'survival shows are so bad and toxic and exploitative and misleading and biased :(' why are you still watching

I’m in the midst of writing a zombie apocalypse story and I’m running out of prompts and ideas. I need drama to add. any ideas?

(psst, the show iZombie on Netflix is a brilliant zombie orientated show if you’re still looking for inspiration :) )

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So you’re telling me, that I’ve been gone all day searching for supplies and scavenging for the tiniest morsel of food on this shitshow of an apocalypse - and you’ve TRAINED a zombie?

“Who’s a good zombie? You’re a good zombie! Good job!”

“…Where’d you get that brain to feed them with?”“Do you honestly want to know?”“…”“Yeah, I didn’t think so. You’re not the only one that’s had a tough day ya know.”

“Who decided that you should be leader? I thought this was a democracy.”“We might be the only people left on the planet and you guys are SERIOUSLY suggesting that your biggest complaint is your lack of the right to vote?”

I call for a general election! Can all of the (name of your zombie apocalypse troop) step inside the voting booths!

“It’s a split vote.”“Yes, because there’s only SIX OF US.”

At first, I thought being trapped in the music department of an abandoned school surrounded by zombies was going to be the end. So thanks for enlightening me on the several uses of a clarinet. 

I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to look at a metronome the same way ever again. 

We were growing some…illegal substances in our backgarden for our…business. Turns out, we got the ingredients very wrong and may have created a…zombie cure?? 

This is probably the only time that I’ve been high where I’ve actually had a valid epiphany

A drama degree won’t help you in the real world they said. But yet, here we are, surrounded by zombies and the only way we can get through is by pretending to be zombies through some method acting. Hah! Take that! (Inspired by Shaun of the Dead)

Stop! Stop throwing shit at me! I’m not a zombie, I’ve just had a real rough few days okay! 

“That’s exactly what a zombie would say!”“PLEASE JUST LET ME IN ALREADY.”

“I assume you stole those clothes off a zombie to fit in right?”“…This is my favourite shirt wtf are you on about?”

I found an abandoned supermarket and walked in to go about my shopping because (miraculously) it still has food in it. I was singing songs to myself when I turned the corner and suddenly I’m staring down the barrel of a shotgun whilst singing the chorus of “Wrecking Ball’ by Miley Cyrus. 

For the love of God, don’t kill me now. I can’t let that be the last song I ever sing. 

How in the ever living fuck you can still be singing songs like nothing is wrong is beyond me…but I heard you singing earlier and I just want you to know that you messed up some of the lyrics. 

Oh, EXCUSE ME FOR GETTING THE LYRICS WRONG BUT THERE IS STILL A GUN POINTED AT MY FACE??

“Why is the zombie missing a hand?”“You know that is just…really strange. What can I say? Zombies man crazy stuff—”“Your bag is moving.”

“It might be useful!”“Why the everliving fuck would we ever need a zombie hand?”“Zombie handshake?”

Yeah so you know that hand that you told me to throw away? I kept it and, turns out, it’s still sentient and additionally it’s working as a compass and I’m pretty damn sure it’s leading us to the homebase of the horde.

This is why nothing ever good comes out of stealing undead limbs. (this is the stupidest prompt I’ve ever written but I made myself laugh okay)

Okay, before you kill me for trespassing on your territory consider this - zombie translator. 

“That’s not a real thing.”“Listen, I’m a professor in phonetics and language with a phobia of blood and zero athletic ability. How the fuck do you think I’ve survived this long?”

Yeah I totally made that up - say I’ve got about three days before they execute me. 

“No, NO! You can’t cut my leg off, you can’t!”“Listen, it’s either you cut off this leg or you fucking die so make your mind up real quick.”

That was about horrifically gruesome and disgusting as I thought it was going to be. 

We were bored and decided to play a rather dangerous game of hide and seek with our recently turned zombie friend. 

“Are…are they playing hide and seek? With a zombie?”“And I thought we were the weirdest people left after the apocalypse.”

So you’re telling me, we spent two YEARS dealing with your “picky diet” and dealing with your random ass rages where we have all almost died several times and have finally FINALLY found the cure to your zombism. And you’re telling me, you don’t even want to try it?

“Zombie life isn’t actually that bad you know. I feel like I’ve really opened up as a person and you guys are just close min— WAIT WAIT NO STOP IM SORRY IM SORR—

silvaze for the ship thing!!

thank you friend

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you:

How do much do I ship it?: Never heard of it/ Notp / Dislike / used to ship / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / IS IT CANON YET?

THEY’RE GREAT I LOVE THEM Sega have them interact more please this is a matter of life and death

What non sexual activities do they like to do together?

They like gardening together (that’s canon too, IDW is doing shit right) and also good old fashioned cuddling once they’re not fighting for their life anymore

Who does chores around the house?

They share bc they were both raised right. Also after surviving in a hellish landscape they both know how to do stuff and how to rely on each other so it was natural for them.

Who’s the better cook?

As for the previous point they both know how not to starve but I feel like their food wouldn’t be...that great...Blaze would probably try to be lawful good about it and follow recipes and stuff before accidentally burning something, while Silver would go balls to the walls and create concoctions that vary from disgusting to culinary masterpiece  bc he’s very enthusiastic

Who’s the funniest drunk?

Probs Silver but mostly it would be hard to get Blaze drunk so nobody would really know what she’s like drunk. Once Amy Rouge and co manage to have her down a few drinks on a girls night out they will know just what kind of karaoke-singing, bad-decision-making drunk gal they unleashed.

Do they have kids?

I love giving fankids to every Sonic ship and I think these two especially would make great parents...so soft...so fiercely protective...Not a herd of children tho, maybe two or three

Do they have any traditions?

I honestly think they would celebrate not only birthdays, romantic anniversaries etc but also the day they were reunited after Blaze’s “death”? Not some grand thing, just acknowledging how lucky they’ve been and appreciating what they have

What do they fight about?

Silver is a reckless, naive feral baby who always manages to get himself into trouble and Blaze sometimes keeps herself under too much control and is def more guarded than him. They clash about what these things entail for them in battle but also while meeting new people, sometimes ferociously, but they always find a solution and/or a compromise together in the end

What would they do if they found their paring tag on tumblr? (If they have one)

Listen I don’t fucking care keep my children away from Tumblr drama they would probably be perplexed at how people are attacking each other over stupid things when there’s so much good to do in the world

Who cried at the end of Marley and me?

Silver obviously. Blaze was a bit shook too but the hilarity of hugging a weeping Silver and patting his head like “there there”? Unparalleled.

Who always wins at Mario kart?

Blaze. For all that he’s used to gravity-defying situations, Silver keeps falling off the rails (yes, I’m projecting, I SUCK at Mario Kart)

One thing I like about this ship?

They’re both just so...good? It’s clear there’s mutual respect and they trust each other completely, and that their feelings are based on a deep, solid friendship. also they both baby

One thing I don’t like about the ship?

Every time I see them I remember this “friend” I had in middle school who introduced me to the fandom but was also utterly convinced that Silver and Blaze were siblings (not even a sibling-like friendship, just biologically brother and sister) and would insult me if I dared say otherwise so yeah

The song I would say fits them?

No song I suggest could ever top Dream of an absolution but I quite like Giant by Rag’n’Bone Man and Calvin Harris for them bc it kind of reminds me of the way they get the best out of each other and help each other grow and save the world

A headcanon about the paring?

They met bc their mothers used to fight Iblis together and were of the habit to show off their babies’ skills like “oh yeah silver lifted a house with his mind yesterday” “that’s cute, blaze burned down the same house with just a glance afterwards” and in the background silver and blaze would just be doing the stupidest shit like eating dirt or crawling out to danger bc dumb feral kiddos

“Things about 7x07 I do not understand” or “A small study in badly written plot twists”

1. What did fake!starkbowl accomplish ? 

I love seeing LF die as much as the girl next to me, I love Sansa’s “... Lord Baelish?” and I love Arya’s “My sister asked you a question”. Seriously, I’m really happy that our girls were orchestrating this entire idiotic starkbowl ... but why though? How did that clusterfuck serve their plot to execute LF? They didn’t collect any evidence through it, they basically just accused him of all the things Bran saw through his tree magic and that was it. I can’t see how fake!starkbowl would secure the alliance of my man Royce and the Vale neither. They put LF publicly on “trial” and because no one cares about the little piece of shit, they got away with it. As awesome as this “twist” was, it was completely pointless and thus lazy writing. Arya and Sansa’s behaviour (it’s a bit unclear whether they’ve been putting on a show the entire time or not, but I’m inclined to believe they indeed did...?), did not, in any way, aid them in revealing LF’s crimes and killing him for murder and treason. All they needed was to get him in the Grand Hall and do the thing. There was no reason to lure him there by making him believe that Sansa was going to do the thing to Arya. I know D&D think they are so clever because of this, but this only proofs what awful writers there are. It’s not a good twist if the post-twist revelation doesn’t shed some light on the pre-twist behaviour. That’s just creating cheap tension. 

Now, because I love coming up with fix-it’s, fake!starkbowl could have been used for this in some ways: Either have LF make an attack on Arya’s life, catch him red-headed, Sansa denies any involvement and you have a reason to justify his execution before the Lords of the Vale. Or Sansa gets some concrete evidence from LF for his crimes, after she gains his full trust. But the resolution we got for fake!starkbowl makes no sense at all. Don’t get me wrong that scene was great, but you better not think about it. Or was Arya not in on it? Or was Sansa not in on it? But the attending guards and lords obviously knew about it? Did they? 

2. Why does Cersei threaten to back down from the truce? 

So, if I got this right Euron shitting his pants because of the wight was a ruse so he could take his fleet out of KL to fetch the Golden Company without raising any suspicion. Right? And Cersei’s grand scheme was to promise support and accept the truce, leading to Dalalala moving her troops to the north, clearing the way for her to take over. Then ... why does she refuse the truce after Jon Aegon, naahh “Jon” has a stroke (or keeps up his own ruse of appealing to Dalalala and twisting her around his little finger; after all he doesn’t know how Dalalala would react if he took back his “knee bending” in front of an audience)? Dalalala will not withdraw her troops if Cersei doesn’t (that was the whole point after all) and Cersei would have to fight against the exact opposition she was trying to eliminate with this move. If Dalalala had decided to leave, saying “fuck it, if Cersei doesn’t want a truce I’ll just have to call my dragons back to fry her ass”, then what? What was our beloved blond pyromaniac (the lannister one) do then? Cersei trying to convince Jon to remain neutral makes sense, getting upset about his ... “speech” makes sense, but she is jeopardizing her entire plan by leaving in a rage fit. It’s bullshit. 

3. Why does Bran think Jon’s, excuse me “Aegon’s”, last name is “Sand”?

Lyanna literally says “his name is Aegon TARGARYEN” in the flashback of the flashback we see Bran having 20 seconds after Sam corrects him about Jon’s bastard status. I mean, the information we gain through Bran contradicts the information he claims not to have when speaking to Sam. Or did Bran not understand what Lyanna said the first time like us? Btw, I still hate this fucking annulment. And I hate the name “Aegon”. Who wants to bet Jon has a different targ!name in the books (if he even has one), but D&D changed it because “Aegon” is the most coolest? 

4. WHY WAS CASTERLY ROCK EVEN A THING???? 

I know no one but me cares about this, I know, but the Unsullied taking the Rock, only to find out that Jaime has withdrawn all Lannister-troops to take Highgarden and be surprised by Euron burning the ships, only to magically turn up at Kings Landing two weeks later, bugs me as much (if not more) as any wight hunt, dragon pit meeting or boatbang ever could. Just because it’s a perfect demonstration for the short-lived, cheap, non-effective drama they’ve been throwing at our faces this season. This entire “plot point” didn’t influence anything. It was completely pointless and I hate it. They could have literally cut it, since they are whining about the reduced screen time. Didn’t Euron lay siege to Casterly Rock? Didn’t Cersei (or was it Jaime?) even say that Euron should win it back in no time? Wasn’t the plan to starve the Unsullied out, forcing them to leave the castle? Did Euron just burn the ships and leave? Did he give the Unsullied a ride a to Kings Landing? The last shot of Grey Worm was him being worried about the Ironborn fleet about to attack, which makes us worried about the Ironborn fleet who’s about to attack Grey Worm. Despite the teleportation that got Euron there, that is a rather nice setup for a story arc for Grey Worm, a character we’ve known for a couple of seasons now and had a very nice good-bye scene to get us emotionally involved into his survival. They could have spends a little bit of screen-time to show the dire situation he is in now, how it changes and how he does or does not get out of it. Having him suddenly show up in Kings Landing, without any explanation whatsoever how he got there or what happened is definitely in my top 3 of the stupidest “plot un-points” of this season. It’s typical for what bothers me about this season: They are only creating “dramatic” scenes with high tension, without embedding them in any kind of true arc.

5. What was Plan A to bring the Wall down?

It’s really convenient that Dalalala showed up with her dragons when she did and the Night King could adopt one to blow up the wall. How was he going to get through without it? Since undead Ice-Dragon seem to big a plot point to be a creation by D&D themselves, maybe that’s the point? That Dalalala taking her dragons to Westeros is the very thing making the Wall falling possible, when we’ve been hoping she would make it in time before the Wall falls? Maybe. I will let this slide, but had to mention it because of the irony. The hateful fucking irony.