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bleedingichorhearts · 5 days

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𝐄𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐲 & 𝐈𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐲

|°ᴛᴀɢ ʟɪꜱᴛ ᴀᴘᴘʟɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ°|

𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗: Careful on this one, was not feeling nice.

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖉: @kit-williams, @egrets-not-regrets, @bispecsual, @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan, @sleepyfan-blog.

TW // Death Of Child, Death Of Spouse, Grief, Depression, Car Accident.

Zadkiel carefully observes this woman viewing the settling landscape from the glass window of the human medical wing. Warm colors of the sun turning cold across the city’s rooftop’s for the moon to rise. The back of her still form turning into a black silhouette.

He worry’s the resting sun would be too bright for her to look at, but she sits still upon her chair with wheels. Her eyes never looking away from the sun, never blinking at it. It was like she wasn’t affected by it at all. He would have thought her blind if he couldn’t see how her eyes were not the white of blindness, but… dull. Not glazed with life.

Now he worries about what had happened to this woman. To make her loose such sentience on this Ancient Terra that was way better than future Terra where billions would loose their sanity the moment they step out of a Hive City. Where on this Ancient Terra it was more… free and lasting. Happy, some might say.

Why wasn’t this woman happy? Shining like the brightest star in the universe? He was sure she would look radiant with a bright smile on her face, he can envision it. How her body would glow like gold with a simple smile, or how her laugh would gracefully flow through the strings of time. Little dimples on her cheeks visible against her giggles.

Yet, here she is. Her glowing star long burnt out, exploded into dust and rock. Her smile nothing but a flatline on those soft lips of hers. Distraught by something that he wants to know. That he wants to avenge, to heal.

Such beauty should never look so dull. They should be polished, enriched for a better shine. They should be carefully cared for and cleaned with the softest cloth to be set as the finest jewelry upon the galaxies. Not that she already was; a diamond in creation. Set against the suns glow, but this one in particular had not been cared for in a long while. She had not been cherished.

Oh, how he wants to decorate her body with the finest treasures he can find: rubies, diamonds, gold and silver. She would look absolutely remarkable in them. To have them wrapped around her precious neck as a necklace, or around her petite wrists like a bracelet. Perhaps have them pierced into her skin?

Ah, but he doesn’t want to ruin the natural beauty of her. Not matter how much she is doused in his gifts, her organic beauty could never compare to any loyal material worthy of her skin. She was simply too elegant for a simple diamond to be place onto her skin. For copper to stain her skin green. Something that he makes a quick note to himself of not giving her such a low quality metal.

He then stops himself for a moment, his helmet tilting to the side. Questioning himself now. Since when did he want to know of this woman? To adore her with gifts? To make sure she was properly cared for and thriving once more? As far as he’s concerned he shouldn’t even be here at this human medical wing right now. It was way past the “visiting times,” and he has no reason to be here.

Yet, the simple thought of leaving the side of this woman chips at his heart’s like a chisel. Squeezing so unnecessarily at him for thinking about anything negative on her behalf. Which was just leaving her side and nothing harmful like some others would snide about. Almost humiliating it. Wishing they could cut them down with ease but they never could. Finding a calming solstice in their small and aging humanity.

Zadkiel then realizes this was the work of the Warp testing him. Calling out to him to be here or else he wouldn’t be here in the first place, admiring a hidden jewel behind laminated glass. A “bond” his cousins and brethren had told him about it, in more ways than one. How some were blessed with it or downright cursed, refusing that bond that sounded… very hurtful to do.

He stands there behind the woman now confused on… what to do. Should he accept this bond and cherish the woman like he wants to? Craves to do? Or hurtfully reject it? Leave the woman to continue looking out the glass window with him feeling ever more regrettable the more he walks away?

He heard stories were most tried to reject their bond naturally, only to get very “sick” when too long without them. Forcing them to become bonded if they wanted to be primed back into their original state. Some would actually kill their bonded, but suffer severe consequences after it. Having its price to pay. Not a lot come back from that one, but he doesn’t want to live in fear of a bond. It’s not what he wants. What he wants to do is admire the bond, be attentive to bond. Protect the bond with his life. He wants to adore this woman.

He knows he is younger than his older battle-brother’s, but he wasn’t that young to be a cocky scout. He definitely had his experiences and medals in war to have a will of choosing his own decisions, but this one seemed more… prominent. It was not something he could kill and forget or walk off on, no. It was… more than that. Nothing that he had experience on.

“She won’t move, no matter how long you stare.” He hears the masculine voice of the human approaching behind him. Hearing him a few, beeping floors down before making it to him. The nerves of his spine tickling to move him so he can put the male nurse a little less close to the silent woman, but he doesn’t move. Finding it… indecisive to do so. He wants to move the man away, but at the same time he thinks it’s unreasonable for him to do so. This man was barely a threat to him, nor anyone else around him. An apprentice of a human Apothecary at most.

His head tilts to his other side when he puts more thought into the apprentices’ words rather than pursuing his instincts to throw him out the window for taking another step forward into what he deems the women’s bubble. She… won’t move? Why won’t she move? He doesn’t smell anything on her that tells him she is injured? More like… nothingness.

That alarms him when he realizes he can’t smell anything on her. No natural scent, no family, no spouse, nor children, not even a shift in emotion, nothing. There was nothing on this woman for him to recognize her, and that hurts him in a way. How is he to protect her if he doesn’t recognize her? How is he supposed to keep her safe if he doesn’t know what she smells like? What made her aura and scent feel so… empty? That last thought made him straighten up his form, righting his posture.

“She used to be a mother.” The nurse talks to him in a sudden, smaller voice. Zedkiels’ black helm turning to look down at the apprentice with his red visor that turned to glow once the sun fully went over the city’s rooftops, turning the ending day to the beginning of night.

Zadkiel feels like he should get this start of the conversion from the woman herself. Not wanting to get information that maybe untruthful, but this could be a way for him to start recognizing her. He doesn’t have to recognize her by scent or kin. He can do it the more… classy way. He could learn about her to have a more better feel of the bond. To try and connect with her through her soul.

The apprentice with short, messy, brown hair glances up at him before glancing back at the woman. Unable to handle being under the red hue of his visor staring him down. His hands tucking his clipboard to his chest as Zedkiel gives him a small but questioning head tilt, wanting to learn more on this tragic woman that he has a pull to.

“She… she lost the child however, due to a car crash.” The man continues, tightening his arms around his clipboard. Clearly indicating this was a wide and saddening event that had happened here with this woman. “A son it was going to be.”

Zadkiel gets a hit of anger through his systems at that, shuffling his weight. He knows these… car crashes are quite common in this world; having it world wide count of deaths, but an unborn son involved in it? He believes that is heresy itself! Just where was the father in all of this?! Did he abandon her just because she lost a heir?!

“Her husband couldn’t be found in the process of her recovery.” The apprentice sighs heavily. “Yet, once he was found, it hurt to tell the already grieving patient that he wasn’t alive himself. Either by suicide or murder. I do not know, just started working that day, and everyone was not the same that day.”

The heatwaves of his anger cool off at that information of her… husband being in the afterlife, something that most can’t prevent, but Zedkiel can’t help but be put off by it. How could one lose a mate that wasn’t in the car crash? The mate couldn’t have known in time if he lost had lost his youngling to make a suicide attempt.

“She wasn’t the same.” The apprentice adds, gesturing his head towards the woman making his helmet turn back to her. His reflection bouncing off the dark window just as hers did. Her dull eyes never leaving her own reflection. “Never moved much unless it was necessary or when we gently push her to walk around the halls. Never stoped staring through blank walls and windows. Started eating less and less. Never responded again either; all signs of a Major Depression Disorder.”

Depression Disorder? He had heard of this… disorder before by his Apothecary. The head smaller medic giving a lecture when a few of his younger brethren questioned the older Apothecary about it while he was getting his wings preened. He learned that day, just as his brethren did. That disorder is something that could potentially cause death to a bond if not treated, nor cared for correctly. That’s when some of his bonded brethren butt in with some questions of their own if anything such comes to their bonded. Wanting to know how to treat it and prevent it from happening which the medic agreeably responds with some symptoms and how to treat it. Though, he gives on extra warning to stay close to their bonded, wherever they may go when the disorder had deeply affected the bonded.

Zadkiel instincts overboard him when he suddenly takes a cautious step forward. Not wanting to crack the floor underneath him or scare his bonded away as her eyes make contact with his visor reflection in the window, her awareness sending a surprising shiver down his spine.

She reminds him of a mute swan: a large, white, water bird he seen in a younglings book and at many bodies of water he’s flown across, or even flown with a bevy of them. Squawking at him for taking up their V formation, not afraid to take his own feathers off. Despite their…intent to get him off his own flight path, they were a beautiful creature to see; just like this grief stricken woman.

He take another and another step despite the apprentice telling him he wouldn’t be able to do much, they have already tried, but Zadkiel just won’t except that as an excuse for him not to approach who he has and is being pulled to, his little swan.

The closer that he gets to his swan the more his instincts impatiently urge him on, but he does hesitate a little when her eyes narrow a little on him in the reflection. Making him briefly think he should get closer to her at a slower rate, but his instincts flare up again. Pushing him forward to kneel in front of his swan with a thunk to the ground, cracking the flooring anyways.

His instincts tell him to get a move on and touch his swan already! Coo at her! But he doesn’t. He stays still kneeling in front of her, looking down at her, waiting for her. His Apothecary words running through his mind to keep him absolutely still. He needs to wait on his fragile swan to make a move before he does.

A long, seamless moment pass by with the apprentice threatening to call security in the background for evading a patient’s privacy. Yet he doesn’t move at the wasteful threat, gaining a reward instead when his little swans eyes finally turn away from his reflection in the window and look up at him. Getting the man to shut up about his boring threats of rules.

He waits a few moments longer as the apprentice sucks in air between his teeth, forgetting how to breathe as his swan slowly lifts up her delicate hand up to his helm. Her nails briefly, brushing up the ceramite of his helmet before resting on the cheek of it. Cooling his raging instincts at her touch.

Her hand stays there where he breaks from his own will to coo, purr and very gently nuzzle into her hand. Keeping an eye on her when he does, watching how she seemed to relax at his actions. His heart’s beating at her acception as he vows to never leave her side until the day he is slain.

Let’s get you to fly once more, little swan.

#warhammer 40k #space marine husbandry sentience #fanfiction #adeptus astartes x reader #adeptus astartes #space marine x reader #space marine #oc: Zadkiel #raven guard #tw: death of child #tw: death of spouse #tw: grief #tw: depression #tw: car accident

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