Mountain Lions, Lightning, Loss, and the Sea.

Connected to my last post, because one of my biggest sources of species dysphoria is my lack of a clan:

Flipped version, just because:

As I've mentioned, I don't have memories of actually being a dragon in a past life, it's more a feeling of what I should be. I shouldn't have to be human, I should just be a feathered critter snoozing with my clan after a long day of catching salmon and tending to the eggs...

If only...

Running on two legs never felt like enough, but running on four doesn’t quite work with this body

Let me out this vessel

VENT MEMES

VENT MEMES

VENT MEMES

everything i do feels so wrong. im an animal, im not a human. i wasn’t intended to act human. im not meant to know or learn the human interaction system. im not meant to speak human language. im not meant to care for myself and my loved ones the way humans do.

and that is so frustrating, because im still forced to anyway. this is not who i am. being able to type and comprehend these words is unnatural for me. being able to see all of these colors is unnatural for me. the fit of my skin on my bones, the alignment of my bones, isnt me. i shouldnt be able to comprehend that i am alive or that my body is misaligned.

this isnt who i am. i wish i could show you. and if i could it would all make sense.

i'm so SICK of it all. I need to be sometjing else. Free me of this organic featherless biped prison. It's seriously painful at times and i just don't know what to do about it. I know i can't just change species, but just for once i wish i could be. Even for an hour.

being nonhuman is hard. we're doing our best. we feel our ears. we feel our tails. but they're not there. it's phantom limbs. we just wish we could shapeshift IRL. we wish we could be ourselves - Shane/Angel

I hate being human

I hate not having paws

No tail

No pointy, fluffy ears

No sharp teeth

Just human hands

Human fingers

Human legs

Human face

I don't ever recognize myself in the mirror

Because when I look in the mirror, a human stares back.

i dream of long sharp teeth, i dream of a maw with black gums, dripping with saliva. i lie awake and wish for rough paws, that can carry me as fast as they'll go, i lie awake and wish for a cold, wet, black nose that can detect sickness and disease. i hope for the day this dysphoria leaves me, and i can finally be at peace. i do wonder what it would feel like to be a dog, but why do i need to wonder this if i am a dog? am i not a 'real' dog? im my own dog, im a dog in human flesh, with the mind of an animal. an angry, scared, and hungry animal. i wish for the ability to destroy bones with my teeth alone. i wish to be able to eat raw meat without being repulsed by it. i wish my human instinct would disappear. i wish i could transform into a dog whenever i felt like it. but i cant. im stuck. im stuck with a soul that isn't mine and im stuck with a body that'll never change.

(Small vent)

Species dysphoria culture is hating to be lumped in with humans every time something bad happens to the wildlife. I feel like a bridge between the two, but helpless either way. My physicality makes me feel alienated from the people around me, but not good enough for the animals.

.

Questioning your alter humanity on and off is like still not understanding yourself for 4 years, like- sometimes I'm like "oh yeah, I'm a gray fox!" But then I remember how many times I've had multiple shifts with wings, foxes don't have wings... I know I'm a gray fox, then why do I have these feathery wings? Am I something else? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?

And then I fall asleep :D

why am i not a vampire

why am i not a floating light of pure consciousness

why am i not a creature running through the forest with my pack, eating our hunt and play fighting in the fields

this isnt fair i didnt ask to be born during late stage capitalism and i wont survive long enough to see a global peace revolution. what am i supposed to do now ;-;

mostly nonhuman art dump - shane

I don't want to wake up a human tomorrow. I want to wake up to scales and claws. Mighty wings and tail beating to shake off the decades of neglect.

I want to go for a swim.

I am screaming, sobbing, BEGGING the world to take me OUT of this STUPID body.

I am not human I am not human I am NOT person this isn't ME.

You don't UNDERSTAND I can FEEL them there are wings IN my back they are BURSTING out they are writhing against my skin and when they finally free themselves they flap and are uncomfy because this world wasn't made for them. They're ALWAYS unkept and never properly preened because I CANT TOUCH THEM.

And YOU can't see them. AND I can't see them but they're THERE BY GOD THEY ARE THERE Please I am Begging you give. Them. Back. Make them REAL. I don't want these phantom feathers these shifting wings no one can see I want to FLY I want to SOAR. I want to preen them and male a nest and protect my shiny things and sleep with them curled around me.

I feel talons at my feet and fingertips and I try, I try SO HARD to use them, to claw off this stupid flesh and rip my wings free and become M E.

But all I get is dull red marks and angry red crescents.

And the worst part? I'm here. I'm here because I can't say this in real life because either no one cares or they think I'm insane. I'm crazy. And I need to be heard and felt and for someone to SEE these feathers and claws and talons and horns so BADLY I'm on TUMBLR ranting to the public praying someone understands because no one I love will.

Dear God I need HELP SOMEONE LET ME OUT. IM BEGGING YOU.