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#that it actually wants me to commit arson
a-wondering-thought · 4 months
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Now im not saying i would ever be an arsonist but im not not saying that sometimes i want to set a building on fire and watch as the flames grow and flicker around me and hear the flames start to roar and turn different colours as i watch mesmerized by them and they inch closer but still i dont really notice because how can something this beautiful be so deadly and if i do its too late and as the fire catches on to my clothes i look up at the sky and wonder for the last time..
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resident-gay-bitch · 1 month
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Kate Bush has always been a very fun chill out groovy nice artist for me to listen too and sing along too and all that blah blah blah good vibes. Now every time army dreamers comes on I cry
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cuccoamongdragons · 5 months
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Shoutout to Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time for convincing tiny me I should learn how to read so I could understand the story.
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flamedork · 10 months
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sup nerds I never left
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necromycologist · 3 months
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yeah they have a really strong family resemblance (the fandom mischaracterizes them in the same ways)
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wishbonemotel · 4 months
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finally finished watching daredevil literally 8 years after starting it. if anyone needs me i’ll be. i’m. i
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gender-euphowrya · 2 years
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the way cishet people will jump down the throat of any lgbtqia person who dares make even the smallest statement about oppression like “UGH you’re ALWAYS complaining this is why y’all deserve to be killed it’s annoying!!!!” like it’s somehow always OUR fault that THEY hate us
the way they always snatch to any opportunity to excuse and absolve themselves from their own shitty behavior and the society they built and uphold
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thoughtvoid · 5 months
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At least schedule more than one person the day after major sales and not just the day of (if that), you stupid sadists. Or, y'know. More than just two people for the entire day, trying to fill the pit you're providing excavators for.
#Black Friday? Three people per shift all day; actually wasn't a problem; so little work people did filler jobs#Cyber Monday? Like 150 fluctuating orders and manageable with the two people per shift#Literally the day /after/ Cyber Monday? When people are known to be ordering up until midnight?#One person in the morning shift; one person closing#With a 'surprise coupon that we don't even tell our storefronts about beforehand because f you'#We ran out of shipping boxes this past week. Our supply orders are delayed. Triple digit orders all day#Can barely dent it before the number goes up. Fucking UPS has just. Not picked up packages a few times.#One was after a weekend; when they don't pick up anyway; so an extra no show was just. Us drowning in packages#Why is it that the stress test I'm prepared for (Black Cyber) isn't what makes me want to commit arson#I told myself I wouldn't volunteer for the Hours ever again after last year but I have weak conviction and bad memory#Usually I go for it because it means I do overnights but we didn't even /get/ overnights this year#Instead I was bounced between openings and closings and having to work with /customers/ roaming around#Overnights have fucked up my family time and probably my mental state before#But not as badly as me having constant mental shutdowns because /there are people everywhere/#/And I hate getting stopped 10+ times per shift when I'm trying to focus on an already overwhelming task/#Price check? That's fine; I just scan something and leave. Bare minimum helpfulness#But 'do you have this product'; 'can you help me find my size'; 'when do you get [product] in'#Sometimes I wanna be honest instead of helpful#I wanna say 'I just know where to look for stuff; I don't actually know anything about this department or what we have'#'Do I work here; in the shoe area? No. I work at the store and search for very specific products'#'I can't even browse and shop for myself because I am laser focused on what I'm looking for for other people'#'I know we have nobody on the floor and I'm the only one wandering around for you to see'#'But I'm not wearing a nametag for two reasons and one is to dissuade people from flagging me down'#(I am not mean and do help people; but then there's also 'I want to help but I can't because you don't even know what you want')#('Or because what you want doesn't exist and I don't know how else I can say 'we don't even seem to have it online; sorry'')#(Which is also demoralizing on top of my social interaction tolerance already being drained)#(Please stop making online orders; people; you already missed the famously good sales; I don't even know why you bother)#/I/ feel like there should be a lull; we don't even have anything good right now#The next big sale is Soon; and really no one should feel like buying right this second#Please stop making me deal with hundreds of orders on my own for no discernible reason
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freakylilnutjob · 1 year
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You get to steal something from your worst enemy's house it has to be smaller than your head but majorly inconvenient. What is it and why? Bonus points for creativity.
I have been thinking about this way too long.
I couldn’t think of someone I actually feel like is an enemy but I would take my least favorite coworkers work badge. I promise it would be severely inconvenient. We need them for literally everything and they are not easily replaceable.
thank you Reggie! 🧡
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naddiesflower · 1 year
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Flirting with them as a hero
Characters: Shigaraki, Dabi, Kai Chisaki, Mr. Compress
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Shigaraki
You wouldn’t see each other often when you’d go out on patrols
But oh boy, when you did
Poor shigaraki bro
To a person who didn’t know either of you, it would like you are the one harassing shigaraki
“Can’t you go do hero stuff somewhere else?”
“I could, but i wouldn’t be able to see you.”
Scratches his neck more often in your presence because, “they make me feel nasty inside”
SHIGARAKI DISCOVERS AFFECTION FOR THE FIRST TIME NOT CLICKBAIT
It’s obvious you can’t see what he looks like under the hand he wears
And Shigaraki has curiously inquired a couple of times why you’re so flirty if you don’t know what he even looks like
Like clock work you always answer:
“Well i think you probably look cute under that hand.”
And cue Shigaraki trying to escape from you claiming that
“You’re weird and annoying.”
You’re one of the few heroes who come across Shigaraki so often
Its because he finds you so interesting and he semi-memorized your patrol schedule to bump into you more often 
HE HAS YOUR ENTIRE SCHEDULE MEMORIZED DON’T BELIEVE HIM HE’S A STALKER
Anyways, during one of your guys fight you somehow manage to knock the hand off his face and-
Oh wow
And he has a mole right by his mouth?? 
Omg how does he look good with a bloody nose
You recover from your short trance
“Looks like i was right about you being cute.”
You’re so glad you were able to knock off that bothersome hand off his face or else you would have never seen his reddening cheeks
You reach for a part on your hero suit and rip off a piece of fabric
You reach towards his face, Shigaraki surprisingly doesnt pull away from you, and wipe at his bleeding nose
Shigaraki only stares at you starstruck during this
After you deem your work satisfactory you toss the fabric to the floor and stand up and walk away 
You call out to Shigaraki
“That was a cute look on your face back there.”
Shigaraki just watches you walk away and out of the abandoned warehouse you guys were fighting in
Eventually he also walks away but not before picking up the discarded piece of your hero outfit, making sure he kept his pinky far away from the fabric
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Dabi
Likes you cuz you’re not the cookie cutter type of hero and you’re actually fun
“A hot guy with a fire quirk, i don’t think it’s mere coincidence.”
You catch him off guard so hard 
He thought you would be an uptight kind of hero
The last thing he ever expected from you was to flirt with him
“You seem fun.”
And you did end up being fun
From then on the both of you would bump into each other more frequently
Dabi concluded that the more buildings he burned down, the more you would show up 🤭
“Why is it that your always on my tail?”
“Well maybe it’s because i want to see your face more often…also because you keep committing arson.”
Another thought that came to you is that fire really did suit Dabi
You would never admit out loud, but he did make chaos look like such a beautiful thing
“Hey what do you say, when i finally send you to the cellar how about we have a jailhouse date?”
“It’s a shame you’re a hero or else i would take you up on your offer”
Over time you’ve come to notice his disdain for heroes
Yeah villains normally hate heroes, but something was different about his hatred
But even with your position as a hero, Dabi was fond of you despite objecting this himself
“Join us, i’m sure we could offer you more than those crappy hero agencies.”
You pause and Dabi thinks for a second you might really consider his offer
But you murmur something he barely catches
“Maybe at an earlier point of my life i would have.”
You don't give him a chance to ponder on your statement before you’re charging to fight him
Something about that last encounter shifted something in yalls situationship
This was very evident when you had bumped into him in the most unexpected way
You were off duty and was walking down an abandoned alley way (because that’s totally normal)
But the sound of pained groans catch your attention and you snap quickly into hero mode, looking for what you assumed to be an injured samaritan
the injured part you guessed correctly
the Samaritan part not so much 
you stare at the bloodied form of Dabi huddled next to a garbage bin
Dabi finally takes notice of your presence and he immediately starts trying to burn you
"HEY! look im not going to hurt you!"
you bring your hands up in a surrender motion
Dabi only stops when he's aware that you're out of your hero uniform 
but he's still wary as he sneers at you
"You here to take advantage of me? finally put me behind bars like you wanted?"
"Shut up and let me help you asshole"
Dabi has no choice in the matter as you're already tending to his wounds
and quite frankly he's too tired to fight you
he stares at you and he can't help but think how much more attractive you looked up close 
and how stupid you were
You could have taken advantage of him in his weak time
But you’re here helping him
a villain
“Your kindness will be your downfall you know?”
“It is my job you know.”
when you're done you stand up with a huff and look like you want to say something but settle with
"go to a real doctor and get that thoroughly checked out."
Dabi watches you walk away and thinks
In another time maybe the both of you could have been partners in crime
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Chisaki
Absolutely despises you at first
He’s never seen a hero like you before (derogatory)
The first time you both met was during an undercover mission you were assigned to
Acting as a villain trying to work under Kai
You lead him down the alley way
“Sorry we had to meet in this dingy place, i’ve heard how much you despise dirty places.”
He’s almost impressed that you’d consider his ick
Almost, so the most he offers you is an acknowledging grunt
“It’s not the worst i’ve seen.”
And it truly isn’t
Just when he thinks people can’t any nastier they just somehow do
“Alright so what do you say about my proposition?”
Kai feigns thinking
He already knew who you were
And he thought you an idiot for trying to take him on your own
“I think you’re foolish.”
You hear your hero name being called through the earpiece you have
“You need to retreat right now!”
Thankfully your reflexes are fast or else you’d be reduced to nothing
You look up to where you were once standing and catch Kai’s eyes
They catch you off guard so hard you can barely hear the yelling in your ear piece
You just blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind
“Kai you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.”
“Another word and i’ll make you disappear”
“Not even when it’s singing your praises?”
“Sing them in the afterlife.”
Kai was never able to disintegrate you
And you got away mostly unscathed
You also got a serious tongue lashing from your company, but it’s whatever 🙄
His eyes still on your mind when you go to sleep that night
Kai’s mind is also plagued by that night 
He can’t stop thinking how idiotic you were
But his mind keeps replaying the compliment you said
He’s not great at feelings, but even he could feel the sincerity that oozed from your voice
He doesn't have to imagine about you often though
Because somehow you’re always able to sneak your way inside the hideout
He theorizes it has something to do with your quirk, since it was never explicitly stated to the public what it was
Which leads to a kind of back and forth between you guys
You usually sneak in to gather intel
But you mostly do it because you like to mess with Kai
You’ll never forget the time you had managed to get into his office
Which you weren’t aware of at the time until he walked, wide eyed upon seeing you
He’s not surprised to see you, only disappointed
Mostly in his men for letting you get past them
“What are you doing in my office?”
“Oh wow, no bird mask-? Wait, this is your office?”
You say as you spin around in his chair, you had just entered into the first room that you came across
A sly smile crosses your face
“I guess you could say it’s fate that we cross each other like this huh?”
At this point he’s used to your sugary words, but he can’t help the way his cheeks heat up, thankful for the mask he’s wearing right now
He doesn’t know why, but he feels like entertaining your shenanigans 
He walks over to his swivel chair and he can see the way you look at him
With apprehension, but mostly curiosity
He grabs the back of the chair, spins you to face him, and places both of his hands on the arms of the chair
Kai leans in, getting close to your face and manages the most sultry voice he can manage
“Fate? Or is it because you like me so much?”
He notices your expression start to change
And he’s so sure you’re going to be a flustered mess
What he doesn’t expect you do to is to hit him on the chest, effectively pushing him back, and start laughing
“What’s so funny?”
“Hahaha! No nothing- what you did was just cute.”
Honestly what he did made your heart race
And the way he looked at you omg-
Your laughing was out of nervousness, but he didn’t need to know that
Kai glares at you and huff, “get out of my office.”
Finally calming down, you stand up from the chair
“Yeah yeah, i need to get going anyways.”
You walk up to Kai and pull down his black face mask
Kai’s eyes widen and he flinches back the slightest
This causes you you smile a little bit and you lean in to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek
“I knew you would be handsome under that mask.”
With that you walk away from him and out the door all nonchalant
Kai stares at your form the entire way
He would have liked to meet you under different circumstances, but he knows that could never happen
And it never did
He’s apprehended not too long later and you knew it would eventually happen
But that still doesn’t stop the ache in your heart when you find out
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Compress
Will flirt back
“Oh you’re fun, you probably wear that mask to keep people from falling in love with you right?”
He immediately matches your energy
“Then should I take it off so you can do just that my dear?”
Compress usually has fun fighting against heroes, but not as much as he does with you
You’re like a breath of fresh air compared to the usually serious heroes he comes across
He looks forward to bumping in to you 
Him flirting back with you was an absolute surprise
It’s not that you flirt with every villain you fight, you had just assumed he would be some being filled to the brim with anger and rage
And you wanted to provoke him
Well he wasn’t one bit provoked and for once you had fun fighting
You both see each other a handful of times afterwards
But one of the meetings had stuck by your mind among the rest
You bump into compress during patrol
But this time he's not alone
He’s with a young blonde girl
You would have immediately thought the worst and jumped into fighting him if you hadn’t already been aware of the kid’s description in the League of Villains files
You can’t help but feel sad about her situation, society failing her and making her turn to unethical means to survive
You’d be sympathazing with her in your mind had she not interrupted your thoughts
And what she says catches you severely off guard
“Is that the hero you have a crush on compress? They’re so cute!”
Not once did her ever say he had a crush on you (though that doesn’t mean it wasn’t true)
He just mentioned your encounters off handedly to the group and it somehow led to Himiko gushing over one of your fansites whilst smacking his arms and saying, “look, look!”
Compress is half expecting you to be disgusted
“Is that so?” You look over to Compress and and raise an eyebrow
“Have you already fallen for me so quickly, though I can’t really blame you.”
You playfully flutter your eyelashes at him
“It would be hard not to fall for you my dear”
Himiko is squealing about how cute the entire thing is and Compress just can’t help but laugh
You begin to walk in their direction and pat Compresses’ shoulder
“Don’t make me work extra tonight.”
They weren’t doing anything yet, so you’d let them be
Before you walk away, Compress pulls a rose from one of his sleeves and hands it to you
You take it from him with a smile and walk away from the pair
Eventually you notice he’s gone for a while 
You would understand if he was making himself scarce from other heroes, but it’s like he straight up disappears
IT’S BECAUSE MANS IS MISSING A LIMB
And you’re secretly kind of sad about it
But he was a villain and him disappearing should have never surprised you
But one day you spot him, funnily enough where you both met each other
You thought you might have been hallucinating because you had come to accept that he kicked the bucket
The first thing you notice is his left robotic arm
Concern flashes across your face, that surely had to have been the reason for his absence
Villains also had their own enemies, so you’re 100% it wasn’t some freak accident and someone did this to him 
You want to ask him if he’s okay, joke about it but the only thing that comes out of you is
“Who was it?
He looks at you questioningly, you’re usually so playful with him, but he likes seeing this new side of you
“Worrying over a villain my dear? I must say that’s not a very wise thing to do.”
That’s right, as much as you wanted to worry about him, your job wouldn’t allow that freedom
“I was only wondering who got to the mighty Mr. Compress before I could.”
Compress huffs out a laugh and walks towards you until he’s right in front of you
He takes of his mask
Your breath hitches, not expecting him to ever do such a thing
And then he removes the black fabric from his face
You’re too busy admiring how handsome he is to even notice him reaching for your hand and grabbing it
“Please,” he raises your hand and places a kiss to the back of it. 
“Call me Sako.”
You repeat his name, making sure to look into his eyes the entire time
You knew nothing could bloom between you two, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep playing this dangerous game
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justporo · 7 months
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Hi sweetheart if your request is open I want to request a nsfw and or sfw alphabet for Astarion 🥰
Hello my sweet, Anon, and thank you! Oh exciting, I like these, so I'm happy someone asked me to do this. This will be SFW but maybe I'll do a NSFW version too - if people want it?
I used this wonderful template by @the-coldest-goodbye (thank you for making this!)
Also let's call this
Fluffy relationship headcanons about Astarion and Tav (in alphabetic order)
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(Because I know the word headcanon is somewhat of a Pavlov'sch bell for some people here, hihi~)
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Very much so. Once Astarion really grabs onto the concept of having someone he deeply and truly loves, he tells them every moment of every day. He compliments them, showers them in gifts, his flirtatious behaviour never stops. But oh yeah, they also bicker like an old married couple - it's their love language.
Also he’s very keen to keep his hands on you, PDA: oh hells yeah, showing the whole world you belong to him, also you’re just that yummy.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
Pure chaotic goblin energy. If you’re best friends with Astarion you’re most likely enabling each other to commit arson on a daily basis – and you love it.
You most likely stumbled over each other, each thought “what a dickhead, looks so dumb…”, figured you were equally sassy and were inseparable from there on out. Because the best friendships start with thinking “ugh, this dumb idiot…”
Also being in a relationship with Astarion means also being his best friend and having chaotic gremlin moments – like for example grouping up on Gale to shittalk him.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
Cuddling is a kind of unusual concept for Astarion at first, like with any kind of non-sexual intimacy. But he very quickly figures out he loves cuddling. Just normal hugging, holding you standing behind you with his arms around your waist. But he also enjoys it so so much when he’s being held, just knowing your arms are his safe haven.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Honestly, after everything? Yes – at least for quite some time I guess Astarion wants to settle down, have some time to figure himself out but also enjoying some mundance peace and quiet with Tav – with the biggest worry being what he’ll wear this night.
He’s shit tho at all the domestic shit. He doesn’t know how to cook or anything else and frankly he has never needed to because even before being turned he lived the comfortable live of a noble. Tav’s going to have to teach him a thing or two on how not to be so messy…
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Despite that I am 1000% convinced that Tav and Astarion are endgame… Quickly, I believe, like ripping a bandaid off, but making sure to really get the point across on why.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
The idea of commitment might scare Astarion, the idea of having Tav forever does not. So I guess he would actually come around to the idea although you both assure each other it’s not to prove something. Also Astarion does joke about it – because he loves thinking about it, to have someone who’s loving him until the end of time.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
So gentle, almost chaste, especially at first. Yeah yeah, he knows every trick in the book when it comes to sex, but exploring what a committed relationship can feel like? Sharing small moments of intimacy, opening up his feelings that he never really allowed himself to have before.
That being said I believe the first time Tav and Astarion sleep with each other after he’s freed: it’s like it’s his first time, fully there, bravely letting himself fall into your open loving arms, experiencing for the first time what it means to be this kind of intimate with someone you love more than anything else in this world.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Something he also didn’t really quite get until he shared it with Tav – and then the other ones who became his friends. He relishes hugs as something that really make him feel at peace. And he does become a hugger, at least with Tav: small, quick hugs to full-blown embraces – although these are something he likes to enjoy only with you. Oh, and they’re wonderful hugs: not too strong, not too weak, although Astarion might be a bit of a clinger, especially in the beginning, when he can never get enough.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
Tav says it first, but he’s pretty brave and pretty sure about his feelings (at least about how hard he’s fallen once he accepts the initial fact), so pretty quickly. And after that: AT. ANY. POSSIBLE. MOMENT.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
Jealous, but reasonably so. Like he can obviously differentiate if you’re just friends with someone or if it might even just be flirty banter (because he’s also guilty as charges with that) but someone hits on you, you’re definitely not interested, the other person keeps pushing? He’ll be ready to rip their throat out. He gets protective. This being said, his jealousy is always focused on the other party pushing a toe out of line, not you.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
Everything? Everywhere? All at once?
Of course his kisses are perfect, he likes to kiss every inch of your body and loves when you repay him for that in like. Although like with other intimate moments it’s still something new to him because there are a lot of feelings in it now.
Also Astarion and Tav love to annoy each other with giving each other big wet smooches when the other person is being annoying or just needs a lip-smacking reminder of affection.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
“You’re so gross, Astarion.”
“Why is cute, when Scratch does it, but not when I do it?”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT A DOG, ASTARION!”
“I mean I could bark if you wanted me to.”
Children can be annoying them because “ugh, why are they so loud and smelly… and sticky” but Astarion loves the chaotic energy kids have. And if the other companion’s would ever bring kids over he would absolutely incite them to cause chaos all around, teach them naughty words, give them candy so they get a sugar rush when they should actually go to bed.
And Astarion is good at telling kids captivating stories, so he becomes the resident storyteller when friends with kids come visit.
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) (or in his case evenings, I figure)
Slow, full of cuddles and “five more minutes, my love, please” – basically he loves to just hang around with you in bed. He also takes his sweet time getting ready after waking up – A) because he can B) “when you look this good…”; once he figures out what Tav’s favourite hot beverage is in the morning, he’d learn how to brew it perfectly and bring it to them when he’s feeling generous.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) (and here days, accordingly)
Even more cuddles, talking before bed, talking after going to bed, probably having lots of wine while doing so – or just lounging around reading with his head in your lap while you detangle his soft curls.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
Slowly at first but then more and more. But there’s just as much for him to unpack as there is for you to learn and take in. But Astarion learns quickly that you’re a good person to open up to: he feels safe and seen with you. And even if it doesn’t fix all his trauma right away – telling you, it really helps.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Astarion has more than a bit of temper. He can get very easily annoyed especially by little, seemingly unimportant things. He can snap at you but he tries to take a quick breather then and work through it and apologises – even though this too is something he learns slowly.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
I think he memorizes a lot about everyone anyway, because it’s a survival instinct to gather all possible information that might become helpful. But besides that: once Astarion is all aboard the relationship train, he will absolutely remember everything – probably even better than you. That’s also why he gets you the best gifts, because he listens, when you tell him something that you would like.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
He holds the memory of this first special hug very close and dear in his heart. Because he remembers how incredibly frightened he was how scary that leap was. But there you were quite literally with open arms and an open heart.
But there’s lots more moments. When you bought the house in Baldur’s Gate and he could carry you inside the first time cheekily in bridal style? The first gift you ever gave him for your first anniversary? There’sso many and he collects them like precious little treasures.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Very, oh he’s so very protective. And he will cut someone if the need arises. He might actually even be a bit too eager about it. And he likes when you’re protective of him as well – and let’s be honest you’re just as eager to keep him safe.
Nobody touches you or him – or they get the sharp end of a knife.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Everyday stuff, oh eeeeh, it’s hard. Astarion is just so not used to it, but he tries. He really does. And gifts, dates and all? Firstly, he finds out that he’s very much a romantic. Secondly, this man does not do things like this lightly, because “if we were going to be basic about it, we don’t have to do it at all”.
And he regularly outdoes himself trying to spoil you.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
As much as he tries to be open and learn. The habits of 200 years die hard. Sometimes when he feels backed into a corner he snaps and he can be very much hurtful. And as much as you want to pretend you rationally know it better, you do get angry sometimes, you do feel hurt. And you do have fights.
But at latest when tempers are cooled again, you always get back around to talking it through and learning something from it. The two of you never go to bed angry with each other – that’s an unspoken agreement.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Astarion deeply is a creature of vanity. He cares about his looks almost as much as he cares about Tav. And it can annoying, but then again: he deserves to treat himself and he deserves all the swooning and pining and compliment you can give him – and you happily supply.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Let me cite a fic of mine and although Tav says it, Astarion feels very much the same:
“I love you so much, I would give up everything for you, if only it meant I could still be with you. I would burn this whole world down if it meant, I could keep you safe. I would walk with you to the end of the universe if it was what you needed to be happy. And if I ever where to leave this earthly world behind, I believe my soul would find you again – and again and again – because I’m half and only ever whole with you.”
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
It’s hard to say that he has no regrets. And surely Astarion would never want to go through all his trauma again, but yet… in the end he met you, didn’t he?
In the end he found you and you became his light.
Sometimes he thinks about that as you lay beside him dreaming. He softly moves a strand of hair out of your closed eyes and thanks whatever God has sent you his way
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
Plainly, if they saw him in a way like probably everyone did for the past two centuries and if he felt used by them. But you’re you and would never do that.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
He doesn’t know it but he tends to be a clinger when he’s in his dreamful trance. And maybe this is only a thing he developed since the two of you have been together, but he sometimes wakes you because in his sleep he pulls you to him so you’re left with nothing but snuggling up to him – becoming his life size teddy bear.
You’d never have it any other way!
(Also sorry for swinging between Tav/you - I'm just so used to 2nd person perspective while writing, oops)
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russetfoxfur · 5 months
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mcyt is NOT beating the criminal allegations
- mumbo did season eight which. ah. produced the wonderful quote: "My parents are still alive... but that can be changed."
- cub eats people
- bad is a cannibal. this is different from eating people, according to my irl. do i want to know
- fit was on 2b2t
- wilbur blew up a country and killed a buncha people
- phil blew up that country too (apparently)
- scar. ah. scar did monopoly mountain and things went downhill from there
- dont even get me started on gem. she started the whole secret life apocalypse. she killed etho at least sixteen times. she is on tumblr which means tango is scared of her AS HE SHOULD BE
- sausage had that whole esmp s1 evil thing. classifying this as sausage because i watched an episode of gem's where he appeared and nothing else and don't actually watch esmp except through osmosis
- didnt joe hills kill a bunch of dogs in s7
- etho ALSO kills people but BADLY (scar boogie kill)
- dream
- *eyeing zedaph's chamber suspiciously* this violates AT LEAST one scientific law or something
- grian. grian my beloved. why are you like this
- jaiden decimated the environment of teyvat
- see lizzie is like her husband. unhinged. shes just bad at surviving so no one gets to see it
- jimmy is like lizzie but more popular for it
- tango is a war criminal but he also makes funny sounds while he commits crimes so i think that negates the whole crimes thing
- while we're at it. all the lifers are criminals EXCEPT SKIZZ EXCEPT SKIZZ EXCEPT SKIZZ
- xisuma boils chicken and eats kiwi skin. worst offense on this list by far
- gem gets a second place on this list because why not. she deserves it
- bdubs bites ankles. probably
- martyn brought the watchers to the life smp which is bad in and of itself. also the Assigned Criminal At Life Series thing
- cherrifire gets an honorary spot on this list mostly because she SHOULD be able to bite ankles. due to aforementioned martyn
anyways please tag w other crimes our blorbos have commited. cheers <3
EDIT: I will be adding more crimes now
- keralis was a capitalist in s7 who bought. rotten flesh. for 128 diamonds. truly exemplifying a billionaire there. dont worry dont worry. hes not a capitalist anymore....but he was once
- pearl poisons people and then has her dogs bite you. reasonable
- cleo does arson. she also kills people. but she does this a lot so it also negates the crimes
- don't mess with forgelabs
- ren has become a dictator at least twice. likes bloodshed. also treebark counts for all the anguish it causes everyone. also also ACALS (assigned criminal at life series)
ALSO if anyone is going to yell at me for fit being on 2b2t. i do not watch him. he is only here because my mcyt irls go insane about him. like all the time. in fact i don't watch qsmp or dsmp but theyre popular enough i know a bit about them. <3
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playgrl0 · 10 months
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it's always been you / hanma
wc: 2,533
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when hanma picks up his phone and hears your sniffles at the other end of the line, he knew right away what the reason for your tears were. he tells you to send him your location and stay where you are and that he's gonna pick you up. with a deep sigh he grabs his zip up hoodie and leaves to come and pick you up.
you went on a date with this ´funny looking´​ guy, as shuji would say. he has no idea what you see in him and he doesn't like that you hang out with him. at all.why? hanmathinks that he makes it pretty obvious that he likes you romantically. he doesn’t hide it at all, he constantly flirts with you and is extremely touchy, just like a boyfriend would be.
but hanma is your best friend, not your boyfriend. he never told you straight up that he's in love with you though. and you’re probably the most oblivious human on this planet, which is pretty amusing to him, so he wants you to figure it out yourself. when you first told him that you're talking to and hanging out with another guy that isn't him, he felt like committing arson. you told him that the reason you started talking to him was because you wanted to get over another guy that you were crushing on, and forget about him. so, you're using a guy to get over another one, and none of those boys are him? committing arson wouldn't be enough at this point.
about ten minutes after your call, hanma finally arrives at a bus station a few houses away from where that boy lives. you’re sitting on the bench, face finally dry from the few tears that were streaming down your face not too long ago. the sound of hanma’s bike catches your attention and you watch how he parks the bike, gets off, walks over to you and sits down next to you.
“d’ya want me to beat the fuck outta him?” he speaks up and takes off his zip up hoodie, “i think he’d look better with a few bruises and blood streaming down his face. that fucking asshole.” he mumbles as he puts the hoodie over your shoulders and then pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. you only shake your head no as you put the hoodie on properly and keep staring straight ahead, which hanma finds weird. it's so unlike you to be quiet, even when you’re upset. that guy must've really hurt your feelings and hanma plans on hurting him way worse once he took care of you. “you wanna tell me what happened?” he asks and takes another drag from his cigarette. you sigh, “long story short, he said that i'm not good enough and he prefers a girl he's been talking to behind my back.” you quietly answer him. oh how hanma would love nothing more than to beat this guy unconscious. not good enough? you? the most amazing person he has ever met? and he knows, hanma knows that he should comfort you right now but since he's hanma, he cant help himself and let out a comment he's been waiting to say to you the second you called because he knew this would happen.
“i told you he's an asshole but you didn't listen.” he shrugs and earns a slap on the back of his shoulder. “thanks for nothing. drive me home.” you grumble and get up from the bench and walk over to his bike. he follows you with a smirk gracing his lips. “the fuck are you smirking at?” you ask pissed, arms crossed over your chest. he chuckles as he puts the helmet he specifically bought stole for you on your head. he makes sure it's secure and chuckles. “you’re not actually pissed at me and i'm not taking you home. you’re sleeping at my place tonight. hop on the bike.” he gets on and waits for you to get on as well. you sit on the bike behind hanma and wrap your arms around his middle. once he feels your arms holding tightly onto him, he starts driving you both to his place. you lean your head against his back, as good as the helmet allows it, close your eyes and think about everything that has happened. you knew from the beginning that dating this guy wouldn't end well. you knew that he was an asshole, shuji was right. fuck, you dont even have feelings for that guy, at all. you only wanted to distract yourself. at this point you’ll try everything to forget about him. to forget your feelings about shuji. right now it's hard to ignore those feelings. your stomach is filled with butterflies as you hold onto your best friend. you shouldn't feel like this about him. you shouldn't feel your knees weaken every time he smiles at you, your heart beating faster every time he touches you. it's so wrong. he's your best friend and that's all he’ll ever be.
“we’re here.” hanma's deep voice pulls you out of your thoughts. he stops the bike in front of his apartment building and gets off. he turns to you and gently removes the helmet from your head, then holds your hand to help you off the bike. and once again, your heart beats faster at his touch. you finally make your way into his apartment where you remove your shoes first and then walk into his bedroom where you flop face down onto his bed. you hear him chuckle behind you and he lets himself fall beside you. he's laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling while you're still on your stomach, face buried in his pillows. “how’re you feeling? wanna talk about it?” he breaks the short silence. you turn your head to look at him, his beautiful side profile makes your heart flutter, and you feel yourself starting to grow frustrated once again. why is he so handsome? you turn away again, “i'm pissed but i'm okay. i'll just find another guy. no problem.” you mutter into his pillows. hanma turns to look at you and is met with the back of your head. without realizing it his hand travels to your head where he starts to comfortingly scratch your scalp. it's something he’s always done to you, ever since you two were little. he does it when he knows you’re not feeling well, it helps you calm down and feel better. you turn your head back to him with a smile. “if you keep doing this i'll fall asleep.” he removes the hand and grins back at you. “you’re not going to sleep until you tell me what's going on with you.” “what do you mean?” you frown. a sigh leaves hanma's lips, “i mean, what's up with with you and wanting to desperately date someone? you never cared about relationships like that and it's so unlike you to just go out and date random idiots.” you turn to lay on your back as well and stare at the ceiling. fuck, what now? do you tell him the truth or should you lie? lying to him wouldn't even work anyway. he knows you too well and he knows when you’re lying. you suck at it. “earth to y/n?!” hanma pulls you out of your thoughts once again and pushes your shoulder with his. “c’mon, talk to me.”
you sigh deeply and sit up, leaning against the headboard of his bed, he follows your moves and looks at you, waiting for you to finally speak. "okay,” you sigh again. “i've been dating all these boys because i thought i could find the right one and that he would help me forget about my feelings that i have for someone else.” hanma hides his disappointment really well. it’s been hard for him to see you dating one guy after another and then telling him right into his face that you have real feelings for someone else. someone that isn’t him. fuck. but this isnt about him right now, its about you and he needs to make you feel better. if there’s one thing in this world that shuji hanma hates, it's seeing you upset. “oh. well, why do you want to forget about that other person so badly? why not just confess to them?” he casually speaks up. “yeah, no! i’m going to stop you right there. i definitely won't do that. it’ll ruin everything.” you mumble the last part quietly but he still hears it. “ruin what?” he frowns. “ugh, our friendship! it’ll ruin our fucking friendship!” you burst out, feeling super frustrated at this point. and what does hanma do?
he fucking laughs.
you look at him with the hardest death stare. “what’s so fucking funny?” you huff. hanma finally calms down and wipes an imaginary tear from under his eye. “a friendship? i’m literally the only friend you have. you have no friends other than me, idiot.” he finishes his sentence with a small chuckle and lays back down, both arms resting behind his head. your face heats up at his words. no, its fucking burning. you feel like your skin is about to burn off your bones. did you say too much? does he know now?
“i do have other friends, bastard!” you stutter over your words. “the sweet old lady that lives across from you and the little boy from the playground dont count. i’m your one and only.” he has the most proudest and widest shit eating grin on his face. “fuck you!” you throw one of his pillows at him and press another one on his face, trying to not actually suffocate him. he easily snatches the pillow from you and throws it right back at you. you catch it and bury your face in it. when you don't remove your face from the pillow again and don't say a word for a while, hanma grows nervous. did he say something wrong? he softly pinches your leg, “what’s wrong?” you finally remove the pillow and lay down next to him with a deep sigh. “you caught me.” you mumble defeated. “what do you mean?” he is more than confused right now. “that i like you.” the words leave your mouth faster than you wanted to. they just slipped out.
the both of you are staring at each other now, both of your eyes wide open and in shock. “shut the fuck up! i’m the guy you've been trying to forget about?” you dont think you’ve ever seen him so shocked at something before. “no! fuck! i didnt mean to..ugh! no, yes! yes, it's you. it’s always been you.” you ramble on while hiding your face behind your hands. hanma is a smiling mess right now. he just watches you being all flustered and listens to your rambles. he didn’t think it would be impossible for you to catch feelings for him, he just never thought that it would actually happen and he is more than fucking happy right now.
he quickly rolls on top of you and removes your hands from your face. he is met with your beautiful eyes that are staring right back at him in shock. this isn’t the first time in your friendship that he's on top of you or that you've been on top of him, but you just confessed your love to him and now he's laying right on top of your body and you feel like you might explode from feeling so embarrassed. you wish you could just sink right into the mattress and then disappear completely.
“cat got your tongue? what happened to your rambling?” he breaks the silence, smirking. “fuck off!” you whine, turning your head away. you know him too damn well so you know that hes gonna tease the fuck out of you now and hes going to have the time of his life with this. he suddenly grabs your chin and turns your head back to look at him. “i know you’re fucking embarrassed right now and i find it hilarious,” the smirk never leaves his lips and you roll your eyes at him. “but, i like you as well. i’m pretty sure you knew that though.”“shuji?? i did not know that?!” you squeal. “oh? i thought i was being pretty obvious. you’re just blind i guess.” he chuckles. “but anyway, i do like you as well. and now that you know that, please stop going out with other men before i end up murdering them all.” you both break out into a fit of laughter. hanma lets his head fall into the crook of your neck and you wrap your arms around him.
the laughter dies down after a short while and he mumbles against your neck, “please be my girlfriend?” he asks a bit careful and removes his head from your neck to look at you. “yeah,” you answer, smiling like an idiot. “i’ll be your girlfriend, yes!” you happily pull him into a hug, his head buried in your neck again. “thank god you said yes, i would've actually went on a murder spree to get rid of every single man.” “i know you would.” you laugh again as he pulls his head away from you again, his hand softly brushing over your warm cheek. “so, i can kiss you now that you're my girl, right?” he grins. “of course!” he wastes no time and presses his lips against yours and in that moment you feel like this is not only the happiest moment of your life, but also the most beautiful one. you thought and dreamt about this very moment so many times more than you would like to admit to yourself, but the reality of having his lips move softly against yours is a million times better than any of your dreams have ever been. his lips are surprisingly soft and warm and they're moving perfectly against yours, his tongue brushing over your bottom lip every once in a while. you don’t want this moment to end, ever, and neither does hanma. he’s kissing you gently but with a small hint of desperation and his big, calloused hands cupping your cheeks. he deepened the kiss and you pulled him as close to your body as you possibly could and both of you wanted more, more of each other, but your air is ran out so you finally pulled away and now you’re looking into each others eyes again while panting softly.
“fuck, if i knew kissing you would feel this fucking good, i would’ve hoped ​one of those guys you dated would hurt your feelings way sooner.” he earns a slap on the back of his head for that. “you could’ve confessed as well, why’d you wait so long?” you snap back. “ah, that’s a story for another time. i want more kisses.” he wastes no time and presses his lips against yours again.
he kisses you over and over and over again. throughout the entire night. “you’re mine now. forever.” he said.
he’ll never let you go.
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tags: @ranscutedoll @bertholdts--butt @zazcie @getcozylove @hoshiko @nanaosaki3940 @nanamikentoseyebags @sin-and-punishment @peachebmad @wakashawty @shamelessperfectionhideout @vmlnrz @saintokkotsu @satanlovesusall666 @kiirsteinn @noritopia @gothamgurl2024 @unknownspecies
<3 @ playgrl0
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circeyoru · 2 months
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Contracted Love
[Alastor x Crush of Contractor!Reader]
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Alastor didn’t expect such a treat when he took up that foolish human’s summoning. It was to pass the time since things were going slow and dull in Hell, with the new changes in Hell that new sinners brought, he was curious to see how the times have changed, so he let himself be a ‘servant’ of a human soul until it was time to collect it and add to his powers and abilities
The contractor was a poor excuse of a human, couldn’t get their life together and couldn’t even rely on themselves, thus the demon summoning. Perhaps they were lucky and summoned him, he doubted other demons would entertain their wishes. Speaking of, his contractor wanted their life to be happy and not depressing, like no worries of wealth and loved by all they meet. Simple enough
Until the contractor’s happiness contained earning the love of another human. You. Oh, you were everything that contractor wasn’t. So talented and successful in life, surrounded by valuable friends and a loving family. The picture-perfect crush
Alastor admits, you were special in your way, but he was a demon, so in the end, a soul is a soul. He’d tell his contractor that there wasn’t much he could help if they wanted to earn your love the healthy way, he did suggest the toxic way, but his contractor had their moral. So they weren’t all that bad
For the time being, he passed on courting tips and wooing advices. Here’s the issue, his contractor didn’t have that energy, that charisma that Alastor had in both human and demon times. Everything was done right, but there was no spark that caught your attention, you humored them (much like Alastor now) and that was it
“Arghh! Anything, isn’t there some other way I can get their love?!” His contractor would scream at nothing as another failed attempt brought them to their knees
“Hmm… Why not allow me to possess your body and kick start your courting? The moment they agree to date you, you will be in full control! How’s that?” Alastor suggested on a whim, he was getting bored with standing on the sidelines, why not some action?
His contractor agreed, with some limitations like no causing harm and all that bad stuff Alastor would love to do
It was odd. Because the first time Alastor was in his contractor’s body and tried wooing you, you sensed something was amist and asked if he (his contractor) was feeling alright. You’re more perceive than he observed, maybe it was because it involved him now? Maybe
It wasn’t. You were that observant. Even when his contractor wasn’t a close friend or your romantic interest, you took note of the usual behaviours. Like you analyzed the people around you no matter their connection to you
You were much more interesting than he gave credit
So he had to test out his theory. As easily, he got you to let him date you, in secret. It wouldn’t be public and even when the relationship was broken, no one would notice. When that was done, he got his contractor take control again. You knew. When it was him in the body. You knew
That wasn’t even the cheery on top. You prefered him over his contractor! Oh the irony
“What is happening!? I thought you said we’re dating! Why are they so distant to me?!” His contractor cried
It was because you had no talent with romance. Alastor thought to himself behind that smile. He had to be honest, the more he spent time with you, the more he wanted to be the one actually courting you. There was more to your perfect image and he enjoyed exploring it
Still there was a problem. You didn’t know it was an actual demon that caught your attention. Even when he took over his contractor’s life and lived it as his own, it wasn’t the same because it wasn’t his body!
He needed to find a way around this. Oh wait. Your deepest secret. A one-way ticket to Hell. Murder is a grave sin and you committed more than one. It was accidentally, but you started it. Arson at a night club to hide the fact you went there. You kept that close to your heart and reveal it to him on the spur of the moment when you were drunk
You’re going to Hell even without his doing. No wonder there was a spark between you two
Now he regrets help that contractor of his earn your affection. What if you slowly fell for that foolish contractor?
But could he just wait for you to arrive in Hell and sweep you off your feet instead? Let his contract for you for the brief moment of a human lifespan and he could spend his days with you in Hell, which was eternity 
Well, that was his idea and he loves the sound of that
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Note: This is short and I just had some ideas so, here
Circe Y.
MASTERLIST
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Text
Literally all of The Shadowhunter Chronicle romances are completely unhinged it’s not even funny (I lied, it’s very funny). Here’s just some examples:
William “Will” Herondale/James “Jem” Carstairs + Theresa “Tessa” Gray: It totally would have been a vee type polyamorous situation if it wasn’t for all the death and 1800s London society going on.
Henry Branwell + Charlotte Fairchild: How dare this misogynistic society put us together, I mean, we wanted to get together anyway, but not for those reasons. Welp, time to be as unconventional as possible.
Gabriel Lightwood + Cecily Herondale: Look, you made fun of my sister, it’s only fair that I marry your sister; that’s the rules.
Gideon Lightwood + Sophia “Sophie” Collins: Dad, I have a perfectly valid reason to betray you and go to the other side. What your doing is wrong and – nO tHiS haS nOThiNG to do wiTh tHeIR mAid wHy wOUlD yoU eVEn sAy tHat?
Jesse Blackthorn + Lucie Herondale: Your request to not be brought back to life has been denied, deal with it.
James “Jamie” Herondale + Cordelia Carstairs: He didn’t commit arson we were just having sex – why are you all looking at me like that’s worse?
Anna Lightwood + Ariadne Bridgestock: Listen, there’s a lot of society going on right now, so we’re going to have to get together in secret. Oh, you don’t want to? Okay, never mind, fuck society, let me win you back real quick.
Christopher Lightwood + Grace Cartwright: Oh good, you broke into my house, now we can talk about science.
Thomas Lightwood + Alastair Carstairs: I’d really like to hate you, but I think the biggest problem with that is that I love you. Once I get over that hurdle, I think we’ll be in the clear.
Lucian “Luke” Graymark + Jocelyn Fairchild: Good job on us for breaking away from the genocidal cult run by our best friend/husband; we should hook up, you know, as a reward.
Jonathan “Jace” Herondale + Clarissa “Clary” Fairchild: Ayo the same guy conducted experiments on our blood, that’s crazy; btw so glad we’re not actually siblings.
Alexander “Alec” Lightwood + Magnus Bane: Marrying each other is against the law? Okay, fine, I’m a law biding citizen. Oh oops, I made it legal. I am the law now, and I want a wedding on the beach.
Simon Lovelace + Isabelle Lightwood: It makes sense to have our engagement party on the day of my brother’s death, that’s when we really started bonding.
Helen “Alessa” Blackthorn + Aline Penhallow: Well, I guess we’re going to go in exile together. Yes, I said together; your exile is my exile, what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, that’s how relationships work.
Julian Blackthorn + Emma Carstairs: Yes, it’s a technical war crime to love each other, but the law itself is not really our main concern about it.
Kieran Hunter + Mark “Miach” Blackthorn + Cristina Rosales: We’re really living that cottage core aesthetic, and all we had to do to get here was do a small war and some amnesia. Worth it.
Gwyn ap Nudd + Diana Wrayburn: I’m going to stand by just in case something happens, but it probably won’t, she knows what she’s doing – WHY IS SHE JUMPING OUT THE TENTH STORY WINDOW OH MY GOD WAIT
Tiberius “Ty” Blackthorn + Christopher “Kit” Herondale: We take cosplaying Sherlock and Watson VERY seriously, so of course we needed to go to all the most illegal places, it’s only natural.
Ash Morgenstern + Drusilla “Dru” Blackthorn: So anyway I saw them in a sort of fever dream like state this one time and they’ve still been on my mind for years.
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randomgurl2326 · 3 months
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Slytherin Boys + Wifey Pansy + Y/N
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Harry Potter Masterlist
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Theo: sapnu puaS
Blaise: What??
Enzo: What language is that?
Theo: Turn your phone 180 degrees
*Theo was removed from the group chat*
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Enzo: Get in loser, we’re commuting vehicular manslaughter!
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Mattheo: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them?
Y/N: Actually, it’s not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It’s just that you LOOK for things when you need them.
Mattheo: Okay yeah thanks Y/N, that’s great but WHERE’S THE FUCKING FORST AID KIT!
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Enzo: Salazar, the printer broke while printing out Y/N’s birthday’s invitations.
Draco: We’ll, what are they supposed to say?
Enzo: “Y/N’s Birthday”
Draco: So, what do they say instead?
Enzo: “Y/N’s bi”
Draco:
Draco: Works out either way
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Blaise: Okay, what does A stand for?
Y/N: Arson
Blaise: Aw, you’re so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?
Y/N: Barson
Theo: *laughter*
Blaise: What does C stand for?
Y/N: Commit arson
Theo: Oooo
Blaise: D!
Y/N: Don’t come near me, I’m going to commit arson
Theo: *falls over laughing*
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Blaise: What happened?!?!
Draco: Do you want the long version or the short version?
Blaise: Sh-short??
Draco: Shit’s fucked
Blaise: Okay, long…
Draco: Shit’s very fucked
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Theo: Are you tall enough to play quidditch?
Y/N: Are you calling me short?
Theo: I’m calling you vertically challenged
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Pansy: I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven
Mattheo: I have that dream too, but you’ve gone in the other direction
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