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austinsgirl · 1 year

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Rather Die | Chapter 11

rating: pg-13, talks of pregnancy, language

word count: 1986

cross posted on wattpad

master list

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“And cut! That's a wrap! Thank you everyone!" Anna calls out as the movie just shot their last scene. A very wet, steamy, rain kiss.

Austin high fives Vic, playing it cool. Although, he'd love to hug her instead, or do more. He hasn't been able to get her out of his mind the past couple weeks since their hook up.

Regret has been killing him. He hates what he did to her, falling for Eliana's alluring ways. He wishes he hadn't fucked up. Victoria would be his if he didn't.

He can't help but to bask her sexual beauty at the moment. Her wet tee, clinging in all the right places.

Austin starts to head to his trailer to get those thoughts out of his head.

"Hey, Butler!" Vic calls out to him. "See you at you at the wrap party?"

He's surprised she'd ask him such a thing, as he knows she's been dying to get filming over with so they'd never have to see each other again. Well, at least for a while until promos start.

"Uh, yeah! I'll be there."

"Cool. See you then!"

"Why'd you ask if he was going?" Mila questions Victoria.

"I wanted to know if my night would be more entertaining. If he's there, I get to watch him suffer in jealousy one last time because he'll see me & Ashton together."

"You're crazy, Vic."

"I know. But he's made my life a living hell, so."

Little does she know, Austin's been keeping up on the asshole act to hide his true feelings towards her, and he now finds it as a turn on to see her get all worked up & frustrated. So, lately, making her life a living hell has really been a benefit for him.

At the wrap party, drinks are being had, music is blaring through the speakers. It's almost as if it was the cast party all over again, but this time it was a different club.

Austin sits in the corner, sipping on an old fashioned as he watches Victoria & Ashton dance the same way he & Victoria danced the night things fell apart.

"Hey handsome." Eliana comes up & sits next to him.

"What are you doing here, Eli?" he asks, annoyed.

"You know I'd never miss a good party. And I knew you'd be here."

"Yep. I'm here. Probably going to leave soon though."

"Awe why? The party just started."

"Yeah, well, I don't really enjoy watching the girl I like dance with her boyfriend, so."

"Victoria?"

"Yeah."

"You like her again? You're over me?"

"Honestly...I don't think I ever stopped liking her deep down. I really regret kissing you that night, you know."

"How could you regret kissing me? I'm the best you've ever had, Austin."

"Don't be so sure of yourself, Eliana."

"So, Im not the best you've ever had?"

"Bingo. Sorry."

"Let me prove it to you. I still want you, Austin."

"No thanks, I'm good."

Eliana leans in closer to him, staring to nibble on his ear how he likes. "Cmon, Aus. I know you want-

"No, Eliana. Stop." he cuts her off. "I told you we were over, like a million times. It's not happening. You showed me your true colors that day I saw you making out with that rando. Vic was right about you & I really wish I would have listened to her." Austin gets up & starts heading out.

"Wait! Austin! Please! One more chance!" Eliana calls out.

Austin just ignores her & continues on.

Victoria notices that he's leaving. She starts to feel accomplished, thinking she was making him jealous enough to leave, but then she spots Eliana. She knew instantly she was the reason why Austin left.

"Thanks for making Austin leave! I was trying to win him back!" Eliana yells at Vic over the loud music.

"Yeah, okay. I'm sure he left because of you, because he was tired of listening to your bullshit. He told you plenty of times you guys were done for." Victoria says.

"No, he didn't, but okay."

"He did, I was there, everytime you came to set begging him to take you back."

"You're so annoying." Eliana says, storming off.

"Guess you haven't met yourself then!" Vic shouts to her.

Ashton whispers into her ear, "Wanna get out of here?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

A few weeks have passed & Victoria feels like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders not having to deal with Austin or Eliana. She hasn't seen or spoken to them since the wrap party.

Victoria's been happy to put the past behind her & get a new start. She's been looking for more opportunities now that she's been done with filming, and has had some time off to herself & to enjoy her new official boyfriend.

Ashton took her on a date to Dave & Busters, a place where a part of their first date took place. While Victoria was in the bathroom, Ashton had one a little teddy bear holding a heart out of a crane machine. When she came back, he asked her to be his. It was a cheesy moment, but Vic absolutely loved it.

"Hey, are you gonna ever stop looking for jobs today?" Mila asks Victoria, as she's been sitting at the counter literally all day on her laptop.

"Um, yeah. I'm about to right now actually. I'm starting to feel nauseous from looking at the screen too much." Vic responds.

"Oof, yeah. You're looking kind of green. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will."

Before she knew it, Vic was running to the bathroom to throw up.

"Do you feel better now?" Mila asks as Vic comes out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, a little bit. I think I'll be fine."

A couple days later

"Fuck." Vic mutters to herself as she sits on the floor in front of the toilet.

She gets herself up from the floor and finds Mila in the kitchen making herself a bagel.

"Mila?.."

"Hey, what's up?"

"I, um...fuck." Vic starts to form tears in her eyes. "I think I might be pregnant."

"You what?" Mila responds with a full bite of her bagel in her mouth.

"I think I might be pregnant, which would be insane because I've always been told at my gyno check ups that I may not be able to conceive because of how fucked up my cycles are & practically being infertile." she rambles, being nervous.

"Okay, slow down. Why do you think you are?"

"I just threw up again, and it like came out of nowhere. I don't know what else it could be. I've been feeling fine, it's not a constant thing like if I had food poisoning."

"I have a couple tests in the bathroom if you want to use them. I had a pregnancy scare a few months ago and impulsively bought like three boxes."

"Okay, yeah, I'll do that. But if I am...I don't know who the father is. Like it could be Austin from our one time or Ashton's."

"Have you told Ashton about that time with Austin like I've been saying you should?"

"No, I havent. I just haven't been able to find the right way to tell him."

"Well, you need to. Especially if you're pregnant & he could possibly be the father, or if you're pregnant with another man's baby."

"I know, I know. And if I am...I think I want to keep it. Like it would be a miracle if I am with the amount of times I've been told it would be hard for me to get pregnant."

"I get that. And no matter what, I'm here for you every step of the way."

"Thanks, Mila. I appreciate it. I'm gonna go take those tests since I have to pee anyways."

"Okay. Do you want to look at them together?"

"Yeah. I cant do this alone."

"Okay. Go pee, and I'll be right there."

Victoria does her business & takes the tests.

"This is the longest three minutes of my life." Vic complains.

"Thirty more seconds." Mila says looking at her timer.

When the seconds were up, Victoria took a deep breath & closed her eyes before looking at the tests.

Both tests read positive.

"Shit." Vic says to herself.

Mila reads the tests herself, "Oh my god."

"Now I really have to tell Ashton, huh?"

"Mhm. You need to tell Austin too."

"Fuck. I do, because I'm gonna have to get a paternity test."

"Are you for sure it could be Austin's?"

"Well, when I looked up how long it takes for early symptoms to start, it lines up with that time. I have this gut feeling too that it's his."

"Why?"

"Because in the heat of the moment, and not being prepared, Austin & I didn't use protection, but me and Ashton have been. Just incase, even though it would be unlikely I could get pregnant. But here we are."

"Oh damn. Who are you telling first?"

"I don't know. Austin I guess. He'd be easier to tell. I don't know."

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door.

"I'll go see who it is." Mila says.

She goes out into the main part of the apartment and answers the door.

"Oh, hi Ash! I didn't know you were coming over."

"Hey, Mila. Yeah, I wanted to surprise Vic with some Starbucks. I got you one too. Where is she?" Ashton asks.

"Aw, that's so sweet! Thanks! She's in the bathroom. I'll let her know you're here."

Mila let's Ashton in and goes back to the bathroom.

"Hey, Ashton's here. I think that's who you're telling first."

"Oh god. No time to prepare, but okay."

"I'm here if you need me. You know that."

"I know."

They both walk out into the kitchen.

"Hey! There's my girl! How are you?" Ashton asks.

Tears start streaming down Victoria's face. "Um, can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course. What's wrong?"

They go into the living area & have a seat on the couch.

"I've been meaning to tell you this for awhile now, because you deserve to know, but I haven't been able to bring myself to tell you, but I really need to tell you now."

"What is it, Vic?"

"A few weeks ago, before we made it official, and while I was still filming....Austin & I, we....we hooked up. It was a total mistake, and it shouldn't have happened, but it did, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry it happened & I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Vic just sobs as she gets her words out.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. I'm glad you told me sooner than later. Things happen, and we weren't together yet. It's okay, really."

"But it's not..." she cries more, struggling to get the rest out. "I'm pregnant. And it could be his, or it could be yours."

Ashton covers his mouth in shock.

"I'm so sorry." Victoria says. "If you don't want anything to do with me, or the baby, I get it."

"Does Austin know?" he asks.

"No. I just found out right before you came."

"And you want to keep the baby? I mean, I'm sure you do, right? With your issues, I'm sure you're surprised this even happened."

"Yeah, I do. Whethers it's yours, or his. I just don't want this to change anything between us. I do really like you, Ash. Shit, I love you & I don't want to lose you over this."

"You're not going to lose me, Vic. I love you too. We'll get through this no matter what happens, alright?"

"Okay. Thank you for being so amazing, and understanding."

"Of course. Like I said, things happen. It's okay."

He reaches over & kisses the top of her head.

Now that the hard part is over, the next step is to tell Austin. We can only hope he'll take the news just as well as Ashton did.

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#austin butler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler imagine #austin butler one shot #austin butler smut #austin imagine #austin butler rather die #rather die #elvis presley #elvis 2022 #elvis

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alarrytale · 6 months

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hi Marte. Sorry this is late but I'm still struggling with the childish chicken conspiracies tweet. I feel like... The first rule of PR is that publicly denying something brings attention to it and makes it look like you have something to hide. I just can't imagine that tweet was planned by his team to quiet the Larry rumors. Anyone with common sense knows all it does is shine a spotlight on them. So that leaves me with the feeling that Louis really did just snap at us or they used Larry for publicity and I hate those options, and even they don't really make sense??? Option A: Louis just snapped at us does not make sense because he's still singing 7, and if he knows about chicken wrapped in parma ham then he knows damn well what he's doing singing "Larry" on stage. The Louis that snapped over chicken and the Louis that sings 7 can't co-exist, either he loves to feed us or he's sick of us. It's mutually exclusive. If he's sick of Larry he's also had a million chances to debunk things or really talk about it instead of getting mad at a random tweet that wasn't even about Larry. And then there's Option B: His team used Larry rumours for publicity, but it just doesn't really work either. They know that the majority of his fanbase are Larries. I can't imagine any PR team would intentionally piss off most of the fanbase, especially when tickets had just gone one sale. It just doesn't make sense.

Hi, anon!

The thing is, we don’t know if this was done to sabotage him, distance him from his fans, make him look rude and homophobic and hinder his sales, probably done by Sony. Or if it was done by himself and his team to use Larry as promo for his tour, because it was the best option to achieve what they wanted.

If you look at the effects of the tweet it might give us some insight:

It was a reply to a tweet - not everyone is going to see it. You have to know the lore to be able to know what he's talking about.

Fans reacted to it. Mostly with humour, but also with hurt. Accounts and blogs who have a foot out of this fandom, woke to life and joined the conversation. It woke a sleeping part of fandom up. Louis has struggled with low listening numbers and falling engagement on this tweets and ig posts, compared to the amount of followers he's got. This changed that.

The denial was weak. Nothing we haven't hear before, so those who're larries are still larries and het louies are still het louies. It didn’t change the fandom dynamics much.

Some people who were on the verge of leaving fandom before this left.

The ridicule and hate towards larries increased, because we were put in the spotlight.

The press picked the story up. It was syndicated world wide, but some notable big tabloids ignored it.

Some articles framed it in a way to make Louis look ridiculous for responding in that way. Some articles said he slammed larries again.

This story hardly left the fandom. Other fandoms thinks Louis is ridiculous and that larries are conspiracy theorists/lunatics. No change there.

I've only see a few people from the gp questioning this and being interested in looking into larry due to the articles.

Looking at the effects of the tweet i think it's option B. I think it was ment for fandom, to wake us up, create engagement and conversation, make Louis related things trend and use Louis' connection to Harry to make people interested in Harry check out Louis. If it did put a spotlight on larry, that was okay with them, because he did it as a denial, plus larry is real and any new fan gained from the attention will most likely become a larrie. I don't know if they thought that the potential outrage among larries would create losses. We've been through this before and if we've survived thus far, they probably thought we'd survive this too. I also think that they don't care if this makes him look insecure, homophobic and rude to his fans. He already has that image, and this aligns with things he's said and done before. For him, this was more of an attention grab than him being papped with a D-lister or having another scandal.

Tldr; I think he did it to get attention from his existing fanbase, maybe old 1d stans too, and promote his tour to his existing fanbase.

#louis underscore #louis image #solo louis #Twitter #larry denials #fandom

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fallingsunflower · 2 years

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disclaimer: sending this to multiple blogs!

so planned parenthood put out a statement about roe v wade being overturned and dozens upon dozens of celebrities who are supporting were listed including kendall jenner, phoebe bridgers, paul mescal, selena gomez, madison beer, olivia rodrigo, joey king, dylan obrien, mistki, ariana grande, billie eilish, demi lovato, hailey bieber, miley cyrus, madelyn cline, shawn mendes, wallows… LITERALLY ANYONE YOU CAN IMAGINE. name them and they’re on there. not just a-list celebs but d-list and c-list as well. of course not everyone is on there which is understandable. gotta remember there are people actually work. lol.

but since olivia cockburn is so girlboss, feminist… why isn’t her name on there? if anything, i expected her name to be on there… has she even made an effort besides her little ig stories? she made max. 10 ig stories about it like the women’s activist she believes she is but why not engage in these organizations like these other celebrities (who are far busier with ACTUAL work? juggling multiple projects at a time i mean billie??? ariana??? olivia fucking rodrigo??? madelyn cline who is literally filming a whole tv show right now??? are on there lol ????)

it’s just so odd to see her skipping around europe with (pr stunt or not) boyfriend and seeing her blatantly ignoring this situation that most definitely affects her lol. unless she thinks her skin color protects her from old white men wanting to control a woman’s body… and that boyfriend who we all know and love - also does the bare fucking minimum. and yeah im calling him out too. harries ate up that single post he made and think he’s doing more than what actual activists are doing.

and no he’s not “working on the promo of his new album.” he’s galloping around rome and italy with another incompetent human being who is equally ignoring this situation bc again i believe it’s their white [celebrity] privilege that lets them parade around carelessly.

if he was working then we wouldn’t be seeing him at all, huh? if she was working, maybe we’d actually know who she was before this stunt.

and no i’m not asking him to drop everything and give a national speech but consider this 1. olivia, ur harry styles’ “girlfriend”, right? that’s a thing on it’s own babe lol remember camille rowe? yeah. 2. harry, ur fucking harry styles. open ur mouth. i know u said u left school at a young age but critical thinking skills?? do better with the voice you have. your fan base are 95% women who will suffer from this issue and 100% listen to what you have to say.

harry styles [and olivia wilde] is not the type of person we should be supporting imo. i don’t support him as i did before but ofc still care about him and love him (although i’ve unfollowed him, pleasing and anyone related + disconnected from him completely besides tumblr bc im on here 24/7, and pretty hard to scrub him clean lol)

but to each their own! i hope to know yalls thoughts lol if you wanna share ofc.

I got this last night. sorry I'm just getting around to posting it now :) also thanks for the disclaimer!

I hate to say it but I agree, specifically about Harry. I suppose it's an interesting issue though since this is mainly a US thing with Roe v Wade possibly getting overturned and Harry isn't a citizen. I already criticized him for sponsoring Biden. But this is slightly different. All he posted was the same thing Pauli did (I also did as well). I appreciated that. But I agree there's room for more.

Not to compare, but take 5SOS for example. They posted today about pro-choice rallies across the US. One was happening right up the road from me and because of them I was able to stop by for a little bit. Now imagine if someone who has 43 million instagram followers posted that info.

Harry doesn't have to say anything. But he'd have a lot of power if he did. I think his fans give him too much credit in places where it's not applicable.

Olivia's a different story. I don't care much to talk about her. She's a lost cause imo and not worth my breath

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literallymitch · 3 years

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…𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭? || 𝐃.𝐃

requested: no

summary: third part of the reputation series in which the reader thinks about her tme with Damiano

pairing: Damiano David x Famous!Reader

word count: 2.2k

what kind of content: fluff, one part is a bit more spicy

warnings: panic attack, some spicy stuff in the middle

a/n this really turned out the way I wanted sorry

part 1 part 2

@maneskinweek

“Are you ready to destroy the whole industry?” Basti, my producer, asked me laughing.

“To destroy the industry? I don’t know. But I’m definitely ready to get back to making music now.” I answered him.

“As if you weren’t writing and recording some melodies on your phone already for the past three months. We both know Mr. Loverboy gave you some inspiration.”

Feeling caught, I just shook my head and looked at the floor. Basti was right, Damiano really inspired me a lot over the past few months. I never really was a huge love song writer, but here I am trying to come up with anything that’s not a love song.

After Basti and I finished our session today, I went back home. Back home, the house was empty. It was kind of weird being home alone with my cats again. The last few months, Damiano was either at my house or I was at his place. There weren’t a lot of days we didn’t spend together. I sighed, dropping my bag to the floor and taking of my shoes. I already was in comfy clothes, so I thankfully didn’t have to change. Again I checked my phone to see if Damiano has texted me. Seeing there were no new messages from him, I got a bit sad. I know he was on a promo tour through Europe now, and still I was as impatient as a little kid, waiting to open presents on Christmas day.

I walked into the kitchen to grab myself something to drink and the leftovers from dinner yesterday, then I made my way to my patio. Usually I would sit here with Damiano talking about the most random things. Instead, I was sitting here eating my dinner alone now. After a while I got up to get my notebook, I then returned to my patio to write yet another love song about Damiano.

Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom Holdin' him for ransom

“Oh my god, stop staring at him. It’s like your eyes are actually glued to him.” my friend said, laughing.

I tried not to stare at him, but it was like he’s a star glowing while all the other people in the bar are just invisible. They still were right, I should stop staring. I should try not fall for someone like him in general. There was no way he does not have a god complex, looking like this. I don’t even want to know how many girls had sleepless nights because of him. No, I wouldn’t be one of them. Never in a million years this I want to be in the same situation I was a few years ago.

I had to laugh a little, thinking back to the night I first saw Damiano. I really thought I wasn’t going to fall in love with him. And here I am now writing another love song about him. I still couldn't believe how quick and hard I fell for him.

Some boys are tryin' too hard He don't try at all, though

All the other guys I dated before, always tried to play the most romantic dates or buy the most expensive gifts. Damiano on the other hand hasn’t done such things yet. He isn’t the most romantic person ever, but he also doesn’t have to be. It’s the little gestures and the things he says, that make me fall for him more and more every day. These are the things, that make me feel like he actually cares about me. A smile formed itself on my face thinking back to the little things Damiano did, that made my heart beat faster.

“Y/n look, your favorite movie is on. I’ll get us some popcorn”

“Text me when you get home, safely!”

One thing that really stuck in my mind, happened some night after we knew each other for two months then.

I sat in my room crying, having a mild panic attack. I usually got used to reading some hate comments about me that popped up online now and then. This time it was different. I saw a tweet that said I’d never sell a single ticket anymore. I knew this wasn’t true, because I still had fans that stood behind me, but it felt like someone ripped my heart out. Making music and performing it in front of big audiences always was my dream. A dream that became reality. A dream that now was destroyed. I was so scared I couldn’t to the stuff I loved the most anymore. That’s when the panic attack started. It was so bad, I didn’t even hear Damiano come back.

“Hey Y/n what’s wrong. God come here.”

He pulled me in his arms, trying to calm me down, as I just sobbed into his shirt.

“Y/n you need to breathe, ok? Breath with me, come on, you can do it.” he made me look at him, trying to help me steady my breath.

After a while, I finally calmed down a little.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”, he sounded worried, as he spoke.

“I- I just saw something on Twitter, saying that I won’t sell tickets anymore, and I don’t know, I just felt like my whole world is crushing down. Music is my life, and I’m scared I won’t be able to ever make music again. Also, seeing all this hate gets me more than I thought.” I told him honestly.

“Everything will get better, ok? You will be able to do music again and the hate will stop, because the truth always comes out ok and until then I’ll always be by your side. I won’t let you do this alone.”

Younger than my exes but he act like such a man, so

Damiano is the first guy I’m dating, who is younger than I. He’s 22, and I’ll be turning 25 soon. The guys I dated before Damiano usually were my age or a bit older. I never saw myself dating someone younger who's younger than me, thinking they wouldn’t be mature enough. Boy was I wrong. Damiano is more mature than all my exes together. His parents definitely raised him well.

I see nothing better, I keep him forever Like a vendetta-ta

The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that Damiano is actually perfect. He’s funny, caring, good to talk to, gorgeous and so much more. I have only known him for three months now, but there was no way he’d get rid of me ever again. I rolled my eyes at myself, as I realized how bad I fell for him.

I-I-I see how this is gon' go Touch me and you'll never be alone I-Island breeze and lights down low No one has to know

One week after my panic attack, the Italian and I did a two-day trip to Capri. We couldn’t really go out a lot, because we didn’t want to get seen by paparazzi. The people who owned the place, we stayed at, were so nice and told us there was a quiet beach close to our house, only some locals knew about. We took a walk down the beach that night after dinner. It was beautiful.

When we got back to our place, we went upstairs to our bedroom. I opened the window and enjoyed the sound of the ocean. Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind. I put my hands over Damiano's as he pushed my hair to the side and started kissing my neck.

My heart started beating faster, and I had a tingly feel in my stomach. He started to slightly suck on the skin of my neck, between his little kisses. When he started to suck and nibble on my sweet spot, I let out a small moan. I could feel the singer smirk against my neck. He turned me around and his smirk turned into a smile as he saw that I was blushing.

“You’re too cute.” he said before he started kissing me.

As we made out, things got a bit more heated. My hands were buried in his hair, slightly pulling it, which made Damiano moan now. Hearing him moan turned me on even more. The slight island breeze and his touch made me go crazy. He lifted me up and carried me to the bed. I could feel his hard-on pressing against me.

“I want you.” he whispered against my lips.

Me, I was a robber first time that he saw me Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist And we'll move to an island

Remember when Damiano asked me where my boyfriend was, the night we first met? I didn’t lie when I said Andre wasn’t my boyfriend, but he wanted to be my boyfriend. After our dated he actually asked me to be his girlfriend saying that I “stole his heart”. I wasn’t interested in him, nor did I want to have a relationship. At least that’s what I thought before I laid my eyes on Damiano. Now look where we are now. I wanted to steal his heart, but I wouldn’t run off this time. I would run away with him. Capri definitely seemed like a good place to stay at.

Every lover known in comparison is a failure I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now Never be the same now, now

As I said before, all the guys I dated before Damiano were nothing compared to him. He was the diamond between all these stones, that were my exes. Usually I gave boys a hard time trying to get with me, really making sure they were worth my time. With Damiano, it was different. He just had to exist, to make me fall for him and give him a chance. Everything just felt like it was meant to be with him. Everyone around me could feel how I got much more chill since I was with him. Normally, I was always stressed by every little thing that didn’t work out like I wanted it to. Now I was barely stressed and I love it. I felt like a whole new person when I was with him. I was relaxed, happy and carefree. Never have I felt like this, with any of my boyfriends, before.

Baby, let the games begin Let the games begin Let the games begin

“So when can I tell the others, you're finally mine?” Damiano asked me

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend right now,” I was kind of shocked since I didn’t see that coming.

“Yeah, I mean it’s kind of overdue isn’t it?”

“Yes it totally is” I gave him a kiss, both of smiling bright.

“Good now I can tell the others you’re mine, and you can write more songs about me.” he winked at me.

“Wait, did you read the stuff in my notebook?”

“Yes, but by accident, and I think you’re gorgeous too.”, before I could say anything else he kissed me again.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams You should see the things we do, baby In the middle of the night, in my dreams I know I'm gonna be with you So I take my time

I woke up the next morning having a smile on my face. Sadly, I wasn’t able to wake up next to Damiano. The dream I had kind of made up for the empty spot in my bed beside me. All the nostalgia yesterday probably made me dream about Damiano. Not that it was the first time I did so, actually I dreamed of him a lot. That’s why I always made sure to go to bed earlier when he wasn’t around. Less time being sad, because he wasn’t there. More time dreaming of him in the middle of the night.

Are you ready for it?

I finally got a call from Damiano shortly after I woke up.

“Hey, beautiful, did you sleep well?” I was greeted by his soothing voice

“Hey handsome, yes I did. I’m gonna have breakfast now and then drive to the studio.“

“Great, we have a show later. I won’t keep you distracted for too long now, so you can finish up the songs about me. I also need to go now sadly, I’ll text you later bye amore.”

“Bye love.”, the sadness in my voice was a bit more clear than I thought it would be.

I tried not to think about the fact, that Damiano won’t come home in the next two weeks, but rather about songs that weren’t about him. I can’t release an album full of love songs after what is happening right now.

There will still be a ton of love songs on this album, and Damiano better gets ready to hear me simp about him for at least forty minutes.

#damiano david #damiano david imagine #damiano maneskin #damiano david x reader #damiano david one shot #damiano david fluff #damiano david fanfiction #måneskin #måneskin imagine #maneskinweek #reputation series #reputation #taylor swift

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alwaysyouinmyheart · 6 years

Text

#the things i read i swear #yeah we wanted an explanation about the new account #and the one we got is illogic and clearly based on the premise that we are a bunch of idiots fangirls blinded by their need #to have their fav interact with them on social media #so sorry if we don't believe something that does not make sense in any way shape or form #and no this doesn't mean we ' hate louis'#i personally complain and analyze things because i want the best of the best for both louis and harry and all the boys #and promo is crucial #i want it to be done brilliantly and to reach new people #and the fact that they're doing the promo we wished for on an account that has half amillion followers #and not the one that has more than 30 million #irks me to no end #and it bothers me because i love louis #not because i hate him #the fact that i even have to type this.....#please punch me in the neck if i start believing things blindly #mali rambles

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creepweirdo · 3 years

Text

OOOO @newyearknwwme tagged me in this cute little tag game 🥺🥺🥺❤️ it was so much fun ❤️❤️❤️ THANK YOU

(ALSO guys im so sorry for the lack of emojis i drafted this in word kjsadfljashdf)

why did you choose your url?

hahahhaha ive been in the habit of saving funny urls ever since tfatw came out jsdhflkjshdf and the “she lived she served cunt then she died” meme was making the rounds and i wanted a url based of that and surprisingly it wasn’t taken !!!! also i’m addicted to changing my url i need help-

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

yeah ahahahahahah i have a cdrama/fandom blog @imaprettyboy and then i have a joji blog where i make gifs shkflahsdkjfhskdj lol i am not gonna promo it JKHDLKJH but omg im fighting with the blog at the moment bc my gifs are not showing up in the joji tag :((( it’s a calculated move against me i know it

how long have you been on tumblr?

since the start of 2015 maybe ???? i had another account but deleted it and started fresh on here at the end of 2016. LMAO it started as a twd and yuri on ice blog khjhfdlsh my blog archive is so funny sometimes i look at it and laugh

do you have a queue tag?

hhahaha noooo. LMAOOOOOO vee’s answer is pretty much the same as me sldfhlakjhd i only recently figured out how the even do it and i think i prefer to reblog a million things at once ,,,, however i have been known to schedule things every now and then kasdfhlkjhd

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started this once bc i think i took a break from tumblr for like a week after i deleted my old one but i missed it AJHDKJAHSjfhkdjhlk

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

omg zuko limp wrist angry gay icon !!! i’ve had this icon for uhhhhh maybe like 2 weeks now ?? originally i think i found the screenshot in someone’s twitter replies but the other day i giffed and coloured the little scene and took a screenshot from that and now this one is a bit more RED !! but yeah leo @thisisagaysonlyevent sums it up when he described zuko as my main girl and yeah <3

why did you choose your header?

omg zuko limp wrist angry gay icon !!! but yeah !! it used to just be that screenshot but i giffed it the other day <3333 i love it so much sometimes i just stare at my blog and watch him move hahaha

what’s your post with the most notes?

oh hahahahah i think its an umbrella academy one about klaus being gay and not being able to drive LMFAO. i kind of hate the post KJHDLJHFJHDskjdh it was a notes grab i will admit

how many people do you follow?

as of 11/6/2021 i follow 389 people kjshdflkjshdfkjhd i used to follow like 1000+ ,,,,,, but i was always missing my beloved mutuals’ posts so i cut it down sjdhflh the only downside is that the dash gets really really dead certain times of the day

have you ever made a shitpost?

lmao i think it is my brand

how often do you use tumblr?

stop OMG skjhflkjhadskjfh this is so embarrassing ,,,, like a lot. its my main social media hahahah. i used to use instagram and tumblr equally but not so much anymore ,,,,

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

LMAO vee’s answer to this made me laugh so hard bc SAME. i have never fought with people online for real but ive had dreams about it to HAAHHAHAHAH i’m crazy

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

hmmmm it depends – i don’t like the condescending or guilt tripping ones

do you like tag games?

yes i do and i appreciate every single tag ive had but im a terrible person and procrastinate them. ive got a lot in my drafts from like months ago which i will get around to one day im sorry <3

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

lmao this year ive learnt that SO MANY of my mutuals are famous kjshdflhsdf its actually so crazy i didn’t know people could have that many followers on tumblr KJKDLJSHFKJHF. also ahhaha vee said that she think im famous which sajkfhdljhdf i will say this year i’ve like doubled the amount of followers i had this time last year but servingcunt is still pretty niche underground if you know you know grungecore pickle rick kafkaesque et cetera et cetera

do you have a crush on a mutual?

im for real in love with all my mutuals <3 ily

last song i listened to

okay technically it’s the song vee put bc i clicked the link and it opened on my spotify web browser and started playing jkhsfljdhfk but the one before that is the new doja cat song – need to know !!!

my phone bg and lockscreen

LMAO ill put some screenshots LKJHFKJHD the lock screen and home screen really don’t go together ,,,, gemini moment

tagging

lmao only do this if you guys want to <333

@sluthonorific @highwarlockkareena @beefleef (even tho vee tagged you alreadyyy sjkfhjhs) @nicholasbraungf @thisisagaysonlyevent @roombagreyjoy @sharkentine @doctorfeathers @softpluto @bucxkybarnes @katsstratford

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duhragonball · 3 years

Note

Hi! I wanna preface this by saying this isn’t a request for a liveblog, but just a recommendation for some light reading. There’s a comedy-action series currently running called Mashle: Magic and Muscles. It’s basically just taking the piss out of Harry Potter (mocking the house system, blatantly unfair classes, and just general story structure) in a sort of ‘One Punch Man’ way. It’s a lot of fun and doesn’t take long to get through at all.

I may check that out some time, but from my point of view, taking the piss out of Harry Potter is like shooting fish in a barrel. I shot the hell out of that barrel years ago, and I'm not sure there's much more appeal to be had in seeing it done again. Mashle is probably really good, but I'd probably have enjoyed it more in 2010 than in 2021.

Part of what sucked the wind out of my sails was when JKR went full-transphobe a few years ago, and it started to realize that all the pathetic asshole characters she wrote were a reflection of her own character. Snape was ultimately on the good guys' side, but he still betrayed Lupin just to be a colossal dick. Umbridge was more concerned about sorting her doilies and imposing order on others than in any sort of compassion or moral ideology. Gilderoy Lockhart was a narcissist social climber, desperate to hijack any conversation and make it about himself.

Fans want to compare JKR to Hermione, mostly for lack of any prominent female characters, but Hermione's no saint either. She spent all of Book 3 using time travel to take all of her classes, but she still talked shit about Trelawny for daring to suggest that a person could magically see into the future. Never mind that Trelawny had actually done it before, and got tenure teaching it as a recognized subject. I'm not saying Trelawny was good at her job, but you've got some girl saying "Um, actually, I think I know a little bit more about your life experiences than you do, so I'm going to do everything in my power to discredit you."

Sound familiar?

I'm sorry for going off on a tangent here. You're just recommending some manga to me, and I appreciate it, but I've had this on my mind for a while. Here's the thing I can't get out of my head: Nick Gage robbed a bank.

Let me explain. Nick Gage is a professional wrestler, specializing in "deathmatch" wrestling, where weapons are legal. One time he was pronounced legally dead during a match, because there was broken glass everywhere and he got hurt and I'm not sure I know or want to know the full story. But he got better and he's still alive today. Somewhere in between, he had some hard times and ended up robbing a bank and going to prison for five years.

But Gage is a folk hero, and I admire the man, in part because he appreciates his fans for supporting him. All of his fans, including the LBGTQ+ ones. On July 7, 2020, he cut this awesome promo declaring that trans rights are human rights. He's not sitting on a golden throne, spewing a bunch of bullshit pseudo-biology to millions of followers. He's just speaking from the heart. I think this was one of those deals where you pay someone to do a video greeting, but he went on to add that he would have said this for free, because he believes it. Here's another video where he explains why this is so important to him.

Rowling, and a lot of her characters, they always seem to "punch down", taking shots at people in worse circumstances than themselves. Nick Gage doesn't do that, probably because he's been about as down as it gets, and he knows what that's like. He knows other people have it tough and he has enough empathy to respect what other people are going through. I heard JKR was an unemployed single mother once, but it's hard to tell if she remembers any of that.

This is why I get a little nervous when I hear people talk about things being "wholesome" or "family friendly" or whatever. Because what they usually mean is that they want things to be sanitized, uncomplicated and unchallenging. I never liked the way people put Harry Potter on a pedestal of literature, perfect for young children and college classrooms alike. It carries this broad appeal, and I fear that's because it doesn't really have anything to say, no bold demand that would upset anyone. I mean, there's an implied message about the evils of classism, but Rowling doesn't seem to believe it if she's willing to turn against some of her most vulnerable fans for TERF clout.

Then they made some Harry Potter video game for PS5 or whatever, and all these fans are like "Gosh, I'd like to stop giving this hateful woman more money, but I'm afraid I simply cannot help but answer the call to Diagon Alley once more." It's gutless. You've got generations of people reading these books and the books aren't even that good, and nobody learns anything from them except how to spend more money on this shit. Nick Gage wrestles in broken glass for a living and he gets it, so why can't anyone else?

I'm sorry, I sort of hulked out there for a bit. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Mashle is probably a lot of fun, but it probably doesn't operate on this level, where all the characters are jerks and society is worse off for their introduction into Western Canon. But I might still check it out sometime.

#ask duhragonball #do i need to tag this or something?#i don't normally get into this sort of topic but it matters and i'm sick of people trying to pretend jo ceased to exist #'let's just pretend (x) wrote the books instead!'#i mean i get the sentiment but she wrote 'em and you're going to have to face that #like every woody allen movie is about an old guy falling for extremely young women #he was telling on himself the whole time so you can't just pretend allen smithee made those movies instead #and jo wasn't as obvious about it but we need to consider that her prejudices don't exist in a vacuum #anyway mdk all fucking day

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balkanballad · 3 years

Text

Eurovision 2021 ranking

hello, hello and welcome to my eurovision 2021 ranking. the songs are ranked with numbers but I also put them into categories (from 💐 to 🥀) and added a short comment. so, if you are interested in my personal opinion about the songs, have fun:

💐:

Switzerland: I was rooting for him last year and it’s the one returner in my top that didn’t disappoint me that much. what a start, huh? I love the song, I love the feeling it gives me when I listen to it, the clip is very pretty too. did I like his last entry better? yes, but I will say it already here at the very top of this list: I liked last year’s choices in general a lot more. nevertheless, this is a beautiful entry! and it is my personal winner this year

Australia: I loved her last song. It was there for me when I needed it. Technicolour does not touch me in that way but it is fun!! it’s catchy to me and I really like Montaigne. I adore her style and how she sings. I am excitingly looking forward to this performance :)

France: beautiful song, amazing singer, the national final performance was wonderful. however, I listened to it so much that back in March I already needed a break form it. now as I am finishing this it’s April and I can slowly listen to it again. it’s me though, it’s not her. that’s really a me problem. she’s wonderful and I love the French touch to this

Albania: a ballad from the Balkans <3 hello, of course I like it and I love that they kept it in Albanian this year. I heard similar songs before, but I like the sound of it still.and overall it’s a song that gives me familiar vibes in a cozy way with a bit of drama

Russia: interesting!! I was relived to see that Little Big didn’t return because, as I explained in my ranking for last year, I was not feeling them. absolutely nothing about them, but I love her! I think it’s catchy, it’s something different and I like the message she supports. it took me a few times to fully decide how I feel about the song, but now it’s in my top for sure

Denmark: fun! a fun song in Danish. I really like the good mood it puts me in. I even see this in the context of the Umbrella Academy or Stranger Things or something like that when they go to Europe to party a bit. I also really enjoy the old school vibe this has to it. I miss that vibe. I’m also a bit old school

Cyprus: I absolutely do not relate to anything said in this song but it’s catchy! it is a bit fuego and a bit replay but I liked those entries as well, so yeah fire. I have not heard a single live performance by her but I am not exactly sure that vocals will be the aspect that she will try to win votes with anyway. I am amused by the fact that apparently people were offended by this song when it clearly makes no sense whatsoever. it’s simply a bop, move on and dance a bit

🌺:

(8.) Greece: fun as well! a ‘dream team’ entry for sure. I say this a bit sarcastically, but they do well a lot of the times and I am lured in by a lot of their entries myself. Kontopoulos is a big name in the esc industry, it’s a fact. the song is a bit more mature than Superg!rl, which I also listened to more often that I thought I would. It still reminds me of a theme song for a superhero show for kids and I am a bit worried that the ‘dReAM TeAm’ is a bit too outdated for Stefania because I think she could have done something cooler than both of those songs

(9.) Sweden: it took me a few times listening to this song, but I like the song now. I don’t think it’s too special and “a million voices” reminds me of Polina immediately because those are her words for me, but this is a good song too. I like how it makes me feel empowered and like everything will be okay. thank you for that, Tusse, I need that

(10.) Israel: Eden deserved a better song. I like this song less than last year’s entry because I think it’s less interesting and I loved some instrumental parts from last year’s entry, but this is not bad either. I am rooting more for her than for the song, but I guess that’s this year’s motto for me. I also can’t say that I love the revamp because it made it sound even more generic for me

(11.) Belgium: I saw the promo pics for them and was very confused how different the singer looks this year, but it turns out that it’s not the same woman. I like this entry a lot better. I like her voice and I really like the vibe. It sounds a bit like it could play in the background of a classic American tv show when a character is going a bit through it and pouring a drink while it’s dark outside. I have the same problem that I mentioned already while talking about the French entry, but that’s still a me problem. I just need a break

(12.) Ireland: this entry is a lot less annoying to me than the song that she had last year. I like the lyrics and whole aesthetic of this one a lot more. it’s another one that I can’t listen to too often, but I still think it’s a very good choice imo

(13.) The Netherlands: Jeangu!! I think he for example will give a wonderful vocal performance. Growth felt way more personal to me, but that’s a repeating motive this year and also a me problem because obviously this is his song and he does it well

🌻:

(14.) San Marino: I’m still confused by this feature and I can’t really say that I’m ‘living’ for it, but I already made a post about how I don’t think she needed Flo Rida. minus the feature it’s a catchy party song, but it reminds me of one song that I simply can’t remember anymore. something that I heard from the Greek music industry, maybe even Eleni, if you know which one I mean, pls let me know

(15.) Estonia: just like last year: this song doesn’t make much sense and I don’t want to, but I still catch myself listening to it frequently... I am sorry, I can’t help it, but it puts me in a eurovision mood and yes, I am blaming Kontopoulos again. I am a weak person when it comes to his melodies

(16.) Ukraine: first I had it lower in my ranking, but I like SHUM better now and I like it a lot more now than last years entry. I really like the part when it gets faster, that’s really fun and makes me want to jump! jump! jump!

(17.) Spain: it’s a lot less repetitive than the last entry, but I would be lying if I said that I listen to this very often. it’s alright, not bad at all actually, but I just wasn’t in the mood for this (yet?)

(18.) Romania: this is for me still the same type of style as Bulgaria. European Billie Eilish type. last year I ranked her higher than Bulgaria as well, but they are pretty much the same to me. I can’t comment on whether I like her song less or more this year. it’s not bad either but I simply don’t think about it much

(19.) Bulgaria: I think I like this entry better than her last one. the message is cute, the melody too and yeah, but I don’t care about it too much

🌼:

(20.) Croatia: it’s a faster pop song without a real meaning. ground-breaking. the title makes me think of Ukraine 2014. which I like better, but we’ll see, maybe the performance will have something cool too. I will say though, I would have prefered the whole song to be in Croatian, it doesn’t make it much deeper, but I like that part the most

(21.) Malta: another faster pop song. I think she will give an amazing vocal performance and it will be cool and powerful, but the message and lyrics are a bit confusing to me. I am not the lyrics police, but I am confused by them a bit

(22.) Iceland: I think I like it better than last year’s song, but it’s still not LOVE that I feel for the song. I can listen to it though

(23.) Lithuania: it’s there. I am not a fan of them and it’s not a song I love too much, but I can listen to it

(24.) North Macedonia: sigh. I liked last year’s entry a lot and Vasil seems like someone who cares a lot about the contest, but I don’t feel this ballad. I think I know what they were going for and what it’s trying to be, dramatic and meaningful, but I don’t feel it that much. it’s okay? but it doesn’t do much for me

(25.) Czech Republic: this was a surprise because I think the overall quality of his entry got a lot better, this time though I have the problem that I do not like the lyrics. they don’t make me as uncomfortable as Germany last year but they are in that area of uhm, I don’t love the feeling this gives me

(26.) UK: hm :/ I can’t say that I’m a fan. this sounds like the type of song that the boring straight men in my area put in their tinder bio as their song, but it’s every third guy that says this is his song. those Calvin Harris remix type-ish songs and I am sooo bored. I swipe left because it’s no match, I delete tinder. breath was a lot more my thing and a lot more exciting and interesting

(27.) Poland: as soon as this stops, the exact same second, I forget everything about it. I don’t remember a single word, barely the title and singer and not the melody. what is this about? I can’t tell you. it’s not exactly bad, but it is so forgettable

(28.) Moldova: oh faster pop song? wow.. so.. original. I am starting to sound like those weird people that hate ballads. I don’t feel it and I don’t relate to it, but I also don’t hate it. the video though.. no thanks.

(29.) Italy: as so often: I see a lot of Italy fans on here and I can’t relate. it’s not for me, but it’s there and I can listen to it when I can’t reach the skip button for some reason

(30.) Austria: hm. Austria and Slovenia are going there. this is the better Amen song for me, but I don’t love it. it’s better than what Ana is trying to sell even though it’s super repetitive

🥀:

(31.) Serbia: I can’t tell you if it’s worse than last year but it’s less catchy. the lyrics are still bad. actually, maybe I am the lyrics police

(32.) Finland: this not my genre and I don’t really listen to it

(33.) Slovenia: nop. not for me in any way. I already said last year that I don’t like her voice and it didn’t change but now I also don’t love the message or weird vibe of this entry. I had it even lower, but I can’t push it up more. this is as high as I can rank it

(34.) Norway: I don’t like it. I don’t like the lyrics or melody or performance that was in the nf actually. I have a hard time understanding the concept even with the explanation it makes no sense to me

(35.) Portugal: I don’t like it. a lot of the parts of the melody are really not for me and borderline annoying, but definitely boring

(36.) Georgia: it’s boring. the last entry was at least something interesting, but this one is boring, which makes me a bit sad because his voice sounds and he seems like the guy that could make something cooler. I know I am not the person that can judge rock because I don’t listen to it too much, but I feel like he could have done something cooler and ‘rock’ it more

(37.) Latvia: again: I can’t even say if it’s worse or better than last year. maybe a bit better actually but, just as last time, I can’t listen to this. it annoys me and gives me a bit of a headache. I don’t think her style and voice is for me

(38.) Germany: I wouldn’t necessarily call it hate that I feel when I have to listen to this, even though that’s a funny play with the words of this title, but I definitely feel very annoyed by this song, so I simply don’t listen to it

(39.) Azerbaijan: the song sounds just like the last one, which I had placed on the 14. place in my own 2020 ranking, however, I can’t bring myself to support someone who posts war propaganda on their socials. it’s eurovision and about the songs, I know, but this is my blog and my ranking. so it’s a no for me this time and my last place in this ranking

#j. talks #eurovision #tell me anything if you want <3

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shanie-the-toyaddict · 3 years

Note

I would like to hear your Zowens headcanons and I will in turn share a few of mine with you.

WHEEEEEE

Ok, so I posted a list a couple weeks back that contained most of mine but I have added a few more in here in the meantime.

So, combined from that list and the new one, here goes...

Headcanons behind cut.

it’s a fine line between love and hate and they’ve been tap dancing on that line for so long it’s been trampled to oblivion

Kevin likes to think he doesn't need Sami in his life and that he would be just fine without him. He especially likes to forcefully repress all memories of the time between Sami's call-up and his own when he was proven painfully wrong.

Sami is loyal to a bloody fault and it’s why he keeps coming back for more.

Kevin is a huge grump. He has always been a grump and he will always be a grump even when he's trying to be nice. The only time he isn’t a grump is when Sami manages to chip away at his shell long enough to let Kev’s heart pour out and, when it does, it only pours out onto Sami.

The exception to this rule is when his heart is pouring out about Sami which is what led to heartfelt promos about missing his best friend and regretting his life choices.

As mithen put it, “Unbridled Obsession”. Fight Forever is in reference to exclusively THEM. Nobody else has or will ever matter.

The sheer magnitude of cosmic OOMPH surrounding them… I once described them as “A yin and yang yo-yo, spinning around each other endlessly while oscillating back and forth between friend and foe and being controlled by the red string of fate.”

Kevin struggles endlessly with his feelings about Sami. His brain and his heart can never seem to agree on where they stand but, in the end, his heart always wins be it for better or worse.

Meanwhile, Sami figured this shit out ages ago and lives in eternal wait for his better half to get it together. This is, again, why he always comes back.

The reason Sami has it figured out was because, despite his better judgement, he fell in love with Kevin almost immediately and decided he would wait as long as it took for Kevin to come around. He's still waiting and, even with his recent turn for the crazy, there's a part of him that he's tried so damn hard to destroy (and failed) that's still waiting.

However, despite figuring out his own feelings and wanting Kevin to reciprocate, Sami is damn near clueless when it comes to receiving the signals from Kevin about it. When the day comes that Sami figures out that Kevin does indeed love him back it will have involved a bullhorn, three billboards, half a dozen hallmark cards, a shouting match, bite marks, a punch in the face, copious amounts of aggressive kissing, and possibly a marriage proposal.

If cheap motel rooms had mouths, our guys would have filed a TON of NDAs by this point. What happens on the road, stays on the road.

That said, if said walls did have mouths and word got out, both Sami and Kevin would claim it meant nothing and was just a product of too much free testosterone and adrenaline in a small space (with only one bed).

They would both be lying.

You always hurt the one you love. [gestures at that recent backstage photograph of Sami’s back]

“I Love You” has no meaning at this point. They’ve said it so many times it’s just part of the script. “J'taime” on the other hand...

The aggressive cheek kissing was a compromise with Vince that replaced Kevin's desired lip locking. Little does Vince know that lip locking is second on their list of "romantic gestures" and that touching foreheads is infinitely more intimate to them.

On a related note, It’s not biting it’s a possessive kiss with teeth and it's number three on the list.

Kevin, for all his grumpiness, looks like an angel while he sleeps.

Sami, meanwhile, looks like an idiot and Kevin finds it both endearing and hilarious and has a ton of photos on his phone which he’s assured Sami he’s deleted (but hasn’t).

The shared selfies we've seen of Happy!Keven and Confused!Sami are just a small sample of the ones he's taken. It's one of Kevin's favorite pastimes to snap photos of Sami off guard and it pisses Sami off to no end. (Kevin doesn't care, he still has them all saved multiple places on his phone and cloud storage, to prevent Sami from breaking into his phone and deleting them.)

Speaking of breaking into phones, they've both given up on device security between the two of them. It doesn't matter what they change their passwords or swipe-locks to, they know each other too damn well for it to work. They've just come to an agreement to respect each others stuff as much as possible.

"As much as possible" does not include refraining from going on each other's social media accounts and going on blocking sprees.

Kevin did indeed stun L*gan P*ul because he hurt Sami and would do so again a million times if he had the chance. Nobody does that to Sami Zayn.

Nobody except Kevin Owens, of course.

Both men have foul mouths but for Kevin, it’s just words. He weaves cuss words in and out of his sentences like friggin punctuation marks. The only time they mean anything is when he gets into the sacre.

Sami, meanwhile, tends to go more for exclamations. He doesn’t pepper his speech with swearwords but, when he’s excited, he’ll go for the biguns in a heartbeat (see his MFER cry over his IC Title Win)

Sami has a penchant for petnames and nicknames. He's been known to full-name Kevin when he's pissed and when he is most angry, he doesn't bother using a name at all. Meanwhile, When Kevin is feeling kind towards Sami, he has a similar thing going on but it usually just involves spewing insults (that may or may not be meant affectionately).

Re: Above - “Idiot (affectionate)”, “Shithead (romantic)”, “Dumbass (soulmate)” and so on.

Kevin Owens has learned to appreciate a good Gyro for the sole purpose that it’s about the only thing he can stand on the menu of the Greek Cafés Sami always used to drag him too.

Kevin is a burger addict. One of the easiest ways to gain his affection is gifting him with a perfectly cooked bacon cheesburger.

One time, one dark, DARK day, he let Sami get the food from the burger joint. He was horrified to discover (immediately, upon the first bite) that Sami had gotten him an impossible burger to try and convince him they tasted the same. Kevin was not happy at ALL and Sami was forced to clean up the mess in the car while Kevin went and got a real cheesburger.

One of the biggest reasons they have remained close for so long is that, long ago, they both decided that the car radio remains OFF. Anything else leads to screaming matches and possibly auto accidents.

If those ridiculous Hallmark movies my mom watches are correct and there is such a thing as a Godwink, then the Montreal Screwjob was God winking so damn hard he nearly blinded himself in one eye.

Kevin secretly loves both Sami’s long hair and his dancing but the world will end before he ever admits either.

Similarly, Sami finds it adorable how Kevin's beard is starting to turn grey but knows better than to say word one about it.

Both men are bi but Kevin is way, WAY more bi than Sami. Like, Sami is straight with a side of Kevinsexual. Kevin is much more… open in his attractions; his heart belongs to Sami but he has never been afraid to mess around with other men as well.

Due to Sami's otherwise straight nature, he's managed to do a really good job lately of convincing himself that he never cared about Kevin in the first place and that his hatred is well placed... you know, like a liar.

Kevin Owens Steen is too violent for his own good. Violence is his primary means of communication and it's how he expresses himself in all things. This is a big reason that he is so hurtful towards Sami, even when he is trying to help him. He doesn't know anything else. There is a reason so many of his kisses come with teeth (as mentioned above).

This is also why... um... er... in the times where they did hook up, Kevin was the one in control. He would never willingly let Sami pin him in the ring why the hell would he let Sami pin him... uh... elsewhere.

That said, if there were anyone who Kevin would be open to a change in position with, it would be Sami. As long as Sami knows full well who's driving the car, Kevin's up for relinquishing control of the radio for a night.

Overall, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn are both the best and worst things to happen to each other. The best because, for better or for worse, they drive each other to put their all in everything. They bring out the star in each other time and time again and neither one of them would have ever made it to the stage without the other.

They are the worst thing to happen to each other because... well, have you MET them? Enough said.

Sorry this list is so long. I have a ton of thoughts about these two and if I don't wrap this up now, the list will only get longer.

#Zowens #Headcanons

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hemmingslftv · 4 years

Text

Reuniting // M.C. - chapter two

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: drug recovery and drug use, pregnancy and abortion mention,

Not requested but requests are open

A/N: hi guys! I need to say I’m not too happy about how this one turned out. I had the idea in my mind for so long that I feel like it is so hard to put it into words now. I feel like this isn’t as realistic as I want it to be but I’ve been stuck here and I feel like I owe you a chapter. I may edit this one later or maybe not. Also there may be some typos, I’m sorry about that. Please tell me what you think about it, feedback is very appreciated. Enjoy!

Masterlist

You had spent the last 20 minutes pacing around your house. You didn’t remember a time when you had been this nervous since the day Jake was born. As soon as you heard de doorbell you ran to open the door.

“Hi”, Michael said as you opened it.

“Hey, come inside”, you said feeling a little bit awkward and once you had closed the door you took him on a quick tour around your apartment.

“You and Jake have a nice home, it’s big but cozy at the same time, I like it”

“Thanks! Let’s sit on the couch, I guess I owe you an explanation” you sat facing each other and you took a deep breath trying to figure out how to explain everything that had happened since you two broke up.

“I just don’t really know where to start”, you said, feeling overwhelmed by the situation and covering your face with your hands.

“Hey, you’re shaking. Calm down, it’s just me, okay? You don’t owe me anything, just tell me whenever you’re ready” Michael said as he rubbed your back but instead of calming down you started crying. It wasn’t even a loud cry, tears started to leave your eyes because you finally felt like you weren’t alone in this anymore and you were afraid he would leave again after you spoke.

“It’s fine, y/n, cry it out” he hugged you tight and you stayed in that position for almost 20 minutes until you could speak normally again. It surprised you how familiar his touch felt even after all this time and how it made you feel at home.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sure you have somewhere better to be”, you said as you sat back in the original position and wiped away the tears left in your cheeks.

“Don’t be sorry, this must have been very hard for you. I’m the one who should be sorry. And I canceled everything for today, I really don’t think there’s anything more important than this”

“But you just released an album, aren’t you supposed to be doing interviews and stuff? I don’t want to harm your career in any way”

“Don’t worry about that it’s just one day and besides, I’m in a band, remember? There are three other guys to take care of things. Just relax, don’t think about any of that. This is what’s important now, okay?” you nodded.

“The thing is that it won’t be just a day and being honest I’m so scared you’ll leave after I tell you but if that’s your decision I guess it’s fine, I can do this alone, I always have and I can’t ask you to do anything after almost 3 years” Michael placed his hand on your chin and lift it up softly.

“I’m not leaving, do you hear me? I’m here now. Start from the beginning and just speak, you’ve always been good at explaining things” you took one last deep breath and started speaking.

“Okay. You know I always respected your decision. When you cut me off your life I knew you were doing it because you needed to, it was the healthy thing to do, we weren’t good for each other at that time. And I want you to know that even after everything that’s happened I think you did the right thing so don’t blame yourself. I mean, look at you! You’re more healthy and handsome than you’ve ever been and that’s what you deserve!” Michael blushed at your words and you couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, Michael! There’s no way you still haven’t gotten used to compliments, you’re a superstar!”

“You know I’m shy! That will never change” he said laughing with you.

“Fair enough. Well, so as I said, this is not your fault, I know you tend to feel guilty about a lot of things and I don’t want you to feel bad about this, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try not to feel bad”

“Perfect. So, as you told me to and as I’m sure you remember since that was the only time you hadn’t been high in more than two weeks, I packed all my stuff and left your house before you came back from that promo trip” he nodded.

“I went back to live with my parents until I found a new place and then I moved here. I remember it as if it was yesterday. The second night I slept here, when I went to bed I checked my phone as I always do and I had a notification from my period app that said it was late by one week. I thought it probably was because of the stress with the breakup, the move, and everything and so I decided not to think much about it, it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

I kept myself busy with university and I found a job at a bar so I had less free time, I didn’t want to think about us much. It was really hard for me to understand that we were done and I couldn’t call you when I was feeling down or talk to you about things. Also, I had to find new friends and I’m sure all your friends hate me now because I left without an explanation but it was the best thing for you to not have me around anymore so I knew I had to do it”

“I really am sorry about that. I shouldn’t have asked you to distance yourself from them, they were your friends just as much as mine. You must have missed the girls so much, you and Kaykay were practically sisters... that was so selfish”

“Michael, I said it’s okay. I understood why you did it. The thing is that I was trying so hard to focus on other stuff that I was so busy I didn’t realize I never had my period that month. So the next month when the app warned me the next one was supposed to come in two days I literally panicked. I didn’t know who to call because I wasn’t that close to my new friends yet so I just cried myself to sleep on the kitchen floor. The next morning I bought a pregnancy test and, as you probably can guess, it was positive. I can’t put into words everything I felt at that moment. I was terrified because I didn’t wanna go through a pregnancy and raise a child all by myself and also because I hadn’t planned it and you know I always plan everything. I’m not gonna lie, the first few days I seriously considered having an abortion but eventually, I decided I was ready to be a mom and I knew I could financially take care of the baby and give him a great life and you know I always said I wanted kids so I figured it had just come a little earlier than I expected but that it was fine.

Once I had decided I was gonna have the baby I called you, and I knew you weren’t gonna pick up the phone but I said to myself I had to at least try. You obviously didn’t pick up so I called my mother instead and she was the most supportive person ever since the first moment she knew. So that’s how things went I guess”

“Why didn’t you come to see me? You knew I had deleted your number but you could have told me in person”

“Michael you literally told me, and I quote “I don’t want you around anymore, I’m hurting you and that’s the last thing I want to do. I would never forgive myself if things escaleted more than they did last night and I don’t trust myself anymore. I’m gonna get help, I promise. And if I ever feel strong enough I’ll find you and we can try this again. I’m begging you to let me go and don’t ever contact me again. Please forgive me, I love you” and left the house. That was the last time I ever talked to you”

“No, I know that, but I never thought about the possibility that you were pregnant!”

“Me neither, but I was. And all I did was respect your decision”

“You could have come to me, you know I would have taken care of you and the baby”

“I know you would have, and that’s why I didn’t tell you. You needed to focus on yourself so you could be a great dad, and that’s what I told myself”

“But you took away my choice, you decided for me!” Michael said standing up and raising his voice.

“Are you yelling at me right now? You can’t be serious” You stood up too and started yelling back at him too with tears filling your eyes.

“You have no idea how hard it is for me to know that Jake could have had a father but I chose for him not to. I always thought you’d show up someday, you know? Throughout the whole pregnancy and even his first year, every time I got a call from a random number or a knock on the door I expected to find you on the other side. Because YOU told me I needed to give you time to heal and you’d come looking for me when you were ready. So I decided based on your own words that Jake could wait a year for his father if that meant you’d be better for him, for me, and for yourself. But you never showed up. So you don’t get to tell me I’ve taken your choice because this was all your decision”

“I just”

“No, you just what? You have no idea how painful it was to accept you weren’t coming back. And it was even harder because I saw you on the news, I heard you on the radio and every time it felt like I was the bad one for keeping Jake a secret but I had to remind myself that it was you who asked me to literally never contact you again”

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry. I guess I’m still processing everything and it just hurts to know that I haven’t seen him grow up and I’ve lost the first years of his life because of the stupid addiction”

“Believe me. I get that. And I am sorry about it but what was I supposed to do? You had finally decided to get help and I couldn’t be the one to ruin that”

“You did the right thing, I’m sorry. I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve always done for me. I’ve thought about reaching out to you a million times but I thought you probably hated me after everything I put you through, especially that last night. God, you should hate me! I convinced myself you had probably moved on and you deserved someone who would treat you better so I tried to forget about you” Michael confessed in a more quiet tone and sitting back on the couch.

“I don’t hate you Michael, I want you to know I forgive you. You weren’t yourself, those were the drugs talking and I know you would have never done any of that sober”

“But still, it never should have happened. Earlier, when you let me hug you, I felt so relieved because I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with me touching you ever again. I am so deeply sorry” his voice cracked and this time it was you hugging him and rubbing his back.

“We’re past that now, okay?” you said once he had calmed down.

“Does he know who I am?” Michael asked.

“What?”

“Jake. What does he know about his father?”

“Oh, at first I didn’t talk to him about you because I didn’t know what to say but my mother convinced me it was important for him to know from a young age just so he wouldn’t be confused. So I told him you were a musician and that you were on a really long trip but you would eventually come back. My parents have always helped me a lot with him so he has never been lonely and he didn’t ask about you until recently. But the past few months he has been saying he wanted you to come back”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think it is because he’s noticed how in kindergarten most kids have two parents and he has just one around”

“Do you want me to be around, y/n? I mean, I imagine this can be a lot of change, going from single parent to us being two but I want to be there for him. I want to take care of him but I feel like this should be a decision we have to make together, I can’t just come into your lives without permission after being gone for so long. So I’m asking you if I can, please, be in your life again” you stared into Michael’s eyes and you knew he was being sincere, you could tell he really wanted this and how serious he was about it.

“Yes, of course. I’d love for you to be Jake’s dad and I’m sure he’ll like you”

“Thank you so much. I promise I will never let you down again. However, I need to say I don’t know how to be a parent. I’ve always been good with kids but they weren’t mine so I don’t know”

“Don’t worry about that, just be you and it will come as an instinct. You know it will take most of your time, right? I mean, this is not like taking Rose for a walk or something, you need to be here for him all the time. If you come into his life you need to promise me you will stay, okay?”

“I promise, I want us to be a family. Do you really think he’ll like me?” Michael asked with a hopeful tone on his voice.

“I’m so sure he will, you two have a lot of things in common”

“Oh, we do?”

“Yep, he loves videogames, just like his father”

“Really?” Michael said getting more and more excited about all of this making you giggle.

“Yeah and he also loves your music”

“He’s listened to our music?”

“Of course! I didn’t say I liked your music because you were my boyfriend, I really love it so I listen to it and also I wanted him to have you a little bit closer”

“That’s so sweet of you, you’re amazing” you smiled at his words.

“Do you know what else you have in common? You’re middle name”

“You did not!”

“Oh yes, I did. I hadn’t even thought about it until I was registering the name but I guess it was the hormones or something and I thought since he didn’t have your last name he should have your middle name”

“Jake Gordon, oh my god poor boy!”

“I know!” you said and you both started laughing.

“So, is it okay if I stay for lunch and I spend the afternoon getting to know him?” Michael asked after a few minutes.

“I think it would be better if I talked to him first. As you saw yesterday, he’s a shy kid and I believe it will be easier for him if I prepare him. You may have to be patient, it takes him a while to be comfortable around new people”

“Oh, that’s okay, I get it, I was a shy kid too” Michael said but you noticed a sad tone on his voice, you could tell he was disappointed he had to wait one more day to spend time with Jake.

You and Michael spent the rest of the morning talking about how your lives had changed these past few years and you showed him pictures and videos of Jake. When it was time he left and you agreed he would come again the next afternoon. You didn’t want to get your hopes up because you had been waiting for this moment so much time it didn’t even feel real but you were too excited about Michael being around you couldn’t help it and you started imagining how things would be from now on.

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harrywritingsbyme · 4 years

Note

Can you do a Harry x reader where they get into a fight, Harry raises his voice which causes reader to be scared of him and have panic attack and he promises to never hurt her?

We’ll Be Alright

A/N: First ‘angst’ piece of you want to call it that. Hope you guys like it.

You really didn’t understand how either of you got here. You didn’t know why you and Harry were arguing. You just wanted it to be over. You knew that arguments were normal in relationships, but fighting like this, it wasn’t normal, especially for you and Harry.

“I just don’t understand what you’re not getting about what I said! I said-“ Harry yells raising his hands in your direction. You knew that he’d never hit you. But in that moment, you got nervous, you flinched. That split second was the tipping point to the ensuing panic attack. Next thing you knew, you were laying in the bed over the covers, trying to calm yourself down. The only problem with that was the fact that Harry calmed you. That realization made things even worse. You could count on your hand how many panic attacks you’ve had. None of your previous attacks have ever been this bad. You were full on sobbing by now. You really wanted things to just go back to normal with Harry. All you could think about was the possibility of losing him and that sent you into panic mode.

Harry on the other hand was downstairs pacing back and forth in the living room trying to pull himself together. He saw you flinch, he saw the slight fear in your eyes and he felt completely sick to his stomach. He hated making his girl cry and knowing that he did made him feel absolutely terrible. He then stopped his pacing and he fell onto the couch in an attempt to calm himself down. His efforts failed, he was far from calm. As soon as he made contact with the couch, the tears began to flow. He finally reached his breaking point. Harry had been extremely stressed as of recent with his upcoming tour and promo and everything in between. It had gotten to a point that Harry didn’t even know why he was stressed, he just knew that he needed to fix things with you. He needed to reassure you that he’d never hurt you and that he loved you more than anything.

You were able to calm down, managing to stabilize your breathing and slowing down the flow of tears. Now you were just laying across the bed with swollen eyes and a dry mouth, trying to figure out a way to approach Harry. As you were laying there your heard faint sniffles and sobs coming from downstairs. You open the bedroom door, peeking into the hallway and you hear Harry’s cries from downstairs. You take a deep breath, give yourself a small pep talk, and you make your way down to him. You don’t say anything to him, you just sit on the couch next to him, rubbing down his back to soothe him. Harry moves from his hunched over position and he pulls you into his body. He thought he’d gotten all of his tears out, but he was very much mistaken. As soon as harry pulled you into him, the tears came on full force again. You wouldn’t say that you were shocked to see him this way, but you kind of were. You’d never seen Harry break down like this in front of you.

“I’m so sorry baby.” He repeated over and over again into your shoulder, holding you tight against him. His grip was so tight that it was as if he was to let go of you he’d lose you.

“Harry, look at me” you sigh, tears beginning to pool again in your eyes. “Harry please” you plead through your shaky voice. He obliges, lifting his head up from your shoulder to look at you. That’s when you started to cry again. Seeing his red eyes and tear stained cheeks broke your heart into a million pieces.

“I’m so sorry y/n, I never want you to think I might hurt you. That’s the last thing I’d ever imagine doing. I’d never lay a hand on you and I just need you to know that. I promise I’d never hurt you.” He pleads. You could see how much this entire ordeal had affected him.

“I never want you to be afraid of me. I love you so much y/n, and I can’t lose you.” He whimpers, looking into your eyes for a response.

“I’m not afraid of you Harry. It’s just that the whole situation was a bit crazy. I’ve never seen you like that before. What’s going on?” You reply to Harry, wanting your figure this situation out so that things can go back to normal.

“I’ve just been really stressed out with work stuff and I just reached my breaking point. The main problem with the entire situation is that I took all my frustration out on you instead of talking to you.” He hangs his head low with disappointment in himself.

“Look at me” you cup the sides of his face and you tilt his head up to look at you. “I love you so much, and even though I may not understand the level of stress you may have in your line of work, you can still talk to me. And I never want you to feel like you can’t talk to me, you don’t have to hold everything in. And I know that you’d never hurt me.” You reassure him. “It’s just when it gets loud and the hands start flying, you don’t what’s going to happen” you chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood. “Are we good now?” You smile, wanting to move on from the entire situation.

“We’re good” he smiles up at you. “Now gimme a kiss” he says through his puckered lips. Your lips connect and the wound that you had from the entire situation had almost instantly healed. When the both of you pull away, Harry lays on the couch pulling you with him. The two of you just lay there, enjoying the silence you both needed right about now. You break the silence, needing something to cut the tension in the room.

“You should let me put one of my face masks that are in the fridge on your face. Your eyes are really puffy.” You pull away from him and you run into the kitchen to grab the mask.

“Can I take a nap” he asks sitting up to get ready for whatever you were doing.

“You have to keep me company while they sit.” You pout, coming back and straddling his hips.

“Fine” he huffs, resting his head on the back of the couch.

“Stay like that so I can put it on.” You rush out opening the package. “Consider it payback for being a such sourpus” you say placing the cold mask onto his face.

“Whatever you say” he concedes and letting you continue.

Even if it meant crying your eyes out, you knew that you guys were going to be just fine. All it took was some tears, talking, and a face mask.

Masterlist

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wholesomemendes · 4 years

Note

I have an idea for a request. I was hoping you're still taking requests. I saw something where I thought you are but i'm not sure. If you ever heard a song called "Take your sweet time" By Jesse McCartney, i was hoping you could write a drabble thing based on that song.

Take Your Sweet Time

Summary: You’ve loved Shawn with all you’ve had for the past 2 years, but now you have to take a step away from him and learn to love yourself too.

Author’s Note: Hi this is my first request so thank you so much! I’m sorry it took so long but I hope you’re as happy with it as I am! This also turned out wayyyyy longer than I expected (over 4.6k words wow) but I’m really proud with how it turned out. As always please tell me what you think and my requests are always open!

You knew what you were getting into when you started dating Shawn. The long periods of time apart, hate messages from fans, and having to accept that millions of girls that you thought were much more beautiful than you were trying to steal him away from you was only the tip of the iceberg. But you loved Shawn through it all. Even the times when he was having a panic attack on the bathroom floor or you were dwindling in self doubt while he was halfway across the world, you loved him and stayed by his side every single day, giving everything you had to him. You were fully committed to your relationship, so much so that you failed to realize just how much of a strain it was putting on yourself. That was the thing about loving Shawn, it consumed every part of your senses until you didn’t know where Shawn ended and you began. It felt like your every movement had to revolve around him and if it didn’t, then you were failing the relationship.

It had been over 2 years since Shawn had made his way into your life, inadvertently flipping it completely upside down. Shawn was currently in LA for some promo work on his newest single, which you had expressed your proud feelings for on multiple occasions, and was set to return this weekend after being away two whole weeks. Although the two of you had gone longer apart, you could never help the feeling of being stabbed in the heart every time he left, no matter how many times you told yourself he was coming back to you soon. It took everything in you to not call him every chance you had, not wanting to annoy him or seem clingy, so you resorted to missing him in silence, your feelings building up inside of you like wires trying to strangle your heart. It hurt. Loving Shawn hurt. But day after day you loved him with all that you could give while those strings slowly pulled on your open heart.

___________________

After dating Shawn for so long, you thought you were prepared for everything his abnormal life could throw at you, but you never thought you would have to be prepared for him ignoring your existence. The night he came home was just like every other time, you had picked him up at the airport where he greeted you with a bone crushing hug and a gentle kiss to your forehead, knowing you didn’t like much PDA, and then he got into the shower, meeting you in bed for an endless night of cuddles. However it was the days that followed that were completely out of the ordinary for the two of you and threw you into a spiral of self doubt. You understood completely when he spent the first couple days meeting with his friends and family, you weren’t the only one missing him while he was gone, but typically the first couple days home were full of clingy Shawn, meaning he would invite you to go with him wherever he went. This time around he didn’t even invite you to dinner with his family, even though you later learned that Karen had specifically told Shawn you were invited, to which he had responded that you were working overtime at your job. You weren’t. You were sitting in your shared condo eating takeout from the Chinese place down the street instead of Karen’s famous lasagna. That definitely hit hard in your heart for Shawn always wanted you to feel comfortable around his family, constantly reminding you that his family was your family, so you couldn’t help but feel that he was trying to push you away. You knew you were probably overreacting, even if Shawn had taken a 180 degree personality change in the past couple days, causing those strings on your heart to tighten to the point of suffocation. It hurt even more when the moments he was home consisted of him locked away in his studio without even a mumbled good morning your way. You brought him coffee, tea, food, anything you could think of that he could possibly need, placing it down in front of him without a single peep so that you wouldn’t distract him, earning either the smallest of thank yous or most commonly, complete and utter silence. He came to bed at ungodly hours, no longer cuddling up to your body in the dark. You knew he always assumed you were asleep, but you physically couldn’t calm your mind without having him next, instead leading your thoughts down a spiral of depressive words. The worst part? You couldn’t remember the last time he had said I love you to you since he came home. Before, Shawn couldn’t go a few hours without reminding you of his love for you, but now you didn’t even know if the man you would die for in a heartbeat felt the same way.

You didn’t know why this was happening, hell you didn’t even know what could have happened in the 8 hour period when the two of you were asleep that first night back that could have caused this changed. But every night as you laid in bed waiting for the man you loved to enter the room, your mind always came to one conclusion on what the issue was at hand. You. You were the issue. You weren’t enough for him, you weren’t doing enough for him, you weren’t loving him enough. And after the 11th night, you realized that you were the issue, but not in the way you previously had thought. You were enough for him, you were doing more than enough for him, and you were loving him far more than you should be. You loved Shawn more than you loved yourself, and on that 11th night, you fell asleep before he came to bed, knowing that when you awoke alone the next day, things were going to change.

___________________

The morning sun woke you up from your slumber and you kept your eyes shut, not wanting to open them and face the reality of what today would bring. Begrudgingly you willed yourself to sit up, taking in the view from the bedroom window one last time and feeling the way the soft silk sheets felt on your body. What you didn’t want to remember was the coldness that could be felt on Shawn’s side of the bed, a telltale sign that he had left it without a second thought hours before. But in a strange way you did want to remember it, wanted it be a reminder as to why the decision you were making was the correct one when you would be inevitably regretting it once you stepped foot out of the condo. You began your morning routine as if it was a normal day, but instead of leaving your toothbrush next to Shawn’s, it was placed inside of your travel bag along with the rest of your toiletries. Clearing the bathroom of your belongings, you moved towards the rest of the bedroom, your heart clenching when you looked at the empty space in the closet. You forced yourself to leave behind all of the pictures and memories of him, knowing it would just cause you more pain in the long run, but your hands moved to grab your favorite shirt of his to wear to bed before your brain could resist it. His scent still lingered on the fabric and even though you knew it was a bad decision, you put it into your suitcase without a second glance.

It was past noon once you were finally satisfied with your packing and even though you had left almost all of your shared belongings to Shawn along with every picture and memory of your relationship, the condo still felt a little bare without your added presence along it walls. After taking all of your boxes and bags down to your car, your stomach rumbled from your lack of food, but you refused to stay in the condo for longer than needed, telling yourself that you would stop by Tim Horton’s on your way to your friend’s house where she was graciously letting you stay until you found somewhere else to live. If someone had told you last year when you sold your apartment in favor of living with Shawn that you would regret it, you would have laughed and called them crazy, but now you wanted nothing more than to have be at a place you could call your own. Though when you thought about it, you didn’t know if you would be able to live in a place that had held so many great memories of the two of you.

You rolled your last suitcase out of your shared bedroom that now only belonged to Shawn and you began the short trip down the hallway that felt like it held a century of memories. You replayed all of the events that happened in the place that used to feel like home, but now only felt like a shell of something that was hurting you from the inside out.

Passing by Shawn’s studio, you could hear the faint strumming of his guitar through the walls and your heart ached more than you ever thought it could. You never imagined you would be leaving the love of your life and knowing that this could possibly be the last time you would ever hear him made a tear slip out of your eye. Leaning against the door, you listened carefully to the unknown melody that was being played only feet away from you, coming to your senses once he stopped to do what you could only assume was writing something down. Knocking quietly on the door, you held your breath, afraid of what his reaction to you “interrupting” his writing process would be. “What!” he barked from the other side and your heart ached a little more, that tiny sliver of hope inside you that wanted him to beg you to stay diminished to nothing. Cautiously you opened the door and peered your head inside, seeing him still crouched over his guitar not even sparing a glance at you, “Um...Shawn?”

“What do you want?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving,” you whispered, suddenly feeling extremely small in his presence.

“Ok, bye,” he told you shortly, still not lifting his gaze from his guitar.

Your breath hitched in your throat and you willed yourself to keep your tears at bay, not wanting him to see the effect he had on you, “I’m going to be gone a while.”

“Ok.”

At this point you were growing more frustrated than sad at how the man that supposedly loved you wasn’t even sparing a second glance at you, “I’m not coming back Shawn. I’m breaking up with you.”

His head snapped up at your words, the guitar suddenly losing his interest as his wide eyes met yours, “What do you mean you’re breaking up with me?”

“I’m leaving and I’m not coming back,” you told him, straightening your back to stand your ground and hide the way your emotions were breaking down on the inside.

“No, you’re not leaving,” he shook his head frantically, standing up from his seat and making his way towards you in frantic strides, “We’re gonna talk about this and fix whatever’s going on inside your head because you’re not leaving me.”

“Yes I am, Shawn, my mind is already made up.”

“No it’s not, you’re gonna talk to me and we’re gonna fix this.”

He was standing in front of you now, but his presence didn’t feel as comforting as it usually did, now a suffocating feeling surrounding you and making you want to back away. You could tell his breathing was becoming heavy and you wanted to sit him down to help calm him down, but you stood your ground. “I’ve given a lot of thought into this and I’m not changing my mind.”

“Baby,” he cooed, taking your face in his large palms and you allowed yourself to bathe in the feeling of him touching your skin one last time as tears prickled from the sides of his eyes, “Don’t do this, I love you, you know that. We said we were going to love each other forever. We promised.”

“I know, Shawn, I know, I love you more than words can explain, but that is why I have to let you go.”

“What? No, we love each other and we’re gonna stay together and...” his voice began to crack and tears began to falling profusely down his face, the hurt behind his eyes becoming too much for you to look into.

“Shawn...”

“No, no, no I’m bubs, or baby or...”

“Shawn, stop.” You grabbed his wrists in your hands, making him pause and focus on your words, “I’m not doing this because I don’t feel like we love each other enough. I mean, god knows I’m loving you with everything that I have. And I’ll be honest, lately I’ve been feeling like you don’t love me anymore. I can’t even remember the last time you’ve said I love you since you came home that first night, and it’s been almost two weeks since then. Yes, I know I deserve better than that but that can be fixed with time and I know that as well.”

“Exactly, baby, we can fix this and...”

“I’m talking now, Shawn and I want you to listen. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and what’s hurt me the most in these past two weeks isn’t how you’ve been treating me, it’s how I’ve been treating myself. I can’t keep living this life where I love you more than myself because it hurts and its degrading and I physically can’t keep going like this. And I know it sounds selfish, and it probably is, but I’ve been unselfishly giving you every inch of love I’ve had in myself for the past 2 years and it’s time that I take some of it for myself. This isn’t goodbye forever, I just need a break. I need to learn to love myself before I can love you fully again.”

Tears were streaming down both of your faces as Shawn pulled you into a bone crushing hug, rocking the two of you slowly with his face buried into your shoulder, “I love you, I love you so much. I don’t want to let you go.”

“If you love me you’ll let me go. I need time Shawn. I don’t want to believe this is the end of us, I just need a break.”

“Just a break,” he mumbled to himself and you pulled away gingerly, grabbing your suitcase from behind you. Shawn felt his heart break even more at the sight of your bag, realizing just how hard you had thought about this, “You already packed your things?”

“Yeah, everything’s in my car.”

“Where are you going?”

You sighed, “I think it’s best that I don’t tell you right now.”

He nodded his head sadly, looking down at the ground in front of him, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“And I want you to know that I will be here when you change your mind. When you want to come back to me I’ll be waiting. I don’t care how long, I’ll be here.”

“Thank you,” you breathed out, not trusting your voice from cracking if you spoke any louder. Shawn brought you back in for another hug, holding you tight to his body to keep you with him forever.

“Take your sweet, sweet time, baby. I’ll still be waiting for you with all of my love.” He felt you pulling away and reluctantly released his grasp on you, “Please tell me when you get to wherever you’re going though, I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“Of course, Shawn,” and with that you placed one last kiss on his cheek, tasting his salty tears on your lips before you walked towards the door, shutting it and all of the memories behind you. Shawn’s heart collapsed inside of himself and after staring at the place where you left, he forced himself to go into your shared bedroom for any last remains of you. His breathing stopped when he saw all of your things gone, but all of the memories of the two of you remaining, realizing that you really wanted this behind you. He stumbled towards the picture of the two of you smiling at the Eiffel Tower that was placed on your nightstand, holding it close to his chest as he rocked himself through his tears on the edge of your side of the bed. When his eyes opened and focused on the item sitting behind the frame, he felt his heart break more than he ever felt possible. You had promised him when he gave it to you that you would never take it off but there it was, time standing still around it. Your promise ring.

___________________

Ring. Ring. The sound of your phone ringing startled you from where you were hands deep in meat, rolling meatballs for tonight’s dinner while your friend was still at work. You quickly washed your hands off, grabbing your phone without looking at the contact as you leaned back against the counter with the phone against your ear, “Hello?”

“Y/n! How are you?”

“Karen?” you gasped, standing up straight, “H-hi, um I’m good thank you, how are you?”

“I’m great, thank you! I think I can speak for all of us, though, when I say we’ve missed you at family dinners!”

“Oh, yeah um, I’ve missed you guys a lot too,” you told her, biting at your nail in nervousness, your heart rate picking up.

“But don’t stress, I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. Shawn’s told us about how busy you are at work, how’s that going by the way?”

Your heart dropped. Shawn’s told them you’ve just been busy at work? Do they know... “It’s going well, thank you. It’s been a bit crazy lately with all the changes, but it’s good.”

“That’s good to hear,” she replied cheerily, “Listen, I’ve called to tell you that we’re organizing a going away dinner-party thing for Shawn next week before he leaves for tour. I know how hard it is with him leaving, Manny, Aaliyah, and I have gotten so used to him around I know it’s gonna be hard. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.”

“Ye-yeah, I almost forgot he was leaving next week.” You would have been lying if you said you hadn’t still been keeping up with him on social media, therefore hearing about the upcoming tour through his feed. You even still had his leaving date in your phone calendar, not having the heart to remove any of the special dates in there even though it had been over 2 months since you had walked out the door.

“I get it, I don’t want to be reminded about it either,” his mother sighed, oblivious to the panicked girl on the other side of the phone, “But we’ve decided that we’re going to have a bunch of his friends and family over for dinner as a surprise for him! I was wondering if you could just keep him home with you and tell him you’re taking him out for a dinner date or something and then maybe blindfold him to drive him to our place! If you have a better idea that’s good too, I just thought it’d be a cute idea!”

“Take him on a...on a date?” you stuttered, breathing becoming heavily as tears threatened to spill from your eyes, the memories you’ve been trying to hide fighting their way back into your brain.

“Yeah, you know, just something that won’t make him suspicious because the two of you obviously get dinner together all the time.”

“Um yeah...yeah, Karen I’m really sorry, but I have to go,” swallowing the pain held in your throat. If you didn’t end the phone call now, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide your tears from her anymore.

“Of course, sweetie! I’m sorry if I caught you at a bad time. I’ll just text you the details ok?”

“That’s great, yeah.”

“Ok, bye Y/n.”

“Bye Karen,” ending the phone call you collapsed against the kitchen counter, tears streaming out of your eyes and chest heavy. You had cried almost every day since you had left, your best friend trying to comfort you the best she could. You wanted to stay strong as much as you possible, but leaving behind the one thing you loved more than yourself proved to leave a gaping hole in your heart that only Shawn could fill. This week had been the first week you hadn’t cried yourself to sleep every night, only for all of your progress to be ruined with a simple phone call. Karen made it clear that she was completely oblivious to your breakup and it made you wonder why she hasn’t been told yet. Shawn and his family were so close, he told them everything, so it made you wonder if he was so unaffected by the breakup that he didn’t feel the need to tell them. Was he not hurting the way you were? Was he lying when he told you he’d wait for you? When he told you to take as much time as you needed? Did he already find another lover, someone else to give his love to? He hadn’t reached out at all since you walked out the door and although you acknowledged that it was probably for the best in order to forget him, a little part of you wanted him to be calling you, begging for you to come back to him. But nothing happened, only silence from his end leaving you broken hearted and alone.

An hour later and your tears are dried, heart aching for the one person you can’t have. More importantly, you want answers and you were going to get them. Setting out with a determined look on your face, you clean up your plan for dinner and grab your keys, heading out the door towards your car. Placing the keys in the ignition, you wondered if you were stupid for putting yourself in such a vulnerable situation, but you ignored the sinking feeling in your stomach and drove towards the place you used to call home.

It felt almost foreign walking up to his condo, the walls of the elevator mocking you for showing up. You stared at yourself in the reflective panel as you went up, seeing the face of a broken girl staring back at you. Lifting your chin up and pulling your shoulders back, you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself in anyway as the doors of the elevator finally opened. The trek down the hallway felt as though it was a mile long and your heart beat increased with every step you took. This is so stupid, you thought, he’s probably not home. Or what if he has people over. What if he has another girl over?! Your heart clenched with jealousy at the thought of someone else being over, even if you weren’t together anymore and he was therefore allowed to be seeing someone else. Though you couldn’t help but feel hurt over the idea that he had moved on so quickly when he was begging you not to leave in the first place. You realized your feet had moved you to the door before your brain could process it and you quickly knocked on the door to prevent you from backing out.

Minutes passed and you debated turning around to make your escape, but just as you were about to leave, you heard the lock jiggle, the white door in front of you opening wide, “Y/n?”

“Hey,” your throat suddenly felt drier than before and you swallowed thickly in hopes of being able to speak. Shawn moved closer to you, seemingly wanting to give you a hug, but when you took a step back, he took it as a hint to stay in the door frame.

Clearing his throat, he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, “Um...uh what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you, your mom called me today,” you told him, trying to fake your confidence by looking at his eyes.

“Oh that’s nice, she’s said she misses you....”

“Why didn’t you tell her we broke up?”

Shawn’s eyes widened as if this was new information to him and all of your belongings weren’t missing from his place, “Because we’re didn’t?”

“What are you talking about? Shawn, we haven’t talked in two months.”

“I know, I told you to take however long you needed because I would be here when you change your mind. So I gave you your space for the break you wanted.”

“No, I-” you sighed in annoyance, looking down at your feet as your confident facade faded.

Shawn peered his head out to look down the hallway, “Why don’t we talk about this inside, I don’t really want all of my neighbors hearing about this.” Following him inside, you couldn’t help but notice that he hadn’t moved anything since you had left. All of your pictures were still up, and the empty spaces for your belongings were still bare. “So, what do you think?”

“Hm?” you turned your head around from where you were staring at the living room to meet his eyes as he leaned comfortably against the wall.

“I’ve given you space and time away from all of this. Have you learned to love yourself the way I love you?”

“Shawn...”

“No,” he told you sternly, walking over to where you were standing rigid, “I want you to listen to me this time. I’ve taken this time to reflect on myself and our relationship as well, and trust me, I regret everything about how I was acting before you left. I know it wasn’t right and I want to fix this, ok? I am still just as in love with you as the day you left and I want this again if you do.”

“I love you too, so so much and I do want this again, but...” you were caught off by his soft lips being pressed feverishly against yours, holding onto your waist as you grabbed his biceps to steady you from the dizzying feeling of his kiss after so long. You relaxed into his touch, pressing his body closer to yours in fear that he would disappear once you opened your eyes.

“Shut up,” he mumbled onto your lips, and his arm wrapped around your back to pull you impossibly closer. Pulling back, he let his forehead rest against yours, placing soft pecks to your lips every so often. “I love you baby, just stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Shawn, I love you too much for that.” With your lips reattached to his, you realized that maybe taking a little time away made his arms feel much more like home.

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blue-eyes-tattoos · 4 years

Text

Fic Recs - first half of 2020 I

Given the past months’ circumstances I’ve had lots of time to read so here are my first half of 2020 fic recs. It’s a good mix of old and new I’d say.

Starting with novel length fics (> 50k):

The Recklessness In Water by LarryOn | @larryonsimon

(E, 51k, lifeguard!Harry, unemployed!Louis)

Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

Live A Thousand Lifetimes by Layne Faire | @laynefaire

(E, 58k, Ziam, Future fic, Canon compliant, exes to lovers, angst with a happy ending)

It’s 2025. After secretly writing and producing their first album in ten years, One Direction is weeks away from releasing their first new single and announcing a world tour. With the whirlwind about to begin again, Liam re-evaluates the last ten years - the fame, the money, the people who changed his life forever - and the person who walked away.

Untamed Hearts by Layne Faire | @laynefaire

(E, 69k, Ziam, enemies to friends to lovers, pining, angst, surfer!Liam, artist!Zayn, they’re all students though, side larry)

It could have been the heat of the summer sun; it might have been the silvered sheen of an early harvest moon. If he dug deep enough, Liam could find every reason ever needed to explain away what happened. In the end, though, it all came down to two meddling friends, a touch of Prince, a bit of Keats, and the moon over the ocean. Its a recipe for disaster. Or love. Probably love.

Turning Page by purpledaisy | @daisyharry

(M, 68k, famous/non-famous, famous!Harry, non-famous!Louis (kind of), football player!Louis)

AU: Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been. Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

To The Ends Of The Earth by stylinsoncity

(M, 68k, Canon compliant, love/hate, angst)

During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm.

Fall Into Your Gravity by zarah5 | @zarah5

(E, 74k, famous/non-famous, mistaken identity, based on the German movie ‘Single By Contract’)

AU. In which Harry is an overnight pop sensation and Louis steals plants, Zayn pulls Liam's proverbial pigtails and Niall's really just pleased there are more girls for him.

Nothing But You On My Mind by nonsensedarling | @absoloutenonsense

(E, 84k, Prince Harry Styles, PR manager!Louis, enemies to lovers, Royalty AU, there’s a great plot twist btw)

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

The Murmur Of Yearning by MediaWhore | @mediawhorefics

(M, 93k, Historical AU, slow burn)

Four years ago, Harry Styles was forced into a marriage of convenience to enrich and ally both his and his promised's families. The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late's husband's closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to. Between a meddling distant cousin hellbent on inserting himself in Harry’s life, his wicked and mistrustful mother-in-law and his late husband’s advisors refusing to help or take him seriously, Harry struggles in the fight to keep what he’s earned and make the Estate finally feel like home. Luckily, he doesn’t stand completely alone and finds himself an unlikely ally in Mr Tomlinson, the elusive Land Stewart who has been taking care of the property in the shadows for years. Louis Tomlinson is caring, patient, and unlike everyone else, he doesn’t seem to think Harry committed a murder.

Paint Me In A Million Dreams by green_feelings | @greenfeelings

(M, 113k, fake relationship, hate to love, Hollywood AU)

Harry's one of Hollywood's biggest actors, has made a name for himself in prestigious films and lives the life of a superstar. There's just one thing missing to make it picture-perfect, but the one Harry's in love with is completely out of reach for him. Enter Louis, one of Hollywood's biggest actors himself, who just came out of the closet and taps new genres in the industry. When Louis sacks the role Harry auditioned for in Scorsese's next big film, their irrational feud starts. Who could have guessed it would get even worse when for promo season, their teams decide to present them as a couple for publicity? In short, Harry's in love with someone and doesn't care about dating anyone else, Louis never felt home in L.A., Liam writes love songs for someone he shouldn't write love songs to, and Niall makes everything better with good food.

Bitter Tangerine by purpledaisy | @daisyharry

(M, 120k, lovers to exes to enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn)

AU: Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas.

Empty Skies by green_feelings | @greenfeelings

(E, 134k, band AU, angst, hate, pining, and also kinda famous/non-famous, i’d add another tag but that would be a spoiler so)

For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream -- making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him. Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He's still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain? Featuring Perrie as Harry's adorable flatmate, Niall as his manager, and Liam and Zayn as Louis' bandmates.

As You Are by zarah5 | @zarah5

(E, 139k, famous/non-famous, X Factor judge!Louis, contestant!Harry, angst with a happy ending)

AU. Five years after The X Factor launched his career as a radio host and songwriter, Louis Tomlinson returns as a judge. Falling for a contestant is the last thing he needs. It's also against his contract. The only reason Harry auditions for The X Factor is because his best mate signed the two of them up as some kind of joke. Harry doesn't get the big deal—not until he's faced with this season's judges and realises that one of them used to be his desperate, impossible teenage crush.

Pull Me Under by zarah5 | @zarah5

(E, 140k, fake relationship, football AU)

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis' favourite teammate, Liam as Louis' agent, and Zayn as Liam's boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.)

BONUS (read it last year but it has to be in here)

Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore | @mediawhorefics

(M, 113k, famous/non-famous, slow burn, hurt/comfort, pining)

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

#y’all probably know 95% of these #long post #fic rec #ziam fic rec #larry fic rec #mine #my fic rec

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harry-sussex · 3 years

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You're lovely, and I enjoy seeing your blog on my dashboard. I'm sorry this has been such a difficult thing to process. It's always really difficult to rework an image of someone you once thought you knew. However I'd like to just put it out there - sometimes (I think the large majority of the time) news is presented in the most sensationalist way, such that nowadays I make a point of de-sensationalizing any news I read in my head. In the case of the whole Harry's memoir thing- I can sympathize with Harry as a person possibly just wanting to take back some control of the narrative for himself. Not just in the most recent events with family (that I tend to think are less horrifying than the fandom/Twitter sussex squad discusses it anyway), but in all aspects of his life. I do not at all think he's going to put his family on blast. I can easily imagine Meghan reigning that dialogue in; she has the tendency to think before she speaks that he seems to lack. And he loves his family. Similar to The Interview promos, I imagine the publishing house knew to increase the interest by implying it to be a tell all memoir. I think he's just done a lot of growing up that he didn't know he had to do over a short period of time, esp re: implicit bias/racism in the setting of media's blatant attack on someone he loves, and is disappointed by the institution's and his family's response to it. I think he's emerged a more introspective and aware human, albeit a disillusioned one. Yes it breaks my heart to think that Meghan won't get a break from the tabloids any time soon. If I were him I'd counsel him to write it & sit on it for a few yrs. But I don't want to give the media the power to destroy Meghan in my mind, and I pray she & Harry won't either. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong one, and I think he's able to draw that same link for himself and be thoughtful about what he does. No one likes being misunderstood/misinterpreted, and I wouldn't be surprised if Harry's especially triggered by that given his history with the press. Maybe this idea emerged from therapy, idk. I can empathize with that, even if I wouldn't do it myself. I hope and pray Meghan gets the support she needs from him and her loved ones in the meantime. I'm honestly not going to read it. I think the less attention I give the BRF the better off they are, unless they're doing something immoral/illegal (see: Woking pizza alibi). And I think at the end of the day, people will unfairly judge other people, especially public figures that have tragic pasts and are publically fighting with the media. A lot of it is going to be noise and I'm not going to give my energy into figuring it out. I like to think I've got a good sense of who they are as people - flawed but ultimately well meaning and earnest. I'm a huge admirer of Meghan and think Harry got really lucky with this one and I'm proud of him for choosing her in more ways than one. I believe Harry and Meghan are lovely people, and I 100% believe their interview. I believe that there are people in the palace with a lot of unchecked power who deliberately uncovered her and Archie from BRF protection for reasons of believed superiority over Meg & Arch. And they're figuring out how to deal with that as a couple and a family. And it's none of my business past that imo. I pray for them and hope it'll eventually end in peace for them all. Just wanted to add another perspective, and hopefully some levity. xx M

Hi, dear. First thing’s first, I really appreciate that this is off anon lol. I love it when people own their opinions, and it says a lot that you did. So thank you for that.

Second of all, I really appreciate the nuance and perspective that is in this message. I agree that the news is sensationalist, and my initial reaction was based off of that. I did watch the promotional clips of the interview and I believe it did sour my expectations going into it when I watched it nearly a week after it aired. I did my best to stay away from Tumblr because I didn’t want that to hinder my view, but it was impossible to separate the promotions that presented the information one way from what it actually was, and thank you for bringing that up with respect to the memoir because I hadn’t considered it. I will say that my knee jerk reaction is pretty on par with the way I still feel about it 24 hours later, especially since I got the news directly, not from Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere else, but you’re right that it could have soured my view from the very start.

I appreciate that he wants to take back some of the narrative but I think that ship has sailed, tbh. He did that with the interview and now I just think it feels like information overload. At some point, people are going to get tired of hearing the wealthy, privileged, powerful Prince complain about his life while more than 4 million people have died due to a global pandemic in less than 2 years. Not to say that he doesn’t struggle - in the words of Roxane Gay, there is no oppression Olympics (and that can be extended to struggle Olympics) - but people view it that way and will get tired of it, if they haven’t already.

I also agree that Harry’s past with the press has tarnished the way he has handled the media and the public post-exit, when he’s finally in a position to strike back without being somewhat obliged to them as part of the circumstances of his birth. I understand and sympathize with him but I just don’t think the public does, and the public matters much, much more than the perspective of one single American fan, to whom he’s never been obliged, and I simply do not think the public will afford him that same understanding, sympathy, and leniency. The public and the media are critical to his humanitarian work - his mother never realized that towards the end of her life, and I truly don’t think she would have been the martyr/saint she is perceived to be now if she had lived, because she did not know how to meet the media in the middle and eventually that started to piss people off. He’s starting to piss people off now and if it doesn’t bother him personally (which it definitely does), I don’t want it to affect his causes. The Invictus Games, Sentebale, Walking with the Wounded, WellChild, Mayhew, Smartworks, Archewell, etc. deserve better than to suffer the wrath of the media and an apathetic public because their patrons simply will not shut up lol.

I guess my point is that they will be unfairly judged (regardless, but especially due to the way they’re handling things), and I think it would suit them better in the long run if they adopted a different strategy. I really sympathize with the fact that he feels frustrated with the narrative that has been manufactured but I really, really think the narrative will only get worse and worse as he continues to go on and on about how badly his life sucks, basically. Again, I don’t deny that he struggles - we all do, some more than others, especially when there are mental health issues - but the public, to me, simply does not care. My own therapist has told me to simply stop caring about the things that I discuss with him. Not to say that they’re not relevant, important, or worthy of discussion - they absolutely are - but his point is that you cannot change people and you are wasting your energy and struggling yourself because you want to change them so, so, so badly that you’re neglecting your own self care in the process. I hate that I do it to myself and I also hate that he appears to be doing it to himself. I’m sure a lot of this conversation has been brought up in his own therapy, and I’m no professional, but I’m doing my best to heed the advice of my own therapist - which is the opposite of what Harry is doing - and it’s done wonders for me, when I actually can do it.

If there’s anything I know from this whole thing, it’s that Harry is absolutely punching above his weight, love him as I may, and that he adores, adores, adores his wife. He has chosen her from the very second she came into his life and I couldn’t want anything more for him or from her. I’m not going to lie, I would have been in this thing for any wife that Harry chose, because I was here long before Meghan specifically came into his life. However, I am glad every day that he chose her, that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that she loves him back, that he lives the life with her that he’s wanted as long as I (and I’m sure he) can remember. I love her because he loves her, and I would have no matter what, because at the end of the day, it’s his happiness and comfort that matters to me, that has mattered to me since I discovered him and how wonderful he can be more than 7 years ago. What more could I ask of Meghan? What more, as his fan to the end (annoy me as he may), could I want for him? Who could say anything about her in that regard? If there’s anything that has come of this mess, to me, it’s that Harry loves, loves, loves his wife. I will always be happy for him and I will always be proud of him for choosing her, even if I don’t always agree with the way he goes about it.

I’m looking forward to peace, too. I cannot wait for things to just die out, for them to work things out as a couple and as a family, and for everyone to move on. The family will still do their thing and the Sussexes can do theirs, but I cannot deal with this back and forth, tit for tat, petty nonsense anymore. They’re wonderful and flawed, like the rest of them (except Andrew), and I just hope that they can all come to some kind of agreement or terms that lets this die down. It’s exhausting for everyone - themselves included. If I’m this tired, I can only imagine how tired they all are.

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry for the essay (essays, these past 24 hours lol). I really appreciate your kindness in this message, your presence in my notifications (I do see them!), your nuanced perspective and like I said before, I really, really appreciate that you own it!

#Ask #possibilitiesofsainthood #Prince harry #duke of sussex #meghan markle #duchess of sussex #phmemoir

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