God, please save me from God. I want to be burned, without being consumed.

(Quote from Last Exit by Max Gladstone, Japanese translation by me)

remember me i ask,

remember me i sing.

give me back my heart,

you wingless thing.

Uh oh girlies don't look now but it's don't text your father all the songs you know he would love because you love them and he is part of you and you'll never see him again not because he's dead but because he killed you before you even had a chance to live and you'll never ever ever escape your fathers house and when vessel said for me it's still the autumn leaves and the way all my trauma smells like winter is slamming me into the ground and screaming at me and it is shaped like an angry feral scrawny little girl who is only twelve years old and doesn't understand why she wants to howl alone in the old family van with her stuffed animal and baby blanket dear god the baby blanket and she's crushing me into the ground over and over asking me why didn't anyone come save her especially the ones that KNEW and I will bleed on her and she will rage upon me and together we will claw our way out of the fucking tomb every single person has ever abandoned us in and stand in the life we demand from the limited infinite time we have on this spinning rock hours, I guess! 😀

As someone who is very interested in the gray years, I honestly wouldn’t wanna read a fic about it. Because I know it would make me sob violently. And I definitely would think about it all the time and would sob violently on command.

And with your amazing ability to bring out emotions through writing. The gray years made into a fic would definitely be sadder then how I would imagine it.

yeah ;A; let's all agree to just let it be like, a fiction singularity. a single point of infinite sadness we do not dare bring to life xD

this is, yeah, definitely part of why I would shy away from writing it. it would be emotionally exhausting for me, and the end product would just bring more sadness into the world. I'm currently not in a place where I want to do that, nor where it would be a cathartic action. I mention that last bit because I can see how writing such a thing would be cathartic.

hopefully I'll never get my heart broken that way. but if I do. then I'd write it. then watch out xD

ultimately what you're saying is a compliment, so thank you! :) I'm glad my writing is strong in the emotional department 💪❤️

in the world full of horrors, do we really need a reason to suddenly shout or scream like newborn babies do?

Sometimes the TRUTH isn’t pretty…

what do my footsteps sound like when im walking down the hall. what do i smell like. what part of me does everyone notice that i am unaware of. what word do i say so often that people keep a tally. what part of my personality are people fond of.

is there a way my hair glints in the sun? is there a way my face lights up when im happy? a way my foot taps when im nervous? is there something so innately me that it makes people happy?

What it sometimes feels like

snow - batman: legends of the dark knight #192

[ID: Harvey Dent talking to Batman about a case. Batman says he expects Harvey to have information on it and Harvey responds, "I wish I did. We're still figuring out who he does buisness with. So please don't break into my office to read the file. Theres nothing you don't already know. We're doing this slow and careful. Not like your stunt at the bank yesterday." END ID]

Little things I love for some reason:

When someone tags a friend on one of my posts, then that friend reblogs with ‘I got tagged!’ Or something along those lines

Like. I made someone think about someone else. They’re thinking about you. You mean something to them.

i have decided to christen the new tumblr with!! my dungeons and dragons art!!

nights with you in the weeds

feat. winona and mel from death2divinity

Mots of the most horrifying thoughts about being known by someone, is that one day, my future boyfriend will ask what I am writing and then I’ll just have to throw myself over a bridge.

I applied for a research position on campus why is that so embarrassing

get to know me tag game

I was tagged by the wonderful @notquitecogent and I spend 15 minutes trying to copy it because I am indeed a fucking idiot ty <3

Rules: Tag people you'd like to know better!

Last Song: I'm on a big Broadway kick so World Burn by the Mean Girls on Broadway cast (specifically Reneé Rapp)

Last Show: The Last of Us bc I hate happiness

Currently Watching: I'm catching up on I Like to Watch with Trixie and Katya because while I have no desire to watch Love is Blind by myself, their recaps make my life worth living

Currently Reading: Forever Your Rogue by Erin Langston, who's not only a dear friend but like. A fucking fabulous author. It's her first book and it's making me /feel/ things which I appreciate. Ficwise: very much still OBSESSED with hellcheer so something different every day BUT I am crazy about that bring it on AU because even though it aged incredibly poorly, that's still one of my favorite dynamics in any movie ever (fun fact: I wanted Torrance and Missy to end up together very badly as a kid, even though I was like ??????? But cliff is nice too???? As an adult? Yeah that tracks)

Current Obsession: uh. I bought my cat a dress to see it if would improve my mood and I have thought about nothing else since? Does that count? Media wise: I've been really into music career analysis, especially how everyone seems confused about Miley Cyrus's success, so like? That? OH i also recently rewatched Scrubs and now I want to write a hellcheer AU about it!! So that i guess!!!

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it babes!!!! Pls everyone do this i will read all of them i am incredibly noisy

And also @corrodedcoffinx @ivyodessa @sunalsolove

im never going to recover from this