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copper-dust · 1 month

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My ultra-thorough, borderline psychotic, song-by-song review of The Tortured Poets Department, Pt. 1

Some people have shared that they're interested in hearing my thoughts on The Tortured Poets Department and I have quite a few. I decided to review it, song by song, in order to give myself space to focus on some of the small details worth discussing.

My overall perspective is that I think it's a fantastic album, full of tiny details ripe for near-infinite parsing. There's an intricacy to the songwriting hear that begs for Talmudic study. Further, I think these songs were, for the most part, thematically unified enough to belong together on the same album. The theme is clearly one of books, storytelling, mythology and poetry, with dense references to a variety of authors, poets, songwriters and folklore. Even on her upbeat songs, like "So High School," Taylor is referencing Aristotle and playing with inner rhyme and Emerging from her highly private relationship with Joe Alwyn, Taylor has returned to her zone of excellence: high melodrama, bipolar extremes of emotion, desperate yearning and intense anger. Yes, she is a global superstar and holds the music industry in her fist--but my god, the songwriting is good.

My review is too long for Tumblr's character limit, so here's part 1, and find part 2 here.

“Fortnight” (feat. Post Malone) (Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff, Austin Post) I would encourage people not to search through this song for details about Taylor's specific relationships. I believe this song is a composite sketch combined with a work of fiction. Like most of Taylor's lead singles, it seems to have been chosen to appeal to the widest variety of people (rather than diehard fans), for its length (under 4 minutes, which makes it more appropriate for mainstream radio play) and because it represents the general theme and aesthetic of the album. I wouldn't have chosen it for a single, but then again, Swift never chooses her best song as the lead single. I think she likes to let fans discover the hidden gems! Like most of the songs on the album, it discusses a relationship gone wrong. Now, I'm not a Post Malone fan and I've never listened to his solo music, but I actually appreciated the small contribution he made to this song. My favourite moment is, "Moved to Florida, buy the car you want..." As for Antonoff's influence, it's pretty apparent from the beginning--repetitive beats, an electronic vibe, stripped down instrumentation. Antonoff and Dessner have this kind of McCartney-Lennon duo effect where you can tell exactly which songs were co-written with each partner. Antonoff is definitely the McCartney in this relationship, contributing more to the lead singles and music videos, while Dessner contributes to the fan favourites and slow ballads.

“The Tortured Poets Department” (Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff) I'll be honest-- the first time I listened to this song, I nodded along patiently until I heard "You're not Dylan Thomas/I'm not Patti Smith/This ain't the Chelsea Hotel," at which point I practically screamed. I LOVE that she's drawing on and acknowledging these influences (especially Patti Smith and Leonard Cohen, who I would argue is tangentially referenced.) When the bridge came around and Taylor swift "that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding" (in response to her unnamed partner placing a decorative ring on her ring finger), I felt stabbed in the gut. As a woman in her 30s, Taylor is really aware of the "ticking time bomb" and the pressure for marriage, and here she acknowledges that she WANTED marriage but it didn't work out. The lyrics of this song feel so intimate and personal that I felt almost embarrassed, like she was showing the whole world her underwear drawer. Still, if you pay close attention, there's an artistry and a craft to these lyrics that distinguishes them from mere diary confessions. Notice the flexibility of "Who else ____ you," allowing for Taylor to switch out the verb from "decodes" to "holds" to "knows" to "loves." She's always understood that listeners notice and appreciate slight lyrical changes from one chorus to another. Taylor was also willing to toy with us in announcing the title of the album back in February, and letting us wonder who the "tortured poet" of the album was, finally allowing us to discover that she is not the poet, but the exasperated amanuensis who wants out from pretentious and perpetually angst-ridden relationships. As an English teacher, I also enjoyed the double entendre of "Who else decodes you?" Obviously, decoding can mean solving a cypher, but in education, decoding refers to the process by which the brain recognizes letters and translates them into sounds. It's the fundamental process of reading, which connects back to the album's overall literary theme. As for the musicality of this song--it's a pretty typical pop song, with the trademark Antonoff beat and staccato verses. Some of us just love pop music, okay?

“My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” (Taylor Swift) From what I've seen online and heard from people I know, this song is quickly becoming a fan favourite. Honestly, this song is giving 1989 energy, and 1989 is my least favourite album. Just listen to that bridge It's ironic that Antonoff is not credited as a co-writer on this song, because it's a very Antonoff-sounding composition. I would also compare the bridge of "Toys" to the bridge of "Getaway Car," ("We were jetset Bonnie and Clyde, oh...") Further, I'm not a fan of the obvious Barbie references. It just feels... commercial, like product placement. When she sings, "I know I'm just repeating myself," I agreed a little too much.

“Down Bad” (Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff) I really love the extended alien metaphor of this song--I was imagining the adorable alien from Asteroid City. There's a Phoebe Bridgers influence present in Taylor's willingness to be a little weird in the lyrics of this song. As for the swearing, I think it was used effectively in a way that enhanced, rather than detracted, from the song (which is not always my opinion on swearing.) It's a fun beat that I can't stop listening to in the car. My favourite lyric: "They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about the existence of you."

So Long, London” (Taylor Swift, Aaron Dessner) "So Long, London" is full of both anger and grief, the kind of song only a woman who wants marriage and children and just lost six years of her late twenties and early thirties to a loser who ultimately wasn't willing to commit could write. Yeah, I'm "pissed off" on her behalf, and that's the strength of the song. This song references "All Too Well (10 Minute Version)" by referring to a relationship so dead that CPR can't resuscitate it. All these lyrics are set to a Trainspotting era muted synth that echoes just so, foregrounding the subtleties of Taylor's phrasing and intonation. I just know I'll be listening to "So Long, London" next time I'm enraged and grieving a breakup. P.S. Notice the clever application of a zeugma when Taylor sings, "I loved you for so long, London." A zeugma is a literary device in which one word with two distinct meanings is applied to two other words, which each rely on a semantically different meaning.

“But Daddy I Love Him” 5:40 (Taylor Swift, Aaron Dessner) At this point, it's pretty clear that "But Daddy I Love Him" is the "august" of TTPD. It's the fan favourite, and I won't be surprised if Swift later comes out with a music video for it, the way she did for "Karma." Note that it's probably not ideal for radio play due to being almost 6 minutes long, hence not being a single (it's also not the most characteristic or representative of the album.)The plucked guitar is signature Dessner, and the melody and vocals evoke early 2000s pop. Listen to the chorus of "Summer Sunshine' by the Corrs, or instrumentation of Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway." But what do I love about the song? It's iconic Taylor Swift---all deranged love, crazy infatuation, fuck you and pretty princess in the same package. The kissing-in-the-rain Taylor Swift of Fearless is back.

“Fresh Out the Slammer” 3:30 (Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff) FOTS would be my first cut. On its own, it's certainly a functional pop song, but FOTS can't compete with the better and more original tracks on TTPD. FOTS treads the same territory as other songs on TTPD that are more creative, more funny, more angry and more sad. That said, "wearing imaginary rings" is delivered just right for maximum emotional impact. I wish she had ended the song right on that line.

#the tortured poets department #music review #album review #taylor swift #long post

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booripley · 10 months

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ramblin about kirby stuff

ok so im replaying through superstar ultra again since its been a couple years and like... alright so im on helper to hero and i forgot that the final boss was just crystal wham bam???

i remember when i was a kid i always thought this was kinda weird as well. a real "damn why am i fighting them insteada like galacta knight or marx or smth" situation or whatever.

that thoughts STILL here nowdays too; outside of being a piss-easy reskin, why is this the final boss?

so strange to me

so strange

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tennco · 19 days

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now that im awake, kirby's return to dream land deluxe was fun. again im not sure if it really needed the switch treatment i think the original was just fine, and the added features don't really make up for it imo. but, aight, it looks nice i guess. i hadn't finished the original back then so this was a good opportunity to actually complete the game in its entirety.

magoland was a nice diversion, i usually don't pay much mind to minigames and such but the added missions made me want to play through them. some were better than others of course, and i do think that there's such a thing as way too many minigames. im sure they're more fun with others but, yeah, not much else to say. it's required for a 100% file so there's that.

magolor epilogue was surprisingly fun, it kinda reminded me of milky way wishes in a way, the way you unlock more abilities as you go through it, 'cept here you also get to boost them and make them more powerful. the focus on combos is a good concept, though at a certain point i just almost exclusively used the dash because it's busted lol. hits like a million times and does really good damage. it's a nice bonus for a remaster i guess. the new music is nice, though i wish the bosses were more than just remixed versions of the vanilla ones (except for the final boss of course). which leads me into..

the true arena adds in those new bosses, separate from the extra versions, which i feel bloated up the list a bit. it got kinda long for a boss rush. i'm not sure if the supply of healing items is different from the original, i would assume it is? even then i had to use some maxim tomatoes from magoland and, i feel terrible about it but i'm not doing it again for now, maybe in another playthrough.

the new abilities, sand and mecha, are really fucking good and really fun to use, that was really the highlight for me. borderline busted at times, both cover a lot of options and sand has the added benefit of having an invulnerable block (though you can't sidestep out of it). they also come with their own ability challenges which, are fine, mecha was a bit frustrating but overall not that bad. that was also my pick for the arenas btw and it performed fairly well (outside of my ability to dodge).

finally, though this is a complaint about the original game tbh, extra mode is just lame. half hp doesn't really matter when you still get a shitton of lives, it just makes the process longer on occasion, and the bosses aren't really that different from their normal counterparts. i get that they couldn't do a different character since, those are coop here, and i know extra is a thing in other kirby games too but, yeah it just isn't that different from the normal experience and felt more like a chore to get 100%

overall i had fun with it. i still think you can play the original wii game and get basically the same experience, this is not a superstar/superstar ultra situation where one is clearly the superior version, i really think they could've done a little bit more with it to make it its own thing if that was the goal. if it was just meant to be a simple remaster uh, again sure, it is what it is, it is the definitive version in that sense but again, not by much.

#tencotxt

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m4y4fun · 2 months

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Kirby Timeline (In my au)

Everybody turns human by this mysterious force ooooo (That’ll be explained later)

Kirby’s Dreamland

Kirby Right Back At Ya (Replacing Kirby’s Adventure and BOY lemmie tell you I changed up a whoooole bunch of stuff..)

Kirby’s dreamland 2 (Goes basically the same. I can spare extra details!)

Kirby Superstar (Mainly Milkyway Wishes)

Kirby’s dreamland 3 (Same as Dreamland 2)

Kirby Canvas Curse (I’m thinking about what happens here, but it’d be the same)

Kirby Squeak Squad

Kirby Mass Attack (Kirby and Daroach would definitely get closer as friends overall here.)

Kirby’s Pinball Land (Who doesn’t like a spinoff?)

Kirby Tilt n Tumble (Extra details can be spared)

Kirby and the amazing Mirror (I’m thinking of maybe giving each Kirby a personality of their own..I don’t know yet though!)

Kirby Super Star Ultra (Basically Revenge Of The King and Revenge Of Meta Knight)

Kirby and the Rainbow Curse (I have nothing to say here.)

Kirby’s Avalanche (Kirby learns to talk a bit better and more because he could barely speak in the first place.)

Kirby 64 / Kirby and the Crystal Shards (His love for his friends grows!!)

Kirby’s Epic Yarn (Abnormal Dees arrive! Abnormal Dees are the yarn Waddle Dees from Yin Yarn in Dreamland turned human. I’ll spare more details for sure!)

Kirby’s return to Dreamland (Plays out entirely the same, just a little bit more like the novels)

Kirby Triple Deluxe (Strengthens the bond of the destined rivals! I also mixed up quite. Bit here, but not too much!)

Kirby Battle Royal (Strengthens the bond with his favorite Waddle Dee!)

Kirby Planet Robobot (So much stuff is changed here, goodness..)

Kirby Test-Tubed (This is not a real game!! This is a game that I’m still thinking about. I can give details if anyone is interested!)

Kirby Star Allies (This is altered quite a bit as well! I can explain.)

Kirby Fighters 2 (Is mostly the same, except all four of the main characters bond a to closer than before!)

Kirby and the Forgotten Land (It’s all mostly the same here)

Kirby’s Return To Dreamland Deluxe (Merry Magoland is open! I can spare details)

And until the next Kirby game..I’ll add more!!

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shadowredfeline · 4 months

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Three in One Post

For my P-Pal’s memory of the Convention

That looks cool that his friend from his country who is also a good friend to me as well, manage to go to the Gundam Expo Convention. And Speaking of Expo Convention, I’m going to one as well. In 2 Weeks, I’m going to a Game on Expo Convention since I already went last time. What I was destined to do is I’ll be dressing up as a character and since I have enough money, I was gonna do a selfie with anybody that is coming to the convention. Which I bet it will be fun if Shadow and Lisa would like to go to the convention together. Especially when they bring Spot, Riya, Vanilla and Maxwell with.

And for my P-Pal’s Memory of Windows XP

Well I’m not a huge fan of XP when I remember their startup and shutdown sound drives me crazy, even during the middle of the night. But I kinda had nostalgia when I enjoyed playing some classic games like Pinball and Solitaire. But I still do play Solitaire since it does help with my anxiety and just put me at ease. Besides other puzzle games I played. And even with their Microsoft Paint which is different compared to Modern Microsoft Paint, which I don’t use often since I do enjoy using new Drawing apps, and I can still use Microsoft Paint if I were to do a Collaboration or to edit some of my photos. But I do like the wallpaper since Kirby Superstar is a really good game. I have played Ultra before like when my sister and I rented that game from Blockbuster. Man I miss that store so much! But I also played the original Kirby Superstar on Super Nintendo on one of the modern systems like Wii U and Switch.

And for my A-Pal’s on this day pic.

Yeah I remember that pic before. Especially since I am good friends with Krystal, but I haven’t seen her that much. But I never like being bullied at school either. Especially I never like getting abused or falsely accused by my teachers. Because School is like Hell to me. And that’s why I don’t need education, because I got Pac-man Fever. Which I play video games a lot. And every time one of the teachers yell “Excuse me”, then I would’ve talked back by being Link going “Well Excuse me, Teacher!” But I hope we won’t fall into that kind of trauma ever again. Especially if we try our best to move on and get over it.

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xkuja · 2 years

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So, about my activity here and other stuff on my mind...

I’ve debated whether or not to say anything about where I’m at, but people are asking. Which is incredibly sweet.

So writing has always been a kind of transient hobby of mine. It doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does for others. It takes a great amount of creative energy. And that’s creative energy I could be spending on other things.

At some point, writing here, being around here, began to feel like an obligation. And like I was letting people down if I took too long to reply. And it was only after I stepped away for a time that I realised it had gotten to that point. Turns out even my cynical ass isn’t immune to those feelings.

Other things have happened around here lately too-- An ex-friend turned out to be a mega ultra cheesy douchekebab (if you’re reading this, you know who you are, and if you want my input you should stay off this site this time, and we are not gucci). And some headcanons of mine got stolen... I can’t say I’m upset about that bit, just... side-eyeing. But that and the flow of drama has tired me out.

Dumb drama is all just standard fare for this site, but taking a break has been SO refreshing that if I did not have such a wonderful community of friends and followers here, I would just vamoose.

But... the stories I’ve made are too good. The friends are too good. And Kuja is eating my soul so what can I do.

So Im not leaving, I’m just never going to be as active as I used to be. Please be patient with me if you still want to write ; v ; I have original projects that will take priority. I will be happy to write on discord too, I’m likely to be more active there so yknow if you want to start something or invite me over or keep further in touch~ *fingerguns like superstar cop harry du bois*

Honestly I just wanted to vent. Thanks for following me over the years. xxx I hope you’ll stick around. but if not, thanks for all the fish xxx.

#|| Behind the Curtain ||#tl;dr ive met too many cool ppl here to vanish #but my activity isnt gonna be what it once was probably #there will still be art #thanks for sticking around

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thebindingofdragonshy · 6 months

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best gba/nds games?

sorry for the late response I was having A WEEK

anyways, objective best is not something I can do HOWEVER I can say my personal favorites.

Anyways, my person favorite GBA game was absolutely Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team. That game was my JAM and I would play it constantly. Like if I was on my GBA (I still have it in the house somewhere) there was a 99% chance it was that game. Sadly because I was tiny child and thus Bad At Games I couldn't really get to most of the post game content

As for NDS, there's a lot of DS games I liked, I'm going to say my favorite is either Kirby Superstar Ultra or Pokemon Black. Milky way wishes was my favorite sub-game out of all of them and I played it over and over, although great cave offensive was also a jam that I played many times. and Pokemon Black took me like forever to beat help I beat it over like 3 years because I got stuck at some point and didn't know how to progress. The musicals were fun and I played those a lot.

I wish I could name some hidden gems, but alas I don't remember most of the more obscure games we had. Although, there was this one Zhuzhu pets game on the DS I played a lot... Objectively speaking it's probably just servicable and not really *good* but I liked it, it was fun, I 100%'d it a couple of times. I don't remember the name sadly :(

#dragonshy answers

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lazygravez · 2 years

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my kirby headcanons. it includes morpho knight, galacta, the afterlife, dreamland, humans, kirby's species, dark matter, and more! its mostly worldbuilding

warnings for talks of extinction and weird bee biology. idk if anyone would need a warning for that but just in case

morpho uses it/they but doesnt care too much about their own pronouns

morpho knight isnt the only reaper, there are actually many reapers who guide the dead to the afterlife

morpho's duty is slightly different than most reapers, its job is to bring particularly stubborn and powerful souls there, whether they are actually dead and refuse to move on, or still alive way past they should be and have overstayed their welcome. for example: galacta knight (more on them later)

most reapers are invisible to the living and cant interact with anything in the physical world except for other spirits and the dead. morpho is the only exception to this

the butterfly form is morphos true form, and uses it when traveling and to blend in. the "puffball" form is used for fighting if need be. though its usually easier to just absorb the person and drop em off at the afterlife

they have no mouth. they arent alive so they dont need to breathe or eat food. instead, to gain energy they either rest up in the underworld or absorb the dreams of the living (i got this from the "fluttering dream eater" line)

speaking of not being alive, reapers are neither alive nor dead. think of them as spirits. the underworld is their homeworld, but most of their time is spent guiding dead and lost souls through the dimension inbetween the physical universe and the underworld. in rare cases they can be "killed"/eliminated from existence, like by magic, though they are always safe from harm in the underworld

there is only one afterlife. no heaven or hell

morpho was designed and created by the reaper higher-ups collaborating with a group of living people, long before the ancients were ever a thing. their goal was to make a powerful but stealthy reaper who could deal with the souls that most reapers couldnt handle. it is designed after kirby's species, chosen for their strength and long lifespans

morpho is intrigued by kirby. it's never seen such a powerful child, and he has the potential to do either great things for the benefit of the universe or become an unstoppable force of destruction and pain. luckily, hes a hero for now. but morpho knows heroes can take a turn for the worse... (more on that later). it sometimes goes to dreamland to check up on him and his unofficial mentors

morpho has realized that one day it may need to take down kirby, and it might actually fail. it has since started training a young spirit to fill in its place if need be. (PAPI!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!!)

i still need to figure out how to fit wapods into all this

finally we are at galacta knight. they use they/them. they were once a great hero who protected their solar system and many others, and deemed the greatest warrior in the galaxy. galacta and morpho would end up encountering eachother alot, because it would be there to take away the menaces that galacta would defeat. galacta would call them acquaintances, but they were really friends at some point. galacta formed a mini-crush for morpho, but it was neither confessed nor reciprocated

despite being usually surrounded by people and quite popular, galacta was actually pretty lonely. they developed anger issues from this and other factors

yes, galacta was one of the heroes who sealed away void termina. eventually, they became a great destructive force who couldnt be killed so they were magically sealed away. galactic nova is the guardian of their crystal prison, (got that from @/post-it-notes7) but can't refuse to grant a wish so thats why they can summon galacta when meta wishes to fight them in whatever that sub mode is called in superstar ultra

almost every nova machine is defunct by now, the ancients created about a hundred of them

void termina is the creator of dark matter and kirbys species, so after they were sealed away, the "puffballs" slowly started to dwindle in numbers. the dark matter species kept on as mostly normal because they can reproduce without void (more on dark matter later)

kirby's species are born from shooting stars that are created by void. they can take anywhere from 1 year to 4,444 years to hatch. (im keeping with the number 4 motif of star allies) the amount of time they spend in their star eggshell usually dictates how much stardust and energy they gather, leading to how powerful they become. kirby is the youngest of the species, being the very last one created by void before they were sealed to hatch, which is why hes so unkillable and strong. unbeknownst to him, killing void ended up making it so more of his species can't be born. luckily, void will reincarnate in a few hundred years

kirby eats and sleeps so much because of all the the energy he uses saving worlds

as far as she can remember, adeleine has never met another human :(. theyre are almost extinct. no one on popstar knows much about humans. poor girl will be so lost during puberty (shes about 8 right now)

the species who used to live in the forgotten land were humans. after elfilin/elfilis become whole again, elfilin gains all of fecto forgos memories, who could read the minds of the scientists experimenting on them. so elfilin can read and speak human language and knows more about humans than anyone else on popstar, and he's happy to help adeleine with her human problems after they meet (kirby introduces them to eachother. elfilin uses he/she/they

most species on popstar live longer than humans. for simplicity's sake, popstar years are the same as earth years. kirby's species live about 12,000 years, and right now hes still very very young. waddle dees and waddle doos live about 120 years

speaking of waddle dees/doos, i have some hcs for those. they are very social creatures who often live together in groups. they are born in litters of 2 to 3, and are raised by 2+ adult dees, even if they arent the parents. dees are native to most regions of popstar. dededes species is native to the very cold southern regions of the planet (cuz theyre penguins). same with chillys (chillies?)

the planets from kirby 64 share a solar system

in dreamland the culture comes alot from waddle culture, because they're about 60% of the population. they are taught to work hard early so you can relax as much as possible later

0 and 0^2 are separate beings, just cuz i wanna have more eyeball creatures lol. neither of them are leaders of the whole species but both are a leader of their own respective dark matter colony

dark matter colonies have one "queen" like bees, but they have no sexes and no genders. dark matters are created asexually by the queen of the colony, and are born with barely any sentience or personality and their purpose is only to follow orders. as they mature, they gain more of a mind of their own and personalities, goals, etc. based on what theyre exposed to. they are born as the dark blob with orange "wings" but as they grow they develop into different shapes with limbs to better suit what they do. they rarely have more than one eye

0 and 0^2 are from the same colony, making them siblings in some way. their queen was merciless and destructive to their own kind. 0 and 0^2 were raised as queens behind the government's backs for the purpose of later rebelling against them. 0^2 is named with the "2" part because they were a backup in case something happened to 0. eventually, the two overthrew their queen together. 0 took over the colony and cast out 0^2, who created their own. this one ended up becoming larger and more successful than 0's.

a queen dark matter is created when fed enough "royal jelly" like bees.

dark matter rarely die for good and move onto the afterlife, because their goopy corpses are recycled to create new dark matters that start from square one. queens cannot be recycled

theres a common misconception that all dark matter hate light. this was caused by a queen who hated light and sought to destroy it all, taking over and destroying every sun and flame possible thousands of years ago. im working on a design for them but im not sharing it, but they have a huge sunhat with a curtain for their face. this light-hating-queen also tried to create an amalgamation of dark matter and the skeletal remains of their enemies, then they were raised to despise light so they could do some more work on snuffing it out. this group of goopy skellies eventually rebelled against the colony and became known as: THE SKULL GANG!!!!!!!!! i love tying headcanons together

dark nebula is dark matter and from another ancient colony. like 0 and 0^2, they were created with the intention of being a queen that would rebel against cruel rule. they were taught pyromancy, electromancy, and cryokinetics by some experienced elders who had travelled to many different planets. when the current queen found out about nebula, they had nebula killed, and had to be dragged to the underworld by morpho. because of their ruling instincts, nebula took control of the underworld, which had no current ruler. i still havent worked out how they managed to get trapped in a chest. the reason the dark nebula boss fight was so easy was because they had not yet returned to full strength has being in a tiny magic box for years

dark matter blade is from 0's colony, and was instructed to only go to popstar to collect info on it, but went overboard and possessed dedede to take control of dreamland

gooey is also from 0's colony. i have no other headcanons about him but id just like to say that i love him💙

marx is half noddy half scarfy (got this from @/its-quakey), both are also native to popstar. noddies sleep 16 hours a day, and scarfies are nocturnal. so marx's sleep schedule is very messed up and he needs more sleep than he actually gets

there is no homophobia, transphobia, or misogony in the kirby universe. i wish i could say the same thing about racism, colonialism, and xenophobia but planet robobot happened

meta knight is the equivalent of 35-ish human years, and he basically has the same backstory as in the anime. hes also trans, and his transition was simple because kirbys species has no sexual dimorphism. and his wings are separate from his cape

meta knight barely remembers being raised with his own kind, and wishes he knew more about their species so he can teach kirby

🤍dats all for now🤍

#kirby series #kirby #headcanons #edit: fixed an error in a sentence that made it impossible to understand

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wingsofelysium · 2 years

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Had a dream about a fictional Friendlocke season that took place inside a cave world.

This season took place inside a giant cavern region with crystals on the walls and minecart tracks and stuff. There were also small billboards near every town that showed chat. The game was also being played in VR. Before you ask, this VR did not kill you IRL when you die in the game. Everyone playing somehow also had an intuitive knowledge of how to move their character.

The starter was Claire, who was a dull purple feathered raptor Pokemon that could evolve twice like a regular starter. Either Rock-Flying or Ground-Flying given her weakness to Ice.

Early on, Salty discovered that harnessing the power of chat/chat itself could ask for divine favors. The first action with this power was to guarantee that Mikey was on the next route. Mikey would be what I can only describe as a giant brown pill bug until his death. He never evolved but had the potential to.

Eventually, Claire was the sole survivor and had to choose between two Ultra Wormholes (That looked more like Super Mario Galaxy black holes) on the ceiling of the final area. By this point the divine favors were being used exclusively to fill Salty's bag with edible pokeballs for him to stress-eat.

The wormhole in the direct middle was a soft gold and had no preview of what was on the other side. The wormhole to the right of the first was light blue and gave a preview of a surface frozen hell covered in giant ice shards and crystals. Think Galacta Knight's arena from Kirby Superstar Ultra. It was also mentioned that if Claire entered this portal that she could find and rescue her fallen friends.

Claire chose the gold wormhole and both her and Salty ended up in an alternate timeline version of the region she was just in. Aside from the many minor differences between the regions (Given that their chat was still displaying it can be assumed that this was an in-game dimension), this alternate one had their own Friendlocke that took place at the same time as the first one, with 3 notable details:

Instead of a raptor Pokemon, Claire was a lion Pokemon that most closely resembled a red Solgaleo. Probably fire type.

Red Claire died between the second and third gyms and became something called a "Vengeance Beast" that was hostile toward Salty's party and remained undefeated until the end of the season.

This season was a failure.

Once again, Claire was sole survivor. Due to shenanigans involving two Pokemon of the same person interacting, both Claires had fused together the moment Vengeance Beast Claire fainted. This time, she chose the light blue gate and ventured into the ice hell with the hopes of bringing back her friends.

She died minutes into being in the ice hell without rescuing anybody.

#friendlocke #saltydkdan #had a dream #citisstreets

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lowder-the-koopa · 2 years

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"What you see is what you get! Just a guy that loves adventure! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!" — Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic Adventure 2

"No, you're wrong! I only fight when I am forced to protect the world from those who would pit machines against man. I believe humans and robots can live in peace!"―Mega Man tells Sunstar his motives, Mega Man V

“You should know, I don't intend to try very hard.” —Larry Koopa, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions

Here's the art I did for the Lowder-verse but separate from that. I would include the other two but they're more OCs than official. I'm still have to finish the remaining Showa Ultras. Also, I now am doing them in color because it looks better. I'm gonna start doing more art for other franchise that aren't limited to Toku because I have a lot of other interests and want to do what I like.

#my art #sonic the hedgehog #megaman #classic mega man #mario #super mario #larry koopa

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upalldown · 1 year

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SZA - SOS

Second album of r&b pop from the Solána Imani Rowe with guest appearances from Phoebe Bridgers, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Travis Scott, and Don Toliver

7/13

Emerging more than five years after her debut album Ctrl (and three years later than it was first announced) it’s been a long, odd wait for SZA’s second album SOS – to the point that over the past couple of years SZA seemed to even have a vague public spat online with Top Dawg record label boss Punch about getting it out there.

That’s a bad sign, right? Within forty-five seconds my first thought about this excellent album is the same as my concluding thought will be, an hour later: Solána Imani Rowe is a world class talent – one of the very best – and she’s not getting good enough service. Quite apart from all the horrible exes and bad shags and treacherous frenemies strewn across the songs, in real life SZA’s not being protected well enough by the business folks around her. And maybe the insecurity of that corporate failure is starting to poke through the surface of some otherwise phenomenal music.

It’s not like SZA vanished into the gap between albums. She’s not the Stone Roses. She has an Oscar nomination for her Kendrick Lamar collab ‘All The Stars’, from Black Panther. She’s guested on a pile of hits and kept the big singles coming, over the years. She’s done all the necessary social media teaser nonsense and fully embraced the hyperreal, ultra-branded expectations placed upon a modern pop superstar.

Then a month ago we got the blood-soaked body-swap psychodrama video for ‘Shirt’, co-starring LaKeith Stanfield. The song’s slow groove and aching, upswung melody belied the pace and high fantasy violence of the visuals. Even ‘Shirt’ had been long teased – fans got snippets of it online way back in 2021.

Now the album finally lands and it’s enormous. SOS is twenty-three tracks long and sonically it sprawls all over the hood. From low to high, clipped to soaring, SZA’s vocals are icily superb and her overwrought writing is vivid throughout. These progressive, ambitious melodies act like stitching to hold together the patchwork of an exceptionally diverse approach to genre and production. SOS hops around like mad. And in that context, with such an open-minded attitude to style and form, SZA deliberately – aggressively, even – forces herself into the chaotic centre, to become one of those backbone artists, whereby the music will pay service to her vision, not the other way around. It bodes well, because clearly she could sing just about anything.

Apart from slow grooves, electronic pop, and hip hop structures, there’s also a loose-limbed indie acoustic sensibility brought to quite a few of the songs. On a lot of R&B pop records those attempts at a token four-chord indie strum are the awful weak points (Lizzo’s lame-ass ‘Coldplay’ definitely shouldn’t have made the cut on her album, for example). By contrast SZA’s performances and lyric writing in that boring genre easily stand firm. It’s like she knows how to use (and abuse) white boy floppiness so effectively, it gives the harder, deeper stuff even more power.

Last week she told Billboard that because she grew up around white people, in musical terms, she accessed that kind of sound earlier. She’s having to consciously shift direction towards embracing artifice, from where she considers the ‘natural energy’ of her roots. SZA says “I wanted to be, like, crass. I’ve created the person I wanted to see in the world.”

So how does she pull it all together, especially over so many tracks, without SOS becoming bland mainstream mush? Aside from vocal variety, she does it with some truly exhausting emotional content. However dazzling it can be, SOS is often a murderously miserable record: broken-hearted, emotionally chaotic, confused and traumatised. It’s a record about desperately, unwisely, clinging onto some of the worst shit ever. A record about still having the horn for men who long proved they’re disgusting. SZA navigates such power juggling, the stupidity of fame, her broader self-knowledge, with the vicious aplomb of a daytime reality TV show, where the ratings spike when there’s a fight.

‘Blind’ for example, could be the lightest of finger-picked acoustic meanderings, except her staccato lyric slices it up.

Hey, my past can’t escape me My pussy precedes me My, my, how the times change I’m still playing the victim And you still playing the ‘pick-me’

You still talkin’ ‘bout babies And I’m still taking the Plan B

There was this one moment in that violent ‘Shirt’ video where, after abandoning her partner-in-crime (or alter-ego) to get cut to pieces by white-coated paranoia avatars, SZA’s character, now alone, suddenly turns and shoots round after round into an empty alley wall. Then you realise she’s murdering her own shadow, which detaches and drops dead onto the ground. The moment is gone in a flash – it’s a small detail. But listening to SOS (trying to get my head around all the hard dirt being uncovered), I think how apt and emotionally indicative that short scene was.

SZA represents herself shockingly often as a kind of shadow of herself in moments of death and of liberation, both at once. In the slightly Eminem-ish ‘Kill Bill’ her narrator briefly pretends to herself she’s okay with her ex and his new girl, while also pondering killing him. A therapist may try to distract her (impotently) with the notion of other guys, but no, by the final chorus she’s inevitably done the job and offed them both.

‘Nobody Gets Me’ is another heartwrekt indie ballad that comes off like a spikier Lana Del Rey, with a similar use of edgy post-millennial language to undercut what could otherwise be a soul ballad. The sentiment may boil down to “nobody gets me but you,” but the first verse has this ace summary line –

You were balls-deep, now we beefin’

That’s SOS in a nutshell. Like the shot-dead shadow, SZA liberates and destroys herself easily as blinking. She repeatedly sums up the whole in neat, seedy phrases. There are so many beefs here, it almost gets silly. The problem isn’t that the sheer scale of harshness and loneliness with exes, new partners, business acquaintances, whoever, is draining (though it is). The problem is that she skitters around all those feelings so quickly. One senses – and hopes on her behalf – that it’s not real.

‘Special’ splices flavours of Alicia Keys’ ‘New York State Of Mind’ to the self-loathing of Radiohead’s ‘Creep’. The craft is showing, so is she making it too obvious? I don’t actually enjoy this much apparent self-loathing over the course of a long record, so if there are clues that it is song-craft, rather than self-excavation, then I’m heartened. In conversation, SZA is acute about distinctions between reality and persona, which gives a reassuring clue that at least some of it is performative.

This is how I start to wonder if outside forces have, for a while, tried to manipulate her public character to present as ‘troubled’, or an antihero, while SZA herself is pushing in another direction, at least for now.

Talking to Billboard again: “That’s like my biggest goal right now, is to learn to enjoy myself and be happy.” She says, “I know that I’m blessed and I have a lot of opportunities, but I don’t know, am I building myself, like chasing after superstardom? I don’t know if that’s sustainable for me, or for anybody. It’s all so scary. I hate being on camera. I hate talking because I put my foot in my mouth a lot. It’s not like the album pressure, it’s just like life is fucking hard and to be expected to do anything at a high level while life is life-ing is fucking crazy. And then you’re supposed to be a nice person on top of that!”

Artists fretting publicly about putting their foot in their mouth is another red flag.

Meanwhile, before even listening to ‘Ghost In The Machine’ I’m annoyed that Phoebe Bridgers shows up on SOS at all. Bridgers is becoming so incredibly ubiquitous on other folks’ records, it’s starting to have the opposite effect than intended. I love her music and some of her own collabs and cover versions (she nailed Bo Burnham’s ‘That Funny Feeling’ for example) but right now she brings a kind of magic indie countercultural ‘good for business’ aura that everyone covets a piece of, regardless genre or artistic vision. I accept this is my British snobbery: the Americans simply don’t think like we do, when it comes to having a celebrity pal on an (ultra-hip, genre bending R&B electro pop) album, who was already a guest on five other records this autumn, including the solo album of the singer out of fucking Mumford & Sons. That’s on me, though.

Then suddenly ‘F2F’ (which Lizzo has a writing credit on) spins another sonic one-eighty, taking a similar horny-sad theme but sounding so much like a basic alt-pop jam (complete with fuzzy guitar stop-starts) that it could be Olivia Rodrigo, or even Maisie Peters. Miley Cyrus would slay this tune. It may be the album’s most plain upbeat moment, though the chorus is “I fuck him cos I miss you.”

It’s true for many artists but especially true here: if you dig SZA’s dextrous voice and don’t mind a load of misery, you may easily (and rightly) fall in love with SOS. I’m adoring her instrument and all the heady iconoclasm. She makes tough singing sound so easy, one can miss the tumbling journey of it all, and fail to notice the heights she’s reached along the way. And of course, it’s only because of that vocal talent and these lyrics, that the audio production can throw itself all around the park.

Also, because SZA can spit too, I think she gets bracketed too closely to the hip hop universe, when her actual vibe is so much broader, and leans nearer to the psychedelic adventures of FKA Twigs, alongside the minimalist, nihilist pinup tendencies of Del Rey. Nihilism is key. It’s starting to do my head in how much nihilism and vengefulness are centred in this modern pop, presented as though that’s somehow a more truthful part of our emotional experience than, say, the simpler ups and downs of lust and loss. A question I can’t figure is: is it self-disempowering that she embraces the tropes, or the opposite?

If there’s a failure in SOS it’s how monumentally hard it tries, as if the non-creative people around the artist are still demanding more, or demanding different, or trying to control the creative output, to a point that risks slaughtering confidence and maybe results in the desperate scattergun shooting of one’s own shadow.

A brilliant, clever, broken junkyard of an album, often compositionally and melodically so gaspingly good, I’ve completely fallen for large chunks of it. Yet at times (too many times) SOS risks coming off like self-exposing fan service for the lowest common denominator of the TikTok succubus mob. It’s too long. It may be two great albums. I might have a go at dividing the tracks myself. And this is an odd conclusion to draw from listening to a record and doing a bit of casual online reading about an artist – but I’ve ended up where I started, with a snowballing worry that SZA has enough greatness to be still higher up the food chain, and what she needs and deserves is better service from the business plods around her. So they tell her less and listen to her more. So they help her stop worrying about herself and better trust the value of what she already contributes, which is both bloody and golden.

youtube

https://thequietus.com/articles/32478-sza-sos-review

#sza #sos

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jellypumpkin · 2 years

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I posted 4,424 times in 2022

137 posts created (3%)

4,287 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@divinespanking

@delusion-of-negation

@cantabilechaos

@lilli-sturmreiter

@memecucker

I tagged 695 of my posts in 2022

#joshi puroresu - 191 posts

#maki itoh - 38 posts

#mina shirakawa - 26 posts

#natsupoi - 16 posts

#tam nakano - 16 posts

#maika - 14 posts

#natsumi maki - 12 posts

#unagi sayaka - 12 posts

#saya iida - 10 posts

#youtube - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and even when you're finished you can still get enjoyment out of them because you can pose them you can change what weapons they're holding

My Top Posts in 2022:

It is a tragedy that there was never an adaptation of Frankenstein staring Peter Steele as the monster.

7 notes - Posted September 12, 2022

I love Final Fantasy 4, and in particular the DS remake, but the decision to make the Namingway quest, which, if done properly follows the progression of the main quest, hinge on you getting an item with a 0.4% drop rate before a certain point or else the planned progression utterly falls apart is one of the worst decisions I've ever seen in a video game.

7 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

My life force is sustained by looking at androgynous men with pink hair and exposed thighs.

8 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

A new name for Mr. John "Johnny" Onyx Superstar Blaze Spade Nitro Morrison Mundo Impact Ultra Blackcraft Drip Drip Caballero Hennigan!

10 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Just found out that in the manga Leigharch snorts coke and suddenly his character makes way more sense.

11 notes - Posted April 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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heffrondriving · 2 years

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- ̥۪͙۪˚┊ ❛ why love myself (when i found you instead?) ❜ : ̗̀❥ james × jett ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

: ̗̀❥ RATING: G // WORD COUNT: 5,710 // CHARACTERS: jett stetson, james diamond // TAGS: one shot, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff, slice of life, grocery shopping, domestic bliss, idiots in love, established relationship, schmoop, jealousy, protectiveness, insecurity, himbo boyfriends, prompt fill, jett-centric, i.e. a sad mad (smad?) jett lowkey adhd-monologues a whole loooot

: ̗̀❥ inspired by the song Glitter Times by Waterparks and dedicated as ever to the wonderful @cvsmicbaddie1 💜

: ̗̀❥ [Part 5 of Cupid Got Us F♡cked Up]

❝ so when you go, trap the feelings we both know, line your ceiling love you so rough it burns my bones yeah, when you go, leave those feelings home alone, busted pieces... ❞

The grocery trip wasn’t going out as well as Jett had hoped, and he was seething mad.

No, it wasn’t because he and his dumb boyfriend had wasted thirty minutes in the dairy aisle shivering and locked in a pointless heated debate about what kind of milk to get (James wanted plain oat milk—talk about Stuart Snooze!—but Jett wanted to try out this schmancy Japanese mushibou-gyuunyuu milk made from rice that was a million times healthier and was loaded with vitamins from A to Z and could probably extend your lifespan by like a good ten years or something, which they were so gonna need if they wanted to preserve their ‘best-looking people ever’ status). Or the fact that the gawky-faced teenager manning the checkout counter hadn’t been broken in on how to input simple coupon codes and nearly cheated Jett out of a good deal—seriously, 40% off on Le Labo hand soap and a free box of ultra-soft makeup tissues? That was a SuperStore steal!—if the scowly bearded manager with the unwashed apron and Hail Mary keycards hadn’t shown up to perform his pre-lunch break miracle (even with his reclaimed freebies, Jett still unfortunately had to use James as a human buffer to keep McNotLovin’It dude’s ick from spreading to him, as he made a mental note to cleanse his boyfie with palo santo and lavender incense later before he let him step a single cursed foot inside the apartment). Or even the disastrous fact that the flimsy paper bags ripped apart just as the couple had finally exited the premises and mister caveman-handed Diamond had to duck back and ask for some new ones, leaving one extremely miffed super actor superstar to chase after and pick up the tumbling products that had long-found their way to the disgusting confines of LA’s sidewalk gutters.

At that point, Jett’s life was just trying to be some sitcom. Some unfunny, sound effect-riddled, cheap cardboard sitcom that certainly didn’t deserve to have an A-list celeb such as bien à vous anywhere on its tiddlywinks show roster. If he heard that stupid disruptive uh-oh-oh song playing anywhere at all, he was seriously going to lose it and commit unspeakable acts of gorgeous violence (like how he played his role as a gorgeously evil half-wizard, half-demon in Witches of Rodeo Drive, but like, minus the star-spangled robe costume and zappy lightning magic and for realsies this time).

All of these consecutive troubles only really left the weary actor to wonder, not for the last time in his grievous life, why he even allowed James to tag along with his important shopping duties when he was perfectly capable of doing it alone without any added hassle. Sure, Jett could also just assign the weekly grocery list to his saintly agent and have her toss the task off to another lackey who’ll take care of everything without him having to lift a finger or touch the money with hideous old men in it, but he quite liked the rigmarole of this mundane ritual more than he’d openly admit, and he just couldn’t trust some unpaid intern to choose the perfect quality ingredients for his delectable recipes. Besides, Jett wasn’t about to pass up any easy opportunity to get all suavely styled up for the weekend and fatten up his paparazzi portfolio with candid photos of how glamorous and yet still smashtag relatable he was—tweenies and tryhards on ScuttleButtr ate up that kinda lifestyle press, after all.

James also had a big day off from howling in his papa dog’s studio today and an even bigger heart for wanting to help out...but that heart was unfortunately as sharp-witted as its biggest idiot owner and always ended up klutzily knocking the last seven letters out of assistance, no matter how desperately James wanted to spend his time with the amazing Jett ‘Sexyman’ Stetson enough to lap after his heels and do him all these spare domestic favours.

Which fine, Jett can’t really fault anyone for that, he liked having some (or lots of) extra muscle around and he was just that amazing after all—but he could, however, still fault James for the rest of this grocery pickle (no, not the ones that just did an Olympic-sounding splooshy dive into an open manhole). Matter of fact, why was the amazing Jett Stetson the one out here actively making a fool out of himself trying to play catch the freaking street cabbage anyway? For crying out loud, he was so not gonna make his super special cherry tomato couscous salad with cholera-infested chickpeas and sewer-tangy feta cheese!

Though, all things considered, their time at the grocery store was all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows with a bearable side of bickering and business as usual. Surely a few lost purchases was the far ideal outcome than say, James’ rabid hockey hound besties making a surprise cameo and ruining their lovely day out together with some ‘brilliant plan’ that would inevitably burn down the whole establishment and get someone’s troublemaking butt carted off to the nearest LAPD station. But Jett found that it was always simply getting back home afterwards that was the hardest part of going out.

After all, he was going out with James Diamond, a looker and a stunner and a charmer all around, cicely smiles and a carved physique and a crooning voice that could haunt kaleidoscope daydreams and velvet-lined palace hallways alike. Whenever the heavens rained down to bless their horizons with affection, James always got soaked to the bone and still had enough space left to drown the ocean. Flitting spotlights and starry eyes couldn’t get enough of him, and neither could Jett—even if most of that irresistible attention came in patronising backchat and lethally exasperated doses (and sometimes sneaky kisses). Still, like the contrary was god’s gracious truth, maybe the actor should also count himself pleasantly lucky to be with such a spectacular trophy boyfriend for the crushers and the cameras...but then again, why should any other five cent vanilla-plain cretin be able to share the same four-leaf clover fortune as him?

It’s just not frigging fair.

No, it wasn’t some kinda weird obsession, whatever—‘cause people obviously obsessed over Jett, not the other way around!—but it was just plain common sense. Jett was more than used to getting attention. He doesn’t have to turn all choosing beggar for it like anyone else in this hack town, it was served up to him with a gold-flaked garnish and a lifetime supply of garlic breadsticks with an all-expenses paid bill, and that’s all part of the Stetson charm.

But when he was with James? As much as Jett hated to admit that he had met his match, the warning signs couldn’t lie when they were smacking into his forehead all over the city, reddening his vision and forcing him to pay attention to the attention that was supposed to be all his, now divided into measly portions. Wait, no, not just divided—it was like some dumb waiter with string worms for arms decided to draw the line between who was gonna get the bigger half and who was gonna starve for scraps.

Surprises, surprises, James always got his fill. And Jett was left feeling like the trophy idiot. It made him painfully sick to his stomach, that infuriating imbalance, feeling like he was somehow lagging a thousand steps away from James as they walked arms steadfastly looped and strides side by side down the bustling boulevards of Hollywood, Jett forced to take a backseat for once—even that alone was already unfathomable, unless he was being chauffeured around in his personal CW-provided limousine—and watch James’ hungry gravity suck every innocent passerby in, James Diamond in his best element and he knows it.

And he knows Jett knows it, too.

See, Jett wouldn’t give a sewer rat’s mangy butt otherwise. Have a bottle-blond boy draw down his pricey knockoff Ray-Bans for a ‘Cuda cool check-out and a sneaky snake-skinned wink or have a tropicana-fragrant girl flip her sundress and temptingly wiggle her fingers in the smoggy wind to the siren’s lure of a prospective date, fine, whatever—that was all standard shindig and fruit loops flattering. But seriously, did his jerkfaced Jimmy Dean really have to lay down the charisma card so thickly suffocating with polite affectations and keep going all showbiz talk-show to every sweaty stranger who stopped them in their tracks with a disgustingly-drawled beckon of his name?

One moment, James was holding Jett’s hand, tenderly rubbing his thumb over his boyfriend’s knuckles (a reflexive habit, it seemed, but an endearing one all the same), and juggling the stuffed paper bags in one cradled arm so he could stoop down to sneak Jett exasperated giggles and fleeting chocolate-chip kisses (James was one of those chronic post-grocery snackers, so Jett made sure to toss in some nice cookie treats or two in the shopping cart for him) as they talked about their plans for the rest of their treasured day off together; which resulted in the usual squabbles and tongue-in-cheek threats to shut up before the other’s cherry lips did the shhhhutting up for them.

But Jett can’t even enjoy that much, because everyone just kept getting in the way.

Have these rude litterbags seriously never heard of the side of the sidewalk? Trust the city of angels to be littered with devilish desperados looking for their next cheap thrill hit, carelessly sticking to boot soles and the roof of mouths like discarded cigarettes. Some frumpy Tweedledumb and their preening Tweedledork twinsy looking like Old Navy mannequins gone rogue, hanging around at CVS parking lots like their next illegal prescription fill depended on it always had a wry greeting, a smudged phone number, a halitosis-callous “ditch...whoever that total loser is you’re with and go out with me instead, why don’t you?” to sic upon James. Now Jett really wished one of the hockey hound besties would actually show up, so he could then sic them as an easy distraction for all the townie weirdos craning their necks out for a back-alley good time. Sure, Kendork might not fall for such a ruse, but maybe the helmet shortie terrier or poindexter nerd supreme could work well enough with biting off a couple ankles. Freaks, geeks, and wannabes were the new online trending topics these days too, wasn’t it?

James might kill Jett for it. Or James might actually have some spare brain cells in his elephant heart enough to understand that it was all a part of the fame game, just as much as Jett understood the best when to be a gracious gentleman and let someone else take the spotlight for once—nevermind that it was always inevitably going to get shined back to him. But this courtesy was saved for show premieres, press releases and junkets, and dazzling red carpet walks with fellow illustrious celebrities, not for some lame skeezebag with a pick-up line filthier than their fingernails trying to snatch up his man!

Jett couldn’t stand it anymore. His long-suffering pride absolutely would not stand up nor stand down for it, and he was on his last leg today. He could easily withstand a gaggle of fawning fangirls (‘big timers’ or ‘BTRmy’ or ‘rushheads’ or whatever the heck tacky title they called themselves—at least the Jett-Setters had a cool nickname to scribble all over the back of their lined notebooks) who wanted nothing more than an autographed Overeager Haberdasher headshot and a fantastical one-way trip into the esteemed James Diamond’s low-rise pants. Jett’s had some personal experience with that crowd himself, and more often than not, they were just some harmless little squawking ducklings with the occasional overexcited bitey oddball in between that a hefty bodyguard could easily handle.

But Jett would take that baby wacko wrangling any day of the week than having to deal with some disheveled unattractive rando shooting him the evillest eye that sent a cold shiver snaking down his spine and made him feel colder than getting trapped in a dairy aisle, while mister gross gawker pulled James’ ear real close and whispered something in it. Something slimy and deeply sickening no doubt, judging by the way James’ eyebrows shot up so high they disappeared into the luscious forest of his swoopy bangs. Even with all the various brazen flirtscapade moves Jett had witnessed against James today, that one was truly the lowest of shameless lows. If they handed out annual awards for Most Outstanding Creep, that stranger danger would win every single one without even having to show up.

But that wasn’t even the worst part of everything. Because Jett looked up from sulkily reshuffling his beat-up groceries for the nth time to witness James not immediately drawing back and defending his honour with a sword-fight (or maybe a more sensible shove-fight), and instead simply smiling his perfectly lethal smile as he made a firm grab for the man’s arm. And he leaned in uncomfortably close—making Jett crush up a handful of cherry tomatoes into bloody mush—and whispered something back, something that made the man’s sunken eyes bug out of their sockets as his jaw dropped to the floor and his Skeletor face burned red...even redder than the dripping fruit pulp that the enraged actor had slapped over James’ face in a rightfully aggravated fit. If he was gonna act like a clown, then he was gonna get treated like a clown.

The disgusting nerve of it all!

So no, it really wasn’t Jett’s best move. It was a move for sure, but causing a whole diva tantrum scene, dropping his crumpled grocery bag full of not-so-fresh organic produce for the second time that day, and abandoning James in the middle of the street with Abnormal Bates didn’t scream out superstar sophisticated—but what else was Jett supposed to do? Keep gritting his teeth and smiling politely to the ignorant vision-impaired plebians who didn’t have enough functioning brain parts to recognise and acknowledge his beloved presence? Keep letting those revolting schmucks get away with slobbering all over James as his clueless boyfriend did nothing but stupidly swallow their drip? Keep silently suffering through the blacktop-burning anger that blistered his perfect skin and made him feel hot and numb and shaky all over? Jett was gonna end up knocking someone’s pricey veneers out if he kept it up. Or vice versa, and he can’t get awesome acting roles and rock modelling his awesome movie posters with yucky dentures!

Jett didn’t know how long he ran for, didn’t really know where he was escaping off to, didn’t even realise he had curled up in some dirty alleyway next to an overflowing dumpster until the putrid smell hit him full-force and made him choke into nauseated rage and bitter laughter. Well, whatever. Maybe this was where he belonged right now—he was down in the dumps, after all. He’d laugh some more at his quick-footed wit if his twisted ankles weren’t actually killing him.

With a groan, Jett gingerly stretched out his feet, distastefully kicking aside a soggy takeout box as he did so. Really, he couldn’t have ran that far nor intensely to warrant such a kind of flaring pain. He seriously had to jump back on that elliptical. Or return to his weekly spin class with Anna-the-juice-cleanse-and-capybara-loving fitness instructor. Hopefully the wet market-smelling slimeball three stationery bikes behind Jett who kept ogling those unblinking fish eyes at him had finally decided to change gyms by now...

Jett’s begrudged musings were interrupted by a swarm of unidentifiable insects milling their way out of the discarded food box, as he started with a scream and curled himself up again and seemingly pulled fifty muscles in the process. Jett sighed resignedly. He was just so unlike his perfect baby blue boyfriend, who had the alarming workout ethic and brawny muscles of an ichor-guzzling demigod, who could compete in an Ironman marathon on a downright whim and win that first place red ribbon and sweetest Gatorade shower without breaking a single sweat, who could easily pick him up and carry him around like it was nothing and spoil him with supertastic cuddles like it meant the world and—

Jett only realised his grave mistake right as he felt someone’s brawny arms gently drape around him, the redolent smell of some toxic-man-branded ‘Cuda perfume, his favourite subtle spice aftershave, and the fresh sweetness of cherry tomatoes enveloping him and making his lungs hurt, hurt, hurt.

“Why are you still here?” Jett snapped, refusing to lift his head from his folded elbows. If he had to gander at that wide-eyed sad puppy dog look he knew all too well James was sporting like the latest Milan look, he was going to use the sheer brewing force of his evil will to zap him into a pretty-faced portobello mushroom (yes, very much like those meddling kids in Witches of Rodeo Drive). “You clearly don’t need me around!”

“Babe...what’s wrong?”

“I’m sick of people getting all upfront and personal and creep central with you! I’m Jett freaking Stetson, they should be looking at me, I’m amazing and gorgeous and like, the bestest superstar ever to exist in this slipshod city that I’m way too high-calibre to grace my brilliant presence with!”

“Seriously, is that it? You’re mad at me ‘cause I’m taking the attention away from you?”

“No, it’s because they’re taking your attention away from me, you dense idiot!” Jett’s tone had taken on a petulant whine, and he hated that he couldn’t help it. Just as much as James couldn’t help being so irritatingly...himself. After all, a good stupid heart got you some places, but stupidly good looks gave you the skeleton key to the entire world. Jett didn’t want to let himself open up like this, but James had to hear it from him sometime. If not now, then it would be never. “You crave all the attention and you get all of it whenever you want and from whoever you like and I wouldn’t care—but you also keep flaunting everything in front of me and practically shilling out VIP passes to your gunshow like you’re some kinda discount Oprah, and it’s really annoying! They don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve you.”

“Well, it’s not like I can really do anything about it—”

“Yeah, but you also don’t have to freaking enjoy it so much that you’re practically wearing me down with all the smarmy face-rubbing you’re doing!”

“Dude, seriously—ugh, look, believe me, I don’t really enjoy it as much as you think I do. And I swear I’m not trying to do anything like that to you like, at all.”

“Oh? Then why aren’t you acting like it?” Jett accusingly spat. “And seriously, why do you even like me, James?”

“What?!” James threw his hands up bewilderingly. “Where in the world did that come from???”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed by now or you’re just trying to play nice—‘cause you just love doing that with your innocent little boy act and shiny halo, huh?—but not a lot of people really like me. Sure, they adore me or fear me or obviously wanna be me but they never really care about me beyond that. And like whatever, they’re all just stupid jealous haters and unattractive losers who need lives anyway—but then maybe you shouldn’t have to put up with me, either. ‘Cause I hate fakers worse than plain jerks more than anything else, it’s so obnoxiously tiring. So. I’ll ask you again. Which one are you?”

“Jett, come on...we’ve been together for ages! What makes you think I’m still just faking all this?” James pleaded. “‘Cause if that’s the case, then I’m probably the best darned actor in the whole world and I deserve all the super cool awards and shiny trophies and stuff. But I’m not, you are. And if you’re asking me how I really feel about you, I can only really tell you one thing, and that’s I love you.”

“Yeah, you say that now ‘cause it’s what I wanna hear—but what if you fall in love with someone else, huh? You wanna settle for someone a lot less better than me? You’re gonna find your next love at first lousy sight and final happily ever after on these filthy streets and have your magical movie moment that even Hallmark wouldn’t freaking sell? And then what?” Jett’s shrill voice splintered into a thousand pieces, lodging in his aching throat and heaving chest and prickling his vision to a watery blur, smearing the beautiful image of James Diamond into bleeding bokeh lights. How easy it was to let him walk ahead and fade away, to leave Jett in this unknown alley stretching out to an obscure infinity so he can pick up his uglier pieces by himself and salvage what’s left of his shattered dignity somehow. “Then you’ll leave me too?”

“I’ll never do that even if you paid me a spajillion dollars,” James assured without hesitation, nuzzling his face on the crown of Jett’s head and planting small kisses all over it. Jett shivered lightly as the other boy indulgently breathed in the elusive fragrance of their latest experimental Tropical Coconut conditioner with shea deep moisture (Jett thought the packaging looked really pretty like him, James complained that he didn’t wanna smell like a beach, Jett called him an extremely rude rhyming word, and James gave up...well, after a little more physical persuasion). “And besides, what’s not to love? Like you said, you’re Jett freaking Stetson. You’re amazing and funny and super talented and surprisingly caring, and you can cook up exotic world-class dishes that could put every fancy-schmancy pricey restaurant in LA to shame, and you’re super smart with all those weird obscure history and fashion and culture thingies that even the genuisest person I know wouldn’t be able to catch up with. And yeah, maybe I get super annoyed sometimes, but that’s only because you’re also the best-looking person at the Palm Woods. Or maybe everywhere else you go, for that matter.”

“Well, duh!” Jett huffed with a bemused roll of his eyes, lightly beating a fist on James’ lap. “See, that’s exactly why I don’t even know why you bother with those scuttling street rats when you have me.”

“‘Cause they all want you too, it turns out.”

“...Come again for the big man?”

“You know what that crummy lowlife wanted from me? He was asking all about you, Jett.” James explained. “He said some really nasty things that he wanted to do with ‘your pretty friend over there’ if I did him a solid and introduced you ‘cause you way too busy with moping over the groceries to notice, and I had to very kindly tell him to shove off with sleazing out on my precious boyfriend before I put my pretty foot in ugly places the sun don’t reach. Believe me, I almost friggin’ did. I just can’t let anyone disrespect you or hurt you or speak about you like that, ever. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it...” he exhaled harshly and shook his head in resentment. “But luckily, you running off saved me from having to do anything really bad in the end, so there’s that.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah. And everything about this whole crazy sitch today, from our whole grocery shopping mess that was surprisingly fun to having to fight all those creeps away which was, well, not really so fun...all of it just made me even realise how much I don’t ever wanna lose you to anyone else.”

Jett didn’t respond. He couldn’t bring himself to, not without some oncoming embarrassing breakdown—and he’d had enough of those for one day, thank you very much!—so he settled for a sniffle instead. Maybe it was pathetic enough to sound cute. Or maybe it was the other way around. He couldn’t tell.

“I mean, do you know just how blessed I am to be with you?” James continued in an earnest whisper, lifting Jett’s chin to lovingly wipe off his cascading tears with the sleeve of his jacket. “That out of everyone you could’ve chosen, you went with me, James Diamond, the luckiest man in the universe? Do you know just how crazy you make me feel, babe? You make me feel so happy, so insanely wild for you, so much better everyday that I’m with you, and that’s never gonna change. As a famous pep-talking man always says, things like these come once in a lifetime, and I know that I’m in this for life. So no, I don’t care how many date-worthy people are roaming out there and asking for my number, ‘cause I’ll never feel anything as amazing as when I’m with you, and you alone.”

“Hmph...really?”

“Of course! You’re my boyfriend, my Jett-ski, the luuurve and liiiight of my life,” Jett scrunched up his nose at James’ unabashed cheesiness, making the singer laugh, “and I love you so much, and I’ll never stop loving you forever and ever, times infinity plus one. And I promise you with all my heart and soul and my awesomely smooth hair that I only have eyes for your gorgeous face, you sulky little idiot.”

“You better, or I’m poking them out with a kebab skewer—and it’d be a right shame, ‘cause you’ve got some pretty golden peepers on you and I’m gonna miss looking at them too.”

“I promise.”

“On your life?”

“What, the heart and soul and hair wasn’t enough for you?”

“See, I was almost convinced you weren’t gonna say something immensely annoying between all that glitter-sprinkled sappiness, which means that you’ve probably been replaced by an evil brainwashing skull-faced alien and then I’m gonna have to go all chew gum and kick butt on you.”

“Ugh, sure, I’m the one being annoying—and yes, of course on my life! On our lives together. And my lucky comb. And my cool white v-neck shirt that you keep stealing. And my gorgeously gorgeous washboard abs. Do you want me to go on? ‘Cause I could totally go on.”

“You honestly had me until that last part, which is a total lazy lie.” Jett snorted, poking at James’ stomach and making him burst out in a peeved giggle. “You’re starting to get all soft around the sides—I’m cutting you off from binge-watching Spanish telenovelas while scarfing those guilty pleasure Slap E. Cheese burger abominations with your sleepover besties before you turn all Stay Puft Diamond Boy on me.”

“Nah, that’s actually from you spoiling me all the time with your delicious home-cooking, ya big dummy,” James said, coyly spreading his arms wide open. “But does that mean you don’t want supertastic cuddles from your Jimmy Dean anymore?”

“I didn’t say that...” Composing himself with another tiny sniffle, Jett threw himself on James and smothered him in a koala hug, nearly knocking him flat on his back and onto the teeming insect trashopolis prospering on the ground. “And well, next time, you have to be super mean to literally anyone and everyone else who tries to get with you!”

“Ooh, you know I can’t do that, fuzzybumpkins. You know the paparazzi’s totally gonna tear me to beautiful confetti shreds if rumour gets out that James Diamond of wholesome boyband act Big Time Rush is a total jerkface to fans, and then the whole band’s gonna get in big time trouble with Gustavo and Kelly and big boss Griffin over all the bad PR, and we can’t really have that, can we?”

“Eh...who cares? You’re badly due in for an image do-over anyway, ‘cause the whole snoozy sweetheart show is really starting to go past its prime like rancid oat milk—anywayzies, haven’t you heard lately that bad boys and grunge gangs are making a surprising comeback these days?”

“Jett...” James sighed.

The actor pouted at his boyfriend’s hushed scolding, but slowly shook his head in begrudged understanding anyway. “Okay, maybe not then. But just remember that you’re mine, okay?”

“Awww,” James cooed, biting back a smug smirk, “I love it when you get all adowable and possessive with me.”

“Shut that little mutt mouth—and you’re still mine!”

“All yours forever, babe.” Jett felt James’ lips grazing his goosebumps-stippled nape, pleasantly warm and smiling with the quiet promise of forever, and Jett had no choice but to believe him. Curse his sneaky elephant-hearted charmer for being so good at making him fall in love again and again and still make it feel brand new. Being with James really was once in a lifetime, and Jett was deeply doomed and in it for life—on their lives together.

“Okay...the paparazzi’s totally not gonna...” Jett absently muttered, and gasped in horror once the realisation hit him like a charged clown slap to the face. “Were there any of them today?! Did you hear clicking cameras anywhere or see any E!News vans around?! Did they see any of this go down?!”

“Jett, chillax, I don’t think—”

“No, you don’t, but freaking listen to me—you may be fine with having a rowdy rockstar rep on blast, but I absolutely cannot have anyone seeing me, the amazing Jett Stetson, slap anyone outside of my show-stopping award-winning teen dramas—or—or even dumpster camping!” The shaken actor yanked his shirt collar to cover his face up to his nose and distrustfully looked around the dismal area, using his brawny human buffer to shield him from any potential showbiz vultures lurking around the corner.

“Hey hey, don’t worry—I’m sure we can take it on together,” James assured. “I’ve been through some way worse scandals before...like that song swifting thing with Kendall and Lucy, and Carlos and Logan accidentally terrorising street grandmas, and even Cher Lloyd getting real mad and going after my pretty face!” He threw in a mortified signature hand-face move for extra emphasis. “So we can handle it easily. And if things get out of hand, then...me and the boys will take care of it.”

Jett arched a suspicious brow at him. “Does your ‘grand plan’ for it involve low-level mischief crimes, weird crank calls and ridiculous costumes, and tacky tree hats?”

“Whaaaat??? Noooo, not at all, like we’re—we’re just gonna, y’know, haha...” a sheepish James coughed as he hastily knocked off the leafy headdress that had inexplicably popped up on him. “Like I said, don’t even worry about it, babe!”

“Suuure...”

“And seriously, I’m really super sorry I kinda caused all that trouble just because I didn’t pay more attention to you today. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but I was kinda busy fighting off everyone else who wanted the same thing with a limp baguette.”

“I’m really super sorry you didn’t pay more attention to me too, ‘cause I’m not the one who’s missing out here!”

“Clearly not.” James chuckled. “Anyway...you wanna get outta dodge now or what? This is sweet and all, but the paps still have a good chance of catching us in a bad spot and we’re not exactly in the best setting for this rom-com movie moment to sell to Hallmark...unless we’re secretly filming a segment for HGTV’s Double Dumpster Divers Week and you’re totally punking me hard with the dumpster camping right now. Which if you are, then it’s working, ‘cause well. This place seriously stinks.”

“I think that’s the nasty feral pheromones of all those milquetoast flirters and desperate chancers clinging on you, actually,” Jett snarkliy pointed out. “But we probably should go now, yeah.”

“After you, my darling.”

With a graceful flourish, James stood up and outstretched a hand to help Jett out. Jett accepted it and shrieked in surprise as James suddenly whirled him around, holding him snugly by the waist and dipping him low before bringing him back up in a tight embrace, laughing delightedly at his flustered state. Applemint-cool breaths tickling Jett’s mouth, James cupped his face and leaned in for a happily-ever-after kiss, but Jett interrupted it with a generous pinch of James’ cheek, making his boyfriend cry out in indignant protest as he profusely rubbed at his throbbing face, now red as cherry tomatoes (but minus the smacking application of said fruit this time around).

“Don’t think I’ve fully forgiven you, Diamond boy—you’re not gonna get away with your crimes that easy!”

“What can I do to make it up to you? I’ll do anything, I swear.”

“Well, I think I have a few good ideas.” Jett grinned toothily, ocean eyes crashing with the familiar tidal wave of mischievousness James had come to both dread and look forward to. With the amazing Jett Stetson, it was always going to be a surprise, but he knew James wouldn’t have the light and luuurve of his life any other way. “But first, we should probably get that rotten smell off you with a nice long bubbly bubble bath, then I’ll whip up a super special, three-course, hopefully sewer disease-free dinner for deux, and then you could show me how just much you’re mine, babe.”

With their scores and plans finally settled up, Jett softly kissed James and gave his flushed cheeks one last fond pinch before intertwining their hands to drag him all the way back to the Palm Woods, their haul of battered grocery bags threatening to fall apart again, their coupled cicely smiles gleaming bright and sweet in the throes of a languid weekend afternoon. So maybe the grocery trip didn’t exactly go as Jett had planned, but it didn’t really matter anyway.

Going home was with James Diamond was always the best part of everything.

❝ so when i go, f♡♡k those stupid girls that don’t mind their business hope you know you’re the only one ‘cause i’d sleep on your sidewalk ; ❞

#i don't really know why i'm posting this messy garbage here but aye it's a Thing that exists now ig. throws it out to humiliate myself #this is just really bad y'all. i worked on it on and off during the course of a sickness haze and none of it makes any sense like. at all #i said i was gonna stop writing jamett stuff bc i'm so bad at their characters and keep screwing them up but this was a prompt fill so oops #i would like to issue a formal apology to my poor bestie who had to read this. and anyone else who had to see my bad writing and worse art #take it from me ceo of writing rancid fics feeling constantly bad about it and wanting to delete everything in five seconds flat ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#oh well. at least i had some kinda fun with it like i always do with my stupid himbo bfs shenanigans. if nothing else :'>#btr #big time rush #james diamond #jett stetson #jamett #fanfiction #fanfic #one shot #fluff #hurt/comfort #jealousy #insecurity #slice of life #grocery shopping #domestic boyfriends #idiots in love #schmoop #not in my mirror #james diamond x jett stetson #the line that starts the whole story #turn that thing big time!#nickelodeon #writeblr #stop it forever

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