Some Lottienat with love songs because who doesn’t love pain
Work Song By Hozier / I’m Your Man by Mitski / Chelsea by Phoebe Bridgers / To Be Alone With You by Sufjan Stevens / Francesca by Hozier / I Love You Too by Ezra Bell
I’m out of ideas for these so feel free to suggest some!
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rest in my arms, sleep in my bed
a quick little 6x12 coda
He looks so…soft, on Eddie’s couch. With his light gray sweatpants and his few day old stubble and his half-open mouth and his arm thrown across the back cushion like he’s just waiting for someone to sit down next to him and cuddle into his side.
When he showed up at the door, Eddie was—fucking elated, if he’s being honest. Relieved, that Buck came here, barging in the way he always does, not even waiting for Eddie to invite him inside because he knows the invitation’s always implied.
And now he’s here, and he’s fast asleep on Eddie’s couch, and Eddie doesn’t want to stop looking at him. He’s here on the couch and Eddie just wants to keep him here. Where he knows he’ll be safe. Where he can look at him, the way he couldn’t for all those days in the hospital. Those days in the hospital where looking at Buck felt like dying, and being away from Buck felt like dying, and so Eddie was just stuck in this awful purgatory, a waking nightmare.
And Eddie’s been—he’s been fucking worried, okay? Buck died. But he’s been trying to give him space to heal and process everything that happened, knowing that if he was patient, Buck would come to him.
And now here he is. And it’s everything Eddie’s wanted for days, ever since he watched Buck’s parents take him home from the hospital to a loft across town that doesn’t even have a proper couch. Well, now it does—Buck already told Eddie how his mother insisted on getting one, and that’s a whole thing Eddie can’t even touch.
But even though there is a brand new couch sitting in his loft, Buck is here, sleeping on Eddie’s couch. It’s not the first time he’s done it, and it certainly won’t be the last, but Eddie sits down with his beer and just watches him breathe for a minute, because he still remembers all too well what it felt like when he saw Buck lying on the gurney not breathing. And when he saw Buck lying in that hospital bed with a machine breathing for him.
Now his chest rises and falls on its own, and Eddie’s not really sure how something so simple can be one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen in his life, but it is.
He knows there’s more healing ahead—for Buck, for himself, for the team. He knows it’s not as simple as waking up and getting on with it. He knows this kind of thing, being that close to death, isn’t something you can just shake off. Not even Buck can.
But he’s here. He’s breathing. He’s safe.
And for now, sitting here in the early twilight, that’s all Eddie needs.
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and I would say I love you, but saying it out loud
is hard
so I won't say it at all
and I won't stay very long
but you are the life I needed all along
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romulus, sufjan stevens // grief, anna archer (1902)
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