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#sorry for how often i vent or rant on here btw

yuukei-yikes · 1 year

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Ok after your whole “shintaro misogyny” “shinaya?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??????!,!,?,?,?,?,?,,,” rant (loved btw, Jin stop making ur female characters rely on male counterparts, stop making your male characters hate women or believe they are incapable challenge), how do you feel about Kanoshin. I know you have talked about it before but like, idk, talk about it again lol.

Kano “I can fix him” Shuuya? Or Kano “I can make him worse” Shuuya.

JQKEOEKDWODIEID MY WHOLE "SHINTARO MISOGYNY" AND "SHINAYA?!?!?!?!?" thats so funny i didnt MEAN for it to be a rant. i was just venting 💔 BUT THANK U FOR LOVING IT BC I FUCKING LOVE TALKING ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY BOTTLED UP FEELINGS.

man. kanoshin. i dont think they're an i can fix him or i can make him worse duo. i dont think they are together FOR each other, they're together for their personal gratification if that makes sense??? at least that's how it starts. like they rly feed off of each other's worst coping mechanisms and validate themselves thru that. but through doing this obviously cant help to get to know each other and shintaro is pathetically laughing at kano's jokes and kano is pathetically kicking his feet and twirling his hair at shintaro groaning pathetically on the ground abt god knows what (NEVER forget this novel 7 moment)

also its so funny how often in the novels shintaro just physically throws himself on the ground to start moaning and groaning whenever he gets embarrassed. he's such a fucking freak. like who the fuck does that

shintaro and kano in the seventh novel are so insanely gay it's SO fucking good. THE BIT WHERE SHINTARO SMILES AT KANO AND KANO'S LIKE HUH...THAT'S HOW HE USED TO SMILE AT AYANO... HE ALWAYS HAD THIS SPECIAL SMILE FOR HER, AND NOW HE'S SMILING JUST LIKE THAT TO ME... like GIRLLLL *EXPLODES THEM WITH MY MIND* there is seriously no heterosexual explanation for any of that. god the seventh novel is so so so good. all of them are so good i wonder why it's the least consumed kagepro media they're SUPERIOR. the novels my #1 forever i fucking love them.

anyways. im normal erm kanoshin hehehehehehehhehe i think they're both far too terrified and disgusted abt their feelings for each other to consider stuff like "i can fix him" or "i can make him worse" YOU GET WHAT IM SAYING??? on this subject specifically, shintaros self hatred comes from well everything bitch hates himself but if we're talking abt kanoshin. 1. its ayanos brother. even if we dont even look at shinaya ever being romantically involved in the first place, THIS IS WEIRD TO HIM. 2. internalized homophobia arc☝️☝️☝️🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍👍💯💯💯

the fic i drew fanart of a couple days ago is SO *EATS IT EATS IT EATS IT* or also a soulmate au that i havent read in aaaages and also never finished but in that one shintaro was already out as bi... sadly both are aus WHICH DOESNT make them bad, aus are awesome but the things I'd do for content like that set post str. please. *bite bite bite bite bite* srry i bring these fics up cuz hehehe internalized homophobia shintaro is so good

maybe kano would eventually set for i can make him worse but it's in an attempt of scaring shintaro away. he's like im gonna self sabotage so much to make sure he stays away from me but shintaro is STILL here looking pathetic and kano's like god DAMMIT. erm. yeah.

btw now for me being crazy (tw me using shintaro as a stress toy to make me laugh): i think post str shintaro is not AS BAD with being absolutely fucking insufferable abt his whole guys rule girls drool thing because my man's had a little time to grow (ignores shinaya chapter in the eighth novel so i don't go insane with anger). i think post str shintaro makes 1 sexist comment and the entire mekakushi dan just fucking freeze for a moment. and give him an intervention and force him to say im sorry women and ever since then is more mindful of his actions. sorry i have to be delusional and believe this or else I'd just fucking hate his ass. im sorry shinaya i love you but *burns novel 8 shinaya chapter*

shintaro's messy relationships post str is my favorite stress toy btw. relationship with ayano crumbles. starts WHATEVER THAT IS with kano. in the self hatred confusion and internalized homophobia and etc the situation causes him (situation being gf dumped me bc im selfish so i hate myself / i kissed a boy a couple times so i hate myself) he desperately turns to the next closest Female(?) Counterpart with the following thought process "Pfff well i am so straight and SO capable of holding a normal relationship and i can PROVE IT there is one person who is 1. girl enough 2. apparently okay with me being a selfish asshole and consuming all their energy with my bullshit". so the solution is obvious to shintaro. just date takane.

turns out hitting on your best friend who also happens to be ur other best friend's gf is not good for either one of these relationships. so his friendship with not only takane but also haruka crumbles too in response and its so awkward. takane bc 1. i dont feel this way abt you and I'd treat the situation sensibly if i didnt know you well enough to know you dont actually like me that way and ur just taking me for granted like youve been doing all this time which WAS pissing me off and on its way to eventually explode but THIS....??? and haruka 2. YOU JUST HIT ON MY GIRLFRIEND?? (shintaro would be like maaan why did you tell haruka. and harutaka are like *slam door on his face*) situation drives shintaro to possibly end up kissing kano again. 🤨

its so hilarious. to me at least. ITS FINE he will get over it and makeup with everyone but i like making him suffer 👍 this is what you get shintaro. What do you have to say to the women in the world. apologize. say im sorry women. say it. say it and I'll leave you alone. sorry i went a little crazy in the end

#ask tag #headcanons #sorry. shintaro in agony bc ayano dumps him and in agony bc he likes kano desperately hitting on takane is A HILARIOUS CONCEPT #ayashin divorce

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shinydixon · 1 year

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It annoys me how some h*llcheers, when accused of homophobia, say they can't be homophobic because they're gay/bi. You very much can be, internalized as well as lateral aggression. Gay people can be biphobic, same gender attracted women can be homophobic towards sga men, and vice versa.

It sucks to be a guy and engaging in an m/m ship because m/m shippers are accused of all being straight women who fetishise gay men (which is something h*llcheers have said about steddies). Yes, some are and it sucks, but a lot, if not most, are queer men and women. Also, in my experience most guys I've come across in m/m shipping spaces have been gay/bi transmascs (like me) and since "fetishistic straight women" we're often called by transphobic gays, I can't trust people who say that.

Not to mention how much it hurts when people say "why don't you just ship canon m/m couples instead?" Because there isn't a lot of shows, that aren't "gay shows" (pose, heartstopper, young royals), that have main characters who are queer men, and that's not their entire personality, much less for trans men or bi/pan men.

I'm glad will is canonically gay, but with the way it's presented in the show I'm sure that some straight viewers don't get it yet, and why can't we have more than him and robin? And let's be real, will is a much "safer" character to "make" queer than steve or eddie; character's that I'm sure more straight men are projecting themselves on than there are who project themselves on will. Imagine if a character that was "meant for" straight people, came out as gay or bi? It's not gonna happen, especially if that character is a man, because straight men's sexuality and masculinity are so intertwined and so, so fragile. So please, let us have fun. Let us make up headcanons for these characters that we love, because that's all we're ever gonna have.

Even though both parties in h*llcheer are dead and the possibility of them being canon is non existant, it's still less non existant than the possibility of steddie becoming canon, and would be met with zero hostility from the general audience, compared to steddie. We know why this is, and we also know why they can so easily demonize and make out all steddie shippers as villains, while burying any evidence of foul play on their own side.

This was long, sorry, but I needed to rant and I don't feel like being attracting #them to my blog.

Don't ever say sorry, I'm here for everybody who have the need to vent or rant🥹

Sorry but it's so stupid saying "I'm bi so I can't be homophobic" for the reasons you already listed.

Anyway you shouldn't listen to those kind of hellcheers, some of them don't even respect Grace, we can't expect to be treated with kindness when they see steddie as something that gets in between their ship.

Block them, filter their tag and even if you're tempted, don't go looking for their post to check what they're saying about steddies because it can be hurtful and can ruin your fun.

Instead, look for what makes you happy! HC, art, fanfiction, incorrect quotes (these are my favorite btw) etc.

I realize that in my blog we talk a lot about these toxic people and this is the reason why I proceed to reblog a lot of steddie/steve/eddie/joe/jamie/Joe K./other media content; like this I can also share something that we enjoy with people that check my blog to see what I answer, and might be upset by some of the asks.

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fangedfaefreak · 2 years

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TW: Going to rant about Christianity for a hot second, fyi. I will be quoting verses. I just don’t want to put this on my main in case the guy I argued with sends his buddies after that account bc I really shouldn’t have argued but I did, so🤷🏻 Call me a chicken for blocking them, but I am already triggered and on edge and I’m not about to make it 20x worse. Religion is sooo fucky for us and I really don’t need to keep surrounding myself in that pile of garbage. Putting a read more bc I definitely get blasphemous and I know some religious trauma folks follow our sys account and could see this AND some Christians follow us there too. (I love you, I know you’re not like the ones that hurt us.) This post is made by Vivian, btw. Duh, it’s my account lol.

Got in an argument on main with a Christian🙄

“My book of fables that I often take as absolute truth and completely out of context despite it being written and mistranslated so many times it’s not funny AND I will only use the parts that will further MY agenda and ignore the rest. So here you go: witches are evil.”

Okay. But you wear cotton blend shirts, I’m sure? And have eaten shrimp?

And man, I sure know that Christians enjoy ritual prostitution! That’s literally considered ritually offensive! (Kings 14:23) Doesn’t stop them though! :))) Because why would it?

Not to mention in Christianity it literally says that the Old Testament, while it should still be considered, should not be followed. Rather, the New Testament should be followed. That’s why Christianity has the New Testament rather than just the Old like Jewish folks.

“But Vivi! The New Testament talks about witches too!”

Yeah, they sure do.

In Revelations 22:15 it says that witches will not receive eternal life. (Which…why the fuck would they care about the Christian eternal life anyway lmfao) “Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.”

Weird, I sure know a lot of Christians who fall under that category^^ And yet they still preach and use their religion to get what they want. Fucking disgusting!

And this is not bashing on every single Christian ever, there are a lot of good Christians that don’t use their religion to push their own agenda, but it’s just so gross to see these people on tumblr of all places, especially since they tagged their original post as witchcraft rather than fucking Christian tags. Like I’m sorry I don’t wanna see that on my dash, you’re not going to magically convert me by calling me a heathen and saying I’m going to hell and that I have daddy issues.🙄 Get a grip on your fucking ego holy shit.

I can cherry-pick verses too. Easy peasy. We studied the Bible obsessively for years. Then we realized how fucked it all was and how much hatefulness comes from people misusing it. No thank you.

Gonna try to tag the religious trauma tags and tw tags but I’m turning off reblogs in case any assholes try to clown on this vent post.

-Vivi

#religion tw #religious tw #religious trauma tw #personal post #vivian #🦷#gonna avoid the x tian tags as much as possible because I don’t want to get shit on here either #do not interact #likes okay I don’t want comments though #this is a rant and a vent through and through

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blueseakelp · 3 years

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i should know by now to ignore my dad’s emails sgjjfd

(kinda VERY long rant below)

hhhhh i HATE how he thinks he’s such a martyr in this situation. yeah sure, he fucked up our childhood, is actively worsening our lives, and is in the process of passing down unhealthy cycles to the point where my nine year old brother is being so violent that my mom isn’t sure she can safely take care of all of us but YEAH he’s the fucking victim here. he’s been the goddamn victim since i was a baby and he was smashing glasses and he was the victim when he threw a fucking keyboard at one of my brothers’s head and he was the victim when my mom had to leave along with all four of us for an entire fucking summer and NOW he gets to be the victim since he has oNLy 30% custody and his kids don’t want to see him anymore. (look, guess who it is? the consequences of your own fucking actions! oh wait i forgot, it was my MOTHER’s fault, since she just randomly decided to call the police on you for ABSOLUTELY no reason. wow my bad i must just be stupid!) i’m still kind of bitter that my mom didn’t end up pressing further charges, but that probably would’ve opened an entire pandora’s box. anyway. spicy childhood with a side of religious manipulation, we love to see it.

context for this rant lol: my dad sent me and all of my brothers a multi-paragraph email about how just because the law allows us to decide not to see him (which, for the record!! i’m still t r y i n g to make it all work, just not going for as long as he would like in a valiant effort not to jump out an actual window!), he thinks we’re still biblically doing the wrong thing, and that fathers aren’t perfect but that doesn’t mean we can just not let him in our lives. which, of course HE follows the bible so well with all of his Holy Undealt With Rage (you don’t want to know how many times i’ve asked him to go to therapy djjfdddxvb). the entire thing is essentially him being all “poor me, you all are making such unholy choices. i don’t care because of MYSELF i care because what you’re doing is bad for YOU 😌” so. and then him not taking responsibility for the divorce and trying to put the blame on my mother (for not making the toxic situation work longer, i guess? idk narcissistic and violent tendencies combined with a history of getting away with anything is a hell of a drug) (there’s more but it’s hard to explain without a 50 page essay detailing my life and the lives of at least seven different family members as well as 5 seperate powerpoints going into the Bad events and layers of manipulation that led up to this point.) anyway, you can see how i’m doing

#Y E S blame this divorce on absolutely anyone but yourself!!#give us NOTHING king! (except trauma 🤣)#i didn’t realize how much this email fucking !!! until i’m just here full body shivering trying to actually process it #i am unable to cry but i sure can Shake 😉#tw vent #tw rant #i should probably use trigger warnings more often with how much i complain on this blog umm #sorry about that #i’ll probably delete this later #also just in case anyone is worried i’m fine #the whole week is just stressing me out lol #finals things!#wow this is so LONG #ngl this site is kinda nice bc i don’t have to worry about my friends getting annoyed with my vents lol #like if you don’t like it you can leave and there’s no repercussions!#(im saying this positively btw not “oh if you don’t like it here then leave😡”)#if you’re tired/or exhausted of my ranting please do! no one here has to sacrifice their mental health to listen to me scream in the void #i guess is what i’m getting at #shjhffffffd i talk so much and for WHAT lmao #umm pretend you do not see #no one perceive me for the next few hours while i overdose on coffee and pretend like i can pass my finals #also sorry if i haven’t messaged you back yet i promise i will after finals are done #i just had to write this out somewhere and i hate keeping them in my notes to be able and look back at #anyways #hope y’all are having a good day and PLEASE take care of yourselves!!!#stay well loves xx #ash rambles not in the tags #ash rambles in the tags #it’s a Both kind of day :)#ash vents

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sunsetsover · 3 years

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"I swear half this fandom don't actually like Ben" lmao true! Thing is though he's not likeable all the time and he can be a right old dick. But personally even if I don't like him or his actions at certain times, I feel like the broader picture is still there and I root for him because I get why he's like he is? And I can see and appreciate the softer sides of him even if they're fairly well hidden at times.

I also think some people in the fandom intellectually understand that he's traumatised and a survivor of various abuses, and when that shows in certain ways e.g. like if Callum or Lola is comforting while he's crying. But when it comes to situations like this week with Jags and Whitney, I personally think some people have struggled to understand how his trauma connects to it because it's not as obvious as e.g. Whitney's fiance dies, Gray manipulates her, bish bash bosh hit and run. Even more broadly I think it's easy for the audience to underestimate how Ben's experiences have shaped him because there's a distance created by time, his criminal actions, his (un)likeability factor, not viewing Phil as an abusive parent etc.

I don't wanna say everyone criticising him is like that btw! I'm sure there's a few reasons but I think this plays a part tbh.

i get what you're saying but to me it's like.... why would you even waste so much time invested into someone you don't like most of the time. i genuinely don't get it. ppl tend to ship ballum but hate ben AND hate the majority of the sls lately and it's like.... it's 2021 bro it's not like gay couples are THAT rare anymore there is so much media out there if you're not enjoying what ee are doing then you literally do not have to watch. in fact im BEGGING you for your sake not to. literally just do not engage with media that you aren't enjoying. do not sit in your own negativity writing 20 posts a day abt 'why are they doing this? why don't they do that? if they did this i would enjoy it more' bc you're only making yourself miserable. like this goes for any type of media but literally just stop engaging w it if you're not enjoying it anymore. the think pieces don't help anyone. your opinions aren't universal and they aren't gospel. we all need to stop confusing our opinions w facts. just bc i'm not enjoying smth doesn't mean other ppl aren't and vice versa. just bc i'm not enjoying smth doesn't mean that the thing needs to change. eg i hate the fact that callum is a copper and pray every day that something will force him out of it BUT it doesn't really affect my overall enjoyment of him as a character and it doesn't mean that the show has to make him quit just bc i don't like it. you (the royal you not u specifically anon lmao) might hate the fact that ben still does illegal stuff but that doesn't mean the show has to make him stop just bc you don't like it. if it affects how much you enjoy him as a character/ben and callum as a couple then maybe consider stopping watching. festering in the energy of 'i hate this, i hate what they're doing and here's 1200 words why' is unhealthy! i learned this the hard way !

i know this seems like an irrelevant ramble but i think i've realized that this is what my issue is. ppl not understanding trauma is frustrating and damaging and still pisses me off, but i feel like what actually pisses me off more are the ppl who just don't even attempt to be understanding bc underneath it all they're angry/frustrated at the show/sls and that's how it manifests itself. ppl don't like the direction ben and/or callum are going in and so the minute they (and it's usually ben lbr) step out of line they JUMP on that as an excuse to vent their frustrations and often end up saying shit that is ignorant or damaging or mean or just straight up cruel abt things that are so often symptoms of mental illness or trauma. so they're out here posting so many things and making these cruel little comments bc they can't just acknowledge that they don't actually like ballum anymore meanwhile ppl who are actually disabled/mentally ill/traumatised are sitting there reading all of these things and seeing all the people agreeing w them and it's doing real life damage to people.

is it on purpose? probably not. but that doesn't make the damage any less real. i have never forgotten or forgiven the way ppl reacted after ben went deaf. it was vile. as a disabled person who reacted very badly to being disabled just like ben did, it genuinely fucked me in the head seeing what ppl said abt him during that time. now i understand that it was partially ignorance but also a big chunk of it was ppl being unhappy bc they thought they wouldn't be able to enjoy their ship anymore bc ben was disabled (not that he hadn't been disabled before, but now it wasn't ignorable anymore).

idk there's more i could say but i feel like it's pointless. ppl don't care lmao all they care abt is their ship. which, ok fine whatever, but stop letting ur mentally ill/traumatised/disabled followers get caught in the crossfire bc you can't just admit you're not enjoying it anymore and feel the need to tear the thing down and rant about how it's 'bad writing' or 'out of character' etc etc. it's frustrating to read (which is why im never on here anymore) and speaking from experience it hurts YOU in the long run. negativity breeds more negativity.

you don't need to make excuses! just let it go! find something that does make you happy! you deserve that! and we deserve to be able to enjoy something without seeing ppl tearing it (or worse - us) down every 5 minutes !!

(edit - to clarify anon none of this was aimed at you i just sort of started ranting and didn't even really answer ur question im sorry !! i get what ur saying tho lmao 💞💞💞)

#eastenders #anon #question #like it's just nitpicking and it's too much it's tired #how are you mad they're still social distancing ? you are literally just looking for smth to be mad at atp #like please im begging just admit it's not something you enjoy anymore and GO #i just want peace... that's all i want

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sinisterhandsoap · 3 years

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TURNS OUT MY ABUSIVE BROTHER IS MOVING IN WITH MY FAMILY IN OREGON

WOPPDY FREAKING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

you would think i’d be happy about the whole occasion considering that every time even his name is mentioned I want to vomit. (tho one wouldn’t assume that because I bring him up often because I tend to hyper-fixate on my trauma). so an extra thousand miles (give or take) between us should be good right?? Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want my dear Oregon cousins who are in the know about what happened, in the presence of a master manipulator desperate to string a story if that means he can leach off their resources for as long as he can. HE ALREADY FUCKING DID THAT WITH MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN LA. MY MOM TOLD HER WHAT HE FUCKING DID, YET SHE TOOK HIS FUCKING SIDE. She even told me that she “completely understands the situation” and “what I need to do now to move forward is forgive him” SCREW YOU TO HELL AND BACK.

wanna know what the worst part is?? those cousains up in oragon my be the only people who I could talk to who ACTULLY FUCKING GET IT. cuz it turns out, something similar happened in their family accept that time the brother actually went to fucking jail and actually took responsiblity for what he did. but for god knows what reason, they decided to take my brother in. who knows what he’ll tell them. I never really got the chance.

MY ONE FUCKING CHANCE TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO GETS IT ... GONE

FUCK HIM

FUCK MY CURSED ASSED FAMILY HISTORY

AND FUCK ME

IM SO FUCKING PISSED AND SAD AND LOST RIGHT NOW I WANT TO STAB SOMEONE ELSE OR MYSELF

and of course theres that thought again “oh SinisterHandsoap, you’re just over reacting to all of this calm the FUCK down and write the essay you’ve been procrastinating on for the past 5 days.” WELL FUCK YOU TOO BRAIN BC MAYBE I AM BUT I’M SURE AS HELL HOLDING BACK THE BEST I CAN FROM MAKING A BUNCH OF DUMB DESIONS RN.

Lately for me the lines between predator and victim have been getting blurry. it’s all just fucked. My brother is a fucked up person who got fucked up from one thing or another. He just ended up fucking me up too. Now i’m fucked up and I don’t know how the fuck to deal with it. I’m a fucked up person just trying to live my life and I’m so fucking scared I’ll become him without even relizing it. I’ve already hurt a partner in the past on accident (and he was a dick bag). I literally think I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt my current partner, who BTW, is the first partner in my life to actually reciprocate my feelings both romantically and physically. IF I EVER HURT HER, SHOOT ME PLEASE.

anyway here's a new drawing I did of morass (made sure to give him extra ass)

sorry for the rant I just needed to vent. I don't really expect anyone to read this so if you just did, I am terribly sorry and goodbye.

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 3 years

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It’s been awhile since I truly ranted about my clueless boomer father. it’s absolutely not because he’s been less awful. in fact he’s been so overly awful that I’ve not had the energy to really type out an entire vent post.

Let’s rectify that! (Disclaimer: this shit is LONG)

So those of you who aren’t new round these parts are well versed in how clueless and selfish my “I’m not like other boomers” (def is) father. You might also know how introverted I am.

Now that word gets tossed around a lot by people who just enjoy their own company or enjoy socializing but need time to recharge, and that’s all well and good. But my personal introversion is much more... serious. Like, I can socialize but it’s draining pretty quickly, save a few people who don’t suck the life out of me because they arent work to hang out with and dont require me to entertain them. I need more recharge time than socializing time by a significant margin. Last summer my father went on vacation for a week (Bailey stayed with grandma) and during that week I didn’t verbally speak to a single fucking soul except when The Spawn (who didn’t live here at the time) came by for something. Best week of my fucking life.

The less I’m able to recharge, the more unpleasant I become. This is important.

So we all know that my father likes to claim a lot of things are that clearly bullshit. Among those things is the claim that he doesn’t need friends or socialization because he’s “like me” and the claim that he respects my space and need for down time. these things aren’t true. at all. Let’s look at why I saw that...

This man insists on telling me every small annoyance that happens through his day. Every single fucking day I have to hear (and read texts) repeatedly about how ignorant his coworkers are, the amount of unmasked people at stores/gas stations, & just generally self absorbed people he encounters. EVERY DAY. He clearly needs someone to socialize with.

He will also just walk into my living room and plop down. Then he starts fucking talking or bitching at the dogs for jumping around on him. If I am watching something, he starts asking questions/commenting on whatever I’m watching. If I’m wearing headphones (which are massive and cover my ENTIRE EAR very obviously) he will stare at me and start talking until I pull my headphones off and say “What?! What is so fucking urgent?!”

I’ve been getting progressively more short with him. I don’t answer texts that aren’t actually about something. When he interrupts me for something I KNOW will be frivolous bullshit, I exaggeratedly huff, then either rip off my headphones or pointedly pause what I’m watching and say “WHAT?! What do you need?!” If he’s bitching about the dogs playing on the couch while he tries to sit on it (which they do to me CONSTANTLY btw and I just make it work) I snap at him to just move to the fucking chair or shut up. If he goes to bitch about a coworker or people he encounters while out, I just say, “You already told me about this.” in and incredibly short tone, to which he responds “Well I wanted to make sure.” in a huffy tone.

His most recent two days have really taken the fucking cake.

So The Spawn frequently goes up to see her godfather, D, in Colorado over school breaks. He usually puts her on a plane or comes to get her, but with her having a car, she’s decided to take a friend with her and have her first Big Girl road Trip. She will be gone a little overr a week and she, the friend, D, and I all meticulously planned it out. My father comes in day before yesterday and says, “Hey do you want me to take vacation time while The Spawn is gone so I can be here?” I look deeply confused, “Why the fuck would you do that?” his response: “Well, I didn’t know if you’d need someone here to help with the dogs during the day while she’s gone.”

Y’all I nearly died laughing. “Her not being here changes literally NOTHING about how the dogs are handled during the day. When she is here, she is in her room. It’s really funny that you think I have help during the day considering how often I’ve bitched about the fact that I take care of the dogs that aren’t mine far too much.”

Then yesterday, I had spent the day employing my general tactics to discourage him from harassing me with useless bullshit. At some point, I cut him off from talking AGAIN about “ignorant, maskless, redneck gatherings at the gas station” by saying, “YES YOU TOLD ME AT LEAST 3 FUCKING TIMES. I GET IT. PEOPLE DON’T WEAR MASKS AND IT PISSES YOU OFF. IT’S BEEN A FUCKING YEAR. DEAL WITH IT. Why in the fuck do you insist on telling me this crap?” This fucking idiot laughed and said “I need to vent to someone.” I then told him to get a fucking friend or get a fucking therapist but I am not here for him to fucking vent to.

At the end of last night I finally lost it. I blew up on him about how I have zero privacy, nobody fucking respects my space or my need to recharge my social batteries, so I’m just constantly running on empty which means I’m getting progressively more unpleasant and frankly downright mean. Near the end I said “I’m sorry but...” and intended to tell him EXACTLY what he is doing that is causing this shit but true to fucking form, this motherfucker INTERRUPTS ME and says “Oh I never take any of this personally. no apology needed. goodnight.” and goes up to bed.

YOU SHOULD TAKE IT PERSONALLY YOU STUPID PIECE OF SELF ABSORBED SHIT!!!! YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!!! MY NEARLY 17 YEAR OLD CHILD HAS MORE AWARENESS OF MY NEED TO RECHARGE AND NOT BE AROUND PEOPLE CONSTANTLY THAN YOU DO DESPITE ME TELLING YOU ABOUT MY NEEDS IN VERY PLAIN LANGUAGE THAT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD COULD UNDERSTAND!!!

LEAVE. ME. THE. FUCK. ALONE. unless the subject of what you want to talk about impacts me directly in some way or i INVITE YOU into a conversation. I don’t vent to him unless it impacts him or the household... so why the fuck can’t he show the same courtesy? Also that whole “respect your space and not invade it” thing... on the rare occasion that he doesn’t just invite himself in and plop down in my space expecting my fucking attention, he will HOVER in the ‘doorway’ to my rooms until I acknowledge his presence, at which point he takes as an invitation. I’ve done an experiment. If I ignore the hovering, he will stand there up to 30 mins, at which point he will ask me a question and when I answer he takes it as an invitation. Like, I know my living room and BEDROOM don’t have doors but that doesn’t mean you have an open invite to just come into them whenever. You want to pet your dog but she’s on my bed? Call her. She’ll come over to you. Want to watch something with me? ASK and then, if I say yes, don’t fucking talk to me. I agreed to watch something, not have a fucking conversation.

oh but directly telling him any of this doesn’t work because he “doesn’t take any of this personally.” Ok, it’s one thing to not take it personally when I snap at you because I’m in an astronomical amount of pain that day and accidentally snapped. When that happens, I apologize and explain. but if I don’t mention my pain, apologize, or explain then YOU ARE THE REASON IM SNAPPING YOU STUPID FUCK.

end rant. if you read this whole thing, my condolences on the wasted time. I don’t want/need advice. I’m handling the situation the best I can in my current position. Part of that handling is that while The Spawn is gone, I’m going to do a few days where I’m here for the dogs, then when dad gets off work, J scoops me for the night, then drops me back off in the morning on his way in. He is one of those lovely people that isn’t a drain and if we are sitting in the same room, considers it spending time together. Most times, I lay on his furniture at an awkward looking but comfy angle reading a book while he games. We chat a bit during breaks or when I see him ready to throw the controller at the TV (looking at you Witcher 3...) so that will be lovely.

as always, don’t steal my shit for your blog, article, youtube, just because you’re boring and fucking lazy. Shoo! Scat!

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ice-cream-nekogirl · 5 years

Text

Thank you Mr. Yamada

Summary: You’re undergoing some serious stress involving grades and schoolwork, and when Aizawa proves less than helpful, you end up confiding in an oddly sweet and comforting Present Mic.

We’ve all talked smack about a teacher before right? Lol cuz this has some of that... and even good teachers make mistakes by telling us things we don’t want to hear...

I wanna dedicate this to Mental Health month, because I know students have struggled with school and it can take a toll on our mental health, and not just school, but with work and life in general so... this might be my favorite fic so far. Cuz I’m sure we’ve all had those wonderful teachers who have actually helped us during some times where we really needed it.

And no there’s NO romance at all in this fic, Reader just has a crush on Present Mic but it don’t go no further than that. This is purely platonic anf fluffy fic featuring a teacher just helping out a student because teachers are supposed to help students. And I can see Present Mic being an emotionally intelligent dude since his intelligence is at 5/5, smarter than Aizawa cuz he’s only 4/5... XD

Sorry Aizawa lol...

And I shamelessly alluded to Mean Girls quite a bit in this one I just love that movie XD

BTW SORRY FOR ANY OOC-NESS!!

Featuring: Favorite Parakeet Dad!!

You're never gonna be alone! From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall, You're never gonna be alone! I'll hold you 'till the hurt is gone.

-”Never Gonna Be Alone” by Nickelback

“*You… have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand the rights I have read to you?*”

In English class with your favorite teacher, you had recited the Miranda rights in often stated in America from police when they arrested villains and criminals during the lesson of differences in hero laws in Japan and America. English had gotten easier for you, and you liked to think you were slightly better at it than most of your classmates were.

“YES! Perfection (L/N)! Always the first one to answer right on the dot!” Yamada made sure to loudly praise you in front of the class, because while he didn’t want to play favorites like your homeroom teacher did, he felt that it was necessary since you looked like you needed a little support lately.

“T-Thank you, Mr. Yamada.” You somewhat shyly thanked your English teacher after receiving such praise, not entirely oblivious to some looks your classmates were giving to Yamada. They weren’t jealous or anything, but the loud pro-hero certainly made it a point to make you sound like the best student in this class.

Needless to say, it kind of made you happy since you had been struggling lately in your other classes. Especially with Aizawa.

Speaking of which…

You were distracted and feeling kinda groggy the entire time in the Hero course, sighing as you tiredly stared off into space and barely registering anything Aizawa, or was it Iida talking? Whoever it was, you weren’t really listening, you were thinking of something else and trying to not think about how bad you were doing in class.

After seeing everyone improve on their quirks and overcoming their own issues, just… really made you feel like you were doing the opposite. And you hated it…

Everyday you tried your hardest, pushed yourself even if it made your muscles ache and your bones hurt the next day. You worked with your quirk as much as you could, even trying to carry a larger portion of water to try and control it as much as you could. Your parents worried that you were going overboard and trying to go beyond your limits, but you really just wanted to get better like everyone else. Not just to feel proud of yourself, but to make everyone around you proud. Even if it meant working yourself tired, and even if it meant forcing yourself to keep everything inside so you could focus on what mattered.

However…

For a while you had really been pretending to be okay until class ended and lunch break had started. Before you could get up to leave to the cafeteria, Aizawa stopped you.

“(L/N).”

You sighed to yourself, closing your eyes and preparing yourself to reluctantly go over to your teacher. What did you do this time? “Yes?” Despite your mood, you made sure to sound polite.

“I need your parents to sign this.” Aizawa gave you a report with a few marks on it, which was detailing a list of things you apparently needed to work on. “Let them know that you’re failing.” The words hit you like a school bus as you inhaled deeply.

“Failing?” You asked incredulously, even though you believed it based on your gradually worsening performances and lack of focus in class lately. He nodded, but it almost seemed as if he didn’t want to tell you this.

“That’s right. I’ve been seeing you regress during physical training. Your supermove also needs more work and thought put into. You barely managed to get your hero license because you had your classmates help you out. I don’t know what’s been distracting you, but you need to work on that because it’s getting in the way of your progress.” Every critique he gave you felt like arrows to your back as you kept your composure.

“I see that you’re struggling, but that’s why I’m telling you what you need to work on, because I know you have potential, but lately you haven’t been living up to it. You don’t want to waste it by letting your vulnerabilities show.” Aizawa wasn’t exactly trying to sound harsh, but he was being honest with you to let you know what he was seeing from you.

“How would you know what vulnerabilities are?”

You steadied your breathing while your teacher talked, resisting the urge to storm out and ignore him like you had been the past couple of months.

“I can help you. You’re here to become a hero, and it’s my job to make sure that you become one. And you can’t be a hero if you’re not trying to catch up to the others. But I know you’re stronger and smarter than this, so I’m going to give you more study sessions and training sessions to help you improve.” He offered you help, but all you heard was him accuse you of not trying to catch up.

“I understand. Thank you, sir, I needed to hear that.” You smiled politely albeit a little sadly. That was a complete lie, you were aware that you were struggling and the way he said all of that just made you feel like shit.

But you still smiled despite the emotions that were brewing inside you but you’ve been pretending to be okay for a good portion of your life so you knew how to keep the tears at bay. And you were NOT going to cry in front of your teacher, especially not the one you felt was bringing you down.

Aizawa looked at you pensively, as if he almost sensed that you weren’t being a hundred percent honest, so he asked you.

“Are you all right (L/N)?” Maybe he was a little harsh with his words, and he could tell that something was a little bit wrong, because he knew that your smile wasn’t real.

“No. No I’m good, I totally get it and I promise I will push myself hard, I know what I gotta do now. I just needed that little push.” You nodded, forcing yourself to sound more chipper as your fake smile grew. And you were thankful that you were good at acting since Aizawa seemed to believe your lies as he sighed a bit.

“Well good. I know you can do it. That’s why I’m pushing you.”

You almost missed the good intentions in his words, because you were too mad to even believe him. “Thank you again Mr. Aizawa. And if there’s anything else I can do to improve, just let me know and I will do it.”

As you smiled, you didn’t notice that your classmate Aoyama was there to eat lunch by himself and he saw right through you. He knew you weren’t being honest and that you most certainly weren’t happy after hearing everything yours and his teacher had told you.

“I will.” Aizawa said to you before you left the classroom in a bit of a huff…

SECONDS LATER…

“I HATE HIM!” You stormed off to scream in the bathroom, but you made sure that you were alone because you knew that ranting about this to the other girls wouldn’t allow you to vent. They would tell you a bunch of bullshit about how Aizawa was ‘trying to help’.

Why? Because they told you that the last time you tried venting about your troubles in class and didn’t help you at all. You loved those girls, but you wanted to slap them silly for dismissing how angry you were that day. So it was just better to vent to yourself, by yourself…

It’s not like they would understand anyway, they all seemed pretty pleased with themselves.

“He’s failing me on purpose I swear to God… that… that fucking jerk… why is it always me? Why am I always being the one singled out…? It’s not like I’m the dumbest and the weakest one in class…” You muttered and asked yourself when you thought about your other classmates who weren’t doing too good either, but they weren’t being called out for it.

Kaminari and Ashido were so much worse at taking tests than you were, and Mineta had a weak-ass quirk while your water quirk could at least pack a punch so why weren’t those three getting read like you were?

You have potential, but lately you haven’t been living up to it?

Did that mean you were losing your potential?

Wasting it and letting your vulnerabilities show?

Weren’t you a human first and a hero second?

Can’t be a hero if you’re not trying to catch up?

But weren’t you trying your damn hardest every goddamn day?

Who does Mr. Aizawa think he is? You wondered as you retreated from the mirror and locked yourself in one of the bathrooms stalls to sit down with your hands in your head, unable to stop a flood of tears from streaming down your face as you began wondering if you were overreacting.

At least, until the rest of your intrusive thoughts came to haunt you.

‘He’s right you know. You’re only mad because he’s right! And do you see Midoriya, Bakugou and Todoroki? They’re doing things you could never do! Congratulations, you’re going to fail and never become a hero cuz the only things you’ve succeeded in this class at all is being weak, slow AND stupid. Your teacher sees it and your classmates can see it!’

The saboteur in your head taunted you as you cried quietly to yourself and trembled where you sat. God what were your parents going to think when you tell them you’re failing?

And on top of that, there was no way you were going back to class looking like this. You refused.

It’s not like anyone was going to worry or even notice that you weren’t in class because clearly, you were the weakest link in class. You felt that it was better if everyone just did their things without you. You were useless right now, and you were being completely honest, you didn’t want to see any of your classmates right now.

How could they relate to you? They were all doing so much better than you anyway, and they were all stronger, smarter and more talented than you were.

There was no way they could understand…

4 HOURS LATER…

You didn’t want to leave the bathroom, not when it was the only place of privacy where you could hide. Honestly, you were considering just staying in there for the rest of the day, and somehow sneak into your dorm-room and then stay in there for the rest of the night. No one would bother you, and most importantly, you wouldn’t bother anyone either with your pathetic problems.

However, realistically, you knew that couldn’t happen and you were getting kind of bored being all alone in this smelly room and with your phone on low. As much as you didn’t want to, it was time to get out for just a little bit and keep skipping class and fake an illness like mono if you have to; you weren’t going back to class, you absolutely refused.

Sighing, you slowly opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom with a heaviness in your chest that was begging you to go find someplace to sleep in an attempt to make this shitty day go away by closing your eyes. It was already close to the last class of the day, but you had no plans on showing up. Sure you’d get in trouble for it later, but at this point you barely cared anymore. All you wanted to do was stick to your plan and sneak back to your dorm-room so you could be miserable in peace.

“(L/N)?”

Your favorite teacher’s voice made you freeze in your tracks and gasp audibly in shock. Just like that your body reacted on its own as you started shaking nervously but kept your back turned even though Yamada’s enthusiastic and loud voice was impossible for you to ignore.

“There you are! Eraser’s been looking for you for a while! Said your classmates didn’t know where you were at! In fact, I think they’re all looking for you!”

Aizawa was worried about you? You honestly couldn’t imagine why, and you didn’t believe it. But just thinking about that was making you quiver more, fists clenching as your lips trembled and tears built up in your eyes, spilling down because there were too much for your eyes to hold back. There was nothing you could do, you wanted to just walk away or even run but how could you do that to Yamada? When he was the only teacher that you felt gave you the most praise when you clearly sucked at everything.

“Haha I can’t wait to see his face when he sees that I found you! And he was worried… but I knew you had to be around campus somewhere~. After all you’re not the type who would skip class, though to be honest you haven’t really been-”

Before he had a chance to finish his sentence you finally turned to face him with your lip quivering and tears running down your face as you sniffled. He quickly shut himself up as the smile on his face immediately fell and contorted into an uncharacteristically concerned frown. Looking directly at him, you saw what looked like worry in his eyes through his glasses. Yamada was usually such a loud man who was almost always smiling that seeing him so quiet and frowning was almost unnatural to you.

“Hey… (Y/N)… what’s wrong?” He asked you in a rare, soft and very concerned tone. Something not many had the opportunity to hear from the loud-mouthed, carefree pro-hero.

As hard as you tried to keep it all in, everything just poured out of you. Word vomit at its best.

“I… I’m failing the hero course… and I-I’m… I’m trying SO hard… but it’s not enough… I-I haven’t been improving a-and… t-the more I think about it… the more I think t-that I… I should have tried harder… I should have studied harder… worked harder… but… it’s just so hard…” You shut your eyes as tears fell to the ground, unable to hold back the sob that crept out of your throat and made your shoulders shake up and down from the remaining cries that you apparently weren’t finished getting rid of yet. Apparently, you weren’t finished crying yet, and now the concern Mr. Yamada showed you was enough to trigger the overwhelming disappointment with yourself into making you cry in self-pity.

You hated it.

Frankly, Yamada was alarmed by the sight of a student crying, but there was no way he was going to leave you alone. He knew what you were talking about too, he had noticed that you hadn’t been as energetic lately, nor did you seem happy at all. Sure, you paid attention in HIS class, but he knew that’s because you were confident in there. However, based on what Aizawa had been telling him about you and the rest of his students and from what he’s seen in your overall demeanor, he knew you had fallen into a slump and this was a result of bottling up all your stress. Now it was all pouring out and it practically broke his heart seeing you like this.

“M-M…M-Mr. Aizawa… h-he… he knows I’m weak a-and s-stupid… he’s not saying it outright, but I know he knows it… and he’s right… n-n-nno matter what I try, nnnnn-nothing works… I’m guh-getting worse… e-eh-ev-everyone’s getting better… e-e-everyone… b-but me…” You choked out tearfully in between sobs, barely able to even talk as you opened up what had been eating you up from the inside out.

“What? No! That’s not true! Trust me, Eraser and I talk all the time, and he does NOT think you’re weak… and if everyone’s getting better, then you are too! You’re a part of their class after all, they’re just improving in their own ways, and you are too!” Yamada has seen students break down before, but not quite like this where he was face-to-face with one, so he wasn’t entirely sure how to make you feel better. He wouldn’t give up though, not on his student.

“B-But… but it’s true… I-I… I’m not improving… I-I’ve… I’m regressing… i-in the tests, t-the combat… I-I keep losing… f-for me and m-my partners I’m p-paired with… a-and t-the gym… God the fucking gym… I-I can’t… I’m getting slower… I can’t run fast… e-even though I push myself as hard as I can I just c-can’t… l-look at me, I’m pathetic and weak, I’m weak, s-slow and stupid… I-I can’t ru-run fast Mr. Yamada, I-I c-can’t fight back, I can’t buh-b-be a hero, I-I’m the weakest link in my class, I-I’m ridiculous and sss-sllow…”

Dramatically and breaking down almost completely, you started running in place as if to emphasize your weakness in running as you continued to cry and unload the same intrusive thoughts that tormented you. You almost didn’t notice Yamada awkwardly walking closer towards you even if what he was seeing right now was hard to watch. An upset, anxious student overwhelmed by anxiety and self-doubt who was falling apart before his eyes.

“Stop it… S-Stop saying those things! Come on now… you can’t say that to yourself… you can’t treat yourself like that… come here…”

He shook his head at what you were saying about yourself, opening his arms out as you found yourself gladly letting yourself into your teacher’s hold as he gently put his arms around you in a soft hug while you clung to him and unabashedly cried your heart out. Yamada was an affectionate and hands-on kind of man in general, but as a teacher he didn’t want to cross his boundaries with a student. However, he cared about you very much, and you looked so upset that he couldn’t just let you cry and suffer all by yourself like this. As a teacher AND a hero, he felt like it was his job to comfort a distraught student who was clearly under a lot of stress. You might have been Aizawa’s student, but you were just as much one of his students as you were Aizawa’s!

“It… I-It’s s-ssso huh-hard… I-It’s just so… fucking… hard… I… I… I-I’m s-ss-sso tired of tuh-trying so hard a-and not d-doing anything right M-Mr. Yamada… n-nothing I-I do is… m-making me better… I-I… I-I’m g-getting w-w-worse…”

You’ve really done it this time. Crying like a child in front of your favorite teacher. And yet, hugging him felt so nice. So warm and comforting.

“I know… I know it’s hard… hey, hey it’s okay… I’ve got you… don’t hurt yourself sweetie, take deep breaths for me now, okay? Breathe…” He said in the softest voice you had ever heard him use as he held you while you clutched his costume, and he didn’t mind. Rocking you gently, he kept hushing you as you cried, your shoulders still trembling as he made sure to speak softly and gently to soothe your frazzled nerves as you followed his advice, trying to steady your rapid breathing by taking a few deep inhales and shaky exhales through gritted teeth. Inhaling sharply in an attempt to try and breathe again as you focused on the warmth coming from your teacher’s arms, slowly it was working.

“Good, that’s it… very good, shhhhh…” He praised you once he felt you slowing yourself down, knowing that you were in serious need of emotional support right now, and everything he was doing so far was working for you. You felt very safe at the moment, and not judged at all. Yamada was very patient with you too, he let you slow down so you could catch your breath and breathe properly, and he only spoke when you had eventually stopped shaking as you kept taking deep, steady breaths until you were calm enough and stopped hyperventilating.

“You’re trying very hard. Being a hero ain’t easy… but you’re not alone ya know? Ya see, while you might not think so, you’re trying just as hard, if not, harder than anyone else is! I’ve seen your effort, and your passion… Eraser’s a bit too much sometimes BUT! I’m sure he can tell you’re trying your best…”

“Mr. Aizawa doesn’t care about me, or how hard I try… he never has… all he cares about are the strong ones in our class… He only cares about Shinsou, Midoriya, Bakugou, Tsuyu, Yaoyorozu and Todoroki… all my friends… but not me… cuz I’m the weakest one… I’m sure he’s just ready to expel me anytime he wants…” Your tone was bitter, yet still fresh with sadness and your lack of self-esteem and distorted view was talking for you. Even though at times you felt as if Aizawa didn’t care about you, and it wouldn’t surprise you if he didn’t.

“Ha! He gives off that impression, doesn’t he?” He laughed a little bit, trying to lighten up your mood a little bit as you were calm enough to pay attention to him, blinking slightly as it pushed some stray tears down your face. “Eraser’s good at pretending he doesn’t care about his students… the thing is though he’s a total pusher, he pushes people, just like that teacher in Mean Girls. And he especially pushes his students BECAUSE he cares about them and he knows that they have a LOT of potential! And he definitely cares about you! I know he does! He definitely doesn’t think you’re weak!” That didn’t really do much to make you feel better since you already heard that from Aizawa. But surprisingly Yamada could tell that it wasn’t doing much to convince you.

“He just forgets that he can come off as a total hardass sometimes and that you kids are still kids who are gonna react differently compared to others. But don’t let that make you feel as if you’re not improving, because you are! You’re one of my best students! And I’ve seen the way you use your quirk. You’re really strong! You’re just in a little bit of a slump that’s all, nothing wrong with that though because every hero goes through slumps. I sure have! Every teacher in this school has! Including Eraser and even All-Might!” Yamada used his normal tone this time, enthusiastically saying oddly sweet and gentle words of encouragement to you.

At first you were surprised once you registered all of that, but you understood what he was saying. Basically, that none of the heroes were perfect, and that there wasn’t anything wrong with that. You yourself were far from perfect and prone to making a lot of mistakes and you struggled with things differently than your classmates might have, including anxiety, self-hatred and self-doubt.

Yet, Yamada still didn’t judge you, and he wasn’t judging you for being upset over this, if anything, his words just made you realize that while you weren’t perfect; there was nothing wrong with being imperfect because it happens to everyone, and that regardless of the slump you were definitely in, it didn’t make you weak.

“Look it’s perfectly normal to go through these slumps. We might be heroes, and we might be humans with quirks, but under the costumes and the hero titles we’re still just humans, the quirks are just bonuses, and they don’t change the fact that we’re humans at our core. Even if we chose to be heroes, we can’t forget or ignore our humanity AND our wellbeing, now can we? Our humanity is the basis of our heroism, don’t you think?” He asked you, raising a brow as you looked up at him almost adoringly. Sometimes you swore everyone forgot how smart Yamada was, but you didn’t, you thought he was wonderful.

In fact, you thought he was the most brilliant hero in the school, and you were absolutely marveled by him, especially right now. He told you everything you wanted and needed to hear. So, you nodded your head at his question, making him smile again.

“Don’t ever feel bad for being human. You know your limits and what your own personal issues are, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. And I know you get anxious and doubt yourself sometimes, but those don’t make you weak either. You are NOT weak and it’s OKAY to not feel okay sometimes, it does NOT make you weak. In fact, I believe you’re going to be one of the stronger heroes when you graduate and you’re going to be one of the most fantastic pro-heroes of your age! So, don’t think you’re weak or pathetic (L/N). Don’t you think that for one minute, okay?” He spoke gently again, and sounded slightly firm for a moment there, but it was still gentle and comforting as he grinned at you until a smile finally found its way onto your lips.

It was like a validation you never knew you needed, and just hearing him reassure you like this just made you tear up again as they freely fell down your face.

Sniffling, you whimpered and hugged him again in gratitude. Yamada was rather surprised at the sudden hug, but he quickly and gladly returned it with a big smile on his face, tearing up just a little bit himself; he was beyond happy that you seemed better now and that he was able to help you when you needed it.

“Okay… I won’t… I promise I won’t sir… thank you… but, you know… you actually gave me something else I didn’t know was what I really wanted…”

“Oh? What was that?”

“A hug…” You admitted somewhat shyly, since for a while you’d been desperately wanting a hug and couldn’t find it in you to ask some of your friends that because it felt so awkward. But thankfully, Yamada had given you what you had been wanting and needing. And admittedly, you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t have a bit of a crush on this man, even though you knew that it wouldn’t be possible because of the age gap, yet a part of you dreamed nonetheless for when you became of age.

As for Yamada, he was surprised by this and yet he still smiled while he hugged you. It was times like these that made him remember that this is why he became a teacher aside from a being a hero.

“I was happy to help (Y/N). And if you ever need to talk to someone about this or if you’re ever having another bad day, intrusive thoughts or anything else, you can always come to me okay?” He asked you softly, and you nodded in his hug with a warm smile, loving every minute of this and prayed that this could last just for a little while longer…

Sadly you didn’t get that wish.

“What’s going on here?” Aizawa’s voice startled you and Yamada as you both yelped and jumped a little bit in your hug, and slowly you pulled away to rather awkwardly turn to face the other pro-hero, whose eyes slightly widened upon seeing you.

“(L/N)?” Your own eyes widened, but you quickly looked away with a nervous look once you felt Aizawa’s eyes on you, staring at the ground as anxiety started creeping up on you again.

“Where have you been? You didn’t show up to class since lunch.” He asked you in a rare tone that almost sounded gentle. And worried? That really surprised you, but you weren’t exactly comfortable enough to answer him yet.

“Eraser! Perfect timing! I found (L/N)! And she’s okay!” Yamada cheerfully said and looked over at you. “You are aren’t you (L/N)?” However, he had to ask you that just to make sure that you were okay. And because it was Yamada speaking to you, you looked away from the ground to meet his eyes and you found yourself able to smile again at him.

“Y-Yeah… it’s been a while… but for once I can say that I am legitimately okay. Thanks to you Mr. Yamada.” You said, a bit bashfully but sincerely, not taking your eyes off your English teacher as he grinned happily, much to Aizawa’s subtle annoyance. Of course, he was relieved that you were okay, but he clearly saw that you weren’t looking at him.

“It was no problem! Anytime okay?” Yamada said to you sweetly, he was very genuine with you. And yet, he couldn’t help but kind of rub this in his friend’s face a little bit. Aizawa wouldn’t admit it, but it was working only a little bit, especially since his own student was being more open with his friend than him.

“(L/N) Are you all right?” Your teacher asked you, seeing your reddened eyes and the remnants of tears on your cheeks; at that moment he realized that you had been crying. You couldn’t tell that he had become rather concerned now since he had never seen you cry before.

However, as mad as you were at your homeroom teacher, you did eventually look at him before you wiped the dried tears from your face. “I’m sorry Mr. Aizawa… I skipped class… on purpose… I know I shouldn’t have … but, I… I wasn’t feeling well, and I wasn’t in a good place enough to come back....”

For once, you did see the care and concern in Aizawa’s now soft-looking eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m your teacher. I know you’ve been struggling. I would have helped you if you told me that you needed it concerning your well-being.” He sounded like he was scolding you, and he was a little bit but now it was clear that he was more worried than upset with you.

You ALMOST wanted to cry again, but you didn’t now that you had gotten everything out with Yamada and felt better about yourself a little bit. Although you were feeling kind of guilty now for hiding everything else from Aizawa, it was time to get everything out with him too.

“That’s just it… I got in my head. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you about this, with how bad I’ve been doing… I didn’t want to seem like I desperately needed help because I thought I could deal with this on my own.” You averted your eyes again, biting your bottom lip a little bit.

“And I have to be honest, I was hurt… I was hurt by your words today before lunch, it felt more like I was being judged than being given constructive criticism, like I was being told I wasn’t good enough, and that I wasn’t trying when I was trying my absolute hardest… when I’ve had plenty of people tell me that before… the minute you said that, I… I hated you in that moment… I wanted to punch you in the face… You were the last person I wanted to talk to about what was bothering me…” Almost shamefully, you covered your eyes with your fingers, unable to see the look of very subtle shock on your teacher’s face, as Yamada tried his hardest to not snicker, and it wasn’t working.

“I’m really sorry sir but I was just so hurt and angry that I could not bear the thought of asking you for help because I felt like I was just going to get judged again… but hiding wasn’t the right way to do it either… so I’m sorry… I never should have worried you.” You grabbed your arm nervously, guilt etched over your features even though you were finally being honest with Aizawa, just as you had been with Yamada.

Although you didn’t see it, Aizawa had the grace to look guilty. This wasn’t the first time he’s hurt one of his student’s feelings, and yet it never ceased to make him feel awful about it. Especially if it was enough to make one just avoid class altogether and cry by themselves. Worst of all, you refused to ask for his help because he hurt your feelings that badly.

“I appreciate your honesty (L/N). But you know that it’s never my intention to judge my students right? My purpose is to help you and your classmates improve and learn. I suppose I was too hard on you, and for that I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings.” He looked and sounded guilty, and for once you actually smiled at your homeroom teacher. Now you could register his words after clearing your head a little bit.

“I know… I’m sorry I took it so personally.” You felt bad though, even if you knew that your feelings were valid.

“Don’t be. I wasn’t really gentle with what I told you. I should have approached you better.” Aizawa owned up to not really being that nice in what he said to you, and you nodded in agreement, glad that he was taking responsibility for having hurt your feelings.

“Yeah your approach kinda sucked.” Despite that you gave a small chuckle and it surprised to see your own teacher give a low chuckle. Albeit, it was mostly because he was glad to see that you looked happier than you had been in months. He might not have been gentle about your struggles, but he knew you were struggling and it concerned him; he just didn’t know how to approach you about it the right way.

“You know that you’re going to still have to make up for all the classes you missed though, right?” But Aizawa still had to be your teacher, and this time, you weren’t sad to hear that from him as you nervously smiled.

“Of course… I saw that coming… I feel a little bit better to do that.” You said softly, even though you might not have been one hundred percent yet, you felt so much better after confiding in Mr. Yamada. And actually pretty inspired after he helped you and talked to you about taking care of your own mental health. “In fact, I’ve made a major decision after today.”

That however, surprised both Aizawa and Yamada, but they let you talk anyway to hear what you had to say.

“I’ve decided that I definitely want to work harder with my studies. The kind of hero I’ll be… will be one who looks out for people. Pick them up when they’re down. After all… it’s super important. Mental health is overlooked. I want to be that kind of hero for people who struggle like me.” You suddenly came to that conclusion after your talk with Yamada. It didn’t make all your issues go away, but his care for you during your breakdown gave you enough strength to get back up again and inspired you to think more about that.

“I’m going to fix all my mistakes, work on my super-move and rely less on my classmates. And I won’t let you down next time Mr. Aizawa. Because whoever you pair me up against, I’m going to kick their ass.” A smirk made its way to your lips, looking more confident and happier than earlier. Which pleased your teacher as he gave you a small smile, obviously happy himself that you finally looked more certain about yourself than you had been in months.

“I know you will.” Aizawa felt confident in you now after seeing the energy return to your eyes as you actually smiled wide at your teacher.

“I’ll see you both tomorrow. Mr. Aizawa. Mr. Yamada. And thank you again… thank you Mr. Yamada. I won’t forget this ever.” You bowed to them both, and Yamada couldn’t help but look very proud of himself when you gave him a second thank you, much to Aizawa’s annoyance.

“Of course (L/N)! I was happy to help!” Yamada’s enthusiastic tone bordered on a brag when he saw how peeved his friend looked, especially when their student smiled happily and politely left the two of them with a soft ‘good-bye’ after being dismissed.

“She’s got more spirit now.” Aizawa saw that in you again as he watched you walk away. “I knew she would find it again.” He always saw your potential; you just needed a little bit of a push. It worked too because now you were more than motivated now. He just wished he could have been the one to help you when that put you in a slump instead. And he wished that he didn’t make you cry…

“And I helped!” Yamada had to say that though, just to rub some salt in the wound. And Aizawa hated that it was irritating him this much. “But you’re right… she looks very determined now.” He snickered a bit.

“What’s so funny?” Aizawa asked him very curtly as he tried to not look as annoyed as he was feeling.

“With that fire in her… I bet whoever she fights tomorrow… she’s probably going to pretend that they’re you and punch them in the face.” Yamada smirked somewhat deviously at him, but then he shrieked when the other pro-hero glared at him with those angry, red eyes of his. Because deep down, he hoped that wasn’t true.

And unfortunately, it was.

Because the next day you were paired up against Kirishima. You were so full of a new-found energy and motivation that you were ready for this, and the first thing you did was punch him in the face before fighting, and you quickly won the match once you used your water quirk to its max level now that you had the fire back in you.

“Anybody else want some?!”

You shouted after successfully pinning Kirishima down and you were announced victorious. Quite a few of your classmates were startled, and some (especially Mineta) were terrified, even Bakugou looked mildly shocked by the spark you had shown them all. But you almost didn’t notice their reactions, but you were feeling amazing now; like you could do anything.

Although you DID quickly apologize to poor Kirishima afterwards, a lot in fact and you immediately felt guilty for beating him. But the sweet redhead just smiled and shrugged it off and happily congratulated you on your win. Even he could tell that you got a fire back in your stomach and he was happy for you.

“That felt good.” You smiled widely as you approached your closest friends Midoriya, Uraraka, Iida and Todoroki.

“Wow! (Y/N) I knew your quirk was strong but you… you really showed off even more power today…” Midoriya looked positively awed, his green eyes wide and practically sparkling in marvel.

“A most excellent performance (Y/N)! I think it was your best one yet! I’m proud of you!” Iida somewhat dramatically praised you, but he was clearly happy when he saw that you had a spark back in you.

“Oui. The sparkle in your eyes is back~.” You were hella surprised when Aoyama had remarked on your energy, but you still appreciated it. Even if you had no idea that he was aware of your struggles as you smiled at the blonde boy.

“Yeah! Are you kidding? You were more than good! You really showed everyone that you’re not to be messed with!” Uraraka then cheerfully praised you with a big grin, almost like she was amazed by you as you couldn’t help but hug the girl. “Aww! Guys thank you so much!!”

“No. Not good. Brilliant.” Todoroki gave you one of his rare smiles that he had reserved for you, which made you giggle and blush at all the compliments and praise your friends were giving you as you thanked each and every one of them personally. And your smile grew when you fondly thought about Mr. Yamada. You owed this to him after the way he helped you. And you would never forget it.

However, you couldn’t help but notice that after your battle with Kirishima that Mr. Aizawa was awfully silent and a little sulky afterward…

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sasslightertm-a · 5 years

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ooookay, so, some bullshit™ happened earlier this past week and I’m annoyed and pissed. incoming rant/vent under the cut (with screenshots used by permission).

As most of you who have been following me long enough probably know by now, there is a Charmed Discord server and I was in it for a while until I left in early January 2019, for reasons that will be discussed later. The main mod runs a few Charmed rp blogs here on Tumblr, we did have a few threads planned out together, and eventually after I left the Discord server it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable seeing her posts on my dash so I quietly unfollowed and deleted our thread I’d had in my drafts (which had been sitting there for months by this point anyway because I am slow af). Shortly after I unfollwed her, she unfollowed me without so much a message of “Would you be interested in continuing any threads?”.

This mod, while I was in the server, also created a venting/ranting group Google doc against another Charmed roleplayer who has been around for years and had been in the server as well but also left for much the same reasons I later did (namely, feeling unwelcome within the server). (The Google doc has since been deleted, I believe.)

Which brings me to the main point of this post. One of my close friends/mutuals noticed this mod and the roleplayer starting to interact again when both of them had unfollowed each other for months beforehand after the mod decided this roleplayer was Toxic™.

Uh-huh, sure, I find it very hard to believe you told her about the call-out Google doc and everything in it and she was perfectly understanding about it. I also have yet to hear an apology at all from this mun when 1) the most we would do is talk OOC anyway; 2) my Chris and Bilie were constantly ignored despite me showing interest in some of her wishlist ideas; and 3) any threads we did have would only get two replies in if I was lucky and were then dropped. So I unfollowed ages ago and moved on with other mutuals, and at this point it’s honestly not worth it.

And no, sorry, the server was not inactive when I left it back in early/mid January. Everyone was either in the general, headcanons, or venting channels And yes, any time anyone responded to me it was because I or my friend had said something they wanted to argue with or turn into a headcanon about their own next-generation muses. Also? For all y’all would squee over white US-American YouTuber cover artists or Korean boybands (despite none of you speaking a word of Korean), or the mod occasionally slipping into Arabic and then translating when one of us would ‘???’, the instant I try and share a cover by an amazing Turkish musical-theater singer who speaks German and does German-language musicals (said cover was in English, by the way), or the instant I would talk about something I learned in one of my German classes (despite most of my ancestry being, y’know, German [and for the record, said German ancestors came over to the States in the 1800s, so don’t even go there])... dead silence.

1) oh my gods I’m howling. Thanks for admitting most of the people in the server hate me just because they found my fanfiction and that I like to write dark-themed fics and smut. Out of curiosity, was it one of my FF.net accounts (my main, my Charmed-fic-centric one, or my dark!AU Tenth Doctor-fic-centric one) or was it my AO3? (Also way to go for basically admitting that yup, you’re all a bunch of antis and really be drinking the evangelical fundamentalist Christian purity culture Kool-Aid.)

and btw, saying “complete transparency?” like that is just code for “I’m about to be a petty bitch and you’re not going to want to hear it, but too late.”

also, what, like none of you have ever wanted to write kinky smutty fanfic just because it’s fun and lets you work out various fantasies that may or may not be inherently transgressive? as far as I’m aware I was one of maybe two other people in that server who identify as asexual so don’t even try and say any of youse are sex-repulsed aces.

my smutfic isn’t even that kinky, but go off, I guess

tbh they also probably hate me bc I called them out over their misuse of the word “pedophilia” in regards to this one particular scene in a teen drama TV show between fictional teenage characters being portrayed by adult actors that airs on a network aiming for a 18 to 49-year-old demographic, and the mod and I would disagree over various things concerning US-American Wicca, but hey, it’s easier to just go after my fanfiction and say they hate me because of the fanfics, right?

speaking of that scene they were so up-in-arms about, don’t even try and tell me real-life allosexual teenagers are not horny and don’t have sex with other teenagers, because coming from a state with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy (where more often than not both would-be parents are teenagers of or around the same age), I will not believe you

like, seriously, do NONE of you remember ever being horny and hormonal as a teenager, or...?

2) Stop trying to make this an argument that needs to be won, because it isn’t. Also? By the time I left the Charmed Discord server didn’t even feel like a Charmed server anyway, so. There’s that.

3) My friend is right and she should say it.

A few things here:

How does any of that sound accusatory when it’s true and my friend calmly laying out how she felt about the situation??

Again, stop trying to make this into an argument or personal attack because it isn’t. And not every single conversation is a debate that needs to be won.

“I was half joking”, uh-huh, yeah, riiiiight. Also? How is it any of your business how she decides to run her blog and curtail it so she feels safe on her own dash??? Especially when you don’t even follow or interact with her anymore?? Hell, I softblock people myself who are either inactive and just taking up my follower account, or are personal/fandom blogs who I just don’t want interacting with me. And if you follow me but don’t make any motion to interact, then yeah I’m probably going to softblock you too after posting a heads-up that I’ll be cleaning out my follower count.

And the best part??? Immediately after all this the mod/mun made a post on her blog saying how she doesn’t put up with passive-aggressiveness or manipulation. How the fuck is my friend/mutual being passive-aggressive or manipulative????

I’m sorry, but no, you do not get to do that. I see what you did there, and it is not okay. And I am glad I don’t have to deal with any of this mun’s bullshit anymore, or most of the people in the server, apparently. They blocked me solely because they found my kinky darkfic? Fine, great, it’s not like any of them ever interacted with any of my muses anyway and I don’t want to deal with them either. (But also... I made it clear on the server that I also write a dark eldritch!AU Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who and they all knew I have a sideblog for the canon evil version of Chris Halliwell so how exactly was it a surprise that I like writing fanfiction with darker themes and grey areas?)

Anyway, no, that language used on my friend was not called for at all. Neither was trying to make her out to be the aggressor when anyone who’s chatted with her OOC for long enough knows that even doing this much is hard emotionally for her. This was also not an argument that absolutely had to be won so quit trying to turn everything into an argument to make yourself look better. And ooh, boy, tone policing on top of that. That last response was classic “I know you’re right but I don’t want to admit it so I’m just gonna say something to make myself look like I came out on top.”

Nah.

There’s the door. Make sure it hits you on the way out.

#outoforbs ( ooc )#rant cw

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johanna-swann · 2 years

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Sorry if I'm going on a venting spree here, but I'm annoyed with a friend of mine (not exactly an AITA situation, she's not being mean on purpose or anything, but advice is still appreciated).

I'll start with an example. You send your friend a fanfiction idea that you came up with in the middle of the night and explain in detail why the idea would work and how it fits into the canon material of the show and how it is centered around that one character you both love - like, you put thought and effort into this idea and were really excited to share it with your friend and fellow fan because you know she loves that character as much as you do - but all you get back as a reaction the next day is a "your sleep schedule is fucked up". No "oh that's an interesting idea", no "I love that ship", no nothing. No interaction with anything that was said whatsoever.

I really love my friend, she's good people, but I often feel like I might get more of a reaction talking to a brick wall (at least the wall won't disappoint me by ignoring every single aspect of what I said). And I have mentioned that to her btw. In a neutral, nice way. Like, "girl I love talking to you, but it's more fun if I'm not speaking into a void". She said she'd work on incorporating what I said more into her replies, it's just something that doesn't come as easy to her. So I'm understanding and even try to engage her better by adding phrases like "now this in particular I find very interesting" or "I'm not sure about ___, what do you think?" to my texts and voicemails as sort of pointers where she could start.

Thing is, it's not working. We often exchange long voicemails between 2 and 5 minutes, sometimes longer, several times a day. That's just how we roll. And of course sometimes it's not about getting a detailed answer to every single thing the other just said, sometimes you just need to know somebody listened. She's studying applied chemistry for example and will go on lengthy rants which I understand maybe two sentences of. Still, I try to give her the feeling that I really listened, maybe ask her to explain something in simpler words for me, etc, because I know she loves her subject and enjoys talking about it. I am very consciously letting her know that there's someone on the other end of the line who enjoys talking with her.

Or other times the topic isn't the problem, you're just having a stressful day and aren't in the right head space to listen to a 4 minute voicemail about the antiparallels of fictional characters. In that case we always tell each other that "dude, that sounds interesting, but there's no way I can come up with a coherent comment on that right now. it'll have to wait till tomorrow." Except then she often just forgets. Even if I remind her. Also if I remind her again. And even if I remind her again. She'll be like "I'm so sorry, this week is super busy, I studied all day" and I'm like "It's cool, don't stress about it." But honestly. How busy can your week be that for days on end you don't even have 5 minutes in the evening or while taking a break or sometime in between to have a quick chat with your supposedly best friend? Especially since I know she studies from home, has zero appointments and does take time out of the day to watch some tv before or after study sessions.

I know she isn't being mean on purpose, but it feels like I'm over here figuring out our communication problems, providing solutions and being the understanding one and I get nothing in return. I'll have exam season, be studying, babysit my brother, be tired as shit from only sleeping 4 hours. But when my best friend sent me a voicemail that I haven't listened to in 2 days, I take a goddamn 5 mimute break and at least send at a sentence or two back.

To me it feels like playing ball with someone who just throws the thing away instead of passing it back and I'm the one always running back and forth across the lawn retrieving the ball while she would rather do anything else. And as I said, I am already trying to provide assistance by reminding her when she forgot about a message or pointing out the important parts and being patient with her. But I feel myself growing more and more frustrated with the entire situation.

#aita #me stuff #am i the asshole #friendships #communication #long post

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159potterhead · 3 years

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I used do something like this too I'll imagine I'm in a talk show and I'm the guest and I'll vent about things in front of imaginary audience, crack a few jokes and those people loved me😅

It's okay. If you ever feel low let me know I'll be always around lurking over here I'm also I was thinking about setting a camp in your ask box if you don't mind I mean the place is huge and we can be neighbours. We can hang out all the time. Invite each other over dinner 💖🤩

(I listen to all the new song you put in here. It's a lovely song. You have a great taste in music✨)

Yeah I remember. (I'll get to the writer thing but since you asked I should tell you this) I also used to do painting and I get crazy while doing it, I'm kinda perfectionist about doing things so I don't do things unless I'm the best at it (coz I'm not good with handling criticism and anxiety is a real deal) I used to do sketching and canvas painting and it was like a do or die situation for me coz I don't let myself eat or do anything else unless I get it right and perfectly done and during that time I used be cranky for few days. It's been more than a year and I really wanna do something but yeah I don't have that kind of energy anymore. And yeah I write too although I'm new to the writing thing. I started writing like 2 years ago and those fics were only meant for me. I had a lot of ideas so I wrote a few things and wip and I never had courage to post them coz there are many great people writing better stories and I never planned the ending of any of the fics so I never posted them. I write mainly destiel so a few months back in December I was mad at the show of course and few other things and I was like screw it I'm gonna post the thing. No one's gonna read it anyway. It's this fic I wrote in 2019 and I never planned ending to it and that's the first one I posted and people really liked it I've got like 86 comments so at first I thought they were being nice but now I think they really like it so I've to plan some ending to it I can't abandon it. I've posted around 11 chapters to that one. God! I've to write more. I can shoot you up with link I would love to know your opinion but I think you will recognise me coz I have similar username there.

Lets play a game called who am I. Give me your top guesses if I'm one of them I'll shoot up the link. (Have you heard that fall out boy song; Let's play this game called "when you catch fire I wouldn't piss to put you out")

And I'm assuming you also write fics you've done a great job earlier. Do you write Harry Potter or destiel or anything else? What's your favourite trope?

🎶I'm an angel with a shotgun fighting til' the wars won I don't care if heaven won't take me back I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe don't you know you're everything I have? And I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight🎶

omggg I am so sorry!! I don’t know how long this has been sitting here! I didn’t receive any notifications from you since yesterday so I thought I’d check my inbox and boom, tumblr didn’t send me one for this ask! I feel so bad for making you wait so long! (I hope it wasn’t long tho, since idk when you sent this)

saaame😆 oo you have fans I see;)

thank you🥺 and you too btw, if you ever feel low or you wanna vent or rant, hit my inbox. a camp? baby i’ll build you a mansion<3 and yesss we could have dinner at each other’s house and sleepovers that’d be so fun!!😁💞

(aww you do?☺️ and thanks, I know😎 my taste in music is the only thing I’m confident about lol)

woooah my gf is a painter too?? jeez, get you💅😌✨ and wow that doesn’t seem... healthy😬. but I suppose the end results would have to be incredibly amazing right? I’ve seen your ask stories and they’re chefs kiss, so I bet your actual fics are even 10x better! ooo that’s great!!! I wanna read it so bad, but i’m afraid it’ll blow your cover😭 aah yes that’s what I thought! we’ll have to find a way.

ooooo that’s exciting. I sorta wanna know who you are but I’m also liking this anon vibes to be honest😫 and I secretly don’t want this to end. but okay let’s give it a go. hmm. I’ll try to guess your blog but not who cause honestly there’s a lot ahah. (and yess I love that song!😆)

you’re definitely a spn blog that’s for sure.

idk why but I feel like your url must have something to do with lotr since it means a lot to you.

you don’t post that much, and when you do it’s often reblogs. maaaybe some rants here and there but they’re usually no biggie.

you don’t have your pronouns in your bio, idk why i’m guessing this.

maybe i’m reading too much into this but I feel like your theme is either earthy or pastel.

I mostly write ow, and I have never completed anything in my entire life thank you very much. everything’s just wip💀 it sucks cause I could be only one page away from the ending but procrastinate and end up working on a new story. the cycle never ends sigh.... but I’ve been meaning to finish this one story that I’ve been writing for about two years lol, and I would like you to read it! I will let you know when I actually finish it;) and hmm idk what my favourite trope is honestly, if it vibes it vibes yk. what’s yours?

🎶no matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back. no matter how long you're gone, I'm always gonna want you back. I know you know I will never get over you. no matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back. want you back🎶💕

#my beloved ily<3 #thee lover anon saga <3

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sinisterhandsoap · 3 years

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