#sorry tags are as long and ranting as the post. guess i have way too much to say. and i haven't talked much about my mother yet bloody hell
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No, seriously, what the FUCK is going on with this summer. Why is everything so weird and happening all at once.
I need it all to stop because I don't know how much longer I can deal with the weirdness.
Personal rant below, to avoid spamming your dash.
My mother cheats with a guy 32 years younger than her. Alright. She wants a divorce from my father and starts spewing shit about him. Um, okay. My father goes into depression, rage, pain, stability, rince and repeat. Sure, no problem, I know his character and I understand what's going on with him right now. My own anger, pain and incomprehension can take the backseat.
My father's water well suddenly stops working for 3 weeks, impossible to water the trees in the middle of a summer from hell. Problem, but after weeks of checking everything, wasting money on pieces of the pump and ferrying around workers, we manage to find that the problem is neither the pump nor the water levels, but the pipe that was cracked on like 5cm and it only needed to be cut. 3 weeks and thousands of dirhams wasted for nothing. Really annoying.
Weird lights in the sky, sudden gusts of wind carrying around sand and dust, heat, no rain, dry storms... Yeah. Eerie on the good days, downright creepy scary on the bad days.
The dog next house that we go give water every couple of days to avoid seeing him die of neglect before our eyes, climbing the wall and improvising a machinery to get him water. Weird, but okay. The owner of the dog actually made an appearance, my father scolded him in his very polite but firm way, told him that I was giving the dog water and to leave the rope we se to get the jerrycan, the owner agreed (he's a distant cousin of my father, welcome to Moroccan countryside, family tree more like family maze).
But now, half an hour ago, my dad is chilling in the garden talking with one of his cousins, my sister is inside reading, I'm on the veranda reading, all lights are turned off, when suddenly there's a guy entering the backyard where we have a peach tree with a couple of green peaches and the windows of our bedrooms. He just. Jumped down a wall, stole a peach, run across the backyard in front of my sister's room where she was about to get changed, climbed the back stairs and jumped over another wall.
... WHAT.
And then my father apparently saw him from the garden, and barefoot went running after him, and apparently ran around the entire village after him, met one of his cousins and his nephew, came back home without catching the guy (not even a guy, a teenager, 15-16yo). Sister and I are just about giving up on trying to understand the weirdness of the entire summer, deciding on going to give water to the dog before going to bed. I'm reaching the top of the wall when suddenly my uncle, his wife, his brother-in-law, my two cousins, my father's cousin that was there at the beginning all arrive. Oh, I forgot to mention, it's HALF PAST MIDNIGHT.
I'm. I'm fucking giving up, how in the name of SANITY am I supposed to write a bloody master's thesis in these circumstances??? I forgot to mention my sister's heart problems, the people building houses all around my dad's field and the weird encounters we have with these foreigners who already know of our reputation (did I mention that my father is kinda famous/infamous in the region because he doesn't bow down to the corrupted authorities like everyone else... That brings troubles too), the countless taxi trips to get to the town to by groceries and counting every coin because we have neither car nor money, both belonging to my mother, my mother moving houses, my mother in general...
I AM DONE. (they say, knowing full well they can't actually be excused from the narrative because their most important people need them)
#personal rant#don't mind me#just exteriorizing the sheer mad weirdness we've been experiencing all summer#summer from hell#my life as a telenovela#rapha rambles#is anyone else experiencing everything all at once all the time? just weird day upon weird day with only some moments of quiet?#i have never had such a bizarre summer as i'm currently having#i'm supposed to be focused on writing my thesis and finding a new flat and a job#not whatever all of this is#and i can't actually drop everything because that's what my dear mother did and someone need to pick up the slack#i just know that if i decide to give up and drop tail the weight will be on my little sisters shoulders#and my father will be one step closer to actually killing himself or letting himself die#and i just refuse to be that selfish. my mother turned out to be selfish and tries to pass it up as looking out for herself and just NO.#i just need one quiet week where NOTHING happens NOTHING AT ALL and i know i can write that thesis#but the weirdness is just piling up#one day 20 years in the future my sister and i will just write a book about this summer and it'll be a bestseller just wait for it#sorry tags are as long and ranting as the post. guess i have way too much to say. and i haven't talked much about my mother yet bloody hell#alright i'm done
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Regularly-scheduled NOISZ SL Propaganda/j
Happy Pride Month.
As such, I'd like to make a recommendation of a game I feel has great LGBTQ representation, that's written by LGBTQ people: NOISZ STΔRLIVHT, available on iOS and Android.
You play as the Producer for the idol group STΔRLIVHT. As musicians around the world are suddenly disappearing, STΔRLIVHT nearly finds themselves meeting the same fate, until a mysterious woman named Beyond grants them the power of the NOISZ.
The group members strength their bonds, fight musical monsters from another world, and learn more about the complexities of each other's lives.
It's a bullet-hell rhythm game, consisting of 4-key (aka 4k) sections cut between (and on higher difficulties, overlapped with) moving your character around the screen to dodge bullets.
The game has a variety of queer characters (although those whose existence/queerness are spoilers will not be mentioned).
Sera and Grace are two members of the main idol group and are playable characters in battle. They're also dating and have been since the end of middle school. They have a kind, supportive relationship where Sera's extreme ambitiousness (leading to getting overwhelmed) is supported by Grace's kindness. Grace's extreme selflessness is supported by Sera's powerful affection. They complement each other well.
They have two love songs: Done in Love by Iris, and First Star by Synthion, the latter of which is the tutorial song. Both are available as charts, but they do cost money for the Clover Club Pass and Dia Club Pass respectively.
The beginning of Sera and Grace's relationship is the central focus on the prequel visual novel game 2ECONDS TO STΔRLIVHT: Forever My Diamond, which is available on Steam, and on mobile as part of the free prequel VN 2ECONDS TO STΔRLIVHT+.
There are recurring event alts in which Sera and Grace wear each other's casual clothes, and honestly, I love that so much. Good for them.
Hakuno is canonically a trans woman, this fact being the central plot point of her and Sumire's prequel visual novel 2ECONDS TO STΔRLIVHT: My Heart's Reflection. A heads-up about MHR, the game does depict transphobia, misgendering, and family confrontation and does give warnings for it on boot-up. There is an option to obscure misgendering language; however, this only censors out incorrect pronouns/gendered terms with asterisks.
Grace's, Sera's, and Hakuno's queerness are directly mentioned very early in the main game's story, too, during Chapter 0.IV.
The game doesn't shy away from these aspects when it's relevant to the plot, but that also isn't the entire point (unfortunately, I can't name said most central focus, as I'd consider it a spoiler). The story juggles a few main threads throughout, and some of those happen to focus on queerness.
There is representation outside of STΔRLIVHT, too: Rhyme (who is sapphic), Han (who is non-binary but doesn't show up in-person after MHR), and even the Producer herself can be sapphic if you select the option in which she comes out to STΔRLIVHT.
The representation is well-written, but that's a natural side effect of the story overall being very good. There are a lot of details that lend well to analysis, and some lines with very clear double-meaning that I fangirl over every time I see them. The characters all feel nuanced, even the antagonists. I don't know how to encapsulate what I like about the story, but I think the writing style and content work well for what it's trying to do, I'll say.
The way it builds on the lore established in the original NOISZ and the re:||VERSE DLC is very interesting, too. It very much messes with your expectations if you've played the original NOISZ, but then your knowledge comes in handy for understanding the plot later on. The connections are fascinating, in both how clear some are and how unclear others are. I'm excited for how the second half of the story will wrap things up.
The game is also very fun outside overall, and that's another reason I recommend it. The bullet hell and rhythm game work together very well, and there's a lot of fun, creative charting. Stellar song selection too, especially for an indie game, with a great pool of originals (although access to many of those is paywalled). Got some absolutely great musicians on for that like Camellia, Synthion, Iris, Soleily, Nhato, and Reku Mochizuki.
Anyway, that's what I wanted to say.
#zab.txt#long post#sorry? for this? hope it isn't annoying#rant in the tags#If you want me to give you the spoiler-y SL propaganda too? Message me and I can absolutely infodump at you#SL is monetized but they're one-time purchases catered toward the PC crowd who wants to pay $20 for their games and not think about it agai#og NOISZ is kinda gay but you have to be paying attention to see it#one relationship is very much 'blink and you'll miss it'#and the other is 'this feels like very much unofficial shipping but no it was word-of-god confirmed to be gay in some sort of way'#'how is it gay? they're very emotionally close I guess but it makes more sense to assume close friends without the word-of-god context'#but I mean I'm absolutely the hypeman for the second ship though (Beyond and Remora)#In the homoerotic roommates kind of way anyway bc I think that's a fun dynamic I choose to have as a headcanon
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re ur tags on that bruce springsteen tweet - if you ever wanna make a post abt ur thoughts on bruce and presenting masculinity, id love to hear em
Oh, you shouldn't support me on this, they are way too many thoughts and I don't even know if I can put them into words; but I guess this is that post now. Thank you for showing interest, and sorry in advance lmao.
Listen, Springsteen is the fucking epitome of butchnes, and funnily enough, he is so in a queer way. None of this is me claiming Springsteen is queer at all, but his presentation of masculinity is something very intentional, and it comes from a need to subvert the kind of masculinity he grew up around. It's quite literally a performance, his stage persona, and it's simultaneously a homage and a challenge to the idea of salt-of-the-earth, alpha manliness that he could never really achieve in real life.
As I've seen a post on tumblr say once, he's queer in much the same way that Dolly Parton is queer- as in, they aren't, but the gays still see themselves on them. Both are camp, in the sense that both are very intentionally playing the part of their gender to an almost artificial level; something queer people know all too well.
Because being butch for a cis man is usually just conforming to masculinity, it's about being cool and big and strong and all muscles; but being butch to anyone else is a sort of challenge. It's about proving yourself, while at the same time subverting the notions of gender and, especially, of masculinity, and turning it into something uniquely yours. In this sense, Springsteen talks about his stage persona as this one-dimensional shell of coolness that hides the complexities of being a man; of being kind and sensitive and of loving those around you openly and loudly.
In a way, his masculinity is a mix of everything his father was and everything he wished his father had been; of all the ways their identities clashed while he was looking for his own self. If he makes sure to look incredibly masculine on stage while he sings about the problems of America, the harshness of capitalism, about love and fear and beauty; if he's really butch while Clarence Clemons holds him in his arms and kisses him on the lips; it's at least a little bit about challenging his father. A man who forcibly shaved his long hair while he was immobilized because his son was looking too feminine.
And Springsteen's presentation of masculinity has other layers, not the least of which being the fact that it's a very blue collar, working class type of masculinity. His leather jackets and blue jeans and white t-shirts became a staple of the cool guy look, sure; but they came from growing up at a factory town, from being raised by a working man with the ideals of the 1950's and a very strict idea of what Being a Man means. Because life is tough, and to be a man you need to be tougher.
But there's also the context in which he started making his art. He was a kid, and he had a band, and he quickly found out that the places where that was seen as a good thing were the ones filled with other outcasts. So he made a career of singing at coastal bars and in gay clubs and of writing about those different lives, and eventually he found the E Street Band and met Clarence who "opened up the doors of soul for a poor white guy", and so both blackness and queerness influenced his very specific, and still very universally recognizable, version of masculinity. It's all intentional, and it's all much more complex than it might seem at first glance.
Anyways, sorry for ranting, I just have a lot of feelings about Bruce Springsteen and about masculinity as a performance.
#bruce springsteen#i really have way too many thoughts about this#but springsteen's manliness is to dolly parton's femininity as wrestling is to drag. I cant explain it but. yeah. gender performances.
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Important! Please read!
I'm tagging the people who are on the Love Bugs taglist, so if you don't feel like reading through all of this that's fine!
Tag(s): @camilaheroine @crazyunsexycool @whateverrrrrrrrs @wifeyofeveryone @louderfortheback @marvelousgoldroses
Hello everyone, first of all I wanna start by saying I'm sorry for having seemingly disappeared for the past week. I know that I was supposed to be uploading two new parts of Love Bugs on Monday and Thursday, and I've missed both days so far without so much as an explanation. The truth is, I've been logging in and out for days trying to come up with a justified excuse for this delay, but I decided today that I will just tell you the truth of what's really happening.
I'm not doing very good at the moment.
I know this seems like a pathetic excuse, but it's the truth. As some of you know, I'm a full time college student and I've been slammed with school work for the past week. I'm tired all the time. Whenever I have even a little bit of free time, I use it to sleep. Life is just so hectic for me right now that writing Love Bugs has been kinda put in the back burner.
But that's not all the reason why I've been MIA.
A few days ago, someone left me an anonymous ask telling me that I've done a terrible job on the last few parts of Love Bugs.
Now, at first, I was gonna be the bigger person and ignore them altogether. But apparently that one little comment did more damage than I ever thought it could. For the past week, every time I went to revise my drafts for Love Bugs, all I could think about was how badly I needed them to be done perfectly to make sure no one else was gonna have this same thought about the upcoming parts. I kept thinking that what I wrote was lacking something. That it wasn't good enough to be published yet. And as a drastic measure, I ended up uploading nothing at all.
I know it seems silly to be this badly affected by one rude comment when I've gotten nothing but love from everyone else. But I guess this is your daily reminder that words do hurt, and even if they are written on the internet, it doesn't make them hurt less because behind all of these makeshift profiles and avatars are real people with real feelings and emotions.
Today, I finally braced myself to make this post. I thought it was unfair for all of you to not be offered at least an explanation about what's happening. If you're wondering when I will finally upload the next chapter of Love Bugs, then I'm sorry to tell you that I don't know yet. I have one completed part, but as I've explained above, I just keep going back to revise it again and again because I'm just not satisfied with it.
So, there you go. The reason behind my absence. I want to remind all of you too while we're here to please, please, please be kind to all of the fic writers and/or other content creators in your fandom. We're all doing all of this free of charge. So please, if you don't like something we make, scroll past it. Don't be mean. We don't owe you anything. Don't ruin something that's supposed to be fun just because you don't find it as enjoyable as others might.
This is all I'm gonna say for now. Hopefully, I will have gotten my shit together by the time next upload schedule rolls around so that you guys could have the next part of Love Bugs on Monday.
Thank you for reading all the way through of this long-ass rant. Have a great day xx
#zaranting#love bugs#daily reminder to be kind and show love to your favorite fandom creators because they're the backbone of our society
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Chapter 8
GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER
That's right, after being out of commission for a couple months, chapter 8 is FINALLY finished.
AND I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN ASKING FOR IT:
Where the Stars Don't Shine is finally posted on ao3! The new chapter is here!
I am so so so sorry about the wait, so I made it extra long just for you guys! As always, @itsberrydreemurstuff, @bibooby, @laegume and @andyssilly, welcome back to the slumber party, I saved yall some front row seats! (If anyone else wants to be tagged just lemme know and I'll put ya in the next one!) Anyways, hope yall enjoy this, and without further ado-
On with the show!
Word Count: 4,962
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All your excitement during your encounter with Sun vanishes when it becomes clear just what sort of day it’s going to be.
You had a bit of a mixed bag in attendance today. All your regulars, plus a couple new faces here and there. It started out okay, really.
And then one new kid in particular showed his hand and cemented his legacy as one of the most spoiled children you have ever had the dishonor of meeting.
You try not to dwell on it and just move on, but this kid…this kid is awful . Pushing other kids around, turning his nose up at snacks and eating off other kids’ plates, ripping the heads off toys…
(You really have to remember to bring your sewing kit next time.)
You know it’s not the kid’s fault for his behavior, more of the people who raised him, and you try not to hold it against him, you really do. By the looks of it, Sun is trying, too, but both of your patience is drawing thin.
You draw the line when he tears out a page of your books that one of the other boys was reading.
You remind yourself repeatedly that you are not allowed to punch a child.
You do put him in time-out, though. And you can guess by this kid’s behavior that their parents are going to raise hell about it.
You discover some hours later that your assumption is completely correct when said parent comes in later to pick up their child and you confront them about the brat’s behavior, to which their response is an offended gasp and a rant about how awful your work ethic is and you’re not providing enough care this is why people like you are in jobs like this you’re lucky you’re even employed that makes the brick walls behind security desk that you have the strong urge to slam your head into all the more appealing. You stand there with a polite customer service smile and take it like the valued employee you are while trying to remember what temperature human flesh burns at before chastising yourself, until you’re thrown back into reality and catch the tail end of what she says.
“-and are you even listening to me right now? Ugh, you’re even denser than the robot, at least it can do its job right. You’re supposed to be the competent worker and you’re being beaten by a walking junkyard pile-”
Yeah, nope, not this again.
You bristle at her words, gritting your teeth slightly and forcing your smile to maintain itself. If it looks slightly more manic than intended, that can’t be helped, but you had always been good at playing the part of someone weaker than you. “I’m so sorry you feel that way, ma’am. I’m sure you can leave a review regarding our services on our website if you’d like. However, Fazbear does not tolerate abuse and slander of any of its staff. Thanks for stopping by and have a Faz-er- iffic day!”
You slam the door in her face just as she opens her mouth (likely to respond with another offensive remark) and dust your hands off in satisfaction. It’s not the first time someone’s come to complain about you and your coworkers. In truth, the company probably couldn’t care less how the clients treated their workers and their ‘property’ as long as they got paid. Slander against you, you could understand; you signed a contract and sold your soul away. One of the agreements was to deal with annoying clients. But the other two? They had been built for this, any complaint against them was the fault of the company itself, and besides, you couldn’t see them as anything other than people since the moment you’d spoken to them. After all, a company probably wouldn’t leave a prerecorded message expressing immediate hostility towards its employees on their first day of work, now would it?
They had to have some level of sentience to make that decision.
You mark off the last child with a pleased grin. At least with the way she’d reacted you could guarantee that neither the harpy woman nor her little satan spawn son ever set foot in the Daycare ever again.
You do unfortunately still have to clean up the carnage left behind, though. You grab a broom and a dustpan, ready to sweep up the crumbled play-doh and ripped stuffing from earlier, back straightening with a sharp inhale when the lights cut off. Not terribly uncommon, but it still left you uneasy. Moon didn’t get to do his little song and dance during naptime because you were preoccupied punishing a rulebreaker, and you’re pretty sure he’s fixing to dish out his skewed idea of justice one way or another.
Lo and behold, the tell-tale click of a wire descending directly behind you gives away his intentions.
“ Aww , thank you for defending our honor so nobly , little knight,” he croons mockingly. You don’t even have to turn in his direction to know he’s fanning his faceplate and fake swooning in a ‘my fair maiden’ pose. You say nothing, just sweeping stiffly under his suspended shadow and inspecting the floor. You’d have to bring out the vacuum for the carpet, plus a mop.
You miss his frown at your evident disinterest.
“So brave, to come to our aid when we were utterly defenseless ,” he continues, picking a small bit of clay off your shoulder and flicking it aside. “But you know, you seemed to have forgotten what I told you earlier…”
He pauses, seemingly waiting for some response of probing to continue. If he is, he’ll be sorely disappointed. Though you’re usually the one after them for conversation, you’re in no mood for it after the day-no, the week, the whole damn month , really- you’ve had. You just want to go home, take a shower, and sleep for an eternity.
His frown grows further in distaste, and he decides to grab your attention by gripping your shoulders tightly and lifting you a few inches off the ground. Your previously unfocused gaze now snaps to him, alert and on guard.
Wuh-oh.
That’s more like it.
“We do not need your help ,” he sneers, shaking you by the front of your shirt. You blink and gulp nervously, unsure as to where this is coming from. You feel the worst of your nausea as he starts to raise you towards the ceiling with you hanging onto his wrists tightly.
“Moon…” you speak warningly, a shot of nervousness streaking through you as the ground grows further away. His only response is a sadistic chuckle, and the delicately crafted facade over your sickness accumulating from over the past few weeks worsens exponentially. Your stomach lurches and you hazard a quick glance down. You’re hanging a good thirty feet above the ballpit and still steadily climbing, and judging by the glint in your captor’s eyes, you’re not going to like where this is headed.
It’s safe to panic now.
“Moon, stop it, that’s enough,” you tell him, voice wavering. After no response, you try again. “Moon, that’s enough, put me down.” Silence. “That’s enough , drop it!”
He stops for a second, grin falling a little before returning full force. “Well, if you insist ,” he laughs darkly.
Your eyes widen and for a moment, nothing happens. Then he yanks your hands off him and lets go, watching you plummet to the ground with sinister glee.
Then, you’re falling.
You think you scream, you can’t tell. You crash into the ballpit right after, but it doesn’t cushion your fall. You hiss immediately on impact, clenching your fists and curling in on yourself. The plastic balls dig into your spine, sending waves of pain throughout your body. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you don’t dare open them lest you see that face looming over you. You do a quick check-over, wiggling your toes and bending your joints weakly. Somehow, nothing is broken, but you can’t tell over the searing pain in your side. You thought it was bad before, but that was nothing compared to now. The dull ache is burning, setting your nerves on fire with as much as a twitch. Your back is in a similar shape, as are your legs.
You don’t know how long you stay like that before Moon’s shadow looms over you from the side of the pit. He makes some stab at you that you don’t really process over the ringing in your ears. Existing hasn’t taken such a toll on you before. His voice still carries into the white noise. You manage to get your mouth moving again and whisper, voice crackling, “Knock it off, Moon.”
Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t let up on his teasing, and you vaguely register his response. “Oh, poor little worker can’t take a tumble. Too weak to pick yourself back up again? Not that I see much of a difference. You’ve always got your head down, ballpit or that desk you laze at. Best to let the ‘bucket of bolts’ do the work, hm ?”
You say nothing, not finding the idea of lifting your head and entertaining his little act worth it in your state. You remain limp in the ballpit, knees hugged to your chest in fetal position.
You hear him step closer to you, and jerk slightly when blue digits dig into your shoulders to pull you up. A cry of pain erupts from you at the fingers embedding themselves in your shoulder blades. They retract quickly as if burned by a pot sitting too long on the stove, as if this was the first time they’ve ever felt such heat before. Your severe pain and slightly depressive state dissipates momentarily and is instead replaced with white-hot anger that threatens to bubble over.
You slap his hand away and shout, “It’s not funny, Moon, knock it off! ”
He freezes, hands twitching in the air. His optics flicker, narrowing as he reaches back out to capture you once out. You smack his wrist again and ignore the added pain of striking metal.
You stagger out of the ballpit, standing on shaky legs. You don’t give him a chance to speak before you start up again.
“What the hell is wrong with you, man? You dropped me from 50 feet up, I could’ve died ! What did I even do to you?”
His faceplate turns in a silent half-rotation before he shrugs.
Oh no he did not .
You explode, gesturing wildly as his simple movement spurs you on. “So what, you just don’t like me and decided to fucking throw me off the balcony like some- some doll for you to mess around with?! Pfft, yeah sure, that makes sense! Let’s just drop someone from 40 feet ‘because we don’t like them’! Wow, Moon, I can see how you guys got your position with that logic !”
“Oh wait! ” you spin around sharply, a manic grin on your face that seems to twist every meek and modest feature on your face as you continue on. “That’s why I’m here! Because for all your hard work, Management still decided to shove me into this hellhole! And it doesn’t mean much, it’s Management, they don’t mean anything, but hey , guess what? I never wanted to be here, but surprise-surprise, no one wants to hire a nobody who didn’t push through their degree except a shady company with a world record in OSHA violations and an even bigger death toll! So here I am, getting paid 30 dollars an hour to deal with your ungrateful asses for five hours a day, not to mention the ridiculous amount of unpaid overtime of three to five EXTRA hours I dedicate to this sorry place, all without a single day off in the past six months that I have worked here, each of which have been filled with your non-stop harassment and shitty attitude, which for some bizarre reason I haven’t reported yet! So why, pray tell, have you been dead set on punishing me for a crime I have yet to commit? What did I even do to you?”
It’s a trap. Moon knows it’s a trap, but he refuses to let you get away with such slander on his turf. He rolls his eyes and huffs, “ Oh, please , you aren’t nearly as victimized as you make yourself out to be. You slack off during playtime while Sun handles everything, you’re constantly snoozing away at your desk unless you oh-so graciously decide to grace us with a moment of your time, and sometimes you don’t even show up at all. I think we have much more of a right to type up a report than you ever will.”
Alright, that’s it- “Oh, really ? Alright, buster, don’t give me that shit, I know damn well what I’m worth. For the record, I do play with the kids - which, if I may remind you, is not in my job description- until sweet lil Sunny starts giving me a death stare for daring to intrude on his precious playtime. And I do pitch in around here, just as much if not MORE than you do! Guess what, cheesehead? I clean the ballpit. I order the food, I buy the supplies, bring the books, put the kids toys back together, organize a monthly schedule AND deal with your sorry asses, so don’t be telling me how to do my job, got it ? And don’t start up about my breaks, cuz, huh , I wasn’t aware that a two minute break in the place of an hour’s worth of free time was against my contract! I take time off when I know I’m not needed so that I don’t keel over and leave you to deal with over 40 kids! And even with that, I’ve still never taken an actual sick day off the entire time I’ve worked here because I know this is how you’ll react! When was the last time I didn’t show up to work, huh?”
Moon is swift with his reply, almost anticipating the question. “Last month, you took nearly two weeks off without telling your supervisors,” he states triumphantly, as if this had somehow won him the argument.
Oh, this absolute idiot .
His victorious grin falls slightly at your disbelieving laughter. “Two weeks?! I’ve been working here for six months and you’re hung up on two weeks ?! I’ll have you know that I did tell my supervisors-which you are not , by the way- that I would be out on unpaid sick leave. And I know they didn’t tell you about it because I knew exactly what would happen, and it did! I thought you could respect it and let it go , but apparently not, cuz you can’t handle not sticking your obnoxiously pointed nose up someone’s business! And now I’m the nosy one!” Your voice grows louder, and you throw your arms out with a wide, dangerous gleam in your eyes.
“You wanna know where I was? Why I was gone? Well guess what, Craterhead, I was in the hospital making sure my brother didn’t drop dead ! I had to make sure he didn’t flat line halfway through a surgery !”
Oh.
Oh no.
Moon’s eyes widen, regret flickering across his face for a second. He takes a small step back, retreating as you advance. A jab to the chest pulls him back to the present, and his optics narrow.
“But you don’t care about any of that, do you? All you care about is your stupid reputation and oh no, Sunny and Moony can’t have a human ruining everything, because that’s all this meatbag knows how to do! Oh no, poor Sunny and Moony!”
You watch his expression drop like a thermometer exposed to subzero temperatures, red optics pinpricks in a sea of black that threaten to overtake them, contracted pupils tensed like a rubber band about to snap. A spark of something, perhaps vindication, ignites within you, overshadowing the voice in the back of your mind that quietly warns you of what to come, to back down before it’s too late.
A pity your brother isn’t here to hold you back.
Your voice drops dangerously low for a moment, a deathly whisper that somehow seeps fear into Moon’s systems more than your uncontrolled rage.“I bet you tried to break me, didn’t you, wanted to see me all battered and bruised with my tail tucked between my legs as I ran out of this godforsaken place. Oh, don’t act so surprised, we both knew you never liked me. You never liked me or the idea of someone coming along to jeopardize your position, your life’s purpose, the only thing you have ever been good for, and so you pushed, even when I went along with all your orders, all your demands and your stupid checkpoints and your stupid, stupid rules, pushed and pushed and pushed until I couldn’t take it anymore, and here we are. Well, no more ! You knew there was a breaking point, you both did. Well, here it is, the final straw! Your hard work finally paid off, you’ve made me even more miserable than before, and for what? Is this what you wanted, Moon, Sun? Are you finally satisfied? ”
Moon is still in front of you, hands drawn to his chest, pupils watching fat drops roll down your cheeks and leave stained rivers on your skin as you smile that angry, heartbreaking, defeated smile that cuts through their wires like glass shards, words stabbing through his central processors and sending a jolt through them both. He wants to respond, wants to say something clever and leave you sputtering and defeated, but nothing comes to mind. He always has a retort, a comeback, a witty remark or a snarky comment to make you bend to their will, and yet this time he’s the one left grasping for straws. He’s speechless, voicebox pushing out low static as he struggles to formulate a reply. You don’t give him the time to, resuming with a steady confidence they’ve never seen in you before. This is a side of you that is unfamiliar to them. They don’t quite know what to make of it, and so they stay unwillingly silent as you answer your own question with an air of finality.
“No, you’re not. And I’ll tell you why. This perfection that you’ve tried so hard to pin down? Hate to break it to you, buddy, but perfect is something even machines can’t accomplish, no matter how advanced or well-built they think they are. It never will be. You and Sun both think you’re oh-so-great and so far above lil ol’ me and my stupid human brain, but I think you forget that you’re just as bad as I am. I’ve seen the daycare reviews, boys, and trust me, they are not pretty. Our sweet little ball of Sunshine scared kids so bad with his pushiness that a good deal of them just didn’t come back, and you? Oh, you scared the shit out of kids, didn’t you? You left them shivering in their sleeping bags in fear of the very thing that swore to protect them.
“So tell me”- you tilt your head, smile growing sickeningly sweet as your eyes squint upwards, hands poised together as you punctuate every syllable that leaves your lips - “What exactly do you think gives you any authority over me? How do you think you can protect anyone from me when you can’t even protect them from yourself?”
You let the words hang in the air for a moment, the manic grin not leaving your face as you turn around to sweep over the daycare after the prolonged eye contact with burning red optics begins to sting your eyes.
“But hey!” you call out behind you with a laugh like shattered glass left on cold tile. “Don’t take my word for it. I’m just the dumb worker you had to boot cuz you didn’t want someone to steal the spotlight.”
You whip back around to give a final comment before catching a glimpse of Moon. His pupils are near non-existent, eyes dark and empty. His static grin is too wide, fingers too sharp, curling and uncurling. You freeze, words cutting to a halt, and you swear his grin grows wider.
“ R̶̻̘̃͂̈́͋́ ̶̢̛͇̠͔̤̥͉̜̖̫̰̬̬̝̓͛̾̅̓̑̌́͆̅̇̿̎͂̈́͘̕͠Ǘ̸̡̻͖̅̄̄̚ ̵͖̱͕̫̋̈́̀́͊̇̐̀̒̒̋͑̅̀͗̊́́̚̕͝N̵̘̰͓̹̖̘̦̪͂̓̎̅̊̀͘̕͜ ̶̡͕̙͖̟͍̼͙̠̺̹̦̘̙̘̠̏̾̿̏̂͜ͅ," he growls.
It sends a chill up your spine, dousing your anger in fear. You don’t waste time waiting for him to start chasing. You’re already booking it across the Daycare and to the exit.
You’re maybe 10 paces in when you hear him behind you, wire clicking and shooting him to the ceiling. You know it’s a losing battle, he could easily take you if he wanted to. He doesn’t though, not yet. It’s the chase he’s after.
You dare not turn to check behind you, instead running blindly in hopes of somehow managing to hide. Your logical reason tells you to just leave, but it’s drowned out by pure instinct to run, get away, danger-
Moon has a severe advantage and you both know it. He knows the area. Still, you foolishly blunder on, making a hard right that almost makes you trip before you stumble back up again. You’re lucky he doesn’t do this more often because man you are out of shape. He hasn’t chased you since the first two months, you’d thought these games were behind you.
You wheeze as you bump into a wall, barely managing to dodge a wet floor bot. You can’t keep this up much longer. Your heart’s been kicked into overdrive, beating at a rate you know isn’t normal. Distantly, pain tingles in your elbow, muffled by the adrenaline pulsing through you. You’re surprised you haven’t bumped into any of the GlamRocks. They may not like you, but it’s better than this.
Maybe they’re patrolling different floors? They could be charging.
All at the same time.
Yeah…
You skid to a sudden stop. You were just here, weren’t you? Ugh, these hallways all looked the same. Your eyes dart around wildly, spotting the familiar Daycare entrance. The faces of golden statues are smiling down at you.
You can’t recall a time where that’s happened to you before.
Your eyes dart around for some place to hide, landing on a closet. You hear jingling bells in the distance.
You silently pray there aren’t any spiders before shutting yourself inside, leaving the door open just a crack for a sliver of light.
It’s not a terribly big closet. There’s maybe enough room for you to stand upright. You sit with your knees tucked under your chin, eyes never leaving the door. Just in time. The wire descends and detaches, two feet coming into view. They pad softly on the cold tile, making no noise as he prowls for his prey.
A shadow in front of the door.
You hold your breath, freezing and throwing a hand over your mouth.
A pause.
His attention is shifted elsewhere. He grumbles and stalks off, leaving you in the dark.
You wait maybe thirty seconds for the footsteps to grow silent before exhaling softly and taking stock of your situation. You’re stuck in a broom closet at work and the only other worker here tonight just left.
Not that Moon would be of any help , you thought bitterly. He just wants you out of the way.
You can’t really blame him for that , though, can you ?
The thought almost sets you off the edge, but you reign yourself in, letting go of a self-deprecating laugh and wiping the tears that form in the corners of your eyes. It doesn’t help. New ones replace them and you let your hands fall back into your lap.
No. No, you couldn’t blame them for it. You invaded their space and made a mess of things. You have a habit of doing that.
That’s why you left, after all. You couldn’t handle messing that up , either.
A shaky sob escapes you, and you press your palms to your eyes to stop the flow of tears trickling down your face. You need this job, you can’t lose it. If you lost it, you’d have no other options. You’d be out of house and home, and then what? Go back with your tail tucked between your legs?
No. You couldn’t go back.
What other choices did you have?
It didn’t matter, anyway. At the end of the day, nothing would change. You were still you, and something always goes wrong no matter what you do. Didn’t matter how hard you tried or how fair it was, it’s always the same.
Sometimes you wonder if everyone would’ve been better off had your brother been an only child.
A soft buzzing in your pocket snaps you out of your episode. You fish your phone out in surprise. That’s right, you’d put it there after this morning. It vibrates in your hand, the caller ID flashing across the screen. It’s your mother. You stare at it dumbly, making no move to answer it. You’re half tempted to just let it ring till she gives up and drops it as always, but…
You need something to keep the quiet at bay right now.
Swiping to start the call, you hear shuffling over the static and put the speaker close to your ear. A short “hello?” is heard and repeated as she tries to figure out how to use the brick in her hand.
The act is familiar and you manage a watery smile. “Hi, mom.”
“Can you hear m-oh, good, you’re there. Your brother said you messaged him this morning and we just wanted to check in.” Her tone shifts. “You okay there?”
You don’t think you can pull off pretending that you’re fine at the moment. You sniffle into the receiver, curling further in on yourself. “I’m okay, I just…I just had a bad day at work.”
“Oh, sweetheart…”she sighs, and you wince slightly, not really feeling up to whatever questions she has to ask. “You wanna talk about it?”
You shake your head before remembering that you’re on the phone, instead muttering a quiet ‘no’ into the speaker. She stays uncharacteristically silent on the other side of the line, her subtle shifting of the phone the only indicator that she’s still on the call. You know she wants to pry further, force an answer out of you. Sometimes, you almost wish she did, wish she pushed just a bit harder so you could finally break and let it all out.
She doesn’t this time though, puttering out a soft sigh. “Well…alright. Just remember, we’re always here if you need us. Your brother’ll probably check on you anyway, you know how he gets. Just don’t let him burn the building down for your sake.”
A wet snort slips past you before you catch it, imagining your anarchist brother expressing his rage against the machine and corporate capitalism by burning down a rip-off Chuck-E-Cheese. You didn’t think your mother was capable of creating an image like that, either. She hadn’t exactly been very invested in either of your interests. You wonder if she’s been taking pointers from your brother.
You wave the thoughts aside, realizing you’ve let the conversation taper off and…
You suppose you can let this phone call end on a higher note. You both sort of need it anyway.
“Thanks, mom,” you whisper coarsely, leaning against the stacked boxes and letting your head fall back.
“Of course, dear. You just call us back when you’re ready. Oh, and try to tag along with your brother sometime, it gets lonely without you there. You were much better at listening to his mechanical jargle than we are.”
You exchange a few more quiet answers before wishing her a good night and hanging up, squinting at your brightly lit phone in the dark space. The time reads a little past 10. Moon’s first round of patrols is likely finished, which means it’s finally safe to leave this cramped compartment.
The door remains shut when you turn the knob.
You try for the handle again, rattling it with greater and greater intensity as your panic begins to build up to no avail. Your hands form fists, soon beginning to bang on the door, eyes wide and breathing erratic. Try as you might, it’s sealed like a tomb, effectively locked inside.
No, no, no , this can’t be happening, not here, not now. You don’t want to be here, don’t want to be in this dark, cramped closet at the end of some forgotten corridor, stashed with all the boxes and cleaning supplies.
Your brother had locked you into a closet once. Flipped the switch on the outside and left you alone to battle the demons you couldn’t see. It had been funny, back then, until you started screaming and begging to be let out.
It wasn’t funny now.
You drop to the floor, hands sliding down the wood to lay limply beside you. You can feel yourself shaking, bones rattling as you tremble. Your lungs burn with the force of the rapid inhale-exhale pattern you struggle to keep stable, your heartbeat pounding at the front of your head. Inhale, exhale, thump, thump, inhale, thump -oh, weren’t you supposed to exhale first- thump -and your heart’s not pumping, you can’t breathe, you need to breathe -
You gasp, head reeling, nails digging into your palms and leaving red marks. You struggle to ground yourself, forcing your eyes to focus on the sliver of light from under the doorframe. You inch back, still trembling lightly, staring blankly at the floor as the cold reality dawns on you.
You’re trapped.
No one is here to save you now.
Aaaaand that's a wrap! Hope yall enjoyed that lil chapter, seems like our y/n's gotten into quite a pickle! It's okay, though, they needed some time to process anyways.
Speaking of which, Sun and Moon have a LOT to think about...
Not sure when I'll post chapter 9, sorry! I have a couple of short snippets planned out already, but typing and connecting them is a whole other matter, so I dunno when I'll get back to this. Until then, however, I hope this is enough, and unfortunately...
The theater is closed...
#sorry to bother#don't mind me#where the stars don't shine#wtsds#fnaf sun x reader#fnaf sun x y/n#fnaf moon x reader#fnaf moon x y/n#i dunno what other tags to use#also not sure if yall still want me to post the chapters on tumblr or just on ao3#hmm#guess I'll have to put out a poll abt that
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Curious, What’s ur beef with Miguel
you asked for it. slightly long post ahead i'm so sorry
WARNING: ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
i have spent the last several days ranting and raving about about Spiderverse related things and like. I have such a complicated relationship with this movie, but THAT'S FOR ANOTHER POST IF SOMEONE ASKS LMAO but Miguel. Miguel O'Hara. Miguel.
I HATE HIS HOLOGRAM SUIT WITH NOTHING UNDERNEATH ASSS HE'S SO. WAGHGGHGAGK Like I know a lot of people do like him and there's stuff to like but I just don't see the appeal, and I'm also slightly biased because I can't enter the Spiderverse tag without seeing unfiltered Miguel NSFW LMAO
The first thing I thought after watching the movie was that it felt like he wasn't like... built up to enough? Like, my writer brain never turns off, and from a writing perspective it felt kinda weird. A lot of things in the movie did, but to me it just felt like there wasn't enough intro to him. Like he's supposed to be important but we don't like. i dunno HEJGKHKFL it sort of felt like we were already supposed to know a lot about him. WHICH I GUESS IS FAIR MAYBE THEY EXPECT ACTUAL SPIDER FANS TO COME IN AND KNOW WHO HE IS and I'm only a Spiderverse fan.
Miguel does have really charming and funny moments! Like, in the beginning Gwen section of the movie, he's got pretty funny dialogue while still remaining stern. He's got kind of a flat charm to him. But for me he just. loses it. after that part of the movie. He's a lot more of an asshole, which yes he's supposed to be. But for me there's just not that much to like. and just. and. and
Okay, kiddies, get out of the pool, that was the formal discussion. Now I'm just gonna LOUD
THIS GUYYYYY. IS SUCH A DUMBASS!!!!! He is so obviously wrong about the entire canon event theory. At least he is mostly. THERE IS SO MUCH EVIDENCE POINTING TO HIM BEING WRONG. AND WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO BACK IT UP??? ONLY ONE PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAT HE EVER BRINGS UP IN THE MOVIE!! And that's when he was Stupid and took the place of himself in a universe where he died so he could be with his daughter! And when you think about it, he didn't necessarily break the canon event rule- That canon event already HAPPENED. He DIED. But I guess you could suggest that him coming back ruined it. But that's the problem; these multiverse rules and regulations and details are just so confusing. And they're supposed to be.
Miguel doesn't necessarily have the right to put himself in charge of protecting this and claiming these things to be true when he absolutely does not know the full scale of the multiverse- Nobody knows exactly how all this works!! And we have seen so many things to contradict him!! If what he says is true, the events of Into The Spiderverse would have absolutely shaken things up. But the everything's fine for the most part, isn't it? The events of that movie changed all the characters in different ways (except for Ham. Ham's ok. Ham didn't change LMAO). Peni's SP//DER bot was destroyed, Noir brought color to his universe in the shape of a rubiks cube, Gwen made a new friend. Peter B was inspired and fixed things with MJ and went onto have a daughter, a DAUGHTER WHO'S VERY EXISTENCE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! AND THAT'S BECAUSE OF MILES! And if what Miguel is saying is true, why is the fact that Miles is Spiderman now and everything he's done not severely messing things up? The 42 spider's corpse is still chilling in his universe, too.
I've seen people compare the Spider Society to like. a cult? And honestly I can see that- Unintentional by Miguel, I'm sure, but it does seem similar. He's gotten everyone to believe in his theory and have them acting upon it, even Gwen, Peter B, and Peni. (Noir and Ham we never saw in the Spider Society, likely because their VA's weren't available. But I also like to take this as like. These two would not join the Spider Society, no way in hell they would. The society is against a lot of what Noir fights for and Ham would see this as a joke LMAO) NOT TO MENTION THAT OH MY GODDD LIKE GWEN KNOWS NOW THAT IF SHE GOES BACK TO HER UNIVERSE, SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THE CANON EVENT OF HER DAD DYING. AND MIGUEL AND THE OTHERS KNOW THAT TOO. AND THEY THREATEN HER WITH THE IDEA OF GOING HOME. THEY KNOW THAT. LIKE WTF?????
A detail I'm also obsessed with is that in Pavitr's universe, you see the damage and glitching before the Spider Society shows up. They call it a "quantum hole" or something, because that's what they believe it is. That's what it HAS to be, right? It can't be anything else. It has to be damage from the disruption of a canon event. But that is NOT what that is. That deep blackness- That's damage from The Spot. You can even hear it in the music, you can hear Spot's motif. It's probably also glitching because Spot is literally becoming some multidimensional being.
BUT MIGUEL IS SO DUMB AND SO UNLIKEABLE TO ME LIKE HE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THE WHOLE CONFLICT WITH MILES IN THE FIRST PLACE IF HE DIDN'T TELL HIM HIS DAD IS GOING TO DIE!! LIKE HE SCREWED HIMSELF OVER!! Sure, maybe he figured he should know what's going to happen, just accept it and join the club, but like. MAN.
BUT WHAT GETS ME. WHAT GETS ME THE MOST. WHICH MAKES ME ROLL MY EYES HARDER THAN ANYTHING.
"I'm this dimension's one and only Spiderman. Or, at least I was. But I'm not like the others. I don't always like what I have to do. But I know I have to be the one to do it. I've given up too much to stop now."
OH BOOOHOOOOOOOOO, CRY ME A RIVER. LIKE OH MY GODD. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL THE MOST CLICHE AND GENERIC QUOTES FOR A CHARACTER OF HIS TYPE. LIKE HOW DO YOU TAKE THAT SERIOUSLYYY I'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. OKAY DRAMATIC EDGY MCEDGE I GET IT. I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR YOU!! I HAVE NO REASON TO!!!
I can not WAIT for Beyond The Spiderverse to have Miguel be faced with the fact he's wrong. But he can't face that. Because if he knows he's wrong, he has to face the fact that he's done all of this for nothing. And when people learn the truth, they're likely going to be a bit pissed!!
This came out a little more disorganized and incomprehensible than I wanted, but I think I expelled all my energy yelling about him and stuff in DM's on Discord, so I'm just piecing together all the pieces I left scattered LMAO
Sorry Miguel fans,,,,, you may think he's hot but I do not. This is all just my opinions and thoughts, keep that in mind!!! No hate to anyone who likes him, I know a lot of people do!! I'm just not that big a fan
anyway if anyone wants to hear more of my thoughts on Spiderverse ermmm shoot me more asks :] I enjoy talking
#SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS GOT#i've just. been so insane about this movie#and i have a like/hate relationship with Miguel#he's an interesting character and good for the story but for some reason i just really don't like him#and i can't tell if that's the point HAHAHGJ#still a good movie though. thumbs up#sock talk#spiderverse#across the spiderverse#atsv#atsv spoilers#spiderverse spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#spiderman: across the spiderverse spoilers
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Hi hi! I hope I didn't click send on this ask too early by accident the first time so I'm writing it again.
I saw your blog from the "request doodles" post. And then I saw you like clowns and I do too.
What do you think of Killer clown!Nikolai? I mean- Have you been on the clown side of tumblr? They have clown "breeds" and such. I don't have all the concepts grasped either but "killer clowns" are basically what the name suggests but they can also be protective of the people they deem as precious and all.
Oh God this would sound so weird to someone who doesn't know what's going on. XD
But I think Nikolai deserves to be a clown. :o)
Anyways have a nice day! (And reading those tags you should really sleep-)
omg- so i think i've seen that side of tumblr a long time ago (before i had an account, i saw it on Pinterest probably??) i haven't been on clown tumblr myself but i kinda understand where you're coming from- my understanding of it is like this adopt thing? i haven't seen it in so long though so i can't comment on it much.
sorry i might go off on a rant because it's one of my special interests. and i happen to really like nikolai so oops. i may have not understood the ask 💀
anyways, yeah i think that does fit nikolai! i don't really know what my "opinion" would be on it because im kinda indifferent to the whole killer clown thing in general. he's sort of an exception to me because i find his character and personality interesting. i like when you can decipher meaning behind the personality and its not just "im insane for no reason!1!1" and i think he's just so silly too.
in general, my interest in that stuff sides with not scary clowns because i genuinely loved circus related stuff as a kid and i think people shouldn't be afraid of clowns :( but at the same time i understand the appeal and the history behind why they've become "scary"! so i can enjoy that in fiction as well. there was a time a few years ago when i hated any clowns being depicted that way but my opinion has changed lmao. (ex. i'm an ICP fan for aesthetic i guess. i love the joker. i will forever hate pennywise.)
sorry i made this so unrelated to nikolai & i have no idea if that's the kinda thing you were asking or not tbh 😭🤍
(unrelated side note: i got so excited about clowns that i accidentally kicked the table that my plants were on and broke the pot of my cactus. i had to save it mid-answering this. my poor cactus. i love having adhd energy sometimes /s)
#answered#asks open#asks#nikolai kinnie bsd#bsd nikolai#bsd#clownblr#nikolai gogol#clown#special interest#rambles#.txt
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Just a long vent about a specific niche fandom. Don't read if you don't want to hear me rant.
I just need to vent here for a little bit, and I am sorry if this i all incoherent.
I hate what fandom has become. What tumblr has become. What I have become.
I never used to be this way and never used to feel anger before, or jealousy or those 'ugly' feelings, as I was never allowed to. Being raised by a narcissist, you become a people pleaser and you learn quickly that you are never to show any negative emotions. Anger isn't permitted, disgust and unhappiness isn't permitted. As a good slave you don't need to have these emotions, so you learn to supress them to the point where you aren't ever feeling them consciously.
So all of this is so new to me. To actually f*cking hate the guts of some people on here. To fucking hate that they are so damn popular when all they do is shitposting and meme-ing the one that means so much to me to death. And even blocking them won't do a thing because tumblr still shows me their shit, or some fan is gushing about their stuff where I see it, and it just annoys the piss out of me. The tag I used to browse has been rendered useless to me here on tumblr. I long for the days when I was able to just see some nice art of him alone or serious discussions about him, like character analyses, or sharing obscure facts about him.
I don't even know why exactly it pisses me off so much - and I don't want to be the "Fun Police" here; everyone should still be able to do as they please and make whatever the fuck they want on their tumblr blogs, even if it is shitposting. Even if their stories don't make any logical sense at all.
I guess... I just wish Fandom wasn't so dumb with what ultimately are just headcanons. They are taking those stories as if they are canon when they are just fan creations, to the point where they harrass other creators who might come up with other things. For example, if you hate on Mewtwo x Newtwo because it would be "incest", then you are WRONG, because canonically, it was never proven that they were siblings. Canonically, there is no reason to think that Mew is the Mother who actually gave birth to Mewtwo (if you follow the movie-verse, that is. In the games, she did give birth to Mewtwo).
And sure, I realize that me criticising those fan creations is also taking headcanons way too seriously, but... I can't explain it entirely. I just want to be able to state my opinions. Be the one person that isn't always congratulating them on every creation, but also points out the flaws in their storytelling so that they, I dunno, may improve? I am frustrated that I can't even do that - I was told to shut up, or post my opinions on my blog only, probably so that my thoughts aren't seen by anyone and get buried. But I am fucking tired of that. I grew to hate being invisible. I hate making myself small for the benefit of others. Can't I be loud and angry for once in my life? Even if it is on the internet about something stupid? For once in my life, can't I voice my disdain for something after a lifetime of not being allowed to? After AvPD makes this nigh impossible of a feat for me?
One dissenting voice won't harm the popular creators anyway - they have thousands of adoring fans who will wholeheartedly take anything they make and not question it at all. They will go on and create what they want anyway, so what hurt does it do to say "hey, maybe this idea needs some ironing out because it doesn't make sense?"
On another note, I wish that if anyone here has a problem with me to not harrass people that may know me/are friends with me. I saw some anon going around and complaining about me to them - I'd rather you take your complaints to me directly than to them, since they got nothing to do with what I create or do.
For example, I saw someone who told an acquaintance of mine that it is hypocritical of me that I have Babytwos but "attack" others for doing the same. Listen, it is not that others have Babytwos that I critiqued, it's the METHOD of having them via a flower pregnancy when Mew is not a plant type and Mewtwo isn't either. It doesn't make any sense and I should be allowed to say at least that much without getting bullied in turn. That is really all I ask for. Getting Babytwos via cloning, test tubes, artifical insemination at least makes sense. Other than that, go ham and make as many Babytwos as you all want!
I also got told that I am not the owner of Mewtwo the character. Thank you, I know that. Where have I claimed I was? And if I feel a bit possessive over him, well, I got a damn reason for that. He saved me from unaliving myself TWICE. Thus he means a lot to me. I have been in love with him genuinely for 23 years. He is my guiding light. And while it is funny to see the occasional joke with him or a shitpost here and there, if it is constant, it just feels like you are treating him as nothing more than a joke. To me, he isn't a joke, he saved my life. I wouldn't have been posting on tumblr or anywhere at all since 2017 if it wasn't for him. So excuse me if I am a bit possessive over him.
Overall, I just wish people weren't so trigger-happy to take a contrary opinion as an attack immediately. I am not attacking anyone. You will never find me sending any hate DMs or Hate asks to anyone. I don't do that shit.
And if you hate me, you are free to do that too. I know that not everyone likes me. I know there are some people who wish I WAS dead. Or who think that I have ruined Mewtwo for them with my selfship. I mean, I got plenty of "Ew Bestiality" back in the day, if that is any indication. And it's not much of a change in the status quo anyhow. My own parents hate me, I got bullied in school when I was younger, so I am used to being disliked or hated. It used to hurt me back then, but by now I learned that giving a fuck really isn't worth it. I used to want to please everyone and make everyone happy. It used to destroy me when anyone told me they don't like me. Like, it CRUSHED me. But now? I realize that no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to please everyone. Some sadistic fucks may even get off on you trying that and failing. And many people I considered friends only turned out to just use me because of my people-pleasing tendencies.
So, fuck it. If the world is going to hate me anyway, the least I can do is to do whatever the fuck I want and whatever makes me happy. Deal with it.
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I saw your tags from the post a while ago about how the small details in totk Make up for the main story, and while I agree, I gotta say that the things some people say about the story being bare bones or whatever (and BOTW’s story to that extent) just…doesn’t make sense to me. Because I think the problem is with the execution rather than the writing. Like, BOTW was even more bare bones,because it was just a bunch of exposition. Not to say the story wasn’t good because it absolutely is, but it was minimal, imo. Anyway I said all that to say that I personally do think that totk has the better story, but the execution is worse and I think the open world format hurts it. And I think if people could look past that they could see how good it is. But of course that’s all just me. Neither game’s story is particularly great but I love them both. Anyway I did not intend for this to get so long but what do you think about that? I’m just curious 🙂
Sorry this took me a while to respond anon, I was trying to think of a way to respond XD
Yeah, I can definitely agree that the open world aspect hurts the story of Tears. I was thinking about this earlier, and I think Breath of the Wild's story worked because it is so barebones. The developers were able to develop the story around the gameplay, which has always been Nintendo's adjective for both of these games (and probably all of their games, though I am not too much on an expert on that in all honesty) first and foremost. And it worked, for the most part.
I do believe there can be no "perfect" Zelda game, and especially not one that can appease all Zelda fans (even the games that everyone praises to be perfect has their haters, though I guess hate is too strong of a word). I think the main downfall of Tears of the Kingdom was that it couldn't live up to fan's expectations and wants for the Zelda franchise. Tears of the Kingdom was always meant to be BotW+, since the developers had so many ideas for Breath of the Wild they had to make a second game in order to fit all of those ideas, which led to them repeating the same gameplay mechanics as Breath of the Wild.
Don't get me wrong, TotK's gameplay is good since it what made Breath of the Wild good as well, but because it's exactly like Breath of the Wild is what made it sour in the minds of players. I guess for the players who played other kinds of games in between Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom allowing them time to do something else, it isn't so bad. But for the players who play nothing but Zelda games or who were late into getting into the Zelda franchise (such as myself) it can be a little... repetitive (and I'm mainly talking about the quests, shrines, and the same mechanic of unlocking a terminal in a dungeon found in both botw and totk). Hence why I was so drawn all to the other world discoveries not unlocked by doing a side quest, which I think is the greatest improvement TotK brought imo.
In terms of TotK's story... I don't hate it exactly, but I will say I will prefer BotW's better. I still kind of need to analyze the story of TotK fully for myself to draw any real conclusions for me; my biggest problem is how it completely erases BotW's story from it's story. Sure, half a dozen years has passed in between games (both in-game and irl) but surely the impact of defeating the Calamity would've left something... bigger. Like, wouldn't word have gone around that Link was the one to have defeated the darkness looming the castle? They could've at least acknowledged him directly instead of pulling a Tony Hawk and saying "oh you have the same name as that guy who defeated that evil some time ago". I will give them the benefit of the doubt, but then again everyone knows Zelda and he has never her side so, ???. Sorry, didn't mean to rant there. It was kind of a frustration I felt along with many others while playing the game. Main story-wise I don't have any real issues other than you're seriously telling me that there was another ancient civilization before the previous civilization that had even more ancient technology? It kind of pushes my suspension of disbelief (and once again repeating things from BotW).
Anyways, thank you for sharing your opinion anon! Once again I am immensely sorry it took me this long to come to it; tldr in my opinion I prefer Breath of the Wild's story over TotK's. You do make a lot of good points that I agree with, but I think it boils down to personal preference over which game is better due to how similar the games are, which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on opinion.
Thank you so much for reaching out and discussing this with me!
#the ladye answers#amazing anon!!!#despite being fine with what we have for totk I do kind of have some ideas on how to improve it#though I do like how totk answered some questions that we had for botw (mainly the 8th heroine story)#but I think it would've been better if it followed the traditional zelda formula of having sequels set in a different place#or if it was just set in the ancient past from the start#I think it would've fixed the open world story aspect#like it could still be open world but in the ancient past#it would present an interesting way because now you're living in the story instead of have it all have already happened in the past#just like in botw and totk#idk again that's an opinion of mine but i think it would made me enjoy totk a bit more#right now I think I'm just feeling a bit meh from it due to experiencing burnout#tears of the kingdom#totk#totk spoilers#totk discussion#also sorry if this doesn't make any sense; feel free to send another ask for clarification#I promise I'll get to that one sooner XD
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i was thinking about you (and ovipos!morax...again) earlier, and i just want you to know that your writing inspires me to throw caution to the wind.
like, i used to hesitate and ask myself how will this be received? will ppl get mad or offended if i write my wildest fantasies? will i alienate certain readers if i go too far?
but i've realized while writing this zhongli scent thing that you've given me the courage to just let it all hang out. to write what i'm passionate about and put it out there. it takes courage (or is it madness?) to throw your creation to the wolves in hopes that it won't be torn apart. i've also taken a few pages from your book, as it were, and fkd,dmdjdkddk CRYS? my depravity has graduated to a whole new level and it is exhilarating.
so...just...thank you. for being a fearless writer and an amazing human! i give you kitheth mwahmwah! 🧡
hahaha omg I really did give you brainrot huh
welcome to my world//HIT
I mean I would say it depends on what you want to do, what you hope to achieve or what direction you wanna go with your blog, most people write sfw with a dash of nsfw around or half and half. I specifically just do nsfw and hyperfixate on zhongli only (hehe) but that's bc idk I never expected to have "an audience" even less actually find friends!
I genuinely just expected to like leave my weird ass posts and stories here floating in tumblr and get no notes just oh I'm anon I can do whatever I want just go wild go feral LOL and if ppl like it cool, if ppl don't like it cool too, not my problem.
I never though I'd found this lovely precious community and I LOVE it!! <3 I love everyone here.
And tbh finding friends here is both an incentive but also quite honestly it makes me a little scared/self conscious bc yeah like you say what if these ppl I now care about get upset or something. I actually made a small rant exactly about this some months ago (not me bringing attention to my own cringy rant acfsxgsavbhjabj)
point is, I TOTALLY get your. for reals. 100% but I've learned people here are so welcoming and nice and accepting and we all just have fun being chaotic and horny and loving our characters and our writing in the craziest ways!!
And like you say it's just idk it's fun!! All liberating and exhilarating LOL I just ask minors not to follow me/interact why is that so hard sckbjasnclxa
and like
idk
you'd be surprised....
ppl really do enjoy the craziest things we write like I made two versions of the same story more or less and to my absolute SHOCK the one tagged with rape/non-con has DOUBLE the amount of notes as the angsty/bittersweet one. HMMM??? Dark content enjoyers be thriving I guess???
also not your piss post getting almost 100 notes LMAOOOOOOOOO
I've seen enough weird shit to be desensitized at this point (I mean even before coming here, genshin shippers community in general be SOMETHING ALRIGHT and Zl just attracts all the kinks HAHAHAHA)
Anyway GODS this got so long I'm sorry but I just wanna say I fully 110% support you and I'm suuuuper happy we're friends sharing the same one braincell that's horny for zl 24/7 it's so much fun!! Do what makes you happy, don't feel pressured, and I know you have a genuine passion for writing so yeah follow your heart go wild!!
Love ya!! <3<3<3
#and if something flops don't be sad#it just stays here#so who knows in the future //hit#write what YOU like and feel proud of and the feels will be genuine and the writing will be special <3#crys answers#kel friend
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Hi. First of all, I wanted to apologize for my rant. I was not angry at your or anyone, but the just the constant whitewashing that's been happening recently in the fandom, like a recent whitewashed art of Yrene. Anyway, my anger was directed towards artists in the SJM fandom who for some reason choose to make male characters brown but when it comes to female characters they whitewash them. I'm brown btw and I read so many diverse books from diverse authors with POC as the lead like The City of Brass for example and that series still gets whitewashed btw and it's all just so frustrating. The author will explicitly describe a character with brown skin and she will still be drawn paler. The golden tan characters in SJM's books like Bryce for instance is constantly drawn paler and it's just like why?? I don't understand it. Also, my anger and rant was not directed toward you I just needed to vent I guess. I honestly really apologize for that lengthy rant, i didn't mean for it to be hurtful or anything.
Like The City of Brass is one of my favorite series, the way the main character is described is exactly how I look like. Brown skin, curly black hair, but the countless whitewashed art I've seen of her is really triggering. They make her paler, give her straight silky hair instead of curly. It frustrates me to no end. I've had this pent up for a while and I wanted to rant (not at you though) at the whole whitewashing thing. I promise I won't flood your inbox again, I know it was uncalled for. I think your blog is great and really enlightening so I apologize.
Thank you for clarifying. I don't mind long asks or anything, I just assumed you were angry at me, so I'm sorry if I came off as rude or curt. You are welcome to flood my inbox 💜 And I appreciate that you took the time to further explain how you feel, and that the root issue isn't Bryce/SJM, but is the fandom's depiction of darker skinned characters, exemplified in how Bryce is depicted.
It's good that you read many diverse books by diverse authors, but you're right--if fandom doesn't step up to properly support these authors and do justice to the characters, then the impact those diverse series have is minimal.
Whitewashing is a huge problem, and for that artists are 100% responsible for choosing to ignore canon and for choosing to depict characters of color as Eurocentric as possible. Skin bleaching to lighten our skin and relaxers to straighten our hair and colored contacts to give us light eyes and nose jobs to give us European noses--these all exist, and are popular, because society and the media constantly tell us that only whiteness is beautiful. That only whiteness is valuable. That only whiteness is human. So people who stray farther from whiteness are dehumanized, and are treated worse by society.
And that's why representation and why diverse works are so important, because they challenge that idea. Representation allows for people of color to be seen as beautiful, and valuable, and human, when we historically haven't been seen as such. It shows that we deserve to lead our own stories, and that we deserve escapism too, because we're human and we deserve breaks from the real world like everyone else. So when diverse characters are whitewashed, it's like a slap in the face. These characters are meant to challenge Eurocentricity, and whitewashing them simply adheres to it. Your feelings are perfectly valid, and it hurts whenever a character is whitewashed because it's simply perpetuating the message that's been shoved down our throat since we were children--that only whiteness is beautiful, that only whiteness is valuable, that only whiteness is human, and therefore, characters can't look too non-white, much less be non-white.
I do have a lot more thoughts on whitewashing and how it differs from racebending in response to some discourse™ in the Little Mermaid tag, and I do want to make a longer post about it, but I will leave you with this:
a) Your feelings are very valid. Whitewashing diverse characters perpetuates Eurocentricity, and fandom has a racism problem.
b) Representation matters. Now and forever.
#ask#anon#racism#whitewashing#on media#fandom racism#colorism#representation matters#we all deserve so much better#fandom problems#fandom wank#diversity in media#representation
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Anon from earlier, I wasn't too happy with the direction some things took in volumes 4/5. And while yes there was plenty of valid criticism in the tag, it did feel like there was an undercurrent of homophobia/misogyny, I figured I was reading too much into things. I was, and still am, someone who loves bumblby so I did often wonder where all these alleged "wasps" were. The reason I dropped out of watching rwby/frequenting the rw/de tag was getting kinda burnt out on the show and the tag being a fair bit toxic. Now when I get recommended rw/de posts it's always the most batshit takes such as: "Yang is a bad sister cause she's not spending 100% of her time taking care of Ruby". You know writing all this out I'm reminded the tipping point was like "It's actually misogynistic to not like Raven, women aren't obligated to be parents.". Which there's so much to unpack there, cause it's one of those arguments that tries to take the moral high ground by ignoring some obvious facts. Like yes women shouldn't feel obligated to be a mom and she shouldn't have felt obligated to have a child. However there is 1. No proof she felt pressured to have Yang 2. She is a mom, so yes she is obligated to be a mom, just like Tai is obligated to be a father 3. What Do They Not Have Abortion On Remnant? Sorry for how long this ask was and the rant at the end, I guess I just had to get that off my chest.
Thanks for insight, I was always curious as to what it was people were looking for on the tag - I do feel for those like you that do have valid criticism and want to discuss it in a safe environment and end up being overrun with toxicity/homophobia/misogyny. Regardless of how much you love something, it's okay to discuss different avenues it could have taken or critique - heck, it's art at the end of the day. While I'm still able to enjoy it overall, I have some varying opinions on 4/5 myself. But I can definitely see where the burnout would come from. The 'wasps' lore baffles me, as someone who stumbled down the RW/DE tag accidentally when I first got here, there's a lot of folk chanting about 'wasps got their way' and they make it sound as though the writers are writing to appease a picketing majority, whilst also demanding they banish the ship (and clearly unable to see the irony in doing so).
Don't worry about the rant! We've all been there. I see those posts pop up too. The Yang I could rant about all day because not being obsessed with your little sister doesn't make you a bad sister yourself, but the second one - you're bang on. A lot of the posts I see try to take a perceived moral high ground, but they also base their arguments on such little information as well. It's just a very strange rabbit hole to fall down. As I say, it was one of the first things I saw when I joined and it was like emerging from a fever dream when I eventually found the RWBY tag.
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Okay, so a while back, I posted this little thing about how I hated Leon's design, and you left me this lovely rant in the tags, and I've really got to thank you for that.
I knew Journeys was doing a shit job of exploring the Galar region, but your rant opened my eyes to just how much I was missing. I did end up picking up a copy of the game to play after all. (About to head into gym 4 as I'm writing this.) And I just couldn't NOT thank you for being that influence for me.
There's just so much more... texture you get for the world by playing the game! I didn't get the full sense from the anime of just how fame-obsessed (modern, in a way) society in Galar is... How much of a publicized event the gym challenge is. How you need to be endorsed by someone to even take part at all...
I just get so much more of what you were saying about Leon now. How awkward and stilted his relationships are with the people around him, the people he grew up with. I'm not even, like, halfway through the game, but I have gotten the impression that he doesn't know how to play any other role than "unbeatable champion" anymore. That the fame and success has probably messed him up a bit.
And, of course, I can see now that Leon's outfit is a modification of the uniforms all the challengers have to wear, so I guess I can lighten up on the judgment a bit. ^^'
Just, thank you so much!
Holy shit I just saw this but!!! I'm super glad you have the game and galar a chance!
I did truthfully mean it when I respected your opinion on Leon (you get used to that after see so much hate/hj) because. That's just your opinion, and that's okay! But knowing you took my words to heart makes me super happy?? I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense this is litteraly the first time this has happened to me.
Also. Yes! To all you said about how Journeys did galar dirty, and how they cut way too much out. Now for Leon I don't think they did..super bad; it's just the fact they did not spend enough time it galar. Which imo is what the anime is supposed to do, it's supposed to expand a region in ways we did not see in the games. That in the episode of him and ash hanging out he admitted to feeling stagnant in his "unbeatable champion" status. That up until the Eternatus battle; Leon almost believed in his invincibility that he was truly untouchable, and judging my his tone and body language, and how relieved he was to find out he was not the strongest. I think he really hates that "god" like feeling.
Anyways; sorry again for that rant lol I feel alot of things for this region
Also! If you do want a good galar anime I HIGHLY recommend Twilight wings; it's an 8 episodes long short series you can find on YouTube!
I do understand now with ALL of pokemon in general that they spread the lore and stories of these games to everything. From the games to the anime to the manga; it's very very hard to have a solid option on anything pokemon if you don't play and watch and read everything. Which really really sucks; and again imo is the biggest reason why most don't like galar. (That. And alot of ppl just. Don't read between the line of stuff. And maybe that's because I overanalyze things; but also why I'm such a big fan of pokemon in general!)
TL;DR, I'm super glad your open minded to this stuff and willing to atleast listen to others; even if you don't agree at first. I hope you have a great time playing the game and come to atleast appreciate it! Here's to the future of pokemon!!!
#pokemon#pokemon sword and shield#long post#I am so sorry for the long post I am just very passionate about thus game#even if by the end you don't like it that's fine!! atleast you still gave it a chance and as a stan that's all I can ask for!!!
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I think he is building up his instagram posts so by the time he wants to go public and use his real name, new fans coming in from the anticipated movies will have a lot of content to go through on his instagram. Personally for celebrities, I don’t think it’s such a good idea to have a social media account. I think the route Tom Holland goes without any social media is the best route especially for mental health reasons. I think just doing a lot of press and attending the premieres of your films will attract fans without him having to go on social media. A list celebs such as Angelina and Robert Pattinson don’t need Instagram. He can be an A list celeb if he promotes his films. I am surprised if he reads Tumblr posts, I remember Valter once saying in his live he stays away from Tumblr. If he does, then he has got way too much time on his hands. Sorry for the long rant.
Don't worry cause you'll get an even longer answer XD
This Bobby acc had a rough start , it collected its first polemic within hours of the BKW post , its second post. Bill ( or whoever it's behind this) behaved like a child. And there are receipts of this so I doubt this gets to have a username change in the near future.
He ruined everything himself , he could've just erased the BKW post and let a few days pass.
Now I know some artists don't need social media and also for mental health reasons, being him a very sensitive guy as we just witnessed, staying out of SM and just working on public appearances would've been the appropriate. Yes.
But if he really wanted an IG acc this time why the fuck , if he can't face criticism, didn't he open one with a blue check and under the control of a community manager with him checking only from time to time and having all posts with the comment section closed?
We will never know.
And about him or his family reading Tumblr of course they do it. It's been proven today once more... But curiosity killed the cat.
Now as a latest update bobby tagged Adam lundgren in his last post (related to Clark ) and Adam is now following the acc and also left a like in the post ... So I guess more and more confirmation?
Anyway let's keep in mind one thing, we don't really know this man . We believe we know an aspect of his persona, the public one that made us follow him and it ends there. This Bobby side seems to be a more personal and shady one , kind of like an alter ego or his true self ( maybe) , so keep your mind open to whatever this side might show us and don't get too offended ...
Whatever consequences are his consequences, he is an adult. Let him be .
Unless this Is not bill but someone else trying to destroy him ? (Conspiracy theory) 🤨
Anyway I had my fair share of reactions in the morning, now I'm over it. Let's enjoy the shit show from a comfortable seat.
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