[longwinded rambling nothing to see here]

im actually really close to being an adult though and its kind of really exciting. i feel a little bit sick and awful, and my present moment isn’t going very well, but i feel like it’s going to be possible to feel satisfied? and idk that’s an exciting idea. like one day i’m gonna be forty and bearded, and i won’t think about oliver anymore, and i’ll be in a band, and i hope i’ll be less sick or i’ll know how to deal with it, and i’ll be publishing writing one way or another, and i’ll be a connected member of my family, chosen or otherwise, and i can watch over the garden wall every day if i want to, and i will bring my very own broom to everywhere i live, and i’ll have a good electric guitar and a full sized acoustic cello, and i’ll make jewelry all the time and if i’m healthy enough or i have a friend to help with walks, i can have a dog. and there are a lot of big and unrealistic things that i want in life, but one day i’ll be able to see clearly, and sleep as much as i need to, and people will recognize me and i’ll help as much as i can, and i will make art and love so many people, and maybe i can cook.