#tak1e writes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tak1e · 11 months

Text

I Was Hoping You Could See It Too (I'm a Coward)

SFW DekuBaku/DekuKatsu Drabble

AO3 link if you prefer reading there

General Info/Tags: One Shot, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Pro-Hero AU, Not Beta Read, Pining Bakugou, Touch Starved Bakugou, Soft Bakugou, Self-Doubting Bakugou, Protector Izuku, Izuku is a Therapist, (not literally), (but he acts like one), Izuku is Good at Feelings, Bakugou is Bad at Feelings

Word Count: 2.4k

a/n: I wanted to write izuku babying katsuki with some angst and here we are. Also, the name is in fact directly quoting lyrics from Coward by Matt Maltese, enjoy.

Katsuki Bakugou's day had been shit. To say that would be an understatement, really.

He had woken up later than usual this morning, sleeping through his alarm - which he never did, by the way. Then he'd gotten to work and had a mountain of paperwork left over from a reckless pursuit he had with a villain the day prior. He'd caused countless property damage and now he had to file report after report after report.

And, to top it all off, when he finally did get out there to save people, he had failed over and over again.

Armed Robbery? He had to ask for backup. Mugging? The guy got away. He was called in for backup? He got there too late. He felt like he was headed in the wrong direction with every step he took. Like Katsuki thought he was taking steps forward only to find that his torso had been turned 180 this whole time. It was driving him insane.

So, yeah. Shit day, to say the least.

Needless to say, when Izuku cautiously enters his office at the end of the day, Katsuki is already past his limit.

"Out." Katsuki says through grit teeth, not even looking up to see who it was.

"Yikes.. so you are as angry as everyone's been saying."

Katsuki growls, eyes snapping up to look at Izuku.

"Get out."

"Kacchan."

"Deku."

Izuku crosses his arms over his chest defiantly and Katsuki finds it so irritating. The little shit thinks he can get away with anything just cause.

(Katsuki definitely lets him get away with more than he should, but it's not like he'd admit that aloud, let alone to himself)

"You know, being so angry all the time can't be good for your health." izuku says, closing the door behind him and walking towards Katsuki's desk. Katsuki rolls his eyes.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't realize you were a doctor now." Katsuki seethes, sarcastically. He seriously doesn't have the patience for this today.

Izuku huffs, standing in front of his desk. Katsuki's pen digs a hole in his paperwork.

"Ha. Ha. Seriously, Kacchan. Are you okay?"

And Izuku's voice is so genuine. It almost startles Katsuki, even after all these years. Even after Izuku spent their whole lives chasing after Katsuki asking if he was okay. Katsuki thinks it probably won't ever feel normal. He doesn't really deserve it, after all.

"Do I look okay?" Katsuki answered, throwing his pen down in favor of setting his head in the palms of his hands.

"Kacchan." Izuku said, and it was so much softer this time.

Katsuki felt an old part of him flare up at it. Don't look down on me, it screamed. Even though Katsuki knew that wasn't what was going on here. Izuku cared about him and was showing it.

Much unlike himself, despite his best attempts.

"What?"

"Can I.. I mean." Izuku let out a breath, fidgeting with his fingers. Katsuki hated it.

Is he scared of me? A smaller part of himself asked. He swallowed.

"I want to help. Will you let me?"

"How could you help?" Katsuki spat before he could stop himself. He sighed, lifting his head from his hands. Izuku smiled like that was the exact response he'd expected.

I don't deserve this. Yeah, Katsuki agreed. Izuku was always too nice to him and it didn't make any fucking sense.

"I can show you, if that's okay? I think it might really help."

Katsuki hesitated for more than a second, before nodding.

"Okay, c'mere."

"What? No, you come here. I'm not walking over to you."

"Kacchan."

"Izuku" Katsuki mocked. Izuku huffed and defiantly pointed at the floor in front of him. Katsuki rolled his eyes but still pushed up from his chair, dragging himself over to Izuku.

"Okay, I'm fuckin' here. What now?"

"I'm going to touch Kacchan, is that okay?"

"What?! No, it's not!" Katsuki nearly shouted, pride flaring.

A beat passed and the two just looked at each other. Katsuki sighed.

"Yeah.. It's okay." Katsuki hesitated. "I guess."

Izuku nodded and stepped forward, lightly pressing the palm of his hand to Katsuki's cheek. Katsuki felt his face burn.

"Is this okay?"

Katsuki nodded.

Izuku smiled and took that as a green light to put his hand in Katsuki's hair. He gently pet through Katsuki's hair. His fingers dragged through his spikes slowly, cautiously. And when they reached the end, they returned right back at the beginning again, repeating the same motion.

"Is this okay?" Izuku asked again, his eyes never leaving Katsuki's face.

Katsuki hated to admit it (so he wouldn't) but it felt.. nice. Relaxing, even.

"Are you gonna ask that every five seconds?" Katsuki complained and his voice came out so much softer than normal. What the fuck.

"Well, how am I supposed to tell if I'm making you uncomfortable?"

"I'll tell you to fuckin' stop? Obviously?" Katsuki grumbled, still much softer than he intended. What was happening?

Izuku huffed, frowning at him, but seemed to accept the answer, as the hand in his hair started guiding Katsuki's head to rest on Izuku's shoulder gently. Katsuki let him.

I don't deserve this.

"Relax, Kacchan." Izuku cooed, softly. Almost in the same way one would talk to a child. Oddly enough, Katsuki couldn't seem to care. Not with Izuku's hand still in his hair, at least.

Katsuki's body relaxed in an instant as if it had a mind of its own.

"The hell are you doin'?" Katsuki grumbled into Izuku's shoulder as his head began to be cradled.

"Mmm.. Coddling you."

"Coddling?"

"Mhm."

"..Why's it feel so nice?" Katsuki murmured, despite his pride. He could feel all the tension leaving his body at once. It felt too nice. There had to be a catch.. He couldn't just relax like this.

Izuku laughed and Katsuki could feel the action with their proximity. It was a deep hum in his chest...again, it was nice.

"I dunno, Kacchan. You tell me."

Katsuki grumbled unintelligibly instead of a response.

"Kacchan, you're tensing up again." Izuku said, amusement dripping from his voice. he placed a gentle hand on the small of his back and the touch felt like electricity. "Relax."

And as if it were a command directly to Katsuki's heart, his body obeyed. Katsuki wasn't sure if he'd ever been so relaxed.

"Why the hell is it so relaxing?"

Izuku hummed.

"Some people say it's because it brings out your inner child or something. Like, reminds you of being little and held by an adult. So it puts you in that sort of headspace where you just.. don't have to worry anymore."

"I've never been held like this." Katsuki swallowed after the admission. Why did I say that?

"Kacchan.. really?" Izuku asked sympathetically and it didn't irritate Katsuki as much as it normally did. He nodded into Izuku's shoulder.

"Yeah, parents didn't exactly tuck me into bed or anythin'."

"Well.." Izuku started after a moment of silence. "I'm here now. You're safe here."

The words shot through Katsuki like a bullet.

You're safe here.

Safe.

"I...am?" Katsuki whispered, bewildered.

"Yeah. I'll always be a safe space for Kacchan. As long as you want it."

Katsuki's mouth felt dry.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

Katsuki swallowed, staying silent for a while. He rolled the words around in his head, trying to debate how open he should be right now. Just as Izuku began scratching his scalp, he decided fuck it. Whatever, he could deny everything later if he needed to.

"I've only ever been awful to you. I don't deserve this."

"Kacchan.."

"It's true, isn't it? I made your life hell for so long. Why would you ever..?"

Izuku pressed a light kiss into Katsuki's hair and his brain short-circuited. All thoughts pouring out of his ear and onto the floor.

"You aren't like that anymore. It's okay. I forgave you for that a long time ago."

"Why?" Katsuki croaked, his voice betraying him. He snapped his eyes shut. He didn't want to cry in front of izuku like this.

"I never really blamed you in the first place. I knew you didn't mean it."

"Bullshit."

"I'm being honest. Really. None of that was your fault." Izuku said softly, scratching Katsuki's scalp gently. Katsuki had to focus hard not to lose his train of thought again.

"Who's then? Yours?"

"No." Izuku said, and it surprised Katsuki. Don't get him wrong, he was glad that Izuku didn't blame himself, but who did he blame if not Katsuki or himself?

"I don't blame anyone." Izuku said, like it was as easy to see as the sky is blue.

"What? That makes no fuckin' sense."

Izuku sighed, low and quiet. Katsuki was so confused. He couldn't blame no one. Someone was to blame and it was so clearly Katsuki.

"I don't blame anyone," Izuku repeated. "Sometimes bad things just happen and all you can do is accept it and move on. What? Are you going to tell me you blame people for earthquakes or something?"

"You know that's different." Katsuki grunted. "Earthquakes are unavoidable. All you can do is do the best you can with a shit scenario."

Oh.

"Exactly." Izuku whispered. "No matter what, you still would have bullied me, I think. I think it was unavoidable. With all the pressure put on you to succeed.. It only makes sense. And either way, I still don't think you ever meant it."

"But.." Katsuki whispered, hands fisting Izuku's shirt on his back. "I did such horrible things.. how can you just.."

"Kacchan, you being upset over this is proof enough that you are good. I don't care about anything that happened back then. I care about now."

There was a long silence that followed and Katsuki kept his eyes shut tightly, fighting off the need to cry. He would not.

"It's okay if you need to cry," Izuku said, after a moment. "I won't judge you.

"..You won't?" Katsuki asked, voice breaking.

"I won't," Izuku echoed gently, running his fingers through katsuki's hair tenderly. "It's safe here. You can cry as much as you need."

As soon as the words left izuku's mouth, it was like a dam had bursted inside Katsuki. He began sobbing uncontrollably, hands clutching Izuku as his shoulder shook with each tear.

"Shh.." Izuku cooed softly. "It's okay, baby. Let it all out."

So Katsuki did. He cried and cried and cried. Until he felt he had nothing left, his insides torn open and raw right there for only izuku to see. And oddly enough, Katsuki didn't totally hate it. It felt nice... Which was a stark contrast to his usual crying fits. They usually left him feeling sour and sick. Which was why he avoided them in the first place.

This time though, he felt.. nice. It felt like his tears had actually meant something. Like he hadn't just been uselessly crying alone in his bedroom. Which, he guessed, this time he wasn't. Maybe it was because he had been given the space to feel without judgment. Or maybe it was something else. Hell if he knew.

After Katsuki's tears subsided, the two stayed in silence. Katsuki had nothing to say though, so it was fine by him. Although, izuku must have had other ideas because he eventually spoke softly.

"..Do you blame your parents?"

"What'd'you mean?" He asked, sniffing.

"I mean.. for everything? How you turned out I guess? Do you blame your parents?"

Did Katsuki Bakugou blame his parents for how he turned out? Yes, obviously. If it weren't for them, he wouldn't have probably any of the pressure he had on himself then and in the present. He would probably be nicer. He wouldn't struggle with nearly half the things he did.

"Kinda, yeah." Katsuki said, turning his head to look at Izuku, who was staring forward, not looking at Katsuki. "Why?"

"I don't think you should," Izuku said simply, in the same way, he'd said it about Katsuki being a bully. What was with this guy being so forgiving? "I mean, yeah, they did a pretty poor job raising you right but-"

"That was their job. The one thing they were supposed to do, they fucked up. How is that on me?" Katsuki spat, defensively.

"No! No.. that's not what I meant.." Izuku said, eyes darting around the room. "Just.. hear me out okay?"

Katsuki nodded and Izuku continued after taking a slow breath.

"They did a bad job. You're not wrong about that. But what if they were doing the best they could?" Izuku paused, looking like he was picking his words carefully to get his point across. "I mean, you are their first and only son, right? So, let's take it from their perspective.

"She had a kid with this awesome quirk that wanted to be a hero. Maybe she felt scared for you or maybe she genuinely wanted you to be the best, I don't know. But she put that pressure on you to succeed for some reason. And I think she was trying to give you the best she could.

"And in your teen years when you became angry and resentful.. Maybe she thought to herself, Oh, this is just how teens are. So she let it fester and grow when it shouldn't have. Kacchan, I genuinely think your parents were doing what they thought would be best for you. It still sucked, and isn't okay that it happened but.. I don't think it's anyone's fault, really. I think... it's an earthquake."

Izuku looked at Katsuki after that and he nodded. It made a lot of sense.. and he'd never thought about it like that.

"A shit situation." Katsuki echoed. Izuku smiled.

"Yeah, that." Izuku paused, cupping Katsuki's cheek in his hand and Katsuki closed his eyes against the soft touch. "It doesn't mean you need to go forgive them or anything just.. think about it, yeah? I mean, if I only took your actions at face value we wouldn't be here right now. Maybe your mom is the same, you know?"

Katsuki nodded, opening his eyes again. Yeah.. that made a lot of sense.

"You're right," Katsuki admitted. "Maybe I've been to harsh to her. Maybe.." Katsuki trailed off.

"Again, don't do anything on my account. It's just.. food for thought."

Katsuki nodded, standing up straight finally. He felt a lot better after everything with Izuku.

"Thanks. I uh.. I'm probably gonna head out." Katsuki said, taking a step away from Izuku.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure." Katsuki said. And after all, he had a lot to think about and do now.

And maybe call his mom.

17 notes · View notes