Writeblr (re)intro !

Hi, hi! I've had a writeblr before, but left after remaking my entire Tumblr account. Got a bit busy, but missed the community so much that I wanted back in <3

-About me-

Korka or Corky - whichever you prefer

adult

undergrad majoring in two foreign languages and their respective literature :>

I've been writing for about as long as I've known of myself, but only started taking it seriously in the last 5-6 years, and only in the past year or two did I really start figuring out what I want to write, so my style is still unpolished and I still consider myself in my "finding myself" era

major procrastinator and experiencer of what I think is executive dysfunction; I will try my bestest to be active on here, but I might take a week or seven to read a single excerpt, though not for lack of interest or trying!! Nevertheless, please tag me in your works so I won't lose them in the dash :3

-What I write-

prose, short story lover, but I have about three WIPs that would be about the length of a novel(la) (that planning stage sure is planning)

literary movements I draw inspiration from the most are the romantic period (especially gothic) and symbolist movement, as well as the spirit of avant-garde's experimentation and pushing boundaries

my biggest role model is Charles Baudelaire :>

genres I like to stick to: fantasy, horror, horror/dark fantasy, recently tried experimenting with social satire, but we'll see how that goes

I feel most comfortable in fantasy and historical, but I love writing horror the most

I love worldbuilding and writing body horror/gore the most, but describing body language and appearance is something I desperately need to work on

I'm a planner and a perfectionist, so it might take some time for me to intro my WIPs properly, but I'm more than happy to talk about my OCs in the meantime :>

I have four WIPs in varying stages of planning, all still practically nameless:

a historical (time-travel) coming-of-age WIP meant to be about the length of a novel-novella (skeletal stage, planning out characters and main plot points)

a fantasy political intrigue WIP of a similar length (planning stage, details need to be ironed out before I can work on it, but i have an outline, sort of)

(and the spin-off horror fantasy collection of short stories WIP set in the same world) (skeletal stage, planning out the characters and the storylines)

a satirical WIP on the "tiktokification" of the arts, mainly literature, and anti-intellectualism (newest, researching stage; I know nothing about this yet beyond the core message and idea, but I'm looking forward to developing it)

-What I'd love to read-

genres: horror (especially dark fantasy!!), fantasy, "cheesy" romances, historical!!!!! I'm not too picky on genres, but if you mix horror in it, I'll love it even more

details: ngl those hyper-specific fantasy academy settings in coming-of-age stories hit different, detailed worldbuilding is everything to me, best-friends-to-lovers? chef's kiss. enemies-to-lovers? even louder chef's kiss. Morally ambiguous characters, morally questionable protagonists, I just love when the cast is formed of imperfect characters where you can't with 100% certainty say "x is evil" or "y is good". Make me think !

I also love reading poetry, though I'm not the best at analysing it and understanding particularly deep analogies, I love poetry that deals with abstract feelings, interpersonal relationships and personal philosophies <3

-I don't know how to end this :> -

A bit more about what i love writing/reading:

I'm from a Slavic country and dislike the way Slavic characters get written in western media, so most of my OCs are Slavic and I love to see a fleshed out Slavic character

I love body horror as an allegory for bodily autonomy and beauty standards. It's fun as horror, too, but as an allegory - very fun to explore

In general, I'm weak for a good symbol

And on me:

I spent most of my time in the last few years writing fanfiction, but so eager to focus on original fiction, too

I tend to write on-and-off, I'm either busy or tired, and sadly can go months without any progress :< I hope this changes as I get more settled into life

But! I've taken a recent liking to just making OCs without any particular WIP attached to them, so I'll probs talk about them if nothing else :)

I just missed the community of a writeblr a lot, so I'm hoping to make friends on here ! ^_^

Snake Ropes by Jess Richards

Thank you to @bardofsomerset for commissioning this!

Non-spoiler: This book exists in a strange kind of half-fantasy world that really works for me personally. I don’t know that I love the way it all comes down on the subjects of love and memory, but I think it has some absolute banger passages, and some really interesting things to say about the nature of human beings, and who we are at core. 

spoilers below

I went into this book completely cold. Not only did I not know what the book was about, the copy I ordered turned out to be an advance copy, so there was nothing on it but the title, and the first three lines of the book. I could have told you not a single thing about this book when I went into it. And honestly, I think that was for the best! If someone had tried to sell me on the book calling it a fantasy I would have come into the novel with a completely different set of assumptions, and I would have been on guard, so to speak, for totally different things. I loved not realizing that we were in a world where there is an aspect of magic, and some myths are real, and the line is VERY blurry between story and fact. 

I was very taken with this world where selkies are real, and a tree grew itself into a home of punishment, and you can hear things in the metal, and also, it might be related to our world--the island sells things to men from the mainland who talk about mobile pouches, and there’s some discussion of fast fashion--but none of these things are elaborated on too deeply, or ever threaten to dominate the story. I believe Richards knows all the answers to these things! But she is aware that just because she knows them, doesn’t mean the reader needs to. That level of restraint is not as common as we might hope in the modern day. Actually, I suppose not historically either. 

I really preferred Mary to Morgan, and I think knowing me as a person that’s not all that shocking. They are both constructions, they have made themselves into what they are, from different ends of the spectrum: Too much experience and not enough. I don’t dislike Morgan at all, and I think she’s a fantastic example of how a person can be sheltered but brave. She doesn’t know anything about the world except through books and general vibes, hasn’t been outside properly in a long time, but no matter how dark and how dangerous, she knows that even suffering out there will be better than the misery of in here. 

Actually, coming hot off the heels of me saying i didn’t like Morgan as well, let’s talk about how I fucking love Morgan. What she does is promiment in stories because it is realistically so rare. We, as human beings, are extremely prone to ‘the devil we know’ and I think most of us would simply stay where we were miserable yet safe. But something being common doesn’t make it laudable, just because most people are cowards makes it no less cowardly. But not Morgan! Morgan takes the leap and seizes her moment, and I love that. I love that she prefers danger to suffocation. She even says so, when she’s talking about how she wishes she had a wicked stepmother, that she wants anger and rage and fury instead of this prison. “I know from all the storybooks that wicked stepmothers are to be avoided if you wish to remain good or pure or ignorant. I really want one.” 

All that being said, I still preferred Mary on balance. I loved how competent she was, you absolutely never get the sense of her being adrift or in peril, even when Langward is fucking actively cutting into her flesh, because she is so rural-style nails tough, and she cuts off the Shadow that carries that crime. Obsessed with her. I actually think I might be at odds with the story on this, i’d have to reread it to be sure, but I am not entirely certain that they cast this as such a good thing, as I do. I mean, I don’t think it’s calling her to the carpet over it, either, but I think the story takes a stance of “This sure is a thing that Mary’s deciding to do, huh? And there are definitely consequences to that, too” at the very least. But I loved it, and I thought she was great. 

It was frustrating for me, not that Mary gave birth to Barney, in the end, but that it feels like the author wants it to be so IMPORTANT, and so CRUCIAL to understanding why Mary loved him so. “He were only ever mine,” and ��It was always my arms hims wanted.” This is a personal thing, of course, as all things that annoy us are deeply personal, but as a lesbian who pretty much openly rejects the idea that family trees and blood are of value to anyone save maybe a doctor, it not only doesn’t connect but I found that particular aspect annoying. I loved that she was so close to her brother, that she loved him despite being a child she easily could have seen as competition or replacement, I found her protectiveness of him very touching. I should have known better--this isn’t QUITE as bad as Dishonored, where if I had played through the INSANE difficult (for me) of the game just to get to, “Corvo loved Emily because she was his secret daughter :)” I would have burned down the game studio--but it was more of an ‘ah, man.” every time she would go over how Barney was really, truly hers and I just could not connect. 

What I did feel a huge connection with, a kinship with, was the way Mary rejects the kind of victimhood they want to put on her, and the way she realizes that to make everything about what happened to her is to make that the story of her. 

“Other people want to name it so them can choose a punishment for some damage them can’t see. But without a name for it, I’m myself. I refuse it. I’ll not let this word attach itself to me. If it does, people will only see damage when them look at me; them will meet this word, for it is a terrible word to meet.

Unspeak it for me.” 

Holy shit, I am not sure I have ever, in all my reading, seen this sort of approach to tragedy or trauma, or whatever name we want to give it, and it took me aback so much that I had to stop reading for a moment. I’ve never read anything that so well reflected my own personal feelings about what I’m going to put as, “Bad shit happening to you.” I do not want it to define so much of my story, and the only way to make that true is to remove its power from you, either in glancing over it only in passing or straight up never mentioning it at all. I get this from my grandmother and great-grandmother, and to some extent my mother, though my great-grandmother was a fairly serious example of this and the observation in my family is that I am made in her image most among all of us. But yes, I never see it reflected in art or media, this idea that there are downsides to naming the sins that have been committed against you, that you can come to be wrapped in those ropes yourself, and they can take you over, and it can be the entirety of you. And not just her, but also if she lets it be the story of her, it can also be the story of Barney. No one will ever look at Barney and see anything but this horrific act. He will be the living monument to Langward’s violence. That’s it. That’s all. 

 So much did I love this detail, that frankly it washes the whole Barney being her son nonsense out for me, and we go back to a neutral starting position. 

Actually, speaking of ideas I’m obsessed with, the way that the book recalls over and voer that memory is a malleable thing, that we can choose to reinforce and color and even unstitch ourselves. I know I posted this when I stumbled across it, because I loved it, but it bears repeating:

“Memories don’t have to be real, them’re just pictures, like broideries. Just got to make the memory strong enough, the picture real. Stitch it so fine the colors gleam. Think of it over and over, pass my thoughts through the eye of the needle, make the threads hold firm, like a herringbone ladder stitch, get the split stitches with the needle right through the middle of the thread, till it looks just the way I want it to. 

Or if it dun come easy, cut it all away and stitch something different.” 

That our lives are embroideries, and it is up to us in many ways to determine the pattern. “We are the thing that we decide to be” is something that I hold very close to my heart, and feels very correct to me. And it takes work and time, to make the life you want, to make your truth line up with the personyou see yourself as, but I think that’s valuable work. I don’t know, i’d be so curious to hear other people’s thoughts on this because I am so different from many people I encounter that I don’t know if it’s common to see all this as a good skill ahaha. Mary spoke to me a LOT in these deeply rural, very true grit sort of ways that I don’t see reflected ESPECIALLY in female characters, and if anything individually won me over to this book, I think it would be the way that I saw aspects of my own life in Mary that i often don’t get to see held up. 

I can’t quite get to what I think about the snake rope themselves. Not in a “do I like them or do I not” way, in a “what are they REALLY about?” sort of way. There’s something in the idea of weaving something as a protection, and that protection is as dangerous to you as it is to anything outside, and that the thing made to protect you can kill you if you are careless. But I can’t quite put my finger on exactly how all those pieces go together. 

In general, I would say I liked the book! Particularly loved this approach to fantasy that colors the world more than dominates it. There is magic, but it never feels like the story is a vehicle for the magic, more that the magic serves the story. It isn’t so obsessed with its own world building that it forgets what matters about the story. I would think a fair amount of you would like this book, if you could come to grisp with the fact that a lot of it is almost…how do I want to put this? A half-story? It’s about one event and the things around that event, and the end does not feel pat. That sounds like a criticism but it’s isn’t, that’s one of the things I really liked about the book. 

Actually, and, sure, why not make this essay even more disorganized, please know I am also not impressed with me here: I think what the book is trying to be is reflected in a passage about Mary’s mother’s diaries: “This book isn’t a story. It doesn’t have a beginning or an ending. It’s not teaching me anything or making me feel I could become someone else.” And I loved that, not only as a history person who often wishes people would remember that even historical figures are people, and not narrative devices, but also i think it is at least a little about the unfinished edge of this novel. That more came before we begin, and plenty more will come after, and in life there is not neat the end. Definitely not for this essay either ahahha. 

One last thing I can’t do anything with but HAVE to share:

“All losses open doors into older grief” I have nothing to add except I will think about that line for a long, long time

Summary:

As I looked out over the scenery that stretched before us, the verdant hills dappled with cottages and the clouds gliding lazily across the sky, I was struck by an overwhelming wave of emotion. It was like a youthful sort of mourning, a thing that held my heart in a vice and refused to let go. It was like catching your smiling reflection and thinking, I will miss this day when I'm old. "Holmesie," said I. "Are you happy?" The Great Detective has retired to the English countryside, and his biographer comes one day seeking counsel.

my piece for day 7 of @greatestfamilyweek - long distance / future! i always thought taking a look at the evolution of iris's and holmes's relationship would be fun :3

read on AO3 or check out the excerpt below!

—-

THESE DAYS, I find that I have precious little room to simply think. Living in the capital will do that to a person: always some lively event taking place downtown or some invitation to a party held by the neighbour of a friend of a colleague. The stacks of incomplete manuscripts seem with each glance ever more endless, too, outnumbered only by the sheer clutter in what one clever man referred to as that "brain-attic" of mine. It is not my intent to complain, of course; if I held some severe, irreconcilable dislike for this foggy town, I would have moved far away by now. Even on this train ride through the English countryside, my thoughts continued to drift London-ward—for better or worse.

The porter had been surprised at my travelling alone, I recall, and I could not blame him. A young woman unaccompanied by a suitor or husband must have made a curious sight, nevermind the vibrance of my hair or the notepad in my hand, kept readily available, kept readily available for whenever a stroke of creativity should strike me. Then again, I suppose I have grown accustomed to getting an odd look or three since my youth.

And as the man took my luggage, I wondered if he would have recognised my name—that is, if he had ever read one of the stories published in the heyday of my authorship. I still receive letters from avid readers on occasion begging for another installation of my masterwork series, but due to a certain series of circumstances, I must always let them down. Since those days, I have tried my hand at writing everything from fantasy to historical retellings to non-fiction, but these have not met nearly as much success. Fortunately, it has not shaken my resolute love for creation, for the art of the English language.

So I say, anyway. But I digress.

It would seem writing is an effective pastime, for the station came into view hardly a moment after I wrote this passage. Once the train crawled to a stop, I took my bags and exited out onto the platform. I had visited Sussex a couple of times in the past, though not as frequently as I would have liked, and yet each occasion made me feel as though I had entered a world entirely separate from my own. The brilliant blue sky stretched out above my head; the pure summer air filled my lungs.

As I stepped back to admire the view, however, I struck against an older gentleman who had deboarded the train behind me. The books he was holding fell to the ground with a muted thud.

"My apologies, sir!" said I. "I didn't notice you were there."

"Nonsense. It was my fault for not moving out of the way," the man said as I crouched to gather them in my arms. The top-most volume was titled The Origin of Tree Worship, and I smiled furtively at the author listed below, one of my noms de plume.

"My," croaked the man, perhaps noticing my expression, "are you a fan of Miss Anna Graham's works as well?"

"You could say that," I replied, thinking about the months I had spent on writing that particular story. "May I ask why Tree Worship? Miss Graham has released quite a few novels more popular than that."

The man laughed, the corners of his eyes wrinkling in a way that was strangely familiar to me. "Mmadam, I have always felt that the soul of a book mattered more than its success," he remarked. "If the author poured their flesh and blood into their writing, then what does the popularity of the thing matter?"

"I'm glad you think so, sir," said I. There was something so deeply reassuring about a stranger uttering these words to me—these words that assuaged an insecurity I had been grappling with for some time.

"Ah, it seems one more landed over there," the man said suddenly, pointing a gnarled finger towards a book that had landed by the wayside. "Would you pick it up for me? My back isn't what it used to be, you see."

"But of course!" I knelt down to pick up the last of the volumes, only to still when I saw the cover. A Study in Scarlet, it read.

"Thank you, my dear Iris," a well-remembered voice replied.

When I whirled around, before me stood not the stooped, elderly book-collector, but a proud man sporting a tweed overcoat and deerstalker cap. His head was held high and his eyes glimmered with mischief. Still, there were certain indications of his age: the streaks of white in the platinum-blond hair beneath his wig, the soft wrinkles of his face that had been only deepened with makeup, and the spectacles and cane that he had not discarded. In all, though, it was that man through and through.

"Holmesie!" I exclaimed.

—-

keep reading on AO3!

What would you expect from the public, including minors, when torturing someone in public is done, especially when it's a public spectacle and people actually come to watch. Is liking to watch torture a thing in this case? My story is a medieval/steampunk fantasy by the way.

Well Anon, this does still happen today. It happens in the country I grew up in and consider my home. So… my first suggestion is to throw out the implication that this is a weird historical thing the world doesn’t have to deal with any more. Because it is still very real. And if you get any kind of success with your story there’s a good chance some of your readers will have experience with this.

 It’s also significantly more complicated then ‘liking’ or ‘disliking’ so let’s unpack this a bit.

 I’ve never actually seen anyone maimed or executed. But as a kid of around 9-10 I knew kids my age who had. We used it as a sort of… pissing contest basically. Kids would brag about it to show how hard they were, in the same way we’d stuff chilis into our mouths and see who could last longest.

 It’s one of those bizarre kinds of ritualised self-harm that you end up performing in order to cope with awful things.

 Because witnessing this kind of stuff is harmful, to adults and children. It can leave people traumatised and displaying some of the symptoms I write about here.

 But, however old the characters, if they grew up somewhere where this is the norm then I absolutely guarantee they understand showing opposition is dangerous. They know their responses to these displays of brutality and power are used as a proxy for their loyalty and worthiness by the state.

 And boy if you are in any way outside the norm, if you are queer or the ‘wrong’ ethnic group or faith, then the pressure to conform here is so much more intense.

 I lived in Saudi, my home town is Dhahran. My parents are from opposite ends of Europe and they tried to raise me Christian. I still spent a lot of my teenage years unpacking stuff I’d absorbed about public executions, amputations, whippings etc.

 From the kids I knew growing up (anecdotal evidence no matter how empassioned) I’d say the ‘normal’ responses to witnessing this kind of state violence are varied. Kids would get nightmares, start showing signs of mild anxiety disorders or depression. They’d become moody, angry and generally unhappy. Which they’d sometimes take out on other people.

 But I can’t remember anyone ever explicitly linking it to what they witnessed. They’d try to hide this stuff. Some of them would double down on justifications for state violence (seemed pretty common.) They would, above all, deny there was a problem.

 Because admitting to mental illness made you ‘weak’ and admitting to doubts about state violence made you a ‘traitor’. Which is a pretty risky thing to label yourself (even by implication) when you live in a state that publicly mutilates and murders people. (Note the author’s bias as a committed pacifist may be showing.)

 As you may have noticed Anon, I still carry a significant amount of anger on this particular subject. This bottled vitriole is not directed at you or your story idea but at the states and politicians who make sure this brutality continues. It’s about the fact that I can remember a nine year old girl matter of factly talking about beheading at a birthday party.

 Stepping back from the personal side of things for a moment we know from studies of PTSD and trauma survivors generally that witnessing violence can lead to lasting psychological symptoms. Including PTSD.

 PTSD specifically is more likely when an individual is directly effected (ie physically hurt). But repeated exposure to traumatic events, including witnessing violence, makes the manifestation of long term symptoms more likely.

 So a character that has seen dozens of these attacks is more likely to develop a long term mental health problem then a character who has seen only one. Regardless of age.

 We can’t predict which individual symptoms an individual witness will develop or indeed when a witness might develop them. We just don’t know enough about how these things happen yet.

 Having said that, the possible symptoms for witnesses are pretty much identical to the possible symptoms for torture survivors (link above.) I’d advise against using chronic pain for witnesses unless you have a clear idea of an underlying cause; it seems (anecdotally) to be more common in people who directly experienced violence.

 If you decide to use insomnia there’s a masterpost on sleep deprivation here.

 For mental health problems like depression, anxiety etc remember there are physical symptoms as well as symptoms related to mood. Characters who are trying to deny they have a mental health problem might focus overly on physical symptoms. Depression can cause nausea, vomiting and tiredness/lack of energy which might be mistaken for disease. Anxiety can cause chest pain and shakes.

 Circling back let’s talk about some of the phrasing in this question for a moment. Because ‘choose to watch’ misunderstands the way states use these public displays of violence.

 Attendance and witnessing of public executions and torture is often enforced. Sometimes overtly and sometimes more tacitly. Because the point of these displays is to hammer home the power of the state. That doesn’t work if people can easily choose not to go.

 Here’s an example of what that overt and tacit enforcement looked like back home.

 Tacit enforcement came from the timing and placement of executions and amputations. They took place on weekends, when almost everyone was off work. They were carried out in major towns and cities, where the population density was higher. The venue was typically on a main thoroughfare close to important sites. Which ensured a high volume of people would be in the area when the execution took place, whether there was due to be an execution or not.

 So picture the town or city this is taking place in, in your story. When are the public holidays? Where are the markets? Where are the most popular religious venues? At what time will the most people be in these areas?

 All of that will tell you where an execution or public torture is likely to take place. Because if you set this shit up in eye sight of the place most people buy food, at the time when the most people are out, you get witnesses.

 Whether they want to be witnesses or not.

 Overt enforcement, on the low end of the scale, means having officials among the crowd pushing people towards the scaffold. At home this seemed to be targetted towards children and people who were judged as ‘other’. Different races to the majority, people who might have been read as a different religion, people who might have been read as queer etc.

 This is because the message is ‘This could be you.’

 I know practices in other countries have sometimes gone beyond this. Police or armed officials will sometimes go out and gather a crowd of witnesses by just… approaching people on the street and demanding they attend.

 This approach requires quite a bit of man power and is not practical or necessary in every setting. In most cases setting things up in the right place and time is enough to ensure a large number of witnesses.

 What I’m trying to illustrate here is that a lot of people will see this stuff without having made a conscious choice to do so.

 And making a conscious choice to see it… well it does say something about the character but not in the way you’re thinking.

 Because these displays are all about the power of the state. Witnessing them, responding to them is performance and it’s a performance of state loyalty. You can’t expect someone to give their true opinion on public displays of violence when criticism or voicing ‘dislike’ could lead to them being targets of violence.

 Basically if you’ve got characters going to see this stuff regularly then it’s worth asking why they feel the need to display their loyalty in this way. Sometimes it’s because they really really believe in the state. But often… they’re compensating for something.

 Wrapping up I think it’s important to note there’s often a difference between what people say about this stuff versus what they actually feel. And that’s because these things are explicitly political and explicitly about the power a state has over it’s subjects.

 The way individuals respond to these things in public and what they say about them in public effects how they are treated. Sometimes it comes with obvious legal sanctions. Even if it doesn’t… these displays are entirely about reminding people the state can kill them.

 And it doesn’t actually discourage crime or civil disobedience but it does create a climate of fear and hostility which permeates daily life.

 Think about why the state is insecure about their power. Think about how your characters live with that background radiation and whether it feeds into cultural ideas around things like martyrdom or nobility of suffering.

 Remember that there is a difference between public and private life. Existing in these kinds of brutal states often means having quite a sharp distinction between them. This can create very strong bonds to those the characters trust. It can also create a big difference between private and public personas.

 If you’re writing a world where public torture and executions are happening there’s more going on then just individual character’s reactions. You are saying something about the world, the ruling class and the politics of the area.

 Take the time make sure you know what you want to say.

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

I’ll confess my sins. When I skipped the first chapters of Capri I got stuck on Laurent’s description as spoiled and similar to overripe fruit. So i was like ah. Royal Dudley Dursley with a blonde curly wig. Sounds about right. I finally saw some fan art and was like??? Who is this anemic Victorian vampire legolas persona?? Honestly tho in an alternate universe where Auguste doesn’t die and Laurent still dislikes sports but enjoys Veres sweet meats and his metabolism is only the slightest bit slower Laurent is absolutely getting chubby. And Damen. Smh he manages to be shadiest bitch while also being appreciating. Would he insult an overweight courtier who never touched a sword? Absolutely. Would he respect a meaty sumo ringer able to throw Damen around like a rag doll? Absolutely. He seems to appreciate multiple types of bodies just fine (muscled gladiators, frail slaves, sturdy vaskian women) so I feel like he’d also appreciate curvier partners as long as they. Well know how to use their body yk. Oh and what about chubby jokaste? We don’t know enough about akielon beauty standards at all. Sure slaves are probably mostly slender and frail to add to the submissive aesthetic (tho I do remember damens fixation on his female slaves big boobs, dude is far from subtle as always). But if it’s Ancient Greek inspired beauty standards jokaste most definitely rocks some tummy rolls. Either that or she’s got super toned abs from the Pilates classes she visits with the other trophy concubines. and akielon man are properly ripped but is it king-Leonidas-washboard-abs ripped?? Or more chunky functional muscle mass ripped? Perhaps akielon noble women are even trained like Spartan women and egeria was the one with the washboard abs. Also there absolutely was a time in Vere where the chubbier the pet = the wealthier it’s owner. Im so so sorry for rambling but your post got me t h i n k i n g

This is not only hilarious but also one of the best takes I’ve ever read. There is so much to unpack here that I truly don’t know where to start.

You mentioned Dudley, whose weight and fat (derogatory) tendencies are accentuated throughout the entire Harry Potter saga. I think—and this is my personal belief, it is not something anyone else has to agree with—that part of what makes Laurent interesting and redeemable to many readers has to do with the fact that he’s beautiful*. I don’t think many people would be willing to admit that, but Laurent’s pretty privilege as a fictional character is similar to Draco Malfoy’s (in fanon) or other morally grey villains/characters’. Ugly characters are harder to forgive, for some reason.

This got me thinking that had Pacat written Laurent as canonically fat, there would be a lot of stuff going on in Damen’s head that I don’t think we’d be able to excuse as easily as we excuse other (quite horrible) thoughts of his. But also, like I mentioned above, I think Laurent would have a harder time proving to some readers that he’s not Dudley, that he’s not just a stereotype of selfishness and greed and other things fatness is associated with (like childishness or an inability to take accountability for one’s actions). This would happen not because he’s fat, but rather because we see the world through Damen’s eyes. And Damen is. . . Quite opinionated.

You mentioned Damen would be judgmental of someone’s weight based on their ability to fight. So, like you pointed out, he’d make fun of a useless in battle courtier but not of a Sumo wrestler. I think in Book 1 Damen would make fun of anything and everyone, but I do understand where you’re coming from with that statement. It makes me wonder what Damen would think of people with a mobility/physical disability. Or even with learning difficulties. Or just about anyone that, according to him, doesn’t contribute to society. If you can’t be a warrior or a bed slave, and if you’re not in a condition to be a peasant and plow fields, and if you don’t have royal blood in your veins. . . I have a hard time picturing Damen being sympathetic.

Chubby Jokaste. . . I think I’ve always thought of her as a muscled woman, given the fact that Laurent can pose as her in Book 3. There’s been a lot of discourse lately on whether Laurent is muscled or a twigly twink, which I will not get into because I. . . do not know enough about gender and/or gender expression to add anything to any argument. I am also not a gay man, so I don’t know what could be considered offensive. I am also very stupid. I also do not know what the word 'twink' means anymore.

Your ask has made me think a lot about many things I’m usually not interested in. I think it would be interesting to see a chubby Laurent who still knows how to fight, who trains, who does things other than eat and hate. Canon Laurent is slender, and yet he never manages to beat Damen in combat, so I don’t think his ability to fight would suffer much from gaining some pounds. It would be interesting to see chubby Jokaste too, even though I don’t particularly enjoy the parallels between her and Laurent in canon. It would also be interesting to see. . . different types of bodies. You mentioned the Vaskian ladies, which I like a lot, but I don’t think I’ve read or come across any fics that focus on them. I think Vannes’ pet is also described as muscular and big, but I’m afraid I don’t remember the quote and I don’t own the books, so I can’t be sure.

What I liked the most was the ending of your ask, where you went on to add little worldbuilding details. Like I said yesterday, I wish canon was more detailed so we could maybe have something to hold onto when we make certain claims. It’s hard to say which parts of Damen’s thought process are entirely his (as a prince with a lot of privilege) and which ones have to do with his culture. Pacat has pointed out some to us, like the fact that Akielons don’t enjoy certain “spectacles” of the body, like pet rings or public sex, but they do enjoy staring at bodies when they’re wrestling or performing physical activities unrelated to sex. Other things remain little mysteries, in my opinion. Do all bed slaves have the same body type? Do women wrestle? How does marriage work in Akielos? What is everyone else’s opinion on fat people? I’m sure not everyone is like Damen, who we speculate cares about having a healthy body so he can fight and. . . stuff.

I am not saying Damen is the only character who, in the historic period where Captive Prince is set, would have fatphobic thoughts. If Damen was fat, Laurent would be the first one to use that against him, especially in Book 1. I just think Damen fits the fatphobic mold better because he’s described as this hypermasculine character, very into war (I think the blurb of the book calls him a warrior prince?) and manly things. Which is not to say war is inherently manly. Which is not to say Laurent isn’t manly. Which is not to say. . . whatever.

Captive Prince is a fantasy trilogy, set in. . . the past. Concepts such as fatphobia or toxic masculinity are not exactly applicable, but I think it’s fun to explore Damen’s character through his flaws. Laurent has a lot of flaws, but Damen’s are sometimes confused with virtues. In my opinion, they’re at their best when they’re being disgustingly horrible to each other.

I’m sorry for writing you a 90 paragraph response.

* He's almost universally beautiful in the Captive Prince world. Damen finds him pretty, and Torveld, and Jord (we've read that 'cute' quote where he describes Laurent at 15 to Aimeric). Not saying fat = ugly. I'm saying it seems like the 'hegemonic' body type for pretty is Laurent's, otherwise. . . why would everyone he comes in contact with comment on his pretty looks?

If you liked Dragon Age Masterlist

If you’re anything like me, you’re into niche market, high fantasy, single player RPGs, preferably with a historical setting and romance options. So if you’re looking for a new game, here I am with some suggestions!

Sorted by studio:

Bethesda:

Oblivion (2006)

“In the shadow of evil, a hero will rise from the ashes of a fallen empire. The gates have been opened, and the battle has begun. Only one thing can save the world from Mehrunes Dagon and the demonic hordes of Oblivion. The true heir of the Septim line must be found and restored to the Imperial throne. The fate of the world rests in the hands of one. Find him, and shut the jaws of Oblivion.”

The Elder Scrolls series were my gateway into RPGs and hold a special place in my heart. Oblivion features a wide open world, immersive combat, and the ability to customize race, class, and gender.

Skyrim (2011)

“The Empire of Tamriel is on the edge. The High King of Skyrim has been murdered. Alliances form as claims to the throne are made. In the midst of this conflict, a far more dangerous, ancient evil is awakened. Dragons, long lost to the passages of the Elder Scrolls, have returned to Tamriel. The future of Skyrim, even the Empire itself, hangs in the balance as they wait for the prophesized Dragonborn to come; a hero born with the power of The Voice, and the only one who can stand amongst the dragons.”

I have sunk so many hours into this game and still have not experienced all there is to experience. Just like Oblivion, Skyrim offers the ability to customize your character and find a play style that suits you. A huge open world offers tons of opportunity for exploration and questing. You could play this game many, many hours and not even touch the main quest if you wanted to.

BioWare:

Mass Effect Legendary Edition (2021)

Just do it. Just fucking do it I’m still sobbing I’ve never had a game wreck me in this way. I might possibly like it more than Dragon Age which feels sacrilegious to say but it was so good. You follow Commander Shepard (customizable) for three whole games and the choices have serious consequences. Also, romance. Truthfully this might be the most well written storyline I’ve ever seen in a video game. Also, same studio as Dragon Age.

CD Projekt:

The Witcher III: Wild Hunt (2015)

I’ll let the website description speak for itself, but Witcher III was good enough that I didn’t mind being forced to play as a man (those who know me know that I exclusively prefer to play women and often dislike games where I can’t do so)! The characters that make up this story are captivating and suck you into their world, leaving you with some tough choices to make. Also, bonus points for romance! (Yen is one of my all time favorite characters, Triss never stood a chance for me. Sorry Triss fans 😂)

Larian:

Divinity Original Sin 2 (2017)

“The Divine is dead. The Void approaches. And the powers lying dormant within you are soon to awaken. Choose your role in a BAFTA-winning story, and explore a world that reacts to who you are, and the choices you make. With five races to choose from, and an adventure playable solo or as a party of up to four, lay waste to an oppressive order in a world afraid of magic. Become the God the world so desperately needs.”

Full disclosure, I have not finished playing this one yet and will update when I do, but what I’ve played so far has been great! A classic, turn-based RPG that allows you a wide range of character customization. I find this game incredibly satisfying to be a rogue (my preferred class) because it lets me live my dream of throwing knives at people. Also, romance!

Baldur’s Gate III beta (2020)

“An ancient evil has returned to Baldur's Gate, intent on devouring it from the inside out. The fate of Faerûn lies in your hands. Alone, you may resist. But together, you can overcome. Gather your party.”

Fair warning, as of my most recent update to this post (March 30th, 2021) this game is still in a beta phase, which means it is NOT complete and has aspects that are missing, glitchy, or subject to change. With that being said, I’m so obsessed. It’s so, so good already and is only getting better. Another wide open world to explore with a group of companions with strong and sometimes clashing personalities, choices are abundant in this game and will affect how your party members think of you. This game so far gives me the feeling that choices are complicated and aren’t always easy to tell which is morally right, which I personally love. Also, I can be a sarcastic ass with a good heart, which is always fun. Astarion basically owns me now, but if you can resist him there are plentiful other romance choices as well! Customization is already a wider range than I’ve seen in most RPGs and they haven’t even finished the character creator yet, which has me SO excited for the finished product. Also - good hair?!??!! I love it!

Lionhead:

Fable III (2010)

“Lead a revolution to take control of Albion, fight alongside your people, and experience love and loss while preparing to defend the kingdom against a looming threat. Your choices as ruler will lead to consequences felt across the entire land.”

I’ll be honest, this one isn’t my favorite on the list, but was good enough to still make it! This game allows you to choose between playing as the prince or the princess on a quest to save your kingdom from itself, and then a greater threat as well. The game takes place in a kingdom loosely modeled after industrial England, and what did score it some major points were (SPOILER WARNING - skip the purple if you don’t want to know!) that the last act of the game lets you play as the monarch, where you are forced to make some tough decisions in order to save your kingdom. It is very easy to back yourself into a corner, pinch pennies in order to fund the army and save the kingdom, but make your citizens hate you because of it. You’re gonna have to be very, very careful, which is something I did really enjoy about this game. (I’ve heard Fable II was better, and that’s also on my list to try, will update in the future!)

Nintendo:

Fire Emblem Three Houses (2019)

“War is coming to the continent of Fódlan. Here, order is maintained by the Church of Seiros, which hosts the prestigious Officer’s Academy within its headquarters. You are invited to teach one of its three mighty houses, each comprised of students brimming with personality and represented by a royal from one of three territories. As their professor, you must lead your students in their academic lives and in turn-based, tactical RPG battles wrought with strategic, new twists to overcome. Which house, and which path, will you choose?”

Currently playing this one and I’m so addicted! This one is slightly outside of my usual taste but it has made me interested in playing more games like it. The player controls Byleth (you can rename them if you wish), who becomes a professor of combat and battle tactics despite their young age at a monastery and finds themself in charge of a house of students. Battles are tactics and strategy based and classes are highly customizable. I sunk like 30 hours into this game in the last three days. I won’t say more about the plot to avoid spoilers, but it’s been a ton of fun and also has slow burn romance

Spiders:

Greedfall (2019)

This game destroyed my soul in the best way and when I finished it I immediately started a new game to play it again. You play as Lady or Lord De Sardet, Legate of the Congregation of Merchants and effectively the right hand of your cousin, who has been appointed governor of your new colony on the island. While I enjoy the combat in this game, which allows you the choice between one handed, two handed, magic, and pistols or rifles (save that ammo for when you really need it!), this game focuses heavily on diplomacy and relations. Be careful what information you give to whom and how you treat every decision. The enemies you make early on might be people you need on your side later. I also love that choices aren’t always clearly right or wrong, and often are more complicated than they first appear. Even the best intentions can sometimes go awry.

Ubisoft:

Assassin’s Creed, Syndicate (2015)

“London, 1868. In the heart of the Industrial Revolution, lead your underworld organization and grow your influence to fight those who exploit the less privileged in the name of progress”

Another one that I’ll admit, I haven’t finished, and is definitely the odd one out on the list because it’s set in Victorian England, but I was having fun with what I had played so far before Greedfall distracted me. In this game, you alternate between controlling twins Jacob and Evie Frye as you explore and liberate London while meeting famous historical figures and running a gang on the side.

Assassin’s Creed, Origins (2017)

“Ancient Egypt, a land of majesty and intrigue, is disappearing in a ruthless fight for power. Unveil dark secrets and forgotten myths as you go back to the one founding moment: The Origins of the Assassin’s Brotherhood.”

In the spirit of honesty, I haven’t started this one yet, but I am so confident that I’m gonna love it when I do that it’s here anyway. I’ve purchased it, and will get to it soon, I swear! In the meantime, I wanted to put it here because I’m confident some of you will enjoy it. Will come back with a review once I know more.

Assassin’s Creed, Odyssey (2018)

“Write your own epic odyssey and become a legendary Spartan hero in Assassin’s Creed® Odyssey, an inspiring adventure where you must forge your destiny and define your own path in a world on the brink of tearing itself apart. Influence how history unfolds as you experience a rich and ever-changing world shaped by your decisions.”

Y’all this game owned my soul for a while. I’ve sunk so many hours into it. You have a choice to play as either Kassandra or Alexios and navigate the wonders of Ancient Greece. The world is stunning, the choices are important, and this game took a big step for the assassins creed series in becoming a true RPG. I can’t recommend this one enough, you should absolutely go for it!

Assassin’s Creed, Valhalla (2020)

“Become Eivor, a legendary Viking warrior. Explore England's Dark Ages as you raid your enemies, grow your settlement, and build your political power in the quest to earn a place among the gods in Valhalla.”

This game is brand new, hot off the press, and has already been a massive hit. I have only JUST started playing it and am about an hour in, but so far so good! It’s here on my recommendations list because of its wild popularity and because I’ve already enjoyed other games in this series, so I feel confident that some of my fellow dragon age fans will enjoy it. Will update again once I get further in.

Other games on my To Be Played list (otherwise known as things I don’t want to recommend because I know almost nothing about them but will update here after I know more)

-Pillars of Eternity 1 and 2

-Horizon Zero Dawn

-Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag

-Fable 1 and 2

-Kingdoms of Amalur

-Breath of the Wild

-Crimson Desert (not out yet but I’m intrigued)

I've been a huge fan of LoTS for a while now, and one thing that I really admire about it is how you've built a world steeped in history both inspired by our world and unique to LoTS' world. How did you go about balancing both history and magick throughout the story alongside the characterisations from Six? As well as that, with Skyrim and FFXIV being noted influences on LoTS, in what ways, in your view, are concepts such as Light and Dark different in LoTS compared to said influences?

Tudor History helped to form the relationships between each of the characters, what type of magicks and abilities they had, and how they fit into the story.

I’ll make this a Read More since there’s a lot to cover here!

The Queens, History, and Afigmia

Catherine of Aragon was the most religious and led the country through war, so it made sense for her to be the one closest to (a) god and one of the strongest people in the Realm, let alone Afigmia (the name of the world btw; the Realm is a country in the world of Afigmia). She was also the one that survived the longest marriage with Henry, which only served to bolster her strength and have her naturally lead the party, as she was the one that was the most in tune with Henry’s tricks (even if she is shocked and horrified by the information she’s constantly getting).

Anne Boleyn was seem as a sneaky temptress and while she did have her charms, her knowledge and beliefs are what seemed to drive her in history, so she was more based on that. Plus her extremely tense relationship with Catherine (at first) made her being a shadowmancer a really nice foil to Catherine’s light-based Blessed abilities.

Jane Seymour was always in either a good or a “plain jane” sort of vibe and I really didn’t want her to be boring. At the time of first writing the story, Jane was always seen as a good person (through my own fault as well) when I knew she had just as much bite and coldness to her as a “Heart of Stone” would suggest. I also still see her as bound to obey and serve her husband regardless of what she truly thinks about him; I don’t think she really understands just how manipulated she was. Her necrotic magicks were a direct reflection of how she’s not a angel by any means, though I think people can hopefully have some sympathy for her; if this was another life, she could have been an incredible cleric and healer, if only she hadn’t been so manipulated.

Anna of Cleves was one of the toughest for me to write, but at the end of the day the musical and research taught me how badass she was, so I figured she should have the most badass powers of being wielder of a dragon’s literal soul. She was highly underestimated despite being more than capable to take on the duties required of her. She also is a really quick thinker and knows when to engage and when not to (see: historically, Anna of Cleves knowing when to leave when she’s fucked over by Henry), so she made a really good second in command of the Six outside of Catherine. I’ve got more plans for her, but she is, I would argue, the one that got away with more than she parted with when she left Henry’s side (historically speaking as well!).

Katherine Howard was a child but also seen as a temptress like her cousin historically. In LotS, she’s simply really good at illusion and charm magicks because she needed them to survive. She had a coming of age arc in LotS (kind of, it’s still ongoing) because she was just a kid. She’s not fully grown into her powers yet. She was at first a Druid because I think she’d want to just chill and watch everything and enjoy the time she had if she hadn’t been roped into what she was forced into. 

Catherine Parr is one of if not the most brilliant of mages in Afigmia, and a lot of her background is based in the fact that she literally talked her way out of being executed historically. I, like a lot of the fandom, would consider her to be the most progressive of the Six, though her historical and LotS parallels haven’t completely finished yet.

The Ladies are moreso reflections of their main queens - Maria is extremely close to Catherine, Maggie would follow Anne to the edge of the earth (and to another realm heh), Joan is very much in Jane’s corner (more than Henry realizes) and Bessie is being trusted with, essentially, the fate of the Holbein troops in the area. They all compliment their queens in ways we haven’t fully seen yet.

It should be noted that the only actual OC of the entire piece, Avril, also compliments her “assigned” queen and current partner, Anna. Avril originally started as a OC from another story I did, where she played the major villain. The idea to include her was because I wanted to bridge universes in my own stories. I also think her relationship with Anna allows for some depth that would help with making the queens a bit more human, while also avoiding any queen/LiW shipping of any kind. I was hoping that it would help to flesh out the world, too, as Avril could be anything I wanted, and could lend some feeling of “other stuff is happening too you know” in the world.

The Light, the Dark, and the Inspirations

The Light and the Dark being not so black and white was always a concept that appealed to me for a majority of reasons. I really dislike how “light means good” and “dark means bad” in traditional stories, so I wanted to turn it on its head.

You see that through the majority of our “bad” characters being somehow associated with the Light - Mary used to be a Blessed, Malus Vir (the guy that tried to take over Hidden Gem - was a Light priest. Necromancy is a corruption of LIGHT, not of Dark.

That’s not to say that the Dark can’t be bad either - obviously it can - but we’re currently in a period of history in Afigmia where the mask is being torn off of the “light is good” norm, and we’re seeing the cracks starting to shine through. Henry claims to be doing this for the good of the realm, and many believe that he is Light incarnate. They’re blinded by their own faith and the stereotypical norms; they cannot see the truth.

Final Fantasy’s Lifestream and the lore around that also helped with creating Katherine’s return as a Blessed in particular, as well as helped to bolster what necromancy could do.

I have only written two chapters since starting and finishing up Shadowbringers (well, up to 5.3) and while I’m happy to be validated in the “turn it all upside down” sort of strategy with the light and the dark, the main inspiration where FFXIV is concerned is the Fae Lands arc. There’s a big reveal coming that, if you’ve played the game or know of Il Mheg, you might be able to clue into early. It’s not the same by any means, but it’s in the same vein.

That being said, if I had to equate one of the six to the FFXIV main cast, I’d say:

Aragon: Y’shtola

Boleyn: Alisae

Seymour: Urianger

Cleves: Thancred

Howard: Ryne

Parr: Alphinaud

But again, I only just started playing that game a few months ago, whereas LotS has been in development/actively updating for over a year now.

Skyrim helped with the magicks, the dragons, and how the gods play into each other and interact. They’re a bit more human than what people think they are, basically. A lot of the magicks that you see in LotS are what I wish I could do in Skyrim, and of course the dragons are kind of very much in tune with that game as well.

There’s other inspirations as well: Runescape, Game of Thrones, Avatar: The Last Airbender, etc. 

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH REVIEW

EDIT: I AM SO SORRY, THIS IS A SECONDARY BLOG AND I JUST LEARNED THAT I CAN'T REPLY TO COMMENTS. PLEASE CHECK MY PINNED BLOG WHERE I WROTE ABOUT THIS PROBLEM. THANK YOU!

Spoilers ahead!!! Read at your own risk. Once again, I am not an expert and these are my personal opinions. If you have disagreements, let's talk it over. Don't judge me, let's judge the show together instead and have an understanding.

For the first drama that I am going to review, I chose The King: Eternal Monarch. A lot of viewers who supported the show with all of their hearts could still not get over its ending. Others who like to binge-watch are relieved because they can finally watch the entire series without waiting for a new episode to air. While some are still mulling over about watching it. Well, I hope I could help you with this review.

• Introduction to the Drama

Short gist:

The story revolves around Lee Gon, present King of Kingdom of Corea. He witnessed his father’s death when he was young, an incident that haunted him until he grew older. Due to unfortunate circumstances, a legendary flute with powers called Manpasikjeok that can open different worlds was cut in half. He was able to get hold half of the flute, while the other half was obtained by Lee Lim, his uncle who killed his father. Lee Lim had been going back and forth two different worlds, plotting foul pursuits to fulfill his evil desires, and disrupting the peace between the two worlds. In order to restore balance and order, Lee Gon also traveled between worlds, meeting Jeong Tae Eul who soon became a significant person in his life.

If you've been watching Korean Dramas for quite a while now, you must be familiar with some of the characters of The King: Eternal Monarch, especially the lead.

If you call yourself a k-drama fan and you don't know who Lee Minho is, give yourself a slap (just kidding, please don't take that seriously). Lee Minho has a good reputation because of his experience, acting skills and obviously, his gorgeous face. He has an impressive list of successful dramas and movies! Most of us probably knew him through his breakthrough role in Boys Over Flowers.

Meanwhile, Kim Go Eun, despite being fairly new to small screen (she first started appearing in movies), is also highly distinguished by a lot of k-drama fans. In all three dramas she starred in, including The King, she always got the lead role. His leading men are no joke either. And because of Kim Go Eun, many of us still wants to be the goblin's bride.

Among the cast also includes the familiar faces of Woo Do Hwan, Kim Kyung Nam, Jung Eun Chae, and Lee Jung Jin.

Anyway, I'll try to share every thought I have from the first time I watched it until it ended. I will also try not to give so much spoilers because the drama just ended. I will talk first about my experience watching it and then I will list at the very bottom some of the issues I have and that list contains major spoilers so watch out for that. As you notice, I always warn you with spoilers using red font color.

• The Experience

When I watched the first teaser of the drama, I got intrigued and a little confused. What worlds are they talking about? Do they have super powers? Is this a historical drama? Questions were instantly formed in my head.

It also reminded me of the drama Queen In Hyun's Man because of a similar scene where the leading man is riding his horse in the middle of the city and finding his woman. But that's just it, the two dramas are completely different. I just mentioned it because others may have felt the same way.

I don't usually watch dramas while it's still fresh. I wait for about two to three weeks before the schedule of the ending so I can binge watch without waiting so much. When I watched The King, there were already 12 episodes available on Netflix. Usually, I would finish 12 episodes in 1-3 days, and if the drama is really good and it's MY STYLE (i said that in an obviously fake Korean accent), I could watch it for an entire day.

However, I finished those 12 episodes in 2 weeks...

Why??? Why did it take me that long???

I wouldn't say I was bored, it's just that during the first few episodes, nothing caught my interest yet. I wasn't convinced that it was a good drama. There was nothing special and I didn't know what to look forward to that's why I couldn't watch it continuously. I got lazy. The pace was slow and the story build up was a little stagnant. It was too slow that I even started watching a long length saeguk just so I can watch something else.

I could have skipped some parts and dropped it but I continued watching and gave it a chance. Though it was a good thing that I didn't stop because as I watched more episodes, the story actually became more exciting. Finally, I saw some progress. I started to get invested in the drama after the eighth episode. That's when the story felt more alive. Finally, there were revelations, more conflicts arose, more emotions were shown, and the story got deeper. I began to appreciate the drama. However, I still don't like the fact that it took me 8 episodes before I started to like it.

• Points that I Liked About the Drama

1. The plot seemed like it's going to be too science fiction-y but it's just the right amount. I was worried that it might be too much for me to handle but it was just okay (i am a potato who dislikes thinking so much, but that depends on my mood lololol). I liked how there's a mix of history in the drama, as well as of politics but it still feels modern. There is a balance.

2. The distinction between the Kingdom of Corea and Republic of Korea is impressive. It's obvious that they put a lot of effort in building their vision of KOC to life.

3. Many people were saying that it's hella confusing and so much was going on. I don't think so. They actually made it easy for viewers to understand about parallel worlds. You don't have to study science facts just to get this drama's concept. I think the slow pace did its job well in this part.

4. The story is unpredictable. You never know what's going to happen next, that's the strength of The King's concept. Because of the two different worlds and the crazy number of characters, there could be a lot of possibilities and backstories.

5. The action scenes are commmendable. I liked the action scenes, the one during the last episode is probably my favorite.

• Points that I Didn't Like About the Drama

1. The slow pace. I don't think I still need to explain more but it totally ruined my whole experience of watching the drama.

2. Many characters didn't leave much impact. Their acting was great, however, I don't see a lot of personalities that standout. The most remarkable ones for me are the characters played by Woo Do Hwan. The other characters, especially the lead, the prime minister and the traitor were okay, too. The others were just bland and years from now, I probably won't remember most of them.

• The Ending (spoiler alert!)

The ending was good. It didn't feel rushed and everyone had a separate ending of their own. I just wished there was more Nari and Eunsup / Yeong and Seung A moment in the end, the conclusion was fine though. I don't like that Prime Minister Koo ended up in jail but Luna became a cop...

I just have one issue regarding the ending that they decided on. In the end they didn't show if Tae Eul became a queen. Well, it would be weird if she became one considering there is Luna in KOC. They can't be together in ROK, too because Gon's counterpart was able to live. So... what? They just kept traveling whenever they have time? Because if that's the case, doesn't that mean they will hide their relationship forever??? I liked that they ended up together but I wish they also kept this in mind. Because it kinda makes me sad. Lol.

• Final Thoughts

Overall, it was alright. It was over-hyped by netizens due to the amazing casting and promotions, but it's not bad at all.

Would I watch it again? No.

Would I recommend it? Yes. Give it a try! I honestly thought I wouldn't like it but I still did, even if it took me 8 episodes, I wouldn't say it wasn't worth it. If you enjoy fantasy dramas with complicated twists and conflicts, this drama is for you. Just have patience and prepare yourself mentally when you've reached the middle. This drama is gloomy and a little heavy, too. It was serious and has a very few humorous scenes.

I am giving The King: Eternal Monarch a 7/10. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

• The King: Eternal Monarch OST Top 5

There are 13 songs in total and everything is so good! I wish I got to hear more of the songs in the drama, some were just played briefly. I swear every song makes me feel things. Choosing just 5 songs is really hard. If you don't watch dramas but love music, give these a listen!!!

My Day Is Full Of You by Zico, Wendy

Orbit by Hwasa

I Fall In Love by Ha Sungwoon

I Just Want To Stay With You by Zion.T

Please Don't Cry by Davichi

Now I'll move on to some of my "issues". This section isn't really what you think. The word "issues" is just intriguing ㅋㅋㅋ but this is just a compilation of my opinions, observations, feelings and other stuff no one might care about in the series. If you have answers for my questions or if you can explain it for me, please enlighten me. Major spoiler ahead!!!

• Issues

1. During the time when Lee Gon was time traveling and finally got back to Repuplic of Korea, it probably took him a lot of time, right? He even took his time to take care of Tae Eul in the hospital. I wish they also showed what was happening in Kingdom of Corea during that time because he's a king and his absence might have caused a ruckus in his kingdom. I can even picture the palace lady Noh getting really worried as Lee Gon travels. The moment he came back, they only gave him updates as if everything was okay.

But since they didn't show it, I guess it is safe to assume that nothing much happened in his kingdom back then. 🤷‍♀️

2. When Gon and Tae Eul met again in Gwanghwamun, why did Tae Eul hug him? In my understanding, at that period of time, Tae Eul only met him twice—once when she was 5 and once when she was 27. So why did she hug him suddenly as if she knows he's going to be a significant person in her life? Their dialogue when they met again when she was 27 wasn't even enough for her to act that way.

3. I hope they also gave Nari more lines and importance. Maybe it's just me, but at first, I thought she and her KOC counterpart would have more significant roles. When I think of it, even without her, the story could still go on. Though this is just a minor issue. ✌

4. Prime Minister Koo. She was a villain, but I didn't really hate her until the last 4-5 episodes (can't recall the exact episode, sorry), though I wouldn't say I hated her so much. I actually liked her at first! She's ambitious, fierce, independent and intelligent. She just got blinded by greed.

My issue here is, am I really supposed to feel like that? In my opinion, her character has the potential to become more heinous and despiteful. I was wondering why they didn't turn her into someone like that? She was just greedy, bitchy, a little sly and annoying.

5. Lee Gon's and Tae Eul's love for each other was a little shallow. Sure, the man who saved Lee Gon when he was a child, had Tae Eul's ID. But how sure was Lee Gon that the woman who owns the I.D. is not a villain? The woman in the ID could lead him to the man who saved him, yes, but it still bugs me how easily they fell in love especially on Lee Gon's part. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. I am sorry. 😅

In spite of that, I still liked their love progression. I didn't ship them that hard but their chemistry wasn't cringey and forced.

6. The scene where Lee Gon gave Tae Eul flowers and then left, was a little confusing. It didn't break my heart, too. I just felt a little sad while watching that scene because Kim Go Eun's acting was good.

7. Who the f is thay yoyo boy??? My guts tell me he's a part of the flute or something because he knows a lot. But I wish it was explained more. It looked weird how he just suddenly appears sometimes and suddenly talks some sense. He remains a mystery.

8. Why the f is Jeong Tae Eul a flat earther??? Well, at least she had a character development in the end. It just annoyed me lmao

9. I don't get why people keep comparing The King: Eternal Monarch to Goblin. Why??? They don't even have the same plot or concept.

10. Court lady Noh was from Republic of Korea... What? Was that necessary?

Don't mind me. Don't mind me. Don't mind me.

Anyway I hate how tumblr wasn't able to save my draft when I was writing additional content. I lost half of it and it makes me furious!!! I had to redo the draft but I can no longer remember some of the things I wrote. I am sad because I lost something that can't be brought back again. This experience earned me a lesson.

That's it for my first review. What are your thoughts? I am a horrible reviewer, I know, but I will do better in the future. Thank you for reading!!!

More detailed, spoiler-full thoughts on Xenoblade Chronicles 2:

One of the things that always fascinates me, when I compare JRPGs and WRPGs, is the sorts of conflicts they’re interested in, or the sorts of questions they ask. XC2 is yet another example of a JRPG that asks a question that simply never seems to arise in Western games. That question is: is there an ethical basis for the world’s existence? Is there a justification for the world continuing to be? Is existence, being, even a good thing at all?

XC2 is fascinated by this question, and even by the more narrow questions of “is it a good thing for humans to exist?” or “is it a good thing for people in general to exist?” It takes these questions very seriously, to the extent that characters who firmly conclude “no” are treated as sympathetic antagonists, rather than madmen.

Western games only rarely raise similar questions. Every now and then you get a madman in Fallout who thinks humanity is a scourge and should be replaced by some other race, or the likes of Archaon in Warhammer, who seeks to destroy the world because the gods demand it – but these characters are generally not treated sympathetically, and very little time is spent refuting them. Of course you stop the guy who wants to destroy the human race. What, you need a reason? Here’s one: you’re human, so are people you care about, end of story. There’s not much to engage with there. In the likes of Skyrim, when Arngeir suggests that maybe the right thing to do is to allow the world to be destroyed, the player’s response is incredibly perfunctory. “I like the world. All my stuff is here.” What more could you possibly need?

But justifying existence seems like a more central question to JRPGs. Not only XC2, but if I think back to, say, Final Fantasy X, or Final Fantasy VII, or Final Fantasy VI, or, well, half the games in that entire series, a frankly bizarre amount of time is spent arguing with nihilists who believe that the world and/or the human race should be destroyed, because... um, suffering exists, or the world is meaningless, or people are awful, take your pick.

My usual approach is to just attribute these differences to religion. The West is deeply influenced by the Abrahamic tradition, in which God creates the world and pronounces it good. There can be no real question of whether existence is good or not. To even ask the question is blasphemy. This instinct now seems so deeply-rooted that even atheists, who outwardly reject all religion, just take it as read that existence is a good thing. By contrast, Japan still has a historical Buddhist influence, and Buddhism is much more skeptical of the value of being. If you could destroy samsara... would you? Is the goal of the spiritual life to escape, to obtain release from the shackles of the world? The Buddhist tradition contains significantly greater ambivalence towards the world.

In XC2’s case, I think it’s a little more complicated, because XC2, like XC1, is heavily influenced by Gnosticism. I am far from the first person to suggest a similarity between Christian Gnosticism and Buddhism, of course, but here I think the Christian imagery comes to the fore. Klaus is a demiourgos, the Architect of this world, standing in the place of God despite not being truly divine himself. This flawed creator goes on to let loose his own trinity – Ontos, Logos, and Pneuma; Being, Word, and Spirit – but nonetheless is full of regret, unsure as to the value of the world he has tried to build. God himself is not visible; only this broken man trying to fill in for God. Even he is not convinced of the world’s goodness!

(And while we’re on the topic of Christian imagery, yes, I know, Pyra and Mythra’s core crystal is cross-shaped, and Pyra is symbolically crucified like four times in the plot, it’s not subtle.)

But to step away from religion for a moment and look back at specific characters...

  What drives most of the central characters of XC2 is, initially at least, the desire to cease. Amalthus believes that the world is nothing but a vale of tears, and regards the world with little but hate and disgust. Malos is corrupted by Amalthus’ hate and believes that justice requires the world be destroyed. Jin is driven mad by the cruelty of the world, comes to hate the Architect and seek to destroy him. Even Pyra, our ostensible heroine, wants to reach Elysium in order to beg the Architect for permission to commit suicide and cease to be.

As such, the heart of the story of XC2 is responding to all this with, “No! Life is worth living!”

It seems like such a banal message. If anything, it’s doubly so because the game’s protagonist, Rex, is the most relentlessly optimistic and upbeat person in the world. Rex is the sort of person who’ll respond to all the above with an innocent, “Well, that’s how life is, you know? You’ve gotta take the good with the bad.” He has no darkness in him at all. Even Shulk, who was a total sweetie-pie, was willing to go on a quest to flat-out kill someone for revenge. Rex is truly a beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure. Heck, one of his lines in battle is a completely unironic “We’ll beat them with the power of friendship!”

That’s one of the odd things, for me. Rex himself does not struggle with inner darkness, or with anything I’d recognise as suicidal tendencies or depression. He searches for an answer to justify the world to Malos, but ultimately doesn’t come up with anything more coherent than, “There are wonderful, valuable things in this world, and I believe people can change, and I know that you once believed that too!” This isn’t a story where Rex finds a substantive answer to the question, or one that would satisfy a philosopher. Rather, he ‘solves’ the puzzle through sheer force of will. He ends up convincing the Architect that the world has merit not through anything he says, but through what he does – through his selfless optimism and belief in other people.

Just as Amalthus and Jin concluded the world needs to die not because of philosophy, but because of traumatic personal experience, Rex concludes the world needs to live because of positive, uplifting personal experience. The answer to the dark impulse that would destroy the world is to point to positive relationships within it, even in the lives of the people trying to destroy it: Mikhail and Patroka, or even Jin and Malos, have genuine friendships. (The moment where Malos stops to hug Jin, even as he heads off to destroy the world, is surprisingly touching.)

On one level this really works. It fits surprisingly well with the overall Christian themes: the answer to “why should the world exist?” is “loving relationships”. Pyra’s answer, in fact, is “I love this world because you’re in it.”

On another level, it feels a touch disappointing, if only because it means the climax of the game is just a reiteration of what the player’s been hearing for the past fifty hours: yes, love and friendship and bonds are good things!

Where Xenoblade 2 works, I think for me, is where the specifics of the relationships feel powerful enough to make those clichés feel fresh. The game’s world sets up a number of reasons to despair (the world is slowly dying, the titans are dying, people are warring over the declining and limited resources, etc.) and then sets up a lot of obstacles to relationship (the Blades, immortal, but having their memories wiped every time their closest friends die, feel quite tragic), and then shows love and friendship perpetually overcoming them. The game’s strongest moments are those where, at a point of despair, somehow love saves the day again. Chapter seven stands out here: both the moment where Nia reveals her true identity, and where Rex practically raises Pyra from the dead by standing over her body and talking about how much he believes in her. Naturally, then, the game ends on the emotional high of the entire playable cast flying off into the sunset, looking fond of each other, Pyra and Mythra’s miraculous return, and the closing line: And thus, boy met girl. Like any good love story, it works only if you buy into the characters’ emotions.

 Xenoblade Chronicles 2, summarised: “Should you commit suicide? No, because love.”

Now that said, two other random observations:

In the first Xenoblade, I really disliked the Klaus twist at the end. It felt like it came out of nowhere, required a large exposition dump, and didn’t add much to the plot. For me, the first Xenoblade felt pretty much entirely downhill after the defeat of Metal Face. Xenoblade 2 still has more-or-less the same backstory with Klaus, but here I thought it was contextualised much better and was more effective. The revelation that the Architect is the torn remains of an ancient scientist, trying to rebuild the world from scraps but now half-given up on the whole project as a waste, feels like it fits much better with the world that we explored.

Xenoblade 2’s world always felt somewhat artificial, and from the very start of the game it was evident that there was a previous world before this one. There’s something beneath the Cloud Sea, and whatever it might be, it was evidently once technologically advanced. Making Rex a salvager was a good move to emphasise that, and the way that so much of the world’s economy depends on salvaging the ruins beneath the sea reinforces the sense of the world as being in decay. The Architect is mentioned at the start of the game, so you know that the world was made or at least modified by someone for an unclear purpose, and the World Tree is mysterious enough. So when later in the game you do go below the Cloud Sea and discover the remains of ancient cities, and then find that within the World Tree is an advanced scientific installation, it doesn’t feel like it came out of nowhere. Indeed, the final revelation – that ages ago a scientist accidentally destroyed the world in an experiment, and this is his imperfect attempt to fix it – feels both like a genuine discovery, but also something that, well, makes sense. Of course it was that. Of course! That explains so much about why Alrest is the way it is.

  The second observation is... okay, so, XC1 and XC2 are in continuity, that’s all good. How does XCX fit in, if it does at all? I was a bit disappointed when Klaus’ flashback mentioned ‘Saviorites’ attacking the experimental station. Who are they? I wanted to assume that Klaus’ experiment was some sort of cutting-edge secret research immediately before the Ganglion attacked at the start of XCX. That way the aliens attack and start to destroy the Earth, in a panic Klaus tries to accelerate his experiment, hoping he can use the power of the Conduit to save the world, he screws up and ends up splitting the Earth off into two parallel dimensions, creating the worlds of XC1 and XC2, and meanwhile the survivors of Earth in the home dimension escape on their Ark Ships and go and do XCX. That would fit all three games together pretty elegantly, and Conduit-related weirdness might also help explain what the heck is up with Mira in XCX.

But there doesn’t seem to have been any room left for that, so I guess XCX is a completely different continuity? That just... also contains Nopon, who for some reason have heard of Shulk and the Monado? Who knows?

My fanfic trope tier list! (I saw @fanfic-inator795 do this the other day and thought it looked fun, haha.) Make your own here!

Placement reasoning under the cut.

S

Friends to Lovers: excellent, very natural that your lover would also be your friend.

Slow Burn: I like getting absorbed in a story, and the speed that I read at means I need longer ones so i’m not like, “Aww, man, that was it?” Also, the slow burns usually allow for progression at a more realistic pace as well as character development/analysis.

Mutual Pining: two people who love each other and eventually get together....Nice.

Missing Scenes: I am very nosey about characters i’m invested in, and sometimes I feel like whole other episodes and such could have been based off of what isn’t shown in between scenes.

A

Sharing a Bed: I like seeing the different ways that people contrive the bed-sharing to happen, haha. Also, there’s usually a lot of funny moments when getting to see the characters’ panicked thoughts. (The Kico WIP i’ve been sporadically working on since 2015 involves this, haha.)

Established Relationship: we don’t usually get to see this in media, so it’s refreshing!

Fluff: usually goes hand-in-hand with the above, and sometimes it’s nice to just know there’s nothing but happytimes happening.

Huddle for Warmth: similar to the bed sharing one, it’s all about the setting....with a side of either fluff or panicking, haha.

Fairytale AU: i’m a sucker for fantasy, and it’s fun to see which fairytales people use and their personal takes on them.

Magic AU: see above.

B

Fix it Fic: i’m not usually dissatisfied with how canon handles things, so this type of fic is, like, solely reserved for BOTW, bwaha. I’ve been really into BOTW since I got it/finished it last summer, though, so i’ve been reading a lot of The Champions Survive/Get Resurrected stuff and the ones i’ve read have had excellent worldbuilding and such.

Hurt Comfort: the intimacy of patching someone up/the thought behind it....Nice.

Fake Relationship: I am again a sucker for contrived coincidences, panicking, and realizations (another trope in my Kico WIP, though it only appears a little and is fake married). These sometimes come with angst though, which is why it’s not higher.

Gen Fic: I don’t often see these, but I...like the idea of them (I have an eternal WIP of my own for WBB that’s combined with Missing Scenes)? Also, sometimes the world isn’t built quite enough or we don’t get to see it utilized to its full extent in canon.

Humor: I wasn’t sure if this meant, like, fics written solely for comedic purposes or something, but I took it to mean having funny moments in them?? I love comedy above all else (which is why most of the A tier tropes are A tier--the inherent funniness of the situations to me).

In Vino Veritas: having what’s hidden in a character’s heart be exposed in a way that usually results in later panic....Nice (as evidenced by my own take in that one Perryshmirtz fic I did, haha). However, i’m not a big fan of alcohol for numerous reasons, which is why it’s not higher.

Soulmate AU: I don’t often find versions of these that I like, but when I do they’re pretty good. Worldbuilding and slow burn is a must for these.

Coffee Shop AU: I never really liked these before I got into BOTW....hmmm. Maybe it’s because I don’t really like characters from, like, slice-of-life/normal universes being changed into something even MORE mundane/too much like real life?? It’s fine if it’s an adventure story being calmed down, haha (but, like, ONLY adventure--I don’t like the idea of fantasy stories like Strange Magic getting dulled down to that extent).

C 

*most of the tropes here are only not a D because I reserved D for the ones I hate/am most apathetic towards

Arranged Marriage: I don’t usually see these done well (bad characterization/not enough worldbuilding), and arranged marriage is still a thing that happens nowadays in real life so it’s kind of.....

Body Swap: I’ve only found a few renditions of this that I like, namely the funny ones where they’re all like “Wow so this is how it feels like to be a teeny tiny--” *gets punched.* Unfortunately, most of the ones for this trope are, like, either somehow super angsty or have consent problems.

Canon Divergence: another one that rarely has good characterization/logical divergence/follows the established rules already set in canon while being a take on “But what if THIS had accidentally happened instead.”

Historical AU: as someone who minored in History in undergrad, boy howdy is history a touchy thing to make fanfic about. I think there’s only been one AU of this that i’ve liked, and it was for a movie that already had its own version of history/the original canon wasn’t based on our world at all.

Time Loop: kind of a scary thing to think about.

Royalty AU: being a good leader is hard, which means there’s usually not a lot of time for gallivanting. Despite this, there tends to be a lot of that (and poor worldbuilding) in these types of fics.

Amnesia Fic: I don’t like it when someone forgets their loved ones.

First Kiss: I think first kisses are over romanticized. First kiss with the person who is now your lover? Good. First kiss overall? No.

Angst: reality (and sometimes the canon) is dark enough, thanks. Light angst with a happy ending is fine, but I seriously hate characters being subjected to one painful thing after another (I once read an entire published book where that was the case and I was just....so infuriated by the end).

Enemies to Lovers: rarely done to my taste. The two people have to be relatively on the same moral spectrum otherwise this DOESN’T WORK as a good/functioning relationship. Like, you can’t pair off someone who, say, killed their dad, spearheaded a war against innocents, and tortured the other person with the other person. Even when it’s someone who, for example, tried to destroy the entire universe, continually emotionally abused their only friend, laid siege to innocents despite knowing that it was wrong, killed the parent of that other person’s best friend, and physically/emotionally abused that other person, it’d be extremely short-sighted to pair them with that other person without AT LEAST them acknowledging how completely toxic they’ve been and spending a good amount of time (roughly equal or greater to how long they’ve been horrible) establishing that they have indeed changed and are making progress towards reparations and even betterment. Perryshmirtz? Good. Butterfly Bog? Also good. Those are the only two good examples I can think of.

College AU: pretty much in the same boat as the Coffee Shop AU, but sometimes I disagree with what majors get picked for the characters, haha. Good choice for characters around that age, but for some reason I don’t like it when characters get de-aged to make this work. I have yet to see one for older characters that keeps them that age--older people go to college! There was, like, a mom in my Abnormal Psychology class in undergrad!

D

ABO: horribly graphic, mostly non/dubcon, and reduces people to their biology.

Crossover: the media i’m invested in are usually so vastly different from one another that my brain just refuses to have them mix.

Dark Fic: like Angst, but worse. No thanks.

Major Character Death: I read the fix-it-fics to AVOID this, bwahaha!

High School AU: similar to College AU where I dislike characters being de-aged for this, which is unfortunately common. Also, Your Experiences Are Not Universal.

Crack Fic: I am generally a stickler for canon. Boo, absurdity!

Miscommunication: JUST FREAKING OPEN YOUR PIE-HOLE AND TALK TO EACH OTHER.

Pregnancy Fic: not a big fan of the idea of pregnancy in general (the squishing of the organs, mood swings and whatever, that thing where your blood pressure can get super high randomly, dying in childbirth, postpartum depression, etc).

Love Triangle: these can usually be solved by either 1) poly relationship 2) maybe DON’T choose the “bad boy” that disrespects you and is emotionally distant?????

Unhappy Ending: WHY would I want this??????? See: Angst

Unrequited Love: similar to the above.

PWP: maybe it’s my aceness talking, but to quote Doof: “Backstory, backstory, backstory!”

Sex Pollen: too much like PWP, but with more consent problems

Bang or Die: see above

Baby Fic: similar to Pregnancy + I....can’t really imagine a lot of my favorite ships with kids?? Like, Butterfly Bog/Potionless and Panlie, sure. Doof already has Vanessa/Norm and Perry is an uncle......maybe Po and Tigress if they adopt?? I feel like they could also just be teachers together and their students would be their “kids.” Meh.

December 27, 2019 - Boomers Need a History lesson apparently.

Dear Moneyist,

I very much enjoy your column, and you are much kinder than I am. It may be my age, but my parents weren’t expected to pay for college when I came of age. I am, yes, a baby boomer. From reading your column it seems like lots of people of varying ages seem to believe that they have rights to an inheritance, often by virtue of being a DNA relative and, sometimes, by virtue of a marriage.

I disagree with this assumption. Please educate me. Are my somewhat scornful reactions a reflection of my own age or ignorance? Or can I or anyone else write a will leaving their estate to whomever they like — say a charity, or the kid next door, or their nurse — instead of their kids and spouse? What is the law and etiquette regarding wills and inheritance?

Disgruntled Boomer

Dear Dumbass Boomer,

Your age group seems just hell bent on fucking everything up, taking no responsibility and then crying about everyone else who is younger or older.  Boomers historically have had everything the easiest.  You had the best college costs, cheapest houses, best economies, cheapest goods, most available jobs, etc.

I know you all hate younger people, but maybe you should remember who fucking raised us.  I am one of the oldest millennial, I am in my mid-30′s. My groups voting block hasn’t had half the time you’ve had to fix stuff, and yet you keeping fucking up. 

I mean, I didn’t see you out there, voting to keep the housing market stable, keeping rents locked in, or hey, even emailing your fucking alma maters to keep tuition at an affordable level.  When all of you defaulted on your loans to become doctors and lawyers, that was when they made those laws that you couldn’t include student loans in bankruptcy.  (I know because my mother was involved in that decision and it pisses me off) That was your generation - not fucking us.  No, instead you bought up stuff, jacked up rents to fill your coffers, allowed tuition to climb by HUNDREDS of percentages, and level a scorched earth approach to education and healthcare that have made the US the laughing stock of the world in those regards.  I have friends who have been living overseas for years because they can’t pay their student loans with all the jobs you allowed to be shipped overseas for cheap slave labor, and yet you complain that your kids want you to help? You selfish ignorant fool.  If you don’t the like you’re living in, you built it!

Entitlement culture...  do you not understand history?  Throughout history, even the entire concept of modern marriage, was dedicated to passing wealth and property down through family lines.  Men literally created the institution of marriage to keep women pumping out their blood kids so they could give things to them.  You are living in a world of entitlement, it’s why white men have all the money and power and women only make 77 on the dollar and black families are kept in cycles of poverty because all their years of slavery and discrimination haven’t given them generational wealth to pass down.  You are the beneficiary of centuries - CENTURIES - of entitlement, and just because you work some office job you don’t really love that pays you more than you are probably worth - doesn’t mean you aren’t getting more than any other generation in history.  You can admit it.  I admit that if myself and a black woman are at the same job, with all the same factors, that I have more just given to me that she does, and that is not my fault, but it is my job to notice it and take steps.

And here you write in to this column, whining and crying about other boomers, those are who those letters are from, btw, that they can’t rip off their spouse’s children of their inheritance as the third spouse, or that they are upset that they “didn’t get enough.”  The kids?  Us kids?  As you would probably say I am, we’re not hoping for inheritance because like, bro, I totes want new airpods!  I am hoping for for the money to pay off student loans, maybe get a house, maybe save for retirement. 

If you have a completely and totally undeserving piece of shit kid or spouse, only then it is okay to just fuck off what you have to someone who doesn’t play into your family. But if you have a shit spouse, then get a divorce.  If you have a bad kid, then you raised them.  We didn’t invent and give ourselves those little participation medals you loathe so much - I mean, we weren’t living out our fantasies through our kids by substituting proper parenting with mindless awards while letting the world the kids were growing into go to shit while wasting money on a “man cave” and a time share in Orlando.

Charity is one thing, and that does not included political causes, btw.  A deserving person is one thing.  But to write your family out of your will because you “dislike this inheritance culture” thing is simply a manifestation of your own ignorance and complete lack of mind and heart.  Your kid is not going to look back on your, still paying off student loans in their 50′s, after you’ve given your money to “Trump’s Let’s Build the Wall of Racism that the next Democrat will tear down,”  and say, “He was a good man.” 

Let’s use an analogy you’ve certainly said, “You’re teaching your kid to fish.”

Well that’s great, except now he has to get a loan that will take at least ten years to pay off to buy the fishing rod.  Then when he gets to the stream, if he can even catch a fish, it’s small, and instead of eating it, he has to sell it to rent a shack to live in just so he can survive to catch another fish to maybe, someday, make a profit.  And an industrial plant has moved in upstream and they’ve lobbied the local government to allow dumping waste in the stream, and the lobby money went to the politician that you voted for because they talked about “America First!”.  Now he’s simply got to pack up and moved before the fish die and he starves, but where is that money going to come from?  Either the money to move or just the money to get a new job? 

Teaching someone to fish does DICK when the stream is empty and they don’t have a fishing rod.

Boomers are and have been the problem for decades, with their blindness and consumption of resources.  The best thing you can do at this point is at least leave your money and resources to people who need it when you die instead of throwing it at randomness to “make a point.” 

History will not remember you fondly anyway, because we get to write it, and we are fucking pissed.

Mrs. Bitch

Why I Do What I Do, Part 2: Every Good Writer Reads

When I was little I read everything I could get my tiny fingers on. I read my way through my elementary school library– the librarian wouldn’t even bother sending me back to class after a certain point, because she knew that if she did I’d be back for another book by the end of the day. I read a lot, and I got fast at it, and I loved it. 

I especially loved the Warrior Cats series by Erin Hunter. Gail Carson Levine was a staple for me; I never read Ella Enchanted, (because I didn’t know that had a book counterpart yet, I just knew the movie), but I loved Fairest. I can’t remember the title, but I remember a book about a girl who was a genius, but intentionally flunked all her tests so nobody would separate her from her only friend in her grade. I remember a book called Savvy, about a family with inherited preternatural abilities that don’t always work quite right. I read Girl in Blue over and over and over again. I loved Greek mythology and fairy tales and folklore, and I read that whole shelf of the library twice. Until I was twelve I loved every book I came across.

 I can only remember reading one book that I didn’t like– I don’t remember the title, but it was a very slice-of-life novel about a teenage girl and her mom not agreeing on where the girl’s life should go, and bickering about what kind of sweater she should wear– and I hated that book. It took me three years to slog through it. 

Everything else I chose haphazardly and read voraciously. Fantasy, sci-fi, action, school life, home life. I didn’t go to bookstores very much because there weren’t any close by, but when we did I spent hours picking one promising-looking book– because I knew reading was an expensive hobby, and I’ve been a little frugal since I was young.

A lot of it was probably escapism as a coping mechanism, but I just knew I was having a blast even when my neurochemicals didn’t really want to cooperate with me, or when getting out of bed was too much.

When we moved to California, I stopped reading as much, but I still read some in middle school. The Found series was great until I lost one of the books. I read a biblical fiction book, Lineage of Grace, which was an unexpected treat– and it should be mentioned that I first read the Bible in sixth grade, and understood next to none of it. I discovered my two favorite book series of all time in middle school (I think in eighth grade): the Monument 14 series by Emma Laybourne and the Unwind series by Neil Shusterman. Both of them have been my favorites for a long time, and still are. 

In seventh grade, I saw an advertisement for the movie adaptation of Atlas Shrugged, and I asked my mom if she knew what book it was based on. She said she’d heard of it, but that I probably couldn’t read it because it was very long and very difficult to get through. So, being who I am as a person, that was the book I bought next time I found myself in a book store, and I read Atlas Shrugged in a month or two– I’m still proud of that because there have been several people (all grown businessmen, which grinds my gears even further, personally) who scoffed at me and told me that middle-schoolers can’t read that book, because they couldn’t. It pissed me off so much once that I dragged the offending man into a philosophical discussion of Ayn Rand’s point– I don’t agree with all of her philosophy, but I wanted to piss that man off as much as he had pissed me off. I was an angry seventh-grader, but I digress. 

By high school, with three AP classes each year and accelerated classes as part of my high school’s trimester system, I was reading less and less “traditional” literature in my free time, except for my assigned reading for my English classes. Lucky for me, I loved most of those too. “Chronicle of a Death Foretold,” “The Yellow Wallpaper,” Jane Eyre, and everything written by Jane Austen (admittedly, I haven’t read much of her yet, but I’ll get there) were all instant loves. Catcher in the Rye was interesting, if not as much of a favorite as some others. Hamlet was good, if only because I appreciated something (anything) that I could interpret as homosexual or homoerotic (yes, I am talking about Hamlet and Horatio). The only thing I can distinctly remember reading and disliking was Romeo and Juliet– all the characters were a little too short-sighted for my tastes. 

However, I discovered a new reading love in high school– and you may cringe when I say: Fanfiction. I fell in love with fanfiction, and I still love it just as much as Unwind or Pride and Prejudice or The Hobbit. I won’t spend a whole lot of time here talking about fanfiction and why I appreciate it just as much (if not more) than traditional literature, but I may give y’all an update down the road about it, because I am genuinely passionate about treating fanfiction as a genre of literature just like any other written piece. For now though, I will move on.

In college, I spent one semester knocking out all my prerequisites, which meant mostly math and science classes, and one English 201 (my AP classes let me out of 101 and 102). That English class was miserable, probably one of the most miserable classes of my life. Everything we read was misogynistic, at least semi-racist (of course, under the guise of “historical realism,” because we all know people of color were first seen in 1963), and depressing to top it off. Whatever literary, technical merit the works had as representations of the craft of writing was entirely washed out by the abysmal or just plain repulsive subject matter and themes. This English 201 class did teach me, however, that there is a world of difference between being good at writing and being a good writer. I hope to be the latter. 

My last three semesters at my current college have been significantly kinder to me. My major, Creative Writing, means I get to take a lot of literature classes, even if my community college only has one writing class. 

I’ve taken a Shakespearean literature class, and loved it. My teacher opened the class by calling herself a heretic, and that some of her opinions about Shakespeare (he was not an illiterate wool merchant, he had male and female sexual interests, he was a feminist despite him writing “Taming of the Shrew,” and he was absolutely insufferable to be around) are borderline psychotic, as far as some other academics are concerned. So, of course, I love her to death. I followed her to two more classes in subsequent semesters, both being one half of a British Literature sequence from the inception of the English language to modern-day. My favorite works from these classes are Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice (again, you’ve gotta love the queer representation, and the hilarity), Austen’s “Plan of a Novel, according to Hints from Various Quarters,” and Mill’s “On Liberty.” 

I took a similar literature sequence for American literature with a different professor, but I took the “Civil War to Contemporary” section before the “First Contact to Civil War.” This professor is another whom I love to death– he majored in English with an emphasis in Queer and Gender Studies, and wrote his dissertation on video games as a form of literature (also, he’s written peer-reviewed academic essays on my favorite video game series, Bioshock). So almost everything between these two semesters of American ltierature had a focus on people of color, indigenous people, genderqueer and nonbinary people, and queer people. We read Passing by Nella Larson, and I met some girls in the class and we got so excited about the book that the professor told us he’d let us come in to talk about it to future semesters. I also loved reading Benito Cereno with the class, mostly for the discussion and the essay I got to write about it. 

This semester, I’m taking a World Literature class, and I’m currently in the second half of that British Literature sequence– which means, after this semester, I will have taken every literature class my community college offers except one– as well as a philosophy class, my final semester of required Spanish, and a creative writing class. 

You have two out of the three pieces of the puzzle of where I’m from now. You know about me as a person, and you know about what I’ve read. I’ll see you here, same time, same place, next week to tell you what I’ve written, and then we can move on to the present. 

I can’t wait to see you guys again. I hope everyone is staying safe, healthy, and happy. 

Shelby Mahurin: Serpent & Dove (Serpent & Dove #1) | Lara

This is a previously published edition of ISBN 9780062878021. An alternate cover edition can be found here.

Bound as one to love, honor, or burn.

Two years ago, Louise le Blanc fled her coven and took shelter in the city of Cesarine, forsaking all magic and living off whatever she could steal. There, witches like Lou are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.

Sworn to the Church as a Chasseur, Reid Diggory has lived his life by one principle: thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. His path was never meant to cross with Lou's, but a wicked stunt forces them into an impossible union—holy matrimony.

The war between witches and Church is an ancient one, and Lou's most dangerous enemies bring a fate worse than fire. Unable to ignore her growing feelings, yet powerless to change what she is, a choice must be made.

And love makes fools of us all.

“Death couldn't take him away from me. He was me. Our souls were bound.”

In the city of Cesarine, there has been a conflict between the witches and men until the beginning of time. The two races have never found any sort of common ground and were unwilling to get past their differences in order to stop the endless disunion between the people. Louise fled her home to get away from her mother and the debt she owes to her people, her life in exchange for the freedom of all witches. She’s currently living with Coco, the blood witch and another outcast, in a room above the theatre, stealing and doing other illegal street jobs to keep herself alive. Aside from her past, Lou has been chased by every witch’s worst nightmare, the order of Chasseurs. The ruthless, vengeful, order of holy warriors whose only purpose is to destroy witches’ kind, yet Lou might get forced to get closer to the one that she’d want. Even say, marry one.

Well, after a lot of thinking and debating with myself I decided for a solid 3-star rating for this book. I saw a lot of people liking this book very much, so reading this review, you must be wondering what is wrong with it?

To answer that - nothing. Serpent & Dove is a good book. An entertaining fantasy historical fiction with impressive characters and cute romance, good writing and a promise of an encompassing sequel. I can’t find any solid things to pit against this book, yet upon getting to the end of the story I couldn’t shake the feeling of something, actually, several somethings – missing. Through the course of it, I was enveloped in the absence of that more that makes the good books spark, that makes my heart lurch, while Serpent & Dove was just… okay. When I picked up this book, I expected an adventure full of magic and I couldn’t be sorrier that I didn’t like it, but sometimes even the good ones don’t click.

I’m sorry to dislike this book because, from the moment I first encountered Louise le Blanc, my mind went wild and I was pretty damn convinced I would love it with my entire heart. The sheer energy which that girl radiates, her humor and spirit made her one of the utmost entertaining and fun characters I’ve read this year. I can’t remember the last time I had a laugh like that at one character’s expanse. The way she carries through the world is inspiring, her strength and courage exceptional and her charm dazzling. From head to toe, I loved Lou and if you can’t find any other reason to read this book, read it for her.

Lou and Reid shared an exceptional love story between the two who should have never even got a chance of being in the same room without killing each other, let alone fall in love despite the nature of their ancestries and war between their people. Reid has been thought to hate and despise his entire life, but he found a place in his heart for compassion and love, for a girl who made him see there might be another way. These two hearts might start a revolution, changing the course of the history and heal the disunion between the warring sides. I immensely enjoyed reading this heartwarming story about their love they sacrificed all to save.

“I loved her. Despite everything. Despite the lies, the betrayal, the hurt. Despite the Archbishop and Morgane le Blanc. Despite my own brothers. I don't know if she returned that love, and I didn't care. If she was destined to burn in Hell, I would burn with her.”

I’m aware this was mostly a romance-centered story, still, I couldn’t help myself but miss the thrills and dynamics of magic that is usually characteristic for a fantasy world. I see the bigger picture, I see where all things are supposed to lead too, but the extent of romance and lacking more events aside from the love story was the reason my interest in it slowly disappeared with each passing chapter. At this point I’m not even sure how much I remember about the worldbuilding and magic system, let alone characters’ complicated family relations, but I sure did get a good picture of how important Reid thinks his wife is to him. I prefer a balance between these two components and I just couldn’t find that there.

11 questions

Yes I did this a bit ago but @helloamhere (thank you, ily, have fun bussing around Europe, did that once, had to follow apple maps to know where to get off ‘cause I speak ZERO German...) tagged me and I’m an anxious mess waiting for medical news today so WHY NOT! 

Rules: answer 11 questions then pose 11 of your own. 

1. What do you think fanfic does better than published fiction (if anything?) 

Okay obvious answer and not very high brow, but SMUT. You will not see me perusing the gay aisles of Barnes and Noble romance novels :) For various reasons :) 

2. What do you think it does worse

I think (maybe it’s just this fandom) overall it’s quite a bit more sanitary than novels, both in morality and subject matter. I hate to think what the purity police would say about some of the books I’ve read... especially the old ones? But then I usually come here looking for fluff and happiness too so perhaps that’s just the major draw of fanfic, idk. 

3. What’s something another fandom has or does that you wish your fandom had or did?

To be honest I’m not well versed in other fandoms, but I’m going to go with I wish this fandom didn’t have constant infighting. Seriously in all my born days I have never seen a group of people claim such a similar goal and yet devour each other so viciously. Hence I usually avoid anything incredibly explosive or triggering here; I deal with and confront radical people (religious extremists, right wing extremists) in my everyday life and I cannot bring myself to turn my escapism into that same vortex of endless arguing, though I appreciate and support those who fight the fight. I often have very sharp opinions and fall to one side or the other of the fault line, but I draw a personal boundary at a point. 

4. Do you consider yourself a “fandom” type of person in general, or committed to only one, and if so, tell me more about what this means to you.

I have been a HUGE fandom person my entire life, though this is the first time I’ve ever been in a community for it. Star Wars and Narnia consumed most of my adolescence, along with Lord of the Rings. I briefly dabbled in Dr. Who and Merlin (as one does) but because I didn't read HP until nearly the end of college, I kindof missed out on that one. Basically anything geeky or fantasy driven I have always loved, and I can’t really explain how I ended up here? But this is the only fandom I’m active in socially. The power of HL I guess... 

5. I’m trying to get through writing a first draft right now and it’s a slog. How do you stay motivated for long projects, writing or otherwise? 

Ah. A call out question! Like any good Aries, I love starting new things! And then letting them to languish unfinished. I have, however, trained in classical music, and thus I’ve programmed myself to just keep doing the thing because pieces take months and months and months to perfect and if you can’t stick with a project, you go nowhere. I also operate on a reward system, as in writing is the reward for practicing, then when I’m sick of words I go back to music, and so the turn tables. I have learned to ignore (I’m great at ostrich-ing) the crushing self doubt of creativity and just bulldoze ahead and do the thing, which results in very messy first drafts and often bad habits in my musical technique and a tendency to overplay, which wastes energy, but rehearsals wait for no one. I also thrive on last minute deadlines! 

6. Tell me about what you read as a kid. Favorite book? Or if you weren’t into reading then, favorite TV show, etc? 

I HAVE SO MANY. Narnia was my first love. I also adored George MacDonald (At The Back of the North Wind is a fucking masterpiece). My mom hardly let me read Redwall (see: hints of magic) but when she caved I devoured all of those. Anne of Green Gables. American Girl stuff (lots of it, yes Josefina and Kaya were my faves). I read far too many Star Wars expanded universe novels (New Jedi Order  shaped me as a person, esp Traitor). I remember reading all the Eragon series, though these were dubiously approved... and I read various classics, as one is supposed to. In high school I printed out the entire Beowulf in Old English, got a CD of a dude reading it, and proceeded to memorize the first several lines. I can still recite Anglo Saxon but I have no clue what it means (see: I’m a good mimic). Everything non-Christian-magic-related I read during or after college, sigh. 

7. Have your tastes changed?

This sounds bad but not really. I rarely read non fiction, oops. Biographies are a slog for me. I dislike historical fiction and I don’t have a good reason for that. I do love a good mystery, but usually not in book form (audio or visual Agatha Christie is my mana). I do adore socio-policial books, though (The Better Angels of our Nature a good example) or books doing a deep dive into a historical topic. These days I enjoy a good satire more than much else, and since I started on Terry Pratchett in 2016 I haven’t looked back. 

8. I’ll steal your question above--tell me about a fic that changed you, or became a “touchstone” fic that you go back to!!

I didn’t read fics period when I entered the fandom, and stubbornly maintained that for a while, but the fic that changed my mind was (Take Me Home) Country Roads by @a-writerwrites (Awriterwrites). I read it during a drive through the very parts of the USA it’s set in, and I couldn’t put it down, spotty internet be damned. From there @horsegirlharry birthed me into the gay 1D world, though I can’t for the life of me remember which of hers I first read! (Does it matter? They’re all so beautiful...) 

9. Tell me about a WIP, if applicable. How’s it going?? It sounds great. 

I’m plodding along on The Garden, it’s going well, but urgency isn’t a priority. It’s going to be one of those things that I finish and then go in and make matter because right now my ideas are half formed and I know I’ll eventually know where I’m going but it’s a case of blind trust in instinct at this point! 

10. What’s your favorite place to read and sitting position?

Like a true gay I cannot sit normally in a chair, coupled with my pain issues means I’m usually draped over the back of something with a cushy lumbar support, massive pillow, or propped sideways lying down. I love reading outside, but have a tendency to attract bugs, also I’m very light sensitive so my eyes hate the sun, especially if I’m reading from a screen. 

11. Do you feel like fic reading and writing is social for you? E.g. do you share with friends (in or outside of fandom), or are you a lone wolf seeking out your fics in the dead of night??

I LOVE the social aspect of fic reading and writing within fandom! I have shared PITS with only two real life friends though; I am very tight lipped about the fact that I write fic. People are cruel and musicians are judgmental arseholes and if I prefer to spend my days dreaming up love stories for my OTP instead of pouring over scores, that’s my fucking business. 

Alright, 11 from me (I wanted to include artists too so!!): 

1. Are you a start small-work larger type creator, or map everything out then attend to detail?

2. What style of art/writing has most influenced your creative choices? (Genre, time period, muse)

3. How long have you been writing/arting? Is this something you knew you’d do your whole life?

4. What is your favorite thing about creating for your fandom? (reception, excitement, newness, etc.) 

5. Have you met any recent creative goals that you’re really proud of? 

6. What is your creative baby; what work do you want stamped on your proverbial gravestone as I MADE THIS (or have you made it yet?)

7. Do outside forces (politics, culture, hegemonies) play into your creations? Do you intentionally or subconsciously subvert norms or explore ideas?

8. Your creative mind is a garden. Describe what kind it would be and what it would contain (i.e. rock garden, palace garden, wildflowers, rose... etc.) 

9. Do you believe that creative art has power and if so, how do you hope yours impacts others? 

10. I’m double stealing this question: what’s a fic or fan art that changed your life or was a touchstone for you?

11. If you could pick any hero of yours to read/look at your creations, who would it be and why?

TOTALLY only if you want to, but @13ways-of-looking @twopoppies @alienfuckeronmain @prettytruthsandlies @pattern-pals @newleafover @disgruntledkittenface @lesbianiconharrystyles @lululawrence

Kindred

by Octavia Butler (1979)

This was easily one of the best books I’ve read in a while.  I finished it in only a few days.  It’s a 9/10, maybe even a 10/10.

The writing style feels almost made-for-the-screen, as it is pretty dialogue heavy, but also very plot driven.  (Note: there is no movie, but there is a graphic novel). There is not a lot of descriptive paragraphs, but the writing is still very vivid and detailed, giving just enough information at just the right times for your brain to see the scene clearly, but not be distracted from the plot.  Sometimes the dialogue felt a little bit unnatural, but only because the events of the book (fantastical time-travel) are quite unnatural.

The publisher, on the back cover, claims this book is Science Fiction / African American literature, but I think I might disagree.  I mean, it’s definitely A. A. lit, but I’m not sure it’s science fiction? There is no time machine or other works of science involved.  Instead, what connects Dana to the past is her own history, her own spiritual connection to her ancestors, specifically her great-grandmother and grandfather, Alice and Rufus.  I think that makes this book fantasy and historical fiction.  Obviously, Butler did a lot of research to make the book’s setting in Antebellum Maryland historically accurate, and in some ways, it reminded me of The Land by Mildred Taylor.  I loved that book when I first read it in 7th grade, before we read it in class, and I think it had a big impact on the way that I think about race.  That book was so sad, so vivid, so real, and it introduced me to the feeling of being stuck in a system stacked against you.  Similarly, Kindred helps one understand how slavery could never have ended with just one proclamation or even one lost war.  The ideals of slavery were so forced on both white, black, and mixed people that extricating oneself from it was nearly impossible, especially for white folks.  It was never an individual problem, it was always societal.  Even Rufus, who had all the ingredients to be a “good white man,” couldn’t even do the bare minimum for Dana or Alice, woman he claimed he loved. 

At the same time, Rufus could have made a positive difference in the lives of the people he owned, and I think it says a lot about the white psyche, even today, that we so often say we want to do good things, but ultimately feel as though we cannot be expected to act outside our own best interest.  I feel that for myself sometimes: like it is so ingrained that we must do what’s best for ourselves, and that we should expect everyone else to do the same, and somehow that will equal out to having things be best for all.  Sure, in an ideal world that MIGHT be true (I’m not sure what an ideal world would even look like), but unfortunately, there’s almost always a power dynamic or some other unevenness.  Rufus was de-facto put in charge of all these people, even though he never asked for that, never qualified for that, and I think that must be one of the excuses he uses to justify his actions.

The book explores the difference between White Sadness and Black Sadness. Here, the black sadness is everywhere: Sarah losing her children, but keeping one and living for that girl; all the other people who lose family members forever to causal slave sales and the fear that they could be punished in that way at anytime; the way the field hands dislike Alice, Dana, and Sarah for their proximity to whiteness; the patrollers and the precarious position of even the free Black people; the hopelessness of trying to run away; the constant threat of rape and then the dispensability that comes when the white man is no longer interested; the violent punishment and the over-working; the total lack of control over one’s circumstances, one’s job, one’s religion and education, one’s family, even one’s own morals; and the idea that no one can enact revenge on the slave owners without hurting everyone else.  |I mean, I could go on, the book is steeped in sadness for the characters and anger for the readers at the apparent helplessness of these strong, smart people.  Dana says it best when she talks about how she does not have the endurance, the strength, that the enslaved people do, because I feel the same way.  I do not have the will to live like some of these people do.  I’d rather be dead than enslaved, but Butler shows how the enslaved people both do and do not feel that way.  It brought up so much anger in me when Dana kept saving Rufus, and he kept treating her like shit.  Made me want to kill that little fucker myself.  But, at the same time, she simply cannot do that until her grandmother is born. This is very similar to the position Alice or Sarah is in: “I would kill that fucking devil, but that would tear apart my family and the family of everyone I know, and definitely come back on my kids.”  What a genius way to portray this.

There’s a lot to be said about what’s wrong with Rufus, but I think one of his driving motives is his sadness.  This is why Dana is called to him in the first place, I think, because he is sad and reckless.  He does not feel loved by his father, who arguably had never been shown love by his own white parents. He was probably raised by black woman who he was simultaneously taught to disrespect.  That’s probably also why he has no respect for Rufus’ mother, and why, in turn, Rufus also has no respect for her.  She probably also did very little of the work to raise Rufus, even if she tries to be there for him.  Her own psyche is so damaged by the messages of slavery and misogyny that her weak brain cannot possibly understand her place in the world or how to feel about it. It’s funny that after her husband dies, Margret is able to be friendlier, more open, and even less racist. Rufus’ only friends seem to be black people, who are probably a bit weary and cautious around him, because their little “friend’s” father can decide to beat or sell them or their families at any time.  So Rufus never learns true friendship, true love.  He doesn’t understand and cannot work on the different parts of himself because he does not have the vocabulary or the experiences to differentiate selfishness, empathy, and justice.  This makes him sad, lonely, and angry.  He should have listened to Dana, but there is no space in his head to understand a smart Black woman.  I don’t mean to sound like I’m excusing him in anyway, he’s the devil, but Butler made him a very dimensional character in a way that makes me reflect on my own whiteness and how I experience whiteness in the world.  Still, it is mind boggling how Rufus again and again has a chance to make the right choice, or a better choice, and chooses something else.  It is clear that he has no sense of morality or objectiveness, only his perception, his desires.  His father, on the other hand, is painted to be a much more close-minded, violent, and cold man, but he still has intacted, yet warped, sense of morality, at least towards other white people. At least, Dana and Rufus seem to believe this, but there is very little evidence of it in the book.

Being white is all about mixed and purposefully misleading messages.  My favorite is how we are taught to fear black men, even though most violence enacted on white woman is from white men.  However, the fear of blackness keeps us from suspecting the white pedophiles, abusers, and rapists in our midst.

It would not be a proper remembering of this novel if I didn’t at least briefly mention Kevin, the white husband.  In 2020, we are no longer marrying dudes that doubt our intuition, who makes us unpack all the boxes, who hold their career success over us so that they can hopefully cajole us into doing their secretary work.  Like the fact he didn’t even consider coming back with her again, even though she was in much more danger their then he would be.  All around, I found him unimpressive.

Alice was also interesting.  It was almost as if Dana felt more kinship with Rufus than with Alice, which makes sense given her circumstance -- that she was called to the past by Rufus’ potential deaths.  Still, sometimes I forget that Alice is Dana’s great-grandmother, because she doesn’t seem to connect with her as inimitably.  At the same time, Dana knows that she is doing Alice a disservice, knows that there are things worse than death, and still, plays a role in creating Alice’s hell to save Dana’s family’s own existence.  Perhaps that is why she cannot be as close to Alice, just like some of the people who work in the fields hate Sarah and Dana.  Perhaps it is a way to illustrate the contentious relationships between black people in that era created by the white people or more specifically, created by the white people’s power and privilege.  I read some on the internet about black unity and black community, and it seems like some of these trends still play out today.  I read on sishi.rose’s instagram today about how when she spoke out about racism in her workplace, black people where some of the most skeptical.  Even today, there is issues in the black community regarding proximity to whiteness on both sides (ie both “your too close to whiteness” and also “I want to be close to whiteness”).  I can’t really speak much more about that, but I haven’t read many narratives about the negative aspects of intra-slave relationships.  It was also interesting to hear about how they created justice within their enslaved communities.  Obviously, the want justice between themselves and the whites, but because that was unobtainable, it felt so... vindicating? empowering? surprising? in the plot when they got to do that in their own community.  A few of them beat up the woman who tattles on Dana when she runs away -- that woman, too, displays more morality in her pinky finger than Rufus has in his entire body when she refrains from telling on her attackers.  Is she scared of being attacked again or being ostracized for her actions? Or does she know that telling on them could lead to their deaths or their movement away from the plantation -- is morality innate or enforced by our surroundings?  Either way.  When that man gets sold and his family blames it on Dana, I think it is Alice who later sets them straight.

All in all, it is a riveting story, that makes a lot of points about race relations in America not only 200 years ago, but today.

What are favorite and least favorite portrayal of Servants in Fate?

Uhh, there’s a lot?  I’ll assume with portrayals, you mean how legends or historical backgrounds were adapted and reinvented and if I like them?  Keep in mind there are a lot I like and a lot I’m lukewarm I don’t mention here. Some get me more passionate than others. 

Favorites (in no particular order).- Arturia, Merlin and most Round Table. You can tell that Nasu adores Arthuriana stuff and knows it deeply to come out with twists that make sense. Arturia and Mordred are one of the few genderbends who aren’t inherently lazy in Type Moon (unlike others made to just cash in Arturia’s design popularity and get no effort to explain why nobody thought they were women or ignored this - note, this doesn’t mean I dislike them, because I’m fond of Nero and the rest too, but it’s a strike down when you want to talk about this subject). Camelot is, to date, my favorite thing Nasu wrote next to Garden of Avalon because he has such grasp in these characters to make them unique, flawed and tragic. He isn’t afraid to make his female characters here in the wrong, something I deeply appreciate because makes them more sympathetic. The Lion-King was a gift. Yes, sure sometimes isn’t perfect (the characterization switch of Saber Alter from cooly angry tyrant to kuudere), but he usually takes a great care about their portrayal in a serious manner.- Oda siblings, Nobunaga and Nobuyuki:  Guda Guda 2 was so good to turn Nobunaga from a joke character to a serious one with layers, she along with Arturia and her son, became the third serious genderbent, where she suffered the consequences of being a woman and it explains her ascension to power as damyo through Nobuyuki’s sacrifice who she found out later, in the event, never rebelled against her but was trying to expose her detractors and with his sacrifice, he was showing nobody should defy his sister. They hurt my heart.- Solomon: He’s a departure of the Judeo-Christian Solomon, but because a lot of him seems taken off the Islamic version (where he’s literally the world most perfect ruler ever, literally Godsent to build an ideal kingdom which would only last as he lived). He follows Nasu’s most complex king character of the recent years (I like Nero but she lacks ‘something’ for me to see her as a ruler character) to stand next to Arturia and classics, addressing old Fate questions about rulership, humanity, and heroism. I appreciate that, just like Arturia, Nasu obviously knew what he was doing and only adapted his background to Nasuverse to keep it creative but fresh.- Asterios: This is how you write a classic mythological monster and keep him sympathetic without erasing what he was, just give an explanation, and not try to portray the hero who slain him as a ‘loser’.  Theseus was the first one who saw Asterios as a human being in his short published backstory and tried to comfort him when he died. - Leonardo Da Vinci: Her portrayal isn’t perfect, but it’s refreshing to see old theories come to life about Da Vinci (homosexuality, transsexuality). Da Vinci has the honor of being one of the few characters who actually has a love life that doesn’t involve sucking up to the main character or their love interest in life, goals that don’t involve the main character as the center of their lives, and has an exploration of her issues with loneliness and isolated she feels without involving the main character in her interlude (it’s a monologue). In other words, she’s allowed to be more than just Servant arm candy which is rare for a FGO original.- Florence Nightingale: I absolutely love Nightingale portrayal as Berserker, not so much without ME (we see her in Dantes event), but this asexual, aromantic, completely madwoman, in a good and bad sense, who is focused, intense and eloquent when she wants, intimidating men and women with her one-track mind mission to heal and purify, shows a bit how war takes the sanity of even the most saintly of people and yet they still remain themselves to the core.- Edmond Dantes: Nasu told everyone to watch Gankutsuou one day and said “come up with a Count of Monte Cristo who is nothing like that one”, and they did it. They did it and managed to make him iconic in portrayal too, without the stigma of having to compete with the Gonzo show classic. Against all odds, like poor publicity, limited event, Daganrompa design, he became one of FGO’s most popular originals, because they explored his entire personality and issues in a character-focused event, plus his backstory fits in with Nasuverse, expanding on the character without erasing any of his classic elements.- Most Victoriana characters: Sherlock Holmes, James Moriarty, Frankenstein,  Nursery Rhyme, Jekyll&Hyde, Helena, etc. I’m putting them in the same bag because they got a creative twist for Nasuverse characterization that was well handled, IMO, and were changed for setting purposes and to explore a concept rather than pander a fetish.- Lobo: Great adaptation and portrayal. A literal wolf got more development and introspection than the majority of Epic of Remnants appearing characters. This will never cease to be funny.- Tomoe Gozen: I don’t care much about her character, but gets a honorable mention because they actually keep her true to her legend and background instead of removing it to make her a pure sword waifu who loves the protagonist as they did with a number of characters.

Least favorite (controversial talk and triggers ahead):- Sherezade: I can’t even bring myself to explain how much they botched her and how much I absolutely loathe her. Any other characters in this list annoy me or irk me at very worst, but this one makes me angry. Her entire character is so offensive I can’t articulate it now or this would become far too long. She was one of my favorite childhood heroines, so it makes me extra salty. Let’s just say that they took one of world’s most memorable feminism icons as a nerves of steel creative woman who earned her happy ending and got everything in life to portray her as a mix of broken coward (and a joke after Agartha) full of misandry and internalized misogyny, who kidnapped and brainwashed people, including women, to be murderers and rapists to live her twisted fantasy, but wait, she was ‘cured’ by a good man’s spinning rainbow giant drill while she was told her purpose in life was to make babies. And her happy ending was the result of that man’s wish. Yes, she could have been a take of a broken pedestal who actually overcame her issues and became heroic after a growing up process (even if I disliked that interpretation), but instead of that, she was saved by boy Fergus, and this action is even referred on her profile: her happy ending has resulted of his wish. This is a thing that happened. I have no words to say how utterly crushed I feel regarding her. How they destroyed the core of her character appeal, twisted it and didn’t even allowed her the agency to earn her happy ending.- Altera: Or how to take a fairly interesting warlord and historical figure, remove everything that makes him Attila the Hun to pretend a bland robotic alien weapon waifu was him, even though all her struggle and ‘arc’ isn’t even focused on it, it just becomes an excuse to make her a Servant. Imagine if Arturia’s struggle in Fate wasn’t about her King Arthur related stuff and Camelot fall but about “oh my I’m a dragon hybrid who sided with humans in the end of the age of mystery, Shirou!”, something Nasu could have done since it’s also an aspect of her character, but had the good sense to focus on the fact she’s bloody King Arthur. That her arc is a literally a rehash of “robotic waifu becomes a person, goes against her program” which was already done by Sakura and BB (and Arc a decade before them) masterfully not so long ago, in Fate/Extra CCC, but they were actually well written (in comparison to Extella) so it makes her look extra bad. She was also inserted into the story out nowhere, just like this Velber thing which it’s not even mentioned once in all Extra (the Beasts were, ironically!) and stole the spotlight of characters who were your allies and Servants before, like Gilgamesh and Archer. When Sakura and Gilgamesh got added in CCC, Nasu never removed the focus on the three originals, rather he worked to give everyone their own routes. Extella was a reminder of those fanfics that retcon previously established canon to warp the plot focused on a new OC Mary Sue character who is more special than others with the entire plot orbiting around them, and you can’t escape this. Fortunately, she underperformed so badly as a main heroine of Fate in Japan that Nasu might think twice about pulling this again.- Medusa: I have a hate/love thing with Medusa, because as a character on her own, she started ok, beyond the gross sexual assault thing they never acknowledge as bad and irks me (but this is common in most female characters of TM, and some male ones like Shiki). I like her in FHA, her relationship and devotion to Sakura. However, yeah, she’s Medusa my all-time favorite Greek figure whom I adored since I was a child and her portrayal as a version of Medusa leaves a lot to be desired: removing her sexual relationship with Poseidon (which some versions involve rape, but in most of them they were lovers) to make her ‘pure’ and then portray her as ‘seductive’ was the worst decision Nasu could take in FHA when she was meant to parallel with Sakura’s domestic and sexual abuse, in FSN, so the character became kind of confusing to me. It just feels her character was overwritten to appeal purity-waifu lovers and twisted a bit. Her design (the BDSM outfit) is just ridiculous too. I can’t forgive there weren’t snakes, but with the appearance of Gorgon, this is salvaged that a bit (enemy gorgon is better looking than the playable one too, fff). Gorgon is what I wanted Medusa to be, but sadly that kitty-hood wearing “Ana” comes along with Gorgon (with her dog collar!). I don’t hate her, I have some kind of complicated relationship because my standards for Medusa are higher than usual and her character got overwritten as much as Gilgamesh with the years so it gets confusing (but without giving the attention Gilgamesh got too, so makes it harder to grasp what Nasu is doing now). The Perseus-bashing stuff also get me because, like Medusa’s portrayal, isn’t consistent. See, Medusa was originally Perseus, Nasu just genderbent him in FSN because he needed more girls. Their personalities are extremely alike based on what we see him in Prototype and he’s called like Shinji in FHA when he wasn’t at all (just to make her more sympathetic than the hero who actually killed her was ‘bad’ See why Asterios is a good example and why Medusa isn’t about how to handle this, it’s like she was a test run, IMO)? But in leaked FGO lines reveals Medusa is fine with Perseus now, except for Gorgon who wants to kill him, but she wants to kill everyone even the protagonist. This “characterization marches on” makes it all muddy and confusing. Gilgamesh has a similar problem, but I wasn’t attached to him, so I don’t care much.-Artemis (and Orion): Does this need an explanation?-Fionn and most Irish heroes, but Fionn is the main offender: From a mix of Irish King Arthur and Merlin in legends to a complete joke character whose entire kit and powers get stolen by you know who. Fionn is a disgrace to his legendary counterpart. Diarmuid was ok in Zero (not in FGO tho), Cu is fine (and even gets his noncon old habits called out in FHA!), Medb is one of the few female villains who don’t get whitewashed (though she loses a lot of layers of her mythical counterpart), the rest is… eh. -Kiyohime: Not the worst offender, but becomes a proof how the obsession with “pure” waifu-ideal for insecure otaku ruins a potentially interesting character and makes her super gross and problematic without owning up what she is by the fandom and, sometimes, canon. In legend, Kiyohime was a scorned woman whose lover, a monk Anchin, abandoned her after he regretted their relationship (which includes sex, several times). That’s the thing: they were in a relationship with a promise to stick together and he dumps her and runs off. She becomes enraged by his actions that become a serpent who chases him, but she was the one wronged, even if his death was extreme, it portrays her as a tragic character who lost it after a real betrayal. What does FGO does? Oh boy, FGO Kiyohime is just a crazy stalker creepy yandere who killed a monk (who was gay, by the way) who rejected her when she nightcrawled to his room (in case this gets lost in translation, google what is “nightcrawling” to get the extra disgusting implication), but because she insisted as the creepy obsessive woman she is, he promised her to meet her again to get her off his neck and escape, even though he had already made clear he wasn’t into her (or women) at all. She gets offended when he, the victim, runs away, chases and kills him. Now imagine if Kiyohime was a creepy stalker guy who slipped into a lesbian nun’s room when she sleeps to demand sex and a relationship and she tells him to sod off, but he doesn’t get the memo and chases after she escapes and burns her to death when she’s hiding because he was jilted. Now you get why her character is beyond gross. I shouldn’t even need to genderflip the story, but it seems some fans are too easily mislead by a cute waifu antics teehee. It’s fine to like her as long as you’re aware of her a problematic character and not a “cinnamon roll”. She rubs me wrong because it’s obviously an attempt to cash in with yandere-fans by twisting a story of a scorned woman who is lost in grief and anger which causes a tragedy. But it seems that otaku would take a gay man-burning crazy stalker over a nonvirgin. On the other hand, I REALLY love her design. It feels like a complete and absolutely tragedy of a waste character because I love her VA, her Art and classy design (summer and normal version) and NP, but the change made to her character was really appalling. -Beowulf: I don’t have strong feelings about him, but he’s one of the most world-famous heroes and yet he’s a footnote whose appearances consist on lose the fight to some of Nasu’s favorites (Li Shu Wen and Martha). He feels less than a character and more “That guy Nasu uses to show off how tough his favorites are in a fist fight”. Also his design sucks, his art is good but I just dislike the ‘modern’ look unless you’re going all hammy about it like Kintoki.-Caligula: He’s not a character, he’s just Nero’s accessory and blind worshipper for no reason. If they bothered to keep up with his historical background, he’ll be more into his horse and Iskandar, and, maybe, Iskandar’s horse. He has no real personality beyond NERO NERO NERO. Kind of a shame because his design is ok, and he is potentially interesting as a gross unhinged emperor.-Siegfried: Siegfried is… a good boy, but he became an unfunny joke that I can’t longer take seriously as a character thanks to FGO. He’s in serious need of a makeover. Introducing Kiemhild and Hagen could be a good start, he’s savagable, just not so fond of what he is now.-Elizabeth Bathory-Carmilla: Not so much that I dislike them as characters, but it kind of rubs me the wrong way the one that should be an older woman with a torture fetish is portrayed as a dragon idol while Carmilla, the one immortalized as a young girl by Le Fanu, is the older woman. If they switched designs, and made Carmilla a catgirl instead of a dragon girl, preferably, but I don’t mind them at all, just this kind of irks me because they kind of switched their usual thing? It’s not dislike, just confusion.- Mephistopheles:  Or let’s take a famous devil in a classic to make him a murderous clown. What could go wrong? What’s even the point of this character, really? I love his artist and his VA, but this takes the cake of the most wasted character in FGO and has zero to do with his portrayal. I mean, I get the adaptation about homunculus stuff, but it was kind of too jarring switch because none of his traits are like Mephistopheles, like AT ALL. Erik was kind of wasted and made a bishie cosplaying Freddy Krueger, but at least he keeps the Christine stuff and a mask, to say “Oh right this is the Phantom of the Opera.” Nothing about Mephistopheles makes me think “This is Mephistopheles!” It’s like Nasu and his boys were talking about character concepts and one was “Hey, guys, I just rented It, and I want to add an evil clown in FGO!”, “Sounds great, but who can be? We can’t just steal Pennywise, he’s copyrighted.” “I know, let’s make him Mephistopheles!” “Why?” “Er, it sounds like how a devilish clown would call himself” and boom. Something like that.