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#sorry... I ramble
poppy-thatcher · 1 year
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Kintsugi (Bakugo Katsuki)
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A/N: I don't even care if anyone reads or likes this one. It's 100% self-indulgent. Though, I guess they all are. But this one let me get stuff off my chest that I've been bottling up.
All this to say... I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years.
The argument at the beginning is, more or less, how our last conversation went. I held back on some of the more cruel things he said to me. And the part after... that's me mending my broken heart the only way I know how to. With protective, cocky, Pro-Hero Bakugo.
You thought he was your forever... but who knew forever had an expiration date. But no worries... your shattered heart won't stay broken for long. And him, he plans to mend your shattered pieces with gold.
Warnings: Cursing from you-know-who. Suggestive talk.
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Everything with him tonight felt forced. His smile wasn’t as bright, his attention a little spacey. When I gingerly walked him to his car, clutching my hurt side tightly in my hand, he spun to face me. The sheen in his eyes glossed them more than normal. My heart hammered in my chest. This look was very familiar to me. One I didn’t want to see ever again, one I was promised I’d never bear witness to again. A look I witnessed when we took our 3-month break after 3 years of being together.
With a wavering semblance of braveness, I stepped in front of him, my eyes immediately catching his as I spoke words I didn’t want to. 
“Just… just talk to me, please,” I muttered, trying to get him to open up to me, to relay an ounce of what he was feeling. “I can see the pain in your eyes when you look at me, please stop hiding whatever it is you’re afraid to tell me!”
“I’m… I’m moving back home in a few months!” He shouted, a single tear streaking down his handsome face.
He knew this new adventure was something I couldn’t follow him on. He knew I had things here that tied me down to my location, my home.
“I love you more than I’ve loved anyone or anything,” he gently smiled at me, “But I can’t stay here with you any longer. This place makes me feel like my life is stagnant, like I’m wasting my time. I need to get out of here.” 
“Oh.” I quietly said.
“We don’t have to split up right away. I’ll be here a few more months before I head back. We can spend our last months together, making memories.”
I nodded, a hollow feeling in my chest, and stepped back. For the first time in our 6-year relationship, I didn’t feel like seeing him or being in close proximity to him.
“Are you okay?”
 I didn’t know how to answer that loaded question. My recent surgery left me weak, mentally and physically. Then the person my life circled around, the person I sacrificed pieces of myself for to make sure stayed happy, felt as though his life was stagnant. I had felt like the world’s biggest failure. What good was I if I couldn’t even make my closest friend feel like life with me was something worth sticking around for? Adding an impending expiration date on what we shared didn’t seem like the healthy option but my nerves made me keep those thoughts to myself. Maybe, just maybe, the little time afforded was better than nothing.
Silent tears streaked down my face. I gently wiped them away and looked into his alluring eyes.
“I understand that you have to go. But remember that I’ll miss you more than you can imagine.”
And he tightly pulled me into his chest, holding me close.
I quietly whispered, “I wish you would stay with me, but I understand why you have to go.”
He scoffed and pushed away from me a bit, “That’s a really selfish thing to say!”
I blinked rapidly, my eyes making contact with his, trying to figure out if his loud tone was genuine or if he was joking.
“Sorry?” I said, or more like questioned, unsure how to handle the new situation. Apologies always fell so easily from my lips in an attempt to stop the ever-ticking time bomb from combusting.
“Are you really though?” He asked, his brows furrowing as he kept me at arm’s length.
“For telling you how I really feel? No. I guess I’m sorry that I shared my feelings with you though.” I snapped back.
He gently pushed me away from his hold, pushing himself a few steps away to create space between us again.
“My life is stagnant because you made it that way! You,” and he exhaled, running his hands through his shoulder-length hair, “you made my life stagnant. You’re this burden I didn’t ask for, this dead weight that I can’t bother to carry. I deserve to live my life without dealing with your problems. I have my own to take care of.”
I loudly swallowed, attempting to keep my tears at bay. I pushed as far away as I could, not wanting him to hear the moment my heart shattered beyond repair.
“I didn’t ask for your help…” and he quickly cut off my rant.
“You’ve done absolutely nothing with your life and I don’t want that to be me! If I stay with you, here, I’ll end up sad and pathetic like you. So I’m moving.” 
I nodded, putting my head down to not display the silent tears streaking down my face.  
He stepped close, heavily sighing, and raised my face to look into his stupid mesmerizing eyes.  
“Making you cry was the last thing I wanted to do.” 
I pulled my face out of his hands, keeping my eyes to the ground.
Knowing someone I cared deeply about felt this way about me broke me to my core. He knew I felt this way about myself. He knew hearing these things would undoubtedly hurt me beyond repair. He knew this was something I struggled with immensely. Feeling like I was a burden, like I wasn’t enough, like I was just wandering through life trying to find my purpose and coming up empty-handed every time. 
“We can stay together until I move, if you want. I don’t want us to end this way, on this horrible note.” 
I scoffed and rolled my eyes, wondering why he thought that was something I’d even want to do. No matter how much I stupidly still loved and cared for him, being with someone when there was an expiration date didn’t feel all that healthy. Even more so when I knew I was nothing but a burden to him.  
“I’d really rather not. No sense in staying some place I'm not wanted.” I exhaled, trying to stay strong and stop the tears from flowing.  
“I thought you loved me?” he snarled, scoffing back at me.  
“Funny, I could say the same to you. But you don’t feel that way about someone you love. Someone you love is never a burden, never dead weight. They’re someone you encourage… not put down.” 
“Oh, now you’re just being a selfish asshole about it!” 
I scoffed again, realizing this idiot never loved me. Not in the way that I loved him. He couldn't possibly love me with the way he was dismissing my feelings so casually. The way he always did, now that I thought about it. It was clear that he only ever loved himself.  
I spun to go back inside my apartment but was quickly turned to face my new ex.  
“There’s no coming back from this. Walk away now and I’ll not look back, I’ll not love you ever again.” 
I roughly yanked my arm from his grasp, “Like you ever did.” 
And I slammed the door in his face.  
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I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, mindlessly trying to juggle everything in my hands while I made my way through the people to get to the cash register that sat on the other side of the store.
I could see my destination in sight. But before I could even make it that far someone bumped into me, sending all my held items tumbling to the floor.  
I pouted and kneeled, beginning to pick them up slowly, mentally trying to figure out how I would balance them again by myself.  
His voice cut through the air as he called my name. My heart clenched and I quickly looked up into his familiar mesmerizing eyes.  
“Wow, it’s good to see you! You look…. well... you look great!” he smiled down at me, not helping me pick my things off the ground, just watching as I struggled.  
I smiled and quietly thanked him, not wanting to be rude and have him cause a scene. I went back to my task, paying him no mind. After a few struggles, I stood, hands full once again, and saw that he was still standing in front of me. He looked down to my full arms and gave me this smug look.  
“Retail therapy? Still brokenhearted after all these months?” he smirked that deadly smirk that always made my heart race.  
It did absolutely nothing to me this time. 
I lightly laughed.  
“You think I’m still hung up on you?” 
And he leaned in close to me, making me try to take a step back, newly realizing I was already far too close to a clothing display to afford that luxury.  
“You’re not?” And he brushed his fingers across my new bangs, carding his hand through my hair as I tried to find a way to make space between us.  
“I’d sure as hell hope not. Not when she’s got someone like me to turn to!” I heard the gruff voice behind him.  
I exhaled, finally feeling more at ease.  
Katsuki pushed my ex out of my personal space and grabbed all the clothes I had in my hands, tsking and glaring at my ex for not even offering me any help. He winked my way and went to the cash register, everyone parting ways for the big Pro-Hero.  
My ex opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But Katsuki’s booming voice cut him off.  
“Oi, short shit… get that perfect ass over here!” he said, knowing his words made my face heat up and my cheeks and ears to tinge pink.  
“Sorry,” I said to my ex, passing him.
Old habits die hard.  
My ex, unknowingly to me, followed slowly behind. No doubt, to see what I was doing with a Pro-Hero.  
“Do you have to be so loud?” I quietly murmured, blushing Katsuki’s way.  
He smirked, making my face that much more red, and pulled me tightly into himself, coiling his hands around my waist and resting them at the apex of my butt.  
“I don’t havta be, sweet cheeks,” he said, nudging my nose with his perfect one, “but I want that idiot of an ex to stay the fuck away from what’s mine.” 
“Yours, huh?” I smirked back, biting my lower lip.  
Katsuki’s eyes immediately drifted to my lips and then his vibrant vermilion eyes met mine quickly.  
“Why did you have to get so much stuff?!?” he whined, turning to the cashier who was still ringing my items up, but not daring to remove his hands from my waist.  
“You said go wild!” I laughed, “You could have gotten here sooner, ya know? So you could reign me in!” 
“No, no. I wanted ya to get the things ya wanted. I just… I need ya like right fuckin’ now. And this is gonna take us all day!” 
“It will not, you’re such a baby!” I laughed as he grabbed me tightly in his arms, nuzzling his head into my chest as I ran my fingers through his soft hair, making him purr. 
“So… you using the hero for his money?” my ex said, finally making himself known.  
Katsuki didn’t move from his position, just turned his head to make eye contact with my ex. He didn’t say anything but the glare he gave him made my ex take a step back.  
“It’s just… she wasn’t particularly well off when we split. And it’s only been a handful of months since then. I didn’t think she’d replace me that quickly. Not to mention, she’s probably not found anything she’s particularly good at, right? She still kinda stagnant in life?” 
I loudly swallowed, trying to not let my ex’s words get to me. Before I could say anything Katsuki stood straight up but kept me tightly in his arms.  
“I’m gonna explain shit to you so your dumbass might learn somethin'. One, she’s not using me for my money. I care for her deeply and takin’ care of all her needs, gettin’ to see that beautiful fuckin’ smile is worth more than money can ever buy. Two, she’s not required to figure herself out in a set timeframe. Some of us take time to grow and learn what we want outta life. What she needed was someone to challenge her, inspire her, and encourage her to do and be whatever the fuck she wants to be. Whenever the hell she wants to be it. I got nothin’ but time when it comes to her.” And he pushed my bangs back, kissing my forehead, as I blushed again.  
My ex stood there, brows pulled together, mouth agape. Katsuki turned back his way, keeping me tightly to his side as his hand rubbed methodically on my bare arm.  
“By the way. She’s not stagnant. I’ve had her for 4 months and she’s blossomed into everything I could have needed her to be. She’s attentive and a people pleaser. I might have taken advantage of that fact a few times. She’s understanding of me and my hero work. And she’s just genuinely great at everything she does. I wouldn’t change a fuckin’ thing about her beautiful ass. How’s your life goin’ though, pal? Weren’t you supposed to move back to your hometown or some shit like that?” Katsuki laughed, handing the cashier his card, “hey, your loss is my gain. And I ain’t letting her go as easily as you did. I’m gonna marry her and make her have all my fuckin’ kids.” 
“Jokes on you, she didn’t want kids!” my ex laughed.  
Katsuki smirked at him, then looked at me, “She probably didn't wanna have them with a man-child like you. But she’ll have my kids. Won’t ya, kitten?” 
I nodded, blushing, thinking about all the things Katsuki was promising me. I had never met a man who knew what he wanted before. It was shocking and very refreshing.  
“Also, it’s her birthday, fuck face. I’d spend my whole paycheck on her if she’d only let me.” 
The cashier handed me my bags and Katsuki quickly took them from me, tucking me into his side and kissing my forehead.  
“I’m not sure why you’re still hangin’ around. But we’re headin' to my place so I can give her another, bigger, better birthday gift. You’re not invited. I don't share. Later, idiot.” And he pulled us past my ex, making me smile from ear to ear.  
When we stepped outside I pulled myself from Katsuki’s side, bending over, hands on my knees, to catch my breath.  
“Damn, babe. Are you okay?” Katsuki asked, gently trying to move my curtained hair from my face so he could assess me.  
I took a huge gasp in, throwing my head back, finally releasing my loud laugh.  
He rolled his eyes lightly chuckling to himself.  
“You scared the shit out of me, asshole! Jeez!” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to his fancy car that Valet had brought around.  
“Sorry, but goodness. I couldn’t have asked for a better chance encounter with that jerk. You have just given me the most incredible birthday gift ever!” I said, finally standing in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and playing with his hair that loosely hung at his nape.  
“Nah, don’t think I’m done now beautiful. I got ya a lot more things waitin' up at my place.” He smirked.  
“If it isn’t a puppy, I don’t want it.” I laughed, joking with him.  
“What if I beg instead?” he smiled nice and big. A sight I didn’t see too often.  
“I guess that works,” I said, laughing at him while he ushered me to the opened passenger door, waiting for me to get inside.
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Unnecessary Extra A/N: If you did, thanks for making it this far in my ridiculous little self-indulgent story. That first bit hurt to re-read. I haven't cried much over the split. Like yeah, the first day absolutely killed me. My eyes were pretty much glued shut. I wasted 6 of my years with someone I thought was my forever. Not only that, but I was still recovering from emergency surgery and on strong pain meds. It all felt like such a horrid nightmare. But yeah... I cried reading that scene this time. Part of me sometimes thinks I overreacted to the situation. But the rational/logical part of myself felt like the split was a long time coming. Looking back at it now, the relationship was incredibly toxic. He suffered from really bad depression (way worse than my own) and I feel like I sacrificed a lot of myself to try and make sure he was happy. In doing so, I lost myself. I lost that person who loved to be artistic, crafty, and loved to write. I spent so much of my time with him, worrying over so much, that I now have the most horrid anxiety. Some days I feel I'm beyond repair. But the episodes are getting further from each other. I have felt more my original self in our time apart than I have in quite a long while. And I'm incredibly thankful for that semblance of peace I've managed to regain. Sadly, we run in the same circles, so seeing him will always be a possibility. Hopefully, I get the same kind of relief my written self got here. Someone who can appreciate me for who I am and encourage me to be an even better version of myself. I'm definitely not in a rush, since I want to get my old self back and do things that make me happy again, but patiently waiting for my Bakugo! 😆
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teaboot · 4 months
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On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.
I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.
It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.
I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.
My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.
Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.
It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.
I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".
Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.
Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.
It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.
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camilleflyingrotten · 2 months
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bizarrelittlemew · 2 months
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i can't wait to be 30+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 40+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 50+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 60+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 70+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 80+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 90+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to look back on my life and know that i loved things deeply and passionately and was inspired to create and was part of communities with incredible people from all over the world brought together by the stories that touched us
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tariah23 · 4 months
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secondbeatsongs · 1 year
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as a bi person, the bisexual flag brings me infinite joy and always puts a smile on my face, however as a person who has a Passion for Graphic Design, that undersaturated shade of purple infuriates me when it's used digitally
like, on an actual flag - which was its original purpose - it looks great!
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those look fine! lovely, even! with the semi-transparent fabric, the way it catches the sunlight, it looks beautiful!
but now look at how it looks digitally
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the pink and blue are so vibrant compared to the sad, lonely lavender!
and let's look at this statement from Michael Page, the creator of the bi flag:
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(sidenote: he created this flag in 1998, so if his takes on bisexuality is different from yours, it's okay to notice that! a lot has changed since the 90s when it comes to lived experiences and the way we describe them. but, it's also important to respect his thoughts about this and the way he presented them, even if today, we'd probably not say that bi people "blend unnoticeably into both the gay/lesbian and straight communities.")
so in pantone colors, the pink is 226 C, the blue is 286 C, and the purple of the flag is 258 C.
but...here's the deal
Michael talks here about how the key to understanding the symbolism is to know that the purple blends into both the pink and blue. and on a physical flag, I think you can see that!
but digitally, it absolutely does not blend. it clashes badly, and looks oddly separate from the other two colors.
which got me wondering...what purple do you get if you actually blend 226 C and 286 C?
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oh! oh, my god.
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look at that! look at how nicely it fits between those colors!
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look at it next to the original color scheme! look at how much more vibrant the purple is!
and friends. this is just blending through rgb! you get even more purple variations when you use other color spaces!
let's compare all of them:
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(top: original, lab. middle: lrgb, lch. bottom: rgb, hsl)
look at all of the different purple options you can get just by combining these two colors!
if you want almost too-vibrant saturation, you can go hsl, if you want something more relaxed that's closer to the original, you can go lab or lrgb. and if you want to split the difference, lch is bright and violet, while rgb is there with its saturated but darker purple.
anyway, I guess I don't really have a point here? this isn't so much an informational post as it is Me Getting Weird About Colors, but I think it is a useful lesson about how colors look very different on screens compared to how they look on objects in real life.
and sometimes, I think it's okay to compensate for that.
out of all of these, this is my favorite bi flag:
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it's the one where the colors were blended in lab color space. for me, the lighter, softer purple is close enough to the original bi flag purple, while also feeling like a smoother blend of the blue and pink
but that's just me! and it might not even look the same to you, since every screen is different, because technology is a nightmare!
anyway, thank you for coming with me on this colorful journey! I will now retreat back to inkscape and make pained sounds about inkstitch gradients until something tangible pulls me back into reality
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frownyalfred · 3 months
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I 100% believe Lois Lane requested the presence of Bruce Wayne in her delivery room.
Nobody, not even the League, understood until it was time to give birth and Clark froze up at her bedside. Bruce was there to coach them both through it, as Clark’s friend and as Lois’ human reinforcements.
(Bruce flew to Metropolis in a helicopter when he got the news. He found Clark ashen and trembling at Lois’ side, eyes clenched shut as she screamed. He slid into place like he’d never been missing, talking Lois AND Clark through it like he delivered babies every day of the week)
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Mischaracterization in fics is annoying and can sometimes make me be like “he would not say that” EXCEPT when I do it. he would say that because I am holding him at gunpoint to do so
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collabwithmyself · 11 months
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how has NOBODY else made a gif of nimona's tapetum lucidum yet it made me go insane
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wawataka · 2 years
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they fucking did it again they baby-fied mob bones give me the middle schooler id be terrified to run into at the store back
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scalierpepper · 11 days
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Canaan crew appreciation post ^
(All scenes from Reinaeiry's Take Me to Church but it's EPIC video.)
Also, there was a lot of thought put into the details and compositions for this video, and it was like 4 months of my life so I want to talk abt it ! For lack of better place to do so I've dumped everything under the cut again:
Some details/process I personally enjoy:
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I used images of pluto as my color scheme for the ninth house:
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And last but not least, perhaps one of my favorite details of the whole project...we took inspo from religious and classical imagery for a big handful of the compositions or poses. The art I chose to pair with each scene was very intentional:
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certified-moth-moment · 8 months
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GOOD OMENS DAY! SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE EARTH!
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applestruda · 8 months
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*falls through the ceiling and comes crashing to the ground*
SECRET LIFER DESIGNS BUT THEY ALL HAVE PERSONALIZED LIKE, BOOK HOLSTERS FOR THEIR TASKS THAT THEY GET EACH SESSION
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ekko-idk · 1 month
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Laios: people are hard to understand... There's way too many social rules to follow, popular conversation topics, eye contact, etc. They also rarely say what they mean and often they say the opposite, so much so that misunderstandings happen regularly.. Monsters are predictable animals with a set of rules and precautions you can follow to either tame or defeat them. if you know what to do, they're very easy to deal with!
Kabru: monsters are wild creatures with jerky unpredictable movements.. Their attitude can change in a second and if you don't have an insane amount of knowledge about them they can be, and often are, very dangerous. Human cultures often have strict and easy to follow rules that depend on certain communication strategies that are somewhat agreed upon universally. People no matter of background also react the same to many things (smiling, frowning, pupil dilation, etc.). if you know what to do, they're very easy to deal with!
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nabulsi · 3 months
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literally cannot trust white lgbtq ppl because they need to insert white queerness into a cause in order to care about it
trans Palestinians are here. gay, bi, pan, ace, gnc... etc Palestinians. we HAVE been here the whole time. if you even care lmao
you don't need to literally stalk the social media of a dead man who wanted to be identified as a cis man in his final moments to inject white queerness into our cause.
actually examine why you need to speculate about a hypothetical white trans woman remaining closeted when there are closeted queer Palestinians in Gaza who lived and were martyred in the closet. countless living queer Gazans who are just trying to survive. who don't feel the need to live tweet about being queer under genocide because it's none of everyone's business
Examine why someone has to share an axis of oppression with you in order for you to care about them at all? the lives of queer people are not more valuable than the cishet people under genocide and Israeli rockets will not discriminate.
what the fuck is wrong with you?
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sutorus · 4 months
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this is best friend’s dad!toji and reader
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