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pascalscoffin · 4 months

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Muñequita

-little doll-

Pedro Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Minors Go Away I Will Kick You In The Forehead. The first part of this is… not really smutty but like it still deserves a smut warning. Don’t get excited, you horny little hussy. Reader was not underage at any point in her relationship with Javier, just strict overprotective parents. Readers parents actually suck. Mentions of reader getting told to have an abortion. Javier finds out he’s a dad. Girl!dad Javi. He’s triggered when he finds out. We got Steve again cause the chaoticness is too much to ignore. Javier is in a silly good mood when him and the reader meet, mans is fucking dancing and everything. Reader uses English and Spanish when talking to the kid cause obviouslyyyyyyy. THEY HAVE A WORD OF THE DAY ITS CUTE. The kid is so dramatic I swear. Reader loves being a mom. Reader is the praying type but not the church going type.

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Six years ago you went on a family vacation to Colombia, which was literally the worst time to go on vacation to Colombia, your parents, though, had money and money meant comfortability if you put it in the right places, and apparently they had.

Six years ago, you met Javier Peña at a bar on a side of town you promised your parents you wouldn’t go to, you were of age, of course, your parents were just insistent that if you wandered too far from your cushy hotel, that you’d be wrapped up in something you weren’t prepared for.

You thought they were so ridiculous when Javier sat himself beside you and ordered a whiskey dry, eyes drifting towards you briefly like he was trying to figure something out before he spoke. “You don’t look like you’re from around here, Chiquita.” You’d been looking over towards a few couples dancing near the middle of the bar, bodies pressed close together as they moved in sync with the music, so when he spoke to you it surprised you a bit and had you double checking that he was talking to you.

You scratched the back of your neck. “It’s that obvious?” Javier chuckled softly and pinched his fingers close together. “Just a bit.” He hummed and looked at the couples you’d been watching as his drink was sat down in front of him. “You like the dancing?”

You looked towards the couples and felt your cheeks warm up as you cleared your throat before turning back to him and pinching your fingers close together like he had. “Just a bit.” He looked at you and raised a brow as he chuckled, nodding. “Okay, okay.” He set his glass down and then held his hand out to you. “Javier Peña.” You smiled and reached out to shake his hand, telling him your own name, feeling your cheeks warm up again when he repeated it.

He had you hooked.

Another drink between you and Javier had convinced you to try the dancing you’d been so enamored with, though when you actually thought about it, it was less dancing and more just.. moving against eachother to music, not that you minded, at all.

The conversation you shared while dancing was quiet, whispered just loud enough to be heard between the two of you as Javier asked what you could only assume was every question that popped into his head.

“What are you doing in Colombia? Medellin specifically?” “Family vacation, I had to get away from my parents and siblings.” “Oh, ya veo. Una huida querida.” Oh I see. A run away darling He’d chuckled, making you shrug sheepishly. “I guess so.” You’d said softly, your fingers fiddling with the collar of his jacket absentmindedly. “¿Cuánto tiempo?” How long? He asked.

Just half a drink more and you were letting Javier take you back to his apartment, as soon as the door was closed he was planting his lips on yours, his leather jacket being thrown to the floor before you heard the clink of keys hitting a table somewhere off to the side.

In his bedroom he nudged you back on his bed, your clothes now completely discarded on the floor of his apartment while he was still fully dressed. He had you cumming on his tongue twice before his clothes were off and he was climbing on top of you, you could see two gleams from the corner of your eye but you wouldn’t give that a thought until afterward.

You weren’t sure what possessed you to say it, it wasn’t a lie of course, but you had to be literally insane to say it, but when Javier reached towards his nightstand, where you assumed his condoms sat, you’d grabbed his wrist and looked up at him, shifting a little. “I’m clean and uh… I’m on birth control.. so.. we don’t have to use one. As long as.. yknow, you’re clean?”

After a couple reassurances that you were both clean and completely okay with what was about to happen, Javier was on you again, tongue tangled with yours as he positioned himself between your legs and slid into you, letting out a few Spanish expletives into your neck that you couldn’t quite make out, partially because his face was pressed into your skin, but also because you were letting out your own curses.

You’d never been with a guy as big as Javier. Girthy like him? Yes. Long like him? Yes. Both at the same time? Absolutely not. You hadn’t even thought it was something that was possible, that may be an over exaggeration but you couldn’t care less about that because that’s how it felt with Javier pushed all the way inside you, pressing kisses to your sweaty skin, damp from the Colombian heat. How and why the fuck was he wearing a god damn leather jacket in that shit?

“Mírame, querida.” Look at me, darling Javier hummed, noticing your eyes had started to drift to the areas around you, not to be nosey but just because looking at Javier with the way he was fucking into you, hair slick against his forehead and his skin absolutely fucking glowing with the orange light pouring into his room. You whimpered softly and shook your head a bit before Javier was grabbing your chin and making you look at him. “Dije. Mírame.” I said. Look at me. His tone was deeper that time and you didn’t dare look away from him after that.

After he had you good and fucked out, leaking more than one load, he laid beside you and grabbed a cigarette from his nightstand, letting you roll over into his side, you’d felt him tense a little bit against you and thought it was odd at the time, how he could fuck the daylights out of you but still tense up when you tried to cuddle. When you went to pull away, though, thinking maybe he just wasn’t the cuddling type or even the type to let you lean on him afterwards, thinking maybe he wanted you to go.

You felt his arm wrap around your waist tighter, completely silent with his head turned to you, eyes silent but pleading, begging you to stay. So, you settled back down, and then he was pulling into his side, each movement to get you closer just a little more hesitant than the last until you were pulled tight against his side, his fingers just barely tracing up and down your back.

You’d watched him smoke, any conversation between the two of you near-silent whispers like you were afraid to disturb the nice silence that had settled between you. Once his cigarette was out you thought maybe then he would make you leave, but his other arm circled around you, and then he was offering to share a shower before you left.

It was in the movements to get up for the shower that you saw the gun, and then the badge beside it, and suddenly all his hesitancy, the paranoid looking around you’d noticed in the bar, the constant tenseness in his muscles, the way he’d seemed to try and loom over you, protect you, it all clicked and made sense.

You didn’t ask him about it, if he wanted you to know surely he would’ve mentioned it or something, so you pretended like you hadn’t even noticed them, slipping off the bed with him and following him to a shower filled with soothing, soapy touches and soft kisses on bruised and nail-bitten skin, muttering Spanish apologies muffled by your skin and the sound of running water.

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Maybe it was the several rounds before you ultimately had to leave so your family wouldn’t notice you missing, or the several times you’d told Javier he could just cum inside you, or if his sperm was just that god damn strong, or maybe it was the fact that you’d forgotten to get your birth control refilled when you’d taken the last one.

Whatever it was, five years ago, you gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with big brown puppy dog eyes and a head full of gorgeous brown curls. She looked like Javier in every way, and while you were glad she was just absolutely gorgeous, it reminded you of a wonderful night you’d never get to relive again.

When your parents found out you’d gotten pregnant, and then ultimately found out that meant you’d gone somewhere they’d told you not to go, they’d almost completely disowned you, of course, they promised to overlook it all if you would just get an abortion and “free yourself the burden of being a mother” which is the exact way your parents had put it, no single added on, just “mother”.

Fuming, you’d told them to go fuck themselves and moved as far away from them as you could. Which was Laredo, Texas, of course there were places further away, but you’d always dreamed of living in Texas, and living in a small town was even better. Laredo hadn’t been your first choice, but after several homes in several towns that didn’t feel right, you’d finally found a quaint little home for you and your baby girl.

Your siblings hadn’t been on your side either, which was no surprised to you, they followed your parents around like puppies, eager to get their inheritance by whatever means necessary.

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“¡Mami! ¡Mami! ¡Despierta! I want to play!” Mommy! Mommy! Wake up! You were woken up by a tiny little body jumping up and down on your bed, demanding you play. You reached one hand out from under your duvet and start pressing your hand on different parts of your daughter’s torso and head, the girl giggling wildly as you wiggled your finger in her ear for the ‘snooze button’.

“Where in the world did this Valeria shaped clock come from?!” You laughed with your daughter before pulling her under the blanket as she squealed. You pulled the blanket over the two of you as she giggled and moved her long curls out of her tiny face, looking at you with all the love a little girl could muster.

“Buenos días mami.” Goodmorning, mommy. She said happily. You smiled and pressed a kiss to her little nose. “Buenos días, muñequita.” Goodmorning, little doll You said softly, tracing the bridge of her nose. “What’s today’s word, mommy?” You laughed softly. “Gee can I soak in your belleza first?” “I know that one! It’s beauty!” You smiled. “Very good.” You kissed her cheek before coming out from under the covers with her, pulling her into your lap.

You hummed as you thought, chin pressed to the top of her head. “How about… tareas?” She looked up at you expectantly for the translation, blinking those big eyes. “Chores.” You laughed softly. “It’s chores.” She groaned loudly and threw herself back. “Like sweeping?” “Well it’s more than sweeping.” “But you’re always sweeping.” “That’s because you’re always refusing to take your shoes off at the front door and you keep tracking dirt in my house.” You started tickling her sides as she squealed loudly and thrashed around, giggling.

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After a promise of ice cream, a trip to the park afterward, and McDonald’s for dinner, Valeria agreed to celebrate her word of the day by doing some chores with you. Your first trip was to the baby store for new clothes for Valeria, who was growing like a weed, needing a new pair of shoes every month it felt like, either that or you just let her play too rough, she was never bruised though so you could handle constantly buying shoes and clothes because she ripped them or got them dirty.

After the clothing store you had to pick up some mail from the post office, after the post office you had to go grocery shopping for just a few things you could never seem to keep in the house, probably because Valeria was basically a vacuum for anything food related, luckily none of it was refrigerated so when you remembered you had to stop at the home improvement store for fertilizer for your roses out front, you didn’t have to worry about leaving it in the car.

You were pushing a cart with fertilizer and a few pieces of wood for that hole in your fence to fix later, it wouldn’t be perfect but it would have to work until you could get a babysitter for Valeria so you could actually fix it. Speaking of Valeria, she was walking beside you, making a game out of stepping on certain tiles on the floor while you were trying to make sure you had everything you needed for the day.

That was when you heard it. A tiny little oof that you immediately recognized as your daughter’s voice, followed by a rushed and soft. “Mierda. ¿Estás bien, damita?” Shit. Are you okay, little lady? There’s no fucking way..

You cocked your head quickly and widened your eyes. Javier Peña was knelt right in front of your daughter, his daughter. “Valeria, please.” You rushed over to them and gently picked her up, dusting off her shirt. “¿Estás bien?” Are you okay? You asked softly as she nodded. “Estoy bien, mami.” Valeria said softly. I’m okay, mommy

You looked up from her as you heard Javier say your name. At first you wouldn’t look at him, but hesitantly you turned your eyes to his and cleared your throat. “Hi, Javi.” You said softly, standing up with Valeria on your hip.

Javier stood up slowly, his brows furrowed a bit as he looked between you and your daughter, pointing to her. “Is she-“ “mine.” You cleared your throat, nodding as you adjusted her on your hip, glancing away nervously. Javier watched you closely and slowly retracted his hand as he repeated your name. “Look I.. I can’t really talk about this right now.” Valeria was starting to get antsy in your arms, wanting to wriggle free and run around.

“Um…” you hesitated before slowly sitting her down and grabbing your pen from the cart. “I guess I can… give you our address and… and you can come by… later.. after she’s asleep and then.. then we can talk. Okay?” Javier was staring down at Valeria, watching her run circles around the two of you. “… okay.” He looked at you and managed to fish an old receipt from his pocket for you to write your address down. “Just uh.. come by at 8:30.. she’s usually asleep by then. Well, she’s usually in bed, I’m pretty sure she pretends to be asleep sometimes.”

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As soon as he left the home improvement store Javier drove to Steve and Connie’s, who’d moved to Laredo shortly after Steve returned back to the states, Steve insisted it was Connie’s idea and Connie insisted the opposite, but Javier was pretty sure it was both.

When he got there he knocked on the door until Steve pulled it open. “Javi- what the fuck are you doin’?” “I think I’m about to fucking die.” “What? You look fine to me what the fuck are you talking about?”

Javier pushed his way into Steve’s house and started pacing around the living room. “Javi?” Connie peeked out from the kitchen and raised her brows when she saw Javi’s state. “… I’m gonna get the whiskey.” She stepped back into the kitchen.

Javier replayed what happened in the home improvement store while Steve sat down and Connie came in with the glasses and whiskey, pouring Steve and Javier one before sitting down.

“Okay- so- I was at the home improvement store- one of the god damn horses broke out of the stables and wrecked a bunch of shit so I had to go and get wood and nails and shit-“ “is this why you’re freaking out?” “What? Don’t be stupid. No. Just- listen.” Javier extended one hand. “Anyway I was at the home improvement store… and it turns out I’m a dad.”

Steve was taking a sip from his whiskey and immediately choked on it, spitting it out into the glass and looking at Javier with wide eyes. He looked at Connie and Steve, hands on his hips. “Well… you sure are fast.” “I’m gonna kill you, Steve. Shut the fuck up.” Javier pointed at him.

“Okay- wait- just… go back a few steps. Between the stable and being a dad.” Connie held her hands out to him. “Sit down first.” Javier as a dad… she could see it, he was good with Olivia and although nervous around their new baby Jack, he was good with him as well.

Javier sat down and cleared his throat. “Okay- I was walking and I was looking at the list dad wrote so I would get everything. And I bumped into this little girl- god she’s so tiny… como una muñequita” like a little doll a small smile ghosted his features. “Anyway- fuck I’m getting off track- I knocked her on her ass, don’t look at me like that Steve I will shoot you right now.” Steve held his hands up as Connie rolled her eyes. “Javi.” “Right. Sorry. Her mom comes over.. remember uh… that girl I told you about?” He raised a brow at Steve. “The one that wasn’t an informant?”

Steve looked at Connie from the corner of his eye as she raised a brow and then slowly looked at Javier. “…. Yes.” “Okay- don’t be weird, it was nothing like that Connie, I was a complete gentleman when I spoke of her.” “Right… well I gotta hear about this girl.”

Javier proceeded to tell Connie about the night you had, obviously not the sex part, but everything leading up to it, how comfortable he’d felt with you, how he’d gone to the bar just to drink his sorrows away and go home, maybe see Gabriella, but you were sitting at the bar and you were so gorgeous in the light with just a little sheen of sweat and he talked about how you’d watched the couples dance, how he’d asked you to dance, which had both of them wide eyed and had Connie gripping Steve’s arms with her nails.

He talked about the conversation you’d had dancing, about what you would be doing for the rest of your time there, how long you would be there, which ended up not being long enough to see you again with how hectic things had gotten, at this point Connie was slapping Steve’s arm all over.

“Javi you like her!” She practically screeched. “W- I mean we had a good night but-“ “dude.” Steve chuckled and shook his head. “You danced with her.” He looked him up and down. “I’ve never even seen you jump for anything but a sicario. You’re not a dancer.”

“Okay but she wanted to try it.” Connie and Steve raised a brow at him again, waiting for him to fully understand what they were saying. He blinked rapidly and started shaking his head. “I’m here because I’m a dad!” He groaned and rubbed his face. “I’m supposed to meet her at 8:30. What if she doesn’t want me to be around her?”

“Well… if she told you where they live, then I’m pretty sure she probably wants you around her.” Connie sighed and stood up to go over to Javi and rub his back. “Don’t worry about what we said, I’m just excited for you.” She laughed softly. “You’re gonna be a good dad.” Steve hummed like he was thinking before immediately agreeing when Connie glared at him. “Of course you will, Jav. You’re good with our kids.”

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The rest of your day was spent trying to calm your nerves and getting Valeria ready for bed. Thankfully the trip to the park and running around in the McDonald’s inside playground really tuckered her out, so by 8:20 you were laying her completely conked out form in her tiny bed.

The next ten minutes you ran around the house trying to make it at least look like you had a handle on things. Which you did, but keeping a house clean with a five year old that had endless energy from hours 6 to 8 was like keeping a zoo clean.

There was a knock at exactly 8:30 and for a second you thought it couldn’t actually be Javi, he’d told you he was punctual but he wasn’t even a second late. You pulled the door open and sure enough Javier stood on the other side chewing on his thumbnail. When you opened the door he straightened up and cleared his throat.

The air was awkward as you invited him in and it just got more awkward as you led him to the couch, your home flooded with pictures of all of Valeria’s firsts so far, it was awkward when you asked if he wanted something to drink, and even more awkward when you couldn’t decide if you were supposed to sit beside him or in front of him.

Eventually, though, you slowly placed yourself next to him and looked down at your hands, not sure how to start the conversation. Javier was looking at you, though, you couldn’t really tell what the look was. “… Valeria’s a pretty name.”

You finally looked at him and smiled tightly. “Thanks.” You whispered softly, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry I never told you it’s just- I mean we left like a week after that and I didn’t exactly have your number- I could’ve written you a letter but how the fuck would I even- ‘dear Javi, hi, remember me? Yeah, well, I’m pregnant- have a nice life’? I’m not an idiot, Javi, I know what your job is, you didn’t have time to be a dad, besides, I knew what that was that night, I wasn’t expecting a proposal or co-parenting or anything like that.” You shook your head.

Javier frowned deeply. “I would’ve liked to know.. so I could be there for you, both of you. Somehow.” You looked down and nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.” You said softly. “I guess I… I should’ve written you or something… but I was scared that…” “scared that what?”

You sighed and glanced at him before looking back at your hands. “.. my parents wanted me to get an abortion and… I guess I was just scared you would say the same thing.”

Javier was silent this time and you could see him wringing his hands together in his lap. “.. I couldn’t do it.” You mumbled softly. “I didn’t even.. consider doing it.” You shook your head and looked down. You had no problems with abortions, people could have as many as they damn well wanted.

But the idea of you lying on a cold table while they sucked an actual human being from your uterus, or however the fuck they did it, had made you physically ill, guilt had settled in your stomach at just the proposition of having one.

Of course, that probably had something to do with the fact that you always wanted to be a mother, as cliche as it sounded, ever since you’d gotten your first babydoll that was the one thing you wanted more than anything else. To be a mommy. And Javi made you one… you should thank him for that, make it up to him somehow.

“She… is she… happy?” Javi asked quietly, looking down at his hands as you looked at him, smiling softly and nodding. “Yeah.. she’s so happy, Javi.” She said softly, swallowing thickly as the guilt started to settle in your gut, you should’ve told him. He looks… conflicted, like he’s trying to decide how to feel about it all.

“… does she know about me?” His voice was soft, you didn’t think he could sound so.. unsure of himself. “I… well I told her that.. her daddy was somewhere else… making it safer for her to grow up.” You felt your cheeks warm up, looking down when Javi turned his head to look at you, just barely catching the way his eyes softened and the tension in his shoulders melted. “She never- I never let her watch the news reports so she doesn’t know that you’re her dad. But.. but she knows you’re out there.” You said softly.

“She..” you laughed softly. “She actually uh… when she first started talking the first thing I did was teach her how to pray just… out of habit, Y’know?” You shook your head. “Anyway… every time she prays before dinner or before bed… she uh… she prays that her papi superhéroe superhero daddy stays safe and.. catch the chicos malos.” You laughed softly bad guys

Javi was listening so intently, leaning so close, and then he leaned back and blinked a few times. “She thinks I’m a superhero?” No. No, no, no. Javi wasn’t a superhero. He was the farthest fucking thing from a superhero. Sleeping with his informants, working with Los Pepes, getting innocent people caught in the crossfire, all that shit he did.. superheroes don’t do those things.

You nodded a little. “Yeah.” You said softly, shrugging a little. “I mean- she’s five, Javi.” You laughed softly. “What five year old doesn’t see her dad as a superhero?” Fuck he’s gonna cry. He’s gonna fucking cry in front of you right here right now like an ugly blubbering baby.

“I’m not.” His voice came out shaky, his hands even shakier. You shrugged your shoulders a little. “No one thinks they’re a superhero- I mean- except for Batman and Superman and shit but they’re fictional. But you… you’re real.” You nudged him. “A real superhero.” You hummed softly. “Off somewhere else trying to make the world safe. That’s pretty much the definition of “hero”.”

Javi looked up at you like his entire world had shifted, which, you guessed it technically had, Javi got up this morning a single guy with minimal responsibilities, and by noon he was finding out he was a dad and had a baby mama.

He’d never really thought about being a dad, the few times it had crossed his mind, like when he’d seen Lorraine when he first got back, seen her kids, he considered being a dad, trying to settle down with a girl and have a family.. he could never see it. And then he found out.. he was a dad, he did have a family.

“… can I meet her?” He whispered after a while of silence, that conflicted look on his face before it softened and he was relaxing on his elbows before turning his head to you, looking at you with those same puppy dog eyes he’d looked at you with in the bar that night, and just like back then, there was no saying no.

You nodded slowly. “… yeah. Yeah you can. Of course you can.” You smiled softly. His eyes brightened up a little, still soft and curious, but eager now as he started to stand up. “Wait-“ you laughed and grabbed his wrist, looking at the watch and shaking your head. “Not tonight. It’s already after nine, she would’ve asked for some milk by now if she was up.” You coaxed him into sitting back down as he nodded hesitantly. “And.. I don’t want to overwhelm her at the end of the day.”

“Oh.. okay.” He cleared his throat and nodded, rubbing his thighs and nodding more. “Right. Obviously. That makes sense.” He took a deep breath and scratched his chin. “So how… how have you been?”

You smiled softly and nodded. “I’ve been good, working or taking care of Valeria.” You said softly. “How’ve you been?” Javier nodded. “Good, good. Working.” He cleared his throat a little. “… I’m sorry I never told you, Javi.” You said softly.

He looked at you and shook his head. “No, no it’s okay. It would’ve been dangerous for you to send a letter, Escobar had ties into every fucking thing… it would’ve put you in danger.” He took a deep breath. “I’m glad you’re letting me meet her, Querida.” He said softly.

You felt your cheeks heat up again and thought at this point you were probably steaming from your ears. Being around Javi again was bringing up all those feelings and thoughts you saved for night time, late when the world was asleep and you could have a few minutes to yourself.

“Of course, Javi. She deserves to know her daddy.” You reached out and slowly took his hand in yours. “And you deserve to know your daughter. I know you keep saying it was okay but it wasn’t. I robbed you both of so much just.. because I was scared and that wasn’t right.”

Javi turned his hand over and laced your fingers together slowly, taking a deep breath. “You don’t have a boyfriend that’s gonna freak out or anything?” You raised a brow at him and slowly smiled as you shook your head. “No. No I don’t have a boyfriend.” You laughed softly.

Truthfully you hadn’t been with anyone since Javi. The first nine months was obvious, you were pregnant and you were not about to sleep with some weird fetish guy, that’s what fingers and toys are for. And of course, once Valeria was born you liked to blame it on never having the time, but truthfully, with the elderly neighbors absolutely obsessed with Valeria, you could find a babysitter whenever you needed one, you just… going out while Javier’s baby, his genetic product, was waiting for you felt.. dirty, like a betrayal of some kind.

“Good that’s.. good. I meant not good but I’m glad there’s not any guy that I’m gonna have to punch out or something cause I’m pretty sure if anyone tried to stop me from meeting her I might kill them.” Javier nodded his head, so serious. “Okay, Rambo.” You laughed softly and laid your hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll give you my number and you can just call before you come over? I wanna make sure this place looks… not like a zoo by the time you get here, and knowing her it definitely will.” Javier laughed and nodded. “Okay.” He said softly, looking down with a smile as you got up to write your number down, glancing at him as you chewed on your lip.

“I.. I’d love for you to stay and catch up but… I’m afraid I might pass out on you so… you should probably get going. I’m not trying to kick you out or anything I’m just… very tired it’s been a long day. We went to the park and then she didn’t want to leave and then we went to McDonald’s and she didn’t want to leave the inside playground.” You shook your head. “It’s been a lot of chasing her around and bribing her with food and ice cream.”

While it was true, Valeria had really have you a run for your money with her energy today. The deep burning in your stomach is what was making you urge Javier out of your house, out of your orbit, and his scent out of your god damn nostrils because why the fuck does he smell so good and why is it literally everywhere?

Javier chuckled and nodded as he stood up and took the piece of paper you extended to him, the two of you lingering there for a minute, eyes locked in a silent, warm gaze that got warmer and warmer, causing that already hot pit to grow larger and warmer, urging you to get close to him, hold onto him and not let him leave this time.

“… I’ll see you tomorrow, querida.” You nodded, swallowing thickly as you walked him to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow Javi.” You smiled softly and tilted your head to press a light kiss to his cheek. “Goodnight. Drive safe.”

Javier leaned into the kiss you pressed to his cheek, eyelids fluttering shut as he was thrown back to that night, how you’d kissed his cheek in the bar, and then again in his jeep on the way to his apartment, how you’d trailed the kisses from his cheek to his neck when he was buried inside you, and then again, laughing as you accepted his offer to take you back to your family’s hotel, nearly exploding when you’d told him you’d planned to take a cab, and then a final time outside the hotel, how you’d placed little kisses from his cheek all the way to his lips before saying goodnight.

He wouldn’t kiss you tonight, no matter how much those soft lips made him want to throw you back inside and just build off this little family he’d unintentionally put together. But he could behave. He had to behave. So, he returned the kiss to your opposite cheek, his thick arms enveloping you in a hug before he was sliding away from you and going to his Jeep with a final smile and wave before he got in, waiting for you to get inside before driving off.

He was a dad.

Holy fucking shit.

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#Javier Peña x reader #narcos #pedro pascal #pedrohub #Javier Peña #Steve Murphy narcos #Connie Murphy narcos #javier peña pedro pascal #narcos fic #narcos fanfiction

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pedroshotwifey · 15 days

Text

To The Flame chapter twelve

Series masterlist

Pairing: Dark!Javier Peña x afab!reader

Chapter w/c: 2.6k

Chapter warnings: mentions of physical abuse, manipulation, mental abuse, steve and connie!!, fluff but like backhanded fluff?, Javi being a dick, alcohol consumption, mild description of injury

Chapter Summary: Javi takes you out on your date and you meet some potential friends

A/N: Hey, y'all! Super excited about this one! These character introductions mean a lot to this story. Hope you like it! (also sorry about not posting last week, pls forgive me ❤)

*****

“Shit,” you mutter.

You’re staring at yourself in the mirror, fixated on the ugly welt marring your right cheekbone. Your right eye is a bit swollen as well, but not too badly. You’re mostly worried about how the hell you’re going to hide the discoloring. Even with your makeup, it’s going to be a feat.

It makes your stomach twist up to remember last night’s events. You still don’t understand why you had chosen to freak out like that. It was completely immature and irrational. He was just worried about you and you chose to berate him for it.

Thankfully, Javi seems to have completely forgiven you for your outburst. He woke up as normal this morning, planted a kiss on your forehead, and made your breakfast. You smile to think about it. Despite everything that happened yesterday, everything today is back as it should be, just how you like it.

You sigh and turn the sink on. You’ll wash your face and get dressed, then worry about this monstrosity last. You’re excited for your date. Javi told you that he’ll be taking you to a small restaurant a few blocks from the apartment. He’s out running an errand right now, or so he said. He wasn’t very specific, but he did promise to be back in time for your dinner date.

You lean down and splash your face with the cool water, suppressing a wince as it hits your bruised flesh. You really didn’t realize the hit had landed that hard. You scrub it anyway, being careful to not press too hard. You don’t think Javi got a very good look at it this morning, which is probably a good thing. He’d likely be devastated to know he caused such an injury.

You finish washing your face and reach for your dress hanging on the back of the door. It’s one of Javi’s favorites, and you’re excited to finally have an excuse to wear it again. You slip it over your head and turn around to zip the back with the help of the mirror. You pull at the edge and smooth it out so it falls effortlessly just above your knees.

It’s a beautiful color in contrast with your skintone, hell, it’s a beautiful dress in general. You smile at your appearance in the mirror. It’s not often you feel confident, but this dress never fails to bring it out of you. Maybe that’s why Javi likes it so much, too.

You hear the front door open as you fix one of the sleeves of the dress, a smile spreading across your face at the sound. Javi calls your name in greeting and your stomach flutters.

“I’m in here,” you call back. His footsteps grow closer.

“You ready, sweetheart?”

You peek your head out from the bathroom, careful to hide your right side behind the door frame. Javi’s standing in the middle of the bedroom. He looks gorgeous—as usual. He’s wearing a blue button up with his jeans and his regular boots.

“Yup, I’ll be just a second.”

“Alright, baby, take your time. There’s no rush.” He sends you a wink.

You flash him a quick smile before ducking back in and cracking the door behind you. You pick up your compact and lean in close to the mirror. The first layer doesn’t do much at all. The second makes a small difference, and by the third, all that’s left is to touch up certain spots. Even then though, you know there’s nothing you can do about the swelling of your eye and one of the deeper bruises. You take a step back. It doesn’t look so bad when you’re not too close.

You sigh and finish up the rest of it, only putting everything away once you’re satisfied that you look pretty much normal. Like it’s any other date night. You turn the light off and step out of the bathroom.

“Javi?”

“In the kitchen, sweetheart.”

You follow his voice, finding him leaning against the kitchen counter and craning his neck slightly to look out the window.

You grin as you step into view, giving him a small twirl and watching his smile widen when his gaze lands on you. You do your best to hide your right side, but try to be casual enough that he won’t think that’s what you’re trying to do.

“You look gorgeous, baby,” he says, walking toward you with open arms.

You let him embrace you in a hug, wrapping your own arms around his middle as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Thank you, Javi,” you mumble into his chest.

He lets you go after a moment and picks something up from the counter.

“Here, hermosa, got something for you” he offers you the bouquet of flowers. You gasp, sure that it’s the most beautiful bunch you’ve ever seen. That must have been why he went out. You’ll really never get over how thoughtful he is. It must have taken him a while to pick these out.

You beam at him as you take them in your hand. “Thank you,” you say again. He nods at you, warmth in his gaze as he watches you softly sniff the flowers. You look up when he clears his throat.

“Wanted to say I’m sorry,” he tells you, eyes flickering to and from yours. You frown a bit.

“It’s okay, Javi, I was the one acting up,” you assure him. You don’t want him to feel bad over something that wasn’t his fault. Just thinking about it puts a bad taste in your mouth. He’s much too sweet of a man to ever think that he’s done something wrong. You’re the childish one who threw a temper tantrum for no reason. It’s not fair for him to blame himself for what happened.

He nods solemnly, giving you a soft smile.

“I think we were both in the wrong there, sweetheart. I just don’t want it to happen again.”

Now it’s your turn to nod. You’re beaming inside at the fact that everything seems to be back to normal, but there’s also a sudden threat of tears pricking at your eyes and you’re not sure why. You look away, refusing to let them fall as you busy yourself putting them into a vase.

“Let me just put these in some water, and I’ll be ready,” you say as you turn on the sink.

****

You’re walking out the door minutes later, hand in hand with Javi as you try to contain the smile on your face. You’re way too excited about getting out. A part of you feels a bit guilty about getting your way after last night, but you suppose that Javi would have told you no if he thought it was really a bad idea tonight.

You stay silent and let him lead you downstairs, and you actually have to bite down on your lip to keep from full-on grinning when the evening air hits your face. It’s not too busy of a night, not many people out on the street at all. Still, Javi holds you close to his side as you make your way to the restaurant he was telling you about.

It’s not far, maybe a four or five minute walk from the complex. It’s small and cozy, exactly what you would hope for. He keeps his hand on the small of your back as you go to sit at an empty table, pulling your chair out for you and making sure you’re comfortable before sitting down in the seat across from you.

You smile at him as a waitress comes by and drops off a couple of menus. She takes your drink orders—a soda for you and a beer for Javi. You busy yourself with looking over the food options, failing to notice the way Javi’s started to stare at you.

His hand comes quickly across the table, making you flinch from surprise when he grabs your chin and tilts your head enough to see your right cheek.

“What’s this?” he demands.

You wince, really wishing you could have avoided this. You should have kept layering your makeup.

“”S from last night,” you mumble, ashamed even though you know you shouldn’t be. You just don’t want him to see what physical damage he may have done. He’ll tear himself up over it.

But he instead snaps, “And you didn’t fucking cover it?”

You’re taken aback, your head snapping away from his grasp. Shame fills you. Why can’t you just do something right for once? Tears again fill your eyes, only adding to your shame.

“I-I’m sorry, Javi,” you say quietly, staring at your hands in your lap. “I was just really excited to go out and—”

He sighs and leans back in his chair, cutting you off from your pointless excuse. “Just make sure nobody sees it,” he tells you. “Do you have any idea what that could do to me in my field of work?”

You nod, sniffing as your ears burn with embarrassment. Here he is taking you out and you ruin it by making another stupid decision. At least you’re not getting angry again. You have enough sense to keep that at bay.

You catch the waitress walking back with your drinks out of the corner of your eye and do your best to quickly collect yourself, giving her a warm, tear free smile when she sets your soda down in front of you. She smiles back and takes Javi’s order, which you order as well since you forgot to choose a dish for yourself.

You flash Javi a shy smile when she walks away, and, much to your relief, he gives you a small one in response. He’s still obviously not very thrilled with you, but at least he’s not straight mad.

“How have things been going at the house, baby?”

You know he means with renovations.

“They’re pretty good. Almost finished with all the painting and stuff. I might just need you to help me with some of the tile and cabinets.”

He nods. “Alright, I’ll see if I can get it done tomorrow.”

You nod back, trying not to be too tense. The conversation almost feels…awkward. It’s confusing. Luckily, the waitress comes quickly with your food, placing it in front of you and leaving you to it.

Conversation gets a bit better as the two of you eat. More casual and free-flowing.It’s not quite how it’s been the last few months, though. More like when the two of you had gone out together the first few times and had been a little shy. You brush it off though, sure that it won’t last too long. Even the two of you haven’t ever really been in a ‘post-fight’ situation yet, you believe that your chemistry is good enough for it to work itself out soon.

And it pretty much does by the time you’re finishing up your dinner. Javi’s smiling as you gush to him about a book you’re currently reading. It’s a very cute romance, one of the ones he’s brought you recently. He’s listening intently, happy to see your eyes light up with excitement.

The waitress comes back with the bill just as you’re telling him about the ending, and he hands his card over, along with a cash tip, as he continues to listen. It’s so nice to have someone who enjoys hearing about your interests. Before Javi, you can’t really remember having a person who would genuinely want to hear about your books.

You finish just as the waitress comes back, revealing the plot twist dramatically. His eyes widen with your reveal, both to indulge you but also probably a bit out of surprise because—in your opinion—it was a pretty insane plot twist.

But then his gaze darkens, pointed over your shoulder, and you frown.

“Javi?”

Your mouth is open to say his name, but it wasn’t you who said it. You snap your head around to see a couple walking toward you, the man smiling broadly. There’s a woman holding his hand, looking a little less enthusiastic than the man about seeing your husband.

You see Javi tense out of the corner of your eye as they reach your table. The man drops the woman's hand to round the table and clap Javi’s shoulder.

“What are you doing, you son of a bitch?” the man asks in a joking tone. “Thought you said you didn’t date.”

Javi’s jaw clenches as your brows furrow.

What?

“Uhm, yeah,” you supply, ignoring the way your stomach churns at the fact that he hadn’t mentioned you at all. “That may have something to do with the fact that he’s married.” You hold your left hand up, flashing your ring. The man’s light brows go up in surprise, a slight smirk overtaking his features. But then the smile drops and he shoots his gaze down to your husband.

“Well I’ll be damned,” he says slowly. “Didn’t think you were the type, Peña.” His tone is almost flat now. You don’t understand why it changed so quickly. Javi looks back up at him, a flicker of dark emotion that you can’t quite place showing in his eyes.

“Sweetheart,” Javi addresses you, keeping his eyes on the stranger. “This is Steve, my partner at work.”

He doesn’t talk about work much, but from what he’s told you about his partner, your understanding is that they get along pretty well. So you don’t quite understand the surge of hostility between the two of them right now.

You smile nonetheless, standing and reaching your hand out to him. You state your name. “It’s nice to meet you.”

He nods as he shakes your hand, giving you a tight smile in return. His expression is almost hard to read. He nods to the woman next to you. “That’s my wife, Connie.”

You turn to shake her hand as well, and you can tell you’ll immediately like her. She gives you a bright smile as well, telling you it’s nice to meet you. She seems very nice, but also like she wouldn’t be afraid to speak up for herself. You find yourself hoping that you’ll be able to see her again. Maybe be friends.

“We were just leaving,” Javi says from where he watches the two of you. Steve has taken a step back now, and is also watching you both with his arms crossed, though he doesn’t look mad, exactly. More like he’s contemplating something.

You frown though, having thought that you still had a little while before you had to go back.

“But—”

He flashes you a warning look, and you quiet down. Maybe you misunderstood him and he doesn’t like his partner. Either way, if he wants to go back, it’s probably for a good reason and you shouldn’t fight it. You nod at him instead, smoothing out your dress.

“Well, it was nice to meet you,” you say to Steve and Connie as Javi comes to your side and takes your arm in his.

“You, too,” Connie says, and Steve nods, another small smile offered as Javi starts to lead you out. You don’t turn to watch them as you leave, instead keeping your eyes on Javi, who has his on the exit.

“What was that about?” you ask.

He glances at you with a softer gaze than you’ve seen all night. Again, you can’t place the look.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” he assures you and kisses the side of your head. So you don’t.

When the two of you get home, Javi cracks open another beer and holds you on the couch until you both fall asleep watching TV.

*****

You for reading! Taglist is always open!

Series taglist: @corazondebeskar @yorksgirl @nerdieforpedro @axshadows @melaninmommy @survivingandenduring @kewwrites @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff @callachloe @missladym1981 @sofiparallel @koshkaj-blog @sheepdogchick3 @movievillainess721 @jessie8605 @casa-boiardi @justlulu @iamsherlocked-1998 @hjzghi-b @solarecI1spe

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ithebookhoarder · 1 year

Note

Javier Peña req (and Steve as bestie). Y/n is their partner and is feeling extremely burnt out; running on empty, coffee, cigarettes and not much else. She’s barely sleeping or eating and constantly has a tight chest and racing heart. They both know something is up with her but she just shrugs it off until one day, Javi is out on a raid and she reaches her breaking point. Steve manages to get her home but can’t reach Javi until he gets back to the embassy etc. Also, please could you throw in a little Carrillo cause😍

Burned Out (Javier Peña x F!Reader)

A/N: I’ve missed Narcos and my DEA boys, so thank you for this prompt, whoever sent this in. I really appreciate it. I’ve been in a bit of a slump recently with writing for this blog, so it’s great to have something to focus on and pour myself in to - hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, alcohol, reference to depressive / self destructive behaviour, description of a panic attack, mild smut, canon-typical violence, death, reference to drugs / overdosing.

Masterlist

You knew exactly when it started. When you began to feel yourself beginning to sink downwards into the quicksand that was your life.

It was a bad day… well, a worse day, if you were being honest, given that life in general in Bogota was hard and full of bad days that left you feeling numb inside. Whereas you were normally able to banish the darkness by spending time with the friends you had collected since your arrival to the city, not even Javi’s gentle kisses or Steve’s dirty jokes or Connie’s homemade deserts could do the trick.

The day had been bad for many reasons.

One, you’d lost a contact with direct links to Escobar, that you’d spent weeks working on.

Two, you had lost them in a drive-by shooting that had killed not only them but countless civilians too.

Three, some of your asshole colleagues decided to spill coffee all over your files meaning you were forced to work late to re-type them up for a briefing the following morning. Even though you had got it done, you knew you had likely missed some details, the ink far too smudge to even begin to try and understand what had previously been written.

However, that day had only been the start of it. The start of the downwards spiral you found yourself tumbling into.

Sure, the others had noticed there was a change about you. Yet, it wasn’t as if they knew what was causing it or how to fix it.

Javi especially knew what you were like - you were like him after all. Spilling your guts wasn’t your natural reaction to handling things. You kept your emotions bottled up inside of you, cramming more and more in, forcing that lid to remain firmly screwed in place even as the pressure began to build.

And if the lid did threaten to pop off? Well then, you lost yourself in him. In the love that existed between you, and the intimate knowledge you shared of one another. After all, Javi had said it himself, “who needed therapy when you had sex and good whiskey?”

A night of passionate fucking was all it took to take the edge off… to let a little pressure escape, delaying your inevitable eruption… But that was just it; you would erupt. It was inevitable. There was no way on earth you could sustain the relentless routine of long hours spent at work, with coffee doing its best to act as a replacement for your bed.

Hell, you could feel the toll it was taking on you both mentally and physically, from the way your hands shook slightly, to the way your chest felt too tight to breathe sometimes. Then there was the fact your clothes were starting to get baggy, whereas they’d once clung to your frame like they’d been tailored for you.

“Here,” Javi had smiled one afternoon. You could smell the sandwich in his hand before he even set it down on the desk in front of you, accompanied by a packet of chips and a can of your favourite soda. “Grabbed that for you on our way back. Figured you’d forget lunch - again.”

A weak smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the kind gesture. “Thanks, Javi.”

“Anytime, hermosa.” He said it so calmly and easily that you felt your heart skip a beat as you realised how lucky you were to have someone who cared about you so deeply. It was why you made sure to tear a corner off of the sandwich and pop it in your mouth.

The relieved nod Javi granted you told you it was the reaction he’d been waiting for, as he took a step back to let you finish eating and working in peace.

You knew he’d be back to check you’d finished it in a matter of minutes. So, you were quick to chuck the rest of his lunch in the waste paper bin behind you, burying it further under a pile of discarded documents you’d already finished looking through.

It was fine. You’d eat later. Maybe you’d even try and cook dinner for you and Javi… an apology for being so distant lately…

Somehow, despite lacking the gift of prophecy, you knew deep down that that was unlikely to happen. Just as you knew it was unlikely Javi would even make it home tonight. For the last week straight, both he and Steve had been called out on some last minute, late night errands by Carillo - not that you minded all that much.

Not having Javi’s arms to fall into meant you felt less guilty about working late yourself. About only making it back to your empty apartment long enough for a quick shower and a power nap each night.

It was ironic to think of Carillo, though, given that your brief conversations with the Colonel in question had been the closest you’d come to finally releasing some of the hurt and the pain inside of you.

You didn't know what it was about him, but somehow, the Colonel had an ability to draw you out. To make you open up and share things you would never otherwise dream of.

Maybe it was his candour? You’d noticed that about him since you'd started working together; he had a blunt demeanour, saying what he thought regardless of the affect it could have on another person.

Now, it wasn't done with malice, per say, but rather as the result of a man who had the weight of an entire army on his shoulders and an impossible task. He just didn't have the time to bullshit anyone - especially when you both lived in a city full of people all too willing to lie and cheat.

It also came from a weird sense of respect, of seeing people as equals, deserving of the truth just as he expected the same in return. No matter how painful it may be.

Needless to say, it was one of the reasons you'd grown to respect the man - and dare you even say, like.

Still, when he decided to loiter on the other side of your desk, late one night, you felt yourself stiffen, as if suddenly all too aware of every little gesture your body made and what it gave away.

The Colonel missed nothing.

“You look like shit.”

Wow. Don’t beat around the bush.

“Jeez, your wife married a charmer, Colonel,” you scoffed, dragging on your cigarette, sparing him a fleeting glance. “Speaking of, doesn’t she want you back home? Or do you prefer my company that much that you’d rather stand at my desk at 11 o’clock at night?”

“She’s out of the city, visiting her parents,” he rebuffed, clearly not taking the bait as he dropped into the empty seat opposite. In fact, he decided to reach across and steal one of the cigarettes from the packet on your desk, lighting it for himself in a gesture that made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere for now.

“Good for her.”

“Yes, it is. I think time away from this place is good for everyone.”

You could feel the accusation lacing his words, as well as the heat from his continuous stare. “Then why didn’t you go with her? Not enough vacation days?”

He scoffed, a bitter smirk twisting his lips upwards. “You’re funny; I can see why Peña likes you so much. Like calls to like, as they say, even if you try and hide it behind that smile of yours.”

You bit back a laugh. “What can I say? I lucked out in that department and got my Mom’s smile. My sister was not so fortunate. She always had my dad’s features - meaning she looked more often than not like she was sucking on a lemon.”

“This is the sister that died from an overdose, correct?”

“Yes.”

“The anniversary is this week, is it not?”

He asked it so calmly and casually that anyone would have thought he’d asked you what the weather was like outside, or what your favourite record to listen to was.

At least his concern now made sense. It was the kind of detail he would remember, and you were honestly more surprised by the fact it had taken until now for him to bring it up.

He’d probably been itching to ask you about it all day, aware of the date even if your two partners were not. Well, they might have been, but neither had said anything which was your preference if you were being honest. Hence your rapidly cooling demeanour towards your colleague.

“I’m fine, if that’s what you're trying to fish about for, Colonel,” you sighed, staring back down at your desk again in an attempt to dismiss him. “You don't have to worry about me. I’m good. Thanks. So can I get back to work in peace? Or did you have some other question for me?”

Carillo sighed, simply choosing to smoke his cigarette, letting the tension linger along with the steadily growing haze around you both.

He didn't need to say the words aloud; his actions did all the talking for him as he reached over and helped himself to a file off of you desk.

He didn't buy this ‘calm, cool, and collected’ act you were pedalling. Not for a second - something his stare alone gave away, even if he refused to say it. Instead, he chose to read, and work, and smoke along side you so that you would not be alone.

He had his eyes on you... watching and waiting for the moment that your carefully constructed walls came crashing down... the only question was would they crush you in the process?

It was about a month later that the inevitable happened; that you finally hit rock bottom.

It had just been a causal remark that did it, of all things. A casual remark that sent you tipping over the edge.

You had just returned from lunch and hadn’t even sat back down at your desk yet when you noticed that someone was missing.

“Yo, Steve?” you queried, quickly glancing up at the empty seat next to you. “Where did Javi go?”

Now, you couldn't be a hundred percent certain what Steve said next but you knew he’d said something about Carillo, a lead, and a raid ...

“What?”

“I said, Javier went with him,” Steve repeated, staring at you with growing concern. You realised he must have already repeated himself. “What? Why? What is it?”

“Javi went too? He… he’s there? On that raid?”

“Yes, y/n, that’s what I just said - hey! Where you going?”

You didn’t even realise your feet had started moving, not until you heard Steve’s confusion as he yelled after you.

But you didn't stop.

You couldn’t stop, not until you were outside - not until you were far enough from that place that you could actually stop and fucking breathe.

When did it become so hard to breathe?

When had the room become so small?

Why did your mind suddenly feel the need to go to the darkest place possible?

It was just a raid... one of hundreds Javi had gone on since arriving here in the country, just as you had also gone on your fair share. So why was your head suddenly picturing him... lying there... injured, or worse... dead.

The number of bodies you’d stared at, lying in the streets in a macabre tableau that had become all too familiar by now - all part of this fucking job. A job you signed up for, hoping to vanquish the bastards who had taken so much from you and those you loved… yet, every day, it seemed you had failed as more and more innocent people suffered… and to think, that Javi - the man you loved more than anything - who you had neglected terribly to the point you couldn't actually remember the last time you’d woken up next to each other - could be amongst them…

It brought you to your knees.

“Whoah, y/n. Easy. What’s wrong?”

Steve’s voice sounded distant, as if you have been submerged beneath water. Yet, you could tell he was beside you, dropping down onto the kerb before hauling you close. The warmth of his touch was enough to tether you to him, to reality, as everything around you seemed to spin in dizzying circles.

You could feel it as his hands rose, cupping your cheeks, turning your head and trying to get you to look at him.

When you finally did, he could see immediately that your eyes were glassy, like you weren’t really seeing or hearing him.

He knew that look.

“Y/N,” Steve murmured in a soothing voice. “Y/N, look at me. Look at me.”

He paused, waiting until your eyes trained themselves on his face, some of the cloudiness starting to dissipate.

“Good, that’s good. Now breathe. Just breathe,” he instructed, taking a few deep breaths himself to show you how.

It took you a moment or two, but you eventually became fully aware of your surroundings and what your friend was telling you to do.

Following his lead, you took a few shuddering breaths, then a few more. You kept breathing until you could feel the racing of your heart slow and the fear that had felt crippling just moments before begin to ease.

You were exhausted.

Wiping at your face, you tried to banish the tears that had left a salty trail burning down your cheek.

Steve doesn't say anything for a long minute, instead choosing to pull you into his side and light up a cigarette, which he was quick to offer you.

“T... thank you.”

You sat like that for a while... just watching people and cars passing by, smoking like two people on a perfectly ordinary break.

No one bothered to stop and ask you two questions. Hell, no one even shot a glance in your direction, everyone too busy with their own business to stop and give a shit about yours.

So you sat.

And smoked.

And said nothing... not until the cigarette was nothing more than a stub.

Steve was quick to take it from you, before it could burn your fingers. Tossing it aside, it had clearly served its purpose.

He stood and offered you a hand.

His face left no room for debate as he stated calmly, “Come on, I’m taking you home. Now.”

“Come on. A couple more steps, Y/N,” Steve urged, guiding you up the stairs to your apartment.

His hand was warm, firm even, as it pressed against your lower back.

He’d been like this since the moment you’d left the embassy, steering you and hovering over you like he expected you to simply topple over at the slightest breeze.

It was touching, yet irritating all at once - a sentiment you were too busy trying to put one foot in front of the other to even attempt to unpack. You were also just too goddamn tired.

“Here we are.” Steve’s words startled you. “Home sweet home.”

You didn’t remember giving him the keys, but you must have as he opened the door a second later and herded you inside.

There was emotion in your throat - threatening to spill from you. You were holding on by a thread and he knew it. Just as Carillo knew it, and possibly Connie too -

Wait, Connie?

You blinked as you realised that at some point the woman had also entered your home, most likely having been summoned by Steve on the drive home.

You wanted to feel guilty at the thought of her being dragged into your mess, but you were honestly too tired to feel anything other than grateful as she hurried over to you, offering you a cup of what you assumed was tea, as well as two pills.

To help take the edge off, she explained, urging you to take them. Doctor’s orders.

It was impossible to miss the way that they were both staring at each other - sharing anxious glances as you swallowed the tablets and dutifully sipped the tea.

They were worried about you. Hell, you were worried about you, and Javi, and Steve, and everyone else you loved and cared about - that was what had got you in this mess in the first place.

Damn it.

You heard them say as much as you marched yourself to your bedroom, claiming you were going to try and get some rest whilst you waited for news.

If they bought it, you couldn’t tell, but neither protested as you left them.

They simply let you go, allowing you the space and privacy to crawl into your bedroom, bury yourself in the unmade sheets, and lie down for a while. The medication had clearly started to work as you felt heavy... tired...

Lying there, you could hear their voices... faint murmurs drifting down the hall.

You caught only snippets as they tried and failed to keep their voices down, just as your parents had once done when you were just a kid. Still, despite their efforts, you caught enough to know that there was still no word from Javi, or about the raid he went on.

“-called Javi- no reply.”

“Carillo - try again -”

“-worried about her - stressed.”

Eventually, the words began to fade away, replaced instead by your body's sudden need to sleep. It was pointless to fight the drugs now in your system, or the comfort of being wrapped in the bed sheets that still smelled of Javi... not even you were strong enough to fight it as you felt yourself drifting off into sweet oblivion.

"Sweetheart?"

You must have still been dreaming - that was the thought that crossed your mind as you swore you heard Javi's voice.

"Javi?" you moaned, fighting against the grogginess that greeted you as you tried to open your eyes.

Despite the fact it was clearly now dark out, you could easily make out the face in front of you, illuminated from behind by the bedside lamp. The sight was almost angelic - as if some divine being had deigned to answer your prayers and return the love of your life back in to your arms.

“It's ok, I'm here, sweetheart,” Javi purred again, brushing your hair back behind your ear and pulling you close. “I’m right here, ok? In one piece - promise. The raid went off without a hitch. Even snagged ourselves a new asset for you to take a crack at.”

Your eyes shimmered with tears as you quickly burrowed into his chest. You didn't really hear what he was saying, too busy focusing on the fact that he was here to say it at all - here - alive - in your arms.

The reality hit you as you began to let it pour out of you: how relieved you were, how much you loved him. You also grumbled something about fucking telling you when he next decided to run off on a raid without so much as 'goodbye' - else you’d shoot him yourself.

“I’m sorry, carino. I am.”

And you believed him.

"I love you, Javi. So much."

"I love you too," he purred, "and I'm so sorry, I knew you were struggling, but when Steve told me-"

He didn't get to finish whatever the hell he'd been about to say. You didn't let him.

Instead, your lips surged hungrily towards his and as only Javi could, he kissed you back, soft and slow... as if desperate to reassure you through actions alone.

You felt him chuckle into your mouth as you grew impatient, grinding your hips against him in a silent plea for him to fill you. To join you. To bury himself, and the day you'd both had, in a moment of bliss.

It was a special kind of neediness, reserved for just him, and one that was only sated once he had fully joined with you, as one being. Safe. Whole.

Yes, in an ideal world he would have waited until after talking to you to lose himself in such a way. After all, Steve and Connie had filled him in on the troubling turn of events that his absence today had triggered - and he'd be lying if he said the idea didn't scare him shitless, that you had broken down so completely...

He could only thank God that Steve had been there for you - especially when he couldn't be himself.

But he was here now... and you had time to start trying to make sense of this mess. Together. Carillo had assured him of that, informing him in no uncertain terms that you both had the next few days off from work. He didn't want to see either one of you back in the office until you'd begun to sort through the mountain of shit you were buried under.

So, yes. If you wanted to lose yourself for tonight, to use him to forget the world outside for a perfect moment, then he was only too happy to oblige.

He’d wait until the morning to have a proper conversation.

He’d go down and whip you up some breakfast before trying to get you to open up to him about everything that had happened today… about the worries and concerns you’d been keeping locked away inside of you.

Then, after you’d fallen in to pieces in his arms, he could try and start to put you back together again. As a team.

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