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just-sp-in-inginthevoid · 1 year

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Takeomi, Self-Esteem and Denial (and more)

@raizelswitch, thank you for waiting!

TL;DR : I want a BD spin-off and I want it from Takeomi’s POV even though he’d be such an unreliable narrator (and like that we could also have a Akashi siblings spin-off, two birds, one stone). Takeomi has a lot of issues and making him raise children and naming him vice captain was a bad idea since it only made things worse. He had developed both an inferiority and superiority complex to cope. And we were robbed of any interaction between him and Inui, the other famous ‘can’t let go of Black Dragon even after x years’ character.

Who wants to read about 17,000 words about Takeomi (I didn’t expect to write this much, what the heck)? Clearly not Tumblr because I spent way too much time having to reorder this post, it mixed it all up everytime ! It also refused to post it for hours

The translations of Wakasa’s and Benkei’s ‘a day in his life’ as well as Takeomi’s failure story come from the Twitter user RanHaruchiyo

I feel like I made a few mistakes so there : English is not my native language, I apologize if some sentences don’t make sense. Sorry for any type of typos as well.

I referred to the past (beside the final timeline) as ‘canon-timeline’ several times because I had no clue how to name it. It’s not the futures, it’s not the original or final timeline, it’s… it’s the past until the final timeline comes in.

When you reach the top – the only way is down. (and up and down…)

Let’s get started with something very quick – Takeomi was created to be the exact opposite of Shinichiro. And when you’re the exact opposite of a character who’s perfectly good, loved by everyone (other characters and fans alike), then the writer uses you to be bad. Not necessarily evil - Takeomi isn’t evil - but ‘not good’.

And Wakui doesn’t shy away from that. I’m keeping the analysis of the kanji of the Akashi and Sano siblings’ names for the end, so I’ll just talk about the ‘shi’ of ‘Akashi’ here, to show what I mean.

司 (Akashi) means ‘administrator, official, a governor whom the emperor chose to carry on the imperial policies in provinces’. It fits Takeomi’s role pretty much, right ? He had a high rank in Black Dragon, but Shinichiro was above and that’s when it starts to be very interesting. 司 upside down gives 后. And it means ‘monarch, king, emperor, queen, empress’ – nice coincidence, isn’t it ?. It’s literally the same kanji upside down. Takeomi is Shinichiro upside down. Is that why he’s the rain bringer while Shinichiro, always being seen in a positive light, would be linked to the sun ? I already thought of Takeomi as a ‘teru teru bozu’ since they’re supposed to bring rain when hung upside down and it’s not stupid to think of Shinichiro, oh so perfect Shinichiro, as a ‘sun bringer’ – after all, like Mikey, he took over Japan, did he not ?

Plus, the sun is their most famous goddess (Amaterasu)’s symbol, Japan’s symbol, and by such the emperor’s symbol.

And when you’re that. When you’re the mirror of such a perfect character, how can you not be made but only of flaws ? You’re made to be bad in everything he is good – and the opposite isn’t guaranteed to be true. What if making you good in things he’s bad in makes you good ? No, no, you’re supposed to be bad. Because he’s good, and you’re his polar opposite. He’s bad in excusable things. You’re bad in barely forgivable things. It’s not important for him to be a horrible fighter, even in a story centered around gang fights. It’s unforgivable for you to not know how to raise your siblings, in a story built on siblings' relationships.

And Shinichiro is great at raising Mikey and Emma, while Takeomi isn’t that much of a fighter. We see him fight a bit when he goes with Brahman to confront South about Draken’s death, but it’s not big important fights, Benkei and Wakasa, and later Senju, are the ones fighting. And Benkei and Wakasa were Black Dragon 1st generation’s main fighting power, as the guard and special attack unit captains.

(Heck, Shinichiro is listed n°1 best in bikes riders, Takeomi is n°3 worst - yet another thing he's either bad or average at. (Wakasa is n°3 best, we dont know where Benkei lies. Mikey is 2nd best, Takemichi and Senju are respectively 1st and 2nd worse))

Shinichiro is good, even when he kills. Takeomi is only ever bad or less-bad. Perhaps Wakui initially planned scenes where he was ‘good’, but they never came to be, so instead we’re stuck with a character who has a potential for a redemption arc and who never got it.

(Look at this ! He became self aware! And finally stopped living in denial !)

(We never see him again after this btw. He never gets to talk to Sanzu.)

If there’s one thing Takeomi is good at, it’s strategy.

He is feared, he is called « God of War », he is named vice-captain…

By other people. By other delinquents. By Shinichiro.

He doesn’t think he’s the reason all of that happens. He isn’t those things, he receives them (use of passive voice). By such, if people don’t give him, then he’s left with nothing. No matter if he is good at something, if people aren’t there to tell him, then he doesn’t think he is. Takeomi thinks of his worth, his validity as a person by how others perceive him - they praise him ? He must be great ! They ignore him ? How pathetic has he become.

When do people say that ? When he’s Black Dragon Vice-Captain. When is he Black Dragon vice-captain ? When Shinichiro is on top. That’s why he panics in chapter 230 when Shinichiro tells him about disbanding the gang. If the gang gets disbanded, what does he have left ? If Shinichiro tells him to stop following him around (chapter 230: “I was always by Shin’s side”) what is he supposed to do ? He is but “an ordinary kid. Whether it be in sports, or studies, [...] just average. [...] a normal child, not special at all” (same chapter) whose childhood friend “had a mysterious charm that attracted people around him. Even with that charm, Shin never resorted to violence.[...]he was just very earnest and kind” (same chapter). Without Black Dragon he’s nothing. Without Shinichiro he’s nothing. Because he never learnt to let go of Shinichiro‘s hand, nor did he wish to. But Shinichiro just.. let go one day. We know how Shinichiro is. If he was aware of how much he is needed by Takeomi, he would have done things differently. And while he shouldn’t be responsible for Takeomi’s well-being, he is the reason whether Takeomi’s self-esteem is stable (or a bit too much over the top) or not. Takeomi made him responsible for it, and Shinichiro surely would’ve helped if he figured it out, (because Takeomi is a stranger to himself and wouldn’t have ever asked for help (he doesn’t know he needs help after all)), but Shinichiro didn’t. The same way Mikey didn’t notice why Baji acted the way he did during Valhalla arc until it was too late. It’s not because they’re childhood friends that they read each other like an open book.

Shinichiro, while he never intended to and we can’t blame him for this either, is the reason Takeomi turned out like he did. Takeomi followed him everywhere, he wouldn’t have entered delinquency if Shinichiro didn’t. Takeomi tried so hard to climb to Shinichiro’s level and kept comparing himself to him and it got worse when he was appointed the role of vice-president. His ego skyrocketed. And even if Shinichiro had noticed it, would he have figured out how to change that ? For sure, if he knew how to help he’d have helped – then again, would Takeomi accept this help ? He’s a professional when it comes to denial, he pushes everyone away. And denial is what he does best. From denying he would be nothing without the other Black Dragon founding members and hiding behind his God of War persona, to denying his involvement in Senju and Sanzu’s life. Even if Shinichiro, Wakasa and Benkei did try to help, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, who refuses to believe there’s something wrong, and by doing so who refuses to talk about it. It’s all made to protect himself from the truth. Because the truth will hurt him, facing it will make him realize he’s not special and that will shatter his self-esteem. It will make him feel painful emotions he can’t deal with. So he runs away from it, and thus, dives deeper into misery. If you refuse to see the problem, then it will grow, and Takeomi’s problems, his mistakes, grow a lot. The world changes but he doesn’t, he keeps the same behaviors, and soon they turn against him. His fame turns into debts. Debts he can’t pay anymore, but he refuses to admit it. Because he would have been able to pay, if Black Dragon had remained. Takeomi likes to live in luxury (his dream is to be a multimillionaire), so he’d keep on denying the fact he can’t afford it anymore just to carry on living this way.

Maybe the reason him and Wakasa & Benkei aren’t close isn’t that they see him as ‘Shinichiro’s childhood friend we’re obligated to endure/tolerate even though he’s insufferable’ (when the BD founding members interact, Wakasa and Benkei always tease, laugh at Shinichiro, chapter 230, Benkei “Look at all your battle scars !” Shinichiro, “Quit it !” Wakasa, “A loser in both fights and love !” Shinichiro “Hey man, that's none of your business”; chapter 269: Benkei “You sure are dumb, Shinichiro !” Wakasa, “Haha. Well, that's shin-chan for ya.”) they’re never shown as friendly toward Takeomi) but more that, even if they did try, Takeomi, unconsciously, never let them know who he really was underneath it all. To be fair, Takeomi lied to himself so strongly he wasn’t aware he wasn’t this façade he had created. I’m not sure if Wakasa and Benkei succeeded in seeing through his lies, Takeomi himself surely didn’t. Shinichiro was left but whether it be the original timeline or not, he didn’t succeed to help Takeomi. Takeomi compares himself to others (him being an ordinary kid vs Shinichiro not being one), is sensitive to criticism and compliments alike (while he didn’t seem hurt when Kakucho uno-reversed him by asking him if he had forgotten about Shinichiro after Takeomi had asked him if he had forgotten about Izana, he did react, unlike Kakucho who remained unfazed; “Drunk in the praises of my name, I became arrogant”), seeks attention and validation, makes things about himself (“[...]He talks about the Brahman Senju created as if he created it. [...] I remember he used to brag about Shinichiro's achievements as if he himself had done them[...]”, Benkei’s ‘a day in his life’) and has troubles admitting his faults (even if he eventually apologizes in chapter 230 to Senju, he is fighting back tears while doing so). Those are all things inferiority and superiority complexes share (beside the low self-esteem). And while there are signs we can’t be 100% sure he has, reading about Takeomi echoes to those two complexes. First, inferiority complex. Feeling insecure, incomplete or unworthy → “not special at all”; “I was broke and powerless“; ”at the lowest of low. But they accepted me as I was”. Withdrawal → “I got news of Shin's death. But I was too busy in struggling for money.”, that ‘too busy with money’ (in good (“treated as a VIP [...] never got short on money” and in bad “my debts piling up”) seems like the perfect excuse to avoid your friends and family. All or nothing thinking, things are either good or bad → he’s either at the top of Japan and everything is doing great or he’s not and nothing’s working in his life. Insecurity in relationships → Benkei and Wakasa are his disliked/feared people because "they look down on me" (3rd guide book) (there is no proof of that but I’ll dig into that later). Feeling good when doing better than others → only felt at ease when he was the God of War. Finding fault in others, demeaning others as a way to transfer their feelings → will go back to it way later, but his relationship with Sanzu is basically that. Shutting down because of shame, guilt, embarrassment or an inward sense of defeat → once again, what he did after he started to be indebted.

For superiority complex there’s : hiding feelings of mediocrity and underlying or persistent low self-esteem or feelings of inferiority → hiding his “powerless”, “ordinary” and all behind his mask of second in command of Black Dragon and Brahman. High valuation of self-worth, a self-image of supremacy or authority, overarching belief that they are better than others → “the first generation Black Dragon once ruled the nation - with me as the vice captain. I was feared, since my decisions determined how any conflict would end. I was called the « God of War »” . Feelings of entitlements and boastful claims that aren’t backed up by reality → he brags about Senju and Shinichiro’s achievements, they aren’t his own (even though he must have some). Which goes with: need to be in control → he’s the one who’s in charge of making Brahman gain money (and he’s the one who decided of it, Senju is against his ways), Brahman listens to him when he says they’re attacking Rokuhara Tendai and not to Senju who tell them to stop, and is convinced Senju is only where she is thanks to him, Wakasa and Benkei being around and dealing with everything (chapter 229, Takeomi: “Senju got herself included in the ‘three deities’ only through first gen Black Dragon’s support. Senju can't take this fight alone !”).

There are also signs which I can’t find quotes or panels to say Takeomi has them but, knowing the character, it wouldn’t be surprising. These include : feelings of hostility, frustration, nervousness, or aggression (he does express those but given the context it's justifiable; he's impulsively decide to go against Rokuhara Tendai even though Senju tells him no because they aren't ready, Benkei says "It's no use, Takeomi has lost his cool". There's also his nicotine addiction which does not help). Highly competitive, perfectionist paired with an avoidance for any kind of competition where efforts might be compared with others’ ; don’t do something if there are risks one would fail (he dislikes efforts (3rd guide book), so that may mean he only does things when he’s sure of his own capacities and refuse to leave his comfort zone, he doesn’t participate/try if he’s not sure of succeeding). And : unwillingness to listen to others (if BD founding members tried to take his head out of the sand, it failed). Overcompensation to specific elements of life (perhaps linked to his childhood but we have no information about it). Mood swings, often made worse by contradiction from another person (→ him seemingly aloof, becoming mad very quickly at Sanzu when he or Senju do something wrong ? His whole reaction to Draken’s death; “I'm gonna destroy Rokuhara Tandai right now.[...] Assemble everyone in Brahman for an emergency meeting !!”, followed by South’s comment in chapter 225: “It's so rare to see Akashi getting all rowdy like this.” and Senju’s trying to calm him down (only making it worse). Takeomi’s interaction with Kakucho about Izana and Shinichiro in chapter 212 too maybe). Gets offended if there’s no positive feedback.

I will like to add that no official list of signs exist or if it does, I didn’t find it. But knowing how both of these complexes work, it was interesting to talk about it, in my opinion.

(By the way, Takeomi was listed number 1 worst at ‘who is needy when dating ?’ (whereas Sanzu and Wakasa were 1st and 2nd best). Except that in Takeomi’s case the reason he’s not needy is because he's straight-up avoidant which isn't better. As opposed to Senju and Draken (2nd and 3rd worst) who seem non-needy in a healthy way.)

Takeomi wants to stand at the top, Shinichiro knows how to go up there, so he just has to tag along, easy-peasy. But like for a jungle gym, you have to get down one day. Did Shinichiro want to become Japan's number 1 ? I’m not that sure. It may have been a goal, but not the main one. What he liked most was the journey, not the destination, if it was then he wouldn’t have disbanded Black Dragon. But Takeomi wants to go on top of the jungle gym. Takeomi wants to be Japan number 1. Forever. Takeomi wants to learn how you get up there and how to stay/keep standing still.

That’s one of the most tragic point with Takeomi in my opinion. He was the brain of Black Dragon, he was the brain of Braham (it may have been an excuse but Senju recruited him for his guidance, his wisdom), and he was, supposedly as Mikey’s advisor, the brain of Bonten. He knows how to get on top of Japan. He knows how to become influential, how to make money (Brahman’s B-1 fighting club), how to recruit people and make them stay, he knows which decision to take to assure victory or defeat.

He’s smart, insanely. And he. doesn’t. see. it. If he did, he could have managed to live without the gang.

For Takeomi, it’s not that he becomes number 1, it’s that there’s a number 1 by his side and he knows how to follow them (his special skill is ‘taking advantage of others’ (3rd guide book)). He is aware he was the lead actor as to why victory or defeat were but – Takeomi isn’t a fighter. Wakasa and Benkei are. Shinichiro sucked at it but he was still insanely strong.

Takeomi doesn’t fight and that’s not his role. He likely knows how to pull out punches and other fight moves but as a ‘God Of War’ he’s mainly a strategist. He takes decisions, Shin agrees or not (and Shin is the one who has the last say), Wakasa and Benkei, and the rest of the gang, apply. (chapter 224, Benkei answering “yes, sir” to one of Takeomi’s command (even though Senju is clearly against it))

However, he’s not the one who brought them together. All of what he has. It’s thanks to Shinichiro. Wouldn’t be number 1 without him. Wouldn’t be friends with Wakasa and Benkei without him. Takeomi lives on what Shinichiro gave him. Him, an average, good-for-nothing kid. And when it’s time to say farewell to all of that – he doesn’t.

Shinichiro has his own shop. Wakasa and Benkei have their own gym.

Takeomi stays as if he was still on top. As if he wasn’t already falling, as if the impact on the ground wouldn’t damage him. As if Shinichiro, who decided climbing the jungle gym wasn’t fun anymore, didn’t stop stabilizing him.

He lives in denial. And it works at the beginning. People still think of them as number 1 so it’s not too hard. But then they realize they aren’t. But Takeomi is an average kid. In everything. He’s only good at what Shinichiro designed him as. And he didn’t think he'd be good at it. He isn’t good at anything else. He can’t do anything else. So it goes on.

The debts pill up.

Shinichiro dies.

And ? And repeat. Without the debts, this time.

Senju, joyous, cheerful, strong-willed Senju, asks him to join her gang. As her second in command. Even though he is “broke and powerless”. “At the lowest of low” (chapter 230). Even though Wakasa and Benkei are right there.

(Shinichiro asked him to be his vice captain. Even though Takeomi was average, good at nothing but following his childhood friend around. Even though Shinichiro had become friends with Wakasa and Benkei who were in this world since way longer.)

And so Brahman is created.

Their prestige comes back. They remember mannerisms days after days, they remember how you do it. Brahmam grows. They have hundreds of members, they make a lot of money with deals and underground fights. Whereas Wakasa and Benkei moved on (or, way more than Takeomi did), Takeomi didn’t and it shows even in their Brahman uniforms. If you look closely, they don’t have the same patterns on their sleeves – Wakasa and Benkei both got flowers, although different from the other’s (same thing for Senju) but Takeomi has a dragon. (Average Brahman members have the same thing they have on the back of their uniforms)

Draken dies. Draken dies. He shouts it – It’s not a childish brawl (chapter 224). I find it hard to believe that during Black Dragon 1st Gen, they never lost anyone, but Draken’s death snaps him back to reality. It isn’t like it was with Shinichiro. There’s no fun. It’s war. Standing at the top isn’t like standing on a jungle gym. Draken is dead and so is Shinichiro. Why isn’t he ? (chapter 225, Takeomi: “Souuuuuuuth !! Why did you kill Draken !? He wasn't even a formal member of Brahman ! If you wanted to kill someone it should've been me !”)

Either Draken dies, or Senju does.

For what else would have Takeomi joined Bonten ? Actually, let me change that question ; where is and what does Senju do in Bad Toman and Manila timelines ?

Because Mikey goes down a dark path in all the timelines so, did she try to stop him ? If yes, is she dead ? The three deities battle might or not have happened (South wouldn’t have the same members if that’s the case – Tenjiku never came to be in Bad Toman and Izana is alive in Manila). And… And if that’s the case or not – why are Wakasa, Benkei and Takeomi nowhere to be seen ?

Wakasa and Benkei work in a way that opposes Takeomi. Not only with how they dealt with Black Dragon disbandment but how they dealt with Senju’s death. No matter how it happened, Takeomi joins Mikey after his sister’s death (Bonten), Wakasa and Benkei join Kanto Manji when Senju doesn’t (nowhere to be seen in Bonten).

Difference being, if Senju dies, Wakasa can’t witness Mikey’s dark impulses and can’t talk to him about it. And even if he witnessed it, if Senju is dead, would Wakasa care ? Wakasa must know there’s nothing against the dark impulses so why join Kanto Manji ? They love Senju, their princess, do they want to keep her safe ? Surely. Why take this option then?

It's never stated. So it's interpretation/theory time.

Wakasa would choose Shinichiro over Mikey. In chapter 270, he says "Honeslty speaking, I'm glad that Manjiro has passed. I was worried that you'd be first to die [...] Right now, you're just rotting away", now, Wakasa from the original timeline and from canon-timeline aren't the same. Original timeline Wakasa had the time to accept Shinichiro had lost his brother (and Mikey could perhaps regain consciousness one day, but the more day passes, the more the chances lower), but he couldn't see his friend rot away. His previously bright and charismatic friend was being devoured by sleep deprivation, helplessness and so much more. Hence, if Mikey dying would free Shinichiro from his suffering (although it would also add to it, he wouldn't have to work himself to the bone to take care of Mikey, and would finally have time to process all of what happened to him) then Wakasa is okay with it. Shinichiro is important to him, more than Mikey could ever be.

Wakasa, is the only person Shinichiro talked to about the original timeline. Out of the two people knowing about it, Wakasa is the one Shinichiro went to to tell him about it (Sanzu is the other and he came to Shinichiro asking about it). We don't know if Shinichiro planned to tell more people, and if yes, Wakasa was on the top of his list. Thus, this means Wakasa had heard Shinichiro telling him he killed a man and then himself. Because Mikey died. So that Mikey won't die. And he probably was murdered because of it later on too, because Shinichiro told him the homeless man's last words – because Shinichiro told him everything with every details.

So, when Wakasa finally sees Mikey again, sees the level of destruction he causes, sees that he kills like it's nothing, like he's enjoying it, this boy his friend killed for to keep alive... Well, Wakasa, dragging Benkei along, joined Kanto Manji to keep Mikey alive — because that's what Shinichiro sacrificed himself for, so, so many times. He can only stay near Mikey and try to not have him killed when they're in a world where being murdered is common. Mikey is strong, but he won't ever survive a bullet shot in the wrong place.

For Takeomi though, when he joins Bonten, his sister is dead. After his best friend. He failed the two people who meant the most to him and who appointed him as their second in command because they trusted him. He let them die. It’s not a child game anymore. South signed his death warrant.

And Takeomi hasn’t seen Mikey or Sanzu in years. (They’re the only ones left, he can’t leave them alone. He can’t stay alone.)

That’s the first theory. Second is, he crashes, he and Mikey end up meeting again, he gives him the role as his advisor. Rinse, repeat. The circle continues ; Bonten is at the top of Japan. Mikey is at the top of Japan – and that, even without Kisaki.

Even without Kisaki.

Is Takeomi on the same level as Kisaki ? I don’t know. Kisaki is the moon to Mikey’s sun. But what was Takeomi to Shinichiro ? Perhaps his rain. And I'll keep going with the ‘perhaps’, because we’re never shown what Takeomi is to Shinichiro, beside a friend. Every meaningful interaction they have is from Takeomi’s POV. In Shinichiro’s chapters, Takeomi is briefly mentioned once when Sanzu gets out of the juvenile center, then when Shinichiro time leaps, he is too focused on Mikey to give (me) us any useful interaction/thought about Takeomi. There’s only one case, “Takeomi…” in chapter 273 but without that ? The start of chapter 269 is shallow. It gives us information on Shinichiro’s relationship with Mikey and Takeomi’s own relationship with his siblings (“I'm like his father figure at this point. Its best from him to learn from his peers” /"What kind of parent would let their kids learn from gang rides ?”) and also a quick information on Black Dragon founding members but that information is basically ‘they’re good friends :)’.

Anyway, Shinichiro nicknamed Takeomi ‘Rain Bringer’. So what does rain symbolize in Japan and does it somewhat fit Takeomi ? Rain is strongly linked to death and rebirth (as water usually is in Japan), to becoming something, someone else. This makes a nice little link with his siblings as Senju’s flowers are sakura (and so is her image color, pink sakura) which also symbolize the cycle of death and rebirth, the fleeting nature of life, how short if is, but also renewal and optimism, and Sanzu got his name from Sanzu no kawa, the three-crossing river, who is a river souls have to cross to get to the afterlife and/or to resurrect.

Takeomi’s other nickname, which wasn’t given by Shinichiro, is God of war. Japan has two gods of war, either Hachiman from shintoism, or Bishamonten from buddhism (since it’s Japan we’re talking about, those two got mixed up a bit but). Hachiman is a god of war and agriculture and was said to determine a samurai’s fate in battle (chapter 230 : “[...] my decisions determined how any conflict would end”). Bishamonten is a god of war and warriors, a punisher of evildoers and the ruler of rain. Bishamonten also carries a chatra (a kind of umbrella that symbolizes kingship, sovereignty).

This, while it gives more tracks to analyze Takeomi, doesn’t answer the question ‘What was Takeomi to Shinichiro’. So, if the story refuses to give us the answer, we have to find some parallels with other characters and see if they fit.

Shinichiro’s...

...Baji

That’s right ! Baji and Takeomi share the same role. For this topic, Sanzu (and Senju) is the anomaly between him, Baji and Mikey.(and although we could say Sanzu is Baji’s parallel, he’s mostly Kakucho’s.)

Let’s start with why Wakui decided to depict them that way.

For Mikey and Baji, it was mostly there to show how long they’ve known each other. Mikey had said they were childhood friends but that doesn’t give us a time indication as to when they met. Then, there is the ‘Baji is behind’ aspect. It isn’t a problem between them, that Baji never wins against Mikey, no matter the years. Baji is just after Mikey and can’t reach the top yet.

For Shinichiro and Takeomi, it’s the same. ‘They’ve known each other for how long?’ ‘Probably since then’. Takeomi is behind Shinichiro who is standing at the top. Takeomi wants to do so too, and Shinichiro helps him to. Takeomi can’t stand here unless Shinichiro holds him still.

Shinichiro doesn’t enjoy being Japan’s number 1 - standing at the top. He became a delinquent to form relationships, to have fun, to deal with his father’s death and his mother’s stay in the hospital. He wasn’t against becoming the strongest but it wasn’t his goal (chapter 142, Shinichiro, in a quick Inui’s flashback: “Is winning really that important ?”). After all, if there’s nobody above you, the only people left are below, and Shinichiro says it, it’s only bullying and that’s meaningless (chapter 230, “Now that there's no one better than us, at this point it's just gonna be bullying the people weaker than us, wouldn't it ?”)

However, the childhood friend dying changes. For Mikey and Baji, the one climbing dies ; for Shinichiro and Takeomi, the one at the top does. How can we interpret this ? We already did for Takeomi – that means the one climbing falls. But for the one already on top ? The person who (tried to) followed him there died on the way. He’s still on top, but now he’s alone. Mikey is never alone, but after Shinichiro, Baji’s death is one of the last indispensable nail on his coffin. A nail aggravating his isolation and loneliness.

Personality wise, Baji and Takeomi are awfully different. Takeomi is awfully different to all characters – he is one of the most flawed and most fans don’t find him any redeeming quality.

Baji does share one of Takeomi’s characteristics, and that’s what (ironically) led to Shinichiro’s death. As Kazutora says in chapter 44 while stealing the bike: “You might complain but you always go along with whatever I'm doing”, Baji follows people. He can do well on his own (Valhalla), but if it wasn’t for his stubbornness in pursuing Mikey around (chapter 39, Mikey: “We lived in the same neighborhood. It’s not like we got along that well. He was always picking fights with me”), they wouldn’t have become childhood friends. They are also younger than their childhood friends (Sanzu and Shinichiro are the oldest).

Baji is Shinichiro in one aspect though: he is the one to have created Toman and to have assigned every founding member their role in the gang. (Baji does it in a flashback of chapter 63, Shinichiro gave Takeomi his position as vice-captain so it won’t surprise me if he gave Wakasa and Benkei their). They both also challenge people stronger than them. (Shinichiro on a daily basis “He'd challenge guys way stronger than him to fights”, Baji with Mikey “He was always picking fights with me. And I handed him his ass every time.”).

If there are parallels between Shinichiro and Baji – are there parallels between Takeomi and Mikey ? The answer is yes. They both don’t know what to do after Shinichiro’s death (and Mikey is even more lost after Baji’s), so much that if you push them in the wrong path, they end up as the number 1 criminal organization of their country (Kisaki for Mikey (Bad toman, Manila) helped to speedrun the process — as we see with Bonten, Mikey’s circle in Bonten (Sanzu “There they are ! The dark impulses ! I've been waiting for this” Haruchiyo) helped too. And the one thing to do to get Takeomi back in his prime is to restore his self-confidence (Bonten, and what he was close to do with Brahman)), they both cope with their emotions the same way as well, ‘I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day, I’ll die’ as one may say. They hide between smiles or blank faces. Little things matter as well, so.. chapter 123, Mikey “I wanna stand out” - they both do (even if Mikey is about 4 in this chapter).

...Kisaki

the fact takeomi is both baji and kisaki is hilarious pls. Those two hated each other so much. Well i wont be surprised if Wakui made it official that Takeomi hates himself

Yeah you read that right. Takeomi is Shinichiro’s Kisaki to the same extent he is Shinichiro’s Baji. Like with Baji, he fills Kisaki’s role while dealing with it differently – they don’t have the same personality so it’s not that surprising.

They’re both the gang’s ‘brain’. Whereas Takeomi was given the position, Kisaki approached Mikey with this exact idea in mind. Kisaki wanted to make Tenjiku Toman (chapter 126, “I'm going to make my own Toman”), and Takeomi was about to transform Brahman into (a much darker) Black Dragon (Chapter 219, Senju: “Brahman’s gotten bigger.. and Takeomi has changed. Now, instead of making brahman ‘stronger’ he thinks that making it ‘bigger’ is more important” → all the more people to praise him). Both had the same goal too (to become number 1), and end up being criticized for it because of their way to attain it by Mikey (“in order to make Toman bigger I've ignored your underhanded methods until now. But that ends here [...] Your arbitrary decisions will screw up my dream”) and Senju ("I get that not all the jobs we take will be clean. However, thinking about dirtying Brahman for trash like that pisses me off”) when those two asked them are the one who asked them to guide them (chapter 265, Mikey: “there has been ‘something’ dark inside my heart. Sometimes that ‘something’ expands and drives me to destroy absolutely everything. Kisaki… I want you to stay by my side with that part of me. I want you to guide me, Kisaki” (and worse, when Kisaki asked him if he’s sure, even if Kisaki doesn’t guide him the way he wants, Mikey answered “yeah, I don’t care.” But then, it was before Takemichi waltzed in his life); chapter 230, Senju: “I want someone who I can trust ! Someone who can give some guidance to the team ! Will you fill that role, big bro ?”). They had different reasons, for sure, Kisaki wanted Hinata’s love, Takeomi wanted (to keep) that idolizing love other people had for him, but those different reasons have the same roots.

They never grew up from their child-mindset.

Kisaki kept that childish logic of ‘Hinata loves Takemichi. Takemichi wants to be Japan's number 1 delinquent. Hinata loves Japan's number 1 delinquent. If I’m Japan's number 1 delinquent, Hinata will love me.’ (and he wanted Hinata’s love because she was the only one interacting with him and being nice to him, she said “He’s a good kid” when everyone else doesn’t, even back in elementary school where he is described as “creepy”) and Takeomi kept that childhood wish of being important, needed, validated.

Now, they turned out differently because of a very essential point :

Chapter 182, first chapter of Kisaki’s flashback : “When I was in elementary school, they called me a child prodigy.”

Chapter 230, Takeomi’s chapter : “Whether it be in sports, or studies, I was just average. I was but a normal child, not special at all.”

Kisaki was made aware from an early age that he was smart. He is as arrogant as much his intelligence allows him to be (sure, it’s insufferable, but he is as smart as he says). He is well-assured of his capacities and is the one to make his life decisions, he is very independent from Mikey or anyone else. Kisaki has an actual self-esteem. He doesn’t under or overestimate himself. He knows what he does, he knows he is the one doing so. Takeomi is the opposite. He’s too arrogant, doesn’t know in what he is smart, but the others say so, so he must be, he makes his decisions while looking at Shinichiro – he got there thanks to Shinichiro. And Kisaki got there thanks to Takemichi, although in another way. Kisaki also followed Takemichi around. By stalking him, but still. And unlike Takeomi, Kisaki is very conscious of it when he lies, it is but another strategy to manipulate people.

Kisaki is Takeomi if people had noticed and talked about his capacities in his childhood. Takeomi is what Kisaki could’ve been if people never praised him, if he never finished number one at any national mock exam and if he became childhood friends with Takemichi (instead of stalking him).

Both of them corrupted Toman and Brahman (and Black Dragon if Shinichiro hadn’t been Shinichiro). “Brahman is closer to a group of adult gangsters than they are a motorcycle gang. Some nasty rumors follow them, too.” (chapter 215, Inui); “Money is power. How valuable do you think your ‘strength’ is !?” (chapter 229, Takeomi); but are also the reason why they became huge organizations. They are the reasons why Brahman (almost) and Toman fell into criminal organizations (although Toman would’ve anyway).

They also both first got into a gang when they were 13. (Black Dragon was created the 22nd February 1995 – Takeomi was born the 10th march 1981 (the year after Shinichiro’s own birth btw, Shinichiro who is the oldest Black Dragon founding member), so he was about to turn 14 BUT HE WASN'T, and in 2005 Kisaki is 13 since he was born the 20th january 1992 (two years younger than Mikey, one year younger than Takemichi))

...Draken.

Shinichiro and Mikey both have their “This is the breeze of a new era !”(chapter 230)/”I’m gonna seize this world” (chapter 223) speech that only Takeomi/Draken could hear ; and they’re both vice-captain/second in command.

When Black Dragon gets officially disbanded (their final garthering), Wakasa and Benkei shed a tear or two, Shinichiro being the crybaby he is, has a lot of tears running down his face, and Takeomi… too. Takeomi is the only one with his eyes close. He grins his teeth. He can’t accept this reality, can’t look at it. Even if Shinichiro talked about it with him beforehand. And… it’s the same with Draken. Not that Mikey informed him before saying Toman was over (and they didn’t have a second generation to lend the name too, as opposed to Black Dragon), but with how he reacted. On paper, he said he agreed with it (even after his “What ? What’re you goin’ on all of a sudden ?” in chapter 189 which is the same as Takeomi’s “Disband !? But why !? I mean, we just became Japan's number one !” in chapter 230, and Mikey also disbanded Toman after becoming Japan’s number 1), that since it was Mikey’s choice, he had “no objection to the leader's decision” (chapter 189), but in reality, not only do we learn it’s not true when they dug up the time capsule (chapter 198, Draken reading his letter : “I’m at a crossroads in my life right now. Toman disbanded. […] I actually regret it. Toman is everything to me. Im sure everyone in toman felt that way ? I’m worried… I cried”), but he also joins Brahman. There was nothing prior to that revelation pointing at it. In Bonten he has his shop, he says “I’m retired” and “I left everything i had back in Tokyo Manji” to South (chapter 211) in his letter he wrote “So, I'm leaving all of my regrets in here” and that’s what teenager Draken tried to do. But he joined Brahman instead. And we learn why after, when he says in a flashback to Mitsuya (chapter 238) : “Have you grown accustomed to living life without Toman ? Because I can't seem to move on from it. That’s why I think i’m gonna go back to the life of deliquent. I’ll continue following Mikey [...]”. Draken couldn’t leave Toman, his whole life behind. Then why did he in Bonten ? Because Senju died. Not only must it have affected him, but it affected Takeomi, Wakasa and Benkei. And, yes, we can say Senju died in Bonten regardless of the fact it’s never said. Why ? Bonten is a memorial for Izana, its symbol, its members’ tattoo come from Izana’s earrings and the (天) ten of Bonten 梵天 from Tenjiku 天竺, the (梵) bon of Bonten 梵天 comes from Brahman 梵. The executives, advisor, second and third in command, are either former Tenjiku member or Senju’s brother (or both for Sanzu but again, can we really say he was a Tenjiku member when it’s clear he was acting as a spy on Mikey’s unaware behalf..) - and its leader had a deep relationship with those two as well. There’s no need for Senju to have the same role as Izana in Bonten if she’s not dead. So, Senju’s death is the answer as to why Draken utterly left Toman (and Mikey) behind in Bonten timeline (he loves Mikey very much but he can't lose any more loved ones). But Draken’s wish to get back to Mikey until then, his refusal to abandon Toman, was what led him and Takeomi to understand each other. That’s what led to Takeomi recruiting Draken (because he must have been the one to come up with the idea, like he is the one to have thought about recruiting Takemichi). That’s what leads Takeomi to get this angry at his death. Not only is Takeomi is partially responsible for it, Draken is essential to bring back Mikey, and Takeomi is not. And so, “If you wanted to kill someone it should've been me !” (chapter 225). And also why he becomes even more angry when Mikey arrives (“Fuck off, Kanto gang ! You guys abandoned Draken !”). Takeomi takes his role as Senju’s second in command very seriously, she asked him to guide the team and he accepted, he swore to give his all for them (chapter 230). He is the one telling her to keep cool and not being driven by her emotions (chapter 218), which is ironic because he’s the one to act before thinking after Draken’s death whereas Senju tries to calm him down (and fails).

Kanto being “a three-way state of equilibrium between these three teams and has entered the three deities era” (Yamagishi, chapter 208) was not an innocent choice when it is also revealed in chapter 226 by Senju that “Benkei and Waka. Before the first generation of Black Dragon happened, these two divided the Kanto region. Kanto used to be divided into two parts”. South takes the role of Benkei, and Senju, who created Brahman for the only purpose of stopping Mikey the same way Kodo Rengo was formed to stop Ragnarok’s expansion, takes the role of Wakasa. This is also backed up by their fighting style and body type. Mikey takes Shinichiro’s role, but whereas Shinichiro ‘defeated’ Wakasa and Benkei and became their friends and leader which lead to them ruling over the region, Mikey crushed South/Rokuhara Tandai and made Senju disband Brahman, for the same result (Takemichi could’ve taken on Shinichiro’s role but the power of friendship can’t do everything). And Draken is in Takeomi’s role. Not Sanzu. (because Sanzu doesn’t care about Toman while Draken just wants it back.). Furthermore, I like the fact South, in the final timeline, “is a heavyweight champion of foreign martial arts. When he visits Japan, he hangs out at the Gojo gym” because not only does South finally have friends (like Senju, he is friendless in canon-timeline) but because Benkei’s dream is “to produce a MMA champion from Gojo gym”, which while not being exactly the same thing is still close enough for me.

A difference between them worth mentioning is that while Draken is the oldest of Toman founding members, Takeomi is the youngest of Black Dragon founding members.

(+ Inui, Kokonoi:

The other character introduced as refusing the end of Black Dragon is Inui. He's a character who is developed alongside Kokonoi who can't accept Akane's death.

But whereas Takeomi seemingly doesn't do anything by himself to get out of his vicious circle and debts, Inui actively tries to keep Black Dragon alive. He even takes Shinichiro’s shop as his hideout (with Kokonoi), although it has been abandoned. Nobody else came to keep that place alive – it reminds them of a too painful reality. And it could've with Inui too, but Inui has only good memories of this place (chapter 143, Inui: “All those senpai who’d stop by were so dazzling and awesome. [...] I heard so many stories in this bike shop from our senpai. They all had so much fun talking about their old leader [...] Even as an adult, he could still laugh about the dumb stuff he did years ago together with his friends.”). Not to say the others don’t; but Inui is able to see pass the pain of this happiness unable to come back.

Inui is the first out of the three to let it go. He finds Takemichi and realizes that.. maybe he could live without Black Dragon. It takes a bit but Bonten Inui has let it go completely, unlike Kokonoi and Takeomi, both going deeper and deeper into criminality ; both still running away from reality, refusing to look back and see what they loved isn't there anymore.

Inui heals in Bonten. He doesn't in Bad Toman, where he's with Hakkai who became BD 11th leader. He doesn't in Manila, where Izana who was the 8th BD leader and the first leader Inui worked under comes back. Always running after BD shadow. Manila Inui met Takemichi, but Manila Inui wasn't separated from Kokonoi, not for years, not for more than a decade, since Tenjiku merged with Toman. They probably didn't have their 'Akane is dead, I'm Seishu!' talk, and if they did, it clearly didn't change anything.

We don't know how Inuis family life is. We know his parents couldn't pay for his sister's surgery and she ended up dying. We know he had had to witness his best friend lose himself in the prospect to make money. We know somewhen, he met Shinichiro. Spent time with him at his shop. Perhaps to stay away from home ? Home who burnt him? Home who took away his sister ? Meeting Shinichiro did a lot to him accepting his sister's death, surely. A bit of positivity in his life. But nobody was there for him when Shinichiro himself died. When Izana disappeared nobody knew where and the Haitani Brothers left Black Dragon when it became to hard to deal with, leading it to fade away (chapter 105, Kokonoi: “They ended up in a tough spot when the Haitani brothers of Roppongi came to power… So they ditched the gang, and disappeared.”).

Inui learnt about it after getting out of juvie. He went to juvie for Black Dragon. For Izana. This can't be the end of it. So he makes Taiju the 10th leader. He's not loyal to him because he's Taiju, he's loyal to him because it's the Black Dragon leader (chapter 143, Inui: “That good old Black Dragon I used to know was no more. I panicked when Black Dragon died for a while. That’s when I sought help from Shiba Taiju.”). But the Christmas Showdown happens, and Inui witnesses the force of nature that is Takemichi Hanagaki. And he's like Shinichiro was.

He leaves Black Dragon behind when he puts on Toman uniform for the first time. Black Dragon won't ever leave him, but he can let it go and cherish the memories he has. He didn't get to be in Black Dragon when he wanted to (chapter 143, Inui: “I’ve always admired such a team. That’s why I joined Blakc Dragon. But by the time I joined Black Dragon it was the eightth generation. It was shit.”) and that changed him (as being in a gang changed Takeomi) (chapter 143: ”During the eighth and ninth generations.. our gang did extortion, robbed people, sold drugs, all sorts of heinoius stuff. There was no trace left of the gang’s original intentions. And before i knew it, the gang’s evil had an influence on me. I landed myself in juvie.”), but he can maybe experience a similar thing with Takemichi, or maybe it'll be completely different. It's okay, he has turned the page. Now, he has to bring back Kokonoi and make him turn the page as well. Except Inui had a slow and nice 'turn the page', while Kokonoi won't.

Kokonoi needs more time, Kokonoi can't let Akane go just yet, even if Inui yells at him to stop acting as if he was seeing his sister instead of himself. Inui practically slaps him up. He has failed during Tenjiku, but this failure planted a seed in Kokonoi's mind which finally bloomed during the battle with Kanto Manji. It's a more abrupt realization than Inui got, but it doesn't hurt him. Akane tells him to let go, that she's glad he did all of that for her but that he doesn't need to continue – she's dead. Seishu is not. And even if that's meaningless, even if he knows he's, they're, going to lose, he goes help Inui against Wakasa and Benkei.

Takeomi's realization of having done something wrong falls upon him all at once. A part of it. His realization concerning Brahman, about Senju and Sanzu is there ("I've failed Brahman principles"(chapter 230)/"But me going crazy and Haruchiyo going astray[...]"(chapter 241) and it hurt him. Acknowledging his mistakes to himself and to others, to Senju, made him cry.)

But where is his realization about Black Dragon and Shinichiro ?)

But not Shinichiro’s Takemichi.

Takeomi isn’t Shinichiro’s Takemichi because for starters, Takemichi is Shinichiro as it is constantly repeated throughout the story.

Takemichi changed Mikey’s life (if it wasn’t for him, he would’ve kept listening to Kisaki, kept thinking he only needed darkness, he would’ve killed Kazutora (chapter 265)). Takeomi didn’t change much Shinichiro’s. Not the same way Takemichi did at least. Mikey, like Takeomi, needed someone to guide him, to follow around, whether this person was Takemichi or Kisaki depends entirely on the timeline’s events. Shinichiro could guide himself, he didn’t need somebody to show him the way. So what ? Why does it matter? It matters because all the friendships in this story have an impact on the characters it concerns. Whether it be the Twin Dragons, Izana and Kakucho, Inui and Kokonoi, Mikey is changed by Pah (going to jail), Kazutora (Shinichiro’s death), Baji (him siding with Kazutora and his own death), Draken (“Draken is Mikey’s heart. He compensates for what he’s lacking”) (not Mitsuya though. Which is very sad. I want a concrete example of how Mìtsuya impacted Mikey's life!!)… And the Black Dragon are out of this rule. Especially Shinichiro. Takeomi, Wakasa and Benkei all changed because of him (in good for Wakasa & Benkei, in what could’ve been good but ended up bad for Takeomi) but the other way around isn’t shown to be true. Wakasa & Benkei became friends, really good friends since they own a gym together in several timelines, and Takeomi got something to fill his lack of self-esteem which then got taken away from him without him having learnt how to cope with it in the meantime.

And Wakasa & Benkei aren’t supposed to have a gym in canon-timeline. Wakasa is a gang leader in the original timeline – supposedly he only changed vocation because Shinichiro told him about the original timeline and he decided not to go down that path. But then, when did Shinichiro had the time, during his time in the past, to tell Wakasa about his time leap ? He barely stayed one day. So did Wakasa, in the original timeline, came back to the illegal world so he can produce/obtain money and help Shinichiro out ? We don’t know what Benkei does in the original timeline, but I’d find it hard to believe he’s not with Wakasa. As for Takeomi, his situation is most likely the same, he’s in debt (which would explain that brief “Takeomi…” from chapter 272 from Shinichiro before he has to focus on the date, and very much alive Mikey). Or, if we want to look at another option, since Shinichiro got into “shaddy stuffs” (as he says in chapter 270), they could’ve followed and got back into delinquency. If they did it fast enough, Takeomi probably didn't get to the point of having debts. If you add the “Join my gang, Shin. With you we'd be the top gang in the world” of Wakasa (same chapter) to any of this option, and the lack of negative response from Shinichiro you end up with one terrifying timeline where Shinichiro could have become, actually, a bad guy (or kill himself anyway).

What did all three of them do to make Shinichiro grow, positively or not ? Nothing (concrete that is, his admired/respected people are ‘’the Black Dragon First Generation Members‘’). Shinichiro’s entire personality, and that’s one of the only if not the only character, is centered exclusively around his family, mostly but not only, Mikey. He is changed by his father’s death and his mother’s hospitalization and starts to be a delinquent, he is changed by Mikey’s accident, by Emma running away, by his grandfather dying, by Mikey’s death and is so broken he is ready to believe in time travel, maybe was he also changed by Izana’s reaction when he discovered they weren’t blood-related. Only Wakasa is here in his flashback. No Benkei, only a mention of Takeomi. That’s not right. They’re his friends, why aren’t they here ? Why do we have so little information ?

Shinichiro stays the same until Mikey has his accident. He isn’t shaped by anybody else, not even his childhood friend whom he has known for more than a decade.

Shinichiro didn’t need guidance like Mikey did, but he didn’t need to stagnate either.

– which beg the question : Why did Wakui decide to put the exact same kanji, pronounced the exact same way in both Takeomi (武臣) and Takemichi (武道)’s name ? As a writer, making this decision means something (most of the time), alas, i didn’t find what. (Takemichi like Takeomi has self-esteem problems at the beginning of the story because he got beaten up as an middle school student by Kiyomasa but other than that..)

What I did find was Wakasa, Benkei and Takeomi pages in the third guide book. There’s still not much about Shinichiro (he is listed as all three’s admired/respected person), but there’s a bit more about their relationship with Takeomi. First, the one thing that actually surprised me : Wakasa and Benkei are listed as Takeomi’s disliked/feared people. Then, Wakui was kind to explain since it’s followed by “(They look down on me )”. Now, to see if it’s true or not (if they do think that, or if it’s just Takeomi (who must be such an unreliable narrator)) we have to take a look at Wakasa and Benkei’s own page.

Takeomi is only mentioned once for Wakasa, in his ‘a day in his life’ :

“I had a one-week holiday, so I went on a quick trolling trip to Okinawa. I wanted to enjoy fishing alone, but Takeomi and Benkei came along. The aim was yellowfin tuna. Takeomi got tired of not being able to catch anything after 3 hours on the boat and said he wanted to go home, while Benkei was seasick and exhausted. I knew I shouldn't have brought them along.”

We learnt that Takeomi isn’t that patient (to be fair, fishing isn’t something he likes to do, unlike Wakasa) but not that much is said about how Wakasa really thinks about him and him alone. He is irritated by both of his friends, who ruined his holiday, equally. You can’t say if he looks down on Takeomi or not.

For Benkei, Takeomi is also mentioned once and it’s in his ‘a day in his life’ as well :

“The gym is closed today. Takeomi persistently invited me out for a drink. I usually don't go, but we went to an izakaya together. His drinking is long. At first its fun, but as we get deeper into it, he starts to brag. He talks about the Brahman Senju created as if he created it. He has always been like that. I remember he used to brag about Shinichiro's achievements as if he himself had done them. Shinichiro liked him, including such a bad part of him.”

It gives more than Wakasa’s did. First, Takeomi, although he dislikes/fears them, still tags along with both of them when he can. Second, not that much of a news, Takeomi brags and takes on Senju’s achievements, the same way he took on Shinichiro’s. Third, Shinichiro was aware of it and didn’t stop him ?

While we can say Benkei is probably irritated by it, like for Wakasa we can’t say he looks down on Takeomi.

It pains me that there’s not much interaction between them. You can say Wakasa and Benkei are friends – but do they consider Takeomi a friend ? I don’t think he’s still labeled ‘Shinichiro’s friend’ in their mind, but – especially with Takeomi’s fall – they aren’t close, have they ever been. They don’t have that kind of relationship like Toman’s founding members have for example. Perhaps they did once.

Takeomi’s page, in my opinion at least, is the one that gives the more information on the character it‘s about. He likes Akechi Mitsuhide because he has the same birthday as him (sure why not – Akechi Mitsuhide, to make it very short, a general in the Heian period who attempted to become Shogun, and whose reign as Shogun lasted thirteen days), he dislikes making efforts (makes sense, he makes others’ achievements his own, which also leads to:), his special talent is taking advantages of people, and his dream is to be a multimillionaire (he is also ranked number 1 best to ‘Who has a way with words ?’).

Except confirming what I was already thinking, it still doesn’t offer much (but i’m so glad it has been explecitely written). But his failure story, that’s, well, another story.

And all of that offers a great transition, but let me change the topic first –

Family - the first thing you learn to run away from

(You were probably waiting for it from the start, sorry it took so long for me to talk about it !)

Takeomi’s failure story goes like this :

“I was their father figure. My father was busy because we are a motherless family. I was strict with Haruchiyo because he’s a man. He cut my face with a knife one day and left the house. He’s a hell of a fucking brother. I vowed that one day I would let Senju punish him.”

Sanzu gave him the scar.

Worse, looking at the timeline, Takeomi doesn’t have the scar when Black Dragon is founded (in February 1995 Sanzu would have been 4 so, not that surprising) but he gained it along the way, before Black Dragon disbandment (in late spring, early summer 1999, so Sanzu was either 8 or 9 (Takeomi was 18 – they have a 9 years gap)). That’s… young. What could have pushed Sanzu to do this ? Did Takeomi really do such a poor job raising him, Sanzu decided that attacking him was the only way out or something like that ? Sanzu, who says to Senju, “I wish I knew how to talk back to big bro like how Mikey and Baji do…” (chapter 241), cut his brother’s face with a knife before the age of nine? (he was nine when he said that, so perhaps he did stand up for himself before but then he gradually stopped (or all at once, it depends on how Takeomi reacted to being cut i suppose.)).

This leads to a question : did any outsider of their family know about it ? Sanzu probably wasn’t running around yelling about what he did, but did Takeomi complain (to Shinichiro) or did he keep his mouth shut about how his scar came to be. Both ? Complained about how hard it is to raise Sanzu (who ran away after what he did) while saying his new scar is from a fight he has gotten into ?(of course he didn’t get his scar from a 4-9 years old. Who do you take him for, he wouldn't let anyone, let alone a child, scar him like that.) Since we know Sanzu doesn’t go home when he’s in Toman (chapter 206, Muto : “What's with that look in your eye ? You don't have anywhere you belong ?”), it may not be an unusual thing for him to run away. (Which begs the question: what does his grandmother and father think about it ? Are they even aware of it ?)

Looking again at the timeline, what did Mikey and Takemichi do during the final reset ? They came back in October 1998 (Sanzu 8, Takeomi 17), yet Takeomi has his scar during the wedding. So either Sanzu cut his face before (and be 8 years old at most), or Mikey and Takemichi failed to prevent it.

this baby cut his brother’s face.

Talking about scars… We never got to see how Takeomi reacted when Sanzu got his. Did he blame him (he thought Sanzu was the one who broke the toy plane before Senju confesses she is in chapter 241) ? Did he just not do anything and left (oh sweet guilt) ? Did he decide to stay away from Mikey a bit ? Did he go to the hospital ?

For both Sanzu cutting Takeomi’s face and the toy plane incident, I pity Senju for having to witness it and feel guilty for not doing anything, but also because she knows sometimes she should be punished and not Sanzu. Her and Hakkai should get along well (once he stops freezing everytime girls talk to him).

But above all, I pity all of them for witnessing how the Sano family works. How, even though they also have absent parents, they’re healthy. How Mikey talks back to Shinichiro, how Emma loves her brother without feeling unwanted or lonely, how Shinichiro knows how to raise his siblings even with his family life, his parents' condition. And my heart ached the first time I read chapter 273 and Sanzu called Shinichiro ‘Shin-nii’ – thing Mikey never did. They addressed Takeomi as ‘Take-nii’ in their childhood, but they stopped. (Sanzu calls Shinichiro ‘Shinichiro-kun’ in the original timeline, which makes you wonder why, but I think he did since he was young and stopped because, for one, Shinichiro is too busy with his study and taking care of Mikey, and two, Sanzu went to juvie.) And Sanzu goes directly to Shinichiro after getting his memories back. He shares his confusion with Shinichiro, even if what he says seems unbelievable (even for himself) because he trusts him and knows he can share his worries with him. And Shinichiro answered to this 13 years old needing reassurance by telling him he killed a man.

I’d give a lot to see how the Akashi father is. I’d give a lot to see how Takeomi was raised. Because with Shinichiro it’s easy. Mama Sano and Papa Sano, for the little we’ve seen of them, seemed like good, stable people. They must have raised Shinichiro great until they couldn’t anymore. We don’t know when Mikey’s mother got to the hospital, but his father died when he was 3, so Shinichiro at least spent 13 years of his life with (guidance from) his father. Sure, it would’ve been better if it be longer, but it’s already more than.. Taiju (which, with some calculation, was 8 when his mother died). But we don’t know for the Akashi. We only know that Sanzu and Senju don’t call themselves Akashi. That Senju says “ We’re the mysterious siblings !” which is funny but makes me think about ‘let’s not talk about whatever’s going on in our family/at home’ which is not funny. Think of it, if the Akashi parents were the same as the Sano, they wouldn’t have turned out that way. It’s not fair to compare families or even people but to be fair they’re characters so they’re meant to be compared. And maybe the Sano siblings would have turned out like the Akashi siblings if their dad survived and their mom still died, who knows.

Takeomi didn’t take Senju and Sanzu to gang meetings, or anything gang-related whereas Shinichiro did. There could be two reasons (which can both be true at the same time) : 1, gang stuffs are dangerous, who would bring kids along, seriously, Shinichiro ? (chapter 269, Takeomi “are you stupid ? what kind of parents would let their kids learn from gang rides ?” after Shinichiro said “I'm like his father figure at this point. It's best from him to learn from his peers”) 2, it was the only thing he had that wasn’t family/home, where he could be himself and not have to care about his siblings (and be completely crushed under his responsibilities and doing a poor job because of it--). The fact he didn’t isn’t that important, Sanzu didn’t want to be part of a gang to start with (chapter 277 : “Nah! I don’t wanna be a delinquent!”), he only joined Toman after having his memories from the original timeline back and talking with Shinichiro about it (and Shinichiro dying). But Black Dragon, like for Shinichiro, was Takeomi’s life and by not bringing Sanzu and Senju in it, he didn’t interact with them much, he let them out of his life. Mikey and Emma “followed him [Shinichiro] everywhere” (chapter 109, Mikey), Takeomi needed his me-time, far away from his siblings. He couldn’t, unlike Shinichiro, put on the ‘perfect big brother’ role/façade.

Since he left his house often, Sanzu was left in charge (chapter 241, Takeomi “[...] you have to set a good example for her”; chapter 249, Sanzu (to Senju) “Did you forget who raised you [...]?”). If Takeomi had to take care on their father's role, it’s easy to understand that he delegated his big brother role to Sanzu. This was clearly not a good move, but Takeomi back then didn’t understand how strict he was with Sanzu, nor how unfair it was that he would blamed him for things Senju had done (following the rule of ‘you’re the older, you should have taught her better’) (perhaps Takeomi was so strict with Sanzu because he lashed out all of his self-anger/hatred on him; there's also the fact he may have recognized himself (his childhood self at least) in Sanzu – shitty move, but as a professional of denial, Takeomi might not have even been aware of it). But Takeomi wasn’t meant to be their father figure in the first place, and he could have failed his big brother role as well even if their life had been different, but he shouldn’t have had to endorse the responsibility of raising his siblings, had he been given the choice or not. It’s also somewhat ironic, that Takeomi did take on their father’s role the same way their father did – he left home for work and everything to the oldest child who stayed. Just like Shinichiro took on his father’s role. Not only because Shinichiro spent time with his siblings, which their father seems like he would have done, but also because, like his father, he gifts Mikey a toy, and tragedy soon follows (his father’s death in the car accident, Sanzu’s scars or Mikey’s accident). He was also a crybaby – although his father never cried in public (chapter 263, Mikey: “My father also cried easily ?”, his mom: “I wonder if he ever cried in public? That man was hopeless”). Mikey looked up to him, like he looks up to his father. I honestly think Mikey, who was also a crybaby as a child (chapter 263, Mikey’s mom: “[...] you too… used to be a crybaby when you were younger. All you did was cry and wail.”), started to stop crying (in public and in private alike) after his father’s death. Sure, he was very young when it happened, but children lack life experience not intelligence, sometimes they’re very capable of reading the room, and Mikey, who probably didn’t understand what was happening, knew that weeping wouldn’t help his already crying brother and mother. Mikey saw his father as this very strong, capable man who protected the family and decided to take on that role by being ‘strong’, by not crying and by beating people up (chapter 263, Mikey: “I am not going to cry. That's why, mom, I'm going to protect you, so come back home”; “I met that big guy from east elementary’s third grade. And I beat him up !”, his mom: “You're so strong, Manjiro. Just like your father.”). He has one memory of his father, where he hands him a superhero figurine – and what are fathers if not the superhero of their young children ?

Sanzu was a better big brother than Takeomi was. Sanzu, like Takeomi in the past, doesn’t want Senju to be in a gang and much less a gang leader (chapter 216, Senju : “Haruchiyo doesn't like the fact I’m the head of Brahman. He doesn't like that I'm the strongest and that Takeomi endorses me.”). “Because of my mistakes, Takeomi got mad at Haruchiyo even so Haruchiyo was always nice to me” (Senju, chapter 241) ; he could have. He could have let out the anger he had on Senju since he couldn’t talk back to Takeomi. He didn’t, because Sanzu was a kind child, but also because seeing how Takeomi favored Senju (in his actions, this does not mean he loved her more) if he had learnt Sanzu got angry at her or even made her cry… Sanzu was already aware of how his brother acted when he got angry.

I refuse to believe “The curse Shinichiro created by killing the time leaper, that is what my ‘dark impulses’ are. It affected everyone around him” (chapter 274) as the reason behind Sanzu and Mikey’s behavior. Simply because, if it did, then why was Wakasa, Benkei, Emma, heck even Sano grandpa, not affected by it ? And why was Kazutora ? The only way I accept it is with ‘it affected Sanzu because he was Shinichiro’s trigger, so they shared the power and by such, Sanzu had to carry a bit of the curse’ (im not going to talk about mikey’s case here but i also came up with a more complex reason as to why he was affected, that is not just ‘he was close to him’). However, we don’t know what the curse does. The homeless man only said ‘’curse you’’ (chapter 271), any explanation from a character who isn’t the homeless man can’t be taken as the perfect truth. Anyway, all of that to say that behind Sanzu (and Mikey’s) actions, there was a bit of genuinity. The curse pushed them to act, but a part of them wanted to act, the curse made them unable to stop (and think of alternative solutions), worse, the curse made them like it. (okay, it’s theory time heck it. the curse feeds on tragedy, the more tragedy, the more it grows, the more it grows, the more hungry it gets, the more it wants tragedy, the more it triggers tragedy. And by feeding on tragedy i mean all the negative feelings that go hand-in-hand with. Sadness, despair, helplessness, rage, regrets, guilt… It clings to someone who already has a tragic life (Mikey, Sanzu, … Kazutora,…) and it worsens it. End of theory time.) ANYWAY. All of that to say that, this ?

Was something Sanzu would (without the curse) regret, but did anyway because he couldn’t stop it (because of the curse) because a part of him wanted to (not necessarily, hit Senju with a pipe, but get a pay-back from what he had had to go through as a child. Who knows what he would have done to Takeomi if Wakui decided to not drop our ‘God of War’ by the road before the last fight of the story). And he says things her ‘always nice to her’ brother wouldn’t have said (especially) to her such as “fighting all flamboyantly like that.. you buzzing disgusts the hell out of me. You disgusting fly !” (chapter 248)

Sanzu knows Senju isn't responsible for Mikey's curse, but he learnt about it when he was 13; not before (i'm not saying that's why he hit her, that’s not my best transition). Who knows, maybe somewhere in his mind he did blame Senju before memories of the original timeline flew back to him and he realized whether the toy had broken or not, Mikey would've turned up like that either way. This also begs the question : what did Sanzu think about the accident, before Shinichiro admitted what really happened on that day, before he got his memories from the original timeline back ? What did he think about staying friends with the one who scarred him for life ? Did he really wholeheartedly agree to stay friends for life with Mikey to Shinichiro?

Speaking of the original timeline, Takeomi is said to be on “non-speaking terms” with Sanzu. But let’s put everything back into context : Sanzu “used a damn katana and slashed all of his friends” (Baji ; chapter 270) (which also doesn't support the 'it's because of the curse' explanation or the "You can't erase the curse! [...] I've been following Mikey as if I was in a trance [...]"(chapter 275) of Sanzu. Because there wasn't a curse in the original timeline to 'explain' Sanzu's behavior), and Baji himself says to Shinichiro “Why do you give a fuck about somebody like him ?”(same chapter). Whether Takeomi blames himself for how Sanzu turned out or not, Sanzu at best hurt his friends, at worst killed them. And in this timeline, Takeomi still has Senju to look after – hence, he can’t let Sanzu interact with her, and he refuses to talk with him after what he did (whereas in Bonten, Senju is dead and Takeomi came back in the game and ends up accepting murder as part of his, their, life) Takeomi is also against Mikey killing (South), as he says “Are you even human!? There’s no reason for you to go that far, y’know?!”(chapter 233) which Mikey kindly answers to by kicking Takeomi in the chin and saying “you're better off dead, too.”(same chapter). Shinichiro, like Sanzu, justifies it ; “He just attacked them because they were talking shit about Manjiro. Isn’t that how Haruchiyo is ?”. Would Shinichiro have justified it in another timeline, though ? If Mikey was okay, if Emma was there, if his grandfather didn’t die… Would he have accepted Sanzu’s actions ? Shinichiro in the original timeline, is in deep, deep denial about his entire life collapsing around him.

One second he’s working at a job he likes and wants to do, the other he is a university student, a nurse and his brother’s main and only caregiver. One second, he lives with what is left of his family, the other his brother is his only family left, and he can’t leave the hospital. Not only did his life go downhill after Mikey’s accident, he must blame himself for it too. Why did Mikey have his accident ? Because he didn’t want to lend the Concorde to Baji and the rest. Who bought the Concorde as a gift for him ? Shinichiro. He guided his brother, the boy he raised, to his death, and the girl he raised is nowhere to be seen (which might have been in part his fault since he was too busy studying for Mikey to pay attention to her), even though he had promised to his father to look after the both of them (chapter 269, “Father [...] I’ll take care of both Manjiro and Emma for you.”). His parents, his grandparents, he had nothing left. But Mikey is still alive. So he keeps on focusing on that, only that. Mikey can’t interact with people, nobody knows if he is aware of his surroundings, but he is alive and that fact alone is the only thing keeping Shinichiro from facing reality, from realizing that at this point, he is his family on his own, it’s the only thing keeping him going. He has to keep Mikey alive, to the price of his health (chapter 270, Baji: “In order to get the qualifications to be a caregiver he had to study while working in the hospital. I’m sure he doesn't even have time to sleep, his life is a total mess”; Wakasa: “I was worried that you'd be the first to die [...] Right now you're just rotting away”), his money, his morals (same chapter, Shinichiro: “I've gotten involved in many shady businesses. So I could help Manjiro in whatever he needed. I've done whatever therapies and even paid a lot for those suspicious religious groups”) anything, anything for Mikey. So of course, Haruchiyo was justified in his actions, no matter what Baji or Takeomi might say (plus, Baji says all kinds of things (“He isn't right in the head.”) but he still tags along and interact with Haruchiyo, he doesn’t fool many people. Then again, does Baji have any friends ? If “there’s nothing great about middle school”, he can’t meet Chifuyu, and who knows if he met any other founding members, if he met Kazutora at least.) because killing for Mikey is exactly what Shinichiro does.

The homeless man tells him to gain the power he killed his predecessor, and for a man who has lost everything, killing isn’t much. Except it doesn’t work. Shinichiro doesn’t go back to the past instantly after killing this man. His last hope is gone. And it wasn’t even one – he helplessly believed in the idea of time leaping because it was the only thing left he could believe in. So he kills himself. There’s nothing left anyway. Wakasa, Benkei, Takeomi, Haruchiyo, Baji ? Not enough. And then it works. He’s back. He saves Mikey. Then when he unexpectedly goes back to his present (2003) and goes look for the homeless man, he doesn’t find him. Probably to talk, to thank him. But the thing is, he killed this man. But not once is he seen feeling guilt about this. Denial ? Maybe. Or maybe it’s because he finds it justifiable. He killed for Mikey, for his baby brother, for his own sanity. One doesn’t mean the other isn’t true – he could justify it to stay in denial. He dies too soon after for him to learn to cope with what he did anyway.

There’s also the fact that out of everyone, he goes to Wakasa to tell him about the original timeline. Not Takeomi (who isn’t doing well in any point anyway), and not Benkei (who… we don’t know), but Wakasa. And he confesses his murder to him (as we’re told by Mikey, chapter 268 : “I was informed by Wakasa” ; chapter 274 : “the curse Shinichiro created by killing the time leaper… that is what my dark impulses are.”), the same way he confessed what he did in his previous timeline and what he thought of doing (“In these four years, I've gotten involved in many shady businesses [...] Maybe I should kill them all for deceiving me.” (chapter 270)).

So, while in the original timeline, Takeomi focuses on Senju even if that means neglecting Sanzu, Shinichiro focuses on Mikey which leads to Emma running away (to where, we don’t know). And those two little sisters fit their role differently. While Emma cooks (she is seen several time cooking; and to Draken after he asked her if she was housekeeping “well, gramps is old and…” (chapter 263)), likes cute things (the teddy bear she wanted and Draken got for her birthday), isn’t a fighter and in the final timeline becomes a housewife, Senju chases Mikey, Baji, and Sanzu around, wants to play with their toys (Mikey’s concorde), trains at Wakasa and Benkei’s gym and is a gang member. Takemichi refrains her to buy punk clothes and even though she still buys a lot of items, she prefers Brahman’s uniform and she goes shopping because Takeomi tells her to (“We’re shopping in Harajuku because Takeomi told me to ‘do some girly stuff sometimes.’ This is his card.”) and gives her his credit card (whose money comes from Brahman’s activities, so as to whether it’s his or Senju’s decisions leading to him being rich..). They’re both feminine, but Senju is a bit more of a tomboy in what she likes. Emma doesn’t feel lonely (“Since then, I've never felt lonely. Not even once”)(she has friends her age, such as Hinata), Senju clings to Takemichi the moment he joins Brahman (“Brahman’s full of old guys, so I’m glad people my age are joining”(chapter 216);”So can i think of us as friends now ?”(chapter 219))(seemingly, her only friends remain Mikey and Baji, whom she likely hasn't seen in years, even before Valhalla arc). They are also the only girls Takemichi saw in bra (chapter 9/chapter 216) but uh.. I don't want to know if that was made on purpose or not. But it joins the feminine/tomboy dichotomy – when Emma undressed, she had something else in mind (which, fortunately, didn't happen) and she has lace underwear, whereas Senju is very uninhibited (“Oh, it's fine. It's just sports bra”, chapter 216) and is wearing a sports bra like she says. They were raised the same way (Emma taking care of/helping her grandfather with chores ; Senju being forbidden to use ‘ore’ by Takeomi because it’s not ‘girlish’, making her go shopping for her to ‘do some girlish stuffs’; both being surrounded by men/boys (who are gang members, or former)) so it’s not because of outside influences they came to have different personalities and behaviors – Senju doesn’t fight or is tomboy-ish because she was raised among men (heck, she lives/lived at her grandmother’s while Emma had no woman/girl family members), she simply likes what society deems ‘for boys’ because she is herself and likes those things ; same for Emma, she doesn’t force herself to be someone she isn’t.

The Akashi are a motherless family but we don’t know why. If the Sano parents are dead (beside Karen, Emma’s mom) then I have two theories coming to mind. Either, the Akashi parents are alive or, they are indeed dead and the father in charge of raising them is Senju and Sanzu’s but not Takeomi's (or a mix of both, who knows). There are various details pointing to Takeomi being half-siblings with Senju and Sanzu.

First, it would be another obvious parallel with the Sano → Emma is Shinichiro and Mikey’s half-sister, but make it a twist by making the half-sibling the oldest instead of the youngest. Second, Manjiro (万次郎) and Shinichiro (真一郎) share a kanji and so do Haruchiyo (春千夜) and Senju (千咒)– if their parents wanted to give them names with a same kanji why don’t they all share it ? I get it with Emma (her mom probably named her and we don’t know how involved her father was in her life, plus, 郎 is a kanji that literally means ‘son/boy’, but she could have have a name ending with 子(ko) meaning ‘child’ and who’s only used in feminine names), but Takeomi ? If they wanted to do that, even if Sanzu and Senju came after, couldn’t they choose 武 or 臣 ? Both feminine and masculine names with those kanji seem to exist (and even if they didn’t, it’s the Japanese name system, they could very much invent it – that’s what they did for Senju!(can’t find information on this name like Wakui decided to write it)). And third, the Sano brothers look a lot alike (Mikey did get his hair color from his father but beside that, they both look a lot like their mother) while Emma looks like her mom (they don’t realize straight away she’s their sister “Isn’t she a foreigner ?”, chapter 123 and Takemichi, Hinata and Naoto don’t realize it either and think she’s dating Mikey for a brief moment in chapter 66 (although Takemichi ends up saying “They do have some sorta resemblance actually” after being told, but Mikey asks him “Really ?”), Sanzu and Senju both look extremely alike while Takeomi doesn’t (different hair color, eye shape, eyelashes, eyebrows - perhaps same eye color).

If we go along with this theory, which also makes their mother the parent they share and not their father like the Sano do (like they stay at their grandmother’s but the Sano stay at their grandfather’s), then the answer as to when Takeomi stopped living with his biological dad and moved in with his step-father would be important. Which one is responsible for how he raises his siblings, or perhaps they are both at fault ? When did their mom leave/die? Did someone ever tell Sanzu and Senju Takeomi was their half-brother ? If Takeomi’s step-father’s family name is Akashi, then Takeomi doesn’t use his birth family name either. And since Takeomi’s mom left him, does he feel the same way Emma feels about it ? (not saying his mother left for the same reason/the same way)

Or they could share the same father and have a different mother like the Sano. Either way, I’m craving for more information about them. They better not stay the “mysterious siblings” forever. Wakui pls

The Sano siblings are 4, we all know that. Izana is a Sano. So what if he throws the parallels off-balance ? He doesn’t. If you’re as delusional as I am, Muto is the Akashi’s Izana.

While Izana knew Shinichiro and Emma, and never got to know Mikey before dying in Tenjiku, Muto knew Sanzu and never got to know Takeomi and Senju. When they met, Mikey had lost Shinichiro and Emma, Sanzu left his home (and most likely stopped interacting with his siblings - although the “Haruchiyo doesn't like the fact im the head of Brahman. He doesn't like that I'm the strongest and that Takeomi endorses me” of Senju in chapter 216 means that he made his disapproval known). Izana knew of Mikey (Shinichiro kept talking about him), Muto didn’t know of Sanzu’s siblings. Muto also has the same age gap with Sanzu (and Senju) that Izana has with Mikey (and Emma). Izana was meant to parallel Mikey, Muto was meant to… parallel Takeomi. He parallels Sanzu too, in some points (staying loyal to their first ‘king’, being very harsh on betrayers/spies, having nowhere to go, Muto to Sanzu, chapter 206, “You don't have anywhere you belong ? You and I are pretty alike.”) but Sanzu said “I would've loved to have a big brother like you”(chapter 206) and so… either Wakui came up with Mucho or Takeomi first. Maybe he didn't even intend to narratively tie them in the first place. But they're still shaped in a way to be opposite. Sanzu took Mucho as his big brother figure first because he’s the opposite of the big brother Sanzu got and who failed him. Mucho’s betrayal against Mikey leaves him to die by Sanzu’s hands anyway, however, by betraying Mikey, he also betrayed Sanzu’s trust. His big brother failed him, again. A brother who told him “it's fine to be devoted to the king, but take care of yourself, too.”(chapter 206), not only validating his actions but saying he’s important as well, a brother who gave him his jacket, a brother who is the reason behind his favorite food (Sanzu’s favorite food is cheesecake for Cozy Corner and Mucho’s failure/heroic story explains why : “to make Haruchiyo Sanzu open up, Mucho bought him cheesecake from his favorite shop, Cozy Corner. The atmosphere was awkward and Mucho asked if something was wrong, to which Sanzu replied that he hated cheese, but would give it a try. There was no conversation after that.”), a brother who tried to make him open up, who tried to understand him, a brother who thought handing him a mask was a good idea because he was “missing out because of those scars” (chapter 206). Another perhaps useful information is that Sanzu dislikes “smothering people”, which was probably what Takeomi was to him (we already know Takeomi likes, has to be in control).

We only have one example of a moment the Akashi siblings spent together, only the three of them. And that’s Senju’s “it's super sparkly ! I haven't been [in an amusement park] since second grade of elementary school !” (chapter 219) and her hidden volume cover (which happened the same year Sanzu got his scars so between April 1st and July 30th 1999).

(Takeomi is the only character, on a (hidden or not) volume cover, we can’t see the face of. Most of them look directly at the reader, and if they don’t we can still see a bit of their face (just like Sanzu and Senju here).)

Final Timeline

It’s not a rant about the entire ending, that’s not the purpose of this post so I’ll only stick with Takeomi.

He’s the only one I have a problem with in this ending. Not him in particular, but his role, his job. Mikey and Takemichi fixed everything (the best they could), including the Akashi siblings’ relationship. All three of them work together.

I won’t say it’s bad for Takeomi’s development, it depends how it’s done and since it’s a happy ending for everyone, it shouldn’t impact anyone badly, But. Was him being the ‘self-proclaimed producer’ necessary ? I’m not against it, especially not if he has another (official) job on the side (and we know he’s smart enough to have one, and one who pays lots, which would also explain how he succeeds to ‘produce’ Senju & Haruchiyo). The only small problem I have with this is – he still lives by being someone important, needed, for somebody else, living on somebody else’s success. And it can be healthy ! But why is it ‘self-proclaimed’. Yuzuha isn’t Hakkai’s ‘self proclaimed’ manager. She is. Takeomi could very much be Haruchiyo and Senju’s producer. Sure they’re youtubers and I don't know if they can have official producers, but why? Takeomi, especially final timeline Takeomi, doesn’t need to brag about others’ achievements as if it was his own, he needs to brag about what he can and what he does by himself, without the need of anybody else.

And I don't say it’s what happens in the final timeline. But it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I hope he has another job where he constantly realizes he is the only reason why it succeeds. Because I don't need him to say ‘I raised them’ or ‘I produce them’ when someone praises Senju and Haruchiyo, as if he was the reason they became famous. I don’t need him to get Haruchiyo and Senju under the spotlight to steal it from them. I need him to be their producer because he can, because he wants to help and bond with them, without taking what they did for himself. I need him to have an individual job, to have built his career without anyone’s help, to see that he can succeed alone. And unfortunately, that’s not what this last chapter made me feel was happening.

Still, it is (and that’s why we’re here for, not me rumbling about how Takeomi’s job is the only one to piss me off because he’s the only character who ends up with a job that can screw up his development). First, I'm so glad the Akashi actually get to be siblings. There are still some issues they had had to fix (with Mikey and Takemichi’s help-), Takeomi and Haruchiyo’s relationship was already pretty bad (Takeomi has his scar on his face) but it got fixed ! Second, Takeomi deserves to feel needed (and to be), which he is by being their producer and i wish, if both sides do take advantages of the other, that it’s in the most healthy way (if that makes sense) – that “the money [...] spent out of Takeomi’s pocket” was his idea and Haruchiyo and Senju accepted (with perhaps the intention of paying Takeomi back later, maybe not with money, since Takeomi doesn’t seem to need it, but still, to do something to show Takeomi it was appreciated) and that Haruchiyo and Senju thanks him publicly, without his ego feasting on it.

I hope he got his self-esteem restored. Which of course that’s what happened, we’re in the final timeline and everything’s good. But. I really hope he did.

And I choose to believe that the “same old Takeomi.” from Shinichiro means Takeomi the same as he was when they were kids. Maybe not exactly, because Black Dragon 1st generation and Takeomi’s superiority complex happened, but that Shinichiro recognizes his childhood friend is doing well, that he’s still here somewhere and got healed.

+ What’s in a name ?

(I'm gonna do something I didn't do for the Shiba (there wasn't much to say about it for them))

Writers are careful with how they name their characters (I'm making generalities here) – and it's especially true with Japanese and Chinese Writers whose characters' name change meaning depending on how they decide to write it

So it's been odd to me, when I realized the ‘Take’ in both Takeomi and Takemichi were the same. Why would Wakui do that? It can't be a coincidence, right ? And indeed. The Akashi siblings' names hold meaning.

Let's start with 明司 (Akashi). 明 (aka) means light, bright and is made of the Kanji used for sun (日) and the one used for moon (月). Then, 司 (shi) means official, director, administrator and was once used to design governors the Emperor had appointed to carry out the imperial policies in provinces. So 司 is for people in power, but not at the top. As said before, 司 seems to come from 后 which is the same kanji upside down and which means ‘emperor, king, monarch..’.

武 from both Takeomi and Takemichi means ‘military, war’. Takemichi's name is actually made of the exact Kanji as Budō (武道, way of war/way of the martial arts). 臣 (Omi) means ‘retainer, subject’ and could be used as a ‘I’ when addressing one's master. Ah, and it can be pronounced ‘Shin’ by itself. Because of course it does.

Takeomi is either: the warrior retainer or the war/military retainer. But he can also be in some way, the director of the light (and so can be Sanzu and Senju.)

I've got more to say about Sanzu than Senju so I'll start with her. Search "Senju Japanese name" into a search bar, you won't end up finding it written like Wakui decided to write it. Not that it means it doesn’t exist, but it's not popular. And for cause, Wakui chose to write Senju: 千咒 – A thousand curses.

Now, who would name their child "curse", I don't know. Perhaps it's one of those names where they're supposed to be degrading so as to push bad spirits/ghosts away? I have two theories for this but they’re without any real basis. One of them is ; the person who named her was really angry at her birth and since we don’t know where is/what happened to their mother.. Yeah (either she died giving birth or for some reasons she named Senju that way before leaving/disappearing). Or it could be one of those ‘Kira Kira names’ (names outside of the norm parents decided were cool). Anyway, Senju thinks she is the reason why both Mikey and Sanzu (+Baji) turned up that way, which isn't true as we're being told after, but Senju thought she was the reason behind Mikey's curse – without knowing it was a curse.

I didn't find any real concrete stuff about Kawaragi. Which is sad. 瓦 means roof tile and 城 means castle. When put together with the Kanji 礫, 瓦礫 means rubbish, wreckage, debris. With the Kanji 解, it becomes 瓦解; collapse, downfall. Normally I won't dare to talk about things who seem to be a bit too coincidental. But 土崩瓦解 doesn't feel coincidental. It can either mean 'complete collapse' or, '(something) going to pieces', meaning 'broke beyond repair'. Which she did. Or rather, thinks she did (not only the toy plane, but “Ever since that day, they all changed… mikey, baji and Haruchiyo. They all changed, and it's because of me” (chapter 241, Senju)). Also, 瓦 is 万 but backward and 万 is the first Kanji of ‘Manjiro’ (万次郎). Which makes a lot more sense. I guess ? For 城; there's 成, meaning 'promoted' it's notably used in Shogi where some pieces can be, well, promoted.

I like to think Sanzu started calling himself such because Mikey and Baji decided to find themselves different names (even if Baji is never even once referred as Ed or Edward). But whatever the reason, Sanzu is one hell of a name. Quite literally, hell. If you look up "Sanzu'' and ignore the Tokyo Revengers-related things, you'd scramble upon: 三途の川 – Sanzu no Kawa. River of the three crossings. A place the deads have to cross after their deaths, and which leads them either to heaven, to hell, or to resurrection. Souls get punished there. Every sin gets met with a trial.

(Plus, it's interesting to know that those you get drag to Jigoku, "hell", fall in the water/river where a bunch of snakes await them. Whereas people who get a pass to Tengoku, heaven walk over a bridge. Sanzu is never called ‘sanzu’ in the original timeline. But you know how Shinichiro died the first time ? Yeah, you do. He isn’t called Sanzu once in the original timeline, and even if he is in the final timeline, I decide to believe it’s because Mikey and Takemichi are too used to calling him that way to realize it and he just picked it up.)

春千夜 (Haruchiyo), is the only name among the Akashi who don't have any kind of negativity in it. Senju has curses, Takeomi has retainer (which isn't a negative thing in itself, but we've already established that Takeomi wants to be so much more than to be at someone's else service), Haruchiyo means "Spring of a thousand nights". Just like Senju, he has 千, ‘a thousand’ in his name.

Remember the 武 from Takeomi and Takemichi ? Yeah ? Well I'm a bit of a liar. Rather than a liar, I didn't say everything. There's a third character with 武 in his name. But it isn't pronounced 'Take' for one, and for two, it's in his family name, not his first

武藤泰宏

Muto Yasuhiro

(I can't imagine the pain he has to go through every time he writes his name down. 藤 is one hell of a kanji.)

Ah... Mucho. Sanzu's big brother figure. Better than the other. But who did the only thing Sanzu would kill anyone for: betray Mikey. But that's not the point here, we're here to talk about his name. Beside the obvious 武 meant to add to the fact he's Sanzu's big brother, like Takeomi but reversed, 藤 means wisteria. 泰宏(Yasuhiro) means "peaceful' and 'broad' which describes Mucho's personality accurately but, but, but. In 泰 there's 𡗗 just like in 春 ;) (it actually doesnt mean much because taiju also has it in one of his kanji but shh). Or, just like Sanzu shares a kanji with his sister, he shares half one with his not related by blood brother. And ⺢ is a variant of 水, water, just like Sanzu is a river.

朕 is also in there. It's the royal ‘I’, ‘we’ – completely opposite of the servant 臣, ‘I’. More globally, wisterias represent the imperial family in Japan; thanks to the Fujiwara who impacted Japan by a lot when they were the ones ruling the country. And I’ll stop there with Mucho because I may be going too deep here and at some point digging further is meaningless.

Shinichiro and Mikey’s names are… It made me chuckle, not gonna lie. Not because of what the kanji means, but because those are extremely common kanji found in names. 一郎 in 真一郎(Shinichiro) means ‘first’ and ‘boy/son’. 次郎 in 万次郎(Manjiro) means ‘next’ and ‘boy/son’. These (reading ‘Ichiro’ and ‘Jiro’ by themselves) were rather common names for children from not-upper class families. It’s much less common nowadays. Then there’s 真 who means ‘real, sincere, genuine, truth’ and 万 who means ‘ten thousand’. And I didn't quite understand why their parents would choose that kanji, but if you add 全 to it then it gives 万全 or, ‘perfection, flawlessness’, and suddenly it makes my heart melt and also more sense. (it also seems to come from his grandfather’s name Mansaku (万作))

Sano 佐野 too, is a rather common name. Or at least half a common name. since 佐 may make you think of 佐藤 (Sato) which is the most common Japanese family name. However, the 藤 comes from the Fujiwara clan, since the Sano don’t have this kanji (unlike Muto) we can say they don’t have samurai ancestors (or if they do, it got lost along the way). It seems like family name with two out of three of the following kanji : 田, 中 or 村 are reasonably common. And 野 (Sano) has both 田 and 村. (although unlike Tanaka(田中), Nakamura(中村) and others they are stuck inside one kanji).

Unlike Akashi which describes someone of the upper-class, the Sano are everyday average people (Sano means ‘to help’ and ‘field, plain’ but also a prefix meaning ‘wild, lacking a political post’). Except they aren’t. But Wakui must find himself funny for this.

EDIT: 'Sano' is a city in the Tochigi Prefecture in Kanto, which economy revolves around agriculture and light manifacturing. It was also once the name of a clan.

(By the way, the -no of Terano (寺野) is the same kanji. As in, Terano South. And there are some parallels between Mikey and him.. (ill mother, no father, a parent who's a foreigner – but Mikey was born and raised in Japan while South had Brazil), person who raised him showed him the world of delinquency (but they had clearly different view of it), go live with their grandparent(s), person who raised them died when they were 12 (Shin died before Mikey had turned 13) because of ‘dark impulses’ (South himself; Kazutora), they both have ‘dark impulses’ (although we might never know why/how/if they are really the same dark impulses for South), they are both known by a English name rather than their official Japanese one (but Mikey chose his while Dino named South)… We don’t have enough about South and I don't like it.)

(Even worse, because if you’re as delusional as I am, you would notice that if you take out two strokes of 南(South) you end up with the kanji 幸. And since Mikey loved his mother very much, and she loved him very much, and South loved his mother very much… Then his mother must have loved him very much as well (even if she was incapable of fully taking care of him). And 幸 means ‘happiness, luck, blessing fortune’. But then it’s a girl name. But perhaps that’s what his mother wanted her child to be named if it was a daughter ? It’s still hidden in the ‘’Minami’’(南) Anyway, as I said, I’m being delusional and 南 is not an unusual name in Japan. Leave me and my headcanons alone. There's also the possibility it was his father who was Japanese, of course. After all South’s name is Japanese, but then, we don't know a thing about his father so we can't say if him and South’s mom were married. But no matter which one was his Japanese parent, he either had no vocabulary in Japanese or only the basis and had had to learn everything when he was sent to live with his grandparents in Japan – who probably don't speak a word of Portuguese so it didn’t help South having very violent habits. They couldn't communicate.)

I didn’t find something that caught my attention with Baji’s kanji. Sad. But Edward means ‘guardian, protector’ so at least he chose a name that does describe him well. Micheal means ‘who is like god ?’ and of course reminds you of Michael the Archangel and knowing his mother called him ‘my angel’, well my heart is currently aching. I mean… Baji is made of a kanji meaning ‘place’ and another meaning ‘ground’ (the kanji for Keisuke means ‘jewels/corner’ and ‘meditation’ and i really have no idea for those) – Michael is one of the most famous angel name and Sanzu is linked to the afterlife so.. perhaps Baji is the ‘human’ of them three ?

(Baji Keisuke is written 圭介場地. Out of all these kanji there's only 圭 I perhaps found something interesting about. In Shogi, there's a piece called 成桂; 'promoted Katsura' and its abrevation is 圭. Btw, in Shogi, the 'king' is 玉将 or 王将 (if you're a lower rank player or a challenger VS if you're a higher rank player or a reigning champion) notice the dot ? It's 瓦 from 'Kawaragi' vs 万 from 'Manjiro' again)

Emma and Izana's can't be analyzed this much. I didn't find anything for Izana (If i go on Behind the name, in japanese the name Izana (rare and only used in pop culture) comes from the verb izanau ; to invite, to ask someone to do, to call for, to tempt, to lure, to entice ; but honestly, searching for the etymology of this name doesn’t give you a lot of answer (not enough sites say the same thing for me to believe it)) and Emma is "universal, whole" when it comes of German etymology and "all containing" when it comes of Hebrew etymology.

Also it’s interesting how Sanzu and Senju decided to change their family name and not their first like Mikey and Baji. Plus, Baji gets called by his family name every time so it didn’t serve much – like Senju who changed her family name but is never addressed by it in the story (even Brahman members yell ‘’Senju’’). But then Mikey changed his first name and gets called by it and Sanzu changed his family name and gets called by it. One option for each possibility, so it could be in/Wakui’s purpose! The one who didn’t use their other name as much as their real one are the ones to die, whereas the one who, to overstate the point, changed their identity by identifying with something that wasn’t initially them, actually got those selves erased. It’s more clear for Sanzu. Sanzu came up with ‘Sanzu’ and ‘Akashi Haruchiyo’ wasn’t anymore. Mikey came up with this name for another reason but it was still to get rid of ‘Manjiro’. And he didn’t get rid of ‘Manjiro’ until his brother, the only person left to call him that, died. Mikey’s flashback (chapter 264-265: “I.. really like ‘strong’ people [...] Until that day [Shinichiro’s death] [...] I was looking for ‘something’ other than strength [...] All the guys in Toman are good. They're so good but there's something I can't figure out. I wonder how long… there has been ‘something’ dark inside my heart [...] ‘strong’ alone is not enough [...] After all, all I need is ‘darkness’.”) tells us he was already starting to follow his Dark Impulses ; after his brother’s death. He confesses it to Kisaki (“I wonder how long… there has been ‘something’ dark inside my heart. Sometimes that ‘something’ expands and drives me to destroy absolutely everything”). Manjiro Sano died with his brother. Other people may still call him that way, like his grandfather, but Mikey is Mikey. And this innocent name he once chose to make his sister feel less lonely became a metaphor for his incoming loss of sense of self.

We can also add that Shinichiro may have not changed the way he called Mikey because since his brother, 'Manjiro', was the only thing left from his life before it went downhill, calling him 'Mikey' instead of 'Manjiro' would have created even more of a distance between Shinichiro and his past 'normal' life from his childhood.

Baji and Mikey chose their name (Micheal & Edward) to try to make Emma open up. To get closer to her (especially Mikey). And Emma gets her birth name (Kurokawa) changed as Sano, which makes her even closer to her two brothers (and less from Izana). Sanzu and Senju chose their name to separate themself from Takeomi (and each other).

Of course, they aren't the only characters being best-known as a name they chose themselves of have been given by others. Draken for example, doesn't show any kind of resentment or even neutrality against his name; Ken is still present in Draken. We also know he chose it as a child (like the others), but (unlike the others) a reason is never given - he most likely thought it was cool; just like Mitsuya's dragon and his new tattoo were. Same with Benkei. It is written in katakana in the manga, but with kanji Benkei and Keizo have the same 'Kei'. Benkei is one of the most famous historical figure in Japan, by the way. (He is the servant of Minamoto no Yoshitsune, born Ushiwakamaru. Birth name which shares a lot of kanji with 'Imaushi Wakasa'. Both were great fighters). South, is another example of a name given to change one's identity – but South didn't name himself 'South'; Dino did, after making him kill someone, or giving him a bloody baptism if you prefer. And 'Minami' means 'South' but Minami never grew up enough for us or himself to know who he was.

mikey baji sanzu and senju are four and so are bd 1st gen doesn’t feel like a coincidence. But i cant think of something that makes it very interesting. Wakasa and sanzu both know about the og timeline, baji and takeomi are used as parallels at least once, senju has some commons traits with Shinichiro, but mikey does too (and more), senju and benkei.. both like MMA ? And their favorite catchers are rivals ? Thats not much for me to talk about ngl)

#me writing analyses on the fanbase’s most hated characters : why is it not getting attention ?#alternatively. Me writing analysis : im going to make so many parallels #if another character has 武 in their name i’ll go bash my head against a wall #Takeomi seems like the kind of person to say ‘stop it youre going to make me look like a bad (mother) brother’#tokyo revengers #tokrev #tok rev #tr #tr takeomi #takeomi akashi #akashi siblings #black dragon #sanzu haruchiyo #tr sanzu #tr senju #senju kawagari #senju akashi #wakasa imaushi #benkei #arashi keizou #shinichiro sano #tr shinichiro #i feel like i spent more hours trying to get this post to be posted than i did writing it #if i forgot anything i swear-#honestly i think i couldve written it with less words. but i also dont know how i could do that #i added to this a bit too much after posting it. meh whatever #the 'no' of matsuno is the same as teraNO and saNO and 'chi'fuyu share the 'a thousand' kanji with haru'chi'yo and senju #'They'll tell you to be number 1 never to be happy - First place is for those who need a grade who lack self-confidence'#- Notes pour plus tard by Orelsan (french singer)#i think this idea fits omi a lot

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oatbugs · 7 days

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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but #you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they #should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc #they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant #the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look #exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway #god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else #inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home #i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty #there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air #med school students walking to their lectures #she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now #there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven #ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen #tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you #more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO #ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over #i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself #that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too #its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW #BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND #WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway #standing up it just feels so #exhausting #like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever

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daddyplasmius · 1 year

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okay, so, I've collected a bunch of DP fandom stuff that I remember off the top of my head, specifically in chronological order & colour coded here in this post (fics/comics, tumblr posts, important imo) for no reason other than I saw a post asking for Phandom history & it triggered my biggest, most long-running hyperfixation & now I'm curious if anyone else remembers stuff.

this link is going to be the permanent version I will be updating, but I'm posting what I currently have (gonna go through my old laptop later for more) just to let people know. you can also find the link on my blog, but only on desktop. It isn't colour coded there, sorry.

please share more if you got anything else cuz I'm 100% sure I'm missing a lot of stuff & am too interested now. the biggest reason a lot of stuff isn't here is that I simply can't find it. second biggest reason is i forgor. things not included here aren't "unimportant," this is just the first stuff that comes to mind.

putting it under a cut 'cause it got kinda long

Mars by JadeRabbyt (2005)

Checkmate by pearl84 (2006)

Conversations of a Ghost Gabber by Cordria (2006)

The Foley Maneuver by bluemoonalto (2007)

One Thousand Years by Nylah (2008)

Lab Rat by AnneriaWings (2009)

Lost by Cordria (2010?) [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Phantom of Truth by Haiju (2011)

Ghost Deaths (2012)

Through Coals and Rain by Kakawot (2012)

Shadow of a Doubt by Haiju (2013)

Pink Pants (2013?)

Wes (2014) [original] [1] [2] [3] [4]

this "I'm Inevitable" gif (2014)

Space AU (2014)

Treading Water by The Full Catastrophe (2014)

Danny, you dead IDIOT!! comic (2014)

wash away the darkest days by anthrop (2014)

Reverse Trio (2014)

Inverse Trio (2014-2016) ALT

Halfas are "feral children" (2015)

Burn the Streets, Burn the Cars by anthrop (2015)

It's Not Gay if He's Dead by phantomrose96 (2015)

You Smell Like Death by starfleetrambo (2015)

Ghost Bird AU by @rest-in-peachs (2016?)

Things I Can(not) Do In Amity Park by RedHeadsRock1010 (2016)

KEtTLE by Cordria (2016)

Deeper, Darker by Silvermoonphantom (2016)

Danny Phantom Punches Butch Hartman In The Face by MistressVintage (2017)

Dannypocalypse (2017)

Ghost Train (2017?)

Ghost Physics by jayrockin (2017)

Ghost Infographics (2018)

The Taxonomy of Ghost Cores: An Observational Study (2018) Communicating with Ghosts Professionally: A Study (2018)

Species in Danny Phantom (2018?)

Diddles Piddles by diddly-darn-ghost (2018)

Broken Ectoplasm by ghostanimal (2019)

Ghost of Heroes by Enigmaris & ScarletNightFury (2019-2020)

do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die) by blueh (2020)

Undercover Phantom by artistfingers (2021)

Corruption is a Two Way Street by datawyrms (2021)

Things That Bleed by artistfingers, kkachis, & Perfectly_Inconspicuous (2022)

10,000 works on AO3 (2022)

Ghost Speak:

Danny's handwriting (2015?)

Cordria (2015)

Fiver-Rivers [1] [2] [3] (2019)

Rubber Chicken Sounds (2019)

#Danny Phantom #Phandom History Archive #do you even understand how hard it was to find the original Wes post????????#i spent like 2 hours on that alone #Wes Weston why are you so hard to find #just realizing that a lot of shit happened in 2014 #like. 2014/2015 ish #i joined somewhere between 2014 & 2016 so i guess i literally came here right at the peak of phandom activity #the height of tumblr's paranormal activity. you might say #i think i'm just biased though #should i put my own fics on here. Phantom is pretty important to me being my first DP fic #& also the thing that got me back into writing #it's not very good but by god if i dont love it. & anyways i put Bird AU on here lol i think i can put Phantom up at some point. as a treat #also if any links are broken tell me cuz i'm not checking them again. it's 4am #reminder: gotta find those Bird AU fics i read & put em here. there ARE actual Bird AU fics. i know there are. i did not hallucinate that #it just might be the hardest thing on earth to do since that was years ago & i have no idea what they were called #anyway gonna add a fuckton of fics & (hopefully) tumblr posts when i go through my old laptop. i got everything bookmarked on there #like. so many fics. i had them organized too based on what kind of fic it was. but they all have stupid names cuz i was like 15 #me: i should do my stencil art today. just to be a bit productive & also maybe make money #my brain: what if you organized Danny Phantom fandom posts into a big archive for people to look at? for free. until 4am.#me: you know what that sounds so much better let's do that

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thebirdandhersong · 1 year

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oh yeah remembered something let me mentally scream into a pillow real quick

#unfortunately i learned that mr knight is STILL INTERESTED IN ME #and is handling like. everything very poorly #as in. he's confused that i 'refused' to make conversation with him when he last tried to say hi to me (mutual friend told me yesterday)#(insert blood-curling scream of frustration)#MY BROTHER IN CHRIST NODDING YOUR HEAD AND GRUNTING IS NOT A CONVERSATION STARTER #HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU WERE TRYING TO START A CONVERSATION #also I WILL talk if you talk to me because my mother raised me to have BASIC MANNERS AROUND PEOPLE #but it doesn't MEAN I *WANT* TO TALK TO YOU #okay okay im good im good i'm just exasperated #you could not pay me to date that boy again #i just remembered recently that i spent two hours writing him a five page letter last valentine's day telling him that i loved him #and i never got a response. I NEVER GOT A RESPONSE #THE ONLY THING HE SENT ME IN RETURN WAS A MEME HE FOUND ON FACEBOOK WITH NO ELABORATION WHATSOEVER #even if you paid me enough money to get me through two masters and a phd to date him I WOULDN'T #okay that's a bit cruel maybe but still. i would not. under no circumstances #not to whinge again about the State of Things #BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THESE ROMANCE RELATED THINGS IN FEBRUARY. WHY #slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21

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hideyseek · 14 days

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im free !!!!!!!! all my documence combined into one document now! now i have. 12 days to write another draft. you will be hearing from me again

#ppl keep asking me how my weekends are and i keep coming across like i dislike them bc i just go 'uh uh not sure? i think i stayed home?'#bc it feels actively ridiculous to say the truth which is that i spent like 12 hours typing on my computer and no i cant tell you anything #about the story #actually for this i probably could bc its a casefic so hypothetically i COULD be like. i am writing a. mystery. short story #accidentally told a coworker abt my 'personal project' and he offered to read it if i wanted an opinion #1. my guy what the fuck we are. coworkers at a writing unrelated job #2. even if u asked to read it why on earth would you offer to GIVE CRITIQUE #if u have not guessed. i do not like this coworker very much

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ventiswampwater · 1 year

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somebody convince me to keep writing instead of doing whatever the fuck I’m doin rn 😌😍🥰😘

#this shit is sitting @ 4.5k. it's SO close to being done jfdshjfdshjfdsh #well. that's kinda a lie. I still need to write a significant amount of it. but it's SO CLOSE!!! to being DONE!!!! u feel me??? lmao #tell me why I spent the last hour making a playlist for this fuckin fic and editing a lil graphic for that. playlist. tell me..............#no idea!!! lmao!!!#also meg if u see this. this is absolutely NOT about the fic I'm writing for u. no way!!!!#(me when I lie)#<33333 #lob a rock @ my head pls!! <3 mwah #sam speaks

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yuziyuanapologist · 11 months

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Chapters: 7/? Fandom: 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn/Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn/Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín Characters: Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Wēn Qíng (Módào Zǔshī) Additional Tags: POV Alternating, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Vampires, Vampire Hunters, vampire wen ning, Vampire Hunter Lan Zhan, Vampire Hunter Wei Ying, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:

The man smells so good. So fucking good, like nothing the Ghost has smelt in - in - years - decades -

Millenia. Back in a time he has no memory of.

The Ghost is ready to strike - has been for a while. The hunt is a waiting game, and the hunger keeps him patient for an empty street, somewhere his meal won’t be interrupted. The time has long passed that he would make do with less than human blood.

[Or - Lan Zhan and Wei Ying find a vampire. They find a lot of vampires in their line of work, but this one is different.]

#mine #fic*#wangningxian #tell me why it is 00:15 andi spent the last hour writing in a haze #its been two months yall #i feel insane #but i thought about wen ningand i had to

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marias-wonderland · 2 years

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Spoilers about the “Inside man” on Netflix and its similarities with SoTL (specifically Hannibal’s character and his relationship with Clarice)

TL;DR: I think they drew inspiration by the movie when it comes to grief’s and Beth’s character and while they are completely different media and cases, they were an enjoyable duo I wish we had more time to see together, because it would have been an interesting concept to explore more (especially if they shared some more common elements with Hannibal and Clarice)

Alright so: lemme tell ya I liked the show. Could have been better? yes. Did I still enjoy it and had a blast? absolutely! That being said: I couldn't help but notice a familiar pattern with Grieff’s Character/Beth and Hannibal/Clarice

Everyone’s keep talking about how Tucci’s Character was Sherlock-ish (well thats what happens when the writer of Sherlock writes more shows ig) but in my eyes he mostly was Hannibal-ish.

Grieff wasn't all that ironic as Sherlock was throughout the show (kinda), and he wasn't trying to ‘show off’ either as Sherlock did. He also didn't solve the cases with the help of some rather deux ex machina clues (like Sherlock did sometimes) He was mostly reversed, stoic, calm, ready to point out the hypocrisies in one’s morals and enjoyed helping Beth discover the clues for her case (don't these things remind you of Hannibal?). Beth is also an ambitious young woman, a journalist who writes about crimes in general, who is dedicated to what she does.

episode 1:

Her first meeting with Grieff had SoTL vibes. His indifference at first, then starting to take a like on her. Her trying to figure out how to ask the right kind of questions but also making sure she's respected and calling him out whenever she feels she should. And when he revealed that he chooses his cases based on ‘moral worth’ feels like he shares a piece of himself (perhaps a more vulnerable one?), smth he wouldn't do unless he knew she was a ‘decent’ human. And as dilon said “you liked it, you talked a lot”, smth that neither of them would do unless they found an interest in the other person

Episode 2:

Episode’s 2 little game of ‘would you rather help your friend or get more material for your job?’ felt smth like Lecter would do too. I didn't expect her to choose the latest but then again, it’s not like they were bffs.

Also her going all around searching for clues with him on the phone, directing her and being pleased when she finds the solution? definitely smth Lecter would do to, had he being in prison in 2022 and not in the 80′s. And again, I enjoyed their banter. And their little talk at the end, him making fun of her moral codes while she just saw the woman who was the murderer running away?? I found it funny tbh

Episode 3:

Morag’s speech during ep 3 was also a nice touch. Making sure Beth never forgets that after all these, Grieff is a monster (Just like what everyone kept telling to Clarice, both the media and her closer environment). Her determination to continue her job/finding Janice im sure pleased Grieff (as for why he wanted to listen to her reaction on the phone: the man loves playing games)

Episode 4:

Episode’s 4 opening scene has similar vibes, explaining hard to grasp concepts in a simpler way. And him sending the men of his ex father-in-law to the vicar’s house, in a pretence he had confessed where he had hidden his wife’s head, so he could help Beth? ingenious and Lecter should take some notes tbh

On the whole:

While I recognise this was not 100% intended by Moffat, I would like to believe he drew some inspo by SoTL and Hannibal’s relationship with Clarice.

It was obvious they were never meant to be like them (let alone how their relationship developed in the Hannibal book) but, for sure it felt refreshing to watch something that shared some common clues with one of my favourite couples in media. Especially with a couple we are not going to watch together in the big screen because of copyright issues...

#so yeah #I ramble sometimes #I spent an hour writing this #mostly because I rewatched the scenes between these two #no im perfectly normal why are u asking??#please don't get this post in the way im shipping the or smth #god forbid no #It just was a pleasant surprise to see smth I like in media #smth which reminded me of clannibal #of course smth tells me im on my own on this one... no wonder!!#but I would like to read what you people think too!!#inside man #inside man bbc #SoTL #silence of the lambs #the silence of the lambs #hannibal lecter #clarice starling #jefferson grieff

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sluttyten · 2 years

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I need to put myself on a book buying ban

#I keep buying books a lot faster than I’m reading them #I got off work 1 hour ago and I immediately preordered a book online #and now I’m at Barnes and noble to get a book that released today but I also was reminded of this series by booktok like literally yesterday #or the day before and realized that my Barnes and noble has the series so I’m here for that too #so by the end of today I’ll have spent like 80 dollars on books #but there’s also another several books I spotted while searching the store for the series #that are on my TBR and I kinda want to buy them but I need to stop #I don’t even have that much room left on my shelves #ALSO need to hold back from checking the music section #bc I always check it but I can’t buy any more #the other day I went to preorder cix’s album but bc I have no control and can never just order what I intended #I also ended up preordering the boyz’s new album #I also wish I would’ve brought my laptop so I could write here without the distractions I have at home #also I’m sitting here like I’m waiting for someone to tell me no I don’t need all these books #but that’s also kinda the reason why I didn’t bring anyone along so they wouldn’t tell me no

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jedi-bird · 1 year

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My laptop decided that today would be the perfect day to force an update and then crash. Writing is now on hold until next week since my partner is off for the next few days. Might try writing a bit tomorrow night if I'm not too tired since they have game night.

#i guess this is the universes way of telling me to get up and work around the house more #spent two hours this morning weeding the yard and cleaning up the patio #figured I'd spend the afternoon writing since I'm feeling a little bit motivated #so of course this happens #it's still freaking out after the update so it'll likely have me update again in a few hours and then it'll be fine #but i won't have time to do anything then so why bother #my partner is trying to convince me to get a desktop but i like the portability of my laptop #i can go to any room that's empty and work #I'm not ready to give that up

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arthur-r · 3 months

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[longwinded rambling nothing to see here]

im actually really close to being an adult though and its kind of really exciting. i feel a little bit sick and awful, and my present moment isn’t going very well, but i feel like it’s going to be possible to feel satisfied? and idk that’s an exciting idea. like one day i’m gonna be forty and bearded, and i won’t think about oliver anymore, and i’ll be in a band, and i hope i’ll be less sick or i’ll know how to deal with it, and i’ll be publishing writing one way or another, and i’ll be a connected member of my family, chosen or otherwise, and i can watch over the garden wall every day if i want to, and i will bring my very own broom to everywhere i live, and i’ll have a good electric guitar and a full sized acoustic cello, and i’ll make jewelry all the time and if i’m healthy enough or i have a friend to help with walks, i can have a dog. and there are a lot of big and unrealistic things that i want in life, but one day i’ll be able to see clearly, and sleep as much as i need to, and people will recognize me and i’ll help as much as i can, and i will make art and love so many people, and maybe i can cook.

#i came out to my dad today as trans it went better than i could have ever imagined he’s skeptical but not angry #i told him i’m going to start hormones soon. he thinks i’m going to regret it cause i’m autistic but he accepts that he can’t stop me #(because i will be eighteen in a couple months and testosterone is SOMETHING I CAN DO. i need my dad’s insurance is why i finally came out #and i knew that he was getting ready to tell me he has a girlfriend so i kind of weaponized the moment shdhdf)#anyway i’m going to take folklore classes next semester and learn about cultural revitalization and public folklore #and i’m learning latin and programming and i’m doing a research project on the mexican american community of st paul in the 1940s!!#(which is around when my family settled in minnesota permanently after they had did the sugar beet cycle for a while)#i’m also doing research on ancient roman textiles and dress but that’s more stressful than anything even though i like both components of i #i finally made a breakup playlist and i think i needed to. and i’ve been writing a lot of music #can’t believe i spent four months dating somebody who doesn’t even obsess over cannibalism as a literary motif….#i ordered glasses online over a month ago and they haven’t even finished processing my prescription….#i really want a tarot deck and to get into astrology again and maybe even start making spell candles again #i’m interviewing for an entry-level library position tomorrow afternoon!! $12 an hour but also it’s a job that i’m competent for #anyway. all this to say hello i want to be present in the world and make something of myself #and it’s hard right now but there’s a lot of potential out there. anything could happen #anyway i hope everybody is doing okay and let me know if you need anything!!!!#me. my post. mine.#delete later

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chososdiscordkitten · 3 months

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Just A Taste.

Synopsis: Gojo wants to taste readers breast milk •⩊•

Pairing: Gojo xFem!Reader Content: some plot, mostly nasty stuff, no penetrative sex, nursing handjob, ADULT NURSING, he tries to convince reader to let him suck a lil sum, gojo being weird, mentions he didn't have a mom, BREASTFEEDING, mommy kink if you squint, PREGNANCY KINK, whiny satoru, overall just a lot of nipple and breast play

Dedicated to: @busyreader17 , my beloved for hyping me up to write this, ty<;33

(a.n) why do I only ever write about gojo being a pregnancy freak? has to be studied. wrote this listening to very dramatic classical music

MDNI

Gojo has always been hard headed, never thinking twice on talking back or starting an argument just to prove he was right. And that little quirk about him only enhanced when his child was born.

Even if you were the one who spent countless hours in the emergency room trying to give birth to his big headed child- Satoru insisted that he knew best for his offspring. And in extension- he knew what was best for you.

“Formula isn't good enough for my child.” he retorted when you mentioned how painful it was to breastfeed his gnawing child.

And when you'd bring up that you were ready to start working again- “You don't have to work- that's why you have me.”

Little by little Gojo started dictating most of the aspects of your life. There was little to no resistance from you though- you didn't mind his overbearing fatherly tendencies when it came to protecting his family.

But there was one thing, just one thing you'd complain about if you could.

As stubborn as Satoru was in day to day life- he was equally, if not more stubborn in bed. Especially in one specific area.

Gojo begged. Begged on his knees as he watched you pump. Sitting on the couch and bouncing your knee as his hands held onto your calf, “I just want to taste-” he pouted, eyebrows pinched upwards.

“Satoru.” you gritted through your teeth- hearing the whirr of the machine on your chest. He sighed as he placed his forehead to your knee, mumbling something about how mean you were to him.

This newfound need to taste the milk from your breasts was mildly irritating, not being able to take your shirt off without his eyes prying- parting his lips before asking again.

Satoru would be lying if he said that anytime your breasts would leak against his chest midway through fucking- it didn’t take every ounce of strength he had to not trail his lips down to your puffy nipple.

So, so, very tempting. But he'd refrain from acting on his urges, knowing you'd probably shake him off or tell him to stop completely. So instead of doing it without your permission, he settled on asking you anytime he could.

At first you thought this was just him wanting to know what it tasted like, but when you offered him a small sip from a cup he said- “If i'm gonna drink it, I want it straight from the source.” to which you said, “I guess you're never gonna taste it then.” before tossing the small sip down the sink.

He must've asked 3 times a day. Gojo needed it so bad- he would beg on his knees at your feet, looking up at you like an abused puppy that you were being far too cruel to.

And you always said no.

But, your objections sounded like ‘maybe one day’ to his ears.

So one very early morning, 4 maybe 5 am- you were standing at the kitchen counter, holding the little pumping machine to your right breast as your face churned with a grimace. Your nipples were sore, from the machine sucking harshly and from how often you had to do it.

You had just started filling one of the little bottles, and as though Gojo knew what you were doing, he walked in. Squinting at you, almost asking what you were doing at this hour- till his eyes landed on your breasts you didn't bother to cover. “Go back to sleep, I'll be done soon.” you muttered in a groggy voice as the whirring woke Satoru up from the hazy state he was in.

He took a few steps towards you- resting his elbows on the counter as he watched the machine milk you. Jealous that a stupid machine had the right to and he didn't.

The sun not even breaching the skyline made the room dim and dusky.

You didn't mind if he watched- but that's all you'd ever grant him. But directly after sex- when his chest would be drippng with the light cream colored liquid that leaked from your breasts while he fucked you- and as he looked down to his sculped body in the bathroom, the sink running on a hand towel as you waited for him to come back to help clean you up.

His fingers couldn't help but swipe at the liquid before placing it on his tongue. The whisper of your taste on his tongue made one thing clear in his mind. If he couldn’t wrap his lips around your nipple and suck till there was nothing left- if you wouldn’t grant him that one favor, the closest thing he had was to fuck you in missionary from now on. Hoping one day he would ask you mid way through- and you’d be too fucked out to say anything but yes.

True if he really wanted to taste you- he could just reach into the freezer and thaw a bag of the pumped milk to try it. But he didn't just want to taste it- he wanted to feel it fill his mouth directly from the source. How warm it would be as it slid down his throat. And god- from the small tastes he's gotten, it's so sweet. You taste so fucking sweet.

His eyes watched as the plastic bottle filled up with milk, almost hypnotized by the liquid. You winced as the machine sucked at your sore nipple, which only made the cogs in Satoru’s brain start churning with schemes.

With soft eyes he fluttered his white eyelashes up to you, “Does it hurt?” he whispered, looking at your expression that looked more irritated than pained. You nodded your head slowly, “It feels like when your foot is asleep,” you muttered, “but not the ‘numb’ kind of asleep, like the kind that hurts anytime you move it.” you continued as you closed your eyes, exhausted and very ready to go back to bed.

Satoru raised himself from the counter, taking steps over to you as you felt his presence loom next to you. “Nd you have to do it all the time too-” he scoffed, playing the sympathy card so you'd think he was on your side.

He pressed a kiss to your bare shoulder, “They always look so full,” he murmured against your skin, you hummed in response, agreeing with what he was saying as he wrapped his hand around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “So painful.” he hummed as his hands dared to trace up your bare torso.

“I can help, y’know.” The tone he said those words sounded sincere- almost as though he was just trying to make this easier for you, you let out a hum in disbelief, “Unless you're a baby who refuses to latch- no you can't.” you mumbled with a groggy voice.

Your words came out as a retort- but in Gojo’s ears they sounded like a challenge.

It was true, his child had the same stubborness as Satoru, refusing to eat anything that didn’t come from a plastic bottle. Thus the pumping and the overproduction of milk that was piled high in the freezer by now. You had half the mind to sell it or empty them down the drain, I mean what child is gonna drink that much? Even if it was a Gojo heir- no child drinks that much milk.

But the thought pained Satoru, it only reminded him of the times where that frozen milk could have been in his mouth rather than in plastic bags.

Satoru kept a light touch as his hand trailed to the side of your ribs, scooping the bottom of the free breast you hadn’t pumped yet. Feeling the weight in his hand as he lifted it lightly, and you were just tired enough to let him. “They're so heavy.” he whispered in a coo as you blinked your eyes open, fully registering what he was trying to do.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Don't be gross, ‘toru.” you spoke in a clearer voice, earning a small laugh to ring into your ear as his hand gently grasped the side of your full breast. “What's gross about wantin’ to help?” He murmured in your ear, his hand keeping a light graze as his pointer finger brushed past your tender nipple, you hissed at the feeling causing Satoru to hum an understanding ‘I know.’ into your ear.

You couldn't see his face but you were sure he was pleased with himself, “That's all I wanna do.” his words sounded wholehearted. Almost earnest as his large hand held onto your breast with a light touch, “I'll be sooo gentle, I promise.” he closed his eyes feeling your breast fill his palm with ease, “I just wanna help you,” he whispered as he pressed the off button on the little machine, guiding your hand to place it on the counter as he pressed an honest kiss to your ear.

You knew that filling those little bottles would have taken way too long, then the thought of how much faster it would be if you let him- “Let me help you.”

Satoru’s silver tongue was never your favorite part of him, you never liked how easy it was for him to hide the truth behind seemingly sincere words.

His brushing fingertips against your sore nipples didn't help either, his fingers were very, very close to squeezing the suede ring of color around the hardened peak- Satoru wanted to see if small rivulets would spurt out of your nipples if he squeezed.

You inhaled feeling the warm pads of his fingertip caress at your tender nipple. If Satoru wasn't trying to convince you of something, you'd admit it felt nice. You scoffed, “Don't make it nasty ‘toru-” you caved, sighing with an exhausted tone, feeling his warm palms lift your heavy breasts.

Gojo’s mouth had been salivating from the second he walked into the kitchen, and as you said those words he gulped hard. “Course not~” he mumbled, allowing the truth to seep out in his words.

And as he guided you to sit onto the couch as you've done plenty of times when you'd pump, he already knew how he wanted to be fed, he had thought about it over and over again. And settled on this position, his back was pressed against the tops of your thighs. His long legs extended onto the couch- unashamed of his cock rising from staring at the cream droplet that threatened to fall from your nipple.

Even if this act was obscene and borderlining on too far- you were grateful he didn't make any teasing remarks on how little it took for him to convince you this time. That and how his mouth would have been filled soon enough, so you wouldn't worry about that.

Your hand was on the back of his head, fingers filled with lily white hair as he fought back a smile. Only the gleam in his eyes showed you just how excited he was. Satoru’s lips parted as his eyes darted back and forth from your sore nipple up to your face that was warm with embarrassment. All but asking for permission as you watched his bottom lip quiver in anticipation.

With pinched eyebrows, you guided his head towards your aching breast, Gojo’s lips parted awaiting your puffy nipple. His tongue covered the bottom of his teeth- a low groan rumbled onto your skin as he lightly pressed his parted lips onto the skin around your nipple.

You watched with a grimace look on your face, not knowing why he would offer this- let alone enjoy it.

Satoru’s tongue circled at your hardening nipple, lapping softly as he tried to keep his promise of being gentle as the essence of the milk lingered on his tongue. A small huff left your lip as he rested his tongue at the bottom of your nipple, protecting it from his pearly teeth.

His hands rested atop his tummy as you caressed the back of his scalp, you nodded your head as a form of permission, giving Satoru the ‘ok’ that he could start- his lips were slow to start sucking, pulling your nipple further into his mouth with a lactogenic motion from his tongue.

Before now, Satoru wasn't fully sure how to nurse if you let him, he knew it wasn't like just sucking your nipple. But the second he felt the sore apex of your breast press against the roof of his mouth, sucking in as much of your breast as he could, his tongue massaged the bottom of your tit to coax the milk to come out.

The motion came to him as an instinct, as though nursing was engraved in his marrow from the minute he was pulled into this world.

It took very little effort to pull milk to the surface. But the moan that reverberated onto your breast from a fat droplet hitting Satoru’s tongue- it was bordering on pornographic. It was as though he saw the pearly gates of heaven when the droplet infiltrated the taste buds of his tongue.

No matter how much fantasizing he did, or any of the ghost-like tastes- nothing. Nothing, could have prepared him for how fucking heavenly you tasted.

Your milk was warm, thick enough to leave a light cast on his tongue as he tried to suckle more liquid from your nipple. Gojo’s mouth was latched onto you in a way you knew it would hurt to pull him off.

Satoru’s gaze threatened to shut as you looked down at him. His head coddled in your hand as he kept faltering eye contact with you. Only making this feel even more salacious than it should have.

No, this was only supposed to be a way for him to help- a way to remove the aching pressure from your breasts and save some time.

But that look in his eyes, the way his eyebrows were furrowed- almost as though he was sucking your tit in spite.

That was till a bigger wave of your milk rushed into his mouth, earning an almost anguished whimper to pulse against your skin.

Your eyes squinted trying to figure out if he was exaggerating- only the way his eyes struggled to stay open, the blush across his cheeks and the satisfied smile on the perked corners of his lips, convinced you he was being genuine.

With every ooze of the prized liquid he suckled from your plump breast, Satoru swallowed. Not wanting any to spill from his lips as you placed your hand on his chest that was threatening to start hyperventilating. Too focused on suckling as much milk as he could to even consider keeping a steady breathing pattern. The warmth of his mouth on your tender nipple was soothing, comforting almost.

Gojo’s eyes were half lidded and hazy- trying his very best not to let them roll to the back of his head as the dulcet milk trickled down his throat.

Unwillingly a small whimper fled his latched lips as his eyes closed, chest heaving from the taste of you coating his mouth. You huffed a small breath from his greedy tongue sucking harder on your nipple.

Rubbing your hand on his chest to soothe the little whimpers that rumbled your breast, thankful his eyes were closed when they rolled to the back of his head. His trapped cock was shouting at him for attention, be it instinct or just wanting to relieve the ache- his hand slowly trailed down his tummy, only your eyes were too focused on his seemingly intoxicated expression to notice.

Your hand holding his head up started rubbing gently at his scalp, seeing frustration form on his delicate features- unknowing why. But you were almost trying to soothe him as whimpers vibrated onto your breast. Watching his eyebrows furrow and the growing blush on his cheeks to deepen as his eyes fluttered open.

Looking up at you from the slightly obstructed view from below, your palm on his chest being able to feel how hard his heart was beating. And as your eyebrows furrowed with a breathy sigh- you watched the familiar look in Satoru’s eyes glimmer past white lashes.

You inhaled sharply, feeling his tongue trail from massaging the bottom of your nipple to the little mound that provided the milk. Tracing the tip of his tongue on your bud causing you to hiss his name in a warning.

That's all it took for him to continue suckling on your sore nipple. You were about to rest back onto the couch with a sigh, caressing the back of his head as you felt relief wash over your shoulders, allowing him to take what he needed and then some.

That was till your eye caught his bicep flexing- and you trailed your eyes down his pale arm parting your lips in shock as you watched his unashamed hand palm himself through his gray sweats.

You huffed- only it came out in a breathy sigh rather than in the reprimanding tone you meant it to. Satoru only moaned as he heard his name fall from your lips, feeling his mouth suck rougher in order to pull more milk from your heavy breast that threatened to suffocate his nose.

His hand hesitantly removed itself from the stiff bulge of his sweats, landing on your wrist that was on his chest. His hazy cerulean eyes filled with the kind of mist you only see when he's premeditated something long before you knew of it.

Satoru’s fingers wrapped around your wrist as he greedily drank from your nipple, so greedily that the corners of his mouth were threatening to leak the honeyed fluid- he was suckling so much, he couldn't swallow fast enough.

And as the little droplets stained the sides of Gojo’s jaw, trailing down his pale skin- he led your hand to extend over to his strained bulge. Knowing if you truly were uncomfortable by this, you would've pulled away the second you saw him palming himself.

You inhaled as his hand led you to his cock by your wrist, gasping softly with a tingle on your cheeks from how hard he was. Satoru placed his larger hand atop yours, pressing it onto his painful erection with a whine rippling through your skin.

You flashed your eyes from the gray fabric that trapped his neglected cock, back to his eyes. Threatening to blink shut as you kept a gentle grasp on his bulge. Even if he was the one in your lap, nursing at your breast in a way that can only be described as voracious. That look on his face was smug, almost as though he was right this entire time and you were the hard headed one.

Satoru trailed his hand onto your forearm, smiling to himself as you started softly palming his prominent bulge.

Your eyebrows were pinched upwards, trying very, very hard not to shift your thighs beneath his back to relieve the ache forming between them.

You felt bad, like the only reason he was palming himself- almost in a sad way, was because you allowed this to happen. It wasn't guilt- but you wanted to apologize in some way.

Satoru’s mouth suckled in no pattern, his only goal was to drain every single gush of milk you offered. No matter how fervent he must've looked right now, he didn’t care. As long as he could feel your warmth in his throat- your taste coating the cavern of his mouth- he didn’t care if he looked like a starved man.

You sighed almost in pity as he let out various throaty whimpers, firmening your fingers around the print in his sweats. “Oh ‘toru~” you soothed, knowing how hard he was- it had to be painful. Your cheeks tingling and warm as his hips bucked up into your hand for more friction.

And as your hand cradled onto the back of his head, you maneuvered the hand on his bulge to free it from its torment.

For the first time since he latched onto your nipple, his lips parted from your breast with a low moan. The cold morning air hitting his pinkening tip causing him to furrow his eyebrows, but all it took was for the feeling to settle before he attached onto your draining nipple once more.

You didn't hesitate to place your hand onto his base, feeling the light trails of his precum on his shaft from how worked up he was, tempting a gasp to leave his lips, you looked at him.

And as though he was made to do it- Satoru lightly ran his tongue at your budding nipple, lapping up the white sweetness that leaked from your breast.

You kept a light touch on his cock, his hand on your upper arm before gently resting it on the swell of your other breast. Thinking to himself how rude of him that he was neglecting your other equally tender nipple.

Satoru lightly thumbed your nipple, feeling light drips wet his thumb. Enticing you to slowly start stroking him, stopping your grasp right before your fingers could roll onto his flushed tip. Knowing he wouldn't last long if you worked over his cockhead.

The moans that rumbled from Gojo’s throat and onto your sensitive skin were full of desperation and bliss. You watched him in almost pity- trickles of your milk falling from the sides of his lips, making trails of white drip down his cheeks.

It didn’t take long for him to finish draining your breast, somewhere in his mind he knew there was nothing left in your left tit, but that didn't stop him from trying to slurp up any remaining droplets.

Gojo’s cheeks felt like they were boiling on his face, and with one last lap of your nipple, he unlatched from your breast. Huffing softly as his breath tickled your damp nipple, he looked up at you, an amazed and out of breath expression formed on his face as you wiggled your eyebrows.

It was embarrassing, the way your milk left trails of a light white film on his cheeks, the way he was breathing heavily with his cock in your hand. Vulnerable.

Satoru saw your flushed face- and to comfort you he raised himself from the tops of your thighs lightly, keeping a massaging hand on your unsucked breast as he pressed his plump lips to yours.

It was filthy- Mouths dancing against each other in pure delirium. Being able to taste yourself on his tongue- on his spit laced with milk. It was like Gojo did that to show you just how exquisite you tasted. Only for your hand to keep its snail pace, avoidant of his crying tip.

His lips pulled from yours, looking into your eyes and thumbing your weeping white nipple. Soft opened mouth moans coming from his lips as your hand stroked tenderly.

Rare were the times when Satoru was silent during intimacy, usually babbling teasing nonsense. But this time, the carnal look in his eye told you everything you needed to know. His senseless prattling wasn't even a thought in his mind right now, burning beneath his skin was pure and utter hunger. Hunger, to taste you- to drink from you. To nurse, over and over again.

The one thought that lingered in his mind was to make sure to keep you pregnant- keep you in a state to continue producing the warm comfort he hardly had as a child.

Gojo licked his bottom lip, mouth salivating as he felt the warm liquid trickle onto his palm. He leaned back slightly, looking down to your swollen nipple rolling between his fingers. Then trailing his gaze to your slow stroking hand, Gojo was sure he had never been so hard in his life till now.

He licked his lips before cupping the side of your heavy breast in his palm, slowly shifting himself down to align himself with your right breast. Your hand followed the back of his scap, guiding him to latch onto your dripping nipple.

Satoru opened his mouth, closing his eyes when he felt the skin of your breast fill his mouth again. Running his tongue across your neglected nipple and tasting the essence his fingers had squeezed out. A throaty whine leaving his nose as he started suckling, so enthralled by your taste and the gentle way you stroked him. Keeping his kneading hand on the side of your breast to assist in guiding more milk into his mouth.

Your cheeks were warm, tingling from how lewd he looked at that moment. The little whimpers that came from him didn't help either.

Happily, Satoru let those unfiltered whines pour from him, if it meant you'd know how much he was enjoying himself.

And as your hand slightly passed his tip on the upturn, he gasped against you. Almost as a warning, he sucked harder on your sore nipple in return. Gojo let out muffled cries from your hand stroking past his tip, even if you couldn't see it- his eyes were rolled to the back of his head as he suckled instinctively. You looked away from his face- churned with an insatiable greed.

Looking at his pinkening cock in your hand as the veins on his lower abdomen stood proud beneath his skin. His chest was heaving once more, forced to take heavy inhales through his nose as he felt the knot in his tummy tighten.

Satoru’s whines started to rumble louder against you, watching an inhale reach down his torso, his tummy caving from how hard he exhaled. He was so close. So fucking close and fighting it at this point. You could see it in his scrunched eyebrows and desperate suckles.

You lightly scratched your nails onto his scalp, “It’s okay ‘toru,” you sighed softly, gaining his cerulean eyes to open slightly and look up at you. You were flustered sure, but you wanted to assure Satoru that he could cum whenever he liked. He didn't need to hold off for your sake.

Only when he saw the soft smile on your lips- something deep within him snapped. It didn't click before, even with your hand tenderly stroking him and your tit in his mouth, even as he was nursing directly from your breast. It still didn't click.

But when you soothed his whimpers, the tender smile you had on your lips as he took and took from you. The nurturing tone you assured him with. That's when it made sense. That's when he realized why he had been longing to help you in this way.

Before he didn’t really question it- thought it was just something weird he found hot amongst all his other strange fantasies. But now. Now it made sense.

Your mind was a mess, barely able to process the words that fell from your lips naturally. Gojo’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as you polished his cockhead, his hips bucking up into it in response. You watched as he let go of that final reservation, sucking harshly causing more of your milk to spill from the corners of his lips with frustrated whines. Being able to feel his orgasm tighten in his stomach.

The hand on your breast was practically milking you, squeezing milk into his mouth rather than his tongue nursing at it, his nose was scrunched as he exhaled a ragged breath through his nose. Your nipple was starting to ache from the vibrating whimpers and moans, and instead of telling him to stop, you raked your fingers through his hair gently. “Shh, I know, I know.” you crooned, keeping a steady pace on his cock as he simmered his whimpers.

Ever since Satoru told you he had little to no memories of his mother, you knew he had mommy issues. And when he started asking to taste your milk you were hesitant, knowing once that pandora's box was opened there was no use trying to close it again.

Only as you looked down at him, how content and blissful he looked- unlike anything you've ever seen before, you didn't mind if it didn’t close again.

Satoru parted his eyes, feeling his orgasm slowly slip in his tummy, you watched as his eyes fluttered back to his head- mumbling something in the sound of ‘m’cummi-’ against your skin as you sped up your pace. His hips twitching up into your hand as you jerked him quickly, his lungs could barely handle how little air he was inhaling, his brain fuzzy as he slurped and lapped at your nipple.

Gojo saw stars as you stroked him past the pinnacle you worked him up, his eyes squinted harshly as his lips unlatched from your breast, throaty groans mixed with whines fell from his lips as his orgasm oozed over your hand. When your thumb caressed the opening on his tip, his cock spurted out another pump of his cum with a whine.

As you helped work through his orgasm, smaller pumps of his seed assisted in the wet strokes you gave him, Satoru latched back onto your breast with a content sigh, needing to drain as much as he could, his cock slowly softening in your hand.

And as he drank the rest of your milk you rested your hand on his lower belly, waiting for him to finish taking what he needed. His mouth wasn’t suckling as frantically nor hurried as before. You relished in the warmth his lips provided with a sigh, closing your eyes as the sun started rising. Being able to see the light through your closed eyes.

When Satoru couldn't taste any more milk coming from your drained breast, he hesitantly pulled away. Resting his head in your hand as he looked up to the ceiling hazily, milk drunk as your breasts obstructed his view.

He inhaled, “Throw away that stupid machine.” you sighed, knowing he’s hated the breast pump since he saw you use it for the first time.

“What am I gonna do when you're not around?” you murmured, thinking of a world where you wouldn't have access to a pump.

“Call me and I'll find you.”

You let out a small laugh. Leaning your back onto the couch as Satoru setted on your hand. “So fucking weird.” You murmured, hearing him let out a smiley breath.

Satoru sat up, turning to you with an endearing gaze, “Only cause I like you soooo much.” he claimed, pressing a kiss onto your temple before standing. Reaching out for your hand, ignoring the mess on his tummy, pulling you to stand as he led you to the master bathroom.

“What do you want for breakfast?” you muttered behind him, watching him halt his steps and looking back at you, “What?” he asked with a smug smile and creased eyebrows.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “...Breakfast?” not understanding what was confusing about the question.

Satoru scoffed, “What for? You just fed me.” he spoke sweetly, watching the grimace on your face churn with an appalled ‘ugh!’ as you snapped your hand away from his. You scoffed as he reached for your hand again, pulling you into his arms. Peppering kisses over your features as you groaned.

“You’re so nasty.” you scoffed as he stepped forward, leading you into the bathroom with various kisses on your cheeks.

You were sure this little activity Satoru found so much attraction in, would make its way into your daily routine. Only you didn't mind it as much as you thought you would.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

writing this added 3 years to my life dead ass.

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swamp-king1827 · 1 year

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I HATE my college I can’t wait to be out of that place

#they tried to baker act me today over a piece of emo ass poetry in an ILL book that WASNT MINE #I DIDNT WRITE IT. IT WAS ALREADY IN THERE #and they were like ‘if you saw it why didn’t you tell anyone’#BECAUSE WHOEVER WROTE IT DID IT GOD KNOWS HOW LONG AGO AND DID THAT IN NORTH FUCKING CAROLINA #and why would I. why would I tell someone #‘oh someone was emo in the book on emo call the local news’#I spent an hour convincing these stupid motherfuckers that I’m not suicidal #and they were like ‘are you home in florida’ I HAVENT LIVED THERE IN THREE YEARS #‘call us back now or we’ll call your parents’ DIE. I HATE YOU #why do I have to convince you I’m not suicidal because a) I’m NOT and b) I DONT KNOW YOU AND I DONT LIKE YOY.

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soaps-mohawk · 4 months

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Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 2 - Adjustments

Summary: You're struggling a bit in your adjustment to your new life, and you're finding some of them are easier to get along with than others. Luckily you're not in it alone.

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, military inaccuracies, let's be real this is so unrealistic but it's a/b/o you're not here for accuracy.

Author's Note: I'm so just overwhelmed with the attention this fic has gotten, but not in a bad way I promise! I'm just surprised is all. Thank you everyone that has read and reblogged and commented. I love all of you and so, since I have no self control, here is Chapter 2. Lots more world building and dialogue in this part, but I promise good stuff is coming.

Also I promise Soap will get his time soon. He's just the hardest for me to write, and you'll see why in this chapter.

MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->

“She was lying.”

Price doesn’t bother looking up as a dark figure leans against the wall next to him. He stares out at the empty space between the barracks and the mess hall, not much traffic between the buildings during this time of day.

“About how she got to the institute.”

“Or at least not telling the whole truth.” Price says, turning to look at Simon. “Something tells me she’d talk if we asked.”

“She’s soft.” Simon says, letting his gaze drift off into the distance.

“She’s a civilian.” Price counters. “The CIA did a little training, but she’ll need some work. We can’t leave her completely defenseless...”

Simon turns to face him again. “There’s something else.”

Price pushes himself off the wall, heading back inside. Simon follows, the two of them making their way down the hall to his office. “There’s hundreds of American military bases across the world, thousands of regiments they could have chosen from, and yet, they sent her to us.”

Simon closes the door behind him as Price sinks into his desk chair. “You think it was deliberate?”

Price pulls open one of the drawers, pulling out the file Kate had given him. “Laswell said the CIA has had eyes on her for years.” He slides it across his desk to Simon. “There’s a lot of why's in this situation, and a lot of how’s. Like, if what she’s saying is true, how did a Staff Sergeant get his daughter into FIOT practically overnight?”

Simon glances up at him over the top of the file. “You think there’s something else going on with this Initiative.”

Price nods. “I do. I think there’s more than one experiment being run, and we’re the guinea pigs.”

You stare at your reflection in the mirror as you run a comb through your damp hair. You look tired, the dark circles that have plagued your face for the last few weeks looking even darker now. It’s been a long day, so long it’s hard to believe it’s only been a matter of hours since you boarded the helicopter in London.

Your new pack had made themselves scarce after dinner, leaving you to your own devices. You had been left alone after lunch too, and you had spent that time laying in bed, resting after the overwhelming scenting.

You’d played back the last few hours in your mind. Leaving London in the helicopter, meeting your new Pack Alpha, Laswell leaving, meeting your new pack, the scenting. You had plenty to think about, to stress over, and you had been surprised when the knock came at your door for dinner. You were equally surprised to see Gaz and Soap waiting for you.

You’d been sandwiched between them again as you walked to the mess. It was busier for dinner, and the eyes weren’t quite so quick to look away with the alphas missing. You know they have to be curious, with an omega on base following around two members of a SpecOps team, smelling like them. You know what they were probably thinking of you, what they were thinking your presence means.

You’ve begun to understand Price’s rules a bit more.

Price and Ghost had joined you as Soap said they would, coming in late from whatever they had been busy doing. You had been seated next to Soap, Ghost taking his other side while Price sat next to Gaz. It hadn’t gone unnoticed to you how close Soap and Ghost sat, and you remembered the look in Ghost’s eyes when Soap had approached to scent you. How his defensive stare had turned icy, threatening even, when he’d gotten close to you as if you were capable of hurting Soap. It had been a silent warning. If you tried anything, you’d have him to contend with.

Ghost is territorial, more so than most alphas. You had seen it just a bit in Price, but only because you had been watching for it. Ghost was silent in his claim, but his gaze spoke of his territorialism. As you sat at the table with them, you slowly felt the stares lessen, the curious alphas and betas around you slowly turning away from your table until you were left in peace. You knew it was all thanks to a well-pointed glare from the second alpha at the table.

They’d escorted you back to the barracks before disappearing again, leaving you alone. You’d opted for a shower to try and clear your head, exhaustion weighing heavy in your limbs but your mind was racing too much to really get any rest. You haven’t been told what their normal schedules entail or even what they look like, but you expect an early morning tomorrow. Since Price had said at least one of them needed to escort you around base, that likely meant you were going to be constrained to their schedules.

You know even when they’re not away, their days are probably full of training and briefings, much like yours had been for three months. They’re probably up early, earlier than you’d like to be, and then they go non-stop all day.

You wonder if they ever get a break.

Maybe this is a break for them.

You sit on the edge of the bed after you finish your routine, eyeing the pillows and blankets stacked at the end. They’re military issue, not as soft or as plush as you might have preferred. This is your new normal, though. Comfort isn’t exactly going to be a high priority.

Tears prick your eyes as you run your hand over the comforter. You know it’s the exhaustion, the stress of the day beginning to weigh on you. You’re worn out, and that’s causing a slip in the tight reins you keep on your mood. Omegas and alphas were both prone to being moody, and those who were unrestrained could lose control quickly. Alphas were quick to anger, while omegas could get depressed very easily. Exhaustion drives both to being grumpy, though alphas will descend into irritability and anger, while omegas will get whiny and weepy.

You hate it, how easily you can be driven to cry. How easily you can lose control. It makes you feel weak and helpless, but that’s partially by design. It was supposed to be your pack’s job to fix that, to give you that support and take care of you.

Except you don’t know your pack.

What would they do if you approached them like this, all teary and needy? Would instinct take over and snap them into their roles? Or would they give you an awkward pat on the back and leave you to take care of yourself? Gaz would help you, you think. He had slipped into that role so easily during the scenting. Your fingers twitch on the bedspread, your mind telling you to seek him out, track him down, even if it’s only to catch a whiff of his scent again.

Your phone screen lights up where it’s sitting on the nightstand, drawing your attention from the door. Kate had given you the phone just this morning before you left the hotel. It had her number on it, as well as your pack’s. You’d half expected to find messages already from them when you’d turned it on, but there had been none. They had kept that boundary of meeting in person first.

You pick up the phone, checking the message. It’s from Price.

Breakfast is at 0700. I’ll take you to see the Omega Specialist after.

Seven o’clock. It’s not terribly early. You’d eaten around the same time at the institute. You’ll get to meet the Omega Specialist as well tomorrow. You’ve met plenty of them in your time as an omega, but something about the idea of having someone there who knows, who understands is comforting to you.

You send a reply in acknowledgement for tomorrow’s plan before setting an alarm for tomorrow morning. There’s an uneasy feeling under your skin, a tickling in the back of your mind that you can’t seem to relax. Your eyes are drawn to the desk where the shirts still sit, and before you know it you’re moving to the desk, letting your fingers trail over each one.

You grab Price’s shirt, taking it back to your bed. You curl up with your back facing the door, holding the shirt against your chest, letting the scent of tobacco smoke and whiskey fill your nose. Silent tears slide down your cheeks, your face pressing into the pillow to muffle your sobs.

As you try to muffle your tears, you miss the sound of boots pausing in front of your door, the person on the other side standing there for a moment before continuing down the hall.

You let out a groan as your alarm pulls you from sleep. You had drifted in and out for a few hours before finally managing to get a couple precious hours of sleep. You’d woken when the others got up. You knew they were trying to be quiet but you had heard them shuffling around, talking quietly amongst each other. You’re normally a fairly deep sleeper, but in a new place you always struggle.

A new place surrounded by almost complete strangers.

You turn off your alarm, sitting up and rubbing your eyes. They’re burning a bit, the exhaustion still weighing heavy on your shoulders. You pad to the bathroom, splashing cold water on your face to try and make yourself at least look more alive than you feel. The last thing you need is them getting worried about you. That’s attention you’re not sure you want right now.

You blink sleepily at your closet, trying to decide what to wear. Were you allowed to wear anything? You didn’t have much besides the basics, since the only thing you had been allowed to wear at the institute was its uniform and the clothes they provided. Then when you were with the CIA, they had provided clothes for you to wear as well. The things you have now had been bought by Kate before you left D.C.

Everyone on base wore similar variants of the same uniform. You’re not military, though, so you don’t think those rules apply to you. No one had said anything about your state of dress yesterday. You opt for comfort, knowing you’d likely find out soon if you were going to be forced to dress differently too.

You’re tying your shoes when the knock sounds on your door. You had heard the others moving around, footsteps in the hallway, opening and closing doors, quiet voices talking and Soap laughing at something. You know it’s one of them, yet the nervous tickle at the back of your head is back.

Soap is leaning casually against your doorframe when you open the door. His face lights up in a smile as he sees you. “Morning, bonny. Sleep alright?”

“Yeah.” You shrug. “Tossed and turned for a while.”

“We didne keep ye up did we?” He asks, his smile faltering just a bit.

You shake your head. “No, I never sleep well the first few nights in a new place.”

“Well, our beds are always open if ye need something more comfortable.” He winks at you playfully.

Your face warms at his words, the double meaning not lost on you. You were right, Soap was going to be the one to push your boundaries the most.

Gaz elbows him in the ribs as he passes. “She’s been here a day, mate, don’t go scaring her off now.” He leans on the other side of your doorframe, giving you a smile. “Morning.”

“Morning.” You say, your face still warm from Soap’s teasing.

“You hungry?” Gaz asks.

You nod. You do feel hungry this morning, likely a side effect from your emotional night last night. You step out of your room, the two betas stepping back to give you space as you close the door behind you. Ghost is leaning against the wall next to his door, his eyes watching with the typical cautious disinterest that seemed to be his default setting.

Gaz and Soap sandwich you between them again, close enough their arms brush yours as you walk. It was almost as if they could sense your inner turmoil, the neediness still tugging at the back of your mind. If Ghost hadn’t been trailing the three of you, you might have been tempted to give in and grip their sleeves, or slip your hands into theirs. How would Ghost respond to such a bold move? The mental image of your body flying through the air as he punted you into next week almost makes you laugh.

Price is already seated at a table frowning at his phone over a cup of coffee. Gaz and Soap load up your tray for you, something you’re getting used to rather quickly. It was expected from the alphas, or at least Price, to coddle you a bit, but it seemed the betas were more than happy to get in on it as well.

The thought makes something flutter in your chest.

You’re seated between Gaz and Price again once you reach the table, Price greeting you with a tired smile. “Morning. Sleep alright?”

“Not really.” You say honestly. “New place and all. I’ll settle in eventually.”

“Maybe the Omega Specialist can give you some ideas to help.” He glances at his watch before looking at you as you spoon a heaping spoonful of porridge into your mouth. “Take your time. We have until 8.”

You listen to the conversation at the table as you eat, Gaz and Soap talking about a football game that’s on tonight. You feel eyes on you, your skin prickling a bit. You glance up, half expecting Ghost to be glowering at you again, but his gaze is focused on his eggs. You cast a quick glance around the mess, turning slightly to look behind you.

Three tables over, you find the gaze of some soldier focused on you. You haven’t paid much attention to anyone else on the base, but then again you haven’t had much time or reason to yet. You can’t read the expression on his face as he stares at you, but you feel a shiver run down your spine as your eyes meet his.

He stares at you for a few seconds before his gaze moves slightly past you, quickly dropping back to his plate. You turn around, finding Ghost staring just past your head. His eyes are narrowed, his scent coming off stronger than it had been. You can practically see his hackles raised, the warning clear in the air. You feel the urge to curl in on yourself, the threatening aura radiating from him makes you want to cower.

It doesn't go unnoticed by those at the table either.

“Easy, Ghost.” Price says calmly, Gaz turning to follow his line of sight.

“Bloody wanker.” Ghost grumbles before rising from the table.

You turn back around, but the soldier that had been staring at you is gone.

You nervously pick at your sweatshirt sleeves as you sit in the plastic chair next to Price. You’re still on edge a bit from what happened at breakfast. It wasn’t so much being stared at that bothered you. After now three meals in the mess, you’ve almost come to expect it. It’s Ghost’s reaction that has your mind still reeling.

“I’ve always hated the medical center.” Price says with a sigh as he leans his head back against the wall. “It smells too sterile. Makes my nose burn. Reminds me of too many close calls.”

His words jar you a bit. You hadn’t even thought about that aspect of his job. He’s used to getting shot at, to getting into fights, running head first into danger that would send most running the other way. You wonder how many times he’s been the one with the close call, and how many others he’s had to watch have their own.

You wonder how many times he’s had to make that trip to tell someone’s family.

You’re pulled from your thoughts as the door across from you opens. Price pushes himself to his feet, and you follow as a kind looking woman steps out. You breathe a quiet sigh of relief. You don’t have anything against male Omega Specialists, but you were already surrounded by men. Sure you have Kate, but she’s half a world away.

She’s tall, dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. Despite being a doctor she’s dressed casually, no white coat or gloves to be seen. Her eyes are light green and crease in the corners when she smiles.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Keller.” She introduces herself, shaking Price’s hand.

American. You think, silently breathing another sigh of relief. Kate really had pulled some strings with this one.

“Captain John Price.” He says.

You introduce yourself when she turns to you, shaking your hand. Her voice is soft and gentle, the scent of beta coming off her in waves.

“Come on in,” She says, leading you into the office. “Sit anywhere you like. Make yourselves comfortable.”

Her office isn’t what you expected either. Instead of the harsh fluorescents, the lighting is softer, warmer. There’s paintings and posters all over the walls, along with several plants. There’s a desk covered in books and paperwork in one corner and a bookshelf with several books packed into it in the other. There’s a couch on one wall, and a couple plush looking chairs on the other.

You move to one of the chairs, sinking down onto it. It envelops you in softness, and you feel as if you might sink into it and never be able to get out. After a day of hard plastic and stiff blankets, it nearly makes you weep.

Price takes the chair next to you, Dr. Keller sitting on the couch across from you. The office smells good, a light, neutral scent in the air aside from the pure almondy scent of beta.

“Alright,” She says, holding a tablet and a stack of files in her lap. “I always like to start by introducing myself and telling you a bit about me, then we’ll get into the important stuff.”

She jumps into telling you about herself. Where she grew up: California. Where she studied: UC Berkeley. What institute she did her residency at: West Coast Training Academy. Where she worked last before Kate called her in: some poor inner city institute in LA.

“Now, on to the more important stuff.” She says, turning on the tablet. “I got your medical records yesterday. You’re quite the healthy girl.”

“Yes ma'am. I have good genes. That’s what my mom used to say.” You respond.

Dr. Keller smiles. “Hardly even been sick. Your heats are all normal, too, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am.” You say. “Except for a three month stretch two years ago.”

“Yes, the heat sickness epidemic that hit America.” She says.

You nod. “FIOT locked down completely and everyone was supposed to quarantine, but I heard a rumor that it was one of the beta food workers. She snuck out to see her alpha boyfriend and brought it in with her. We only think it was her because she disappeared not long after the first omega got sick.”

Dr. Keller hums. “I know not everyone was so willing to take it seriously. You made a full recovery, though. No lasting side effects, I’m sure thanks to the state of the art medical facilities that FIOT keeps.”

“Yes, ma’am. We were lucky it was just a mild case.”

“That is lucky.” She flips through something on the tablet. “Your lab results all look phenomenal. I like to do checkups monthly, just to ensure everything is working as it should. I know the CIA gave you quite the cocktail of vaccines while you were with them.” She turns her gaze to Price. “Captain Price, I’ve sent in a request for your team’s vaccination records as well. I’m sure you’ve had everything under the sun, but I’d like to ensure there’s no risk of any accidental exposures.”

“I don’t see a problem with that.” Price says. “If RAMC gives you any trouble, just let me know. I’ll get them for you myself.”

“Thank you, Captain.” She says. “One last bit in this part and then we can move on. I see FIOT issued an implant before you left, as is standard practice.”

You nod. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. You’ve had more than enough time for it to take effect so we won’t have to worry about any accidental slip ups during your next heat.”

Your cheeks warm at her words a bit. You’ve been trying to avoid thinking about that inevitable side of things.

“And your next heat is roughly six weeks away.” She says, looking at the calendar. “Don't be surprised if it comes a little earlier now that you’re being exposed to alphas again.”

Your stomach twists nervously at that thought. It was common for heats to be triggered early after exposure to alphas, especially after such a prolonged period without exposure to them. It wasn’t likely to start tomorrow, but you knew it could jump a week or two due to the natural pheromones alphas put off, and the instinctual call for the alpha/omega bond.

“You’re planning for the claiming to take place during the heat?” Dr. Keller asks.

“Yes, that’s the plan.” Price says.

“That is the most natural time for it.” Dr. Keller says. “Of course, it is always up to omega preference in the end.”

You don’t miss the way her eyes dart to you for a second.

“Now that that’s over with,” She says, putting the tablet to the side. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to do this next part with just the two of us.”

A beat of silence passes before you realize she’s asking you. Her eyes are on you, and so are Price’s. She’s asking you. She’s asking you what you want.

“I-I guess...yeah.” You stutter over your words, not quite sure how to answer. Is there a wrong answer? Would Price be upset if you said yes? Would Dr. Keller be upset if you said no? Your eyes turn to Price, trying to gauge his reaction.

“It’s up to you.” He says softly. “We’re here for you.”

You sit up a little straighter at his words, nodding your head. “Y-Yes. That’s okay.”

Price pushes himself to stand up. “I’ll be right outside.”

The air inside the room seems to lighten as he leaves, Dr. Keller reclining back on the couch as the door clicks shut. She pulls out a stack of papers and a pen before she looks at you. Your palms are sweating, and you’re starting to think you’d like the chair to swallow you whole.

“This next part can feel a bit personal, but I just want you to know that everything you say in here is as confidential as you’d like it to be. Captain Price is right. I am an Omega Specialist, I’m here for you. I’m not just a doctor, I’m here to help you in all aspects of being an omega. I know FIOT teaches a lot, mainly obedience and compliance. I want to make it clear that you can be honest with me.” She holds up the stack of papers. “No one is going to see these papers but me, alright?”

“Yes, ma’am.” You nod.

“You don’t have to be so formal with me.” She smiles. “You can call me Dr. Keller, or Doc. You could even call me an evil bitch if you want, it won’t phase me any.”

You can’t help the small smile that forms on your face.

“I’ve got some questions I’d like to ask you. They’re a sort of tracker to measure how well you’re settling in and bonding with your new pack. I’d like to meet once a week until your next heat just to see how well you’re settling in. After that we can meet as often as you’d like. Sound good?”

You nod in approval. It sounds like a lot, but you also know you’re going to have a lot of downtime, even with your pack on base.

“Alright, let’s get started. How are you settling in? I know it’s barely been a day, but I want to know how you feel here.”

Your heart begins to pound in your chest. How do you feel here? How do you feel after being pulled from the institute and taken to a training facility where you found out you’d be moving halfway across the world to be a military pack’s omega.

This wasn’t what you had expected when you reached the age where you became an available omega. Most omegas at FIOT came from rich, powerful, important families and your purpose there was to be groomed into the perfect omega to return right back to that world.

You thought you would be chosen quickly. You had expected it. With your scores and your high ratings and your status, you were what most alphas dreamed of. Yet, the years had passed and though there was some interest, nothing had ever come of it. You weren’t alone in it. There were others like you, those who excelled at being an omega, but then seemed to stall in the selection once they came of age.

Of course, now that you look back on it, you can’t help but think it might have been done on purpose. The Omega Initiative was new, you had been told during your first briefing explaining why you were taken to a remote building somewhere outside of D.C. and greeted not by your new pack, but swathes of CIA agents. Military packs were nothing new, but they wanted to utilize the naturally formed packs and make them stronger and more stable by adding in omegas.

Only highly skilled omegas were considered for the program, but of course you had no say in whether you were going to partake or not. They chose the omegas and they decided where you would end up.

It wasn’t that dissimilar from being chosen from an Institute. At FIOT there was a screening process packs had to go through to be determined eligible to have access to omega files. Then the pack would have to send a neutral emissary, usually a beta, to meet the omegas in person and choose on behalf of the alpha. Most institutes don’t have that strenuous of a process, and some don’t have a process at all. In some, alphas themselves could walk in and choose an omega without even so much as a background check.

Omegas never got a say. As soon as you were handed over to an institute, the ability to choose was taken from you. Whoever your caretakers were as a pup signed over their rights to you and the institute became your legal guardian. They dictated your life up until you joined a new pack.

You had hoped it would be someone rich. If nothing else, you’d get to live a cushy life and you’d never have to worry about anything. When they told you what was really going to happen to you, you had almost cried. You did cry, late at night curled up in your bunk after hours of training and briefings.

Kate picked you for this pack specifically because she knew them and she knew you could handle them and their world.

Maybe if you had been worse at being an omega, things would have been better for you.

Or maybe they would have been worse.

“It’s...different.” You finally say, picking at your sleeves again. “But in a lot of ways, it’s similar to The Institute. It always takes me time to settle somewhere new.”

“Me too.” Dr. Keller says, writing some things down. “And with the time change, it’s just so much harder. I feel like I should be in bed right now, but it’s 8 AM. Have you started nesting?”

You shake your head. “No. I don’t even feel the urge to.”

“That’s fine.” She says, writing something else down. “In truth, I’d be more concerned if you were.”

Your eyebrows raise a bit. “Why?”

“During an adjustment period for an omega, especially in a new pack, there can be something that happens called false instincts. The sudden urge to nest, a drive to bond with pack members too soon, false heats. It’s usually brought on by a sudden change in environment, like when omegas are taken from a place where they’ve spent sometimes years with no exposure to alphas and are suddenly thrown into a space with a lot of alphas. It’s more common in larger packs where you have alphas, betas, and other omegas.”

“Could it happen in smaller packs?” You ask.

“It’s possible, though rare. It can cause some serious issues down the line when those instincts are actually supposed to begin to show up, like adjustment sickness. I’d say if you’re starting to feel the urge to nest or bond before the first week is up, then come talk to me, alright?”

“Yes, ma’am.” You nod.

She smiles, turning the page. “How far have you gotten with the bonding process?”

“Just the scenting yesterday.” You answer.

“And how did that go?”

You pick at the loose thread on your sweatshirt. “Fine. It was...overwhelming.”

“They can be.” Dr. Keller says. “The new members of your pack, how are you getting along with them?”

“Fine, I guess.” You shrug. “I like Soap and Gaz. Price, he’s...he’s nice, and Ghost...” You trail off, not sure how to answer. If she’d asked before breakfast you might have said he doesn't like you. He doesn’t want you to be part of his pack, but after what happened at breakfast...

You can’t be sure he did it for you. He could have thought that soldier was staring at Soap or Gaz or even Price. He could have thought the soldier was staring at him and was annoyed with it. He had scared off the stares at every meal you’d eaten together, but how often did they get stared at? You couldn’t know if that was a daily occurrence and he was just growing sick of it.

He could be annoyed with you because you’re drawing in the stares.

“I don’t know what to think about him yet.” You answer.

She writes something else down, going through a few more questions with you. How is your appetite? How are you sleeping? Are you taking care of your needs? Do you have any concerns?

Before you know it the hour has passed and you’re walking out the door into the fluorescent, sterile hallway of the medical center.

“Remember, you have my number. If you need anything, I’m here for you.” Dr. Keller says as you part ways.

You walk with Price out of the medical center, glad to be out in the fresh air. It’s not particularly warm, and the sun is hidden behind a layer of clouds, but it’s better than the medical center.

“What do you think?” Price asks as you follow him back to the barracks.

“I think it went well.” You say, mind still reeling from an eventful morning. You’re beginning to feel your restless night.

“Do you like Dr. Keller?” He asks, probing a bit.

You nod. “Yes, sir. She’s nice.”

“Good.” He says, opening the door to the barracks for you. “I have to leave to oversee training for the next few hours.” He glances at his watch. “One of us will come get you for lunch.”

You nod. Of course you’d find yourself alone again between meals. You’re beginning to notice a pattern. “Yes, sir.”

His hand is warm as it settles on your shoulder, squeezing gently. You’re surprised by the touch, as small as it is. Were they too fighting the urge to get close to you, like you had this morning?

You can still feel the warmth of his hand even after it’s disappeared and he’s gone. You head for the rec room, deciding to avoid the constricting feeling of being shut in your room for the time being.

The TV is on when you enter, but the room is empty, playing some morning talk show. You move to the bookshelf against the wall, letting your eyes scan the titles. There's a surprising lack of military-based books shoved into the packed shelf. Of course there's a handful of old manuals and handbooks, nothing that you're particularly concerned about needing to read. You let out a sigh, standing on your toes to reach a Brandon Sanderson novel.

You look around the room but the remote for the TV seems to be missing, and it’s too high on the wall for you to reach the power button, so you leave it on, curling up on one corner of the couch as you begin to read.

You’re not sure how much time has passed when something moves in your peripheral. The sun has come out briefly, shining in through the windows. You look up from the book, suddenly feeling very small under Ghost’s gaze. His eyes are narrowed as he stares down at you, a thousand things flashing through your mind. Are you in his spot? Is this his book? Had he come to the rec room hoping to be alone and here you are infringing in his space?

“Come on.” He says, his voice rougher than it had been this morning. “Lunch.”

He’s already turned and heading out the door as you scramble up, leaving the book on the coffee table as you hurry to catch up to him. His steps are quick and wide, and you find yourself having to almost speedwalk to keep up with him.

Your thoughts are jumbled as you follow him out of the barracks and off towards the mess. Why would they send him to get you? Was he the only one available? Yesterday they had time before lunch to return to the barracks, or had that only been because of you? Or were they perhaps hoping this might offer a chance for the two of you to bond a bit?

Or were they entirely blind to Ghost’s disinterest in your existence?

Perhaps they were used to it. After so long together, perhaps they just thought it was normal. If you were brave enough to bring it up, would you get a “oh that’s just how he is” in response?

You can’t see the others as you enter the mess, Ghost leading you to the line. He stands behind you like a hulking shadow, his scent covered by the smell of gunpowder and sweat. You fill your own tray for the first time, grabbing things that look appetizing. You’ll have to get used to it eventually, even though the others insisted on doing it for the time being. When they’re not here, you’ll have to do it yourself.

Ghost leads you to an empty table, and you opt to sit across from him. You begin to eat, taking big bites to avoid the need for conversation, not that you really thought Ghost would strike up a conversation with you. Your eyes flicker around the room nervously, glancing over the entrances time and time again, waiting for the others to arrive.

“Stop twitching. They’re on their way.”

The words cut straight through you and you snap your head around to face Ghost. He’s got his mask pulled up to his nose, your eyes immediately drawn to the exposed pale skin. There’s light stubble on his chin. You remember how that had felt on your own skin when he’d scented you. He’s blonde, you think, or at least has light hair judging by the color of the stubble. There’s a scar on his chin, almost hidden by the stubble.

Your face warms as you realize you’ve been caught in your nervous fretting. Of course, you should have known he would take notice. There’s not a lot they don’t notice, you think. Though, when your survival depends on noticing even the smallest detail of anything or anyone...

You jump as a tray is set down next to yours, your eyes snapping up to see Gaz with a smile on his face. You turn back to look at Ghost, his mask pulled back down but you see a slight shake to his shoulders for a second.

Was he...laughing at you?

Your attention is drawn from him as Gaz takes a seat next to you, sitting close enough his arm is almost brushing yours. Price and Soap taking their usual spots as well. You’re beginning to pick up on the patterns that existed around them, and their own patterns. Perhaps that will make it easier for you to fit yourself into their lives. You knew from the start they weren’t going to change to fit you into their lives. They couldn’t. You were going to have to find a way to fit into their lives.

Gaz walks you back to the barracks after lunch, abnormally quiet as he watches you warily. He walks you to your door, leaning on the doorframe as you step inside.

“You alright?” He asks, big brown eyes shining with worry as he looks you over.

“Yeah.” You nod, shifting on your feet. “Just tired. I think I might take a nap.”

He nods, and you’re sure he doesn't quite believe you, but he doesn’t press any. “Alright. Happy napping.”

You close the door as he leaves, sinking down onto the edge of the bed with a sigh. It’s been a long day and it’s only lunch. Between the probing questions from Dr. Keller and the few minutes you had spent alone with Ghost you feel exhausted. It was good to know you weren’t entirely broken in your lack of nesting instincts, and perhaps your turmoil with belonging in this place wasn’t quite as abnormal as you thought.

What to do about Ghost.

He’s said more words to you today than he did in the entirety of the previous day. In fact, you think today might be the first time he’s spoken to you at all. You know he doesn’t approve of you, and you’d go so far as to say he doesn’t like you. You can imagine he fought the hardest against you being added to the pack. They were fine without you. It didn’t take a genius to see that.

You’re an outsider. A civilian. A risk.

An unneeded disruption to their lives.

You pull your phone out of your pocket, staring at the dark screen. You know Ghost might never accept you. He won’t want to claim you, he won’t mate you, but...perhaps you might just get him to tolerate you.

You unlock your phone, sending a quick text to Kate.

“Can you get a book for me?”

You regret your decision momentarily as you step into the rec room. Gaz and Soap are lounged on the couch, beer bottles open on the coffee table. The TV is playing ads, their attention on each other. You almost feel as if you’re infringing upon a private moment as they laugh, half tempted to race back to your room and hide until your hunger draws you out or someone breaks down the door to get to you.

“Hey!” Gaz’s face lights up when he sees you, Soap turning to look at you.

“Hey, bonny!” His face lights up with a smile.

“Do you mind if I join you?” You ask, shifting nervously on your feet.

“Not at all.” Gaz says, patting the empty spot on the couch next to him. “You want a beer?”

You shake your head. “No thank you. Never could get past the taste.”

Soap throws his head back as he laughs, slapping Gaz’s shoulder. “I keep tellin’ ye!”

“Yet you keep drinking it!” Gaz attempts to defend himself.

“Cause it’s th’ only thing we got!” Soap argues, leaning around Gaz to stare at you. “So, ye a football fan, bonny?”

“Well, I watched the World Cup a couple times as a kid.” You say. “My household was more of an American football and baseball household. Two of my older brothers played soccer, though they never were very serious about it. Mostly just did it to fulfill my dad’s physical activity extracurricular requirement.”

“What did you do to fulfill that requirement?” Gaz asks as he takes a sip of his beer.

“Softball. I was...not good at it.” You laugh. “I could catch and throw, but I don’t think I hit the ball a single time I was at bat.”

Both of them chuckle, turning back to the TV as the ad ends. “Don’t worry, we’ll turn you into a proper football fan yet.” Gaz says.

You watch the game with them, and it doesn’t take you long to realize they’re rooting for opposing teams. They explain things to you here and there in between yelling at the TV and each other. Despite how loud they are, you find yourself relaxing further and further, the tension from the last two days easing away, even as the two betas yell at each other over a soccer game.

Gaz tenses for a second as he feels a sudden weight on his shoulder. He turns his head slightly, noticing you’ve fallen asleep, your head drooping onto his shoulder. His lips quirk up in a smile as he gently nudges Soap.

“Wha?” Soap asks, turning to look at him.

He jerks his head to the side, leaning back just slightly so Soap can see. A grin breaks out on the younger man’s face and he pulls out his phone. “Aww, look a’ that. Think we should wake ‘er and get ‘er tae bed?”

“Nah.” Gaz says. “Let her sleep for now. She probably needs it.”

You sleep soundly through overtime, Gaz not moving until the post game is over, letting you sleep as long as possible. He knows you have to be tired, after the last few days and the time difference. You looked tired today, with dark circles and droopy eyes. He hates to wake you, but he knows you can’t sleep on the couch.

He nudges you gently, trying to rouse you. “Hey.” He nudges you again, your head finally lifting off his shoulder.

You blink sleepily, rubbing at your eyes. You make a quiet sound in protest of being awake, eyes drooping closed again.

“Come on, love.” He says, keeping you upright. “It’s time for bed.”

You cover your yawn with your hand, blinking at him sleepily. “Bed?” You murmur sleepily, Gaz smiling softly at how adorable you are in this state.

“Yeah, you’ll be more comfortable in bed.” He pushes himself to stand, hands on your arms to pull you up.

You make another sound in protest, nearly falling against his chest when he gets you on your feet. He wraps an arm around you, letting you lean on him as he guides you back to bed, Soap cleaning up the mess they had made.

You’re more awake once you get to your door, blinking up at him with bleary eyes. “‘S fun.” You murmur, rubbing your eyes. “Should do that more often.”

“You’re always welcome to join us.” He says. “Get some rest. You’ve had a long week.” He leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Night, love.”

He waits until your door is closed before heading back down the hallway towards the rec room, a small smile on his face.

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#call of duty #call of duty fanfic #141 x reader #task force 141 x reader #poly 141 #john price x reader #captain john price x reader #captain price x reader #gaz x reader #kyle garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #john mactavish x reader #soap mactavish x reader #soap x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #a/b/o #alpha beta omega dynamics

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strang3lov3 · 2 months

Text

Enjoy the Silence

You trespass into Joel’s house in search of some peace and quiet so you can get yourself off. Joel catches you in his bed in a compromising position. (5.2k)

That’s Pedro’s bum can you tell I love ass

Tags- pillow humping, masturbation, getting caught in the act, some humiliation but Joel talks you through it, oral (f receiving), unprotected piv, prone bone, softdom Joel, little bit of crying (good tears) creampie, let me know if there’s something I missed.

A/N- Thank you to @tightjeansjavi , @notjustjavierpena , and @noxturnalpascal for all of your encouragement on this I know I’m not easy to deal with sometimes AND thank you my dear readers for being patient with me, I’ve been slacking on writing/uploading. I’d love it if you’d say hi to me, I’ve been missing you!! Hope you enjoy this one I’m glad to be back❤️🩷💜💙🩵

It’s too fucking loud tonight. You live with a group of single women in Jackson, all somewhere around your age, a few older, a few younger. You get along well with them, and they get along well with each other. Too well, perhaps. They’ve been talking for hours tonight. Hours. And they talk for hours most other nights too, especially now that the weather is starting to warm up. They’ve been making drinks and playing music, being rowdy. It’s past eleven at this point and they’re still going at it.

You can’t sleep. The blankets are too warm, but without them you’re cold. You’ve flipped your pillow over what feels like hundreds of times. It’s just one of those nights. Except every night is one of those nights, it seems. You tried touching yourself to fall asleep easier, but with no success. It’s not exactly the easiest getting off in such a full house. You’ve got privacy in your bedroom, sure. But the walls are thin and sound carries with such ease.

God, does this suck. A lot of your problems would be solved if you could just get yourself off. You sit up in bed and stare out your window and into the window of the house next to yours. Joel’s window. His lights are off now, but earlier you had caught a glimpse of him getting out of his bathroom. His hair was wet and slicked back, his skin shiny and damp. He’s so sexy, so thick. That’s when you moved your hand between your thighs as you watched him pick out clothes from his dresser, biting your lip and circling your clit frantically as you prayed for his towel to drop. It didn’t. It never does. You groaned quietly in disappointment as you watched Joel walk back to his bathroom and then come out moments later fully dressed, subsequently shutting off his lights and leaving his bedroom. For a moment, with your eyes and your thoughts focused on Joel, you were able to block out all the noise and focus on your pleasure. But then he left and the pleasure vanished.

You’ve lived next to Joel for quite a while now. More often than not he’s grumpy, keeping mostly to himself and Ellie. He’d usually just glare at you and your roommates. He can be friendly with others, though.

Once one evening, Joel had spent five minutes knocking at your door to complain about the noise. You saw it coming, you and your roommates had amassed quite a few dirty looks from him in the moments prior. You watched him through the window, glaring at your porch from his own. Your roommates were outside, talking and listening to an old but new-to-you CD. He wore a scowl and his arms were crossed at his chest when you finally opened the door.

“You ladies are chatty,” he grumbled. “Your music’s hurtin’ my ears.”

“We can be chatty, yeah,” you replied, “But you’re kinda crotchety.”

Joel sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m askin’ you politely to keep it down,” He turned to leave then, but you tapped the back of his leg with your foot, stopping him, “You could go inside, you know,” you taunted.

Joel turned back around slowly. He looked so big, so broad as he looked down at you. “So could you.”

“Hm,” you hummed. You weren’t really sure why you were arguing with Joel when really, you agreed with him. The CD player sounds tinny and hurts your own ears at times, you can’t imagine what it does to Joel’s damaged ears. And the girls were too loud, other people live around here. But you were annoyed at the way he came over to complain about the noise level when he doesn’t know half of it, how loud it gets. “Fine. I’ll get them to quiet down if you do something for me.”

Joel raised his eyebrows, “Oh, I’m doin’ ya favors now?”

“Something like that,” you said.

“What do you want?” he asked through a sigh.

“You’re right, they’re being too loud,” you explained, “You don’t know how loud it can be, actually. I’ll try to get them to quiet down if you let me get some peace and quiet.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, your house is usually pretty quiet,” you began.

Joel nodded. “Mhm. And I like it that way.”

“And I’ll keep it that way,” you urged. “Please? My roommates are so loud, I can’t even hear myself–”

“Yeah, I know. Come on,” Joel interrupted. “Let’s go inside, then. Talk to your girls tomorrow.”

Joel led you to his house, opened the door for you and brought you inside. He offered you a glass of water and told you to make yourself at home, so you sat quietly on his sofa. Joel sat on the loveseat next to you. He figured you’d have brought a book or something to busy yourself with, but when he looked up at you after a few moments, you had curled your legs into your chest, laying sideways on his couch. He laughed to himself quietly and laid a blanket over your body, then turned out the lights and went upstairs to bed. You had never slept so peacefully. And that’s how the tradition began, Joel would let you come over to enjoy the quietness of his home. You never made good on his end of the deal, though. Your roommates stayed too loud, but it didn’t matter. You and Joel had found a system that worked for you both.

Still staring at Joel’s window, you shift your attention towards the direction of Joel’s front door when you hear it slam shut. You watch him stroll away, probably off to drink with Tommy or something like that.

Your core is still aching, a dull but constant ache. You’re thinking about Joel, unable to get the image of his slick body out of your mind. You’re thinking of the quietness of his house. Peace and quiet would be nice right about now. It’s never this late when you go over to Joel’s. You know you’re welcome over any time. Joel gave you a key to his home when you earned that privilege. But surely he didn’t have that open-door policy for what you’re thinking of using his quiet home for. He wouldn’t know though, right?

Fuck it, you decide, climbing out of your bed and sliding on a pair of slippers. First grabbing Joel’s key from your nightstand, you exit your room and go down the stairs, going towards the back door where you walk past all of your roommates in the living room who don’t seem bothered or worried about what you’re up to this late at night. The chill of the air bites at your cheeks and your shoulders. You didn’t bring a jacket, but the distance from your back door to Joel’s isn’t a long one.

You unlock his back door with your key and let yourself inside, scraping any dirt from your slippers on his doormat so as not to track it inside. It’s always quiet, but the silence is almost eerie. It makes you feel uneasy, doubly so because you know you’re doing something you shouldn’t be. But you’ll be quick. Joel won’t know, so no harm no foul.

You scan the first floor, looking for a quiet, comfortable area. Joel’s home looks almost like TV in black and white the way it’s so dark right now. The first floor is no good, you’ll feel exposed. So you walk up his stairs, and your first instinct is to go to his guest room. You spend a lot of time there anyway, when you’re not napping on his couch you’re napping in that room. But he keeps it clean for you, pristine. The bed is made neatly and tailored specifically to his taste. You’d never be able to recreate that, he’d instantly become suspicious.

Across the hall is his own bedroom, not nearly as tidy as his guest room. A clothes pile on a chair, the shade of his lamp slightly off kilter. His bed is made up of crumpled sheets and blankets, the pillows indented from the weight of his head. Joel won’t know a thing.

You tiptoe into his room, closing his door but the creak of its hinge cuts through the quiet air and startles you. Maybe it’s better to leave it untouched. You make your way quietly to his bed, first sitting on the edge, your feet dangling slightly in the air. You kick your feet a little, letting your slippers fall off. You feel so out of place here, so wrong. Like you’re invading his privacy, but you’re not. Not really. You’re not here to snoop or to do anything wrong, you’re just here to…well.

You lie back in his bed, his sheets are soft and worn, cold on the back of your legs. Their scent fills your nostrils, they smell like Joel. Like soap and his musk, slightly sweaty. It’s almost like he’s here with you. Spreading your legs and dipping your hand beneath your pajama bottoms, your mind starts to wander. Tracing your clit with your fingers, your brain is flooded with flashes of Joel. At first, it’s images of his neck, his forearms, his hands, all the veins protruding, muscles flexing. You’re circling your clit faster as you imagine he’s here with you, that it’s not his bed you’re lying against but instead his chest, he’s holding your knees apart as he nudges your head to the side with his nose, your neck exposed for him to lick and kiss and nip as you tease your cunt. You come quickly and your fantasy drifts from you. You make yourself come once more before you adjust the bedsheets slightly, put your slippers on and leave. Joel’s bedroom looks just as he left it.

You watched him, learned his evening schedule. On Tuesdays and Thursdays he’s out on evening patrol, he doesn’t come home until the early morning. Those are the nights you sneak over to his house. As time goes on, you learn that you can be less careful. You don’t bother wiping your shoes, you don’t tiptoe like you used to. You’ll push the bedroom door open wide when Joel leaves it halfway shut. When you leave, you don’t bother laying the sheets back in the way Joel has them crumpled.

Joel notices.

You still come over for your usual quiet time, and Joel studies you. He’s begun sitting close to you, trying to memorize the smell of your shampoo on your hair. He thinks he smells it on his pillow. And the scent of your body, your soap and your perfume. He thinks he can smell it on his sheets. He thinks he can smell you on his sheets.

You stay too long in his bed one Thursday night, startled when you hear Joel’s heavy footsteps in the distance. You bolt out of his bed, going down his stairs both as quickly and as quietly as you can. You shouldn’t have been so ballsy. Joel thinks he hears the door close but doesn’t pay it much mind as he undresses and gets into bed, and he doesn’t even notice you running back to your house from his window. What he does notice, however, is the way his bed feels warm as he lays down. He runs his hand along the length of his bed, the sheets feel cool on the opposite side. When he flips on his side, his nose nudges against something damp on his pillow. That’s when he sees your light flickering on from across the distance between your two windows, he sits up in bed to get a closer look at you. He watches your chest heaving like you’re out of breath, perhaps from sprinting across his lawn. He watches you then fall on your bed, he sees both of your knees hike up and spread apart. That’s when he puts two and two together. Suspicions confirmed.

He always knew you were trouble. And now he knows what you’ve been up to, trespassing to touch yourself in his home, in his bed, without him. You goddamn deviant. He’s gonna catch you in the act.

Four whole days go by, which gives Joel enough time to find someone to cover his evening patrol. It’s Tuesday night and he’s got his bedroom lights off so you can’t see him watching you from his window. You look antsy, pacing back and forth across your room, frequently checking your window to see if he’s left yet. When Joel does leave his home, he’s conscious to not look behind himself at your window, to see if your light turns off. He doesn’t want you to know that he knows. He doesn’t look to see if you’re sneaking through his lawn. Instead, he keeps walking, giving you ample time to really screw yourself. When he feels a sufficient amount of time has passed, he turns back around and walks home. He enters his front door slowly and quietly, like a ghost. He takes careful steps through his living room, up his stairs. When he reaches his room, he pushes the door open wider and leans against the frame, listening to your breathy moans, watching you grind on his pillow in the low light of his room. You’re gripping his headboard as you whine, you’re even wearing one of his dirty flannels. Sick puppy.

“Joel,” you moan to yourself. “Joel, oh god–” the lights turn on and you turn your head to see Joel leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed.

“Joel!”

“Yeah, I know,” Joel murmurs. “Caughtcha, didn’t I?” Any words you could possibly think of are caught in your throat. You feel hot, itchy. Joel notices the key he gave you sitting on his dresser and spins it around his finger. “Wasn’t what I had in mind when we set up our little arrangement.”

“I was– I wasn’t–” you shift uncomfortably as Joel puts the key down.

He shuts his door and approaches you on his bed, first examining his headboard. He hums when he sees there’s little indents in the wood from your fingernails, marks on the wall behind the headboard. It all makes sense now. When Joel sits next to you on his bed, you quickly slide your ass off of his pillow and away from him. He’s quicker, tugging your– his flannel in the opposite direction, forcing you back to your place. “Nuh-uh,” he chides. “You stay right there.”

The air feels thick and Joel’s eyes are dark, almost inky black. You can hardly look at him, his intense gaze making you squirm. So instead you look down, where he plays with the fabric of his flannel, admiring the way it dances on your thighs with his touch. He lets a silence hang heavily between you both as he presses his lips in a thin line, waiting for you to explain yourself. You don’t. You can’t. You feel so exposed, so ashamed of yourself.

“Whatcha been doin’ to my pillow?” he finally asks. His voice is low, quiet and deep. He’s met with more silence. “Makin’ a mess, s’what. Up to no good, hm?” More silence as you adjust his flannel over your body, protecting your modesty. “I’m askin’ you a question,” he takes your chin gently between his thumb and forefinger, forcing eye contact.

“Yeah,” your voice is hardly above a whisper. Your face is hot, your waterline is brimmed thick with tears, a few spilling over. “I’m sorry, Joel.”

“Ohhh, I know,” Joel coos, wiping the tears from your cheek with his thumb. “M’not tryin’ to embarrass ya, darlin’. S’human nature.” You can’t even begin to think of a way to get out of this situation. “S’that pillow ‘sposed to be me?”

“Yes.”

“Figures,” Joel mumbles. “Makin’ me blush,” he taunts, tracing lazy patterns on your thigh. His touch makes your tummy flutter, it feels misleading. Like you’re enjoying it almost, though you shouldn’t be. “All you had to do was ask, sweetheart,” he says. “Didn’t need to make believe with my pillow. Get yourself into all this trouble.” You can’t quite get a read on what his angle is here. Still aroused and you feel nervous, small, guilty – awaiting punishment of some sort.

You’re defeated. All you can do is nod in understanding. You find the bravery to meet his eyes, his gaze still dark and intense, perhaps even hungry. He walks his fingers up the length of your thigh, noticing how you twitch as he nears your center. “I’ll go easy on ya f’ya tell me the truth. How long you been doin’ this, sweetheart?”

You are in trouble. He’ll go easy on you if you tell him the truth. “I dunno,” you whisper.

“Sure you do.”

You don’t even know. A few weeks, a month maybe. You shrug.

“Think you wanna be honest with me,” Joel advises, provoking you slightly. Nothing from you. “S’alright. You don’t have to tell me. Just means you’re gonna finish the job.”

“What?”

“You’re gonna finish what you started,” he says. “And this time I’m gonna stay right here and watch.”

Your heart drops. You search Joel’s eyes, looking for some sort of indication that he’s fucking with you. You’re not sure that you’re capable of this. Sex and masturbation are already two different animals. Getting off in front of the man you fantasize about in his bed? Where would you even begin?

“You had the balls to start this, you’re gonna finish it. Come on sweetheart, show me how you do it,” Joel nods, gesturing for you to begin. When you don’t, Joel scoots even closer to you on the bed. “So shy, aren’t you?” He turns his body toward you slightly, outstretching an arm across your body and then holds your hip in his strong hand. He begins to guide your movement, encouraging you to rock back and forth on his pillow. But you’re stiff in his hold. “Come on now,” he encourages, “Y’can even hold my hand f’ya want.”

Joel holds his free hand out to you, still moving your hip with the other. He knows how vulnerable and exposed you feel right now. Taking his hand, your other gripping the headboard once more, you still can’t meet his eyes, Instead you squeeze them shut, your hips following the guidance of his grip.

“Why you bein’ quiet?” he asks, “Need to hear ya.”

Complying with his request, you let out a shaky and small moan. More of a whisper, really. He hums in approval, encouraging you to be louder. You’re starting to build a pace and find your courage, at least a little.

When you let out a real moan, a real sound of pleasure, Joel squeezes your hip. “Ohh, there it is. Good girl,” he coos, “Good fuckin’ girl.”

It’s instantaneous, the way his praise goes right to your core. You’re rocking your hips faster now, adjusting yourself to find a better angle. You can feel your own slick beneath you on the fabric of Joel’s pillow, wetting your thighs and your ass. His hand grips your own firmly, holding you steady, reminding you that he’s here with you.

Joel smirks as you move on your own accord. He lets go of your hip to explore your stomach and your torso with his palms, his fingertips dancing along the underside of your breasts. He sits up to get closer to you, tweaking one of your nipples beneath his fingers and sucking the other into his mouth, licking and swirling his tongue around the peaked bud. You tangle your fingers in his salt and pepper curls, tugging the strands as you ride his pillow.

This is all he wanted. To watch you leave your mark on his clothes, in his bed, on his walls. He pulls away from you and watches you in admiration, moaning softly when he finally presses his palm against his bulge. He undoes his jeans and pushes both them and his boxers down his thighs, then removes his shirt. He grips his cock tightly, biting down on his moans as he gazes at you with lust in his eyes. He thinks you’re getting close now. Your hips are beginning to stutter in their movements, you’re getting quiet now like you’re concentrating on your pleasure, your body’s tensing up. He’s been so focused on you, he’s forgotten all about the fact that this is supposed to be your punishment for trespassing.

Fuck. The punishment.

Joel doesn’t have a clue how he’ll punish you as he lurches forward, kneels behind you and pulls your arms from the headboard. He hopes he’ll find the answer along the way. All he knows is that you’re not coming, not yet. Especially not by your own doing. Yeah, that’ll work, he thinks. He’ll bring you to the brink of orgasm, make you beg and apologize before finally letting you come. Maybe he’ll not even let you come, he’ll see how he’s feeling as time progresses

Joel holds your arms behind your back in one hand and you yelp in surprise, then he adjusts his placement and pulls you back by your legs until you’re prone on his bed. “Up, sweetheart, up,” he mumbles, lifting your hips and pulling his pillow back, propping your ass up for him. The dampness of your arousal on his pillow feels warm and sticky against your tummy.

He palms your ass, squeezing and kneading the flesh before parting your cheeks with his thumbs. He runs a single digit through your soft, slick folds, humming as you tremble beneath his touch. You’re so wet. “What a fuckin’ mess,” he purrs, pressing his middle finger against your entrance, circling it before pushing inside. You keen into his touch, arching your back for him.

“Joel,” you whine as he pulls his finger out.

“Do you know what a mess you made?” He doesn’t bother letting you attempt to respond, you’re way too addled for his touch to answer his question coherently. Joel dips his tongue between your sensitive folds, replacing his fingers. Just like how he touched you moments prior, he traces your entrance with a pointed tongue before dipping it into your heat. Your arousal is like honey, so thick and sweet on his lips.

He tastes you, savors you as he kisses your cunt. He’s lapping through your slick folds, his tongue parting all of your sensitive flesh, sensitive just for him. You can feel the wiry hairs of his beard tease your clit before he dips his lower, circling and flicking your bud with the muscle. He sucks it between his lips, making you squirm and writhe in pleasure. “Joel, oh my god.”

Your fantasies of Joel were never like this, never so indulgent. He’s sucking at your clit, then licking, nipping at your folds, before focusing his attention back to that bud. You’re moaning, pushing your ass back and grinding against his mouth, feeling his aquiline nose tease your hole. He’s buried between your most private place, his tongue flicking and swirling with such fervor. You’re biting into his sheets and seeing stars when he enters you with his fingers once more, curling them into that sweet spot inside of you.

You’re bucking against his face, your slick soaking his fingers to the knuckle, spilling into his palm. His fingers’ movements don’t falter as he pulls his mouth away from your cunt, trailing kisses over the crease where your ass meets your thigh. “You’re close, aren’t you?”

“I’m so close,” you answer through a gasp.

Joel kisses up your ass cheek, “How many times did you make yourself come in my bed?”

“Twice,” you reply. You’ll answer any question he asks now.

“Only twice?”

“Tonight.”

“Ohh,” Joel says. “Twice tonight. How ‘bout in total?”

You don’t know the answer. Of course you don’t. He’s doing the math in his head as he fingers you. He’s thinking at least twice a night, twice a week. This venture of yours has probably been taking place over a couple of weeks. So that’s…more than enough, he decides. “Yeah, ‘course you don’t know. S’lot though, hm?” He lifts his face to watch you nod. “In that case, m’not sure that you need to come again.”

“I do,” you whine, “I need it, Joel.”

“You want it–” Joel pulls his hand from your core and you cry at the loss. God, you wish his mouth was back there. “You be good to me and I’ll consider it.”

Joel pumps his cock momentarily behind you before he nudges a knee between your thighs. “Wider,” he instructs, leaning over you from behind. He brackets your thighs with his own, one hand on your waist as he notches the tip of his cock inside of you. He doesn’t yet push all the way in, though. Instead, he waits as you squirm and arch your back for him, trying to take more than what he’s giving you. You whine in frustration. “Easy, now,” he warns. “Should ask permission. Nicely.”

“Please, Joel,” you say, “Fuck me.”

“Yeah, there you go,” he praises, working into your body. You sigh in satisfaction as he buries himself in you fully, his tuft of coarse curls scratching against the skin of your ass. “Wasn’t so hard, hm?”

Joel tightens his grip on your hips, denting his nails into your skin like how you did to his headboard. His thumbs are pressed firmly into your lower back as he begins to roll his hips into you. The way he thrusts so languidly into you makes your head fuzzy, the only thought you can focus on being the sensation of his thick cock parting your insides. He’s fucking you steadily now, and you can feel the skin of his thick, pillowy tummy caressing your back with every stroke. Fuck, how good he feels.

He fucks you apart, setting a steady rhythm. Joel knows how much you needed him, how much you wanted him before now. How you love it, how it’s nothing but pure pleasure that makes up your whimpers and gasps and the tears on your cheek. He leans lower, covering your hand with his own and intertwining his fingers between yours. You shiver as he tugs your earlobe between his teeth, then licks and kisses your ear, his mustache tickling your skin as his nose nudges your temple gently. He takes a moment to kiss away your tears and rests his arm around the crown of your head, caressing your hair before fucking you wildly.

“Feels nice, doesn’t it, sweetheart?”

“So good,” you choke out.

You can feel Joel’s grin against the shell of your ear. “Just how you imagined when you were fuckin’ yourself on my pillow, hm?” he purrs.

“Better,” your answer is honest.

“Yeah, I know,” he says, “Good answer, sweetheart.”

He curls one of his forearms beneath your bicep, reaching for your breast and tweaking, pinching you as he wraps his other arm around you, searching for your pussy with his hand. He finds your sensitive bundle of nerves and draws lazy patterns over it, teasing you. You’re so wet. So slick, your pussy gushing with each stroke of his cock deep inside you. The sounds of your slick and skin slapping skin are lewd, obscene as he pounds his hips against your body. He’s grunting, gasping in your ear. It sends shivers down your spine.

You’re twitching and bucking your hips, chasing that tightness beginning to build in your tummy. “Easy,” he murmurs. “Let me take my time with you.” He knows how desperate you are to come, but Joel makes you wait a little longer, feel the burn some more.

You’re whining and squirming as Joel fucks you, his face buried against your neck the hair on his cheeks scratch you. He’s biting, nipping at your skin as you let out your breathy little moans. In every inch of his body, he feels it–that power he holds, knowing you’re aching to come on his cock and it’s all because of him, it’s all for him.

His cock is beginning to twitch and he’s feeling that warm, sticky feeling in his gut and deep in his balls, he’s not lasting much longer now. He fucks you harder. “What about now, huh?” he grunts, “Should I let you come now?”

“Yeah,” you moan. “Yes. Let me, let me.”

“Then ask me,” he whispers, momentarily slowing his pace. He draws in and out of you slowly as he speaks, “S’all I wanted you to do, just ask me.”

“Please let me come, Joel,” you ask.

“Good girl,” He brings his hand to your face, shoving his fingers past your lips. You know what he wants, no need for his instruction. You’re moaning, sucking on the digits as he fucks you, the motion of his thrusts grinding your clit into his warm palm. Joel feels you begin to tense up as you choke on his fingers. “There you go, let go, let go f’me. You’re alright,” he coos. “Come for me. I’ve got you.”

You’re stiffening underneath him, eyes screwing shut as you let yourself go. You come on his cock and against the calloused palm of his hand, ecstasy washing over you in thick, electrifying waves. Joel watches your face closely, he memorizes your cries of pleasure and how you convulse beneath him. He’s fucking wrecked you.

You’re gurgling on Joel’s fingers that are still in his mouth as he slides his other hand away from your cunt in favor of resting it up high by your head. It’s his turn for release now. He’s without a thought when his hips begin to stutter as they lose their rhythm, the frenetic slamming of his body against yours indicating his closeness. He lets out a symphony of grunts and moans into your ear as he comes inside you, painting your insides with his spend, milking himself entirely. You take it all, everything he gives you, whining at the overstimulation and the way his release makes you feel so warm and full. Your cunt is slippery with his come as his thrusts begin to slow, slow some more until he stills inside you completely, resting on top of you. With a groan, he pulls out to admire his work, to watch how your combined arousal spills on his sheets. He uses two fingers to push some of his escaped come back inside you.

You stay laying on your tummy as you cross your forearms to use as a pillow to rest your head. Joel meets you on his bed, also laying on his tummy. You hadn’t even realized he undressed himself.

He reaches over to caress your cheek, then your flannel-covered back. “Nice touch,” he murmurs. “S’pretty on you.”

“Smells like you,” you confess quietly. “Turns me on.”

Joel makes an amused face as he nods. His eyes are sparkly but sleepy and your cheeks are warm, you bite down on a shy and embarrassed smile. He smirks at that. “So bashful,” he purrs. “You’re welcome to use my home and wear my clothes for your dirty work any time you like,” he says. “Just invite me every now and then.”

If you enjoyed, please leave me a comment, rb, or send me an ask, tell me your thoughts. Your kind words and engagement keep me motivated to write

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