eddie likes to admire billy while having his morning smoke

Spider!Y/n holding up his phone: I put a tracker on someone, he's a bad guy.

Spencer: Why.. And how?

Spider!Y/n: a magician never reveals his secrets, right Spence?

Made another chart, this time my observation on the Johns

drawings i did at work when i was woken up by my boss saying they needed me to come in for two hours when i hadn't even gone to bed yet

im almost 1/4th of the way done with the shit-book shoutout to that little thing

fav parts of saiki k are when Asou seemingly just forgets its meant to be a comedy and has to reel himself back in with jokes so ppl dont notice. me too, man.

The human brain is so weird. This is the third night in a row that my brain has started writing it's own merthur fanfiction. Like it's a full on scenes from fanfiction I have never read before. Like tonight, it was cannon era, established relationship, implied mpreg. They had two kids and the oldest one was going through an angsty arc and merlin thinks it's because Arthur has been too busy as king to spend time with the kids. And when Merlin was going to confront him about it and it was leading into a smutty scene I woke up.

The night before that was about I don't really remember but I know there was a magic reveal at some point and you know that classic "I'm not angry because your a sorcerer, I'm angry you didn't trust me" trope. Then like knights were helping merthur get together because Arthur is missing Merlin. Some more dramatic stuff happened, but I can't remember.

And the first night my brain made fanfiction, I woke up and told my sibling my dream and they were impressed and asked, how long until my brain makes fanfiction on its own.

Well it was a modern au, CEO!Arthur and coffee barista! Merlin and merlin thinks that the guy in the suit is kinda hot but he's a bit of a prat and Arthur is trying to get Morgana to help him ask out the cute barista. Because everytime he tries to ask him out he ends up with a coffee/drink/food he doesn't want, and somehow ends up calling his crush an idiot.

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

i'm going to be fucking sick please if you associate with tumblr user gaycey-sketchit at all please just fucking block me leave my life exit i am so fucking upset and terrified. i want nothing to do with anyone who is even remotely close with him

EDIT:

FUCKING BASTARD JACKASS THE FUCKING NERVE OF YOU DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE STALKERS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY FAMILY HAS HAD TO GET PULLED OUT OF SCHOOL BEFORE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE WERE WHOLE BLOGS DOXXING ME. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT BY BEING MY FRIEND AT ALL YOU ARE NOW A SOURCE OF INFORMATION TO THESE PEOPLE. THERE ARE PEOPLE STALKING ME WHO ARE COMBING YOUR BLOG FOR INFORMATION TO HURT ME AND MY FRIENDS. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DROP MY NAME! THE THINGS YOU ARE SAYING ARE SPECIFIC ENOUGH THAT THEY CAN BE CROSS REFERENCED WITH OTHER THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID AND USED TO HURT ME

LEAVE ME ALONE! YOUR "PERSONAL BLOG" IS PUBLIC! ANYONE CAN VIEW IT, AND MY STALKERS ARE! SEVERAL OF THEM SENT ME MESSAGES ABOUT THIS! THATS PART OF THE REASON I KNEW YOU WERE POSTING ABOUT ME!!!!!!! BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT BEING SUBTLE OR VAGUE ENOUGH!!!!! PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU ARE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!!

YOU CANNOT SIT THERE AND PREACH TO ME ABOUT MOVING ON WHEN YOU WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT ME! EVERY DAY THE FRIENDS OF MINE WHO YOU ARE STILL IN THE NOTIFICATIONS OF TELL ME OF SOME NEW DUMB BULLSHIT YOU HAVE SAID ABOUT ME! I AM NOT OVER HERE SAYING BULLSHIT ABOUT YOU! AND IT IS A LITTLE HARD TO "MOVE ON" WHEN YOU ARE PUTTING MY FUCKINF FRIENDS' LIVES IN DANGER

ACT LIKE A FUCKING ADULT. YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE. IT IS INSANE THAT YOU HAVE CONVINCED YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE BEHAVING IS ACCEPTABLE JUST BECAUSE YOU TALK WITH A CALM VOICE AND REPEATEDLY POST PERFORMATIVE SHIT ABOUT HOW GREAT YOURE DOING. LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE. YOUR PERSONAL BLOG IS PUBLIC. MY STALKERS ARE ON IT AND THEY ARE USING YOU. AND YOU ARE GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT. OF COURSE I THINK YOU ARE TRYING TO HURT ME, YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

YOUR BOYFRIEND HAS LITERALLY BEEN A MIDDLEMAN BEFORE YOU HAVE DONE THE EXACT SAME THING DESPITE ME NOT EVEN HAVING YOU BLOCKED?!?!?! THE FUCJ AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!?! JUST STAND BY WHILE YOU PUT MT FRIENDS' LIFE IN DANGER?!?!?? IF I AHD A WAY TO CKNTACT YOU DIRECTLY I WOULD YOU FUCKING FOOL

leave me alone just fucking leave me alone!!!!!! Practice what you preach and stop fucking talking about me!!!!

You like vocaloid stuff, so have you ever played Project Sekai? Curious what you'd think of it/its characters.

during its first launch i played it pretty religiously for like 2 months. i really liked the musical theatre guys theyre funny (in general i love boy + girl combos in things that usually are girl centric (this is why idolmaster crossbranch content rules), musical theatre guys edge out the other group for being funny)

i have no substantial thoughts on anyone else EXCEPT i cannot stand anyone in 25ji or whatever theyre called. except mizuki theyre chill but everyone else in it annoys me so bad like damn … every time i see someone say a story update they have its always some insane shit like if this was actually going down on vocatwit half the group would have the craziest callouts. mizuki get out of there

crypton vocaloidwise my interest goes kaito = meiko > luka > rin > [MASSIVE POWERGAP] len = miku

God. One of my little sisters is such a bitch. She's done me some genuine damage in exacerbating my already social bad anxiety. But when I have dreams where she's been hurt or killed, it's so horrible bc she's still my lil sister :-(

2018 // 2022

me telling my friend i'm tired of being single and she took it as a suggestion that casual dating might be on the horizon for me. girl NO

doting izuku haunting my mind palace.. sniffle. cries into the sheets skfjsl

izuku and doting r synonyms actually i do not make the rules

TL;DR: im going on hiatus to focus on my mental health, because running this blog is taking a lot out of me

i had a sort of. epiphany at the gym

im not emotionally/mentally equipped to run this blog

like,,,,, focusing my energy on the way thomas does things, and picking everything apart, and trying to both properly comprehend and eloquently answer asks about what he’s up to and other peoples thoughts and whatnot, it’s very quickly becoming taxing and idk why? but i think my mental health is just, in general, very shit lmao. it probably doesn’t help that this blog has gotten a pretty sizeable audience rather quickly, and im not used to getting so many asks

like i made it on impulse. it didn’t occur to me that something i made could become something that a ton of people see themselves in. this blog went from something to let out frustrations on to basically a home for lost fanders, both ex and current. maybe that’s a dramatic ass way of saying it but still lmao

and i love it! i love that people feel like they have a safe place here! im honored! it’s just that idk if im like… in the right headspace to subject myself to the kind of content this blog was made for. i don’t wanna say negativity, cos criticism isn’t inherently negative, but there’s a specific emotion that fills my brain when i come to this blog. idk what it is, but i don’t think it’s good?

i feel a little silly being like “this blog is emotionally exhausting to run” because a) ive only been running it for what? two weeks? three? and b) what’s so emotionally exhausting about pointing out the stupid shit thomas does, but idk my brain just isn’t having it for reasons i cant pinpoint

i feel bad about this since i started this blog so recently, but i think i need to go on hiatus. not indefinitely, but… just until i get my shit together. but i don’t wanna just. stop posting? so idk how to balance that lmao

i might reblog things on occasion? but i won’t be making my own posts or answering asks. even though i feel bad about it. but like. i need to focus on me more than some Guy on the internet

im not gonna step away from the internet completely, maybe i should, but for now it’s just this blog. and i might turn off asks until i come back but im not sure yet (i already have a ton of asks in my inbox, idk how many would be there in the time it takes for me to improve my mental health lmao)

basically, it’s self care time. hopefully it won’t take three years

thank you all for reading!! <3

i feel like there’s an irony in here somewhere i just don’t have what it takes to. decipher it lmao

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested