.

“Regulus would be proud of us,” James whispered quietly to no one in particular, still gripping onto the painting like a life raft. 

— Tender Curiosities, Baby!  @otrtbs

hope everyone had alright holidays!

a few days ago when we were driving home in the dark in windy and rainy weather after getting two of my siblings from the train we, for the first time in my lifetime im pretty sure, hit a deer that was crossing the street, none of us saw them before they got caught in the headlights and the first one made it over but we werent yet slow enough to not hit the second one ...

the deer lived but was kinda stunned, my dad pushed it off the street and while we were still on the phone with police it got up and ran away but my parents car got damaged and while its still drivable there are several parts that got bent and since its an older model too it might be hard to get it repaired

anyway, i didnt know deer fur was that grey until i saw it stuck to our bumper :(

merry crisis

aj and christopher - tony's son and heir, respectively - are written as foils throughout the series, but i think there's something really special about the way things came together in the final season. in season six tony is eaten up both by his hatred for aj and christopher's hatred for him, and he furiously vents about both to melfi. he kept aj out of the mafia, because he felt he owed him that protection as a father, but he despises the coddled and emotionally fragile young man aj has grown into as a result. christopher, on the other hand, tony invited into the mafia and acted as a mentor, but christopher grew to hate tony for acting like a father all while essentially damning him to a hellish life he would never let his actual children enter into. tony finds both of them ungrateful, and yet he is eaten up by the fact he could find his son so loathsome or that someone he spent so much time nurturing could end up detesting him. both speak to tony's fear of being a toxic person, unable of having a loving relationship. he is repulsed by a gentle and sheltered young man he kept in a gilded cage, but the young man who has lived in tony's underworld can only see him as the devil.

interestingly, aj and christopher also enter into father roles of their own. aj falls in love for the first time after tony forces him to work at the construction site and he meets blanca. he becomes a pseudo-stepfather to blanca's son hector, and while blanca eventually cools on him, his relationship with hector always seems very doting and sweet. christopher, meanwhile, marries his girlfriend kelli after only being together a short amount of time because she gets pregnant, and his ambivalence is clear from the start. in many ways, he's not over tony having adriana killed and his own role in betraying her. we also know from previous seasons he feels both an obligation as his late father's only child to have a son to carry on the moltisanti name, while also fearing he is ill-suited to being a father because of his drug addiction, which he believes to have been inherited from his parents. tony himself is somewhere in the middle - capable of being a doting and generous father and yet frequently feeling removed from his children because of his double life and fearing he has passed along his cursed genes. both aj and christopher's stabs at fatherhood are short-lived however. aj's relationship ends, which leads to a suicide attempt, and christopher is killed.

the two episodes in which these events occur happen back to back, as if to really hammer home how linked the two are. christopher and tony get into an accident, and right as tony is dialing 911 to try and save christopher's life - he realizes his opportunity and kills him instead, the accident giving him the perfect cover. the next episode, tony comes across aj's botched suicide attempt and dives into save aj. both son and heir are at death's door and his responses are opposite, literally using his hands to smother christopher one episode and ripping a bag off of aj's head so he can breathe again the next. and the reactions he has to both mirror each other so powerfully. he is relieved to finally be rid of christopher, who he calls "the biggest blunder of my career" - he no longer has to wonder when christopher's animosity will become a full-fledged betrayal, he no longer has to see what an embarrassment christopher is, to be reminded of his poor judgment in selecting him as his successor. aj, on the other hand, he tells melfi he is ashamed of. he saved his son, of course he did, but we see how humiliated he feels each time his mob associates try to offer sympathy, how he vainly hopes someone like carmine jr will have gone through something similar so he won't be alone in his ignominy. just as he thinks he's escaped having to deal with his failure to have a worthy heir, he's confronted with the ways - in his view - he has failed to produce a worthy son (never grappling with the fact that his view of this as a failure is part of the problem).

in many ways, the last season is about finally casting judgement on tony soprano. after watching the last several seasons of his terrible behavior, the narrative begins to be much more explicit in the language it uses and the symbols it pairs with tony - he is the devil in the back of the club asking you to sell your soul; he is the toxic water poisoning jersey for a cheap profit - and now we see what that has meant for the two men he raised. what the protection he offered and the guidance he gave amounted to.

Angels in America: Millennium Approaches by Tony Kushner

halfway thru my first drivers ed session. idk if i can do this aftually lol

sometimes I think about my 7th grade math teacher and how she started banging her head against the wall because she got so tired of dealing with us

Thank Primus the clinic had a backup generator. First Aid counted himself lucky for finding it in the storage room, and quickly moved it into position for later. No fuel inside it, but that was alright. Plenty he could scavenge for when he’d need to turn it on. Not yet, at least.

How long until power ran out? He didn’t know. It was still online for a little bit, but that would change soon. Two days… maybe, max. Probably less. He shouldn’t- he really shouldn’t shelter in this clinic, of all places, but it was surrounded by big stone walls and only had two entrances. Entrances that he’d already blocked off earlier, sealing the gates and pushing abandoned cars in front of them, and then piling barricades behind. It would have been easier to defend the clinic with more people. Faster. But he’d…

First Aid’s eyes flickered to the outside again. Through the window. And he could see the throngs of zombies filtering through the streets. Could still see people, rarely, run out into the street screaming. Sometimes being chased by other humans too. Sometimes right before being shot. The tires tracks of the army convoy were still visible, and the same was said about the bodies they left behind. Some still human.

No. First Aid didn’t need anyone else. Couldn’t risk it. He already had four mouths to feed- if he even managed to find someone, how could he trust them? How could he trust to leave them around the kids? As of now, everything was- fine. Okay. The oldest, a teenager named Cliff Racer- who’d been at the hospital for her broken leg- she could take care of the younger ones when First Aid would go out. She knew how to shoot a gun, knew how to take care of the littler kids. Of course it wasn’t ideal. But it was what they had.

How much fuel did they have stored? If power went out tonight, First Aid could run it. Should he run it? Maybe not. The windows weren’t covered yet. The fridges all had perishables, though- he’d need to clear them out first. The blood bags. The milk. How much baby formula did they have? He needed to get more. Shit- the vaccines- were all the kids up to date? The babies, certainly not. How many months old?… DTaP, IPV, HepB-

Breathe. First Aid took a shaky inhale in, and out. He hadn’t slept last night and he wouldn’t sleep tonight, either. Just naps through the day. Like night shift work. But it made him exhausted still, and he was panicking. Of course he’d panic. How could he feed all of them by himself? Take care of all of them? If both of the babies needed twenty cans of formula per month- finding that alone would be difficult. Nevermind feeding a growing child and a growing teenager. Even if he could do the most basic of food, rice and beans, how long would that even last? Before-

…Before what?

He didn’t know. He glanced back outside, and this time, towards the edge of the mountains that flanked the city.

Maybe it would be a good idea to move out soon.

imagining a billy & max role reversal au where billy is max's feral little brother who only loves one (1) person and it is his older sister who stepped in when no one else would

woke up today with a migraine that made me puke multiple times but i am ending the night looking up youtube videos of what seoul line 3 looks like for my orv au

it's sooo hard wanting to be cool but also loving doctor who. everything reminds me of her

the way i am exhausted and do not under ANY circumstance want to go to my grandmas with a fuckton of family for hours tonight for my grandfathers birthday. if i end up having to i might honest to god just go hide in one of the back rooms at least half the time its been SO busy ALL day im finally starting to crash and i have 2 hours left and an even Busier 8 hours tomorrow 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and my dad just texted back heavily implying that i do in fact Not have a choice abt going and im genuinely seconds away from bursting into tears 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 love being 22 and having little to no say in half of my own life

thinking about vashwood tickle fights

Can someone please write a fic that’s like “5 times Steve tries rolling for a nat 20 and the 1 time he did” style where Steve decided he’ll make a move on Eddie if the D20 will let him? The five times is it rolling low and he just makes an ass of himself but Eddie is like dumbfounded and has heart eyes every time because he has no idea what’s happening but here Steve Harrington is in front of him pulling a D20 out his pocket while they were just sitting in a diner?? He’s rolling it???? … oh my god I didn’t know that was something that can happen to a pancake. Hes in love.

Feb 2023 🫶🏼

came back from the library sitting in my car and i can see through the window my stupid roommate’s stupid boyfriend sitting in the kitchen. that man needs to be killed. literally get out of my houseeee!!!

sometimes i remember the absolute shitshow that was f3 at monza and spa in 2015 and die a little inside. over half that grid are now professional, international racing stars in series like f1, fe, indycar, and yet. and yet. teenage brain prevailed then. absolute fucking carnage.