left school to ensure her focus was where it needed to be. Though she didn’t need to, nor was she expected to, she got a job with flexible evening hours so that she could spend days with her sister where she could, and pick up the pieces of her family with the rest of her time. Sleep didn’t come easy, but she didn’t expect that it would get worse. Not until Christmastime, when instead of opening presents by the fireside with her loved ones, she was holding her sister’s pale hand in a hospital room.

The days in the hospital came and went, and one day, Jane did, too. The bright, fiery light that she was, was snuffed out unceremoniously, and the bright, fiery light in each of her family members was snuffed out in turn. The six pairs of arms holding her afloat had dwindled to none, and Addie felt herself free-falling. 

Life never returned to normal, not that she ever expected it to. Addie stayed home with her parents, her mother and father who were trying so hard to continue on. She had known better than to try to return to school, instead continuing her serving job and keeping her attention on the trivial complaints of her customers, rather than what was going on at home. Her world, which had once been full to the brim with opportunity and excitement, had instead shriveled down to only what she could see, hear, and tangibly feel. And at least for now, that was the way she liked it. 

ADDIE THAXTON has the face claim of ALYCIA DEBNAM-CAREY and is played by ELISE.