i honestly dont like what totk has done to me in the sense that i cant go back to playing mostly botw bc ill miss on the gameplay that i absolutely loved in totk but i want to for the story . but i cant play totk anymore either bc i really just didnt like the story BUT the gameplay-

Supernatural Rewatch Ramblings: Bloodlust

2020-21 has been a huge transformative time for many of us. Whether we wanted it or not, we have been forced to stop, switch gears, rethink, reflect, let go, make new priorities, discover who we really are and who we want to be in the face of adversity.

One of those transformations for me has been giving up on control and finding a way to surrender to the power of the universe. Another has been to not let perfection be the enemy of good.

You may well wonder---What does all this have to do with the Bloodlust rewatch and review??!

Probably nothing LOL except for the fact that I still have to write up my review on Bloody Mary and have been unable to write for various reasons. And then because the Bloody Mary review was still incomplete I could not write about the next one etc etc etc.

So when we watched Bloodlust two days ago in the continuing re-watch, I decided that I am going to re-start the review, and from exactly where I am right now!

If time and life permits I might fill in the gaps later. If not, well, life is unpredictable and weird and we keep calm as it carries on….Thank you for coming to my Philosophy talk….:)

Read below for the Boodlust  review, Season 2 episode 3 and look out for the post from @soulmates-for-real​ on this rewatch too!! 

The opening scene is the perfect switch and bait because we as an audience have been trained to latch on to types and identities and representations.

Woman in white night gown screaming and running--victim

Person who brutally beheads her—villain.

A few minutes into the episode we realize that we were wrong.

A good few minutes later we realize that we were wrong about being wrong.]

Haha.

We are idjits, swept away on the eddies and currents of this masterfully written and directed episode. Thank you Sera Gamble and Robert Singer!

The acting and the mesmerizing beauty of the two leads is worthy of an entire essay of its own but in order to have a life and finish this review I shall only say this—Oh my goodness HOW gorgeous is Jensen Ackles?!!

It is sometimes impossible to look at him in this episode because my eyes didn’t know where to land! That perfect face? The lips? Those eyes?? The quirk of the eyebrows? Those micro expressions that are constantly weaving across his face? The smile? The way his lips move when he talks?? His hair? The Samulet?

And then the shot pans out and includes his hand and the ring and honestly it’s a miracle I could follow the plot at all.

So the images I am going to include in this review, much as I love Sam Winchester and Jared Padalecki, are all of Dean Winchester. It’s a criminal waste to not do so when the man is just an ode to perfection.

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Sheila O’Malley’s review of this episode is in itself a work of art and a thing of beauty so I will direct you most enthusiastically towards it and only add here my little pennyworth bits. Do click on this link but be prepared to sink into a one hour read which will make you feel like you were dropped into the episode itself.

https://www.sheilaomalley.com/?p=87187

Here is a quote from her review which is so insightful.

These are the details that a director like Robert Singer never misses, and at this point his relationship with Ackles and Padalecki would be almost telepathic (it’s probably 100% telepathic now). He has said before that he and Kripke were such a good team because Kripke’s primary concern is Plot/Gore/Horror and Singer’s primary concern is Character/Relationship. And they both end up in the same place. It’s a good mix. If Singer were also Plot/Gore/Horror focused, we wouldn’t have the depth of relationship which is the real point of the show, its real hook.

*

For a much briefer and far less technically adept and analytical review, read on here!

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The opening of this episode shows us the Impala from every possible angle. Gleaming, gorgeous, road -worthy. This is mirrored by Dean. He is also gleaming, gorgeous and roadworthy. He is in a happy mood that not even Sam’s little brother snitty comments can deflate.

Here is the soundtrack of this episode for those who are interested.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0835248/soundtrack

Here is some random but fun trivia:

Dean tells Sam in one scene "If it's     Supernatural, we kill it." One of the rare times the title of the     show is actually spoken in the dialogue.

This is the first episode where Sam began parting his     hair down the middle, the hairstyle he'd keep the rest of the series.

( I didn’t like his hair too much in this episode honestly but then again I could barely see anyone beyond Dean :D)

During the filming of this episode Jared injured his     hand when he fell badly during a stunt. He thought it was merely sprained     and went straight into filming the next episode without having it checked.     But it got more and more painful and finally he went to the doctor and     discovered that his hand was, in fact, broken. Because he had already     begun filming, he couldn't bandage the hand until filming for that episode     was finished. The writers ended up writing in an accident for Sam and his     line "I think she broke my hand" to explain the fact that for     the following few episodes he would be wearing a cast.

When Dean kills a vampire, blood is sprayed on his     face, mostly on his right cheek. In the next shot the pattern is     different, and notably the right cheek is almost clean. Furthermore, his     mouth was agape when he made the kill, risking the blood getting into his     mouth and turning him into a vampire. While the brothers didn't yet know     how a vampire is made at that point, Gordon did and should have been     alarmed that Dean might have gotten some of the blood in his mouth.

*

A random behind the scene shot from the episode:

Guess who she is? Apparently this is Jensen’s sister in a super brief role in Bloodlust!

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On to the review, or rather some of my thoughts during the re-watch.

The first scene with the Sheriff they are interrogating him about the cattle mutilations is hilarious. The way they bluff their way into the morgue is hilarious. Dean always leading and Sam following.

Random trivia: When Dean enters the morgue with Sam and sees the name tag of "J Manners", it has been thought the name was to honor Jeffrey Dean Morgan and series producer Kim Manners. Dean guesses "John" - Jeffrey's character name - and the intern corrects with "Jeff"

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It a testament to the way Supernatural has trained its audience that we barely blink when they pull out a decapitated head in the morgue, squabble over who is more chicken, dig into the mouth and eventually discover vampire fangs.

Yes, of course they do.

*

Next scene: Two hot guys walk into a bar…..

…….where the adorable Benny, who is not Benny in this episode but a random dude ( spoilers—later we find out the dude is a vampire), gives them directions/ mis- directions to a possible vampire nest.

We see the first glimpse of Gordon Walker, amazingly played by Sterling K. Brown, and making us worry about and dislike him almost right away. The way he is shown with the light and shade bars on his face from the window blinds is so menacing.

The next few scenes continue to build that sense of unease where the Winchester brothers, apparently telepathically, decide to double back and catch him following them, then he shows them his car and his weapons, where he references their dad and then refuses their offer for help.

The scene where he shows them his car is like a painting. (The car by the way is just as inconspicuous as the Impala –which is to say NOT AT ALL!! How do these people stay below the radar of the regular law enforcement is a mystery….).

The dust highlighting the rays of light, the two brothers on one side of the car and Gordon at the other, it’s all so consciously set up for a few seconds worth of screen time. Impressive!

Next comes a truly brutal kill, at Dean’s hands, which we don’t even see except as a spray of blood on his face. Poetic! But it is Dean’s expression that makes my stomach clench. His eyes are dead and he is somewhere deep that even Sam can’t reach, as we can see from the distress on Sam’s face.

Gordon of course is all chipper and full of bonhomie and offers to buy them drinks.

That following scene is the one which gives Wincest brother-wives vibes like 100%.

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Sam plays the role of the disgruntled ‘wife’ to perfection. No one but hubby is allowed to use the nickname. He hates the male bonding going on with Gordon and the more Gordon seems to slip into Dean’s inner circle, the more uncomfortable Sam gets, until he finally decides that he just cannot physically be there any more.

Dean’s smug expression when Sam tells Gordon off for calling him Sammy, his instant worry at Sam going back alone, his hand raised in exasperation to convey to Gordon—look what I have to put up with-- the tossing of the keys to his car----it is all a symphony of Dean playing his part in the brother-wives orchestra.

The last line?! ‘Remind me to beat the buzzkill out of you later.’ And Sam’s expression at that? That’s exactly the way a bullying /abusive husband would react to a nagging wife who doesn’t like his toxic friends and wonders how he can be so blind as to not see them for the bad influence they clearly are.

( Bad Dean!!!)

Sam goes back to the motel and does his due diligence by checking with Ellen, gets kidnapped by vampires, released and on his return is disgusted to find Gordon inside their motel room.

*

The next scene is where Dean erupts, having clearly had enough of the shifting power dynamics between them over the evening. Sam has been silently judging him since the kill and Gordon has managed to ‘other’ Sam and make Dean feel validated in his own bloodlust as a hunter.

Dean clocks Sam one.

Wow. I did not see that coming. And what shocked me at this re- watch is that Sam just takes it.

Like an abused wife, he just takes it. Not only that, sometime later in the episode he tells Dean to hit him again if it is going to make him feel better.

NO Sam! NO!!! This is NOT healthy and this is NOT the way to deal….ugh. Sigh.

*

Then the second half of the episode swings in and the moral dilemma they face becomes clear when the victim and villain switch roles and Dean is shook enough to question his dad’s judgement!

Dean is still kind of trying to give Gordon the benefit of the doubt even though he sees him literally torturing the vampire. But of course all bets are off the instant he touches Sam. Dean pulls his gun on him. I was surprised that he didn’t shoot him just on principle later simply because he hurt Sam even if it was a small cut.

That is Dean’s definition of monsters-- Anything that hurts Sam. 😊

*

We don’t know it at this time, and spoilers ahead, but maybe Dean has been so annoyed and violent with Sam at the idea that he is standing up for MONSTERS is because he might also be one….and the way he looks at the end when he realizes that his whole life’s philosophy has been upended.

There are the details about the vampires who drink cattle blood so they don’t harm humans and therefore want to be treated as the good guys. Of course it is all about the inherent struggle between who you are and what you do—something that shows up hugely magnified in the later seasons when Sam is struggling with his own demon blood addiction and the knowledge of the demon blood inside him.

He needs desperately to believe in this as the utmost foundation stone of his life and its purpose—what you DO is more important than what you ARE!

So even if you are a monster, if you don’t behave like one—that is your redemption.

But it’s not just anybody whose faith he wants in his struggle to prove to himself that he is not a monster. He needs it from Dean.

Remember the dialogue from the panic room “Don’t you say that to me. Don’t YOU say that to me.”

And the fake voicemail set up by Zachariah exploits this at the time of the breaking of the last seal.

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Of course he doesn’t know any of this yet, but that’s Sam fucking Winchester for you –always purer and better than his circumstances allow. Always struggling to do better, be better.😍

*

It is fascinating how the visuals and the roles these two play are of rugged handsome men, badass heroes-- Dean of course super macho role playing all the time. But there are so many layers upon layers and honestly if it wasn’t for Jared and Jensen’s fine nuanced and impeccable acting adding depth to the characters, the show would not have held our interest for this long.

We are shown Sam as the brains with his lore and research, but then in the very next episode (Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things), we see Dean connect dots faster than Sherlock Holmes.

Dean is shown as the instinctively violent one with the gun under his pillow, trigger happy, and in this episode even that brutal kill of the vampire on the docks. But then please remember the way Sam kills Gordon finally. Or the insane way he bites himself to get blood for drawing sigils. Or the way he just simply shoots the crossroads demon point blank!

We see Sam as the soft hearted one and he does rescue kids once in a while, but he is never shown to bond with them even a fraction of the way Dean does—so effortlessly. Also the ladies of course, all of whom have a soft spot for Dean. The exceptions being Sarah and Madison, both of whom completely ignored Dean. Oh and that doctor from Sex and Violence.

Dean has had his share of bad dates of course with Cassie, the woman who gave birth to his magical superfast growing daughter ( who was killed by Sam), and the whole Lisa arc, but somehow we are shown Sam as the one who is invested in relationships. Hello?! Sam was planning to marry Jessica without having told her a thing about his life while Dean told Cassie the secret as soon as he thought he was in love and wanted a relationship.

So anyway, just to say that a rewatch is so brilliant because we know more about them at this point than they do and the character arc is such a thing of beauty to see unfolding!

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That last scene where Dean is in a thoughtful frame of mind, the sun is rising overhead ( as a metaphor for him seeing the light, maybe?)--that insanely gorgeous shot of Dean with the ring of fire and light and his absolutely perfect face in a close up…sigh.

Then he thanks Sam for pushing him to see this grey area and for the first time in that episode Sam finally smiles.

His big brother is back with him.

And then he commits to Dean too. Ah…how it warms my heart to hear this dialogue!

 DEAN I wish we never took this job. It's jacked everything up.

SAM What do you mean?

DEAN Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives.

SAM Okay.

DEAN What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us...

SAM Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could.

DEAN I know he did. But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things; and man, I hate 'em. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn't even think about it; hell, I even enjoyed it.

SAM You didn't kill Lenore.

DEAN No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill 'em all.

SAM Yeah, Dean, but you didn't. And that's what matters.

DEAN Yeah. Well, 'cause you're a pain in my ass.

SAM Guess I might have to stick around to be a pain in the ass, then.

DEAN Thanks.

SAM Don't mention it.

Transcript here http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=2.03_Bloodlust_%28transcript%29

 Guess Sam does stick around for the next 15 years to be a pain in the ass 😊

Some quotes from the writers about this episode: 

·  "The episode was really about what Dean would become if he didn't watch out: that Gordon was Dean in ten years if Sam didn't ask the difficult questions and keep him from getting too militant." - Executive story editor Sera Gamble

· "We set out to create a monster episode where you weren't entirely sure whether these monsters should be killed." - Eric Kripke

· "For me, the show is at its best when the supernatural story reveals something new about the brothers, or forces them to change in some way. Sam and Dean's realization that they've basically been raised as 'monster racists' was really meaty stuff. Exploring these characters' flaws is just as important as showcasing their heroism - these are the things that make them human, that make us invest in them." - Raelle Tucker

Check out this site for more amazing trivia and stuff

http://www.jonescave.com/supernatural/Episode/Episode.php?s=2&e=3#PopCulture

I have already finished watching the next episode ‘Children’s Shouldn’t play with Dead Things’….so let’s hope I get around to writing a review sometime soon !

So You Wanna Write a Novel?: Basics

Okay, I’ve never actually attempted to give some writing advice in a semi-formal manner, but I shall try my best. As someone who’s been writing original stories for about seven years, I have some advice to give that might help out those of you who are interested in learning how to write a novel but are unfamiliar with where to start.

Keep in mind that I’m not super experienced in giving writing advice, and most of my experience with improving my writing comes from school. I’d probably be more helpful providing essay writing advice, but I’ll try my best to give some creative writing advice too.

Also, shoutout to Alya: @anotherbeingsworld,  this one is for you. I hope it helps a bit!

Characters

Personally, I think characters are the most important part of any story. If you don’t care about the characters, why would you want to continue reading? Readers need characters that they can relate to, someone who they see themselves in and that they find themselves rooting for. Without good characters, the rest of the novel won’t matter. So, develop those characters.

Three useful tips I have for making your OCs:

·      Incorporate pieces of yourself into them

·      Establish a goal or a mindset for this character before you even begin writing the story

·      Try to write from the perspectives of people who you may not necessarily agree with

Now that I’ve given those three tips, I’ll go into further detail for each one so that you understand what I mean.

1.     Incorporate pieces of yourself into them: By saying this, I mean take some personality traits and/or personal likes/dislikes that you have and give those to your characters. It can be as simple as a shared favourite drink, or as deep as incorporating one of your own personal experiences or beliefs into the character. As long as you can establish a connection between you and your character, it will make it a bit easier to write from their perspective. However, I must warn you, don’t make the character (especially the protagonist) a copy of yourself. I mean, you can, but I’ve never been a fan of the self-insert. Give us a character that is not like their creator. Show us someone who differs in opinion than you and that you may get into disagreements with in real life. Give us a person.

2.     Establish a goal or a mindset for this character before you even begin writing the story: I want to see this character start one way and end another. Do they begin the plot not believing in love and then somehow manage to fall in love as the story progresses? Are they self-centered and arrogant in the beginning, and then by the end have realized that other people matter, and that life isn’t so black and white? Do they have a goal to stop the “bad guys” and then later realize that those guys aren’t so horrible? I want to see a change. Characters (especially a protagonist) who don’t experience development throughout the story are not as interesting to me. Flip their entire world upside down. Show us some excellent story arcs.

3.     Try to write from the perspectives of people who you may not necessarily agree with: Try to get into the mind of someone who you wouldn’t like in reality. Write from the perspective of someone who infuriates you. Give yourself a challenge by not writing the world through your own eyes, but rather from the eyes of someone who sees things differently than you. Not only do I believe this makes your writing skills better because you can explore different ideals and mindsets, but I think it also teaches a writer to be more empathetic and gives them a more well-rounded view of the world. Of course, if you’re just starting out, this tip isn’t as important, but I still think it should be considered.

Plot

Ah, the part of writing a novel where you must figure out what the hell is going on. I’ll be honest, I’ve always been more of a character-driven writer. Characters are my most cherished possession and the plot itself is just my way of moving them along.

But you can’t have a story without a plot, so here we are.

Have something happen. That might seem obvious, but I’ve read quite a few books where I felt like I was just following characters as they did their daily tasks. Give me a reason to keep reading. Do I want to see two characters get together, do I want to see the hero defeat the villain, am I on the edge of my seat constantly wondering if the team is going to make it out alive? There needs to be action.

It may not be the best way to write, but I like to think of each chapter as a mini “episode” and the whole book is like the “season” of the story. Is it a limited series? Is it an on-going series? You figure it out. Each chapter should be there for a reason. Don’t write about the adventure of Mary as she went to the grocery store and did nothing else. What did Mary see there? Did she find out that some drama is about to go down? There should be a purpose. All the chapters should tell a short story themselves, and then those short stories should all weave together into the overall story. I don’t need five filler chapters. Obviously, this is more for stories that aren’t contemporary, since it’s a bit trickier to make every chapter action-packed for contemporary romance. And yet, there should still be a purpose. We don’t need 150k of almost nothing happening.

The best advice I can offer you is this: figure out the end of your book when you’re only a few chapters in. Decide what the end game is and then work towards it. The story needs to end somewhere, right? We don’t need to follow characters for dozens of chapters only to reach an ending that tells us nothing. Unless you’re making a series, the end of your book should have a definitive conclusion. Don’t drag out the story indefinitely.

Setting

You’re asking the wrong person, I don’t know how to do setting.

Kidding, but seriously, I think that it all depends on what genre you’re writing. If you are working on a contemporary romance, the setting isn’t all the important. I usually give basics: general location, surroundings, different places the characters visit…nothing too extreme. If you’re writing a fantasy, however, you need to establish setting.

Now, I’m mostly a contemporary writer at the moment, but I used to be an action/adventure/fantasy writer, so I do have some experience with writing setting. When I think of setting, I want to be able to envision the area. I want to hear the rain falling, I want to see the night sky, I want to imagine the heat bearing down. I’m trying to not use my own writing for examples, but I think this may need one. When I think setting, I think imagery, and I’ve been told that my imagery is pretty good, so I’ll use a little snippet for fun:

Blinking against the harsh desert sky, A***** stopped to take in what lay before her. Grand pyramids loomed in the distance, towering over the sand dunes on the horizon…The heat seemed to increase the longer she stood out in the open, making it harder to breathe with each passing minute. A*****’s throat screamed for water; her body begged for shade. Pushing the pieces of dark wavy hair from her face, she began to panic. If water didn’t come soon, it would take only a few hours for A***** to dehydrate. The only company was the sound of her laboured breaths. Each inhale became shallower…Hours of agonizing stumbling passed by. The sky had just started to turn a dark red when A***** collapsed from exhaustion. She curled into a tight ball on the side of a sand dune, unable to form any tears. Still, the heat remained unrelenting. Gasps replaced her breathing, and A***** prepared to welcome the cold darkness of sleep drifting her way. Footsteps swished through the sand toward her. A*****’s eyes snapped open. Her hands searched frantically for a grip, for anything to protect her from the stranger she felt standing behind her. When she couldn’t find a weapon, she gathered up what little strength she had and leapt up, whirling to face the unknown person.

Describing setting can be super fun, and if you’re into writing fantasy, then I’d say this is definitely the thing for you. I’m never too concerned about specifics for setting when I write contemporary, since I don’t think much world-building is required, but if you want to create an intriguing world for other genres, I’d say to look up some writing advice on setting (and I will probably do the same because I know I need to work on setting myself).

Point of View

I’ve seen several conflicting opinions when it comes to writing from point of view. Some writers refuse to use first person, some refuse to write in third person, others like second person, and then there are plenty, I’m sure, who do a mixture of all of them. I am the final type, though I do lots of writing in third person.

First, we need you to understand the differences. A first-person narrator uses words like “I, me, we,” etc. It is a narrative told from the perspective of one or more characters, through their eyes. You are the character in first person. Second-person uses “you, your, yourself,” etc. and is a less common writing style. Most of the time I have seen it used in reader-insert fanfiction, and cannot provide much detail on it since it is the POV I use the least. Finally, third-person narrators use the words “he, she, they,” etc. and is told from the perspective of an outside force. Now that doesn’t mean that you don’t get to know the thoughts of characters, since there are several types of third-person POVs. I predominantly use third-person limited, which means telling things from one specific character’s perspective, knowing all of their inner thoughts and emotions. I then switch character’s perspectives in different chapters, but almost never in the same chapter without indicating a clear break in POV.

Why is point of view here? It is necessary to know the point of view you want to write from.

Some writers I’ve seen think that there is almost no reason to write from first person, but I think that some stories require you to follow one main perspective throughout the plot. Most of my contemporary romance is written from first-person, because I think that it’s easier to tell things from the protagonist’s eyes and the other characters’ thoughts are not as valuable to the plot. When writing fantasy or almost any other genre, I like to write from third person, so that readers can experience the story from several different perspectives. Sometimes characters split off and all characters’ experiences are necessary to piece the plot together, and other times I feel it necessary to explore how different characters react to the same situation.

At the end of the day, point of view is entirely up to you and what matters most is that you write in a style that you feel comfortable with.

Theme

Theme is the message of your novel. It is the important aspect of your story, the lesson to be learned when the reader reads the final sentence and has to say goodbye to the characters and the world.

Examples of themes include but are not limited to: love, forgiveness, growth, honour, war, perseverance…the possibilities are endless.

What do you want to tell readers, without really telling them? That’s what a theme is. For example, let’s say you write a story about mental illness and you end the story with the protagonist fighting against it and ultimately realizing they have the power within them to go on; the major themes of that novel would be perseverance and self-discovery. The message readers should get by the end of it is that they can overcome their struggles and find happiness, no matter how hopeless the protagonist may have felt in the beginning and throughout the novel.

Without a theme, your novel has no true meaning. But you don’t need some deep message either, sometimes love is good enough. At the end of the day, it’s your novel, and the significance of your theme is entirely up to you.

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There is a lot that goes into writing a novel, but these are some basics that can help you get started. I’m not great at explaining in a professional way, but I hope this helps anyone who takes the time to read it. Happy writing!

I wanna write or see an AU where Varric notices Hawke and the Inquisitor having similar mannerisms and speech. Like exact copies and their priorities are similar, he doesn't know how to think about it and wonders if it's a hero thing.

But then one day, Inquisitor tries to protect him from a really bad attack, similar in a way Hawke did years ago. When the two are communicating, it's like they're the same person. And that sticks with Varric, he starts noticing more and more similarities between the two. The Inquisitor often coming to him for advice or just a simple chat and seems to be a bit sad when they do.

Varric doesn't know what to believe until Cole says something, (Okay so I probably am not the best at doing a Cole impression, but here goes).

"Playing the game, a new story, a new cast. Except him. But different, no longer a pair. Have to watch from afar, still caring for him so. Wish a pick pocket would come. Hoping, wondering,

Why can't I fly like the Hawke?"

Varric, understanding the ramblings of Cole, goes to Hawke, always ending up with Hawke. He checks on them, they're the same, but something is missing, maybe it's the time spent away from Kirkwall that's changed Hawke or being away from (Romantic interest). Maybe they're different because - somehow - it's not the same person as before.

Sitting at his desk, the Inquisitor approaching to chat but waiting till he's done writing his letters. Varric deciding to test the waters a bit.

"... You know what would help me find red lyrium? Dog. It was always helpful in sniffing out the bad shit."

Hawke would've responded, "*Dog isn't here to smell your shit, Varric! He's at home with (Love interest).*" Followed by some sarcastic humour.

"A dog would be useful, shame we don't have one around here. Solas would probably hate it, seems to dislike dogs quite a bit. Which is odd, since he seems to like wolves..."

Varric laughs softly at the idea of Chuckles being scared of dogs. "That would be a sight, I could make it happen, if you like."

Inquisitor leans closer, a sparkle in their eye. "You would?!" They seem happy, maybe at getting a dog, maybe about having a relaxed conversation where they weren't just the Inquisitor, perhaps both.

Varric pauses for a moment, thinking on how Hawke could get easily tricked into saying things, with the right words and hints. "Maybe a dog isn't a good idea, though. Especially with all this weird shit going on."

"Aw c'mon!!" The Inquisitor, out of character, raises their arms into the air, "If a dog can fight dark spawn and endless blood magic stuff, why not have one to fight Corypheous!" (sp?) They groaned, leaning on their own in a huff with a pout on their face.

Varric stared, his mouth agape slightly, the exact same mannerisms as Hawke. The same way of talking and- no, more proof. Something else. Something to get them to practically admit it. "Inquisitor, have you read my Tale of the Champion?" They looked at him, pout still on their face.

"Yeah, I've asked you a bunch of questions about it before, remember? Are you alright, Varric?" They sat up, real concern on their face.

Hmm how was he going to play this? "Well, I wanted to talk about... stuff. After fighting with the Seeker, things are still... awkward. I was thinking, opening up to you.. would be a lot easier?"

Inquisitor's eyes raised up, in concern for him and their eyes seemed surprised and confused. (My idea being the player is like, okay weird that I've never seen this dialogue before etc). "Varric, I'm here for you if you need me." They held his shoulder, their face all serious and.. the grip was familiar. The same grip and look as Hawke when they comforted him. Shit, this is getting weird.

"Let's talk somewhere more private, don't want unwanted ears listening." Varric rose out of his chair, walking towards the throne, Inquisitor following. He had never seen the Inquisitor's room and now gave him the perfect excuse to let him. They headed to the Inquisitor's room, no one ever came up here apart from the Inquisitor and *love interest's nickname*.

The two sat on the couch, Varric across from the Inquisitor and thinking how to start.

"It's nice to hang out with my friends up here." They said, tilting their head sideways, like Hawke did when they were shy or embarrassed. Sometimes angry too. "Believe it or not, I feel like myself here more than anywhere else in Skyhold. I can.. talk more freely here." They smiled nervously, itching at their nose. Another habit Hawke had until they began painting their face, then it was always their cheek, neck or forehead. Varric wasn't sure what to make of his suspicions. What did he think? A spirit that found itself inside Hawke and now the Inquisitor? If that was it, as long as it doesn't do harm, then it could be fine. Just don't want another blondie scenario to happen-

"Varric?" Inquisitor broke his inner ramblings, "Don't be afraid to talk, I'm here to listen and no one will hear or interrupt us. This is my space and right now, it's ours."

Varric stared at them, watching the way they fidget and thinking about how intent they were on listening whenever he wanted to talk. "I've said it before but, I want to apologise for not contacting Hawke soon-"

"And there's no need to. You've already apologised and I can understand." Hawke pushed a plate of biscuits towards him. Most of the chocolate ones were gone, he thought for a moment if it was a Hawke thing but everyone likes chocolate.

"Thanks, I- Hawke has been through so much. I just wanted them to be safe, happy. They were away with *nickname of love interest* and when they wrote me, they seemed genuinely happy but... different." Varric takes a look toward the Inquisitor, "I wouldn't take Hawke away from that, away from happiness. They lost so much and-" He had to stop, he wasn't actually trying to open up to them about Hawke.

"Varric? Can I ask you something? About the champion." They stared at him, unblinking and fidgeting, they were nervous. "Were you and Hawke- .. Are you and Hawke together? Romantically?" The Inquisitor blinked, laughing softly at their awkward phrasing and rubbed at the back of their neck. Varric wanting to move on from the question, so he said.

"I never found out why you started rubbing your neck after we met. I remember (Sunshine/Juinor) saying you hadn't until after we met. *They* said it was a nervous tick thing." Varric smiled softly, a grin growing on his face.

"Oh yeah, (Bethany/Carver) pointed it out once or twice. Dad often rubbed his neck when he was around Mum, it's one of the few things I remember about him. A habit he had when he was admiring M-" They stopped, wide eyed and looked to Varric in surprise. "I uh, I mean-"

"I don't believe I ever told you *their* nicknames. (Sunshine/Junior)." Varric leans forward, a small smirk on his face. "Odd that you would know about them, Inquisitor." They looked away, covering their mouth in shock.

Inquisitor's fingers started softly scratching at the couch, "I uh- Talk to Hawke. A lot. And that's what they-they said to me." They cringed at their daft excuse. Letting in a shaky breath and returning his gaze, they looked- sad, scared even.

"I need to know. Are you... are you Hawke?" Varric questioned, such a fucked scenario.

They looked to the ground, hesitant at first before turning serious. "Yeah. I... I was only Hawke since running from Lothering to leaving Kirkwall." They looked up slowly.

Varric leaned into the back of the couch, taking in what they said. "So what are you? A spirit or...?" So he- he became friends with this person and.. what of the Hawke he knew? Was he still their best friend and soulmate? Or was the now Inquisitor, his best friend?

Inquisitor looked sad for a moment. Unsure of what to say. "So there's- okay, you choose." They turned serious again, but looked scared. "I can tell you the truth. The complete truth. It's going to be hard to hear and honestly, might break your heart... I don't wanna tell you the whole truth. I don't know if you'd like it. Or I can tell you a story. One where it makes sense to you. Where I am both Hawke, the Inquisitor and... someone else. Where I have powers that... allow me to do many things. I'd be like Cole. I'm just not sure what I am."

Varric took a breath, thinking. This truth, they seemed uncomfortable with. The story however, they were happy to open up about despite being unsure of. Similar to him. He stared in their eyes, a familiar look. Hawke's gaze but with different eyes.

I want...

The Truth:

"I want the truth. If you're Hawke, I need the truth. It won't leave this room." Varric leaned forward, arms leaning on his knees and his hands gripped.

They swallowed, looking down, taking a breath and looking back up. "So you know books?" They smiled gently, "I'm... *reading* a book. This book, let's me make choices-"

"A make your own adventure book. Hawke loves th- *you* love them..." Varric caught himself. This was going to take a while to get used to.

"Yeah so um... The book is the third of the series... It let's me make choices, develop relationships and take part in a whole new story.

The first book, Dragon Age: Origins." They smiled brightly at Varric, showing a happiness and excitement he hadn't seen before. "In this book, you play a Warden whose thrust into the role of a leader. Who has to not only stop a blight but make choices that will effect the rest of the...*series*."

Varric blinked, "Wait. So you're-"

"Let me finish, I'll explain. Any questions you have, leave for the end please." They laughed, making Varric smile. Hawke only smiled like that with their (love interest.)

"In the next book, you play a refugee just trying to survive with their family, losing some on the way..." They looked sad, small tears forming in their eyes. "In this particular book, you make 'friends' with this amazing dwarf, which may I say in my opinion is the *best* relationship across the series?" They grinned and a small blush formed, *probably* out of embarrassment. "The plot twist is: your adventure is actually said Dwarfs book. So... if it's any form of comfort, I'm not *your* Hawke. But I'm the Hawke you *wrote*." They smiled nervously, "All the personal stuff, all the time's Hawke broke down or any *tension* that happened," The Inquisitor wiggles their eyebrows and snorts in laughter, "I don't know anything about. I'm literally the Hawke Cassandra knows of."

Varric rubbed his head, taking this all in before removing his hand, waiting for them to finish.

They pause for a moment. "The last book... is Dragon Age Inquisition." They look around the room, "You're playing as a character who got *lucky*. Or *unlucky*, I suppose it counts on your thoughts about it all. You receive a magical-portal-closing power that gains you political power and many friends... I've seen where this story ends but haven't finished the book for myself yet. I- There are many friends who you get along with, many who you can choose to fall in love with. But there are a few things about this book that... don't *sit* well with me." They laughed loudly for a moment before quickly regaining their composure. A joke Varric noted to himself he would ask about later.

"There are moments when I look back to the second book and miss the relationship I had with y- a *dear friend*. And when Hawke, the real-but-kinda-not-real Hawke on the battlements... I get jealous. Because I can't be close to you like how I used to be. And I'll be honest, I haven't really found a character who I can just be myself with, unlike in the last book. Where I got to be myself around you..." The stop. Hesitating. "I really miss you."

Varric stares at them, their sincere and pained eyes. "It's the chest hair, everytime." They look down at his chest and back up again, before cackling loudly.

~~~

I didn't think I would do this much writing, I really miss writing haha.

Anyway, hope you liked this so far, sorry for the cut at the end. Just ran out of energy.

If you or if you know someone who could like this little short story about Dragon Age, feel free to let me know your thoughts and feeling on the comments. ^^

Some of the opinions and things were mostly taken from my opinion or feelings. There were a few taken from others as well.

I'd love to see an artist draw their Inquisitor/Hawke in this AU. Or make their own interpretation. Maybe your AU is that all the heroes have a spirit that helps them or anything you want haha. Also feel free to write a HawkexVarric romance in yours, BECAUSE I'm trash for HawkexVarric TT-TT)/

Feel free to tag anyone you think would be interested and feel free to add to this ^^ I hope you enjoy this AU idea.

I may tag some friends who could be interested ^^

Alias s01e19 ‘Snowman’

Does it pass the Bechdel Test? No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Four (22.22%).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Fourteen (77.78%).

Positive Content Rating:

Three

General Episode Quality: 

Odd.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel: 

Sydney and Francie talk about Sydney’s international trips, but Will is never not a party to that conversation.  

Female Characters:

Sydney Bristow

Francie Calfo

Irina Derevko

Judy Barnett

Male Characters:

Noah Hicks

Skyhook

Michael Vaughn

Will Tippin

Arvin Sloane

Douglas

Grey

Jack Bristow

Dixon

McCullough

Alexander Khasinau

Weiss

Kishell

Marshall

Other Notes:

I do not understand Dixon’s animosity towards Noah, at all.

SpyMommy!

I’ve been rewatching the series with a friend who made note of the way the series consistently ignores extractions, treating them as a fait accompli, something that just happens and needs to be accepted, instead of something as complicated as what we usually see. It therefore made the beginning of the episode, where Sydney and Noah’s extraction runs into some complications, very amusing this time around.

While Will and Francie’s C-plot, about them discovering that she has been lying about her trips, feels as if it exists entirely to give them both something to do, I do appreciate parts of it, including Sydney’s effortless recovery—is it a lie she’d planned out beforehand, or did she come up with it on the spot?—and the chemistry between Sydney’s two friends. 

The series’ mid-episode missions have always felt quite a bit like music videos, and this one, with almost no dialogue and set to Paul Oakenfold’s “Ready Steady Go”, feels like the epitome of that. 

This arc is weird.  

I mean, its placement—as a palate cleanser between the Rambaldi stuff of the past few episodes and the seasonal endgame—makes a certain amount of sense, at least. Additionally, the idea of introducing someone from Sydney’s past at SD-6 has definite potential. Noah, as a character, is actually fairly compelling—you can tell how a Sydney in her early twenties might have considered him interesting. And heck, last episode wasn’t bad at all. It’s this episode and its new wrinkle—that K-Directorate has hired an assassin to go after Khasinau, who turns out to be Noah, which Sydney only discovers after she’s accidentally mortally wounded him—that makes the whole thing nigh-incomprehensible, from a thematic standpoint. The episode ends up highlighting the way the series…really doesn’t care about the world it inhabits.

One of the odder omissions from the Alias narrative so far is the concept of evil being corrosive. We’ve talked about how Sydney managed to somehow work for SD-6 for seven years while still remaining immaculate, but the same can be said about characters like Dixon and Marshall, who have given no reason to doubt that they are still good guys. What’s more, Sydney—or anyone else—never expresses concern that continued exposure to SD-6 will somehow affect them.  Whatever dangers evil presents, the ability to corrupt is not one of them, the series implicitly argues. Sydney, despite seven years as an SD-6 agent, still doesn’t kill.  Dixon, despite an even longer tenure, is still meant to be seen as noble and moral and uncompromised. Even SpyDaddy, the character who most embodies shades of gray, has a good, morally justifiable reason for everything he’s done.

Noah as the Snowman, then, brings something genuinely new to the table: a character who does, in fact, appear to have gotten corrupted by his time in the espionage world.  He’s both a character who can make a note about how he dislikes having to kill, while secretly moonlighting as an assassin for reasons that are never explained. It’s a story full of potential, especially once you add the fact that he dies at Sydney’s hand.  

Unfortunately, the episode undermines itself at nearly every turn. First, it introduces the Snowman out of the blue, which prevents the mystery of his identity from being an actual proper mystery. Second, it insists on actually keeping his identity hidden, despite the fact that there’s really only one possible person he could be (the episode would have been much more tense if we’d known from the start). Third, the episode structures itself in such a way that doesn’t allow the Snowman to appear until the very end, which forces the writers to spend far too much time telling and not showing why he’s someone to fear. Finally, the fact that the reveal only occurs after Noah has been mortally wounded means we get to learn nothing of his circumstances or understand any potential implications from it. It turns him into a distraction, rather than a crucial part of Sydney’s journey.  

Imagine if, instead, the episode had allowed Sydney to encounter the Snowman in, say, the middle of the episode, and had been forced to confront him knowing at least part of what he was. The final confrontation might have featured Sydney demanding an explanation, and Noah providing one—perhaps it was all about the money, or something that started out with the best of intentions but became something else over time. Imagine if, after that, we’d seen Sydney actually intentionally kill Noah, instead of the wishy-washy accidental killing we get.  

I’ve mentioned before how odd it is for the series to consistently assert, in any way that does not actually involve an actual assertion, that Sydney does not kill. It’s the sort of thing that only really makes sense from a writing standpoint: given that we never actually see Sydney express qualms with killing, and that we see characters like Vaughn and Dixon occasionally use lethal force without comment, we must conclude that it is not a feature of the story, but rather, that it is the writers who have a problem with Sydney killing. This results in the worst of all worlds. We get a Sydney that makes no sense within her context, we’re robbed of an explanation that could further define her and the world she inhabits, and it makes SD-6 all the more incoherent. That said, though, these are largely passive problems. It is not until this episode where it becomes an active one.  If the series wanted an emotional gut punch, then why not have Sydney be actively responsible for killing Noah?  Why is a series that is, to a degree, meant to be about the shades of gray, so afraid of allowing its protagonist to actually exhibit them?  

Book Review

Spin the Dawn. By Elizabeth Lim. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2019.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: YA fantasy

Part of a Series? Yes, #1 of the Blood of Stars duology

Summary: Maia Tamarin dreams of becoming the greatest tailor in the land, but as a girl, the best she can hope for is to marry well. When a royal messenger summons her ailing father, once a tailor of renown, to court, Maia poses as a boy and takes his place. She knows her life is forfeit if her secret is discovered, but she'll take that risk to achieve her dream and save her family from ruin. There's just one catch: Maia is one of twelve tailors vying for the job. Backstabbing and lies run rampant as the tailors compete in challenges to prove their artistry and skill. Maia's task is further complicated when she draws the attention of the court magician, Edan, whose piercing eyes seem to see straight through her disguise. And nothing could have prepared her for the final challenge: to sew three magic gowns for the emperor's reluctant bride-to-be, from the laughter of the sun, the tears of the moon, and the blood of stars. With this impossible task before her, she embarks on a journey to the far reaches of the kingdom, seeking the sun, the moon, and the stars, and finding more than she ever could have imagined.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: blood; violence; torture; mentions of slavery, misogyny, sexual content

Overview: I can’t remember how this book fell under my radar, but I decided to pick it up because the emphasis on sewing was appealing. I’m a bit tired of fantasy books which focus entirely on fighting and devalue “soft skills,” so it was a refreshing change to read something that centered the labor that goes into garment-making and imbued it with a kind of magic. While the plot was very strong, in my opinion, the main thing that prevented me from giving this book a higher rating was the writing: so much happens in this book that some things felt rushed, and I would have liked to see more poetic prose when it came to describing the garments of the magical elements in Lim’s world. But other than that, Spin the Dawn was an enjoyable read, and I’m very much looking forward to the sequel.

Writing: As I mentioned above, Lim’s writing has a tendency to move too quickly. At times, this quick pace was great - Lim doesn’t stretch out scenes that don’t need it, reminding me a bit of Tamora Pierce’s books. But at times, it was somewhat detrimental. A lot happens in this book, so Lim had the challenge of getting everything in without extending the length too much (my copy is 387 pages). As a result, there’s not really a lot of time for suspense. Major events are over in a few pages, and emotional scenes are whipped through quickly in order to get to the next plot point.

The quick pace also means that not a lot of time is given for description. Sometimes, the lack of description was fine - fantasy has a tendency to overdo it, so it’s nice when an author is discerning with what gets described and what can be glossed over. In this case, though, I was hoping for a little more, especially when it came to describing the garments that the main character makes. With noticing and making clothing such an integral part of Maia’s identity, I was hoping for more vivid imagery when she notices or creates a garment - something a little more than a dress being light blue or a sleeve having pearls and embroidery. She does a little of that when she makes a magical dress, but in my opinion, it should have happened every time. I wanted the clothing to come to life before my eyes, especially since most of the garments are made using magical assistance.

Along similar lines, I think Lim could have done more to bring the language of sewing into the way Maia sees the world. The prologue and opening chapter in which Maia describes her family is very good with this - she describes her story as a series of “knots,” talks about how one of her brothers gave her a poetic vocabulary to describe colors, and even refers to clouds having “seams” at one point. I wish Lim had carried over these stylistic choices to the rest of her novel; her prose for the rest of the book seemed sparse in comparison.

A couple of nitpicky things: one, Lim has the tendency to explain to the reader what can be inferred. The story is narrated in Maia’s first person POV, and there are many times when Maia would bluntly state something that was pretty obvious from the context, or when showing would have worked better than telling. Lim also has a tendency to use exclamation marks in Maia’s inner monologue, which I personally don’t care for. But these things happened infrequently, compared to other novels I’ve read. They were noticeable, though.

Plot: This book follows our protagonist, Maia, as she enters a contest to become the next imperial tailor and as she is tasked with fashioning three gowns using  the laughter of the sun, the tears of the moon, and the blood of stars. The narrative elements themselves were engaging; I think Lim did a good job of crafting a story while keeping sewing and tailoring at the heart of the adventure. At first, I was worried that sewing would take a backseat to politics, but Lim skillfully ensured that the sewing was always at the center, and that it was intertwined with the politics in ways that meant it couldn’t be discarded.

I do wish more time was given to creating suspense within this narrative. As stated above, this book moves quickly - so quickly that there isn’t really a lot of time to be worried about whether a character might succeed. While the story itself was fun, and I am in no way advocating for it to be made darker or more violent, I do think the book could have benefited from a slower pace where it was warranted, such as in each trial to obtain the materials for the dresses.

I also wasn’t very convinced by the “big bad” who shops up towards the end. Without giving anything away, I will say that their motivations were somewhat flat - it seemed like they just wanted to be bad because they were bored or something.

Characters: Maia, our protagonist, is fairly likable as a girl who disguises herself as a boy in order to prove something to a patriarchal society. I really liked Maia’s internal struggle over whether or not magic enhanced or undermined her skill as a tailor, and I also liked that she was direct and blunt when needed. I do think, however, that she is a bit too reliant on others to the point where she is somewhat passive. She only really initiates her own actions at the very beginning and very end of the book. Everything in between is determined by others - Edan, for example, tells her where to go to get the materials for her dresses, as well as what to do to pass the trials. He also manages their travel, their rations, everything, so that Maia seems to be just along for the ride. Aside from deciding to disguise herself in the first place and deciding how to handle her fate at the end, Maia shows little initiative. Placing more emphasis on her active decisions could have helped, even in situations when she was being acted upon or responding to something.

Edan, the Lord Enchanter and Maia’s love interest, is charismatic and teases Maia without being cruel. I liked that he was presented as someone who actually cares for Maia - he notices what foods she likes and what her favorite color is, and though he teases her, he’s never a gruff, jealous, violent asshole in the way that so many YA love interests are. I also thought the limits to his magic were interesting and helped temper his abilities so that he wasn’t over-powered as well, though I disliked how he was also used to conveniently explain lore and worldbuilding when Lim could have done that in other ways.

Many of the side characters were also nuanced so that they felt like complex characters with clear motivations. Lady Sarai, the emperor’s reluctant fiancee, is constantly making the tailors do ridiculous or impossible tasks, but it’s revealed that she does so to prolong her engagement and, possibly, defer the wedding. Thus, she appears simply cruel at first, but her homesickness and frustration as being a pawn in a larger political game makes her sympathetic. Likewise, the emperor is given some nuance in that he’s seemingly kind and fair to whoever he meets, but is reliant on Edan’s power to a concerning degree. I liked that his reliance on Edan and magic was understandable (he’s trying to prevent war, after all), but the personal costs of that reliance were questionable, making for an interesting moral dilemma.

But again, I disliked the “big bad.” I didn’t think they were woven very well into Lim’s world, and they appear so suddenly that they felt convenient for plot to happen, rather than a real threat.

Other: While the worldbuilding of this book was interesting, I think Lim could have done a lot more to make it seem more real and intwined with the lives of A’landians. Much of the information about magic, religion, history, etc. is dumped on the reader by Edan simply explaining things to Maia, making the worldbuilding feel like it existed only to make plot happen (rather than make a rich setting in which plot happens, if that makes sense). Out of all the things, I think the Seven Years’ War was the best incorporated because there was a personal element to it - Lim spends the opening chapters detailing how two of Maia’s brothers are killed and how a third is crippled, all while narrating how Maia and her father have to get by on their own. The complex feelings about the emperor and the shansen (the antagonist and whose daughter is the bride-to-be) were thus well-placed and felt real. The magic, however, seemed to appear only once Maia left her home. Maia has magic scissors that belonged to her grandmother, but she never knew about until the contest, and so little time is spent to thinking about who her family is and why the scissors only work for her that the magic didn’t feel personal at all (until the very end, conveniently). But aside from Maia’s personal story, I would have liked magic to be a little more integral to the world of A’landi, even if it was only reserved for the upper class. The same goes for the religion - apparently, religious figures and stories are at the center of Maia’s impossible dress-making task, but Maia is something of an atheist. While I did like the personal angle that explained why she doesn’t worship any gods, I do think religion could have been more integrated into the story to make it feel present (for example, maybe during the contest, people are given breaks to worship at the temple, and it’s understood to be mandatory - just an idea). Same thing with the inclusion of ghosts and demons - they only showed up when convenient.

A few words about the romance: I did like that Edan was attentive and not a raging jerk, as well as the reason for why they couldn’t be together. It made for an interesting predicament, and I’m interested to see where things go in book two. That being said, because this book moves so quickly, not enough time was devoted to developing the emotional connection between Edan and Maia. I would have liked to see more examples of how they enrich each other’s emotional lives, not just how Edan finds Maia interesting for dressing as a boy and refusing his assistance, or how Maia benefits from Edan’s magic. The teasing was fun and helped make for a cute dynamic, but I wanted a bit more. For example, how does Edan bring out the best in Maia, and vice versa? 

Continuing with the Series? Yes.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re interested in fashion, dress-making, magical garments, sewing contests, and court politics.

Lmfao look @ this embarrassing display of pathological jealousy & butthurt right here https://liliaeth.tumblr.com/post/185660274761/i-will-never-get-over-how-the-teen-wolf-fandom

https://russianspacegeckosexparty.tumblr.com/post/185660318562/i-will-never-get-over-how-the-teen-wolf-fandom

https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/185660625460/i-will-never-get-over-how-the-teen-wolf-fandom

DELUSIONAL #1: I will never get over how the Teen Wolf fandom treated Scott McCall. He is the literal protagonist of the show (he’s the teen wolf!!) but the fandom looked at him and went : “you know what would be even better? His boring white best friend. We’re gonna make him the main character”.

If you knew nothing about Teen Wolf except for what you would find on Tumblr, you would assume that Stiles is the protagonist. He gets the metas, the thousands of fics dedicated to him and his family and his angst. He gets the most popular ship, he gets all the people defending him and actions.

Meanwhile, Scott gets treated like dirt. He’s villainized, he’s dumbed down, he gets ignored.

Scott McCall deserves better 2kforever, and if any Stiles fans try to argue you’re getting blocked.

DELUSIONAL #2: I never knew how much I hated the color taupe (lbr, I didn’t even KNOW what the color taupe was) until every fucking where you turned in fandom was an ode to Stiles’ whiskey-taupe colored eyes.

DELUSIONAL #3: Let’s be completely fair here, Jeff Davis said multiple times both in interviews and in Dir. Commentary that he liked Stiles the most, identified with him the most, and poured the most into that character. The Fandom got bored with Scott because well, Jeff kind of wanted us to. /he/ was bored with Scott.

It’s only on my most recent re-watch that I’m falling in love with Scott. His heart I used to chalk up to “boring Lawful Good”, his loyalty as well. And to be fair, Tumblr was going through kind of a “Sherlock” phase where being super smart and talking fast and making doe eyes at another boy made you automatically the most likeable no matter how uninteresting you are.

None of this excuses treating Scott poorly. He’s the definition of “best boy”, he’s the soft gooey center that pulls this overly dramatic teen drama together! But it might at least explain it.

DELUSIONAL #2: Yeah, except that doesn’t track for a number of reasons. Firstly, the show itself WAS focused around Scott the first two and a half seasons. Sure, Stiles still had his ‘scene stealing moments’ or whatever, but the plot, the character arcs, the themes - they were very clearly focused around Scott and his story up through the end of 3A.

That never stopped fandom from being shitty as hell to Scott from like, the very first episodes. So Davis’ investment or lack thereof in Scott is not connected to how much or how little shit fandom shoveled Scott’s way.

Secondly, fandom is extremely vocal about hating Davis and his choices like….across the board. Even when he poured EVERYTHING into Stiles’ character and story to the exclusion and detriment of the main character, it still wasn’t enough for fandom as it wasn’t HOW they wanted everything focused on Stiles, he wasn’t with the right love interest, he wasn’t kicking ass in the right way, he wasn’t a spark, etc, etc. Fandom never ever took their lead from Davis and his story and character directions, and they were never shy about saying so.

I have a lot of criticisms for and of Davis, like a looooooooot, but there’s no spreading the blame around here.

Fandom’s treatment of Scott is on fandom and no one else. They never wanted the quiet kind-hearted Latino boy as the lead, they wanted him supporting their two white faves instead of ‘stealing focus’, and no amount of focus and nothing Scott actually did or didn’t do was ever going to change that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow. Looks like Tyler Posey is not the only one who’s unhealthily obsessed with Dylan O’Brien (and with Stiles Stilinski, too, since TP feels the need to bring Stiles up in every single fucking interview and keeps whining about how Sciles should have been the most popular ship of Teen Wolf, or about how he wants to see more Scott/Stiles stuff like a whiny, entitled manchild) https://poseysprostate.tumblr.com/post/183385569523/i-think-the-stiles-and-scott-shippers-or-anyone

https://blamscilesswanqueenforever.tumblr.com/post/183424757827/hobrien-will-teen-wolf-fans-like-now

Also, nah. Scott McCall is a bland, boring, uninteresting, shitty excuse of a badly written and portrayed fictional character with no development whatsoever, therefore no one owes him nor Tyler ”shipping non canon ships is incredibly offensive and disrespectful towards the writers, producers, and everyone involved in *MY* show unless said non canon ships involve *MY* character Scott McCall” Posey anything.

No one’s fault even Peter Hale’s Shelby Cobras are canonically more complex, relevant and interesting than true petty dictator wannabe with delusions of grandeur Scoot McBelowAverageIdiot could ever hope to be, delusionals! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cookie: Shit like this makes me very glad I was not involved with the fandom in its heyday. I remember when I joined tumblr in like 2013? 2014?? Everyone kept going off and ranting about how the fandom was so racist and horrible and abusive to main character and blah blah blah, so I wisely chose to just stay away from Teen Wolf. (Literally didn’t even watch it until the show ended two years ago and I started seeing promos for Maze Runner: TDC and realized I never saw Scorch Trials and was like ‘oh hey! I recognize that dude!) I was very pleasantly surprised to find that the fandom as a whole is actually pretty great. 

As for all of that mess up there, whoo, I hope they stretched before all that reaching! Literally the only people that concerned with race in this fandom are the delusionals. Sorry babes, but an ethnically ambiguous (and proud of it!) actor playing a character who alludes to being Latino one time like 3 seaons into the show does not representation make! What’s more, no one is required to like a character purely based on your head canon of their race, and disliking that character based on many factors (that don’t even touch what Scott McCall’s race may or may not be) does not make any of us racist. Funny enough, Most of us actually adored Boyd, and Danny, and Kira, and Mason, and everyone else on this show who’s race wasn’t ambiguous. Why? Because those characters were actually fun and interesting. Scott McCall? Not so much. 

And I have no idea what part of fandom they are in that Scott is the most poor abuse puppy ever and everyone hates him like, what? I love fanon Scott, and I mean that unironically. In fandom I often see him written exactly as the kind of character they wish he was; kind, empathetic, a good friend, and a good boyfriend. When they rant and rave about how Scott is portrayed as dumbed down or villainized, I can’t help but wonder... are they talking about, *gasp* canon Scott? Because I’m sorry, but canon does not support their idealized view of him. Which is okay! That’s what fandom is for! 

A few weeks ago i got a really shitty comment on a fic I wrote like a year ago, and this person complained (for an exhaustive amount of paragraphs) that I didn’t write the characters to their specific tastes, and that I had to be sympathetic with their predicament because you see, they cannot write. Therefore I must do it for them, or pay the consequences. 

That is the same time I am getting from this, about Stiles getting all the meta and such. Like, do they understand why Stiles gets the meta? Because people write it! No one is stopping the delusionals from writing meta about Scott, in fact I would encourage it. Be the change you want to see in the world. (Although fair warning, I have read their metas and they seem to somehow always end up revolving around Stiles in some way. Who is it that’s obsessed with him, again?) Instead of spending all their time complaining, they could be writing all they physically could about Scott, creating content that portrays him in the way they want to see him portrayed. But they don’t. Because then what would they complain about? 

This is probably going to get long because I might go into some detail, but I also might have forgotten a few things or decided not to mention them. This isn’t going to be an exhaustive list of things Snaji has “done”, and has a lot of personal opinion.

Spoilers, Snaji negativity, and a little bit of crude language under the cut so be warned!

      Snaji was never on my list of favorites. He’s the kind of character that rubs me the wrong way, but despite that he was able to fluctuate between tolerable and lovable in his own way for most of the pre-timeskip part of the series.       I didn’t hate Snaji, he just wasn’t my favorite Strawhat and that was it.

      My biggest problem with him was always his creepy and invasive behavior towards women and the fact that he thinks he’s a gentleman when he’s not.       I think the biggest thing pre-timeskip is the fight with Creep Lion where what really gets Snaji to snap is not the fact that Creep Lion has put his entire crew through hell and was going to forcibly marry Nami, no. It was the fact that Creep Lion got the peeping tom devil fruit before he did.

      But even then, most of his screen time was spent on other things. He had things he did, he had wants and needs and a personality other than being horny.       But much like most of the female characters, his personality imploded in on itself and all that’s left now is tits.

      I will not be talking about parts of the writing that happen to have Snaji in them that I think were handled poorly (the entire wedding with Pudding, for example) but more on actions that specifically Snaji has carried out that make me dislike him/how he was written.

      A lot of this stuff is personal opinion and not things he has done objectively “wrong”, so to speak.       This isn’t me trying to shame anyone for liking him or me trying to tell anyone “your husbando is shit”. I like plenty of characters who other people dislike or find to be “bad characters”.           It’s just that you asked a question, and I want to answer it honestly!

The Fishman Island Arc

      We’re going to come back to something else that happened in this arc later, but we’re just going to start by going through a few of the things he’s done that really rub me the wrong way:

Just thinking about the mermaids gave him a nosebleed so bad that Chopper was concerned for his life. Chopper proceeded to tell him to AVOID the mermaids.

He went directly against Chopper’s orders and he he saw the mermaids he got a nosebleed so bad he needed a goddamn blood transfusion

During this blood transfusion he was given blood from two gay men/crossdressers and he went into a rage because he’d rather die than get blood from gay people. (which is Holy Shit levels of gross. I know Oda is Japanese, but this is still a really unfortunate choice given in the United States it’s still illegal for gay and bisexual men to give blood)

His horniness was repeatedly a major hindrance to the entire crew during this arc. It was different when it was a passing joke about how he gets all starry eyed because Nami and Robin are pretty.

His boner influenced the plot and created problems for the entire crew. This happens over and over again, and he never learns from or improves because of it.

Dresrossa Arc

Pretty minor drop in the bucket all things considered, but the entire thing with Viola. Not the fact that he wouldn’t fight her, but the fact that once again his boner put his life at risk.

I am aware that in the end through the power of Snaji being Snaji he managed to make Viola come to their side but overall just. HUFF.

** Side note I took a glance at the wiki bc I wanted to make sure I was getting things right and even the author of the wiki seems lowkey tired of Snaji ex machina [screenshot from Viola’s page on the One Piece Wikia] [”Somehow touched by these words, Viola decided to help S//anji”]

“somehow” vfdnhjgbfdjh

Whole Cake Island Arc

A very minor one is Snaji’s instant willingness to marry Pudding and abandon the Strawhats and only rethinking it once things became dire.

More a personal gripe but Snaji didn’t develop. He didn’t change, he didn’t improve, nothing about him is different. He didn’t learn anything from Pudding, he didn’t become a better person. He was just made to suffer for an arc and then he was fine again and there’s no long term consequences to anything. Other characters who got similar arcs developed and changed. He didn’t.

The moment he wasn’t at risk anymore he was back to having exactly 1 (one) personality trait and that personality trait was being a pervert. And the entire thing just. Made me sad.

Generally,

He lost a lot of his interesting and sympathetic traits

It feels like he nolonger gives a shit about any of the other crew members except for the female ones. I miss his relationships with the other crew members a lot.

      I mentioned that we were going to come back to Fishman Island, and now’s the time. This part is purely personal and not necessarily something Snaji “did”, but I’ve been wanting to talk about it for a while and this gives me a reason.

      There’s one particular scene that gets to me more than any other and cemented how much I dislike Snaji. Compared to some other stuff it might seem unimportant but it really, really bothers me.

         At some point during the arc, Jinbei comes to Nami having heard of what Arlong did to her, her family, and her Island. And he comes to apologize and take responsibility both for what Arlong did and also for not preventing it, even though there’s really nothing Jinbei could have done.

Before Nami even got a chance to speak, without even asking her, without even looking at her, without even paying a single speck of attention to her reactions, Sa/nji jumps in.

      He jumps in and tells Jinbei to kill himself in atonement for what happened. He tells this man he doesn’t deserve forgiveness for a crime he didn’t commit, without even considering the person who was actually had to live through what Arlong did.

      He spoke over Nami, he spoke without a single concern for what she would want, he spoke over a victim and a survivor who actually has to live with the suffering these things caused.

      And not only that, but he did all of this after he showed no actual interest in hearing about what happened to Nami and her island. In the original Arlong arc when Nojiko is telling the Strawhats about what happened, about all that Nami has suffered through, when she finishes Sa/nji doesn’t even care.       He doesn’t actually care about what Nami went through because he was too busy thinking about how cute Nami would have been as a child.

      And then he feels the right to speak over her. He feels the right to speak for her, without considering her or her opinion on the matter, on whether or not she forgives Jinbei.

      He didn’t care what Nami thought, he just wanted to be a white knight.

      And when Nami tells him to stop? He tells her, the one who had to go through all of it, to think about what they did to her. As if she doesn’t know, as if she didn’t have to live it.

Nothing Sa/nji has ever done will ever piss me off as much as that did.

      What bothers me about Snaji is that he’s a creep who thinks he’s a gentleman, and who the narrative treats as a gentleman.

      Snaji is never really punished for his actions. You’re not supposed to think he’s a creep, you’re supposed to like him. You’re supposed to find it funny but charming when he objectifies women and treats them simultaneously as untouchable angels and helpless children who can’t do anything for themselves.

      What post-timeskip Snaji did is that he’s every single thing that made me dislike Snaji and almost nothing of what made him a character I could care about.

Once again, I want to say this isn’t an attack on anyone or saying it’s bad to like Snaji, I’m also not trying to say Snaji is the only character that has done bad things or things I dislike. I just wanted to explain why I didn’t care for him and what bothered me about how his character was handled post timeskip.

The Dragon Prince Season 2 Review

*SEASON ONE SPOILERS IN THHIS SECTION* i love this show and, unless another Voltron situation happens, that’s not going to change. But I find myself... disappointed with this season. Mainly bc it felt like a season of filler episodes. Yes we had some developments, largely with Caleb’s magic and his relationship w Claudia, as well as Claudia and Sorens relationship and Virens Evil Plan™️. But 3 of the 9 episodes were on just Caleb and Claudia in one place, with the same issue that could have been resolved in one episode leaving room for more, and 2 of the remaining 6 episodes were mostly backstory on Caleb and Ezran’s mother. And while yes, I was very excited to learn about her it was just... lackluster, as it was told as a story by Viren and not a more meaningful way, such as Caleb’s memories, or in a letter from his mother, for example. The remaining episodes were mostly focused on Caleb’s magic. It just felt like filler as these things could have been dealt with in more exciting ways. I hate to bring up Voltron, but in the episode where Shiro connects to the black lion, that was still engaging and didn’t feel like filler bc there were exciting things happening during this, and their was a deadline. In this season, very little action happens, and most of it is in backstory, and the things that (in this case of the one episode of voltron) took one episode, took a whole season, even though about the same progression took place. It’s just boring, and made the season feel like filler.

Especially because the whole time there is never any real danger or time pressure. Rayla begins the season saying “danger is coming” but Claudia and Soren show up later that episode I think and don’t wind up being that dangerous. The rest of the season there is no real time constraint except us being told, not shown, that they need to get Zym to Xadia soon. Although you might say Viren causing trouble is the danger, it’s not really present in the narrative as he isn’t sending people out to get the trio and the trio has no idea what he is doing.

Now for some LARGE SPOILERY points I’d like to make about the season (I apologize if formatting gets weird here, I’m writing this one my phone and it, well, is tumblr. Also I can’t find the mobile version of the read more button.)

In this season there is a lot of development of Caleb’s romantic relationships, specifically with Claudia, and briefly at the end with Rayla. Although I admit I have not looked up their exact ages, appearance wise, to me, Caleb looks 15 or so, and the girls look late teens early twenties. This, to put it simply, makes me very uncomfortable. In Season one, I was perfectly fine with Caleb’s puppy dog, schoolboy crush on Claudia. It was realistic to how a young teen might feel towards an older friend as he is first hitting puberty, and I found it cute. But now Claudia is reciprocating, and not just in a motherly, older sister way. She’s doing her hair up, she’s goin on a date with him, and they nearly kissed. I find this unacceptable as the age differences between them are too large, and regardless if the young one is a boy, that’s still very much not ok. Maybe technically she’s only a few years older than him, but as it isn’t stated and appearance wise she is much older seeming (since you can’t expect viewers to look up the wiki, this is what I have to go on), I strongly disagree with this, and the same concerning Rayla. He is, from my interpretation, 15. That’s not ok and I’m extremely mad about this. I hope it gets resolved in a way that is appropriate but I worry it won’t, and I worry more about the message that sends to young boys that they should let older girls hit on them when that’s no more ok than an older man hitting on a younger girl.

My second big complaint is how lgbt rep is handled in this season. Bc yes, we got some!!! And they died two episodes later!!! Not even, if you do some critical thinking as to why their daughter is ruling as a child queen with no parents. But yes, they kill the two lesbians who show up, although they are very much canon, kissing and a kid and all. They kill them, and although it is necessary for the narrative and not just thrown in there to get rid of them, it still sucks bc it’s still the trope that hurts so many of us. Now do I think this is the only lgbt rep we will get in this show? Absolutely not, I firmly believe we have yet to see the true lgbt characters revealed (still hoping for Amaya...) and I don’t believe this was all we will get, however those episodes haven’t been released yet and as of our knowledge this is all we have, and it’s a kill your gays trope. I just can’t agree with this, even though again, it was necessary to the narrative and wasn’t just a dismissive death and move on.

Oh and one last quick thing disliked. In this season, Soren briefly becomes a quadrepeligic. It’s handled rather well, in my opinion, with Soren trying to find the good in it and crack a joke as is his way, and Claudia nearly having a mental breakdown bc she doesn’t have a spell to help. But then she pulls one out of her ass and heals him. And although I am not disabled nor do I have any disabled friends, I find this a bit rude to the community (please do tell me if I am wrong about this however and you believe the disabled community is fine with this as I am not certain). The community doesnt have a magic solution to solve their disabilities. That’s not an option. And in my, admittedly unknowleable opinion, I think they should have let Soren remain disabled and truly showed how that affects the life of someone who previously relied on fighting. I think it would have added a whole other layer to the show of both diversity and intrigue. Do I think this was a slight at the disabled community? No I don’t, simply concerning how we know they don’t have a problem putting characters into the show with disabilities, and doing it well too (Aka Amaya making tasteful jokes about being deaf and using actual ESL, and Vallads, a pirate character from this season who DOES use magic assistive technology to deal with his blindness and it works amazing). But I do feel this was a wasted opportunity for character growth for Soren by helping him realize fighting skills aren’t all that make him who he is, and also an interesting way to creatively work in magical assistive technology (a la the flying wheelchair from A:TLA)

Lastly I’d like to talk about some good things about this season bc I’ve bashed it enough for one day don’t you think? Viren’s whole thing with the mirror was boring as hell yes, and only contributed to the filler season feeling, however it was intriguing and I’m curious to learn more about the man in the mirror, so I appreciate that mystery. I liked the development of Claudia and Soren and how it showed what might be the start of Claudia’s descent into Dark Magic. I enjoyed the whole part where Callum was sick and struggling with using dark magic, and how it was taken as a bit of a joke on the deep important hallucinations, while still being a deep important hallucination. Also the inclusion of memes (“one does not simply walk into Xadia”) and the pirate Vallads. I just find this shows ability to make light of itself to be really enjoyable and part of why I love it so much. Ezran is as always an absolute bean and he grows so much in this season. Caleb acknowledging why Rayla struggled to tell him about his father and not letting it drive a wedge between them like it would in so many shows (and would be frustrating like it always is) was so mature and I loved it. Claudia’s development about her mother, Queen Sarai’s whole section, and Harrows letter were all amazing bits of development, especially in the case of Claudia, about how hard it is on kids when parents divorce, while also acknowledging why there was a divorce and that it wasn’t bad that the mom did it. Also the explainations Of magic and the Sunfire (I think that’s what they are called) elves were awesome (who else is now shipping Amaya and that one leader elf??) I think a lot of the development was super amazing and I loved it all, and by no means do I think this season will be a blight on the show as a whole, I just think it very much had some faults and I look forward to seeing some more plot focused episodes!!

Hey, I got to see Avengers: Infinity War on company time ‘cause my job was nice enough to buy the staff tickets.  This movie has given me... feelings.  Major spoilers ahead, so hit the jump below to read my thoughts on the matter.

Man, what a boring disappointment of a movie.

I’ve really been digging the last handful of Marvel films for their overall quality, especially where the characterization and banter are concerned.  Both Captain America movies?  Dug ‘em.  All the Thor movies?  Man, I could watch Hemsworth doing prat-falls getting hit by cars all day long and never tire of it.  First Guardians of the Galaxy was great, though number two had missteps.  Ant-Man was a fucking delight from start to finish.  Spider-Man: Homecoming was pitch perfect.  Black Panther has the best villain of the entire MCU thus far.  On the other hand, the Avengers movies were a bit clunky by comparison but were overall enjoyable with some great character moments.  They served to temper expectations about what big group-event films in the MCU are like.  So my gripes on Infinity War is not out of some kind of beef with Marvel/Disney, nor is it out of overblown hype.

With that in mind, Infinity War was incredibly dull as a film.  The bulk of the movie is divided into fight scene after fight scene (to the point that they actually cut away from one massive fight to peek in on another concurrent massive fight), introducing characters to one another (generally via fight scene), or Thanos getting “character building scenes” (immediately before or directly in the middle of a fight scene).

One thing I love most about the Marvel movies is the character interaction.  It’s why these cinematic versions are so beloved by the fandom, why there’s so much creativity spawned around them - they have chemistry and interesting relationships with each other.  A:IW has precious little of that at all.  The lion’s share of character interaction goes to Vision/Wanda and Thanos/The Scenery, and not in a good way.  Each of these two relationship elements are only present to build up a false sense of drama that falls flat in the end.  Though there is one particular scene between Rocket Racoon and Thor (yeah, who saw that one coming?) where the two have a heartfelt conversation that Hemsworth just knocks out of the park.  That moment of Thor recounting just how much he’s lost and it being clear how much agony it’s causing him behind a cocky grin is the kind of characterization I adore in these movies.  Vision and Wanda being melodramatic about a plot point that is clearly never going to go anywhere in the film is not appealing at all.  Their entire story thread from start to finish across the film is Vision wanting Wanda to destroy the Mind Gem (and thus kill him) to prevent Thanos from getting it, and the emotional roller coaster that entails since the two are now in love.  Except that entire concept is a total non-starter, doesn’t go anywhere, and ultimately amounts to nothing at all.  It’s just a waste of time that eats up writing and screen time that could have been put to better use elsewhere.

Onto the villain: I could not give two flying flips about Thanos.  I will fully admit that a part of this is that I personally loathe the cliche “nature is out of balance, I must purge life to restore it” villain trope.  That does play a big part in my dislike here.  But setting that aside, he’s just a terribly dull character with feeble motivations and justifications for his actions.  There’s a major dissonance between what he does and how it’s presented to the audience.  While the movie does give a one-line bit of lip service to him being insane and misguided, it’s never fully addressed as a defining aspect of his character throughout the movie.  The comics put a major emphasis on the fact that Thanos, for all his scheming and intelligence, is coo-coo bananas.  He’s called the “Mad Titan” for a reason.  The movie fails to put a light on that fact and it makes Thanos feel like a flat character since all we really get is him just blankly marching toward his end goal the entire film.  He has no arc or development and is wholly unsympathetic no matter how many times the movie takes us aside with him in solitary, artsy moments and yells “LOOK AT ALL THIS PATHOS” in our faces.

Thanos’ entire villain scheme is that he wants to destroy 50% of all intelligent life forms in existence in order to bring a balance to the universe.  He directly states that the universe’ resources are finite and that life allowed to grow unchecked will snuff itself out by over-consuming these precious few resources.  So his solution - which he has been practicing on a planet-to-planet basis for decades by the point the movie takes place - is to divide a world’s population in half.  50% is murdered on the spot while the other 50% lives, purely based on whoever happens to be standing on the left or right.  It is explicitly described by Thanos as being totally random who lives and who dies so as to be “fair”.  His win-scenario is that the species of whatever world he 50% Genocides thrives in the wake of the purge because they now have a more controllable population size - nothing else beyond that.

So... I mean, right out the gate, that’s the stupidest damn thing possible.  It’s not like he’s going to each of these worlds and carefully examining the state of conditions, then deciding they need to be culled because of their abuse of their resources.  He’s just doing it willy nilly without any justification as to whether such a culling is actually necessary or whether it would even be beneficial to the world in question.  I mean, hey, how can openly slaughtering 50% of a world’s population at random possibly be a bad thing?  Surely that won’t throw their entire society and culture into a death spiral, right?  It’s how he picked up his adopted children - Gamora in particular.  While he was busy murdering 50% of her world, he just sort of kidnaps her because... uh... because he wants to, I guess.  He literally just walks up to her in the middle of wrecking her world and decides he arbitrarily wants to take this one tiny green girl with him for no apparent reason whatsoever.  So, hey, way to undercut your own practice there, Thanos.  50% of the population dies with it being completely random and fair... unless I happen to fancy taking a souvenir, apparently.

The movie beats us over the head with the idea that Thanos is in turmoil because of his mission to balance the universe.  That it is a massive strain on his soul, that only he has the willpower to endure what he sees as a necessary culling.  Not a “necessary evil”, mind you - he never views his actions as being morally wrong.  Just difficult.  But, y’know... it’s kind of hard for me to sympathize with a character introduced to us as being an omnicidal maniac who has built a fanatical cult of personality around himself and callously murders literally trillions of people.  Especially so since, as cannot be overlooked: HE’S DOING IT ALL BY HIS OWN CHOICE.  The whole universal culling this is entirely his idea and pet project, so he is completely responsible for whatever so-called internal suffering the movie is trying to make us feel for him.

This whole affair becomes especially annoying when Thanos acquires the Soul Gem.  There’s a little test he has to perform to get it - he must sacrifice the one thing he loves most.  It turns out this is Gamora, aforementioned adopted/kidnapped daughter.  He has a moment of realization, cries stoic tears, and murders her by throwing her off a several-hundred foot tall cliff to that he can get the gem.  He then spends the rest of the film with the fact that his choice is emotionally wrecking him inside, that he’s grieving and saddened, that his quest has taken everything from him and--

Y’KNOW, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO THROW HER OFF THE DAMN CLIFF, RIGHT?  NOBODY WAS FORCING YOU TO DO THAT.

Gah, this entire character angle just pisses me off because of how inane it is.  “You must give up the thing you love”.  Thanos, you smug bitch, you kidnapped a girl at random while in the process of murdering everyone she knows and loves, then spent the next 20 years putting her through an endless array of physical, mental, and emotional abuse to try and shape her into one of your fanatical Thanos-worshipping minions.  IN THIS VERY SAME MOVIE you tricked Gamora into thinking she brutally killed you just to see if she’d feel bad about it afterward, then literally dismembered her sister before her eyes to force information out of her.  Then, y’know, you murdered Gamora herself.

YOU DON’T FUCKIN’ LOVE HER.  THAT IS NOT LOVE.  I don’t care how many melodramatic “single tear down the cheek” moments you have - there is absolutely nothing about this character or his established, presented backstory that gives even the slightest hint he cared about Gamora beyond her ability to serve him as a tool.  If the Soul Gem was really supposed to be using this “sacrifice your love” test as a measure of who gets to take it, then Thanos should have just failed flat-out.  Even if one tries to argue something like “Oh, well, it was genuine love in Thanos’ twisted perspective”, that doesn’t matter.  The Infinity Gems - especially the Soul Gem - are presented as being semi-aware and capable of making decisions as to who they want to serve.  So it’s not Thanos’ call as to whether or not Gamora is the thing he loves, but the Soul Gem’s.  But it works because we need to get to the next fight scene but quick, so off we go!

The final climax point of the movie is right after Thanos finally gets all the gems and snaps his fingers.  He wins.  In that instant, 50% of all intelligent beings in the universe just sort of go away.  They don’t really die, per say, but rather just poof out existence.  Effectively dead but maybe not specifically so?  It isn’t explained.  So we get this lengthy montage of main characters going poof into particle-effect clouds one by one, with how abrupt or extended the disintegration is depending on whether or not the writers wanted to give them a dramatic final speech.  Oh, how sad.  How very sad.  Boo hoo.  My eye-rolling on this point isn’t because of the meta-awareness of me knowing Marvel isn’t going to purge its main character roster because money.  Rather, it’s because the movie itself takes a moment to pull us aside and assure us that literally NONE OF THIS MATTERS AT ALL.

During an earlier point in the film. Dr. Strange takes a moment of meditation and uses the Time Gem to peer into the future.  He looks at millions of potential futures and says that they only beat Thanos and win the day in one of those probabilities.  It’s done in a way that seems to impress upon the audience just how hopeless this whole effort seems, but it’s a blatant Chekhov’s Gun moment since Dr. Strange acts extremely out of character with his decisions from that point on.  He surrenders to Thanos and, right before dying himself, looks at Tony (and almost directly into the camera) to assure everyone that “this is the only way”.  Whiiiiiiich very blatantly means that his out of character decisions were actually intentionally made to set up the one lone “we somehow manage to win” future he saw.  Because HE SAW HOW TO DO IT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE TIME GEM DOES so literally NOTHING that happens beyond that midway point in the film matters because it’s all predetermined to end up well for the heroes.  Which, right along with the “kill everyone to restore balance” trope, is another of my hated cliches because IT’S SO DAMN LAZY.

That’s really what this boils down to for me.  A:IW is lazy.  It’s all flash and fluff without anything really satisfying under all the sparkly varnish.  There’s no genuine substance to it.  Just a few faux plot concepts that are dressed up to look like they’ve got weight, but just end up being hollow.

Also... Thanos?  Buddy?  If your whole bit is that the universe has finite resources and there’s too many mouths to feed, why not just use your newly-acquired phenomenal cosmic powers to make more resources?  I mean, if you can literally snap your fingers and cause an unimaginable volume of matter (ie, people across the universe) to just spontaneously stop existing, why not just make the universe bigger and fuller for everyone’s benefit?  That maybe might go over better with the crowds, y’know?

If you’re waiting for your vaccine and can’t go out and explore the world, you can explore other worlds with books. I picked up Bone Crier’s Moon while waiting for mine. Ancient sisterhoods, bone magic, and a fated bond to top it all off. Now, here’s my two cents.  

A Bone Crier’s main job is to ferry souls to the afterlife every new moon by wearing animal bones to augment their abilities.

But in order to become a Ferrier, a Bone Crier must go through their right of passage; they must lure their soulmate and kill them within the year, or they both die. 

Ailesse is more than ready to join the ranks of the ferriers, and finally, prove herself to her mother the matron of their clan. She sets off confidently to her right of passage with her timid best friend Sabine. But little do they know a trap is being laid for them. Elsewhere, Bastien’s been waiting for the night of his revenge for years, and he’s close to having it; kill a Bone Crier, one of the magic women responsible for murdering his father.

He captures Ailesse, but in doing so, he becomes bound and unable to kill her. The two would like nothing more than to kill each other, but can they fight the bond they share? 

Meanwhile, Sabine must gather her courage if she is to save her friend, and in doing so, unravel the mysteries behind her clan. 

The book cycles between three points of view. The first is Sabine. Despite being a Bone Crier, she can’t stomach the thought of killing another creature and shies away from her role. Next comes her best friend Ailesse. She is Sabine’s opposite in every way. Fiery and brave, she wants nothing more than to be a strong Ferrier. Lastly, is Bastien, a thief who’s lived his life on the streets, planning vengeance since he was a child. 

Sabine’s chapters were my favorite. I was surprised I liked her so much since her story has little to no romance. Yet there was a promise to her character; she could really become a hero, she was entrenched in the magic of the world the most, and she seemed to be making the most progress toward her goals. Her potential as a character was what I was most interested in. It seemed exciting to see a Bone Crier initially resistant to their ways perhaps become the most powerful one of all, unlocking secrets about herself and her people in the process. But in the end, while she gained some power, there was little payoff in that regard. Perhaps my expectations were askew, but I really wanted her story to take that path. Still, Purdie left room for me to wonder what is in store for her as the story goes on. 

I actually didn’t expect Sabine to be a part of the story at all. The official description of the book doesn’t mention hide nor hair of her. Hell, she isn’t even on the cover. In many YA books, you can expect the chapters to bounce back and forth between the hero and heroine. But I was surprised to find a third point of view there. It’s an odd number, so the story felt just a little bit unbalanced, especially when I was more interested in Sabine’s story than Ailesse and Bastien’s. It might have had something to do with their goals and motivations. 

Among the three characters, Sabine’s goals and motivations remain relatively strong and clear. Ailesse and Bastien, on the other hand, are handled less gracefully. 

Firstly, Bastien’s original goal was shaky at best; his plan was to kill just any one Bone Crier. He had no thoughts of killing them all, which made much more sense. Secondly, once Bastien realized he couldn’t kill Ailesse, it took him some time to figure out his next step. When he did find a goal, he didn’t know how to get there. As a result, the characters spent a good chunk of time doing nothing. 

Ailesse’s issue was her goal changed halfway through the book. Then the story had to give her a whole new goal to contend with when usually it's the first that gets focused on and resolved by the end of the story. I would have expected her and Bastien’s goals to mirror each other throughout the whole book, but they managed to get over their differences, throwing me off. 

Lastly, all three characters’ goals quickly and frequently changed. The specifics kept rearranging themselves over and over again and I was kind of confused about what each character was going after. They would make a decision and then the plot would take a new turn and they’d have to scramble to find a new goal. This is fine if you do it once or twice to shake up the story, but not so much that it confuses the reader. 

Aside from goals and motivations, the character development was a little clunky as well. They all start off with strong personalities and beliefs and it's clear where each needs to go. 

Ailesse obviously had to learn that perhaps the Bone Crier’s ways were not as pure as she thought. In meeting Bastien, she would discover how her people’s actions hurt others. There are times when she put those traditions into question, but she didn’t dwell on it long enough to feel any turmoil about it. She only changed her views a little; even in the face of her own mother’s betrayal Ailesse still embraced her people without question. The same can be said for Bastien regarding his stance. 

I think a lot of that has to do with how the romance was handled. Fundamentally, they hate each other, and yet they are bonded, a perfect couple matched by the gods. This bond they share I think is what causes the most problems. It has its merits with causing turmoil within the characters; each struggling with their attraction to each other against all logic. But they give into the allure quickly; without any reason other than they can’t hold back anymore because of magic or whatever. Here, some added scenes would have done them good. Scenes in which they talked to each other and got to know each other. What would they have discovered about the other that they came to admire? What would they have found in common? In doing so, their concern for each other, and their relationship as a whole, would have felt earned, rather than forced. 

Of course, there were other characters as well, not just those three hooligans. 

Odiva, Ailesse’s mother and the matron of the Bone Criers, was a particularly interesting character. I enjoyed unfolding the mystery behind her. Her goal was strong and consistent, but more details would have made it clear to the reader how desperate she was to achieve such goals. What was her history? What was her relationship with the gods? Who was her lover? I would have loved to discover all this about her. Perhaps it would have made her final choice in the story seem less out of the blue. 

Next up is Jules, Bastien’s previous paramore and childhood friend, also in the business of revenge against the Bone Criers. To be honest, I really disliked this character. I understood that she was jealous of Bastien’s relationship with Ailesse; not only was the boy she loved in love with someone else, but he was in love with a Bone Crier, who they’d sworn to hate. This could have been explored much more, and yet she only seemed to be an annoying obstacle between Bastien and Ailesse. She was a pretty static character. 

The same can be said for her younger brother Marcel. He was not nearly as vindicated as his sister; he barely had any motivation whatsoever. All in all, he just seemed to be a plot device; spouting information relevant to the plot for the characters to use and puzzle out. I wanted more from these characters.  

Come to think of it, there more from the story itself I wanted as well. 

The magic system was fleshed out, solid, and original; the book’s greatest strength in my opinion. But there was little worldbuilding. There was a map presented at the beginning of the book, but since the story only took place in such a small area, there was no need for it. As with the lay of the land, the politics of the world was glanced over as well, only coming into play toward the end of the story out of seemingly nowhere. More minute details, beyond that of the Bone Criers, would have breathed some life into this world, as well.  But I have a feeling it will be more relevant in later books. 

I think this book was like a pilot episode, or an alpha test, a means of seeing how things were playing out so far and what needed to be added and tweaked to make it run smoothly. The skeleton of the story was there, it just needed some meat on those bones. Despite that, I have high hopes for the next books in the series. This story was always meant to have a larger scope than what we’ve seen so far given the subject matter; The struggle between gods and nations, politics and magic, and two friends on paths opposite to the ones they imagined they’d be taking. Purdie merely hinted at what could be in store for these characters, and despite it all, I’m excited to see where she takes them. 

Author website: https://kathrynpurdie.com/

Artist Website: http://www.charliebowater.net/ 

Book Review: The Day She Saved the Doctor

Summary

Spoiler Warning: If you don’t like spoilers, don’t read. (That being said, it’s basically a one star read) 

So, I had an issue with this book as soon as I saw the title. “The Day She Saved the Doctor”. A lot of this has to do with my near contempt for the majority of the back half of Moffat era Who. It’s not that they’re progressive because I am all for that- but there’s this big act like being progressive in Who is this NEW THING BOUGHT TO YOU TODAY BY MOFFAT! NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!

And… it has.

I mean, yes, Classic Who has its problems. It’s as much of its time as anything. However, DW has always been progressive and that includes Her Saving Him all the freaking time! How many times have Sarah Jane and/or Leela saved four’s ass? Even in Nu!Who, 9 wouldn’t be alive if Rose hadn’t pulled his ass out of the fire more often than not. There are instances of her saving him throughout the series so this is not new and to act like it is feels like an insult.

Still, I support women writers of Doctor Who because we need more of them. It’s still very much a boy’s arena. And the fact that I have contention with these stories is partly the writers but also partly the editor who decided these were good enough. Because they aren’t. They really aren’t. And it makes this book seem like a gimmick to shine the spotlight once more on HOW GREAT WHO IS NOW SEE WHAT HE HAS GIVEN US WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL

Well I’m not—because this is bullshit.

Ok, to be fair it caps off at about 90% bullshit with 10% being decent to pretty good. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?

Sarah Jane and the Temple of Eyes – Jaqueline Rayner

Props where props are due, I started out really enjoying this one. Sarah Jane and Four were both well characterized and it made me laugh out loud in several parts. Some bits made me side-eye a little, such as Sarah getting jitters over the mention of Blindman’s Bluff… but as she’d been blinded and fairly recently I imagine, given the weight of it in the story, I went along with it. There were a few Moffat Era (from here on out abbreviated to ME) bits that me sigh but otherwise, yes fine.

And thennn Sarah Jane gets kidnapped. Which okay fine sure.

And four gets kidnapped trying to rescue Sarah okay sure

The antagonist wanted memories, Sarah offered to give them memories of hers, the antagonist declined saying  they didn’t need them, Sarah said the antagonist wouldn’t have memories like hers. Now, this is set in Ancient Rome so I was thinking, right, makes sense, modern girl and all

But no. Because SJ has memories of the DOCTOR and the DOCTOR is the BEST THING TO EVER EXIST and she would HATE TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM

And this is the one ME thing that consistently bugs the shit out of me. This CULT OF THE DOCTOR where everyone falls at their feet salivating in love or fear at his very presence. He is even called a God in this narrative to fit the lonely God title that 12 gets. And I hate that. He’s not a God. He’s not a hero. He’s a guy who likes running around the universe and not being told what to do.  And he does help and save the day and that’s what makes him a good person.

But no he has to be THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER AND LET US ALL WORSHIP HIM BECAUSE HE IS GOOD AND RIGHT and so on

Moreover, I am assuming this book is bent toward one of a more feminist ideology, and I have no problems with that.

Only it’s hard to believe that when Sarah Jane has a line like: Oh the Doctor is talking down to me but he’s 700+ so it’s alright.

Also I hated that the Doctor, the fourth Doctor of all of them, said out loud that Sarah Jane is awesome and so good and he trusts her and so on and so on. Because nothing says subtlety like a ham handed asspat right? And ooc for four too.  

But one thing that really bugged me near the end was the Doctor saying: “After all, if we can’t trust a bunch of women with the secrets of the universe, who can we trust?” And not even tongue in cheek. I imagine it’s supposed to be feminist or something but iit’s really not because HEY GUESS WHAT Women can be evil too and use that knowledge against others. And in fact the main antagonist ALREADY HAD but she was a scheming woman who wanted power and not like these who… are apparently better or something. I don’t even know.

It also felt really patronizing to women of ancient Rome who were, apparently, so shackled by the patriarchy that they couldn’t do anything else but be Oppressed. And, granted, it probably wasn’t great being a woman in Ancient Rome compared to modern day, but it showed nothing of their strengths and what they did have. What they could do. It was all: Poor Women Oppressed Doing Terrible Things.

It also didn’t help that Ancient Rome was just a set dressing. Like I’m not asking for a historical epic but it was just presented so slap dash and very little effort was put into making it seem like a real historical place.

Finally, Sarah Jane read a bit young to me. She generally has more confidence then that. (BUT IF SHE HAD THAT CONFIDENCE FROM THE BEGINNING, HOW CAN THE DOCTOR INSPIRE HER? /gag) Though it feels to me (and I could be wrong) that she just wasn’t used to writing Sarah Jane.

 Two out of five stars

 Rose and the Snow Window – Jenny T. Colgan

This is the only good story of the lot. The author’s bio says that Colgan writes for Big Finish and done 10th Doctor stories so it makes sense. It’s nicely paced, nicely plotted (more or less) and it’s clear she knows what she’s doing. Though I will say as a bit of an aficionado of 9, the writing in the story does tend to shade more to 10 at times, so the characterization, for me, isn’t as on point as I’d like it. Also there were some weird lines that made me go: bzuh? Overall though, it was entertaining, and Rose was well written and Nikolai was adorable (if not fleshed out terribly well). The ending was a bit more rushed than not but I actively liked reading it. Enough so I’d give the book overall one star rather than just a half.

Because, most importantly, Rose actually actively saved 9’s ass. So well done there

Three out of five stars.

 Clara and the Maze of Cui Palta- Susan Calman

Calman’s bio mentions no previous involvement in Doctor Who and, yeah, I can kinda tell. I mean, far be it from me to say someone has to have official endorsement to be a good writer for Who (If that were the case I would be able to watch S10 without frothing at the mouth. Not to mention the awesome fanfiction writers out here) but it’s sort of clear she doesn’t work with these characters often.

You could tell that she at least got the gist of eleven and knew what he was supposed to be like but in reality he was really skewed.  But not as bad as Clara. Hooh boy. Clara was not done well. The basics seem to be okay but she’s entirely too giddy in a girlish kind of way (which isn’t really suit her at all.) Laughing and clapping hands and things of that nature. And then I feel like far too paranoid being lost in the maze.

Because that’s all the story is. Them lost in  maze. Granted there’s a skeleton suggesting they should probably leave sooner than later, but nothing chases them. There’s no real danger but them being lost. In a maze. It was kind of a boring read to be honest.

And then it ends with another ASSPAT FOR FEMINISM with 11 saying:

‘Clara, I was wrong to have not listened to you sooner. It was the maze, doing funny things to my judgement…. But I do trust you, I hope you know that’

Because if you don’t have it down in Writing that the Doctor loves and respects Clara and knew he did wrong then it’s just not enough. Gotta hammer it in there. Also it undercuts itself by him apologizing then blaming the maze. If it really was the maze, then he’s got nothing to apologize for. If it wasn’t, then don’t bring it up.

Anyway, she sort of saved the Doctor in this one. Kind of. But she mostly saved herself. I mean, yes, they could have been wandering around that maze for a very long time but she would have died of natural causes long long long looooonng before he would’ve.

So, go team, I guess. /shrug

One out of five stars.

 Bill Potts and the Jackets-Dorothy Koomson

To start out, I have to admit that while I love the idea of Bill Potts and Pearl Mackie knocks the acting out of the water—I don’t think S10 gave her much character to work with. Oh she had some but to put it simply, S10 was mostly concerned with Missy and PROGRESSION POINTS. (and I am 1000% for a black gay woman as a companion, but hey give her something to do beside saying she’s gay in every episode and then have her wait ten years being slowly turned into a cyberman before ‘fridging’ her in the end to fuel 12 angst. Yes, she want off with Heather. But she’d only known Heather for maybe MAYBE a handful of hours.)

Still despite my extreme dislike for S10 I am always willing to give new writers a chance.

But unfortunately in this story it was clear that the writer had no idea what they were doing and it showed. MAN did it show. Bill was portrayed alright given the circumstances of her characterization (or lack thereof) but 12 was so badly done it’s not even funny. Forget the 12th regeneration, he’s not even the Doctor.

For example

Upon confronted with someone who claims to be Bill (who is the real one) when he already has a Bill in the TARDiS (and nothing otherwise wacky or dangerous is going on) he flat out refuses to consider any possibility but that it’s not Bill and tells them to go home. There’s no investigation. No nothing.

I mean it COULD BE that I missed something in reading (because I was annoyed so I did skim) that fake!Bill was using memory alteration on him or something but if she was it doesn’t stand out.

But even if that’s true, 12 is just acting like an asshole through most of this. Moreso than he even did in S8. It’s like that’s the only version that the author knows and they ran with it. But it’s not 12 and certainly not s10 12 who had learned a lot through Clara. (and retains it despite not remembering her)

Like he is severely mad at antagonist and agrees to help her but tells her to, to paraphrase: Get in the TARDiS now before he changes his mind.

Which fine, if she had been someone murderous or had tortured people or whatever. But there is clear indication at that point in the story (and the narrative supports the idea) that she was going to give Bill herself back but she didn’t trust the Doctor to help her. She didn’t hurt anyone. She just wants to get home. Even grumpy 12 would be more compassionate than that because guess what? Compassion is the Doctor’s default.

Also the real kick in the teeth is that Bill didn’t even save him. There was nothing to save him from. She more or less saved herself which is all well and good but when the title and idea of the entire book is: ‘When She Saved the Doctor’, you’d expect her to do a little saving.

It didn’t help either that the story was poorly constructed to and overall just an aggravating read.

No stars for this one. I’d be tempted to give it negative stars but rather blame the author, I’d rather blame the editor who thought this one was ok.

Because it’s not.

It reallllly fricking isn’t.

  SO YEAH I wouldn’t recommend this book at all. It has a decent 9/Rose story where Rose is cute as hell but beyond that, it doesn’t even live up to its own hype. It’s sad too because it could have been so much more.

so i just read that post with that part about packing a punch in the first chapter and the goals are great honestly! thank you so much for this advice. but could you, maybe, give examples for it like you did with the summaries? it doesn’t have to be big, but it’d help a lot since the boundaries for something with those goals would be so large.

[Original ask about how to get people to read your story]

Absolutely! Since it’s hard to judge how effective your own hooks are (even for me), I’m going to come at this two ways. First, walk through my thought process on a couple of my fics, then give examples of opening lines/scenes/chapters that did an excellent job of hooking me.

The Voltron Aftershow

Keith tugged his hood lower as he pressed in among the crowd. He had his mask on, as usual, but he still felt as though everyone around him were watching him. And, well… they were.

Kind of.

This one’s an interesting one because (a) it’s a relatively short oneshot and (b) the concept itself is kind of the hook. This was published shortly after season 4, and the summary says Keith sees one of the Voltron shows and then talks to the team, so I wasn’t as concerned with having a flashy opening. This is the kind of thing people will read just because they want the emotional resolution they didn’t get from canon.

My main concern was getting right to what people wanted to see, so I started in the middle of the show–skip the build up of how Keith found out about it, how he convinced Kolivan to go, ect. It was easy enough to slip in a sentence a little later explaining that. I pushed the start of the fic as far forward as I could, to right in the middle of the show, added a little bit of dissonance by having Keith be all secret agent about going to Voltron on Ice, but didn’t stress too much about catching people’s interest.

You can sometimes get away with that if you’re writing a high concept fic or doing your take on a popular trope/AU. If you’ve already caught their attention, your job becomes sustaining that attention and/or convincing them to read past chapter 1.

Where Light and Dark Meet

Lance streaked across the rooftops, paws drumming an easy rhythm on the clay tiles.

I knew right away that I wanted to start this fic with a scene of Lance as a cat because it immediately thrusts you into the AU, it instantly raises questions about why he’s a cat/is he always a cat/what’s he doing on the rooftops??, and it lets me get a transformation scene in early on, establishing one of the major plotlines (and a little hurt/comfort for good measure.)

I also knew I wanted to end the first chapter with Keith’s introduction because (a) it meant the prophecy plot was well underway by that point and (b) Keith has his own secrets that I could then hint at in the first chapter to entice people to keep reading.

Handbook of Demonology

Compared to some of my other stories, this one doesn’t have as strong an opening line. It’s not bad, but I feel the first scene taken as a whole is much stronger.

I had two goals for the first chapter. One: the opening scene needed to establish Keith, Pidge, Lance, and Hunk’s roles in this AU, and their relationships to each other, while also beginning to show off the magic system and main plot. Lance is a showboater by nature (especially in this AU), so I used that–and played it off Keith and Pidge’s skepticism. It’s obvious right away that neither of them is impressed by Lance’s stage show, so the fact that they have no choice but to ask him for help tells you that the stakes are high and they’re desperate, which is a good way to sustain reader interest. If the characters are (and feel) desperate, then readers want to know why and whether they eventually succeed.

Two: I needed to get to the team’s attempt to summon Zarkon and show it going off the rails. It keeps the characters off balance and, hopefully, makes the readers ant to know what happens next.

Another Word for Never

Shiro was really starting to dislike Commander Sendak.

An interesting note about AWFN–the first scene in the published fic wasn’t the original first scene. In fact, what I wrote as the original first scene didn’t even make it into the published fic. It actually started with Pidge, Hunk, and Lance on the roof of the Garrison before Matt’s ship crash-landed, but I realized after I’d written it that it was a slow scene that was too much like canon and didn’t actually add anything to the story.

I stepped back, thought about it, and realized that while, yes, I needed to introduce Matt in the first chapter and have Pidge rescue him, his story doesn’t really get interesting until Allura looks at him and says, “Hey, you get to fly the Red Lion!” and he says “Uh… wtf no? I can’t do that.” (Which, by the way, isn’t until chapter 2.)

Far more interesting from the get-go is Shiro’s story, because Shiro’s story starts with him reporting to Sendak, who’s his commanding officer, then going back to the quarters he shares with Keith (also, technically, his commanding officer, and fully Galra.) There’s more energy in seeing Shiro play the part of a Galra soldier than in watching a slightly modified version of the first episode of canon. So I moved Shiro’s first scene to the top and skipped ahead in Pidge’s story to the rescue itself, putting most of the focus in Pidge’s scenes on their reunion with Matt, then made sure as the story progressed that I started distancing Duality from canon as much as possible.

Now onto some examples from fics I’ve read. I’d highly recommend you go take a look at each of these fics. Some may simply not be to your taste, and that’s fine, but I’ll bet at least a few of them will hook you. Enjoy that, and by all means binge them if you’ve got the time, because they’re all great fics, but also stop and think about how they hooked you and try to use that in your own writing.

Stellar Opening Line(s)

A Leg to Stand On by @hufflepirate​

Hunk felt like he’d been watching Shiro sleep for hours, even though he knew it had only been a few minutes. He took a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm. It helped to think of it as sleep, instead of unconsciousness. It didn’t help enough. He turned away from Shiro, adjusting his position slightly as he leaned against the wall of the cave and turned to look out the entrance toward the crash site.

Sets the stakes high immediately–especially because you know from the summary that Shiro is concussed and Hunk is the only other paladin around. So you read this and, Oh, shit. You know things are bad, you can feel it in your bones, and you need to keep reading to see if Shiro’s going to be okay/how Hunk handles this.

Gotta Run Another Night by @darkscaleswriter

In hindsight, Keith probably should’ve chosen a different ship. 

What I love so much about this line is how perfectly it sets the tone for the story (a Galra Keith AU in which he and Red mutually steal each other.) Give me Keith and Red bonding, throw in some snark and a little bit of action, and you basically own my soul. Bonus points for simultaneously raising the questions of “How/why did Keith decide to run off in Red?” and “Oh god, what sort of trouble are they going to land themselves in?”

Spark to Ignite by @bosstoaster

Shiro had no idea where he was.

Good is writing an opening line that raises questions. Great is writing an opening where your viewpoint character has exactly zero answers. Seriously, bosstoaster drops Shiro alone in a dark, cold room with no clue how he got there (wherever “there” is.) Guess what? I’m not stopping until I get some answers.

Captivating Opening Scenes

Just a Little Death by @phoenixyfriend

Let’s just. Start the story off with Lance sneaking into Hunk’s room on the castle-ship to drink his blood. (With consent, don’t worry.) It’s a perfect place to start because it establishes the stakes, the basic rules of this AU, who’s in on the secret, and exactly how/why it might come out. And done in a way that tells me I’m probably going to like the rest of the story, too.

Tick Tick Jump by @dennymark-legobutt

The first scene is short, sharp, and packed with emotion, and it lets you know you’re in for a world of hurt--and the rest of the fic doesn’t let you down.

Girl’s Night by @fizzityuck

Ominous, darkly humorous, and packed to the brim with unanswered questions. How can I not read on to find the answers? Starting near the end of the story and then jumping back raises its own set of challenges--but when you’ve got the beautiful juxtaposition of a harmless girl’s night with straight-up horror movie, the pacing to keep up the energy of the opening, and the strong voice to support it all, you take that shit and you run with it.

Stunning First Chapters

Playing Catch-Up by @autisticvoltronld

Sometimes something is just so well-written, so well paced, and so seamless as it flows from set-up to mystery to reveal to emotional punch that you can’t pinpoint the exact moment it hooked you. All you know is that suddenly you’ve reached the end of the chapter and your heart is aching and you just have to click on over to the next chapter.

The Last Aspect by @dennymark-legobutt

Listen. Listen. Timetravel AUs are my jam, and I know this, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is a great opening chapter. Too often timetravel AUs start with what went wrong in the old timeline, jump back, and immediately lose momentum as they redo all the boring exposition from what we already know. This fic does not do that. It starts with a bang, lets us know what’s at stake and what was sacrificed for this second chance, sprinkles in a bit of foreshadowing, and then wraps up with a promise that we’re not sitting on any of this; we’re getting down to business.

Thoughts On Tales of Berseria

Soooooooo this is a very long overdue post (like a month late lol), but my health was in a meh state for a long time pretty much starting with when I first beat the game and technically still isn’t over yet but it’s bearable now so so that killed a lot of my motivation to do... much of anything, so here we are now. I also rewatched a good portion of the game while my friend was playing it for the first time and that helped me figure out my thoughts on it better (while talking with her about it).

I want to clarify that despite the... kind of negative tone of this analysis, I still really enjoyed Berseria. After all, it is a Tales game, and I love Tales, and there isn’t a single one I outright dislike. This also contains some spoilers for Tales of Zestiria, as the distant sequel to Berseria and a game that is very important to me as one of my favorite Tales so yeah, just a warning, I love Zestiria, and that’s gonna be prevalent here some.

Spoilers below. Also this is incredibly long, I am so sorry; if you read it all you deserve a medal, as usual:

This will mostly just be a collection of random points, not organized really in any particular way:

Burn is a badass opening. Fucking love it, and the animation with it; watched it every time, as expected.

I really enjoyed Berseria’s battle system; normally I’m not one to really scrutinize how good a gameplay system is or isn’t because I’m not actually good at playing lmao but I liked the soul system, and the break souls, and how you can do an epic chain of mystic artes together in a row <333 also Eizen’s dragon MA is just rude, okay.

The weapon upgrading system is so much easier and less confusing compared to Zestiria’s; thank fucking god

The cameo character side quest in this game is just... what the fuck, Bamco. not only did you use two of my least favorite characters in the entire Tales series, but you used them in the weirdest scenario ever. i’m so disturbed i want to... forget all of that... lol.

The soundtrack is okay, sadly not as standout as Zestiria’s but I expected that. :/ There are still a few amazing tracks though that I have listened to by themselves a lot; specifically Eizen’s theme, Rokurou’s theme, Shigure’s theme, all variations of Velvet’s theme (”True Will” is just UGH), Oscar’s theme okay so all the character themes lol, the Hellewes song I think, the song that plays in Palimedes Temple, “Time to Relax” (Titania Prison’s softer and more homey theme song), “The Last Word” (</3), the credits song, and the epilogue cutscene song ughhhh (my favorite).

Really wish there were more anime cutscenes. Feels like there were a few at the beginning and then..... literally none until almost the very end of the game; kinda disappointing.

I was really concerned when I first was told by somebody that most of the dialogue in the game is told through mandatory skits, but in the end it didn’t bother me as much as I expected it to. Still, I think they were overused a bit too much; I get that it’s easier but there’s only a limited number of expressions that the sprites can show, no matter how much movement they’re given, and the models can get across emotions specific to a certain situation much better, so I wish they would have utilized them more just for talking.

Voice acting is amazing, as usual. Cristina Vee did an INCREDIBLE job as Velvet, just wow, and I was also really impressed with Ray Chase as Artorius ughhh, so good. <3

I love Velvet’s outfit; no shame, sorry. also Eizen without his jacket is mmmmMMMMM

Berseria has really good writing, storywise. The plot is well-conceived and I love the themes behind it, the focus on the importance of family, and where it eventually leads to in the end. Lot of emotion with Velvet’s story with Phi, Laphicet, Artorius, (and Celica/Seres), and it really hits hard ugh. </3 So I really respect the game for the main underlying plot, the message it was trying to get across, how hopeful it is despite how frankly depressing the entirety of the game is, and for the parts that it did well, because those parts are incredible.

but

I’m sorry but there is a big but

My biggest problem with Berseria stems from the fact that aside from Velvet, Phi, and Eleanor, everyone else is... rather flat. Sort of related to that (but not entirely) is the fact that despite me liking almost everyone in the party to varying degrees, they honestly didn’t feel that close? I was told this game had a huge found family aspect to it, which is what I always expect and want from Tales, and I was especially anticipating it in this game with Velvet’s initial setup, and how excellently (and emotionally) that prologue was handled. But although by the end of the game, they do feel closer to each other in some ways, it takes an insane amount of time to get there, and even then, it’s not that strong except in certain skits. For a lot of the game it feels like half of the characters in this party have absolutely no reason to be traveling with this group, and although that can happen in Tales, usually by the middle of the game, and especially at the end, you know they definitely belong with the group, in your heart. But I just wasn’t feeling that here, and it doesn’t help that Rokurou is constantly rubbing in my face that he’s only here to repay his “debt”, and Magilou constantly reminding us that she absolutely couldn’t care less about anything we’re doing, making the feeling even worse. Eizen, too, has this issue, even though eventually he has a unbearably tragic motivating reason to follow them, but again, it comes so late. ...Ironically, I felt more of a found family vibe in the side characters and the party than I did within the party itself (Kamoana, (with Eleanor and Medissa), Dyle, Kurogane (with Rokurou), Percieval (with Phi kinda), and although I wholeheartedly enjoyed every moment of that... I also wanted it in the party more. And like I said, it is there SOME, and the moments that do happen are so sweet... but I just wanted and expected so much more from their dynamic. And the relationships within the party that exist as much as they do are split up into specific pairs and trios, which are Rokurou&Eizen, Rokurou&Phi&Eizen, Eleanor&Phi, Eleanor&Velvet, and of course, Velvet&Phi, and the latter vastly overwhelms the others by an enormous margin. Give me different match-ups; give me Velvet and Eizen having quiet talks as the group parents and two broken people who know what it’s like to lose, know what it’s like to care about family, and can relate to one another (the dialogue where she talks to him before the final battle and worries about his condition with the malevolence was just everything I ever wanted), give me Eizen and Eleanor, because she is so kind and changes so much throughout the game and so would be (and is) sympathetic towards him, like she is towards Rokurou, give me more blatant Eizen and Phi brotherly stuff okay just everyone with Eizen, give me more Velvet and Rokurou because I honestly adored their interactions in the very begnning, give me Phi trying to talk to Magilou and forcing her to break out of her comedic farce personality to try to find out why she is the way she is, just... give me more, game. ugh.

Getting back to how I said everyone who isn’t Velvet/Phi/Eleanor is pretty flat. Berseria has this weird thing about... no flashbacks being allowed, ever, unless they’re related to Velvet’s story and the immediate characters related to her. Honestly, if I had to summarize it, that’s what I’d say: this game is too Velvet-centric. Which, I mean, she’s a great character! And her story is amazing! ...But I play Tales for the entire party, and so the entire party should get focus as well, and the connections between them and the protagonist(s) should be balanced evenly. That’s not the case here. Soooooo many characters could use more depth in this game (sometimes even depth at all...), but the game chooses to adopt a “tell not show” method of giving it to them, and often far, far too late in the game, with absolutely no build-up to it, which... fails. Really hard; worse in some places than others. Older Tales games have a slew of side quests that do nothing but give further development to party members and side characters, but in Berseria, there’s only one side quest for each party member plus an important side character, and none of them have flashbacks at all if they involve a backstory. Party-wise, Rokurou and Magilou suffer the worst from this. I love Rokurou as a person, but honestly? I couldn’t tell you why I love him. He’s cool, and that’s about it. His story with his clan is so confusing because it’s barely expanded on at all, and the emotion that should be there with him and Shigure just... isn’t, because Rokurou himself isn’t emotional about it at all, so how can we feel anything? We just get a bunch of cryptic statements from him that we’re supposed to accept, and move on, just as the party moves on from it, confusedly. Shigure’s death made me feel a little because the scene itself was executed ha ha well, but it could have made me feel so much more. And then after that we get some info about their mom, which is all told to us in dialogue and nothing shown at all, and then it’s over. Magilou suffers from this even WORSE... like, I’m sorry, but I really just don’t care for Magilou. At all. I tried! I really did! And by the end of the game, I had gone from straight-up disliking her to just being neutral about her, at least! ....But the game literally just gave me zero reason to care about her, ever. She is nothing but the comic relief character for most of the game, her only role being to rudely butt in on the end of important conversations to add her own two cents (which usually amount to “haha look how much I don’t give a crap about any of this”) and messing with Phi. When they finally do start trying to show a darker side to her, when Melchior starts torturing her and taunting her, and then later when she asks Velvet what it feels like to hate, I... just can’t bring myself to care/try to figure out wth is going on? Because there’s been no build-up to it. She stays stagnant throughout the entirety of the game, unlike typical Tales characters of her type that are broken from their pasts and use cheerfulness to cover it up, that gradually show signs of becoming closer to the party throughout the game until there’s usually a Big Moment(tm) where they have to decide what they’re going to choose (see: Alvin, Zelos, Dezel, Jade minus the big moment, Raven, etc etc). The first scene I mentioned should be Magilou’s Big Moment(tm), but it doesn’t work because we’re suddenly getting this backstory hastily shoved in our faces all of a sudden, with absolutely no hints of it beforehand and thus no emotion at all from the scene. Instead it’s just confusing, not unlike Rokurou’s scenes I mentioned. Her backstory is cryptically shoved into side quest npc dialogue that you’ll absolutely miss if you’re not looking for it instead of in the main game, where it should be, and even what you get is barely anything, with no flashbacks to give you that emotion you really need for her. Magilou treats it casually, so, I treated it casually too. It’s not important to her, or the game, so I couldn’t care either. When she verbally takes down Melchior in Merchio later, I cheered, but that was literally the strongest emotions I ever felt towards her, and it didn’t have nearly the amount of oomph it should have because of everything I stated. Just. Why did they not handle her better; it makes me so sad, because she could have been AMAZING. I’ve never felt like a character belongs less in a Tales party than Magilou, tbh; she stood out so much and I just kept asking “why are you still here, again?”, and the party basically asks the same thing lol. Bienfu felt like he belonged more than she did... >.> Eizen in particular wounds me deeply because we’re already predisposed to care about him so much because of Zestiria (and lbr, Bamco knows everyone who is playing this has played Zestiria, so there’s no excuse), and so I so desperately wanted flashbacks of him and Edna. I can’t even begin to describe how much I wanted them *sobs* and the skits where he talks about her were perfect and beautiful and made my heart soar and yet break into a thousand pieces, but... I wanted them to go further with it. I wanted to see him get more emotional, and I understand that the way he is is just his personality, but like... this character is so crucial to one of the mains in Zestiria, and we love Edna and we know how important Eizen was to her, so I just wanted the game to treat him with so much more love because Zestiria frankly handled that subplot so terribly. *sighs* That being said, though, his relationship with Zaveid in Berseria is by far one of THE best done parts of the game (more on Zaveid later)... and the Aifread subplot literally destroyed me. Just. Destroyed. Yet another example of flashbacks I wanted, with the two of them (BAMCO I WOULD LITERALLY PAY YOU SO MUCH TO SEE AIFREAD AND BBY!EIZEN, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WOULD PAY *sobs*), but even still, it was done pretty well compared to other things, and I’m still crying over it. ;________; </3 <3 ...In the end, though, although I do really like Eizen (his nerd rambling speeches were just b l e s s, and the black humor with his curse omg poor baby; and of course HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PIRATES WHICH IS THE BEST FAMILY IN THE GAME TBQH *tears*), I didn’t adore him as much as I assumed I would, and that sucks. :/ Eleanor is an amazing character, 10/10, and it’s kind of baffling how much focus she gets over the three mentioned above. Her side quest about her mother once again gets the obnoxious “tell not show” treatment, but it’s alleviated by the fact that she’s had so much development in the main story so it’s not as huge of a letdown (did I mention that regulating backstories to side quests, and not even well-executed ones, is a huge problem? :))) ). She’s so sweet and pure and I honestly just adore here ugh <3 unexpected favorite. Other characters in the game who suffer from the problem of not having flashbacks dedicated to them but then the game trying to make us care about them too late are again Shigure, Melchior only in the sense of in relation to his past with Magilou, and most importantly Teresa and Oscar. I love Oscar for shallow reasons, but neither of them are well-fleshed out, only getting a handful of backstory lines thrown in by Teresa right before her death and after Oscar’s, again, just telling it to us. Their relationship honestly creeped me out throughout the game, Teresa treating Oscar reallllllllly obsessively, but if we had gotten their past way ahead of time, we could understand them better even if she is still a bitch. Sadly, that’s not how it’s handled, and it’s a shame. Like I said, I sobbed got upset at Oscar’s death, but there was no justification for getting upset at all, really. Other than them, Artorius I would have liked to have gotten more scenes. His flashbacks near the end of the game were done beautifully (as was that entire segment period), but I wished that it didn’t take me that long to really feel for him, with how three-dimensional he was set up in the prologue. for those who have read the manga Akatsuki no Yona, I was expecting a Soo-won/Hak/Yona(/Il) vibe from the Artorius/Velvet/Laphicet trio because of how similar the setups were, kinda, and that wasn’t quite what I got, unfortunately More scenes on the legate side of things earlier in the game would have done him and the others a world of good, essentially. Also wished that he and Velvet had a little more to say to each other in the end, but that’s a nitpick really.

Tying in talk of Velvet’s character arc with something else: Berseria’s pacing. This game is oddly paced, if I’m being honest. I can pick out about probably ten specific big events that I remember, and everything else is rather foggy, for having just recently played it. The prologue and Velvet breaking out of prison starts the game off extremely strong, and then it feels like it hits a lull until the first confrontation with Artorius... and then there is a lonnnnnng lull until Innominat’s first appearance... and then suddenly everything is happening with absolutely no breaks until the end. Velvet’s character development matches this, as well; she stays pretty much the same for most of the game, with occasional flashes of ptsd (which are done perfectly, by the way) until Innominat’s reveal, and then her subsequent massive mental breakdown and rising up again to become someone who is still going to get revenge, but now she knows why she is, and why she needs to, and she’s happier for it. She’s definitely my favorite character in the game, and one of the best Tales protagonists out there imo, but I wish her development was more evenly distributed throughout the game, instead of nothing and then this HUGE moment where she honestly completely and utterly breaks down and shows how she truly feels and has felt about what happened to her, and then it sort of goes back to how it was before, albeit not entirely. That is the high point of the game, the best part of the game, for so many reasons, which is why I keep mentioning it; it’s done so well, and I don’t feel like anything after it even comes close to matching it, and I wish some parts did. Still love her, but her arc could have been better paced imo, and the flow of events in general (all the deaths that happen one after the other in the last fourth of the game (minus Artorius and Innominat) feel even more rushed because of the problems I stated earlier, and also this).

Phi’s a perfect pure angel cinnamon roll, his arc is amazing, and his relationship with Velvet is so touching; nothing else needs to be said. :’) <3 Although I will say I loved that he stood up to her about his identity; major props for them doing that, because it really needed to be said.

One last thing to end this on a positive note because I’ve spewed so much negativity ugh, and that is: I absolutely cannot even begin to describe how happy I am at all of the references to Tales of Zestiria in this game. Zestiria is one of my favorite Tales; it has major writing flaws, but I love almost all of the characters dearly, and even though some of them too could use some more depth, the party’s dynamic in that game is just done so well and makes me feel so good, gives me that warm Tales vibe that I just love so much (I won’t talk specifically about why I love Zestiria in this post lol, but basically what it comes down to is that it has heart, even though it has so many problems, and I respect it and love it for that, even though I acknowledge that it’s not that great). So when I heard that Berseria was a prequel to Zestiria, I was ecstatic. And it delivered to me, as a Zesty fan. Berseria may be a really long time before Zestiria, but all of the references, of which there are SO MANY, in npc dialogues and terminology and specific in-game events, are treated with so much care, obviously added in so purposefully and logically thought about how things that are considered normal in Zestiria’s time would be not quite developed all the way or have entirely different names in Berseria, and I just... I love that so much??? I loved standing in a town and getting a strange sense of deja vu, I was screaming when malevolence was mentioned and the truth about “daemonblight” was revealed, I was screaming about Edna and Eizen of course, I was screaming at “Artorius’ Throne” of course, I was screaming at Zaveid of course, I was screaming when the Shepherd was mentioned, when the Lord of Calamity was mentioned, and how they’re flip-flopped in roles from Zestiria (!!!!!), when the imperfect ARMATUS was introduced, oh my god, and when Phi became Maotelus at the end I was in tears, and got chills. Just... Zestiria didn’t do so well with its lore, and even though at the end of the day, Berseria’s existence can’t magically make Zestiria’s story writing and character writing better, it did add something to it, something special, something beautiful, something poignant, and for that, I am so happy. Zaveid in particular I have no words for; he was the single character I never have cared about in Zestiria, with how rude he is about a certain traumatic incident that happens right before he forcefully shoves himself into the party, and overall his type is just one I don’t care for. Then Berseria happened, and I adore him in Berseria. It honestly weirds me out and haunts me to realize and admit, but yes, he’s one of my favorite characters in this game, and by far one of the best written ones, and to see how different he is in this game compared to the other is just surreal, and chilling, and sad, and to play Zestiria from here on out knowing how and why he eventually becomes the way he does, after seeing how his beliefs used to be and seeing what he lost, and what his relationship with Eizen was like? I’m so upset, and fucked up, good GOD. ;______; All in all, I love Berseria purely because it made me love Zestiria even more, and whenever I play Zestiria from here on out I’ll never look at it the same way again, especially when Sorey sleeps with Maotelus in the end. </3 <3 and Zestiria the X and whatever the hell it was trying to do can go fuck itself lol >_______> Instead, can we just have something where Sorey learns all about the first Lord of Calamity and her gang from Zaveid? *cries* and about how Eizen was with them? BETTER YET, CAN WE HAVE MAOTELUS!PHI JUST TELLING SOREY EVERYTHING AND SOREY GETS SO EMOTIONAL OVER IT BECAUSE HE’S HIM; MY HEART

The ending. What the fuck, Bamco. My heart is in pieces, and then also you just... do that with the credits.... seriously WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SATAN IDEA IS THAT

Despite all of my criticisms, which I promise I give out of love because I love this series so much, Berseria is still a really really good Tales. I don’t think it’s as godly as everyone is hyping it up to be, and definitely not Abyss tier (I don’t think the Tales series will ever create another Abyss, honestly, as sad as I am to say it) like some are saying, but still, it’s up there. I wish the party’s development and dynamic was handled better, and I wish the game wasn’t so damn insistent on never using flashbacks, and me not being attached to the party is why I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would, but the writing is very solid, and the parts that Berseria does well are godly. I’d probably give it a 7/10; it gave me a lot of feels though I wish more and now I’m just really depressed about everything. :’)))) and I can write fic about the characters I wanted more depth for if no one else will Final character ranking in terms of favorites would probably be Zaveid > Velvet > Phi > Eleanor > Rokurou > Eizen > Magilou

I’ve been reading posts about thoughts on ASOUE and I decided to rank the books in order of my favourite to least favourite:

(contains spoilers)

1. The Slippery Slope (Book the Tenth): Lots of VFD exploration and an explanation of what it means, the explanation (finally) of how all the Baudelaires’ ‘relatives’ have all been connected to VFD, the appearance of Quigley Quagmire, the return of Carmelita, brilliant Esme moments, the rise of the man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard, and seeing Olaf being afraid of someone for once. Plus some brilliant plots, and seeing Sunny grow into herself a bit more and develop a talent other than just biting. And of course, my favourite ship, Quiglet. I think also it was well-written, and more than redeemed the three books that came before it, which I found a bit silly/pushing it where suspension of disbelief is concerned. This one also had a couple of good insights into the developing theme of how people are more complicated than being categorised into ‘good’ and ‘evil’, with the Bauds and Quigley almost willing to kidnap Esme in order to save Sunny. Plus, there is the forever brilliant line ‘and then we burnt down the swimming pool, which was very difficult to burn down.’ 

2. The Grim Grotto (Book the Eleventh):I know this one was a bit of a filler book between VFD HQ and reaching the Hotel Denouement, but I still loved it. Widdershins was brilliant. The Medusoid Mycelium entered the story. The sugar bowl, oh, the sugar bowl. Good to have a whole book focussing on it. And there was so much exploration of the good/evil conundrum, with Fernald turning out to be Fiona’s brother, Fiona joining Olaf to stay with her family, the involvement of the Anwhistles with the Medusoid Mycelium and the Baudelaires looking back and remembering not only the good times with their parents, but the hard times. Plus there were plenty of humorous moments in this, from Olaf’s weird (ho ho sniggle) laugh (though I’m glad he ditched that later) just because villains should have one, to Carmelita’s song (I still assert that ‘gorgeous’ begins with the letter ‘m’) to the many aye!s. Phil’s return cheered me, especially when he said ‘hooray!’ instead of ‘aye!’, and them making an effort for Violet’s birthday was sweet. Plus, Sunny’s cooking made me hungry, especially the pesto lo mein.

3. The Reptile Room (Book the Second): The one which begun the formula of Olaf showing up in disguise and the Bauds going from relative to relative, and I like that the place they went after Olaf was so happy, at least for a while. Plus I love that Olaf’s disguise in this one was pretty much just a fake beard, and it fooled people. That trope eventually got old, but in this one it was wonderful. Plus the humour was in full swing here, with the whole page of ‘ever,’ Stephano trying convince people the Mamba du Mal must have escaped and then locked itself back in its cage again, and the Baudelaires going to get in the damn jeep. 

4. The Ersatz Elevator (Book the Sixth): Esme was a brilliant addition to the series. She brilliantly satirises people who wear/eat/use things they dislike because of fashion, as does the whole of Dark Avenue, and giving Olaf an (eventual) girlfriend was a good move. We see more sides of him in a relationship, and it eventually turns him from simply an evil villain to a person who still has some normal-person elements to his life, which I think is a good prelude to the eventual message Snicket puts out that people are chef’s salads and simply human rather than purely virtuous/villainous. The Baudelaires’ devotion to the Quagmires was touching, and their quest to rescue them gave the Bauds something more to do than simply wait around for Olaf to show up. Plus it was good to have them back in their old city again, and able to return to places they used to love, with the bittersweet tinge that their old house and family no longer exist. 

5. The Austere Academy (Book the Fifth): I always wondered why none of the Bauds’ guardians sent them to school. Having them at school let us have an aspect of their life we’d missed out on otherwise, seeing them in class, and making friends. I loved that they found friends in the Quagmires, and for once had company their own age other than each other, and finally they have people who believe them about Olaf, and are willing to help them and even risk their lives for them. This was the first book without a semi-happy ending, in that they didn’t really defeat Olaf and he ran off with the Quagmires. Plus Nero’s egotistical concerts were hilarious, Carmelita’s bullying was spot on and the word ‘cakesniffer’ was born. Plus I love the satire of the way people depend too much on computers, thinking that an advanced computer, just by existing, will keep Olaf away. Also makes me think,though, that their advanced computer sounds ancient, and therefore makes me question whether having the internet exist in the Netflix verse is a good idea. 

6. The Penultimate Peril (Book the Twelfth): The entire series seemed to be leading up to this book. The Baudelaires ‘grow up,’ they reach the last safe place and everyone comes back to see justice done (or not, depending on whose side they’re on). I like the layout of the hotel, the simultaneous chapters, and the brief but significant relationship the Baudelaires have with Dewey Denouement. Carmelita’s tomboyishness was amusing, as were Olaf and Esme trying to advertise themselves to single men and women during the trial after they split up. I had been waiting intensely for Olaf and the Bauds to be tried and Olaf to be exposed once and for all, but it was a nice twist for the other judges to be the man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard. The scene with the harpoon gun was touching in all the right ways, with the Bauds willing to sacrifice themselves for Dewey, Olaf having a moment where he falters and wonders what else he could do if not the wicked thing and Dewey’s unfortunate and accidental demise. And the Baudelaires ending up teaming up with Olaf made for the most suspenseful ending yet (I feel a lot of the potential leading off from that was a bit wasted in the last book though). Plus the notion that maybe the Baudelaire parents murdered Olaf’s parents really epitomises the whole idea that both sides of the VFD schism did wicked things, no matter what reasons they thought they had. 

7. The Bad Beginning (Book the First): Although in my opinion many of the later books surpassed it, this one is still awesome for beginning it all and introducing us to Snicket land, Olaf’s schemes and the incompetent Mr Poe. The marriage plan was quite a brilliant one, although Olaf’s paedo-ish tendencies towards Violet in this one were a bit creepy. This book introduced us to the way the Baudelaires used their various skills, and I still think Violet’s grappling hook was one of my favourite of her inventions, and her promise to look after her siblings one of my favourite moments with her. Plus having them live with Olaf gave us a good idea of what he was like and what he would be willing to do to get his way, and that understanding of him can be carried through all the books. 

8. The Miserable Mill (Book the Fourth): I have to begin with my favourite aspect of this: Violet and Klaus having to do each other’s thing. And getting the job done, despite inventing not  being Klaus’ thing and researching not being Violet’s. The paying in coupons is a good commentary on the way people can be trapped in dead end jobs, because they can’t make enough to afford to leave, with Sir meanwhile enjoying luxury being another good comment on the way those with plenty often take advantage of those with little. I do like the relationship between Sir and Charles, and Phil’s optimism. Georgina Orwell puzzles me, as she’s one of Olaf’s associates that is neither part of his troupe, nor mentioned again after her death, and I don’t know if she was part of VFD or not, although items of her outfit turned up in the VFD disguise kit, so then again, she might have been. Who was she when she wasn’t Doctor Orwell, then? I wonder. 

9. The Wide Window (Book the Third): This one gets points for Aunt Josephine. As a grammar nazi and someone with anxiety myself, I could relate to her. A lot. The Anxious Clown restaurant was one of my favourite bits, and I have a soft spot for Larry the Waiter, and the line about not putting things one is allergic to in one’s mouth, particularly if that thing is cats. That said, this one was very similar to book two, plot-wise. 

10. The Hostile Hospital (Book the Eighth): The cranioectomy was, I have to say, a bit silly. Qualified doctors, even in Snicketland, should know that’s ridiculous.  The plot also meant there was a lack of Violet for quite a while, or at least Violet actively doing anything. That said, there were some things I liked about this one, namely Violet saving them then having to be saved, the anagrams, the library of records and Esme’s outfit. Esme in general in this one was rather good, and I liked seeing her go out on her own to get the Bauds. The Baudelaires pieced together a bit more of the VFD mystery, and I like that not only did Olaf’s associates reuse their old disguises, but the disguise trope started being subverted with the Baudelaires being the wanted ones, and dressing up in very unconvincing outfits and actually fooling people. Having them wind up hiding from Olaf in his own car was a great ending too, with a lot of suspense and potential which was then used well in book 9. And of course, the line ‘you don’t give muffins to murderers!’ will always have a place in my heart. This one marked the beginning of Mr Poe’s absence, though, and even though he’s annoying, I keenly felt that absence. That said, the Bauds struck off on their own from this book onward, and I liked them having that independence, even if it was sort of forced upon them. 

11. The End (Book the Thirteenth): After all the intensity and action that was Book Twelve, this one was a bit anticlimactic. It seemed, to me, too long, and the whole island story was a bit tedious. It was still good, but this sort of society seemed more suited to one of the earlier books, when the Baudelaires were still leaping from guardian to guardian rather than fending for themselves. I did like the reveal that Kit and Olaf had been lovers, Olaf doing one noble deed in helping Kit, and the Baudelaires looking after the new Beatrice. Interesting, too, to see that the Baudelaires’ parents seemed to think Lemony Snicket was dead,and I was glad at last to see a whole group of people, adults included, who actually saw through one of Olaf’s disguises. What I didn’t like was that a lot of mysteries where VFD was concerned were left unsolved, and the Baudelaires having to face a society that had incriminated them was left open at the end of the book. That said, having an ending where nothing is resolved is very Snicket, and I do think it is a good reflection of what life can be like. Still, it was a bit disappointing to invest in a lot of characters and plot lines that didn’t make it into this book at all. Rereads of Book 13 get me excited to reread ATWQ, however, and do make me wonder whether the Quagmires were eaten by the Bombinating Beast, and hope they weren’t. I do sort of wish the book had been called something like ‘The Egregious End’ or some other alliteration, rather than straying from the title formula. 

12. The Carnivorous Carnival (Book the Ninth): This is another one (see my comment on Book 7) where my suspension of disbelief was pushed a bit too much, with most of society seeing nothing wrong with feeding people to lions. I did, however, like the humour and irony in people judging the ‘freaks,’ thinking Hooky/Fernald was normal and apologising for offending him,  but then laughing at an ambidextrous person. To me that reflects very much the way our society has stopped disciminating against some minorities, but are still very much willing to discriminate against others. It was interesting to see how Olaf was finding out where the Baudelaires were, although I do have to say that he seemed to arrive too quickly in some cases to have had time to go to the Hinterlands, consult Lulu and for there already to be newspaper articles about them in various places for her to consult. I did enjoy Esme and Olaf’s relationship being explored in a bit more detail, including her jealousy of Lulu when Olaf pays her attention, and the fact that this book seems to mark the beginning of Snicket’s exploration into the way people aren’t wholly ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ with the Carnival workers joining Olaf because they want to be accepted by someone, and the Baudelaires burning down the carnival to survive, and realising treachery isn’t as simple as they thought. 

13. The Vile Village (Book the Seventh): The adults being stupid and ignorant thing was taken too far in this one. Plus a village which is somehow exempt from regular laws and can just randomly burn people for something as silly as putting too many nuts in an ice cream sundae is just ridiculous, even for Snicketland.Most silly things that happen seem to be a parody of something in modern society. This town didn’t. I never liked how close the Bauds came to death in this one and it actually scared me to read it the first time. I came close to not finishing it, and ergo the series. I’m glad I pushed through it. This one also seemed to be a bit of a holdup in the discovery of VFD, more so than the others. Hector was a disappointment to the Baudelaires, in my opinion more than any other guardian/adult in charge of them, including Mr. Poe. He was willing to let them be burnt alive rather than stand up to people he found intimidating. The one redeeming feature of this one was the Quags ended up safe from Olaf. This one remains to this day my least favourite. I did like the Littlest Elf, though, and I’m glad it made it into the movie. 

Review: Before They Are Hanged

by Wardog

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Wardog tries not to sound too bitterly disillusioned.~

Still high from

my astonishingly gushy review

of Joe Abercrombie's first book, The Blade Itself, I recently embarked upon part two of the trilogy, Before They Are Hanged. If nothing else, it's an object lesson in why one shouldn't bandy the phrase "the best fantasy I've read" about without due care and attention. In short, then, the bad news is that The First Law Trilogy is not going to be the, ahem, fantasy masterpiece I thought it was; nor is it a cunning subversion of the genre or a profound meditation on the nature of the violence or any of the other silly silly things I tried to claim it was. In good, news, however, it's still okay. Well, better than average at least.

Relatively Spoiler-Free Comments

Following on at a fair pace from the events of the first book, Before They Are Hanged basically devolves into three probably connected but currently non-overlapping plot threads: you have Inquisitor Glokta fortifying Dagoska against the impending Gurkish Invasion, you have Colonel West on the frontlines of the war between the Union Forces and the Northmen and you have Bayez The Probably Batshit First Of Magi and his adventuring party (including the feckless swordsman Jezel and the thinking man's barbarian Logen Ninefingers) off on a quest for Generic Fantasy Artefact TM. All of Abercrombie's strengths are present: solidly drawn, generally morally interesting characters, crisp, sharp dialogue, exceptionally clear and vivid action sequences and a reasonable command of plotting and pacing (I was genuinely impressed when the war actually kicked off on page 187). Unfortunately, his weaknesses are also more apparent in this second outing.

Specifically, what seemed intriguingly and comfortingly generic the first time round now seems merely generically generic - the Traditional Fantasy Quest Plot, for example. It's engagingly written but it's still by far and away the least interesting third of the book. Subtleties of morality and characterisation also seem to have been lost: Jezel's redemption arc via a mace in the face is both abrupt and unconvincing; Colonel West, who was a minor player in the first book takes a more central role here but his self-disgust and his lack of self-awareness are portrayed rather clumsily, and Logen seems to have become the book's moral mouthpiece, a role which doesn't suit him and actually makes him come across as the oddest Mary Sue ever to grace the pages of fantasy fiction. Whereas all the other characters are just as much the sum of their flaws as their virtues, in Before They Are Hanged, it rapidly becomes apparent (and without giving too much away) that Logen's flaws, like his capacity for violence and destruction, are external to him rather than integral: this unbalances his character when set against the others, as well as making him significantly less interesting.

At least the crippled inquisitor, Glokta, remains as cool as ever. He's such a wonderful character that the book is worth reading for him alone.

In non-spoilerful conclusion, then, Before They Are Hanged is an above-average fantasy novel. To my mind it doesn't quite live up to the potential of the first but then there's a high probability I read things into The Blade Itself that weren't actually there at all. Nevertheless, it remains for the most part a well-written, well-structured and well-paced read that doesn't suffer too badly from fantasy-trilogy sag. It's won't change your life but it will pass the time effectively and competently, and Abercrombie has a real knack for action so expect some impressively bloody battles.

However, I do have some quite serious concerns / niggles that cannot be discussed without:

Massive Big Honking Spoilers

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As I mentioned earlier in this review, I felt that the characterisation suffered from being less nuanced than in The Blade Itself and this also applies to the book's depiction of morality. Specifically, what I really liked about The Blade Itself was its portrayal of violence. It's a typical low fantasy world so horrible things happen to semi-horrible people all the time and the book did a wonderful job of evoking the reality of that kind of society and that kind of violence. It was never gratuitously in your face about it but it was something Abercrombie did really very vividly. The Blade Itself seemed to be saying that a will towards power, violence and destruction is very much a natural part of being human - even the title, which I believe is a re-working of a quote from Homer which goes something like "the presence of weapons themselves is an encouragement to use them" seems to be concerned with the articulation of this idea. What made Logen so intriguing a character in such a world was that, as a brutal killer, he had essentially come full circle. The ultimate survivalist had become the ultimate moralist: a man who fought no longer for survival but for what he believed was right. However, in Before They Are Hanged, violence is portrayed - deliberately or not - as something very much outside and closed off from ordinary human experience: in extremis, West basically goes nuts and bites someone's nose off, Logen's barbarism is located in a spirit that possess him not within his own nature and Glotka, of course, continues to helplessly do unto others what was done to him.

I know we end up talking about rape a lot here but there's a really annoying nearly-rape in Before They Are Hanged that also ties into my concerns about the book's wavering moral compass. West is sent out to the front lines with the Crown Prince and an army of starving peasantry, where it is hoped the Prince can feel important and gather glory without ever actually encountering the reality of war. Needless to say, he's a complete waste of space and ends up taking the ragged army of ill-equipped and untrained peasants out to meet the Northman and everybody gets horrifically slaughtered, except West, the Prince, a random blacksmith chick and a small retinue of Northmen trying to oppose their war-mongering King. Then there's a lot of trudging around in cold trying to get the Prince to safety, during which time the Prince continues to be a complete waste of space in every conceivable way, showing no gratitude for those who are risking their lives to protect him or the thousands he just sent off to their deaths. Finally, West catches him in the act of trying to rape the random blacksmith chick, flips out and throws him off a cliff. Now, don't get me wrong. Rape is a terrible terrible thing. But the waste-of-space Crown Prince is also responsible for the deaths of literally thousands of people: surely that was the time to shove him off a cliff?

You can argue that Abercrombie is making an interesting point regarding the personal versus the political and that it is the small acts that affect us that individuals that spur us into action, rather than the huge acts that destroy the lives of thousands. But truthfully it just seems like typical fantasy novel inconsistency to me, and the incident says more about Abercrombie as a writer than about West as a character. As I have already written about at length in various places on this site, I hate the fact that fantasy writers tend to use rape as some kind of moral shorthand. In this instance (as in others), I very strongly felt that throwing out a casual rape scene as a way to convince us the Crown Prince really is as bad as we think he is, merely lessened the impact of his previous atrocities and implies an unhelpful moral equivalence I don't mean to get all Jeremy Bentham about it but surely Abercrombie is not trying to get us to weigh the attempted rape of one woman against the lives of thousands of peasants.

My final irritation has nothing to do with morals, merely time-wasting. One of the three plotlines, as I have mentioned, is a Generic Fantasy Quest. However, when the party arrives at its destination the Generic Fantasy Object they are seeking is conspicuous by its absence. This naturally ends the book on a note of self-conscious anti-climax. Although this is ... I suppose ... interesting in theory it is, in practice, as you might expect, anticlimactic i.e. massively unsatisfying. I read pretty quickly but nevertheless Joe Abercrombie essentially just made me about 200 hundred pages for absolutely nothing. It seems there's only one thing worse than a Generic Fantasy Quest Plot and that's a completely pointless Generic Fantasy Quest Plot. Grrr. I'm sure it'll make sense once placed in the context of the final novel but that doesn't excuse the fact that it renders a third of this one hollow.Themes:

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Joe W

at 10:28 on 2008-06-19I'm looking forward to your analysis of the last book (which I can lend you, if you want)

SPOILERS of Before They Are Hanged BELOW

I share a lot of your criticisms about this book- in particular I also disliked the resolution of the Generic Fantasy Quest Plot.

I'm in two minds about Ladisla's death. I don't mind West killing him for the rape attempt; I can quite happily see it as the straw that broke the camel's back. I can quite easily see why you'd kill a man for that, but not for willful stupidity that leads to thousands of deaths. After all getting to do the latter is one of the traditional perks of being royalty- it was idiotic but not actively malicious.

What I didn't like was how much of a caricature Ladisla was- I could have lived with him as simply being utterly crap, but the rape attempt took him straight from crap into wilfully evil. I'd expected some sort of twist to the character and then was disappointed when it panned out just as I'd expect in any other book.

I will note in reference to one of your other points. that I don't think the Bloody-Nine is a spirit external to Logen; I think that like West he goes batshit in a fight- it's just that Logen tries so hard to divorce himself from the berserker that he no longer even self-identifies in that state.

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Dan H

at 13:52 on 2008-06-19

What I didn't like was how much of a caricature Ladisla was- I could have lived with him as simply being utterly crap, but the rape attempt took him straight from crap into wilfully evil.

That's usually my problem with the Obligatory Fantasy Rape Scenes. It's so often used as evidence that a particular character is zomg teh evil. See my recent article on /Age of the Five/.

As for the Bloody-Nine, I've only read the first book, and I was certainly *concerned* that there was going to be a "big reveal" to the effect that Logan was effectively controlled by an external spirit. If it remains ambiguous throughout all three books, then that's a lot better than I was expecting.

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Wardog

at 15:02 on 2008-06-19I do actually have The Last Argument of Kings - I was so passionately in love with TBI that I rushed out and bought both sequels. I'm giving myself a break to try and get over the fact that they're not what I thought they were and enjoy them for what they actually are - but I'll certainly be embarking it upon it in the next couple of weeks. But thank you kindly for the offer.

I know what you mean about Ladisla; everything about the character, and the way he's dealt with, annoys me. Being idiotic is, as you say, a traditional perk of being royalty BUT it's like he's deliberately set up so that you want somebody (probably West) to just freak out and kill the guy. I remember thinking to myself as I was reading the bit where West literally begs him not to throw away probably the war and all of those lives, "kill him, West, just kill him now." And, of course, he doesn't. He just grits his teeth and respects the institution of the monarch as, living in a heredity monarchy, you probably would. So that's why the rape-triggered freak out irritates me particularly. But, yes, you're right - it's also just depressing to have a cardboard cutout in a world otherwise by populated by quite interestingly flawed people. Even Arch Lector Sult - who is basically hand-rubbingly evil from toes to nose - is *interesting*.

About Logen ... mmm...I'm not sure. Perhaps you're right that it's just a psychological trick he's developed to protect himself from the truth of what he really is but it seems to me that the narrative seems to hinting otherwise. I mean, there's that scene where they're all sitting round the campfire confessing their mistakes (Bayaz talks about his love his master's daughter and all that stuff) and Logen talks about the time he killed his best friend and didn't remember doing it, and gives a long list of similar incidents. Also when the narrative describes Logen in extreme beserker mode it does differentiate between Logen and this other force, The Bloody Nine. Maybe you're right and it's just a rhetorical trick and you probably know since you've read the last book but even if it is just a metaphor it nevertheless isolates Logen's violent identity as something other to who he really is...

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Arthur B

at 12:31 on 2011-04-11Oh dear. I just tried to read this one and failed horribly. Maybe it's just that I left it over a year since reading the previous one - but then again, they weren't published that close to each other, were they? - but it failed to grab me early on. I tried to give it a fair chance and told myself I'd read up to page 100 and see if it had grown on me by that point, but it turned out to be a serious struggle to force myself to even get as far as page 50, so I gave up.

I think part of the problem was how utterly transparent Abercrombie is in his use of cliches and cheap shots here, combined with how shallow and simplistic the situations he constructs is.

The major example in the section I've picked out: you've got West briefing the generals and the Crown Prince on the situation in Angland, and the prince and both generals are all such over-the-top cartoons that West might as well have been briefing General Stickupthearse, General Flouncey-Dandy, and Crown Prince Totalfuckingdisaster, with Marshall Basicallyagoodsort looking on approvingly. The characterisation is so heavy-handed that you can't really take anything away from it beyond "these are the characters you are supposed to like, these are the characters you are supposed to hate."

I didn't even get to anything about Bayaz's wizardy quest, and I had this sudden epiphany where I realised that I had completely ceased to care about said quest. I didn't care about any of the characters I remembered from the last book at all. Maybe that's a consequence of leaving it so long to read book 2, or maybe that's why I left it so long in the first place: I just didn't

care

any more.