#sometimes you gotta make shitty edits of shitty anime you like (hate)
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i’m here to see mr yaoi
#video#ai no kusabi#dont talk to me abt this i hate this anime but that scene gave me a vision#sometimes you gotta make shitty edits of shitty anime you like (hate)
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HYPERANALYZING/ SCREAMING ABOUT EP.3 COZ IT IS MY FAVOURITE AND I AM REWATCHING IT LET'S GOOOO
Disclaimer: this post is literally just me talking about how much I kin Milly and technically a combined liveblog
Oh look it's one of Taylor's bullies from BWBL!!
Also, what the music freak is this shitty pop song playing in the back ground man I'm-
Why is the school nurse running around like that-
Gotta love how everyone just rushes over to see Milly fight, and that Jake knows exactly who they're talking about (even though they've been friends for like 2 weeks). Really shows how much of a negative-ish reputation Milly has (relatable man)
Fuck Miss Jones man she sucks she can't even break off a fight who hired this bitch.
I really like the fight scene, Luke's animation is kinda wonky but I really miss seeing Kurie's animation!! I really miss the old GL episodes, they were just so much more well-written, and the amount of editing done by Rosy in them is really underrated like they seriously look so good considering how limited GL was.
God, seeing Milly fight for something Zoey stole is really fucking relatable. Like, my bullies always steal my books, my sketchbooks, my pencil case..etc. and I always get in trouble when I try to wrestle them for it. Like, I get yelled at and keep getting told "You're a girl you shouldn't be fighting with anybody!" and all they get for pushing me over the edge is a slap on the wrist, schools are really unfair (and then adults wonder why we don't talk to them about shit).
Dear Rosy Jake is so pathetic he literally gets thrown away by just a punch I'm-
Fuck you Luke
Zoey calling Milly an animal is um, weird, to say the least.
Um, side note, I really forgot how weird Henriam were in the first few episodes- like you could see the basis of their characters as we know them now being established but it's still so weird seeing them like this (also Henry is almost Liam's height in GL which makes me want to die)
Imma just skip over the Miss Jones scene I practically said everything I have to say but before that Drew was too much of a dick in this episode in an unlikeable way like THANK GOD he's barely in this one and seeing Lia flirting with Jake feels very wrong for some reason. Still love her GL outfit though <33
Wow Hailey I am so glad to know you care more about the competition than Milly <444/sarcasm
FUCKING HYPOCRITE- (jk I love GL era Hailey <44)
Seeing the club pressuring Milly to talk speaks to me on a weirdly personal level. Everyone wants me to talk about my feelings, but have you ever considered that I don't want to talk about them? That I am still not comfortable enough to let you in? To let you see that I am vulnerable? To actually confront the fact that I am not okay? I know the music club and the ppl ik irl genuinely mean well, but sometimes people aren't willing to talk, and you should respect that. Sometimes, just being there to keep us company and not judge us is enough, yk?
Side note: can really relate to Milly's reflex of hitting people when they get too close, I literally have to stop myself from punching my own mother whenever she grabs my arm or something I fucking hate being touched and I like the nice detail of Zander smiling when he found out who punched Jake.
Honestly, fuck Zander man. I joked about Hailey not caring about Milly's feelings, about Zander straight up doesn't care.
He is a straight up reminder of my one of my bullies and all the adults in my life. Fuck you Zander.
"Does the band mean nothing to you?"
DO MILLY'S FEELINGS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU ZANDER?!?
[Cries in this is super relatable]
"Great...she's on a rampage again"
Um...so, the girl being on the verge of a breakdown and being understandably angry at her bullies and her friends being extremely inconsiderate is considered being on a rampage? Damn, Sean, why do people even like you man.
So...you WANT to have control over her?? Idk man I am really mad at zander rn
"We can deal with whatever's bothering you, together!"
"Milly, I'm worried about you."
I already elaborated on this point but I just want to talk about how much I love Hailey in the first 4 episodes she was literally an awesome queen what happened to her 😭
God I love Redemption so fucking much it is literally the best song and musical scene in TMF /gen
Love the foreshadowing to Lia's redemption in the scene where they're bullying Milly btw, Rosy is awesome when it comes to subtlety (that is how you spell it right-?)
"🎵But you keep trying to get too close🎵"
Literally on the verge of tears this song (and whole episode tbh) hits way too close to home/gen (i feel like I have to keep clarifying how genuine I bcuz I don't think people realize how emotional this gacha series can make me)
"🎵Saved myself by turning into stone🎵"
[In tears] I swear people really underestimate how fucked up someone's psyche can be when they're all cheery and hyper. Media has made us believe that people who bottle up emotions are all cold and depressed but really the most cheerful people you knew tend to be the most depressed. The only other major examples from my fandoms that fit this category that I can think of are KEL from Omori and Kokichi form Dangan, but I feel like KEL fits this statement more that Ouma tbh
"🎵So save your judgement 'cause you just don't know🎵"
REAL. AND THE CAMERA PANNING TO ZANDER WAS JUST *chef's kiss* I SWEAR ROSY IS REALLY GOOD AT SHOWING EMOTION.
"🎵And they keep coming like moth to flame🎵"
People want a reaction. Adults keep telling you to just ignore the bullies and they'll go away, but they never will because they KNOW they're getting under your skin and they'll continue teasing you till you snap and they'll only stop when it's already too fucking late.
"🎵Redemption never came🎵"
This. This line is perfect and it is the perfect ending to the song. People are so quick to judge and tell you you need to change but they never stop to get to know the real you, they never stop to actually help you change, and you'll always be the villain in the end.
"Milly seems really important to these guys"
YA THINK?!?!
"I'm missing chunks of my hair because of her!"
Zoey please marry me 💖
"They must be talking about Milly..."
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock
"I can't believe she has a crush on that nerd!"
Me neither, Zoey, Milly is wayyyy above his league.
"You...blackmailed your friend for me?"
Also, being bullied for a crush is soo real. Like, I am aroace so I wasn't bullied for HAVING a crush, I was bullied for being a "pick me" because I just so happened to be close friends with a guy and they were all accusing us of dating (this is like a big deal here since dating is very frowned upon, especially for AFABs; so they KNEW they were gonna tank my reputation and ruin my life basically. I can't tell you the amount of teachers who would look at me weird when I talked to my guy friends)- anyways this barely has anything to do with Milly or tmf but this is my blog I do whatever
[EDIT: A WHOLE CHUNK OF THE RANT WAS DELETED?? I AM REWRITING IT NOW]
"Y'know, what? I think I might go see what Drew's up to, I've yet to tell him about how I saw you with your sugar daddy last weekend"
This was the moment I started hating Jake. I didn't like him before, but I started loathing him at that moment.
I have been cheated on before, and if my friends knew and didn't tell me I would have killed them.
"But drew wouldn't have believed him!" Well, he believed him in ep 10, didn't he? And Henriam would have been there to back him up anyways.
Another question I have regarding this is how on earth did he blackmail her?! Liek he didn't have a photo or anything.
AND WHY ISNT HE CONCERNED ABOUT ZOEY GOIGN OUT WITH AN ADULT!??!
"Aw, you two looked very cozy together"
His tone reminds me of my abuser and I don't like. It has nothing to do with the essay, but I wanted to point it out. It really got under my skin.
"Just...please don't tell Drew about what you saw"
Is ti just me or does she seem genuinely sad?? Like her conscience is tormenting her?? Idk man maybe I am just reading into this way too much but- [pulls out ancient tmf theories about Zoey being forced into this by sb and actually being in love with Drew]
"I can't believe those girls, snooping into people's diaries like that"
And you can believe Jake blackmailing Zoey?? I get you're still salty about Lia but cmon Hailey give the man some consequences
[INSERT DEAN SCENE HERE]
MR.BROOOOOOOOOOOM
GOD HER TONE IS JUST- LIKE, SHE'S UNCERTAIN ABOUT JAKE'S METHOD [PROBABLY] BUT SHE CANT BELIEVE SOMEBODY CARES ABOUT HER THAT MUCH OH MY- SOMEBODY GIVE HER A HUG PLEASE SHE NEEDS IT
I SWEAR IF I SEE SOMEBODY ELSE CALL HER CARDBOARD LIEK THE ANON DID I WILL KILL YHEM
"Um...well, when you put it like that-"
Jesus Christ this man doesn't even realize what he did.
That final interaction with Milly and Jake where they reflect on the whole thing is just- beautiful, awesome, fantastic. It's really sweet and I love seeing Milly finally being comfortable enough to talk about her feelings (even if she isn't being too specific or conveying all of her feelings)
Why does Elliot look like that.
Milly why do you like this guy.
Anyways, I love the sound effects Rosy used to add whenever people would blush, I miss it (iirc it isn't in any of the new ep)
GOD I MISSED HE INTRO/OUTRO SONG SO MUCH NOSTALGIA-
Anyways, I love this episode, this is peak TMF and it makes me angry to see how Milly was reduced to comic relief in the end.
I would write a proper conclusion but I am too fucking lazy
Bye freaks
#the music freaks#tmf#sobek rants#freakblr#rosyblr#freakblr/rosyblr#tmf milly#milly tmf#tw abuse mention#(<literally just one line but stil)
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Occupied Time
Bakugo Katsuki x Chubby!Reader *
Summary: Sometimes, all Bakugo wants to do is sit back and play a game with his friends, but sometimes you have other games you like to play.
CW: non-mentioned breeding, lowkey breeding kink, rough sex, blowjob, pregnancy, cum eating, facial, creampie, overstim, brief unconsciousness, slight voyeurism, brat taming? (I've never written brat taming before so I don't know if this counts).
Word Count: 2426 | Edited version | Minors DNI
~
It was a quiet afternoon. Your boyfriend was playing a zombie game you couldn't remember the name of, but you still sat beside him and watched. You decided to play Animal Crossing to pass the time, but once all your dailies were done, you got bored. You ran around on your island for a while before you turned it off and began to cuddle into his side. He put an arm around you and hummed to you in acknowledgment, but was otherwise focused on the game.
"Why can't we play together, Katsu?" You hated being bored when he was there. You knew he liked to play with his friends, but sometimes you couldn’t help but feel needy. You wanted his attention, you wanted this time to be your time.
He grunted in response, his eyes only on the screen as he and his friends played through what looked to be an easy-going part of the game. “Because we’re working on getting to the next act. We gotta do it today before Shitty Hair leaves for a week,” he said.
You pouted and tried cuddling up to him more, but it became awkward with his hands on the controller instead of holding you. You made a small huff and crossed your arms, stewing in the disappointment of not getting his attention. Then you got an idea.
Bakugo barely noticed when you got up and left, very much into the game he was playing with his friends. They were playing through the levels and dying a lot, mostly due to Kaminari not taking it too seriously at times. Kirishima and Sero were decently good and got annoyed at Kaminari until he got serious. Once they were all on the same page, they still died from time to time but it was getting better.
You waltzed back into the room with a skirt on, which Bakugo always loved because he got to see your thick thighs a lot better. He gave you a glance, but you wanted more. Already sure of your plan, you sank onto your knees in front of him. You put your hand on his thigh just to get his attention, which it did, then you slid it up to his crotch and began lightly palming him.
"The fuck are you doin'?" he grunted, looking down at you for a moment before back up at the game.
You heard some muffled, whiny response in his headset but you sighed. Someone must have thought he was talking to them and not you. " 'm bored, Katsu. Play with me."
He stared at the screen, still playing without a hitch. So you moved on to pull his sweats down. He didn't move to make it any easier on you, which was alright, you could manage. You went ahead and pulled his boxers down too, pulling out his semi hard cock and began pumping it. You watch it, laying your cheek against his thigh. The soft spot on your face squished in a way you knew he loved. "Fine, I'll play by myself," you huffed softly.
You could tell your touch affected him, he was a little more frigid and tense. His jaw clenched, but he never took his eyes off the screen. The controller in his hand made a little squeak as he held it just a little too tight. You saw him go to take his headset off but you stopped.
"No, by all means, keep playing," you said, a little smirk in your voice. You took your hand away and Bakugo looked at you as if you had just said you were the Queen of England. You got him hard and then you were going to stop? That wasn't okay, that wasn't cool. But you'd clearly taken over the room, and if you said play the game now, that was what he would have to do to get you to continue. So he held the controller and swallowed hard, looking at the loading screen.
"We ready?" Sero asked.
"Yeah," Bakugo said lowly. "Let's get this over with."
As they moved onto the next level, you grabbed his cock and pressed your thumb into the prominent vein on its underside. He held back a groan and you smiled up at him as if you were just so innocent.
It went on like that for a few minutes before his tip met your warm mouth. The taste of precum on your tongue made you hum with satisfaction. You no longer looked up at him to see what reactions he would hold back because you had a new focus.
His cock was long and thick, narrowing out to a red mushroom tip. You loved to suck on it first, as if you had a candy you couldn't resist. Then you used your tongue to wet the rest of his cock so you could take more. Sucking him off was always a chore, but one that was so fun. You wanted to take your time with him, and you had all the means to do so now that his hands were occupied. So you took him slowly, moaning around him as you went along.
He was struggling to hold back the moans that you were trying to draw out of him. He refused to let a sound out into his mic. He wasn’t going to let that happen. He was going to play the game as if nothing was happening, which was not going well.
Once he hit the back of your throat, you began to pull back. You hadn't even taken all of his cock, but you didn't care. You were going to take as much of it as you wanted. You hollowed your cheeks and came back to his cockhead, swirling your tongue on him. He knew what that meant and he braced himself, biting his lower lip rather harshly.
You began bobbing your head up and down his shaft faster than he expected, but you always liked to do that. You loved setting one pace and switching gears into another. You loved to tease. Sometimes he hated you for it, other times he couldn't help but love it.
"Oh fuck," he groaned breathlessly. His aim was getting shaky, his shots were ineffective. He refused to look down at you as he tried to get back to where he was before. He had momentarily forgotten that others could hear him, though.
"You okay, Bakubro?"
He didn't answer, knowing if he did it would be just as ragged as his last statement. He glanced down at you and admired the way your fat cheeks looked even fatter stuffed with cock. You took the base of his cock in your hand and squeezed it, causing his head to fall back and a stifled groan to come out.
“What’s happening over there?”
You would grin if you could. What wasn't in your mouth, you gently pumped. You couldn't wrap your hand around the base entirely, but you sure did try. You felt him throb and knew he was getting close. He knew it too. So you went faster.
Then he came. He moaned loudly. His eyes rolled up, his finger pushed down on the trigger button, and he filled your mouth. Some went down your throat, but the rest stuffed your cheeks, spilled past your lips, and fell down between your breasts. He looked down at you as you pulled away, eyes going up from your low-cut top to your pretty lips that tried to hold in all of his cum. You struggled to swallow it all and some dribbled down your chin. You sat there until you got down what you could, then licked your lips and smiled at him.
You didn't say a word as he panted into his mic. You turned and bent over the coffee table, resting your head in your hands and watching the TV as if ready to watch him play. His character wasn’t moving, being attacked by the undead enemies he was supposed to be taking down.
He caught his breath, looked up, and continued to play. He caught up to the group. He still said nothing to them. He played with a little shake in his hands, but he was otherwise doing good. He could see movement from the table, but he tried to ignore it.
Then he looked down and saw it. Your skirt had slipped up to reveal you we wearing no panties and your wet, puffy pussy was out on display for him. It was glistening, calling to him. His cock was nowhere near soft and it throbbed as he thought of burying it in you. Then you shook your ass, not looking at him to see if he was looking.
He looked up, his character was dead, just that fast, and surrounded by zombies, so he threw his controller to the side. "To hell with it."
He smacked your ass hard and you yelped. He flipped your skirt up as he got on his knees behind you. He rubbed his cock over your slit, getting it wet for just a moment before he decided that would take too long. He plunged into you, sliding in with little difficulty. Your moan was like music to his ears.
"Fucking soaked from sucking me off," he grunted, grabbing your hip in one hand. He pressed his fingers into the tender flesh and listened to you whine. His other hand went to your head and pushed it down on the table. "S'fucking bored, huh? Not anymore."
He began to plow into your tight, wet pussy without care. His hips smacked into your ass roughly, which you knew would come out sore later. He left nothing out this time either. He buried his cock into your hole all the way to the hilt. You became a moaning mess under him, little tears even came to your eyes.
You clawed at the table, only able to hold onto the edge as you were being fucked. You tried meeting his thrusts, but you were so out of tune, you lost any rhythm you could have had with him. You could barely move anyway, so you sat there and took it blissfully.
"Couldn't find anything to do, just had to come fuck with me," he growled. He sounded mad, but he wasn't all that upset. Just frustrated. Maybe he had been a little annoyed in the beginning, but watching you fall apart on his cock was washing that away. "Gonna give you something to do. Fucking fill this pussy and give you something to do other than fuck with me."
You tried to ask him what he meant, but you couldn't even find the words. You babbled instead, nonsense and little syllables falling from your lips with the drool. Strings of moans replaced words.
He slapped your ass and watched it move, biting his lip as it turned him on even more. He did it again and groaned, watching it turn red. "Thought you could get away with that shit," he scoffed and started pounding you harder. "Not gonna happen again."
You were crying, trying to tell him you were about to cum. You didn't have to say anything, though. He felt the vice grip your cunt had on his cock. The way it was trying to keep him deep inside you. Then you screamed as you came around his cock, cunt squeezing him for everything he had.
When it was over, you sat there limp on the table, eyes rolled up as he rocked you over the table. He continued to fuck you as small whines left your messy mouth. He was merciless, quickly sending you into an oversensitive state, but you could do nothing about it. At that point, he was using you like a toy.
He brought you all the way back up to your high, your soft cries and curling toes the indication, other than your tight cunt, that you were going to cum again. So he made three more deep, hard thrusts into your drooling pussy and came right up against your cervix. He smacked your ass and you came, milking every drop from his cock.
Your cunt was still squeezing him when he realized you'd passed out laid over the table. He slipped his cock out of you and stuffed himself back into his pants, then sat back on the couch. He took a long look at his handiwork, your plush body laid before him in a state of disarray, but you were quiet and sweet as you slept there. Your cunt was a mess, his thick cum leaking out and your inner thighs covered in your own slick. He smirked as he grabbed the controller.
"We gonna beat this shit or what?" he asked. He'd never taken his headset off. He'd been too preoccupied to do such a thing.
No one said anything, but the level was loading.
Then, "didn't know she could be so powerful over you, Kacchan." Denki liked to tease when he knew nothing about what he was talking about. But the others laughed all the same. Until…
"I don't hear any of you gettin' your dicks wet," Bakugo barked. He loaded in and began leading the campaign while the other three sat and looked down at their unattended hard ons.
~
You sat cuddled up to Bakugo as he played a game with his friends, one arm around you as he held the controller in both hands. You played on your switch and collected shells and talked to villagers while he shot away at the enemy. From time to time, you reached over to the coffee table and took a chip or two to eat. Then a spoonful of whatever god-forbidden concoction you'd asked Bakugo to make for you.
He still couldn't stand the smell of whatever it was that you were eating with your chips, so much so he'd almost refused to make it for you. But then you got teary-eyed and said, "but it's what the baby wants!" At which point he comforted you and said he'd make you anything you wanted.
Now you both sat comfortably on the couch while he barked orders at his friends and you satisfied the hour's strange craving. When he had a spare moment between levels, he put his hand on your belly, which he was always amazed to see as it grew everyday, and kissed your head. He knew soon, you both wouldn't have time for these silly little video games, but at least you wouldn't be bored anymore.
#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugou#bakugo x plus size reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo x reader#tw pregnancy#tw breeding kink#bnha smut#mha smut#katsuki bakugo smut#strawberryspicewrites#bnha x reader#mha x reader#katsuki bakugo#bakugo katsuki#bakugo smut#bnha#mha#bakugo x chubby reader#bakugou smut#bakugou x reader#bakugou thirst#female reader#plus size reader#chubby reader#chubby love
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FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 8 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART 2 (plus a quick recap of eps 3-7)
aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gotta get it out of me otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on work and I will be scrolling through the tag till the day I die. Everything from episode 3 of Season 3 literally hit me like an avalanche - literally cos I marathoned 3-7 over the weekend which I wouldn't advise unless you want an accelerated heartbeat - and I'm starting to realise... maybe I just wasn't ready for season 3. Despite asking for it, haha. Not gonna put as many screencaps for this one cos tumblr editing bay be trippin and I just don't have time nor emotional energy to be fighting with the picture uploads, sorry lol
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Episodes 3 - 7
I spoke before about how (despite my feelings about the characters) the English dub VAs for Akito and Shigure pair up really well audibly. And I think I feel the same way about both Yuki and Machi's English VAs! They both have the same soft spoken yet scratchy element to their voices almost like they are holding slightly back. Although, I'd argue that Yuki has been losing the element of slightly holding back as the anime has gone on which I wonder if the same would be included for Machi's performance?
I really like the presentation of Machi's trauma through her family's expectations to be perfect and how physical it is? How Yuki kind of encourages her to let it out in a healthy way? (Btw the whole chalk breaking scene in the meeting was SO FUCKING SMOOTH. YUKI IS A NERD BUT HE IS SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL A LOT OF THE TIME)
The age gap between Isuzu and Haru for sure isn't the worst age gap in this anime/manga but it's still a bit... hmm...
Episode 4:
In all seriousness, I know Akito deserves some sympathy but it doesn't change the fact that I still see her as a villain. Hurt people hurt people but it doesn't mean they should get away with it, I was honestly pleased Haru got that big confrontation with Akito to tell her WHAT'S WHAT but it was also somewhat... merciful?
Hiro's growth has been so beautiful to see, him realising there are bigger things than him from the event with Rin to his relationship with Kisa to then the birth of his little sister.
Kureno choosing to get his hands a little dirtier and paying the ultimate price for it (as far as we know so far in the anime lol) was great, he is the moon side of Tohru's sunshine.
Shigure... I still don't really get him and Akito's relationship. It's clear he's waiting for Akito to grow the fuck up but at the same time he's not creating an environment for her to grow and develop. He's decided to go with the 'tough love' route which I'm still deciding whether I like it or not tbh. Sometimes it feels necessary, at other times it feels shitty. I respect that he knows he's a scumbag and I don't deny that there are people out there who take revelry in the fact that they are awful but at the same time, him remaining unchanging despite everything feels... unrealistic. But considering throughout this story he doesn't seem affected by trauma, it's understandable, I guess?
Also... that scene where Shigure ponders about whether he should've been with Tohru is THE creepiest creeper shit he's EVER done in this series. No. 🙅🏾♀️
Momiji is best bunny boi regardless of how tall and 'manly' he becomes. 🐰His scene with Akito was so authentically him and he really did that shit. We love him. <3
I love the way that the curse breaking should (on surface) be a happy event considering all the trauma the zodiac went through because of it but it's presented mostly as loss as well as happiness. It's the realness of getting out of a bad relationship
Shigure basically laying it out to Tohru how Kyo means nothing in a very taunting way was an excellently painful scene and I choose violence. It was heartbreaking seeing how worthless they all saw Kyo compared to how Tohru saw him but... by this point I was just living in the pain so 🤷🏾♀️
The story visually showing how Isuzu is more willing to be soft after her whole ordeal through her fashion choices (e.g. the pastels, the cardigans) was really nice. And Haru being happy about Isuzu making friends with Tohru was cute!
It was nice we saw that Kazuma was still wary about whether Tohru loved Kyo for the right reasons, you'd assume after everything Kazuma would love Tohru as a match for Kyo but he's so emotionally intelligent and also just a protective Dad! Yay, good parenting!
Tohru's confession to loving Kyo was amazing however I still adore Kyo's confession a little bit more. Just a bit. Lol. However, if you add the moment later in episode 8 it trumps it completely. Ethereal goddess.
Kyo and Tohru's grandfather having a scene together was great and nice
Now that I think about it, I wish there was more a visual link in the story between Tohru adapting her speech to imitate her Dad and Momiji adopting his Mum's German accent. Albeit for slightly different reasons, it just adds to the unique connection Tohru and Momiji have. In short, I'm seeing this ship with my third eye now. I get it lol
I don't wanna screencap the scene where Kyo is haunted by both his deceased mother and deceased Kyoko and potentially deceased Tohru because it's the stuff of nightmares. But, it was a wonderfully done scene. You definitely understand fully and clearly why Kyo buried all of that trauma under his hatred for Yuki (I CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 9, YOU GUISE!)
If Akito is a villain, Ren is the final boss. Although, with her type of villainy... I feel like I can kind of enjoy a bit more. She reminds me of a Greek God in the ways she master manipulates people and her desperation for control and power (I just read 'Mythos' by Stephen Fry, it's a great read lol)
It lowkey feels like every female character who's comfortable in expressing their sexuality in this story is punished in some way for it... this is an incomplete thought
Shigure as a child feeling like they should all be pitied is so... mature... I feel like I need more of an explanation for why Shigure is the way he is
Akito's ego death with Kureno? Amazing. I loved that she was at least aware enough to realise how Kureno had been coddling her all this time but again... doesn't excuse her crimes
But anyways...
EPISODE 8
Honestly? I really don't have much to say about this episode besides 3-5 points I wanna get out of my head. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just that there's still a lot left to play out from this 'arc' and this season in general that I wanna complete my thoughts on.
But I'll start with this:
Lol, isn't it funny?! Isn't it heart-wrenchingly funny how the relationship between Kyo and Tohru has kinda reverted back to how they were at the start of the series? The coldness of Kyo at the beginning of this episode (and throughout) was a bit of a gut punch considering all the light and fluffy moments that we've gotten between the two since the True Form arc.
Talking about the True Form arc, I feel like this episode is somewhat a repeat of the same emotions, same trials of the True Form arc. Kyo still 'runs away like he always has' but this time we get him being the most honest and confrontational with his own emotions and trauma than he ever has been during the course of this whole story. While trusting someone (Tohru specifically) for the first time with the whole truth of his story! He always seems to move one step forward and then three steps backwards and while it's a tad bit frustrating, it feels very... real. I'll probably complete my feelings how this arc reflects the True Form arc when we finish this section of the story in future episode(s).
Considering the fact that 80% of this episode is Jerry Jewell monologuing as Kyo and I never got bored really just sells his performance. Kyo was being incredibly cold this episode and yet the range of emotions through his performance made it feel understandable enough for you to empathise with it.
BrattyKid!Kyo to lighten the mood 😹I still wish he and Hiro had more of a relationship, I feel like they could have taught each other a lot. Well... mostly Kyo teaching Hiro tbh
Kyo rejecting Kyoka for her honesty and kindness and then later rejecting Tohru? Oh... kid...
Wow, I felt so good about that whole episode of Kid!Yuki helping Kid!Tohru get home and then it's slightly soured knowing KID!KYO was running about the streets alllll night into the morning?!?! I really did feel Kyo's frustration at not getting that win to actually do something right. And the irony of that being linked to him being unable to save Kyoka from the oncoming car?
Honestly, I don't know what my feelings are on Kyo being unable to save Kyoka. I don't even know what my feelings are on Tohru pretty much pushing that aside in favour of her feelings for Kyo. It's... complicated and I've been mulling it over in my head for the last 10+ years hahah However, if I was in Tohru's position I think I'd eventually come to a point where it feels like it's too late to really do anything about how bad I'd feel about it. Kyo's intentions weren't horrid, if anything he was just being a scared kid and he's allowed to be that. I just wish Tohru had a bit more time to evaluate it but considering she knew her mother well and assumes that wouldn't have been the full scope of what she had said, I don't have much of a problem with it in general
Lol, I love when Tohru gets a 'FUCK YOU, I LOVE YOU' moment with Kyo. 😂Another reflected scene from the True Form arc... only thing is that this time... it doesn't quite work. 😕
(Again, I love how all of these reflections are resolved in later occurences in response to the duality but I'll get to it next week when it shows hopefully)
Laura Bailey only had a few sentences in this episode but she killed it as always. Comparing her performance in 2001 to now is just... growth!
Ok, so Yuki automatically gets Best Boi in this episode for meddling and chasing after KYO of all people. Showing how he's personally done with hating Kyo. Realising Kyo is pretty much the only person who'll make his mother happy. I think he also lowkey wants to understand Kyo? But, we'll get to that next week.
....Oh yeah, Akito is there.
--------------------------------------------------------------
In total, I liked this episode even though it has me anxious for the next one. We finally get the full picture of why Kyo is the way he is! Ahhhh - a weight off all our chests, I'm sure. I kinda don't like that they put the ending theme at the end of these episodes - the joyfulness doesn't really match up with the intense theme? But, that's just a minor gripe. And hey, maybe they just want the audience to know... it's all gonna be okay :)
See you next week!!!
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if you’re not the bride (deluxe version)
So you may be wondering why is it you're seeing this.
Hello, it is I again. If you're here, maybe you're familiar with the original "if you're not the bride', which I posted about three years ago. In case you're not, then, hello, welcome, when I was 15 I wrote a story under this same title. Then forgot all about it.
But every so often someone would come across this story and I was reminded of its existence. Then, back in september 2019, I decided to read it again, correct some grammar and call it a day, you know, just so I could rest assured I hadn't written something horrible.
Turns out, it got a bit out of hand and I decided to rewrite the whole thing.
However, due to the fact that college is the worst, I never finished it and, well, forgot about it, again.
Now, as quarantine came around, I found my rewrite from 6 months ago and since I got the time why not, right?
This is now more than double the size of the original and has a lot more of backstory than intended.
You can still find the original with some corrections here on AO3 and , and the cursed unedited version somewhere on tumblr for the sake of nostalgia.
Warnings: There's cursing, some drinking and good old make outs.
July 2020 edit: here I am, re-edting this thing again.
This all said, welcome folks, to the deluxe version:
"You're going to what?!" Agatha raised her voice, tightly holding her phone to her ear. Surely, she must have heard Sophie wrong. Her friend did have a reputation for being over the top, but this was beyond absurd.
When people said that being friends with Sophie was…an exotic experience, they weren't completely wrong, per say. Being friends with Sophie could be a lot like being friends with a hungry animal. She was ruthless, dangerous and not trustworthy about 60% of the time. Sophie would do most anything to get whatever she wanted and absolutely would step over you in the process (sometimes for no reason other than because it amused her to do so). It wasn't personal, mostly. It was simply her nature.
For her, there were two kinds of people: her friends and her enemies. It was very easy to go from one category to another and anything in between simply couldn't be processed by her brain.
Sophie was a difficult person.
Agatha could tell you in more detail, she would know. Being Sophie's best friend wasn't exactly a dream come true. It had its perks of course, and when all was said and done, Sophie was an okay-ish person and a mostly good friend, but you gotta give it up to Agatha; it was no task for the weak-hearted.
They had been friends since kindergarten and were as different from one another as it gets. Had they met later in life, Agatha is certain they would've never become friends at all. Sophie was a loud, gorgeous (and kinda mean) blonde bombshell and Agatha was a grumpy, average-looking mostly nice girl (she wouldn't call herself kind, really, her niceness was more of a subproduct of her aloofness than anything else). The two of them disagreed in most anything and had not that much in common. Yet, it somehow worked. They argued a lot, as in, a lot, but it was always fixed within a weeks' time, in a coffee shop, over a good old vanilla latte and some black tea.
An odd pair, to say the least.
Which was fine by them. Sophie… was a work in progress. She was trying.
Nevertheless, every once in a while, something like this would happen. Because Sophie was still Sophie and her head worked in mysterious ways.
"I'm getting married, Aggie," Agatha could practically hear the blonde rolling her eyes on the other side of the device, "people do that all the time. It's, like, a thing."
"Sophie, you're not even done with college yet! Getting married with what money? As far as I know, your modeling barely pays your rent and don't even get me started on your student loan and credit card debt! And getting married to whom? Last time I checked, you weren't even going out with anyone!" She tried to cool her head, catching her breath while trying to recall any possible groom Sophie could have taken. "Unless… Are you marring Hort?"
A disgusted groan was heard.
"Ew, no. Not Hort, for God's sake. What do you think I am? Desperate?"
A bit, but Agatha didn't dare say it out loud.
Hort was a guy who lived at the apartment just below Sophie's, in a tiny complex downtown. They've known each other for quite a long time now. It was practically common knowledge that Hort acquired the biggest crush on her the moment he first laid eyes on her. It was all the old ladies from 1A and 2C ever talked about.
Over the years, he became quite easy on the eyes, even Sophie had to admit it. No longer the scrawny awkward kid that helped Agatha drag Sophie's couch upstairs (while Sophie flirted with the trucker, trying to get free shipping for her mattress, which, by the way, she got), but a fully formed man, completely jacked, and with a growing bank account to match, due to his fitness-program-thingy taking off. Agatha didn't really know the details of that, but she knew it was going well, mostly because Sophie told her so.
Anyway, he claimed to not want anything to do with her friend nowdays.
Yeah, right.
Agatha felt bad for him, she really did.
Loving Sophie was like loving a hurricane. Violent, brutal and downright painful.
She had initially assumed it would go away with time, that he would eventually see that they weren't compatible and let it go.
However, it was a bit more complicated than that, as most things in life tend to be.
She knew he and Sophie had hooked up, in fact, she knew that they did so often. Sophie hadn't told her, but she didn't need to. Agatha knew. The aftermath was never good, and for the sake of keeping things short and lighthearted, Agatha shall spare you the angst and just say that, as mentioned above, Sophie was fantastic at getting whatever she wanted and disregarding other people's feelings.
Honestly, Hort could say he wasn't into Sophie all he liked. At the end of the day, he was still living at that shitty apartment (even though he could probably have moved somewhere better a long time ago), hadn't seriously dated anyone since meeting her and was responsible for at least half of Sophie's modeling gigs, which were her friend's main source of income. Agatha had warned him, several times, mind you, but all you can do is all you can do. The heart wants what it wants, she presumes.
"If not Hort, who then?"
"Oh, you don't know him yet," She could practically see Sophie twirling a golden lock on her fingers, a mischievous smirk on her face.
"Clearly," Agatha rolled her eyes and put her phone on speaker to be able to look around for her keys more comfortably. Reaper, her cat, had a bad habit of hiding them in the weirdest places. "Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone last time we went out for coffee?"
"Because I wasn't seeing anyone at the time," the blonde-haired woman sounded a bit annoyed, seemingly not understanding why Agatha was having such a hard time believing her ludicrous story.
"Sophie."
"Yes, Aggie?"
"That was literally three weeks ago."
"It's true love, Agatha. I can feel it. This is my real-life fairytale. I found the perfect guy for me. He's so different from anyone I've ever met…" Agatha tuned her out, finally realizing what was going on.
For Sophie, everyone she dates is her one true love. She was intense like that. There were lots of "perfect guys" on the list, too many, and eventually Agatha grew tired of counting them. Neither did she remember their names. Why bother, when Sophie would grow tired of them soon enough?
Her friend's drug of choice just so happened to be was serial dating with lots of love-bombing on the side.
Parents got divorced? Look at this cute basketball player that will probably cheat on me.
Bad day at a shoot? Oh, that barista is so sexy, bet he'll hook up with me anyway.
I have no idea where my career is going and hate my major? Why not call Hort up, right?
But getting actually married? That's new.
Agatha sighed, picking up her keys from the pot of her balcony plant. Time to be the be the grown-up. Again.
"Sophie, are you 100% sure you want to get married to this guy? Can't you wait a few months at least? How about you guys move in with each other first?" If Sophie doesn't tire of him, that would terrify the poor thing into ending this madness. Again, Agatha would know. She had to stay at Sophie's for a few weeks once, back when she had split with a partner whom she had been living with; it was hell on earth.
"Weren't you hearing, Aggie? We. Are. Soulmates. He is very serious about me. He's so in love with me, he would never hurt me, and I need to tie him down before he runs away. Isn't this what people always say?" Her friend's voice was getting snappy. Oh, no, not good.
"Sophie, I just think you should be more careful and reasonable…" Agatha tried to pacify, tiredly.
Did she not own any clean jeans? Damn. Why does she keep forgetting to do her laundry? The blue skirt she wore to work would have to do.
"It's always reason, with you, Agatha! You never listen to your heart! I thought you would be happy for me! You're always telling me just how much potential I have! He brings out the best in me! What do you even know about relationships anyway, you always end up ru-"
"SOPHIE!" She interrupted, before her friend could say something she'd regret and crush whatever good mood was left in Agatha's body. "I'm just surprised, that's all. Tell me about this guy…?"
Fuck it, she decided. Agatha was in currently in a hurry and this could be solved later. She wasn't going to be able to win Sophie over the phone. Maybe she could sit her down on sunday, have one long talk about red flags in relationships, again. Convince her to stay engaged for a bit longer, just enough for her to get bored and then call it all off as soon as the new whats-his-face walks through the door.
Now was not the moment to be arguing, especially if she wanted to be on time.
"…And he's so great and wonderful, he's tall, has these hypnotizing eyes, they're so intense, it's like they suck you in, Aggie! His hair is just wow, it's a very uncommon shade of blonde, the undertone is beautiful, so expensive-looking... but it's natural, he swears. And his skin is so soft, you wouldn't believe, his name is…"
Agatha tried to listen. She really did. However, all she could hear was "bla, bla, bla, perfect, bla, bla, bla, handsome". Lord, not this again. Did it get worse every time...?
The brunette stuffed her wallet in a handbag, grappling to close it (it had been a present from Sophie, and as such, probably hardwired to annoy her and look good at the same time), and gave herself a look over in the mirror, before frowning. Oh, time for her limited make-up skills to be of use.
Damn, she looked rough. She left in hurry that morning, so her bare face stared back at her in its full sleepless-racoon glory.
It has been a long week of nothing but late nights trying to get her workload done. She couldn't believe she was saying this, but she missed college. At least back then she didn't have to worry about rent. Oh, to be young, broke, dead-inside and living on a dorm. The wonders, truly.
Concealer, blush, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. There. Done.
Kinda?
"… So, are you up to it?"
What.
"… Hm, sure?" She responded, still trying to evaluate if her liner was acceptably symmetrical. It wasn't. It never was, but it wasn't always this bad. Really, not her best work. Maybe she could fix it, somehow?
"That's amazing, you'll look so pretty, the dress I picked is perfect for your undertone, you'll be the best maid-of-honor ever!"
Oh, god, no. No way. What has she done?
Should she do that red-flag-talk now?
"How… nice of you to say that," Agatha replied, barely contained horror coming across in her tone. Not that Sophie paid her any attention.
"I set the date for the engagement brunch-party for tomorrow around 10am. At the terrace. And speaking of dates, I must introduce you to someone, he's great, Aggie, and I think you guys could…"
No. No. No. Agatha is drawing the line here.
"Oh really, cool, hey I have to go, callyoulaterbye-"
Agatha throws her phone on the bed, groaning loudly. Reaper stirs in her pillow, but is otherwise unbothered by the conversation, unlike his owner.
Of all things… getting married. Agatha was now her bridesmaid. Engagement brunch…?
Sophie, why. Why?
Agatha was now an accomplice of this crime against good judgement, wasn't she? Should she call Sophie again…?
Ugh, you know what? She'll sort this out this later. Sophie could wait a few hours, Agatha earned this night out.
…This totally is going to come back to bite her, isn't it?
Well, too late, Agatha's leaving. Because, unlike Sophie, who clearly had too much free time in her hands, Agatha had things to do and couldn't just waste her precious friday nights on this kind of bullshit.
.
.
.
"You're late," is the first thing Hester says to Agatha, not even lifting her gaze from her phone as she approaches their table.
It was the usual one, right by the wall, perfectly placed so it was far enough from the dance floor but close enough to the bar, so it was still socially acceptable to be seated but not too "loser-zoned", in Hester's own words.
Hester herself looked the same as always. Dressed head-to-toe in black and showing off an impressive number of tattoos per square inch of skin, she made quite the intimidating sight. The only tip to her actual day job was the discarded white blazer and sleek suitcase lying on a chair beside her. Back in school, Agatha used to find it hard to picture Hester being anything but a witchy-biker or a badass-tattoo-artist, but she supposed scary-lawyer suited her friend just fine.
"Nice to see you too, Hester. I've been well, thanks for asking," Agatha sits down, annoyed. She knows she's late. She missed the "early-comers, free entrance" time, and damn if the isn't pissed that she's now 15 bucks broker then she already was. "Anadil, Dot, it's great to see you guys too"
Both women acknowledge her presence quietly: Anadil nods,before getting up from her spot and leaving to god-wishes-he-knew-where and Dot hugs her briefly, headed to the bar.
Hester rolls her eyes and repeats herself.
"You're late."
"Shut up, I'm here, aren't I?!" Agatha snaps, before she bit her lip and propped her elbows onto the table, head in her hands.
The gesture makes Hester lift her eyes from the phone, finally.
"Well, someone's had a bad day."
"Look, I'm sorry. It's been one looong horrid day. Have you ordered any drinks? Or are we going for beer tonight?" Agatha asks, going over the familiar menu, even though she has every beverage price there already memorized.
"Okay, slow down," Hester yanks the menu out of her hands. "Have you eaten? I'm not going to take care of you if you didn't."
Yes, she would, but that's not relevant.
"Yes, mom," Agatha rolled her eyes. "I'm tired, tomorrow is gonna suck, let's drink."
"Tomorrow? Tomorrow's saturday, loser, sleep to your hearts content," Hester reminds her, but at seeing Agatha stare back at her in misery it occurred to her what, or rather, who, this was about.
"Blondie has been texting me non-stop about brunch. At 10. What's up with that?" She lifts a brow, her judging eyes scanning Agatha's expression. Agatha in turn, lets her elbows drop and bangs her head onto the table, harder than originally planned, a whimper leaving her lips.
Hester sighs. She loves Agatha to the death, but when it comes to Sophie, she has always been way too forgiving. Agatha was not Sophie's mother, she shouldn't have to look out for her and bend over backyards to help her. Personally, Hester and Sophie didn't get along very well.
Which lead to: Sophie never invited Hester anywhere, unless she wanted to rub something in Hester's face.
"...Apparently, she's getting married in, like, two weeks?" Hester's brows lift in surprise. "...To some guy I don't know?" Higher. "...And I'm a bridesmaid?" Almost disappearing into her hairline by now.
Awkward pause.
"Okay," Hester breathes in and out, "what the actual hell?"
"My words exactly."
"She'll be over it in a week," the tattooed woman deadpans.
"No doubt," the other replies.
Three more seconds go by, and it's far too long for Agatha, whose leg starts to twitch under the table.
"You're doing it again," she states.
"Doing what?" Hester asks, crossing her arms, lying back at her chair.
"That thing."
"What thing?"
"You know," Agatha vaguely gestures at Hester's face, "that thing your eyebrows do when you're being judgy."
"I am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"I so need a drink right now," she tells her before leaving the table.
.
.
.
At the bar counter, Agatha sits down on a stool and waits for the bartender, Chaddick, to show up, ignoring Hester's glare on her back.
Now for some unnecessary backstory, in case you're interested: Agatha and Chaddick had a bit of history (read, beef) long before this club, The Woods, opened and even before Agatha and Hester started to have their monthly night-out there.
Chaddick was a jock whom Agatha went to school with, all the way from sixth grade to senior year of high school. To be brief, he was the worst ™. He made fun of her, tormented her days, spread rumors about her (including one that she was witch, which lasted for years) and even stole her stuff once. In senior year, he had even developed this habit of showing up with his friends at the tea place her mother owned, where she had worked a few shifts from time to time, ordering not a single drop of fucking tea, being loud and annoying for hours and only leaving when closing hour neared.
Agatha was sure that if you googled 'jackass', his picture would turn up. He'd been so full of himself, all because he had some cash, was athletic and was "cute", you know, in that white-upper-middle-class-way that most school-aged popular boys tended to be. But then, flash-forward: Chaddick now worked wednesday to saturday as a bartender at Agatha's favorite club. Apparently, his parents went bankrupt or something during college. Agatha felt kinda bad for him, but not really? She supposed he wasn't as terrible of a human being nowadays, but she was not about to go ahead and call him her friend, no matter how many times she had to make small talk with him for the sake of bar etiquette.
"So what's it gonna be today?" The bartender asked, not quite politely, but she lets it slide, for she could tell he was as thrilled about this conversation as her.
Chaddick, too, looks the same, to no one's surprise. He looked more tired, but still douchey enough that Agatha didn't feel too horrible of a person for not feeling as sorry for him as she probably should.
"Surprise me. I've had a very bad day."
"Is Sophie actually up to something then?" He asks while grabbing some bottles, "I hear there's going to be a brunch-party tomorrow…?"
"Who told you? Reena?" Chaddick dismisses the name casually with his hand. "Gisele?" 'no', he denies with his head. "Beatrix then?" he nods, uncharacteristically shy, and Agatha nearly felt pleased, before she remembered what they were talking about before. "Bingo. But yes, there's a brunch-party tomorrow. An engagement brunch-party."
He hands her a cup, wide-eyed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"Engagement? Do I even wanna know w-"
"You don't. Trust me on this," Agatha cuts him off, taking a sip of the beverage. She doesn't recognize its taste, which makes her wary. She knows her alchool. "What did you even put here?"
"It's a secret, tonight's special," he winked mockingly, before hurrying on to the next client.
Agatha briefly wonders if she should drink the rest of it, eyeing the cup curiously. It didn't smell bad and she kind of liked the taste. Should she trust Chaddick? Probably not. Then again, Agatha needed a drink tonight.
It would be fine. She is no lightweight, Hester is here, tomorrow's saturday. Right?
Another thing that would probably bite her later. So, she braces herself and downs the cup in a few large sips, heading back to her table.
Bring it on.
.
.
.
Two other cups of who-knows-what and an hour later, Agatha was back at the bar, now sitting in different stool, as far from Chaddick as she possibly could be, when a body drops on the sit next to her.
It's Dot, giggling loudly like a high school girl on heavy drugs.
The giggling persists for quite some time.
... It's kinda creeping Agatha out.
"Penny for your thoughts…?" She tries, taking a sip of her drink.
No response.
Giggle.
More silence.
"Hm, Dot?"
She continues to stare at her joyfully, still smiling like a madwoman.
Agatha found Dot adorable and friendly, which was a surprise since she was one of Hester's best friends. The two of them weren't really that close themselves, but she did enjoy her company. Being friends with Dot was as easy as it was harmless.
"Don't look, but there's a really hot guy right by the pool table who hasn't been able to take his eyes off you for the last fifteen minutes."
Agatha's eyebrows shot up in Hester-like fashion and she fights the instinct to turn around and check if Dot isn't messing with her.
She knows she is not the most attractive female in the room. Agatha tends to think of herself as more of an acquired taste, truly. Yet, every blue moon someone would come over to try their luck with her. Sometimes they're cute, sometimes they're funny and sometimes they're just desperate. So far, "hot guys" haven't really been her target demographic.
"So what? What's the big deal?" She tries to keep her nerves out of her voice, mostly succeeding, but Dot's smile only grew more and more mischievous, as if seeing right through her.
"Turn around. I dare you not to remember him. Pretty sure Sophie told you about how she met him again a few weeks ago, at that event she went to? The one sponsored by Camelot International?"
…Okay, so Agatha might be a bit of a bad friend. She didn't listen to 90% of Sophie's rants about guys or modeling events, so most likely she had told her about him as Agatha did something else. Something important, really.
…Like playing games on her tablet.
She worked a lot, okay? Can't have people hogging all her free time. Even if it was Sophie. Her best friend.
Shit.
Agatha's face must have betrayed her because Dot laughed even louder than before.
"You seriously don't?" she managed to ask between giggles, as Agatha blushed, frowning.
"I should?"
"Most likely yes. Sometimes you're way too funny, you know?" Her smile was dangerous. Stop smiling at Agatha like that, woman.
It was at times like this she could see why Hester and Dot were such good friends.
"Thanks, I think?" Agatha eyes her companion carefully "How hot is this guy any…"
"Hot enough for you to talk to me, I hope," a male voice announced behind her, seemingly amused.
Not her day. Definitely not her day.
"He's right behind me?!"
Dot giggled loudly a final time before walking away to Hester's table. Very helpful. Forget what Agatha said about liking Dot. She didn't. Dot was a horrible person.
Agatha turned on her heels, facing the stranger with a sheepish smile. She was not ready for what was about to bite her.
Oh damn, please do.
…Figuratively, fuck. She meant in a figurative way.
Before we go on, Agatha would like to clarify that she blames any less than pure thoughts on Chaddick, because who knows what he put into her drink.
(Yeah, it's totally Chaddick's fault)
Amen, praise Jesus, okay?
Embarrassingly, her first instinct is to say that yes, he was totally hot enough to talk to her. Or come home with her. Or marry her (too soon for this joke, scratch that). That's not what she did, however. Oh, no, she stood there, in silence, and stared for quite a while before her brain rebooted and she finally gained control of her own body again.
Agatha is the first in line to advocate on why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but she had eyes.
He was tall. As tall, if not taller than her, and Agatha was a tall woman. His jeans looked expensive and his light blue social shirt was tight on his chest, almost as if it were a size too small, the top buttons open, defined muscles visible to even the most casual observer. The shirt was paired with a grey-ish tie that hanged loosely around his neck, a bit too effortless-looking to be unintentional. His features were sharp, sculpted even, a certain California-sunny-surfer meets Adonis-next-door quality to them. Soft blond locks had an unnatural shine under the club's lights, as if they were made of gold.
And his eyes, my god, they were so blue Agatha felt like sinking and drowning in his arms right then and there. Unfortunately, she couldn't. Because you see, she is a grown woman and had a little thing called dignity.
Not that she didn't want to though.
Focus.
He did look kind of familiar. Had they met before? Agatha doesn't think so. This man looked like he just walked out of a Calvin Klein ad, and she sure as hell didn't know many people who look like that. One of Sophie's model friends? If so, she certainly hadn't introduced the two.
Yet, the way he was looking at her right now indicated the reality that she should probably know who he is. Maybe he was from her old gym, back when she let Sophie talk her into going for a few months? No, there were no hot guys there, just old ladies and teenagers.
Okay, so, plan B, say something smart.
"Hm…"
Say something.
"…So…"
Anything!
He doesn't look very impressed by her articulate conversation skills, but Agatha can't place where she had seen him before. Maybe they had been neighbors at some point? She moved quite a few times in these last years and keeping track of all of them was impossible. But that didn't seem quite right. A friend of one of her exes then? Did they meet at pride or something?
Seriously, who was this guy! Acting all smooth, as if she should know who he is! He's good looking enough to be memorable sure, but clearly not memorable enough.
Hell, did she sleep with him? He must have been the worst one night stand ever for Agatha to somehow forget him. Maybe he was so bad that she forgot about him completely...?
"I give up, I can't remember you."
He looked a bit offended. Maybe he was indeed a Calvin Klein model.
"The name's Tedros…?"
Tedros, Tedros… Tedros?
"Nope, doesn't ring a bell," she concludes, "but, I'm, hm, Agatha?"
"I know," he responds, curt and firm, nearly glaring at her.
"Neat."
"Nice."
"Good."
"Great."
"Awesome."
"Amazing."
"Extraordinary."
"Now, that's a big word," he mocks. Agatha suspects he just didn't know any bigger ones to keep up. Part of her wishes to strangle him with his own tie and part of her wants to call him out on his shit. He approached her, okay? She is under no obligation to recognize him.
Her eyes narrow and she sips on her fourth cup again.
"Do you need for me to tell you what it means?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine."
The passive-aggressive-ness of this conversation is starting to exhaust her and kill any buzz she had, but she can't just let Mr. everyone-knows-who-I-am-and-I-look-like-walking-sex win. He needed to go down (on her). What.
"Hm, Tedros, you're going to order something or what?"
Chaddick cuts the stare contest between brown and blue and Agatha makes a note to leave him a nicer tip tonight.
"What's the special of the day?" Tedros' tone is amused, as if he and Chaddick are old friends. Ugh, of course he would. He sounded douchey enough. Maybe he went to school with her? That sounded about right, she could picture it. Pretty-boy-Tedros, walking down the hall wearing a football jacket with a cheerleader or two on his arm.
"Nice little things I've put together," Chaddick wiggled his eyebrows. "Want some?"
"Is it safe?" Tedros asks him, cautiously.
"Well, Agatha here is still fine at four, I would say so."
Soon enough Tedros is downing his second cup, sitting on the stool next to hers.
.
.
.
Agatha wasn't sure how or why, but things went from point A to point B very, very quickly.
Point A being sitting beside Tedros at the bar and point B being heavily making out with him in a corner.
Agatha wishes she was joking. She wasn't. It just…somehow…happened?
Fuck.
It all started when Tedros eventually caught up to her and from there on they held a little amicable drinking competition.
("I bet you can't do more shots than me." "Oh, you're so on!" "You drink like a fourteen-year old, dude." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah.")
Then, they paid for their drinks. Well, Tedros did.
("Did you just... pay for me?" "It's called having manners." "Excuse you?")
After that, Chaddick kicked them out to the dance floor, something about the two of them 'grossing him out'. Agatha is not much of a dancer, so she tried to go back her table but Tedros said something (she can't quite remember what it was) that made her realize that she kind of didn't want to. Leave, she means.
They danced for a bit before she stepped on Tedros's foot, or maybe he stepped on hers first?
("Ouch." "Get out of my way!" "Make me.")
From there on it was incomprehensible screaming over loud music for a while and they somehow ended up being way too up in each other's personal space. Agatha eventually just lost it, and grabbed him by his collar, bringing him down to place a forceful peck on his lips, before backing away, partly horrified, partly proud.
It took two mortifyingly long seconds of silence and pure embarrassment for Tedros to grab her by the waist and kiss her roughly.
They stumbled to a more secluded corner, until Agatha's back hit a wall, but she was distracted from the pain of the impact by Tedros licking her bottom lip, seeking her tongue, a small sound escaping her once he found it. What the hell is she even doing, this should not be happening. And yet, she cannot bring herself to care.
This is a wild, passionate kiss and not at all Agatha's expertise. She always considered herself more of a slow-vanilla-soft kind of girl. But out the window with that, Tedros was nowhere near close enough, no matter that they were already flush against each other. Maybe this is why Sophie thinks every guy she meets is her soulmate. As cheesy as it sounds, she feels somehow connected to this stranger, almost as if they were meant to be or something.
Ha, as if.
Any thoughts, of soulmates or otherwise, are forgotten when Tedros' hands start to wander, one goes from her waist to her hip and the other moves to explore her tight, squeezing it deliciously. Agatha retaliates by pulling on his hair, not as lightly as she probably should've, but is rewarded with a husky groan and a bite on her bottom lip.
(She does it again because that might be her new favorite sound.)
What. Is. Going. On.
Her last braincells are on fire. She was on fire.
Okay, young lady, de-attach yourself from the handsome male slo…
Oh God.
She's pretty much breathless when he decides to break the kiss, her lips chasing after his for the slightest second as he pulls away. Her heartbeat has never been this loud and she has no time to overthink, as, suddenly, his lips are on her neck. Agatha lets out a quiet, but embarrassingly needy, whine (as quietly as she could, but it didn't really matter, he heard her anyway) when he nips on her ear and then trails down to suck at her pulse point. Her hands snake their way from his hair to under his shirt's collar and Tedros shivers once she drags her short nails lightly on his upper back and shoulders, but she can still feel his very attractive smug smirk against her skin.
She felt drunk. She doesn't feel like that often.
Not the completely-trashed-I-just-had-countless-drinks kind of drunk and certainly not this don't-care-keep-going-my-blood-is-on-fire kind of drunk either. Like she wanted to keep touching Tedros for the rest of her life (the idea doesn't sound half bad), as fireworks danced around them and… God, if Sophie knows this guy how she could not marry him on the spot, because fuck…
He's leaving quite a few love bites along her collarbone, teasing, attempting (and succeeding) at drawing tiny sounds from her and Agatha can't take it anymore. She drags him back up to her mouth and somehow pulls him even closer. She did not like feeling weak, but to her surprise, Tedros seemed to possess the superpower of turning her completely boneless in the best kind of way.
Wait.
Agatha is making out with Tedros.
Tedros is making out with her.
Agatha's eyes open in late realization and the two of them stare at each other for a few seconds.
So, this happened, huh?
"I… hm… have to go. Out of here. Home. Alone. Yeah, that," Agatha makes way around paralyzed Tedros, whom looks very confused and disoriented. His lips are tainted with coral lipstick, he's panting for air, his bright eyes dark with desire, clothes looking disrelished, pants looking a bit too tight, and he just looks throughfully kissed.
No, Agatha does not feel even a little tiny bit of pride by seeing him look like that because of her, what are you talking about, not sexy, not sexy at all.
… Maybe he could come along?
No. No, no, no.
She doesn't run away from him exactly, but she sure as hell wasn't walking. As she passes Hester and Anadil, the two of them raise eyebrows judgingly, but Agatha does her best to school her expression into neutrality.
If she waited a bit longer, she might have heard Tedros saying:
"Until tomorrow then."
.
.
.
Agatha regrets every single life choice that led her to this point.
She's sitting on a ridiculously shaped chair at Sophie's apartment building's terrace, brooding silently in the corner, with a big headache, while eating some diet cake that tasted like foam, listening to violin versions of bad pop songs, probably dying of heatstroke, and if that doesn't kill her soon enough, can someone please end her misery…
Hester and Anadil are not here after all. Agatha doesn't blame them. It might be for the best, because Agatha doesn't need to deal with Hester's judgy eyebrows right now. Dot is down in Sophie's apartment, at the kitchen, most likely trying to steal some wine and she is pretty much the only person here Agatha can stand.
She partly wonders if Hort will show up but decides she does not care. She's running on aspirin, her head feels like it was smashed against a wall multiple times, and it's too hot here, okay?
It's a hot sunny day and the limited shade would not be enough to cool Agatha down even if she wasn't wearing a scarf. Agatha hates this scarf. It was another one of Sophie's gifts, and Agatha hates it because it's an evil scarf that pinches her every five seconds. However it's the lightest scarf she owns, and she can't it take off.
Otherwise, someone might notice the dark mark on her neck, which her shirt could not hide, as was the case for the other ones, lower, in her collarbones.
Tedros freaking marked her. The nerve.
She's not nearly as pissed as she should be, because honestly she's kinda into it.
Taking off the scarf would lead to too much teasing and questions, she had no turtlenecks available (damn you, past-Agatha, for not doing your laundry) and if only she had the skills to cover it up with makeup. Not only was the scarf evil by itself, it made it impossible for her to not think of yesterday, therefore, making her even more irritable.
She is not the kind of person who kisses people at the club. She sure as hell wouldn't bring a guy she's just met, at the club of all places, home. What if he'd been a psycho? She doesn't know him. He'd know where she lived. She wouldn't go to his place either, that sounded even more irresponsible. But she wishes she had at least gotten his number, you know, instead of freaking out and running away. Well, he knew Chaddick, so maybe she could ask him?
No, that would be humiliating, and Agatha is trying to hang on to whatever dignity she had left.
Also, it had been almost an hour at this damned terrace party and she hasn't seen a single trace of Sophie's fiancé, but the blonde assured her he would be there soon. He's the late-type, hm.
Okay, so Agatha hates him already.
She has been to this terrace quite a few times, it was the one pro of Sophie's building, aside from cheap rent. But she was running out of both will and things to point out in small talk with all these models and small influencers. If she hears "Sophie has such a lovely terrace" one more time…
Suddenly, there was clank, signaling that someone pushed the terrace door open. As Sophie lit up and moved to greet the newcomer, Agatha felt the cake climb up her throat.
Holy hell, is that Tedros?
What is her life, really.
Agatha gets up from her chair quietly, observing the scene from behind a plant, trying not to be too obvious, just, ya know, casually chilling in the middle of the scorching sun. Sophie hugs him tightly, placing a kiss on his cheek, grinning as she laces their fingers together and starts walking in Agatha's general direction, pulling the handsome man behind her.
Hm, no.
Agatha resists the urge to pace in circles as she tries to gather her thoughts. It might be the hangover or the diet cake but seeing the two of them together made her wanna barf. Not because they didn't look good together. They did. In fact, maybe too good. Sophie's long soft hair was a shade or two lighter than Tedros', but other than that, they might as well have been made in the same Instagram-model-facility. Like a set, Barbie and Ken.
What is this feeling?
Oh no, she can see them approaching. Abort mission, leave, get out, hit the road…
"Aggie, darling!"
Agatha forces herself to fake a confident smile, as if she could always be found casually hanging out behind plants on saturday mornings. It turned out to be more of sheepish grin, especially when compared to her friend, whose pretty smile is almost too big for her too pretty face.
Sophie looked particularly gorgeous in her pastel green summer dress and peep-toe heels. Her tanned skin glows under the sun, the light catching in her green eyes on that special way that made photographers all around the industry want to work with her despite her inexperience, the grace within her movements creating an allure Agatha doesn't think she'd be able to recreate even if she were to be born again.
This is not good. Leave, abort mission, repeat, abort miss…
"Aggie, this is Tedros, you know, the one I was telling you about yesterday," she winked. "Teddy, this is my bestie, Agatha, you remember her, right?" Sophie nudges him lightly using her elbow.
Tedros looks even better now that she can see him in natural daylight. Which should be illegal, truly. He's wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans, his hair made of pure gold looked just messy enough to not look too try-hard, yet something about him looked weirdly… staged? Agatha couldn't quite put her finger on it.
"I surely do," Tedros lets go of Sophie's hand, shoulders tensing, and Agatha thinks he might be blushing. Is he nervous? "We-"
"Nice to meet you," Agatha interrupts him, grasping his hand on a firm handshake and letting go just as fast, as if touching his skin would burn her. "Sophie told me a lot about you."
Play along, please. I beg you.
"Oh, hm, it's very nice to meet you too?" Tedros responds, confused, but not calling her out. "Nice scarf," he adds, his lips curling upwards, so very slightly she might have missed if she wasn't micro-analyzing his every movement. Smug bastard. She is all too aware of his gaze lingering on her neck, a hint of pride showing in his bright eyes, the teasing in his voice making her want to pull him down by the collar, whether to choke him or to kiss him she couldn't tell.
"Oh, isn't it cute? See, Aggie, I told you that color looked great on you!" Sophie cuts in, reaching to touch said scarf. Agatha steps back self-consciously, making an effort to not scratch the back of her neck as not to call more attention to it.
"Quite the bold fashion statement for the summer, may I add," Tedros continues as he casually leaned one elbow on Sophie's shoulder. Subtle enough that Sophie wouldn't read too much into it, but Agatha could see right through his shit. "But I like it. You look very pretty, Agatha"
How dare he, truly. No sham-
Wait.
"So, I need to get going, work emergency you see, but I'll make it up to you, Sophie," Agatha excuses herself, quickly. She tells herself it's just the heat that it's bothering her, but her brain is going 300 miles per hours and she needs to leave. Now.
"Aggie, tomorrow we'll be having lunch at the country club, don't be late!"
"Yeah, be there, alright."
Agatha sprints down the complex's stairs as discreetly as she can, which is not much. By the time she's at her car, the weight of her realization hits her full force.
.
.
.
"I'm getting married, Aggie"
"Not Hort"
"You don't know him yet"
.
.
.
"Aggie, this is Tedros, you know, the one I was telling you about yesterday."
.
.
.
"That was literally three weeks ago."
"I dare you not to remember him. Pretty sure Sophie told you about how she met him again a few weeks ago at that event she went to? The one sponsored by Camelot International?"
.
.
.
"…Oh he's so great and wonderful, he's tall, has these hypnotizing eyes, they're so intense, its like they suck you in, Aggie! His hair is just wow, it's a very uncommon shade of blonde, the undertone is beautiful, so expensive-looking, but it's natural, he swears, and his skin is so soft you wouldn't believe, his name is…"
"bla, bla, bla, perfect, bla, bla, bla, handsome"
.
.
.
"He's so different from anyone I've ever met…"
"She feels somehow connected to this stranger, almost as if they were meant to be or something."
.
.
.
"Acting all smooth, as if she should know who he is!"
"He looked a bit offended."
"The name's Tedros?"
.
.
.
"God, if Sophie knows this guy how could she not marry him on the spot…"
"Sophie hugs him tightly, placing a kiss on his cheek, grinning as she laces their fingers together and starts walking, pulling the handsome man behind her."
.
.
.
Agatha is a very bad friend, isn't she?
She bangs her head on the wheel.
Then, she regrets doing so, opening the car's door, so she could vomit some diet cake and last night's alcohol on the parking lot's floor before driving away.
.
.
.
By a miracle, Agatha survives the drive home and makes it back home in one piece.
As she walks into her own apartment, she does not feel half as guilty as she thought she would be. But she was very, very angry. Furious, actually.
At herself for being both a dumbass and a bad friend, at Tedros for being a player, at Chaddick for being a dick in general, at Sophie for being Sophie, at Dot for not warning her and even at Hester for not being at the party today so Agatha could at least not freak out by herself.
She can't do anything for the rest of the day, because trying to work, read or sleep is useless, since she can't focus with all the internal screeching her mind is doing. Her existence now doesn't make any sense and Agatha is about to tear her hair out, lying down in her bed, staring at the celling.
(There's a long crack on there and for whatever reason, it reminded her of a river. Probably because it didn't look like anything else.)
She contemplates calling Hester and telling her everything but ultimately decides against it. She can't bring herself to explain this out loud, least of all hear any possible lecture Hester might give her. Is this how Sophie feels when she decides hide things from her-
Oh my God, Sophie.
Tedros was engaged. To Sophie. He was Sophie's fiancé.
Agatha is not freaking out at all.
.
.
.
At last, ten long hours of sulking later, Agatha is feeling a lot guiltier, still very much pissed and just confused as a whole.
She made out with Sophie's fiancé. Should she tell her? Yes. Would she? To be decided.
Maybe they wouldn't even get married. Come on, a few weeks? There's no way Sophie will keep up this insanity. Telling her about the club incident would only hurt their life-long friendship over a guy who wasn't even gonna last two months. Years of companionship out the window. She had no intention of doing it again so, did it really matter? What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel, right?
She hadn't even known he was Sophie's fiancé!
But then again, Sophie had told her all about him. She didn't listen because she was a bad friend! Was she really gonna play the "I didn't know" card...?
It was the truth!
But no one would believe her. Fuck, if Agatha were Sophie, she wouldn't believe herself. Agatha was a smart grown woman, godamn it. What kind of dumb bitch even-
This wedding wasn't happening. No need to worry, right?
For now, Agatha has two long weeks of supposedly weeding-related bonding moments with Sophie to survive, without accidentally letting slip that, oh, talked, drank, danced and made out with Tedros.
Well, shit.
.
.
.
Even if one ignored the fact that the guilt was starting to eat Agatha alive from inside out, the next day would still have been a long, tortured journey of nothing but cringe and regrets. Yet she bore it, because she, even if accidentally, brought this on herself.
Agatha got up early on a sunday (name a bigger crime) to try and get something done, since she would probably have little time to work in the following weeks. Then, she went to have lunch with Sophie at a fancy country club (that Sophie couldn't afford by the way, which earned her a lecture on credit cards and personal finances) hoping to have that "red-flag" talk.
It did not go well.
Sophie had invited him along. Of course, she would. Apparently, since she was getting married soon, Agatha should be used to have him around. And, of course, Sophie would have decided to tell her he was coming the moment he walked in, headed to their table.
This is Sophie's fiancé. Do. Not. Stare.
What kind of cosmic karma is this? He isn't even her type.
WHY-
"Afternoon, ladies."
Sophie greeted the blonde with a smile and a hug, as Agatha merely nodded his way, scanning the room for the closest exit.
"Hi Teddy!"
"Tedros."
Lunch is awkward as hell and at this point Agatha is just waiting for a waiter to come and stab her. It ends up being both not so terrible and the worst lunch ever because she does talk quite a lot with Tedros, against her better judgment.
She learns that Tedros did go to her school, for three years. Sophie asks him if he remembers Agatha, and from Tedros' silence, Agatha assumes he doesn't want to admit to having been part of Chaddick's... shenanigans.
Her friend then talks astrology, and Agatha learns that he is a leo (because of course he would), is kinda proud of it but says he doesn't believe in astrology, prompting Sophie to start a discussion on why he wouldn't believe in astrology if he believed in tarot. The way he blushes and stammers is cute and makes Agatha feel horrible for thinking so, but she asks him about tarot anyway. She's just being polite, okay?
He mentions he'd turned 26 a while ago and recently moved back to the city, as he moved away to go to college in Avalon. She tells him she almost went there, but her scholarship did not include a dormroom and she knew no one there to share an apartment with. His answer is a blunt "I know", which both confuses and pisses her off.
Tedros offers her no further info on it, but they engage in conversation again after he mentions he is working at Camelot International.
("As one of the main executives on the board," Sophie adds, "it's one of the most powerful companies in the country.")
They quickly bond over their massive workloads (Agatha may not be a main executive of a huge corporate empire, but damn if being head finance director for SGE Enterprises didn't keep her busy enough), until Sophie slips that he must be very lucky to be the sole heir to the Pendragon Group.
Oh.
Tedros Pendragon. Are you kidding? Agatha remembers seeing his family's name being all over the news back in school and she feels dumb for not remembering that Tedros and 'that Pendragon boy' were the same person. Hadn't his parents had a huge cheating-divorce-scandal that caused the stock for the company to plummet a few years ago?
Tedros frowns at Sophie before saying that, "Yes, indeed, he's very lucky."
The blonde doesn't seem to notice the way his hands grip the fork tightly as he pronounces the last word, but Agatha does.
It adds on to the list of things that keep her awake later, after she does her damn laundry and stress-cleans her entire apartment. She curses as she turns and tosses on her bed, because it's 2 AM, work starts in a few hours and she needs to sleep.
.
.
.
The next four days are not much different, the routine is pretty much the same, except they have dinner plans instead of lunch. Work, eat, work, do bridesmaid shit with Sophie and Tedros somewhere, avoid his gaze, talk for a bit over something like choosing the best flower arrangements, and then hightail out of there, only to come home and be restless.
She was still very confused, because honestly, Tedros didn't seem bad at all. The more she talked to him, the least she wanted to stop talking to him. He definitely had some family issues and was doing some overcompensating, but nothing that made him, like, a total trash human.
And yet, he was still the guy who hit on her (fucking made out with her), knowing exactly who she was, while being engaged to her best friend.
She always thought herself a good judge of character.
Anyway, she did her best to act aloofly polite and if he ever seemed to hint at the night at The Woods, Agatha cut him off before he could. It was a good plan. Wait it out. And it really was working just fine.
Until the dress store.
For some reason she cannot wrap her head around, Tedros is there too.
(Isn't there a tradition against seeing the dress of your bride before the wedding or something?)
At some point, Sophie struggles to get into a particularly complicated dress at the dressing room, yelling at the poor employees like a harpy on a rampage and Agatha is about to intervene when he manages to pull her aside, his grip firm but with a certain gentleness that made her skin burn.
He semi-drags her across the store through a sea of sparkly white dresses and into this small nook between sections. Agatha does not want to admit that the main reason why he is able to do that is because she allows him to.
Things only go downhill from there.
He has her cornered, her back nearly merging with the wall as he stands close to her, his posture tense, moving slowly, like one would in presence of a startled animal. He doesn't look like he is trying to purposely intimidate her, and she doesn't feel particularly unsafe. No words are spoken between them and the silence allows Agatha's senses to pick up on a deliciously rich smell. Is that Tedros' cologne-
Agatha forces down the rash that is creeping up her neck and tries to focus on doing what she does best, aka, running away from her problems. She looks anywhere but his face, but he is not making ignoring him an easy job.
"I don't get you."
What.
"Excuse me?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Agatha scoffs, arms crossing in front of her chest.
"I truly don't."
Her response seems to annoy him, which she counts as a win, but Agatha might have declared victory just a bit too soon. Tedros, who was a couple of feet away has managed to get way too close (yet again). His hand raises her chin and forces her to look into his eyes. Her resolution to run away falters and she's scared he might hear her heartbeat speed up.
"Playing dumb doesn't suit you, Agatha. One second you don't like me, then you do like me, then you don't again… I don't understand the game you're playing here… So, I'll make this simple, you won, congratulations, now stop playing games, now you know I'm interested."
Agatha blinks. This is… not the conversation she thought she was going to have.
Of course, during her nightly overthinking sessions she thought about what she'd say if he confronted her about the previous friday, even if she didn't think he'd have the balls to actually do it. But she seems to have been reduced to this dumpster fire nonsense. Tedros never did what she thought he was going to do and it was short-circuiting her braincells.
She's way too aware of the hold he has on her, the compromising situation they're in. One of his hands cages Agatha in, placed on the wall behind her head, while the other keeps her from adverting her gaze from his. Tedros is too close, he smells too good and his mouth looks too inviting.
She hears him, but she doesn't really hear him, his presence fogging up her senses.
Agatha briefly entertains the idea of giving into temptation and kissing him. How nice it would be to grab his collar, invert their positions, slam him against the wall and kiss him senseless, so he could feel just how helpless she felt having him corner her like this. Kiss him and just leave him there, wanting, begging, and…
What. Wow, fuck. Stop.
A new thought hits her like a ton bricks.
This guy is an asshole.
Tedros looks irritated and Agatha wants to punch him.
So she does.
She's strong enough to give him a black eye, but she (unintentionally, Agatha swears) holds backs and aims for his chest. However, she can tell it hurt a lot by the way his eyes water and he backs away several steps. She hears Sophie yelling their names across the store and giving Tedros one last glare, she turns around and walks away.
The nerve.
Why would anyone marry him?
Sophie needed a wakeup call. And fast. Because while Sophie could be a nightmare, she did not deserve to be played like that.
.
.
.
Agatha was not a superstitious person.
If she forgot her umbrella at home and it started raining when she left the dress shop (Tedros and Sophie both offered her a ride but she would rather choke, honestly, and said no, forgetting that she rode here with Sophie in the first place), it's not fate, it's bad luck. If she gets sick and loses her voice (and therefore can't go do neither her work or her bridesmaid duty), it's not conspiracy, it's simply a coincidence.
Well, call it fate, call it bad luck, call it conspiracy, call it coincidence. The case is that Agatha has lost her voice and has both a running nose and a fever. She considers texting the whole story to Sophie but changes her mind when she imagines the blonde woman's reaction.
Agatha, you're such a slut.
She is going to tell Sophie about this… this… this individual. Yeah, she was going to come clean and expose Tedros. No wedding.
Why was Tedros marrying Sophie anyway? She could understand why Sophie would go for Tedros. He did seem like her type. Young, rich, successful and handsome.
(Not really what she herself looked for. Agatha tended to go for witty, responsible people and who did not mind her blunt nature. Never in the history of ever, had Sophie and Agatha been interested on the same person.)
Anyway, he would give her lots of exposure, would look great on her Instagram feed, would be able to save her from her terrible apartment, student loan and infinite credit card debt, and would open up the world of fancy designer shoes and pretty gowns Sophie always dreamed of.
But why would he do that?
Tedros was, again, young, rich, successful and handsome. He hardly expressed any special affection towards Sophie or had the usual lovesick look most of Sophie's victims sported when they found themselves bewitched by her. They didn't really agree on much, from what Agatha gathered on their conversations, had no shared interests, lived completely different lifestyles, had different moral values and overall didn't seem to have the grandiose connection Sophie spoke of at all. Maybe he was with her because she was pretty? But again, why. There werw thousands of pretty girls willing to date young rich men, why Sophie in particular?
Something about this seemed off. She needs to talk to Sophie.
…When she recovered.
.
.
.
Alright, maybe it was conspiracy. The wedding was in two days.
Two days.
She supposes time does go by quickly when you're procrastinating something you really, really don't want to do. Nearly two weeks gone by in a flash. And, as she should, Agatha finally gets herself together. She is going to tell Sophie.
Well, she was going to tell Sophie. The blonde and a few of her friends were at The Woods for a last girl's night out. Meaning:
Sophie was currently drunk.
But maybe she wasn't?
She probably was though. Sophie was the most lightweight person Agatha knew, likely because she was so skinny. Girl could not hold her alcohol and drunk-Sophie was messy-Sophie. Unwilling, untamable and unimaginably difficult to have a coherent conversation with.
But, maybe she wasn't drunk? Agatha was not going to risk it.
She forces herself to hurry. She doesn't change out of her work outfit (merely discarding the suit's jacket), stopping by her house to feed Reaper and leave some important documents. Agatha even nearly forgets to lock her front door, calling a car to the club, hoping it might not be too late to come clean. But she was late anyway, as proven not only by the 15 bucks that left her wallet (for the second time this month) but by-
"Aggieeeee! You're better! Have you taaaasted this? It's amaziiiing!"
Agatha glares at Chaddick, who has the decency to look away. He knew the amount of alcohol Sophie was capable of processing, namely: none.
"Yeah, I have…"
"You should have seen, Sophie; the other night Agatha was so wasted she ma…"
"Chaddick, don't you have somewhere to be? As in, not here?"
The ex-jock walks away with a smirk, knowing he had some nice blackmailing material on her. Could this get any more horrible?
Now what? Should she just take Sophie home? Sober her up, tell her everything then beg for forgiveness? She couldn't. Then what to do, what to do…
"Sophie, I have to tell you something, it's really important, you see…"
"Oh Aggie, I'm sure you can tell me laaaaaatteerrrr! I've been so stressed lately! Time to let it goooo! Come on, I'll even pay your first drinkkkk!"
Her friend lifted a glass of what looked and smelled like a vodka and gin disaster waiting to happen.
"Sophie, what is even that?"
"Not sure…but Chaddick told me it was good."
Agatha sighs. She should tell the truth, right here, right now, shouldn't she?
"… Alright."
And she would have if she were a better person. But to her shame, she downs five more after the first and suddenly she can't remember why she came here on the first place. Something about a guy?
(Lies, Agatha knows exactly what she is doing, but for a few more hours she gives herself the benefit of the doubt.)
Whatever, she'll just deal with it later. She hasn't said anything for the past few days, surely it can wait some more, right?
.
.
.
Said and done, five hours later Agatha concludes she is a horrible human being. She should just quit. Leave the job of human being for people who will not mess up. Like Hester. Hester never messes up shit. Yeah, great plan.
Sophie is knocked out cold, sleeping with her face in a table, drooling, besides said Hester, who has her usual judgy face on, glaring at the blonde woman, like she was some kind of disgusting creature.
Agatha doesn't think she could feel worse.
She should have just told Sophie the truth right away. The moment she found out Tedros was, well, Tedros. Instead she had gone along with a wedding that was sure to be a fiasco, because not only was the groom a liar and a player, but Agatha was therefore his accomplice, and her silence was probably the greatest betrayal of their entire friendship.
She picks up her phone to call a car, so she could at the very least wallow in misery at home, but before the app even loads someone snatches her phone.
Turns out she can indeed feel worse.
"We need to talk."
His voice sounds as it always does whenever she's around, half-annoyed and half-something else Agatha doesn't dare name. As usual, he looks nice. His tight shirt and tie are still in perfect place, unlike the last time she saw him here, signaling he too probably came straight from work.
"This is girl's night; you're not allowed here."
"Oh, I'm not?" Tedros mocks her, but she can tell his heart isn't truly in it. "Then please do tell me the circumstances in which I can talk to you, because you sure don't make it easy."
She is so tired. Trying to avoid him is hard enough, trying to avoid him knowing that she doesn't really want to is impossible. She has always read people so well, and he always seems so genuine. It makes her wanna believe he is not the bad person she knows he is.
"…I've been… avoiding you. It's not that I don't want to talk to you. Is just… that I shouldn't," she hesitates but ends up answering honestly.
Tedros' expression softens at her candor, peering at her with concern.
"Are you drunk?"
"No. Maybe."
He sighs, then digs his car keys from his pocket, still holding her phone hostage on his other hand.
"Look, I'll give you a ride home. I really just wanna talk. We have…unfinished business."
Agatha considers. All this wedding-baloney made her poor, Tedros is so pretty, he looks so wholesome and honest, and she just wants to sulk at home for the next few hours. Maybe he could stay for a day or two. That shirt of his would look great on her floor…
No, bad idea.
"I don't wanna get into a stranger's car," she blurts out the first excuse her mind can manage. In retrospect, that was some obvious bullshit, seeing as they had talked for hours last week and he had already given her a ride before. Granted, it had been Sophie's car and Sophie had been there, but still, that didn't make much sense.
"Oh truly?" he holds up her phone, the ride app now open, "You're gonna pull that one on me?"
It's Agatha's turn to sigh.
"Okay don't go using logic on me, mister. For all I know, you could be planning on kidnapping me and selling my organs on the black market," or worse, actually talking to her.
"Can never be too careful, can we?" he looks partly amused and partly annoyed. "Look, I'm serious here, okay? I'm not going to do anything to you, we can talk to Hester on our way out, I'm sure she'll hunt me and string me up upside down at her soundproofed basement in case I even dream of harming you. Alright?" Tedros's eyes never leave her face in the twenty seconds she takes to decide, and it's really distracting, but she manages to answer:
"Okay, fine."
They talk to Hester, rather, Tedros talks to Hester while Agatha avoids her gaze shamefully. Why does Tedros know Hester? Did they ever talk during school?
Agatha doesn't know and she doesn't ask. Her gaze lingers on Sophie's drooling face and she feels her chest tighten.
The two of them walk into the parking lot awkwardly, in mortifying silence, and enter a silver Porsche. Agatha notes that it looks very out of place, since most cars belonged to employees and looked rather humble next to the silver beauty. Why was Tedros here? He came in his car, so he was not here to drink. Did Sophie tell him to pick her up? Or was he here to see Agatha?
Her heart skips at beat at the thought and she doesn't ask him any of this either.
"Nice ride," she offers instead.
"Thanks."
Tedros drives in silence, with Agatha occasionally telling him to turn on certain streets. She keeps her gaze on the empty roads, but she does catch quite a stunning sight of his profile when she forgets she's not supposed to look at him at all.
To avoid getting too in her head, she decides to turn on the radio. The song that starts playing is familiar and she guesses the radio must be on CD mode. The letters in bold red on the visor tell her she is correct, and this is indeed the song she thinks it is.
"You're into this kind of stuff?"
Tedros grips the wheel, almost defensively.
"They're really good, okay? I've been listening to them for a few years and so far, they're my favorite band. I know their sound isn't for everyone and-"
"I know."
"…It's not what most mainstream artists are doi- you what?"
Agatha blushes when she feels his incredulous gaze on her face, and it occurs her that this is the first time he looks directly at her since they got into his car. She hopes he'll attribute the redness on her cheeks to the red light they're currently stuck at and hesitates before answering, in a quiet voice, meeting his stare:
"They're my favorite band too."
"Oh."
The rest of the drive is less awkward, one would even say comfortable if not for the leftover tension. They sing along quietly to the vocalist and Agatha is sure Tedros stopped himself from doing the guitar once. Not cute, not cute, not cute.
Eventually, they get to her apartment building. She reaches over and turns off the radio, the deafening silence almost too much to bear.
Agatha tries reaching for the car door, but it's locked.
"I did tell you we needed to talk."
Usually, she'd be scared if a guy trapped her in his car in the middle of the night, but Agatha's frustration just comes back at full force and topples over anything else.
"What's to talk, you're clearly into someone else."
Tedros' eyes go big, and Agatha can't help but think he must be the world's greatest actor. Oscar nomination performance. The academy is shook-
"What? Did you, like, not hear anything I sa-"
"I'm not that kind of girl, Tedros," Agatha interrupts him firmly, "I don't hook up with anyone who's in a relationship, especially in a relationship with my best friend, no matter how stupidly short said relationship may be."
"I… Did Sophie tell you-"
"She didn't need to? You guys are engaged, and I am not going to get caught in between, okay? Please, please leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't give me rides when I'm drunk."
Suddenly, Tedros' confused expression is gone and his eyes are gleaming with what looks like joy. He looks like he might kiss her and Agatha is not sure how well her defenses will hold in case he does.
"Agatha, I think you got this all wrong, I'm not-"
"What, you have amnesia? Or, let me guess, it's your twin brother who's engaged to her?"
Tedros burst out laughing and he sounds like an angel, throwing his head back, and Agatha forgets for a second that she's mad at him. But eventually reality brings her back and she pushes him, with just enough force to get his attention.
"Leave me the fuck alone, dude."
…Asshole.
This time when she reaches for the door, it's unlocked.
She glares at him from the sidewalk one more time, before entering the building.
.
.
.
Agatha doesn't hear a word from him after that.
It's for the best, she tells herself. Agatha spent so much time wishing he would just go away and take these weird feelings he gives her with him that she didn't even consider that once he did go away for real, new, stronger, and even more angsty feelings would appear. She only knew him for two weeks. He wasn't even hers. She has no grieving rights.
She goes out with Sophie one more time, and now it's just the two of them. It would be the perfect time to tell her. She has no excuses. No drinking, no sickness, no Tedros-
Agatha doesn't.
.
.
.
Today is the day.
It's a clear summer night, which is unfair with how angsty and conflicted Agatha feels. Hollywood lied to us all, hasn't it?
Agatha is dressed in a silky blue dress Sophie chose for her. It suits her and she thinks she looks quite pretty. Someone who actually knew what they were doing did her make-up, and for once she managed to tame her hair into submission, putting it into a fancy-looking up-do youtube taught her how to do. She's wearing her best shoes and her fanciest earrings. Agatha is looking and smelling like a daydream outside the main room of the church, but her hands are shaking and she's terrified.
She's not ready. Far from it really.
The rules were simple. If you're not the bride you don't wear white, you don't overdrink, and you never, ever, under any circumstances, fall in love with the groom.
No matter if they were hot, if they smelled good, if their eyes made you feel weak at the knees, if they shared common interests with you, if their taste was impossible to forget, if they went out of their way to get your attention or if they felt like they just might be the one.
You just didn't okay?
Shit, this was messed up. Still, Agatha brought herself to breathe deeply, trying to contain her anxiety.
The ceremonialist tells her it's her cue and she's soon walking down the aisle, clutching a small bouquet of pink carnations like a lifeline, looking around the church.
The place is crowded. Their entire social circle and their grandmother seem to be here. People from their childhood neighborhood, people from school, both of Sophie's parents, her stepmother and step siblings, quite a few models and influencers and a bunch of people she had never seen, probably Tedros' friends, family and co-workers.
The flowers and decorations look as amazing and beautiful as she would have expected from Sophie and she might have seen Hester, Anadil and Dot on a row somewhere, but that's not what made her almost freeze, nearly stumbling on the red carpet.
The groom.
He's wearing an expensive-looking white tuxedo, his hair is an unnatural platinum blonde and his eyes are disturbingly intense. He's tall, sharp and everything about him screams fancy. He's attractive in the way some snakes are attractive, beautiful and deadly, but the big deal is:
Agatha has never seen that man in her entire life.
She goes to her spot standing by the side, her brain running a marathon, tons of data just being tossed aimlessly on her mind as she tries to wrap her head around what the actual fuck is going on when her eyes meet someone else's.
Seating on the third row on the left, Tedros' blue eyes are shinning in complete and absolute amusement, his hand is over his mouth in a barely controlled laugh. The music seems to be on his side, because no one hears him. Agatha schools her expression into anything other than the overbearing wrath she feels, but she's not sure if she's doing a good job.
She's somewhat aware of the chaos that seems to be unfolding around her; the ceremonialist's screeching, the groom's rage, the crowd's confused mumbling and Sophie's absence. But it does not matter.
Agatha really wants to choke Tedros with his tie.
.
.
.
Turns out, Sophie's groom was named Rafal. Not that Agatha would remember his name a few days from now.
He is the current CEO of Two Brothers, a huge company, often associated with the mafia for fucks sake. Known playboy and womanizer, with a criminal record for drug dealing, as well as physical and sexual assault. Also, partially involved on the illegal leaks of information that caused the media scandal around Tedros' parents' divorce all those years ago, she later learns.
Great guy, Sophie. 10/10. Husband material right there.
At least she didn't follow through, Agatha argues to try and calm herself down. Oh yeah, Sophie ran away from her own wedding. No one was surprised honestly. Maybe Rafal. He looked very, very angry. Agatha didn't really blame him, after knowing that he was the one paying for the wedding, after party and honeymoon, no matter how horrible of a person he seems to be.
By now, Sophie should be in Paris, enjoying her honeymoon tickets and reservations. Through text, she tells Agatha how lonely and sad she is and how she'll tell her everything that happened in complete details on their next café meeting in a about month and a half. Agatha suspects she is not as lonely as she claims to be because Hort's Instagram stories tell her he is currently in Europe as well, if not in Paris. But then again, she will not concern herself over this matter. "No wedding" was good news enough to keep her in a great mood for any of Sophie's shenanigans for the next following weeks.
And since the reception was already paid for, everyone just decided to come enjoy it.
Yes, when she says everyone, she means everyone.
"Hey, you."
Oh, Lord, no.
Agatha doesn't lift her head to look at him, continuing to type a half-assed reply to Sophie's whiny texts. She won't give him the satisfaction. Instead she downs whatever is left of her whisky, because that's what one does when courage lacks.
She's sitting at the main table of the ballroom, by herself, mostly because it's where she's been assigned to sit, but also because she's not up for the questions the other guests will probably feel entitled to ask if she were to sit with them. Hester is nowhere in sight, but Agatha is sure she's making herself scarce on purpose. She saw Chaddick back at the church but they politely ignored each other and Dot had been missing for quite a while.
"Not speaking to me?"
"No."
"Come on, it was pretty funny."
"No, it wasn't," she finally looks up at him and he must have sensed true resentment in her perfectly lined brown eyes, because his smug, perfect façade crumbled, and he looked very awkward suddenly. Tedros pulls up the chair beside her and she notices it has his name on it. Sophie was not being subtle on her matchmaking at all, was she?
God, Agatha was so dumb.
"Well, it wasn't very funny to me either then, but I do laugh quite a bit now," he offers, sipping on champagne, trying to keep busy.
"I'm glad my pain amuses you," she's quiet for few seconds, considering what she's going to say. "Tedros?"
"Yeah?" he looks up from his flute of champagne, hopeful blue eyes shining in the half light of the candlelit ballroom and keeping her from saying what she was actually going to say, so instead she blurts:
"I'm not sorry for punching you."
"I didn't expect you to be," his smile is friendly and contagious. He downs the last of his champagne and extends a hand to her. "Okay, let's start again. I'm Tedros, I'm so single it hurts, and when we were in high school, I had a crush on you."
The way he says this so openly, his voice so even and clear nearly drowns out the vulnerable look on his face. Agatha herself can barely register his expression because she's pretty sure her brain has short-circuited. Again.
"No, you did not."
"But I did."
Tedros proceeds to tell her all sorts of things.
He tells her about how he first saw her as a rival because of her grades (she never really paid any attention to the scoreboard, she thought it was bullshit, but in retrospect she does remembers his name was always under hers), and about how sorry he was that he laughed and partook at Chaddick's antics during junior year, mostly because he the felt like 'the new guy with a big name and no friends' and felt she was a threat.
"That's some real introspection and self-awareness right there, hm"
"I'm just fortunate enough to have had a really good therapist," Tedros responds, "Merlin is like a psychology-wizard. He was the one who kinda sorted out that maybe part of my teen angst was repressed attraction to someone who fed the cats behind the library"
"Oh, then you've been my stalker for quite some time then."
Tedros blushes and Agatha is both flattered and embarrassed at the same time.
He then explains about how shit blew up on his face during his parents' divorce, how his grades dropped, how he got kicked out of the football team and how he started to spend a long ass time sulking at the library. Which just so happened to be Agatha's favorite hangout spot at the time. Tedros tells her how he thought she was cute, how she was one of the people who hadn't changed with him (even if unintentionally) and how he wanted to get to know her.
What.
"I just… wasn't sure how to approach you? I always dragged Chaddick to your tea shop when I didn't see you at the library but then chickened out and-"
"...I take neither of you were huge tea fans?"
"Yeah?"
"That does explain a lot," Agatha mumbles.
"I was going to talk to you about Avalon when I heard you were going there, but… Since you didn't tell me that, I kinda found out when Chaddick took your math notebook to be my 'wingman', I didn't think you would have…appreciated.
"Wait, that was Chaddick playing your wingman?" Agatha burst out laughing.
"The plan was that I was supposed to casually hand back to you something you forgot, but he kinda grew tired of waiting for you to actually forget something," Tedros chuckled. "If you thought Chaddick was bad then what big word is Miss-best-in-class going to use to describe Sophie's take on playing wingwoman?"
"Horrendous," Agatha deadpans and now it's Tedros turn to laugh.
Silence sits between the two. It's not uncomfortable and kinda welcome. Agatha digests the last forty minutes of enlighting conversation as they eat the main course of the night. A waiter comes to pick up both of their plates and she decides she still has some questions.
"Well, do you still do?"
"Do I still what?" Tedros questions, his head slightly inclined, like a confused puppy.
"Have a crush on me," Agatha mumbles, her cheeks burning.
Tedros' expression goes from 'confused' back to that mischievous look he had back at the church, leaning towards her ever so slightly.
"Maybe."
"Good," she offers her hand, as he had before, "I'm Agatha, I jump to conclusions, but I am very interested in getting to know you."
Tedros however, doesn't shake her hand as she had his. Instead, he takes it to his lips, pressing a light kiss to her knuckles, relishing in the shocked look on her face before she can school her expression back to unaffected aloofness.
"Are you free at six next friday?"
"Late meeting, but I'm good at seven. Pick me up?" she asks, an unspoken challenge laced in her words.
"As the lady wishes." Challenge accepted. "Any preferences?"
"Anywhere but 'The Woods'. But make sure to text me first if it's somewhere fancy," she smiles. "You know what? I still don't have your number."
Tedros confidently stands up, his hand yet to release hers.
"A number for a dance?"
Agatha told him that night at 'The Woods' that she isn't a very good dancer but again, he insists. It's fine, because they don't dance for long anyway. By the time Tedros gives up, fumbling with his phone to call a car, his hair is already a mess, Agatha's broke free from her up-do and there is lipstick everywhere.
I'm not sorry
This was so much fun to revisit. I forgot how fun SGE was. I kinda fell out of touch with the series. I did read QFG, I just can't remember what happens in it? Idk. I felt the series should have concluded on TLEA. If possible before the whole Agatha and Sophie baloney stunt, because I never bought that.
Please leave me comment and share your thoughts with me!
Hope you are all safe during this quarantine, friends
#Tagatha#tagathashipweek2016#rewrite#agatha sge#Agatha of Woods Beyond#tedros sge#tedros of camelot#sophie sge#sge#The School for Good and Evil
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Tagged by @kiwimeringue (and @iamanartichoke had an open tag so I’m counting that too)
Age: 33
Gender: Female, although if you could design real-world bodies like in a game character creator and there were no consequences to your choices, I’d be...pretty androgynous physically (but it doesn’t really affect me enough IRL to do anything about it, or at least for me the cost/benefit analysis lands squarely on doing nothing, which is why I don’t consider myself nonbinary)
Star sign: Sagittarius, or possibly Ophiuchus but nobody really knows that exists. I know almost nothing about astrology though so it doesn’t really matter (like, anytime I see people saying things like “haha this is classic Sag” or “never put two [signs] on the same project!” I’m just like...I literally have no idea what you mean so I’ll take your word for it)
Height: 5′3.75″, yes that 3/4 inch is important
Sexuality: hella aroace, but also hella queer in general in ways I don’t really know how to define, which is why I like queer
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw, although I probably have traits from most of the other Houses too
Favorite animals: I mean...lots. anything cute. bats and foxes are great. I went with dolphins as a kid so there’s also that.
Current time: almost 5 p.m. whoops, the day went...somewhere
Dogs or Cats: I love both, but I gotta go with dogs. they’re just...they’re so good. (funnily enough, I used to be afraid of dogs when I was a kid, and even after I got enough dog experience and also height to get over that somewhat, I just kind of...didn’t realize I was a Dog Person until I got Scully and then it was kind of like “OH, I LOVE BASICALLY ALL DOGS ACTUALLY”. I’ve had two dogs and two cats in my life, and my feelings for my dogs have been way more intense than my feelings for my cats, which...I kinda feel bad about? idk, maybe it would be different if either cat slept on my bed.)
Blankets you sleep with: during winter, I’ve got like...uh, 10 including a heated blanket, and I’m still usually cold? although I don’t leave the heated one on while I’m sleeping because that makes me nervous. the rest of the year it varies based on temperature but sometimes I get hot enough to use a single sheet or nothing, which I hate.
Dream job: I’m honestly not sure I have one. I think anything that might seem like a dream job for me would either turn out to be much less of a dream than I’d thought or would cease to be a dream as soon as it became a job. I mean, considering how quickly non-job things I genuinely want to do turn into “nooooo I don’t wanna, it’s haaaaard” as soon as I feel in any way like I have to do them, it’s safe to say that would happen but even more so if one of my hobbies turned into an actual job. mostly I just want something that isn’t horrible and that leaves me enough time and energy to do things I actually want to do, with major bonus points for things like relevance to my education, a casual dress code, and my own office, and my current job does check all of those boxes. (I mean, if we’re being completely honest and also stretching the definition of a “job,” my actual dream job would be...not a job. I would get paid to do whatever the fuck I want. so...UBI, I guess.)
When did i make this blog: August 2009, holy shit. at that point I had just finished undergrad and had just barely started thinking that maybe feminists had a point, which also means I was still conservative about literally everything else because feminism was essentially my gateway to other progressive ideas. kind of goes without saying that I still thought I was straight. wow. there are...definitely some shitty opinions in the depths of this blog, because I have changed so much since making it. at some point I suppose I should really try to find and then edit or delete those things, although Tumblr sure does not make that easy, and I do think it’s potentially valuable to have a record of this kind of thing.
Followers: the only reason I don’t have a complex about this is that I never think to check my follower count. apparently it’s 1,384? that’s...more than I expected. I generally do a quick check of new followers’ blogs to see if they look like bots, too, so...probably most of those are real people? on the other hand that’s a lot of real people who don’t interact with any of my posts >_<
Why did i make this blog: well, because @plenilune (and others in my general Livejournal orbit, but lbr it was mostly because of them) made one, mostly. and when I checked it out it seemed like the digital equivalent of a commonplace book, which was something I’d always sort of wanted to do and didn’t because it was too much effort.
Reason behind my URL: it’s a line from a song by Brave Saint Saturn, if I remember right--the part I like even more is “sometimes the bravest thing is to hope,” which is pretty much always relevant, and that (or something similar) was my blog title for a long time. (I actually...don’t like their music all that much, but I do like the lyrics a lot, and those bits stuck with me.)
I...cannot brain enough right now to think of people to tag. if you see this and you want to do it, consider yourself tagged.
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So somehow Corey Taylor has now ended up in the place where I’m assuming the other Nostalgia Critic episodes take place, which has all these parody posters of previous Nostalgia Critic reviews and Doug Walker’s YouTube plaques on the walls. Doug, you spent a majority of at least the first half of this “review” beating us over the head with how much you hate Roger Waters’s ego, but then you show us shots like this and expect people to not comment on yours? Of course there is a very slight chance that this might’ve been an attempt at self-deprecation, showing that Doug is aware that “Nostalgia Critic” has just as much of an ego as Waters and he’s just oblivious to it, but given how the rest of this “review” is and how Doug has reportedly acted behind the scenes on other projects, I highly doubt it.
Now you’d think that with Corey Taylor here and the “review” being nearly over that this would be the part where he finally says something, especially since we’re close to one of the few times we hear Bob Geldof sing in the film. You’d be wrong. Before Doug can finish whatever speech he had planned for this part, he answers a call from... some dude asking about the whereabouts of someone called Lucy Lacemaker. Oh boy... So something I’ve been mostly ignoring is that there’s a strange creature that’s popped up briefly a few times throughout the “review”. That creature is Lucy Lacemaker, the creation of someone called Fennah, making a guest appearance in this review because... uh... The Wall had weird animated characters in it? That’s what Lucy starts talking about: how the animated characters’ designs were creative but the characters themselves were terribly underused (“All paint, no ink” as she puts it). If you’ve actually seen the film, then you know that this criticism doesn’t make sense. The animated characters and creatures in The Wall aren’t exactly characters in and of themselves; they’re figments of Pink’s imagination that are either meant to symbolize things (i.e. the black eagle in “Goodbye Blue Sky” being the Nazis who did aerial bombings on England), purposefully one-dimensional caricatures of real people in Pink’s life who’ve damaged him (his overprotective mother, his cheating wife, the abusive schoolmaster), or sometimes even how he sees himself in that moment (the mostly inanimate doll and possibly Judge Worm). They aren’t the main focus of the film or album because the focus is Pink and his internal struggles. (I was gonna say “That’d be like saying that Tamatoa should’ve been the main character of Moana when the film is about Moana”, but... no, that would still make more sense because at least Tamatoa is an actual character in that film and not a figment of someone’s imagination, despite what some grimdark edgelord fan theories say.)
Anyway, it fades to... some sort of alternate universe or dimension or something? Whatever, Doug’s now in this world of weirdos who sing about what they think of the film? I guess? This is a “parody” of “The Trial”, the climax of the film where Pink mentally, well, puts himself on trial for “showing feelings” and culminates in him making himself “tear down the wall”, allowing himself to feel and move on from his trauma. On the one hand I get the most basic line of logic for this “parody” (“The Trial had weird animated creatures, so therefore this parody of it should have weird animated creatures”), but this looks and feels so out of place here. I mean, if these creatures were in a video about Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland movies I wouldn’t bat an eye at it, but for a video about The Wall it feels so wrong. It gets worse when you know that the animated characters in The Trial all have connections to Pink whereas these characters are from a completely different creator with no ties to Doug Walker at all (or even Corey Taylor, who, you know, is supposed to be standing in for Pink). It’s not like Doug doesn’t have characters of his own or that they couldn’t fill in the spaces of the people in The Trial if he wanted to (Chester A. Bum, Devil Boner, Hyper Fangirl, The Devil, Charts Guy, Bill, etc.), so the lack of using them for this and instead using characters from something completely unrelated to his show made by someone completely unrelated to his crew makes it feel impersonal, which is the exact opposite of what The Trial did. It needs to be personal in order for it to have the proper impact on Pink (or whoever’s standing in for him in this case), so removing that element from it takes away a lot of the punch.
I don’t want to be too harsh on this sequence because I know a lot of people have given Fennah guff over it (and supposedly they didn’t take the backlash regarding their part in it very well), but even with how out-of-place it is I have to admit the animation isn’t too bad, especially given that this was all done in about two and a half weeks. Oh yeah, according to Fennah, Doug Walker only gave them about two and a half weeks to do all this animation, which is half of what it normally takes for him to make something like this. What the fuck, Doug? You claim that you worked on this “review” for at least two months (not that it shows) and you only gave Fennah two and a half weeks to animate their parts? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised given how much you overworked your former associates on the set of To Boldly Flee, but I guess you really didn’t learn anything from that. I mean, the least you could’ve done was try to react a little more to all these weird creatures and places you found yourself in for no reason, yet your acting is somehow worse than the performances in other animation-live action hybrid movies you’ve criticized in the past.
But enough of all that, let’s look at the lyrics for this parody of one of my favorite parts from both the album and film. Because fuck me, we’re almost done.
[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]
[Note: I don’t know anything about Fennah, their webshow Satellite City, or anything else they do; the only character name I know is Lucy’s, so the rest of these are gonna be very crappy physical descriptions. Apologies in advance for that.]
Someone vaguely like Lucy I guess but way bigger and with horns:
Right then, Lucy Lacemaker,
The court will take a vote
On if the film that plays before us
Can in any way show some feelings,
Ruddy feelings of an almost canny nature
From joys to blues
[Lady, if you and these other characters wanted to do a comprehensive analysis of The Wall, then you should’ve done it way sooner and not in the last seven to eight minutes of someone else’s video, let alone the video of someone who doesn’t even really analyze it themselves.]
Five-armed scarecrow motherfucker:
I always said I like a well-made ditty
[Well you’re not going to be hearing any of that in this video, dude.
Edit: So I thought this said “I always said I like to wear me titty”, which of course makes no sense, but according to another video, these are the actual words. It makes more sense, but that’s still what I hear whenever I stumble upon a video talking about this.]
I will not suffer shitty
Fools that bring forth
Naught but pity
For their lack of wit and wild
[Jesus christ, is this yet another jab at Roger Waters?! I got enough of that from Doug Walker beating it into everyone’s skulls for the last half-hour, I don’t need to hear it from whoever the hell this is too.]
But here we rather find
The result of heart and artist
I say the music here is joyous!
[At this point I can’t even tell if this is supposed to be a genuine compliment or a backhanded one.]
But with that, we have to say
Black, spiky, horned demon goat thing:
Lazy
Left in the attic
We’re not crazy
Constantly dreaming
I just wish they’d give us some more time to live
[How is the film not being about you “lazy”? Are you even talking about this film specifically, or just movies with underused cool-looking creatures in general? Also, this seems pretty ironic given that each of these characters (with the exception of Lucy) only get maybe a few seconds of screentime in this “review”.]
Horned kangaroo lizard titty monster with no pants:
Lazy,
Constantly (???) as being lazy
[This is the one most everyone points to when they talk about the lyrics being unintelligible, and I don’t blame them because I’ve seen this part multiple times and still can’t fully figure out what she’s saying. Also, I’m sorry Fennah, but somebody’s gotta say it: the lip-syncing here is awkward at best.]
Multi-horned Christmas goat motherfucker:
Those little shits
They’ve done it now
We all deserve personalities
They could’ve used us
Far more often than they did,
But no!
They had to go their own way
[Again, this film’s not about the weird creatures for a reason: they’re not the focus because they aren’t real in the context of the film and the focus is Pink and his personal struggles. If you want animated characters with creative designs that have more screentime and development, then I have no clue what made you think you’d get it from this film out of all the other animated media out there. Not every animation-live action hybrid movie is trying to be Who Framed Roger Rabbit (especially not this one since it came out years before Roger Rabbit did).]
We’re bored of Alice!
We want the Hatter
[Okay, credit where it’s due, I like this tiny bit here by itself. I definitely don’t think it works as a “criticism” of The Wall, but it’s decently creative in a way.]
Just five minutes more, your honor,
Them and us alone
Blue Skyrim-looking dragon:
Wait!
This film’s not bound by characters
It’s a visual affair
It never aimed to tell a story
[Were you watching the same film that everyone else was, or are you somehow confusing it with the “review” you’re currently in? The film does have characters and does tell a story, and I think it does a pretty decent job at it (even better than the album I’d argue), unlike this “review” which tries to have a narrative but becomes less and less cohesive as it drags on.]
Rather sprawling canvas of
Emotion visual splendor
And your honor, we can take that home
[Take what home? I don’t even know what your argument is supposed to be here. This just sounds like word salad at this point.]
Tall Sean Connery-sounding werewolf in a striped robe:
Maybe
There’s more to the picture
Just maybe
Both sides of the wall
[...Nobody in this “review” actually knows what “The Wall” that the film and album are talking about is supposed to be, do they?]
Sean Connery-sounding werewolf and white lizard thing:
There’s a difference between nonsense, after all
That and
Creation
Mutated cow monster thing on a moon surrounded by jellyfish:
Genius and nonsense
And creation
[Okay, again, credit where it’s due: the lip-sync for this thing is awkward, but this is the only person or thing in this ���review” with a genuinely pleasant and clear singing voice. Shame that she only gets two or three short lines, one of which she has with the previous duo.]
Lucy Lacemaker:
The evidence before the court is
Incontrovertible
There’s no need for the jury to retire
In all my years of judging,
I have never seen before
[With the exception of one word in that last part, Lucy’s whole bit here is completely lifted from the original. Some of these were already cutting it close to the original’s, but this is just straight up copying it. I don’t know who wrote this part of the “review” (I’ve gotten conflicting information on whether it was Doug or Fennah who wrote this particular parody), but whoever it was, you’ve got some nerve to have characters call the film “lazy” only to later turn around and do this.]
A film so deserving
Of both love and wanting more
The way it makes you tougher,
Makes you think and feel but suffer,
Fills me with the urge to decapitate
[Go on, Lucy! Off with his head!
Edit: I guess here’s as good a point as any to point out that, at least according to TV Tropes, Lucy is a lesbian who likes to murder people, so apparently that’s supposed to be funny. ...Yeah, no, it’s not. Fuck you, TV Tropes.]
I believe this film is packed
[I’m being generous in assuming she said “packed” at least, because it sound like she’s saying “hacked” but that doesn’t really make sense. Then again this whole bit in this “review” doesn’t really make sense when it comes down to it.]
With much to be revered
But the marvelous creatures
Should be adored
As opposed to being feared
[...You mean you want people to love the animated creatures based on literal abusers and Nazis?]
Tear down the wall!
[What wall?! In the context of this “review” there is no wall! Even if the context here is that there’s a “wall” between nightmarish fantasy and reality, then Lucy and/or Fennah already broke it offscreen before this whole number started. Or are you talking about the film/album The Wall? If that’s the case, then why are you demanding that Doug Walker tear it down when he was already doing that long before you showed up? What did Doug have to do with any of this? What the hell happened to Corey Taylor during all this?! Why did I waste so much time writing all this down?! Why did I do this to myself?! WHY?!]
#Blapis tears down NC's The Wall#long post#bold text warning#capslock warning#very long post#Nazi mention //#abuse mention //#yes I did just somewhat compare Tamatoa to the animated creatures in Pink Floyd's The Wall; the fuck are you gonna do about it
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tbh i think square/disney really wanted the organization to be bad™ and irredeemable™ but they shot themself in the foot after they sprinkled in the various moments where its established that the individuals of the org arent inherently evil. which means that them having ienzo be a child originally makes it strange to have such malicious hate aimed at him in the same series where characters are expected to grow and learn and sympathize. but idk lol
h o n e s t l y ? y E Ah
im taking this chance to ramble under the cut , wh e e z e. Warning for KH3 spoilers and Mod Demyx rant rant
in my humble ass opinion, it really just feels like Nomura had a bunch of cool ideas in general, but then the train went rogue and they started adding a shit ton of plot twists (that they’d later have to explain and make relevant to the main plot) for the sake of continuing the saga and milking more money bc KH was part of so many people’s childhoods
like, it’s one of my fave games and sagas ever but to be honest, i’d love for some other company to fucking remake the entire plot without the pretense of “we gotta be kid friendly bc Disney is here uwu”. Like, you can’t really be dramatic and make any important events when every character is just gonna come back, only killing off those that you don’t know how to continue.
and it’s such a weird fucking ? amalgamation of stuff too ? not even the fact that we’re mixing talking animals,disney princesses and final fantasy shit into it, but like - sometimes it shows scenes that are too dark for Disney and sometimes it just skims over shit that it should have some proper closure because o h it’s too dark for a kid’s game. And then even deeper shit is hinted in the novels and manga bUT TYING BACK TO MY PREVIOUS ANSWERED POST, YOU CAN’T EXPAND ON LORE TO MAKE YOUR CREATION MORE STABLE LIKE THIS - IF YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN OR EXPAND UPON SOMETHING, HAVE B A L L S AND DO IT IN THE GAME, WHICH IS THE MAIN FOCUS
Like, in KH3 they wanted everyone to get redeemed and “close off a chapter of this story” but honestly ? it was fucking rushed and done in a pretty shitty way, in my opinion.
Ienzo just shows up wanting to help and there’s no repercussions to his actions as a nobody, he’s just like “uwu hi” and everyone’s too caught up in Sora having a phone to even care that this was one of the guys that gave them h e l l in Castle Oblivion. Same with the other apprentices, Aeleus and Dilan get no spoken lines, just a line explaining how they also wanted to be better tossed in all carelessly. That’s their redemption.
And don’t get me wrong, I fucking adore Zexion/Ienzo, he was my crush as a kid, but ? he’s just used to show that Nobodies can be chill and they’ve been all controlled by a bigger evil, as well as part of Ansem’s own redeeming arc instead of having his O W N redeeming arc. He’s virtually useless despite all the protagonism they gave him in KH3, cause sure he calls Sora to let him know shit and he’s supposedly “working on Big Stuff for the Good Guys(tm)”, but all of this work and character development happens off-screen. Same with Vexen/Even - and he at least gets like two scenes showing that he actively works in the shadows to redeem himself.
And I know it’s hard to make a game and they’ve been at it for a long fucking time and it requires a lot of shit but ? ? ? hONESTLY I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU ALL BUT I PREFER TO GET A SOLID CLOSURE ON THE MAIN SHIT AND THEN MAYBE GET MORE CLOSURE FOR LESS BUT STILL IMPORTANT GROUPS IN OTHER GAMES OR REMIXES SINCE THEYRE SUPER KEEN ON MAKING A SHIT TON OF SPIN-OFFS AND STUFF. LIKE, THAT SEEMS BETTER THAN HAVING A LOT OF SMALLER PLOTS JUST SPRINKLED THERE LIKE “WHOOPS AND THEY WERE ALL HAPPY AGAIN”
cAUSE THEY DON’T EVEN STOP THERE. THEY TRY TO CLOSE A LOT OF SHIT, BUT THEN ADD A LOT OF VAGUE CRYPTIC SHIT FOR THE UPCOMING GAMES AND STORIES ? ? ?
like I love the final battle part a lot because it’s ? ? ? so fucking badass and it’s the end of all this journey we’ve been on, it’s Sora vs Xenahort, it’s the light vs the darkness, it’s Master Eraqus’ legacy vs Xenahort’s army.
but it’s just an easy cheap way to close off so much shit in a short time.
the sea salt trio ? reunited. the wayfinder trio ? reunited. the remaining Nobodies who still have no fucking backstories ? gone with a hint of “we’ll be back as good guys”. Like, they added fucking Ephemera as the “light from the past”, inviting the connection between the current timeline with KHux bUT THERE’S STILL NOTHING ON LAURIAM/MARLUXIA. AND THEN THERE’S A FUCKING CUTSCENE OF VENTUS HUGGING A FUCKING CHIRITHY LIKE, YOURE NOT EXPLAINING NOR HELPING ANYONE, NOMURA.
LIKE THE SECRET CUTSCENE IMPLIES 2 THINGS : NEW CHARACTERS (FROM RIKU’S POINT OF VIEW, SINCE HE’S WATCHED BY YOZORA) AND THE COME BACK OF THE TWEWY FRANCHISE WHOSE INVOLVEMENT HAD BEEN COMPLETELY IGNORED AND JUST ABANDONED SINCE DDD. SURE, DREAM EATERS WERE HELLA IMPORTANT AND THERE’S SLEEPING WORDS THERE. AND THERE’S IMPORTANT SHIT GOING ON WITH VANITAS AND THE UNVERSED. BUT ALL WE GOT WAS A DREAM EATER SUMMONING, LIKE 5 UNVERSED ENEMIES AND MORE UNNECESSARY CONFUSION
Like I get it that KH3 was supposed to be the ending of some things and the beginning of other new things and I get that there were a lot of setbacks and things involved, but even with it’s amazing graphics and fun gameplay, it’s still another trainwreck regarding plot. But we all just keep eating it up because we’re desperate to know how it ends and bc childhood nostalgia keeps us here at gunpoint
also i’m mad that out of all KH girls, only Aqua got her time to shine. Like sure, you can argue and say that Kairi took the spotlight after saving Sora again and being a good 70% of Sora’s strength, but as usual she was thrown back into her spot as “princess in distress”, with her training and character development happening off-screen in a place that conveniently has no effect to the current events. And speaking of training, she just immediately becomes besties with Axel despite all the shit they went through with him trying to kidnap her and whatnot. And sPEAKING OF AXEL, HE GOT WAY MORE DEVELOPMENT THAN ROXAS OR XION OR KAIRI OR AQUA HERSELF
AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING CAUSE AQUA GOES THROUGH A LOT OF SHIT IN THIS GAME - She finally succumbs to darkness, she goes out of it, she saves Ven, reunites with Terra and after sO MANY FUCKING YEARS, she’s back on the realm of light. And that moment when she asks where they are and they tell her she’s back home and she raises her head to look at the sun and she cries ? ? that made me S H I V E R and TEAR UP MYSELF - but still, after all of that she goes to pretty much doing nothing while Axel here goes through a keyblade training, seeing Kairi as Xion, making ammends with his best friend, reuniting with his two adopted kids after so much shit and hinting anOTHER SUBPLOT WITH HIM, ISA AND A “SECRET GIRL” FRIEND THEY HAD.
BUT FROM XION WE ONLY GET THE PLOT CONVENIENT COMEBACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLE SO SHE CAN REUNITE WITH HER FRIENDS. A BIT OF INNER ANGST HERE AND THERE AND BOOM IT’S OVER SHE’S HAPPY NOW.
AND NAMINE ? DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED. SHE’S GONE FOR SO LONG, ONLY SHOWING UP AS A STAR, MENTIONED OFF HAND BY KAIRI AND THEN SHE FINALLY GETS HER DESERVED LIFE IN THE ENDING CUTSCENE WHEN RIKU COMES TO PICK HER ASS UP. (im also mad that everyone got a happy/bittersweet ending except Vanitas and Repliku but that’s just me being sad aBOUT MY SONS)
sO LONG STORY SHORT :
I hate that this entire saga is a wreck but it still has me grabbed by the balls. Like I bought the KH special edition PS4 just to play when KH3 came out
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Ive got a question for anyone whos willing to take time out of their day to answer it, but also kinda a story time? Cause it’ll better explain the question and I wanna talk ab it, cause its been breathing down my neck for the past like, 9 or 10 years I think.
So my family is pretty normal, pretty decent for the most part, or was pretty decent, idk. I used to never want to leave my Mom’s side, always wanted to stay here where I live still cause its where family is, and family is good. I used to make so many things, create systems that were faulty yes, but also extremely clever, cardboard houses that had working elevators, ac systems, opening roof and so on. I was clever and I knew it, I loved it, hell I was even on top of my entire class. Then around bout when I was 6 or 7, shit changed and I hated it. People stopped caring, I felt extremely abandoned, 2nd grade was when I found my songs (if you understand, im sorry), I was just a furious shadow of myself before hand. Even after everything returned to a normal, or a semi normal, it never stopped affecting me. I became practically co-dependent (im trying to work myself out of that as we speak, pretty hard sometimes though), things started happening that don’t have a proper explanation, just everything was fucked up for me. I tried to fix it and jump into some hobbies like reading or playing video games, crafting and costume making, and so on. But I dropped every single one over and over again. Even now I still do, because im used to people shutting me down. I show someone a drawing im super proud of, no matter how shitty it is because I actually achieved something, and all they say is “cool” or “nice” and don’t feed my excitement, just drown it in a tone that says “I don’t care ab that”. It was fine at first but started getting so much worse to the point I just gave up. I started shutting myself down because I knew what they would say, I knew and I hated that. My grades dropped from straight A’s to B’s and C’s and that was the end of the world to my parents apparently. I started cheating just to please them and started pushing myself to whatever max I had just to fake a smile. I haven’t felt motivated in forever and I just want to feel okay with myself again.
So, now that I’ve bored everyone with my stupid story, my question is: How can I stop shutting myself down?
I know that was stupid and all but it’s a serious question. I want to get back into writing, I want to get back into costume making, I want to get back into reading and making stuffed animals the way i used to. I just want to feel like me even for a fraction of a second.
Edit: i made that post a few years ago but never posted it cause i shut myself down haha- but for me the answer was simply to give myself an end goal, to have many projects started and have due dates for them, and even if i didnt finish them by the due date i had to just tell myself that i did a good job regardless cause i mean ive made it this far, and thats pretty good i thinks. its gonna be a journey for everyone and everyones journey is gonna be different, but becoming my own- praising myself when i knew no one else would- thats what works for me, keeping an end goal and allowing experimentation was what kept me goin- i have finished 4ish plushies since then, 4 hats, a shirt, and a jacket. not to mention the countless drawings ive made not only on my ipad but in my various sketchbooks. And yea that doesnt sound like a lot but for me it is and that’s perfectly fine. but thats what got me up and goin and surprise it wasn’t entirely just me- i had to push past my fears to share my works with my friends, they’ve been helpin me build up my confidence. so if you ever need someone to cheer you on dont be afraid to dm me or send me an ask with ur art and work in it. i dont mind cheerin anyone on- we all gotta start somewhere. <3 love yall ^^
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about me as a writer
I was tagged by @oiivkawa <3 Thanks so much, this was super fun!
Tagging: @emeraldwaves @ivyfics @calmgeyama @ohoholyshit @yatatsukki and?? anyone else who wants to I guess lol, I feel like most ppl I know how been tagged ^^
I’m putting my responses under the cut as well bc I know myself lmao, my responses can be long af ^^’’
1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? bleh I have two usernames, and both stories are embarrassing LOL I’ll go with my actual ao3 name though I guess?? When I was in middle (?) school I used to watch the anime HOTD, which is like...awful first off. It’s borderline hentai, shitty fanservice, the whole thing (don’t ask me why I watched it, bc who knows, the music was A+) but my favorite character’s name was Saya, and her servants would call her ladysaya, so that’s the explanation for that ha. I put the x in front because I used to be obsessed with x men and all the marvel/dc animated series, so it felt appropriate pft. Man, even talking about this brings back so many cringe worthy memories lmao forgive me.
2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (Bookmarks/ Subscriptions/ Hits/ Kudos) for Haikyuu!! it’s definitely Slipping Underneath, and for K Project it’s There You Are <3
3. What is your AO3 profile icon and why did you choose it? It’s Semi! The reasoning for this is because I have 3 fav Haikyuu!! characters: Tsukishima, Oikawa, and Semi. So I just try to distribute my love evenly tbh lol. I have a Tsukki icon on here and discord, Semi for AO3, and Oikawa is on my phone case ^^
4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? ahhh I have several but I’m not aware if many of them have tumblr?? A lot of people who comment on every chapter of my multichapters are very special to me, I love them all! Ofc on here there’s @emeraldwaves @ivyfics @momomirasaki124 @uselessvalshit @starjem and then I have my other fav supporters @serviceace @caelestisxyz and @urikawa-miyuki <3
5. Is there a fanfic you keep going back to read again and again? Ah damn there are so many lmfao, I have a lot of fav fics and I don’t want to make this post super long. Please check out the rec posts I’ve done here and here ! Or also message me for specific types of fics <3 I will say though, one fic I always go back to read even though it’s been YEARS is a kyoukao fic by potionwine!
6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? I consider myself pretty picky, but I do read a LOT of fic, so I have a decent amount of both ^^ About 187 bookmarks, and 16 fic/author subscriptions!
7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? Probably college?? even though I know that’s super broad, and all kinds of different AUs can be based in college but that’s how it is lol. I think that’s because I honestly don’t like redoing AUs?? I like experimenting and making up really weird shit and original scenarios as much as possible. Though, I’m sure you can find apparent trends across all my fics ^^
8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? haha...I have 76 user subscriptions, 436 general fic subscriptions, and 792 bookmarks. I don’t even know how that’s real lmao I feel so blessed that so many people enjoy my writing <3
9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) not really honestly, if I have an embarrassing or indulgent idea at this point, I just write it lmao idc but there are lots of types of fics I am scared to write just bc I don’t know if I could do them justice heh....
10. Is there anything you’d like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. yes lmao updating better would be something I’d LOVE to improve on ; ; Also writing action scenes too fff fuck action scenes
11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? Uhhh I’ve dabbled in both but yeah, more often than not I stick to more popular pairs just because I need content to motivate me pftt
12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day? 50!
13. How many stories do you have saved in/ with your writing program? Like WIPs? ffff WIPs...maybe like 4 or 5 at this point, including multichapters, and wow that’s actually not a lot, usually I have a ton and I’m drowning in them loool
14. Do you write down story ideas or just keep them in your head? Both...I usually just keep things in my head, but if a fic starts giving me issues, I like to plot it out
15. Have you ever co- authored a story? Nope, but I’d really love to at some point with a friend!
16. How did you discover AO3? Uh I honestly don’t remember loool I think one day I sorta just saw that no one was using ff anymore and I was like ‘aight’
17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? Not really lmao, I mean...my siren au does pretty well, but otherwise my fics get kinda slept on -shrug- it is what it is
18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? lol i do not
19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? Well I’ve always loved to write so no, but @brynne-lagaao is a big reason I started writing sarumi fics back when I was in K fandom! And nowadays in the hq fandom, a lot of amazing authors really push me to keep writing ^^
20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? don’t be afraid to write and write whatever you want basically lmao I know it can be daunting if you think your writing skills aren’t matching up with other authors, but the best thing you can do is practice, practice, and eventually you will see results! Also read a lot, reading other ppl’s stories really helps, and above all, just have fun with it!
21. Do you plot out your stories or do you just figure it out as you go? I try to have a basic plot (beginning, middle, end) because I used to just DIVE IN to stories and it was awful lmao I need some sort of guideline, even if it’s small
22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? yes ofc, but I honestly try not to dwell on them because they’re not worth it. I either ignore or delete in most cases
23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (Action, smut, etc) action and smut are never easy for me lol
24. What story(s) are you working on now? well right now I’m working on two secret santa fics for iwaoi, as well as my two kurotsuki multichapters! I am also trying to write kacchako as a x-mas present for a friend lol
25. Do you plan your new projects before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? ha yeah, it’s a bad habit but I have no self-control
26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? I do not! I just try to write at least a little bit each day if I can, but there’s never a word minimum I try to reach ^^
27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started? oh 100% lmao comparing some of my old fics from even a year ago to my fics now is eye opening
28. What is your favourite story that you have written? Shaking in My Skull for sarumi, it’s also the longest fic I’ve ever written and it holds a special place in my heart ; ; For kurotsuki it’s gotta be Let My Love
29. What is your least favourite story that you have written? fuck me, Pencils and Paper LOL it was an earlier sarumi fic of mine and I just...hate it. I’m not even gonna link it LOL
30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? Still writing fanfic most likely, maybe some original stuff (I hope!)
31. What’s the easiest part about writing? lmao nothing, writing is super hard work, sometimes even just thinking up ideas can be difficult, then there’s actually writing and making the ideas come to life, and don’t get me started on editing lmaooo writers are my heroes
32. What is the hardest part about writing? Finding the motivation, at least for me. I struggle sometimes with it because I’ll have the time and inspiration but depression just kicks my ass every time fff
33. Why do you write? For me it’s super therapeutic, I love the satisfaction of putting hard work into an idea you love and finishing it, and the high that comes with that. Plus sharing the story with others and getting positive feedback is a feeling that can’t be beat. I’ve always loved writing, I love how the possibilities are endless, and I hope I never stop <3
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Creepy Kids from my Career as a Case Manager Part 1 DuShaun by creepykids
DuShaun J (Shaun for short) was a 15 y.o. black kid with an IQ in the Superior/Very Superior range. He lived in a trailer park outside a small town about 70 miles south of Chicago with his mother and her shitbag boyfriend. His file noted that the boyfriend was a felon and was certainly abusive to both DuShaun and his mother. The file painted his mother in more sympathetic colors but I was pretty skeptical. Shaun had fewer disciplinary issues at school than I would have expected. His only run-in with the cops seemed to have been a time he was caught spray painting the side of an abandoned, burned-out Dairy Queen on the edge of town and the cop had let him off with a warning (and made an astonishingly positive assessment of the quality of Shaun's work as an aside in the report). For one of the few black kids (demographics on the town list it as 91% white) in a broke-ass small town going to a shitty public high school to be that smart and stay under the radar somehow was pretty impressive.
He would have gone completely under our radar too, except teachers had begun to notice that he was coming to school sporting visible injuries (black eyes, lacerations, what looked like cigarette burns on his right arm) and had sometimes seemed to be in a daze. Statements noted that he had always been thin to the point of looking emaciated.
When I arrived, the trailer was a shit show (did I even need to say that?)--the only thing in the living room that didn't look scavenged from a dump in a post-apocalyptic wasteland was a brand television (with a ps4 attached) that was planted right in front of the beat-to-shit dark brown recliner where Shaun's mom's boyfriend (Dave) clearly spent most of his waking hours. The trailer smelled like old meat and cigarette smoke. The millipede that scurried across the wall as I was talking to the mom (Wanda) looked happy and fat--it's nice when families take good care of their pets, I think.
I knew Wanda was 32, although her face was so haggard and pitted she looked much older. She had probably been stunning, once, and I think she was probably highly intelligent although the intelligence was buried under years of trauma and mountains of heroin. Dave (41, white, never handsome, now flabby and dead-eyed) made faces while Wanda expressed saccharine, maudlin sentiments about Shaun. Dave used several racial epithets in a short conversation and also repeatedly speculated that Shaun was "probably a faggot." I didn't bait him, since he'd have taken it out on Shaun later, but I took some pleasure in the fact that it clearly made him uncomfortable when I gave him absolutely no reassurance or approval. (I'm a big, medium handsome white dude, not at all flabby.)
Shaun's bedroom was tiny, and the only furniture in it was a twin sized bed. It was impeccably neat, and the hideous green and brown carpet was clean. It's unprofessional of me, but I could barely pay attention to Shaun for a few minutes because I was mesmerized by the drawings he had done on his wall.
His walls were covered in urgent, explosive drawings of fantastic figures--mostly anthropomorphic, though many had wings and tails and animal heads--in different poses. Some were clearly dancing, some were holding spears or swords, some were flying or kneeling in prayer. They reminded me of cave drawings, or perhaps like if some savages had somehow traveled forward in time and been exposed to Klee and Basquiat and then gone back to their own era to have a second go at the walls in Lascaux. First taking in those walls was like jerking off during a fever dream. We are always told to look for something--anything at all--that a kid is halfway good at so we can use it to open a dialogue but this was more than that; looking at Shaun's work I was fairly certain I was looking at a work of genius.
Shaun was staring at me with big, brilliant eyes. Perfectly poised. Amiable enough but clearly diamond sharp. I was absolutely certain that he'd see me leading with something like "Boy howdy them's some nice drawings you got here!" as artless and hamfisted. He'd be polite but it would destroy any chance at trust. So instead I shook his hand, asked if I could sit on his bed, and explained a few of the concerns his teachers had expressed to lay out the reasons for my visit. Shaun sat on the floor and took it all in.
I assumed Dave was listening in (I could hear labored breathing outside the thin bedroom door, for one thing) and I really didn't need any info from Shaun about his relationship with his parents anyway. Living conditions would go in my report. I could see some of his injuries (healing black eye, a definite burn on his left arm) and they'd go in the report. No need to ask Shaun to piss in a cup--I was sure the kid was clean as a whistle. As soon as we had any reason we could piss test the mom and Dave and they'd be just as dirty any day of the week as they were now. The main thing was building a rapport with Shaun so we talked about sports and school. I asked him about the skateboard I saw in the corner (he was an avid skater) and we talked about music. He was surprised and dubious when I told him I liked Tyler the Creator too, and was clearly astonished when I said one of the reasons I liked him was that he had grown up from a smart, funny, glib kid who didn't give a fuck into an intelligent man with real shit to say.
"Yeah," Shaun said, "and now a lot of folk who used to fuck with him don't like him any more. He doesn't give a fuck about THAT either, though."
"Yeah, what did he say once, 'Anybody who's mad at me I don't make jokes about hurting women anymore and don't still squat in my dead grandmother's house can fuck off,' or something."
"Yeah," Shaun said and smiled, "petty little dick-riders hate transcendence."
We talked a little about his artwork, then. He asked me if I'd ever heard of the Dictionnaire Infernal, and I said that I had. It was kind of a catalog of demons--a hierarchy of hell. He nodded, and said he had seen a "fucking trippy" edition online illustrated by a French guy named Breton ("But not the famous surrealist guy, like I thought at first, just some boring dude who only did that one good thing") and that he'd had dreams about it. In the dreams he saw demons of his own. Demons and devils and spirits that his grandfather had told him about that were apparently mongelized constructs pulled from voodoo and African folktales and old Southern ghost stories. He had always been a good artist, but he said when he painted these dreams he felt he was on some next level shit.
He asked me which my favorite was, and I pointed to a leaping figure, bouncing high with his arms raised over his head in exultation. It looked like he was wearing a big amulet and he had a stag's head with huge, intricate antlers.
"Yeah. He's Joy. I like him too. That one down here, though..." he pointed a long, elegant finger at a horrible thing with big feathery wings and the face of a bird who appeared, somehow, to be shrieking, "that one's Vengeance. You don't wanna see that bitch--lady, excuse me--you don't wanna see that lady."
"She's like a banshee?"
"Yeah, kinda. But I think banshees s'posed to show up when you're already doomed? She fuckin' brings doom with her."
"Do you have titles for them?"
"Not gonna get titles. These are too personal. These motherfuckers gonna get names. Haven't named them yet either. Naming a thing is serious business--once you name something, you gotta be ready to own it."
I really wanted the conversation to keep going, but I had other appointments and had more than enough information.
Shaun clearly had a little more to say, though, so I stood up slowly but did not move toward or even look at the door.
"When me and mom were still in Chicago, before we moved down to this pit, I used to run with this kid Tariq whose family was Muslim. Real Muslim, not hood Muslim. And his pops told me once, when he found out I was an artist, 'There is an old story that on Judgment Day Allah will call the artists before his throne and place one of their artworks in front of them and he will tell them to bring it to life. If they cannot bring it to life--and who, but Allah, can?--they will be condemned.' I think about that a lot, every time I make something."
I wasn't sure what to say. "That's really beautiful," I said, and then added, honestly, "I don't know what else to say about that."
"Yeah...I guess not," he answered evenly, although I got the sense he somehow felt sorry for me.
A couple of months later, I had a dream (I guess it was a dream) that brought Shaun back into my thoughts in a big way. It was one of those dreams where I dreamed that I had just woken up in bed. My apartment was shaking and rumbling, at first like a train was going past outside but then instead of subsiding the shaking got harder and harder and I realized something huge was crashing around in my front room. I was too terrified to go investigate so I just sat up in bed as the crashing and rumbling grew closer. My door swung open and a huge, black skinned man jumped into the middle of the room. I tried to scream but couldn't and I tried to move but I couldn't. I realized the man had the head of a stag with enormous, gorgeously intricately curved antlers. He calmly turned on my light and stood in front of me: massive slabs of muscle; dazzling, ivory white horns with mesmerizing curves and curlicues; thick, sinewy legs terminating in cloven hooves, and the head of a stag with glistening fur and chaotic but infinitely kind eyes. He didn't smile at me--I'm not sure how a stag would smile at you--but those eyes were full of such kindness and such joy there was no need. He danced in the middle of the room and despite the crashes and the shaking the dance was hypnotic, soothing, and I felt myself drifting back to sleep as the Great God Beast leaped and spun.
As it happened, I had taken some time off starting the next day, but when I was back at work a week later I asked if anybody had heard anything about Shaun. I was not at all surprised to be told that I should update the file to reflect that his current whereabouts were unknown (with friends back in the city was a safe guess, everyone agreed) and that he had packed a bag in the middle of the night and left a note for his mom asking her to please not bother looking for him until she got her own shit together.
I was a little more surprised to learn that Dave was in psych care after a suicide attempt the night after Shaun bugged out of town.
"You're shitting me," I said to my supervisor as she filled me in.
"Hand to God. Most fucked up thing. Maybe he...felt bad?"
"Fuuuuck," I answered.
I don't like cops. But like I say, I'm a white dude with short hair who's in good shape and wears his polo shirts tucked in, so cops usually do like me. Having a rapport with cops comes in handy for me, and more important for the kids I work with. So I called one of the cops who had been involved with responding to Dave's suicide attempt or whatever-the-fuck it was. Cop was a dude named Joe, and Joe suggested we grab a beer because he'd need a beer or three to tell the story.
I had about half Joe's attention as he guzzled his second beer--the other half of his attention belonged to the blonde bartender with big boobs who ruffled what was left of Joe's hair every time she walked past. That was fine. One thing I've learned is that getting information from a cop is like buying pot from some shitbird campus dealer in college--you always have to spend an uncomfortable amount of time pretending you like them before they give you what you came for. Joe finally took a breath and gave me the Product: "So me and my partner show up just ahead of the EMT's. And that's good because neither of us wanted to do any kinda CPR or whatever on that piece of white trash, which was double true when we walked into his filthy bedroom and smelled that he'd pissed himself. Like a lot. Like, bro, I've never seen a grown man piss himself that hard and I've had drunk duty at the county fair. Fuckin blood everywhere, too. That old boy had really done a number on his arms. Multiple deep cuts. Don't know how he stayed conscious long enough to make 'em, don't know how he stayed alive long enough to get medical help either.
So the kid had just gone missing the day before. This guy is a known shitbird who we figured was knocking the kid around. I'd have bet money he killed the kid and buried him somewhere and then for some reason--maybe a combination of his fine Christian upbringing and whatever his last fix of heroin was cut with--he just freaked the fuck out with guilt and decided to end it. So I made sure he was in cuffs with a guard posted at the hospital.
When he comes to, he tells us this bullshit story about how some kind of fuckin woman with saggy tits and a head like crow came dancing this crazy dance in his room while he was sleeping in the middle of the afternoon. Wanda was at work so he was home alone and this bird-head bitch is just jumping around and he is too scared to yell or even move and he feels like he's having a heart attack and she's, like, feasting on his fear. And then finally she stops and looks him dead in his eyes and opens her mouth--beak, whatever--and just screeches. Said it's this awful, high pitched noise like a tornado siren that just goes on and on and he's shaking and crying and the more he sobs the happier she seems and then he says the head changes from a crow head to just being the head of an old woman with long, tangled gray hair and now she's grinning at him and still making the exact same shrieking noise and that's when he lost it. Grabbed a pair of scissors from beside the bed and went to work on his arms while the old woman kept screaming."
"Fuck," I said, sipping my Dewar's.
"No shit. Two weird things. First one's minor--Davey boy doesn't recall calling 911, although someone did make the call from his cell phone."
"Weird," I said.
"Yeah but I mean, the dude clearly had some kind of psychotic break plus he was probably fucked up on H. So who knows. But the other fucked up thing is--I mean it's a trailer park so surprise surprise, a lot of the neighbors are home midday. Several of them say they did hear noises coming from the trailer while all this was going on. Screeching noises it's hard to imagine a human being making."
"Heroin's a hell of a drug," I deflected.
"Yeah. Hell. When your vic is fucked up on drugs and also going nuts and your wits are a bunch of slackjawed white trash who are ALSO fucked up on H and probably drunk on top of that....Anyway, bro, I give no fucks anymore. The mom got a call from the kid, said he was in the city and doing okay. I didn't necessarily believe her when she told me, but then the kid called the station himself and we asked him to come back or let us know where he was exactly and he asked if we thought he was stupid but then he faxed us a copy of his social and his school ID so we're satisfied. Plus you have to figure a kid who has the presence of mind to take important paperwork with him when he hops town has a good shot of coming out the other end. So there's that."
"Yeah," I yawned, "there's that." And I threw down enough money to cover our drinks and wished Joe luck with his new friend the bartender and he winked at me and said "Yeah, bro," as I walked away.
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✿ Does anyone in real life know about your RPing hobby and what, if anything, have they said about it?
My parents know, because for as long as I’ve been on the internet, they’ve known that I like to write and write with friends overseas. My dad still calls it fanfiction somtimes to other people, like he’s proud of me or something, and that’s enough to make me want to never talk to him again out of embarrassment, ha, but I deal with it. Because I truly do love writing more than anything. Other than that, my boyfriend knows, but he doesn’t care about it / ask questions and I don’t really like to tell him about it either. I’m not as embarrassed about RP as I used to be, but I still feel like it’s just something for me that other people wouldn’t really understand the mechanics of. The only times my boyfriend and I do acknowledge it is when I start talking about an RP friend he hasn’t heard about before like a real life friend, so he’s like who dat and im like oh, new rp friend from > insert country
That being said, he actually did surprise me the other week and I have been holding onto it for fear life. We were complaining about a friend who literally just sleeps and watches Netflix all day when she’s not working, and he’s like “I don’t get how you can do that” and im like “Well I have friends online who claim to do that a lot. Me, personally, I’d get too bored.” and hes like “I just don’t get how people can do nothing all the time? Like at least with you and your online stuff, that’s still doing something. I just feel like that’s actually a hobby.” and I kind of didn’t hear whatever else it is he said because he actually ??? referred to my RP addiction as something valid and worthy??? and all this time i’ve assumed he didn’t get it and thought it was dumb??? IDK, it made me feel good.
✿ Have you considered writing professionally or do you have plans to?
Always. But I never will, I don’t think.
✿ How do you handle the toxicity sometimes found in the roleplaying community, particularly in fandoms?How has roleplaying, specifically, impacted your life?
I use tumblr savior to blacklist a lot, because it really gets too much for me to be exposed to it a lot, and it makes me feel shitty and not want to rp with certain people because of how they behave, or makes me feel guilty for how I behave… I usually drift away from things that give me major negative vibes, otherwise I become in great, exponential danger of saying something i’ll regret. I’ve hated Tumblr RP a lot in this last year. It’s nowhere near as relaxed as it used to be, and I know there’s a lot of political debate on the topic of equality but I am not comfortable in a space where I have to edit everything I do and say or just not do or say it at all. When it gets like that level, a good dose of the unfollow button and keeping my mouth shut is what I find the most helpful.
✿ How has writing improved your life and do you see yourself sticking with it?
When I graduated high school, I went to college for art and animation, and it basically ruined my creative life. Before RP, I used to be an avid drawer, I sketched every day, I improved my skills and motivation so much, everyone knew me as the girl who drew in class instead of did her work, the girl who was going to grow up and be a famous artist, and when I went to college, it killed that for me. My ego took a big blow because the tech side of the course absolutely annihilated me, i couldn’t do it. so after that (and that was 2 years ago now) i haven’t really drawn since. but the silver lining was that I took on RP more dedicatedly after that, and found that I truly adored writing. Try as I might, I’ve never really comitted to a personal writing project, and it’s only in the recent times that I’ve taken the pressure off for me to do it, but. RP makes me happy, it makes me feel like I’m doing something good when I reply to people or make new friendships, it makes me feel like I’m wanted and needed, that my characters and plots are valid and that other people would care if I’m here or not. It was a big boost for my self confidence, and it’s also made me so much more privy to the creative world, which i needed after that. so yeah, i see myself sticking with writing.
✿ Is there a quote from a piece of literature that holds great value to you? What is it and why is it important to you?
She stood in front of her closet mirror in her T-shirt and twisted this way and that. What’s wrong with me? She wondered. There was nothing the matter that she could see. She was tall and leggy, like her mother, with full breasts, small waist, and slim hips that curved enough to show she was female. Her skin was gently golden; it was always golden, sun or not, and her tawny hair was thick and long and wild. So why was it that groups of girls stopped talking when she approached them at school and answered her openings with tense words that killed the conversations she tried to start? Was she too good-looking? Was that possible? Was that the threat they saw?
Legitimately, this was the first and pretty much only female protagonist I had ever read about who fully and whole-heartedly loved herself where it mattered. Sure, she still had her shortcomings and moments of weakness, but god damn, Vivian was so proud of herself and what she stood for, and that was so refreshing to see during that period of young adult fiction. It’s why she became my first favourite character from a book. And has pretty much inspired me to write feirce, aggressive, self-assured female characters ever since. I was just so inspired by her way of thinking as a young girl, it appealed to me so much and so that moment in the book plus a whole lot of others, really stuck with me.
✿ What do you typically look for in a roleplay partner?
Cliche, but chemistry. And not always in the writing kind but a lot in the OOC kind. I like people who I can talk to super easily, who write in the same tumblr language I do, who reference memes and are not afraid to hit me up with IMs and head canons, etc. I just love it because it makes me feel comfortable with a person, and like I’m not being a bother. The better I get to know a player, the better I get to know their character away from IC interactions. Likewise, I adore it when players get to know me so well that they read the patterns in my characters easily, and I don’t feel like I have to explain them all the time? It’s like they just know, and they know what path I want to put them on. I also look for honesty, people who are down to tell me what they’re feeling about a situation or whether something bothers them, or is able to voice if I’m doing something wrong. Most importantly though, I look for decisive people. Not overly decisive but it’s just so important for me to have someone who is like “yes that sounds good, i can start a thing for you if you want” or “i dont think that really fits, how about this plot idea instead?” I really cannot stand sending IMs to people about plots and characters and them just agreeing off the bat the whole time, but never really deciding on anything either, and so it makes me feel like i’m just paddling in a circle until i make all the decisions for us. To me, that’s not what RP is about. It involves teamwork, and effort, and to me, that’s not putting in effort. It gets me really frustrated.
✿ What made you want to join the roleplaying community?
I kept seeing bios in celebrity tags, and so when i sussed out what group rp was on tumblr, i was like holy shit there is a name for the thing i have been doing with friends over email for so many years???? and you can use PICTURES? i gotta get on this.
so somehow, i found a group rp that allowed mythical creatures, i wanted to be a peter pan mermaid, and the rest is history~~
✿ What one piece of literature has been most inspirational/life changing for you? Why?
(( Blood & Chocolate, by Anette Curtis Klause — because of the main character, as per mentioned. She’s inspired me to write full-on, aggressive, assertive, don’t-tell-me-what-i-can-and-cant-do female characters without apology. ))
The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen — it’s hard to explain exactly why, and it doesnt even just involve ONE of her books either, but they’ve kind of shaped my whole general character story directions?? her books always follow a pattern and i really admire that pattern, even if it is repetitive, and i am secretly a hopeless romantic so i really like how her love stories evolve. it’s always slow burning, the boy is usually a direct surprising love interest, and the girl always gains new friends and family out of it, and the stories always involve a nice little reoccurring theme. In the Truth About Forever, it’s a game that she and a boy plays throughout the entire book, which eventually leads to a shift from friendship to something more. THAT PLOT HAS APPEALED TO ME EVERY SINCE. the example of a teeny, tiny, otherwise-completely-average moment greatly impacting the rest of a characters life with someone else… i am weAK for this concept ok. her females are always usally feircely independent too and that gets me ♥
✿ Who are your top three favorite fictional characters and why?
Vivian Gandillon (Blood & Chocolate) — i swear i could go on repeat forever haha, but i’ve basically already mentioned why.
Jace Herondale (Shadowhunter Series) — back when the first like, two books had only been published, i super fell hard for this series and it was straight up because of the commentary done by Jace and his ability to senselessly bicker with everybody in his path. his comments to me, were always absolutely hysterical. i was so in love with his wry and witty comments, especially the way he kept at ease and casual through super distressing situations, and i really wish id kept reading the rest of the series as it was published, but i seriously fell behind. then the movie came out. then the netflix series. now i’ve grown too far out of it and having to see the cast on my dash every second of every day makes me want to burn the books.
Shane Collins (Morganville Vampire Series) — this is an oooold old series that i used to read religiously, and it was more in the style of anita blake and buffy vampires~ rather than twilight and true blood -esque content. it got really weird and complicated though so i gave up on it, but for a time, i adored it. and i loved shane because he was hilariously human, he hated everybody except his housemates (though sometimes that could be questioned) and nobody held a grudge better than him. he had a knack for getting in trouble, usually on his own accord, was feircely protective and spent most of his time just being a genuine nuisance and temper tantrum thrower. i saw a lot of me in him, and idk. i just like people with tempers, i think it makes them super fun to read.
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2/4/2018 – No Contact: I forgot to name this and I’d rather not reread this crap
So… Yesterday, I worked 8 to 12. Came back… fell asleep. Then I caught a stream. Wasn’t productive. It wasn’t that bad. Current time, 12:09. Late, yeah? Or early.
I’ve been catching up on Archer. Or, rather, rewatching the series since the day before yesterday. Really shouldn’t considering I have to watch it on normal speed… and Netflix doesn’t have the latest season. Like, seriously, Netflix is nothing but inconveniences. -,-
Regardless, I often wonder what character people would say I relate with. Archer himself would be the obvious choice. Thick, black hair, tall, charming, but also a terrible asshole that people kind of hate but tolerate. Maybe? I don’t know. Oh, he’s something of a mama’s boy.
Dennis used to call me that. He knew it got on my nerves. His sister did too. I let them, though. Maybe I shouldn’t have? I mean, Dennis was quick to talk about how offended and personal things were. Something of a dramatic, I suppose…
Eh. Bad time to bring up Dennis. I’m trying to work my way to Pam.
I don’t think I relate with Pam that much but she is one of my favorite characters. She is… perhaps designed to be disgusting but she’s also very strong. Not just physically, though that’s been shown but her character as well. At times, at least. This has been inconsistent now that I think about it. Still, while getting tortured she just spits in their eyes and tells them they’d better just kill her.
Bold, to be sure.
Again, I like strong female characters. Though, Pam is more humorous than strong. And, of course, strong female characters tend to confuse strong with getting the shit kicked out of them. Anyone can have the shit kicked out of them. That doesn’t make them strong, it just breaks their ribs.
Rather, a good strong character doesn’t need to take a spot on the battlefield and fight alongside men. No. Rather, they need to be somewhat assertive and confident. Like a queen leading a nation while invaded on several fronts. Standing strong and leading. That’d be fine.
A strong male character doesn’t have to have a machinegun and mow down other men by the hundreds. Action heroes will be less remembered than actual strong male characters. Someone who is assertive, confident, and ready to take charge.
Of course, I do also like physically strong women. Not so strong they’re more muscly than I could ever achieve but just someone who won’t get pushed over. Ariel, for example. Kickboxer, a bit shorter than me, and quick to defend what she loves. She’s fierce in her own way.
Thinking about Dennis again. Talking about strong male characters, I thought about examples (despite not listing them). One Piece, an anime he loves came up. Something I dislike about One Piece is that EVERYONE has a tragic backstory. Fucking… no. God no. That’s dumb. Tragic doesn’t mean good. You can have a good and compelling backstory that isn’t tragic.
Anyways, one of the characters had big lips. I used to drink a lot of soda and that’s pretty unhealthy. Made my lips swell a bit. They were also kind of bright. Dennis used to say I had “big nigger lips” which was actually his words. I want to say he doesn’t hate black people. I would say, “He’s not racist” but everyone is a little racist. He probably said that for shock humor because that’s what I’m usually about. Still, that made me self-conscious. If you manage to find a picture of me, take notice. If I’m not smiling with exposed teeth, then I’m biting my lip or tucking it into my mouth. That’s how you can tell I knew a picture of me was being taken.
The reason I bite my lip is so I feel more confident. I find myself with big lips rather unattractive.
Oof… this isn’t supposed to be the post where I shit on Dennis. :/
He’s a Patriots fan. Which is dumb. Fucking bandwagon if I’ve ever seen it. Or maybe there is another reason, I’m not sure. They’re going to the superbowl. I hate it. I read somewhere that apparently, they league allowed the Patriots to go there again? I’m not sure if that’s true or not but I’ve basically finished watching football. I don’t have the time for it anyways.
Whatever. Talking about Archer. Not talking about Dennis again.
Archer and I also both love cats and love Dodge cars. Nice to see. Small things. Of course, he’s fit and I’m not. I weighed myself yesterday… 249. I knew I gained. My mom… weakened my discipline maybe. Spent so much money on FUCKING food. And pizza was shit from yesterday, not sure I mentioned that? Disappointing. Like, legitimately tired of Pizza Hut. I’ll stop getting Pizza Hut when I FINALLY have my free large pizza. -,-
Of which, I thought I was closer than I really was to get it. Fucking bullshit.
I’m going to have to really focus. Get back on track. My aunt is coming and she doesn’t speak english. Sometime this month. Fucking hell… I really don’t want to have to deal with my aunt, really. I don’t want to deal with anyone. The only thing stopping me from achieving what I need is myself. However, the thought of other people tends to make me… hesitate.
I’m watching the episode where Archer gets a car for his birthday. I’d love to get a Challenger, too… I hope I can afford one someday but I doubt it. I’d have to write a lot of books just to get a used Toyota. I can dream.
During the Stream I was asked to write a poem. The streamer, his name is NGParadox, lost his campaign. I wrote something sort of for that. It was more specific… people loved it but I didn’t think it was very good. That’s life, though. I’m sharing it with Ariel. I share almost all my poetry with her.
I promised my cousin that I’d drink Kambucha or whatever the fuck it’s called. Both bottles.
Lol, fucking Archer. “What year do you think this is?” “Yeah, good question.” That’s third wall breaking stuff right there. It’s set in the 60’s 70’s and even 80’s with anachronistic details. They never specifically address when this is all taking place. And for those who don’t know, anachronistic means incorrect to the time. Meaning they have the internet and cellphones in the 1800’s for example. You’ll see it a lot in depictions of historical events.
That said, I like how Archer has a sort of repetitive humor. Like, all the characters are working off some hivemind or whatever. I’ve always thought that was funny because it tends to begin with a character saying something that they’d normally say. Then it follows by a character that won’t normally say it but wouldn’t be opposed to saying it. Then it’s followed by a character that won’t say it at all normally. Usually not in the same episode but not always. I think that’s pretty funny, myself.
Oh, that reminds me. Somehow. Easter eggs!
No, not thinking about Easter but sometimes the show does fun easter eggs like that third wall joke (sort of, doubt it’d qualify though because it might fly over the head of someone who doesn’t pay attention). Most people know but an easter egg in the context that I’m using it is just a fun little joke that you have to look out for, usually in media. I’m bringing this up because at work there are easter eggs. Where are they?
In the products. Here me out.
There are these window curtains that are for sale. There are a variety of styles, each with their own names. One such name is “O’Hara” which is the surname of the main character Scarlett O’Hara. She eventually becomes so poor she has to make a dress out of a window curtain to appear still well to do. That’s a fun little touch.
Better yet, while stocking lipstick I discovered yesterday that one lipstick wasn’t called “Lustful Red” or “Tasteful Nude.” Rather, it was called “What’s up, Doc?” which is a reference to Bugs Bunny because he’s always dressing up as a woman and putting on lipstick. That is by far the best thing I have ever seen.
So, I want to start paying attention. There are certainly bound to be more fun easter eggs like that. Just gotta pay attention, is all.
I’m thinking… I know the year Archer takes place. Or at least, I know what year it can’t take place before. The answer: 1974. The reason for this answer is because all the Russian assault rifles you see are AK-47’s which were later replaced by the AK-74. They fire different rounds and have different magazines.
The M16 is also available so it takes place between 1964-1974. Of course, how accurate this is is hard to say. Clearly the cell phone is a thing and that wasn’t invented until later. However, that’s a specific anachronistic detail to more liken it to modern day.
Doing research for my nationstate is great… of which, I’ve neglected it as of late. Gotta work on it a bit… rewrite a lot of lore.
Oh, KGB guy said he was working for the KGB for 30 years. That’d place the time of the show at 1984 if he began the year the KGB started.
Oh, there is a picture in the background of the same episode of perhaps one of the crew members behind archer atop an image showing off the Soviet dress uniform at the time. I remember in high school, I pasted my face over that same image for computer class. It’s edited a bit, though.
Reusing character assets. The waiter at the Chinese restaurant is the same character and voice actor as the original pirate captain. Oh, and the face on the vacuum cleaner is an actress who shows up in a later season.
Next episode is in Space. Walter helped me out while researching a lot on this one because my shitty cuba ripoff is Spacefaring and super technologically advanced. White space suits are because it’s to keep radiation out or something? Darker colors would be bad for the wearer which sucks because I wanted to do blue, which is my nation’s color (as is the color of every nation ever). One thing to do is to have it be reflective so it’d keep out the radiation that way. So, if I do a dark color it’d have to look somewhat cheap because it’d use reflective crap. Neat stuff, right?
There’s more he told me. He’s super into science. I took some notes that were deleted a while back, but whatever. Desalination plants have to be a thing in my country due to it being small island nation that’s grossly overpopulated. Basically Taiwan.
So, Archer seems to have a very close relationship with anyone who has green eyes. Weird things to notice. Except for Krieger of course.
Episodes later, they mention a T-72. So, that means the minimum year Archer takes place is in 1973 when it started service. :D
Or, an easier way to determine the year Archer takes place in is to just figure out when Archer was born. Then determine his age in the first season. As time passes in the show, you can determine the year of the season. Of course, there are bound to be inconsistencies. We’d have to see to be sure.
One such inconsistency is that it’s 5:30 and just seeing it has made me incredibly sleepy. D’oh! Guess I’ll go to sleep now. Talk to you… well, I want to say when I wake up but I’m not certain anymore. Ta!
Found out my aunt is coming on the 17th. I have 13 days. Need to clean up. Last night, I stayed up doing exercises while occasionally stopping to comment about Archer.
Oh… It would appear the Patriots lost…
HA!!! Fucking suck it. I hate the Patriots and their fans are tools. >:C
Getting close to tomorrow… Six hour stream today. Long. So long. Oof. Ah, well. Part of the fun, I guess. Something I’ve been doing is taking steps on stairs two by two. Usually, I walk up each individual step like a normal person… Esther encouraged me to try doing two by two. She did. And now I’m doing it. I don’t know why I didn’t before… I’m surprised, really. I don’t know what concerned me before.
Thinking about Esther… last Superbowl, the Patriots won. I was with Esther then. She laughed because she won a bet. I apparently got so drunk that I blacked out. Then we had mind blowing sex apparently. I wish I were there for it. That’s actually the first time she spoke to Dennis. He was being a dick to me and I handed him off to her. She sassed him right back and it confused him SO badly. It was pretty funny, actually… I miss Esther. Can you tell?
Things you remember… Or don’t remember. It was a weird night, I think afterwards I was talking to someone who wasn’t there? That scared Esther… but again, it was after the sex. I really should get back into drinking again. I miss talking to people on my days off… people with voices…
Oh, I was sick yesterday. Not sure if I mentioned. Sore throat, nothing drastic. Day before too. And today, I’ve been blowing out tons of mucus. It’s passing, maybe, but my nose is still super clogged. I chopped up an onion today. I’m getting back to my original diet. I feel like I’ll have the discipline to say no to sweets and ultra fattening foods again. I’ve been wanting to get this summer sausage SO badly but I haven’t… it’s really good. But it’s meat, so… sad face. :c
Still, the fact that my impulsiveness HASN’T made me even heavier than I thought I’d be is surprising. I’ve been doing more arm exercises and realized that I’ve gotten so weak, as I mentioned. I can’t believe I thought I could outstrength Dennis… but again, that wasn’t the plan. The plan was to not fight and just show Dennis for something that he isn’t. He’s not confrontational, I doubt he’d ever hit me. Mostly because he’d be afraid that I’d hit back.
I used to be super strong. Like, so strong that it’s crazy. Now? I can’t lift my weights to the side. They only get so far. I’m so disappointed… my shoulders are going to get a work out. I’ll just dick around and watch Archer as I play with my weights. I NEED to get my strength back. Not so I can fight Dennis but so I have some confidence again.
Besides, if I intend to lose weight and enlist, I’m going to need to do a minimum amount of pullups and situps and all that crap. So, I need to be sure I can do at least some of that. I don’t want to be in Adela’s house forever. I don’t want to be in this country forever.
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